Review Revue - Taxidermists

Episode Date: March 21, 2023

Reilly and Alfred are back once again to dress up corpses, catch ugly fish.......... get the pack back together, and read reviews on TAXIDERMISTS. Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh @alfredinnit Twitter: @reilecoyote  Join the discord here! Follow Ed on IG <><> Produced by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fm  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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It's smoking time. And Alfred. Oh. It's smoking time In Delphrit Oh Oh it's smoking time In Delphrit Woo We got the pork Pork on the bun

In Delphrit Why don't you come on down Come on down To smoking time In Delphrit Why don't you come on down? Come on down. To smoke your tongue. And Alfred. Oh my God. Eh?

That was from Jamie. So Jamie, that was a smoke and time, T-H-Y-M-E, on Main Island. That was an ad for an eatery um and jameson says took the liberty to make a fresh theme song that mentions alfred upon his request let me know what you think i hope it ends up on the pod well your wishes are command um you know i i wish i was familiar enough with the source material to really appreciate um that one to its fullest. I was sent some spice rubs from Smokin' Time and merch. So I think, honestly, if you kept this song, like no notes, no changes, that would be a perfect theme song for Smokin' Time. And why didn't I get any merch?

They didn't know who you were at the time. Huh. You were nothing to them. That doesn't you were nothing that doesn't you were nothing right you were literally you weren't a somebody or you weren't even a nobody because you were nothing oh my god it's like i'm back in third grade alf i've decided something today oh yeah no go go go i've decided that this is i've decided something's gonna be crazy i've decided no there's no way you've decided something today you'd never do this i decided i never decide i have decided that even though i'm feeling really pmsy okay i've decided to make this episode of the podcast

the funniest episode oh you serious i decided what. What if we did that? Why does this suck? Because I was literally about to say, and I haven't talked to you about this before. This is a total coincidence. I decided something today. You want to make this the most boring episode? I was going to do my most low energy record yet. No, but today's supposed to be the funniest one, Alfie. Why? I think it's supposed to be the lowest energy.

No. What's new with you? Pussycat. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's new with me? What's new with you, Pussycat? What's new with you, Pussycat? We think, Tom, you just need to pare it down.

Condense, condense, condense. Brevity is the soul of wit. Play on. I'm good. I'm good. What to say? She's already making it the funniest episode yet, man. Okay, well, now I need to be low energy.

The park next to my house. The park next to my house is flooded park next to my house is flooded. It's like full of ducks just swimming around the park. And so that's where I usually. That's lovely. No, it's like where I'm supposed to be walking. And there's all these damn ducks in the way. And I'm getting pissed.

I wish I could see ducks. Yeah, but you live in the desert. There are no ducks in the desert. My favorite magic tree house. Hey, well, it doesn't feel like the desert, huh? Doesn't feel like the desert with the snow and the torrential rain we've had the past couple days. I saw Zach Braff posted on his Instagram story that there was hail in Beverly Hills. And if you're listening to this in April, then you're like, whoa, I didn't hear about anything going on the past couple weeks.

So that gives you an indication of when we are recording. Alfred, on the Zoom, I just saw you take a sip out of your spin drift cam from the side of your mouth, and I forgot that you drink that way. Oh, come on. This is an audio medium. I should be immune to bullying. I did forget that you drink full. Couldn't be deeper in the corner pocket of the mouth. For all of you wondering at home, what the fuck is Riley talking about?

I drink out of the corner of my mouth. I don't drink out the front. I don't even drink out the side. I drink out of the corner. Like the farthest to the side you can get. So what I do, picture this. I'm going to paint you a picture in your mind palace. Picture this.

A rustic hunting lodge. You're in. My latest kill. Roasting over the fire. No, what's that no what was that it's from Beauty and the Beast oh okay

I was doing Twilight Zone it's like a similar vibe so you pick up I pick up the can I always put my elbow higher than my head and then I and then I sip

out the corner of my like a hamster it's the most literally like a hamster gnawing on his his baba just i just tried doing it and it is it's so strange it's so strange i never ever would contend do you know why you do that i'm my suspicion is that it's mental illness um is that it's is that some the folks that betterHelp could probably no I really do think

that after when I donate my body to science after I'm long gone they'll do some study and realize that I have like Ratatouille you know Ratatouille I think I might have a rat in my brain oh he's got Ratatouille

not even on your head in your brain no I think fully in my brain do you ever got ratatouille not even on your head in your brain no i think fully in my brain do you ever see scooby-doo monsters unleashed yeah of course remember when scrappy doo was inside rowan atkinson yeah i think it's yeah it's kind of like i think i'm a mr bean with scrappy doo and i'm kind of situation is why i do that um i feel like a poorly puppeted meat sack speaking like honey speak well i was i mean really quick oh what's new with me so glad you asked i don't care um it's been raining like shit it's been it's been absolutely insane it's been raining like shit hallelujah but i did get i did get my curtain bangs trimmed and i love them so much and I got my hair colored and I love it I

just I love it I'm so happy with it I feel gorgina I love it it's amazing the confidence boost you get thank you so much the nicest genuine thing you ever said to me um I love it I love it I love it you're about to say something though the confidence boost I was gonna say it's amazing the confidence boost like I was talking with my stylist that you get from your hair yeah but anyway it's like from a good hair cut or dye Alf is kind of running

his fingers through his two strands of hair that must be nice maybe I could get mine colored I don't know what color they're already see through Maybe I could get them maybe they could be like blue or something. That could be fun, right?

