Review Revue - Sugar Cereals

Episode Date: January 18, 2022

This week on Review Revue: Geoff and Reilly read reviews on SUGAR CEREALS and experience true freedom, a questionable business venture, and being the man in the house.                                                                                                                                        Follow at:                                                                                IG:@reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjames                                                                              Twitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardee                                                                      Edited by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds                                                                        Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. And participating restaurants for a limited time. This is a HeadGum Original.

Oh my God, thank God. Yes, yes. oh my god thank god yes yes yes no way oh my god no this is insane this is haunting i love it. Oh my god! Oh my god!

Hell yeah. Oh. help me work it out i won't let you down that was unbelievably cool we'll play the rest of that uh at the end um our first in-person live show i want to walk out to that that's it's i loved that that i laughed at it that was unbelievable john mayer says that if you laugh at it. That was unbelievable. John Mayer says that if you laugh at a song, that means it's good. Who sent that in? Who made that masterpiece? That came in from Jay, and he said, that's right. It's a theme song that is, well, for want of a better word, unusable.

However, it's a fever dream I cannot escape. I love it. So maybe don't say you love what you send in. For want of a better word, unusable. Unusable? Is that fair to say? You're shooting a film. Oh, man. All these takes were great.

They are, for lack of a better term, unusable. But we really appreciate the effort that you put in. Okay, so we're going to do another take? No, we actually don't have enough battery left. Battery? That was amazing,ay thank you that was that was perfect not only was it usable it is i'm i'm logging that away i really mean it when we do an in-person live show whenever that may be i want that to be our entrance song what a shame the poor groom's bride is. I just want to know. Yeah.

Oh, Jeffrey. Now the end is Jeff. What? I don't know. I am the end. What's up? How are you feeling? I'm feeling great.

You know, Phoebe Bridgers, I Know the End? That means that she knows me. I don't think so. She knows the song The End by the Beatles. Really? Yeah. Oh, I know the end. Me?

What? No. What? Obviously not. At a meet and greet? What? No. Jeff, what's new with you cold here what temperature is it there um please i was waiting in line oh i was waiting in line for a routine covid test today elizabeth and i went and

um it was so fucking hot it is it's hot well it's like 75 don't tell me that right now but we were 20 here but we were standing in direct sunlight um i had a well because daniel went before us and he's like the line is really long riley you should wear sunscreen and bring an umbrella and i did both and daniel daniel calls me he goes oh my fair lady and it's my favorite joke um so yeah it was you standing with us with a umbrella for sun protection i'm gonna send you a photo of what i looked like in line at this probably looked scarier than someone with covid i looked like a tourist um oh elizabeth has it um so yeah so it's it's cold there it's fucking freezing it's 20 it's below zero that sucks so i was walking just from my friend's apartment to the subway and then from

the subway to my place and i i swear to god i was on the verge of frostbite and i was bundled you went to new york at the worst possible time that's true that's true uh no i mean i've said this to everybody you can't take her at her, then you don't deserve her at her best. You're reading from note cards. This is a printout of your Tumblr from 2008. She believed she could. So she may be little, but she is realized, realized, realized. Sorry, they all got mixed up on one card.

So you printed them onto one card. You collaged. Yeah. I haven't been outside one card. You collaged. Yeah. I haven't been outside since this morning and I refuse. Tomorrow's going to be even colder. Please look at the photo I just sent you. I've made a horrible mistake by being here. Oh my God.

Please post this to the Instagram. Also, the live photo is you laughing at Elizabeth taking the photo. You look crazy. Your outfit looks cool though um i'm singing in the sun i'm singeing in the sun oh my god so i well i i it was so hot and because because i'm so pale and I'm at high risk for skin cancer, I had full black leggings on. I had like a black jacket on over what is now a vintage headgum tee because it's our design that we don't use anymore. And a hat and sunscreen all over and an umbrella. And I got home.

I sweat through my entire shirt. So I'm now in a different headcount shirt um and then later today it is laundry day um today we are going to our uh daniel my are like daniel's family friend's house because she's getting rid of a couch a small couch that we want and she's like i don't want this anymore it's also a pull-out couch so that's actually going to go in the office where i'm at um but she's like we don't have movers um so you guys need to just figure it out and so we're like okay jesus so um and elizabeth felt it and she's like this is huh those were their exact words uh she wrote a haiku for us in an email about

picking up the couch um but we like we called obvi like it's definitely more than a three-person job so that's gonna be my day today is just sweat sweat today is sweat for me we're having completely opposite experiences um and neither is good no no neither sweating i think is worse um i'd prefer you because i i prefer being cold to being hot me too um because then you can bundle up yeah here i'm doing heavy lifting in direct sunlight you can't take your skin off no well um well no don't try to think of innovative ways well it's not that i can't it's that i shouldn't um you die yeah you Yeah, you'd die. I guess. Not you guess. So literally-

