Review Revue - Sheets 2 (With Daniel Rasheet!)

Episode Date: January 25, 2022

Years in the making! This week on Review Revue; Daniel, Reilly, and the top-sheet-expat try returning some bedsheets, rapping a eulogy, and becoming a baby. All this and more whilst reading reviews on SHEETS... TWO!    Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjames Twitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardee <><> Edited by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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I love kissing and lo-fi music yeah I love lo-fi music yeah I love lo-fi yes yes literally last night i was telling elizabeth how much i genuinely no this is crazy last night i was like i love lo-fi and she's like really i'm like i listen to it when i work i listen to it when i shower and she goes almost pitifully like, I listen to it when I work. I listen to it when I shower. And she goes almost pitifully. She goes, you listen to it while you shower?

That is a little sad. Because you're a singer, and I would assume you'd want to sing in the shower. No, it's either I'm listening to musical theater singing along, or I'm listening to a podcast, or I'm listening to lo-fi. Who sent that in? That was, I love kissing and lo-fi. That came in from Evan. He says, hi, guys. Hope you like this new lo-fi theme song

I threw together, wishing you both the best in 2022. I loved it, Evan. Yeah, well done. Well done, Evan. Riley might listen to it in the shower. I probably will. He's back, he's here. The 47 second song.

I just want to cut right into it because you guys, this is our. This has been a long time this has been a long time coming for for months and months everyone's been like sheets two sheets two sheets two we need a sheets two we need more sheets and so finally after after so long of like you know we're like guys we have to do other ones we have to do other ones you're like no we need it sheets one was so integral into the lore of this podcast that we need sheets two finally and what better guest than daniel rashid daniel rashid welcome back thank you thank you thank you it is uh this this episode is my namesake And I'm honored to be here To talk about a very very important thing

I know it was controversial last time Let's get into this right away Because I need to clear the air here Riley to me is a psychopath For the way she handles sheets And she gave me a little peek Into your guys' nightly routine I used to be like you

I used to be like you Jeff I used to have no top sheet. I would just do fitted sheet and duvet, whatever it's called. I find it confusing how you call it a comforter, but it's covered by a duvet. That makes no sense. What the fuck is that? I think it's interchangeable.

Yeah, I call it a duvet. But don't distract from the actual issue at hand, which is that Riley bunches up her top sheet and comforter by her feet by the end of the night without fail. Riley does sleep in psychopathic ways, but I will say that I am a changed man. This morning I woke up

like that on the edge of the bed with my sheet sponge over my ankles and I said to Daniel, I'm like, this is what I told you. And occasionally she'll be like, last night you pushed me to the edge of the bed in your sleep. And I'm like, you were going to find your way there anyways. I helped you skip a step. Riley also, she sleeps, how do I say?

No. Like a plank. She, like she's planking. You know how someone will plank? That's Riley in bed. Like face in the pillow. Face in the pillow. My hands under my hip bones in a straight line.

Like she's dead. What the hell? Like she's a corpse. That's insane. I'm not much better. That's not the issue. We're talking about. No.

No. We're talking. No. We're not here to play. What other insane stuff that she does? Even while she's awake maybe. Let's air some dirty laundry. I have a photo of her sleeping on her stomach.

Well, unfortunately she does. She airs her dirty laundry and that's the grossest thing is that you'll just kind of wave it around. So Daniel. Yeah, you guys have in-unit washer dryer but you still use clothespins. Yes. So Daniel used to be like you, Jeff. Yeah, I'm sorry

to have lost one of you. Changing the subject so quickly. You're like, yes, back to sheets, back to sheets. That's literally why you're here. It's because Jeff wanted to dupe this out with you over why you changed. It's true. Okay, I changed, Jeff. So Riley would come over to my place. She would, she never commented on my lack of a top sheet.

She just, you know, accepted it and did, you know, she just, you know. Dealt with it. Dealt with it, but never said anything about it. I would go to her place. Sucked it the fuck up and I just fucking dealt with it. And I sucked it up too because I was just like, you know what? Like, she's got a top sheet. It's kind of uncomfortable on my feet. And then I realized,

oh, when you go to a hotel, the top sheets are so tucked so tight. It's horrible. But if you just pull them out a little bit, it's the perfect level of comfort. Your feet aren't too pushed down by the top sheet. But you have the extra little layer of comfort.

And if you get too hot in the middle of the night, you can take the duvet comforter, whatever it's called, off and you just have the top sheet but you have the extra little layer of comfort and if you get too hot in the middle of the night you can take the duvet comforter whatever it's called off and you just have the top sheet it's a little snuggle snug oh he's nodding his head he's like make some cogent points because you know it's right because you know it's right

I don't unequivocally agree nor will I change but I get where you're coming from now especially having been explained by a former top sheet um denier or i would say an oh no top sheet expat yeah yeah yeah there it is there it is yeah um that's how we're gonna describe you in the description of this episode absolutely not i will not try it i i will never try it i think why listen relationships are about compromise we know this um i haven't been in one in a long time but i know that i'm gonna dig my

heels in from jump and just weed out anybody with the top sheet what if you meet the love of your life she checks every single box you're like this is oh my god she's she's everything i ever would want to spend my life with describing from personal experience personal experience of course yes and and but she's like there's one thing that i have to put my foot down on we need a top sheet we can't deal with this flimsy little duvet comforter bullshit. Jeff, what do you say? Pack your bags. Oh, and you heard it here first. No.

