Review Revue - Space Bags

Episode Date: August 31, 2021

On this episode of Review Revue, Geoff and Reilly read reviews on SPACE BAGS and poke holes in contraceptives, call their overly-endearing aunt, visit a stand up poetry lounge, and have a midlife crisis. IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjamesTwitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardeeAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. And participating restaurants for a limited time. This is a HeadGum Original. Oh, how it's been so long

Since we had to change theme songs We didn't want good old Paul to sue. Oh, it's been so long since we had to change theme songs. We didn't have the right to fuck. You don't have to worry because it's still the same podcast. You don't have to worry. You don't have to worry you don't have to worry you don't you don't have to worry

you don't have to worry you don't Oh, how it's been so long Since we had to change theme songs Now it's time to start review review Shoo! That was fantastic I wish I knew what that was a cover of We're so starving by Panic! at the Disco It opens up pretty odd

It's so good That came in from Greg Berg That was awesome Greg That was dope Since I did Rent for Riley last time Here's a cut from the most underrated and best Panic! at the Disco album Just for Jeff, Hope you enjoy. That was fantastic.

I was dancing and bobbing my fucking head. Jeff was fully bobbing. Air drumming to it. I didn't know what the lyrics were. Otherwise, I'd sing along, Greg. The lyrics were clever. It was perfectly executed. Jeff, before we started recording, he goes,

this theme song is going to be huge. I hadn't heard it. I just saw that we were so starving. Oh, my God. Right. And so I'm thinking, wow, it. I just saw that we were so starving. Oh my God. Right, and so I'm thinking, wow, it's gonna be a song we all know. But it was great. Greg comes in with the deep cuts.

He's still vibing. He does come in with the deep cuts. Well, the drums are so good. Jeff was headbanging. That song's so good. I need to get a Pretty Odd tattoo. That's, I think, one of the best albums of all time. I don't understand why people don't love it.

Sorry, can you put your mask up? I'm just trying. I'll get the slushie. At a movie theater. Get blue raspberry. Sorry, mixed with cola.

We're so clearly out of that. That's the only one that's empty. Well, that's the only one I want. Well, it's not fine. fine it'll take an hour are you ready to wait an hour as it freezes no my god you're an adult um hello uh what's new jeffrey holy shit that was like we both it wasn't that crazy that's we asked each other at the beginning every podcast every podcast we asked that question wow it was bound to happen it was statistically bound to happen no that was like that that was amazing no it wasn't i feel seen

no you don't even if you feel it you're, you don't. Even if you feel it, you're not. I don't see you. The Zoom is hidden on my computer, so I hear you, but I actually don't see you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's new with, well, me? This isn't going to be my Shook Me, so I'm just going to say it up top. Schmigadoon.

Schmigadoon is unbelievable. I binged the whole thing with Daniel in two days. I mean, it goes by so quickly. There's only six episodes, and each episode is like half an hour long, thing with Daniel in two days. I mean, it goes by so quickly. There's only six episodes, and each episode is like half an hour long, but it feels like five minutes. I mean, it's perfect. The amount of people in the past month who have reached out to me, like family, friends, friends on the internet, strangers,

who have reached out being like, have you seen Schmigadoon yet? Like, have you specifically watched Schmigadoon? And everyone being like, it's your show. And I'm like, 100% it is. being like, it's, it's, it's your show. And I'm like, a hundred percent. It is. It, I mean, it's perfect. It made me cry, laugh. And it made me cry. Um, couldn't imagine that Keegan, Michael Key singing acapella would make me weep. Anyway, it's phenomenal.

If you haven't seen Schmigadoon, if you love musicals, I mean, it just also, there's the fun of like pointing out every classical musical theater reference it's just phenomenal it really really fucking made me laugh I think it's brilliant you said this wasn't your what shook me this just is a what shook me it just is a what shook me up top

this is not my what shook me but I just had to say to everyone that that's new with me is that I can't stop listening to the music on Spotify and it's just I mean it's just it's just so funny and I wish I was on it so yeah what's new with you um nothing's new oh LASIK I'm getting LASIK on uh August 31st I'm getting LASIK if you're listening to this I'm getting LASIK, if you're listening to this, I'm getting LASIK later today or right now. Oh my god, are you nervous? No, I'm not nervous because my eyes are already fucked. They're getting better, actually. At my last eye appointment, the entire

office cheered for me because my results have gotten better. Stop it! That's so sweet and sad in a way it's not it's not sad what's sad is when it's nice irreversible sure damage which i guess there has been as well but he was like my climate change anyway yeah um in comparison my eye thing is a little bit worse than climate change i'd say just because like it's it's already bad versus climate change is like gonna be bad for our kids um it's fine there's so much wrong with no it's fine now no i don't even think we should get into it because you have so like it it'll take you too long to learn than like five minutes of preamble before podcast we that's um no but i'm open to it though is the thing like i'm open that's great and we can like set a time to like

