Review Revue - Sephora

Episode Date: April 12, 2022

This week on Review Revue, Geoff and Reilly check out Sephora, and rank some numbers, drink some garnish, and visit a medium!  Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjames Twitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardee <><> Produced by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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No. Just hair has gotten quite long. Riley knows how to sing a great song. Review, review, review. It's a podcast inside of this world. Hey, Mom, close the door. Okay, will you close it, Mom? It's still ajar! Close the fucking door, you bitch!

This is the last time I'm gonna ask politely! Mom, I really want it shut! I'm recording something! Just shut it and forget it! Now, Jeff says he has long dong, but hung like a horsey, that just so wrong review review review it's a podcast it's out of this world that came in from shannon of course it did parody of it's uh or what we Do in the Shadows theme song, which I loved. Jeff says that he's got a long dong, but hung like a horsey. I've also never said that.

I guess it's implied when you say I'm hung like a horsey. That's true. That's true. No, yeah, I hear that now. Now I hear that. they said they spent an embarrassingly excessive amount of time on this and it's the best take they could get so shout out to Shan to the bone

it was incredible Shan to the bone oh god I haven't heard Hung Like a Horsey in a minute and I was really hoping to keep it that way but I really appreciate the theme song and they wanted to plug their twitter at history matters with two y's uh in history so shout out Shannon

hi Jeffy you didn't want to hear hung like a horsey I didn't want to hear that it feels like forever since we've recorded yeah it's been two weeks um you were in ireland you were in the motherland i was in the motherland it was gorgeous i was in donny gall which is in the northwest and it's just wild and beautiful and i mean my god I mean, my God, the scones, the butter, the cider, the rain, the sheep. I drove on the left side of the road for the first time in my life. How was that? Terrifying.

The first time I drove, I was white knuckling my way because our Airbnb was an hour away from the airport and we had rented a car. But because I have i have no shortage of cousins over there my incredible cousins uh shona and lisa we did like a three car caravan shona drove in front i was in the middle lisa was in the back and they were so kind to do that and then our other friend like led the way back because it's like i it not that i wouldn't have been able to find it, but it just was so helpful to have them like there. But then I got much more comfortable with it.

It's just like the, I love a roundabout when I'm on the right side of the road. And I mean that directionally, not like correct. But, but like a roundabout on the other side of the road is fucking terrifying. Did you see all those signs that are like, kill your speed, not my dad? What? terrifying did you see all those signs that are like kill your speed not my dad what in the last i've only been to ireland once but we were driving and there were a bunch of signs and i think it maybe just because they were doing construction but it was like chill photos of children being like kill your speed that's insane i did not see that and it was like to slow down in construction sites that's crazy no but i didn't see that, but it was really wild.

I haven't been there in four years. So it was just really nice to see family and be there. And yeah, it was really, really lovely. And now back here, it's 95 degrees. It is like, I got a heat advisory. I got a heat advisory on my weather app. Yeah. I'm jet lagged.

I'm jet lagged. I could have fallen asleep at 7 p.m. last night. So I'm back to the two coffees a day, not because I'm on that again, but truly because I can't stay awake. What time did you go to sleep? I went to bed at like 11. Oh, yeah, you're doing well.

But I did fall as daniel and i watched um a film that of course i am i famously i fall asleep during every movie we watch um yeah you should have done like a hit workout when 10 45 right before bed 15 minutes like as i was getting no because then you would have stayed up to like one and then you could have gotten i don't want to do that no you want to do a HIIT workout after 10 30 i'm sorry but that's crazy i don't think so what have you been up you're crazy you're crazy what's new with you same old which thank god march was uh a little too much travel a little too much but this was the first week that almost nothing happened to me i'm deep into formula one that's that's the get you into it marika jake and my friend kevin all watch it religiously and pile so uh it's the coolest

sport on the face of the earth i'm not i'm not gonna bore everybody by talking about it but i think i'm a mclaren fiend hockey's hard to watch it's hard to like find the games not to watch the game you were so set on that being your new thing you outs outsourced, like, what team should I root for? Like, you were so... I'm still a Red Wings fan, but it's hard to watch the games because they're at 4 p.m. and they don't play here.

I'm a fan, but God, the sport itself is hard to watch. It's not hard to watch. It's physically hard to find the channel to watch because they're blacked out everywhere. Oh, my God. Hockey, there's so many games. Formula One, there's only 23 races a year. The Aussie Grand Prix qualifiers are in nine hours, actually.

And tomorrow's the race at 10 p.m. So I'm going to watch Danny Ricciardo hopefully take podium in a McLaren. And are you happy? Yes. Okay. That was convincing. You know what makes me happy? Makeup?

Spending money I shouldn't be spending on makeup and skincare products. We're talking about Sephora. God, I can't fucking wait. I love a Sephora. Easy. I love a Sephora. I don't go in often. But when I, it's like

it's only if I run out of something. But when I do, I'll look at a bunch of shit that's way too expensive. And then I'll find the thing that I need. Which is? Which is probably, I'll be spending more money on that

than I would hope, but. Yeah. Do you have a Sephora card? Isn't that a thing? I am a beauty insider, yes. Is that what they call it? I am a beauty insider yes is that what they call it i am a beauty insider um they have my email and uh they tried to get me to sign up for their email they have my gmail they have my preferences my skin they have my home address holy shit i have the names of my kids um they know

where i work they know where i live they know where my kids go to school. They shouldn't know that. Everything else you've said so far is something that could plausibly just be information you gave them at the store. If I don't buy five sheet masks for my face, they'll find me. That seems cheap. Five masks? A day. I love Sephora. They all smell incredible.

