Review Revue - The Eiffel Tower

Episode Date: March 2, 2021

Reilly and Geoff read reviews about The Eiffel Tower and discuss butt-hurt art students, lying about studying abroad, and proposing to the wrong person!Click here to purchase tickets to Reilly's new project, INTO THE MIST!Use coupon code "review" to get 10% off your ticket!Follow Reilly and Geoff:IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjamesTwitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardeeAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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We just want to know how you feel Yeah, Google, Facebook, Amazon The reviews are real, yeah bitch We'll improvise and our characters might even steal We just wanna read you We just wanna Review I love Review

Those harmonies are Tight I loved that that ad lib Who made that? I did No you didn't I'm a musician No who made that song? I'm a rock star You didn't make it so who made that song? I'm a rock star.

You didn't make it, so who made it? I want to be a trillionaire. No, Jeffrey, who made the song? Like I'm already. Who made the song? I'm a rock star and women want me. Who made the song? Lucas Blaney made the song,

but I'm going to cut this out because I want to know that I made the song. So, Lucas, that was dope. Thank you so much. We have some uh we just want to kick this pot off with a little uh news we're sharing we have some some bad news really um so you know how for the better part of a year we've been using the song for you by paul mccartney and just changing the final words to review. Yeah.

We're not allowed to do that anymore. So here's the thing, right? We started doing that. And I thought it was fine because note Billy and Adam's podcast, they just play songs as their interludes between acts. So I was like, oh, it's okay to use copyrighted music and podcasts. But the network has started to get uh reached out to

by music labels lawyers saying hey edit this out of the episode or delete it or we're gonna sue your ass so um what i'm gonna have to do is edit every all 64 previous episodes and take for you out of it um but that's not even what I'm upset about because I'm happy to do that because daddy's going to get cash. But so the point is now that we are going to be coming up over the next few weeks with a parody song because mama needs her.

I just want to review. Because that launches us into the episode, right? It launches us into the improv. Don't say it like that. It launches us into the comedy. It launches us into the episode, and we're going to get Monchi to help us with the music. So I'm going to talk to Ferris

and see if we can try and use parody law to make Paul's jaw McCartney. In the meantime, if y'all want to keep sending in theme songs like the one Lucas sent which was dope as hell unbelievable and shout out to Lucas he sent us uh that last June and then sent us a revised version that we just played last September so it's so good apologies it took us so long to get to it but it was absolutely worth it we also have one coming from Gun Ho Kwok uh sorry if i'm mispronouncing

that and nolan murphy so we'll we're set for the next three weeks but um we'll figure it out and yeah please please send in uh either variations on fayu or originals we're happy or your own thing yeah it'll be good um hi jeffrey hi riley Hi, Riley. Oh, into the mist. We're coming back on March 5th, Friday, March 5th. And for Friday, March 5th and for Friday, March 12th, review review listeners get 10% off tickets. Okay. With the promo code review, R-E-B-I-E-W. It is such a fun time.

Everyone who like either patrons or listeners have come and dressed up and it's so much fun to see y'all there and like improv with you and like play around. It's just a ball. So review of you listeners get 10% off with the promo code review at checkout of into the mist dot net

slash tickets. How about V Jeffrey? Life is a dream but a nightmare okay i life is but a dream just kidding it's a nightmare my name is jeffrey life is but a dream just kidding it's a nightmare every time i played softball as a tween the pitcher would purposefully hit me with the ball we don't have to talk about this now one because it doesn't relate to anything we've been talking about and two because i don't think i'm the person to work through this with no i know it's just i don't have therapy till thursday night so i was wondering if i could kind of like drain your energy by

bombarding you with my issues yeah i don't think so. Do you have any advice, Sage, or otherwise? I don't want to waste it on you, is the thing. Okay, I get that. Been trying to be zen recently. Trying to be? Toying, yeah, with the idea of being at peace with, well, me. Well, me. Well, me?

But we're not here to talk about being zen, okay? We're here to talk about things that are Parisienne. The things that are, well, France. What? When I texted Jeff, I texted him this weekend being like, hey, do you want to record

on Tuesday? He's like, yeah. I'm like, what should we do? And Jeff sent me a couple options. But when Jeff sent the Eiffel Tower, I lost my mind.