It also wouldn't make you less hot. After we record, I will be going to move a couch. Well, I hope it goes well. And at the end of the day, both literally and, you know, the old saying, you will have earned pizza and beer if you'd like. It's like a moving day. It's like a moving day. I guess at the end of the day, it's like when moving day it's like it's like a moving day um i guess at the end of the day it's

like when you do something harder even if you if you haven't done anything hard everyone deserves a treat um one of my favorite sketches from snl from uh please don't destroy is romney box deserves a treat speaking of treats i'm thinking of something sweet yep i'm thinking of something you can crunch and munch okay i'm thinking of something sugary all right sugar cereals sugar cereals we're talking that lucky charms we're talking that cap and crunch we're talking those fruity and cocoa puffs oh yes peanut butter chocolate cookie crisp we're talking all of it frosted flakes they're more than good they're great they're flakes are for kids they're after me lucky charm we already did lucky charm but we didn't jeff talk to me about it wax sugar cereals i haven't had a sugar cereal in a while but uh it's also it's not something i ever

crave but i mean yeah i mean my favorite is captain crunch and you know i love i love how it just absolutely ravages the roof of your mouth it just tears it up and i'm not even kidding it's amazing if you're not sore after that a bowl of that cat and stuff did you even have did you even have the crunch if it's hard to munch you know you've had cap and crunch when it's hard to munch um so cap and crunch is your favorite it is my favorite i think the last time i've had cap and crunch was maybe on frozen yogurt oh even even that was a while ago how would you describe the flavor of cap and crunch good i'd describe it as pretty fucking good uh no it's like it's like um

because it's not quite peanut butter but it's the same thing as like like pops or something it's like it's like um because it's not quite peanut butter but it's the same thing as like like pops or something it's like what it's just like it's not vanilla it's that grain that cornies stuff i do believe it's a corn based crunch it is i guess it's corn flavored right yeah i but it's sweet corn it probably is just sweet corn which people eat i love corn i've never had a sweet corn um kettle corn i've had a cap'n crunch i've had kicks and i get my rocks off i've never had maize got it but i have a feeling if i did i would be amazed what's your favorite childhood sugar cereal or adulthood um childhood i mean cap'n crunch was of course in in the um rotation i think lucky charms was

the goat for me i could have guessed just in terms of the irish at all yeah uh that was that was amazing reese's puffs um fruity pebbles is fucking incredible i love me some fruity pebbles i remember being little and being in the grocery store seeing cookie crisp and after having seen oh my god and stuff and it's just like it was just cookies i remember like begging like begging my mom yeah like please and she only let me get it one time she's like okay i'll buy one box and literally never again holy shit that's fine i don't care and i try i think i only had it the one time because i'm like this is literally just cookie and even then i'm like this is too much for me yeah did you ration it or did you have like you did you have in like two or three servings i don't remember i i all i

remember is like the instant gratification of her saying like finally giving it and being like okay one box but you're never allowed to ask me for this again and i was like deal um yeah but i think i think reese's reese's pops reese's pops and lucky charms were tied for the top um oh but frosted flakes listen they're all quite good and the same way i haven't had any of those in so long i feel like i would like go into cardiac arrest if i had any of them right now but if someone were to plop down like a big bowl of frosted flakes in front of me i would eat that shit up it's like you don't want to have a pool you want a friend with a pool you don't want to have the box of cap and crunch you want a friend with a box and then it's like you're over there one night and he offers you

100 um john mayer had a really interesting instagram story back when he was more active and i do miss his instagram presence because it was very entertaining he was he made the point that cookie crisp was just cookies and milk literally Literally just cookies and milk. So he's like, why should I buy Cookie Crisp when I could buy mini Oreos? And so it was him who, he poured a bag of mini Oreos into water and that was cereal. And that's unbelievable and I have to try that. Well, they also made that a cereal. Mini Oreos was a cereal. Or like Oreos or something like that.

It was an Oreo cereal that had like the multigrains infused and shit. It's like, it's already bad for you. Just go for the bad bad, which is that mini Oreo shit.o shit i had um i was at my family's house the other day and i was really hungry and they didn't like they they were like oh we haven't gotten groceries yet but i did see a box of just like plain special k in the pantry and i'm like okay and i had that with just some regular milk and some blueberries on top that shit slapped that was amazing well also I just haven't had a bowl of cereal in a long time and so to have a full ingredients list on simple k I don't know special special k special simple k no simple k um but that

oh I do remember I used to love I used to love the dark chocolate special k which is literally just special k with little bits of dark chocolate chunks of dark chocolate incredible it's just rice wheat gluten sugar defatted wheat germ and malt flavor oh well it's just defatted wheat germ i mean i don't know what that is but the rest is pretty whole don't describe something as pretty whole oh another shout out oatmeal squares oatmeal squares are the best adult sugar cereal it actually has a lot of fiber in it so it's good for you and it's mini wheats frosted frosted mini beats frosted mini wheats i think are top tier for me frosted i haven't had those in a long time oh frost we should do a cereal party yes frosted mini wheats because it's like i feel like a lot

of the other cereals it's like it's like you're just eating air you're eating sugar air but frosted mini wheats it had enough like mass to it yeah that you would love oatmeal squares i've oh man frosted and it wasn't too sweet because it's like you only had on one side of it oh my god that incredible. I could really go for a bowl. I tell you. I honestly, and then we'll get into some reviews, but I really do feel a little gypped that you, as an Irishman, got to have a cereal that represented your culture.

