Review Revue - Sleepytime Tea

Episode Date: May 10, 2022

Geoff and Reilly read reviews on Sleepytime Tea while visiting walking in their brother's shadow and chatting with their therapist.  Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjames Twitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardee <><> Produced by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fm  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. And participating restaurants for a limited time. This is a HeadGum Original. When Jeff was a young boy

His father sold him into the circus To become a carny He said, Son, you're a failure a disgrace but maybe in this circus you'll learn to make me proud

Jeffrey's bedpan, he is there and slowly became a different person. His mind had gone insane. When he finally came out, he viewed the world as one big giant party. He called the Jeffery Looking for some employment Jeff had thought out had come

The only place a fool could last for long But working there, Jeff couldn't help feel something missing What Jeff needed was a partner in crime He met a spy, he met a spy And though she was in his condition Together they made a podcast, made a podcast A vehicle for his delusions A place where he could have it all, could have it all

Pretend to be someone that he's not Well-re-expected. Who is? So full voice. I just really love it. I mean, that said that. Who is? So full voice. I just really love it. I mean, that was incredible. With every submission like that that comes in, it's one thing for us to listen to because it's like, oh, these are so silly. These are songs, parodies about us and about our show and all the lore of our comedy.

If it's just like you're driving to work and you're it's just like imagining your windows down yeah blasting like when jeff was a young boy sold him into the circus what are you talking about? What are you talking about? It's brilliant. Who is that from? That was from Lorne Mintz. Michael? No, I wish.

Lorne Mintz. He made the theme song for our 100th episode, he sang. He really didn't mince anything. Didn't mince anything. Well, thank you so much. What episode is this? I had a sore throat this morning. This is episode 137.

Damn. I have a sore throat, and so I got tested, and it's not COVID. That's great. What is it then? Dehydration. I've been drinking like a camel. I've been drinking. I've been drinking.

Are you drunk? We should say it's like 9.50am it's 9.50 I'm still in my PJs I'm drinking out of a mug with my face on it and what are you drinking I'm drinking a fefe I'm sorry I'm drinking

Kahlua no I'm drinking coffee cause it's it's a little early guy. Daniel had to get up. Daniel had to be at a doctor's office at 7am this morning. So that's why I was running a little late to recording this morning. Alright, what kind of doctor? What?

What kind of doctor? You can say it's the urologist. It's not! Alright! Alright, I'm just positing. Okay, cut the shit. What doctor? Enough It's not. All right. All right. I'm just positing. The energy of... Oh, okay. Cut the shit. What doctor? Enough with the cagey-ness.

Let's see what doctor it was. To go to that place immediately. Three, two, one. Let's say it at the same time. Urologist. So that's why we were supposed to go record at 930, and it's a couple minutes later, but I was sleepy. Yeah.

But Jeffrey, what's new with thee? We do this show every week and nothing changes in my life. Like I wish I had more to report. Well, you texted me this morning that you almost had a change in your life and then that was not to be. Yeah, I almost got a foster cat and didn't because I couldn't take him the day that they wanted to give him to me. Yeah. But maybe next week. Or the week after that.

I'm on like four different Foster email lists. That's great. I'm just trying to get a fucking guy. You just want a little buddy to test out to see if you want a permanent buddy. No, no, no. Yeah, test is the right word because I want to test out to see if you want a permanent buddy. No, no, no. Yeah, test is the right word because I want to test him. I want to see, like, can he take the heat? And how would that look like?

How much socialization? How much socialization can he handle? How many treats can he have before he throws up? Okay. How many days with a red laser? So you're going to overwhelm him with people and food to the point where he just implodes. Well, when you put it like that,

it sounds awesome. No. So you almost got a foster cat. I almost got a cat. What's new with you? The world is on fire. As we know it. No, last night was the Met Gala. What a shift.

What a shift from the Met Gala to the Supreme Court really, really tried so hard to take away human rights, human health care rights. Yeah. But I'm very grateful to be doing this because I've just been doom scrolling for truly the past uh however long since that news broke and so um i'm very grateful to be doing this um but what's new this was gonna be my what shook me but honestly since we're here the coffee i'm drinking i've leveled up my coffee game because just having the drip coffee with a splash of oat milk in the morning i'm like what that's what come on that's pussy shit no i wouldn't say necessarily that's pussy shit i wouldn't necessarily say sorry i was hanging out with some guys over the weekend some new guys i don't know you shouldn't hang out with those people anymore i just they seem awesome

um you should have oh my. You would have loved Frankie. I don't think I would have. He was so funny. He was so misogynistic. You would have loved him. I have been putting, and it's not rare for me to put a little bit of cinnamon in the coffee. But the other day, I just thought, what if I put cinnamon and like half a teaspoon of of cocoa powder in there and and that made all the difference it's just divine it's Adam divine and it's Adam divine it really is Adam

divine and so that's been it's been a treat uh for me and so that I'm having that out of a mug that my sister made for Daniel of me holding up a photo of Al Pacino next to myself. And it's uncanny. And so whenever I'm out of town, Daniel drinks his tea out of this mug with my face on it. Speaking of tea. Holy shit. That's the tea. The real tea is the tea we're spilling today. Which is? Sleepy time tea. Sleepy time tea. And that's the sleepy time tea. The real tea is the tea we're spilling today. Which is?

