Review Revue - Turkey Trots

Episode Date: November 24, 2020

Reilly and Geoff read reviews about Thanksgiving Turkey Trots and discuss calling Marty (from Headgum), participation trophies, and Quench®!Subscribe to Reilly & Geoff's new Patreon!Follow Reilly and Geoff:IG: @reillyanspaugh, & @geoffreyjamesTwitter: @reilecoyote, & @dontplaynojamesAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Get that Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? At participating restaurants for a limited time. I just wanna know how you feel One love that's so proud and real

You make me wanna go out and steal I just wanna rip you I just wanna rip you so that's called scatting new hobby or huh new hobby just like intrinsic talent yeah um that's really good i think you should use it a lot in important meetings really Really? Yeah, I think, yeah. So you get a general or you get like a casting meeting. You sit down with the casting director. Yeah, you're in the running.

They want to run you through the script sides before the chemistry read. and they're like um are you okay i'm better than okay i'm scatting hi jeffrey was that you as a casting director because they don't talk to me like that they i walk into the room and they're like all right next week oh god yeah all right let's you ready it's friday day what what's your day been like i up. I went with a walk with my mother. We waxed holiday season. Beautiful. Yeah. And yeah, it's a really nice day in sunny Sugar and Falls, Ohio.

I posted an Instagram tagging Sugar and people. I think Jackson Hansel said, I always thought it was Sugar and Falls, Ohio. And I don't think I'm in the wrong. Chagrin is a crazy word, but it's obviously not Sugar and Apostrophe Falls, Hansel. I mean, I also would buy that a place in Ohio would be named Sugar and Falls. He's not wrong. All right, all right. Let's rein it in.

Let's bring it in. I haven't been that crazy. You're all over the map,ie judan i was scouting a minute ago poorly but like now i'm fine how are you how's your friday and what's been on your mind like just tell us about your therapy this week what'd you talk about oh my god did you talk about your family i play a full like recording of my session that's the episode you're like and it's hard because i feel like you know i i feel like i'm in the middle of the ocean and i have this like ball and chain like i was tossed in there as a prisoner and it obviously the ball and chain is jeff like yeah yeah my therapist

is like is it daniel and i'm like oh god no no daniel's wonderful he's he's a lifeboat as it were but um god it's jeffrey james it's just like and then she's like stay no more. Yeah. Yeah. She knows. Therapists talk. Therapists talk. They talk. My Friday is good. It's a gorgeous day here in smoggy California. Nice. Got up. So Daniel- Got out of bed. Dragged a comb across my chest. um and i i made i made some delicious eggs over rice with like that kind of crunchy chili garlic

topping oh yeah oh my oh be more enthused i fucking dare you that was that was me like oh yeah yeah i know i heard it i like having like if i have a mild reaction i'm actually usually probably freaking out on the inside and then if my reaction is really over the top i'm probably just like putting on a visage fair um i do life wrong it's our first like holiday season as a as a household together with daniel and daniel uh-huh and elizabeth bought a little just 30 dollar but it looks amazing. Christmas tree. And so we put it up. You'll know how lonely it is to see a little drugstore Christmas tree. It's so cute. And she got like, and it lights up too. Like it has nice little like white Christmas lights in it.

It's very cozy. And it looks very cozy, especially like Daniel and I went on a walk last night and then we came home and it was twilight and we could see like the Christmas tree lit up through the window and we're like, oh my God, it feels feels like holidays and he got little ornaments for each of us it's very cute and she's like it's our it's so we can you know have our first christmas all together it's very very sweet so we're just kind of in the middle of like fully reorganizing this house which feels good to do in the moments that we're doing it but then it's like you know now i'm recording a podcast and i'm looking around the bedroom and it's like there's just

piles everywhere yeah andrew pile is just like running around my house right now what it really is is like you gotta have to undo the knots and then time again you know what i mean like you're in that middle stage i i don't know what you're talking about i don't know how to come up with analogies undo the knots and tie them again no like okay you you always had clutter it was just in shelves that you couldn't see it yes so now you're like taking it out and it looks worse but really it's getting better exactly to believe it's getting better oh my god it's getting better really this is gonna the shelves you can't get to clutter this is really gonna tie into my what shook me this week it's admirable and i got it now you saying that has kind of put me on edge

my heart's starting to race and i gotta think you don't have anything now and well i have something for sure you don't have anything you just said i'll have to think of something between now and the end of the show so you don't have anything life is like two steps ahead of me you know what i mean where it's like oh god yeah oh i'm not ready for that we're gonna do a little challenge because i have mine this is and by we i mean i'm gonna challenge you when we get to what shook me um if you if you think of something between now and then awesome but first thing that comes to mind it's like when i'm like okay jeff what shook you it had you just have to like yeah i accept but we're not talking about what shook me just yet, Riley.