Like, where were the chicken tikka masala O's? I really appreciate you workshopping this tweet with me right now. Like, what about fucking rahamishi flakes? What about doll squares? Doll K. Doll K. doll k man i could really go for a bowl of dog k right now let me tell you dog k huh elizabeth who's your friend huh all right should we get into our first review

samosas that's so good just peas and chickpeas in coconut milk that's so funny you mean doll doll K what's the what is that

what's K what do you mean dolls kills no not clothing idiot the cereal the lentil I really don't think so No, not clothing, idiot. The cereal? The lentil?

I really don't think so. Oh my god. Okay, you want to start us off with our first review? Oh, yes. Okay. We're going back to the lucky... We're going back to my culture cereal. We're going to do some Lucky Charms. Oh, shit. I'm crying okay just peas and chickpeas this is a cereal you put chickpeas in a bag it's a deconstructed samosa

in a bowl it's not even kind of it's not even savory enough to be a milk sorry this is five stars for Lucky Charms from Shari can you give Shari a last name let's do Shari uh Quaker Shari Quaker five stars

the title is yummy the box is big and it makes it hard not to eat it too fast this is my mommy treat after the kids go to bed it's amazing to sit down alone it's amazing it's amazing to sit down alone without 10 eyes staring at you and eat a bowl of lucky charms it tastes so much better when you can relax a little and enjoy your bites instead of trying to eat fast. My five kids do not get to eat this type of cereal since they don't need the extra sugar. But heck, mommy deserves a treat some nights. They don't get any?

This treat's just for mommy. This is mommy's treat. Heck. Mommy deserves to have a little bit of treat sometimes all you kids i put the i put your chocolates the snack packs in your lunch boxes can i call you mom i'm the oldest i'm 15 so i'm trying to level with you they the others came here to just talk to you to see if we could have what what is this why are you all circling up around me? It's 1030. You all should be in bed.

I just don't think it's fair, if I can speak for everybody, that you get to have the Halloween candy that we went out and trick-or-treated for. I understand that you say we don't eat the sugar, but it's one night a year. And I was so looking forward to it because all year i've been dreaming about having one one tootsie roll and you said i could and and now you're eating them by the fistful yeah it's actually you're eating a lot of candy mom i'm not you i'm not even choking you're not even enjoying it listen eating're eating it fast. Listen, I know I told you kids you could have some,

but it's been a really hard week. And I feel like I give you kids lots of treats. But hey, who's the one who made all your costumes by hand? Who's the one who went into every haunted house with you that you guys were too scared to go into? And to be honest, I was a little freaked out too. And who's the one who had to deal with the rest of the pta moms at the halloween halloween costume parade bash looking at me because i had the oldest version of the iphone and i did and i

couldn't use anyone's charger cut to that you still have the wide charger oh well i figured if it ain't broke uh hey i'm'm actually, I'm pretty low on juice. Does anyone have an iPhone 3 charger? They all laugh. You're funny, Carolyn. But you're not one of us. You're such a gaffe. No, and you'll never be.

Oh, all right. How's being a single mom? I'm actually, Richard's just been on a business trip for a couple weeks um he's just been on is that what he told you well yeah i mean i have him on find my find my friends he is yeah he's still in north carolina so um i know he doesn't come around here a lot um so you know what north carolina is famous for oh my god i don't think she does let's say it on the same time we'll say it at the same time because we all know there's three two one women women so many women there so many women and carolyn i'm sorry but if he's in north carolina for more than two minutes he's gonna find some he's gonna he's gonna he's gonna find

at least one one a hundred percent it's probably more than that but a guaranteed one well i mean his his two out of the seven of the business associates he's traveling with are women so i i mean and there it is and there it is and there it is we're so sorry sorry and especially i would say i know what you mean, but we really keep it tight. And so our husbands are always with us at night. And that's our motto. And I think that's why I'll never be part of the group because it's like, if you keep it tight, you'll get your husband every night. At night, yeah.

And it doesn't matter what his job is, what he tells you that he has to travel. He doesn't have to travel. He doesn't have to travel. He can travel to North Carolina, fly back to be with you at night and fly back in the morning and he's not doing that's that sounds one really extensive and two like that sounds exhausting i don't think that's but it's like if your man doesn't go to those lengths for you i don't know what to tell you it either sounds like you're just not keeping it tight enough or like you're not right enough for him right that. It's a really good way of putting it. And that's why she's one of us.

And that's why you'll never be one of us. You'll never be one of us. Sorry. Well, now my phone's dead. Now my phone's dead. Cut back. All we're asking is for one piece of candy each. I think that that's fair.

I don't even need to have mine because I'm older. But like, I mean, Randy's four. Wow, Trevor, you think you're so selfless. You think you're a selfless, fearless leader. Come down here and saying, well, I can for Randy's four. Wow, Trevor, you think you're so selfless. You think you're a selfless, fearless leader coming down here and saying, well, I can forgo my candy. I can forgo my candy to give it to Randy. Yeah, I think that is selfless.