So absolutely, we're reading reviews about paris arguably paris's most famous landmark no no disrespect to le champs-elysees the le musée d'orsay cheese um experiences with little effects. I've been to the Eiffel Tower once. It was overwhelming. In what way? What's that? In what way?

The height of it all. I wasn't expecting it to be, because I had this little miniature, right? This game piece, really. So obviously it's not built to scale. It wasn't built to scale. And you got there thinking it would just be a tiny little thing would just well i had to learn the hard way got it what is that and i was hard the whole way because the thing looks like a phallus it does i'm afraid of heights i don't know if you knew

that about me me going up an elevator that is basically a skeletal structure where you can see everything it made my palms sweat knees knees weak, arms are heavy. There was vomit on my sweater the whole day. Mom's spaghetti. The whole day. But yeah, I mean, it is what it is. I don't know if you ever need to see it in person. And if you do, I don't think you need to take the elevator ride to the top.

But, you know, it's truly a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity in terms that you only need to do it once. That's what a lot of reviews had said, and that it's just like you don it's i guess it is truly a once in a lifetime opportunity in terms that you only need to do it once that's what a lot of reviews that had said and that it's just like you don't need to see i too am scared of heights um i i've been to the top and i remember it was really really windy when i went and so of course i was terrified well because doesn't it move it like shakes a little bit you hear it like creak as it wobbles, weeples, wobbles, but they don't fall down. But it is beautiful.

I mean, it is pretty remarkable. I think what's the most romantic, I mean, like at night when it's like flickering, that's gorge. And then the fact that you can just like, there's a lawn under it where you can just go get a bottle of wine and picnic and sit out there with a lover

which i've never done with donald glover my lover both the reviews i have are three stars and i think to review a national landmark and it's like if you give it a one star it's probably just based on your experience of like it wasn't worth the price and the time whatever the five stars and being like oh my god it was so beautiful like once in a lifetime trip but to give it a meh it was fine it was eyeful should we get into it then do you want to start off with your like really the one you're really excited about yes okay so i was looking through reviews i found this one and it's a little longer but i'm gonna do the whole thing because in my mind it's worth it it's like i was thinking it's like okay what can i cut for time and simply nothing okay also this isn't in either of my reviews but the reviews that i found was a lot

of people from like salt lake city kansas being like paris isn't what it used to be. And I'm like, what do you mean? How would you know? Three stars from Ringo M. Mar. Ringo Mar. From June 26, 2015. As I looked at my freshly snapped selfie of the tower, a sudden surge of realization overtook me.

This was the Eiffel Tower, the icon of Paris, the marriage of art and engineering. And my face was right in the middle of it in a poorly GoPro shot. I felt vain. And if the miserable really do love company, the consolation was that I wasn't alone. Surrounding the base of the tower was an army of selfie sticks and a cavalry of strollers that would rival even Napoleon Bonaparte's great French army. Wait, this wasn't how I imagined the Eiffel Tower. In the many novels and films that have crossed my path over the years, the details of Paris have shaped my imagination of the tower into one of dreamlike perfection. There was supposed to be an outdoor cafe where a lady and a gentleman sit sipping on their cafe au lait

a parisian artist sitting under a tree in a striped sweater and a sketchbook on her lap and of course the little school boy with a satchel selling newspaper for some extra pocket money everyone going about their business under the glory of the eiffel tower but that's a diorama version there was no cafe and no artist in reality, and the only person selling anything was the overly aggressive man with an inventory of, you guessed it, selfie sticks. I can only imagine that my disappointment pales in comparison to that of Monsieur Eiffel,

the same French architect responsible for America's Statue of Liberty. Eiffel had created another marvel in the Eiffel Tower. In those days before buildings had scraped the skies, the design of the tower required meticulous planning and engineering genius. More importantly, it required Eiffel to be daring. The tower's appearance was considered radical and outlandish, some even stating that it would be a scar on the city of Paris.

But Eiffel persevered, believing that his design would be the pride of France for years to come. He was right. The magnificence of the Eiffel Tower attracts viewers from all over the globe, and to this day, it is still the most recognizable symbol of France. But Eiffel probably imagined that the crowd under the tower would be in awe of the structure's originality and architectural brilliance, not this mindless snapping of selfies. I looked at the selfie sticks around me once again and felt greatly ashamed of myself and apologetic towards Eiffel's legacy.