No, we're not. Guess what we're talking about. We are talking about a big old bird going on a little jog. A fowl on the prowl. A Cornish hen running around my den. A chickadee on a running spree. Honestly, I hate to say this, but it's a bird on a road having to carbo load. Bird on the run. Honestly, I hate to say this, but it's a bird on a road having to carbo load.

Bird on the run. Bird on the run. We're talking turkey trot. The Sugar and Falls, Ohio turkey trot and spa. Every frigging year, man, my whole family gets together. Really? We walk it, if you can believe it. I got a walk it in my pocket and I got a walk it really we walk it if you can believe it i gotta walk it in my pocket and i gotta walk it on the walk it walk it like i trot it walk like sorry um very musical episode

you walk the trot we don't just talk the trot we walk the trot you're gonna be eating a lot that day and walking burns a lot of calories especially three and a half miles or whatever you know it burns more running yeah not really though because you might burn muscle really if you walk you'll never burn muscle you'll just burn calories and fat okay um and it's also just like fun like we'll grab coffee it's me my mom me my mom my dad sarah and jack and aunt karen um and we like that sounds really nice because there's the runners and they're doing their thing and you know they and then they're they go ahead of you and then there's the walkers and those are always like the chill people the crunchy people the people with their dogs and uh you just walk around chagrin and uh you see some buildings you see some you have your

coffee you have your hand warmers gloved up to be sure maybe you went out the night before at the green villain yeah no that sounds like a like a hallmark fall movie like i want i live in a hallmark town like you should you really should come visit someday um jeff we were going to literally do shows there i know i want to come the fucking film festival i know i was supposed to go see your hometown this year and i didn't we also we have a lot of listeners in Cleveland and HeadGum video viewers and stuff. I want to go. I'm not trying to convince you.

I'm just saying that on the record, I want to do a review review if I were you co-headlining Cleveland-only date downtown. That sounds wonderful. Turkey Trot experience? None. Really? Oh, well, running is the devil's exercise um no i hate running um i think it's awful but i didn't know that walking the trot was an option until i started looking up reviews today i didn't know that la had a turkey trot i fully thought that

it was like a midwest thing yeah because also the name sounds very like sweet and midwestern it does not sound like an angelina was like hey you want to go on a turkey trot like we could just do runyon like normal we could on their phone. Yeah. But it sounds really nice. Like I, oh my God, just like taking a nice long walk on a fall day with a coffee sounds wonderful. And my girl who's an alpha fee. Everybody here loves alpha, alpha.

Everybody here is alpha fee. The only reason I know that chant is because my freshman roommate and a bunch of my friends were an alpha fee um but uh what cadence was that what are you trying to get across we're an alpha fee and i wasn't quick shout out to our patreon it's on your instagram but the sketch the nikita sketch when we were writing that you did this thing when we were just like i mean when riley and i write we just like oh you got you want to read it and we read it to like get the feel and for the rhythm of it and then figure out what to do next and you were like

well what about nikita then you said that in a rehearsal once and i was just like it just fucking made me die like smiling and just like what do you want from me i do not know her um god you killed me in that one thanksgiving is two days from now when this is coming out so if you're listening god i hope everybody has a fun thanksgiving and a safe thanksgiving should we take a break marty i'm calling marty to ask him permission hey marty you're uh you're on review review right now uh we're about to take an ad break uh just because you're kind of in charge of ad sales i just wanted to get your verbal permission that we could take the break yeah i guess so i'm kind of on the middle of a conference call right now okay i didn't want to interrupt then this is you just did interrupt well this is kind of this is

work right badly too okay well that hurts my feelings obviously and my birthday is coming up so you might want to watch what you say take it back don't take the break i'll talk to you later okay this is for the los angeles turkey tr. There's two reviews by the same person. Yep. So this is Marie M. Marathon. Marie Marathon.