Sleepy time tea. Sleepy time tea. And that's the sleepy time tea. Yeah. And that's the sleepy time tea. Which is gossip you spew after 10 p.m. And it's nothing that gets you excited. It's just kind of like nice facts that you learn about your loved ones that kind of sends you off into dreamland

and or it's really exciting but you can't like you're so tired that it's like if i was if you told me this at 4 p.m i would be freaking out but i'm just so fucking tired yeah that's like you want to know more but it's like my god my eyelids are they're just so heavy let's talk about it in the morning but that's crazy. Wait, no, no, no. I really want to hear the rest of this. I need to go to bed. I have an early morning. Sleepy time tea. Aren't they run by a cult? Are they? I think Celestial is definitely a cult. Celestial tea cult. Oh my god.

Yeah, there's like a religion. Celestial tea cult. Oh my god. Yeah, there's like a religion. Yeah. I didn't know about this. I heard about this the other week. I don't know enough about it to make a bit about it on here, but I I'm curious. I'm really curious.

Yeah, the company was founded in 1969 by several Colorado hikers who discovered that the Rocky Mountains were full of aromatic herbs that made delicious tea. Fine so far. The group was led by Mo Siegel, who would go on to be the face of the company. Siegel was already a well-known herbalist in Boulder at the time. Besides enthusiasm for tea, Mo Siegel was also an avid believer in a New Age Bible called the Urantia Book. Woo!

It's inspired by the Seventh Day Adventist movement. Except that it was supposedly communicated to an unknown man possessed and put into a trance by aliens. Got it. Hmm. So Sleepy Time T. So Sleepy Time T. That's...

That's the Sleepy Time T. That's the Sleepy Time T. That's the Sleepy Time T. Have you ever had Sleepy Time Tea. So Sleepy Time Tea. That's. That's the Sleepy Time Tea. That's the Sleepy Time Tea. And that's the Sleepy Time Tea. Have you ever had Sleepy Time Tea? I've had Sleepy Time Tea from Sleepy Time to Sleepy Time. It's fine. Isn't it just chamomile? I think it's chamomile plus other stuff.

With a twist. It's chamomile plus other stuff. With a twist. It's chamomile with a twist. I mean, at least the ones that I was like, I might have been Sleepy Time Max, and it was like... Hold on, what was in it? Sleepy Time Tea. Max, does that just have more of everything? It has... Sleepy Time Extra. Sleepy Time Max. thing it has uh sleep or sleeping time extra max um valerian valerian valerian oh valerian valerian root yeah um valerian steel from game of thrones i like yeah just like sleepy to the max

like no you're supposed to be winding down i'm sleepy to the max um Sleepy to the max. No, you're supposed to be winding down. I'm sleepy to the max. Daniel, like, I'm like, Daniel, how would you describe me? Like in one word, and he just goes sleepy or nervous. Those are the two words I would use to describe you. Because if I'm not nervous and I'm sleepy, sometimes I'm both. Yeah. The only time you're not nervous is when you're tired enough to not be nervous.

Yes, exactly. But at the same time there's always a low level a low hum of anxiety um so but i i have never had this brand of sleepy time tea i mean it's like i will have a camomile and that will be yeah that's my thing any tea is without caffeine is sleepy time it's sleepy time because And this is in the reviews, too. I mean, I guess other than the valerian root, which I guess it does put you to sleep, maybe. But I think it's more of just the ritual of winding down, pouring a hot drink. Yeah. For me, I'll pop a melatonin.

I fucking love a melatonin um because i will wake up a lot in the night so maybe this sleepy time tea is for me um no i love my chamomile um but but so you have had have you you've had this sleepy time tea with the bear and all yeah it's fine again it's no i think it's no different than any other caffeine-fruited tea. I don't think it makes you sleepy at all. But maybe I gotta give it a try. Well, you also don't go to bed until like 3 in the morning. Right.

So I'm already tired and I don't need tea. Yeah. And that's the tea. I'm back with sleepy time tea. Do you want to start us off with our first review? I would love to. I mean, I, God, there were so many. I have like at least eight screenshots on my computer.

