Review Revue - Pumpkin Spice Stuff

Episode Date: November 2, 2021

This week Reilly and Geoff go live on air to investigate the hottest topics while reading reviews on Pumpkin Spice STUFF.    IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjames Twitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardee   Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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You're a raggedy woman. You're a cartoon. You're a cartoon woman. When you walk down the street, it's souls first, you know what I mean? Oh my god. Absolutely haunting. What? Oh my god!

Oh my god! Oh my god! You're a raggedy that came in from david he wants to plug his soundcloud soundcloud.com forward slash davy woodstock he says in a way i'm a huge In another way, I love the show and everything else you guys do. I sort of laugh when I listen to it, which is always good. I hope you like this, for lack of a better term, song. It was very funny to me. Thank you. Why God?

Why God? Was that Brakeman? Yeah. Why God? Why God? Was that Brakeman? Yeah. Why God? Oh God. My God, I really do. Honestly, can I just say I miss being called a raggedy woman? Is that crazy to say?

Has anyone ever called you that? Or did you call? Yes. Members of our Discord and you have called me a raggedy woman. Raggedy and spa. Raggedy and spa. Raggedy Anspa. That's a good Halloween costume. You know what?

That's what I knew there was something. Today's Halloween, by the way. Happy Halloween. We're recording Halloween. As Daniel and I were thinking of what to do, I knew that there was one I forgot, and we were going to be Raggedgedy and spa and raggedy, uh,

Daniel, uh, raggedy and D, sorry, no, it was raggedy and D Rashid and raggedy and spa. Um, and we forgot about that,

but we are, we are, well, this will have passed, but we will have been love and Joe Quinn Goldberg from Netflix is you pen badly, pen badly. And so badly

and Victoria justice I've never seen the show it's great Marty Marty if you're listening to this up which you're probably not Marty Marty Michael is the one who got me into the show so I'm gonna mix a little homemade fake blood

after this up cocktails for a costume homemade fake blood after this up. For cocktails? For a costume. I'm going to splatter a little bit on my face so when the neighborhood kids come a knocking, they don't want to mess with me. They don't want to mess with me

at that point because they're going to see the blood. You really set that up to be a rhyme and then you didn't even try to go for it. Because when the neighborhood kids come a knocking, then they won't mess with me.

Jeffrey! Happy Halloween-y! Oh. kids come a knocking then they'll they won't they won't mess with me jeffrey happy halloween oh uh it's my favorite holiday but it's on a sunday ads for um or not ads but like harry styles halloween oh yeah and you hate to hear it but it's Harryween honestly he could do whatever he wants and I don't care if he calls it a Harryween Harryween Happy Harryween I walked in the door this morning because I was at my

family's house for the weekend and Elizabeth just goes happy Harryween. I'm like, excuse me? Oh, no, it's Harry Styles. It's so embarrassing for you that you didn't know that. Jeffrey, what has your hella weekend been like? It's been so, I haven't, I've had a good night's sleep two nights in the past three weeks. Love that for you. That's really good. I've had a good night's sleep two nights in the past three weeks. Love that for you.

That's really good. I'm fucking exhausted. Sure. But you and I shot a short film in Kansas City. You came back a couple days earlier than I, jealous, brag. And I got back to LA yesterday at 8 a.m. After having been awake at 3 a.m. Pacific. And then it was like that was the day that everybody's going to do everything.

So I was going to go to Dead & Company and then go to my friend's Halloween party. One of her roommates got COVID. So the party was canceled, still went to Dead & Company, and then just ended up hanging out with my friend at her house. Till 4.30 in the goddamn morning. Went to bed at 5. Woke up at 11.30. Wake up at 4.30 in the goddamn morning. Went to bed at 5. Woke up at 11.30. Wake up at 11.30 feeling like a bag of shit.

Okay. All my clothes are dirty so I'm smelling like a bag of shit. Is that from something? It's from inside. Oh. Oh yeah, I remember that. You've had a whirlwind.

And then tonight I'm seeing Dead & Company again. And then going on a night hike, Halloween style. Crazy ass. Crazy ass. Crazy ass style. How's your Halloween been? What did you do yesterday?

I went to my mom's house and got to hang with her. And I had a bit of work to do. Also because we planned on doing Halloween stuff tonight. So I drank wine and hung out with Red and Max. Red and Max, who dressed up. Max was a sailor. Of course he was. And Red was Winnie the Pooh.

Um, did you see those photos? No. Okay, hold on. I'm texting this to you right now. Jeff, these are the best things you will ever feast your eyes on. Um, oh my God. I mean, like, they both look like they were made for these costumes. Oh, my God.

