Review Revue - Slime

Episode Date: June 25, 2024

Alf and Reilly are reviewing Slime while working in the lab, and having an afterwork chat. >>>>><<<<<Follow at:IG: @reillyanspaugh @alfredinnitTwitter: @reilecoyote Join the discord here!Produced by Daniel Ramos @SchubirdsAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. At participating restaurants for a limited time. oh my fucking god i'll put double oven again next to the face and then i put my ass in his face

i told him like boy you better eat away and he really ate that shit from the whole review review thank you so much thank you so much that was from tristan tristan says first things first go easy on me guys i'm not some musically trained or talented person and this is my first time recording a song so just be easy i thought that was great i actually thought that was great that was exactly what i needed by the way the title is theme song, not copyright or parody, original song for Alphan Rhymes. Perfect. So thank you so much, Tristan.

Tristan says, second thing I need to say is, Alfred, I really mean no harm or want to make you uncomfortable. What the fuck? This is all in jest and for the people to have a laugh. You're definitely entitled to your feelings,

but I just wanted to clear that up that the intention is purely comedic and not literal. Oh, about the song. About Tristan wanting you to eat ass from the hole to the tank. This came to me on a bus while listening to the pod and I feel bad because you guys are always asking

for people for new themes. I'd hate to see the themes die. And you know, if you're desperate, why not give it a shot? Just came to me a few weeks ago, put it in the notes and recorded it. Thanks guys. Enjoy the pod.

Riley, you're awesome too. Tristan, thank you so fucking much. I mean, you just mean you just yeah round of applause what you've done there is you've embodied the spirit of the it was amazing right like that obviously when people put a huge amount of effort into theme songs and they're these sort of epic amazing pieces i love it i'm obsessed i thought this was an epic amazing piece about you eating ass yeah right but this to me it's like taking an ass to the face I thought it was great quick and dirty Tyler take note on the length just like you eating ass

take note on the okay when I eat ass it's nothing but quick so thank you so much for that theme that was rad Alfred what is up man long time no fucking see how have you been so you look older you look older you've aged you look like you got a lot of work done and it really shows book of fat really

i got my book of fat ew what is up buttercup google glass bookogle fat i'm here to eat some ass what's up dog i don't feel i don't feel bad i don't feel good i don't feel right i don't feel the best i've ever felt why i just got home and i i consumed a burrito in a way that can only be called swallowing hole. Speaking of swallowing hole. Oh my God. When you eat ass, you're supposed to swallow it. Stop.

Ew. I'm just kidding. I know that you shouldn't eat someone's ass with swallow it. But I'm good. How are you, man? With swallow it. My tummy hurt today.

That being said, I had cold brew on an empty stomach. So I think that was probably what it was. But I'm good. No, that's done. That's in the past for me. Speaking of passing. Oh my God.

Sorry, guys. This episode is like. It's going to be our dutiest episode. Ew. I'm good I at the time of recording it is April 26th I have tickets

to see Challengers on Sunday so by the time this comes out this will already have been out in theaters for months

but there's a little time capsule for me yes I am so I have been looking forward to this movie since I saw the casting

announcement come out of like zendaya and mike feist in a film together wow way to sleep on the third one who's the name josh o'connor because i don't i don't i i i need mike feist in in a certain way that maybe once i see challengers then maybe i'll i'll feel that way about josh o'connor but right now i really it's like it, it's, it's, um, so I, that's honestly my Twitter timeline is full of challenger stuff and I'm just having to save myself one for marriage, two for this Sunday.

And so I'm just kind of trying to scroll past as, as quickly as I can. You don't want spoilers. I don't want spoilies now. I, I'm really fascinated to see what you think of it um do you who do you think you are gonna come out of it being like they were the best part of that movie do you think it's india i mean in what way i love zendaya i think she's phenomenal

but i also think mike feist it's like i i think that you think a rising tide lifts all boats you don't think you're gonna be like one exactly i don't think it may be we'll see but i think that it's like i think what a team what a cast what a team it's gonna be i'm really excited i my my um expectations are quite high and so if it's anything less and i'm seeing an imax no less and if it's anything less than the erotic ride of a lifetime with tennis then that i'm picturing then i'm gonna be upset the erotic ride of a lifetime with tennis here's here's i smell merch in our future here's what i kind of okay write that down front side of the erotic ride of a lifetime backside with tennis review review i feel very mixed about it because i heard or discovered

rather that the um director of this film also directed the film call me by your name and i was like well wait a minute this could be an erotic journey for the ages and then i found out that this director directed a film called boners and all um yeah and i didn't like bones and all and that made me think well maybe i won't like this movie um completely different subject matter and that was based on a book unlike call me by your name calling by your name was also based on a book but i don't think challengers i was being facetious when I said that. I know. I'm just saying. I think this is, I don't know.

I have high hopes. I hear you, though. I wasn't crazy about Bones and Ball. I'm just saying, like, I'm not trying to be a hater. I'm not trying to be negative Nancy. All I'm saying is that I wouldn't want you to get hurt. Yeah, that's not true. No, I would not want you to get hurt.

You wish ill upon me. That's not true no i would not want you to get hurt you wish no ill upon me that's not true a lot i just think like when i see you my best friend in the world get hurt my fingers when someone hurts you i think i'm so fucking jealous that they did that i'm like fuck that's my thing fuck that's mine don't be mean to her i'm the one who belittles her um and my name oh dang dang he's gonna simplify himself today we're talking about something that i is it a spotify that's my new favorite one

this today's topic is something that i have always had a fascination by about uh-huh um it's something that feels timeless but also feels like it's for babies uh just like alfred timeless and for babies we're talking slime what now no i don't want to move on from the i am a girl who's on TikTok. And by the time this comes out, I will see if TikTok's still around. Every video I see, I'm like, if this is the last one, God. Like, I want to make sure

that every time I close the app, I'm like, what if this is the last one I see? Gotta make it good. On TikTok, I get a lot of videos of like- Just to be clear. No, I mean, of course. Just to be clear. That thought is absolutely insane

