Review Revue - Tupperware (w/ Shelby Wolstein!)

Episode Date: January 24, 2023

This episode is sponsored by/brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/REVIEWREVUE and get on your way to being your best self. <><> This week, special guest Shelby Wolstein joins Reilly and Alfred as they uncover family secrets and eat pie 4 days a week.  Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh  Twitter: @reilecoyote  <><> Produced by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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You listen to it while you shower? It's Luigi time! wow it's a Luigi time. We all just took a shower together live on the pod. Yeah. I like that. That was like... I liked that one. Yeah. We just got out.

I'm dripping wet. There's no bath mat, so I fell on the tile and hit my head. The dust on my floor is sticking to my feet that theme song was from evan lexell and i want both of you to guess what month and year that theme song was sent in uh may 2020 you know what might as as well be. It was February 2022. Fuck. And that was beautiful. It was, Evan says this one was inspired by Riley's Birdo impression and one of the main themes of Mario Party Superstar. So I guess there was an ep, I guess. I know there was an ep where I just talked about Mario Party and Birdo.

So thank you, Evan, so much. I'm sorry it took over a calendar or just about a calendar year um to get to that one worked the way i'd say it was perfect because it was really great like the shower ambiance was beautiful because we all took a shower together me alf and shelby wolstein who's back on the pod i've been literally outed as being in the shower. Oh my God. I'm so sorry. My followers don't think I shower. And now I guess. I'm really sorry.

I should have, I should have asked like in the chat. My followers. I have as if. I should have DM'd him and been like, can I say you shower? Yeah. You should have asked.

Just strong head shake. Like, no, shut the fuck up. Stop, stop, stop, stop,

stop. Don't even fucking. I only take my, I only take baths. i only take baths i only take baths um we're so happy to have you this is alf's so alf and i have now been doing the show together since january this is the first guest ep with alf so you're kind of breaking the seal on that wow i'm a horrible guest well i'm not that's why we brought you so it's like it's just nothing but up yeah that's because i'm not gracious or kind yeah that's well that's like that's amazing that's

exactly what i was telling him yeah i'm self-aware i'm not gracious i'm not kind but i am self-aware um again for those of you listening if whatever if you don't know who shelby is then don't listen to the show if you you listen to the show, you know who Shelby is. The funniest fucking person in the room. We're out of whatever room that Shelby's in. Well, I'm the only one in there. So. Well, there you go.

Yeah. Shelby, what's fucking new? What is new? I went. I bought a new jacket today. Everyone say good job good job what kind i i would call it like one of the like it's like uh okay i guess i'm starting to think you didn't buy a jacket today no i did i'm just like it's kind of like a workwear jacket but not like

but the ones that have like all the pockets and they're like canvas the you are making up a jacket you did not get what this is yeah yeah yeah you are pitching a design for a jacket that you want to make and you want to see if it's a good idea no i hear it in my voice but i'm describing something concrete like i could leave the room and bring it in we're like oh that jacket sounds awesome i wish i had one and you're like okay also as you can see i sort of did laundry today good job and folded it even did you wash the jacket or no the jacket i wore right out of the store didn't even take the tag off nice and i still and i won't and i won't take the tag off i like the way the tag looks i think like it's like when guys wear dry fit caps with the sticker on al if you ever done that shit um no i don't wear hats hmm damn because i i i'm because i'm going bald and i think uh i just want to like i don't want to be embarrassed about that i want to show

off the fact that i've got no hair on my head i have started getting this guy on my tiktok for you which is a guy who's sort of um broadcasting his trying to grow my hair back journey and it is honestly one of the most endearing series i've ever watched like very much embraces that he went fully bold and is now just like trying to grow it back. It is not going amazing, but it's okay. It is going better than I would have anticipated. And he wears a lot of beanies that are silk lined. And I guess that's something people that are balding do.

Or it's just good for you. I've seen a lot again on my TikTok for you page. A lot of get a silk pillowcase, girly. This episode long hair. This episode is brought to you by TikTok for you. Oh God, honestly, it should fucking be. The amount of times I talk about that stupid fucking application on my phone. God damn,

I get mad at myself because every funny thing that I share, it's not an original thought. It's not a tweet. I'm like, oh, I saw this, but I'll try it. I'll be like, I saw this video. I saw this YouTube. It was on YouTube. I was on YouTube Red, I saw this, but I'll try it. I'll be like, I saw this video. I saw this YouTube.

I was on YouTube Red and I watched this clip. But listen, as much as I'd love to talk about TikTok all day, and I would, I genuinely would. And you do. And I do. We're not here to talk about TikTok. No. We're not.

We're here to talk about something lasting, something groundbreaking. Unlike TikTok. Something kind We're not. We're here to talk about something lasting, something groundbreaking, something kind of like cheeky. Cheeky? We're talking Tupperware. Yeah. One sentence or less, why is Tupperware cheeky? If you have to ask.

Okay, so I'm just dumb. You're not using it right. If you have to ask, you're not using it right. What have to ask you're not using it right what do you do with it shelby you we sent you a sex stuff all mystery is gone i fucked the tupperware oh of course right if you fill it with something you can fuck it you can fuck it um shelby we sent you a list of options and you said you wanted tupperware i because i talk to us about reviewing tupperware are mothers i think you are a hundred percent right they're funny i thought you know like they're they're the ones that are hardest to impress right like

they're gonna mama they buy the product mom and they're they're busy they have kids to deal with and if the tupperware is leaking it's like it's like i have to write a review on this because it's so sorry i'm dealing with my kid i just have to deal with this my kid right now you mean pick them up oh sure sure i guess they do have to deal they have to deal but i the list of things i was like what is oh i'm sort of showing my ass of how hard did i think about this which is no it's perfect which is what is the target demo of each of these products and how funny is that target demo and i decided that tupperware people were the funniest. Tupperware people! Yeah! Because you're right. No, it's not just someone who uses Tupperware.

I use Tupperware. Yes! But I'm never going to review the stuff. Ever. The only person reviewing it is someone who's inconvenienced by it. And the only people that are inconvenienced by it are mothers. I want you to know that that's actually more effort than we've ever put in to picking a topic. To anything.

To even begin to think. The one we recorded last week, we picked it. than we've ever put in to picking a topic. To anything. To even begin to think. The one we recorded last week, we picked it, and then I immediately was like, I regret this instantly. No one has reviewed this. So, you know, you're actually doing a lot better than us. Thank you.

Yeah, I really try and be thoughtful in when I pick what topic you guys are going to read. In the two times that you've done it, both times, you're two for two of peak thoughtfulness. Yeah. I thought through this. If I had more time, I would have looked up one product of each and then picked one that I thought was funniest based on the first review. But I just went, who buys this and for why? Alfred, what was the last thing you used Tupperware for? Do you use Tupperware or any kind of like non, like not Tupperware brand storage?

Yeah, let's make one thing clear. I've never used nam, nam-brained, oh no, oh no, name brand Tupperware in my life. What I do- Is that my choice? What I do is Is that by choice? What I do is... I did this today, actually. I made about three and a half liters of chili in my Dutch oven. And then once the Dutch oven cools, I just pop that bad boy straight in the fridge. Wow.

