Review Revue - Survival Kits (w/ Daniel Rashid!)

Episode Date: June 20, 2023

Daniel Rashid joins Reilly and Alf for a weekend at Bernie's.  Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh @alfredinnit Twitter: @reilecoyote  Join the discord here! <><> Produced by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fm This episode is sponsored by/brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/REVIEWREVUE and get on your way to being your best self.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Alfred Bardwell Evans is on the pod! Ooh! Pod! Pod! Pod! Alfred Bardwell Evans. Alfred! Alfred! Alfred! Alfred! Alfred Bardwell Evans. Alfred! Alfred! Alfred. Alfred.

Alfred. Alfred. Alfred. Alfred. Alfred. Alfred. Alfred. Alfred.

Alfred. Alfred. Alfred. Alfred. Alfred. Alfred. Alfred. Alfred. Alfred.

Alfred. Alfred. Alfred. Alfred. Alfred. Alfred. Alfred. Alfred.

Alfred. Alfred. Alfred. He's tall and pale and ginger. Alfred. Alfred. Alfred. Alfred. Alfred. Alfred Barber. He's tall and pale and ginger. Alfred, Alfred, Alfred, Alfred, Alfred, Alfred, Alfred, Alfred, Alfred, Alfred. Alfred. They should remember the fucker it'll be burned in your rat that was the exact right amount of the words in the theme song that should just be my name i'm so sick of them i'm sick of them before we started recording that was a banger hold on no no no that was a banger that was from

david he said hey, Riley and Alfred. I made one with Alfred in it like he wanted. Thank you. Wanted to say you both are hilarious. This is my favorite podcast. That's very kind. Thank you. You can plug my SoundCloud if you want or don't.

It's Davey Woodstock at SoundCloud.com slash Davey Woodstock. He said, P.S. I submitted a theme song back in 21. It's insane that you actually used it on the Pumpkin Spice episode. Jeff called it haunting. I'm honored. Davey, that was'm honored uh davy that was dope that was a banger that was a banger that was sick it's about damn time no i'm sick of i'm sick damn i'm sick of it before we started recording riley really earnestly goes not really it was crazy like tears in her eyes she was like

now this is too far now this is too far the tears were not only in her eyes but on her cheeks in my ass she was crying so hard it looked like she pissed her pants and she goes I

miss when there's so many ALF themed songs now i i miss when they were about me and that's and daniel like dm'd me and was like we're gonna break up that theme song was just alfred bardwell evans over and. But it was you saying it. You don't get it. But guys, I don't want to beat around the bush because when this episode comes out, in two days, it'll be our fifth anniversary. And that feels very cool.

We're celebrating our anniversary months in advance. We're celebrating our anniversary by doing this. With me! Daniel Stephen Rashid is back. What time is this for you on the pod? How many times have you been on? Four? I think I'm a four-timer, I want to say.

You and Steve Martin. Wow. That's crazy. Four-timers. Daniel, thank you so much for gracing us with your hot presence. Well, it's about time, you know. That was disgusting. No, I love that song. Thank you that racing it's with your sexy ass we're celebrating our anniversary alfred this whole episode is it and this is our

anniversary special huh i guess i'm just wondering why you picked the topic that you picked for your anniversary special it's our fifth anniversary and my fourth anniversary for the show for the show oh i thought maybe the first year riley was dating you but but you weren't dating riley or something you know he didn't claim me as his girlfriend but i had been saying he's my boyfriend for a calendar year and he was going like oh yeah together a year that he's like oh yeah for you it's five for me it's four this girl i'm seeing this girl I like to hang out with, whatever. Yeah. Whereas you're being like, yeah, my boyfriend.

Danil Rashid, what's new with you, bitch? You sexy bitch. I'm going to go. What's new with you, you sexy bitch? I just got back from Savannah, Georgia. Oh. At the time of recording, you have been back for a minute and by the time this comes out, you'll have been back for months. Yeah, by the time this comes out, I'll have been back for months. But at the time of recording, I just recently filmed a few episodes of Fear the

Walking Dead. The final season. Yes, you did! How was that? It was so much fun it was it was a blast I got to play around with zombies and everyone was just so much fun to work with well hold on hold on are you really scared of them they're terrifying they're legitimately terrifying because people who play the zombies have been doing it for like a decade because this is season eight of Fear the Walking Dead and there were some of them that were on the original Walking Dead that was on for like 11 years and and when they're running after

you they like you see death you see they're wearing these like blue contacts and they have like these teeth they put in like hold their mouth open so they can't help but like exactly exactly they put in like hold their mouth open so they can't help it. Never trust people with blue eyes. Exactly.

Exactly. It's what I, 100%. And they, they are full, they're fully in it. They're fully in it. And you, and I,

I almost pissed myself, I think at one point. Yeah. Wow. There were, you showed me photos and they, I know, you know,

movie magic, TV magic. It was hard for me to look at. It was so disgusting. Yeah. for me to look at it was so disgusting yeah it's foul um but it was so much fun um i'll just say what's scarier that or waking up waking up next to her every morning am i right you're misogynist no i just don't like you big difference daniel when you said that it's like oh you see death like did you have like a life okay two questions

she's gonna make it about her watch this did your life flash before your eyes and two how much of me was in that montage I just thought about how if I die right now and I haven't been on review with Alfred yet it's gonna be such a shame

don't moan, Alf. That is powerful. Oh, fuck. Oh my god. Alfreditini, what's new with you? I'm alright, thanks for asking. I went to brunch this morning. Oh, what'd you get?

And I got a vegetable omelette, which I normally do, add mozzarella cheese, and then instead of hash browns i had rice and beans which is an option and then i got a side of pancakes and i had two cups of coffee and about three liters of water you're the weirdest motherfucker what do you mean what's weird about that rice and beans and pancakes for breakfast it's yummy as hell refried beans and i love but i'm not having that on the side of pancakes here's what i'm gonna say to you try it wake up live a little take a walk on the wild side i don't know man

take a walk on the refried bean now who do you think would die first oh i'd for sure old age or sickness in your relationship no out of the three Now, who do you think would die first? Oh, I'd for sure die. In old age or sickness? In your relationship. Out of the three of us, who do we think is going first and how? It's a zombie apocalypse. It's the three of us. We're trapped together. I'm dying first. Riley's dying first, but I'm a close

second. You guys really think I make it? You survived an axe to the face. You're gonna be fine. You're built different with severe mental intervention oh well really quick two things one oh what's new with me so glad you asked oh yeah um god damn it

um I this morning Daniel made me oatmeal and it was delicious um you're welcome we finished the mole I know a couple episodes ago I was talking about the mole. We finished the mole. We built a cabinet that we really love.

And so that was exciting. But I'd like to get into the topic because we're already in it. We're talking survival kits. Is that the cabinet that you, when we were on the phone the other day, you were like, should I just try building this by myself without Daniel's help? I didn't do any of it. Daniel built the entire thing. And I said that's a really bad idea.

And you were like, ah. Daniel built the entire thing. But we're talking. We're just going to go right into it. We're not here to talk about cabinets. We're not here to talk about orange juice. We're not here to talk about rice and beans. We're here to talk about survival kits. Was Annie talking about orange juice?

