Review Revue - Super Soakers

Episode Date: May 28, 2024

Alf and Reilly are back and they forgot to bring an extra super soaker while simultaneously taking a blast to the gut.>>>>><<<<<Follow at:IG: @reillyanspaugh @alfredinnitTwitter: @reilecoyote Join the discord here!Produced by Daniel Ramos @SchubirdsAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Get that Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? At participating restaurants for a limited time. Riley, Riley, Riley and Jeffrey.

Riley, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee. Talking Jeff and Riley. I had a friend named Riley. She cast a spell, a spell on me. With me, Riley and Jeffrey would be three. Flying free tenaciously. Skinny dipping in a sea of Jeffrey I propose on bended knee To Riley-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le Riley-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le

Jeffrey, it's me and Jeffrey and Riley And Riley, on a tree. Jubilee, Jubilee, Jubilee, Jubilee. Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Riley, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Riley, Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey. Riley, Riley, Jeffrey, Riley. Woo! Coming in hot. Coming in hot. Coming in hot. That was from Michael C.

I'm going to take a wild guess that that one isn't from this year. You'd be surprised. It's actually from September. Yeah, no, that is going to go ahead and be 2021. Oh, two and a half years ago. I do apologize. It took us two and a half years to play that song. Michael said, here's a song for your listening pleather.

It's a cover of Lee by Tenacious D. It really scared my dog when I was recording it. You can hear the little whimpers in the background. If it isn't played on the air, I'll be more than offended. I'll be fine. That was fantastic. I can see why it would scare the dog because it's like all the, and the dog's probably like, what the fuck? What are we doing? But it was fantastic. I can see why it would scare the dog because it's like all the, and the dog's probably like,

what the fuck? What are we doing? But it was great. You all right, mate? No. It's like there was a knocking, a knocking on the door. But from under,

but from under me. That's the demons. It was like, literally, it felt like someone knocked on the chair underneath me. Oh, that's the demons. They're coming for the payment. do you think my house is haunted be honest I do

I do think that you are haunted I don't think that it's actually the this area that you're in it's actually gonna be the vessel

of you so I could move and I'd still be haunted yes huh do you think what like what do you think I did

I mean god how much time do you think, what do you think I did? I mean, God, how much time do you have? What didn't you do? More like. About an hour, hour 20 maybe. Max. What have you been up to

in the 40 minutes since we last spoke? No, not even. We spoke, what, 10 minutes ago? You literally, like, we took a 40 minute break

between recording the last episode and this episode. How sad is this? And in that time you called me. How sad is this? I called you to tell you why I was running a couple minutes late. I know.

But then we ended up just chatting. It's giving codependent. You know what I mean? It's giving codependent. And you know what sex is like? Peeling back a curtain. You guys know this. We're banking episodes right now

because I'm going to be leaving for a little bit. But the show will still be going. So you will not know the difference other than me telling you. Anyway, well, the difference is that it's me going to Fiji for work is the longest that Alf and I do not speak on the phone. And it's like, it feels weird. It was strange the last time.

Like to go from talking every day to talking not every day? Very weird. Can you even imagine? Sorry, just, like, think about that for a second. Can you imagine? In your mind. Not even for you. Imagine for, imagine thinking about what we're going through.

Not putting yourself in our shoes. Your energy is so different right now than it was in the first episode. It's because I'm caffeinated. I have to believe it's the coffee, yeah. I should have drank some coffee. first episode and i'm caffeinated i have to believe it's the coffee yeah i should have drank some coffee it's because i'm caffeinated um oh what is up with you like what have you been doing in the 40 minutes minus the 10 minutes we were on the phone yes i laid in my bed and played on my switch did you play zelda like a bitch i didn't actually oh what'd you play i'm not gonna tell you because it may or may not have to be my workshop me oh well i've been playing more fallout and after

we finish this episode i'll probably go play more i that wasn't what i was doing my break but speaking of video games um i said this to you the other day that i got to a point in we were on a break i got to a point the the other day where I kept getting killed in the same spot. I was trying different tactics. I just, I am... I'm still, because I'm more, I love... I love playing on Switch, and so it's like I'm still getting used

to going back to Xbox controllers. Right. So it's taking me a little bit of time to feel comfortable. Also, like, in the best case scenario, the Fallout controls have never exactly been smooth. No, it's very, there's so much. It's a janky, every one of them is janky.

There's, like, a million things. And I've only just now figured out, you know, when it's, like, you can do, when you're, like, aiming at someone, you can zoom in and you can see, like, different body parts that you want. Was that? Vats. That's what it's called. Yeah.

So I've only just now figured out because it's like, oh, I'll click A to lock a target, but it doesn't do anything. But I've just now figured that out. Anyway, I got to a part where I kept getting killed and I felt like a teenage boy. I was so frustrated that I was just like, fuck this. And I turned it off. I'm like, I don't want this stupid game. I don't want to play it anymore.

I'm going to go back and play it. But it's like, I know I'm going to be at the same spot and I turn it off I'm like I don't want this stupid game I don't want to play it anymore I'm gonna go back and play it but it's like I know I'm gonna be at that same spot and I'm inevitably gonna be like Daniel can you help me kill the ghouls like it's hard it's crazy like hearing you say that it's crazy to me like I have such a visceral memory in my head of getting so annoyed at game when I was a kid gaming

like as a teenager that I would like break a controller oh no i there's something about what the fuck was wrong with me like no no it's a game bro because but i did the same thing but it's because we did it was like when you're in that state of a frustrating game when you also have not learned and don't have the brain capacity or there's all those hormones you know well but it's like you can't regulate your emotions yet so it's like of course i'm playing tack and the power of juju on my gamecube and i am dying dying dying and yeah i'll throw a controller

like and this was a week ago oh oh wow no it's gonna go ahead and be when i was about seven or eight years old right i mean i yeah i mean, I remember breaking an Xbox 360 controller one time. 360. And for the rest of time, that controller had duct tape on it. Yeah. 360, yeah. I'm young. I'm a baby.