Much like the polar bear, the arctic's beautiful brave warrior. My hair is actually transparent, not white. Speaking of bears and speaking of meat puppets, which I know would have been a much better transition,

but actually, no, I'm going to go for mine because I need to find the segue. Okay. Speaking of hair, speaking of the tortoise and the hair, speaking of rabbits, critters, dogs, cats, birds, big game, small game. I hate even referring to animals as game. I love it. We're talking, and I hate to say this because this was another ALF episode pick, we are talking taxidermists today in taxidermy.

Let's be honest here, listener at home. Do you think it's more likely that this was an Alfred pick or a Riley pick? I think we know the answer. ALF, why on God's green earth? God's gorgeous, gorgeous, luscious, green, rainy earth. I used to work with a guy. Did you pick taxidermists? Who, he was like this 50-year-old dude from Boston,

and he would never say everywhere. Like the word everywhere, or like, oh yeah, I was going all over the place or it was everywhere. The only thing he would say was. Yeah, now I spilled it all over God's creation. The word that he would use instead of everywhere. So I would be with him for like eight hours and I would hear him say, yeah, she was walking all over God's creation looking for this thing and I didn't know where in God's creation it ended up and it's like literally

everything was just God's creation and I don't know why I think you said something that reminded me of that God's green earth so why taxidermists it's pretty funny you said you wanted it to be the funniest episode in the history of the show it's pretty funny.

You said you wanted it to be the funniest episode in the history of the show. Yeah, I forgot. You know what? As soon as I said taxidermist, I forgot that it's the funniest episode. Oh, taxidermist is so silly. No, I just figured, you know, we've been doing this show for three years. No. And when I say we, I mean you and me. I've been doing this show for three years.

You, me, and Jeff. We have been doing it. You cannot argue with me. You, me, and Jeff. We have been doing this show for three years. No. And when I say we, I mean you, me. I've been doing this show for three years. No, you, me, and Jeff. We have been doing it. You cannot argue with me. You, me, and Jeff. We have been doing this show for three years. No. Yes. You have not been doing this show for three years.

Right. But if I said, no, no. But if I said, like, if I was talking about America, and I was like, we have been producing, like, boats for hundreds of years. If I was talking about America. And I said, we've been, boats for hundreds of years. If I was talking about America. And I said we've been producing boats for hundreds of years. It doesn't mean I've. I would also take issue with that. Well, I don't know enough about history to argue with you.

So, so sorry. So the show has been going on for three plus years. Yeah, right. And I think it's a gross, and I mean that in terms of icky and big, oversight that we've never done taxidermists. And why, I guess, is, why do you feel like it's an oversight?

Tinker Taylor, soldier, spy. We've done all of those on the show, but we've never done taxidermists. Haven't done a single one of those actually no we did do taylor wall street taylors i think was the first episode maybe okay um what are your experience do you have any experience what are my experience do you

enjoy taxidermy glad you asked i remember one time i was in boston for work and i made a joke i was on the phone with you and i made a joke and you were like, where are you right now? And I said, I'm in a taxidermy shop picking up a waterfowl. And you said, really? And I said, and I doubled down and I go, yeah, it's what I do.

Every time I go to a new city for work, I pick up another piece of taxidermy. And you said, oh, how did I not know that and i said are you fucking serious and that's what you said at the time that's what you said at the time you said well it seemed like something you might do it did seem it does seem like something you would do um but also you're not wrong um okay here's the thing here's the thing here I know okay here's the thing here's the thing

I would never have a deer I would never have a deer like a buck head on my wall I would never have like a full bear in the foyer like you know that's like the noise bear makes what I would have I would have the bear I makes. Yep. What I would have...

I would have the bear. I'd have Jeremy Allen White. I would have a stuffed Jeremy Allen White in my foyer. Is that even stuffed? Not stuffed. Not even stuffed. Not stuffed. Honey, he'd be stuffed if he was coming over to my place.

All right. Come on. Come on. But yeah, I would... Funniest episode of the pod? Funniest episode of the pod? Funniest episode of the pod. Cut that.

Cut that out. Cut that out. No, don't cut it out. Shortest episode of the pod cut that out shortest episode of the pod it's only five minutes don't cut it out I was kidding don't actually cut that out it was the funniest thing I've ever said but what I would have would be like a mole or a rat

or some other kind of small rodent critter and he might be taxidermy doing something funny. Like, I don't know, holding a lasso, wrangling a bull. Or maybe being an astronaut. Those are things that I would have in my house. Because I have... That's funny.

Because I have what? Bad taste. What about you? Do you like taxidermy, Riley? No, I hate taxidermy. That doesn't surprise me. I hate taxidermy. But yet you eat meat. Hypocr me um hypocrisy i eat chicken and fish

sure have a stuffed chicken then no i it's very unsettling to me taxidermy is very unsettling um the act i can't imagine i i feel i saw a lot of reviews for taxidermy classes and it's just you think it's icky i it's icky to me the act of of taxidermy some i don't know what the phrase is taxidermy some doing your taxes is very icky to me doing your taxes is is just icky to me and like yeah the rick and mortis of it all like it's just the rick and morty of it all no and i hear's just. The Rick and Morty of it all. No, and I hear you. I hear you. It's unsettling. There is in Dublin, Ireland.