Sorry, you go. That's the love of my life I'm talking about, so I actually need to go and check myself. If that's the hill she wants to die on then fine but then i get a points on the back end in terms of decorating sure so like i'll pick the state all grateful dining room no that's good a sheet that i tie dyed daniel when we moved in together there wasn't even a conversation about a top sheet it was just kind of like this is our betting and we'll do it but because there was never like daniel was never like oh do we need it he was just like yeah like it wasn't even it wasn't even i thought you were saying it

just wasn't up for discussion well even if i mean if he brought it up it wouldn't have been up i knew it was gonna be a giant argument and so i kind of just like giant it would have been there would have been irreparable damage it would have been terrible would have been a rappable dance it would have been a rappable dance it would have been terrible fragile at that point I was a changed man I was a changed man

I wasn't I don't think at that point I was no I think I was putting top sheets on my bed at my place right yes

it is extra work because because you wake up without a without a top sheet and if you haven't tucked the top sheet in right you wake up and you just have the comfor you haven't tucked the top sheet in, right, you wake up, and you just have the comforter,

and you just, like, fluff it, and you're done. If you have a top sheet, and you've fucked it up in the middle of the night, then you have to get up in the morning and be like, okay, I've got to re-tuck this, and I've got to... Takes five extra seconds. Takes a long time, all morning long. At least two minutes, I would say.

You know what, Jeff? You have experienced a top sheet, because remember we shot that music video for Alden Dirk. And you were in Daniel and I's bed. I wasn't necessarily focused on sleep there. No, I know. I was thinking about how I was basically planking for an hour. Going back to the issue at hand, the planking, Riley does.

She planks. She wakes, she sleeps plank. She does the meat plank, though. She does the comfortable plank. Not like a workout plank on the arms. I am fully lying down. Corpse plank. Like the meme.

Exactly right. To be fair, Daniel sleeps like he is in active rest. I am a psychopath as well. He's insane. Knees up, like feet touching the bed, and hands laid across his chest like he's a horse So you're both dead We're ready for the afterlife okay we're ready just take us

So it is crazy to me like no but Daniel will fall asleep with his legs like out like a normal person I don't even know I have no memory ever of sleeping like this but Riley assures that I sleep like this Because I see it in the night you will like the knees will be will be facing up it is it is ridiculous to me it is ridiculous to me someone's breaking into jeff's apartment right now holy shit live on air we have holy shit well daniel it's just you and i now so daniel what's new with you oh my, it's just you and I now. So, Daniel, what's new with you? Oh, my gosh. It's been so long. It's been so long.

Wow. I feel like I can almost hear your voice in the other room. You're looking so good. You look so good. It's been forever. It's so good to see you. I can't believe you said that about Jeff, Riley, when he was gone. Oh, you can't believe it?

Sorry, guys. You're good. It's okay. Daniel and I were able to catch up. We've been seeing each other in forever. It's just You're good. It's okay. Dan and I were able to catch up. We've been seeing each other in forever. It's just been like really special. It's been a couple minutes, right? Literally 16 minutes.

We can see. No, I've been... Do you guys do sleep cycle? I used to use sleep cycle. I used to use sleep cycle. But it requires putting your phone on your mattress. And like, what if it falls off the mattress down the whole crack and then it's stuck in the ground, you know?

Yeah. I showed this on our Patreon live stream, but I just wanted... It was horrible. Oh, my God. Daniel needs to hear it. What is this? What is that?

Oh! I've been moaning in my sleep a lot. No! Wait, wait, wait. No, Daniel, listen, listen, listen. Play it louder again, please. Oh, no. No.

Did you say yes? Yes. I think I was having a sex dream. I'm so sorry to everyone who just had to hear that. Yes. Yes. Yes. Actually, I don't think it was a sex dream because I vaguely remember what the dream was. And it was more like I was like a small victory.

Yes. You won the Olympics? Yes. Yes. Oh, God. Well, without further ado, should we do our first review? Let's do it. Let's, yeah. I'll start it. Whoa, God. Well, without further a Dan, should we do our first review? Let's do it. Let's, yeah.

I'll start it. Whoa, Jeff, you're crazy. Oh, my God. Really? Jeffrey. No, come on. This is so unlike you. Big man.

No, I have chutzpah. Five stars. Quietly. No, I have chutzpah. No, I have gumption. I got moxie. This is five stars of the Amazon Basics Marvel Spider-Man Spidey Crawl sheet set twin size. Which you ordered? Incorporated. Yeah, I bring these to the table because these are my sheets.

Five stars. What's the name? The name... I mean, their username is The Mix Master. Keep it. Yeah, I got it. So this is TheMixMaster. Team bit. Yeah, I got it. So this is from TheMixMaster. Our youngest transformed into a Spider-Man fanboy overnight,

so we had to update his bedding. The sheets are soft and well-made, and they are very comfortable to lay down in, and he loves to roll around in it. I just, what made me laugh was, like, we had to update the bedding. And also, like, doing that for any hobby you have as an adult. We had, as soon as we heard that you were into this we had to update the bedding yeah i mean i'm just staying with you by the way sis and you know jack thanks so much for

hosting me for the weekend yeah what do you think what do you think i just i mean thank you so much for like trying to make me feel welcome i just like you didn't have to buy this hey our home is your home our home is your when else am i is your, when else am I going to get my baby brother here for a weekend? Like, just brother. You're only two years

older than me. My little, little itty, itty bitty baby brother. And so that's why we had to make you feel like welcome and at home.

