Review Revue - Stress Balls

Episode Date: March 22, 2022

This week on Review Revue, Reilly and Geoff get fired, eat rice out of a bag, try to take out a bank loan, and read reviews on STRESS BALLS.   Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjames Twitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardee <><> Produced by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get that Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. And participating restaurants for a limited time. This is a HeadGum Original.

Yet another banger from, well, Buell. Buell so hard, motherfuckers wanna find me. So Buell so hard motherfuckers wanna find me. But you gotta wanna dine me What's half price app from the Applebee's King Can you appetize me Be also hard to get munchies Y'all don't know but my boy Chauncey

Red wings to go 052 And I'm still on ride driving chicks crazy Be also hard to compare Wagon so big it's on fourth square Be also hard to have warfare Spilling cab sap in my glassware High low I'm liable to go Michael Take your pick,

Crichton, Buble, E-back, bass hits, feel so hot, got a sick watch, going viral on TikTok, Kirk Goods is hitting me up, begging for that Anacar in his mailbox, feel so hot, Justin June, my Auburn Lola's get brushed too, if you had hair like I had hair, then you would know that's how Mopee do, so hard Mintzburg baby Asking for lunch Can you blame me? Fantasy Danny Rashid Like a hot wolf

Cannavalli Feel so hard What's that? Just might let you hear Noel L.A.'s Bazemore Papa Narragansett Feel so hard

Motherfuckers wanna find me That shit cray That shit cray That shit cray Feel so hard Motherfuckers wanna find me That's your cray, that's your cray That's your cray

She said Murph can we get married out in Prague So check yourself I don't even got a job I'm making money by writing on my blog People read it cause I'm an expert in nog Feel so hard, that shit cray Ain't it Bob? Look over there Is that a rod?

I chug my wines I'm not a snob I could give a sin a motherfucker with this visage Bougie girl at a party Fuck that shit, I'd rather Zarty Even Smarty's trying to Smarty Better than McCartney Jeff James ain't

do it right, if you ask me, if I was him I would've moved to Tallahassee, who's Ryan my gall, what's gray my marl, Jeff's ankles are small, we all prefer Ranspaul, doctors say that my illness is that I'm sad and I'm jobless, got my pockets in Paris, but they come to Brazil. But everything's goof worthy. I try to take things serious. And like with everything going on in the world. Fuck off. Review, review. That was my favorite theme song ever.

Where do you go from here? I mean, it's like, where do you? That was the most line byby-line references to everything we've ever done. As I was listening, I'm like, wow, there is a universe. HeadGum Videos, Review Review, Patreon, Zardy's specifically. That's insane. Was there a guest artist? That's Bob Buell featuring Nolan Murphy.

I don't think so. No fucking way. I heard Nolan's voice. I was like, he got the feature. Wolf hung like Cannavale. Jeff James ain't do it right if you ask me. If I was him, I would have moved to Tallahassee. Jeff's ankles are small.

We prefer and spa. I mean, line for line. I want to memorize that. That was unbelievable. That was unbelievable. Now he can't do the episode. It's not going to be as good as that. Well, no. Yeah. So that, okay. And so here't do the episode. It's not going to be as good as that. Well, no.

Yeah. So that, okay. And so herein lies the issue, right? It's like the theme songs can't be good. Yeah. Because if they're good. That's my whole thing. Yeah, that's your whole thing.

Because then we look bad. Then we look bad. And that, and there, aye, there's the rub. Even if the show is, like, even if the episode is a banger, it's still like, I don't even want to be equal to the theme song. Yes, yes. I couldn't agree more. Oh, by the way,

we're back from our hiatus. Yes, we should say, yeah, welcome back, obviously. We're back, we're back, we're back. Thank you guys so much. You guys are being so patient with us. I just feel renewed. I feel refreshed.

We really needed a vacation. Oh my God, we needed that. We needed that. We needed that. And thank you guys for letting us have that and giving that time and that space to us. We really, really felt that. We're back and we're ready to jump in. We're right. We're fully ready.

We're Herbie fully loaded. Um, we're back. That's what I was going to say is we're Herbie fully loaded. Yes. And you always say that whenever you take a nap, you wake up and you're like, I'm Herbie fully loaded. It's like a nap is what I call just sleeping in general. Yeah.

Well, that's because you never sleep more than 20 minutes each time you do it. That's true. Yeah. But that's a REM cycle. You're home. You're back. You're in the city of angels. I'm in Hollywood, which is, it's hard.