no one else is thinking that uh about okay um do you walk down the street and you don't feel like you have to have an even number of crocs between feet when you're walking well i do but there's a reason for that and it's called a cd and it's called a compulsive and i'm just gonna go into disorder so on tiktok i get a lot of videos my for you page of like raiding the scoopability of slimes that's basically people taking it's so good and it was people taking like an ice cream scooper and like usually um slime like companies or slime stores will like it's their way of like here are the slimes we have in stock yeah there's so many different kinds that it kinds that watch me make the bubblegum slime you have ones that are chunky of ones that are glossy of ones that sizzle ones that i mean listen i'm the amount of times i've been tempted

looking for reviews i think i'm gonna buy slime i think i'm gonna do it you see i couldn't do it i could never do it i could never do that why talk to me about slime I've I've I've certainly talked to you about it a lot I need I have I bite my nails and I don't want to and so I need something to do with my hands and so I think slime is a good option here's my thing with slime genuinely I I'm a I'm a fidget I'm a fidget king I love a fidget king. I love to fidget. I love to fiddle. Like the instrument, not like, you know. And I, no, like genuinely, like I,

okay, because this is the moment where we talk about all of our different mental illnesses and neurodivergences. I have ADHD, famously. And I love to like play with shit. You know what I mean mean and just go like with my little fingers and my problem with slime is the residue I am see the thing is I've never made played with it oh I made so uncomfortable by the residue I just like the residue I thought it

was like hmm there's no such thing as a clean slime i've i've been told before this one doesn't have residue you're not gonna feel like your hands are sticky with like the weird chemical because it's glue basically like it's activated but there's like a grease almost like it's like an oil it's i don't even know what it's like a chemical and your hands smell like the fucking shit and it's like either it smells like the sort of like chemically goop of the slime or it smells like fucking chemicals of like bubble gum right and it's like there's a fucking headache like i and you know what i really hate is slime is chunky slime slime basically like everything bagel seasoning slime where it's like yeah no that shit is someone that's in it and i'm like fried chicken scented slime i'm like what are you talking about what are you actually talking

but the texture when it's got lumps like chunky crunchy sprinkles oh the thing is i want to try that i need to have something like pick at and so that feels really nice but um i will say it's like certain slimes are much more appealing to look i'm okay i have so many thoughts about slime i feel like it go off it really gained popularity within the past couple years at least in like more of a mainstream way um a lot of people make their own i feel like feel like a lot of like teenagers or like kids make their own but i really question a lot of you yeah the impact on the environment i really question can is it something that can be broken down oh my god stop wait i'm she's so fucking fuck off thank you i'm serious oh my god he's great the thomberg is here in the zoom i mean it in a serious way of like where's it going is it shit that can ever be broken down like it feels like no right like

it feels like um something that will just be around forever like plastic i don't know that'll take a shit ton of time i feel like you threw the if you throw that fucker in the fucking boiling water it disintegrate i really do feel like that if you like just took it and you melted it it would dissolve i also have a question i feel like i see some slimes that it's like it comes with like build your own or that it's supposed to look like food or look like a thing but then it you immediately mix it in so it's like oh it looks like a bowl of pasta with meatballs on it and then you just mix it together and then it's just brown slime like i it so then it i don't understand the purpose that serves and maybe that's just not for me maybe i'm not supposed to know maybe i'm not supposed to get it can i be vulnerable for a minute yes for once please yes

finally for all this time once so something happened to me um last week oh shit are you okay yes i think i'll recover um it was april 20th um okay i may or may not have been in a slightly altered state no comment okay and i had a realization that i think was exacerbated by the fact that i may or may not have been in an altered state but has remained a shocking revelation to me something i'm like how did this never occur to me before today and i want to be vulnerable because i'm afraid that you're going to be like you're the dumbest man alive i'm scared but i have to share i mean i'm gonna say that depending on what it is it had so ridiculous to say out loud it had never occurred to me that play-doh is play-doh can you believe that how fucking thick how fucking dim can a man be i was making i was

literally sitting there making pasta and i was like feeling it in my hands and i was like this is like play-doh play-doh play-doh oh my fucking god like i think it just existed as like one proper noun and high out of your silence is hurting me but no i don't but i'm thinking about it now in my like totally clear-headed state i'm like i don't think i had ever thought of that play-doh i thought it was like you know lego play-doh it's just nonsense stop you have to say something this is awful this is genuinely awful you have to be like that sorry i thought it was like lego lego play-doh but you know what I mean I'm like made up No here's the thing

I know that it was like dough Like Wagovi I'm sorry? That's That's That's one of the like Ozempic weight loss drugs Okay

I knew that Play dough was like dough But you know I never put together There was like dough You play Like play dough But

I knew that the dough was dough. I knew that it was dough. I thought it was Homer Simpson. Play dough. Right? Come on. Come on.

Set an intention. Dough. I think this is going to be I feel like I'm You know what? That doesn't feel like it sounds like okay.

It's going to be This is going to be the most radioactive episode of Overdose. You said that. i've never seen you were manic radioactive radioactive um radioactive radioactive the dough sounded like when you're using um the art app on like the old map bugs the wix or something oh yeah yeah i'm talking about it was like don't oops oh no like we're trying to do i don't know that fuck it it's gonna be

radioactive episode ever let's take a break and we'll come back with some slime and we're back do your best homer do your very best Homer No because I did I tried doing a Bart one the other day And it just sounded like Milhouse doing Bart I can only do Milhouse and Ralph Do Homer saying Merge

Merge It is me Homer What the fuck Merge What was that Merge That was so far from being anything homosem... What the fuck? Mold. What was that? Mold. That was so far from being anything.

Molds. My favorite children in the box. Maggie. Molds. Fucking Mr. Bean-ass voice is that. Molds. Oh my fucking god i'm crying flandals closer to zoidberg than it was to homer

my favorite what the like What the fuck, man? I'm crying. You're just getting retaliation because I made you suffer through your explaining. Yeah, that was hard. You didn't need to punish me. I have a review. Share it then. It may be one of my favorite

ones I've ever read. Whoa, those are big fighting. This is for original squish mellows branded premium coconut scented slime ate out scented slime two fun slime add-ins fluffy slime pre-made slime for kids great six-year-old toys super soft sludge toy mommy can i have my sludge where is my sludge So this Squishmallow It's like a light

Kind of cream and blue Colored slime with a Squishmallow Cat charm on it Here we go Cream and blue Five stars from M.A M.A. Um, um, M.A.? Mm-hmm.