And Jack actually, he was the one who led this whole thing. Well, we heard, we heard that you were getting into basketball. And so i i knitted

basketball sheets for you he knitted the sheets he didn't even go out and buy them he knitted myself yeah yeah um i'm working in the front office for the la clippers that's not getting into just basketball in general these are like just orange spheres on the sheets oh my gosh they're not even clippers his language words are getting so much better i have to say he's he's use of language he's so precocious he's so precocious hey sorry um jack can you give us a second me yeah yeah yeah oh okay uh one little okay okay nice um he spent it was 80 hours 80 80 two full work weeks he took two full weeks off of work to put two work weeks entire vacation days for the year yes yes literally that's what he used them for with it's their wool they're

scratchy as shit but do you i'm just saying you could you could be a little nicer to him you could be a little bit more considerate and a little bit more grateful that your brother-in-law spent his entire vacation day allotment i didn't ask for you right his his love language is acts of service and you have never understood that and you've never understood that so you know i i brought you guys gifts can i just give you them okay we'll give jack his first because i think right now he's feeling really hurt all right i can tell he'll never say it but i can see it in his eyes jack come here honey hey man hey while i was away i felted this wool basketball hoop for you. That's not functional. Look, it almost stands up.

Exactly. It has to stand up. Yeah, exactly. Gifts. You said you wanted to give us gifts. Yes. Oh, that's so sweet. As you know, I've been living, before I moved here, I was working for a D-League team in

Buffalo. And we were so proud of you yeah these niagara falls hats when you compare it to knitting sheets maybe it's not as thoughtful but i just want you to know that i do think of you did you iron on the hats or did you stitch it together or yeah because these are so awesome what kind of work did you put into this i didn't put any work into it it was just like a memento from where i lived before i mean you what because you guys still kind of treat me like a kid is my issue uh you don't have to update my bedding you don't have to keep tabs on my verbiage so um this is what a real gift is is my point when you're in your 30s it just kind of doesn't matter. So you just went to what? A convenience store? A little gift shop place?

It was like a stand. It was a stand. Like on the street. Yeah, which is fine because we're all adults is my point. And so you just saw it and you're like, oh, give me two of those. Oh, sure. This is, by the way, more thoughtful than what you did, Jack. I'm sorry to be so terse because I feel like you went out of your way and you've made my time less comfortable.

I'm sorry. Less comfortable? Oh, easy job. Did you lay down on the sheet? He's really learning to speak up this one. He's testing the boundaries, I have to say. I'm not testing the boundaries. He's testing.

I'm 30. I have to exercise my patience because he's testing boundaries. I have to be the better. Okay, okay. Be have to be the better. Okay. Okay. Be the adult that you are. I have to be the adult in the room because we are the adults in the room. We are the adults in the room.

We have to show him the way that we. And he's acting out. People ought to be treated. Yes. Yes. Yes. Gold people. Honey.

Okay. My sweet little boy. Don't call me that. My little dumpling darling, bouncing baby boy. Boy. My bouncing basketball boy. You're his bouncing brother-in-lawlaw my bouncing brother-in-law boy i have paul george's phone number i don't know who that is got it but you love you love to basketball and i know that see when when when human beings care

for each other they do things for each other. They put work in for each other. They don't just go to a stand. They put 80 hours of work. 80 hours. Minimum. Minimum. Minimum? Minimum.

Yes. Minimum. Have you even looked at the sheets? Have you tried sleeping? You should try rolling around on them. I laid down on it in my clothes and I was still scratching. No, take your clothes off. You have to take your clothes off.

Roll around. Take your clothes off and roll around. Put your diaper on just in case an accident happens. Put my what? I got little diapers for you as well. No way. Roll around. Take your clothes off and roll around. Put your diaper on just in case an accident happens. But my what? I got little diapers for you as well. No way. Roll around and see how you feel. Because I promise when something's made with love, not just bought from a stand, not just

bought from a stand. I knew this would happen at the wedding, by the way, because his family's bizarre. His family's really strange. And I knew that there was like little things like this that would come out along the way no no what are you talking about what's so strange about my family the mother daughter dance at your wedding your mom was helping you crawl like clearly you guys must just like grow up younger than everybody else i i i i i don't even know i don't even know how to respond to this back talk right now.

It's not back talk. It's time out time. Time out time now. For me or for you? For, I'll take one too. This is crazy. Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. I think we all need to just.

No, it's not heated. It's just strange. I'm putting my dust cap on. Why do you have one? Hey, Jack, can you give us another second, please? Sure. I'm going gonna sit in the corner and face the wall okay you do that he's deregulating he's deregulating his system hey

no way that i'm gonna get scolded for this no no you're not being scolded you're not being scolded jack's been going through a rough patch and we're trying to have a baby and it's been a little rocky and so yeah so he's taking that out on you. And I'm sorry. Like, I know you're not just my baby brother. Like you're, you're a full grown man. And I just like, Jack really needs this. Um, because he, everything for him is baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby.

And so to be able to take care of you, to be able to knit blankets for you, to be able to put you in timeout, that will really get him through this tumultuous time and so it would mean a lot to me as your sister for you to kind of just go along with that be like oh goo goo gaga and like maybe hold a binky and like sit in his lap because i think he i'm not gonna sit in his lap i'll do everything else and that's already debasing myself if you just crawl a little bit binky and mouth and be like put me put me in time out put me in time out babies can't talk and if they could they wouldn't ask but he would love it please acts of service is also is like that's how i receive love and so for you to do that that would i feel like really

strengthen our relationship you think that would at least like tide him over until he calmed down. A hundred percent. Jack. Yes. I mean, Jack. Oh, yes. That's really good.

That's really good. Goo Goo Gaga. Oh, can I be put in time out? Oh, oh, oh, of course. What is this reaction?

Of course, of course, my bouncing brother-in-law. But first, here comes the airplane. Open wide. Open wide. Open wide. Open wide.

Oh, it's carrot mush. Yeah. Oh, it's your favorite, isn't it? I hate this. I like crispy rice. It's your favorite, isn't it? It's my favorite. Yeah.

