Review Revue - Surf Lessons (w/ Amanda Lifford and Ann Maddox!)

Episode Date: June 11, 2024

Reilly and Alf are joined by comedians Amanda Lifford and Ann Maddox as they attract the wrong crowd in this special guest episode of Review Revue!>>>>><<<<<Follow at:IG: @reillyanspaugh @alfredinnitTwitter: @reilecoyote Join the discord here!Produced by Daniel Ramos @SchubirdsAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. And participating restaurants for a limited time.

This is a HeadGum Original. Please pick a good theme song. I'm going to be so embarrassed. Let's get it, Alfred. In here. And the pod has Riley, Riley and Riley, Riley and Riley, Riley and Riley, Riley and Riley, Riley and Riley, Riley and Riley, Riley and Riley, Riley, and Riley, Riley, and Riley, Riley, and Riley, Riley, and Riley, Riley, and. In this podcast, there's no disrespect. So when Jeffrey left, I nearly wept.

We got two minutes for us to connect. After a hundred ebbs, now we got Alfred in effect. Alfred's got precision. Replacement, good decision. He's getting old, gotta break away from repetition. Cause when we be out, Marty pulls his weave out. You wouldn't believe, we review, review. You're in it for a year now. Alfred's freaking here now. Impuff from Chicago to hotly weird. Review, sorry.

Wow. I did not mean to do that. It's like when a DJ pulls the cord right before the bass drop I was gonna do a fade out The hardest fade out ever If you guys are listening and being like Whoa, that song sounds so familiar It almost sounds like that was from XOXO Gossip Banksy

A.K.A. Kevin from September of 2023, then you're right. You're right. And guess whose fault that is? Not fucking ours. It's yours. Send me more songs. And I know you're thinking,

you guys have been banking episodes. How would we possibly be sending in all these when you guys are doing like five episodes a week? Not our problem. Not our problem. That's literally not our problem not our problem i'm so sorry um and if you're also wondering oh there's some angelic little titters there's some there's some there's extra joy in the room today who could that possibly be because i know it's not

alfred i'm not i never titter i've never once tittered you may you may know Anne as Tom Sandoval's ex-assistant slash new employee at Something About Her. And you may know Amanda as a podcaster and recent substitute preschool teacher, but you may better know them as the hosts of We Signed an NDA. Please welcome Amanda and Anne. Hi! Hello! Thank you for having us. Titter, titter, titter. Please welcome Amanda and Anne. Hi. Thank you for having us. Titter, titter, titter.

Titter, titter. Let's cut to the chase. Why are you here? You guys have so many better things to be doing. We're a huge fan of yours. That's insane. That's insane. We're so happy you guys are here.

What is well up? Amanda? Oh, I'm moving. I'm a shell of a woman. I look around my room. I see things I shouldn't have, things I refuse to throw out. What would you classify as things you shouldn't have? Well, I have a lot of photos that I never hung.

And like a lot of, I'm a big criminal of sort of like street scavenging when it comes to interior design, which I think is really upsetting to all those who know and love me. And so I have quite a few frames, sort of seen better days. I know they're probably not wall worthy, but they're certainly not trash worthy. So yeah, I love it I have several frames that I'm waiting for the right thing to put in there yes I have

I have one print that I just never really measured because it's in the tube still so I keep buying frames for it and they keep being too small I have that there is a frame and so I keep buying frames for it and they keep being too small. I have that. I have, there is a frame,

a print that is such a specific, by like very, very specific measurements that I can't. And so it's just lived in the apartment for a year and some change. Same. I recently bought, I think I talked about this on the podcast already.

Did I talk about this podcast if you talk about blackout curtains no it's not my blackout curtains i bought an original animation cell from scooby-doo from the hannah barbara scooby-doo off of a woman who was selling all her husband's stuff on facebook marketplace so i got it for like 60 bucks haven't haven't hung that up yet just sitting there do you know if the husband was dead or alive? I have no idea. I'm guessing dead. Okay. She did say, she was like, there's a certificate of authenticity in there.

It's a death certificate. Oh, no. It's sad. There's a death certificate in there somewhere. Haunting. Sorry. Wrong one. I'm going to need that back.

I'm sorry. Got to collect that life insurance. Alf, what's new with you? It's been forever. Hey, thanks for checking in, man. I had someone honk at me today. It's been, what, 30 minutes since we talked on the phone? No, at least 40.

I think, yeah. Did someone honk at you? Yes, between our second and third phone call of the day, somebody honked at me. Codependence. Oh, for sure. No, no, no, 100%. We're like co-host dependent.

And that's absolutely, it's going to go ahead and be absolutely right. No, Amanda and I have the same problem. We have the same problem. Yeah, probably. If you pod together, you'd think, listeners, you'd think that, oh, you guys talk so much all the time. You must that. What else do you have to talk about?

Literally anything. Literally anything but what we talk about here. Everything. It comes flowing out. Alfred, did you feel like it was your fault that you were hogged at? No, it wasn't. Oh. So what happened was I was making a right turn on red.

Okay. As I'm wont to do. Totally legal. Yeah. Totally legal. Thank you. And important to remember. happened was i was making a right turn on red okay as i want to do totally legal yeah totally legal thank you yeah and that's also qualifies everything with whether or not and they were making a left turn on on green ultimately um but there were two we were turning into a two-lane road right so i was turning into the right lane right right and they decided to make the left turn directly into picture it in your mind it's so vivid they take a left turn

into the right hand lane as i'm turning right on red and they nearly t-bone me and then they have the audacity to honk at me and i was like you should have been turning into the leftmost lane stay in your lane and then we both turned into the same chipotle parking lot oh no oh fight fight fight yeah and i went into the chipotle and they went into the ross so i didn't need to deal with them but i was worried that i'd have to have a confrontation. I had that happen the other day. I was driving to work. And I was like, maybe a couple minutes late.

And I was. Unlike you. Shut up. Totally legal. Totally legal. Totally legal. It's legal to be late. And I was driving.

And it's such a specific route that I take to get to work. And there was this car that was just going 15 miles per hour below the speed limit. And I was rushing. So I was riding their ass a little bit to be like, please let me go around. And then for a second, I thought it was my boss based on the profile in the movie. And so I slowed my ass down. Because even in the car, I was like to myself, please. And then I just couldn't have been more like, oh, I'm cool.

I'm cool. Oh, my God. And then they went a different way and it very much was not. But I'm like, that would have been so fucking embarrassing. If we go into the same parking lot and he's like, what the hell was that? You'd have to play it off like it was. Oh, I was just, I was just razzing you, boss. Don't worry.

Yeah, yeah. There was a monster on the back of your trunk and i was just having fun it's just a little game i play where i tell good people come on come on get with it i got trapped behind a tractor yesterday oh that's the worst i know like 20 minutes. It has never. I'm just empathizing. Thank you for that. I've actually never seen a tractor, but I am an empath.

It was ridiculous. This tractor, I mean, it was enormous. And it was taking up both lanes, stopping traffic. And I was trying to overtake it for like 20 minutes. Oh, that sucks. That's infuriating. Amanda, what's the worst car you've ever gotten stuck in stuck in behind well I'm from Boston so I think

okay I do think that's an important disclosure for any conversations about road rage that's where I'm coming from that's my upbringing so oh god I'm trying to think if there's been anything like we've served time on the green line so we.