Um, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary Adalittle Lamb. I was going to say that. We need to spend some time apart, I think. Going, like seconds, a second away from saying it from marietta little lamb we need to take a break from each other yeah i think that's right this is five stars from marietta little lamb okay hamburger yeah right five stars marary add a little lamb title is fun distraction i have to admit it i bought this for myself whom is not a kid anymore dot dot dot at least a number lol i do have a large obsession with the actual plushies and cotton candy so there's a cotton candy centered one and cotton candy so i'm thinking that's why amazon showed me this i'm not gonna lie i love it first i'll say that it does not smell like cotton candy but it's very

rare to find things that actually do trust me lol however despite that i played with it for hours again probably not the way they intended what the way that made my husband and I forget about this sad world. I... Sorry. What the hell? Again, probably not the way they intended, but the way that made my husband and I forget about this sad world. I totally by accident the first time made it make farting noises by pushing

we started laughing because of course we're mature gen xers lol no no no generation dropping so i kept making it so those types sorry so i kept making it do those types of noises for close to an hour oh my god we both laughed so hard i was crying from laughing so hard it was a fabulous way to release endorphins and make us feel younger for a bit i highly recommend this for everyone fucking robot that is crazy that's one of my favorite reviews i've ever that is so good every part of it is amazing oh my god because you know what fuck it if making fart noises like the world is we're in hell i think and if and if if making fart noises with slime branded by a pillow toy is gonna bring you joy for an hour then fuck it queen go off like it's easy to make fun of because well i think that's obvious but it is genuinely like, it is kind of sweet. It's very sweet.

I think it's very sweet. To imagine, like, you know. No, I completely agree. It's just, I mean, where to even begin with the review itself? It's just like, I'm not a kid anymore, at least not a number. I have an obsession with cotton candy. This was a fantastic way for my husband and i to release endorphins forget about the sad world and release release

endorphins we played with it not the way it was intended i mean it's like it's take your fucking pick i mean it's like what do we even want to go into it's just like every part of it generation dropping even the generation every part of it is really moving to me and i want to frame it and you can in sports the blue jays and the yankees meet tonight hard day at the office same yeah how was um oh sorry no you go no you had that meeting with carol right i did and i did not get the promotion oh i'm sorry i know i, obviously. You know, we were banking. Like, there's no way it shouldn't have been me. You know?

Yeah. That's, yeah. I mean, do you know who did get it? Jason. Fuck that. That's ridiculous. You know, I... Eh, come on. I mean, look, he works hard too.

He does, but I, you know, I mean, I... I don't, we don't need to go down it, but you know how I feel about Carol. Well, also, we were banking on that money for the Barbados trip. That's okay. That's okay. I'll do a couple more Ubers on the weekend. You know, I'll do some airport rides. You had a hard day, too?

Oh, yeah, yeah. It doesn't, you know, I won't want to bore you with the details. No, you're not boring me. We're partners, you know? It's like I share my hard times and you share yours. And us helping each other makes it a bit easier. I remember I was telling you about the new guy. Chris?

Chris, yeah, a couple weeks ago well he um he's just really i yeah i i think he's a really sweet guy but i just don't think he's a good fit he's young well he's young right yeah yeah and and i'll be honest you know i mean i told you i i didn't want to hire him you know like i i thought he was a great kid but i again i just don't think he's a good fit like you know and and i and i it's just don't think he's a good fit. It's just been exhausting because it's like I'm teaching him how to do all this stuff, and then on top of that, I got my own work. No, it's like you're already doing so much.

Breathing down my neck. Yeah. I just need that Barbados trip more than ever, man. I know. That's why I feel awful about not getting it it's like it's not don't put that on yourself that's not on you no it's like clearly something's wrong with me oh sweetie no I mean it's clearly something's wrong with me or else like why wouldn't I have gotten it I think you know I mean I don't want to be a broken record but I think carol is and i'm not trying to be offensive but i think she is one of those women easy no i do i think she's one of those

women she's from a different generation who she got to a position of power and she pulled the ladder up you know she she got she broke the glass ceiling and she and no i mean it's a pattern right it's a pattern how many count like seriously how many women in the last five years have been passed over for promotions in the office for younger less qualified men no i mean you're not wrong you're not wrong i i'm just saying that not not to like just put whatever on her but like just so you know it's not your fault like seriously you deserved that promotion just like tiffany deserves that promotion like you thanks you deserved that you really did pick up a little you know sorry for myself treat on the way home.

Oh, yeah? Yeah, it's stupid, but, you know, I saw it in the store, and I was just like, huh, maybe this will put a smile on my face only for a minute. What did you get? I put down the jar. It's Reuben's Sanden sandwich slime oh um it's weird right but it's like you know

our yeah you know it's like i love rubens my favorite food and hell why not you know it's like silly little trinket but made me smile just looking at it and that's worth the 26 i spent oh well it's because it it comes with you know the the clerk was saying that it's 26 because it has the you kind of make your own ruben with the little plastic pieces inside and then you envelop but it's stupid i should just put it away this is cheaper rubens this've had cheaper Rubens. This is, I'm sorry. Like real Rubens. This was a dumb idea. No, no, no.

You're right. This is stupid. I think it's sweet. Let me. Sorry. I just got to. My feet. Sorry.

Just going to sit up. I think it's a sweet idea. I think it's a really sweet idea. Give it here. Give it here. Let me take a look at this. What is this? Ruben.

This must be scented like it too. Like corned beef. I can't quite get the lid. I can't quite get the lid off. Huh. I do love a Reuben. Okay. Maybe if I hold the jar and you twist. Yeah.

Here we go. Teamwork. We are a team. After all. Oh. Oh. That was kind of fun. That noise that noise was so silly the lid coming off it was like no you know what it sounded like it was like oh yeah no i was like like you know how like i imagine like um you know like one of the Keebler elves. Like, if he, like... No, do it. Do it.