really talk this through okay um but i'm happy for your eyes crazy ass that's awesome so in seven days i won't ever need contacts or glasses again and that's so fucking awesome that's crazy yeah riley has 2015 vision they have not promised me but said that it's a good chance that i'll have 2015 vision um we're gonna be twinsies yeah so and then i'm gonna have to wear like these goggles i'm also gonna be high on xanax for it so uh my friends are picking me up and they're gonna like take videos of me while i say crazy shit love that i can't wait to see that yeah um i considered trying to do an episode of the head gum podcast while i'm high uh on whatever medications they give me i think it's xanax um

but i was like i'm gonna need to rest so that also i feel like that's gonna be something that would be fun to do in the moment and then you can be like huh so that's just out there that's just simply out in the world oh i mean if i, if I said something horrible, I wouldn't put it out. Well, no, you'd keep it out there. No, it's not a live stream. It will be in the ether. One might say you'd send it into space in a way. Yeah.

And maybe put it in a bag. We're talking about space bags. How would you put audio in a bag? Like save it onto a thumb drive and then put the thumb drive in a bag? Like how do you? Yeah, there it is. And she had that at the ready. We are talking space bags today. You're moving into a college dorm.

You need to pack up your clothes. You get a little hose vacuum. Suck up the air out of a bag and put cloth in it. Sure. You're moving into a new house or you just need to save space bags. You, again, put things in a bag take the hose suck the air out of it yeah jeff have you ever used a space bag i never have um i saw these commercials used to be on tv all the time when we were kids they sure did of like space bags and like you

know qvc type stuff um and uh you know when're a kid, it's really for the parents that are watching like, you know, Nickelodeon. Because like kids don't need to save space. They don't need to use a vacuum on a Ziploc. Well, you don't know that. What would you need to save space on as a kid? Obviously. What would you want to kind of... I had stuff.

What'd you have? I needed to make room for... It's not important. It's just like documents. Oh, well, if it's not documents? You were a notary public at nine. I should have had a filing cabinet, but instead I used space bags.

What were you filing away? Name one document you had. I had, no, I feel like like it's getting i had multiple passports i had what names i had multiple identities that's a felt that's a felony that's multiple you made me say it on here i didn't want to say it on here i was eight yes you were eight and you were an international criminal i too have never used a space bag. But I remember those commercials so well. I remember, like, showing them how many you could fit in tight spaces, like in suitcases or under the bed or in a closet or whatever. I think, I don't know if I'm misremembering this, but I feel like there was also, like, a container of, like, here's where you can put all your space bags in.

I don't know. I don't't know i don't remember that but i i remember i i think like i had um you know what i feel like it was more of an east coast thing because i have some friends in the east coast who use that for a lot like because in california growing up here that we didn't have any like seasonal clothes like it's it's eternally what it is yeah and so we didn't need to save space for like jackets or, you know, any kind of like fall or winter clothes. Um, so I feel like that was a big thing to save space for seasonal clothes. And like a lot of the reviews I've seen, it's like, they'd only lasted a season. Um, so that's, but I mean, listen, the idea of what it is makes a lot of sense. I can't help but think everything comes out wrinkled. Yeah, I mean, you just wash it.

That's too easy. I can't help but think if you throw everything away. You want to make it more difficult? That's too easy? You want to make it more difficult? Once you space it, bag it. So you treat space bags like garbage bags? Well, yeah.

You put it in the bag and then it's... Well, yeah. All right. Should we get into our first review? Yes. Do you want to start us off? Sure. Hold on.

Let me find it. Okay. This is just for space saver premium reusable storage bags. Both of my reviews are from here. Okay this is from kindle customer so casey let's do casey in the sunshine bag okay casey in the sunshine bag one star and it's two parts okay so the it's one star uh The title is Don't Bother. Worst bags ever. Bought six. First two deflated within the night.

Complained and then they sent me two more. Out of the eight, only two work. Two. That's insane. Not even going to keep complaining for new ones because they probably don't work. And yes, I followed the instructions. Swiped the little swiper back and forth about 10 times and made sure the cap was on tight. Like the old saying, two out of three ain't bad, but come on, two out of eight? Ridiculous.