Yes, we know. We went to college in Boston. We've served our time. We're in Boston. We went to BU. We went to Boston University. Oh. Boston University.

There it is. Go Terriers. Thank you very much. Go Terriers. Terriers. That's so cute. I know. Can you believe there was a little, the mascot was Rhett the Terrier.

And he was, like, one foot in the grave. He could see the future. I know. His eyes were, like, and they would parade him around a little jersey and you'd get like a notification being like come see Rhett on campus and Rhett is just like please kill me I know exactly come see Rhett this might be your last chance it was like always kind of the subtext it was really kind of tragic um but yeah I know you, you go. You go. I'm just gonna say,

it's fascinating to me that there was a real dog as a mascot as opposed to a person who seeks attention and can do some acrobatics. Yes. I like the physical animal mascot, you know what I mean? When it's like, we're the hawks

and there's like a falcon or whatever comes out. Alf loves animals being kept in captivity. Especially ones like a hawk. Tiger King was funny as fuck. The SeaWorld documentary was a rom-com. A rom-com?

It was an ab-buster. My sides split Speaking of SeaWorld Speaking of commuting with nature Speaking of being one with the waves And the ocean We're here to talk about Surf schools, surf lessons

Guys, you chose this topic in a summer We're having fun Talk to us about surf schools I took surf lessons when i was 16 in hawaii and and i'm addicted baby i'm a poor server but i do love surfing yeah oh my god what was your first lesson like um my instructor's name was salty dog can't have been a birth name christian name no way yeah and then like uh you know my dad retired there before he passed away but when i when i went to visit him i was on waikiki beach and i like walked past the same surf school like there's like these little huts with surfboards

and i was like oh is salty dog still here and they're like yeah he is I don't know what though so I think he'd be like um we don't know a salty dog he's a ghost that's never been on our record are you okay and you're like mr dog I'm here that's did you um did you get up on the first try like was it scary I'm yeah, great. So you enjoyed it and you had a good experience. I'm a soul surfer, some would say. Just a natural test. Oh, my God. Both arms, but still soul surfer. Both arms, but still soul surfing.

That's beautiful. Amanda, do you surf? Have you been to a surf school? I've been to a surf school. I lived in Sydney, Australia for a year. So it goes without saying, I was that American bitch attempting to surf. You have to. If you're going to be there, Australia for a year. So it goes without saying I was that American bitch attempting to serve. You have to. If you're going to be there, you can't not.

When in Rome. Yeah. And it was, I like that they do like the sand diagrams at first to explain rip currents. Because I did get caught in a rip current while I was there. But like in a really. Slip sideways. I know. You slip sideways i

didn't know which way was up i was i was shaking up and i was too it was in like truly not more than two feet of water but i was too proud to put my hand up because i was like i'm representing america right now i don't even like the country that much but i don't want to be embarrassing and team usa and i came up waterlogged and i was like okay next time I'm putting my hand up so oh my god I like to imagine that it's such shallow water that you just feel yourself drifting but you're like I can't say anything

I mean like yeah I'm drifting but I can't say anything it's like just stand up no no everyone will know Riley you look you look like you're you know know, surfing all the time, right? You're born and raised West Coast. Surfing the web.

I am from L.A. Sure. Shut up. So you surf a lot, right? I've never surfed. There's no part of me that has any interest. I'll kill you. I'll do it on the show. Try. I'll kill you. I'll do it on the show.

I'll do it. Try. I have such respect for the ocean. She is a powerful beast. She's terrifying. So scary. I love diving. I scuba dive.

I will be under the water. I will not be riding it. And I had like an experience when I was a kid, bogey boarding. It was just one of those things getting sucked under and like, it scarred me. Like I can't, it's like trying to swim up.

That's what's always so. I've not, I've been, I'm too, um, in the industry, you guys know we, uh,

I'm too, uh, chicken and, I'm a little coward baby as as we say in Hollyweird. And it's like, I just, I, the thought of putting myself in a position where I could get sucked under, shit attached to my ankle, a big ass board that could get, it's, getting pummeled by waves is not for me. There's part of me that I wish I hadn't had the experience because I would have loved to have tried maybe.

And all of my friends surf and go out surfing together and they're like come try and I'm like I'm good so it's gonna it is not for me but Alf you of course all the time like I can't even

remember the last time I didn't go surfing no I think you know growing up I was I can't even remember the last time I didn't go surfing. No, I think, you know, growing up, I was an outdoor kid, but I was like, you know, bugs and trees and grass outdoor, not like sand. Thank you, yes. And I didn't, I'm scared of it.

I'm scared of it. I'm not a strong swimmer. i learned recently um not through like any thing but i was just thinking about it and i was like i don't think i can swim very well and then what the fuck are you talking about well i don't thinking about it and realize you can't swim well i was thinking about it and like i i said that as if it was like a normal thought like when you're not in the water being like wait now that i'm thinking about it i don't think i can swim well maybe a right turn yeah i don't think i could swim instantly um i think uh you know i think i was watching some you know honestly it was i think it was survivor i was watching and i was like watching them compete and i was like i'm i'm not good like that i wouldn't i would

drown like i don't know how to do like formal technique you know like i can the way that guys i wish you could see the way to meet his arms but yeah i i don't know i don't think i would enjoy it i don't think i would be good at it i i think i'm seeing that seeing how you're moving now I completely agree Skiing is the same I'm like I don't need that I'm sorry? Oh I thought you meant like same skill set I'm like I don't think so

Well I think so balance is something I lack But yeah so that's kind of my Backstory with surfing Yeah I feel like I have this idea of surf instructors that They're very cool yeah both of your like With always oh my god yeah I was Scouring reviews before this show and I

Was like they're all five like and we're Talking five stars 5.0 yeah yeah Four nine or four eight but I don't Think I know all the time of this show I Don't think I've ever seen more like universally positive reviews I know same I was like where's the surf school with like a 3.2 average

and they're not there they don't it's crazy because also I guess the stakes are pretty high if you're a bad surf school somebody drowned on your watch and now you don't have a surf school anymore so that's probably part of it it's also like you should be living your absolute dreams like nobody settles for

being a surf instructor like you are you never grew up you're so happy you're following your passion yeah and you're ripped because surfing is actually one of the most body intense things a person can do. Yeah. Just naturally beautiful. Like sun bleached hair perfectly. Ripped body. You can carry a board down the beach. Yeah.

Hairless from all the salt water splashing. Hairless, skin cancer everywhere. Just like melanoma city. should we should we get into it do uh does anyone feel particularly strongly about a review that they would like to start with i can i can do one for everything fuck you last like five episodes you've been like because I haven't had good ones in the last five and I'm not going to break that streak today but here is Gil

N for Can we get a last name for Gil N? Nitrate. Gil Nitrate. Oh he's made of hot dog meat. That's better. If it was just two of us it would have been like Gil Nuts. And it would have been like, gill nuts. And it would have taken us like five minutes of silence that we got cut out for us to come up with gill nuts.

How far is this for? So this one's kind of fun. This is for the Porthal. This is tough. No, say it. Say it. Porth-call. Porth-call.

