Review Revue - Tide to Go

Episode Date: October 11, 2022

This week Geoff and Reilly visit the sharks, smell bad on a date, and film a 2 hour product placement.    Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjames Twitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardee <><> Produced by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. And participating restaurants for a limited time. This is a wiper

No matter where you try go A filter is a filter That's what I frame Jeff's ass is a mound I'll grind it to the ground And Riley, oh poor Riley, just wants Jeff

to stop talking about his own fucking ass But this part is not a cast It's an improv audio The mirror's 47 I fear soon he'll be in heaven The business won't be the same

Without him It's just a podcast site Just a podcast site Without him Just a podcast site without him. This song is dedicated to Amir Shmuel. Rest in power. 2002 to forever. That came in from Andrew Sir from Carrot Snatch Vlogs. He said, just wanted to lay this down, this little ditty for my two favorite review-based podcast hosts.

I'd love if you could shout out my YouTube channel, Carrot Snatch. Also, I have some friends in the LA area. Do you think you could pick them up from LAX to meet them? Pick him up from LAX sometime to meet them. Absolutely not not I don't even pick up my closest friends from LAX I I would be more likely to do it than Jeff would be um was that a Muppets that was a Spongebob parody oh that's right that's right that's right yes yes yes no that makes sense now. He says, the attached file is not a virus, it's a theme song. Amir is 47 and soon he'll be in heaven. Name a truer statement this week.

That's the truest thing I've heard all week. So Daniel Rashid did an episode of Atlanta. It's so good. It's the third episode of the fourth current and final season. Y'all should see it. But he's a really mediocre, bad, white white rapper and he was rapping at a high school and they wrote a rap for him and one of the lyrics is i'm old school like 2005 if you older than that you're probably about to die um so that's it reminded me of that but that was really gorgeous um it was really moving i didn't know amir was born in 2002 yeah um

that's crazy to learn because he is like he's like nearing retirement i thought you had to wait he's over the hill for sure it feels like he ages differently it's like you know how dog years are what seven to one or something yeah I feel like his is like, pretty similar to that. Probably 5 to 1. That makes sense because it's like, if he was born in 2002 then we're technically older than he is, but it actually, it cancels out because he is like, no, he's like up there. Yeah. And if it

is 5 to 1, that means that he's 100. He's born in 2002. Which feels about right in terms of brittleness. Oh my god, yeah yeah i worry just seeing him walk to like the headgum fridge i feel like his ankles are gonna just snap it's it's like i don't want to offend him because it's like obviously i want to help and be like do you well no because like i want to like offer him an arm be like do you want some help

but then it's like i don't want him to make him feel like incapacitated or like infantilized so that's like the line of like where do i need to step in and help and where do I need to just kind of be like I gotta let him feel like he still has agency do we feel like it's good that he still drives oh no yeah no even if it's like a piece of shit like a Mazda like I feel like he shouldn't be behind the wheel for sure he should not be behind the wheel like for his safety and for everyone else's safety because when you have someone that old and that like, you know, behind the wheel, it's like having a drunk driver. I mean,

people forget that cars are weapons, you know? And, um, I don't know. I just, I really, really fear for him.

And we're saying this because we care about him. Like, we're not just like, Oh, Amir is old and he sucks. It's like, it's because we really like, we just, we,

we really, really care about him. And we want him to be. And he does suck. We should say he does. Like, I just don't, doesn't get it i don't care about because he's old exactly he sucks otherwise he was sucked when he was 15 but um yeah i that that doesn't negate caring about him you know you can care about someone who sucks and uh you know marty's kind of similar in that way i care about you and i want to know how your week has been because I care. This week's been awful,

but it's been, this is, we're about to do some comedy, so it'll get better. That's good. You've been very, you've had a lot on your plate. It's,

yeah, more personal career and way too much has gone on this week. You're smiling with your mouth, but your eyes are so sad. Listen, after this, I don't have any work to, or that's not true.

I have to finish, I have to upload the HeadGum podcast, and then tomorrow we're recording the HeadGum podcast, and then that's it. That's good. Oh, and then I have an eye appointment. Okay. They're going to squeeze my oil glands like a cheesecloth. Ew. What's that?