If he, like, tripped, he'd be like... Oh! Oh! It's almost... No, you know what it is, actually? What is it? It's kind of like... It's like the beginning of Mickey Mouse laughing.

But it's like you pause it right before... It's like... Oh! Oh! Yeah. But then you don't keep going with it. It's kind of... That's so funny.

Wow. You're so funny. You're the one who... Sometimes I forget how funny you are. I know. It's a sad world and you bring a lot of light into it. Thank you. I, um, do you ever think you could do something different? I put my hand in it.

Whoa. Oh my God. Oh my God. I'm so, I i'm so i i no no no no that was horrible timing i'm so that was like no no no you we were trying to have a oh my god that wasn't me i didn't i know i know that one sounded like if mickey mouse was farting but he That one sounded like if Mickey Mouse was farting. It totally did. It sounded like if Mickey Mouse was farting. Oh my god, Robert. That's exactly what it fucking sounded like.

Holy shit. That's exactly what it fucking sounded like okay i think you bring a little this is a little house was a ripping ass i don't think it even made sense i don't know how it would you would know what that sounded like so okay do it again do you make the thing you want me to oh okay you try it how did you do it you You just ruined it. It's kind of good, isn't it? Oh! Robert! Robert!

Robert! I didn't like it at all. Robert! Oh, my God! That one was wet. Robert, I'm going to piss myself. Robert, I'm going to piss on the couch. Robert!

Robert! Oh, my God. Now, that one was like if Mickey Mouse farted underwater. Oh, my God, Robert! Oh, you're so brave. Oh, fuck me. She's pissing. Oh, shit.

And she's pissing. I'm pissing. Robert, stop. You're killing me. Oh, Robert. Shit. Oh, shit. Robert, you're fucking killing me. All me. Oh, Robert, shit. Oh, shit, Robert, you're fucking killing me.

Oh, shit. Thank God we got those couch covers off Instagram, that ad that were like the washable. I'm sorry, Robert, this is, oh, you're a maniac. Robert, you're a maniac. No, I'll clean it up. I'll clean it up. You sit there, I'll clean it up.

Oh, no, I'll get it. I'll get it. Oh, my God. Maybe we should, oh, God, maybe we should put it away. Maybe we should put. Oh, my God. Maybe we should. Oh, God. Maybe we should put it away. Maybe we should put it away. Grab it to try and close it. The lid slips.

It's not even a front door. It's just going to. Oh, fuck. Okay. I really don't get that one. It's like if Mickey Mouse was walking up the stairs and the heel of his shoe hit the stair. Oh my god. It's so odd.

I really didn't. Robert, I'm going to be pissing again. I'm going to piss again. No, how? There's so much piss already. I don't understand how you could be pissing. Oh my god. Sweetie, sweetie. Oh, Robert.

I think you're having some kind of psychic break. You are so fucking funny. Oh, my God. Oh. Are you okay? Oh, God. Oh, I mean, got an ab workout, that's for sure. God, Robert.

You know, you asked me, what if we should do something else? What if you went into comedy? What if you went into comedy, Robert? You absolutely kill me You kill me Oh my god Robert Oh shit Robert Oh my god

Yeah and what would you do What Like if I went into comedy what would you do I'd stay at my job Really Well yeah I'm not good at anything else What would you do? What would your... I'd stay at my job. Really? Well, yeah. I'm not good at anything else. Hey, I don't know.

I don't know if that's true. Well, come on. I've been in sales my whole life. And you're damn good at it. I'll be in sales forever. No. Just... That...

Just... Persistence is the opposite of change. Just because you're damn good at sales forever no just that just persistence is the opposite of change just because you're doing something now doesn't mean that you forever will be i'm trying to be earnest that's like if mickey ross was giving a ted talk oh shit you just think i sound like no no i so fucking funny! Babe, I'm serious. I think this job is really bad for you and I think it's bad for us. What?

I think the stress of this job and the forever being passed over and not recognizing... I think you're miserable and I think it's putting stress on you and it's putting stress on the relationship our our marriage is suffering i'm suffering the whole time i've had my fingers in the slime trying not to move and i just think like you know maybe it's time that you for your sake but for all i'm so sorry i don't know

if you are i didn't mean to do that robert that's okay that's fine um but like I was saying, I just think... I don't ask for a lot. And I... But I really... I'm trying to get my hand out of it. Just pull it out quick. I can't. It's like stuck. There's no way.

That jar is tiny. It's stuck. Okay. Do you want me to hold the jar while you pull your arm? Yes. Okay. Three, two, one. It's like I was saying

It was like if Mickey Mouse shit himself Yeah Yeah I guess it was Hey I'm gonna head to bed I think Oh come on You didn't think that was funny? No it was really funny You didn't laugh Hey, I'm gonna head to bed, I think. Oh, come on. No, I'm... You didn't think that was funny? No, it was really funny, babe.

I just... You didn't laugh. I'm laughing on the inside. Don't quote your grumpy t-shirt again. I'm just saying, like... I... I think something needs to change Between you

And your work And me and my work We shouldn't spend Our whole lives Waiting for Barbados You know like Okay I'm sorry I'm fidgeting I'm just nervous Can you use one of your quieter ones Eating for Barbados.

I'm sorry, I'm fidgeting. I'm just nervous. Can you use one of your quieter ones? Quiet fidget things? Or like your squishmallow. Can you do one of those squishmallows? Because it's kind of distracting. I'm trying to form a thought.

I love you. I'm with you. It's a serious conversation. I'm in a silly... The thing is, you've caught me in a silly mood now. And I want to ride this because who knows if i will ever feel this way again but i have barely seen you for 10 days and i we so rarely get the opportunity anymore to talk like this that i just would really like to use this time for a fine no i'm sorry you can keep no i'll go get the squishmallow that sounds like it's moaning should i go do you want to do one this is for crazy aaron's thinking putty

super illusion super scara, multi-color, soft texture, never dries out. What? It's just a fucking slime that's like, fucking like, looks like turquoise and shit. Looks like that. Okay.