Surf school. It's in Wales. Oh. Okay. Freeorthcall. Surf school. It's in Wales. United Kingdom. One star. I said I was going to find a negative review for one and I did. But it's not really. So one star from Gil Nuts. No. Gil Nitrate.

Gil Nuts Nitrate. Yeah. Nuts Nitrate. Just parked next to surf school. Not using it. We're too old now. But it's always popular at all times in winter and summer.

That's not the surf school's fault. That's your fault. Why is it one star? Why are you tanking the reviews? I do think that there is a certain generation of, I don't know if it's Boomer or even sort of the silent generation that like doesn't understand, you know, like when people are like scale of one to 10,

10 being the best, it's like, you don't need to fucking clarify. I think it's the same thing where I think there are older people who are like, is one star the good one or five? And I think, I think that's what happened. And the context clue of we're too old now. They shouldn't even be reviewing it if they aren't even going to use it. But my headcanon is that they're like, they think it's good to give something one star. That's the highest you can give it.

And they're like, these young people are having the time of their life. I'm not going to attempt a Welsh accent. But yeah, I don't know. Or they're like very bitter to old people that are just so angry they can't go surfing in Wales. Given every opportunity.

Wales. Hey. Excuse me. Hi. Hi. Yeah, hey. You know, I run the Surfshack. I see, I see hi. Yeah, hi. Yeah, hey, you know, I run the Surf Shack. I see, I see, you know, you two ladies.

You're so sweet. I see you guys come by the shack all the time. And if you ever want to give us a try, like, we're here. My bones, my bones are very frail. Yeah, I just want to bitterly watch you guys with your strong bones Oh come on, no no no I'm Skylar by the way Oh is that your birth name? Is that your given name? You know what, I've never been asked that before

But yes, that is my Named after my grandfather Oh so your grandfather was a weird hippie Yes, so your parents, your grandfather was a weird hippie. Yes. Yeah, so strange. My God. But anyway, I just, I see you guys come by a lot. We have certain, we actually have an older instructor

who gives tailored lessons to people of a certain age. I'm not going to assume. How do you think I look? How do you think we are? Oh, I didn't know. No, no. Yes, you did. I think we are oh I didn't know I did yes you did I really know I didn't mean I would never did yeah yeah um I mean you know Carol should we give her one one star for this for age discrimination oh my god no no no what I'm saying I would like to include you guys Carol please no I'm sorry um hey why don't I bring out

hey hey Jim Jim is you guys will love Jim Jim has been around the block you know not saying that you guys have also been around the block a lot oh okay all right none of us are 20 anymore right we might have to take that star away from you that one star Jim please um Jim uh these are my carol and i'm so sorry i didn't get your name oh me yes tanya tanya carol and tanya yes beautiful names oh oh thank you uh jim but you can call me salty dog oh salty salty dog interesting um what's that what's that smell salty dog. Interesting. What's that? What's that smell? Salty dog. Oh, that's the brine from the water. It's kind of a film.

Yeah. It's like I've been pickled. I've been in the water so long. Like I said, Jim's been around. Yeah. Not only around. Jim kind of stays in the water. He's like a kid. We have to be like, Jim, you have to eat.

I don't want to. I don't want to. I like it out here bring my food here and we're like that's not how it works um writing brined man approaching vehicle no one star no no no no no what guys if if you would just um come on in we can we don't even have to get in the water and again if you also don't want to be here, you don't have to be. No, we do. This is part of our routine.

Carol and I come here every morning, and we just grimace at you young hip surfers out there in the waves, tossing and turning, showing off your beautiful hair. Who do you think you are? You guys have beautiful hair. Jim, come on. Help me. Oh, your hair is gorgeous. You're like off your beautiful hair. Who do you think you are? You guys have beautiful hair. Jim, come on. Help me. Oh, your hair is gorgeous. You're like a mermaid. No, Jim.

You don't need to say that. Oh, what? Now I can't say it. Okay. No, it's you. Sorry, Jim. Wow. Jim is really fixated on what we can and can't say anymore.

We've been doing these HR trainings at work, and I think they're bullshit. Whatever. Oh. You ladies probably understand. Thanks. HR is bullshit. Well, now I feel like I should. Carol, how do you spell bullshit? Is that B-U-L-L?

I'm from the silent generation. Well, you know, ladies, I've taught folks way older than you before. I don't think. Oh, how old do you think we are? know, ladies, I've taught folks way older than you before. I don't think. Oh, how old do you think we are? No, Jim, you don't want to go down. Oh, there's no, it's not a trap.

I'm fine. I can guess. Can you, Jim? Salty dog? Probably 70. Oh, my God. Minus 10 is 60. Oh, my God. Minus 10 is 60. Oh my God.

Minus 4 is 50. No way. It's okay. 45 for the quiet one and 23 for the one that talks. Cut to the manager's office later.

So, Jim, you know why you're here, right? Yeah, I have a hunch. Probably. Do you want to go ahead and tell me or do you want me to? I don't think I should be here anymore. I'm pretty quiet. No, Carol, I want you. No, no, no, no. Ladies, I appreciate you coming. I'm sorry again. We take

complaints around here very seriously. That's true. We are the ones here very seriously. That's true. We are the ones that put in the report. Right. This is all a big misunderstanding. You see, boss, in our generation, me and the girls, we... We're women. We're grown women.

Right, right, right. But you're so young. That's another thing, Jim. We have talked about, you know, you always call men men and you always call women girls. Because they are. So, Jim, your hair is getting in my mouth. I could taste the brine. It's freaking me out.

I'm sorry. I will stand over here. I'm just saying, in our generation or younger, for the case of these women. Thank you. You're welcome. Don't be a dick about it. I just, oh, now I can't win. One star used to mean, used to mean that you were good and fine

and that everything was not like a Michelin star, right? You guys tell my boss that you meant to be nice in your review, right? Not at all. Not at all. Not at all. Ladies, I don't think it'll surprise you to hear that this is not the first negative review we've gotten about Jim. Sorry, Salty specifically. Thank you.

So, wow. If there's any way that we can make it up to you both, whether that's free lessons, whether that's discounted surf shop. I'd love to give you a free lesson. No, we do not. We do not. We're fine.

And it doesn't have to be with Jim. Thank you. I just, is there any sort of reprimanding? Like, what is the next step here? Oh, punishment. You're looking for punishment for him? Yes, yes. Oh, well, I don't know.

My cold, dark heart wants to punish salty Jim. I was part spanked as a kid and it made me stronger. Well, I don't disagree with that part, but I am a grown man. Well, no, but Carol does have a point.

I mean, I think it would be another HR violation if I were to be the one to spank you. Oh, I have a belt. I have three belts. I was thinking back of hand at most. Gemma! You know what?

This is going a little crazy. I think, guys, I think we're all getting a little heated. Gemma, I think if you just give a very sincere apology. Okay, I could do that um just you know uh i i'm not gonna give it for you because it needs to be sincere so why don't we just start with that and then if we're still not happy then maybe we can look at spanking later on i am sorry that you misunderstood oh my intentions which were pure of heart and kind of soul, to share the gift. No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, shit. Yeah, got it. I'll do it. I'll spank him. No, you please. I'll spank myself. Oh, God. Oh, wait.