No, I played 360 as well. I know, because you're almost as young as me. Did you ever play GameCube games? I didn't. I was honestly too young. Actually? almost as young as me. Do you, did you ever play GameCube games? I didn't. I was too, honestly too young. Actually?

I mean, when you think about it, right? The Nintendo GameCube. When did this game come out? Oh my God. Oh my God. See, here's the thing.

I remember this game that I'm talking about. Do you know what I'm talking about when I say Attack on the Power of Juju? No idea. If anyone has played Attack on the Power of Juju, let me know.

This was a game I played in my i i'm i remember getting it when it came out and uh that's gonna go ahead and the release date is is actually gonna be 2003 right well that's the thing is the game cube 2003 the game came out in 2001 i was three years old like the we didn't come out until i was five like when i was old enough to be like this is amazing i was eight when the we came out you know what i mean so like i was too young to ever really be a game game cube kid i loved my game cube i loved my game cube and what was that tack and the power tack and the power of juju and what was the game i couldn't tell you you just remember loving it it was like an adventure game like i remember loving it you were tack were you the titular tack yeah i was tack do you think they

still make that game oh my god wait i feel like i've seen i feel like i saw commercials for like i remember this game strangely enough i loved that game yes holy shit that just like awoke something in my brain um speaking of games speaking of fun things to have and use speaking of games come on man fun things to have slash or you have and or use and since it's summer we are talking super soakers i hardly know where we're talking about super soakers today. And I know what you're thinking. I know you're looking in the analogs of this show and you're like, guys, Riley, you and Jeffrey already did an episode with Daniel Rashid about water toys. Sure.

But that was like about any kind of water toy. This is super soaker specifically. You chose this topic. So let's let's get into it. Yeah, man. I love I love one of these when i was a kid i getting squirting on people come on what it was a family show it was fun to squirt i would get my gun and fill it full of water and i'd shoot all on my brother and the

neighbor the neighbor's you know grandma or whatever and oh my god no i wouldn't now what is the difference is super so as i was looking up reviews yeah super soaker isn't a brand it is nerf yeah nerf owns the sub brand super so i thought that super soaker was its own thing it might have even been at one point and then you think it was like acquired could have been because i agree i was surprised by that being and i'm not gonna look it up no but i remember it being its own thing yeah like the commercials for the the super it wasn't the commercial wasn't like the nerf super soaker it was like maybe it was or maybe it was i mean it was a while ago um i haven't played with a water gun in a long time I mean I found them very fun but

can I be honest I was more of a pool noodle gal I loved a pool noodle really? yes so much fun pretending they're a horse come on is that all or and then you would blow into one end and water would come out the back.

I know. Isn't it disgusting to imagine putting your mouth on a pool noodle? Yes. Yes. It's like, wow. But you know what was amazing? I have a very distinct memory when I was a child, and it was so good that I remember this sensation in my body to this day.

Taking a bite out of a pool noodle. Oh. Come on. You've done it. I did do it. Absolutely. Of did do it absolutely of course and it's like just think about it yeah i'm like weirded out by your shit man no i do no it's imagining the sensation of of biting into a pool noodle is extremely satisfying. What I would give to in a very normal way. Just take a...

You're an adult. Oh, my God. You could go to like Target right now, buy a pool noodle and just... No, because it needs to be a little wet. Disgusting. Something that was very disturbing to me. No, because it needs to be a little wet. Oh, disgusting. Something that was very disturbing to me. Were you teething or what? I couldn't tell you. Super Soakers look too much like real guns.

And they're starting to really, there's so many different kinds. I saw a lot of like fortnight um branded ones as well and there's a lot of ones that look like a shotgun they look like rifle like they're suddenly um i they're water it's just that shoots water in a fun way i don't think we need to have it be so hyper realistic to like the details of a weapon do you know what i mean when i was a kid water guns was just you fill it up and it was just a little little dinky guy but now oh my god back in my day it really i know it's giving back in my day but back in my day it wasn't as um lethal looking i mean back in my day they looked like in my day, it wasn't as lethal looking.

I mean, back in my day, they looked like guns, you know, because I'm so young. But not like, not this many, like there's just so many types. It's just, I don't know.

It's upsetting. Yeah, I don't know, man. I mean, at the end of the day, once we get around to regulating the real guns, then let's come back around and start, you know what I mean?

No, it's in order of importance first we do the super so we need to regulate the nerf shotgun super soakers um when was the last time you used a super soaker super soaker or otherwise i genuinely couldn't tell you probably high school it's like now i'm thinking back at it and i'm like why didn't i have one in college people did people did fill them with liquor right i was gonna say because we there were no pools no around us there was one very dirty river i would not have touched yeah if i could avoid it unless you went into the bu gym pool that's true i never did i never did either but how funny would it be if you went in with a fucking like giant ass super soaker

they're like bu swim team trying to prep for fucking nationals and you're like dylan used to swim laps there. You remember that? No. I didn't know they did that. Yep. Do you want to get into reviews or should... Oh, wait. Intention. I remembered.

You remembered. You nearly forgot. I remembered. You nearly forgot it. This is going to be the most... What we're talking... I mean, it's something... There's something very... with with how scary the

guns of it all are i think it's gonna go ahead and be maybe the most lethal fuck episode even more than that bop it one where a bunch of people died yes potentially we'll see fuck that is a scary intention man i'm quaking my boots quaking quaking. Quaking. I'm a quaker. My tail? Between my legs. I can start us off. Okay, what do you got? I can start us off. I can start us off. Okay, here we go. This

is, fuck me, this is for Oh, you know what? This is not Super Soaker brand. Sorry. Oh, pulled an Alfred, huh? I didn't realize until after. Sorry, but you know what? It's worth it. I'm sorry.