They just sent through. Oh, my God. Aren't they great? sent through oh my god you'll have to put these on the review review instagram so people can see so they're perfect red as poo he looks he looks upset and embarrassed max looks like he loves it also red's like a little bit hard. Yeah, always, right? Always, for sure. So, did that, and then today we're gonna, Daniel, Elizabeth, and I are gonna hand out candy. So, we hope

we get trick-or-treaters, because, you know, there's a lot of families in our neighborhood, and last year, Halloween was cancelled, and so we didn't get any trick-or-treaters, those little rascals coming around asking for sugar candy and so um sugar no i didn't mean like that's why i added candy so um we hopefully will get some this year if we don't we'll have a lot of candy left over and we're gonna watch um i don't

like horror films so we're gonna watch like a campy horror movie. And I found a fun Halloween cocktail from Half-Baked Harvest that I'm very excited to make. So yeah, I'm excited. I love Halloween. It's going to be very fun. It's my favorite holiday. That's why I wanted to do something else tonight. Nobody's having a party, but I'm like, a hike would be spooky. If you want to come over, you certainly don't have to but

you'd be more than welcome i'm gonna make some drink we're just really gonna make drinks eat and watch movies and play with our foster dog all right so if you want to come over please we're just gonna be hanging um it's gonna be us and jeff z yeah it's gonna be fun is it uh yeah anyway we gotta get into this um but it but when people are listening to this halloween will be over it'll be done it'll be passed yeah but since we are still in fall and to kind of to commemorate the end of the halloween season and the beginning of like kind of the real shit um because now we are unofficially not just riley anspaugh fall but we are in actual fall right um we are covering today it's a wide topic that we normally have very niche specific things but today we're talking pumpkin spice anything anything anything with that sweet that spicy

that pumpkin stuff. Yeah. Jeff, do you enjoy pumpkin spice flavored things? No. Cool. Let's get to our last segment. What? This. What?

We didn't even do that. We did not. We did not. Here's the thing. I don't know if you knew this. i am white i am a white woman and um i feel like it is my birthright to enjoy pumpkin spice flavored things but i do not um at least i haven't found one that, uh, that doesn't taste super artificial because every year it comes around and I love the idea of it.

Cause I fucking love being cozy and I love fall. And I'm like, Oh, pumpkin spice. Like that sound, it sounds like something that I should like. And it's every time I try it thinking that every year being like, no,

this time, no, maybe I just having the wrong thing. Like this time it's going to be and it just it just everything I have tried with it so far tastes really artificial and overly sweet and um what I do like I have like a pumpkin pie spice mix like like actual spices yeah not like a syrup or something that I'll put in coffee or, yeah, whatever. But no, I'm not, it's just, it tastes too fake to me. Yeah. It tastes like a fake friend.

So it's your birthright, but you don't like it. It's my birthright. I mean, I guess it's just, it's, there's something wrong with me. What's that? There's something wrong with me. I should have the Uggs. I should have the Infinity Scarf. I should have the tiny pumpkins. I should have the Uggs. I should have the Infinity Scarf. I should have the tiny pumpkins.

I should have the pumpkin spice, really. And I don't. And that doesn't work for me. It's kind of counterintuitive to who I am. But it doesn't work with me. It's been hard. It's always hard. There's never been a day where. It's been hard. It's always hard. There's never been a day where it hasn't been hard.

I can't help but think it's because I have an aversion to pumpkin spice. Let's get more into it then. Let's get deeper into it and see if the aversion sticks or if this is honestly what you needed to get fixed. Do you want to start us off with our first review of pumpkin spiced stuff?

I would love to. Okay. So this is a review. So like literally this, we just decided like pumpkin spiced anything. So this is a very broad. So I found this is a review for pumpkin spiced Belvita cookies. This is five stars from Miriam.

Can you give Miriam a last name? Miriam Dainty. Miriam Dainty. So the title of this is great flavor and addition. Made me a special grandma. My grandkids and daughter-in-law absolutely love these. I bought two cases when I found them online. I had found two boxes in a store in September and sent them home with them and then went looking for them online.

The grandkids call them Grandma Miriam's Special Biscuits. P.S. I can't find any more. They should be regular year-round flavors. What I love is imagining Ms. Miriam dainty. Like, you know, she has that momentary high of the kids being like, oh my God, these are Grandma's special cookies, but then because they're limited edition,

it's like if it's like in April, they're like, like oh you know what for my birthday grandma i would love if you would make some of those some of your special grandma miriam cookies i don't want anything else for my birthday grandma i just want some of your special cookies oh you make grandma miriam feel so special that you love her very homemade very uh very personal biscuits miriam you are just i mean just i know i'm just the daughter-in-law but i gotta say like i hope i hope we i hope the kids have inherited some of your baking skills because rhubarb and and and sprinkle they just absolutely love your baking and so it really mean a lot you're not gonna win my approval okay i thought i'd try you'll never be good enough for

myself i know you'll never be good enough and you've always said that but for rhubarb's sixth birthday it really i know that it would just make her day if you would bring i can provide everything else um but it would really mean a lot if you could bring those cookies. Well, what about rhubarb? A very plain version of those biscuits. One where there isn't pumpkin spice. One where it's maybe just sort of a regular flavor. I'm sorry, Grandma, but that sounds icky, yucky stuff.