I have to say the cabinets were... You did. The cabinet is beautiful and I'm very proud of myself for it. Yes, you should be. It's great. I would like to add a caveat to... She just didn't help at all? A little bit. She helped a little help at all. A little bit. She helped a little bit. Moral support, eh?

It was only really a two-person job for part of it. The rest of it was like, I only have one screwdriver and what are you going to do? Too many cuts. I think in the situation of zombie apocalypse a la Fear the Walking Dead that actually, Daniel, I think you would die first because you'd be protecting

me from something but then as soon as you're gone I'm out so it's like you're gone I'm not far behind and then Alf by proxy is just the last one surviving I definitely think in sort of Walking Dead rules I get bit and I hide it

you asshole by proxy i last the longest because i get you guys murdered you get us if i don't tell them that's the case then you kill me first before daniel absolutely absolutely um but we're talking survival kits so we're like you know this can be anything you get to bring with, like, 15 pieces. There are ones with, like, 100-piece things, you know, from, like, knives to emergency blankets to tackle and bait, anything. So do you guys have experience with survival kits? I was never a Boy Scout or any kind of Scout.

Were you, Alfred? I was not. That does not scan to me. Yeah, no, that makes sense. Guy who hits himself in the head with an axe, you assume he's done something outdoorsy at some point. No, I think it's cheating, frankly. Oh, interesting.

I'm saying survival kits, all of it, I think it's cheating. If you were really good at survival, you wouldn't need that. And all my alone heads know what I'm talking about the reality television program alone that I talk about pretty much constantly I don't have any of that

but I mean I think it betrays a certain part of my personality that as I was looking for reviews I was like it's only 50 bucks. Maybe I should get one of these. Keep it in the trunk.

Just in case. I have one in the trunk of my car because growing up in California, earthquakes abound. And so I've always had like an emergency kit. And I've actually never opened it. It was just like this red backpack i have in the trunk of my

car you don't know what's inside of it i have no idea what's inside of it it's just which feels so stupid i should i should look in it um because there's gonna be like expired cans of soup from like refried beans um yum but i have one in my car uh you know there's so many earthquakes here that it's just like to have i mean i'm not a survivalist girly but i do have like a pair of running shoes in my bedside under my bedside table in case of again earthquakes it's really just if you live in la you gotta have an earthquake someone who's going okay and are you uh you're you guys prepped for the you know earthquakes you guys you guys have a plan in place.

Riley just goes, yeah, I got my running shoes. It's because if something falls, no, if that's because if something falls. If the place starts shifting, I start fucking hauling ass. I'm out of there, man. It's because if broken stuff, you want to have something against your bed

so you can get through the house if there's broken glass or wood or anything like that. Now, you're from the West Coast originally, but Daniel do you are not and are you afraid of them because i every time i've been in an earthquake which has only happened like twice it's scary for me uh yeah you've been living there long enough now that you're like i don't care i i i should have a survival kit in my car i don don't. But you don't. I don't. And it's just, I think it's just pure ignorance

because I know that it's what you should have out here because it could happen while I'm driving home. This could be a post-mortem podcast. Stop. It's true. There's several months. We could all be dead yeah there's a world in which all three of us are dead and daniel the editor is just like i guess

i just put it out this is not good for my fear of death i'll say that right now but daniel have you you don't have any experience with any kind of survival kit i'm saying as if i do i have one i've truly never seen what's inside i don't have a kit i don't have like my brother gave me a knife for my birthday a few years ago like a really nice like engraved knife that you flip open and i use it to open packages like i i don't i don't i don't have a another use for it but it's so nice um that you're gonna you're not gonna just let it wait let it i'm not gonna let it yeah exactly exactly but there was an earthquake a big earthquake here a few years ago and i remember i think it was right before the pandemic i think i've told this story on the pod but it's time to bring it back i just remember like not knowing like it was

happening and like it was it was like one of those where like it starts and you have enough time to realize it's happening. And that's how you know it's long. And I was like up on my feet, like maybe going to go into a door frame. But then I saw the TV was wobbling. So I grabbed the TV and the animal brain was like, what do I do? What do I do? So I think I need to work on um on having a little bit more chill when i have both that tv down that's first thing the story

i was thinking of is when one a long one happened and it woke us up daniel and like you your first thought was to like drape your arm around me and cover me and my first thought was to blurt out big one because you thought it might be the big one. And I just felt like a big one. It was a big earthquake. Okay. Okay. Now, is the big one, is that a thing or did I make that up?

People talk about that. No, that's a thing. That's a thing. Are you worried about that? Every waking minute of the day. Okay. You should definitely. It's crazy that we all live here.

It's crazy that we all live here. We all know it and we're all know like. But that's why you need to get a survival kit. Or move to Chicago where you don't need one because everything's chill. Who wants to start us off with a review of survival kits? Is anyone chomping at the bit to go? Because if not, I can go. Chomping. That's good.

I can go. I'm champing at the bit. Okay. Okay. Champer. Okay. This one is for Zombie Defense solutions three-day survival kit brown zombie defense solutions is it like a tm or like you know it doesn't it doesn't say it does it says very in like very big so zombie defense solutions is the brand and it says Zombie Defense Survival Kit in big letters on the cover of it.

So that would be something I would be embarrassed to have in my house. I guess other people feel different. So this says five stars. Wow. Now we can sleep. Wait, who's it from? The name, I'm sorry. how many years have i been doing

this how many years have i been doing this william not even one william a m daniel william a m i'll do the a um william agnes nader william agnes nader says and it's actually four stars. I lied. I'm a big liar. God. Four stars. I'm wasted right now. Four stars. Now we can sleep. I bought this for an injured relative who was confined to her home for a while because she fell down her stairs. It's misery.

She clearly needed help or she was going to be a victim when the zombies come. This has most things she'll need. Though, I only gave it four stars because I was hoping it would include an AK-47. Unless it did not. It does have light sticks, food, water, matches, a blanket, and even first aid supplies. These are especially important for my daughter-in-law, since she has demonstrated the ability to seriously injure herself even in the absence of zombies. In addition, the box is good to keep stuff in. Better get two.

To describe a box as being good to keep stuff in better get two to describe a box is being good to keep this box this is a box it's good this box is good to keep stuff in my god wow so he thought he was gonna get a gun in he was really hoping there was gonna be a gun online but also sorry so his i thought it so the relative family member who is the relative daughter- the relative that he gifted it to? His daughter-in-law. I don't know why I thought it shifted. Who took a fall? And so it's like when he said that,

I was picturing it's clearly an elderly relative. But it's his daughter-in-law who he's just ragging on for her ability to injure herself even when there aren't zombies present. Very strange. And the first line is, I can sleep now? self even when there aren't zombies present very strange the first line is I can sleep now

now we can sleep now we can sleep so he hasn't slept because his daughter is injured in law yeah she clearly needed help or she was gonna be a victim when the zombies come hey I heard about your fall

here's this cat yeah it's like it's like she almost she nearly died the fall was bad enough that she nearly died everyone's in the hospital everyone's really shaken up she might have even like fallen into a coma and had just come out and like her partner's there her family's there everyone's there like the the the heart monitor has just like started a little going a little bit stronger it had flatlined for a second oh hello where oh steph oh my god you're awake oh my god oh my god so i love it we everyone's like crowner we love you so much we love you so much stuff oh my my God. You're awake. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. So I love it. We everyone's like, we love you so much. We love you so much. Oh, my God. Thank God you're awake. Thank God you're awake. What happened? You took, honey, you took a big fall down a comically long flight of stairs.