Then they have an update. After writing the bad review below, the shady company contacted me and offered a $30 refund only if I deleted my bad review. Do not buy from this shady company. I am most definitely leaving this review so people know that this product does not work. And by the way, one, only one of the eight bags work now. And by work, I mean it takes longer than an hour

to stay deflated. Like the old saying, two out of three ain't bad, but come on, two out of eight,'t bad but come on two out of eight ridiculous no look boss i i know that a lot of customers have been complaining but i think you know one out of every four lattes being good and the other three being unsalvageable is kind of a good success rate it's better than my old job i mean it's better than none it's better than none exactly that's what i'm saying so you've been sorry people complaining about that? Yeah, they've been complaining to me. I'm like, oh, can I speak to your manager?

I'm like, I'll tell him for you. And then I just haven't been, just because I just wanted to avoid trouble. I wanted to avoid getting in trouble. Has this turned into a bigger... How many people have been complaining? How long have you waited to tell me about this? When was the last time you checked our Yelp? I mean, probably...

God, who uses Yelp? People still use Yelp? Well, they do, especially for small family-owned cafes like this. Six months? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the average review is, it's dipped. It's like two and a half out of five.

No, come on. It can't be that low. I sure didn't know that. We've had five. Holy shit. And I don't want to say that it's all because of my latte thing. That's not what I'm saying. I actually think that you've had a bit of an attitude the last six months.

Excuse me? What? No, no, no, no, no. Sorry. No, no, no, no. No. No. No.

Also, get out of my chair. You're sitting on my side of the desk. Stand up and go around to the other side. Fine, fine. They switch. I can't believe I let you sit there for that long. You cannot come into my office and tell me that I have an attitude. You've had an attitude all year.

Jameson, hush. Let me look through these reviews. Yeah, every single one of these is talking about how you make, and this is not my language, I would never speak like this, piss poor excuses for lattes. I'm sorry. I thought you not my language. I would never speak like this. Piss poor excuses for lattes. I'm sorry. I thought you were my uncle. I thought you were supposed to, like, champion me as part of the family.

Just because I'm your uncle doesn't mean I'm obligated to... You want to call my wife? Yes. And then you'll be in the doghouse. Great. Call her. Call my wife and tell her about how you can't be a barista for shit. Aunt Jane?

Hi, honey. Hi, Jason. Hey. Housework today. My favorite nephew of all time. Oh, my favorite aunt of all time. The sun revolves around you. It's actually not going great.

Your husband is, he's kind of bullying me. He's trying to blame his bad Yelp reviews on me. But it's not my cafe. Oh, honey! Oh, sweet, sweet angel boy! Oh, my darling little cherub lad nephew baby bouncing

baby boy! You're not even her son. Oh, sweetest, my sweetest light of my life. Thank you. I am so sorry about that. You know what? Don't pay him any mind.

You just keep doing what you do. It's probably his attitude. I also think it's his attitude. Is she saying it's my attitude? It's not my attitude. Do you want to talk to him? Yeah, put me on with him. Here's the phone. It's not. Is she saying it's my attitude? It's not my attitude. Do you want to talk to him? Yeah. Put me on with him. Here's the phone.

Oh, my God. Hi, honey. What are you doing talking to our boy like that? He's not our boy. He's not our boy. His parents aren't even dead. They live a couple blocks away. They take great care of him. I don't know why you're so bent on raising him. Because he's a perfect angel. Now, you apologize. I take great care of him. I don't know why you're like so bent on raising him.

Because he's a perfect angel. Now you apologize. I'm not going to apologize. You apologize to him. You apologize to me right now. Hey, easy. She can talk to me like that, but you cannot. You know what, honey?

I will apologize to him if he can prove to me that his lattes aren't what's bringing our company under. I can't do that. He says he can't do that. Yeah, exactly. That's the point. He can't make a latte. That's what I'm saying. No, you're putting him under too much pressure.

Isn't that right, honey? I just like there's so much pressure right now. Like to make a good coffee. It's just like. It's your one job. It's your one job to make a good coffee. What do you mean there's so much pressure? It's good coffee no it's also to greet the customers and smile and have you been doing that not every time because I'm not always in a good mood I'm working the front yeah oh

all right see Is back out. See, I saw that on the security footage. That's the one thing I have been keeping up on. You're watching the security footage to critique my performances? Aunt Jane! That's why they're there! Aunt Jane! I know, I know. My perfect little pancake boy.

Yeah. You are my sweetest pancake with all the fixins. What? The sweetest pancake with all the fixings. What? The sweetest pancake with all the fixings. Uncle Darren. You don't know pancakes fixings? It's like the syrup. It's the butter. Some butter with cream and

berries. Stop it! This is insane. I'm sorry to get mad but you know what? There's only one way to settle this. Jane, you are going to come down to the shop right now. But I don't have to to and jane this is the attitude that i was talking about this is what i was trying to tell you i'm putting clothes in space bags for winter i don't have time she's putting vacuum sealed ziploc bag clothes under a bed a bed almost you're right i missed it's not fully under the bed. I tried. You are gonna, you're gonna come down here.