Yet, in this moment of profound awareness, I found my fingers clicking autonomously on my phone. I was sharing my selfie on Instagram and watching the likes pour in. Don't speak for Eiffel. You don't know what he wanted. It's fine that it didn't fit your picture of Paris. There wasn't a, what'd you say?

A street boy selling newspapers. And of course, a little school boy selling newspapers out of a satchel to make some extra pocket money. It's like, when are you? When do you think Paris is is this is 2015 news is digital everything about it from selfie stick is like no but there should be a little rascal running around selling you're saying oh miss monsieur monsieur news today and he wasn't there it's like an art class they're all painting the the lawn and like the eiffel tower it's like a touristy thing all right guys that's about the the time that we had should

we all share our paintings our impressions of the the tower and see what happens let's discuss yeah yeah yeah i'll go first um i guess so i i kind of drew it from um a little bit farther away a little bit more perspective see the trees around it um you know there's a little bit farther away, a little bit more perspective, see the trees around it. You know, there's a sweet, you know, couple under a tree sharing a, you know, bottle of wine and there's the tower. So that's my version of it. That's awesome, Jack. Thanks so much for sharing.

Yeah. Mine is a little different. I kind of went directly under the tower. So all of those lines you see, yeah, yeah, that's from directly under it. I'm like, it's going to be, yeah it i'm like that's cool yeah yeah it's a little bit more modern you wouldn't get it yeah but that's what it looks like cool thanks so much ella yeah well i guess i'm the only one who sees this place for what it truly is what'd you say travers i said i'm the only one who sees this place for what it truly is oh yeah well let's see the okay the paintings in sepia tone we didn't even have those paint colors i brought how did you i brought them with me i figured you wouldn't have

them listen i could tell all you guys were painting what you're seeing in front of you right sure right that was the assignment i'm painting what we're not seeing i'm painting what it should be okay because i don't i mean this is my third time visiting paris and it's consistently let me down well why don't you talk about the choices that you made i see yeah there's a lot of just like young boys running around there's a arrow and then this again this is on sepia tone but you still drew words on it and there's arrows pointing to the boys and it says little rascals those are the little rascals they give me the newspaper with a baguette and there's the mimes that are walking around okay see over there and right there in the middle of the lawn a little cafe au lait just for me he didn't do the sorry i can't help but notice that

like nothing in his painting is here i was about to say that yeah yeah well you know it's uh look this is uh it's an elective art course uh for local americans in paris so i don't want to i'm glad you painted something that's all we really are here to do guys right so yeah no it's just like i feel stupid for mine now. I don't know why I feel stupid because I painted what's here. So I did it right and now I feel dumb somehow. No, don't feel dumb. I think we all have different, you know, artistic sensibilities.

And Traverse, yeah, Traverse, why are you packing up? You don't have to leave. Well, I mean, clearly my vision isn't wanted here. Clearly you don't have the same dreamer's heart and wanderlust eyes that I do. And so I want to spend my time with people who really know this city. A little boy walks past him with a selfie stick and takes a photo of himself with his phone

with the Eiffel Tower in the background. I smack it out of his hand. What are you doing? What are you doing? Travers, don't. That's assault. I get down on my knees. I look up to the sky. Monsieur Eiffel, I'm so

sorry for these heathens who do nothing but spit on your grave. That's right. They're spitting on your grave. Who is he talking to? What the hell is he doing? I think he's praying to Eiffel, the guy who built the tower. You think that's what I'm sorry. You've never spoken to the

big man himself. So, Monsieur Eiffel is your god he's your deity monsieur ephel is all of our god i really don't sorry that you don't see that ian i'm really sorry that you don't see that how long have you lived in paris 14 years you are a disgraced you are a scar on the city i'm not going to be spoken to like that i'm sorry travis this paris isn't the paris that i knew you said you've been here three times when were the other two the other two were for business trips back in 2008 and 2010 and where did you stay i stayed in the financial district yeah across the street from azara right so that could be almost any city. The kid

comes back with his dad. That's him! That's the guy who broke my selfie stick! Sacre bleu! Slaps you with his glove. Suddenly, from Travers' POV, the world's becoming a little bit more sepia-tone.

Do it again. You never slap a boy's selfie stick. Not in Paris. Slaps you again. More sepia tone. Keep going. You know, Travis. Yeah.