Okay. These are all for sleepy time extra, or as I like to call it, sleepy time to the max. This is from Rose L. Rose Long. Rose Long. Five stars. The title is Great Tea. Came way earlier than expected, and my sister really needed it.

Awesome. Thank you. Oh, my God. Hey, Jeremy? Yeah, what's up? Don't ever call my therapist. What? Oh, what's up? Don't ever call my therapist. What?

Oh, my God. No. I know you're my brother, but you don't know what's best for me. I love you, Tyler. I'm trying to help you, man. That's why I called Rebecca, right? That's why I called her, because it's just like, you got to bump up to two sessions a week, my man. Yeah, that's not I call it or because it's just like oh you gotta bump up to two sessions a week my man yeah that's not your call to make also I'm doing fine uh I can't afford twice a week so

that's out of the picture out of the question have you tried better help I have a therapist okay this is my therapist you called Rebecca you know that I have a therapist I know no I'm just saying it's like better help is like pretty affordable. And that was my whole thing. But it doesn't matter. I'm looking out for you. I'm looking out for your best interest. It just doesn't feel that way. It feels like you're trying to control me.

But whatever. I'm just going to have to go to work. And there's an outfit laid out for me on the bed. What the fuck? Well, listen, man. You dress like you're a winter, but you are a cool summer. You are a cool summer. It is winter.

So I need a jacket and I'm not going to wear shorts. So you laid out a bad outfit. Some people think that summer and winter are color palettes. I think they're whole vibes. I think dress for the season you want, not the season you're in. That's not smart

I'm gonna put on a different outfit also just by the way I call before you get to work and you're gonna be mad at me or whatever I did call your manager and I had them move cubicles for you because there's no way you had been talking to

Taylor next to you and that like that had been really distracting you from your work. Taylor's my best friend at work. Right. And so they said that you guys are a couple of chatty Cathy's. So to help your productivity, I had them move you to like the full far, far, far, far side of the office. I don't care about productivity because I don't like my job. I work in ad sales.

So I want to hang out with my friend. And if I'm not productive, they can fire me. I'll move to another company they said that they were going to fire you they did say that they were going to fire you but I helped you because I know how much money you're making in this job they told you?

they told you my salary? yeah well I asked oh that's people trust you way too much. I'm... I'm just... Well, because I know I have everyone's best interest at heart.

Can you just, like, go in the other room? I'm going to call Lisa. Okay. Hey, babe. Hello? Oh. Yeah, everything's fine. Sorry, that's a weird thing to say.

I just... I'm frazzled. Everything's fine. Jeremy's here. Well, now I'm thinking that everything's not fine when you call me and the first thing you say is everything's fine. Did you get in an accident? What happened?

No, everything's fine. No, I'm at home still, but like Jeremy came over and he called my therapist. He laid out an outfit for me on the bed and he called my work and they moved my cubicle. So I just, I don't know. I just need to vent, I guess. I'm sorry to call you. I know. No, no, it's okay.

Because actually he gave me a little ring-a-ding-ding. What? And my answer is yes. There's no way. He said that you were finally ready to propose. I'm not. I love you, but I am not. And this is a bad proposal.

If that's how you... What are you going to say say we get married and then you're gonna say how did oh how did he pop the question uh he didn't his brother called me well yeah that's what i had been writing i'm restarting the vows early i don't think there's anything wrong with that that your brother was helping us in our love story i literally have in the vows that it's like, Jeremy is the author of our incredible love story. That's not how I would describe it. We've had an entire relationship up until recently where he came into a lot of NFT money and has now just decided to put all his time and passion into me.

He loves you. Don't you get it? We all love you, Tyler. We want what's best for you get it? We all love you, Tyler. We want what's best for you. And I'm sorry if you can't see. Is that Lisa? Is that Lisa? Dude! Oh my god, please tell him I love him.

Please tell him thank you for everything because he really, I mean, the foresight he has is just amazing. He just doesn't have a job. If you get in, well, it's because he knows he doesn't have a job. I don't even have a choice, I guess. But fine. Cut to work. That's funny zip code over there, man?

That's funny. I love you, man. My brother moved my cubicle, so I'm over here now. Your brother made you move? Oh, that's actually a dope idea. I think we had been pretty chatty Cathy's in this corner. Did he call you? You know what?

It's like he went to voicemail. I'm going to move. I'm going to move to get away from him. So he doesn't know who's in my life because he just ruined my friendship with you. But now my number, even in just the five minutes that your desk has been moved, my quarterly numbers are skyrocketing, brother. Who cares? Who cares? The boss comes out.