I love the pumpkin my favorite part, that's what makes them Grandma's cookies is that it tastes like fall and tastes like being hugged by, I love you so much, Grandma. And I created the recipe, so it should be no problem. Miriam, do you want me to, I'm actually heading to the store to pick up things for the party. Do you want me to pick up any ingredients for you? Um, hmm. Yes. Great. I'll just write them down?

If you just tell me, I have my notes app open, so if you want to just dictate to me, and I can just write them in my grocery list right now. Um, yes, okay. Rhubarb, cover your ears. La la la la la la la la la. um yes okay rhubarb cover your ears uh belvita breakfast biscuits and that goes into the cookies okay breakfast biscuits that's correct and then uh just some kind of pumpkin puree or a full one ideally full I'll figure it out a full pumpkin do they have that if they have that

or pumpkin puree I don't know what I'm doing what? what do you mean you don't come on you make these every fall they're the king's favorite treats I don't make them

oh come on stop it this is a limited edition Belvita. I plate them and everyone thinks I make them. I feel like a fool because they have the Belvita shape and it actually says Belvita on the cookies. I thought that was just a fun stamp that you put on there. That's what I'm saying. How did nobody know? No, I feel like, no, but looking back now,

looking back now, and actually every Thanksgiving, we'd come to your house and I would open the trash and I would see boxes for pumpkin spice Velveeta cookies and later for dessert. So if you don't want Rhubarb questioning everything that we've ever lied to her about, the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, Santa Claus. No, I know, I i know we cannot let this illusion

be shattered okay okay oh all right well i mean but it's april they're out of stock what should we do get the biscuits get a pumpkin and come back cut to after that she's back with them all right okay rhubarb's playing outside the other kids are just arriving um i have the pumpkin and i have the cookies here we go i carve open the top have the pumpkin and I have the cookies. Here we go. I carve open the top of the pumpkin and just kind of dip the Belvita biscuits in and then start plating them. Covered in seeds and like the pumpkin guts. All right. Oh, I'm not so sure.

You're already halfway out the door. I don't know. Rhubarb! Hey, everybody. My grandma and me, grandma Miriam's special cookies. Yay. They're so the original recipe. I told everyone about your cookies, and they're all so excited to try it. Happy birthday, Rhubarb.

Thanks, everybody. All right, kids, settle down. Yeah. Try the cookies. Oh. Try the cookies. Oh. Oh. Um. Come on, here comes the airplane.

Oh. Come on. Chokes on a seed. Grandma, what happened to these? They're covered in slime. That's how they always are. No, they're always crumbly but soft to the touch with aromas of nutmeg and clove.

Here, try another one. Even more forceful, like I'm giving you a pacifier. Oh! Shut up. Miriam, I think we should maybe tell the kids what happened. Maybe we can give them just a fresh box of the regular kind. Yeah, well, I think that my son should have married a Vanderbilt. And instead he got locked in with your ass.

Miriam, now is not the time to be getting all the- It's always the time with you. It is always the time with you. It is always the time with you. Mommy, what's happening? Nothing, sweetie. Just go play with the rest of the kids. Rhubarb, how'd you like to have a stepmother? I love my mommy.

My mommy and daddy are my best friends. But about... Really? That's sort of interesting. The other kids all look at Rhubarb like, what like what what what about all the friends you have here oh they're they're fine but they're more just kind of like set decor i love my mommy and daddy so much i don't need anyone else other than them you see what you're doing you're raising your child to be codependent with you. Them and your cookies, Grandma. I love you, Grandma. Sweetie,

I'm just going to come right out and say, because currently we're just letting it all fly today. Grandma doesn't know how to bake. Grandma's never baked today in her life. Those cookies that she brings are from the store and they're limited edition to the holiday fall season. Poison. Liable. She just kind of dipped in a pumpkin.

And that's why you were choking on the seeds. Grandma, is that true? Shut up, daughter-in-law! I like shove it down your throat. Hold it. Grandma, no! Why would you... Get a divorce already?

Not on your life! Spits it back out, hits you in the eye. All the kids are just like, yeah! The other parents are like, so this is the entertainment they've hired? I mean, I guess they couldn't get the clown from last year. The clown sucked, Carol. Nobody even likes your kid. Well, I quite like the clown, and I know little Cardamom loved it as well.