Okay. There is a museum and it is 99% taxidermy, but like bad taxidermy. And I don't think it's on purpose bad. Like, it's a history museum that is very old. And so it's like all the creatures in it kind of look a little fucked up. And that's very silly and funny to me. Because it's like that has been there for hundreds of years. My favorite is like they would do stuff like that in the UK during like the 19th century when they would get animals

that they didn't know what they looked like but they had the furs. Yes, yes. And then they would That's essentially what this museum is. Then they would stuff them

to be what they thought they looked like and it would be you know, the fur of a lion but it would be like in the shape of a dog and it would be

the scariest thing you've ever seen. And I think It's what this feels like. It might as well be. Like, I think it is the shape of the animal, but it may as well not be. But you wear fur every day, no?

Well, all the time. I wear real fur. Even when it's hot outside, I'm always... Anyone who knows me knows I love my furs. You're always saying... I love my furs. Whenever I say, Riley, it's 90 degrees, it's LA, it's summer,

why are you wearing that fur? Yeah, why are you wearing that fur? Yeah, why are you wearing that fur? You always say, some furs cool me down. Some furs cool me down. And what are the animals? Because it depends on the animal. Right, and you're always saying that. It's like a certain animals cool you down. Which ones is it again?

Because it's like, if you're wearing polar bear, that's going to be chilly. Right, because that's a cold animal. Yes. Yes, you get it. I would have thought maybe it was the other i can understand the impetus i'm not i would never do it but i can understand someone being like my dog died yeah i really love them a lot i want to have them forever with me yeah and taxidermy their dog i can understand that thought process that I just get a nice urn, get a nice, you know.

Now, what about Barbara? What about? Oh, Streisand. Her dog died. She cloned her dog. Her dog died. She cloned her dog. She's done it like eight times.

It's really strange. Cloning is different than taxidermy. That is a Black Mirror episode for that dog. It is living taxidermy. But how do you like genuinely like if right when when let's say when let's say if read the dog if if read the dog tragically he's 35 you know he's finally drooled himself out of a job and he's dead as a doorknob you going to clone his ass or stuff him? No, I won't.

You wouldn't clone him. You wouldn't clone him. No, because there's only one red man. There's only one red dog. Well, there could be two. That's the whole point of cloning. No, but it wouldn't be him. Let's get into reviews.

We're not here to talk. We could talk about, you know what? Guys, if you want us to do an animal cloning episode, I don't even know if there's things to review that on. That would be wild. But we're here to talk about taxidermy. Hey, subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts Premium if you want to hear our taxidermy-only episode. We make a Patreon for the show only for a cloning app.

Every week we put out a new episode about cloning. It's the same episode, but we AI generate it. It's just the same episode cloned now that's there's something there hang on writing it down do you want to start or should i i think you should start i'm not gonna say the name of the places i found because they're small businesses there's only like 10 reviews and like it's a very small market shut the fuck oh my god you're so good like Thank God you went first. But this one is for one in LA.

Because I would have absolutely blasted. I would have been like, this is for prettiest puppies. This is one star. This is from a taxidermy place in Los Angeles, California. Oh my God, I love it. From Farrah A. Farrah. Farrah.

Farrah a height. Farrah height. Farrah A. height. Farah. Farah. Farah-ah-hite. Farah-hite. Farah-ay-hite. Farah. Farah-ay-hite. Is that two? Is it like ain is one word and then hite? Yeah, it's hyphenated.

Like my last name. Okay. Farah-ay-hite. I was going to say Farah-osset. Farah-ay-hite. One star. I picked up my dog today. I was very, very disappointed.

I showed pictures of a happy, sitting, blue, fawn Pomeranian with reassurance of quality, and they would respect the look and the dog's attitude. I picked up a dog that wasn't sitting, wasn't balanced, tailed down, and looked like it was scared or got hit. I asked, why didn't you ask about the tail or how to sit if you were confused? The response was, that was my interpretation. So basically, purposely screwed up my dog who never behaved or looked like that. The disrespect to natural nature of an animal. I'll never forget the ignorance and the fact the owner then took the rest of the money

for last deposit is disgusting and beyond ethical. Do not ever do taxidermy here as their ignorance to purposely screw up your animals is at an all-time high. All caps. Now my dog will sit in a box because I would never want to show my celebrity toy dog looking uneven, unhappy,

and screwed up. That is absolutely a contender for my favorite review you've ever had. That was my interpretation. That was my interpretation. She's like, here's my dog. That was my interpretation. To me, she's like, here's my dog. She was so happy and lovely.

She was a show dog, a celebrity toy dog. What does that mean? I know, what does that fucking mean? And then made her look like it was an abused, scared little dog. She looked scared. That was my interpretation based on kind of your vibe. I can only imagine the kind of dog owner you were. You go into a funeral home.

Yeah. Um, hello, miss Wilson. Hello. Um, I'm here to see my, uh,

my husband. Um, yeah. Crazy. Uh, that, that it's today, you know?