And it's like one big Tupperware. I don't really use Tupperware. I find it... I just feel like... Did you not in college? In the Nightmeal era? In the Nightmeal era, and you're really putting me on blast here. I don't think we've talked about Nightmeal

on the pod, actually. Sure. When I was in college, I would eat two meals a day because I was very, very mentally well, and the two meals were breakfast and Nightmeal. Breakfast would be when I left the house at like 9am, and Nightmeal would be when I left the house. Not to be confused at dinner. At like 9 a.m. And night meal would be the other meal when I got home at about 3 a.m., 2 a.m.

And it was exclusively mountains of rice and beans because that's what I could afford. And that's what I wanted to eat. And in the night meal era, I was using a lot of Tupperware. And I would make, I would soak my own beans. Not to brag. Oh my God. In the Tupperware? Not in the Tupperware. And I would make, I would soak my own beans. Not to brag. Oh my god. In the Tupperware? Not in the Tupperware.

In a big metal pot. And then I would decant them into the Tupperware. Nothing like a decanted bean. Because again, dried beans, they're cheaper than the canned. Hey, I've gone on a whole bean journey lately. I'm buying a lot of dried beans. That's not even a lie. I could come in here with six bags of dried beans if you asked I could come in with a jacket

I could come in with a coat Outside of that door Listeners can't see it, this is an audio medium Outside of that door is the jacket Is the beans, is my Dutch oven Which by the way, I don't put in my fridge because I think it's too heavy I'm always scared it's going to break a shell Every time That's what I think, and and let me tell you it hasn't happened once

so you got a good fridge that's true although like the light bulb died today and i was not expecting that to have as much of like a psychological impact on me as it did but i really panicked this morning i was like where's the half and half i can't see shit in here it's pitch black so fucked i also don't turn any of my lights on i don't yeah every morning i draw i black out curtains in every room in my house i draw them shut and then i wake up and i stumble around so the first the first light i have to see every day is the fridge light that's like important for me psychologically yeah and now i guess you're in a dark place. Literally and figuratively.

Both literally and figuratively. What's your favorite bean? Since you're making so many beans right now. Thank you for saying that. Lately? Yeah. The King Corona bean because it's massive and I love that about it. What is that?

I don't know her. She's massive, big, big bean. And what I like about that is I have started to cook her like she's pasta. So I do it with like a pasta sauce. Like I cook the beans like beans. But then when I'm like preparing it to be a meal, no noodles, all beans. And you're doing beans and pomodoro. You're doing beans and pesto.

You're doing beans as noodles. It a gift it's a it's a treat it's something really special elf your face i'm just i'm just baffled because it's like what is it what else so it's beans it's sauce and it's you know a cheese or something on there. Okay, but it's mainly just beans. Some people do zoodles, you do beans. Sorry? Zoodles. Some people do zoodles. Sorry, some people do zucchini noodles, zoodles. Sorry?

And you do beans. Exactly. I don't know why I'm getting absolutely harassed over my dietary choices, preferences. I love a bean. I love a bean. Have you done lasagna? Have you done just like layers of beans and then cheese? Don't be an ass.

Like, don't ask questions like that. That's not crazy. Oh, have you done lasagna? After the other thing. Thank you. It's like, obviously, she has. Yeah. If you're making cacio e bean, like if you're just doing pasta dishes.

You're like, oh, have you used bean toothpaste? Oh, are you sleeping on a bean? No, that's completely different. Lasagna is a pasta. Like, don't be so fucking facetious. Like, don't be like, oh, give her bean juice. What a house. Fuck don't be so fucking facetious oh no no it's like that seems like the natural evolution of it no it does not look at the shape of the things well now i'm confused because the shape of the thing is beans do not look like a noodle like orchidi don't scream don't scream we won't have that we won't have that now that jeff's gone we don't do that shit anymore riley your mic is doing that thing

again where there's a lot of white noise i got so scared for a second and then i thought maybe this is on purpose and i should go with it maybe how is it now it's perfect right now it's because it's because i was yelling we don't do that anymore that's what I'm saying. It's like the infrastructure is not set for that anymore. Guys, think about it. I just talk about it every fucking day. Are you sorry? We're talking about beans. Oh, we're talking about I make bean pasta.

Oh, I live in a bean. That's what you sound like. I don't like being here anymore. I don't like being here anymore. That's what you sound like. You're just like, oh, obsessed with beans. I wish I was a bean. Frankly? Well. If the the shoe fit you said it i'm sorry does do people not want to wish to be beans what's wrong with being a little bean i'm just oh are they not the cutest little vegetable around

or legume sorry um i use tupperware every fucking day i love the stuff not Tupperware brand Tupperware sorry um I have the ones that have the clamps on the sides yeah uh that shit's really good keeps it nice and keeps it tight keeps it yeah they're keeping it tight they're keeping my rice tight there's two kinds of the to me there's two of the best food storage solutions is Pyrex. Shout out. And the Pop Tops by XOX. That's the Pop Tops. They are everything.

The Pop Tops is literally, it's like not only are you storing my food, but you're entertaining me. I feel like a suburban soccer mom in like the best way. You're keeping me entertained and like a suburban soccer mom in like the best way like that is like me entertained and i'm feeling soothed yeah yeah and it's easy to clamp on sometimes when you get the side clamps you really gotta push in there and i don't like to have to do that a pop top sometimes i have put too much into a pop top though and i do have to like

do you that's one of the saddest things i've literally ever heard are you fucking kidding me you're obsessed with beans and you're like oh your life is tough that's really hard to hear it is hard to hear it's hard to hear that sometimes you overstuff your pop top so you have to take a little bit out and i have to do it in a separate one but then what sucks is that it's like okay well then i'm i'm using the separate one for just the tiniest bit of whatever i have there's actually nothing worse to me than filling up a little piece of food storage with like a inch worth of food dude we literally did the other night we roasted some carrots and beets and there were only like two

carrots and half a beet left we're not gonna throw it out and so a full like takeout container that we've recycled just for like a tiny little carrot it's it's upsetting it's really dark to see in your fridge you're like what am i it's dark to see an elf's fridge because he doesn't have a fucking light yeah it's hard to see it for sure um should we get should we get to some mom reviews because 100 shelby you are spot on in that all of the reviews i found was either someone's mom or someone's grandma exactly i'm thrilled exactly thank you for saying that um would you like me to go or would you like to go really alf i would love literally nothing more than for you to go first absolutely um so i guess the question i have for you is i have one that is absolutely from a mom and one that is not.

I'm assuming we want to hear the mom one. Well, which one are you most excited about? Oh, I hadn't even thought about that. No one's ever asked me that before. I just always ask what Riley wants to do. He's never gone inward. Which one did you read and say, that's the one? I just always ask what Riley wants to do. He's never gone inward. He's never had a chance. Which one did you read and say, that's the one?

Well, normally Miss Riley just asks. I just have to do whatever Miss Riley tells me. So this is kind of weird to have autonomy. I'm kind of getting a full picture of Riley. No. It's different than what I thought. No, this isn't me. You were different in the shower.