Yeah. He's gonna make you a latte. And if you genuinely like it, then we can keep him. Cut to that. Hi, sweet boy. Hello, my honey dumpling. My little honey dumpling. Ear to ear smile.

Ear to ear grin. I couldn't be greeting you in a better way. Okay. All right. Here we go. I guess Jameson, or honey, jane why don't you order anything off the menu anything you want you can make it your wish is my command oh you're the sweetest little munchkin little little cupcake i you know what i would love an oat milk latte with a little

splash of hazelnut how about that i make it do the oat milk the whole a little splash of hazelnut. How about that? I make it. Do the oat milk, the whole thing. But then I just take one hazelnut and drop it in. Where did you even get that? Oh my goodness, that's so creative. I don't think so.

It looked like just a loose nut that you found. Can you not spew your poison, uncle? Fine. Taste it. I cannot imagine this tastes taste based on every review. She takes a sip and the nut goes down her throat and gets lodged. Uncle! Now you see what she did.

You set up this whole test. Yeah. What you did. No, what you did. What you did. You're spewing poison. The negative vibe. No, what you did.

You are a poisonous pancake. You're a poisonous pancake. You're spewing poison. The negative vibe. What you did. You are a poisonous pancake. You're a poisonous pancake. You're a poisonous uncle. She dies. She dies. Someone's in the corner writing a Yelp review. I was in the Good Morning Coffee store, and no one should ever go there again.

Both the owner and the employee murdered the owner's wife on the spot. I give this place.5 out of 5 stars because the air conditioning was nice on a hot summer day. And it was also his attitude, wasn't it? It was also his attitude. Are you kidding me? See, uncle? All right, should we take a break? Yeah.

And we're back. This is also a review of your, the one that you just did, Space Saver Premium Vacuum Sealed Storage Bags. Yeah, and it is your review. And it is mine. All right, this is from is mine. All right. This is from Amerigo. One star.

You want a last name for Amerigo? Don't say Vespucci. I almost did. Damn it. Amerigo Crime Story exclusively on FX. Amerigo Crime Story exclusively on FX. One star. I'd used one of the extra large bags for a couple of comforters.

Zipped it up, vacuum compressed it, capped it. And a few hours later, it had re-inflated. I found a pinhole in one corner and patched it with some packing tape and vacuumed it again. But the next day, it deflated. Not sure if I got a box that was unusually damaged or low quality or if they're just not well made in general but i can't recommend them a pinhole i mean it's like poking a hole in a condom hey man um thanks for meeting me at the bar uh yeah bro of course you're my best friend you know so i want to i just felt like i needed to talk to you i just needed somebody

um yeah i mean i got your text i mean like you never send me a 9-1-1 text with the sirens so I knew something was serious yeah I just I don't want to sound paranoid but I think I think Shelly I think she poked a hole in um I think she's trying to sabotage me. I think she's trying to trap me. She poked a hole in an argument? What are you talking about? She poked a hole? She poked a hole. She's been poking holes, I think.

In what? What do you think? She's trying to trap me. She's trying to get me in a position where I can't leave her. And you know I've been trying to leave her Oh my god dude Is she poking holes in your condoms? Space bags yeah

No that's not Sorry condoms or space bags Cause that's not what I said and you said yeah Space bags dude You still use space bags? The stuff from like the early to mid aughts i swear to god i was trying to store my fucking winter jackets right i go to the bathroom and i go to grab a beer like i would like that's just kind of my thing in the bathroom you keep your beer in the

bathroom yeah i have a mini fridge next to the toilet just in case i get stuck on there stuck and so i come back out and i swear to god like there's these little pinholes in the space bag actually it wasn't a space bag exactly it was an off-brand one called space saver but it was still a vacuum sealed joint and like i don't know actually i don't even think she was home it was a vacuum sealed joint no it was like what i was like i was trying to be casual like it was like a vacuum sealed like john and like i try to fucking deflate it right like suck the air out with like a vacuum and it didn't stay deflated like and then i found these little pinholes and i can't help but feel fucking paranoid right like i don't even know if she's around here like she said she's on a work trip to san francisco but what do i fucking know i can't trust her now do you follow

her you follow each other and find my friends right yeah have you looked on that no i'm afraid just look and you'll know once and for all if it says she's in san francisco she's in san francisco i can't imagine i sorry man look we've been best friends since we were seven. Yeah. I love you, Ben. Thank you. You are, like, you're the best. That being said, there are so many details about your life I just learned.