Tyler, can I see you in my office? Yeah, of course, Mr. Federer. What's up? Listen, Tyler, your brother called me and said that we should move your cubicle. Yeah, no, I'm sorry about that. I really, I don't know what got into him. No, no, no, no. You're promoted.

What? $250,000 starting salary. You're going to be one rung below the executive suite Why? I Your brother I think you need to take more of his advice If you keep taking his advice

$250,000 This is Okay, this is amazing Thank you so much, sir Walks back out Did you get fired or what? Hired I got more hired You got more hired yeah oh my god dude oh

were you big cheese you're my boss now what's going on i actually am oh that's not cool really yeah then we're equals i can also promote you, I think. Oh, that's cool. That's cool. It's actually awesome. You won't listen to your brother's incredible advice, who's changing your life for the better with every phone call he makes. What about him?

But I tell you that something's not cool, and you'll give up a promotion? I would quit, yeah. I would ever think. What are we? Dating, I hope. Does Lisa know that lisa my brother proposed to her for me congratulations no i don't want it i don't want it i'm like why don't i want to marry her because i should have asked you've been together 14 years. Yeah. It's just, I kept being like, I need more time.

Yeah. That's cool. But with you, it feels easy. That's cool, too. That's cool. I want a promotion. And do you want a drink? It's 9 a.m.

I mean this weekend. Saturday, maybe. That could be cool. Yeah, it could be cool. Do you want a drink? Yeah. Unless it's not cool. That's not cool. That's not cool.

That sucks. That's awesome. I don't know what the day is. Because I woke up today and my life was completely different than what it is now That's cool I'm also your I'm your boss Not cool

So I think you're going to get a drink with me Not cool Damn it What is this? Jeremy calls what I'm looking at you guys I'm across the street I'm looking through the window and I was wrong

about Lisa I was wrong about everything what car is that where's my Honda Pilot? It doesn't matter. It wasn't good for you. You know who is good for you? Taylor. That's what I'm trying

to make happen. Oh, let me give him a call. No! Don't do things for me. Five minutes later. So, I just got off the phone with your brother kidding me and no i think we should go get a drink this week all right let's do it because i want it but this sucks that it was because of him whatever even now you have everything you ever wanted and you're mad yeah but it's because of Jeremy, not me. He put $1,000 into crypto, and now he's a millionaire.

I put $1,000 into an ETF fund, and it's tanked somehow. I lost everything. That's supposed to be the surest bet with the stocks. I've never even heard of that. That's awesome. No, that's awesome. I think it's cool to make mistakes. too me too no that's both of us because we think the same thing all right let's take a quick break we'll thank some sponsors and be right back And we're back.

This is a five-star review from... They don't have a name. Do you want to give them a first and last? Mickey... Mickey... Shirk. Mickey Shirk. Mickey Shirk. Five stars.

Nice tea and love the taste. It feels relaxing and I took it before bedtime. Can sleep well. But the best way to make this tea is a bag in a small flask with hot boiling water. It tastes better than just in a cup. Dear friend, do try. I can ensure you will not regret. Dear friend, do try.

Break room. Whoa, Jesus. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, hey, hey, hey. It's not alcohol. It's tea. Why is it in a flask? I'm telling you guys.

Hey. Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, no way. Hey, no, no. Come on, no. Dude, put that out. Come on, man.

Come on. You're a dear friend, Brandon. Right? Come on, Brandon. I can ensure You're a dear friend, Brandon. Right? Come on, Brandon. I can ensure you, you will not regret it. I brought one for you. Put something in this. I'll put something.

Dude, come on. We're on a break. The boss can walk by any minute. I don't want him seeing me with a flask at work at 10 in the morning. But you got nothing to hide. It's tea. Let me sniff yours. I didn't take you for like a berry tea, man.

I thought you were always more of an herbal or citrus guy. There's a lot of things that I thought I was that turns out I'm not. What do you mean? Elizabeth is gone. Oh, shit. She left in the night for her personal trainer. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

Cheers. Cheers. Hold on. Wait. I got to find something to put in this. Flat Dr. Pepper from the work fridge. Put it in there. Put that in there.

Get that in there. Yeah, there we go. There we go. Yeah. All right. Cheers. Try a sip Get that in there. There we go. There we go. Yeah. All right. Cheers. Try a sip of that. Dear friends.

Dear friends. What do you think? What do you think? I mean, listen. It makes me feel fancy. It makes me feel like I'm an outlaw in the Wild West. I'm in a salute. Doesn't it make you feel like every problem is gone to drink a non-alcoholic

beverage from a flask really does make me feel like every problem is is kablamo it's done i mean listen all morning i've been thinking about how my daughter she left for college last week and now she's saying oh dad now that we i don't have to see you every day, I don't need to talk to you as much. And that's been weighing really hard on me, but I got one sip of this bad boy, and oh, Francesca who? Francesca who?