Really crucial piece of information. I mean my god like I wish I knew more about makeup than I did yeah me too that's where I'm at

I know pleasing Harry Styles line yeah yeah have you ever been in a Sephora? I've been in a Sephora I think once in my life at the Beachwood Mall

in Cleveland, Ohio. And what did you think? There's too much going on that I don't understand. There's way too many products for your face. There's way too many products other than mace. Because I think if you're not packing heat. No, that's not what they say. They do like beauty products like hair, skin, makeup.

Sometimes they sell nail polish. I don't think they do anymore. They don't do like self-defense? No, that's not what they're about no okay then i don't understand i know um it's i mean and like all of the all every sephora employee fully painted face I mean, I wish I I can do one or two makeup looks. Well, OK, I'm scared to branch out because it takes practice and I don't have the time to do that. Yeah, I can do like a clean daytime look or like I'll use that for a lot of self tapes and I can do like a smoky eye look for like going out. Yeah. And that's all I know how to do. I wish I like going out. Yeah. And that's all I know how to do. I wish I could do more.

Um, but that's where you'd go. That's where you'd go to pick. What about Glossier? I feel like Glossier is the new school Sephora. Um, I love Glossier. I was actually,

I was at Glossier this afternoon picking up, um, some more stuff from there. Glossier, they only sell Glossier products. So it's like, it's not like they have a bunch of different lines it's like this is a glossier store um does sephora sell

glossier no there are some brands that will not be sold at sephora like that like their own thing but then there's ulta beauty which is like which is yeah essentially it's they're the same thing them in sephora but like so some brands might cross over some brands might only do one or the other um and some brands it's like actually for a while i think sephora didn't sell milk products as it so you boycotted obviously um yeah glad they don't sell glossy but um i yeah i'm really excited to get into these do you want to start us off yes this is one star review of the sephora at the glendale galleria uh this is from tim t tim tebow tim tebow uh one star hey girl hey i received a half empty bottle of the drunk elephant facial peel unacceptable i'm too stressed out to deal with this the product is great and I received a half-empty bottle of the Drunk Elephant Facial Peel. Unacceptable.

I'm too stressed out to deal with this. The product is great and everything, but you have to send what the customer pays for. I did not pay for a half-empty bottle of Drunk Elephant Facial Peel. I like to think that he means that it was half-drunk. I'd like to make a return. Absolutely. How can I help you? And I'm a little upset actually Oh, I'm so sorry, okay, well I'm Stephanie And I'm here to take care of that for you So what seems to be the issue?

Well the issue is I wanted a full bottle of elephant facial peel Not a half drunk one Oh, sorry, so you, let me just see that Can I take the product from you? Yeah, I mean it's as good as gone Oh, I see, so you let me just see that. Can I take the product from you? Yeah, I mean, it's as good as gone, so. Oh, I see. So you did buy our Drunk Elephant Facial Peel. That's so, you know what?

This has been an issue from the manufacturer recently where they've just been selling us half bottles of it. I'm so sorry about that. I will fully give you a refund on the Drunk Elephant. Why would they sell Drunk Elephant Peel? Because they are Drunk Elephant, the brand Drunk Elephant. So if you just give me your credit card information, drunk elephant peel. Because they are drunk elephant. The brand drunk elephant. So if you just give me your

credit card information, then I can give you a full refund on this product. I don't want a refund. I just want a replaced bottle. Do you have a full bottle, please? Oh, yes. We should have full bottles in the back. This is great. Here you go. Here's a full bottle of the drunk elephant facial peel.

I'm parched. Opens the top of it. Oh, no, no, no, no. Wait, bottle of the drunk elephant facial peel. I'm parched, opens the top of it. Oh, no, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait, no! Oh, God, oh, God. We need to call poison control immediately. What did you give me? I gave you the bottle of the facial peel serum that you specifically bought and then wanted a full bottle of. The elephant? Drunk elephant, yes.

See, you gave me another half-drunk bottle. No, I gave you a full bottle. No wonder I'm still feeling weird in my stomach. Poison control? Yeah, it happened again. I need, yes, the peel. Yes, strength, max strength, peel. Yeah.

Happened about, what is it now? 30, no, 20 seconds ago. Okay. Well, how soon can you be here? Okay. I'll do my best. Thank you. Um, so poison control will be here. It said they'll be here in about 15 minutes. Um, but until then you are going to need to try. And I hate to say that you will need to try and regurgitate as much as you can of, um, what you just took in your body. Sorry, you get what you pay for. Because it will start to peel away at your insides.

This product is great and everything, but I get what I pay for. Unless you're going to give me a refund. I'm not asking. This has nothing to do with money. This is about saving your life. Because if you don't start expelling the peel that you just ingested into your body, your organs are going to completely shut down and the acid is going to- You're not getting it.