So in 2017, she gave it two stars. So I'll read that one first and then I'll read the 2019. So two stars to Marie Marathon, 2017. Race was okay. Pre-race free coffee was nice. However, it was not quite a 10K and unbelievably, by the time I crossed the finish line,

they ran out of medals. I'm a slow runner, but never have any other organizer of any other race I've participated in have they run out of medals like this one did. When I tried to find the organizers to complain, none of the volunteers knew where they were. So I didn't much feel

like participating in any post-race festivities. Now, I eventually got my medal in the mail weeks later, but still, I won't be returning next year. So she ends the first review by saying,

I won't be returning next year. Sure. Second review, five stars. The 2018 Turkey Trot was much better. I did the 5K this time 2018 was better organized i really appreciate that got my medal they ordered enough finisher medals for this one great i'll be back if i'm able i'm never coming back i'm never coming back came back it was awesome I also like it made me think of like

you know how you know a lot of boomers like think about millennials and Gen Z it's like oh everyone's getting

participation trophies and like da da da da da and like imagining it's like but if a if a boomer

like alright and cross the finish line. There we go. All right. Oh, boy, still got it. Hey, happy Thanksgiving. Ooh, happy Thanksgiving.

So do I- Have a nice dinner tonight, huh? Ah, thank you too, young man. You want some water? Yeah, I'd love some water. Where do I pick up the kind of finishing packet? The finishing packet? Or do you mean like where to recycle your shirt number? Nope, that's not what I said. I said, where do I pick up the finishing packet the the finishing packet or do you mean like where to recycle your uh your shirt number nope that's not what i said i said where do i pick up the finishing packet i didn't

say where do i recycle i don't know what a finishing pack what's a finishing packet well you know it's like oh you want to know your time your time was nope again well 48 minutes and 30 seconds that's not bad that's not bad what's the average here yeah the average is like 37 okay never mind forget we said anything but um my grandkids ran ahead of me. Oh yeah, they actually got 7th and 8th place, respectively. We were giving out these cool little medals. Right, the medals.

The medals. Sorry, what's your name? My name? Yeah. Mattrice. Mattrice, nice to meet you. I'm Richard. And yeah, those medals you were talking about where where does a where does an old geezer like me gotta go to get to get one of those just just for fun oh like where did we source them well we work with a local store and they um no not where just like where where

do i pick up mine where do i pick up mine oh um how do i put this uh we only we give out medals for the first 78 uh finishers and you were literally 79th. You have places of like, oh, you got 76th place, you got 52nd place, or is it just... Oh, really? You actually do that? Hmm. Is there...

God, and I hate to ask this. This kind of goes against everything I am. You wouldn't have any like participation medals. I don't think so. No, and I don't even, I actually don't even believe in those. I think it really kind of reinforces a false sense of feeling, I

don't know. Accomplished. Well, individualism and feeling special and it was more of a joke really. I was going to show my buddies down at the mill. Okay, because I did want to laugh. I was like, 48 minutes and you wanted a medal. Hey, Lisa.

Yeah. This old geezer. Sorry, this guy over here, he wanted a medal. He got 79th place. Oh, my God. Wait, that's so cute. Sorry, sir, we don't give out 79th place. Oh, I know.

I know. We're all having fun. We're all having fun. But if I wanted a participation one. There's coffee and donuts. There's coffee and donuts over there. Oh, I know. I've already picked up a couple bear claws for the ride home.

But again, if I could just, you know, as a joke for my buddies, for the wife, would love to get one of those participation medals. Who's your wife? My wife's name is Sandy. Sandy got 27th place. Wow, really? Really? What? Sandy got, well, good for her.

Hey, that old bird still got it, huh? That's one bird. She doesn't strike me as an old bird because she got 27th. She lot of 20 year olds you came in well you know i was walking a lot of the way i was i was kind of listening to uh listening to pod save america while i while i took a little turkey walk um and were you were you actually because that's like a hip show that's kind of cool are you saying that you listen to pod do you listen to it why does it matter if i listen to it are you gonna does your answer depend on whether or not i listen to it i'm kidding about what i do what i'm listen i'm 68 years old all right i'm not listening to any uh

any of that um yeah you seem yeah i seem what like you're dressed very what you think like a young person would dress like. Is that Lululemon? I mean, I didn't think you could see the logo on my lower back, but yeah. You tucked the back of your shirt into the pants so as to show off that it's Lululemon. It's all a joke, right?

I'm not one of those millennial snowflakes, okay? I'm a fucking, sorry for the language. I am a freaking boomer. That's okay. You have a, yeah, that's a Bernie pin in your coat. It's all for laughs, right? I don't need a participation trophy. I just came to you thinking it would be fun

to show my buddies at the mill that I was pretending to be like one of my kids or something. You work at a mill? Or do you just hang out there? Which one's better to say? Congratulations on finishing the race. So this is, you're saying it's a non-starter, essentially. I can't get the participation trophy.