We all thought it was really nice that he would do that for us because he's the best big brother in the world. And he's been more of a dad to us. Don't even, don't you don't you dare don't you dare go down that road been on a business trip for a year that's not a business trip it's a business it's a business trip his business relocated to north carolina so he's there he's doing business he works at 7-eleven he could work at any 7-eleven you guys it didn't

relocate. The case that you're trying to build to get some candy. This is mommy's treat. Mommy deserves a treat. Everything's become mommy's treat. We don't get any treats now. Everything is mommy's treat. What are you talking about?

Of course you get treats. I get one thing a night. And what do you mean everything's become my treat? I give you the world. The one thing you get a night is three, as you say, three hours of unbothered mommy time. And you do a lot within those three hours. So it's actually several things. You have dinner separate from us.

Well, you guys sit at the kids table. Right. The kids table is just the floor. It's just the floor. You get the whole dining table with like seven seats. And there's four of us. You get the whole dining table with like seven seats and there's four of us. You watch The Family Stone really often. You make us watch Family Guy.

We're not even of the right age to enjoy it. And then you read books on history. And I don't think you're reading because it's so clear that your phone screen is on because it's illuminated from the book. The books are dense. And if I want to play Candy Crush crush i can do that because i'm mommy and that's my treat everything is your treat um well we just feel like relationships are two-way streets and we let you get your treats and we just also want some treats he's four he shouldn't have

to say what he just said and to understand what he's saying he understands reciprocity you're not actually crying no i think i see what's going on here you think i'm a bad mom and you think bad mommies don't deserve good treaties is that what you're saying i wouldn't phrase it like that but yes so what so if i give you each a piece of candy then suddenly i'll be a good mommy and i'll deserve the treats yeah are you asking me how you can earn the treats now well i mean it's like i feel like the power has shifted in the house and since you're the man of the house now that dad's away i guess you're right um i'm sorry stuff like that i'm sorry that it's i've been acting out i've been naughty and throwing tantrums. And maybe mommy's been having more treats than she should.

So Trevor, if I give you all your Halloween candy back, may I have a treat and be excused from the table? This is very confusing, but yes. I shouldn't be spoken to by my mom like that you are still in charge and i'm asking you to just take it more seriously now you're you're a kid and i have to become a parent at 17 so that sucks i think you're like i said before i think you're you're doing better being dad than dad all right yes if you give us our halloween candy, you may be excused, Mom. Thank you so much. I'll be in my room, and if you want to put me in timeout, then that's okay.

I do have my iPad up there and a TV, but it's mounted into the wall, so I guess you could take away the remote from me. What was your childhood like, by the way? I've never asked you. Cut to that. Hey, Mom, I'm hungry. Can we have dinner soon i i don't know can we have dinner soon oh wait what wait what all right uh let's take a quick break thanks to sponsors and

we'll be right back with more sugar cereal reviews wait what wait what nobody knows and we're back all right riley this is a five-star review of Cap'n Crunch. I'm not going to sugarcoat it because it's already sugarcoated. This comes from Samantha R. Samantha R. Like R-E? R-E-E. Like Samantha B, but Samantha R. Okay. Samantha R.

Five stars. This was my favorite cereal as a kid. Yes, I still eat a bowl on occasion as an adult i love it that much the sweet corn flavor along with the crunch is great i like to get it a little soggy otherwise the roof of my mouth takes a beating you know what i mean man being in college is so cool like finally it's like i love being able to just like and, like, talk about all the sex we're having. Like, it's so cool that, like, all of us are doing it and we can all be so open about it. And, like, learn from each other.

Yeah, sex and unlimited screen time. Unlimited and unlimited soda. We can have anything we want. Like, we're men now. Yeah, we can do pot or I can have a ton of sugar cereals. Yeah, doing the stuff that our parents wouldn't allow. Excuse me, excuse me, you two in the back. Yeah, this is,

you're in a lecture hall, so when you're at the back, the sound actually travels to the front and we have a guest speaker. So can you guys at least whisper, ideally not talk at all? Sorry about that. So sorry about that. It's so freeing because there's nobody to tell us to be quiet yeah i just did tell you to be quiet i mean if you need to step out that's fine

you don't have to be here we can like step out of the room if we want like we don't even get yeah it's college you're paying a you guys are paying a ton of money to be here so it is kind of like you guys are adults now so either be here and learn or don't. Did you hear that, Mike? We're adults. We're adults. You even said so. Come on.

Let's go get some fucking sugar cereals, Corey. Cut to them at a supermarket or bodega. Holy balls. We have like the pick of the litter, my dude. Like literally any of these, we could walk away with. You don't even have to ask mom. I know, but you know what? I'm kind of worried.

What about? I'm worried that the clerk isn't going to let us buy it. I take the box, put it in my jacket. They try to walk out. The security guard sees them. Excuse me, what's in your, can I see what's in your jacket? Run! Go! Go! Go!

Go! Go! Cut to them being interviewed by the police. And how old are you guys? We're adults, that's for sure. We're legal adults, so I don't know why it even matters, because we're literally of age. Well, I've got some bad news for you fellas.