You're not. It's not where you live. Hollywood, California. Right, that's not where you are. Okay. Then forget it. I thought, that sucks. That sucks! How does it feel to be back?

Are you sad to leave? Are you happy to be back? Bittersweet, but the thing is, you know, you can't keep me anywhere for too long I know Paris in a year For a year Why? You went to New York for three months

And now it's Paris for a year In a year I'll have a year here maybe And then Paris for a year Or a month Don't give me that finger Like easy year. Or a month. Don't give me the finger. Like, easy does it.

Or a month. Or a month. Or a claw. I don't want anything. So you're happy? I said I was back in LA. I didn't say I was happy. Also, just a little,

y'all can't see it, but as soon as I said, so you're happy, I jumped in a slight shake of his head. And then launched it, so you're happy? Well. I'm happy. It's nice to not have to wear a bunch of layers when you go outside.

I was walking outside barefoot earlier, which is nice, because it's my own soil. Don't smile after that. No, it's been a whirlwind month so far because I had to come here for two days and then I went back to New York for a week and then to Cleveland to visit my family for two days. Now I'm back here only until Thursday and then going skiing for three days and then I'm back. So to answer your question, it doesn't feel like I'm back yet.

Right, that makes sense. But it's been nice to sleep in my own bed. I'll be it alone. I'm just bummed that you're not going to be present for my St. Paddy's gathering. Right. You're the most Irish person I know, so I was it sucks to not

celebrate this day with you. I'm going to be making shepherd's pie. I'm going to be making. No, you're not. I am. Are you kidding me? I'm going to be making boiled cabbage and shepherd's pie i'm gonna be making no you're not i am are you kidding me boiled cabbage and shepherd's pie and it's the worst food in the world is irish food no it's not no it's not cabbage have you ever had boiled cabbage yes i went to ireland it was disgusting no that's where you're wrong boiled cabbage is fantastic um also i'll be, because it's Jay Lee's birthday, so we're having St. Patrick's Jay,

and he's requested an olive oil cake, which he's never, I love an olive oil cake. I love it, and so I'm gonna make an olive oil cake with like a whiskey

blood orange whipped cream. Whiskey to tie in to St. Patrick's Day, and Daniel and I went to um we ran some errands yesterday and at world market i got some digestive biscuits which are british biscuits and they're fucking delicious um and then there was a tiny little irish section and it was just like i mean it was so small and it all it had left and it had like a tiny little St. Patrick's Day sign above it. There were two six-packs of extra stout Guinness,

and then like two things of like O'Reilly's Irish cream, which I had never seen before. What is that? And it was like all it was, it was just two things. I mean, it's all alcohol there. And I just look at it, and Danny was in another aisle, and he comes over to me, and I gesture, and I'm like, my culture. I'm like, this is my cultural exchange with you. And it's just alcohol.

So I'm so excited to celebrate. And I'm making a playlist of. Green beer? Sorry to interrupt. Green beer? No, not green beer. A lot of whiskey. But I'm very excited.

This isn't the first time that I've ever made Irish food other than scones. But no green beer no green beer um like i said whiskey maybe some guinness um but yeah no green beer um but i'm making a i'm curating a playlist with like a bunch of traditional irish folk songs and then also jay's favorite music so it's gonna be a really i texted jeff about i'm like can you come he's like i'm gonna be gone and i explained that i he's like too many themes right way way too many themes because aren't you also doing korean food because jay likes korean food yeah so so that's right uh i am worried for the event i'm worried people get confused people get confused, people get puzzled, people get angry. People get angry, obviously.

Oh, fuck. There's gonna be like a riot. I was thinking like a pub, you know, brawl. You think there's gonna be enough people angry that it's a riot, right? There's gonna be torches. This sucks.

The band. Yeah. Also, this is just a little life update for me. I'm trying to cut back on caffeine i'm going uh because i'm in withdrawal i'm in withdrawal i i normally have which isn't i feel like in the grand scheme of things isn't too much i have two coffees a day normally i'll have my morning one and then like an afternoon one i'm trying to cut back on the afternoon ones um i'm

in wild caffeine withdrawal i'm exhausted um but i missed the, and so I got decaf, a decaf blend. And how was that? I just took my first sip, and it's so not, yeah, but it'll do. It's like having a non-alcoholic beer. Yeah. Yeah. Should we get into some reviews? Well, that's the thing.

It's like, you know, the lack of caffeine is making me a little stressed. It's making me a little antsy. Antspy? Antspy. It's making me a little antspy. And so I just wish, like, I'm looking around my desk. Yeah, like, what would help? Oh, God.