Populated with little rascals. Running around, throwing newspapers. Newspaper, newspaper. It's here. It's here. It's here. The Paris I know that could be. Merci, monsieur. Merci.

We see it from the art class's perspective. Yeah, so he's having a schizophrenic episode. We need to get him to a hospital. I heart Paris. Oh, God. All right. This is a one-star review from username Sue Love. Do you want to give him a name?

First and last name? Is it S-O-O-S-U-E? S-U-E-L-O-V-E. Sue Love. Who Sue Love? Sue Love. Who Sue Love. One star. The title is Worst dog ever no we visited the eiffel tower recently and needed a snack just underneath the tower were a few snack bars we had five hot dogs and three french fries for 49 euro the bread was literally covered in tomato ketchup the sausage was of

rubber most of it went in the trash bin that's it that's it was literally covered in tomato ketchup oh my god i have to tell you about my semester abroad it was unbelievable i'm back i'm back look at your little beret girl right come on sit down sit down i already ordered us some just some drip coffees now that's amazing honestly i can't wait to have american coffee again the coffee i had in paris was garbage water it was unbelievably bad aren't they like famous for the cafe au lait i think you'd come back i don't want any of this trash i mean i i take my coffee black and i usually get it from duncan so i thought i sought out a duncan and it just wasn't the same it really wasn't sought out a duncan in paris in a way yeah well i mean listen every every place has it's not so good food you know you know? Yeah, I know. Like, that's any city. I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But tell me more.

I mean, like, did you have any, like, you know, romance abroad or anything? Oh, my God. Like, I know the guy. It's like, you know, Paris, it's famous for, like, it's super romantic men. I met a Frenchman. I Frenched a Frenchman. I really did. No, stop it.

Girl, you did not. Do you have to? Oh, my God. Tell me everything. It didn't live up. It didn't live up to the hype. I prefer my ex-boyfriend. I really do. Look, I'm a creature of comfort. You know that about me. And these razzle dazzle aspects of Paris just really didn't do it for me. I know that when you rhyme, I can tell you're stressed and you've been rhyming a lot. I thought that you going abroad was supposed to like,

just open your mind and your life and just like give you the space to be free, especially after your horrible breakup from Benny. I didn't go to Paris. I had a hot dog. You had a hot dog? Yeah. So you were just photoshopping all those instagrams that you posted it was actually i would basically i would open zoom and i would change the virtual background

to listen on studies a the musee d'orsay and then just you know it kind of does the photoshopping for you as long as you stand really still where have you been for five months took a sabbatical yeah to do what where have you been i went home i needed to regroup and if that meant lying to my friends about studying abroad in france then so be it and i think that that's just a symptom of what's really going on which is that i'm sad from the breakup no i don't think i'm well traveled right there's honestly at this point it's a lost cause if you don't think you're well traveled I remember I was with you when you booked your flight

to Paris well you drove me to the airport you drove me to the airport to wish me well I went through security waited until I knew you were gone and then I just went back out to the airport my parents picked me up if your parents were in on it this was all just to fool me

into thinking you went to Paris? I did leave out that detail. Every other one of our friends knows that this was a ruse. They've been keeping it from you as well. I don't give a fuck if you're well-traveled or not. I was just excited for you to have this opportunity to go and grow. You have no idea how good that feels for you to say. That's a release.

That's a relief. That's unbelievable for me to hear. I wouldn't have had to do any of this if you to say. That's a release. That's a relief. That's unbelievable for me to hear. I wouldn't have had to do any of this if you had just sent that five months ago. I mean, five months ago, you were saying like how I love to travel. Can't wait to get on that good old airplane tin can in the sky and go drop off at some location like I want to do. I did say that as exact words. That doesn't matter to me.

You're my best friend. Like, I don't care where you've been. I care about who you are. But if who you are is just going to lie to like convince everyone in our lives to lie to me about you going abroad, then I don't. That makes me more upset than you not having traveled. So you do want me to travel. I don't care. I want you to not lie to me i guess i have to take a semester off and regroup then because i don't understand how i'm supposed to move forward after this big of a lie if all you wanted was for me to not lie all i'm sorry you don't know how to move forward after you lied to me and now you're gonna take another semester off where do we go from here i don't know graduate in five months you graduate in five months i have another

fucking semester because of this whole scheme i had to put together because you're the one who told me that it would be cool if i went abroad after i told you i wanted to go abroad right i did nothing wrong listen i'm gonna go home i have tell me what to think and tell me how to be because i just want to get a smile from you. You've been my roommate for three years. All right. And I just don't want to feel judged whether that's internalized or not. I want you to fucking accept me.