I mean, being an adult also has its downfalls i'm not you you could be tried for this as adults if i decide to arrest you wait wait wait well what's the difference between being tried as an adult and tried as a kid well being tried as a kid it might you know you might get it off your record you know with good behavior maybe some community service okay okay then we're 17 okay are you 17 we're we're just boys we're just kids and we we make mistakes and that's the whole thing about being a kid is that it's like you learn and you and you grow and it's like even when you mess up it's okay because you get you get a million second chances okay well that's not necessarily true um but here i clearly something else is going on i don't know what you're talking about you guys are taught you guys are speaking very strangely for 18 year olds

17 17 and a half and a half right um did you guys you guys's fathers weren't around were they what makes you say that? How would you even know that? And not even how would you know that, because that means that I'm confirming that he wasn't. Right, right. But it's like, even if that were the case, it's like, do we have shirts on that say,

my dad based his business in North Carolina and I live in Milwaukee? Well, yours does say that exactly right. Damn it. So that's kind of how I knew. Dude, I told you to change shirts. I'm sorry. It's's like in college it's like you want people to get to know you and it's like i'm not great with words and so i figured like i could let my shirt do the talking since i'm from here's look a little your ears look a little cold you might want to put a hat on

takes out a hat puts it on i wasn't very good at sports on it. The fuck, dude? What? I'm just trying to cut to the chase, man, so I can chase that tail. No, but you're gonna get any tail-wearing stuff that has really personal stuff about you. Girls like it when you open up.

I'm just trying to be vulnerable. I'm sharing parts about myself that I can't say. It's hard for me to verbalize it, so that's why it's wearable. The cop gets a call. 10-4, we've got a high-speed chase suspect on the loose on the freeway. Cool.

You know what? Guys, I gotta go, but fix yourselves. Oh, we got off scot-free. We got off scot-free, so I guess we can just leave. If we just walk out, no one's going to stop us. Wait, it's 8.30. Didn't you have that date?

Shit, shit, shit. Cut to him on the date. I'm so sorry I'm late. I was just doing some crazy, crazy shit. Today was like, oh my god. It was so hard. Why does your shirt say I was really scared earlier? Well, it's like, i don't know i i

want to open up to you because i feel like we really hit it off on hinge and like i just wanted to it's just i'm not great with words so like if you just you know people say like i wear my heart on my sleeve i wear my heart on my shirt and my sleeve i i pull down my jacket and there's a thing on the sleeve that says you make me really nervous yeah i i can't do this pull down the other sleeve the shirt says right please don't go i don't want to spend another night alone this would happen knew this would happen. It's the desperation. Can I just give you some advice? I pull down my collar. It says yes. What?

You're like a fortune teller. I just like I have an empath and so I kind of have like Oh, never mind. She gets up and leaves. Pulls down the back of my shirt.

The entire back of my shirt says, wait, please don't go. It's a whole speech. It's like a movie speech. It's like the end credits. Please give me a second chance. I know I can be a little off-putting at first, but it's because my ego is too big and I need to take it down a notch.

I promise that I'll be the man that you want me to be and that my dad never was. God, you have a lot of abandonment issues then, too. This is too much for me. I just wanted to hook up tonight. I'm sorry. Hook up? Not anymore. But I'm an open book. All right, should we do our last review? Yeah, you were literally an open book all right should we do our last review yeah you were literally an open book your shirt is a novel you're too open and it is a book and you are a book and that sucks and that's you speak volumes

you speak volumes okay this is also for cat captain crunch love it five stars from jim c jim cereal obviously five stars from jim cereal the title is classic indulgence how can you go wrong with the captain simple classic indulgence personally i rotate between a healthy choice cereal and a palate pleaser subjectively speaking i consider this the latter unfortunately no prize inside you do have the consolation of a colorful engaging box uh hi sharks uh i wanted to introduce you to my new product it's a mix of health and partying and i think you guys are gonna like it a lot okay that's interesting you know in this quarter in 2022 we are looking for that balance i think that's what a lot of our consumers want so please yes mr cuban can i ask

you a question up top uh oh yeah sure what's the worst part of a protein shake? I guess when it tastes too chalky. That you're not... Yeah, wait, what'd you say? I said when it tastes too chalky. Okay, because I was really banking on you saying that it doesn't get you drunk. Introducing Strong Island Iced Tea. The only dive bar mixed drink. Introducing Strong Island Iced Tea. The only dive bar mixed drink with 25 grams of protein per serving.

So it's a little bit of the healthy stuff and a little bit of a palate cleanser. If you know what I mean, a palate pleaser, I should have said. The other sharks all get up and leave mark's the only one who stays wait all right i'll catch up with you guys later i feel like i can't just leave him alone in the studio um sam this has never happened before obviously um yeah it was they all walked out they did all walk out i've never seen that on i've never seen that either i've been here for multiple seasons and uh sam i will be honest with you this has never happened in the history i think it's a good idea it is not a good idea um can i show you it's a whole line of products

can i show you another one how much time will this take the ip way so this one's sort of yeah it's an ale with a contrary to the name it's actually plant protein so let me be clear just as as like a as like an elevator pitch you are making protein drinks but but like alcoholic beverages packed with that's correct yes why i think it's good because i think it's good because you think it's good. Because I think it's good. Because you think it's good. So that's the thing is, if I could give you some advice,

I can't believe I'm doing this, but whatever, so you have the studio fastest. When you're thinking about a product, it's less about, oh, I think this is, I like this. Think about what the consumer wants.