Let's take a break. We'll be back with more spankings i mean surf schools i mean oh god and we're back whoa it was that was crazy that was oh my god um does anyone else have a review they'd like did we track down sherry i did i found sherry yay hell yeah okay so sherry do i give the last name initial last initial perfect okay. Perfect. Sherry T. Sherry T. Sherry T.

Any day. I'll get there. Sherry. Charity. Charity is when you give money to other people. And that's the last name? Charity is when you give money to other people. Charity. And that's the last name? Charity is when you give money to other people. Great. Sherry Charity.

What is the school? It is the Badass Surf School here in LA. Oh, hell yeah. Uh-oh. That sounds epic. You know when they curse in the title, it's gonna be sick. That's epic. Five stars. Beautiful. A year ago year ago okay this is it it says

since seeing the first point break in theaters in 1991 surfing has been on my bucket list well 32 years later at the age of 47 years that dream came true it was was a blast. Jake was very kind, smart, and strong instructor that took the time to coach and help me get the hang of it all. By the end, I was able to ride the wave. She put it in quotations. And then parentheses. I don't need to put it in quotes. That's what you were doing.

I'll bait on one knee and then falling back on my butt. A huge success in my books. Three exclamation points. Thank you, Jake, for a fantastic day of surfing at Venice Beach. And then he responded, what a fun lesson to teach. And your attitude through it all was amazing. Thank you for a great afternoon. Point break is awesome, BTW.

Wow. Not them flirting awesome, BTW. Wow. Now that's flirting on Yael. Now that sounds badass. She's gonna win me. She's gonna propose. I know. The need to clarify the 1991 Point Break

and not the 2015 remake. Just so you know, i'm older than that i i find that the reviews in which the either company or restaurant you know whatever when they respond there's something really um there's something there's very like hallowed ground about that there's something that it's just like the direct engagement of um especially when it's like you know surf schools are not big corpse it's like it is like you know that person that is them responding the person who owns badass surf school yes Jake is really

there's no social media team and it's also the performative element of it to have a conversation the discourse is existing in a public medium it's so charged yeah I want to think that Jake has only badass tattoos

like sharks, motorcycles. Yes. Like hang gliding. Sounds cool as hell. Muscles tattooed on his muscles. Interesting no surfing tattoos. They're really badass, but not. That seems a little on the nose.

I'm not going to get those ones. Patrick Swayze on the back. But from Roadhouse, not Point Break. I also, I have to imagine, I don't know. You got to imagine Jake is really hot. You got to imagine that people come there, like they go for the surfing and stay for Jake. Stay for Jake.

And it's just, it's like i i wonder if it's like you know people maybe part of the allure of leaving a review is like maybe this is it maybe he'll see it's like it's like the you know the fan casting and have like i'm gonna go to this concert and harry styles is gonna see me reading a book in the audience and he's gonna be like book in the audience i'm here to read different yeah yeah oh i'm not into this but being like it's like it's like i'm ready message be like okay here we go okay um five stars obviously um jake uh jake was so all all caps, amazing. Had such fun in the sun. And feel like a real soul surfer today.

Shit, delete, delete, delete. That's the girl with the shark attack. Feeling like the little mermaid. I'm one with the sea when Jake is with me. Thanks, badass surfing, for all the fun times ahead. And post. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I think this think this is i just gotta play cool i gotta wait i gotta dear jake um your your uh muscles uh no no no your brain your brain is beautiful just like the wax you put on the body of your hard, bored, no, no, no, no, dilly, dilly, dilly, too sexual. X-O, X-O, call me.

Five, five, five. Five, five, five. Oh, my God, this woman docks herself. Dear Jake, I touched myself last night. Not sexually. But I pretended it was your hand caressing my skin.

Though I was wearing a wetsuit, there was something really magnetic about the way you corrected my hips because they were always facing the wrong way on our lesson i don't know if i'll ever forget you jake in fact i think i need to find you now please call me please five five five five five five five five five following up my last quote to a quote so i'm quoting my own following up my review um jake um i left my husband today i know it's crazy but um i just felt like if not now when and no it wasn't because you told me to I mean hell you didn't even ask but I feel like you

would want me to and so I did and so um I'm gonna leave my email I don't feel as comfortable as these other women to put my phone number but um cindyl at yahoo.net um look forward to our correspondence and I will be staying in venice tonight because i think that's where you work i don't know where you live so i'll just be there okay love you bye fuck i typed that hi no hi jake um i i noticed that um somebody left a review with the exact same phone number as mine. And I'm a little worried that my twin sister is also having romantic moments with you. I just, I just, you know, I just don't think that I could do a thropple with my twin sister. But, you know. All the I justs are in the review.

I just. In quotes. I just in quotes. So, you know, but I'm free. I'm open to discussion. So if you could just call me. But specify that the number we gave is the landline. So if you could just specify the smaller twin,

I'd appreciate it. XOXO. Jake, I'm at the doctor's office filling out paperwork and they're asking for an emergency contact. And I know your name, but I don't know your number. Jake, please. In an emergency, you're the only person I could imagine contacting.

I'll address the elephant in the room i'm the big twin i am i see my sister's reviews and i just want you to know that it takes a big heart to be able to hang out with a man who's so charismatic who's so open-ended who adjusted my hips one time, and I can't stop thinking about it. That had to mean something, Jake. Please do not trust the little twin. It's just a response to every single one,

and it's like the boilerplate, like, thanks for leaving your concerns we're glad you had a good time here at jake's third school uh jake um these women seem amazing i'm a girl's girl through and through and so i'm not gonna hop on this website and say oh they're they're whores they're nasty I'm not gonna do that because I'm bigger than that and if you don't see a future with me which um I will say I'm an only child and so there's no no one or nothing to get in the way. I'm here. If you ever just want to talk about all the craziness that's going on on this site, I'm here.

I'm still driving around Venice because I don't know where you live. But if you see a green Prius, that's me. Cindy. You know that already Jake you know Cindy I don't want Cindy to speak on behalf of all of us but

I am a nasty nasty whore I'm the I'm the my my twin sister might have a big heart but I got big boobs

this is the big twin I'm at my sister's house right now and i'm taking control of the keyboard because some things are being said about me i also have huge tits okay it's not what i lead with because i'd rather talk about my heart or my hair or my hips, which you touched so tenderly. Jake, come on. You lingered around my hips. You lingered. And I think you squeezed.

Okay, my sister's wrestling. Give me my keyboard. Give it back. Back at the office uh jake you you're gonna want to see this what's up boss you're gonna want to respond to these what's up the ladies are getting feral on yelp it's happened again i know i know it's like the summer of 15 but you gotta get back in there my man i. I told you after last time, I don't want to deal with that anymore, you know what I mean? I want to teach the surf, I want to go home.

I understand, but it's getting crazy out there. It's a bloodbath. Hey, did they say anything about me, huh? Any mentions of Mervin? Mervin? I doubt it. Get out of here, Mervin! Oh, okay, okay. Nice, nice.

Mervin, you know that it's, I mean, it's Jake. Come on. I don't want to be an asshole, but, like, we got to be realistic. Oh, okay. Okay, well, that's Mervin realistic. Hey, Jake, there's, like, a whole crowd of women outside the surf school. They're all fighting this woman in a green thing. It's getting violent.