You were different in the shower. You were such a giving lover in the shower. You were generous. You were different in the shower. You were different in the shower. You were such a giving lover in the shower. You were generous. You were attentive. You weren't giving direction. You were taking it. And now. Okay.

This is serious. Tupperware 12-inch pie round keeper cake taker, Aqua Blue. What did you just call me? Five stars. Aqua Blue. From Brain S. No. blue what did you just call me five stars from brain s no i'll tell you what's brain's last name brain's last name is famously ass brain ass i needed a 12 inch straight-sided circular crepe container. The only possible excuse for Tupperware to be so outrageously overpriced is that Tuppers must be extremely difficult to hunt. And it must take a great many of their tiny Tupper pelts to make just one extraordinary Tupperware item for poor tuppers.

They're so harmless and cute. Shut the fuck up! So nothing about that was kind of explicitly giving mom to me, but... No, that's a mother. Brain ass is a mother. Brain ass is somebody's mother. Brain ass is a mother. Brain ass is somebody's mother. That makes me want to crawl out of my own skin.

So many tuppers had to be hunted to make this. And their little tupper pelts. I know the pelt specifically is pretty tough. The pelt is tough to hear, yeah. The pelt. Which i know the pelt specifically the pelt is tough to hear yeah the pelt which part is the pelt is it like the top or is it the whole thing yeah um i guess it's the whole thing ronnie's mic isn't picking it up but she's really laughing. It really got me because it's just like, I feel like I know that mom and it is a hundred percent of mom.

I know you weren't convinced of, but like, that is some of these moms who's like really trying to connect and make their kid laugh. Like they've read a lot of children's books, you know? Yeah. But their kid's like 18. Yeah. And they're sort of remembering the good times. Like they've read a lot of children's books, you know? Yeah, but their kid's like 18. Yeah, now. And they're sort of remembering the good times.

Kids, welcome home from school. Oh my God. Oh, wait, wait. Before going up to your room, I want to hear about your days. I want to hear about your... I didn't get this kitchen island and the little bar stools for nothing. Pop a squat. Sure. Come on, sit down.

Sure. Fine. Layla, Benny, so first day of senior year for my twins. Tell mama all about it. Well, Benny had a good day. Come on. Benny? What?

It's not even a big deal. It's not. Benny had a good day. Big deal? Mama wants to hear about this big deal. It's not. Benny had a good day. Big deal? Mama wants to hear about this big deal. Sure. The school play auditions were today or whatever, and I tried out or whatever. What?

My little Broadway Benny? My little Broadway Benny? You know, I tried out for a couple plays when I was your age. I was singing. I was dancing. I was your age. I was singing. I was dancing. I thought I was going to make it. But nope. They said, Rochelle, you're not going to be in the play.

So the singing and dancing was just in the audition. And they said, no, we don't have enough spots. But I don't think that was your experience. It was very similar to my experience, actually. Benny did great. And I get to pull the curtain. That's a really important part. I kind of like caress your face.

That is just as important as whatever Benny's doing. You know, when I was your age, I pulled a couple curtains in my day. And I remember... Mom, we don't want to hear the sex talk again, Mom. We don't want to hear the sex talk again, Mom. We don't want to hear that. It's not this one. No, stop it. That's not what this one is.

I pulled a couple curtains, and I remember thinking, like, oh, am I important? Is my life worth something? Because all the other kids were on stage singing and dancing, and I thought, am I... If I left, would anyone even care?

And what did you find out? I guess we're still searching. But I am so excited for you because I know you're going to be the best curtain puller in the land. And Benny, did you get the lead? What happened? Yeah, so I'm birdie, I guess. Oh, my God. Bye-bye bird.

You know, I knew a couple birdies in my day. I knew a couple birdies in my day. A couple Conrad birdies for sure. I also don't know if I told you, birdies in my day. I knew a couple birdies in my day. A couple Conrad birdies for sure. I also don't know if I told you, your grandpa kept parakeets. No, you've never told us that. Yeah. Do you want to know the story?

You don't really talk about him much. Yeah, we've literally, you never talk about him. That was so weird. Oh. Didn't even learn his name until like we were like 13 yeah it's it it really i'm sorry i'm sort of like i was going through i was feeling like really bad about the show but now i'm sort of i'm feeling like if we could schedule another thing with dr burke this was so weird yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna actually have to bow out and say i don't conversation yeah i don't know if i have the emotional bandwidth right now to i can tell

you more about grandpa since when since when literally thank you we've asked about him a million we've always said where are we even from and every time you say i know and you say we cannot talk about that we cannot talk about that and all of a sudden we're talking about a really hard day for me by the way senior year i'm sorry every single every single semester i try out for the play and i never get to do anything now i get a promotion to pulling the curtain and all of a sudden promotion yeah they called it a promotion they said you don't have to be the audience that seems official that seems exciting you don't have to be the audience you got promoted from audience to being part of the thing and but when i'm sort

of going through the emotional turmoil that is one of the one of the hardest days of my senior my twin brother who i love and i'm excited for is the star. Of course we all are. It's the star. It's the star. Thank you guys. And I'm not. Once again, and all of a sudden you're, by the way, grandpa had parakeets.

What the hell am I supposed to do with that? I thought you would, I thought you'll buy birdie. Grandpa had birdies. I thought it'd be a nice connection for you guys. Sorry. I don't know what the guy looked like. So now I know now in my head,

in my memory, where I see an empty house with a guy in a sheet and now i all of a sudden know that he has thought of him as a ghost you thought of him as a cartoon ghost what is he alive i try is he alive of course we thought it was a ghost what are you telling us he's alive now i haven't said any i've already i've said too much i said too much i realized i've said too much I realized now I've said too much but now I have a little in my head he's in a white room on a white sheet he's nothing around nothing and now all of a sudden

he's nothing around nothing yes because I know nothing and all of a sudden oh he has parakeets so now in this white room no windows no doors there's birds there's birds have you i first of all i just want to say when i was younger i thought oh michelle maybe you don't have kids because you're gonna have to deal with them later in life and now i'm kind of

feeling that but i then i had them and i love you both more than life itself i love you both more than anything you're my son my moon stars. I would do anything for you. Two, have you been imagining grandpa in an asylum? I'm trying to figure out what. No, I've been. Anytime I think about him, my mind goes blank because I don't. What am I supposed to see? How often do you think about him? He's my family, mom.

Every day. Every day. Every day you think about him. Every night when Layla and I go up to our bunk bed. Yes. We sit there. You can move out of that, by the way. I've been offering for years to take you guys.

Layla, you good? I like it there. Yeah. And every night I'm there. Because when else will we be able to talk about grandpa and Pete? Thank you. Thank you. I'm lying there.

And all of a sudden I just hear from below me on the bottom bunk. I'm top bunk. I hear, hey, you up bottom bunk. I'm top bunk. I hear Hey, you up? And I'm like, yeah. Don't say that to your brother. I have to. I need to know if he's awake. Shut the... Mom, that's so

gross. What were you going to say? Shut the what? Shut the what, Benny? Shut the front door. What else am I supposed to say? If I'm trying to see if my loving brother is awake thank you thank you you're what you heard me just fine mom and i have to say what do you want me to say the full you want me to say you want me to take seven extra syllables to say hello are you awake right now no i say obviously you know what hey excuse me I don't need you to say, hello, are you awake right now? Don't be like that.