And this is no offense to you. Yeah. None taken. Well, you haven't heard what I'm going to say. I cannot imagine Shelly, who is a wonderful gal I know I've been trying to leave her I know you guys have had problems but but she's objectively she's she's a great gal I can't imagine her wanting to trap someone who has bathroom beer wanting to make sure you don't get away. I don't see a world in which she pokes holes in your off-brand space bags.

And you're saying you're putting winter clothes away. We do live in Georgia. I don't know. I just can't see that. And so I can't help but wonder if there's something else going on. She's not in San Francisco for work. You just checked?

No, she's there. It's just not for work. Shelly left me. Which is why I started dragging many fritters. So you and Shelly aren't together No we haven't been together for two weeks Oh two weeks Yeah that's why I dragged a mini fridge

And you didn't tell me Well you were busy And then the only way I could kind of get you to the bar As like a supportive friend was like Is like a 911 text Yeah Man look I'm gonna go home

Sorry one second I'm sorry about this I put my phone I'm like shopping Oh my god I'm going home I'm getting go home. Sorry, one second. I'm sorry about this. I put my phone, I'm like shopping. Oh my god, I'm going home. I'm getting another mini fridge. This one's for the bedroom so that I can like, I don't have to. You are the boy who cried wolf, right? What do you mean?

Because you sent a 911 text. Yeah. To tell me that you guys broke up two weeks ago. I'm sorry, but like I have a wife and kid at home. I gotta make sure I'm there for them. One kid. If it's something serious. One kid you have at home.

That one's gonna be neglected and fucked up anyways because you never get the first one right. By the way, I never asked you this and I meant to ask you. You don't think that Liza, like... Like, trapped you, right? Like, you tried to have a kid. You don't think she... You think she poked holes

in the condoms? No. Because that's... Well, yeah. Listen, man. I don't know what you know about being married and having a family.

We didn't wear a condom for that. We were actively trying to have a kid. All right. So not everyone is just trying to live the bachelor life

with a bathroom beer and a space bag. But with a girlfriend who left me. So you don't have a girlfriend not anymore shelly left that's what i'm saying she trapped me by poking holes in my space bag didn't trap you obviously she wasn't trying to trap you because she left yeah she freed herself you were trapping her maybe if you think about it well i didn't want her to go to san francisco work. I think you're the space bag, and you're trying to suck the life out of her,

and that's why she got out. There, I said it. You've always been a space bag man, and she ruined your space bag plan. So I'm going to go home to my kid and my wife, who I had sex with without a condom, so there's no way she could have poked holes in it. Okay.

And I hope you do well. So you don't use condoms. We do now. We do now. Okay. Can I see your wallet? Whoa. Can I see your wallet?

Okay, here. Grab it, open it up, take the condoms out, poke holes in them. Now who's trapped? Now who's trapped? There's a CVS next door. Oh. I'm gonna go by- yeah.

Okay. I guess you shouldn't have seen me do it. I don't know anything. I've had too many mini French beers. I know. Yeah. I don't know anything. Didn't they have a beer in the bathroom? I just have gotten used to peeing while having

the beer. God. We're not friends anymore for this. For this? Of course. Alright, that's fine. I guess you shouldn't have seen me do it. Your next review? Okay, yeah. So I want

to say this is the way the format of this review is something akin to a poem. The format the way their lines are spaced out

so I'm going to read it as such but I just want everyone right now we're going to put our black berets on we're going to sip some coffee

and we're going to dim the lights because this is this is something cool. Okay. It's from LLP. LLPne. One star.

And the title is, Do Not Hold Vacuum Very Long. The space bags shipped out and arrived on time. Bags seemed to work as they should for a short period of time. By the way, these are jumbo. We got jumbo. They are enormous. It comes with a little hand vac pump. It would take you a very, very long time to ever vac down one of these giant jumbo bags with it.

Because they seemed like they worked okay. We actually ordered an assortment of these right after purchasing these. We purchased three $20 totes from Wally and these jumbo bags destroyed them. Yes, destroyed them. We vacuied some of our winter bedding down and put in the three totes. Within a month in the storage room, wham, they split at the seams. Every single vac bag lost vacuum. I would never recommend these bags at all. So, besides wasting the money on the space saver bags, we lost the twisted up and cracked totes. Yeah, everybody seemed to like that one. Sorry,'s just yeah it's larry the mc that was

just a reminder guys no sponsored content it's a uh it's an open mic poetry night so a not even a great advertising slot uh and b we're trying to you know kind of react against the corporate america not like bring it into Everyone's kind of nodding. Everyone's nodding, but you guys did. Yeah, you'll snap at anything. All right, and here's our next poet. Hey, everybody. I'm Kat, just Kat.