How are you? My week's been great. How was your week? My week's been really good. So remember how last week I was like, Daniel's gone for a month? His schedule got moved around so he's been back since Monday. He leaves Sunday night because everything got moved around

with the storm. Yeah. And so he's been home, which is nice. Getting some work done but i'm really excited to be here and to do some comedy long pause right um pain behind the pause today we're talking about something that's kind of revolutionary not gonna lie it's kind of changing the game. It's changing the tides. Been around for a while. Currently changing the game? I feel like it is

the game. I said changing the tides, and that was such a good pun. That's good. Tide to go, pens. What about Tide to go, pen 15? So it's like specifically for So it's pen 15 but everyone

just kind of has stains yeah instead of class instead of class I'm gonna be late I have a stain like you have math nope so Jeff tied to go experience.

I definitely have used it. I feel like it does usually work. Not on everything, obviously, but no stain remover works on everything. I definitely think it works as well as a pen could. Because other pens would probably cause a stain. Does that make sense? Like an ink pen. It's the only pen I know to be true that when you rub it on clothes it

either does nothing or removes a stain instead of for sure adding one right so you're just thinking about that comparative to like a sharpie yeah well that'd be that'd be bad so maybe it's like a light colored garment um i think it's i actually don owns multiple Tide to Go pens and he keeps them around which is smart I always think to get them but for some reason whenever I go to Target

or somewhere to pick it up they're always out of stock so I'm like that's not the time for me singing their praises in terms of the stock being low that means people love it they can't get enough of it

that's true I do remember watching the In the Heights movie the one that John Chu directed with Anthony Wild transition because they definitely had

a tide to go sponsorship because literally the amount of moments where it's like the character would be like if like there's a stain and someone would be like oh let me get my tide to go insert shot on the tide to go wiping out the state i am not kidding it is fucking bananas it is amazing and it's like one really funny it's really funny because i think they tried to be as subtle as they could be but it's like this is a this film is a product placement for tide to go i feel like tv has amazing why the hell that's crazy also what is so funny wasn't that a studio movie yes and but the way they talk about it we need to you have y'all need to look at i think it's on hb on max in the heights look up there is definitely it's when it's like usnavi gets a

stain on his shirt and vanessa's like let me help you and she's like this will get the stain out right away like they almost put like copy in that's insane it's crazy they did that a new girl with the ford focus but they like were self-referential about it in a fun way, as fun as it could be. That's crazy. This just felt so out of place. It's insane. Also, when does In the Heights take place?

Like the 90s? No, it's like present day. I think the musical came out in 2009. I could be wildly off. But anyway, but anyway, I, I think Tide to Go does work. I haven't used it in recent memory,

but when I do, I do remember, I've been seeing a lot, I actually saw a lot of reviews that the smell is odd and it is. It's not a great smell. It doesn't smell like detergent.

You would think it smells like detergent. It smells pretty good and it does not. Ew. Well, should we get into it? Let's do it paul hollywood says i don't like that i don't know we're talking about on the pod if any y'all watch great british bacon show there was one moment i think it was in the premiere of this current season that paul hollywood took a bite of something and just goes, I don't like that. And it is the I've been saying it non-stop.

It's TV, so we have to make it interesting. I don't like that. Got it. Your audition was so much different than this. It kills me. It's just so childish. It's like a little boy. I don't like that. Yeah. Do you want to start us off or should I? I'd love to. It kills me. It's just so childish. It's like a little boy. I don't like that.

Yeah. Do you want to start us off or should I? I'd love to. Okay. This is the Tide to Go three pack on InSan. It's from Alexandra D. Alexandra Dumpy. I sent Jeff a TikTok of a frog named Dumpy.

And it starts off with the guy like, you want to know more about Dumpy? I immediately turn it off. I was like, no, I don't. I got it. I got your whole thing and I don't need more. No, I know quite enough about Dumpy. So it's from Alexandra Dumpy, five stars.

The title is Take All of My Money. Unknowingly cut yourself while shaving and then accidentally turned your bedsheets into a crime scene? Wearing a white jersey to a baseball game with heavy drinking and poor decisions? Thought that white jeans and loaded nachos weren't going to be a bad combo? These are all real life examples I encountered within a week of ordering Tide to Go pens, and I never knew how much I needed them in my life. No stains, and it fits in a small purse. Just give them all your money. You won't regret it. Cut. Yeah, Alexandra,

I know this is like a real people, not actors thing, and we love that you love the product, but we really only have like 15 seconds up to this spot, and five of that, or not five, but I don't know,

at least two has to be the title card where like a VO thing will say, tied to go, you know, find a target. So if you could just make it a little less specific, and also don't, don't say give them all your money because that's going to feel like people are being sold to. And you got it? Oh, I do have a quick question. So yeah, no, let's just, let's just go. Let's

just go for it. I think I got what you mean. And action. Are you ever in the car and you're driving around with a hot mug of coffee in your hand. But your boyfriend is like, maybe you should put it in a to-go cup. And you said, no, I'll keep it in a mug for the environment. And then it spills all over your pants. Good thing you have Tide to Go. Don't give them all your money. Cut. For your reference, that was 17 seconds.