This is the first time we've had a conversation where you've said that I didn't have to go to great lengths to earn your approval. Because why would I need to have explained otherwise? But now you're going to have to go to great lengths to earn my trust back because what you did is insane. Hello? Oh, my God. She's back. Yeah. Oh, my God.

What's up, bitch? Hey, I just popped in to say that you don't need to do anything to earn my approval and I love you no matter what. Oh, thanks so much for saying that. So thanks, Lisa. I really appreciate that. All right. I'll see you in class oh that's her she's a great friend see that's all i ever wanted from you was that i'm moving out and that's why i wanted you to come to this coffee i wanted to tell you that like i'm

that i'm happy you had a great trip but rob and i are moving in together and so i'm moving out is it because i lied well at first it was just because things are progressing in our relationship but now it is definitely also because you lied so you have you know you can go get your stuff whenever you want but i'll be out I'm Rob. No. Does that change whether you want to live with me? No. Get out. I know.

That was the last ditch effort. I'm Rob. Let's take a break marty okay put the pipe away again obviously this is from Yuka N. Niçoise. Yuka Niçoise. Three stars.

Eiffel Tower is something you must do while you're in Paris. It's supposed to be one of the most romantic places in the world. It's been checked off my bucket list. Yes, it's amazing to see such a beautiful tower, but it's definitely overrated and crowded. I'm afraid of heights, and I wasn't about to go in that elevator and get claustrophobic with a bunch of people so i made my poor boyfriend parentheses at the time go up by himself looking back i kind of regret not going up i heard the view is gorgeous i know i'll never get that opportunity to go back but at least you got

some pics of me with the eiffel tower in the background the moral of the story even if you're afraid just do it as you were reading that just like going like one by one reasons why you shouldn't visit it i was just like what's the worst job of someone who could like discourage people from taking risks and seeing the sites it's like a concierge in paris um hi hi uh this is my fiance and i we're here yeah we just got engaged and congratulations thank you and so we're just doing a little trip to celebrate and yeah it's the city of love and um we wanted to know if you had any recommendations for us absolutely um were there any sites that you specifically wanted to see

because i can also recommend you know ways of going about seeing them or not oh yeah yeah yeah um i mean eiffel to eiffel tower oh obviously of course um the I mean, Eiffel Tower. Eiffel Tower. Yeah. Obviously, of course. The thing about the Eiffel, though, is that it's tall. Just so you know. The elevator shaft is cranky or creaky. It's cranky? Well, I get cranky when I'm on the creaky elevator. Don't.

I wouldn't go to the top. I would actually shy away from the Eiffel, you might not like it when you get there. And, uh, cause I didn't like it when I went there. Um, what else? Oh, um, I think we'll probably still go to that.

I mean, it's just, it's our first time and who knows when we'll ever come back here. And so I feel like it's just one of those things that we, we gotta see. Well, you asked my opinion, so.

Yeah. Right. Okay. Um, what about the Moulin Rouge? moulin rouge avoid at all costs i would say avoid at all costs a little bit of sexy fun i would say that you guys are engaged so you can have all the sexy fun that you want in your hotel room and uh anything else is adultery anything else that's just my opinion not that you seem to value it at all. I assume you're already going to go to the Moulin Rouge.

Yeah, we have tickets. You said how to get there. You said you'd have a recommendation. How to go about going there or not is what I said. No, you didn't say or not. You said how to go about. So we were wondering if we take the metro or if we get a cab. I wouldn't do the metro.

I wouldn't do a cab and I wouldn't walk. The metro is grimy. It's underground and people are very close you know uh i know that covid is over a couple years ago but uh you never know you just never know with a cab they're gonna gouge you because you're foreigners i wouldn't spend the money i just wouldn't and then walking it's too far if you don't like it here dude why don't you just move no i'm serious like why like why do you live here if you it's just like you americans it's just like you americans to say oh if you don't like it why don't you move somewhere else right i love it here

i just don't like what you're bringing to the table well we're bringing to the table no easy easy well i mean okay thank you for your input keep your boyfriend away from me my fiance i'm gonna let me out no no come on guys we're we're don't hiss at him. I didn't. He did. We're going to head out. All right. Have a great night. Thank you so much. Thanks for what? You didn't do anything.