You're not getting why I'm complaining. I'm complaining because, again, you gave me the drunk elephant peel. Is this what you do? You get people to drink it and then regurgitate it, purge? No, have you ever- Put it back in the bottle, sell it at full value? That's disgusting. Have you ever-

Yes. No, that is disgusting. That is disgusting. Why you ever? Yes. No, that is disgusting. That is disgusting. Why would anyone ever do that? You know what's disgusting? It's false advertising. That's what I find disgusting. Oh, no.

Yes. Quickly. What did you do? What did I do? That's never happened. Have you ever? Is this what you do? Do you buy drunk elephant products and you just ingest them?

I buy peel. I buy peels. And you drink them? When you have the fresh squeezed orange juice, guess what the garnish is? Orange peel. When you have a Bloody Mary, guess what the garnish is? Orange peel. When you have a Bloody Mary, guess what the garnish is? Celery peel. So excuse

me for wanting one for my face to try something a little different. So even if, sorry, by that logic, and the only reason that we can now just be conversing about this is that you are not currently dead. By your logic, if you want a appeal for your face

why swallow it why drink the entire container of the facial peel if you wanted to pee i want one for my face if that's what you wanted why didn't you just why did you drink it because drinks come with peels as garnishes that's what i'm saying so how did it have anything to do with your face you're like oh i want it for my face. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to get upset. This is just. No, I'm pissed. So let's get into it.

Let's get into it. Let's get into it. At a milkshake with a film. Basically milk peel. That's nothing. The film on a milkshake isn't the peel. It's part of the milkshake. It's the milk. It's the dairy peeling.

No. No one's ever said hey mark hey mark yeah can you come mark when you you you've had a milkshake obviously right i love that okay so the film on top what would you call that no see the feel all right poison control is this him yes yes this is him all right, let's check his pulse. How are you feeling, sir? I'm feeling fine. I'm a little upset and aggravated because this company seems to not know what they even sell.

Okay, so let me just see. Here's the bottle. Okay, sir, sir, you seem to have ingested an incredibly high level of acid into your system. And yep, okay. Yeah, he did throw up. He threw up. That's great.

I tell my wife because she thinks I'm basic. My wife is a musician and she thinks that I'm sort of straight. That's really good. He's funny. That's not a joke. My marriage is struggling. I'm so sorry to hear that. So I came here to kind of like get a drink, just kind of clear my head.

This is a beauty brand store. That's what I've been trying to tell them this is a beauty brand store thank you no you need to go to the hospital with them they will take you to the hospital i hate hospitals i hate hospitals last time I did that was because I drank something. Right. Which is not a crime by the way. But you know what is a crime? False advertising. Corporate espionage. Which I can only assume. Which part of the advertising is false?

Peel! It's half drunk. I wanted it full. I want the peel to be a garnish. You thought it was half drunk. I know what a garnish is i know what it is do you like drinks yes i love a drink do you like a drink with a garnish i love a drink with a garnish i love a drink with a garnish then why are you here because i'm at work because i'm working i am the sales rep at the sephora in Glendale. This is awful. This is stupid.

This is stupid. Listen to me. Whatever. You can't threaten me. When I get off of my shift, I'm gonna go have a drink. I'm gonna go have ten drinks. I'm gonna have a bunch of old fashions. And I'm just gonna stuff all the orange peels down my gullet.

And I'm gonna think, oh, this is so tasty because I'm not injecting acid into my throat. There is acid in citrus. God damn it! Woo! Arms outstretched, leaving the place. I won this, by the way. And I'm gonna go have

sex with my wife. I'm gonna get her back. Where did she go? She's at home, but she's distant. Oh, so she's emotionally left you. Maybe. We'll see after. That may be worse than physically.

No. If you can tell that the light of love has left her eyes and she's long gone, brother, and you ain't never getting her back. You're a really strange poison control person. That's like the only thing you've said. Listen to me, man. No, get away from me.

Get off of my forearm. Come to the hospital, get in the ambulance, and we can talk about some real shit that I've gone through. I'm gonna get in my wife. Not an ambulance, which is $2,000,'ve gone through. I'm gonna get in my wife. Not an ambulance, which is $2,000 by the way. I'm sure you'd love that. I'd love

to get in my wife too, but instead I'm gonna get back in the ambulance. So when you go get in your wife, think of me. Oh, no way. You're like so middle. You're so mid. Think about how I'd love to be getting in my wife right now.

I don't care about you. I drank acid. That's what my wife said to me five years ago. Haven't seen her in five years. She's still legally my wife. Who cares? She won't even sign the divorce papers. Who cares about any of this? You're poison control. I was arguing with her.

You showed up. You tried to get me in an ambulance to spend two thousand dollars i already spent 45 on something that was false advertising it wasn't false advertising you paid for exactly what you knew you were gonna i'm gonna go have sex with my wife so i don't want to talk to you guys that chance that chance you're gonna have sex with your wife oh well now i'm pissed i was angry before and now I'm pissed. Your wife's calling you. Here she is. Hey, beautiful.

Jason, I think we should talk. I think we should do more than talk. I don't want to have sex with you. What? That was unexpected. You put it on speaker, man. We all heard. All right, let's take a quick break and we'll get back together again with this makeup chain restaurant. Sephora.

Yes. We're back! That break was so tiny! It was so small! Oh. I just want to... What's your review? It's for a Sephora in the Big Apple, the Windy City...