It might as well be. It is a giant fucking water gun. It's a knockoff. Sorry. X-Shot Fast Fill Epic Water Blaster by Zuru. Water gun for summer. X-Shot water toy squirt gun soaker. Fills with water in just one second.

Big water toy for children, boys, teen, and men. Children, boys, teen, men. What are we doing? Sorry, what the fuck are we actually talking about? What are we doing? It's just SEO. It's search engine optimization. They're like, we want this toy to sell to boys teens children and men it's not for girls it's not pink it's crazy okay jesus christ all right she's pissed i'm just it's so stupid

okay amazon sucks can we just like say that like as a shopping experience it's I feel like, never been worse. Five stars from Kevin C. Kevin Caked in Bacon. Kevin Caked in Bacon. The title is the best water cannon you'll ever own, with, like, five exclamation points. Okay. Hand and pick for size comparison. This is hands down the undisputed champion amongst water guns this thing holds a

ton of water is durable very very well made and strong and you can hit the fleas off a dog's back at 30 plus feet i now own four of these unstoppable machines and i'll buy more in a heartbeat if the need arises a thousand milliliters rapid One second. Four water nozzle blast settings to include assault rifle, sniper rifle, shotgun, flamethrower. No pump up pressure chamber. Just a pump action carbine hand hammer that smashes kids in the face with more water than they can handle. LOL, LOL. This is the single greatest water cannon ever made. If you're a parent and you'd like to see your kids dominate at poolside this is the blaster for you it's almost unfair how hard your kids will pummel the other knuckleheads

at the pool get one get two whatever you won't regret it fucking christ i mean that's the kind of man that even as a child i knew to hate you know what i mean like i like that i've been more scared of my phone that was your friend's dad and you're like even as a kid you were like jesus christ brad it's get a fucking grip bradley get a fucking grip get a fucking grip what are you on about the dominate the other knuckleheads it'll get one get two you'll almost feel bad about ruining a kid's day it's like so get a grip i own four of these i'll buy more if the need arises what are you stockpiling for my darling darling what are you it's water my love what are you stockpiling not a need what are you on about

he's building an army and the idea of like sort of you're arming your chip like it's not he's not even using it he's just like living he's like living vicariously through his yes yes it's like 100% 100% Good day at the pool Jimbo Uh Yeah it was It was okay I don't really want to talk about it Can we just go home Yeah of course Um sit on the towel though

Okay Don't want the leather seats to get messed up. Oh, sorry. No, don't. You know how your mom gets with the leather. Yeah. You seem... Oh, buddy, you seem down. You're crying, is that right?

Yeah, that's what that's called. You remembered. I'm learning. It's just... I know how you hate when I cry, so I've really been trying not to, but... I'm glad you're making an effort, but it's okay.

What's up? Some kids are being really mean... Who? ...at the pool. No, Dad! Dad, I didn't want to... Give me names! I didn't want you to get...

Who are their dads? I don't know their dads. It's just like, you know how I was really excited to wear these new shorts, these new trunks to the pool because they have my favorite Fortnite guys on them. The kids said that these players are mid. What are you talking about? Your Peter Griffin Fortnite shorts. Your mother picked those out special. Those are really good. They said that these Fortnite skins were pretty mid and that only beta cucks wear them.

They did not say that about my boy. They called me a beta cuck and they said, oh, your dad must be the cuckiest cuck of all. And I don't really know what that means, but it doesn't sound nice. It's not nice. And it doesn't matter what it means. All that matters is it's not nice.

Is it true? No, I'm not a cuck. Okay? Okay. Am I? No, of course not. Okay. You remember your uncle? Yeah, of course not. Okay. You remember your uncle?

Yeah, Uncle Dave? He was a cuck. Oh. But he's not anymore. He got better. Okay. Well, I don't think I want to go to this pool anymore. Can we find a different one?

Are you kidding? You can't let him get away with this. I don't... They're so much bigger than me. Oh, nonsense. You're my big boy. I'm the smallest in my class. Not got the smallest water gun in class, though, do you? Got a pretty big water gun.

What? That's right. I mean. Look under the seat. Why didn't you give this to me before we left for the pool? Because it's important for you to learn the lesson that I'm trying to teach you. Sorry, sir. Yes, sir.

Thank you. What's the lesson, sir? Sometimes you have to get kicked before. Oh, they didn't hurt me physically. They just kind of like threw insults. Sticks and stones. May break my bones. But words?

Will always hurt me. That's right. Wow. This thing. I can't even it needs batteries what i thought it was a water gun it is but it needs batteries the big ones the d's you remember a b but dad i can't even i don't think that's safe to bring no it's fine electric toy just don't drop it in the pool. You'll be fine. But I don't... Okay. Cut to the next day at the pool.

Oh, look who it is. I'm not looking for trouble, fellas. I just want to work on my butterfly. Jimbo Jimbo. His mom's a bimbo. Daddy is a cock and he sucks. Hey, his mom's a bimbo. Daddy is a cuck and he sucks. Hey, he's not a cuck. Apparently my Uncle Dave was, but he's better now.

So step off, okay, Alexander? Hamilton? What? Your name's Alexander, so I called you Alexander Hamilton. Was that, like, supposed to be an insult? I thought you guys didn't like musicals, and so that's... Is that a musical? Ugh!

It doesn't matter. Just, please, let me work on my butterfly in peace. All right. We'll leave you alone. Promise? Yeah, as soon as you stop hitting yourself. Ow! Ow! Ow! Hey! Come on! God. promise yeah as soon as you stop hitting yourself ow ow ow hey come on god he's not even worth bullying he's just a cuck and a son of a cuck

we're gonna get out of here i'm not snack bar time boys let's roll I got what you guys had to stack for. Yeah, I want Dorito cheesy Dorito. What was that noise? Did you guys hear that? Turn around Alexander Hamilton. Again with this. Bro, what is that?