Nah, she's having a good time at Rutgers. I'll let her enjoy her fun. Yeah, I'm being audited. I'm being audited. No! Yeah, and I have flubbed some tax documents. Oh, come on, Brandon. But watch this. Oh, oh no.

IRS at my door. Drink it. Yeah. Bliss. Absolute bliss! Oh my god! It's like you've got no money, no problem. No worries.

If you have a flask. Oh, sing it, my man. Don't even put liquor inside the flask. Right? That's what I'm saying. Hold on. I gotta get another sip. I feel like the more I have from this, the fewer problems.

What else are you dealing with? Oh, my God. I'm going to have to put my dog down this week because she is, I mean, my God, she's got one foot on the other side. And every day is just insurmountable pain for her and her little tiny body. And so, of course, you know, Margaret and I were thinking, we've had her for 16 years. Is that, you know, three years too long? Is that more fun for us than it is for her?

It's not fair to her. But, you know, she's my best little buddy. And come Friday, she'll be no more. But you know what's going to be no more? Is the pain in my heart after I have a sip of this room temperature flat Dr. Pepper from a flask. I'm a cat man now. I don't give a shit about my dog. In fact, I'll do it myself.

That's good. that's good. That's good. I'm not taking it in a vet. I got a free weekend. I'll figure it out. Cheers. They work at an emergency room. You can't take breaks this long. One of the other doctors wakes up from the nap on the cot in the break room.

What the hell is going on? Are you guys drinking at work? No. No, we're not. Go back to bed, sleepyhead. I can't. My alarm went off. I have to start my shift.

My boss is always busting my balls. Oh, my God. My alarm went off. I have to start my shift. My boss is always busting my balls. Oh my god. But not with this flask. I can't believe this. Do you want to do your next review? Yes. Okay. This is from Tatiana S. Tatiana

Sleep. Tatiana Sleep. Five stars. The title is great Tatiana S. Tatiana Sleep. Tatiana Sleep. Five stars. The title is great for sleeping problem. The best thing to sleep. I had serious problems. And now the tea makes me sleep so well and I woke up so refreshed. No, I didn't just have like insomnia.

Like I had. It was it was hard. I just, I would kind of like go back to places in my life that I didn't necessarily want to in my dreams. And is that why you're seeking out therapy at this time in your life? That is, that's part of it. But it's either this or tea. So we'll see which one works. I'm going to try both.

It's either this or tea. What's that?'s either this this therapy that you're doing with me or tea you said yeah i narrowed it down to those two things um so we'll see which one works better uh tea would obviously be cheap here but um it is kind of an either or for me i'm more of i'm kind of an either or guy yes you did this actually is the fifth time you've mentioned that in in in the past um 20 minutes i would love to hear mention it or i'm gonna or i'm not yeah and if i do mention you are an either or guy and so do you feel like that comes from your childhood or would you say that developed on later in life of of um there only being a binary there only being two options for you for any given thing. Right. I don't know.

I mean, I think it's, you know, nature versus nurture and all that. I think it was my nature. I've always wanted to be bi-coastal, but it's not possible for me. Yeah, you can't be in two places at once. Yeah. No, no, no. But, like, I can't even split my time. It has to be East Coast, Beast Coast, or West Coast, Best Coast.

Write that down. You didn't write that one down. It's okay. I've been doing this for a long time. I know what notes I need to take. So you're similar. You're going to do it if you're going to do it. You're either going to be a therapist or not.

Decisions are hard for me. Decisions are hard for me. Decisions are hard for you. So when you give yourself only these two options, Benjamin, do you find yourself kind of paralyzed by the choice and you end up choosing nothing or choosing, I don't know, tea? Sorry, I was thinking about I'm getting a haircut after this okay that's exciting something to look forward to i'm either gonna not get it cut at all or i was gonna shave my head so i'm trying to figure that out okay so i think it seems like you are not only an either or man you are a man of extremes would i be would i be right in assuming that? That's good.

I like the sound of that. Okay. Well, I think we can maybe... What if they called me Ultra? What if who called you Ultra? Forget it. No, let's go down this path. What if... No, you're either going to call me Ultra or you're not.

Like, forget it. I'm... Benjamin, I'm so sorry. If you want me to call you you already just called me Benjamin so for yeah I guess that's what it is um so it's either Benjamin or Ultra yes okay

okay listen I'm on your side just tell me what you'd like to be called Benjamin I've decided on Benjamin great Benjamin I think over the next couple of weeks, months, years even, if this is something that you choose to do, I, in my professional opinion, and I have been a therapist for upwards of 25 years, in my professional opinion, I think that you should continue down the path of weekly therapy instead of drinking tea.