So like you only mentioned Tide to Go in the last two. And so that means if we were to air that take, Tide to Go wouldn't even be mentioned. It'd be you talking straight to camera about how you drink coffee from an open mug in a car, which by the way, is crazy. Let's do it again. Less specific. Mention Tide to Go as much as possible. Action. I carry Tide to Go in my purse. One time I went to the Hollywood Bowl to a concert. I got a little bit more drunk than I had planned on getting. And I spilled a strawberry margarita all over my white jeans. I own 17 pairs of white jeans. Good thing I have Tide to go. Don't buy it. Cut. You, 25 seconds. Don't own that many white jeans. You just said specifically don't buy the

product that you're trying to sell. You told me to tell them to not, you told me to not say to give them your money. Which is true and uh it's not either or uh would it make you feel more comfortable if we gave you some copy to read i mean like i said i'm not an actor like you hired me for like a real people not actors right and so i work at a non-profit i'm happy to be doing this for you guys i mean like i'm doing you guys a favor but being here and like i'm really excited to be part of this. Um, so I guess I'm just kind of confused, uh, Lawrence about like why, like what the vibe is you're looking for? I feel like I haven't been given much direction other than to say, to not give money, which feels like besides

the point feels like bad direction on your part. Sorry. No offense. Uh, no, that's totally fine. Um, just talk about your experience with the product for five seconds keep it very non-specific but positive second and then talk about why you love tied to go and that people should buy it but not spend their entire savings on it action okay um of my friend's parakeet bit my nose i bled all over my white jeans i used tide to go and it cleaned up a good amount of it surprisingly for just like how tiny the pen is and how much blood there was um spend as much as you think is necessary on it don't spend too much but like it's kind of a pay what you can cut it is It is not pay what you can. It is $7.49 per pen or per three pack. You don't have to mention the price.

And also, don't choose an example where it didn't get the entire stain out. Action. Oh, my God. One time, I was in the kitchen making a stew and the stew was brown because it had a lot of beef in it. And I put the heat on too high and it was gurgling, splat, splat, those bubbles were popping and it got all over my white jeans. Tied to go, got out the stain on my jeans, but I actually forgot to put it on my shirt because I didn't realize I was wearing a white shirt as well. And so it didn't work too much on there because it just waited too long.

But the jeans, it fully got it out. It's $7.49 per pack. Cut. 40 seconds. Let me just try something. How long do you think a second is? Can you just count to five for me and what you think a second is?

Five seconds. Absolutely. Yeah. One Mississippi. I'm on the Mississippi River. Got it. Okay. Let's just say Tide to Go. I love it. It works. Very simple. Can you do that? Yes. I'm sorry. Am I doing something wrong? Like, I feel like, oh, oh. It's a 15 second spot. We hired you because your audition was tight. It was perfect. Maybe just do what you said in your audition. All right. I don't know, like,

if that was edited or if that was just the 15 seconds that you did. So action. Do what you did in your audition. Just do what I did in your audition just do what i did in the audition yes okay um spill lemonade on your pants turn that lemonade into a good day by using tide to go cut that was great that was amazing that's all we know i don't think you should use that what are you talking about i want to feel good about it too. My face is on here now. And so I want to feel like I'm like my passions in it. And so it's like if I feel like my heart isn't in it.

Yeah. And I don't feel good about the spot going out. Does that make sense? It's like we're collaborators on this. What gets you out of the room feeling passionate with what you just did? Another take.

Cut to the aired commercial and what they ended up using one time i was at a lemonade stand cut to me five years old selling lemonade for two cents a cup by the end of the day i was worn ragged sweat dripping off my, lemonade staining my white jeans. Cut to 20 minutes later. It's a girl! 30 minutes later. And on my graduation day, I was proposed to. Now, you'd never think a girl like me with a PhD and a fiancé would get tomato sauce all over her shirt.

Cut to two and a half hours later. Yeah, we don't usually comment on the commercials, but that was a feature film. Also, the game ended 45 minutes ago. Broncos won. Cut to living room with a bunch of guys. No kidding me! Ah! I'm never buying Tide to Go.