So what's wrong with you up? I think you know. I think that's what I was going to say. Because you said, oh, my loving brother. Let me be really clear about something. Do you guys kiss? Think about the things that you think. Not on the lips.

Never on the lips. The way, Betty, you said never made it. You know what? That's fine. That's fine. When we think about what you think about every day, it's like life's big questions. If you are certain about something, you never think about it again. But when you're uncertain, that sticks around your head.

So I think about grandpa probably twice a day sometimes. I go, who is that? You know who I thought of today? Grandpa. Yeah. Grandpa. As I was treading the boards, ready to do my audition for birdie.

You know who, what popped into my head? Maybe grandpa was a, maybe grandpa was a singer. Maybe grandpa did love to carry a tune. He could. I don't understand. I don't understand right now. I don't understand right now. Because one, you're like,

oh, Mom, Mom, you old bitch. You never tell us anything about Grandpa. But now I'm giving you, I'm telling you, he loved to sing. Because do you know what? Do you know how hard it is to have gone 18 years of our lives hearing nothing and then in one day you're letting it all spill out

it feels like not to be whatever but you're going through something massive right now i think you're sick i think you're sick yes that's what i think too if i'm being honest i think you're probably dying i think you're probably dying and you're finally letting loose some secrets because you got a bad diagnosis today i don't know what makes me not the villain right now. If I stop, if you don't want to hear anything else about Grandpa, or if you want to learn more, because you're saying you never tell us enough, and now you're like, oh, you tell us too much,

and you're dying. Which, yeah. You're dying. I'm terminal. You're dying. I got the call today. And sure, I've been thinking about mortality and unanswered questions and grandpa's parakeets? Of course I have.

So with this time I have left, with the amount of years I have left, I want to be honest about our family. See, this is what Dr. Burke has been trying to tell us at all in our group session is you need to lead with that. Thank you. What doesn't make you the villain, mom? Yeah. To be really clear with you. Yeah, please be. Is if you say, I know I never tell you much about your grandpa, but is it okay if I start? It's called consent. I'm not perfect, honey. No, we know. Hey, come on. Sometimes I'll slip up.

I'll share things and maybe I shouldn't. I'm just trying to connect, okay? I'm just trying to be there for my kids. If you had read our body language, you would have known that the minute we walked through the door, we wanted nothing to do with you. Well, that's just classic teens. I was, you know, I was like that's just classic teens i was you know i was like that with your grandfather when i was little i would come home from school and he'd say oh rochelle how was your day and i'd flip him the birdie and then go right on upstairs i didn't even know you

lived with him stop telling us shit okay stop telling us stuff about him i i motion like zipping my lips throw away the key god do you hear how peaceful that is i have been waiting 18 years for the sweet sound of silence in this house doctor calls on my phone i can't answer it but i'm just like doctor on the other line is like rochelle whatchelle, what are you, what's going on? I'm pointing at you guys. Put it on FaceTime. Motion that I threw away the key.

I don't know where it is. Layla, mom can kind of carry a tune. Yeah, she sounds amazing. Sounds awesome. Wait, maybe that's where we get our singing from that's where you get your singing you can sing i not well enough well it's not about whether you can sing good or bad or average it's about whether or not you can sing and you can sing able to yeah yeah you hear the doctor while it's going on you hear the

doctor's like so you are terminal but you have at least like 30 years left and you're already like that's not an older parent i grabbed the phone doc that's not terminal that's not what terminal means doc that's but it's gonna kill her just not for a long time. Everything's going to kill everyone in that time frame. I think global warming catches up by then. Your grandfather had a lot of the same conditions. I hang up. And you saw how that turned out. I hang up.

Whoa. Wait, are we genetically predisposed to disease? I don't want to know about that. When I go to the doctor and they ask, do you have a history of heart disease? Am I supposed to say yes or no? I don't want to know about that. When I go to the doctor and they ask do you have a history of heart disease? Am I supposed to say yes or no? I shrug. I write down like Wile E. Coyote. I'm just like

you don't want me to talk about anything. Another card. So this is what you get. Whoa, this is kind of like Love Actually. Write down this is nothing like like love actually write down this is nothing like love actually write down you know your father your grandfather loved love actually he was alive when that came out

you told us he died but mom can I be honest about something can you okay are you gonna talk again? We said, please don't tell us anything more about our grandpa. We didn't say never speak. Do you need us to find the key? Mm-hmm.

Okay. We start rummaging around the kitchen looking for a key. You find a photo of a young me sitting on the lap of a very distinguished man. Parakeets on his shoulders. Parakeets, yeah. Wait, is this Grandpa? Mm-hmm. He was our neighbor for like

seven years. Mm-hmm. That was our Grandpa. Mm-hmm. Old Man Jenkins. Mm-hmm. Was our Grandpa. Mm-hmm. All along. Mm-hmm. He taught me how to ride a bike. Mm-hmm. All alone. Mm-hmm. He taught me how to ride a bike.

Mm-hmm. What the hell? Knock at the door. Who is it? It's Old Man Jenkins. I know you guys, you kids called me that for years. And, you know, I figured you still want me to call myself that. I don't know.

It's hello, it's me, everybody. Sorry, Mom threw away the key, and we can't find it anywhere. She's terminal, but not, like, for real, so don't even worry about that. Oh, just like me! She actually just told you. Okay. I just came by because I gave her some Tupperware earlier, and she said she was going to give it back today.

Is something going on? This is weird energy in this house. Are you our grandpa? Yes. Yes. What? Well, I'll just take the... You can keep the pop on one. I'll just take the pie thing,

and then I'll get going. Heads back up. Why didn't he want to talk about it? I hate this family, dude. I'm gonna... I feel like I'm gonna have to call dr burke but i think maybe this session you don't come yeah cut to that session um okay uh hello uh benny and my mom um i'm so sorry are you her uncle yes um mom's sitting in the corner.

Still can't find the key. Dark Sir Glendora, she has not been drinking any water. Okay. So I guess it's good to know. Yeah. We met Grandpa while we found him out. Oh, Old Man Jenkins? Yeah. You call Grandpa while we found him out. Oh, old man Jenkins? Yeah.

You call him that, too? You call him that, too? When you say everyone, you mean, like, our whole family? Yeah, your grandma, too. Receptionist comes in. Oh, that's me. What? What?

I literally just, like, I don't know. I just like, a lot of my identity was on being sort of like, not knowing my family. That was your identity? It was like a pretty big piece of my life to this point was I don't know my grandma. I don't know my uncle. I don't know my grandpa. My mom has no history. She kind of just was, she was

created in a lab somehow. Um, well, okay. Well, here we are, I guess. I guess, I feel like we can move on from that, though. Because your mother cannot speak for the better part of two weeks. I feel like

I just, like, opened up and, like, you're, like, not doing your job. I'm here. I'm listening, aren't I? I don't know. You talked and I listened. You didn't really respond. I don't know if you listened. You know what?