You don't remember your own kid's name, that's part of the issue. I haven't seen them since they were two. And you're not divorced. You're just always gallivanting. I love to travel. That's of being a bad parent. You can't just say it with a smile.

Alright, should we take a break? Yes. We'll thank some sponsors and be right back. Don't be proud of that. I'm, well, absent. We know. We know. And we're back this is a five-star review of pumpkin spice antibacterial hand soap from my

god no from bastion that's the brand yeah oh i thought it was the purse no the the name is chay Che D Bastion Che Bastion but it starts with a D oh sorry for Dashtion Che Dashtion yes Che Dashtion no sorry Che

it's it's okay their last name is Doxan but it's the way that some people pronounce it as Dashtion

okay Che Dashtion slash Doxan um I love the five stars I love the color I love the smell it washes clean love the color. I love the smell.

It washes clean. But it's thin and eventually it separates. And the title of the review is Soap or Soup? What? The answer may surprise you. Tonight at 11. Tonight, our breaking stories.

Welcome to KTLA 5. I'm your hanker woman, Leslie Mann. Nope, not that one. But anyway, tonight our breaking news story is a local soup plantation serving up some surprising feasts for their guests. We go live with our reporter on the scene, Albert Fram. Albert, what you got going on there for us at the soup plantation? I'm super nervous. This is my first story covered on KTLA. Please don't fire me, ABC. No, we, again, you have not done anything that would, just don't mind him. He's just, again, like he said, he's very nervous. Albert, so we've gotten some reports that soup plantation is not only serving out soup, but also potentially soap.

Can you give us any insight on what you're seeing live on the scene? That's exactly right, Leslie Mann. Big fan, by the way. Again, thank you. Are you a fan of my broadcasting? Because I am not married to Judd Apatow, nor am I in any of those films. Oh. Then, yeah, never mind.

Got it. Tell me about the soup soap. There has been a lot of confusion at the soup plantation i'll be honest with you leslie uh i ordered a french onion soup and it came out viscous and floral with the side of onions so are you confirming right now that they gave you a bowl of soap with onions on the side would that be safe safe to say? That's what's confusing because I went to the bathroom and the hand soap dispenser doled out cream of mushroom and that was real soup. And then I went and ordered a soup and I got what looked to be French onion soap.

Am I making any sense? I'm sweating through my dockers. No, you are absolutely making sense. It is a horrifying story to hear. I hope you didn't eat any of that soap soup. Let's go talk to some customers. Let's move on. Sorry, I'd like to confirm.

Did you try any of the soap soup? You said it smelled floral and it was slightly viscous, but did you put any in your mouth? Are you asking me what the mouthfeel was? Because I don't, why would I know? Well, that's what I, that's exactly what I'm asking, Albert. Let's, let's beat around the bush here for a second. I have my answer. All right. Can we, I see that you have some eyewitnesses on the scene. Would you mind bringing us over to them? Yes. I'm here with a local tween. What's your name? Hi, I'm Casey.

Casey? Where's your sunshine band? What? Nothing. Okay, boomer. I'm not a boomer. I'm Gen X. Come on with that, actually.

How old are you? You're Gen X. You're a tween. I'm Gen... Oh, I'm Gen Z. Sorry, I get the letters confused sometimes. It actually doesn't really matter because labels are irrelevant what are we here to talk about soup or what yes i was going to ask you how often are you at soup plantation before the change so i was at soup plantation

faster sorry faster we only have five minutes all right albert okay we can let we can let them talk okay so basically i come here all the time because I love their vegan carrot soup, especially during the fall. It's like really yummy. I have a copycat recipe if you follow my IG at KC Soups. And just follow that. And I have a copycat soup plantation carrot soup recipe. Nice try. You can't follow anybody intergalactically.

You'd have to have a spaceship for that. So anyway, I came to Soup Plantation. I asked for the carrot soup again because it is my favorite. And when they poured it into the bowl, it was just complete bubbles. It was all bubbles and it wasn't even like it was hot and the soup was bubbling. It was like I could have bathed in it in the way that you do with soap. So it looks like nothing to see here. No, actually, no, Albert, that very much tells us that they are mixing up soup and soap.

Really? Sorry. I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. I got so nervous because, again, do I look? Can you guys see on the monitor the sweat? Yes, I can smell it. Okay.

Listen, what do we do about this? This is my first story. Do we shut it down? Because I had some soap. If you could get an interview with one of the workers at that soap plantation and see what they have to say. Is there a manager here? Yeah, what's up, man? I'm the manager.