The biggest water gun. It's like five times my size. It's on like a tripod because i can't carry it you don't even know how to use that thing i do i do a warning shot at your foot you want to try me it like power washes the sidewalk it's like spotless patch of sidewalk. Oh, man. Sorry, man. We didn't mean it. We were just messing around. We were just playing.

You're not a cuck. Your dad's not a cuck. You're both alphas. You really mean that? Yeah. The alpha. The alpha. You're the alpha.

I see you crossing your fingers. That means you're lying no i shoot the water gun at your stomach i throw up whoa oh god oh i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry what the hell what the hell i'm sorry i did I didn't know. I didn't. I'm so powerful. Lifeguard comes over. Whoa. Whoa. We got a sick kid in the walkie-talkie.

We got a sick kid over here by the deep end. Need a... She looks staring at my shaking hands. Shari, were you the kid who threw up or... What makes you say that? You're shaking. You look like you've sweat. Like you look ill. I'm ill with sick with power flowing through me.

Oh, my God. Is this what it feels like to be the man? To be the flipping man? To be the freaking. Am I the freaking man of this? All right. All right, kiddo. Chill out. Chill out um i take

the gun i power wash into the sidewalk whoa jimbo all caps was here yeah hey uh son i don't think you should be using that um a water gun here that looks a little too powerful for playtime it looks a little too powerful for you you mean intimidated aren't you buck what Jimbo what are you talking about what are you talking about babysitter i hardly know her what does that even mean cut to back home i've loved it so from lugging it back home how was my big big guy's big day dad yes son i won't be bullied by you. What? Or anybody else ever. I'm so proud of you. You have made me a monster. Um, good? Isn't that what a dad is supposed to do?

I think it's because you're a sad, insecure... What? Cuck. Jimbo! I think you are the cuckiest cuck on the street. Where is this coming from? Soy boy who doesn't like to share his toys. I gave you that toy.

I think that you just wish that you were ten again. I mean, doesn't everybody? You're the king of the pool. God, what I'd give. No responsibility? Now, I want you to apologize to me for all the times you didn't let me cry in the Cybertruck. I was just trying to make you strong. The Cybertruck was recalled.

Yeah, but I'm not giving it back. I don't care what's wrong with it. Airbags are not. It's a cool car. It's the accelerator that's the issue. If you even read the news, you ignorant cuck. I do my own research. Oh yeah? Where?

Online. You don't even know about it. You're a kid. Why am I even talking to you? Why are you talking to me? It's at to you? Why are you talking to me? Shoots at your stomach. Whoa! Why are you talking to me? Jimbo!

Because I'm your son. And you've never really looked at me or accepted me a day in my life. What do you mean? I love you. You're my freaky little kid who's always... See? Freaky little kid. What? Freaky little Jimbo. You are!

Well, look at you now! You're a freak! I'm shredded. I carried this water gun for 12 blocks on my own. Whoa. No Cybertruck in sight. That's probably for the best. I beat the shit out of those kids at the pool.

Whoa, Jesus. The lifeguard too. What? Well, no, I made them throw up with the velocity of the water. Like you did to me. Yeah. I just... I'm sick of everyone picking on me.

It's okay. And violence isn't the answer, so that's why after today I'm done with this thing. You promise? Only if you promise to treat me with the respect that your son deserves. Jimbo, I never wanted this. Whatever success looks like for you, how you define it, that's what I want. I was trying to make you into a version of, well, me.

And I see now that was wrong. Yeah, no shite, Sherlock. Okay, the rules about swearing in this house have not changed. I said shite, I didn't say shite. That's a swear. Nope, fine. Thank you. But I see now that, you know, maybe you're not, you know, a bully like your dad.

And that's okay. So you agree, you're a bully you know, a bully like your dad. And that's okay. So you agree, you're a bully. Yeah, absolutely. Maybe you're like a really buff freak who loves musical theater. Like my mom. Like your mom. That's okay. In fact, I think it's beautiful.

And who knows? Maybe your sister will grow up to be a bully. Just like me. Cut to school. The little girl's in class. All right, all you cocksuckers. Give me your lunch money. It's my daughter.

Should we do our next review? Should we do our next review? Freak you. Just like my mom. This is a review for Super Soaker Nerf Hydra Water Blaster, 65 fluid ounce tank capacity pump action water toys for six-year-old boys and girls. God, okay, well, better than children, boys, teen men. Still strange.

For sure. Of course it's still strange. Five stars. So much fun. I got two for the campground for myself and the kid. What a blast. I have to get another as the hubby was jealous without one. Men, are we doing okay?

I think the answer is no is what i learned from reading these hey hey man hey man i want to check in i just want to check in how are we doing not good sounds like yeah it sounds like not good sounds like you want a super soaker because you were jealous that your wife had one. Wife and your kid. The kid. The kid. I know. It's like the kid and hubby in the same sentence was a tough read.

Sweetie, please don't bring your wet clothes into the tent. Thank you. I know you're having fun with the kid out there, but still, it's our tent, wet clothes into the tent. Thank you. I know you're having fun with the kid out there, but still, you know, it's our tent, and I'd like to keep it dry. Oh, sorry. Yeah, I just, I'm not sure. Sorry, how do you imagine I don't bring them in? I don't know. That's up to you.

It's just like. I just change outside. If you're going to play with the water guns, then you need to figure out how to, you know, keep things dry. Everyone sees me fully. Well, there's a public bathroom. I'm sure you could change in there. Okay.

Will you hand me my dry clothes? Yeah. Yeah, there you go. And. I'm sure I have baby Yoda jammies. I know you like those. Thank you. And for Toby.

Oh, I thought Toby had his own tent. You know, he can have a gun. He can have a tent. Marcus. He's still staying in ours. No, no, no. I will give him the Darth Maul jammies. Why do you do this?