You're kind of giving me a vibe, like, I've thought this for a while, but has anyone told you that, like, you're kind of like a a vibe, like I've thought this for a while, but has anyone told you that like you're kind of like a curtain puller? Yeah. Like a rope puller. Yeah. I've gotten that. You're like a star.

Yeah. Does that make sense? I've gotten that too. It makes more sense than you could ever imagine. All of this is good stuff. I'm really, I feel like we're really, really, really moving a lot today. Same. In good ways. Same.

Mrs. Benny, you don't need to raise your hand. It's a family session. You can speak whenever you want. May I please be excused? Yeah. Thank you. I have so many lines to learn

can i can i be excused to go help to help he needs help yes reading lines yes yeah oh sure i just sorry no that was more of a compliment to you buddy that it's like you don't seem like a kind of guy who like needs help with that like i feel like you just got it. Why does he say that? Everyone says that. It makes sense. People really like you. People really respect you. I know, but it's not on purpose. I swear. I don't want to be liked or respected.

It just happens. I think you both should go. I'm going to help your mom look for the key. Thank you. Later that night, we're in our bunk beds. Hey, you up? Hey, you know it.

Do you think... I don't know. Do you think today was weird? To be honest, Leigh, I think this is the first normal day we've ever had. Me too. I thought I was the only one. No, today felt so right. Like, I finally, like, found who I'm i am like supposed to be it's like yeah i am a

parakeet singing therapist in my jeans and that's okay i lower a curtain down onto his sweet dreams you're able to practice at home you had it installed because you're like i need to need to do it a couple times for the big night at the right moment wow god

what i liked about that one, I think. Yeah, talk about it. How normal it was and how much attention we paid to the source material. You know, there's so much in there about Tupper's and about. And wears. And pelts. Speaking of Tupperwares and pelts, I learned recently that Tupperware is literally just like a dude name. His last name was Tupper. These are Pelts, I learned recently that Tupperware is literally just a dude name.

His last name was Tupper. These are his wares. That's crazy. Isn't that fucking wild? I think it's an MLM as well. He used to do parties. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tupperware parties.

And I'm pretty sure it's an MLM. Well, that's the Tupperware party part. That's like when you do the makeup stuff and you're like, if you buy 17 of these Tupperwares, you might be able to sell them. You'll be the most popular woman in the cul-de-sac. You can get a car. Maybe. Let's take a quick break. and we're back it was a little tiny bridge just super itty bitty so small like a little small bean small bean break small bean oh awkward turtle. My ass.

Oh, my God. Okay, so Jeff and my Patreon, we do a monthly Zardy. That's a Zoom party. And on our Zardy this month, I asked our patrons, thinking everyone would be like, yeah, for sure. I'm like, did anyone else go through, like, a phase of humor in middle or high school that was just kind of going like, meep? And everyone looked at me like i like i had five heads and i'm like cool i'm gonna go kill myself could you use it in a sentence like i don't know no it wasn't the sentence it would just it would just be like you're sitting like come on you guys know what i'm talking about. Was it the sentence? No, it would just be like, meep. But would something prompt that

or you would literally walk into a room, eyes on you. Meep. Oh, no, it wouldn't be. I do know what you're referring to.

I didn't do it. Awesome. Sick. Neither did I. Right. Exactly. That's what I thought. Me too.

That's what we're all talking about. The same thing. I never did it. Yeah, I thought so. I never did it. Because of the way that you were saying and it felt like it was for the first time yeah no it was very yeah it's like i felt it felt practice

because like i just really i'm an empath and so i'm able to put myself right of someone who did that and thought it was funny no literally but that wasn't me i wasn't like me and i didn't laugh at that. Did anyone else not laugh at that when you did it? No, it was the right time for it. What, 2009 in middle school? People were loving it. You're now in comedy and people are like, did you know Riley does comedy now? People are like, wait.

Meep girl? They're like, wait, meep girl? Meep girl does comedy? No one ever would have thought. And then one person from your class is like, dude, that is so cool. Because she was always being so funny. Like she would be like in the middle of the class just like meep. And class, can anybody tell me when the War of 1812 was fought?

Oh, me, me. Was it me? Teacher busts up laughing. Holy shit, man. You should be a comedian. You should be a comedian for sure. There could be a hundred people in a room and none of them can believe in you.

But if one person believes in you, give me one meep one meep in an empty hallway one meep in a social studies classroom you just need that one meep to get you going do you think it was like a

roadrunner thing that's my comedy central special meep you get up they. Riley Anspaugh. Crowd goes fucking crazy. You get up, they go, Riley Anspaugh! You go, you walk up, you're so quiet for so long, too long. Then you just all of a sudden go, meep. Crowd goes fucking crazy. They're rabid.

Yeah. Oh, yeah! I need security. People are trying to rush the stage. And then you go, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Gets dead quiet again. Go. Meep, meep.

And then you run off. But you run off in that way. The tiniest steps. The tiniest steps you've ever seen. But so fast oh my god um should we fucking do another review yeah for sure okay do you want to do one of yours yeah okay i do you sound pissed okay no i'm I'm happy. No, you don't seem it. I'm happy.

I made time in my day, and now you're pissed at me. This is for Tupperware brand 12-inch round food storage container plus lid, dishwasher and freezer safe, BPA-free, perfect for pies, quiches and pizzas, airtight, and leak-proof. Any questions? I doubt it's leak-proof. Let me start there. They're never leak proof. Five stars. From Yenya M.

Alf, give us a last name for Yenya M. Yenya Multi-Level Marketing. Yenya Multi-Level Marketing. Yenya does sound like an MLM. Yenya Multi-Level Marketing. Five stars. The title is Pie Keeper. I make a pie for my husband almost weekly This container keeps the pies fresh

First of all Crazy to make the pie weekly And only for your husband She's not like, I like to bake so i make a pie once a week no he commissions her she says i bake a pie weekly for my husband like on thursdays he's like huh no pie Well, no, I was. I'm sorry. Today got a little busy, and I was picking the kids up,

and then I had to go to work and at the hospital, and my shift just went way over. And so I'm really sorry. I was going to make a pumpkin, but I didn't get the time today. Just ever since I lost my job, it's the only good part of my week. So I'm just looking for that pie. I know. I know you are.

And I promise. What about tomorrow morning? I have tomorrow off. I can make the pie tomorrow. On a Friday. Yeah. Friday pie. Pie day Friday. That was really mean, Aaron.

I feel terrible. I know you're upset that I didn't have a pie for you today. And I can get that. But that was just like a mean. That like crossed the line. You're never like that. But that was just like a mean. That like crossed the line. You're never like that. Like you're never like that with me. And that was just really mocking.

Like I felt like it was just really, it was low hanging fruit. No, I know. I know. I know. I felt it. I heard it too. If I can be so bold. It shocked me.

Okay. Okay. As long as that's your reaction to him. As long as it's not, like, normal for you now. I hope not. I'm freaking out. That was crazy. Cut to him at, like, a bar with his friends the next day. Hey, man.