Very good. Yeah. This is really sad to on that. It's my favorite. Yeah. Very good. Yeah. This is really sad to be a part of and see so up close. Got to like two months later. You're still here. You're in a full diaper in a high chair. So did you guys play the crossword today? You know what?

It took me a lot longer than it did yesterday. It took me so much longer. I couldn't really get it. What about you? Sorry. I just woke up i just oh gosh what a what a night huh who's sitting at the the big kids table this morning jack easy it's jack i love you but this has been going on for way too long and i think we need to let him leave it's getting really steven king up in here and i think we just need he needs to go home now he is our baby boy we can't just put him on the side of the street like harry potter no he's my adult brother and we've had enough i think i got you

something that you might like what might fix this entire thing whatever. Go back to your room. Me? And see the sheets. Okay. It's just a bunch of dad and fatherly paternal things. A lazy boy recliner. Oh my gosh. A workbench in a garage. It's all in the sheets. It's all in the sheets. Convertible zipped short pants.

It's all in the sheets. You needed them. It was in the sheets the whole time. It was in the sheets short pants it's all in the sheets it was in the sheets the whole time and i really wish i'd known that this would have fixed it two months ago because i have become diaper dependent you should go just go now he's distracted by the sheets go yeah i'm running jesus christ it's all in the sheets. What an insane realization.

All right, we do have to take a quick break, but we'll be back with some more sheet reviews with Daniel Rashid after this. And we're back back again again again guess who's back back back daniel rashid uh would you guys one of you guys like to go next okay this is for amazon's melani melanie queen sheet set hotel luxury 1800 bedding sheets and pillowcases extra soft cooling bed sheets deep pocket up to 16 inch wrinkle fade stain resistant four-piece queen light gray every buzzword possible yeah this is from deja daniel can we get a last name for deja vu okay deja vu five stars the title is just a college student procrastinating. These sheets are super soft and very nice.

And honestly, you can't beat the price. And I know if I went to the store today, I couldn't find any to beat these anyway. $30 and a good night's sleep. Yeah, I think these I just might keep. Flat sheet, fitted sheet, pillowcases for you? Just go ahead and treat yourself to some too. And if you're reading this review,

I hope you enjoyed my rap. Now, BRB, I'm gonna have a quick nap. Yeah, that's right. I'm gonna lay on my sheets, take a deep breath and discover some beats. And if you're looking for me, you might just find me pressing the key. Buy now, immediately.

Your new sheets are on their way thank you have a nice day um elizabeth i think you misplaced your eulogy what you just read was seemingly a product review for sheets not everything you liked about dad was seemingly a product review for Sheetz. Not everything you liked about Dad. Do you think people noticed? Everyone's staring at you still. But like,

do you think they're staring? This is all in the mic. None of this is whispered. This is all still in the mic. They can hear everything you're saying. No, but like, do you think that like, noticing in a bad way, do you think they're like're like oh that i don't think was about raymond or do you think it was confusion up top and now the more you do this and drag it out the more

it's turning into a little bit of anger anger anger really i don't know i feel like everyone might have enjoyed it even though it's a little bit, like, probably not, like, fit. Relevant. Not relevant. Not super fitted, like the sheets. You're saying this. I think, like, look. Like, look at Uncle Steve. Like, Uncle Steve is actually, like, having the best time. Like, I can see him smiling.

Look at that big smile on him. You ever hated Dad? But he loved the eulogy, it looks like. He liked the eulogy because you kind of pissed on dad's grave in a way i didn't piss on dad's grave he always said he's like elizabeth you are the writer of the family like you have like such like such a gift for words and for song and so i feel like in that way honoring him because you came up here and you're talking to me. I know, but I'm like, maybe we should step over here. It's all like, I mean, yeah, he's still, he's smiling.

Wait, actually, hold on. Actually, Uncle Steve. Thank you so much. Actually, next on the program, Uncle Steve would like to share a few words about his brother. So Uncle Steve, if you want to come on up thank you thank you elizabeth you were ear to ear grin you were all you were always the writer in the family that really means a lot that's exactly that's exactly what dad said he was being sarcastic that's exactly what dad said um i have also written a little ditty. Oh.

In honor of my late brother. And it goes a little something like this. Could I get a little boom, clap, boom, boom, boom, clap? Very good. Boom, clap, boom, boom, boom, clap. Very good. Boom, clap, boom, boom, boom, clap. Okay. That's enough now. Boom, clap. Boom, clap. Boom, clap. That's enough now.

It's in your body. You weren't going to rap over it or anything. Let him talk. Sorry. Andrew, let him talk. Andrew, you were never the writer of this family. So were we. I never claimed to be. Let him go, Uncle Steve, please. He's happy. Uncle Steve, please share your ditty.

And you're seemingly scatterbrained. All right, let's just hear it. Okay, and, and, shampoo is the best thing ever. I have shampoo. You have it never. That's right. I like to wash my hair. I do it over here, and I do it over there.

Everybody, come on. Let's do it together. Shampoo is the best thing ever. Did you make that up just now? Just, you know, off the dome. Just kind of taking Elizabeth's cue. This should be a celebration. We should be celebrating.

His life? The ding dong witch is dead whoa whoa no no no no no no uncle steve you gotta sit down you gotta sit down funerals are hard all right and i didn't always have the best relationship with dad but i love him still and i miss him and i wish he wasn't dead so maybe we could all just like go around and just say a couple of things that we remember about him hopefully positive and hopefully not related to fucking bathroom products would you like to start since you're so you love

dad the most and you're the best at grieving and you know how to do a funeral I'm not saying I'm the best at grieving I just think that at least it should be relevant well then why don't you go I'm less mad at grieving. I just think that at least it should be relevant. Well, then why don't you go ahead? I actually am less mad at him saying, ding dong, the witch is dead,

than you just reading a product review for Sheetz. I mixed up what I had written. I know what happened. But why are you more mad at me than you are? Uncle Steve literally just made up a rap about shampoo. And I, in my grief, mixed up the review I wrote for Amazon for these sheets and the eulogy for dad. So that's on me. Why don't you read what you were going to read originally?