Why do I do what? Darth Maul. You're always Why do you do this? Why do I do what? Darth Maul. You're always making me the villain. You know what I mean? No, I said Toby could have Darth Maul. I know, I know. But I was just... And you have Baby Yoda. I was just...

All the other kids have water guns. Okay. You wanted him to be left out. I wanted him to be included. And now you've made me the bad guy. I never said I wanted him to be left out. I've never once be included. And now you've made me the bad guy. I never said I wanted him to be left out. What did you want then? What did you want then?

Because all the other kids on the campground have water guns. They're shooting each other. They're running around. You want our kid to just be... He's already an only child. I never... I'm glad he has one. I'm glad.

Oh, good. That's great. He's making friends here. I love that for him. He's a shy kid. It didn't seem like you were glad, but I'm glad to know now that you were well what about me sorry what about what about you what about you oh what about me becky what about me um how about i have been in the tent all day. You have been running around with the kids. There's two water guns in this tent and three people

in our family. That math seems a little bit off, don't you think? It's 10 a.m. I mean, you can have a turn. I didn't know you wanted to use... Have a turn? I'm not a child. No, okay, go. I'm done. I came in because I'm wet. I'm done.

I'm over it. He's still playing. You can go out there and play with your son. I didn't know you wanted to do that because you've been in the tent sulking all day. No one offered me a gun. You're a grown up. A water super soaker. What I'm saying is that sometimes I feel like you care more about the kid than you do your hubby. Sometimes I feel like, oh, wow wow you know i i go to the amazon this is what it's about and you said oh hey can you pick up the stuff for the campground

and i see on the package that it's from super soak it's from nerf and i said oh that's so exciting this was thoughtful only two guns inside and it's like what a shot to the heart. What a shot to the heart, Becky. So, I'm sorry. Just so we're clear. I organized the camping trip. Yes. I ordered everything. Yes. For the camping trip. Yep.

I drove the van to the campsite. I did the last 20 minutes. Right. But you said that you had to stop because your bunion was hurting. That's true. And I didn't argue. And I appreciate you taking the first drive. And the one thing I asked for you in this whole trip

was to pick some stuff up from Amazon. Which I did. And you found miraculously something to be mad about. Well, not miraculous when it's a glaring, glaring, I don't know. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and just say that it was a mistake that you only ordered two instead of three. Maybe they only had two in stock.

Maybe. No, of course they didn't. They're Amazon. I could have ordered a hundred. Well, sometimes Amazon says we don't have that in stock right now. That wasn't the case here. Okay. So it was intentional. I was trying to save money, right?

Because one of us is working, right? And one of us is in charge of the finances and... Freelance doesn't mean unemployed. It does when you haven't had a gig i am between months gigs long gap the thing is i don't think american audiences want their version of the wiggles like they did in like the late 90s early aughts so it's hard to break into children's entertainment as a 45-year-old man. Right. Some would argue impossible. I mean, 10 months ago? Some would argue a waste of time when it's 10 months

and you haven't even booked a birthday party. Kids want Bluey. Okay, pivot. Pivot? I can't be Bluey, Becky. That's insane. Is that what you were telling me? Oh, Mark, it's just be Blue what you were telling me oh Marcus just be

bluey I'm just saying just be bluey don't be the shakers what definition of insanity Marcus all I'm saying is that you shouldn't love the kid more than me I don't

well look who got a super soaker and look who's stuck in the tent. He's 10. You're not stuck in the tent. Nobody grounded you. You could have come out at any time. If no one invites me to play, how embarrassing is that to shove myself into a situation of like, oh, can I have a turn? I'm 45. I'm not 10.

I can't be like, oh, can I have a turn on I'm 45. I'm not 10. I can't be like, oh, can I have a turn on the water gun? Oh, you're 45. You're not 10. Wow. Wouldn't have known by your behavior. Would not have known by your behavior today. I wasn't trying to pick a fight with you.

You're acting like a spoiled brat. So that's how you really see me. Today, yeah. That's how you're acting. How about you try putting on your empathy hat? Because right now you're wearing kind of stern mom hat, and I'm not your kid. Marcus.

Why don't you put on your empathetic mom hat? Here, I'm taking off one hat and putting one on you. Here you go. Marcus. Here's your, this hat says, I'm'm empathy wife not stir i'm a stern mom throwing that hat away your empathy wife marcus how about think about marcus i'm trying not to lose my But you can appreciate that as a social worker, sometimes my empathy hat gets a little bit burnt out at work. And it's not always the role I want to play at home. Okay?

I'm your wife. I'm not your therapist. Oh, my God. This again. I just think it's weird. It's because you don't have the kind of imagination that I do. No, it's not. No, that's not.

I would do roleplay if you wanted, like, normal roleplay. What? No roleplay is normal? Doctor or, like, fucking cop or whatever. Like, you know. Ew, you want to do cop roleplay? What the hell is Becky? I'm just saying, like, the more-

Becky, I had no idea that that was something that you wanted. I like the baby Yoda pajamas. That doesn't mean... Mandalorian roleplay! I don't want to be Yaddle for you. The female Yoda. She's 400 years old. Trust me!

You think I don't know who Yaddle is? I'm just saying, like, I'm... Do you hear yourself? You want me to be Yaddle from the prequels. The 400-year-old girl Yoda who doesn't have any lines. She has empathy. just saying like i'm i do you hear yourself you want me to be yaddle from the prequels the 400 year old girl yoda who doesn't have any lines she has empathy and then you're the mandalorian oh she has empathy and she listens she's on the jedi council that's it but she listens and she cares and if she were wife she'd be empathy wife well she's not a wife because she was murdered

yeah order 66 got Yaddle too. So I'm not going to role play a dead woman. What are we doing? I don't know. How did we get like this? How did we get like this? Remember when we first met? Of course I do.