You look pretty, uh, you look pretty down. You all right? Aaron, you look like shit brother not gonna lie yeah i was at home on thursday pie day what did she hit you with this week pumpkin no pie no fucking way dude so i'm freaking out i'm serious sorry i think she's gonna break up with me okay because what is that supposed to be i already lost my job now i have no pie it's like it's a lot of changes i just did once and then she was like okay well maybe we'll do pie on friday i said pie on friday that's not thursday that's not

that's what i'm saying i said what are you talking about? Yeah. And she goes, you guys aren't gonna believe this, but I did it back at her. You like mocked her? No, come on. What really happened? What did you really do, man? Come on. Because that's crazy. If you actually did that, which you didn't,

that would be egregious and we wouldn't be friends with you anymore. I'm so glad that's not real. And if you actually did that and then she broke up with you,'d be like frankly good you earned that yeah so what really happened erin yeah erin tell us erin what did you really do erin erin she i was like ha ha ha ouch you're not normally like that

you mocked her like you actually she did a little laugh and then you did a little laugh I know it's just like she is like literally so good to me she's the best it's ever been I don't even love my own wife as much as I love her.

What's up? I'm just like, we don't love our wives. Well, I mean, we do. Come on. We do love our wives. It's just we love your wife more. Listen. Miranda is like really good to me.

Yeah. And for whatever reason, I just, like, freaked out about the pie thing. I can't believe you did that to her. That is, like, she must have left you, right? I hope. Well, we both kind of agreed that it was really crazy. It's a crazy thing to do. And I fell to my knees crying.

And then I threw up blood Oh my god Oh no Have you gone to the hospital? No we both agreed that it was stress You Even if it is stress I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I know it's not my body

My body my choice Your body your choice But even if it is stress You need to go get that checked out if you're throwing up blood. It only happened once. Miranda's a doctor. No, I think it's okay. Oh, that's right. Oh, that's right.

I did forget that Miranda- She's always talking about her shift at the hospital and stuff. She's always talking about that. I think she does. Could it not be from the weekly pie that you eat yourself? I don't know what it was, but after I did, I feel like a new man.

Because I haven't slept since. Sorry. So you didn't sleep last night? I didn't sleep last night. When you say I haven't slept since May, it seems like it's probably been a couple days. It's been a day.

It's been a night. You guys don't think that's weird? No, I mean, I think it's like you went through a lie yesterday, you were an asshole to your wife, and then you throw up blood. So yeah, I don't think I would sleep either because what okay i know i did something bad but we all agree that it was messed up of her not to make the pie yes well did she explain where she didn't make because i know miranda and it's like there's no way that she just wouldn't make the pie for no

reason she just said she was busy at work and And to me, like, I don't know. I was like, okay, is work more important than me? And like, I don't know. I was gonna ask her to start making a family. And it's like, if she can't even remember a pie... That's actually a really good point.

Literally! That's a good point. How can you make a family if you can't even make a pie? You can't. That's a paradox. Pies are one of the easiest baking things you can do. Yes. And she couldn't do it. Plus, if you have kids, then you have to deal with them.

It's like, I mean, it's like, and that's I feel like what she thinks is that it's like, you are a family man. You're a family guy. And I think it's like, there's no one better fit to be a father than you. And so that's what I'm saying. I'm like, ever since I lost my job, I've been like, okay, maybe it's dad time. And you've been looking for another job, right?

Like you've been like out and about. I've been sitting at home baby-proofing the house. Like, Aaron, I told you, you know, you could come and work at the shop with me if you wanted. You work crazy hours. When the baby comes, I won't be able to put in the hours.

It's an 8 to 4, man. It's not that crazy. Those are crazy hours that's like prime baby being awake hours. Wakes up at seven. You know, newborns like sleep all the time. So what? I leave it at home by itself?

No. It doesn't matter. I don't want to talk to you about how you can afford it. Your wife's a doctor. Don't tell me you can't afford childcare. Well, if we can't afford childcare, we can afford for me to be home with a kid. Well, that's a good point point i'm not arguing with you i think that personally it seems like you're arguing with me no here's what's happening nobody wants me to have a kid that well yeah that's what i'm saying is that you are unemployed which is fine it happens you need to go find another job

because i think that's what's happening you're unfulfilled if you're gonna snap at your wife you're gonna mock your wife for not making a pie what makes you think that like you're not gonna do the kid's gonna be crying it's gonna be like that's let me talk to you for a second dude two seconds ago you were talking you're a family guy you're a family man you got me for a second I felt so seen and all of a sudden you shouldn't have a kid you need a job I thought about it for a second I can people change their minds dude you're just like my mom whoa your mom's awesome I love your mom more than I love my own mom I love your mom more than I love my own mom. Why do you guys... I love your mom more than I love your wife.

I love your mom more than I love my wife. Yeah. No, my mom's great. Obviously, she does pie Mondays. Sorry. Right. That's why you threw up blood. You are eating two full pies weekly.

I've been doing that for seven years. I have pie Mondays, I've got pie Thursdays, and I've got pie Sundays. You're eating pie four nights a week. Why does it matter? You have a daily serving of fruit to digest, to ingest into your body.

What more fun a way to do it than in pie? So yeah, I have my wife make me Thursday yeah, I have my wife make me Thursday pie. I have my mom make me Monday pie. And then I have my cousin Rebecca make me Sunday pie. You don't know how to relate to the women in your life. What are you talking? Oh, you think they're making every guy they've ever met pies?

No, they make me pie because I'm a good guy who protects them and is kind and you know can be can be good if he really puts his mind to it I think I'm gonna head home

Yeah Because my wife is at home waiting for me And You don't think I'm a good guy? Yeah I didn't say that, I didn't say anything I should probably head out too My wife is at home

You got good wives, good lives Good wives, good lives, and good Byes You guys were... But two seconds ago, you were... I don't even love my wife like I love... It's like sometimes, man, the best way to look

into the mirror is to see somebody else, you know? And you've always said that. And I think looking at you and the way that you mocked your wife openly, it made me think about all the times that I had maybe mocked my wife. So you've done it too. You guys have both done it too.

Yeah, but not like that. Not like that. I do it in a way that we both laugh. Like it's a clearly a joke and it's like, she'll be like, Oh, can you,

can you, can you turn off the shower? I'm recording a scripted podcast. Cause that's her job. And I'll be like, Oh, can you turn off the water? I'm recording a scripted podcast. Because that's her job. And I'll be like, oh, can you turn off the water? I'll record. Like, she knows that I'm doing it

like as a joke. Wait, what the fuck? You do a full sentence? Yeah. Because that's how she knows it's like I'm like doing a joke. It's like, oh, can you turn off the water

so I can record my scripted podcast? She makes one request. Hold on, hold on. I'm going through the ringer over here she makes one request to you so she can get her job done and you mock her entire request it's a joke it's just different it's like you know sometimes you make a joke and you can just tell you've gone too far and like the air is just sucked out of the room that's what you do that's what you do and we've actually been meaning to talk to you about that for a long time we don't do that like sometimes really nice if you brought it up before i mocked my wife how are we to know that you one

day were just gonna like do that to her take it too far it's like listen i mock my wife sure sure i make i poke fun you know she laughs yeah she goes she goes oh dinner's ready and i go dinner's ready you know and she knows that's a joke she and then she that's a big belly laugh and i know we're joking around and she'll say hey hey marty marty will you would you do a load of laundry and i go you know and it's like we're just fucking around. And she gets that. But you and your wife, man, there is something sinister going on.