I know. I know. I know. So I'm really, I'm excited to see, you know, how you respected him in death through his life. Of course. Before we get started, can I get you any coffee, tea, spindrift? Oh, um, this is crazy. you any coffee tea spindrift? Oh, um, this is crazy.

If you have a blood orange spindrift, that would be really nice. Yeah, absolutely. Rebecca? Rebecca, could you get Miss Wilson a spindrift? Yeah. What flavor does she want? A blood orange. Blood orange, blood orange. Yeah, we could do blood orange. I mean, well, we also, did you let her know that we have the strawberry lemonade?

Just get the blood orange But did she know though? Did you tell her? Rebecca Okay, blood orange She's gonna grab that for you, Miss Wilson, really quick Thank you, thank you so much, Mr. Brick So you guys had opted for the open casket yes um his family is irish and so it was really important for that absolutely like we could do it uh awake a traditional absolutely

um so sorry it's just um i'm so sorry no don't apologize for crying because it just happened. You know, it's like. Friend. It's crazy. Yeah. Friend, this is a funeral parlor. I'm no stranger to tears, okay? You're not the first person who's cried in these hallowed halls. Okay, that's good to know. I figured, but you know, it's just a tough day. But I hope that what I've done can help ease

his and your transition a little bit. I really appreciate it. Before we go into the... I just want to say you have been so highly recommended by all of my friends and loved ones who have also

lost people, lost family members, friends, partners in their lives. And so they say that you just treat them with the utmost dignity and respect, but don't lose their joy. And so that's why I chose you. And so I'm really honored that you were able to treat my husband with such respect.

You know, and I really hope that you see what we were going for. What you were going for? Opens the door. Ta-da! It's like a stage look. A carnival scene. There are other bodies. It's like a carousel with a

bunch of bodies. The husband has like thick white clown makeup on his face. Rosy cheeks. Could barely recognize him. So, Miss Wilson, what do you think um i feel sick i feel sick sometimes yes sometimes seeing the body can have that reaction rebecca what did you get a barf bag will you get a barf bag for

miss wilson i'm just i'm still getting the blood orange know, and we were wondering how long it was taking you for like what reason it was taking you. Well, I have the strawberry lemonade one because I was right on hand. Just get that one then. I don't care. I need anything. I just keep eating. Miss Wilson. Miss Wilson. Miss Wilson. Rebecca, grab Miss Wilson a chair. She looks like she could go down any minute. Oh, timber.

There she goes. Wow. Help her up, Rebecca. Why don't you? Fine. What do you do to my husband? Well, first I made him a clown. Do you want me to flip the switch?

Do you want me to flip the switch so she can really see how it gets going? Rebecca, let's hold off on that for a second, okay? Flip the switch? What are you talking about? gets going. Rebecca, let's hold off on that for a second, okay? Flip the switch? What are you talking about? Miss Wilson, I need you to calm down. You made him a clown. What the fuck is wrong with you? You told me when we had our intake, our initial interview,

you told me that your husband was known around the office as the class clown and this is my interpretation of that i wanted to bring his love about your interpret grab you by the car i don't give a shit about your interpretation of of him being a class clown i just meant that he you wanted to know about him and so i was just telling you a little bit about him. What he means to your interpretation! Ugh! I want you to get that shit off his face. I want you to apologize to him and to all- Who are all these other bodies, by the way? Who are these people? Um, those are spares.

Spares? What does that even mean? Well, sometimes, um, you've heard of donating your body to science. Um. No. Some people. No way. Some people donate their bodies to. No.

No. Not set dressing. To the art of funeral homing. Yeah. I need you, before I throw up on this carpet. Where's that barf bag? I need you. before I throw up on this carpet. Where's that barf bag? I need you to listen to me very carefully, Mr. Blake.

Okay, Mrs. Wilson. I need you to take my husband's clown makeup off of his beautiful, deceased face. I need you to find the best casket in the building. I need you to embalm him properly, put him in a supine position, lay him restfully, and all of that is going to be free. I am not paying for a cent of this. Okay.

I could do that. Should I flip the switch now, Mr. Blake? Ms. Wilson, would you like to... Before you completely dismiss Everything we've worked so hard I mean I don't want to pull this card But me and Rebecca have you know This has put a lot of strain on our relationship

We worked really hard Yeah we've been up really late at night I don't care that you guys are in a relationship That is not information that I needed at all Flip the switch I'm tired of this Flip the switch All the lights go on That is not information that I needed at all. Flip the switch. I'm tired of this. Flip the switch.

Listen, all the lights go on. The carousel goes in motion. The body's moving somehow. Mr. Wilson has a ring set up to his mouth where it looks like he's blowing a balloon animal. Oh, what's it going to be? Oh, it's a doggy. Very nice, Mr. Wilson See? Could've been cute

You will be hearing from my lawyer He does requests Just try giving him an animal And see if he can do it He does requests? He's really good Oh my god, this is horrific I start tearing everything down

There's no need for this Oh come on we put so much effort We pulled like half an all nighter So 12 hours We stayed up late night We did half an all nighter I don't care I am taking I gently pick up my husband

He's very light now I'm taking him and we're gonna do the weight In our own home on a couch i don't need you i don't need this horrible business you guys are sick you are sick in the head i cannot believe you'd do something like this i mean we we can't stop you i just I'm a little upset, if I'm being honest. We worked really hard on it. I don't care. When I gave you the form, you checked Frankenstein treatment.