Nice. And this poem I wrote when I was in a really dark place. My mother had just passed, and I needed something to put a light back in my life. And so this poem is called Great. Sitting at the kitchen table, a spot where she and I once shared slices of navel oranges side by side.

She is gone, and so are the oranges. I pull something out of the cabinet, and behind a jar of peanut butter, I see his face staring back at me. They're not good. They're great, he says through his clenched teeth. I smile, and so does he i take the box off of the shelf i put it across from me in the spot where my mother once sat tony and i stare eye to eye daring one another to make the first move i giggle he smiles wider, his fangs bearing into my soul, just the moment that I needed him most. I nod, understanding what he's asking me to do. I lift the box. I pour flakes onto table. I eat them in the way that you eat popcorn when you're walking to the movie theater after buying the popcorn where you just kind of dab a couple with your

tongue to pick them up because they'll stick. And they stuck to my mouth and my heart. They're not good. They're great. Yeah. Frosted Flakes. That was an ad for Frosted Flakes. That was a poem I wrote about my dead mother. No, it wasn't about that.

It was about Kellogg's branded sugar cereals. I guess everyone interprets art differently. Yeah, you had your time. We're going to do the next poet. And please, if anybody. Yeah, the next one is Kevin. We have seven more poets left. Of those seven, raise your hand if your poem is about something branded.

All seven hands go up. Right. Well. Let's hear yours then. All right. If you're such a great critic and you're an artiste. Yeah. Easy.

No, yeah. Let's hear your fucking poem, guy. Rodney, calm down. I am calm. I just want him to, yeah, I am calm. Sorry. Why is everybody like holding me back? Let's hear yours then.

All right, fine. Mine's called Grandpa's Last Wish. Grampy. His lap on a Georgian sunset. The swing underneath the weeping willow. The sun. The hot Georgia sun. Blaring down on my back.

Sweet tea for little old me. Summers spent with Grampy B. Known to his army rat friends as Benjamin, he was just Grampy to me. But it was plain to see that Grampy B had a problem B.

He was a Marlboro man. He loved his reds through and through. But at the end of the day, it's what led to him being dead for me and you. See? That was not sponsored. That was just a good poem. That was an anti-smoking campaign.

No. Yeah. Okay. Well, that's not a product. That's a not-for-profit. No, and it was magnificent. Not really. That was a first draft. This is a new material night. It was everybody.

The room was filled with smoke from long cigarette holders. Everybody. Everybody. Everybody quit smoking. Right now. It's Rodney again. Everybody take your pack of cigarettes and eat them. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That's not how you quit smoking. That's just. They're all munching them. Yeah. That's not how you quit smoking. You're all eating carcinogens. This is insane. Also, you're not allowed to smoke indoors. I wasn't going to say anything about it. The sponsored content was the more pressing issue.

This is absolutely bizarre. Everybody's snapping so loud. Hey, Rodney, I'd be remiss if, before we all finished eating our cigarettes, I know you said you wrote a couple haikus. I had one that I was ready to share. Yeah, we'd love to hear it. All right, you guys going to hear Haiku? Yeah. Yeah, all right.

Just give me a minute. At one table, a couple friends lean over. Rodney looks four times the size he was last week. I don't mean weight. I just mean he is a giant man. I know, it's like you're in Photoshop and you like extend the size

like diagonally. Yeah. Like, all right. All right, you guys ready? We love you, Rodney. We love you, Rodney. My rosy cheeks

fly. There are so many things that I wanna do. Die. Alright, you guys have been a wonderful crowd. Also, I just wanna say that haiku was

sponsored by Pennzoil. Damn it! Are you kidding me? Now that's sponsored content. Yeah, that's what I was campaigning against. Rodney, Rodney, Rodney. Me, me, me. Rodney eats five more packs of cigarettes.

I was doing it this way either way Wait we haven't been doing this? What else do you do with cigarettes? Alright Our last review They're snacks Our last review do it This is from Quinton B

Do you want to give him a last name? Quinton Button Quinton Button Five stars. Same bags. Here's the scoop, guys. I bought the four-pack, which contained two jumbo and two large bags. Let me start by saying that this product has changed my life in the best way possible.

The bags fit, and then a list, in the jumbo. A very heavy king-size comforter with plenty of fluff. And the other jumbo. A 13-gallon bag worth of stuffed animals, a very large teddy bear, and two decorative pillows. In the large bag, two Letterman jackets. In the large bag, several heavy winter coats and a Halloween costume. I'm so stressed about packing. Oh, come on. We're only gone for three days.

I know. You'll need a pair of jeans, maybe a nice pair of pants, a button-down shirt. It's nothing. I know, but I didn't pack any of that. I'm fucking floundering. Well, we're just going to visit our kids for the weekend.