This is from A. No last name. No first name, just the a amphibian amphibian one star caused us five hundred dollars in damage my daughter there's no way who is a bright nine-year-old must have fallen asleep holding this this morning when i woke her up her hair pjs and blanket were stuck together in a blue glob had to cut threw away pjs and blanket then i realized that her brand new sheets and comforter from restoration hardware oh we're all stained with it company in the three dry cleaners i called say oh you can remove some goop with mineral oil or alcohol but sometimes it bleached the fabric anyway the blue stains are permanent overall 500 loss oh my god this junk is going

into the garbage and i'm warning all the moms i know i had just decorated her room and bought the new bedding sadly now it's out of stock. as you know smart kid oh she's incredibly bright one of our brightest right kid yeah um but the stains seem to from the thinking putty slime whatever you want to call it um we've tried everything we've tried rubbing alcohol we've tried i mean she's showered like six times you know since it happened um but i just i don't want it i don't want you to think that our lauren isn't um that she doesn't she's not burning at all cylinders like she's a she's a very bright girl it's just like who among us hasn't made a mistake no i mean first of all i i i think your your daughter is

incredibly bright i um you know but but to be clear even if she wasn't i wouldn't um i don't judge my patients their children they develop at different rates what i'm saying i i understand what i'm saying is that our lauren our lauren sorry our lauren has developed um mentally a lot faster and so it's like i don't want even comparing her saying even if she wasn't bright like she is like yes did she have a mistake with a children's toy it says good for six-year-olds and our girl is nine? Yes. And that shouldn't have happened. But I do not want you thinking that she is not brilliant, that she's not smart.

It just, I really would hate for that to be lost. You know, when I was nine, I accidentally, I touched a car battery. And I managed to bridge the gap between the positive and long story short I zapped myself you were a conductor exactly I was the conduit through which the electricity

I mean it was dumb and I did it on purpose and I don't know why I just sometimes kids they do these things and you know with all due respect doctor you're not our Lauren. Well, I am a doctor. You are a doctor.

But, no, I take your point. And your, no, and your child is unique and special, like all children. Do you think that Lauren meant to fall asleep and get all, you know, covered in blue goo? No, that's not at all what I mean. I just, I just, what I'm trying to say to you is that children can be bright and still be children, right? Children make mistakes. Children are fantastic. Children make mistakes, absolutely.

They're one of the most beautiful parts of our world, as I'm sure you know. We are on the same page. Yes. And sometimes, even the brightest of children, even the brightest of adults, they make mistakes. And that's okay. And I think, you know, I'm just saying that some of your... What are you trying to say? I feel like we're not hearing each other.

No, I'm just saying that some of your language makes me think that maybe you're putting undue pressure on yourself. You think I don't think my girl is smart? No, it's quite the opposite of what I'm saying, that you're putting undue pressure on yourself. I don't think my girl is smart. No, it's quite the opposite of what I'm saying that you're putting on due

pressure on yourself. And perhaps by extension, Lauren into thinking that she has to be perfect, that she's not allowed to make mistakes. Of course. Oh my God. Lauren, honey,

Lauren. Oh, Lauren, sweetie. Do you think I feel that way about you? No. Right. See, no, no no how do how do we talk when we're at home quiet yes we talk quietly we talk with intention if you know in our household doctor what we say is, you know, if you have nothing nice or kind or helpful or intelligent to say, then don't say it at all. So sometimes it can be a quiet house because we really speak with a lot of intention. Weeks.

Cut to that. What was that, Lauren? Lauren, could you please pass mother the milk? Thank you. Lauren, did you finish your book report for today? Okay. That's a nod. Must not be looking very good. How do you feel about it?

Good. Anything else? I love you. Come back. I mean, I let my kid be a kid. Of course, and I would never suggest that you weren't doing that. Well, Lauren, would you mind giving your mother and I a second to talk? Anything you can say to me, you can say in front of Lauren.

I do not keep secrets from my child. She's incredibly bright. The reasoning and logic skills, the emotional maturity that she has for a nine-year-old. I mean, my God. No, she's fantastic. I just, you know, look, Stacy, I delivered you. I delivered Lauren. I delivered Lauren. I delivered your mother.

I delivered three generations of the Watkins girls. So I, trust me when I say I am a friend to your family. And I mean, you deliver all the Watkins girls. You deliver all the Walter boys. I mean, you are, you are the doctor to go to. I mean, you deliver all the Watkins girls. You deliver all the Walter boys. I mean, you are the doctor to go to. And I love your family like I love all my families.

You're a special and beautiful, unique, wonderful family. Well, I remember not too many years ago for an old crow like me. Oh, come on. You're not a crow. Well, but I'm old. I remember not too long ago there was a little girl sitting in this very room

who was very quiet, very well behaved, but inside He's talking about me. She was struggling. Well. and she went away to college and she went kind of off the rails doctor i think i think what matters most is that we get the stain out of lauren's hands and face yes i and i i couldn't agree more um we actually have a fantastic new drug um

you're just going to take it um a drug no not an ointment or a wash no i it's actually we find it we've seen this slime a lot recently there's something i don't want to alarm you, there's a radioactivity to the slime. So that's what you're calling staining of her skin. Her skin has actually changed on a molecular level to be that color. Oh my god. Right? So it's not a stain. I mean, it's even deeper than a tattoo, right?

Jesus Christ. I know. And there's nothing deeper than a tattoo, right? Jesus Christ. I know. And there's nothing to be worried about, right? We found that while it sounds alarming, she probably won't experience any serious health effects for at least 30, 20 years. Okay, well, whatever it is, we'll take it. I want to make sure she's healthy. Right. whatever it is we'll take it i want to make sure she's healthy right but nothing affects that

brilliant brilliant bright brain of hers that's the most important thing cut forward 20 years so did you um uh sorry i didn't know it was gonna be so loud in here when i asked you out is it um do you grow loud in here when I asked you out. Is it, um, do you grow up around here or what? Do I grow up around here? I knew you were gonna ask me that. Sorry, it's just, um, I have this thing with my brain.

Like a condition? A condition, or I knew you were gonna say that. No, it's, uh, it's a long story. But yes, I did. I grew up around here. Yeah. Siblings or?