Oh, my God. Oh, oh my god there's cameras in here holy shit sorry i didn't expect anyone to come in today i'm like slicking my hair back i kind of look like i look like a 50s greaser i wasn't expecting anyone oh thank you i know i wasn't expecting anyone anybody to come in the to the soup plantation today how can i help you man uh no we're actually live on Am I on camera right now? Are we live? We're live. I'm so sorry.

We can cut this out probably. No, we are live. There is no cutting this out. How do you look the way you do? Is it a skincare routine? Albert, that is not a relevant question right now. Ask him about the soup soap. My skincare routine, I mean, like, you know,

I think a lot of guys think that skincare isn't that important but not yeah i think it's a vital vital part of your morning and nighttime routine uh and so that's how you kind of get to look like me is is uh you have some toner you got some serums in there but you know slow down he's writing it down albert ask about the soup oh yeah what's uh tell me about the uh the soap the soup oh you're here for the soup so controversy man it's just blown way out of proportion it really has i mean i take a toothpick i'm like kind of chewing on it edge of my mouth so cool albert get to the point so cherry i mean what's that no the toothpick makes you look awesome. I'm sorry.

I'm like, we'll cut this out. But yeah. No, you don't have to cut it. There is no cutting out. Yeah, don't cut it out. Yeah, I mean, the soups and the soaps. I mean, it's an honest mistake. I mean, it's like, listen, it's the Halloween season.

The kids are a little distracted. So what? Some people might get some soup. You might get some soap. And at the end of the day, isn't that what you want out of a soup plantation? You want the unexpected. You want something that's going to, I'd look you up and down, sweep you off your feet. I think the real story here has become how awesome this guy is.

I think you, sir, any idea you have is awesome. I think soup and soap can be absolutely interchangeable when you have a toothpick at the side of your mouth and the hair of an absolute horsetail. I mean, do you condition? I do condition. You know what? I use mane and tail, actually. Yeah.

I just want to, Albert, we need to wrap this up. For anyone listening or watching out there, my name is Sam Brownstone. If you want to come by the soup plantation. Awesome name. Awesome name. Thanks, man. I really appreciate it. You know, this is why I became a journalist. To get down to the nitty gritty and really kind of get to the heart of it.

You haven't gotten down to anything. Albert, we need to cut back. We need to cut back. No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. All right. So, there you have it. Soup or soap. In fact, it is both thank you so much for joining us

after the break we'll come back with some more hard-hitting stories candy corn good or no the good or no do we not have

any better segments than candy corn good or no all right the producers all like shrugged like I don't fucking care all right

well um I'm Leslie Mann again not that one i get a lot of fan mail from you guys it's very sweet but again i am not that leslie man thank you so much good night oh my god. Super soap. That's a good game show. Do you want to do our last review?

Yeah, yeah. This is five stars from EJ. Let's go Ernest Johnson. Ernest? As in my, yeah. Yeah, go, no finish. My PP is pretty honest. All right... Yeah, go. No finish. My pee-pee is pretty honest. Alright, here we go.

Okay, Ernest Johnson. Five stars for Belvita. Pumpkin Spice Cookies. The title... You know, I'll give you... I'll give you... The title is Sad and Disappointed. It's five stars. The best Belvita to date.

I have searched the shelves wherever we go from west coast and most recently east even had a conversation in supermarkets and shoppers were stunned they really are limited edition a lot of us ladies won't buy the quote-unquote old ones now. Too sad. Let us know when and if they'll be back. West and most recently, East. East. What I love about this review is like this, this mission, like that they,

that they're never in the same place for too long. it's like this cross-country journey it's on the road but it's just for pumpkin spice belvita cookies it's like you're not searching for yourself it's like you know how you it's like if you're if you're going on a long trip or like i've seen you know movies and videos about like uh people going on long hikes and they're meeting all these people and learning about their stories. And like, so why are you walking? Like, what are you trying to find? And it's like, oh, well, you know, my mom died recently. And so I've just been trying to come to terms with that grief.

Um, and so I'm doing this cross country trail to really just let everything go and see if I can find myself again. And she would have loved to do this with me. This is something we dreamed about doing for a long time. So I'm doing it for her. I'm Amber, by the way. I'm sorry I didn't get your name. Oh, my name's Finbar. Oh, Finbar. Finbar.

You know what? You are the first Finbar I've ever met. Do you mind if I walk with you for a bit? Yeah, let's do it. I think I'm doing the same trail as you. Yeah, so what brings you to the cross-country trail here? I don't know. You know, it's interesting.

I don't want to sugarcoat it because they're already sugarcoated. What? Huh? What's sugarcoated? Oh, the biscuits. Oh, you got biscuits in your pack, man. My go-to snack trail. I will soon.