You came to the park and I was performing as the Shakers. How did we get like this? Remember when we first met? Of course I do. You came to the park and I was performing as the Shakers. And it's just kind of me. You know how in Mary Poppins, Bert has like the one man band situation and that was me starting out for my children's entertainment gig? Yeah. I had the drums strapped to my chest

and the cymbals on my feet and the horn in my mouth. Keyboards under my fingers. A hat on a hat on a hat literally on my head and the act figuratively yes and i saw you in the crowd because you're the only one there and just just another you know childless woman watching a man perform a one band one man band alone in the park god don't you wish we could go back to those days of course i do but our lives are different now. The world is different now. And we have the kid, so that's certainly changed things.

Yes, Toby has changed things, but we both wanted him, remember? Some more than others. You disagree. you disagree i'm just saying i seem to remember watching tv with my husband one night gonna go ahead and be me yes and somebody in the room and it wasn't me, said, aw, Grogu, I want one. We both had very different interpretations of what that meant. I think it was pretty clear.

That night, you, I remember, poked a hole in the condom. And I went out to Target the next day and got a grogu toy so i didn't know you saw of course i saw why did you never say anything your body your choice right but if you saw right then and there you could have we didn't have to you know i didn't know i had those kind of swimmers you thought you could get away with just one huh yeah i mean maybe some part of you wanted it. The Grogu? The kid.

Oh. Maybe. But... That's why you didn't mind that I poked the hole? I guess not. I guess it's like... I'm just scared, Becky. Being in children's entertainment...

Get out of there. All these kids idolize you and they love you and they want you to be their birthday no kid wants you there doesn't see me like that Toby loves you more than he loves me of course he does

because I don't sulk in my room all day you think I should go out there he's desperate for a relationship with you but you're weird you act so yes i don't like a kid that's desperate what i don't like that he went over to his friend's house the other day and he came home and he said mom i said yeah he said mom steph's dad plays with her does that break your heart a little well steph's dad's a cuck by choice yeah i'm not judging if that's well then why'd you say it like it was relevant just because it's like at least they're trying stuff you know oh my god um okay i'll wear the mask i'll wear the mask go get i

will wear the latex yaddle mask i want to apologize to the kid okay go out there then don't make him march in here like he's going to the principal's office, you freak. Go out there and talk to your son. Okay. And apologize. I just said I was going to. And I'm changing in the fucking tent. Hey, Toby. I don't want to get a mole.

Fucking warts. A mole? You don't want to get a mole? No, warts I meant from the floor hey toby he's playing let him let him play he's clearly just what the fuck do you want you just said go apologize to him don't make him come here because you're yelling at him you're yelling at him to come here you're literally not doing what i said okay go up to him toby hey buddy can you put the the water gun down for a sec?

Why are you shouting? Walk up to him. You won't have to shout. I just said I walked up to him. Hey, Toby. Hey. Hey, buddy. Rico, we're using our inside voice.

Can you put the gun down for a sec? Um. Okay. Sorry, guys. I guess I have to go eat lunch or something. Hey. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. You never said that before.

What for? I guess everything. Like? Everything that I have done or have not done. Such as treating you like a kid which includes behavior i just want it's a blanket of sorry for everything no specificity at all and i hope that you and i can't point one thing can be better moving forward. It's not a competition for your mom's affection. You hope you and I

can be better moving forward. Yes. You get it. So, what you're suggesting is that I bear some responsibility for the reality of this relationship. Never said that. Implied it.

Implied it. Implied it. I did imply it. I just, I love, I love you. Can I play now? Yes. Thank you.

Will you tell your mom that we're good? Maybe. Can I get a turn? Never mind. What? That's stupid. What were you gonna ask? I wanted to get a turn

on the super soaker. Any words you're missing in that sentence? Please. Any other words? Thank you. I love. I already said I love you. I didn't quite hear it though.

I love you. Can I please get a turn on the super soaker? Interesting. Do you know Harry Chapin? No. American singer-songwriter? No. The Cats in the Quadle?

Oh, yeah. And the Silver Spoon? Uh-huh. Yeah. You can't get a turn. I'm too busy playing with my friends now. You missed your chance. Can I use your mom's?

Go ahead and ask mom. That's her gun. Fuck. Becky. I'm naked. I'm changing. What do you need? I'm gonna use your gun, okay?

Fine. It's not my gun. I take it. Blast the kids in the stomach. Oh, shit! I didn't mean to, um... Marcus! I didn't mean to do it.

What the fuck is wrong with you? Jesus Christ! It was the kid! the kid you are driving me insane get back in the tent you're naked i sorry i heard my kid screaming in pain what you guys have never seen a woman's body before take a look. Soak it in. This is sort of in a theme of many reviews that I read. Super Soaker Dino Squad. Dino Soak Blasters. This is a gun that also looks like a dinosaur. Perfect.

Non-violent squirrel gun. Very accurate. This is a far-reaching and accurate water pistol i use it to clear the squirrels from the bird feeder the stream reaches the top of the high pear tree where we keep the feeders the reservoir in the water pistol holds quite a bit of water oh my god so i saw a lot that were like keeps the damn stray cat off my yeah you know i've seen a lot of that of like the get the dogs to not bite or bark but i felt like squirrel it's like i feel like that is a good use of it right like they're coming for the bird feeder and it's getting a bit wet you just get him a little wet just coming in a little wet. Oh, you just need to get him a little wet.

Two park rangers talking to each other. Beautiful day. Gorgeous. Sure is. Sure is. I don't see one of these. I don't have one of these in a minute. Huh?

No. I mean, been a pretty wet month. Not a cloud in the sky. Hey. Oh, I mean, even with the deviated septum, you could just take in that crisp air, huh? Yeah, you said you were going to get that looked at. Got it looked at.