I think the participation trophy is, you know, we have some snacks. Everybody's hanging out. There's festivities going on. And then you kind of cornered me here. You've slowly kind of boxed me into this like yeah towards the bleachers yeah it's okay to be old by the way like it's okay to not you don't have to be a millennial you don't have to act like a younger person you don't have to finish first you don't have to get a participation trophy like to not have a medal no one's gonna look at you twice no i know and like i know that i mean like i grew up in the generation like i know that it's just yeah um do you like your generation it feels like you envy millennials no why would i

envy are you kidding me all those self-important little shits no are you i that's that's not that's not me that's not richard okay he walks up to him hey man, man, I think you dropped your reusable straw. Oh, my God. Slamming on the ground. No, no, that's not. You get out of your kids in that mangy dog. Was that a Scooby-Doo reference? Yeah. Because you also didn't quote it correctly.

I love plastic straws. So you do want to be old. But I mean, if that's just going to lie on the floor there, I take a straw, like a pipe cleaner out of my bag. So you add the pipe cleaner. That's for sure your straw, right? That's such a specific cleaner i grab your cuff come oh you say a word of this to no one okay i probably won't it's not interesting what are you talking about it's not interesting you're an old man struggling to figure out where you fit in and that's not interesting to you? You have millennial things.

I don't know if it's because you actually want it or because you want to appear younger. And then when somebody brings them to you, you try to deny it because now you're threatened and you think that I think that you'd be cooler if you just embraced being old. I don't know who I am. I know. I realized that within five minutes of talking to you. Did you even run the race? Your car is still running.

It's a Prius and the back is covered in bumper stickers. Coexist. Yeah. Bunch of national parks. No, that's not mine. I can see the remnants. Yeah, that's a Gary Johnson sticker that you ripped off and replaced with Elizabeth Warren. What are you?

I don't know. Drops to his knees. Okay. I don't know. All right. I want to feel special like the millennials. They have what they have. You have what you have.

I want to try matcha. All right. All right. It's not that good. You're not missing out on anything. You know what? Takes out his own medal. You got third place?

I got the actual bronze. Yeah. I want you to have it. No. i didn't do anything to earn it you annoyed me into submission so i feel like you at least deserve something for that won't people know that i didn't finish third i think you are gonna care about what people think regardless you're gonna be insecure no matter what i give you so just take this and feel good for you cut to the mill he's absolutely in like a full work uniform and then just a dangly huge metal oh don't mind me boys just let me get this turkey lurky gut out of the way so you can see my new third place huh what are they giving out medals for just trying to run the whole mill cracks up it's like

a lot of people oh yeah no trust me you you wouldn't see me wearing one of those participation metal shits no i i earn this fair and square you don't believe me check my time where you just ask me what Check my time. Where? You just ask me. What's your time? What was your time? I beat the old bird. I beat my wife. No, I didn't beat my wife.

I won before my wife. I finished the race before my wife. Don't look at me like that. We can't figure you out, man. Cut to him at home with his grandkids. Grandpa, why aren't you wearing the medal? Your generation, you always feel like you need to make yourself special in some way. Oh, I won this.

Oh, my LinkedIn bio is better than Tracy's. No, not me. I know who I am. I know who I am. What's that? You're playing Animal Crossing? What is that? Oh, yeah. It's just on my Nintendo Switch. Nintendo Switch. I know who I am. I know who I am. What's that? You're playing Animal Crossing? What is that? Oh, yeah.

It's just on my Nintendo Switch. Nintendo Switch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean. I mean, no. Hey. Wait, you know about this? I know.

I know about records. I know about the Beatles. I know about Bob Dylan. I don't care about this. This isn't. Hey, I know what real music is. His phone rings. Whoa, did one of you kids put that on there?

No, we don't even know how to make custom ringtones. Wow. You're really tech savvy. When I took it into the Genius Bar, you know, the sweetheart up there, I think she wanted to spruce up the phone a little bit. It's definitely not. I wouldn't, you know, this song isn't even number one on Billboard. It is. Really?

Well, I wouldn't have known that because, you know, this isn't anything. You check Billboard? I don't do what you do because I know who I am. I'm of a different time. I love having things be hard. Alright. And you just want everything to be easy. You just want everything to be so simple and sleek like your Nintendo Switch. Alright, well life isn't a Switch. Life's a bitch. Wow.

Yeah, I'm sorry you feel that way. I mean, I do work at SpaceX. I'm an aeronautical engineer. So I literally do rocket science for a living. But i'm a millennial so oh you think you could just you could just climb into elon musk's little hand and he'll send you to the moon and if you miss you land among the stars what is that your sister showed it to me on um etsy i think that's that's where a lot of people are able to buy sustainably and support small businesses which i do support small business and sustainability.