Sorry, it's no laughing matter, but it was just it didn't. But why'd you say comically? I didn't mean it like that. I just meant like it was just it didn't but why'd you say comically i didn't mean it like that i just meant like it was like a cartoon like how far she fell but that's not it's no laughing matter you're here now and we love you and we're so great hey uh your family we all brought gifts you know it's like just to welcome you back to the land of the living wow thank you what what that's i'm so thirsty. Can I have some water? Absolutely, absolutely.

Here you go. And you can actually drink it out of your new water bottle. It's like a giant plastic bottle from Etsy. It's like, happy you are alive, don't die, wink face. And like the cursive Etsy font. Oh, you had it personalized. Thank you. Yeah, I sure did. That's good stuff. die wink face and like the like cursive etsy font oh you had it personalized thank you yeah sure it did oh wow time to open mine oh hi oh um my dad wanted to come just time to open mine yeah sure uh hey dad maybe we give her a second you She just had water. Mr. Nader. You're right. No, I can open it now.

It's fine. Time to open it? You don't have to, Steph. No, it's fine. It's fine. Ed, it's fine. All right, Steffi. Got you a little something.

I think you're going to think it's pretty good. I'm really sorry, by the way. It's a giant box. It's like a huge... Dad, you didn't have to give her anything that big. Ow, it's so heavy. Somebody give her a hand. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.

Somebody give her a hand. Oh, my leg. My leg. No, no. I take it off. Oh, good one. Dad, we're gonna... Who let her do that?

Dad. What? Can I talk to you in the hall for a second, please? Yes, fine. Why am I in trouble? Nurse comes in. Tense. Dad, I honestly think it's really, really thoughtful that you got her a gift,

but I think you should go. Get her another one? Nope. I think you should go home. Go home and get her another one? Dad, you don't need to be here they actually only allow two visitors in the room at a time and her parents have been waiting in the lobby for so long because you insisted that you be in the room but i feel like she's another daughter than me sorry i don't mean to interrupt is it time is she okay she is she awake randy and susan we

you will be there in a second i'm just trying to get my dad out and then you guys are the are the next to go in. Okay, okay. No, you're right. You're right. I'm so sorry. Everybody deserves a turn with the birthday girl. I'm going to-

It's not her birthday, Dad. She almost died. Sorry. I thought we were buying her birthday gifts. Dad, go home. Okay. I'll head out, but I'm pretty mad at you. That's fine.

Okay. My wife literally almost died, and you being mad at me is the least of my worries right now. Whatever. I'm sorry. I'll fuck up, and you hate me. Dad, I'm not dealing with this right now. Go home. Bye.

Go back in the room. Hey, honey. Hi. I'm so dealing with this right now. Go home. Bye. Go back in the room. Hey, honey. Hi. I'm so sorry about that. I'll send your parents in if you want. Oh, sure. That would be great. But should I open this?

I feel like I should open this gift. No, you really don't have to. Honestly, we can throw it out. It's probably just like a load of junk. He thought it was your birthday. He thought that that's why we were buying you gifts is for your birthday um but you know why don't i just bring it home and then you can open it when you want sure um honey i think he's standing outside the window i think he's he's just like staring he's so close in the breath it's like fogging the glass he's just mouthing dad shutting the blinds stuff i am so

sorry like you know him he just uh ever since my mom passed a couple years ago this he doesn't really know where to put all of that energy you know his love language is gift giving and so i know it's so inappropriate we're just happy you're okay. That is the main thing. Do not worry about him. Okay. Okay. Well, that's fine. That's fine. Why don't you bring in my parents?

Okay. You know, be good to see them. Randy, Susan, it's time. Come on in here. Hey there, kiddo. Hey, dad. How are you feeling, champ? I'm, you know, I'm okay

My leg kinda hurts and Did you hurt it in the fall? Uh, no, actually I hurt it with this box Oh, what the heck is that? Uh, it was a gift from Ed's father He brought it in here

And I haven't opened it yet let me move that out of the this is heavy let me move that for you it's really heavy I wonder what's in here you can open it if you want no no no

now is no time for gifts it's time for my little champ how you doing sport? I'm hurting I'm confused. How long has it been? Three, what is it? It's been three weeks, honey?

Three weeks? Three weeks. Yeah, three weeks. Oh. Did you bring... Go ahead. No, you go. I was going to say, did you bring me a gift or anything?

I didn't, honey. I love you. I'm just happy you're okay. I didn't really know this was that kind of thing. I didn't know. To be honest, I wasn't sure that you were going to, you know. Honey, I didn't know that that was that kind of thing. We honestly, God, we thought you were dead.

We didn't think there was any point in getting a gift because we thought you were a goner. Because we thought we were going to be bringing you home in an urn champ i was looking at funeral coffins that's what i was looking at not gifts we're looking at coffins but this is a miracle this is a true miracle so this is a gift to us you being alive is our gift we'll get you back double on the next one okay sure yeah no i understand you know it was a bad fall and everyone thought that I was going to die. I got this cool water bottle and I got a box. He thought it was my birthday, but even still, he came with something. Are you honestly, this is what you're mad about right now? Well, if you're happy to see me, I kind of feel-

We are happy. Of course we're happy. You're our little girl feel. We are happy. Of course we're happy. You're our little girl. You're our baby. Of course we're happy. You're our baby. You're our baby. You're our baby.

You're our little champ. Cut to the two of them getting the call from the hospital that she's alive. Oh, God. Oh, Alan, Alan, it's. It's the call. It's the call. It's the call. I don't want to pick it up. I don't want to pick it up.

I don't want to pick it up. I got it. I got it. Okay, I'll put it on speaker. Hello? Hi, this is Tammy from North Eastern Medical. I have some information on your daughter, Steph. Yes.

No, we know. We'll come identify the body and... They're not going to need us to identify the body. They know who she is. Sorry, I've never done this before. I've never done this before. know who she is Sorry, I've never done this before I've never done this before, Alan It's our only daughter What time should we come by?

You're seriously getting angry at me right now? When should we do for the arrangements? Just please let us know Pardon me I think there's been a misunderstanding I bought a coffin already, just tell me where to forward it The funeral invitations have been sent out. People know the potluck is happening.

We're thinking Sunday. Your daughter is alive. She's alive. She just woke up from her coma. Oh, I'm sorry. I think you have the wrong chart. You have the wrong house. Not all.

No, not all. You have the wrong number. Sorry. That couldn't be our daughter. No. Our daughter's dead dead dead dead dead steph dead steph is her name look at the chart name steph sorry mint steph mint steph mint yeah steph mint she's here she's alive

wow two what are the chances of there being two Steph Mints? This is a sick joke. You're calling here some kind of crank call with our dead daughter. With our dead daughter. What the hell is wrong with you fucking teenagers? God damn it, this is sick.