Siblings or, oh, God, predictable question. Sorry. Only child. Sorry. Only child. Sorry. It's a habit that I do. It's just when you can read minds ever since the accident,

everything starts to feel a little repetitive what was the app what was the accident yeah um radioactive slime went into my hands and developing brain I was a very gifted kid and I just kind of oh no way it just kind of accentuated it crazy to a level that um i feel like i'm going insane and i feel like i have been for the past 20 years or so wow man that's heavy um but anyway uh this is great you seem very nice i'm sorry again for the speaking at the same time as you know what you're thinking um you know am i you're i already read your mind you're thinking can i even think about taking her home does she already know that i'm thinking that um has she ever had anyone like me before in her and the

answer is yes and the answer is you can take me home. It's going to be fine. I can't see the future. It may be great, but I can read where your head's going. And I can also read where your head's going, if you know what I mean. Cool, man. You don't want to have sex with me anymore. I forgot I actually have another...

Just go. I know. Just go. Okay. Let's do the next... You're weird, man. You're a weird fucking date. I didn't like that.

Were your heads going? What if we were on a radio station? How do you think that would make the show different? It wouldn't. Less swearing, presumably, but... Less swearing, more sound effects. We'd have a soundboard. That would be fun.

Wait. That would be fun. We should have a soundboard. We should have a soundboard. And we should hire somebody to sit there and do the soundboard live while we make our zany little comments. I don't think so. I have a review.

Welcome back to KR3. Okay. This is for Jelly Cube Clear Slime Kit. Eight pack for kids. Crunchy slime stress relief toy. Party favors for girl, boys. Six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve. Holy shit.

This is from JM. J Medgar Hoover. J Medgar Hoover. Holy shit. This is from J. M. J. Medgar Hoover. J. Medgar Hoover. Four stars. The title is Good and Bad. Depending on who you are, this could be good or bad. Kids would say it's five stars, but as parents, I'd give it three stars. So that's how he

ended up with four stars. The kids love it, as it's a fun pack of slime to play with. It's bright and colorful and all the fixings are nicely done. When the kids start playing with it, they just can't stop. However, on the other hand, it can be a parent's nightmare. The little toys and confetti were getting everywhere. Some just didn't stay in the slime and sometimes the kids would just pick them off. But with all the little pieces in it it they ended up all over the house i guess what happens when you have fun little toys to put in the slime it's a very democratic household that the family's all leaving or a view together and that the parent was like

i'm gonna give it three and the kids are like i don't think so that's a five-star toy like they really are like okay well um what are we getting it's like really that's what they ended up with for like really i really respect taking the kids opinion into account no i think that's i don't mean that facetiously i think that's great i think it's teaching you know like an important act of civil engagement for every developing citizen is to learn how to read how to read and write Amazon reviews. Clinging spoons together. Okay, kids. Okay, kids.

It's time. It's time. We're going to leave our... We're going to leave... Hey, Simon, enough. Enough with the flipping off. You know how I feel about that bird. We're going to have some fried chicken for dinner. I'm going to fry up that bird if you don't stop.

Tweet, tweet. Okay. Tweet, tweet. No, tweet. Put those birdies back in the cage. Alright everybody. I thought pretty tired. Because you said tweety bird.

That was a very good Sylvette. That was a very very good impression. Now you all know why we're here. So everyone gather around. If you want a glass of water you can get a glass of water. But we're here. So everyone gather around. If you want a glass of water, you can get a glass of water. But we are here to review the 10-pack of white hand towels that we got on Amazon.com last week. We've had a week to use them. We've had a week to wash them.

See how they do after a wash. Now, I can go first. Or, Simon, I see you're making a face. I don't know if that's you're just upset with me doing this we're doing this so that you guys can all learn some critical thinking we can learn some teamwork we can learn how to work in a group and and reach a democratic solution and um put forth thoughts in in a way that feels healthy and building off one another. I'll go first then. Great, George.

Look at that. Our boy is taking some initiative. I love that. I think that the towel was not really good because it is a boring color. Okay. Could have been camo or tie-dye, pink zebra, pink zebra, or maybe purple zebra. Okay. Could have been glitter zebra. Could have been anything.

All right. We do have to learn brevity is the soul of wit then play on very good my darling boy how many stars would you give this product my love out of five

five stars probably two two okay but the quality of the other than the color the quality of the towels I prefer

I prefer Cotton Okay so the linen towel You're not a fan of the linen I don't feel like it really is getting my hands dry Okay you know what Looking around nodding That's a good that's a helpful

Constructive critique Linen doesn't make you feel as dry Okay great know what looking around nodding that's a good that's a helpful constructive critique linen doesn't make you feel as dry as okay great fantastic simon thank you so much for chiming in honey i know how a lot of the time you feel really you know i don't know you feel too you're too good for this kind of thing but your family really appreciates you chiming into this honey thank you yeah i guess um yeah um are we done with the towels no no no no it's we're gonna hear from everybody so i guess mom will go next um i'm gonna go ahead and give this five out of five stars i don't know what you're talking about my darling i know that you are a 10 year old boy you want camo hand towels. You want purple or pink zebra. But I will say, in running a nice minimalist chic home, white hand towels.

I mean, where can you go wrong? So I'm going to give the color. That's fine by me. The linen. Cover with fuck-a-tache. Simon put Sylvester away. I just think it's fun to do the character of Sylvester. I also will say, Simon, my darling, it's leaning less away from Sylvester, and that's

kind of getting more into Top Cat. So the Top Cat, that's going to be more like Heaven's Dementor. And Suffer and Suckatash is more like Suffer and Suckatash. The voices are... Suffer and Suckatash. I thought Pootie Cat. I did. There we go.

Great job. Now that's a lot more. Do you feel it? Do you feel the difference? Mom, when is it going to be my turn? Yes, Henry. Well, Henry, you're actually interrupting Mommy, sweetheart. Both you boys are interrupting Mommy.

I was actually going to say that when I had the girls over reading book club. Yeah. Where I give the five stars To the color I will also say Two stars for linen Because we had The wine was flowing And so the women

I mean it was a rotating door Of people washing their hands And going piddle You know And so That linen Was sopping By the time

You know Janine Got out of the bathroom So I will say Not great Why were you peeing on the towels Oh no My darling baby We weren't peeing on the towel? Oh, no, my darling baby.