One guy crying in the corner. No, she's like, they don't make commercials like that anymore. Come on, man, you getting soft on me? No, it's just like, I haven't felt this way since I saw the Budweiser commercial from 2007 during the Super Bowl. That was 30 seconds. But it had a journey it had a beginning middle end it had stakes it had heart it had real characters that you'd live and die for and so it's like remember in act four where she had to go up against her boss at the non-profit and she

was gonna get fired if she didn't work overtime for no pay? That was crazy. I didn't. I stopped paying attention after act three because I realized, holy shit. You stopped paying attention? Yeah, because then I was like, holy shit, this isn't a three-act structure. This is going to go five or six. That's what you were upset about? You weren't upset about the emotional manipulation from her boss, who was a Miranda Priestly type?

No. I was upset that I missed the game. Wow. You know what? I don't have to take... He drops nacho cheese on his pants. I don't have to take... Oh!

Do it. We won! Yeah! They cheer as if the broncos won my new hobby is cleaning my pants laundry is sports to me now uh let's take a quick break and come back with uh a review fitting for the season. I think we're back. Oh, okay.

I mean, I guess I can do that. This is five stars of Tide to Go, obviously. From whom? This is from Carid. Carid? Yeah. Carid Op. Carid Op.

Five stars. They're so easy to use and so good for white clothes. They're effective for oil, dust, blood, et cetera. Okay. Listen, at Shark Tank, we love to take just about every idea seriously, but I think, right, other sharks, we're going to need a little bit more information about what kind of specific things that can be used to clean up.

You said blood. A lot of Stain Roovers don't really target blood. Can you give us a little bit more of what you were thinking? Oh, yeah. Well, I also said oil and dust, so if you're changing your oil and you're like chevy you can obviously get that out oil is also really difficult to get out of things so that's kind of why we're better than the other

leading brands uh dust obviously getting stuck in white socks uh you can get it out with like a little scrub and then you know just wash it right after and then if there's like a ton of blood on the floor that you kind of like slip and fall into um you can get that out for sure well listen i mean so what kind of percentage no no i don't think we should go to that yet um i'm a little concerned uh martin you said slip and fall into blood i've just just for uh the consumer are you worried about margins is that what you're asking well yeah i've actually no no no we're not worried about margins it sounds we all are thinking it sounds like a crime scene it sounds

like you're talking about you're able to clean up after a crime scene that is not where my head went sorry but um two people on this panel can attest that sometimes there's a lot of blood around specifically around clothes and it happens more than you think, aka once a month. Am I right, Lori? Oh, that's very inappropriate. But yes, you are right. Right. Okay.

Oh, you're talking about periods. And other big piles of blood. Yeah. Anything. It doesn't matter how it accumulates. It doesn't matter how it accumulates. Blood is blood. Yeah, blood is blood.

I'm not saying that blood is blood. Are you seriously still weirded out by menstrual cycles, man? No. Oh, my God. Because if you are, you have some real soul searching to do. Am I right, Lori? You have some real soul searching. Yeah, we are not together on this, but you do have some soul searching if menstrual blood freaks you out.

I'm not talking about that. Maybe I wasn't clear. Pulls out a white shirt, tons of blood on it. It's like soaking wet. It looks burgundy. This was originally a white shirt tons of blood on it it's like so soaking wet it looks burgundy this was originally a white shirt oh my god he puts it on the table a murderer this contestant is clearly a murderer okay so you're saying every period looks oh i bet is that what you say to your wife is that what you say to your wife oh it's a crime scene down there no obviously that's not what i

say to my wife because she doesn't bleed that much well some of us. No, obviously that's not what I say to my wife. Because she doesn't bleed that much. Well, some of us have a heavy flow. That's not, I don't care. I'm saying this man has killed someone. I really don't like the violent language you're using. Murdering the pussy or whatever? Like, no, it bleeds either way. It doesn't mean that you, like, did anything really good in bed, Mark.

Also, I guess that's all I had. I just kind of want to demonstrate i didn't say that it was murdering the the p i said that based on what you've brought today it seems like you're incriminating yourself whose blood is that what do you think i'm stealing oil i said changing your own oil i'm not talking about that you're talking about tripping and falling in a pool of blood. No one bleeds that much. If you bleed that much, you die. So whose blood is that, first of all?

You don't look like a menstruating person. I could be wrong. But the way you're talking about it is very inappropriate. I'm talking about murdering the pee. And so I just want to know whose blood is that it's my wife i want to know is what kind of percentage you're looking for because i'm willing to go 60 40 i'll take that um it's my wife's he murdered his wife no yes no that's all you have to say?

No. No. It's embarrassing. I have a menstruation kink, and so my wife, Mark, can't believe I'm having to say this on national television, tries to bleed as much as possible. It's gotten to the point where it's the only way she can finish.