I hope you rot in prison. I hope you rot in hell. I hope you go to hell. Whoever the fuck you are on the phone, I hope you rot in hell. hope you go to hell whoever the fuck you are on the phone I hope you rot in hell what's your name son I'm as I said I'm Tammy and uh this is

no joke no here I'll put her on the phone oh this is even worse this is rich put your little fucking buddy on the phone put your little fucking buddy on the phone who is this hello oh wow they got someone who sounds like our step that's so Put your little fucking buddy on the phone. Put your little fucking buddy on the phone. Who is this? Hello? Mom?

Oh, wow. Whoa. They got someone who sounds like our Steph. That's so horrible. You watched her YouTube channel. Oh, you found out what she sounded like. You saw her beauty blogs. You're twisted. You're twisted.

You're a twisted, sick fuck for this. You're a sick son of a motherfucker. You know that? Mom, Dad, Mom, it's me, Steph. Oh, this is too sad. I went from angry to sad because it sounds just like our dead Steph, our dead Steph. I'm alive, I think. Listen to your little twerp.

My wife has been through so much. And for you to do this is outrageous. When I find you, I'm going to wring your fucking neck. I'm going to send you to hell myself. I swear to God, I'll do it. I'll send you straight down. I'm going to bury your ass in this coffin. Cut back to the hospital.

So we are so happy that you're alive. Took a little convincing, but... We just didn't get a gift. Yeah, it's just after the phone call and the way that happened. Yeah. And then to have you show up here. It was very upsetting for us. That's right.

Empty handed. It was very upsetting for us. It was upsetting for me too, actually. I'm kind of, I mean, to be honest with you, he may have thought it was my birthday, but at this point, Ed's father is more of a father or a parent than you two are. Don't ever say that. What the fuck is wrong with you, you little shit? Hang on a minute.

I start pulling at her hair. Take the fucking mask off! You're not my daughter! You're not my daughter! My daughter would never say that! Checking for a latex seam around the face. Falls out of bed. Get her, Alan! Get her! I bet it's not really her, Alan. What is this, a hospital

for liars? I grab the her! I bet it's not really her, Alan. What is this, a hospital for liars? I grab the box, I rip it open. This is a liar hospital. This is a liar hospital. This is a hospital for charlatans. When I find out who you are, you little twerp, I'm gonna wring your neck under that mask. I'm gonna send you straight to hell.

I open the box, there's a shovel inside. I whip it around. Clank! No! I hit them both oh what have i done what have i done knock on the door knock knock just dr dr myth taking his my rounds doctor hi uh everything's fine in here everything's fine uh just having a visitation with my parents. Are you decent? Can I come in?

I just wanted to chat over a few things on your chart. No, I'm not. I'm naked. I'm naked. Are you okay? I'm fine. I can send a nurse in if you'd like. No, no, it's fine.

Will you send my wife in, please? My husband? I'm so sorry, my husband. Sure, your husband and your wife or just your husband? Just my husband. I'm a little bit shaken husband? I'm so sorry. My husband. Sure. Your husband and your wife or just your husband? Just my husband. I'm a little bit shaken up. I'm so sorry. Sure.

Okay. Ed, that's right. Your husband's name? Ed. Yeah. And if his father's around, too, that would be helpful as well. Okay. I'll tell.

Okay. I'll find them. Excuse me. Are you Ed? Yes. Is everything okay? Yes, I think everything's okay. Your wife, Stephanie, Stephanie Mint?

Yes. She's asking for you and your father because she's naked? I can come in there. I sent my father home about an hour ago. She was pretty insistent. She said my husband and his dad. Sorry, because she's naked? can come in there my i sent my father home about an hour ago she was pretty insistent she said my husband and and her dad because and his dad sorry because she's naked she wants my dad to come in there i'm just telling you what she said she said don't come in i'm naked please send in

my husband and my husband's father that's what she said okay let me just give my dad a call because I did send him home. Calling him. Go for worst dad ever. Oh, my God. Dad. What? I'm just going to cut to the chase. Steph wants you to come back to the hospital. What?

She said she needs us. There's no way. I'm terrible. I give the worst gifts. You are and you do, but you do need to be here because she's requesting you. Well, lucky for you, I didn't leave. What the fuck is wrong with you?

I was looking for a ladder so I could come in through the outside window. You are a weird guy. Just come back because she needs us. I don't need the ladder. I don't care what you do with it.

Just take it back. I don't need it. Who did you get the ladder from? Maintenance. Why did they give it to you? I said it was for my dead daughter You suck Just come back

Condolences on your daughter Thank you and condolences on me Alright I'll come I'll come back Knock knock hey honey Can we come in? Yeah close the door behind you Okay we did hear you're. Close the door behind you.

Okay. We did hear you're naked, so I'm giving you a second. It's okay. For my dad. I'm clothed. I'm okay. I'm okay. Okay.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Steph, what happened? They're fully dead on the floor. Oh, my God. Holy shit. Okay. Okay. Steph, what the fuck?

It was self-defense. What the fuck happened? It was self-defense. They were shaking me, and they didn't believe I was mean. And I opened your, thank you for your gift. It saved my life. What the fuck was your gift, Dad? I grabbed the shovel and I smacked him across the face.

Jesus, Dad, you gave Steph a shovel? Interesting, Ed. Interesting. You hear that? Steph likes my gift. Why the hell did you give her a shovel for her Congrats You're Not Dead gift? I didn't know exactly why I gave it to her because I thought maybe

she could use it and clearly she did because she killed her fucking parents with it, Ed. Shut the fuck up. Sorry, I'm just I'm emotional. I just wanted to say I don't know what to do but I feel like that you would know what to do because I've been prepping for this for a while.

Ed, why don't you shut your little prick ass up and let me talk to for this for a while. Ed, why don't you shut your little prick ass up and let me talk to your wife for a second. Fine. I won't say anything. I'm the worst husband in the world. I'm the worst husband ever. I'm the worst son ever.

I'll just shut the fuck up and say it. No arguments for me, asshole. Okay, Steph. Here's what we're going to do. Is there paracord in there? I'm pretty sure there should be some paracord in there. Paracord? What's that? It's basically like a kind of rope.

You're not on the phone with her. You can look in the box with her. You're not giving her instructions from a remote location. I still have my eyes closed because she's naked, okay? She's not naked. Oh, sorry. I thought she was naked. I must have missed that. You are so stupid. Picked up a shovel.

No way. Don't make me. Don't make me. Hey, that's enough. That's enough. All right. I'm sorry. The two of you, we have to figure out what we have to do.

What's a paracord? So it's basically a rope, but it's not. It's a rope that's made of material. Grab it for her. What the hell? Why are we doing this roundabout way? Here it is. This is a paracord.

It's kind of all knotted, and you have to unknot it to use it. It's helpful, but I'm not sure why. Okay. What we're going to do is we're going to tie your parents together. And then I'm going to walk on one side of them. No, what we're going to do is we're just going to call someone for help because it was self-defense. Who's the survival expert? Not you. self-defense. Who's the survival expert? Not you. In the room,

who's the survival expert? Clearly Steph. Okay, Steph, what are we gonna do? Paracord, make your parents puppets, walk them out of the building standing up like they're dead puppets, or call for help! I don't know. I don't know what to do. Steph. You gotta pick.