We weren't peeing on the towels. We were peeing and then washing your hands after you piddle. Would you do that? George, my sweet husband, would you like to go next? So five stars from mom, two stars from Simon. George, would you like to go? Oh, yeah, yeah. Sorry.

You haven't said a word all night, George. I'm trying to include you. george i'm sorry i won't send one more email um can can can henry go first i i want to hear what henry thinks okay henry yeah so my baby you can go i think i think honestly if i had to be perfectly honest, I think I'm allergic. I wish you would, my darling. I think I'm allergic. To the hand towels? I used these towels earlier, not after I went pedal, but after I went shitties. And I did find that my hands had become itchy and red, swollen and very painful to the touch and why are you just telling mommy about this now i wish i'd known earlier well it honestly i had not put it together that it was

result of the towels i had originally thought maybe it was some kind of response that my body had to the shit tea oh jesus okay well uh let's go ahead and say one star. One star for allergic reaction. That fucker just is not suffering. Okay. Hey, Simon. Sweetie, this is a vulnerable moment of your little brother sharing that he had a little scary health thing going on today. And so I know you bust out your impressions whenever you're feeling a

little vulnerable or a little uncomfortable honestly can you apologize to your brother for me henry i'm sorry and mostly i'm sorry for hurting your feelings but also a little sorry for the fact that i i thought i had another quote in me right like other than putty tat and the suffering sucky dash it's okay let me finish mom i was really racking my brain for anything else he says like was there something maybe about like i don't i thought i thought i thought well i did that one already mom uh and and there's the suck attach obviously yeah so between those like i was maybe thinking about like something kind of horny he could say lechewist like but i remember that's pepe lepew i remember that is actually pepe lepew

you're getting your learning tunes mixed up my darling my learning tunes and i do love my learning tunes but um henry i just again i want to say that i'm really sorry about offending you with your allergy. It's okay. If I'm being honest, I think you're... I think you're... Sorry, I think maybe I'm having some sort of respiratory... Are you forgetting what the cat's name is? I think I'm having a respiratory reaction to the towels. Okay.

But anyway, I think that your impression of sylvester the cat is um not your best i think it's lazy i'd agree i think that it's very obvious that you're just kind of needing the attention to be on you in a family meeting he's not wrong. So. Okay. Well, we will get Henry to the ER just as soon as George. George. George, you said one more email and it said your son is having an allergic reaction. You need to do your review and then we need to average it all up and then one of us needs to take him to the ER. Why are we going to the ER?

What happened? Jesus, George. You've been. George, just give your review of the. I'm sorry. There's something happening at the plant and I can't quite make sense of these emails. George, just give your review of the towels. I'm sorry, there's something happening at the plant, and I can't quite make sense of these emails. George, just towels. Okay.

Five stars to one star. Five star to one star. Linen hand towels. On what hand towels? The white linen hand towels, George. How about you put an effort into this family for once? Are those new? I'm going to bark you down for three.

Are those not the hand towels your mom gave us? No, George. It's the ones we got two weeks ago. Jesus, I'm sorry. I just, I can't make sense of these emails I'm getting from the planet. They're just like cryptic. Are the emails from work more important than your son's throat seizing up and more important than us leaving a review as a family on Amazon.com?

Like I'm getting these, I'm getting these... I'm getting these emails that are, like, auto-generated from the system. George, that is the most boring thing I've heard all day. Your eldest son is really struggling with his Sylvester the Cat impression because Sylvester doesn't say much else other than I taught a tall putty cat.

And, oh, no, that's actually not even what he says. Hold on. i taught a tall putty cat and oh no that's actually not even what he says hold on i thought i taught a putty cat no that's not what sylvester the cat says he says that that is what tweety bird they say that i'm not sure what tweety bird's a girl i didn't know that i think all right hold on no no no but here's the thing sylvester the cat says suffering so we all were wrong in thinking that he says i taught a top footy cat because that's tweety and i lied tweety is a boy yeah wait hold on i going to look this up. Tweety Bird. It's basically these emails I'm getting. They're like automated response.

Okay, so Tweety Bird's a boy. Okay. And so basically the emails I'm getting right from the system. So apparently Tweety's original name was Orson. Well, that doesn't make sense. Why would Tweety's original name have been after Orson Welles? I don't know. It says because of his feminine appearance,

ambiguous yellow feathers, and gender-neutral name, many people have asked the question. The original Tweedy was named Orson, so there was no confusion. Henry! Where did the kids go? I don't know where they went. Okay, so Tweedy's a boy,

and Tweedy says, I taught it to a putty cat. But Sylvester just says sucker and sucker-tash. Yeah, but was that it? Because isn't there an old woman in that one? There's an old woman, yes, and a dog, I think, too. There's not a dog in that one. Yeah, there was. You look it up.

You look it up. Okay, I'm going to. What are the emails from the plant? So there's these automated messages I'm getting that say, or talking about a meltdown, but I. i well your son's having a meltdown right now realizing that he messed up the quotes from sylvester the cat and that sylvester probably only says one thing no i your son has been working on that impression you know actually i don't know how long he's been working on it because it seemed a little lazy it seemed a

little sloppy yeah no he could spend more time on his foghorn leghorn i'll tell you that i don't like it when he does that when i i i think it is probably offensive and i but i i can't put my finger on it um i think something's seriously wrong at the plant i think something is seriously wrong in this family sorry sweet i think i might have to drive down there I don't Well, on your way, could you please drop Henry at the ER? I've texted Chris is on call this weekend

And I've texted him And he's supposed to be monitoring the levels And he hasn't responded Chris Griffin? Yes, Chris Griffin is on call this weekend And he hasn't responded to any of my texts I'm worried something happened I'm sure everything's fine.

Please just take Henry to the ER on your way. I think Henry is going into anaphylactic shock. He'll be fine. He's a strong kid. He's the youngest. He's three. We coddle him. Fine, I'll take him to the ER on the way to the plant.

It's fine. You haven't noticed anything weird today, have you? I notice how weird you're being. You're not even here. You're physically here, but you're not here. But you're feeling okay, right? How am I feeling? Yeah, like no rashes or anything. I said learning tunes, and that's kind of the weirdest thing that's happened so far.