Think about where there's a lack in the market. I've never seen this what hole can you fill as an entrepreneur what needs um have not been met that you think that your product can meet those needs okay so i think uh when people are going out for the night if they're getting drinks they're they're also they could get their protein from eating with their drinks that's why people go out to dinners you can have a few drinks at dinner um and usually the meal will taste a lot better than i imagine a protein-based alcoholic beverage would be so obviously i'm not going to invest any money into this i feel like i'm just going to say that right off the bat because i feel like it's you want to buy the whole company no i that's why i wanted to be clear um because i think you are just going to rush to a lot of conclusions i just don't get why after a workout

let's sit down on the floor like christmas applesauce i just don't understand because like after i get your point you know it's nice to eat food and have a beverage with dinner that's the rest of the crew is like packing up and walking out it's not they're not even rolling sound anymore they're just having a conversation but like what about after a workout you know you want to get boozy and jacked this is it i don't think that's uh did you do any polling did you do any kind of uh group discussions or um actually talking to consumers like focus groups that's what i was looking for do you do any focus groups with this i did do one focus group but i mean full transparency just because i don't want you to buy in and then find out it was i mean the clientele were a little

biased cut to that hey guys at my gym who i've also seen at bars what's up bro what can we do for you little guy what would you guys be interested in like a drink so basically it's a protein shake with that also gets you drunk done cool thank you cut back okay it sounds like you work out with people with alcohol dependency issues and um like our gym rats i guess i feel like that's yeah well well hold on i feel like you're right it's stupid no no no no no let me think about this a little bit hey everybody start can you can you speed can you start speeding roll sound and camera yeah get the lights back on yes back up back up um all right dumb and mark sam way and alcohol is the stupidest thing i ever thought i think you are a visionary i think you have tapped into

and a previously untapped market no and i'm i'm in i'm writing you a blank check. As much money as you need. I think this is an incredible idea. No, you convinced me that it was dumb. So I'm going to rip the check in half. No. Okay. Here's another check. Please.

Stop. Stop ripping it. What do you want? I want in. I want to give you as much. What do you mean what do I want? IP way? What the hell was that? It's a great idea it's a very clever name i did and then i changed my mind and so did i no one's this is the most unprecedented episode of this show if you walk out right now

i i you're never getting another chance from me so i'm telling you i will give you i'm a very wealthy man i'll give you as much money as you want blank check write down any number you can think of and how much for how what percentage of my company do you even want i will take as little as as you need me to i couldn't be giving you a better offer even shut up mark even let me think this let me think about giving you a better offer. Shut up, shut up, shut up, Mark Cuban. Shut up, Mark Cuban. Let me think about this for a second. All the crew was like, oh my God. Blank check.

I could make it $100 million. Nothing to think about. But then he's going to take like, I mean, even 1% would be too much to go away for that much. I could take 0.1% as much as you want me to. 0.1 for $100 million. That's not a good valuation. I think it's worth trillions. I'm telling you,

you can write down whatever you want. Again, blank check. This is entirely in your control. You could become, your business could be huge right now. No, because you know what?

Now that I'm thinking about it, I mean, I'd rather have the way and an alcoholic drink separately. And that's what I want. Wow. Okay. You know what? Maybe this is a good thing because you clearly, like, as much as I love your idea, you seem like the worst person.

No, hang on. I'll take the deal. No, I already tore up the check. We can paste it back together. Hang on. Hang on. No, no. 10 million for 100%. No, I'm not doing this anymore. We can paste it back together Hang on Hang on No No 10 million for 100% No

I'm not doing this anymore You are a bad business person I don't No Don't get exasperated I loved it when you didn't like it And then I didn't like it When you liked it

Now we're on the same page Well no No we're not anymore Then this is exactly why It's not even the business idea That I don't want in on It's you as a business partner I have no interest

In working with you Alright Alright This whole thing sucked leave the studio you've just been sitting i don't have to go at any time they said i can hang out who said that i don't know pa or something maybe they didn't say it but i'd love to what wait can i show you before you walk out can i show you one more product fine introducing a shirley dimple because there are certain exercises i believe that you can kind of do with your cheeks to get dimples and then it's like a shirley temple with whey actually that's misleading it's not whey it's plant protein so this is this isn't even alcoholic this one's gonna be a virgin option just for people so it's just a protein drink uh it's a little bit reductive but kind of yeah

do you like it i like shirley temples it's actually something that a lot of people don't know about me is that my favorite drink is the Shirley Temple. That's cool. That's cool. So would you be interested in this? Because you work out a lot. No, here's the thing. Sam, I want to invest in your company.

Great. I just think you are terrible and don't know anything about this. Then buy the entire company. You won't have to work with me. Great. No, I don't want to sell the whole thing, though. Oh, my God. I don't want to sell the whole thing, though.