Steph, come on. Come on, puppet. Is this even a question? Meet puppet hour. Or are we gonna tell the authorities because it was self-defense? Cut to, we're in the hallway carrying them as puppets. Don't mind us, just four people out for a walk.

Five people. Five people. Five people out for a walk. It's like giant marionettes. They're knocking over trays, hitting blood bags, smacking patients in the face. Security stops them

at the right as they're about to exit. Excuse me. Yeah, uh... What's going on here? Yes, officer? What's going on here? Yes, officer? What's going on here? You guys are making a mess.

Oh, we're just taking our daughter for a walk. Sorry, who is talking right now? Me! The dead got me, the man in the middle! I'm the mom! And I'm papa. I'm mommy, taking my alive daughter out for a stroll my daughter didn't die like I thought she did so I'm taking her for a walk

oh sorry about that yeah I'm calling the authorities run drops the body they all fall over oh my god let's take a break and we're back with more meat puppets meaty meaty meaty meaty puppets meat puppets wow wow who wants to go next um i'll go i'll go okay crazy ass okay all right so this is for a uh four person emergency kit survival bag 72 hours

this is from uh jeffrey h hames jeffrey jesus jeffrey hames jeffrey jeffrey hames jeffrey H. Hames. Jeffrey Hames. Jesus. Jeffrey Hames. Jeffrey Hames. Jeffrey Hames. Jeffrey Hames. All right. Jeffrey Hames says, four-person pack is beyond what I expected.

I got this four-person pack as a gift from my boat. Sorry. As a gift for my boat. Sorry. As a gift for my boat. I can't believe all the cool stuff it came with. Some I hope I will never have to use. But I'm actually happy with the solar radio and let me explain why. It has everything to do with my guitar playing. What?

I can actually hook up my small audio six-channel mixer to this radio. And yes, of course, my phone as well. The backpacks are made of good quality as well. Lots of pockets. The multi-tools in case they come is really nice as well. I'd like to order more stuff in the future. On a boat. I plug it in my guitar.

Turn on the radio. Welcome back to Dawn with Dawn. It's me, Dawn Sanders, and this is my radio hour. If any of you listeners are out there wanting a little conversation, a little music, a little laughter to start off your morning, you know who to call, 855-217-329. I haven't had any callers yet but you could be lucky number one a really soft soft rock playing

i've been on my family's boat for about four months now under the music we're out of fuel out of food but we're not out of a good time would love if anybody would call just me on the boat ooh me on the boat

ring ring ring holy shit holy Sorry, sorry, listeners. This is very exciting time for Dawn with Dawn. We're gonna take our first ever caller. Here we go. Yes, hello, Lucky Caller

number one. What's your name? What's your name, Lucky Caller? Oh my god, I haven't spoken to another person in so long. My name's Brian. Oh, Brian, you've got kind of a sexy, husky voice, Bri guy. Thank you, I guess. Where are you?

Are you, are you, are there other survivors with you? I'm not going to lie. I have no clue where I am, what day it is, when I am, Brian. I'm in Olympia, Washington. Can you, are you near there? Can you come get us? Brian, I am marooned on a boat in the middle of God knows where. Fuck!

Nothing but me and my guitar. We have food. I do take requests, Brian. We have food. If you come get us on the boat, we can give you food. Brian, are you asking me out on a date? What is she saying? What is she saying? She us on the boat, we can give you food. Brian, are you asking me out on a date? What is she saying? She's on the boat, I guess. I'm trying to see if she can come get us, but I think she might be losing it a little. Brian, if you take me on a date, you know where

that's going to lead, and I'm not opposed to it, Brian, but can you just tell me a little bit more about what you look like? I know for me, I'm covered in dirt and scratches and might be developing a case of sepsis, Brian. Do you think you can handle a woman like that? If you have a boat, then yes. America is done. We need to get out. Things have taken a turn for the worse. Honey, did you say you're going to go on a date with her? I don I said I'd do anything Do you want off the land or not? Oh, you're right, you're right, you're right I guess you're right

Yeah, whatever it takes, right? I don't want to do the date Brian, you got someone there with you, Brian? Who is that? It's my sister, don't worry about it Oh, Sister Brian Yeah Sister Brian, I just want you to know

That your brother sounds like a cool guy. Cut on the phone. Tell her I'm cool. Uh, yeah, uh, hi, hi, um, I'm Beth. What's your name? Hi, Beth, you're listening to Dawn with Dawn. In fact, you're live on Dawn with Dawn.

Hi, Dawn. We, we need help. Can you give us help? Please. Dawn. Please. Please help. Dawn, right now my best friend is a pelican. A dead pelican who washed up right next to the boat. I pulled him on the boat, plucked out all the feathers, and now he's just kind of a little puppet I carry around with me. Beth. Brian, I don't think this is a good idea I'm getting scared Beth do you think Brian is emotionally available

say yes I know it's not true but say yes yes yes yes he is do you think he is allergic to fish I know it's true but say no I'm not allergic no not allergic to fish do you think Brian can come help me

can you come help her? Can I come? Yeah, I come all the time. No, no, no, no, no. Come help her. Come help her. Oh, yeah, I can come help her. I don't need to know that, Brian.

Why are you... Yeah, he can... Yes. Yes to both. Or just the one, I guess you asked. Brian, can you find my coordinates? Can you find her coordinates? No, I can't... Why am I the middleman here? What is happening? Let me get the phone. Can you... Do you find my coordinates? Can you find her coordinates? No, why can't you?

Why am I the middle man here? What is happening? Do you see any land? Do you see any land around you? Brian, I can't see my hand right in front of my face. Sick of this song. My eyes. This isn't the same song.

My eyes have been so corroded. Sorry, can you play a different song? Brian, I don't know any other chords. Okay, keep playing that one. I stared into the sun too long because I had nothing better to do. Thought it would kill me. Thought that my retinas would blast up and away, but I am still here. I think we need to go.

I'm sorry. Wait, wait. Well, easy come, easy go. Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, Dawn, don't hang up. Don't hang up. Dawn, don't hang up. Time to find Lucky Caller number two.

Still playing the song? All right. For all of you mer-people listening, I'll take another Lucky Caller because I feel like my time is coming. I'll take calls. And I'll take requests. Except for another song. I'll take requests. And I'll take requests. Except for another song. I'll take requests

of what we can talk about. I'll change my name. I'll change my tune. Except for the chords I'm playing. Waiting for a call. Dawn with Dawn. Hello, lucky caller number two. Who do I have the pleasure... It's us again. Please, please.

Please don't hang up. Please don't hang up. Don't hang up. Please don't hang up. Don't hang up. Please, please, please. A couple of eager beavers I hear. We're stranded. We're going to fucking die out here. We're stranded on this island, and I think I see your boat. I think I see your boat.