Chicago, Illinois. The Sunshine State. Oh, Illinois. The Sunshine State. Oh, that's going to be Garden. Garden, Indiana. It's in New York, New York. This is one star from Karen L. Karen Limp. Limp?

Yeah. One star from Karen Limp. yeah one star karen limp all caps i am so disgusted this is a story about an employee named steven today i was walking in sephora and i was looking at a gucci lip balm as i continued to shop around i asked my boyfriend to hold the lip balm. Then Stephen walked up to me and aggressively shoved a basket on me and said, put the Gucci lip balm you stole in the basket. I didn't have it on me because my boyfriend was holding it. So I looked over to my boyfriend who showed the man that he had the lip balm, but that didn't satisfy him. So he made me empty my pockets to show him I didn't have it. Stephen then walked away. And when I went to go find him, he wasn't anywhere to be found, which means he ran in the back to hide. Stephen, if you're reading this,

that was very harsh and disgusting to approach a young girl like that. Not to mention, I'm only 16. I really hope you stub your toe on every corner you walk past, and I hope it hurts like hell. Bad karma is coming for you. don't accuse someone if you don't have proof i hope someone embarrasses you as much as you just did to me i don't fuck with you xoxo your worst enemy hey oh oh fuck um you're the medium oh uh yes welcome I knew you were coming in today. I had a feeling. Yeah, I don't usually believe in this stuff, but... Well, come in. Sit down. Sit down. Let's get to talking. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Your energy.

My God, it's... It's spiny. It's prickly. Oh, ah, what's going on? What's going on? My love, my friend, sweetheart, what's happening to you? I, uh, I don't know what's happening. I've stubbed my toe on every corner chair and physical object in my way or not. Physical object in your way or not.

Yeah. You said that after I said it, but yeah. No, we said it at the same time because I know exactly what's happening to you. And tell me a little bit more. You just don't what? Well, you finish the sentence. No, I want to hear it from the horse's mouth. It's always more powerful if the subject themselves um describes to me okay what i

already know to be true okay um well i've been stubbing my toe on everything and everything yeah you do not have to say what i'm saying after i say i know i'm sorry i can't help myself when i already know what's let's get into it come on um and it just there's no way it's luck or happenstance. No way it's luck or happenstance. No, there's no way it's luck or happenstance. You've been cursed. Are you sensing that or are you just saying that? Am I just saying, why would I just be saying it? Look around you.

I have so many tapestries from Urban Outfitters hanging over my velvet couch. I wouldn't tell people you got it from Urban Outfitters, but, you know, I'm sure it doesn't matter for the powers. You have been cursed.

I just don't know where else to turn. Of course. Well, and why would you turn anywhere else other than me? Now, listen. Remind me of your name. I know it.

I already know it. I just like hearing you say it if you know it say it we'll say it together okay three two actual same time yes at the actual same time three two one bradley august now listen your curse is is oh i mean i I feel it in the room. It is completely enveloping the space. Now, I'm going to guess that this curse was placed upon you a week ago. It feels fresh.

It's been a little longer than that. It's been about two weeks. It's been about two weeks. That's exactly what I was going to say. You already said what you were going to say. They weren't going to change it about two weeks. It's been about two weeks. That's exactly what I was going to say. You already said what you were going to say. They weren't going to change it to two weeks. Can you remind me? You paused and let me correct you.

I feel it in my mind. Can you remind me of the circumstances that led you to this curse? Which I already know, but just to get your mind going a bit more. You don't know. I already know you're not a real medium, by the way. I'm just going to kind of air out. We all have skeptics from time to time i there was this there was this i work at a sephora and there's this young woman who came in

oh young woman who came in yes i see it now there's this young woman who came in and she, I genuinely thought I work security at Sephora. And I thought that, uh, she stole one of our most expensive products, which is the Gucci, the Gucci, the Gucci.

What? The Gucci, the Gucci. What? Isn't it always just what? That's so overpriced. If you're gonna interrupt me while saying the same thing, finish the sentence before I finish it.

Otherwise you're just being rude. I think instead of a medium. Okay. You're not hearing it. Otherwise, you're just being rude, I think, instead of a medium. Okay. You're not hearing me. I thought she stole the Gucci lip balm, which had happened twice before this year, and that's my ass on the line. So I went up to her, and I was like,

hey, I saw you pick that up, and you haven't walked towards the register, and I saw you kind of whispering to your boyfriend, like, can you please put it back? Put it back. Um, yeah, that's what I said. And,

uh, she was like, I know. I did say, I know that's what you said. That was, that was specifically really ill timed in my sentence. Like you said,

I know in the middle of my next sentence, which means you're also not listening but again i paid for the time so i'm just going to treat this like a therapy session you are not a real psychic i can already tell uh and you don't have to try to convince me that's actually it should be a weight off they're all the same no it should be a load off your back is what i'm saying like it should be a load off because you don't have to put on the visage i'm gonna pay you anyways i will tip you if you stop interrupting me and stop trying to be a medium. I don't mean to be laughing at you.