And it gets, often, all over my white dress shirts, because she has a thing for risky business, and sometimes we marry the two in bed. Okay? That is why the shirt is dripping blood. And that is why I invented this incredible product, mind you. Who's in? Who's not? Mark, it doesn't matter

what you offer me. You're a kink shamer. You hate women's cycles. No, I don't. I do not hate women. And I do not hate menstruation cycles. I already said I was in for 60-40 so I feel like we locked that in or no? We locked that

in but let's do 120 for 20. Okay. This is insane. This is insane. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me and my product. Me and my product. Cut to home with his wife. So? don't leave

me hanging. How'd it go? We got $120,000 for 20% of the company, but Oh my god! But what? I don't know if it's gonna air, but I did sort of have to explain that I wasn't a murderer, but that we just

sort of have this sort of thang in the bedroom. Oh, they saw the shirt. Yeah. Was it, did Mark Cuban think you were a murderer? Yeah. Did you explain to him that you're just murdering the pussy? Well, I would never use that language.

I know that that language turns you on, but, you know, outside of the sexual space, I would never talk about women or, you know, the vulvic anatomy that way. I'm so glad that you never talk about women outside of the sexual space i would never talk about women or uh you know the volvic anatomy that way i'm so glad that you never talk about women outside of the sexual space that makes me so happy just as your partner as your wife as your lover it makes me so happy to know ian that you would never talk about women outside of axual Space. Of course. And yeah, so we got $120,000 from Laura. I mean, one of the sharks. Thank you. Finger up to his lip.

No, no, no. You know what happens uh your next review uh yes hold on a second deciding hold on okay i know which one to use because that was another blood one all right this is three stars for the three pack from joanna p joanna pains joanna repack from Joanna P. Joanna Paines. Joanna Paines. Three stars. Title is works at first. Smells like vomit shortly after. I really don't understand the chemistry of these. They work really well at first. And after a few weeks, they smell like vomit, literal vomit. It's embarrassing when you don't realize, use it, and then it smells like you threw up on yourself. I thought at first I clean up a vomit stain with it and cause this, but every Tide pen I have owned has stunk really, really bad. I read

on the Reddit thread that people even get yellow stains from these. Luckily, I haven't experienced that, but the smell alone is enough of a turnoff. I'm looking for a new instant stain remover, because this is just such a nasty smell. Justin, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry to do this because I've been so looking forward to meeting you and you picked such a great spot. I just want to let you know that it's like I'm

more than happy to rain check this if you're not feeling good. What do you mean? I just think you are so great and we got on so well on him. So let's go to the table. I would love to, but I don't know if it's, if it's, if you're, if it's a good time for you. What makes you say that?

I feel like, is it, is it my outfit? I'm sorry. I just thought I'd go with something a little interesting. No, your outfit's amazing. I really, I love that color on you. Did I say or do something? Is it that I was like a minute and a half late? I really pride myself on being on time.

No, you were perfectly on time. You look amazing. I mean, you're just so wonderful. But you, I mean this in the kindest way possible. And I'm doing it in the way that it's like I want to help you not shame you of course um you smell like you threw up and so I just want you to know that if you're not feeling great feel like you need to go home we can do this a different night and that is totally fine because I spit up so you did you did I did a little sometimes I've asked reflux and sometimes I kind of like a baby oh but um you spit up like a baby yeah but um you saw my message on hinge

saying I have like an eight inch cock right I did and that's like such a big reason of why I came Right Because I am so looking forward to that Right What is a hindrance to the evening though Is that you spit up like a baby Okay And so that's I think I This is the first time anyone's ever said anything

Cut Jason from Justin This is the best night of my life Slow dancing with you cut to the time to go prom Justin this is the best night of my life slow dancing with you I feel like a princess me too sorry

kiss me come back no one's ever said anything about it? Not really. I mean... Yeah. I'm just so handsome and jacked and hung that I think...

I don't know. People just kind of look past my faults and... Honestly, Sharon, if you can't look past my one fault i don't know if i want to do this and i'm kind of glad i know this now no no i'm this isn't like a fault this isn't a personal failing of you i just have you ever tried to get help for it hell yeah i'm just gonna go get help from a medical professional for my acid reflux. Come on, let's go sit down at the table. Well, I don't know if I feel comfortable sitting down

and I'm really torn because you do have an eight inch dick and that's really appealing to me. But on the other hand, you have spittle like a little baby boy. And so that's what makes the pull really hard. I mean, does this happen a lot? It's not that often. Sorry.