Please. Is it a blue boat? Is it a blue boat? Is it a green boat? Honey, it doesn't matter. I've been on this boat for as long as I can remember. It matters. It matters. What color is your boat?

I think it's kind of a brown. Did I mention I'm colorblind from staring at the sun for too long, Brian? But you don't remember what color the boat was before you went colorblind? Brian, I don't remember my middle name. It could be anything. What if we both date you? What if we both take you on a date? We're both ready.

Double date. Double date. Threesome. Double date. Threesome. You guys are kind of freaky. You guys are kind of freaky. Oh, a brother and a sister sandwich.

That's one way to go. Listen. Oh, thank God. a sister sandwich. That's one way to go. Uh, listen. Oh, thank God she's coming in the middle. I think that's an interesting proposition. But, oh, let me check in with my pelican friend. Can I put you on hold for a second? Okay. Please don't hang up.

Yeah, just don't hang up. Axel only hangs up. No! Uh-oh. I happen to press the stop button on the recording device. If you guys are still out there, I'm still out here too. And I don't know when I won't be.

If you guys want to call again, you can hear the sounds of people swimming in the distance. Coming closer to you. I think it's her. I think it's her. I think it's her. Oh, we've got some fans. I can hear the sound of the music. Oh, my God.

What do you know? What do you know? Is that Brian and whatever the hell your name is? Beth. Beth. Brian and Beth. Well, hello. Unfortunately, my security.

I put a security out on the Pelican. My security doesn't allow fans to come on stage. But I'm happy to play for you two in the front row. You know us. Let us on the boat. Put the ladder down. You know us. We talked.

We'll kiss you. We'll both kiss you. Same time. We'll kiss you the same time. Same time. I thought you said you two were in America. Now you're on an island? There are islands in America said you two were in America. Now you're on an island? There are islands in America.

There are islands in America. Now you care about the details? No, that doesn't check out. We swear. But I'll talk it over with my security and see if I can let you on board. Leaning down to the pelican. If you both come on board, you promise you're not going to ask for a turn on the guitar?

What? No. No, I don't need that. Because I don't like when it's like, oh, it's my guitar, and other people are like, let me try it. I don't know how to play. They kind of take it for too long. I don't know how to play. Neither of us know how to play.

We just need to get off the island, and your boat is the only way. What do I get out of it? We'll fuck the shit out of you. We will fuck you. Say no more. Same time or no? Whatever it takes. Whatever it takes.

Whatever it takes. Like I said, I have no food and no water on this boat. You sure you want to come on? We have to get out. We have to. I know how to fish. Everybody, this has been Dawn with Dawn. This might be my last

ever radio session because the time is near. I see figures coming in the distance and it's starting to happen. I'm starting to fade. It's been a wild ride. And good night.

Good luck. Stay groomed. I'm fully naked. Fuck. I was kind of excited to fuck. Yeah, me too. But it's weird if we just do it. Yeah. Yeah. Do too. But it's weird if we just do it. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you want to take a turn on the guitar? I wasn't going to ask that. Oh, okay. So quick to say no, though. So quick to say no. Okay, fine. Wow, geez. Oh, my God. so quick to say no okay fine wow oh my god that was a very normal one

do we have time for one more yeah I have time I have one I have a review I'm not even lying didn't think you were lying until you said that now I'm nervous so here's the thing as I was looking through all of these I can't wait to hear the guitar

I know here's the thing. As I was looking through all of these. I can't wait to see, hear the guitar that is playing right now. I know. Um, here's the thing. Is like, I'm, Alf, I'm shocked that it's like your review is like, got this for my daughter-in-law because so many of the reviews I've seen is like, got this for my son, got this for my grandson, got this for my boy. Yeah. Like, it's very geared towards, like, yes,

it's all like men kits. Um, I did see one that says for my adult son. And anytime I see adult son, it's the funniest thing kits. I did see one that says for my adult son. And anytime I see adult son, it's the funniest thing I've ever seen. Okay, here we go. This is... Sparta. Remember that? This is Sparta.

Remember that, guys? Okay, here we go. Speaking of men. This is gifts for men. Dad, husband, teenage boy, survival boy survival kit 28 and 1 survival gear tool emergency tactical equipment supplies kits for families outdoors camping hiking adventures i'm ready are you ready hell yeah so ready four stars and it's just from amazon customers so we get we get a first and last name for ac always clever always clever always clever four stars always clever um title is neat kit but watch out for the knife

this was a great little kit it came with a lot of different items my son 14 loves the knife he's good about knives doesn't mess around or goof off with them so he clipped it to his pocket after about a week the latch broke due to cheap plastic and the knife actually opened in his pocket and cut through his pants praise god it was angled outward and not in toward his leg i definitely keep it in the kit and wouldn't use it as a daily pocket knife there were honestly so many reviews with what people cutting themselves with their knives yes they're like well this pack it's so funny because they were like they were also reviews for this pack that was like cheap ass plastic knife doesn't work like then to have one that's like my son nearly stabbed himself in an artery with this knife is amazing.

To give a gift like that to a 14-year-old is wild to me. So, he cut himself. The knife didn't open up. It went through his pants. It didn't angle downward into the skin. Cut his pants. Yeah. You know where.

Yeah. Where? Wait, where would it have... Down there. Down where? Down there. Don't call it down there. That's awful.

So I cut my down there with the knife, don't you know? You know, down under. I cut my down there yeah you're at the hospital you're at the emergency room hey uh nurse

can I help you what's your emergency I have an injury what happened I um I got this freaking this knife um you know, cheap, cheapo knife, you know, you know the kind, you know, you think it's going to last and then all comes, all of a sudden you got this blade hanging out anyway. So I cut myself. Okay.

Where? I can't see. I don't see a cut. Oh, that's because I was standing behind it. You can't see me from the waist down, you know? Okay, yes. So where's the cut? You know, it's down there.

Down where? You know, I cut myself down there. Where is down there? You know, come on, lady. I'm trying to be polite. Don't make me say it. I need to know exactly so I can tell the nurse and the doctors what's going on. This is a triage.

I cut my self down there. Below the bell. On your foot? No. Below, you know, my... Around my area. My down there area. Your penis.

I sliced my member. Cut to him having sex for the first time him and his date just getting home from a restaurant whoa this was really fun I had a great time you had a good time

yeah so I'm wondering maybe we could keep the good times going sure sure you wanna come have a nightcap? I'd love that. And maybe we can actually skip the nightcap and head to the bedroom. Oh, you want to head over there?

Yeah. God, I'm just going to cut right to it. I have not been able to stop thinking about this all throughout dinner i just i just need to rip those clothes off consensually of course whoa whoa you're talking about you're wanting to see see what's going on down there yeah yes down down there well madam i am very interested in what you also have going on down there. Great, then let's get to it. All right.

Do you want me to... I just started taking off my shirt. Oh, oh, oh. Yeah. Oh, sorry. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Take it off. Take it off.

You said no. No, I just was surprised is all. I love, I loved what I was. I loved what I was seeing up there. How about we do a game? Okay. I'll take off a piece of clothing and then you take off a piece of clothing too. All right.

All right. And take off shirt. Oh. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Your turn. Okay.