What? Oh, well, you didn't reciprocate the question, but I'll tell you anyways. I'm on this trail, too. I was. I actually did. I did specifically say what brings you to this cross-country trail. I'm sorry if you couldn't hear that. I've been

told i have pretty soft-spoken voice so oh no i you know i think i'm just getting a little hangry because uh i had these uh these pumpkin spice little uh little ditties uh they were basically belbita breakfast basically they were they were that and um yeah that sounds so good sold out sorry let me finish sorry i'm really angry i can tell they sold out of it in my hometown so i just started i saw a bunch of people walking east and i was like oh there's probably i just kind of stop at a bunch of stores on the way i could probably sustain life through these biscuits and that's at a certain point like i hate my job i think we all do so when you find something you're passionate about and for me it's these biscuits you gotta i mean i love my job really i'm an oncologist and i feel

like i you know in saving people that's helped me save myself yeah but it's probably draining though you know being around sad people all the time. It is raining, but actually there's some of the most uplifted people. And of course, you know, everyone has their bad days, but, um, I find that they,

they keep me going. Um, so sorry, you said you live off of Belvita cookies. They keep me going. They keep you going. So I just want to get this straight because I love, you know,

I've met so many people on the trail. Some people are doing this, um, while they're on the trail some people are doing this um while they're getting sober other people are doing this uh before they have a kid and I just want to get this straight that you ran out of Belvedere cookies and so you just saw people walking and thought oh I'm gonna I'm gonna go to a bunch of stores and then you just keep you keep going yeah I mean when you put it like that it sounds awesome no listen man i think this trails for everybody i don't yeah i don't see what the difference is between you getting some clear air clean air from somebody trying to get sober also getting clean air or me trying to get breakfast biscuits and clean air and clean air

no i'm not saying like listen not trying to gate keep hiking i mean you know you can you can walk you can clean air you can that you can do this for whatever reason you want to do it you asked me i tell you my passion and yeah you're thinking you're trying to trivialize it i'm not trying i'm just saying like that's i've never met anyone i can honestly say with 100 certainty i have never met anyone like you in my life you never met a fin bar you never met someone like me what else is new i'm one of one yay and i think that's beautiful and i think that's pretty amazing you haven't had these biscuits as soon as you have the biscuits you're gonna quit your job as an oncologist well come on i think that's a bit of a stretch can't be that good cut to them with the box of it all right are you happy cheers i watch you eat it first well are they everything you remembered they were

oh every bite is sweeter than the last ah wow I mean, listen, after five weeks on this trail, I really hope they're worth it. Uh, I guess, uh, down the hatch. Yeah. And savor it. My pupil's dialing.

It's like a that's so Raven zoom into your eye and then into your mind. Yes, yes, yes. And it's all, it's all, it's like, you know, it's like you see Raven sing the feature. It's's all, it's all, it's like,

you know, it's like you see Raven seeing the future. It's a montage of me like throwing a clipboard to the ground in the hospital, quitting my job,

taking off my lab coat, running out of the hospital being like, I'm free. I'm going to Graceland, Graceland. That's the soundtrack. You're just running

towards the Vons. I'm running down the aisle. I'm going to Graceland, Graceland. That's the soundtrack. You're just running towards the Vons. I'm running down the aisle. I'm like, I'm just shoveling them into my cart. Woo-hoo! Back to the present. Finbar. I know what I have to do. Yeah.

Come with me. Where? Anywhere. Vons, Johns, hell, even Kroger. Let's take this country by storm with Belvita cookies. By storm? I mean, it seems like it's just going to be the two of us going across the country buying biscuits,

which I'm all for, but it's not going to lead to any frenzy. Let's do that. I'm Leslie Mann with KTLA, and today we are here at a local Kroger where a mass of people, Albert's on the scene. Albert, what did you say?

Maybe you said 67,000? You heard rumors? This is my seventh story. I'm still so fucking scared. Oh, fuck. Oh, no. I'm gonna be fired. Human stampede running into the-

Of course! It's Beatlemania. Belvedemania. Belvedemania. it's beetle mania belvita mania all right belvita mania okay and uh

all right rest in peace albert um coming up next after midnight we've got we've got

um yellow laffy taffy good or no okay guys we have to keep coming up with it taffy good or no okay guys we have to keep coming up with better segments it's all candy

it's fine it's all candy I know and it's June I wanna know is it good alright eat one

no that's too easy because then it's not a news story exactly it's not a news story finding out if you like a candy or not's not a news story. Exactly. It's not a news story. Finding out if you like a candy or not is not local news.

This is why we need paternal leave. I'm sorry, but I got a baby at home. Ida can't be focused on taffy. You can't. You're right. Should we go to our last segment? Let's do it. This shook me all week long.