Something dark about what you did. So what? How would I do what I do? Like you do it with your, how would I do what you do to your wife with my wife to me? So how would you, how would you say that? I'm not going to lie,

Aaron. Some people just have it. Yesaron some people just have it yes some people just have it and you don't got it brother can i got it brother whoa what the fuck was that man are you fucking serious like are you actually fucking serious that's like what you do to your wife no it's literally are you actually serious? Like are you actually fucking serious? That's like what you do to your wife Are you actually serious? Are you actually serious? That was funny

That brought a smile to my face After what the fuck Aaron just said You need to laugh you know It's like after crying you need something to like brighten the day And that was really good Marty so thank you Yeah Marty that was awesome Can I be honest with you, man? Can I be honest with you, man?

Books. See? The bouncer at this bar is like, you gotta go. No, he's cool. He's cool. He's with us, man. He's cool. No, he's cool.

He didn't mean it. He's cool. He's cool. No, please. I'm learning how to do jokes. Yeah, he's learning how to do jokes. I want to be funny. Aaron, there's something that my grandpa used to say to me when I was a boy.

He would say, son, grandson. You called your son? Sometimes people are just curtain pullers. Not everybody's meant to be a jokester or a star or funny or personable or have a good relationship with their wife. Some people are just curtain pullers. That's what my grandpa used to say, too. You think maybe he was onto something? No.

I don't want to be your friend anymore. I don't want to be your friend anymore I don't want to be your friend anymore Aaron no you know what man kick him out man he's done cut him off you're out of here you said the meanest thing I've ever heard

and I thought it would be funny to lighten the mood you land in a puddle. I was lighting the mood! Ugh. Um, thanks for sticking up for me back there with him. You know, it's easy for him to always pick on the little guy. Yeah. And uh, having a friend like you in there really just like, made me feel like a big man in that situation just made me feel like a big man in that situation.

Made me feel like a big man. Right? Fucking you. You're funny. You're funny. No, you're funny. Stop, I got nervous. No, you're funny.

No, you're still fucking funny. So why are you looking at me like that? Stop. You're funny is all. Stop. I have a wife, man. Yeah, I got one too. Yeah, we should go home. Unless.

Well, that's a little pie between friends. You know, I heard that Aaron's mom makes a mean Granny Smith. Pie. Maybe we should go pay her a visit. If you know what I mean. You gonna kill his mom?

I'm just saying, there's more than one way to skin a cat. Oh, like a bouncer throws you balls. Oh, wait! saying there's more than one way to skin a cat like a bouncer throws you a ball hey Aaron hey guys you still here you're still laying in the mud go home and how would

you expect me to get there it's not my fucking problem. Uber, cab, walk. How'd you get here? I don't know. Your own car? I don't have a car anymore. Okay. Sorry. Why are you guys out?

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Why are you guys out here? It's not a big deal. We don't need to't need a chat and what's the vibe that i'm picking up nothing in the plainest layman's terms aaron marty and i were maybe gonna kiss there was kind of a vibe and we wanted to go get some pie from your mom and then it seemed like he wants to beat up or murder your mom is kind of what i was getting so then they threw that's a joke i that was pretty funny that's actually really fucking funny what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck I'm walking home I'm walking home

I am Everyone from Everyone from the windows On the rooftops Are dying laughing I'm walking home Everyone's like Yeah that's so him

People pouring into the street Just cheering at you Yeah he's walking home I'm walking home No you. He's walking home. I'm you. No, you are. I'm you. I'm rubber, you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks on you. They all

collapse. Fuck. He got us. Yeah. He got to his comedy central special the curtain falls the crowd goes wild

I for the rest of my life I will ever forget Shelby the look on your fucking face after that first like it fucking took you a dive

it was ultimately so mean it's a rare thing to surprise yourself with how cruel you're being. But we all agree it was fucked up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Doesn't make it better.

Let it be better. Please, for the love of God. Let's go into our last segment this shook me all week long Shelby what's been shaking your ass for better for

worse for richer for poor and sickness and in health the hit television show bones alright thank you so much for coming on you can find Alfred on that outfit isn't it

what about I guess bones that's been shaking your rump well it's a banging show what year are you in by the way presently or in the show Making your rump. Well, it's a banging show. What year are you in, by the way? Presently or in the show? Both.

I would like to know both pieces of information. I live in the year 2019. Got it. In the show, I'm in season five, which is probably 2015. Got it. All right. which is probably 2015. Got it. So even you live like two years after Bones went off the air. Yeah. Okay. That's the sweet spot.

We were still fond of it. Right. There was a little bit of nostalgia. There was like a healthy respect. We were like, oh no, it's gone. How else will we see the team at the Smithsonian solve murders and build friendships? Do they

fuck in that show? I've never seen an episode. Well, do they show the fucking? No. Do they allude to it often? Yeah. Alright. I can get down for that. If there's two people on the squad then they are always talking about fucking. Really?

Yeah, Bonesheads out there will know. Boneheads. No, it's Bonesheads. Bonesheads. Because it's called Bones, not Bone. Right, right. I'm really happy for you. I guess is that what you want me to say?

No, I just want you guys to know you asked me i'm happy for you i'm happy for bones um i'm happy for bones i've been bullied this whole time in character no no no we love the shower you guys were fucking mean to me bones that's kind of my thing though bones went toones went to college with me and Riley. She didn't go to college. Bones went to our alma mater. Oh, really? Emily Deschanel, yeah. I didn't know that.

Yeah. Well, Emily Deschanel stars in hit television show Bones. Right. Are you reading this off your- No, I'm literally playing with a little bottle cap. Alf, what's been shaking you? Yeah. What's been shaking me?

Jesus Christ. I'm sorry. This happens every fucking week, man. I always forget to think of anything. What has been shaking me? Take all the time you need. I know. I know.

All the time you need Stop it doesn't get easier when you do that I can go No go go go You just found it I bought blackout curtains You can see them right here They are exceptional

And what has been happening Is I go to sleep And I wake up And it is 9, 10 even a.m. And my brain thinks it is midnight, 2 a.m. I've barely been asleep. And it is the most disorienting thing in the world. But I can't believe I haven't had curtains for the last three months that I was living in this apartment. So you haven't had any and you went just from zero to blackout? That's correct.

Okay. That is the right evolution, though. I think. I think it would have been weirder if I'd done it the other way around. No, you know, had blackout curtains and gotten rid of them. Well, I think what would have also been, I think what Riley's suggesting is maybe you would have gone for a lighter weight curtain in the middle and said this isn't doing the trick. Because you're going from sunlight at all times to then just not knowing what time it is for your body. Yes.

Okay. And you like that. I do like that. It makes me feel like I'm living in the space station. In the space? I'm living in the space station. My wife, my wife, oh, Borat, for you.