What do I, I guess. Takes off a sock. Maybe. Oh, come on. Your go. No. Your turn. Okay, what do I, I guess, takes off a sock. Oh, come on. Your go, your go, your go. No, I took off a shirt. You have to take off a big money item. How about your pants? Okay, takes them off another pair of pants

on underneath. Oh. Sorry, it was cold in the restaurant, so I brought it. I knew that restaurant would be cold, so I brought an extra pair. That's okay. I'll take off

my pants, I guess. Takes it off. Just brought underwear. Just one, huh? Yep. Now you go. I'd love to see what's that big thing he got going on. Yeah, down there, yeah.

Takes off his pants. Another pair of pants. Another pair of pants. Sorry, it was really chilly. Do you, is this, is there something wrong? I just, I have an, I have, there's a there something wrong? I just. I haven't. I have.

So there's a little something I'm embarrassed about. You know, down there. On your penis. My member. Yeah. What is it? I was in a little. I was in an accident.

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. It's not a big deal. You in an accident. Oh my God. I'm so sorry. It's not a big deal. You can barely even tell, but I, you know, I cut myself. Oh my God. Down there. On your. You know, down there. Well, listen, thank God you're okay. down there well listen

thank god you're okay if you don't want to have sex no I really want to but I'm alright alright alright I'll show you but you can't laugh I'm not gonna laugh

the cut is a funny shape and so the scar is a funny shape but you're not allowed to laugh my god Jason I won't laugh you promise I'm not that insensitive they always say that the nurse even said that she wasn't gonna laugh

at the ER cut to that okay I'll take my trousers off but you promise me you won't laugh sir I'm a professional, sir. Okay. I have to see the wound. We have to dress the wound. Okay.

And you know where it is, right? They told you that it's down there. The member. I understand what you said. The member, yes. Yes. Members only. Sorry. Sorry. Is that the kind of doctor you are? Your members only doctor? I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. doctor you are? Your members only doctor? I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Yes.

I look at members only. Correct. So you're not. So you're not. So you're used to when they're funny. I apologize. This is this should be professional. Yeah.

And I'm professional. This is going to be fine. Okay. I'll take my trousers off now. There's not a pair of pants underneath. And the second pair coming down. And number three. Are you ready? Because I don't wear underwear.

Once I pull this off, the member's going to be out. And you're going to see the funny cut I have. I'm ready. It's not going to be funny. They always say that. You're stifling laughter. You're stifling laughter.

No, I knew this was going to happen. The scar is in the shape of a dick. It's a little dick on the dick. It's, uh... dick it's uh it did it's like very detailed i got a member on my member i don't know how it happened either the knife was in my pocket and it caught a very i didn't even notice it was like a mosquito bite i didn't notice it happening it caught a little little dick into my member. My little member member. And it looks like a very hyper-realistic. There's little hair on the balls and everything.

I'm sorry. I can't. I have to bring the doctor in. He has to see this. Go into the hallway. Dr. Evans. Dr. Evans. Yeah.

Yeah. You gotta see this. You gotta see this. I'm busy. I'm in the middle of open heart surgery. No, it's not as important. Trust me. Trust me.

This is very important. Why are you having an open heart, doctor? Look at my member. What? What? What? Holy shit! That's a Peter on his Peter.

Oh my god! What the hell happened to you, my friend? There was a cheap knife. It was in my pocket, rattling around. You got a tattoo on your dick? No, it's not a tattoo. I swear, it's from a knife. It's openly bleeding.

You carved a dick into your dick? I didn't carve anything. It's bleeding out the front of it. I went for a jog with an open knife in my pocket, and I ended up with a member on my member. I don't know what's to get. You're saying this was not there's no way the artistry, the

craftsmanship, the scale, everything about it is masterfully done. You're telling me that was from you jogging with a knife in your pants? You know, it's like when little Jesus on your toast, you know, when you see a cheeto and it's the shape of Mother Mary. It's just sometimes coincidences happen. That's an an accident this looks on purpose now listen i'm not trying to yuck

anyone's yum i'm just saying that looks infected as all hell please treat me every other hospital in town has laughed me out the door please you're my last hope. How long ago did this happen? Three weeks. Because you keep saying everyone laughs. Oh my God, you haven't gotten treated in three weeks. And it's still bleeding. That can't be right. Please. Doctor. Doctor Chris, it's all on you.

I gotta go deal with this person's heart. Okay. Okay. Hey, brother, good luck. Thanks. Loser. What? Fuck.

All I get is people calling me names just because I got a cock on my cock. A peter on my peter, a member on my member. A freaking schnoz on my schnoz doc you gotta help me

I am afraid that the damage is permanent however there's some big money to be made what in the you know the industry there's some big money to be made. What? In the, you know, the industry. Porn?

Well, you could be a big name. You're telling me that people will pay money to see, you know, a down there actor with a member that looks like this? People will pay for that that I'm just saying cut to him winning adult film star of the year thank you yeah

yeah what you guys want me to I have a speech you know when I went for a jog with a knife in my pocket and it carved a little member in my member and it got so infected it bled for three weeks. I thought, this is rock bottom. Things are never going to get better from here. And then I went worse.

And I got laughed at on every date I went on for years. But then something changed i gave in to the world to fate now i'm a millionaire now everybody knows my cock and i'm not afraid to say cock or balls or or pussy or anything like that. I love my little cock with a little cock on it. And I'm not afraid to say it. So I want to thank, well, whoever

up there, whoever up there, put that little dicky on my little dicky. you guys good night have a great night you get moonlighted oh so sorry um we peter peter we actually this i i'm so sorry i'm so sorry this is so embarrassing um this award was actually meant to go to Big John. Hey, how you doing? Sorry.

Sorry. But his, no, there must have been a mix-up. He's only got one. I know. But it's, you know, it's big. It's big. What's big? What's big?

What's big? What's big? You want to see it? Yeah, let me see it. He completely completely disrobes takes off his shirt as well well that's fully yeah fully naked mine is really gross compared to that even hard mine looks really gross let's see it let's see it oh come on come on i got fully naked you get fully naked promise you won't laugh you not seen any of my movies you've never seen my cock i don't watch porn you don't watch it?

Except for my own work. You watch the dailies on set. Yeah, just to make sure. Okay. You promise you won't laugh at my freaking member. Let's see what's up there first. Shirt first. Up there?

Oh, no one ever even asked. He's got a cut, a scar of a chest in his chest. Holy shit. You should take this award, my friend. This is for you. Thank you. I will. But first, we gotta see what's down there. Okay, fine.

Our last segment. He was gonna have an asshole on his asshole. Alright. our last segment but he was gonna have an asshole on his asshole alright this shook me all week long wow oh my god you know what they say

they say to pull from your own life. Yeah, they do say that, huh? So, what's everyone's shook me, huh? What is... You know, I should have thought about this ahead of time. So what body parts scars do you have on the body parts that it's a scar of?

Well, I have a very prominent scar of my you know down there down there down there up down there on my down there my down there between me down there what if that's what australian people said they just said like oh good i might oh first time in the down there right first time in the down there, right? First time in the down there. In the. Let's get out back tonight. Bring the down there, down there.