Yeah. It's getting violent. It's getting violent. Tell them I went home already or maybe I'm dead. Jake, they smell you. You think they don't remember your pheromones? Jake, you got to say something. You got to, Jake. I don't know if that's scientific.

Jake, they're starting to put kerosene on the shack. They're going to smoke us out, Jake. You got to say something now. Okay, I guess I'll address the crowd. I'll address the crowd as well. I think it would be very important for both of us. Marvin, you could unclog the disposal in the kitchen. That's all right.

Oh, it's clogged again? Someone putting bones? Okay, it was me. Bones. Stop putting bones in the kitchen. Yeah, Marvin. How many times? Jake, get out there Jake

I'm the big twin Hello I just said hi I don't think I'm glad I'm glad you all enjoyed your time Learning to surf I see A lot of familiar faces out there.

What about familiar hips? Do you recognize these hips, Jake? Right. You're the big twin with the... Yeah, and the small boobies. You're the small one with the big tits. You're the big twin with the even bigger tits, yes. And I believe you were... Miss, you were the one who.

Are you talking to me? Yeah. What did you say, Ken? You were like. I left my husband. You left your, that's right. I'm sorry about that. 23 years, never a fight.

Whoa. There's going to be one now, I bet. Listen, ladies. Teaching's really the joy of my life. It really is. That's so noble! We love noble! We love noble! Hey, Lenny's, I couldn't help but interrupt this little press conference here. Get out!

Oh, goodness! Rip off his limbs. I've been dismembered. Don't put my bones in the garbage disposal. It will clog. I always felt bad for Marvin, man. Jake, you gotta get them out of here. What do they want?

I don't know how to get them out. They want you. Jake, you gotta just be real with them. Tell them the truth about your situation. Oh, no. I can't do that. It'll break their hearts. You have to break some hearts, Jake.

Or else I think they're gonna break my neck. Okay. There's one on my back. I can't get it. Yeah, it's the big one. Oh, it's the big one. Um, okay. In the sake of radical transparency and honesty,

I think it's only fair to tell all of you ladies that the truth is that I'm boring. No. No, I know. Just hear me out. You saw I, I know, I know. Just hear me out.

You saw, I'm incredibly hot, I know. Yeah! And I was in a power position. Point break! Yes, I know, I understand. But trust me, I've been down this road. 1991 version! Yes, I love that film, but...

I like the 2015 version. Get out of here marvin's mom that one's good too i yeah that's right the big twins marvin's mom okay okay it was gonna come up you're boring but you're so tattooed and you touch hips just so. I know, but trust me, all I talk about is surfing. You can wax my board anytime. My board is my two big boobies. I don't want to wax your boobs. What else do you do? Nothing.

I get up about 4 a.m. every day, come to the beach for sunrise, I surf for three and a half hours, I go in, I no it's not it's really dull it's really boring i promise i open the surf school i teach all day i go home i have a trader joe's microwave dinner i love the chicken is great you guys you don't kick what is it called i like that one too but i me too me too me too jake i love it me too jake um they're all a lot of them starting to disperse oh i thought you like rode a motorcycle or No. Come on, guys. I walk here.

Damn. I live nearby. Just the twins are still there. Hi. We're still here. We're still here. Yeah. I'll be honest.

I never saw either point break. I was just saying that to kind of get. I jump off the cliff. Oh, fuck. Don't worry. Her breasts will keep her afloat. It's happened before. I'm okay! Well, Jake, looks like it's just you and me, the big twin, huh?

Yeah, and I do, I admire your persistence. Jacob, I'm starting to pick up on the thing here. Hell, I'm called the big twin. Rejection isn't good to me, okay? But just one more time,

will you touch my hips? Sure. Stand on the board, otherwise it's weird. Let's do our next trick. Woo! I love Jake. I'm in love with Jake. I really am now. Woo! I love Jake. I'm in love with Jake.

I really am now. He's the perfect man. I love Jake's honesty. He has no personality and he's hot. I love it. There's a level of self-awareness to the lack of personality that I think is very brave and very enticing. Hot. We can say it.

We can say hot. Much like Roddy from flushed away i mean listen don't knock it till you try it you haven't tried it it's made up amanda do you have one you'd like i do i'm just gonna look up the location of i was around the globe looking for bad reviews and that's perfect i hear. And the way that it's, the way surfing is so universally positive is baffling. It's amazing. You've always said that.

You've always said that. Crosses, like, all the oceans, you know? First date. The way surfing is just so universally positive. Sorry. Do what he said, please. Sorry, I said, where'd you go to school? i did date a surfer briefly and um i got the ick when he said that he one time looked a shark in the eyes and the shark like chose not to attack oh no

that man will gaslight you if he's going to say things like that I was like oh things were so good Until just then If he's going to say the shark After looking at me the shark was like I don't want to mess with him I respect you man Goodbye

Mono e mono Fellow king of the sea Okay I got a review coming at you fellow king of the sea okay I got a review coming at you from Line Up Surf in D.Y. New South Wales, Australia okay from

Old South Wales to New South Wales Line Up Surf is like that's their instruction Line Up Surf I don't know how that's the point okay now this reviewer said their full last name and it's a hyphen so it's harry f-o fuck off wow group mind that was fucking crazy how did they both think of fuck off that's wild oh my god can i they're so fucking creative can i admit my mind first to fao schwartz i was like f a oh f a o f a o harry fuck off five stars he said we stopped by the shop after a frantic google search looking for a last minute rashy wayne was friendly and knowledgeable and took pity on us woefully unprepared tourists as we arrived a very happy surf lesson was leaving and there was just a great atmosphere

thank you so much for the rashy and your kindness now you now you lived in australia for a year sure the hell is a rash guard right yeah i want to say i want to say wetsuit like as in rash guard yeah i see that makes sense did they not actually get a lesson they just borrowed a rash he just borrowed a rash they were frantically searching. And this was... I... No, you go. I was going to say, this is kind of the opposite of our first reviewers, where they saw from afar and gave it a very negative experience. This reviewer saw from afar and gave it a very positive review.

So I think that's beautiful. That's beautiful. Despite not actually sampling the product at all. There's also something about, I think that getting into and fully diving into the culture of where you travel is so cool. And learning about where you're traveling, really immersing yourself into it there's something about local slang that like when said by someone who is not from that place yeah is so um predatory it's yes is there something that like extremely uh the i i i'm imagining this person's american they might not be but like to to say rashy if you're not there's something about like taking on language as like, well, no, I'm a local.

Like I've been here a couple of weeks. Like I want, and they're like, oh, you can, that's fine. Or it's like if you go to, you know, I have every story I've heard from someone going to Paris and like trying to speak French. They're like, no, we don't have to do that. It's like every dude I knew in college who studied abroad in the uk who came back saying cheers to everything like you'd hold the door and be like oh cheers i'm like shut the fuck up

that's not you vulnerable i there was a period of time where cheers and i was in college it might have been experimenting okay no who among us it was my email sign off it was because i thought it was fun i thought it was fun that is fine i love that i don't i don't hate it i don't i don't hate it as an email okay yeah thank you so much as couple months of the year i work uh production and it's like whenever i come back from location i always like it's just picking up language i was like oh copy copy that like it's just it's like just whether it's coming back 10-4 yeah 10-4 uh let's 86 that uh like you know go for a 10-1. Fly this in. There's just certain.