They're off at college, and so we'll be able to walk around Boston for a bit. Just have a weekend to ourselves and with our kids. What could you have possibly packed? It's fall, so you're going to need a jacket. Don't forget a jacket. Just have a weekend to ourselves and with our kids. What could you have possibly packed? It's fall, so you're going to need a jacket. Don't forget a jacket. I know you get chilly. Yeah, well, I had a jacket.

I had two, actually, and they were both Letterman jackets. I had a Halloween costume from last year. And then I had snowshoes. Those are the only fucking change of clothes that I brought. Like, this is what I'm saying. I get so anxious when I pack. I just forget even how to live. Henry, I can see that.

Okay, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're doing it again. You're doing it again. Well, you know what? Let's just go through all of these things and I can help you. I know you're in that state

where you do forget how to live. So we'll go through them and I'll tell you what you need and what you don't need so why don't you show me what else you've packed i brought stockings from christmas you will as you don't mean legs i see you are going to actually wear stockings as stockings honey you let's keep them here in the house for christmas because christmas is coming okay and so it'll be great to put presents in so we'll leave that here i brought a ton of presents that's great the kids will love presents what you were for me you brought presents for you to open yeah i don't know if any of them are going to travel well though they don't need to travel at all i think we keep them here and then

maybe you can open them when we get home but i know what's in them see that just like i don't even i forgot what a fucking gift then you can open them now then you can open them when we get home. But I know what's in them. See, that's just like, I don't even, I forgot what a fucking gift is. Then you can open them now. Then you can open them now. Fine, fine. I'm sorry, it's just our, we need to leave for the airport in five minutes. Our flight is in an hour. All right, I'll open them now.

He holds up a box. No, I don't mean open them. He starts peeling off the gift wrapping like it's a chicken wing. Oh, would you look at that? It's the keys to a car that we own now i bought a mustang i don't think this is just you getting overwhelmed with packing and forgetting how to live what is it then just turned 50 yep it's i mean it's clearly a midlife crisis i don't know what else to tell you and that's what it was that's what it is i think i'm gonna go visit the kids. I love you. I think you stay here and you organize the house.

Because you did buy a replica of the James Bond suit from No Time to Die and you put it on a mannequin in the kitchen. That's absolutely right. So I think you bring that back to the store. You bring the Mustang back to the dealership. Return both is what you're saying. Return everything because I know that you bought an unbelievable amount of things

costing probably an astronomical amount of money. We don't have a savings. I bought a Harley. When I get home, I expect there to be money in the account and all of these things not in the house. Okay. I was just chalking this all up to you being nervous to travel and you kind of getting a little frustrated and not knowing what to pack.

No, it's a midlife crisis. It's a midlife crisis. So, I'll see what it is. I started a rock band with two 20-somethings. And I said I would fund their album. Our album, I should say. They call it their album, but I call it our album. Yeah, there it is. Cut back three days later honey i'm back okay i haven't opened the door yet

but i expect everything to be just as it was is kind of like a cat in the hat situation so everything better be normal and i'm unlocking the door do it you're gonna love what you see i bet it i hope it i love that it's our home. Yeah. Well, it'll be a little different. Oh, that's what I'm nervous about. OK. I'm going to give you a couple more seconds before I turn the handle on the door. I wouldn't be able to undo it in seconds.

I'm going to give you a couple of minutes and I'll walk around outside. I'll take a phone call. I'll text an email. Let's just see what you think. Are you sure? I'm going to open the door right now and everything better be normal. Everything's going to be different. I open the door.

Flame decals on every wall. What do you think? It's better than I thought it was going to be. Well, you haven't seen the master. If it's just the flame decals, that's fine. Oh, there's so much more. I bet they're what, like $15 total? $15,000 original pieces by a street artist.

At least that's what he told me he was. What's in the master? Water bed. Cut to them sleeping that night. Are you awake? I'm a born again virgin. That was what you were asking. What?

Because that means I'm young. That means I'm young. I start poking holes in the water bed. Wait, what are you doing? It's going to just make it a... It's deflating. And I'm just like lying in the wet carpet. Why'd you do that?

That was honestly not cool of you to do. Like, especially without asking me first. Like, this is our bed. This is your bed. This is your house. These are your flame decals. This is your life-size easy bake oven, which is just an oven that you put in the living room.