Bloomin' Onion, down there. Bring Bloomin' Onion to your bits. What's been shaking, everybody? I have one. Okay, Danil. So shameful that the guest has one before we even do so shameful between me down there getting back from being over there in Savannah and now I was out in Annapolis Maryland film festival which

was an amazing time if you're a filmmaker you've got to look up the Annapolis Film Festival they're awesome the team is amazing people they're amazing and they even gifted us with an audience award for best narrative short film for my short film almost winter so that's online you can find on my website danielrushy.com um and uh yeah so i had i had an amazing time so that that earnestly earnestly shook me and it was yay that's awesome yeah thank you thank you how about you you have you have something earnest or is it going to be it's going to be filthy i mean knowing us it'll probably be about cock and ball stuff. Singular.

At the time of recording, this is April 1st. It's April Fool's Day. Uh-oh, jokes on you. Jokes on you. I wasn't recording any of this. I got, I think last week's What Shook Me is talking about, actually, I forget. Anyway, yesterday, I know I've probably mentioned this before,

I got coffee with friend of the pod and in life irene walton and um what's shaking me is i it's that time of the month i've never been so exhausted i felt yesterday all day i felt like i was drunk i felt like i had chugged a liter of vodka i just feel felt like- And you only had half a liter. How depleted I am. And there was just a moment where I just felt so, I don't know why this was the thing that I was like, God, I must sound insane because I'm so tired. I was with Irene and I was on,

at some recording, if you check out XOXO Gossip Kings, a fellow HeadGum podcast, very, very funny. I was on um an episode of that the easy j episode which is so fun if you want to go check that out um but i was talking to irene about it because she also loves gossip girl and i was like it was so much fun to go on that show because i'm such a fan of gossip girls and it's just it was just that little thing she looked at me she's like huh and i'm like what did i say she's like you mean god yeah i mean gossip girl where and so it was just and i because of that plus my anxiety

i get home and i hadn't stopped thinking about that all day which in hindsight was just a little like slip up i was really tired i voiced some of her last night being like hey sorry i was sorry i was sorry i sounded drunk today i'm just really tired like it's really taking it out of my period really taking it out of me right now and like so me saying gossip girls i probably sounded weird as hell but i had a great time and she was like it's fine are you okay we gotta get you some kind of now i'm worried i don't know what it is but something's gotta happen shaking me is that uh my period right now is is i am down for the count that's not your period you didn't have to voice memo or that was you man that was all pure unfiltered doesn't matter where you are in the cycle. That is bizarre.

I guess the other thing that's shaking me is that in two days from this episode releasing, Daniel and I have been together five years and that is crazy. Wow. Yeah. Nothing like celebrating five years by talking about a dick on a dick. Yeah. Yeah. And I've been there. I've been there by your side for all of it. Both of you. Living with you. Nope.

Whether or not you knew it, I was there. Me and my little dickie with my little dicky um what's been shaking me uh other than uh this whole episode is i literally had one no i literally had one i literally had one lying no i did i did daniel's was at the film festival no no no i did i fuck fuck fuck fuck what was it and it was a good one too dang i'm sorry about the festival you were shut the hell up you were talking about saying gossip Film Festival. No, no, no, I did. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. What was it? It was a good one, too. Daniel was talking about the Film Festival. Shut the hell up. You were talking about saying Gossip Girl. While you're thinking, I'll just, one more time,

I'll plug Fear the Walking Dead. We'll give you plugs. No, but he's vamping for me. No, no, no, no, no. I want to let Daniel keep all this in because I want to sit in it. What the hell was it? What was it? Give me one in because I want to sit in it. What the hell was it? What was it? Give me one second.

I'm going to remember it. He's going to the bathroom. He walked away. I'm shitting right now. You guys can't see, but I'm literally shitting right now. Oh, this is going to bug me for the rest of my life. I'm going to be dead and i'm gonna be worried about this um oh i remembered it better be fucking great it's not so uh as many people know uh

as actually i don't know if anyone would know this i don't really i don't think i've ever mentioned it i don't drink sober king dead silence from you too okay you like you like addiction um and you guys are actually the biggest fans of addiction in the world uh i don't drink anymore but it's getting hot out and by the time this episode comes out it's gonna be hot as fuck and so i was at the grocery store yesterday and i picked up i treated myself uh and i do it can't truly i bought a bottle of whiskey and I downed it. No, I bought three new non-alc beers that I've never tried. Because every year, I swear to God, there's more. Every year, the non-alc game is growing.

The woke beers are out and at it again. The soft, liberal, woke beers. But no, and so I'm really excited to try them. And, you know, maybe I'll, like, start, maybe I'll, like, review them or something. Yeah, let us know how they are. On the podcast. Maybe I'll, like, co-op most of the podcasts.

No, we don't care about that. It'll become a non-alcohol beer review podcast. What everybody wants. Yeah, that's what that showed me. And it's just nice to have more options. That's cool. You know, I get to, you know, there was a time when, before my time, Everybody wants. Yeah, that showed me. And it's just nice to have more options. It's cool. You know, there was a time before my time, even when sober people... There was a time when men were kind and their voices were soft.

When men were men and they didn't have any choice but to drink. On the world inviting, there was a time that it all went wrong. I'll just let you keep going. It was a little Les Mis for for you a little dream to dream uh susan boy whatever happened to her there was a time when there weren't that many options there was a time when there weren't many options john mulaney bit where it's like oh i think i have my girlfriend's nuva ring in the fridge if you want that and it's like it's true that like there there weren't that many options it's nice to see more options coming out and it just like makes it easier and like more and more

restaurants and bars and comedy clubs have non-alcohol options that's great which especially when there's like a drink minimum and shit gets so you know it's like i guess i'll have three ginger ales um right so yeah it's nice it's nice as all all fuck you that's good great fuck you it's nice as earnest yeah right Daniel Daniel where plugs what's coming up when's Walking Dead coming Fear the Walking Dead coming out where can people find you what tell us everything Fear the Walking Dead the final season

starts airing May 14th so this comes out after that and you can see me in various episodes throughout the season so you can get caught up starting now and you can find me on various episodes throughout the season, so you can get caught up starting now. And you can find me on Instagram at Daniel Rashid. And my website is DanielRashid.com. Thank you so much for coming on.

It was so much fun. We're so happy to have you back. I'm so glad we made this happen. You can find Alfred on Instagram at AlfredInIt. You can find the show on review on review at Instagram what the fuck I'll send you a voice memo about this later you can find

the show on Instagram at Review Review Reddit r slash Review Review and Discord Review Review and you always peek I can't hear whenever you do that but it comes across on the recording so just like no I'm making a noise and you can find I can't hear whenever you do that. But it comes across on the recording. So just like, no, I'm making a noise.

And you can find Riley on Instagram.com. Just the web browser, not the phone app at Riley and spa. And you can find her on twitter.com for as long as it lasts, which by the time this episode comes out, we'll be about six months deceased. She's on mastodon now at Riley coyote. And as we say, Daniel, you know this.

Every single week we all say together, all of us. In unison. In unison. I got a down there. On my down there. I got a down there. my down there I got a down there on my down there bye that was a hit dump original