You knew what, like, you could have asked. I didn't know what that meant. You could have asked, though. Cut to the open casket fit at her house. A bunch of friends and family coming in. So sorry. So sorry. Paying respect.

Sorry for your loss. Rebecca. Yeah, Jim. I'm so sorry again for your loss. You know, like, I worked with your husband for many years, and he's a great guy. And I know I referred you to Mr. Blake, his funeral home. Yeah, you did, actually, and that's why there's no coffin here, and he's kind of just lovingly placed on the couch with a blanket.

Totally. And I get that it's not for everybody. I do have to ask, because this, like, no disrespect, this wake feels a little bare. Where are the spares? Excuse me? Hey, sorry.

It's your Aunt Marie here. I don't want to butt in, but... Hi, Marie. I was wondering where the spares were as well. Marie, what do you mean, the spares? Well, you refer someone to Mr. Blakeshire And you expect At least two or three spares

You don't expect there to be no spares in the place Ach no, Marie You're expecting five or six spares When you go to Mr. Blakeshire Imogen, that's very right Are you guys talking about the spare bodies? I sure... I...

Yeah, I was talking about that too. You all need to get out of my house. Oh, Pat. She's just a wee bit upset. I need you to get out of my house. Fine, sure. I will not have any talk of spare bodies. We'll be on our way then.

At your family member's wake. They're all heading out. That was a horrible wake. Not a spare to be found. She's just embarrassed there were no spares, I think. That's why she's making such a scene. Cut to Imogen's wake a month later the whole the room

is filled with dead bodies you can't tell who's real and who's dead it's like a horrible fun house and it's like all the bodies in the mirrors but you don't know who's alive and who's not

Mrs. Wilson has a full conversation with somebody and then she realizes they're animatronic. I'm so sorry. Imogen was a... She was a sprightly woman. She was my mother. I will miss her so much. Let's take a break.

Guess who's back, back, back, back again, again, again. It's Alfred and Riley now, now, now. Brian Griffin on the line. Okay, let's do your review. This comes from Peter Griffin. Holy freaking crap. They dicks are damning my dog and her needless to say it did not come back looking like brian um no that's not that wasn't a real one if

you can believe i'm trying to pick i oh they're so good okay i'm gonna do this one this one i'm out of uh respect for riley i'm also not gonna say the name of this one, but it is. This is a taxidermist in Ontario, Canada. Okay. Phil F. Phil Follins. Phil Follins. I could feel it.

Okay. One star from Phil Follins. I got a 43 and a half inch pike done. It is the ugliest thing I've ever seen. It is laughed at every time someone sees it. And when I went to pick it up, it had grown to 47 inches. The whole fish is smeared with something and then repainted. The painting is very ugly. It does not resemble at all that the fish that I had caught.

He claimed to have 25 years experience. Whatever you do, don't bring your fish there. I heard you say python at first. I'm like, what the fuck? But also, it makes me think of the guys you see on dating apps who just are holding fish. It's like, it's a bumble conversation. I'm messaging first. Hey there, looks like you're quite the outdoorsman Been any fun camping trips recently, Liam?

He's typing back Yes, Samantha I actually was recently up at the lake And I caught this beauty Sends a picture of him holding the ugliest fish you've ever seen Types back Beauty. Sends a picture of him holding the ugliest fish you've ever seen. Types back. Jumpscare, LOL.

43 and a half incher, if you can believe it. Interrupts the text. Oh, sorry. No, right. What were you saying, Beauty? I was just saying that's a scary looking fish. You would never catch me out catching one of those, lol. So what else do you like to do for fun?

Uh, yeah, I ski and snowboard a bit. What did you mean when you said that it was scary? This is the prettiest fish I ever caught. Skiing and snowboarding is awesome. I've never been up to the snow, but I hear it's a great time. Maybe you could show me. Maybe you could show the snow bunny one day. Wink.

Direct reply to the fish comment. I'm so sorry. I guess I just don't really understand these things. Fish like that kind of creep me out. Love me a goldfish, Never been up to the snow? What a weird way of saying that Haha no But I'd love to take you up there

We could rent a lodge Or I don't know something sometime About the fish I really don't think it's that weird looking no offense but i catch a lot of fish and this one looks pretty normal to me kind of offended haha just kidding haha how else would i say i've never been up to the snow lol hmm and then emoji of like thinking, like the Sherlock one. I guess I'm gonna have to

try and figure out a better way to say that. Lodge would be fun. Heart emoji. Would love to get cuddled up fireside on a cold winter's night with a big strapping guy like yourself. Another wink face. As for the fish,

again, I guess I just, it's just not really my thing but how cool to meet someone who has different interests than you do what other kinds of fish have you caught ha ha no yeah i mean i guess you could have just said i've never seen snow before or maybe i've never gone skiing but to say i've never been up to the snow before something's definitely not right about that about the lodge though that would be really cute right we could cuddle maybe there would be a hot tub anyway back to the fish thing sorry i just don't understand why as someone who's never fished you would even say that because now you're admitting you don't know what you're talking about so why would you start a conversation by saying it was an ugly fish. That's just rude.