I'm laughing because I'm not trying to interrupt. It's just the future, the past, and the present are all moving in me and through me at the same time. So when I speak at the same time you're speaking and you may call that interrupting that's just existence coming through my vessel you didn't say anything just now you didn't say anything that changed the course of this conversation you spoke for so long and said nothing i went up to them and i was like i think you stole that and she was like no i didn't and i'm just gonna power through and power through

no you're not listening i i was like i'm sorry i like i but i thought you were stealing that like again it's my ass on the line and she was like you have bad karma karma now and so you know you mentioned this curse which again yes oh yeah and i'm powering through because you're not saying anything uh and i just feel like maybe i am cursed because she was like, I hope you sub your toe on something really hard. And that's what I told you. And as soon as you walked in. And I can't power through that because now you're yelling at me. You said, I don't mean to yell.

Oh, God's old and new spirits. We know. We knew from the moment you walked in that I said you were cursed and you said, well, maybe. And now you're saying I am cursed. Do you think that's a crucifix, by the way? Because I think that's actually just a necklace with a pendant of the Swiss flag. It's like not long enough to be a crucifix. Give me your hands.

Oh, God, they're so oily. No. Let's just rub them together. We are one. We are one in this room and we are going to lift this curse from you okay before we do that i am uh if you have a card you can insert it in here i'll pay after i don't care i told you i'm gonna pay and i will tip you more the less you say okay deep breath in and out deep breath in and out really deep breath in and out do you want this curse lifted or not i do i just don't think you can help me

with that this can only work if you believe nice do you because i don't feel it coming from you brad august it's just august um fine yes i believe i believe i believe okay okay the energy's changing a bit it is it is i'm feeling it i'm feeling it shift now for the curse to be, you need to go on a journey. And I don't mean racking up sky miles, August. No. The journey will be done from here, from your seat. I'm going to need you to close your eyes. Can you do that for me?

Yeah, they're closed. No peeking. Now, I need you to visualize yourself back in that sephora okay imagine the smells imagine the sights the shoppers ebbing to and fro imagine your security vest on imagine the power you hold now what was that little tilt of the head? No, I just don't have that much power. Like, I just took a two-week course. Own your power.

Own the two-week course. Own the two-week course. This feels so... Fine, yes. Now picture that young woman coming in the store. Mm-hmm. Relive the interaction in your mind. The shame you must have felt.

The embarrassment. The stupidity for thinking that this young woman stole something that she did not steal. Now, if you could say something to her that you wish you could have said, tell her now.

I'm inviting her spirit into this room. She is with us now. Tell us what you would have liked to have something to her that you wish you could have said tell her now i'm inviting her spirit into this room she is with us now tell us what you would have liked to have said to her um please don't put a hex on me nope that's not can you maybe say you're sorry well i was just doing my job so i'm not really sorry it would be kind of a can you say you're sorry, Bradley August. I'm sorry. That's not my name. I'm sorry. Can you mean it? I'm sorry for accusing you of, you know, as part of my job. Uh-uh-uh. One more time. Take out the qualifier.

I'm sorry. Please don't blow on me. Please, you're just blowing wind on my face and your breath smells like garlic that was the wind that was the winds of change oh bradley august oh do you feel it i see it now your eyes are closed so you can't see the curse is lifting no close your eyes close no close your eyes close your eyes and it turns No, close your eyes. Close your eyes. And it turns out your breath wasn't garlic. You were actually blowing a fan on me with garlic cloves in front of it, which I don't understand what any of that is.

It's gone. It's gone. All right. Well, let me test it out. Stands up, walks through the doorframe, doesn't stub his toe. I'm, I mean, I'm happy, obviously, but I hate that you're the one that actually did this. We only do take MasterCard and Visa. I don't have MasterCard.

You take Visa, you take the Visa credit card. We take the Visa credit card. Okay. Okay. That's great. Everybody has that. Don't leave with MasterCard next time, by the way. Nobody has that.'t lead with master card next time by the way nobody has that i have a master card you're insane you're you suck but i work i'm terrible but i do my job oh fine puts it in the reader what declined it wasn't it says approved on there what is wrong with you

you just wanted me to pay twice oh i don't mean that i mean that your spirit was declined i can feel the negative energy and while i did help you i would prefer if you never came back in here again i would prefer if i never came back in here again. I would prefer if I never came back in here again. Thank you. Thank you. Keep my credit card. I don't care. Will do.

Don't come again. Turns around, opens her chest of just absolute jewelry and a bunch of old credit cards. All right. Do you want to do one last review? Do you want to do yours or do you you want to do yours you want me to do mine don't scream at me this is four stars this is the sephora um at the grove in los angeles this is from mimi d mimi darken mimi darken oh sorry sir this isn't the grope this is the americana okay i don't particularly condone subjecting anybody's value to their appearance and that's you know obvi what it comes down to irl but let's face it we live in la and first impressions do

leave a lasting one professional or fun you still want to strike a look when the occasion occurs one of the best things about sephora is that you can try nearly all of their products to see if you like them there are plenty of tools slash supplies to cleanly try them none of that dirty drugstore direct application everything from makeup hair products fragrances makes it a one-stop shop to turn fives into eights or eights into fives for the clueless lol fortunately there's help if you want it but if you're just perusing they'll also let you do your own thing the store seems far larger than the one in pasadena so the selection is ample and testers seem to be better maintained deaf join their vib program depending on your annual spend

level you'll get varying access to promotions and their semi-annual sale. You can get pretty much anything from 10 to 20% off, premium samples, and a B-Day gift. I tried an assortment of their white label brands. I'm not just a huge fan. Regardless, they carry other great brands to check out. VIB. Fives to eights, or eights to fives, if you're for the clueless first impressions are everything you can go from a five to an eight or slide your way back down the scale naturally gorgeous but sucks at makeup so you're uglier to me uh hair and makeup

artist brings the actor to the director on set whoa what did you do to her i i put her you said you wanted like that kind of like effortless girl next door, you know, like there, but not their makeup. Sorry. Sorry. I'm just, sometimes I know like you're supposed to give very specific direction, but you made her an eight and she was supposed to be, the character's a five.