But like, I hadn't done it for like six hours. So like, you know, that's only like two to three times a day. I don't understand how you don't see it as a problem. I've lived with this my entire life. So, you know, I guess maybe it's just... And you haven't tried to fix it.

I don't know. I guess it's just part of my daily routine. I mean, like, some people struggle with acne and some people don't. Some people have, like, bad eyes. Some people have crooked teeth. And you learn to live with it. You learn to manage it. That's why I bring a bib.

Oh. I'm sorry I hope I didn't make you feel shamed or uncomfortable I don't feel shame often because I'm really confident because everything else about me is perfect yeah I I guess maybe I could look past it. I don't know if I can look past this, honestly. I'm not a shallow person, I swear. It's just that when you spit up like a little baby, it smells. And that has nothing to do with your character. I mean, you're so good looking. You're the hottest person I've ever seen in my life. I'm the hottest person I've ever seen in my life. I'm the hottest person I've ever

seen. And here's the thing. The deterrent really is that you're a baby. Does that make sense? Only in this one specific regard, Sharon. Like, I can't stress to you that I have a six figure salary. And I honestly do a lot for the community. Eight inch cock. Perfect jaw. My clothes are incredibly tasteful, but also interesting. And if you can't look past a little spit up, then I think let's call it a day. Slash call the valet. You valeted your car?

Classy, right? Can I at least see it? Cut to her at the valet stand. It's just like a really good, solid sedan. I don't know. I think sports cars are a little ostentatious, but I could afford it. You're so right. Nice knowing you, Sharon.

And I hope the next person who spits up that you meet and maybe date, you treat with a little bit more, I don't know, respect. I'm really sorry. I wish you nothing but the best, and I would have loved to have seen your eight-inch dick. Oh, come here. Goes back on the sidewalk and shows her blinding cut to him in prison oh the other inmates ew what he's a baby no he's a little baby boy uh all right uh i have one more review yeah please five star review or five stars from beg or sorry bfg no big friendly gall big friendly gall five stars it's ryan but he's like nine feet tall that's way too gall um buy the three pack it's a better value than the nine pack or whatever

christopher as your tutor i can't explain enough that this this is the issue it's the basic math thing it's not like the lack of charisma whatever like obviously you're a class clown but i cannot i don't think you're ready for this test tomorrow and i'm gonna need to tell your parents um i don't understand what the problem is i feel like um i'm gonna ace this or whatever first of all you're gonna need to try you need to put your heart into it but obviously you're not gonna ace the test if you think a value of a three pack in this if this equation is worth more than if Billy buys the nine pack. What number is bigger between three and nine? Whatever.

Three. Right. No. No, Christopher. It is not. So I know that your parents hired me to make sure you pass this test because if you don't, you're not going to be joining

the varsity basketball team again. What? And so I'm going to need to tell them that you haven't been trying at all fine which is bigger nine or three i asked you that and you already said three which is wrong so it's nine yes christopher what can you even look me in the eye my eyes are here stop looking around the room just land on my face christopher i don't care about math all right i want to be a fucking engineer

right and that's exactly why you need to care about math. What does math have to do with gears? We see a bunch of steampunk stuff in his room. Gears are aesthetic. Cut to me with his parents. All right. Mr. and Mrs. Brown. Listen, Chris, your son is a great kid.

I don't mean that. I feel like I have to say that to all the parents. Your son doesn't give a shit about anything. Well, he likes gears. He likes steampunk. He thinks he wants to be an engineer, but all he knows is the steampunk aesthetic, which is just gears. Yeah. He has time to learn, right?

What's the problem? That's why we hired you. I pride myself on being the best tutor in the Tri What's the problem? That's why we hired you. I pride myself on being the best tutor in the tri-state area. That's what we were told. That is what we were told. Yes, and that is my reputation. That being said, your son is past the point of any kind of help. He does not know that three is not as big as nine.

And he doesn't care, I don't think. All he says is he wants to look aesthetic. So maybe, I don't know, is the problem just what kind of crowd is he running with? Does he have any friends that might be lowering his IQ in any way or being a bad influence on him? Oh, he's been going to this steampunk club. They have a steampunk club? Yeah, it's like people dressing as gears.

Cut to the steampunk club. Hey, Christopher, nice gears you got. Thanks. Mine's a three prong. Mine's not, ah, damn it. Yeah, mine's four. Why damn it? You look sick as hell. You look so

aesthetic and steampunk. Wait, so four is bigger than three? Everyone's looking around. Yeah. And what's bigger than three? Everyone's looking around. Yeah. And what's bigger than four? Five? Only five.