So I think, you know, know oh i do have like a big blue splotch on my back but i thought it was just from the slime that the kids are playing with can i see the slime yeah here you go oh fuck why i apparently there's a kind of cream you can get i am so with the i'm so fucking sorry. Why? Oh, well, thank you for apologizing. With all the emails, you have not been here. And so I really appreciate you taking ownership and accountability. I brought it home.

I don't know how. It must have gotten on my clothes. What are you talking about? From the lab. Brought? Well, this is from the slam. No, I... brought this well this is from the slam no i i we saw this in the early days but i we had not since wilson went in there i i don't oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck um oh god well what do we um i don't know i don't know i'm not thinking i'm i'm well no well what are we what are we going to put on amazon so

are we going to do five stars or are we going to how are we going to average well we need to well we need to post this before we figure anything else out so i guess okay if simon said two i said five um you you i'm gonna give you three oh god and then uh henry henry's gonna be a one because he went into full allergic reaction so So I'm just going to average. I'm just going to give a three. I'm going to call. I'm just going to give a three. Okay.

So I'm going to give three stars. And I'm going to say, parents love the chic look, but does not dry as well as it could. And then I'm also going to say, could it come in more colors for the little? What do you mean you can't find it? Because you could put a couple of them in the kids' bathroom.

It was in there this afternoon. And you could also have some for the adults. Okay, I'm going to post that. But then I'm actually, oh shit, I should have posted it from the family account. I'll do on the family account, I'll say the Stevens family account. I'm not fucking around. And then I will also say BTW for anyone wondering. Chris.

Suffering Succotash is what Sylvester says. And I Ta-Da-Ta-Pooty Cat is what Tweety says. And Tweety is a boy and send. Okay. Oh, thank God that's done. Now I can really focus. I throw up blue bile. This is it.

Shook me all week long. You shook me all week long. I was shook. If no one could tell what, like, kind of what our whole vibe is yeah yeah yeah man how many scenes just kind of devolve into us talking about cartoons or quoting cartoons

I have to say I there are a lot of characters in Family Guy and I think I should be able to call somebody Chris without you immediately going come on it was funny it wasn't i laughed what's been shaking you you know what's shaking me what i bought when i had heinous digestive issues a few weeks ago, I bought a gallon container of what can only be described as chocolate milk.

Because it was. Why would you do that while you had... I don't know. I genuinely don't know what the fuck I was thinking. And it wasn't chocolate milk like for my cow. It almond milk it was chocolate almond milk god you know i don't fuck with dairy like that um why would you do that while you're having well and i didn't i well i did do that but i did i ended up being like i can't i can't right but today i after dinner i cracked it open and I had a nice chugged cold glass of chalky milk. That sounds delightful.

It was delightful. And I was like, I'm a grown up. I can drink chocolate milk. You're adulting, babe. I like fucking like, I know this is crazy, but. You're doing the thing. I think chocolate milk is kind of good. You're crazy for that.

Do you think chocolate milk is good? I love chocolate milk. Do you ever drink it? Remember a couple weeks, like, it was like months ago, I talked about the chocolate almond milk from Air One. That shit's delicious. I just talked about chocolate almond milk. Oh, my God.

Well, right. Wait. That's crazy. That's complete. Wait. What the fuck? That's crazy. crazy what shook you here's what's new with me what's shaking me what's shaking me is that i am re-watching sex and the city the television program because it is on netflix and it's of a time it's a comfort show i'm having a blast what can i say the fashion the faux paws the

the drama and the the girls and actually new york is a character in that show i'll say that are you a miranda or a samantha or are you... You don't know the other one's names. I do. I do. Samantha, Miranda, Cassidy. Nope. Carrie, who's the main one. Carrie.

I meant Carrie. And Charlie. Carrie and Carly. Nope. Wait, what was it? Charlotte. Charlie. Charlotte.

Charlie. Charlie's dead on. I'm having a blast. I'm having a blast watching it. I forgot that they're only 22 minute episodes i'm on season one um mr big sucks so much mr b um and listen it's i'm just what can i say i'm having fun i'm having fun watching it and i will say this is a someone who i do not see myself living in New York

other than for a job. I do not want to move to New York. But I can imagine living in New York in the late 90s. Come on. It looks fucking sick as hell. When it was still affordable. Yeah, I bet. Yes.

Living in New York, the way that Sex and the city makes new york look amazing it's like it's like the way cheers makes boston look right um so i'm just having a blast with it so in the show they famously they always drink cosmopolitans i've never had a cosmo um you're not missing much yeah i just looked up the ingredients and it looks fine. Anyway, I guess what's shaking me is Sex and the City. Listen, I'm having, it's probably my

most middle of the road what's shaking me, but it's because I have an addictive personality and so once I start something, that becomes the thing for me. You know what you should start? So right now Daniel's away for the weekend and I'm just kind of what am I doing? I'm bringing my laptop around to everyone while I'm doing chores and playing Sex and the City. You know what you should start right now daniel's away for the weekend and i'm just kind of what am i doing i'm bringing my laptop around to everyone while i'm doing chores and playing sex in the city you know you should start because i think you'll really get addicted to it vaping

being cool i'm never gonna vape and i'm never gonna be cool you can actually find alfred um bardwell evans on instagram i don't use my full name that's weird alfred in it you can find the show on instagram at review review you can find it uh on reddit r slash review review discord review review and jeffrey james and my patreon where come party with us over zoom you guys i swear to god we've been having some new patrons and it's such a blast we are having such a fun time who had that on their 2024 riley and jeff 2024 Riley and Jeff you can find Riley on Instagram.com just a web browser

Safari Firefox even just the web browser not the Chrome not the phone app at Riley and small app twitter.com twitter.com twitter.com, Twitter.com. This is what it would sound like if we had a radio show, by the way. Now notice Twitter.com.

If only known as... At Riley and Coyote. And as we say every single week on the show, we're always saying it. We're never not saying it. That. Sound. That sounds like if's Mickey Mouse Shit himself We'll see you next time That sounds like Mickey Mouse shit himself

Love you Bye Bye That was a Hiddem Original