You offered. You offered it. You didn't have to say it. My co-hosts are gone because of you. They walked out after the first thing you said. They didn't even just leave the episode. They quit the show. They quit business.

All of them are now working at a 7-Eleven in North Carolina. Kevin O'Leary is working at Ground Game LA. He's a progressive activist for you. And I'm going to work at Ground Works coffee shop for fun. Well, then fine. Let's have everybody work on the show and then invest in my idea that's not on the table all right should we do our last segment yeah wine school i'm back baby level two holy shit it is already so much more work than level one

you're in it currently i'm in it currently it started yesterday how what level do you have to get to before you can like get hired with that certification like what's the level people want? I don't know. Care. I don't give a shit. No, I'm actively looking for like wine retail jobs right now. I, but what's, it's like, I don't know. It's, I mean, definitely I think I'd need to be at least past level three to like be a SOM. I need to look more into that. Like across the board, I've always, I've like, I've continued to look up like what WSET psalm i need to look more into that like across the board i've always i've like i've continued to look up like what wsct certifications do you need to do xyz um i don't

think you need any to like work at a wine bar or a wine shop i think it's like to be a psalm or to be someone higher up who's like recommending certain or trying to do certain pairings or something you have to be to have more experience with that. But yeah, but right now I'm just starting level two. And it's like level one. I'm like, this is so easy because it quite literally, I'm really like, I'm such a nerd. I love school, like love learning all this stuff.

And it was like, you don't need to do level one and do level two. Level two is like an entry. You can do that. But I'm like, you know what? I wanna start from nothing. So I'm gonna do level one. do level two level two is like an entry you can do that but i'm like you know what i want to start from nothing so i'm gonna do level one and then like i want to work my way through all of them yeah and level i'm like wow this is easy it's like here's how to here's how to then you get a hundred percent i got a hundred percent on my level one uh certification and it was like um here's how to describe or here's how here's how

to write notes for tasting wine so it's like you look at the appearance then you sniff the wine you nose the wine and then you taste and you write different notes for each and it was like here's how to describe it i think the certification program stole their technique from how i have sex i don't yeah. That's horrible. You said you knows the wine. So then in level two, it's like an approach to tasting. I'm like, oh, I already know all this stuff. No, I don't. It's like, instead of being like, what does the wine taste like?

Does it taste like red fruits? Does it taste like citrus? Here, I'm going to hold this up. It's like, here are the three different kinds of flavors. They're the primary freight aromas and flavors the secondary and the tertiary and within that there are certain clusters of it's like okay um within primary it's like floral green fruit citrus fruit stone for all this stuff but then the specific kind of things within that and for each it's just it's it's

interesting and it's a lot but i'm like oh, oh, level one truly was like, here you dumb fucking pieces of cardboard. Like this is you use your nose and your eyes and your mouth. And then level two is like truly, I'm like, ah, this is amazing. And now level two is like, here's every single kind of fruit a human has ever seen before. Memorize all of them. And then you have to put them into categories. Jesus Christ. It's wild. Is it fun though still? It is really fun. That's good. seen before memorize all of them and then you have to put them into categories jesus christ wild is it fun though it is really fun that's good um what do you have to get to pass 67

i for level one it was like 70 to pass and i was like great i don't know about level two and i think level two is like maybe a week or two long my my my exam is on february 20th um so it's just just over a month but i'm excited and i'm already through week one of like theory and i did that all last night i just like i just because because it's so much work i'm like oh i really need to like budget my time in my week um to do this so it's like you have all the theory stuff and then you have the tastings so i have one i have two tastings to do this week oh and i wish you were here because we had so much fun when we did the tasting when you came over so to do one tasting where it's like a comparison between two different kinds of white and then a different tasting that's more focused on like pairing um with food but instead

of like here's this dish i think it's like i have a pinot noir and uh what i think maybe a beaujolais different kind of red but it's like put a little bit of salt on your tongue and then taste this wine how does that affect the taste that wine now take a little bit of lemon and so it's yeah so it's like here are the main different flavor groups and how each of them affects how the wine tastes um and so it's i i'm just i'm back to nerding out about wine again and i love that's awesome um i hope you pat when's the exam february 20th oh if you do end up working a wine retail job i'm gonna steal from the store that you work at get you fired etc yeah that's not it would not be good for me oh sorry i meant to get a rewards card you said because it's sort of highway robbery those rewards

cards i buy eight bottles i get one free i don't think so what's new with you what's shaking you what's shaking me is um let's go with what's shaking me is nfts god damn it i'm in the goddamn game i knew this day would come and i've been dreading it i am the proud owner of a gray boy and a larva chad and two noun punks so i welcome the listeny to join me is this real in nfts these are all real uh i don't know what any of those things are so the gray boy actually gives you membership to the gray boy dow now that's gonna be something that sort of operates like a vc in that i am the proud one thousand one ten thousandth owner of a board ape yacht club and also an nft world and i got to vote because i'm in the dow and when i voted in the

dow i was also eating bao and i'm saying this now loud and are you happy i'm not but i did make money on two flips recently so uh i think it's extremely volatile i do think that i'm gonna get out of the game just as soon as i entered it because it is scary but uh for the time being i i think everybody should invest and keep in mind this is not financial advice this is just my opinion for the time being until i make the money i would love if everybody bought the ones that i have and uh yeah i'm gonna get out as soon as I get in. And for the time being, I think that I wish I didn't. No, I really thought that I was going to become a millionaire.