Cut back. Right. Listen, I know he had his heart set on the varsity basketball team, but I don't think his grades are going to cut it. He's failing almost every class except for AP Lit. He's very good at English. Then let's foster that. I just can you just we hired you.

We pay you a lot of money. Can you just make sure he knows numbers? I'm not even talking about calculus. How hard could that be? One and two. He doesn't need to be the best. If he's the best at AP Lit, he'll follow that. And if he wants to

dress as a fucking cog, I'm sorry, but I'm going to support my son's dreams. And if that makes me a bad dad in your eyes, then we might have to find a different tutor. It doesn't make you a bad dad. I just know that you hired me to get his grades up with the consequence being he can't

play basketball anymore if he doesn't. Put it in terms that he understands. Cut to the next session. Hey, Christopher. So I just learned that five and up, whatever that means, is bigger than four. Yes. So if I wear a gear that's like 12, I could show up Peter. Yeah.

Let's expand on that a little bit more. If Peter shows up wearing a 13 gear outfit, I don't know what that means. And that's actually four times three. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh my God. Back to Christopher presenting like a Nobel award winning engineering thesis paper. And to present an excerpt from his incredible research on American engineering. Welcome Christopher Brown. There wasn't much to it, really. It was just, you know, how many pronged gears go into the

next. And eventually we turned up with this sort of tourbillon movement for, you know, automated factory lines that is ultimately eco-conscious and all that good stuff. Tell us about the gears! There's a lot of them. Ultimately, there's got to be in one piece of machinery, and you can obviously jerry-rig these all together and kind of

daisy-chain them. There's anywhere from 1,200 to 4,600 gears. Which 4,600 ultimately is four times. No, no not four but it's more than 1200 for sure thank you guys I've earned this wow we've never had anyone this excited about engineering ever yeah numbers yeah yeah right you guys you guys got it I don't have to tell you.

That's our boy. Both his parents are in bad steampunk outfits. My son got me this. It's a five gear. He has a grill of gears. If anyone out here who's listening to this podcast enjoys steampunk just forget you ever listened to us referring to an outfit as a gear it is a gear

um that is like a fourth review bit truly just gears counting and gears um should we do our last segment a fourth review bit is a guy only knows Counting and gears. Should we do our last segment? A fourth review fit.

Is a guy only knows how to count as it relates to gears in steampunk. What's that clock movie? Benjamin Button? No, the... Hugo. Hugo. I guess one last scene cut to him watching Hugo, and he undoes his belt buckle. Blackout.

He never married, but he had his gears. And he had an eight inch cock. It's more than seven. Should we do our last segment? Let's. This took me all long. You have a new celebrity crush.

Yes! You were very excited. Drew Barrymarsh, eh? Listen. Fuck Essie Cup. Drew Barrymorizami. I want to move to New York. I want to move in with Drew. I want to be her sugar baby, and I want to be there for her emotionally and physically. I think I'm exactly what Drew needs. Maybe not in perpetuity, but for a year or three, sure. And then we, yeah, go to fancy dinners.

And yeah, I satisfy every need of hers emotionally and sexually. While all the while, standing in the audience of the Drew Barrymore show, like Olivia Wilde at Harry Styles concerts, and reaping the emotional, physical, and financial benefits of knowing Drew through and through. Barrymore. I want more of Barry. Okay.

So what triggered this? I just see clips of her on her show, and she seems so open, and she is her. You know, she's her. And you can't help but be drawn to people like that. She is her. For sure. She is her. She dresses great. She's sexy. And you can't help but be drawn to people like that. She is her. And she dresses great. She's sexy as heck. And what's that?

It's heck? I don't want to come on too strong about Drew. You just said you want to fulfill her every need emotionally and sexually. So I think you can say hell instead of heck. Drew, Drew, Barrymore. Drew, Drew. That's Drew. That's Drew. I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love, and I don't care who knows it.

Drew Barrymore, if you're hearing this, my name is Jeffrey, I'm 24, I've got an 8-inch cock, and I'm a really good listener. I don't know. Five is bigger than four. So stupid. And I love gears.

No, I do. I do have a huge crush on her. No, I do have a huge cock. I do have a huge cock. No, in all seriousness, I do have a huge cock. It's not worth it to have that sword unless it's doing the chore of- Ew. No. Shouldn't be a chore, right?

Finishing her. Finish her. Finish her. Yeah. Anyway, no, I love Drew. What's been shaking you? Oh, what's been shaking me is just kindness. No, I just, a little thing, but it just shook me.