Yeah, I can find that. Oh, copy, copy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I will text, like, my boyfriend. I'll be like, can you get this grocery? He'll be like, copy. And he's like, God, just say okay. Like, just say that's fine.

I got made fun of at my current temp job because the snack table, they call it a snack table. And I was like, oh, what do we have at craft service? Crafty. Yeah. And they were like, okay. All right, Hollywood. Yeah. table they call it a snack table and i was like oh what do we have at craft service yeah and they're like okay all right hollywood yeah she's been in a mattress firm commercial it's true i spent i spent so long working in restaurants that now i still will be like at a dinner party and like be walking behind somebody in the kitchen with like a plate of cheese and just want to go behind behind behind quarter behind knife knife knife and it's like how to uninvite yourself

from every part just shout in a stranger's kitchen knife knife i'm holding a knife i really do there is something about it's like because studying i forget what i came back saying because i studied i went to england for my study abroad and i came back probably saying some fucking pretentious shit that i'm like oh sorry i just you were saying in it every other sentence it was really strange say that every other sentence yeah like there the Lou. Bad chat. There is, oh my God. Like there is something about coming back and like you're different. Like you're different.

So yeah. I get that just from watching Love Island. I start. Yeah. I'll be like his banter was so good. We had such great chat. It was crazy. The chat was off the chart sorry what's that our chat on the date it was like crazy oh oh sorry um i feel like i i've never heard you say that before you know oh i don't know no i'm I'm happy how did I mean like from her bio she seemed like

so hot like yeah from her bio she seemed really hot uh sorry I I try I like to connect emotionally like to connect intelligently well she's not you didn't go on a date with her so chill out oh boy we doing a roommate meeting in the kitchen we debriefing we sure are uh come on in here went on a date yeah oh date ted no man i yeah i mean i it it was one day whatever like i'm just trying to get back out there after rebecca no but tell me what you said or sorry tell sorry fuck me tell alan what you said yeah tell alan what you just told me the specific language that you just used. All I said was, like, you know, me and this girl, like, we had good chat. Sound familiar? No, like our...

What? Am I in London? No, I just... Excuse me. God save the queen type of shit. You guys are being fucking mental. Knock, knock, knock hello hi hello um i'm so sorry i left my card again cynthia um yeah yeah i went on a date too so oh yeah i also i date

oh my three boys hello hello hello so nice to meet you sorry um you are you're even even more beautiful than your bio oh um pleasure my pleasure thank you in england we say pleasure oh that's all i think we say that here too i heard that yeah oh exciting so exotic oh thank you yeah yes yes oh there's my cardigan there you go yeah don't forget to wear it oh much ado much ado right

much ado I love that just the way you speak is so beautiful Ted where did you find her well I showed you it was on Hinge It's so beautiful. Ted, where did you find her? Well, I showed you. It was on Hinge. Yes. Saw the bio.

Yes, we have the apps in good old England. But I pay for premiums, so I got the passport thing that means that I can swipe in any city. True. So I swiped in London, and then she was in town on business. Cheerio. Oh, you're leaving. Oh, no. I am in my small town of Wilshire upon Stratford.

Oh, I hear. We use cheerio for hello and goodbyes. Very much like aloha. Kind of like aloha. Right. Or ciao. Wow, that's beautiful. Very much so.

Well, cheerio to you, too. Before you go, sorry, my date was kind of a dud tonight, so I would love to. I would just like to introduce myself. My name's Alan. Oh. Oh, I don't know. I'm a registered nurse who's currently unregistered, but I love help you much i do yeah alan that's i feel like hey alan sidebar really quick yeah yeah like this is ted's date i cannot believe ted has

credit card debt okay i know but he's working on i just feel like we gotta be like good bros it's like you can't start like you can't try and pick up his date at the end of his date that's crazy there's no rules in love and war man okay i'm so sorry i have hyper good hearing um i just want to say that in my town of uh wilshire pond strap fire uh yes uh we we allowed to date Wilshire Pond Stratfire. We allowed to date multiple people at the same time. Oh, yeah. Y'all are poly over there. That's cool.

Yes, we are. Well, I'm not and I know Alan isn't. So I guess you're going to have to only... Yeah, I've actually banned from the polyamory community. Yes. Oh, no. What happened?

How much time do you have? It's a long one. Well, my plane leaves in two hours. Okay. Oh, my God. Wait, so you're leaving. Yes, yes. I just came for the date, and then I'm...

Yeah. Whoa. Yeah, I'm very rich. I'm very, very rich. very rich I actually has some credit card debt no no no no no no I have a lot of points is what he meant I have a lot of points on my from rewards from all the money I spent um are you interest rate right now it's crazy yeah well and I can and I can afford that right they right? The bank hasn't taken everything. Perhaps second date is in my hometown.

Cheerio. Oh, yeah. Which one of us? Oh, both of you. I mean, polyamory. Yeah, right. I think we made that pretty clear. Right, right, right.

Ted's more into non-ethical, non-ethical. Yeah, right. Like, I cheat a lot. Yeah. Are you cool with that is that cool like in wilshire upon start fire start fire start fire yeah uh just sorry i don't mean to bring the mood down but um i have some family over there and uh i've never i can't say i've ever heard of wildford upon stratfire yes oh um oh well as and uh i you know i see your bag popping out i'm seeing a passport i don't know if you're a dual citizen but that that's looking like an american passport to me. Oh, yes. As mentioned, I'm very rich.

I also own property in Florida, in Gainesville, Florida. That's where the rich people own land. It's true. Yes. Yes. It's the new Boca Raton, as everyone would know. Alan's really up to date on luxury real estate. I just know, and I don't mean to I'm not saying that you're not who you say you are

because you know I have diamonds on my body of course I'm rich you've seen her diamonds come on man leave her alone what are you playing at I'm not playing you're just jealous of our banter dude oh yes I get that a lot

even Alan's got better chat than you. For real. I'm not. I'm just trying to protect you guys because it's like you fall in love really easily. If I know anything about both of you guys, you wear your hearts on your sleeve. And I'm the pragmatic one of the three. And I just want to make sure that you're not getting scammed. It's a real moniker from friends.

We have friends in England Now see none of my family over there They don't know who They don't know what that is Are we a sidebar for a second? With me or with her? With me Sorry you said you

I'll make some tea I'll make the tea Don't worry You boys chit chat. The second shelf is the common tea. The other stuff is spoken for. We've actually had a lot of meetings about that. Right, right.

Okay. Yeah. It's pretty disrespectful. We use each other's tea. Are you, why are you questioning this woman? Why are you mad at me? This is insane. She is a genuine bird okay there is nothing about

her is like liar or anything so nothing about her is liar dude she has an american passport she says i'm my i'm my bot i have diamonds on my body i don't know a lot of rich people. But I don't think that's like a thing. Actually, in the luxury real estate market, it's getting a huge... Oh god, Alan, I'll fucking move. The thing that nobody knows about San Antonio, Texas is that there's some of the most prime subterranean pool-making opportunity.

And when you're in the pool... Why don't you fucking move there, Alan? You guys are blind. She is obviously gorgeous. She is obviously gorgeous. She's probably the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Yes. She's a mental fit. What are you getting at?