Well, it's like I have papers, I have pens, but I don't have anything that I just could like get that stress out. I wish I had a stress ball. Stress ball. I'm so excited to talk stress balls. I thought you would have a stress ball. So truly you don't have one?

I do not have one. Because I feel like you're someone who would have a stress ball. Well, I have... Because you kind of have like things for different needs. Sorry? What does that mean? Like, I don't know. You have, like you different needs. What does that mean? I don't know. You do journal. And a clown nose is a perfect example. You have objects that most people maybe talk about having, but don't.

And a little tiny hand that she waves. So I don't necessarily have a stress ball. The closest thing I have is my red clown nose. Clown nose. But I would never squeeze this because it would disrupt the structural integrity

of the thing. I can't believe I'm even letting you watch me put it on. That's like rule number one of clowning is you don't watch the person put it on the fucking nose. We're not here to talk about that.

We're talking stress balls. I love a stress ball. I don't own one, but my God, just to, because I bite my nails and I shouldn't. And it's like, I hate that I do that. And so I just like need a fidget thing. I need something to squeeze or like I need something tactile.

So I love a stress ball. But, and I've seen this in a lot of reviews, a lot of, you need to find one with the right consistency. A of them are way too hard and so you can't even really squeeze it and it just hurts your hand um what do you think of wax balls stress balls let's talk about stress balls not yeah all right um i don't have one I've held them in the past I'd like to get one after seeing photos I've held them in the past

I mean I'm not going to talk about it Well now you have to I kind of have built in stress balls I do tend to squeeze my sack when I'm stressed. And let the record show

I wasn't going to say it, but you prompted me. No! You don't ever just cup your bits? Not even sexually. It's truly like a stress ball I'm gonna read a review alright alright but I'm serious

I know this is for motivational stress balls adults so these are they're a pack and they have different they're different colors they also have motivational phrases on them so there's one that says, you can do it, one that says, take a deep breath,

and one that says, don't give up. So there's three. And this is five stars from Melanie M. Melanie Melanie. Sorry. Yeah. You heard it right. Repeat it back, but you got it exactly right.

All right. Repeat it back, but you got it exactly right. All right. You enroll call in class? All right, Jeffrey. Oh, that's exactly right. Correct. Whatever you hear. Whatever you heard is what it is. Melanie Melanine, five stars.

The title is Brighten. No. What? No, you did it. The title is Brighten Your Day and Others. Brighten your beach. You know how other stress balls are really hard to squeeze and it ends up cramping your hand?

These three little bad boys aren't anything like that. I recommend people to buy these. They're made of good material, and the quotes are good little reminders to have, especially during these unpleasant times. I use them for my office job and it's pretty entertaining to pass it around to coworkers

and motivate each other. It's the little things that brighten one's day for encouragement. In this case, the form of a stress ball. And then like the, just a little emoji heart. Too easy. form of a stress ball and then like the um just a little emoji heart too easy so have you heard about the downsizing oh my god have i heard about it i haven't fucking slept

like i feel like it's like i wake up in sweats like i'm drenched like every single day they say last one's in first one's out i'm just like i feel like if we're gonna if anybody's gonna be shit can it's gonna be you or me well i mean like like i feel like if we're going to, if anybody's going to be shit can, it's going to be you or me. Well, I mean, like, like, I feel like you shouldn't have to worry because I was only. Hey, guys. Oh, hey, Brad. Hey. Hey, Brad. How's it going, man?

You guys want a stress ball? It has a little quote on it. I got them specifically made for you guys. It's Lisa. That's yours. Thanks. Peter. Yeah, thanks, man.

Specifically made for us. It says, keep your chin up. It's going to be okay when you're fired. Peter. Thanks man. Specifically made for us. It says keep your chin up it's gonna be okay when you're fired. Oh my god. What the fuck? No I don't know if you guys are gonna be gone but like if you are hopefully this you know helps you de-stress. I've been here for a while so I think I'm gonna

be fine. This one said Lisa when you're fired and strapped for cash I can loan you 20 bucks. That's just like I can't give a lot, but like even a little goes a long way, I feel like. That's really insensitive. Not really. Yeah, Brad, I don't know.

I was going to say, I think you mean well, but I actually don't. These feel really inappropriate at a time when we think our jobs might be at stake. So I'm going to give this back to you and please leave us alone. All right. I can.

What? I can take them back. I just believe you alone feels bad. Because what if you guys are gone in a week and a half? I want to be able to talk before you leave. We don't want to talk. Dude. We don't want to talk.