Um, Borat goes to space. Borat goes to space. Okay, guys, this is my impression of what Borat might sound like if he was in space. The sun! Oh my god. Um, I'm seeing Megan tonight tonight i saw it i'm seeing it wednesday i'm so excited

i saw it i have to say you're in for a treat i can't wait to see that blonde bitch i i told someone i thought is it good no is it entertaining yes and they after said they thought it was a perfect film okay and I got a good Rotten Tomatoes score I think it's I my review after having seen it which I keep couldn't you know getting told is wrong so okay was this movie is objectively bad, but it is worth every penny. That's kind of what I'm feeling. I mean, I'm just like, as soon as I saw the trailer, I'm sold. I'm sold. I'm in, my ass is in the seat at AMC.

There's some moments that are really funny. I can't wait. That, I've been looking, I've been genuinely excited. Like, I think we got tickets like a week ago for tonight. And I'm just like, I don't wait. That, I've been looking, I've been genuinely excited. Like, I think we got tickets like a week ago for tonight. And I'm just like, I don't know why it's like so earnest to be like,

I can't wait to go to the movies on Monday. I can't wait to go see a movie with my friends. It's going to be really awesome to be at the movies with my friends on Monday. I'm going to get a medium popcorn and a medium soda. A popcorn and a Diet Coke. That is, like,

I am genuinely amped for Megan for M3gan um I can't wait M3gan of course M3gan um I can't wait I'm so excited I I cannot wait to see it I'm going on Wednesday and and I am giddy

with excitement I've been trying to find a time to see it for like a week and it's finally gonna happen and And you're excited to go to the movies? I'm very excited to go to the movies. That's actually honestly at the base of like what's the root of what you're taking me is I'm excited to go to the movies. I'm excited to go to the movies. I'm excited. The theater is back

baby. Theaters will never die as long as I'm around. Theater isn't back baby. We're going to the freaking film. The cinema. I almost saw as long as I'm around we're going to the freaking film the cinema I almost saw Avatar the Way of Water by myself yesterday

I almost went by myself and then I was like it's a three and a half hour movie can I really do that by myself and I chickened out and I wish I hadn't because I really love to go to the movies I love going to the movies love to go to the movies. I love going to the movies. I love going to the movies.

Gosh, there's just nothing quite like it. You ever go to the movies and you're just sitting there and all of a sudden you just go, meep. Meep. Meep. You know that moment when you're sitting in your freaking seat? You know that moment in the movies when you're sitting in your freaking seat

and you look to the person to your right and you you go we're at the freaking movies how crazy is this and you know that moment you know that moment when you say that and then they go and you go come on we're at the freaking movies i can't be excited about the freaking movies and then someone with a flashlight comes over and says yeah this is a film you have to be quiet and you say i know it's a film we're at the freaking movie that's what i said and then you get dragged out by your ankles you know the feeling the ankles you know when they fucking hog tie you and just drag you through the lobby of a movie theater they leave you on the train tracks don't you you know that moment you're saying you're saying hold on i was so excited about the film and they say you're never coming back to this theater. And you go, what the hell is going on?

I wanted to be at the movies. You wanted to be at them or you wanted to watch a movie? I want to be at the place where the magic happens. I don't care. Who said I'm watching a movie? I want to be at the movies. That's what I said. When you see Nicole Kidman walk onto the stage,

and she's never really talking about watching the movie. She's talking about how it feels to be there. To be there. She could give less of a shit what's playing on the screen. Heartbreak feels good in a place like this. Yeah. Not Heartbreak looks good. She's not watching.

She's feeling. She's being. Sound that I can feel. Soaking it up. Sound that I can feel. I don't care about your experience. So's feeling. Sound that I can feel. Soaking it up. Sound that I can feel. I don't care about your experience. So yeah, I'm walking in here. Sometimes I'm not even watching the screen. I'm turning around and watching the audience.

You're standing and you're blocking the screen and watching the audience? Every once in a while, yeah. I look and I turn around and I say, what are you guys doing? I go, this is a movie, but so is this you know beautiful i fucking sit down what do you mean sit down i'm sitting in my side on my knees okay i'm not i'm not a giant they're there are six foot five people that sit in this seat

and are exactly as tall don't tell me no one said you're a giant you can't see over me when I'm sitting on my knees. You're talking really loud. You're yelling. You're talking to me. I'm talking back. You literally said, that's a movie? No, but this is a movie.

And you pointed at us. And then I was ready to just watch. So then watch. So if you're going to be on your knees in front of the screen, shut the fuck up. I don't care where you sit. screen shut the fuck up i don't care where you sit just shut the fuck up okay i zip my mouth shelby thank you so much for coming back having me on any plugs where can people find you and what else do you want to just like share follow me on instagram.com oh shit do it on the web app okay not you don't you you can't actually follow shelby weirdly enough the app won't let you follow shelby from your phone that's what it feels like because the followers are trickling

so i figure something must be wrong with the interface so i'm saying go to the web app it feels like because the followers are trickling in. So I figure something must be wrong with the interface. So I'm saying go to the web app where at least you can open the developer portal and really see what's going on in there. I'm getting a lot of DMs of people saying, I would follow you, but they won't let me. You're getting hundreds of thousands of people who desperately want to click that follow button. So they say. So they say. And yet, my number is wrong.

There's 60. I have 60,000 followers on Instagram. It shows five. I'm fucked with him here. Someone who just really desperately did not want to follow you. It's just like, I'm trying. I promise. I swear to God.

I swear to God. I check it every day. It's like I'm following you. I just can't. A stranger. A stranger. Nobody you know. An absolute stranger being like, I literally would.

There's nothing I want more. No, your content is good. I like it. I just, oh no. Sends a screen recording edited. This is me trying. This is me trying. This is me trying. They just input a sound effect of them clicking.

Oh, my God. People have done that to me before on Venmo, though, where they're like, I just, I can't find you. That's so weird. Like, your name, it has, like, a hyphen in it. That's complicated. I don't know, man. I'll find you later. Never get the money. Never get find you later never get the money never get the money

but yeah you can follow me at instagram.com at my full name which is Shelby Wolstein that's where I post anything I'm doing so just go there hell yeah you can find Alfred on instagram at Alfred in it you can find the show on Instagram

At ReviewReview And right at r slash ReviewReview Oh and on Discord And you can find Riley On Instagram at RileyAnspire Sorry? At RileyAnspire That isn't actually how you can find her

That's not how you can find me You can find RileyAnsugh on Twitter.com at Riley Coyote and on Instagram at Riley Anspaugh. Thank you so much for redoing that. Shelby, a pleasure as always. Thank you for being our first guest with the new regime. Hey, anytime. Well, I guess not anytime. It's the only time it'll happen, but only time it'll happen. Come back anytime.

You can come back anytime, but it will be the only time it'll be the first time with Alfred. Okay. Okay. I think that makes sense. As soon as you find that key, you let us know. You're allowed to talk again, you let us know. And Alfred, like, let's round it out, like our catchphrase that we do every week

every single week we say every single week we always say and everyone knows it that was a Hiddem Original