I haven't done anything about it yet, though, but it's been seen. Why not? Just decided against it? The recovery, I mean, it's like taking me out for a couple weeks. I get it. I get it. Wait till winter, maybe, you know? Yeah. Park's a couple weeks. I get it. I get it. Wait till winter, maybe, you know? Yeah. Park's a lot slower.

May do. May do. Yeah. Beautiful day, though. I mean, hey, they don't call it Big Sky Country for nothing. You know what I mean? They really don't. Beautiful up here.

I can't remember. You grew up around here or no? You know, I'm actually from Nevada. Oh, nice, nice, nice. Reno. Oh. Shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. That's, you know i'm actually from nevada oh nice nice nice reno oh shot a man in reno just to watch him that's you know you did what claim to fame it's the song oh jesus you scared me no god no me no yeah you don't look like the type no but you're you're from around here right uh yeah yeah just about oh 20 miles south lucky lucky duck yeah i mean i can't imagine living

anywhere else this is just kind of like this has just been your normal since you were since you were a little and it's true i mean i i've been i've never been to reno but i went to las vegas once and whoo let me tell you i city i i was uncomfortable for the duration of that visit that makes sense so loud so bright so many people like i was just overwhelmed i just it's not for me right i'm a country guy i like this guy you brother and here we are like of a better better one so shame about the hear about the endangered species report huh?

so sad yeah so sad you know I'd seen those birds I didn't realize that that a lot of these flowers

are poisonous to them you know they're they're sticking their i know sticking their bits and where they shouldn't be and suddenly it's just it's just popping them off one by one i know i mean it's like you know you read something today you you expect endangered species you expect it to be sort of man-made you know human interference i know not just so dumb it's rubbing its cloaca on a poisonous berry. You'd think that evolution by now, they would know what plants to stay away from.

No, and those plants are native, right? Those aren't like an invasive species of berry. No, the birds are... Just dumb. Humping away, and then all of a sudden, there they go you know uh the uh mrs and i we got a couple uh couple possums in the yard not surprised what's that not surprised what do Oh, well, growing up around here, you know, like, you got to be real careful with your trash.

Otherwise, you're going to get possums for sure. You know, I thought we were, but just the little suckers, they find their way in. You got to get a lock. A lock. Got to lock your garbage. That's what we're missing. Well, so, you know, my wife we we obviously want to protect

the species and everything it's not their fault they're just trying to find some food oh well they're dime a dozen i you know shoot them if you like you with a water gun like sure yeah why not and you mean like with water droplets yeah whatever stronger whatever. Stronger stuff you got. I don't really matter. I can say a dime a dozen. Uh, John. About as far from endangered as a species can get. You know what I mean? John, come on.

You're not, you're not killing the little rascals. Not in the park. God, take only pictures, leave only footprints. That's what I say. Not in the park. But yeah, I mean,

on the ranch, why not? I mean, groundhogs, possums, raccoons. John, I don't like... Squirrels even. No, man. Hey, I don't like that. They come for the green beans. What am I supposed to... I don't like that.

I don't think you should... I think it should just be the water. Because then you just scare them off. Sometimes they need a little... I don't think you should i think it should just if you're gonna i think it should just be the water because then you just scare them off you know sometimes they need a little you know i don't think they need that i mean you've been a ranger long enough you're you know you're you need to just shoo them off let them be i'll always come back though once they know there's food somewhere it's done uh we don't have to talk about this anymore i need your wife from around here too or from nevada too or uh no she's from around here which is what high school she go to the lock

uh she went to uh oak grove no fucking way wow i don't like that language but yeah that is where she's where she know how old she is i mean of course you do she's's do you know how old she is? I mean of course you do she's a wife. Do I know how old my wife is? When did she graduate? She graduated in 2009 no fucking way hey sorry no freaking way what uh what's her what was her maiden name?

uh I don't like where this is uh maiden name was Marx. You're married to Josie Marx? Yes, I am. A lucky man.

Wow. Guess somebody finally tied her down. Well, you know, we were all kids once. You know, we were all just hormone, hormone. Yeah, some of us longer than others.

Hey, John, look, I like working with you. You're a solid guy. Thank you, man. And I think if we can just keep the talk to nature and the park, I'd really appreciate it, man. Beautiful day. Just clean, clean air after all that rain. Gorgeous sky.

You ever look out at night, you ever see the stars out there? Oh, my God. I've never seen stars like that. I bet. In Reno, the light pollution, I bet. I mean, it's like we're in New Vegas, but the light pollution is still pretty intense. She ever mentioned me? I've seen the stars out here.

Your wife, she ever mentioned me? She wife she ever mentioned me she has actually yeah you know when i got this job she said oh you're working with you're working with john bates and i said yeah and so you know it's like she she knows that we work together and she she sends her well wishes she ever talk about you know the old days though um i mean she was captain of the swim team so she she does talk about that and she loves she loved she loves swimming she still does i mean she's she's a captain of the swim team is what she told you i mean i've seen the photos i've seen her awards and seen all the swim team pictures yeah yeah she's a hell of a swimmer still she always was i mean yeah i don't know about captain but yeah she was certainly on hell of a swimmer still she always was i mean yeah i don't know

about captain but yeah she was certainly on top of the swim team if you know what i mean hey john what's up man that's gonna that's uh i think that's strike two my man got one left i'm just busting your balls man she's great i'm happy for you i really am she was always you know the marks like josie was the she was the best of them right you know um they're still alive huh the marks family no i know i i mean i don't really do you know i mean i don't know if you know this but in the town you know the marks brothers they kind of had a reputation i know i know they're always getting into trouble you know this, but in the town, you know, the Marx Brothers, they kind of had a reputation. I know.

I know. They were always getting into trouble, you know. I know. Hijinks. They're older now and, you know, they're good guys. Kids at heart, though. What's that? Kids at heart still. Oh, I mean, hey, may we all be so lucky to keep our youthful spirit.