This is your fat head of Mike Myers as the cat in the hat. And this is your designer teacup poodle. I'm out. Not of this marriage. I love out. Not of this marriage. I love you. But I'm moving. The kids said that I could stay in Boston with them until you get everything sorted out. So I'll give you one more chance. And if everything is not exactly as it was,

well, then we'll look at the marriage. But I know getting older is hard. I just didn't think it would happen this fast. Of course. No one does. No, no, no, no. Not life. I mean, I thought it was going to be way harder

to get rid of you so I could be single again and be a bachelor. Because that means I'm young. Because that means I'm young! I put you in the easy way, Colin. Of course! Hansel and Gretel! This is what happened to Hansel and Gretel! They were your kids!

They were just kids! In case! Should we do our final segment? yes this shook me off remember there was a time I don't know if this is

if this so Daniel and I were talking about this this morning the concept of like being quote-unquote whipped in a relationship like oh man dude you're whipped it's like what the fuck were people talking about it's like i feel like that lives in the same world of like the comedy like i hate my wife like Like, what a weird, I feel like that term was really prevalent in like the early mid-aughts. And it just didn't make any sense of like, you want to hang out with your girlfriend? Oh my God, dude, he's so weird. It's like, what's the alternate?

Like, no, man, I'm not, I hate my girlfriend. No, I'm not with man. Come on, guys, stop. Like, we're all having fun. It's like, what did you want them to say it's like oh my god dude you're so whipped you like you went on a date with her i know what even was that i was being so i was i was being crazy for wanting companionship yeah like that it was such a wild time and it's like it's like the worst thing to be called it's like no

i'm not i'm not with and then people admit it's like i'm whipped you know what wild time and it's like the worst thing to be called. It's like, no, I'm not whipped. And then people admit it. It's like, I'm whipped. You know what? I feel like it's coming back with like, you're such a simp, dude. Like, what is that? Why do we do that as a culture? What the fuck are we talking about?

I mean, it's usually single people that are saying those things. So they're probably just sad. You know what it is? It's like, oh, you're whipped. It's like, oh, it's probably somebody who doesn't know how to express their emotions what they want to say is like hey man i miss hanging out with you ever since you got into this relationship like we've been hanging out less that's what they mean to say and this but simp i think is different simp i think is where it's like you're not respecting yourself like you're putting someone else's needs ahead of your own

but i feel like that's that's probably at least what some people meant when they said whipped i think it's different i think whip like what were saying, like whipped, it's like, oh, like if you do anything for your significant other, you were whipped. It's like, well, no, like this is just what being in a relationship is like. Simping, I feel like has the connotation is you're doing way too much, man. Is simping, I feel so old. Is that short for anything or is just simping the term? I don't know what it stands for. Yeah.

So I don't know what it stands for yeah so i i don't know i feel i see it on tiktok and i feel 25 on tiktok being like now where does that come from 25 is not old 25 is absolutely within the realm of people saying no i just i i i never hear it like in real life you know what except for elizabeth but she's an anomaly and she's 25 she's not an anomaly i would say you're well within the age range to know what simping means. No, I know what it means, but I just don't know where it came from. I think TikTok. But I mean, I don't know. Where does anything come from?

Where did she? She. What's been she-king you? That's good. Really? All right, relax. I can do it again. What's been sh-eaking you?

Yeah, it was good the first time. I don't want to hear it again, obviously. What's been sh-eaking you? You know what? My brother-in-law, he released a book. It's called The Imagination Machine, published by the Harvard Business Review Press. Oh my god, Jack! Yeah, so huge for him. It's called The Imagination Machine published by the Harvard Business Review Press. Oh my god, Jack! Yeah, it's so huge

for him. It sold well. I think it sold like 30,000 copies or something. That's amazing! And a friend of his saw it in a Hudson Newsstand at an airport but I haven't read it yet. Oh my god! It's about creativity in business. So if anybody is like a small business owner or

employs people, maybe check that out. It's available wherever books are bought and sold. Nice. Got it. Oh, wait,

you can follow Riley on Instagram at RileyNSpot, on Twitter at RileyCoyote, you can follow the show on Instagram at ReviewReview and on Reddit

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Shout out to all of our VI podcasts, our patrons, patreon.com forward slash Riley and Jeff. If you want access to bonus content and live streams and parties over Zoom, the whole thing. The last Rock and Roll Zardy was very fun. Yeah, I had a lot of fun. I dressed as Kurt Cobain on MTV Unplugged. I wore a fedora yeah and a queen shirt and glasses yeah and a jacket it was rock um thank you so much for subscribing and this was nice we should do it again sometime. We have to, yeah. It's work. How many more episodes till our 100th?

This is 97. This is 97, so we have three weeks to get a special 100th episode together. So we should start planning that. Let's make that happen. Yeah. We'll see you guys again next week.

Thanks so much for listening to this episode of Review Review. Arrivederci. Gee! That was a Hiddem Original.