We don't want to talk. Especially about that. Why not? Because you have been here since day one, right? Day one, you've been here. So there's no world, it seems, unfortunately, in which you are going to be cut. I know that.

Right, exactly. Right, yes. You are in the cubicle, and it's really only room for two people, so you really need to at least take a couple feet back. All right, let's huddle in. Let's huddle in! No, I don't...

Grant kind of forcibly puts them into a circle. Listen, I know I've been here since the beginning, but that doesn't make me good at my job. We know. We know. You have tanked our numbers for the past three quarters. And I'm on a pod with you, Brad. So our numbers are locked in together.

If it comes to this, I'm going to tell them that you're the reason that the numbers have been down. And that'd be fine. And that'd be fine because I have job security. Right. I have job security. And that's what's upsetting. That's what's really upsetting is that people like you who don't give a shit about their jobs, you have nothing to worry about. What?

Am I wrong? No. Okay. But don't say it. It doesn't matter. I can see it from the rooftops. It doesn't matter. We can yell it around the office, and there is no way that you're going to get fired before we will.

Okay. You know what? I like you guys a lot. I like you guys a lot. We've never hung out outside of work. Really? What about the happy hour? The work happy hour your guys' first week?

Again, work. Work happy hour. That was kind of the office all... We went because we just got to this company. It wasn't to hang out with you. Also, we didn't spend time with just you at the place. It was everybody. Once I realized your vibe was kind of bad, I tried to avoid you the rest of the night. I say, how about this?

We all go into the fucking COO's office. So not straight to the top. But we go in and guess what I'm going to say? What? I'm going to say when you fire these two, give them a lot of severance. What the fuck is wrong with you? That's not comforting. We don't want to lose the job a lot of severance. What the fuck is wrong with you? That's not comforting. We don't want to lose the job and just get severance. We don't want

you to put that into their head of like win their fire. Like my god we hope we keep our jobs. If anything we should go in there and be like pitch reasons why we are invaluable to the team. That doesn't sound like a good idea. Cut to them. Mr. McAllister

Miss Rhodes, thank you so much for meeting with us today. I know times are really crazy, but we just wanted to, you know, we've heard the rumors going around. Miss Rhodes' phone rings. Hello? Okay, I'm sorry, guys.

I don't know what this is about, but I have to take this. She leaves the room. Oh, fuck. It's a bad start. It's a bad start. Mr. McAllister, please, if we could just have a minute of your time.

We've heard the rumors about the downsizing, and we just wanted to come in here with one last-ditch effort to really prove to you that we need to stay. We need to stay. And we feel like the team needs us to stay. The company needs us to stay.

Yes. No, stop. Of course. You guys, trust me, I see the individual numbers within the pods, and I know that you guys are two of our, you know, you've only been here for two months, but you guys are two of our star employees. Really?

You don't have to soften the blow. We know, you know, it's the last one's in, first one's out. We hear that. No, no, no, no, no, no. We don't operate like that at all. Really? Really? We saw, I mean, that's wonderful to hear.

Oh, my God. We really just thought that. What a relief. We were getting ready to get the little boxes and start packing up. Bust through. Don't you dare fire them without severance. Brad, he's not going to fire us. He's not going to fire us, man. We're safe. He thinks our numbers are great and he agrees that we should stay. Wait, Brad, what did you just say?

I said don't you dare fire them without giving them a ton of severance. Huh. That's actually not a ton of severance. Huh. That's actually not a bad idea. Wait. What? Wait, no, so sorry. No, yeah, what if what if I shit-canned you two and just gave you a ton of severance? No, you said that you looked at the individual numbers. I didn't have that idea

until Brad said it. No, but Brad is an idiot. You looked at the numbers and you said that our numbers were sky high and that you looked at the individuals rather than the pods and that we're- Don't listen to her. No, why should- We know what's happening. They're already gone.

So now from there, the only thing we can do to soffit the blow is give them a ton of severance. Brad, I gotta say, until you burst through those doors, you were gone without severance. Why does he get to stay? Because he's- that was a good idea. It wasn't. You're wasting more money. What? It's just giving us a shit ton of money to leave.

That's you spending more money than you need to. I'm going to write down a number. No, this is okay. This is insane. You're not getting it. You guys have been so valuable to this team that I don't think you should be working here. What?

You should have some financial freedom at least for a year. So I'm going to write down a number. Puts it on a post-it note. Slides it across the desk. And you let me know if this is enough. This is half a million dollars. Jesus Christ. My salary is 120.