Amen. Amen. Amen. I think I might go ahead and take my lunch break. I think I might head back down to the yurt. Go for it. Sorry. You okay? Yeah.

Heartburn or something? I can't shake the swim team comment you said it was strike two i'm just kidding man what about it i was strike two it's just um nah nothing it's uh you like you said you're busting my balls yeah i mean you're busting my balls every joke is a grain of truth but what what sport did you play sports in high school oh yeah i was a actually a three sport athlete i was pretty athletic oh i played um well i would play lacrosse in the spring nice um football football was in the fall of course winter up here gets pretty cold right so indoor sports are really

really the way to go and you have any indoor soccer fields or there were i wasn't really so into that you know i felt like i was a little too old to learn oh that's for that's not for people from around here uh did have a pool though yeah yeah Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I was never very fast, but... You know. I had good rhythm. Oh, maybe you strike two and a half there, Johnny boy. I surely don't know what you mean.

Just talk about swimming. Yeah. And, okay. Oh, I should go take my lunch. Yeah. Before it gets uh too late good idea yep you know what i was good at though what breaststroke i had a feeling you were gonna say that i was pretty good at that one butterfly not so much you know back back crawl no not really but breaststroke i uh it's pretty good at hey john what's up you know how uh when the critters get kind of annoying it's easy to just sure do away sure do blow them away well Sure do. Blow them away.

Well, I guess that's the difference between you and me. I give a couple warning with a water gun just to make sure that, you know, I don't harm them,

but they know not to mess with me and come around these parts. So, I take a little bit of water from a cup and I just lightly splash it. Oh!

Got me by accident there. Oh, not quite. Pretty good shot. It's funny. With water, that is. Yeah. Splash that water on my face. It reminds me, um...

Don't say it. It reminds me of your wife. Don't! I'll fucking kill you! Water gun straight to the stomach. Go through the stomach. Oh, the other side. Fucking dead guns everywhere.

Oh, no. He's dead. He got exploded because he fucked his wife. Let's do our last segment. Okay. Boo. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

This should be a week. This should be a week. This should be a week. This should be a week.

I have one. Okay, what is it? Chapel Roan. I fucking love her. I so earnestly said to Daniel last night, and again, time recording, it's April 20th, so at this time, she's been playing Coachella. We are seeing a very quick astronomical rise of Chapel Roan.

I know. I love her. It's kind of been a very explosion. I just love her. And I feel like we are watching an iconic artist rise in real time. And I've not been this excited about an artist and like their music in a minute. That's awesome. Like I just I really, really love her.

And her music videos are amazing i watched some of her music for the first time last night and the my kink is karma video is just like i mean they're all great but um i just love her and i think her voice is amazing i think her artistic voice is amazing i think her it's just everything about i just she's so unique and i i just i just love her this is so earnest like i really go off she's so fucking cool and we have not seen anyone like her like emerging in mainstream music in a minute she does feel very um very of the time yeah Yes. You know what I mean? Like, she feels like, oh, this is, this is like, this is,

this is a pop musician for the 2020s. You know what I mean? Yes, 100%. Like, obviously, all the, we love, we stay in the divas.

Yeah. You know? The gagas, the Beyonce's, the Taylor's, whatever, but, pop musician who's yeah dare i say

well she's only three months older than me so that's crazy pretty young she's very young and it's just but she's still older than me so i'm a baby we baby but it's it's just um yeah i just i just love her and i want the world for her. Go off. She's just great. What if she was a listener? What would you say to her? Oh, my God. I would say, come be on the show. Do you think she could do improv?

Yes. I bet she can. I bet she can. Actually, I think she would thrive. Hey, Chapel. Come on, girl. Girl. Come be on the show.

Hey, consider this your open invite. And you know what else I'll say? Chapel, I know you're listening, girlfriend. Chapel, you know what else I'll say I know you're listening girlfriend you know what else I'm gonna say honey we need theme songs oh hey chapel if you wanna do just bust out an original it would be original

yeah anyway that's me what about you I've been playing Stardew Valley again I played what about you um i've been playing stardew valley again um i played it a long time ago and it's changed a lot it's grown a lot over the years and i got it on the switch and it's just such a soothing game making maintaining your little farm walking around i tried it once and i found it very boring. That makes sense. What are you growing?

Right now it's fall. So pumpkins, yams, eggplant, corn still left over from the summer. Got my chickpeas. Yeah, that's boring. Yeah, it is. But I like it. It's boring for me. No, I really, I remember I tried it and it's just because I've heard so many good things about it, and I need a plot.

I need, I need, like, action. I need, like, things to do. I need a storyline. You need to get so mad that you throw the controller across the room. That's what you need out of a video game. I want to play Animal Crossing, but I feel like it's going to be the same thing. I think it's even more boring frankly

if you think Stardew is boring I think yeah they are cute they go boo doo boo doo you know oh that's what I mean are you okay are you sick be honest no I have something caught in my throat you can find Alfred on Instagram at AlfredInnit

you can find the show on Instagram at ReviewReview you can find the show on Reddit at r slash ReviewReview. Discord ReviewReview. Jeffrey, James, and I have a Patreon. Patreon.com slash Riley and Jeffrey. We do monthly Zoom parties. Come hang out with us at Azardi. And you can find Riley on Instagram.com.

Just the web browser, though. Chrome, Safari, etc. Not the phone app. At Riley and Spot. And on Twitter.com. Well, now it. At Riley and on Twitter.com well now it's known as xxxxx.com for as long as it lasts. At Riley Coyote and as we say every single week of the show, we're always saying it. We're never not saying it.

Breast stroke. We're always saying it. Breast stroke. Breast stroke. We'll see you next time. Breast stroke. Bye. Breast stroke. That was a Hiddem Original. saying it breaststroke breaststroke we'll see you next time breaststroke breaststroke that was a hit gum original