No, thank you. Thank you. I gave you my opinion. I gave you my opinion. That's worth a lot to me. We get off the Metro at the Moulin Rouge. That guy was a dick. Yeah, I know.

But hey, we're here. Let's just have a great night, okay? You've got the tickets? Yeah, I have them. I have we're here. Let's just have a great night, okay? You've got the tickets? Yeah, I have them right here. Go up. Hello? Uh, we have tickets for... Here's our tickets. Oh, no. Oh, my God.

You said not to come here. I work here. That doesn't mean I like it. I have two jobs, because I don't make enough at the hotel. How did you get here so fast? We just left, and you also are here. i told you the metro was slow okay great well whatever can you just scan our tickets so we can go in i cannot do that why because what if the scanner doesn't work and i'm also worried because i know a little

about you guys i know a little about your whole deal you don't think you're gonna like it i'm gonna protect you you know that we're engaged and that's oh my god it's great to worry about it i've got got i've got the confirmation email on my phone just scan it what do you mean if the scanner doesn't work just scan the phone i've seen this show and i hated it which means you're gonna hate it but if you don't follow my opinion that's fine just fine go are so bad for business how do you still work here if you're not letting anyone in it's packed in there nobody ever listens to me okay well then we won't either let's just let's just go in they can't stop us he can't stop us okay yeah excuse me we walk in the place is packed but everyone's pissed

that guy was such a dick i know right honey no i'm just i'm serious you're such a dick did you are sorry we just overheard are you guys talking about the guy who works at the front yeah the fucking the ticket counter yeah he was like he grabbed me by the collar and said you're gonna hate this show but if you don't if i don't value his opinion then go and see for myself which is what we did the same thing to us he said the same thing to us well i'm glad we all made it in here oh lights are dimming looks like it's about to start here Here we go. The curtain's open. It's him. The ticket counter, he's just sort of jacking off. Look who's laughing now. I told you. Every single one of you, I told you.

Every step of the way. Oh, oh, no. He comes. Jesus Christ. This is awful. How is that awful? That's what moulin rouge is not an angry ticket counter worker coming on everyone no he didn't come on people he came on stage god um also i just just to just this is just going back to the review itself that i just really fucking love is like there's such a story of my boyfriend parentheses at the time lol going up alone and that he would agree she's like we came to the spot together but

i don't want to go to the top so you go alone and I'll wait down here for you. No, Liza, please come up. We never do anything exciting anymore. I know. Just I'm really scared. So I promise. Hey, you go to the top. You wave and I'll wave down there and you see if you can see me. OK, you're going to have the best time.

All right. You'll make some friends. I promise. OK, I'll see you when I get back down. Comes back down. He's like with a woman. Hello. This Liza. This is Allison. This is Allison. Hi, I'll see you when I get back down. Comes back down. He's like with a woman. Hello.

Liza, this is Allison. This is Allison. Hi, Allison. Hi. Oh, my God. This is Liza. I've heard so much about you. Hi, Liza.

Hi. Oh, my God. Did you guys just meet at the top? We're engaged. What? They hold up a ring. What? I'm sorry it had to happen this way, Liza. You were gone for 20 minutes.

In that 20 minutes, I was planning to had to happen this way, Liza. You were gone for 20 minutes. I was in that 20 minutes. I was planning to propose to you, but. Oh my God. I don't know. Is this a proposal? Is this the way you're proposing? This is so strange, but that's so you. Lisa, that's not Evan at all.

I don't actually think you know him. She kisses him. What the fuck? I push her a little bit. What are you doing? Liza, don't push Allison. This proposal has gone way too far. I don't like think you know him she kisses him what the fuck i push her a little bit what are you doing liza don't push allison all right this proposal's gone way too far i don't like this anymore just give me the ring i tried taking the ring off her hand it's sized for her somehow look elizabeth it's not gonna work out between you and evan whoa whoa whoa we don't have to get that formal episode you're just kissing my fiancee okay my fiancee