I've caught many fish. Tuna, bass, pike. If it has fins, I'll catch it. No need to be mean, me thinks. I guess that was just my way of saying I've never been up to the snow before. Oops, there I go saying it again. I don't think it's that weird looking been up to the snow before. Oops, there it goes saying it again. I don't think it's that weird looking back. Up to the snow.

It's kind of like going up to a mountain or up to a lodge. You have to go up to some high altitude of some sort to get to the snow. So, IMO, it's not really that big of a thing, LOL. Lodge could be cute. Hot tub or maybe a rain shower and like the purple devil emoji. As for the fish, again, I'm really sorry if I've offended you. But at the same time, a girl's got to have got to be able to have her own opinion right and then like the flexing bicep emoji i can think that the fish is ugly and that's no reflection on you i mean come on right it's just a fish have you been fishing your whole life did you start doing it with your

dad or something like that ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. No, yeah, for sure. About the snow thing. I guess I just think it's kind of wild that you're implying that snow only happens at high altitudes. Dot dot dot dot dot dot dot. Like, there are a lot of places it snows that aren't high up. You don't need to go up to get snow, I guess. Ha ha ha ha.

But yeah, anyway, it would be really cool to link up in person at the lodge or not, but I think we could be really compatible. Ha ha ha. About the fish, I'm sorry if I came across harsh. I was just really proud of the catch, and i wanted to share that with you and the way you reacted made me think that maybe you were a judgmental person obviously i believe in a woman's right to choose and hold her own opinions i would never insinuate

that because you were a woman you don't know about fish. It's just that you said you don't know about fish. Maybe I could take you fishing sometime. Ha ha ha. My dad and I aren't that close. All caps. LOL. Silly me.

I forgot about snow that happens not on a mountain. Just a classic brain fart. I'm texting while driving right now, and I really shouldn't be, but that's my bad. And then the crazy emoji with the tongue out like, ah. As for the lodge, could be super fun. Maybe some marshmallows over an open fire. About the fish. Do you really believe in a woman's right to choose?

Ha ha ha ha ha. No way. You shouldn't be doing that. That's not good. You shouldn't text and drive. Ha ha ha. You were joking about the texting and driving, right? Ha ha ha ha ha.

And then a Michael Scott gif. Him being like, it's a joke. About the fish. Yeah, obviously. I believe that a woman has the right to choose. I'm not a fucking monster. You assume all guys who fish are Republican dot dot dot dot dot kind of judgmental sends a photo of myself in the car not a joke heehee i'm being so bad right now

oh i'm at a red light, though. Don't worry. Hee hee. About the fish. That's good to hear. But you've called me judgmental a lot. Not once did I ever say that I think all men

who fish are Republicans. But you have to admit, sometimes they are and sometimes they might not be, but when you outright just said, obviously I believe when a woman's right to choose, it kind of gave me a vibe of, are you just saying that too?

And then like the kind of texts it's like uppercase, lowercase, uppercase, lowercase, get in my pants or not. LOL. Ha ha ha ha ha seriously I would feel more comfortable if you didn't text

me while driving I think that's really not cool and super dangerous ha ha ha ha about the fish no seriously I really believe in bodily autonomy it's very important to me i have a degree in women and gender studies from kenyan college and i want you to know that your rights are not

a joke to me in regards to your pants dot, dot, dot. So many ellipses. In regards to your pants, I would absolutely love to get in them. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Maybe we could link at Chili's. Unmatch. Fuck! Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Oh my god I imagine enough ha ha ha that it's a gift to scroll ha ha ha there he goes drinking outside of his mouth

oh fuck off I just was thirsty oh I have another review if you can believe it honey I can this one you gotta bear with me it's a it's long but it's worth it

i was when you said the last one was the short one i said oh no no i will i will get through this as quickly as i can okay speed reading there's five stars from a tax return place in New York by Gia J. Gia. Gia. Gia Gia. Gia Gia. Okay. Here we go. I'm going to, I'm just going to power through this one because it's long,

but here we go. Okay. Baby, it's cold outside and it's hunting season. Both things speak to furs, furs, furs. I had my own fur to deal with this season.

Won't get too into it, but basically I accidentally salvaged a raccoon off the side of the road and successfully skinned it with a partner in crime and the help of a YouTube video. We had a perfect furry raccoon hide in the freezer and didn't know what the hell to do. Attempts to stretch it over the nose of my surfboard

and flesh it soon intimidated us. YouTube tutorials weren't helping in that regard and we had none of the equipment to properly remove the fat, cartilage, and awful, awful from none of the equipment to properly remove the fat, cartilage, and awful, awful, from the inside of the hide. In desperation, I performed multiple searches for taxidermists

since Flesher seemed too esoteric and horrifying. A search on Yelp revealed cool bars, galleries, and stores featuring taxidermy. Finally, I found this article. Gathering up all my courage, I called the man and asked if he did fleshing. Of course he did, but for a mere 25 bucks.