Kansas City barbecue. It's damn good. It's damn good. It's darn good. Let's be PG. It's damn good. It's darn good. Let's be PG. It's damn good. It's darn good. Why do you feel like you have to swear all the time? Because it makes me cooler. Really?

Yeah. You take out a purple lollipop like that one Nick Dean from Jimmy Deutron. What a reference so sick i did not expect a jimmy neutron reference today it's always fucking grape with him it's so awesome um yeah the burnt ends were my favorite thing yeah Yeah, that's good shit. I will say, and no offense to Nathan, our director, or anybody who lives in Kansas City, your guys' brisket's really bad. It's lean and dry. Wow. Wow.

You want a wet, fatty, smoked. Ass. Flavorful, melt-in-your-mouth brisket, man. Instead, I was met with absolute poison sour meat slices but the burnt ends were to die five as then i'll take five orders and i'll take no orders if you're trying to tell me not to get the burnt ends what's been shaking you um my phone has not been charged my phone's been very finicky and not charging to full battery lately i did i did i cleaned out the lint and that did help but then i started doing it again and that was only after two days i'm like it could not have amassed that much lint in that time um probably has but when we were in Kansas city. So I had to get up at four 45 to leave the hotel by like five 20, um,

to, to be at the airport. Uh, and, and so seeing that my, like I was plugging my phone in, turning my alarms on of like, uh, four 15, four 34, 45 at three alarms to get up. And, um, especially cause it was so early. I'm like, okay, but three alarms to get up. And especially because it was so early, I'm like, okay, I really got to make sure my ringer's on loud and that I am. But then I saw that my phone was only at 3%. And I'm like, no, like there's no way. Like it's fine if it dies in the middle of the day,

but this is truly the worst time for it to be doing that. And so before I cleaned it out, I was like, okay, we're setting the hotel alarm clock next to the bed. I downloaded an alarm clock app for my laptop. I had everything that I could possibly do to ensure that I woke up at the right time. And it's really an anticlimactic story because I fixed it. But then the next morning, I forgot to turn off the other two safety alarms I set. So I had fucking five alarms going in

the morning and it was like every two minutes after each other and i felt really bad with whoever i was sharing the wall with because they were all they all sounded different too so one second you have like turn that off the other one's like do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do um so yeah oh the other thing that shook me is again kansas city food uh i got i i ordered um greek food i ordered some uh falafel uh to my uh to the hotel and i ordered a lemonade with it they gave me a quart of lemonade it It was the size of my head. Drank half of it. Of course.

Of course. That sounds really good right now. It was. I mean, it was delicious. So, yeah. That's that. And keeping up with Great British Baking Show has been shaking me. Hell yeah.

Yeah. So, I mean, that's this. Yeah. Alarm clocks and uh lemonade lemonade and popular tv shows oh actually sorry we okay this is really quick have you ever watched an episode of great british bank show yeah you know the two hosts like not not paul and prue not judges but like uh matt and noel the that would be a yes that would be a dream gig for you and i to be like the two comedian hosts on bake off holy shit that would be incredible i think being a host would be so fun it'd be so much fun what would be devastating it'd be is would be having to switch off every week of who has to send someone home. Like who has to be the one to announce like and you're going home.

I would cry. I would love it. I would want to be like the evil twin of the pair. Yeah. Where it's like, oh, Jeffrey loves sending people home. And I like inappropriately I'm celebrating that like D&D ARG is home. You're out of here. I'm sorry to say, like it brings me no joy to do this

but you're gone man your 15 minutes are over so petition for jeff and i to be the new comedian host of of whatever baking show equivalent in the states i think that would be so much fun nailed it we should be like well she's already a comedian you need to be a comedian duo when the judges are dry yes and they so are the cakes which is why which is why you're out of here our eyes out of there should we thank some patrons let's do it but before then you can actually sorry you can actually find jeffrey on instagram at jeffrey james and on twitter at jeff byrd and actually uh now that i think about it you can find the show on instagram review review on twitter review show and on reddit r slash review review correct and you can follow riley on instagram at riley and spa on twitter at riley coyote let's thank some vi podcasts

thank you to you know what i'm done reading these. Fuck this joke and fucking grow up, Connor. Underscore Christian side hugs for chastity. A cluff by any other name would smell as sweet. Aaron. Aaron Coogan. Adam Shea. Agent Michael Scarn looks hot in his new hoodie and is now ready to go out into the world and, well, fuck. Aggie.

Ako is, I don't know. Ako is running out of fucking steam. I mean, maybe she's lost it. Maybe she's, never mind. Jesus. Alex Witt. And now a patron who needs no introduction. So moving on.