An eight. The character is, is, is 22 years old. No, no, no, no. Like on a scale of one to 10,

I'm so, you mean like rating a woman's appearance on a scale of 1 to 10 rating anyone's appearance I the character's a 5 the lead actor is a 9 Jen you can go

you can go back to your trailer for now we'll come get you when we're ready the whole idea is that like main character is a 9 and this person's a 5 that's what the whole script is about the way I read it the whole script um sir the way i read it the whole script

um sir i'm so sorry to uh i i actually i don't even know what to say that is the most misogynistic thing i could have ever heard i don't hate women i hate everyone right so this script which is about two best friends they've been best friends for years, and it's only now later in life. One of them's a nine, one of them's a five. That's what the script's about. It's only now later in life that they realize that what was just a friendship has turned into something more

because they were always neighbors. Because it doesn't matter about appearances. It doesn't matter about appearances. And whereas she had been dating the jock in high school, now she's lonely and wants a real connection. To a point. Appearances don't matter. i'm saying appearances don't matter you said to a point to a point they don't matter well i was at the end of the day they're everything i'm the key hair and makeup artist correct so you know all about this stuff you know all about appearances you know all about

appearances because you made that because the guy jackson came in jackson's nine he's sorry he is a nine you put the makeup on him he was still a nine you did the work i made him leia came in she was a five you made her an eight that's not what is in the script and we're talking about costumes here we're not talking about real people i need you to point out in the script to me where it's based on number value instead of what's in their hearts. Because I'm just, I'm just coming in page 23.

Okay. I have it too. I have it too. Jackson's character says you're so beautiful, right? Because he saw how she interacted with her dying grandmother and how, even though she had the stresses of the day, look,

even though she had the stresses of the day all over, even though she had the stresses of the day all over her, And the marks on her face to prove it. She still gave her time and attention to her dying grandmother as if she was the only person in the room. And so that's what prompts him to say, you're so beautiful because it's about what's on the inside. Page 84, Jackson goes skiing. Right, they go on a ski trip. It's not all just about appearances either.

It's also about what they do and what their hobbies are. Right, so go on a ski trip. It's not all just about appearances either. It's also about what they do and what their hobbies are. Right, so what they do, exactly, the content of what's in your heart. Lee is a copy editor. Right. She doesn't even write it. That's like not hot. Why did you take on this project?

It was handed to me because I have a famous father. Got it. Have you ever worked on any, I actually, I remember looking up your IMDB and it just said Page Not Found, so I figured that was something to do with the website itself. But have you ever worked on any project?

I worked on a project called Page Not Found, which was sort of this unscripted mumblecore bullshit thing that I did. Although it mostly starred eights. So people did end up, you've seen Drinking Buddies. That's basically what that whole thing is. So it's like improvised dialogue. The script pages could not be found.

And that, again, is not because we could not write the script. It's because we lost the file. But we had to shoot. And so I just casted mostly eights. The makeup artist made them eights. And it got into slam dance that's unbelievable to me look i am not here to make you are let me finish obviously i'm here we're in the same room together i am not here to make anyone a number value on a scale of what you may find

attractive in this horrible horrible numbers game of who's an eight who's a ten who's a five everyone here is beautiful we're in los angeles and so yeah tell me about it sorry oh it's just like first impressions are everything in this town right and as this is one of our first long conversations we've ever had my impression of you are really the impression is very laid on me laid on me what's one to ten what am i holistically holistically as a person i'm not going to assign you a number value it's just that you are not so zero if that's what you want to call it those are your words not mine now i'm gonna go grab leah from her trailer and i'm gonna tell her she's ready to go because she's not no she is so are you and so am i are you firing yourself i'm firing you guys first and then once you're gone i'm gone i'm a zero this sucks i thought

it was like a five cut to slam dance next year this movie has been produced under a different direction it's beautiful and good it's an incredible film it wins slam dance and acquired by hulu it's uh well now they'll take the q a portion yes man in the front hey um the entire cast they just like they look at you they just i don't know if everybody in the room uh i actually was the first director of this and i love the movie i thought it was a 10 and this is why he's this is why this is why in case anyone was wondering leah come on no i'm just saying this is no no i i know i know what you're gonna say i know what you're gonna say i know you're gonna say but i realized directing wasn't what i wanted to do good i wanted to be a film critic no i don't think so and this gets a 10 out of 10 okay well thanks you mean like oh

we look like we're tens that's part of it okay yeah i think it's time for you to sit down i'm really bad he says it under his breath Only the people sitting near him heard. Okay, come on, man. Nuts. I'm a zero. Yeah, okay. I get your whole thing. I'm a bad guy.