I think that I will offer you many more solutions on how to balance out your life and your choices a bit more, help you find places of ease and not extremes. And I think if you resort to just tea, you will be just drinking tea. And I think it's more of a band-aid than a lasting solution because it is just a beverage. It's interesting you bring up Band-Aids because I actually was chopping some celery last night. Oh, you cook? That's fun. I mostly do crudités.

Everything else I order in. Sorry. No. Why? Well, you don't need to apologize. I was thinking about the haircut again. I think I should just leave it. I think right now you don't need to worry about the haircut.

So you were saying you make crudités. So I was cutting and I cut my thumb a little bit. Ouch. That's not fun. And then I was like, band-aid or not. Which one do you think I chose? I think you chose band-aid. Correct.

That's wonderful. I think it's smart when you have a cut to put a band-aid on it. So you like the dualistic thinking? Because you just said wonderful. I said wonderful to the fact that you put a band-aid on your finger. You either love it or you don't. You either love it or you don't. Three, two, one, you love it.

No, see, and this is where I feel like I'm going to help you. Because I don't feel like anything needs to be an either or. You can love it. You and this is where this is where i feel like i'm gonna help you because i don't feel like anything needs to begin either or you can love it you can also feel okay about it you can feel apathy towards there are so many things and i know that can be overwhelming when you're faced with the paradox of choice right i'm feeling more comfortable with you so i just can we talk about my love life for a second absolutely absolutely, this is our first session. You lead us wherever you want to go, Benjamin. It never goes well. It never goes well. Alright? Do you think it's because

you approach it with like either we're going to be together or forever and get married or this is never going to happen or something else? Who'd you talk to? I'm talking to you. Nobody called you? You called me to schedule an appointment, but other than that I don't believe I know anyone to you. Nobody called you? You called me to schedule an appointment, but other than that,

I don't believe I know anyone. Then how did you know? Because I don't ask people on dates. I ask people to be my mate. So in dating, you tend to go to one end of the extreme. Cut to him at a coffee shop.

Order for Benjamin? Two people reach for it at the same time. Oh, that's me. Oh, sorry. Sorry, I had headphones on. I totally thought they'd As he's saying that with his eyes closed, he opens them up and I'm already

on one knee with a ring. What do you say? say no i don't know who you are is this performance art if so okay so you just have an engagement ring on hand at all times yeah normally okay i think maybe we could leave that at home i think maybe leave the ring at home and i think maybe we could leave that at home. I think maybe leave the ring at home. And I think maybe go on a dating app just for fun, just to casual dating. So you see that doesn't have to be either or. It doesn't need to be so serious, right? Cut to him on a dating app.

He's like learning that swiping left and right is liking them or not. I love this. Best thing that ever happened to him. He invents Raya. All right. Do we have time for one more? If you got time, I got time. This is another one who doesn't have a name.

First and last. Oh, my God. That's going to have, honestly, at the end of the day it's gonna have to be olivia rodrigo olivia rodrigo one star oh shit tastes like hand cream you're in willy wonka's chocolate factory okay and now we enter the next room and oh here we go we got the first taste test of the day comes out in a little tray now who can guess what this little gumball has in

store I want it now grabs it oh oh you might okay well here we go this is the moral of the story greedy little boys get greedy little gumballs. What is this?

Raid bug spray. He passes out. Dude, you killed him. I now, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. I didn't do anything. That greedy little bugger got what that greedy little bug deserved. And that was a mouth of bug-raised-

I'm calling the authorities. You killed a child. Let's move on to the next room, shall we? Next room. Oh, and what do you know? The wallpaper might taste like something familiar, but we have to have some protocol before anyone just rushes. Oh, please, can I lick it?

Listen, you're going to be the judge of that, are you or won't you? Do you? Okay. Whoa! What is this? What is this? For the little girl that's hot to trot, on her mouth, she'll taste icy hot. What is this? What is this? For the little girl that's hot to trot,

on her mouth, she'll taste icy hot. The wallpaper is icy hot. You also can't ingest that, she passes out. Dude, you killed like two kids already. I haven't done a thing. They run in, and they are just greedy little monsters who take bites. You're a Charles Manson type. Everything. He still went to jail.

He didn't kill anybody, but he still went to jail. Let's go to the next room. You're bored now? Third room. I'm the only one left. Well, well, well. I know I always knew it was going to be you. Nice.

Pulling out of my pocket. Here are the keys to the entire factory. This is a death trap. I don't want the deed to this place. It's yours. It's yours. I already put it in your name. The paperwork's already done.

Signed, sealed, and delivered. What? The authorities burst through the door. Are you Travis Lanson? Yeah? You're under arrest. No! Willy Wonka's like just shesher grinning.