He's just like, I know you do, but give us privacy. So sorry. So sorry. It's okay. I just, I think that,

I think that she may catch on to Ted's. Ted's not very good with money, my man. I'm sorry. I love you, but you're not. And I feel like she may be using you. I thought you were a mate. I really did. I am your mate.

I thought you were Brill. Dude, come on. Buzzing, even. You went on one date with this woman. Yeah, now you're accusing her. You're saying she's just after my peas? I have many peas. My peas.

See, she's loaded. She doesn't need my money. I'm loaded with peas. And everyone knows I got mad credit card debt anyway, so no one would even want that from me. I just went on zillow and i purchased a home fucking move then it's like you talk about all these other places i feel like you don't even like it here what well maybe if people didn't take my sleepy time tea

i offered to buy you what? I offered to buy you more and you said no. Yeah, because of the credit card. Fine, I'll stay out of it. Alan, I guess you can fucking move. I didn't know that that's where this conversation was going to go, but you know what? Whatever. If you want to pick her over

your best mates. May I cut in for uno momento? Jesus Christ, yes. Of course, lovey. Oh my god, she's bilingual. Yes, yes, I am learning Espanol on Duolingo. Papas fritas.

We call them chips in my country. That's ace. See, would an American know that? No. No, they wouldn't. No, no no not at all okay whatever I'll get out your guys hair I'm sorry if I may I was just going to propose

to the angry one perhaps we could do my name is Richard oh I'm so in my country we call that dick oh well we call it that here, too. Wait, you're proposing? Richard has a rashie.

Stop. It's a rashie. It goes down the entirety of his back. No, no. Just stop. What were you going to say? His chat is right-minging. Why are you guys, why is this fucking dog pile on old dick

right now? I'm just trying to look out for my boys. Shut the fuck up. You fucking rich. Have you tried hydrocortisone? Have you tried cortisone on your cream on your ride? Like a topical steroid. What do I need to do to not be in this apartment anymore tonight?

How, what do I need to say to get out the door where no one's mad at me and and everyone's cool well um we could have a we could have a group makeout session i feel like oh oh did i ruin the mood i'm so sorry i would do it i. I guess I just need to ask point blank. You seem really nice and very strange. Thank you. But I just need to ask, like, what are you looking for that you can't find in your home country? I'm looking for a sexy, a real Western Yankee.

Yee-haw. You found it. I want a sleuth of cowboys. And so you guys are hearing that this sounds like a Twitter bio, a bot bio, right? You guys are hearing that. No. She says she wants a bunch of yeehaws yeah and she found three absolutely fantastic chaps who are willing to take her out and show her a good time

the usa so i just think you're jealous and your your your vibes are minging yes your vibes are minging. Yes, your vibes are very minging hard. All right. I'm out of here. You guys, I'm going to my room. I don't feel good about this. I'll let you pick three diamonds off my body. Pick them off? Yes.

I need the money. Bad. It's like I want to see this, but I got to date with twins. One's big and one's little. That's me. I got to go,, but I got a date with twins. One's big and one's little. That's me, Alfred. No way you got that. Let's do our last segment. Woo!

Big and one's little. Oh, here we go, Alfred. Ready? This. Just me. Oh. We belong. Okay, Amanda. What the hell has been taking your asses for better,

for worse. Can't you stop thinking about what is just like running you from the inside out? What's running you from the inside out? You heard me. More British slang. I'm also very sorry if I upset any British people listening to this podcast

I would like to apologize to the British community they deserve it I'm so sorry you do not need to apologize to them Alf is British and I'm Irish and it's like a very we love shitting on the Brits on this podcast by we I mean I as a proud dual citizen

I have to say you're a dual citizen for real? Wow. I am for real a dual citizen of the United... That's how I knew all that crazy slang like minging. Wow. I didn't know what was happening then. I was like, this is maybe from the internet and I'm stupid?

No, Alf is just one of those. I'm just like, i'm just have dual citizenship i'm kind of quirky like whatever like i guess my parents are british it's crazy oh i have one yes um okay so the laundry in my building has it's gone up it's it went from like $1.75 a wash to like $2.50 which I know it makes me very angry but I found that the dryer so it's like also $1.75

for drying but once you start the dryer if you put a quarter in it gives you 20 minutes so you could do a whole hour with 3 quarters which is just as long as as doing the dollar 75 so so do you dry multiple loads yes by like taking it out and then just wow yeah so like before i'll set the timer to like that's huge that kind of goes crazy yeah and then i'll like throw in my wet clothes i love it thank you you're a genius i know you're a genius that would never have occurred

i would have been paying a dollar 75 per dry like a fucking idiot um alphamanda what's i i don't have one yet you don't have one that's so you are the fucking worst ever um i do have one actually first time for everything um yeah it's a little bone i'd like to pick out of the garbage disposal marvin get out of here! Marvin's leg bone. I think the ladies want me. It's people

who go to the gym, and yes, I go to the gym. To go to the gym, doing, after having done, I'm really fucking cool, after what I can only assume is pouring an entire bottle of cologne

on your body and and i'm not like cologne perfume gender neutral scent doesn't matter to me you're at the fucking gym i should not be on the treadmill choking on your scent yeah your sauvage is killing me were they right next to you or like yes were they they were on the treadmill next to me and it was like i went from like yeah this is an easy pace yeah this is cool this is cool to like i'm having an asthma attack because of the fucking fumes it just that's horrible i get it you're at the gym you're scared you're gonna smell bad everybody's gonna smell bad you're at the gym just embrace it i would rather smell a mild like whoo they're sweating then jesus christ you drank a bottle of dior like fuck off anyway i really piss me off i agree i agree i'm with you yeah i

get that and i get overwhelmed by scents in, but at the gym when I'm breathing deeply, it really pisses me off. I have a gym one actually too. Yeah, she goes to the gym. Should we pivot to like an athleticism podcast? Yeah, the famous athleticism podcast. How athletic we are. When I'm on Spotify and I'm like, what should I do?

Athleticism podcast. I did. I went to a Pilates class at the gym. And it was all women. And at the end of the class, it was a hard class it was great and then at the end we're doing like the cool down and the instructor's like okay everyone lie down on your mat and just like you know hug your knees into your chest she turns the lights down puts on billy eilish's what was i made for oh with just like a bunch of women all different ages. And we're all just, we've all had the endorphin rush.

And we're all, and I'm crying. And I'm in the gym. And I'm laying on the mat in the dim light of this fucking studio room. And I'm like, light tears. And I suddenly am like, women are so amazing. Like every thought that I had leaving, like the Barbie movie, I'm like, wow, women are incredible. And we're powerful.

And look at us. We're all here doing this class. And, you know, I'm probably never going to see any of these people again. But we all have so much. Because you're never going back to the gym. I, like, I'm like, what a psychotic choice of a song to put on in, like, in this environment. I'm like, this is so I couldn't believe it. I really was like blown away by that.