Why don't you pull that out? That's a great idea, Uncle Steve. I wish my brother had thought of that. I like that dad kind of included us sometimes in hobbies. Oh, my God. And then you never knew when he was going to include you but when you did you felt special let's hear your eulogy come on god yeah okay all right i again everyone i am everyone's just in their slack job i am so sorry for how

this day has been going and this is this i promise'm about to read. This is what I really wanted to say. And at first I just, I got a little mixed up, you know, it's a, our dad's dead. It's like, can you blame me? So this is, um, this is, this is for you, dad. Everybody loves Raymond. That's what they always said. Everybody loves Raymond, but now Raymond is dead. Everybody misses Raymond. That's what we're feeling today. Everybody misses Raymond. No one's saying, yay.

I love you, dad. And I feel bad that you are in the ground. I miss you, dad dad you're the best dad the best dad in town we'll miss you forever you'll be a light in our lives and even

though Andrew's pissed he'll still give me high fives just like you taught him to you reach out for a high five i absolutely don't meet it i just break into tears i mean right yeah no no no no no get out of here everyone's slack job there's like a hundred but nobody changing anything there's like a hundred and fifty people there

any one person could say something and they're all just sitting there the priest is just watching alright should we do our last review that was good morning part two yeah I was thinking that at the end wasn't Raymond the name of the guy who died uncle Ray uncle Ray Part 2 Yeah I was thinking that Wasn't Raymond the name of the Yes Uncle Ray

Uncle Ray Grandpa Ray Okay My review is for the Wamsuta Dream Zone 725 thread count Queen fitted sheet in aqua From the

The Tom Wamsgantz 355 From Bed Bath & Beyond. And this, I feel like, is the Beyond part. Okay. Review is from Balling123. Okay. One star.

Subject line is pitiful. And the review reads, it's only a sheet. I don't know. I just thought there would be more, so I want to return it. Sorry. Okay.

So you, right. So you bought the sheet set. Can I talk to your manager? Already I want to talk to your manager. I don't even know what your problem is yet. So why don't you start with me? And if it's something that I feel like I can't fix, then I will get my manager.

All right. Let's do the dog and pony show. Okay. So you're returning the sheets because you thought there would be more. I got a sheet set. Yes. Two shams, one top sheet. Yes.

One fitted sheet. Yep, as advertised. That is what I bought. Yes. I thought I would get a little bit more for my money in terms of joy more quality okay more joy so i want to clarify it's not the amount of sheets that you're taking issue with it's the pleasure that you derived from it yes okay and if that's a crime then lock me up no it's not a crime it just doesn't make any sense um is the material the issue again

material is amazing which is why it's more upsetting that i haven't been really happy since i got these i don't want to overstep my bounds um and i'm sorry i didn't get your name sir remind me of your name my name is tarvit tarvit i it's like target web but kind of a v yep it's okay i um i don't want to overstate my bounds no you don't have to apologize um it's my name i know i just feel like this isn't necessarily an issue that we here at bed bath and beyond um should be helping you with. I'm sorry. I have to, I couldn't help it over here.

I'm the manager of the store. Alyssa, could I talk to you for a minute? He's so happy to see you. Yeah, of course, Jason. So listen, Alyssa, we are Bed Bath & Beyond, okay? Right. Everything we do must go beyond. If this man is not satisfied with what he's received,

we must do our part to make sure that he is happy and satisfied i am doing my best i am not a i am not a licensed therapist so i feel like what he needs is a bed bath and beyond i feel like it's like would you like me to show you would you like me to show you how how it's done please i would love for you to relieve hello mister what was your name again here Here comes manager. Here comes manager. Right down Santa Claus Lane. Right down Santa Claus Lane? I guess I couldn't change that.

Don't judge it. I'm a little bit shook. That was really impressive, Tarvit. Thank you. Yeah, that was fantastic. Tarvit, you are just glowing today. Has anyone told you that you're glowing? Yeah, and you know what?

Nobody has. That's not my job. You asked Nobody has. I look at you. That's not my job. You asked about sheets. I'm not here to talk about anyone's appearance. How was your night's sleep last night, Tarvit? The sleep was really good. And that's why I don't understand why I woke up so sad.

Yeah. Well, do you have any roommates or anybody at home with you? I have nobody. Hmm. Jason, this is not our place. Jason, this is not our place. Jason, this is not our place. This might be overstepping, but do you mind if we come home with you,

Tarv, and just kind of take a look around the place? That's not our job. See what you might be, as a professional thing, this is professionally our job as Bed, Bed, Bed and Beyond to go beyond above and beyond and see how we might be able to improve who we're selling to. The customer service line is around the block now cut to his house wow so um i do a lot of one pot meals yeah just because i uh i don't have a

dishwasher right yeah well and that's i understandable you couldn't fit one in here so the place is kind just like not decorated that much and like it's just like a lot of trash bags that have yet to be taken out and the sofa is disgusting but i have to say tarbot that the bed looks incredible okay may i make an adjustment to the bed you can yeah you can try you put the duvet cover on your pillows and you put the fitted sheet over that. So you just kind of have a mattress with like pillows that are covered in One big bag.

One big bag? One big bag, right. Sorry, I don't like her. She's not making me happy. She's learning. We have to be patient with Alyssa because Alyssa has got problems of her own. Okay?