So this is like five years of money. Are we splitting that or is that each? That'll be, I was going to say split, but now that you say each, why not that? This is fucking crazy. That's unbelievable. I'll take it. I'll take it. I'll take it.

100% I'll take it. Yeah. All right. Good deals. Good deals. And Brad, you're promoted. Everybody at once. Why? Why? Oh. And Brad, you're promoted. Everybody at once. Why?

Oh, Miss Rhodes, you're back. Yeah, sorry, I had to take that call. Sorry, all I missed was that Brad's promoted? No, you also missed that we just, well, I just gave Lisa and Peter basically half a million dollars severance. Each? And shit canned them, yeah.

Sorry, so you spent a million dollars on two now ex-employees? The only thing that happened in the minutes that you were gone was that we spent a million dollars. You spent a million dollars in the two minutes that I was out just to talk about picking up my dry cleaning?

Doesn't matter. No, the more important question is why are you taking non-work related calls in the middle of the work day? Brad, what do you think we should do with Mrs. Rhodes? If you want to fire me and give me a million. I think, yeah, because she was part of the executive suite. You might as well, if you're going to shit can her, which it feels like you already made that decision, might as well treat her well with severance.

Yeah, I'm going to write down a little number. $1.2 million. That's $1.2 million. Yeah, I will absolutely take this and I will happily pack up all my stuff today. If you can either wire this or cash it. We could Zelle. I think we could Zelle you. Zelle?

No, I don't think $1.2 million would transfer over to Zelle. No, me either. Yeah. I think we could Zelle you. Zelle, no. I don't think 1.2 million would transfer over to Zelle. Not me either. Yeah, no. I also don't think that. We zoom out. It's a Wells Fargo corporate office. That's what happened. They just spent 2.2 million to fire three people.

Who were good at their jobs. Who were making the company money. You spent 2.2 million to let them go. No, it's fine. Because the company is just like a bunch of people. Right. Right. All right, should we take a quick break?

Thank some sponsors. Tiny, only if it's small. It's going to be so small. Okay. See, we're already back. Oh my God, you're right. It was tiny. It was tiny.

That was infinitesimal. Like a baby. Do you have a review to read? This is a review. Nice. Of Serenolite Hand Therapy Stress Ball Bundle. This is gonna be from Henry G. I'm gonna give him the last name.

Henry Ghirardelli Square. Henry Ghirardelli Square, five stars. The title is, haven Been Stressed in Months. I cut one open to satisfy my curiosity, and I think I like the feeling more without the sleeve. I recommend it. I'm a changed man now. Spirituality

renewing, therapeutic, and one hell of a party pleaser. What? He opened Pandora's box. I like it better without the sleeve.

Hey guys, I got takeout. Yeah, fried rice. Hand you the bag. Oh, wow. Thanks, man. You open it up. Instead of it being in the cartons, it's just loose fried rice. Oh, shit. It spilled. The postmate must have...

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We haven't been dating long enough, but actually what I do is I tell them to cut down on not only waste, but also, because I like it better, loose rice in a bag. That's disgusting. No, me too.

Yeah, I... No. I hear you about less waste. I disagree with the methods. I think I'm just going to order something else because I actually... I don't feel safe eating loose rice. What? We just...

You got to be kidding me. We said we were going to order Chinese food. Don't be mad. I can kill more girls. I can't believe I'm yelling. I'm not mad, I'm befuddled. I'm confused and puzzled i'm confused stop this doesn't stop it okay all right sorry we've this is our second date and we said yeah

let's i know i know i'm so sorry let me fucking talk actually i don't know how we escalated this quickly you need to shut the fuck up and let me speak, Ian. Wow. That language. To somebody who just ordered something that you wanted. No, I didn't want loose grains in a bag. I wanted like a nice, like I just wanted a carton of fried rice. So I don't know you very well.

We went out to a bar a couple nights ago. We had a good time. It's it's like oh let's order in like do a little cozy thing probably we should have stayed until like the fifth date we definitely don't know each other well enough for me to come over to your house and order food on the couch I don't like this this makes me feel unsafe it's like on

Halloween when your parents are like don't take unwrapped candy you gave me the equivalent of unwrapped candy but it's just loose rice in a bag i don't want to eat this if you order something else this relationship is over we're not in a relationship and if even if we were that's great that it's done because this is really scary to me so i'm gonna order some pho and i'm to have it delivered to my apartment, because I'm not going to stay here tonight. I'm going home.

Then you're not the right girl for me. I agree. Get out of my goddamn house. Don't use that language with me. You told me to shut the fuck up. You told me to shut the fuck up because I had rice that you wanted in a bag. That's crazy.