Anthony Amadeo. Bob Buell got photos with Mefri at the HeadGumPod live show, but they are on Jeff's phone, and he has not sent them to me. So that's true. I'll put them in the discord Bob Buell's illegitimate daddy ooh Brad Donaldson um sorry oh new patron right oh shit yeah yes Brad Hill promises to sneak a review of your reference into

Survivor when he makes it on the show I really hope he does. Brian Dodd. Chuck. Chasten Bales. Cullen. Kerbuchar is late to the party. Halloween was like two days ago. Damien Kirk has heard good things, but is hesitant. Oh my god. Devin misses Fiona so

damn much. Fancy octopus. Fiona, you're a lucky woman. You are a lucky woman. Because Devin is... Yeah. Yeah, fancy octopus. Sorry. You are a lucky woman. Because Devin is... Yeah. Yeah, fancy octopus. Sorry, Heath Ledger looking ass. Frito Prelo. Gabriel Castaneda.

Jeff's fan, van, and fellow frat man, Moe Pete. Alpha fee until we die, brother. JeffreyDames.com was taken.com was taken.com. Oh my God. What a horrible URL. Gray Renegade Rider Volt is a way cooler name than Matt Hasey. Greg Berg 2, the squeakle. GrahamStopGMA, new patron.

Hey Jeff, could you please have anyone from HeyRiddleRiddle on the HeadGum Podcast, please? Holly. I literally only subscribe to Force Jeff and Riley to say trans right. Sexo-exo. I love it when you call me big fiat. Oh, sorry. I love it when you call me big floppa. In a very real sense.

T.R. Jack Kwan. Jake Ullman. Jameson Poncia's last happy memory is that of the time that Riley was a lemon on Jeff's live. Jeff's a skeevy guy whose dad has been on The Price is Right not once, not twice, but two times.

Jesse Tipton. Jive Gosley. John Quinonez. Josh, just kind of a cool guy, and please don't see otherwise or I'll be sad. Pike. JP again was just about to say, Riley is the love child of Vicky Pedretti and Lizzie Olsen

with the comedic stylings of Cecily Strong. That's literally the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me. I don't know the first two people, but it sounds complimentary. Victoria Pedretti. Victoria Pedretti.

Looked up Victoria Pedretti. That is not the first time I've been compared to her and I'm honored. She's literally my Halloween costume. She is the lead girl in you. There you go. That is not the first time I've been compared to her and I'm honored. She's literally my Halloween costume. She is the lead girl in you. Oh, there you go. That's wild. Justin Goncalves. Gon-cal-ves. Yes, Justin Goncalves. Caleb's super full of luster with his awesome hoodie.

Keelan Shelton. Lauren Millane. Lord Hunter the Ordained. That's right. I'm ordained now Maggie Anderson Malik Mark Priest Michael Begel

Mona Mauer Raquel Nah, Mona More like Mon Amour Jeff Doesn't know how to pronounce Mon fucking name Send tweet Mushy Lasagna My hoodie has finally arrived

I can forego my plans to kidnap Jeff And chain him in my basement Nate Porteous has noticed Jeff's last few tweets Utilize the words grundle and pop it Jeff if you ever need to talk It's fine No it's Rory and Davey Or Zooey Landle

Nolan Murphy's sorta hot if you have bad taste And looks and personality Oh my god this is a good one Boobs Nolan Murphy's sort of hot if you have bad taste in looks and personalities. Oh my god, this is a good one. Boobs. New patron? New patron. Orange, you glad it isn't Howie.

No, no. That was not a new patron, but it's a great new name. Orange, you glad it isn't Howie. Phoebe. Quack. Fuck. Rooster Williams. Sarah Kilduff. seguenza shoot for the moon but moon is spelled m-p-p-n if you miss you'll land that's not smart slickity doodah rickety day why oh why hasn't

buell played my stack soap stinky than sambrook aka Tyler. Thank you for using my theme song in the Chapstick episode although I think I got in by default. TJ Michael. Warmed beef. Oh.

Yaro Bouchard. Yasmine David. And Z Isaac Puff new patron. Absolutely not. But thank you guys all for subscribing

at the highest tier. You can also get access to bonus content VIP Zoom parties etc. at patreon.com forward slash Riley and Jeff. We'll thank you guys all for subscribing at the highest tier. You can also get access to bonus content, VIP Zoom parties, etc. at patreon.com forward slash Riley and Jeff. We'll see you guys again next week. Oh, and apologies for not putting the sketch out within the month of October. You will be getting it in the next couple days. It'll already be out.

Okay. So Daniel, cut that out. Arrivederci. Chee! That was a HitGum original. so Daniel cut that out uh arriveder chee that was a hit gum original