I just went out to lunch with two buddies of mine. And one of them, he is just like, his love language is so clearly gift giving because literally every time I see him, he brings some sort of trinket or thing that he made as a gift. And it's so sweet. And during like lockdown, like intense lockdown, he would drive around to our friends' houses and just drop off little gifts. Like he's just the best. And so I go to this cafe with two of them and one of my friends, it was her birthday a couple days ago. And so he gave her like a whole bottle of pre-made old fashions with like an espresso vanilla syrup, like just so insane. And then I'm like, oh, that's feel left out. And so he made me a whole jug of like this like citrus mixer, like whole thing that he made. And he's like, you can put that over with sparkling water. You can put that with alcohol.

Just like it's just so thoughtful. And I'm like, damn, like it's just just really that just was very, very sweet and just different. I don't know. I guess love languages is what shook me. Because his love language is gift giving. And I get really emo when I'm with Dana because mine is quality time. And so the fact that he's back for a week unexpectedly, that really shook me. That's sweet. Emotionally.

What's your love language? In order, it's physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, gifts. Nice. I never want a gift. Except you love giving gifts. As like a bit. Yeah. I guess that's a love language.

I like giving gifts. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, should we give the gift of thanking our VIPodcast? Let's do it. Big thank you to underscore Christian Sidehug so he could hug two people simultaneously. Ah! A mummy!

Wait a second. Dakota just had trouble wiping this week. Get it together, dude. Agent Michael Scarn. Aggie. Aco versus the Volcano. Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan work tirelessly to quell Aco's boiling hot magma rage beneath the surface. No, it's never contained.

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what this is about, please become... Bob Buell, Sausage King of Chicago. Cam Esposi, that's spooky and cozy because it's October, baby. Chuck. Connor Finnegan's rage is Connor Finnegan's strength. And Connor Finnegan, I'm starting over. Connor Finnegan's rage is Connor Finnegan's strength.

And Connor Finnegan has been very strong recently. So you're just pissed. Yeah. Curbature on that grind. That's right. Grave and fine. That's nothing. Damien Kirk wonders if his innie is also a sad, lonely incel type

with notoriously shitty shoulders, but at work. Don't look now, but James Wagner's behind you and kind of looks cool as shit. Fancy octopus is, according to a co, submissive and breedable. Gray's done. This is over. I eat spaghetti and meatballs. It's like spaghetti and meatballs, but instead of noodles, I eat the sun. I'm really antspot.

Have you ever heard of this new show, The Office? You know, John Krasinski's kind of zaddy. Jake Ullman. Jay's actually in the U.S. for a bit now, and this whole time zone thing might work out this week. Jeffrey Games. Jeffrey's evil but playful twin. Jesse Tipton. Joe, and for lack of a better term, well,

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Lucas Heinzel. Michael Beggle. Money, money, money. I'm flush with Cas from all these Patreon sims. We're famous and more important than you. My what shook me is that I started an IT crowd, and let me say Richard A-I-O-I-O-I-D? I don't know how to pronounce it right.

Would and can get it. Nate Porteous has a birthday soon and can cry if he wants to. Happy birthday, Nate. New patron. Nolan Murphy could stand to lose a few kidneys. I'd prefer him on dialysis. Oh, hi, Mark. Well, priest.

Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater. Had a wife but couldn't keep her. Well, happy. Buff Riley. Raven Schmaven. Review R2. So it's this podcast this week. Reese using insurance money to support you fools, Berkman.

Smoke and Time on Main Island is closed for the winter, and Jameson Ponzi has to come up with new funny original names now. Smooth Pete and his band that had its initial success and is now in its commercial years period, the Corbin Bull Players. That's nothing. TJ Michael. And Vinyl Richie, so it's Lionel

Richie, but he has an extensive record collection. He probably does. That's just Lionel Richie. So it's Lionel Richie, but he has an extensive record collection. He probably does. That's just Lionel Richie. Patreon.com forward slash Riley and Jeff. You can also follow Riley on Instagram at Riley Anspawn. Twitter at Riley Coyote. Jeffrey on Instagram at Jeffrey James. And on Twitter at Jeff Boyardee.

Thank you. Sorry. Thank you so much for listening this week. What's that? No, she's like, thank you. I'm just thanking them for listening. So he's like, boo. Yeah.

That's a really big Nuberoni that you're drinking. It's 4 p.m. somewhere. It's 4 p.m. here. Right. It's music. We'll see you guys again next week. Thanks for listening to this episode especially I guess this one was huge

I mean gears what else is there to say and we'll see you guys again next week Arrivederci that was a Hiddem Original