No, you're crazy. Look at my apartment, it's kinda nice If this is the only issue That I fucking order fried rice To reduce waste in my carbon footprint, by the way Then there's the door I'm sorry to say That's not the issue

The issue is not you reducing your carbon footprint I think that's a really noble quest. Do everything you can to reduce emissions. Do everything you can to reduce waste. This is not the way to do it. Get a compost bin. What is that? Oh my God.

Oh my God. You don't need to not have rice in a cardboard container for you to save the planet. Well, then I just like it also in the bag. Right. That's weird. Okay. And I don't want to eat that. I feel like you're not understanding.

You must be an angel then. You must be a little Miss Perfect if this is what bothers you. What's one of your flaws? I bet you have a ton of them. the hell is wrong with you man i'm upset because you challenged me on one of my favorite things to do your favorite thing to do is to order rice in a bag one of i said right it's okay to have a ton of fun i agree agree. That's not what we're fighting about. We're not fighting about whether it's okay to have fun or not. We're fighting about, I think this is a really creepy thing that you do and that you're almost forcing me to eat.

Which I really, I've told you I don't want to do that. I don't want to eat unwrapped food. I didn't do anything. You did. I ordered it and someone else put the rice in a bag. No, you took my order and I saw you putting like the special instructions, but I just thought it was just like, oh, don't include cutlery. We already have it. But instead, I'm now looking back. You wrote, do away with the carton.

In the bag is fine. Correct. Right. Because that's, yes. Right. Right. Right. So you're into it now.

No. You just said do, in the bag was fine No. You just said in the bag was fine. No, you said in the bag was fine. I was repeating what you wrote. Well, then, so you're telling me that you order your fried rice in a carton? Like you just don't put anything? I don't order it in a carton. I order it, and then it comes in a vessel.

You specifically order it outside of any kind of vessel. It's in a bag. That's a vessel. A bag in a bag. That's a vessel. A bag is a vessel. Oh, oh. So, oh, how are you reducing your carbon footprint if you're using paper to get the rice delivered to you? Because, you know, you need one thing to get it. Oh, so you're not the big man.

You're not Mr. Green Thumb over here. Fuck. Do you want to have sex? Yeah. Yeah. I was literally about to do that in some way. Oh, my fucking God. What was the first date like?

Night and day. This must have been fine to go. The first date must have been lovely. Just totally normal. All right. Do you want to do our next one or should I do one? That was one of my favorite ones we've done this year. That was insane.

Oh, my God. Hold on. Let me see the ones that I have this is so stupid okay hold on there's i'm deciding between two uh okay here we go this is the one that i'm not gonna do but i just need to read because it's one sentence yeah the title is sticky feeling it just, the blue one's very sticky even after I washed it. Is there any way to exchange that one? But this isn't the other one. Okay.

This is for Hand Therapy Stress Ball. Perfect for anxiety, stress relief, and hand strengthening. It's two stars from Gene, G-E-N-E-M. Gene Melanin. Wait, no, what was the other one? Melanie, Melanie. Gene and Melanie, Melanie, sorry, Gene and Melanie, Melanie. Correct.

So Gene, Melanie. The brothers, Melanie. So stupid. Gene, Melanie, two stars. The title is Honesty is Always Better Than Lies. As being a manager, I wanted something to help relieve my stress. Looked into a stress ball,

read the product, and thought this would be a good fit for me. The material's trash. It ripped right away when squeezing. I would show pictures, but I just threw it in the dumpster, pissed. must say after doing that i felt better see see let me get this straight you want a small business loan so it's so it's a rage room is that what you're saying yes um i feel like they're growing in popularity across the city it's like you know you fill it it with old like computers or TVs or plates, anything that you can just like smash.

And then you walk out feeling refreshed and like, you know, you let some of that anger out, some of that grief out, whatever you're feeling. Okay. And so this one's going to be just another one of those. It's going to have, you know, what you just said, like plates, TVs, and it's going to be in a room. It's going to be almost exactly that. But instead of it being like defunct pieces of equipment, it's going to be all brand new, like top of the line luxury items. So you're going to have like a brand new flat screen, beautiful, like giant TV, smart TV. You're going to have gorgeous, incredible, like, pass-down China,

like your great-grandmother's China that she's been saving for special occasions. This, that. Do you see where I'm going with this? I do. It seems immediately less profitable than the other, which is truly just junk that you can pick up from anywhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In which case the overhead is just the physical space.