And like I couldn't. It took my breath away. It took my breath away. You're all working. Oh, sorry. No, go ahead. Oh, no. I was just going to say you're all working to like have better self-confidence and like

love your bodies. And then you're reminded of how the world. I'm like. yeah I like I feel and I was like for a second I kind of like looked up for a little bit to be like is anyone else and like everyone else seemed fine I'm like that's cool yeah that's telling isn't it maybe pay attention to that

I do think it is a divine experience to cry in a workout class as someone who has cried in many workout class for a variety of reasons. Like, sometimes just because I'm like, it's beautiful. We're moving in synchronicity. Like, there's something connective about that. We're looking at our screens these days. We're not looking at each other.

That's so fucking true. That's so fucking true. I'm always on my phone. What I thought you were going to say is that because when you said, okay, now I wish I hadn't started. When you lie down on the mat and you're hugging, I thought you were going to say you farted. I really did.

That's what would have happened to me. If I had just exercised and then somebody said, lie down on your back and hug your knees to you, it would have been like, where does it? And then just a deafening ass But how poignant would it be if it was like just like a man and we really do get into gender absolutism on this podcast is you don't know who did it and i I have actually yet to have that panic-inducing experience.

But when I've heard it, I never know where it's coming from. And if you can hear a fart in a workout class, then the music's not loud enough. You know what I mean? Like, turn it up. No one should be able to hear me. That's why I can't do group yoga anymore. Because there's no music.

Because you keep farting? Yes! I rip ass! i and i get stared at i'm ripping ass i'm also not good at i can't do any of the poses i would you're just standing there sharting and i'm drunk and belligerent it's just sharting crow sharting dog sharting warrior one sharting warrior two dog goes crazy amanda what has been shaking you other than sharting okay um i and the precursor to this is if they are willing to give me money this is just a joke. Yes. Okay. Fantastic. Got it, got it, got it. The Amazon Corporation, I have two specific grievances. One, the fact that their business model depends on them blocking visibility of streets.

Like, their trucks be stopping. They be stopping traffic. They be making sure that you cannot see around a corner when there's a turning lane in the middle that it's for either side to turn. Don't get me started on turning lanes. I'm going to flip out. As someone who's helping promote Amazon products, I do not agree with Amanda. You think Amazon's fantastic.

I have, if you turn here, you can see my Alexa. Oh, wow. That's so convenient okay my well my other and this again this is all just a little jokey joke if i ever been checked satire you're making fun of people who don't like amazon exactly it's a satire high level yeah this is like hand gatsby right here so uh yeah it's i okay so like you know how like amazon is getting more and more into like wearable technology like glasses with headphones in them i have those they are they are um and i i don't sorry i don't mean to be disrespectful by using this word they're grooming us to make us feel more and more comfortable with wearable tech and then they're gonna to start implanting us

and we're all going to have screens. Hey, I'm so much into the fucking going to Whole Foods and they're like, would you like to scan your hand? I know the palm scan. The palm thing is like so nefarious. What is this? No, I would not like to scan my palm.

You can scan your palm and have that be your method of payment. I'm in. No. I'm in. Anne's going to go in holding her Alexa, wearing the headphone, like, glasses. She's like, where do I fucking sign? Chips.

Pizza. Scan. Scan. Scan. Take it all, baby. I feel that. Yes, I think you're right. This is not an Amazon thing.

And this is all a goof, unless Apple wants to give me a bunch of free products. My, what do I have? Like iPhone 12. Not even that old of a phone. I mean, I am losing percentages every couple minutes on my charge it's like it's starting my phone is like huh but what if you actually got a phone you didn't need because everything on here is fine but we're deciding to just close up shop and then they did the battery health setting where they were like we're gonna tell you what you're why would i trust you you're the one

who's lying to me so i'm gonna let you tell me what the original capacity is absolutely not yeah you've really tapped into something um i think keep going with this i think there's definitely like follow like follow your nose there is a trail to be found yeah this could be another podcast yeah it will have no sponsors because no and we'll actively be speaking out trying to tank the show let's't know what she's fucking talking about Please, please Yeah This is what breaks us up, Amanda Yeah

Anthony calling you at like 2am being like You had enough yet? Have you had enough? There's more, there's more in the tank Alexa, hang up the phone Oh, she's awake I'm sorry I woke her that's so fucking scary to me oh my god thank you guys

so much for coming on this has been an absolute blast plugs where can people find you what do you want people to know or to listen or watch or anything this is the time wow well our little podcast is called we signed an nda and it's all about being like who are the people who actually

have to do the work in hollywood because it's work being a star but there's a lot of work that needs to happen for people to be stars and so on that that's what this, and it's, and also assistants are funny. They deal with crazy shit. They are firsthand. Crazy shit. Yeah. Celebrities are wild. So you hear from support staff. Like separation.

Girl. Girl, I have so much I want to say and talk about, but keep doing your part. We must. We must. Oh, you can find us on Instagram. We're also on Patreon. We signed an NDA. My Instagram is

Miki Ann Maddox, which is my includes my Japanese name because someone took Ann Maddox, so it's M-I-K-I A-N-N-M-A-D-D-O-X Amanda Lifford is Lifford the Big Red Dog. If your last name rhymed with Clifford You'd do it too folks you would okay

I love it I love it Also can I just say Anne is on Patreon Anne is on Patreon No no a cameo I'm sorry I'm so sorry I'm like I'm gonna be supportive and plug It's a thought account It does not exist

Anne is on cameo She makes this woman is a comedic genius I'm like, I'm going to be supportive and plug something. It's a thought account. It does not exist. Yeah. Anne is on Cameo. She makes, this woman is a comedic genius. Truly, it is like the best. I don't know exactly how much she's pricing it right now, but I assume it's double digits. It's $50. $50. Come on.

Whoa. Yeah. Take $50 to have fun. Yes. And watch, you can watch Vander pump rules tuesday nights uh on bravo i've been trying to be so cool about it the entire time um but uh you can find alph on instagram at alfred in it you can find the show on instagram at review review reddit r slash review review and go on come to our little discord channel on HeadGum, Review Review.

And Jeffrey James and I have a Patreon. If you want to come hang out in our monthly Zoom parties, that's a Zardy. That's going to go ahead and be patreon.com slash Riley and Jeff. And you can find Riley on Instagram.com, just the web browser, not the phone app, at Riley and Spa. And on Twitter.com, now known as XXX.com for as long as it lasts, at Riley Coyote. And as we say every single week on the show, we're always saying it. We are never not saying it.

And we all know it. And we all know it because it's the one we say every week. And it's... What is it? It's the one that we say all the time. Yeah, familiar. It's the one that we say all the time yeah familiar it's the we'll see you guys next week what was I made for? Bye. Bye. Bye. Don't worry about it, podcast will walk you through it Step by step, let's get reviewing Like my daddy's, let's get brewing

Chips on dice, yo, we are cruising The bar's on this, so hold my line, we brewing Review, review, review, review Let's start the show, get it weird Let's start the show, get it Alvren, ha! Let's get it Borgwell in here! Let's get it Edmunds, ha! Let's get it Alvren in here! Let's get it Borgwell in here! Let's get it Edmunds in here!

Let's get it Alvren, ha! Let's get it Alvren in here! Yeah! Riley Riley and Riley Riley and Riley Riley and Riley Riley One of the scenes in Review Review is about a nightmare horse that's about 30 feet tall and has a nest filled with spider little tiny horses. I don't understand the minds of Riley and Alfred to be able to come up with something so deranged.

That was a HGum original.