I suck, and I didn't know. But now that I know I'm a zero. It wasn't until I was fired by me that I knew. I was a five, then I was fired And now I know that I'm zero I was a five and then I was fired And now I'm fine I'm a zero, but I'm fine This sucks, I can't know how to be

So how the hell am I supposed to write about other movies? Just make a blog, man I don't know what to tell you You shouldn't be doing this professionally I don't know what to tell you you shouldn't be doing this professionally do it as a hobby i should be doing it all code you love numbers just code yeah maybe i'll give that a shot working at like a big tech company hey uh hey jonathan can we can we see in our office for a sec hey yeah um hey so number one and number two the ceo and the coo right that's not how we see ourselves we see ourselves like kind of a cohesive

family this is actually what we wanted to talk to you about is that you've been using numbers to rank numbers you have been saying here this number is a 10 and it's just a five and you've been ranking which numbers are um I guess, your favorites. I don't know if you have like a synesthesia type relationship to numbers if you find them attractive. I don't know what's going on. But you have ruined the whole code of our program. And this is a really, as you know, this team is making security programs to stop cyber attacks uh government cyber attacks and we have so many bugs in this program now because of you and because of all your mistakes bless you thank you

um sorry that whole time i was gearing up for a sneeze so can you say all that again you're tired damn it Dammit That whole time I was gearing up for a sneeze I was Richard gearing up for a sneeze This up for his knees I have two let's hear them first one run don't walk

to see everything everywhere all at once it is one of the best films I have ever seen in my nigh on 26 years of life. It is fucking phenomenal. Um,

Daniel and I saw it yesterday and it was also my first time back in a movie theater since COVID, which was really crazy. Um, especially for an anxious gal like me. Um, but it was amazing. It was amazing.

Also yesterday I had my, I had my first in-person audition since the pandemic. It was crazy. Um, but yeah, that movie it's unbelievable. It's made by the Daniels. And if you was crazy. Nice. But yeah, that movie, it's unbelievable. It's made by the Daniels. And if you haven't seen their stuff, it's like very, it's, I just love their stuff.

And this movie was incredible. Can't recommend it enough. My other thing is, what time is it right now? It's 3.26 on a Friday. In 27 hours, we'll be at the Forum in Los Angeles, Daniel and I, going to see Miss William Eyelash herself. It is the final night of her world tour in her hometown performance. A hometown show, closing night of the Happier Than Ever world tour. I've had these tickets.

I got them for my birthday last year and tomorrow is finally the day i've never seen her perform live i fucking love billy eilish and um i can't wait i'm so fucking excited and i'm also just like kind of mentally prepping myself because i am very anxious around covid stuff i I'm just like, okay, we're going to be in the forum and there's no mask requirements. So we're just going to be chilling and on a wing and a prayer, baby. But I went to the forum like a month ago and didn't get it. And the numbers are lower than them. Hell yeah.

I can't. I, my first concert since COVID seeing Billy, it's, I've had these tickets for a year. I am so, I'm just so fucking excited. I'm going to be different. I'm going to be different next time you see me. I don't know what I'm going to be like. I don't know. I'm excited to see who I'll be after I see Billie.

So you think a complete transformation? Oh yeah I think guaranteed complete transformation. I think like who I am in this moment will cease to be after I see Billy. So you're gonna die? No I'll well in a sense and then I'll be reborn

Okay Well I hope that it happens Thanks Woody I don't know what she's gonna open with that's what i've just probably the bad guy oh well that's why i wonder if she's gonna play anything from when we all fall asleep where do we go fuck i'm so excited it'll be awesome my favorite forum is a great venue too i love going to shows there it's it's like a theater even though it's an arena um we're gonna i i i'm excited to see here do my future live um happier than ever is just gonna bring the fucking house now i already know that that's the encore performance so i'm not i'm gonna wait

for that uh and i fucking love billy bossa nova it's just gonna be a time and a half um anyway that's exciting i love concerts i was supposed to go see clero last weekend but then didn't go um i just couldn't the person i was gonna go with he was out of town i was too sad that he was out of town because he's kind of like my clero guy anyway uh i got a weed guy i got a clero guy I got a Claro plug. Do you get tickets? What? Right.

So you just listen to Claro with someone. Not even. What? I already mentioned it, but the Australian Grand Prix will be the first Formula One race I've ever watched live tomorrow at 10 p.m. So really looking forward to a Daniel Ricciardo win. And if not them, then if not him then a Ferrari one too because I hate Red Bull and I like Haas you know I hope that Gunther can please Gene

you're just making up words and stringing them together this is like Mad Libs Kevin Magnusson's unbelievable Viking return P5? This is, this is his Viking return? What is that? No, what's cool about it is it's literally like Real Housewives meets 200 miles per hour.

Because it's like, there's so much that happens off the track that you need to keep up with to know why it's dramatic on race day and kevin magnuson was uh shit canned really from haas uh which is the only american team two years ago and he just came back to replace mazapin who was just kind of shitting the bed and uh he placed p5 which is unbelievable that's in the points this is like what i imagine like this is the sounds coming out of your mouth is like i imagine like if i was not a native english speaker listening to like a tv show in english with like and just hearing sounds that's that's yeah but to me it's everything right and so uh yeah melbourne to you it's simlish but to me it's kind of why The Air I Breathe is The Air I Breathe. Correct. Absolutely correct.