Now you're saying that you want to pay for a physical space and crash and smash some of the most expensive items on the face of the earth. So you are denied, obviously. Well, you didn't let me finish. You didn't let me finish. Okay.

So the thing, like I said, they're not defunct items. They are perfectly working items. So what's going to happen is you're going to go into the set, for lack of a better word, and you're going to fiddle with the TV. You're going to try and turn it on.

And where is the set? Is it a storefront that you're renting? Do you own it in any way? It is a storefront. It is, you know, like the. Because you gave me, the address you gave me looks like a residential address. And I did a background check and it seems like it's the address of uh an old colleague of yours or an old romantic partner i can't tell so in a way in a way it's a storefront um because this is where a business is so it's like a business you usually have on a storefront

um but okay so we're not there yet so it is a residential area so in this residence home you're gonna you're gonna fiddle with everything you're gonna fiddle with the brand new tv you're gonna look at all their wedding china did i mention it was wedding china they just got married a couple months ago i'm starting to get it and then after realizing that like huh these settings are a little funky that's when you take the baseball bat that's when you take the sledgehammer and you just go to fucking town on everything you just let out all of the shit you have inside of you that you've been holding on since you saw the save the date, because for some reason they sent you a save the date, even though you just are freshly divorced. And so Stacey thought, oh, why don't I invite her

to my wedding? Why don't I invite her? I said, that'll cheer her up when obviously she just wanted to rub it in my goddamn face. So you're going to take the baseball bat from her son's little league tournament and you're going to just smash every breakable and non-breakable, if you can, if you can muster it, object in the house. The floor will be littered with glass shards. Don't wear shoes because you're going to get your blood all over those floors. You're going to be walking around glass crunching under your feet. But that pain, the physical pain will not compare to the pain that is in your heart after months and months of her talking about her promotion, talking about her engagement and looking at you like you're a worthless piece of trash. So speaking of trash, what you're going to do next, that's right,

you're going to get her trash bins from outside, bring them inside, just shake them all over the room. You're just going to shake them. You're going to go into her bed. You're going to take the bed, take the covers off, and then you're going to make a body, like the silhouette of a body, out of trash. And then you're going to put the bedding back over it. And oh, is that her husband sleeping there?

No, they're banana peels and takeout boxes. And then you're going to get in the bed. And you're going to cuddle up to that pile of trash. And you're going to thank God. Thank God for Rebecca's rec room. That you finally have a place to let it all go. You know what? I actually don't need the loan anymore.

I'm so sorry for wasting your time. It's okay. I'm just going to have my lunch if that's okay. I feel amazing. I feel like I'm actually feeling my body for the first time in a while. Do you ever feel that way? That's really sad. Take all the time you need.

You are denied for the loan. I know you don't need it anymore. That's okay. I'm just going to have my lunch. Bag. Chopsticks. Which do you get for lunch if you don't mind me asking oh it's just a little leftover

fried rice where'd you get it from I got it from Hopley down the street oh my god Hopley's so I always thought that their stuff came in like they had these like these take out

boxes but that's just a bag yeah i guess it is you know i order it that way i i thought you were gonna think i'm insane i order it that way on purpose are you fucking shitting me no i'm not fucking shitting you i just this is you know i'm just trying to do everything I can to reduce my carbon footprint. Reduce my carbon footprint. What are you doing after work? Having sex with you. Probably.

Pointing. Having sex with you Probably That's what I was gonna do Oh my god That was insane Having sex with you You really fucking dropped into that character You're like

You just fucking Go to town Oh my god We should I wanna upload the Zoom recording of that to the Instagram, because people have to see your facial expression. You're shaking around. You're shaking around.

And you're gonna get in the bed with the trash. I'm like, no way. I don't think so. Like a goddamn raccoon. Oh, yes. No! Yes! You okay?

No. You're right. What? No. No. No. Right. Yes, you're not. What's been shaking you? No. Right. Yes, you're not.

What's been shaking you? God. Jesus. Oh, Christ. What? Oh, the withdrawals or what? No, I'm just thinking. That was a lot. You just came at me with a lot just there. I can go first if you need a second. Go. No, I need a second to recoup from that.

Hmm. It's kind of interesting. What is? Which part? You going first? No, you know what? You don't get it. I don't know. I'll just say this.

I was, well, first of all, fucking gas prices. That's not what shook me. Yeah, it's fucking insane. I'm glad I missed some of all, fucking gas prices. That's not what shook me. Yeah, it's fucking insane. I'm glad I missed some of it. I love it. I fucking love it. What a rush.