And within a couple of weeks, I've been too scared. Got it. To take the big swings because it's a lot of money. The buy-in price is a lot of money. Yeah. And it's not a smart investment. It's actually one of the most volatile ones you could ever, ever make. And that's, I don't know if I have the gut for it.

I don't know if I have the heart. Well, at least you're i have the heart well at least you're not learning at least you're not figuring it out the hard way yeah thanks for listening it's just like i can't stop thinking about our theme song um if you want to if you want to find more of our content you can find jeffrey on instagram at jeffrey james on twitter at jeff boyard you can find the show on reddit r slash review review instagram at review review Instagram, at review review, and Twitter, at review review show. And you can follow Riley on Instagram, at Riley Anspa, on Twitter, at Riley Coyote. Let's thank some VI podcasts.

All right, let's thank them. Thank you to underscore Christian Side Hugs for chastity. Thank you. 2022 is Curbature's impulsive year, which basically just means whatever he wants to at the moment, because that's how impulsive. Aaron. Adam Fiverr.

So it's Adam Driver, but he's always got some low denomination bills on hand. Agent Michael Scarn. Aggie. Ako is standing in a back alley in a leather jacket smoking a fucking cig. Devastatingly cool. Alex Witt. And now a patron who needs no introduction, so moving on. Austin, not like Texas TV,

aka butt-butt-make-fart-on-finsta-huh. I'm still subscribed, so I guess I'm a VIPodcat of sorts in a way. Bob Buell's the name and Buellings his game. Brad Donaldson. Cameron's riding high and biting his thighs and he's feeling just pretty. New patron, I think. Cameron is riding high and biting his thighs, and he's feeling just pretty. New patron, I think.

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Frito, pray low. Good morning and look the valedictorian. Scared of the future while I hop in the DeLorean. Gray, his legal name for 22 and E2. Gregberg's seven days of future past. Hey Jeff, could you please have anyone from the Hey Riddle Riddle on the HeadGum Podcast

please? I literally only subscribe to force Jeff and Riley to say trans rights. I write reviews not tragedies amazing jay coleman jameson poncia is a sleepity darling jesse tipton jp again tazardi or not tazardi is that even a question caleb googled hard words to pronounce so colonel rural squirrel is honestly Caspurn Patron Lauren Malang Little dumb Lord Hunter the ordained Maggie Malik Mark

Priest Michael Beagle Mo What's the crafty situation looking like Pete Mona more Raquel is tick-tock Tell your friend Mushu lasagna Knows what Jeff did and is gonna tell the world My full legal name is Gail Dirt soil the third New patron My hoodie has finally arrived I can forgo My full legal name is Gale Dirt Soil III. No way, new patron.

My hoodie has finally arrived. I can forego my plans to kidnap Jeff and chain him in my basement. Nate Porteous got boosted boosted. That's when you get a shot of Moderna while in a high chair. Nobody puts Jeffrey in a corner. Nolan Murphy's a dumb little boy who doesn't deserve any sweet treats. That's insane. That's weirdly. That's really crazy.

That's insane. Nolan Murphy's grandfather, Dennis. Yeah, he's a scamp, alright. Oh, what a chance with somebody. Everybody, tea with somebody. Orange, you're glad it isn't Hallie. Period blood poppy.

So, I think we should change that one, right? Phoebe. Quack. Riley Puff. Robert Fridge. Sarah Kilder. Sarazm Vickvid Tyfer. Slick Ricky is happy and healthy in Sydney.

Love you guys. So let me get this straight. I pay $30 a month and you say whatever I want? That's interesting. And that's what he uses it guys. So let me get this straight. I pay $30 a month and you say whatever I want? No, that's interesting. And that's what he uses it for. The early bird gets the firm. The bird is on his grind and he will land the account. TJ Michael. Widow Evan Wemworth.

www.jeffreyjames.com was taken.com was taken.com Yaro Bouchard. And Yasmin David. Thank you guys for subscribing. Patreon.com forward slash Riley and Jeff

if you guys also want access to a ton of fun extra bonus content and sardies but if not that's fine and we'll see you guys again next week Arrivederci Come on baby now Let me look at you Talk about yourself Try to tell the truth

I could stay up half the night Trying to crack your code I could stay up half the night trying to crack your code. I could stay up half the night, but I'd rather hit the road. I just want to know how you feel. What a love that's so proud and real. You make me want to go out and steal. Outro Music I won't let you down. So you don't need to shout. I could stay up half the night. Playing with your head.

I could stay up half the night. But I'm glad to go to bed. On the night that I met you. I was on the town. On the night that I met you. I just want to know how you feel. What a love that's so proud and real. You make me want to go out and steal. I just want to I just wanna know how you feel

I wanna love that's so proud and real You make me wanna go out and steal I just wanna feel I just wanna feel I just wanna fight I just wanna fight That was a Hiddem original.