Still, it took a couple phone calls of my futile question asking before I realized that not only did I not have any alternative in the city, but this guy really knew what he was doing. He was talking about how the ears had to be turned out and the cartilage in the nose had to be something or other so it wouldn't pucker up as it dried. Good thing I asked to confirm his business location too, because it turns out that Mr. Y has moved offices in site uh sorry Daniel cut that out uh because it turns out that Mr. Y has moved offices to a different place sorry sorry Daniel cut that out good thing I asked to confirm his business location too because it turns out that he had moved offices and it's going to take a little hoofing if you want to get there what I saw was super small glassy storefront with no one in it, but tons of animals, seemingly

one of each under the sun. Bear, rabbit, swordfish, chameleon, bird, house cat, buck. Honestly, the list goes on and on, nearly putting the American Natural History Museum to shame. Seriously. I rang the doorbell and the man himself appeared, talking on his cell phone

to another avid inquirer. He was very approachable and reassuring and patient. When I asked a whole lot more reassuring, um, and then talking about cash. Um, when I handed him $25, he said,

Oh, you could have just put down a deposit, but then shrugged and marked me paid in his paper records. This done. I left my rolled up zip lock raccoon skin right there on his table and left on faith that he called me anytime between that day, mid-November, and the beginning of the new year Already, a whole family had crammed into the store And his phone was ringing off the hook as hunters made appointments to drag in their prizes

And it's not just killers of animals who consult him for comprehensive animal preservation services either Lots of people want to immortalize their deer pets And others are just randos like me who peeled the skin off this sadly slain animal and didn't know where to go from there. Anyway, the rest of it is just saying how he's a good taxidermist and she got the fur back in a timely manner. What the fuck? I really can't stay

Baby, it's cold outside I've got to go away Name a raccoon from off the side of the road Maybe I skinned this raccoon Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. All right, all right. Hey, Bing, we are loving your take on Baby, It's Cold Outside. Thank you. These lyrics are so fun.

Right. I know you're just riffing a little bit, but we'd love for you to stick to the lyrics if possible. Oh, sure. You had said to me that they were a little bit fluid, so I was playing with them, but I'll be more strict from now on. Alright, and we'll do another take, and here we go. I really can't stay.

But baby, it's cold out there. I've got to go away. Baby, I've got all this hair. hair all right bang sorry to stop you again my man i can see you're really hey whoa whoa don't shoot the messenger the producers aren't really happy with um i got some fur of my own what are you talking about you've got fur of your own right i found this raccoon i'm? I'm singing a song here. The producer's behind the glass. I'm just shaking their heads. Um, can we get

the room, guys? Guys, can we get the room? Yeah, I'll be right outside. The engineer's like, okay. Hey, Bing, why don't you... I gotta go away. You should stay in the studio. Okay. And we will be back behind the mirror. No need for you to get up. No need for you to get up.

No need for you to get up. Oh, okay. Bing, it's your producer Rodney here. Oh, my God. My man. What's up? Well, what's up with you, brother? You're sounding great today.

I'm just trying to record a song and nobody will let me sing. No, of course we'll let you sing, Bing. Bing loves to sing. You did mention something about a raccoon in the bag. Right, I got a Ziploc hogtied fresh and funky raccoon in my bag. They're all looking at each other just like, what?

You see that bag in the corner? The one covered in blood about the size of a raccoon. Well, that's my raccoon that I killed by accident, hit him with my automobile. Bing, you can't just take that to a studio.

You should have just left it on the side of the road for sanitation services or roadkill services to get. But I'm gonna turn it into a hat. Look like Daniel Boone. I'll be king of the wild frontier with my hat. Look like Daniel Boone. I'll be king of the wild frontier with my hat. Let's make a song,

huh? Baby away, baby away, away, away. You gotta go away, baby, please gotta stay. I'm icy cold, your lips are raccoon skin Tonight I want a furry boy

Our like cold sweating And they're all starting to cry a little bit And they turn the sound off So that Bing can't hear Are we gonna die tonight? I don't know I gotta be honest I would like to call my family.

Yeah, me too. Can I get one more take? I'm sorry. Can I get one more take? Yeah. Bring the girl back. Bring the girl back. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Why don't we just do isolated vocals with you? Because we can do vocals with her another time. Oh, she was fine, though. She's fantastic. She's a fine-as-in-fine singer. Yeah, she was fine, though. She's fantastic. She's a fine as in fine singer. Yeah, she was a fine looking singer. Yes. Okay.

Nope. Okay. Got it. Why don't we just do isolated track with you, and then you can go. You can go. Oh, really? Yep. Oh, I was hoping to stay around with you fellas.

You know, we're going to dig in early night. Why don't we just end a one, end a two, and you know what to do. Baby, it's cold outside. Baby, it's cold outside. I'd like to skin you like a dog, baby.

Wear your skin like it's a suit I'm gonna take. Baby, I want to wear your skin. Cut to court. They're using this track as evidence in the trial against Bing Crosby. Now that's what I call a bop, your honor. What a banging tune I wrote.

I mean, in being a judge for the past 40 years of my life, I have never seen such incriminating evidence in a manslaughter case as this. You know the Rat Pack? It was me Frankie Sammy yep those were the days you know why we were called the rat pack I have an idea but it's Frankie right he had this idea one time he picked up a rucksack

and he filled it full of rats and we said my man Frankie you've got a rat pack on now and that's how we got the name it was it was music making man

good to Frank's watcher making a rat pack It was music making, man. Cut to Frank Sinatra making a rap back. All righty, fellas. It's me, Frank Sinatra. Whoa. Frank, man, let me see. What do you got on your back there, man? Slow it down. You got to be cool, okay?