And I know because I interviewed her and I said, you know, she's going to be a problem employee, but I'm going to take her on. Why'd you hire her? Because I'm a manager with a manager's heart. I've been the employee of the month three years running. I only take on problem employees. So, and that's just to make you feel better alissa um tarvit um may we adjust the fitted sheet to fit around the mattress i'm not touching this so it's not may we this is this has nothing to do with my job description when i applied for the

this is not at all then let's do it what if alssa doesn't want it, let's try it. Okay. All right. So let me take the fitted sheet and we put it snug. See how it fits? It fits the mattress. I'm already smiling. The only reason I'm here is because, Jason,

you told me that I would be fired on the spot if I didn't join you. And you will be. I know. So I would just like to share with you jason that this is not at all your job you do not have to be doing this none of this is in our job description at all i don't know if tarvit needs a therapist a maid like i don't know probably all of those things and like friends but that has nothing to do with us you You hit the nail on the head right there.

Jason, I just want to say thank you. Of course. Because ever since you, ever since that day that you came over to my house and you changed the sheets. You mean today? Right now, yes. I've been unbelievably smiling. I'm so happy to hear that. As a token of my appreciation, I want you to have something.

What is it? Tarvit goes over to a safe, does the thing, opens it up. There's a bunch of cash. What? When my grandmother passed away, she gave me a lot of money. And you live like this? Jason, I want you to have it. What?

No way. I've never known what to do with it. And this I know is it. Buy yourself a better place. Decorate it. Take some friends out to dinner. Do something. Put it in savings.

Don't just keep it in a safe in your bare apartment with your big bag bed or whatever the hell you said. Don't judge, Alyssa. You know what we could do with this? Impossible not to at this point. You know what we could do, Tarvit? I noticed next door is a two-bedroom. You're not moving in with Tarvit. You could probably use a roommate.

And it is in Alyssa's contract to fulfill the needs of the store. Of the store. Of the store. Not of this man. Not of this random man who came into the story. No. No. Cut to them moving a sofa into the two bedroom.

Alyssa's unbelievably angry. I guess they do say don't live with your best friends. They do say that. And good thing that that's not what I'm doing. Really? Obviously. You're not even open to it? Of course not.

You have single-handed. I don't know what to do. I was about to it? Of course not. You have single-handed... I don't know what to do. I was about to move in with my boyfriend. And now I'm living with you. I've done so much to work on our relationship today. It's been eight hours. What have you done other than tell my manager that you don't like me?

I brought my sheets to the store. And I got you out of work. No, you didn't get me out of work. You made my job infinitely more complicated. This is a human resources nightmare. Can we just, can we calm down for one second? Don't tell me to calm down. Not calm down.

I just want to get some things to wear away roommate wise. I haven't had one in a long time. Ever. Can we do a chore wheel? Like. time ever can we do a chore wheel he takes it out it's like a it's like wheel of fortune where the tiny sliver is that it's tarv it's weak to do all the chores and then 96 of the chore wheel is this is insane doing the chore I'm not doing everything. I bought this house.

You're living in it for free. So I think the least you could do is do the chores 96% of the time. I don't want to live here. Whatever. I don't want to. Whatever. No, come on. If we're going to be here.

I'm happy. So that's all that matters. I don't get you, man. You're a weird dude i don't know if you're gonna be happy or sad or pull out a hundred thousand dollars in cash from your pocket i don't know what you are or what you want but sure i'll unload the dishwasher this week if that'll make you not yell at me sorry i'm sorry i i'm i'm missing all the fun moving in I got some groceries for the house

Two new friends What did I miss? How are things going? Things are going really bad Oh no What is this? This is a mess This is beyond Yes, it's a mess

You said it was beyond This was, I think, a terrible This is a mistake No, it's a mess. You said it was beyond. This was, I think, a terrible- This is a mistake. Terrible- No, it's going well for me. Terrible mistake. I have a roommate. I'm happy.

And I do apologize. I think I made a mistake. No. Thank you for saying that. In hiring you, Alyssa, you're fired. Tarvit, would you like a job? No fucking way. Deal deal they shake hands like they shake hands at a real cartoonist right you got yourself a deal baby i'm happy cut to tarv it's

working customer service desk um hi hello um i would like to return this uh nespresso maker um it just seems to be a little broken and on the first use it was just out of the box so could i get i get it you're not happy with the espresso maker yeah with the espresso maker it's just um or should i say the espresso maker didn't make you as happy as you thought let me come home with you yeah no no oh my god which one's your car? No, no, no. God, get away. No. I'll come home with you. I love you. I cheated our last segment. You were punching someone at a bar.

I'll come home with you. I'm sorry? I'll come home with you. No, I'll do it. I'll do it. Don't worry about it. I'll come home with you. I would have been interested

if you had just talked to me normally, but I don't like the assumption that you're in my favor. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. You want me to come home with you and i'll we'll clear things we'll clear things up yeah i'm gonna close out this person's being crazy we're gonna close out and go home and go home not together together we'll both separately go in the same car you're not kidding you're not all right can we do our last segment? Let's do it. This should be all week long.

I got one. This is big. It's big. It's been shaking me. Not all week long, but for a couple of months, to be honest. Holy shit. It's shaken me. I'm nervous right now. Do I know about this?

And I'm just going to go out and say it. Jeff, I forgot to wish you happy birthday. Oh. I forgot to wish you happy birthday. Oh my God. So what? And I felt a lot of shame. I missed the day.