first of all the light show is starting and somehow it lights up to say i love you allison evan she like playfully pushes him yeah evan push him to the ground let me ask you this leslie liza whatever when was the last time you did something spur of the moment i i um exactly i mean i guess there's no reason for me to stay they turn around and they keep looking at the like show the razzle dazzle show congratulations to the happy couple what'd you say it's nothing all right i have one more review uh this is one star from aid r aid raid aid raid complete waste of money doesn't get you by the way okay i should preface this with the fact

that he or they uh left this review of just the eiffel tower on trip advisor but clearly meant to leave a review of a tour which i'm almost positive doesn't exist got it complete waste of money doesn't get you in faster in fact we had to wait for absolutely ages while they sorted the tickets out the tour guide buggered off gave us 15 minutes to look around the first level and when we arrived back he was gone and we were not the only ones left like this no information at all total ripoff would never recommend them that tour doesn't exist absolutely someone who's just like they went up to someone with a button down and they're like here are our tickets oh uh okay yeah so this is the you said it was a 50 fee each we have seven

of us um if you just take us up, that'd be great. You know what? There's actually, because it's almost kind of like an Uber surge, so it's going to be $55 each. Oh, no problem. No problem. Hey, there's a tip in it for you. $65 each.

Wow. Oh, my God. Hey, you guys are in for the tour of your life. So what do we do? We're so new to this. What do we do? You can tell us anything and we'll believe it. Well, let's just all get in the elevator and then I'll take you up to the

first floor. Awesome. We get in the elevator. So this is Paris. Oh my God. If you look around, you see the skyline. There's the city. Wow.

And it's there. Oh oh and doors are open great here we go and like they're walking through walls of like all this information history um so what's this history do you know it i mean obviously you probably know it by heart yeah okay well here's the thing all the stuff on the walls you don't need to know it because that's not the real history of the tower right what's the real history yeah the real oh man you see all the stuff on the walls it's like here's the year it was built here's what it's made out of here's how long it took phooey i say phooey everyone everyone come on say with me phooey phooey if you're gonna be on jock's, this is what you're going to get. All right?

You're going to get some purchase of patience. Why are we saying Foui? I'm sorry. That's not a French word. Hey, it is today. It is today. Everyone is an honorary Frenchman today. All right?

Can we get a Foui? Foui. Another tour guide comes back. And that is why on January 28, 1887, the Eiffel Tower was erected in Paris by Gustave Eiffel. And that's exactly where I was going to start off as well. And did you all know that the Eiffel Tower wasn't originally named the Eiffel Tower? Another tour guide passes by. Sir, why did they name it the Eiffel Tower?

Well, Gustave Eiffel named it after himself guy passes by. Sir, why did they name it the Eiffel Tower? Well, Gustav Eiffel named it after himself on the day of its erection. Gustav, yeah. Wait, they just contradicted you. Is that, are they wrong? No, that's, so here's the thing. That's the quote-unquote official tour, but we have like the quote-unquote unofficial

history, which is like, I'm giving you guys the real information, the stuff that they don't want you to know. Right? Okay, because so far you've just said exactly what passing other tour other passing the original the original name of the tower was was what the the spire that inspires tower this isn't a real tour is it i start running i'm pressing the elevator button so fast the whole family tackles you that one should be fine because it's a royalty-free backing track i was just gonna say we're not even allowed to use that anymore huh i think we'll be able to use that we should be fine because it's a royalty free backing track i was just gonna say what

should be so we're not even allowed to use that anymore huh i think we'll be able to use that we'll be fine oh wait i had it oh my god but now you don't oh my god i got it okay you piece of shit you absolute asshole um steely dan okay steely dan thately Dan. That's it? Hmm? That's it? Yeah, what if my retrog was like, Steely Dan. Steely Dan, anyway. The music of it or no? No? Let's make some VI podcasts. I've always really been a fan of Steely Dan, but I'm diving in now.

I kind of like to do this with older bands that I didn't live to experience as they released their music. And so I'm kind of diving into the deep cuts, and it's a wealth of not only music, but, well, tunes. Yeah, I just listened to Can't Buy a Thrill cover to cover.

Unbelievable. I mean, everybody knows Reelin' in the Years, everybody knows Dirty Work and Do It Again, But how about Turn That Heartbeat Over Again, right? That's a groove. That's a bop. That's a song that I want to be played for all.