I'm cool, Frank. I'm cool. What you got in that sack, man? Let's open my sack. It's full of the rats. They wanna be a part of it. Frank, you got a whole sack full of rats in your pack. Well, call it a rat pack, man. That could be what we're called.

Let's do our last segment. This shook me all week long. I have one. I'm jumping right in. You already know what it's going to be. She's going. So this past week, I was playing Codenames with some friends of mine online. It's a very fun game.

Very fun game. If you've never played, very fun game. And I was playing the online version of it. Okay. Gamer girl alert. Gamer girl alert. And in the corner, there's like a little thing.

It's a cartoon of a woman holding a newspaper. And I think it's probably like, you know, it says news, but it's probably like a help thing if you need rules or whatever. And this cartoon looks exactly like Real Housewife of Salt Lake City star Lisa Barlow. It is uncanny. It is uncanny. It is uncanny, dear listener. It's crazy.

I texted it to Alf. I'm like, this is Lisa Barlow. So I took a screenshot of it, put it to Instagram. And I said, it's like playing code games. I didn't expect Lisa Barlow to show up, up lol or something like that within minutes miss lisa barlow replied to my story she sent hearts and a smiley face and i lost my mind because dear dear listener i had just finished watch i've fully caught up and if you guys aren't appreciating the severity of the situation you have to go watch

Real Housewives of Salt Lake away in a manger no crib for his bed guys Lisa Barlow Real Housewives I and I text her back

I'm like OMG like text her you have a number now wait text her and I'm like oh my god

I said enjoy vacation queen just finished season 3 I thought that was going to be the end of it because she already right just messaged me. Right, of course. Messaged me back the next morning. What?

The next morning. What? Sends more hearts and prayer hands. I liked the message. Didn't respond. You did like the message. You did like the message. I did like the message.

Because you were debating whether or not to like the message. I was debating. It's like, oh my God, do I just leave her do i leave lisa on red and i said there's no fucking way you do that and so i say okay i'm gonna like the message so that was it was crazy because i am a new housewives fan i am a new member of the housewives fandom and so to have a kind of experience i mean it's like where do you go from here up up certainly up and away

in a manger away in a manger um yeah that so that has been shaking me to my core bitch work work um what's been shaking me Work. Work.

What's been shaking me? Sorry, that was a question. What's been shaking me? What's been shaking me? What has been shaking me? I hate this. Come on, what's been shaking me? Ew, this is awful.

I can't remember. Okay, here's something. Here's something. There's a pizza place near me. I'm not gonna say the name of the pizza place because I don't want to dox myself. Dox yourself. I mean, it's not that near me, so I probably could say the name

of it, but I'm not going to. And there is a section on their menu of pizzas that are just called the New York attitude and there are five pizzas in that category and they are named these the Big Apple

the Hard Worker the Comedian the Brooklyn Bridge and the Empire State this is like a a more insane version of like um I'm forgetting what the restaurant is in LA but it's

you order it's like can I I am peaceful I am loved can I have a kale Caesar cafe gratitude is the place that you're thinking of. Yes. So I just want to read the description of one of them. What's in the comedian? Yes.

And that is the one. This is the description of the comedian. Thank you. In honor of George Carlin and others like Jerry Seinfeld. And others like Jerry Seinfeld. In honor of George Carlin and others like Jerry Seinfeld. 14 inch pepperoni pizza. It's just a normal fucking pizza.

The comedian is just a normal pizza. Honoring George Carlin, Jerry Seinfeld at all is a pepperoni pizza what's the hard worker the hard worker either burning the night oil or after a hard day 10 inch personal pizza two topping with a half of wings isn't it the midnight oil yeah absolutely okay the empire state intended for the biggest appetite new york style exclamation part part exclamation part um and then the brooklyn bridges is great brooklyn bridges is beauty meets pizza. 14 inch pizza. Three toppings. Your choice. Build your own three topping pizza is the Brooklyn Bridge beauty meets pizza.

Anyway, I love this place. It's great pizza. It's nice people. And I love it so much. And when I can walk in and say, huh, what should I get tonight? Well, I think to honor George Carlin and others like him, like Jerry Seinfeld, I think I'll be getting a large pepperoni. Because I love George Carlin and others like Jerry Seinfeld. George Carlin and if you're not familiar,

other comedians like Jerry Seinfeld would be another example. That is amazing. Holy shit. What an up. What an up. Okay, now that we're at the end. Funniest ever? Now that we're at the end.

Funniest ever. I think it was the lowest energy ever, so I think I'd be both for them. You can find Alfred on Instagram at AlfredInnit You can find the show on Instagram at ReviewReview Reddit, r slash ReviewReview and we have, oh, oh, is that a

Discord? Oh, who's that? Where we party and Jeff and I still have our Patreon.com slash Riley and Jeff if you want to hang out for monthly Zardes and which is a zoom party. And I come through to those sometimes. Just the one time.

Hey, by the time this comes out, I might have done it again. So, yeah, come through, give money to Riley and Jeff's Patreon. And you can find Riley on Instagram.com. Just the web browser, not the phone app at Riley and Jeff's Patreon and you can find Riley on Instagram.com just the web browser not the phone app at Riley and Spa and on Twitter.com for as long as it lasts at Riley Coyote and of course like we say

every week every week we're saying this every week about the fish about the fish about the fish bye bye that was a hit them original