The day passed. It was around Thanksgiving. And it was like I was home and it was and then I saw on Instagram the day after your birthday George posted about how he purposefully missed your birthday as a joke and and I thought man that's so brilliant but I don't have that I can't just be like hey I missed your birthday not as a joke I didn't plan to do it I just missed it and I felt a lot of shame

and and then I just like I I just I just froze and I thought it was

You froze for like a couple seconds and then No this is like he finally thought out today So like the next story and then and then you know the shame got to? So like the next story and then, you know, the shame got to me. I didn't say anything about it.

And I would like to wish you a very, very happy birthday. Right. See, what just happened was that you tried to say something that would make me happy and like relive the moment of my birthday. But actually what you did in effect was make me feel bad that you felt shame for 60 days. Like I feel sorry that I even had the birthday,

let alone that you caught wind of it. That you caught wind of my birthday. I can see how that may have backfired. Oh shit, Daniel found out that I had a birthday. I'm so sorry. Did you come up with that today I thought about it yesterday when I was like I'm gonna be going on

I haven't wished Jeff a happy birthday this is perfect this is perfect I can do it on air well thank you I appreciate it oh my god

I feel bad that Daniel caught wind of my birthday just the fact that it was this year. Is it tough to have a birthday around Thanksgiving? Growing up, it was great because I got time off from school, usually, around it. Nowadays, it is a little bit of, it's tough because, like, just travel. Yeah, nobody's in town if I'm in town or I'm home. And, you know, the people that I would also want to celebrate it with aren't in cleveland obviously so um but i'm not a big birthday guy anyways so sometimes i like

the fact that it's gosh you throw up out of relief thank god um but in some ways i like that thanksgiving kind of overshadows it in some ways because you're not big on it yeah um but thank you you're welcome your birthday is in five months right my god jeff you don't know when my birthday is oh my god you didn't know what mine was it's in april end of april four months i wasn't wrong yeah three months. I wasn't wrong. Yeah. Three months. I wasn't right. Yeah. What's been shaking me is Zabar's gourmet grocery. Gourmet grocery.

Gourmet. That's when you grow romaine. I went to Zabar's over the weekend. I went to the Natural History Museum to see an exhibit on sharks. I learned that only 10 people die of shark attacks every year compared to a million die of mosquito bites. So I think we're going to be just fine in the old Pacific this summer. That's crazy. Yeah. And then I went from there to Zabar's to have a second cup.

And my God, Ruthie Bean's good. You're crazy ass. I know. A little bit of Rue, a little bit of vodka cup and my god, you're crazy ass. A little bit of vodka. Oh my god, so good. I can't wait to live there. In Zabar's? Thank you for saying it like that. Because even that thought makes me smile. No, it was just a question.

I got a shirt and Have you gotten a mug? I'm gonna go back on Saturday, I think, and I'm gonna get the hat. The Zabar's mugs i'm gonna get the hat the zay bars mugs i mean you guys have to but the mugs are quality mugs like a solid like good classic mug it's gonna hold your liquid we got one yep yeah yeah i love it it's really i can't wait to see it again in person my mom got one uh because ronnie's mom got a little Zabar's basket for my family one year when Riley was there. And my mom exclusively uses that mug.

And now my dad knows to like, not put that mug in the dishwasher, but to like make sure it's hand washed so she can use it the next day. So sweet. Yeah. Well, maybe I'll send you a Zabar's gift basket on your birthday and one to me just to eat.

You're going to buy it online, not even pick it up from the store so you can wait a couple days to have the anticipation built yeah what's been shaking me is mario party i love mario party i would i could play it every night if if i could like i fucking love it well the issue being you need other people for it right exactly that's why it's like if i could she's on her own having a party i love mario party it's the best game and for christmas i got for daniel elizabeth and i um the latest mario party for switch um yeah and then uh our friend uh jay lee came over the other night and we played the newest, newest Mario Party. And so it's like, it's just been a ball. What's been shaking me about it is that Daniel plays really fucking dirty.

The past two times we've played, Daniel just, he just has a slow game. He'll just rank up a shit ton of coins. He'll have like over 100 coins and then when he builds up that many then he starts stealing stars from people yeah i just get that that i got with my hard-earned coins blood it's it's horrible and then it's like we've just played like like uh it'd be me daniel elizabeth and then our friend josh and then and then jay it was the two times we played this past like two weeks and both times daniel has fucking stolen stars and we've all just had like an alliance

against daniel but then also what's shaking me is that because elizabeth is so competitive i'm competitive too but not as competitive as she is and she's just me quite possibly the most competitive person that i know she needs to win j. And so whenever she wasn't winning the past two games, it's like she's been in last, but then she won the first game we played. But she'll say... And not the second. I won the second, for the record.

Yes, because you stole stars. Yeah. But her thing that's been shaking me that she says that I think is one of the funniest things I've ever heard, and I want her to tweet it, but she won't, is just... Well, the loser's the winner is just well the loser is the

winner so the loser is the winner and she only says that when she's losing and then she starts winning and then she's like see the loser is the winner see the loser is the winner the loser is the winner so you can't just say it with a different cadence and change its meaning so the loser is the winner but yeah mario party is just it's just a good time so the loser's the winner uh daniel really playing dirty in it and i love i mean like my what's everyone's go-to mario character mine's always yoshi but we played with jay's uh new one they had burdo as an option and i just think she is a vision so it's either it's either yo it's usually yoshi and if not yoshi then birdo i like fucking

with uh toad although i liked playing as donkey kong the other night because he just fucking he's a big motherfucker and then i also loved like the like like the mentally unstable characters like waluigi and and wario like those guys they annoy the shit out of me i don't know why you like playing with them because they're crazy they go crazy what about you mefri yoshi for sure but everybody always wants yoshi so sometimes i'll do a donkey kong sometimes i'll do a luigi i could fuck with a luigi elizabeth played as luigi the last time we played and she was losing really bad for a bit and it's like you know everyone has their catchphrase so luigi was like it's luigi time and she just like was dead pictures like yeah it's luigi time it is it is time it is time check your watch

like catchphrase is just like so yeah i love mario i love mario party i i had the thought the other day i'm like maybe i'll play a game but then i'm like no playing 10 rounds of mario party with me against three computers is so bleak that's pretty dark pretty bleak so yeah daniel plugs what are you working on what are you social media what do you want to point people to? Okay, you can go. My social media is just my name, Daniel Rashid, on Instagram. Daniel S. Rashid on Twitter. I put a short film out in December. It's called Almost Winter.