Twirling his cane. Chocolate bar? So you did have chocolate. What the fuck, man? 77% cacao. That's delicious. That's lovely. I was worried it would be milk chocolate.

All right, should we do our last segment? Yeah. This took me all week long. Aquarium of the Pacific Long Beach, California Daniel and I went That was part of my birthday present to him And what were your thoughts on it? I mean, my god

I hate a zoo but love an aquarium because I know this aquarium and I feel like a lot of aquariums I mean not like SeaWorld or anything but a lot of aquariums are more for research and rehabilitation which is what this one was and I mean holy shit

I was giddy and it was a birthday present for Daniel but getting out of the car I was like we're here he's not into it And it was a birthday present for Daniel, but getting out of the car, I was like, we're here. And, like, I was so. He's not into it. We had so much fun. I mean, it just, like, it was such a ball.

We got to touch jellyfish. We got to touch, like, stingrays. Yeah, a lot of burns on your arm, by the way. A lot of burns. I could have watched the sea lions for hours. There was one who quite literally was read the dog. Um, and it just kept coming up to the, to the glass and like barking at us. Yeah.

Um, and hold on. I'm going to show you a photo of him. It was literally bad. But then there was also another fish while we were looking at these big sharks. This one unicorn fish just kept swimming by and smiling at us and he was like lingering around us for a long time um i loved him but then this sea lion was red for sure um and they're just amazing like we just saw so many. The jellyfish were gorgeous. Yeah. Seahorses are little freaks, and I love them.

They're so strange and beautiful. And there was one seahorse baby that had its tail tied around a piece of seaweed so it wouldn't just start floating away. And then there was also part of it that was like this lorikeet which is a kind of parrot like this little sanctuary for them yeah and you walk in and i guess if you go there early enough in the day they can they sell you little cups of nectar so you can feed them and they can lay on you and stuff yeah um but we that was closed by the time we got there but we because i guess throughout the day people have been spilling nectar on the ground and stuff. There were so many of these orchids on the ground just like tonguing the ground. Just licking the ground for like three minutes straight. And I was crying.

Eating the ground's ass. Eating the ground's ass. So we had the best fucking time. That's cool. It was so much fun. And I want to go there with a group of everyone. It's just like, oh my god, the ocean's incredible. Who was it?

Last night, Daniel goes, we live on Animal Planet. Meaning? Yeah. Just the planet? No, because, oh, I forget how can we were talking about something about animal planet and he's just like we live like we live oh like your your guys's world no like the world is this world is also animal planet and I'm like yeah yeah because the animal planet's based on the world based on it's a narrative miniseries yeah animal planets based on this planet

like a documentary about the fall of we work and it's based on the fall of we work um that's awesome though based on this planet i love fish i love i love fish. Oh, and penguin. I just fucking love animals. Oh my god. Et toi? What has been shaking my... What's been shaking me is shaking knees.

Restless leg syndrome? Yes. My legs have been flailing in the night. No, what has been? It doesn't matter, but let's see. It doesn't matter. Ultimately, it's just another week, so it doesn't matter what I'm doing. Huh, sort of interesting.

So bleak. Yeah, I know. In a way, in a way. Fuck. You know what? I'll just say this and I didn't have anything I thought that if I said that I would have something I don't know if I I don't think I talked about it last week

I think I've only talked about it to you privately but I am Finn a foster cat so excited about that and we'll see I i was supposed to have yoshi but uh it was they said no yeah so um didn't end up getting him and hopefully i get one in the next two weeks because i really want to hang out with a uh a little fucker a little fucker and i think it's

a great idea to foster before adopting because it's like, and we've talked about this, but it's just like, you don't know what the experience of having a live animal in your house that you have to take care of is like until it's there. Yeah. Even last night I went to bed at like one 45 and like was like adjusting and like taking up the whole bed. And I was like,

it would be a little annoying if a cat was like also trying to take up some space on this shit. I mean, even with if a cat was, like, also trying to take up some space on this shit. Mm-hmm. I mean, even with romantic partners, I'll, like... You'll kick them off. To the curb, yeah. Yeah. I mean, we want to start fostering another dog soon.

But it is just, like... I think it's different once the animal is, like, fully integrated into your life. But it's, like, then thinking about about like, okay, what are my plans? Like, what do I have to move around for the next couple of weeks? Yeah. But I think that's very exciting. I'm excited.

Rick to Yoshi. I mean, Yoshi isn't dead, but dead to you. Dead to me and dead to rights. Should we thank some VI podcasts? Speaking of podcasts, let's do it.