$5.99 at the gas station near me, and usually that's the cheap one because it's like up in this canyon area away from all. Away from all? I went somewhere else you really did i was driving yesterday uh and blasting bluegrass um folded in the way to be specific and i was you know like bake them biscuits baby bake them good and brown when you bake them biscuits, baby We're Alabama bound And I was just like You know, slamming on my car door And everyone at the stoplight

Was staring me at the eyes Giving me the stank eye So I guess people don't like to have fun And so I guess what shook me is that People don't know how to have joy What's been shaking you? That was tough. To listen to?

Yeah. Oh, God. I mean, to rattle off a few, I binged all of Inventing Anna. That shit was awesome I I'm loving Gilded Age fucking Nathan Lane is in it I could cry but actually come on man

Christ sorry two little things one I started listening to the radio in my car because I never do it and then I'm like, fuck it. Let's do it. And my God, the joy that it brings me to listen to 77 on Sirius XM, fucking the on Broadway channel, which is the shit that I used to listen to on the way to and from high school.

And the same hosts of the shows that I listened to in high school are still the same hosts now. And so it really unlocked some memories. And my God, I just just i fucking love show tunes oh wow um the other thing that's shaking me so the other night i was home alone uh because daniel and e were working on this short film and i heard a little i heard like something outside the window and it was at night and i was very scared. And so I check like our camera footage and it's a little possum. And I'm going to show you, did I send you pictures?

You did. It just looks like you. I need to zoom in on him again. So it's just like, it's just, it's just a poss just a possum but its eyes are like really bright in the night vision and i don't know why but it made me cry laugh just to know that like i was so scared and it was just a little critter like and then i like i calmed down from that and um then i i i was standing in the kitchen and i look out onto the porch because i saw like something moving and it was like making its way across like our porch in the back yeah and that boy is big it is

a big old possum long tail thick body and Daniel named it spud and so um spud the possum has really been shaking me just knowing we have a new pet that's what it is that in our neighborhood cat who who I saw the other day who let me pet her for like 10 minutes. We have a new pet. That's what it is. That and our neighborhood cat who I saw the other day who let me pet her for like 10 minutes. She acts like a dog and I love her. Her name is Angel.

So yeah, so Spud. Spud's really been shaking me which seems really fitting because this week is St. Paddy's Day. That's a good point. That's a really good point.

Well, you can follow Riley on on instagram at riley and spa on twitter at riley coyote and on twitter you can follow the show at review review show on instagram at review review on reddit r slash review yeah yeah yeah you can follow jeff on instagram at jeffrey james and on twitter at jeff boyD. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Should we... Fuck it. Should we thank some VI patrons? Let's do it. Thank you to underscore Christian Side Hugs Dog and Cats 2.

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or else it'll never get done, so have at it. Chahuck. Cluff. Connor Finnegan. Great, now all my energy from the break is gone. You've devitalized me. Daddy Tuesday Night is dishing out spankings. Come and get it, Nolan.

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soups. Just hot water yummies. Just chunk of slurpees soupy time. Gale DeSoil, aka Sandy Loam. No way. Gilk Jonic. Gray didn't do a Gilk Jonic.

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listen to Zardies? Because I feel like Moe Pete is sort of... Is and Zardes. Passively listen to Zardes? Because I feel like Mopey is sort of... Is the Zardy. Is the Zardy, yeah. My name is Jeffrey... Nope. Nope. Nate Porteous thinks this has to be a Riley rename. Jeff can't be silly.

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Quok. Raven funny joke name. New patron. Shows on hiatus so number one will see this as a kid okay shows on hiatus so no one will see this as a kid I pooped myself at medieval times but was too shy to tell anyone so I left

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Well, that's how Mopeet do. That's how Mopeet do. That's how Mopeet don't. The dulcet tones of Jeffrey's sleep moans. Should we see? Nope. Let's just see. No, let's get through the rest of them.

Let's get through the rest of them. Let's just see. Let's get through the rest. This episode of Review Review is sponsored by cow milk. Cow milk. If you drink almond milk, you're a fucking loser.

TJ Michael. And Yarrow Bouchard. And that's all the time we have. That is all the time we have. Here we go. No. Okay, we didn't, I didn't talk in my sleep.

Thank God. Thank you for listening and thank you, Jeffrey, for not moaning in your sleep last night so we have nothing to listen to on your phone. All right, all right.

Very good. That's enough. We'll see you guys again next week. Thanks so much for listening to this episode. Arrivederci. That was a Hiddem Original.