It's on my Instagram right now if you check it out. That is the latest thing that I put out there that I'm proud about. And Riley and I are working on a short film right now that we'll hopefully put out in the coming months. So, yeah. Hell yeah. And also then what are you working on like emotionally? Oh my God.

Self-compassion. This is the year of self-compassion for me. It's going to be a long journey. And that is an honest answer. Great. You wanted a joke answer and I gave you an honest answer. I did want a joke answer,

but I'm here for it. And you can follow Riley on Instagram at RileyAnspa on Twitter at RileyCoyote and the show on Instagram at ReviewReview and on Reddit r slash ReviewReview. You can find Jeff on Instagram at JeffreyJames and on Twitter at JeffBoyardee.

Daniel, thank you so much for coming on. It's great to have a colleague come and like, you know, one who I haven't seen in a long time. It was great to meet you guys it was so it was so it was just so great it's like you know god we need to do this more often um catch up what's that you catch up every day you catch up on the hour every minute hey what, what have you been up to? Sitting. This. We've been having dinner for an hour.

Jeff, should we thank some VI patrons? Yeah, let's do it. Daniel, feel free to stick around if you want. If not, thanks so much for doing the show. We're going to thank some VI podcats. Thank you for having me. Thank you for the VI podcats. Y'all are awesome.

Yeah. Thank you for them. Thank you for them. Thank you for them. Okay, goodbye now. Goodbye. See ya. Thank you to underscore Christian Sidehugs to avoid scorn from significant others.

Aaron. Agent Michael Scarn. Aggie. Ako has thrown away the sick. She took a drag and started coughing like a little bitch. It's cold and she wants to go home. Alex Witt. And yeah, so like I guess what I'm saying is Patreon should tell people

that their name is above 100 characters so that they don't embed. And now patron he's no introduction, so moving on. Austin not like Texas TV, aka Butt Butt McFart and I'm still down to write the sing T-T-P-R-G for Riley and Jeff, but there's a twist.

Bob Buell's the name and Buelling is his game. Butt chugging Jeff's tears for the lols. Cam has accepted that he can never see an animated wolf the same way because of Riley. I mean come on man what was that? For those of you who don't know on our God

you really do want to be joined in this Patreon stream because we talked about how hot the wolf voiced by Bobby Cannavale is in Sing 2. Anyway. Chuck. Clough. Connor Finnegan, or as I call him, Connor King of Sting. Nobody's safe. Cullen.

Daddy Tuesday night is truly daddy status now. Fancy octopus. For lack of a better beef, corn. Freya. Frito, pray love. Gale de Soil Esquire. Good morning and look at the valedictorian. Scared of the future while I hop in the DeLorean.

Gray, his legal name for 2022. You're dropping your articles. Greg Berg 8 and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. You're dropping your articles. Greg Berg 8 and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. You're dropping your articles. Hey, Jeff, could you please have anyone from Hey Riddle Riddle on the HeadGum Podcast, please? I literally only subscribed to force Jeff and Riley to say trans rights, XOXO. I write reviews, not tragedies. Is anyone else concerned about golf?

Jake Ullman. Jameson Poncia has quit teaching and is opening a food truck on the Canadian Gulf Islands actually If that's true that's sick Yeah good luck Jesse Dibbs You know how hard the Canadian Gulf Islands market is Jesse Dibbs JP again

Tazardi or not Tazardi is that even a question? Caleb googled hard words to pronounce so Colonel Rural Squirrel is honestly Daz Casper Lauren Malang Lil Dump Lord Hunter the Ordained Maggie Malik

Mark Camel So it's Mark Hamill But he's a camel Mark Priest Mo What's the crafty situation looking like? Pete Michael Begel

Mona Morakel is TikTok Tell your friends Mo, what's the crafty situation looking like? Pete. Michael Begel. Mona Morakel is TikTok. Tell your friends. Mushy Lasagna knows what Jeff did and is gonna tell the world. My hoodie has finally arrived. I can forego my plans to kidnap Jeff and chain him in my basement. My resolutions are to be more resolute and thicker. New year, new rear.

Nate Porteous got boosted boosted. That's when you get a shot of moderna while in a high chair nolan murphy's a shit bird and that's not even his patreon name that's just what i call him orange you glad it isn't hallie pete bradford submitted a cool theme song we will totally use someday phoebe president-elect john daniels quack riley sorry riley say jack rules and laura sucks drools right man robert fridge sarah kilduff sirasm took convicted to fifer slick ricky is happy and healthy in sydney love you guys this is getting old. Go read a book, not a bunch of names. Puff. Signs off. TJ Michael.

Widow, Evan, Quark, Wemwer. www.jeffreyjames.com was taken.com was taken.com Oh, Yara Bouchard. And Yasmin David. So thanks so much for subscribing to our Patreon. It's patreon.com

forward slash Riley and Jeff if you want access to nonsense on live streams and VIPs and Zoom parties etc but if not we'll

see you guys again next week thanks so much for listening to this episode of Review Review we'll see you guys again next Tuesday

Arrivederci that was a hit gum original oh we should switch to that switch cheat up yeah I don't know