Oh, that's good. Thank you to underscore Christian sidehugs Dogs and Cats 2. Aaron Carrico. Agent Michael Scarn realized free Wi-Fi sucks. Oh, sorry. Agent Michael Scarn realized free will sucks and learns he needs strict boundaries in his life. Please tell him what to think.

Ako is waiting on an apology and she's keeping track. 120 episodes without an apology so far. Let's hope that number doesn't grow and it's going to immediately grow right now because it's actually been 137. And now a patron needs no introduction, so moving on. America's sweetheart, Bob Buell, saved 20% off your Baldo. Wait, he changed it. He changed it. Bob Buell can absolutely grant.

Sometimes people change them as we're reading them. That just happened in real time. Really? It's been the same for me. Bob Buell can absolutely grand plie like a beautiful ballerina, and you should try too. Share your results with hashtag grand plie challenge. You also can't put an accent mark on a

hashtag. Chris Supine. So it's Chris Pine, but he's kind of lying face up. Chuck. Connor Finnegan. Not that you care. You only read this because of pages. Curbature. Feet

Bob Buell. Dakota Scott realized they can just skip the meat of the podcast to hear Jeff or O-O-O Riley say their name. That's not the point of it, but sure, if you only want to hear someone say your name, you can. Damien Kirk walked 40 minutes to see

Sonic 2 on Sunday. Next time, do you think he should just stay home and try fucking instead? Jesus. Edward Snowdenny's Super Slam is back for a limited time. Fancy Octopus. Freya. Frito Prey Love.

Garf Enemy of the Pod. There are a lot of ways you can win. Kale DeSoil drinking sauce on the reg. Gilk Jonic. Gray Power Fusion Speed. No. Finally, his cool new names are back. Grumble Bumble Pump.

Hallie the Horribly Awesome is Grey's twin. Happy birthday, Jeff. It's not. Use code Jeff for 20% off your Baldo purchase. Happy birthday, Jeff. Use code Jeff for 20% off your Baldo purchase. Happy birthday, Jeff. Use code Jeff for 20% off

your Baldo purchase. Hey, Jeff, could you have anyone from Hey Riddle Riddle on the HeadGum podcast, please? Jay Goldman. James Wagner is the new embals- No. The new embaldositer, and he's getting paid and, well, laid. Jay still can't reliably translate PT to GMT, but that's fine, I guess. Eight hours.

Jesse Tipton. JP again. Real talk. Holding off on quitting the mouse Oh, sorry. Holding off on quitting the mouse till I squeeze every perk out of the bitch and that day is a coming soon.

Caleb is too busy to come to the phone right now. Please leave a message after the beep. Beep. Casper Bobasper. Lauren Malang. Lord Hunter the Ordained. Malik. Mark Priest.

Marlon Baldo. So it's Marlon Brando but he can't get over the ballgasms his Baldo is giving him. Michael Beggle. Michael Douglas. Michael Douglas. Michael Douglas. Michael Douglas. Moe Pete featuring Nolan Murphy.

Nate Porteous thinks this has to be a Riley rename. Jeffrey can't be silly. Nolan Murphy's back in LA after a long hiatus brought him to Austin, and I honestly couldn't be less happy about it. He was gone for a weekend. Oh, so it's lame to advertise your business name through your Patreon name. Come say that to my face at Smokin' Time on Main Island. We do have it. Phoebe. Quok. Quok. So what, is this like a job now?

You're telling me I have to up my name more than once a year? Update my name more than once a year. That's so Raven. It's the future I can, well, see. The dulcet tones of Jeffrey's sleep moans. And TJ Michael. Woo! That's patreon.com forward slash Riley and Jeff.

If you guys want to hang out at the Zardes or have any of the other bonus content. Happy birthday, Jeff. It's not anywhere close to my birthday. Thank you goes. My birthday is a month from today of recording. Yeah. 30 days or 31 days. 31 days.

Until I'm 26. Holy shit. Ya bix. Ya bix. Thank you guys for listening to this episode of the HeadGum. Oh, fuck me it's too early it's too early that's never happened

thank you guys so much for listening to this episode of Review Review we'll see you guys again next week Arriveder oh wait if you want to find Jeff you can find him on Instagram

at Jeffy James if you want to find him on Twitter at Jeff Boyardee you can find the show on Instagram at Twitter Review Review Show right at r slash Review Review. And you can follow Riley on Instagram at Riley Anspa on Twitter at Riley Coyote. We'll see you guys again next week. Go to bed. This is what happens when I wake up. I woke up at 7.15 because I had a sore throat and I started freaking out. Yeah. Then I went back to sleep.

8.30, woke up. Got out of bed. Dragged a comb across my chest. All right. We'll see you next time. Arrivederci. That was a Hiddem Original.