You're a DJ on the radio. So if you guys like classic rock or even just high fidelity... What? so uh if you guys like classic rock or even just high fidelity what oh that was it god great thank you um yeah that's what shook me oh i don't know resistance a suit def put it away um i don't know if i talked about this on the pod last week or not or maybe i just talked about it on the live stream um but the david david dobrik hundred thousand dollar puzzle you did not talk about it but yeah yeah let's hear it so elizabeth valenti

um my roommate elizabeth valenti um she loves youtube she loves david dobrik and as does jeffrey and um david dobrik has an obscene amount of money. It's unbelievable. It's ridiculous. The guy, he's like, who wants this Tesla? It's insane. At least he gives it away. Oh, totally. But he's now concocted this Willy Wonka scheme of golden ticket ads.

So he's partnered and made this puzzle. Come with Dobrik, David, ticket as like so he's partnered and like made this puzzle come with dough brick david to a puzzle of a hundred thousand each puzzle is different and each puzzle it's only like neon green and black and it makes a qr code but there's no reference photo it is a hard puzzle and elizabeth is insanely good at puzzles and she's had it for a week and she daniel and i have been kind of working on it together and it is ridiculously hard but basically i think the puzzle costs like 30 dollars and then every 30 dollars that it's like automatically so once you finish the puzzle you scan the qr code that it makes and automatically everyone will win drum roll, please. 25 cents. So it's, you can either win like 25 cents, $50, a hundred dollars, a thousand dollars,

or only one prize is a hundred thousand dollars. And so. It's an unbelievably well concocted business plan. It's ridiculous. Elizabeth told me, she's like, apparently they've sold X amount of things where they've already made like $500,000. Already made a profit. Yeah.

Already made his money back. It's really, it's a complicated, time-consuming, high-stakes scratch-off. That's exactly what it is. How much is it? $20? The puzzle's $30. Right, you just said that. Yeah, so it's like spending $30 to make

25 cents. I think you should just enter like the Mega Millions lottery. But it's fun because it's like it's now a communal thing that we do in the house where whenever we have free time, one of us will just sit and try and get a piece. And last night, all three of us were working on it together. It's really

hard. And there'll be some times where it's like, none of us can find a piece, but then like Elizabeth last night got like six in a row. Like she was just on fire. So it is, um, it's wild. Oh. And then I just like to, I just want to plug it one more time. This is my one plug. And by one plug, I mean, it's the same plug. I'm just doing it again because I really want everyone to come into the the Mist, we're back on March 5th with new rooms. We're gonna have new live rooms. If you hadn't been, or if you have,

we have, like, we're getting a little, we're getting some new tenants in the building of Into the Mist. So we're back on March 5th. And so we're doing all four weeks in March. Highly, highly recommend. But the 5th and the 12th, anyone who listens to Review Review,

with the promo code REVIEW, R-E-V-I-E-W, gets 10% off your ticket intothemiss.net. So please, it is so much fun, y'all. It is the best time. I've gone twice and I'm going to go at least once more. It's like, it feels like a night on the town. I can't describe it any other way. You get to meet strangers. There's an awesome, like, New Orleans-style jazz band at the end

where you're just listening to the music and, you know, talking to people in the chat. Their specialty is music from the 20s. And it's a night on the town from your room. It's all on your computer. Yeah. And so getting to, like, see and talk to people. It's so nice.

It's just really fun. So anyway, that's what shook me slash my plug for the app. Hell yeah. Do you have any plugs? No plugs. I'll plug your social media

at RileyAnspa on Instagram, at RileyCoyote on Twitter. At JeffreyJames on Instagram, at JeffBoyardee on Twitter, and at ReviewReviewShow on Twitter, at ReviewReview on Instagram. Should we thank some VI podcasts? Why?

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Theodore Giesen, Tyler Ray Hawkins, Will Phillips, Xander Madsen, Yaro Bouchard. Thank you all for subscribing at the highest tier. If you also would like access to bonus content, sketch videos, Q&A livestreams, VIP Zoom parties, and

exclusive merch, etc., you can subscribe at patreon.com forward slash Riley and Jeff. By the time this comes out, we will have had our first themed VIP podcast Zoom party. Absolutely. It's this Friday. This Friday. Well, it will have been last Friday when it comes out. But we will have just done

a winter formal. So if y'all want to come do some theme VI podcast Zoom parties with us. Well, obviously. I mean, but like winter formal is before prom.

It's the formal prom. Thank you guys so much for listening to Review Review. We'll see you guys again next week. Arrivederci.