That's very exciting. I'm glad that this is your new thing and I hope that you enjoy it. Yeah, I am. I'm devastated that I've finished all of Drive to Survive on Netflix, but season five next spring. Should we take some VIPodcats? Yeah. Are you okay? Like when we hop off the Zoom, is it okay? I'll fall to pieces, yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah.

Thank you to underscore Christian Sidehugs, dogs and cats too. Aaron Carrico. Fuck, Aaron Carrico. Gets me every time. Feet Nolan Murphy. Agent Michael Scarn just realized he can watch whatever TV show he wants, whenever he wants. Free will is amazing. Aggie.

The co is fine. No, really. Don't worry about her. Don't worry about the agony your vitriol causes her. Just move on. Okay, Alex Witt. America's sweetheart, Michael Douglas. New patron. Oh, new, Michael Douglas. New patron.

Oh, new patron. And now a patron. Nope, never mind. Nope. And now a patron who needs no introduction, so moving on. C.S. Lewis-Conson, Dells Kalahari Resort. Cam says not to cry for him, Argentina. The truth is I've never left you.

Chuck. Connor Finnegan, the whitest VIPodcat, according to Jeff. You can't say that shit, man. Curbature feet, Nolan Murphy. Daddy, no. Daddy Tuesday night feet, Nolan Murphy. You guys. Dakota Kibber, old patron, new patron, old patron, new patron, old patron, new patron.

Damien Kirk feet Nolan Murphy. Dylan. Dylan, a Jersey boy in LA looking for love. Fancy octopus feet Nolan Murphy. Fartle featuring Nolan Murphy. Reno Prey love. Garf, enemy of the pod, is going to put an I Funny watermark at the bottom of all of Riley's audition tapes. Gail D. Comedy.

Jeff Puff. Gilchonic. Grey's about to get married. Ha ha, no really. Ha ha, that was a lie. We knew. We knew it was a lie. Hallie the Horribly Awesome is Grey's twin.

The Return. Harrison Bored. So it's Harrison Ford, but he's waiting for an appointment with no cell service. Hey Jeff, could you please have anyone from Hayward of Riddle on the Headcan Podcast, please? I literally only subscribe to Force, Jeffrey, and Riley to say Trans Rights XOXO. Jake Ullman. James Wagner feet Nolan

Murphy. Jay still can't reliably translate BT to GMT, but that's fine, I guess. It's plus eight. Jesse Tipton. JP again, let me know if the date, oh, JP again, let me know the date you want for the Disneyland moment and I'll get you in there, you will, babies deserve it. Oh my god, Jeff, we need to go. Yeah, let me know if the date, oh, JP again, let me know the date you want for the Disneyland moment and I'll get you in there. You will.

Babies deserve it. Oh my God, Jeff, we need to go. Yeah, let's do it. Caleb is now 21 and is very ready to get absolutely zoinked at the Zardy. Casper Bobasper. Lauren Malang. Lord Hunter the Ordained. Maggie featuring Nolan Murphy.

No, Malik. Mark Priest. Michael Begle. Moe Pete featuring Nolan Murphy. No, Malik. Mark Priest. Michael Bagel. Moe Pete featuring Nolan Murphy. Nate Porteous thinks this has to be a Riley rename. Jeff can't be silly. Nolan Murphy. Ha ha ha.

I just laughed thinking about his stupid fucking face. And that's actually Nolan. Yeah. Oh, so it's lame to advertise your business through your Patreon name. Come say that to my face. It's smoking time on Main Island. That's still one of my favorite ones. Pete Bradford featuring Nolan Murphy.

Phoebe. Quack. So what? Is this like a job now? You're telling me that I have to update my name more than once a year? Tell former to resident S I say hi. That's so Raven. It's the future. I can, well, see. The dulcet tones of Jeff's sleep moans.

Here we go. It reminds him every time. Yeah, I never remember. Oh, I think, oh, you know, just a little snoring. Okay, so I didn't snore. Can't hear anything. TJ Michael. Oh, I had sleep talking.

What? There are a lot of ways that you can win. Wait, Jeff, real talk. I need to take a quick break from the sleep. You're making up a board game. There are a lot of ways you can win. There's not one way that you can win. That's the beauty of the game.

You playing Candyland? Wait, Jeff. Real talk. I need to take a break from these little piss ants and arm wrestle you. I'm actually serious. Widow Bobby Buell featuring Nolan Murphy. Wow. He brings it home.

That was a really good one, y'all. Thank you guys for subscribing at the highest tier. You can follow Riley on Instagram, at RileyAnspa. You can follow her on Twitter You can follow the show on Instagram And on Reddit You can follow Jeffrey on Instagram On Twitter

And Just go to our little Patreon Why not It's been a lot of oops Patreon slash Riley and Jeff and we have little goofs we have gaffs we have goofs we have live streams we have zardies

we have sketches we have lives and laughs and loves um oh my god so you're a tough guy like a really rough guy just can't get enough guy just always so puff guy I'm not gonna do the rest of it just always so puff guy is'm not gonna do the rest of it chest always so puff guy is the craziest

lyric to just say you're out you're in a bar fight oh so your chest always so puff guy that's that what are you saying to me sorry nothing nothing yeah you immediately don't say it again uh all right we'll see you guys again next week for another episode of Review Review. Or should I say... No. Really? Yeah. And we'll see you guys again next week. Until then, arrivederci.

Cheers. That was a Hiddem Original.