God, no. God, no. You're old man. You're grandfather. All right, dad. You said you want a tofurkey instead of real turkey. I'd slam to the ground. Get this shit away from my face.

You can put it in the compost or something. I put everything in the landfill, right? You really love dumps? I love dumps. I love dumps. Listen, my 69th birthday is coming up next month. And all I want is just to be around my kids. I don't need anything fancy.

You know, I don't feel the need for anything material. I just, if you want to make some donations to some charities, I don't want that. You didn't say anything just now. The sentence you just said was nothing, Dad. I didn't get a participation trophy at the turkey trot. There it is.

Also, you did. You have a tan line where a medal's been hanging for months. It's a third place trophy that I didn't earn. I gotta go check on the turkey. So this is how it ends. Not that I'm dying.

Just this is how the night ends. It doesn't. It's 4.30. We haven't eaten yet. God, I don't know. You're a weird guy. Grandpa. You work at a mill. yet god i don't know weird guy grandpa you work at a mill i don't know when i am

god i want to feel special for once in my life i was born at the wrong or right time and i can't put my finger on it i don't like the things i should like for who i am in my time your grandmother pegged me so that she would buy me the new ps5 i saw it on a tiktok want some whipped coffee I hit the whoa and then clocked in to fucking mill oats. I hit the whoa-ts. Do you know how hard that is? Do you know how hard it is? I don't know, Grandpa. Also, I think records are cool no you can't you can't think

that it can't come full circle because then i'm it's the serpent eating its own tail because then when am i i yeah i don't know grandpa wow all right this is for a review of the Webster Turkey Trot in Webster, New York. I think it's upstate. This is from Adam G. Adam Grunk. Nice. Adam Grunk. Three stars, but there's a couple categories. Overall, four stars.

No. Why'd you give it three? Expo quality, one star. T-shirt slash swag, three stars. Elevation difficulty, three stars. That one confuses me because I don't know if it's good to have it or not or bad. Aid stations, one star. Parking slash access, four stars.

Course scenery, four stars. Race management, three stars. The way I'm imagining this race is like a cartoon of hills just really going up and down and swooping around. Like Roadrunner. Like Roadrunner, but with the music in the back of like... People running in a hallway and throughout different doors. Yeah. What I liked about it most was the way that there's such a breakdown of stars. And it's like one of those people who like, it's kind of like a Dwight Schrute type of guy who like goes around. And he always has to like insert himself where like the administration stuff is going on.

So there's obviously organizers and he could have been one of them, but isn't. Shows up as a racer and he's just like, like kind of saddles up next to like one of the volunteers. So like, how's the race management going? You guys got water stations set up at every mile marker oh um well actually because you know it's it's not too long of a race we have one at the beginning and then one kind of right at the end once you once you go up that hill what'd you say did you not hear anything about the water i was like trying to active listen and i like i don't know i couldn't hear you you were performatively listening i was actively yeah that's good yeah um so the water station's at the end of the race and the starting line's over there if you want to go uh take your place and kind of no i mean i'm basically one of you guys so i'll kind of stick

around here and maybe join the race later oh do you have your connect sorry can i just i i would love to just log your credentials just because it's pretty packed and so we just want to make sure that all the actual volunteers no you don't even have credentials just because it's pretty packed and so we just want to make sure that all the actual volunteers have a place to stand. You don't even have to. Well, because it's volunteers, so I don't need credentials to volunteer. I don't want to be paid, although I appreciate the offer. Oh, no. None of us are getting paid. We are volunteers and because it's a big

race, we do have to sign up ahead of time. Are we short shuttle drivers? I just want to make sure that maybe I could be the liaison. I was noticing there's two shuttles flanking the back lot. I want to make sure that people who parked be the liaison. I was noticing there's two shuttles flanking the back lot. I want to make sure that people kind of on the park furthest away get shuttled over here. That's really nice of you. He has a lanyard, but there's nothing on it. You're actually, you're not one of the official volunteers.

You're a racer. I can see you have the number on your chest. Oh, here we go. Now we got a rogue. Blows a whistle. Sir, you, you in the green. Back behind the finishing line. Nobody gets a head start. Sir, you. You in the green. Back behind the finishing line. Nobody gets a head start.

Okay. Sir, sorry. I didn't get your name. My name? Because you don't have anything on your lanyard. What is your name? Adam Grunk. Adam Grunk.

Okay, Adam. You don't know Adam Grunk? I'm Adam Grunk. Don't refer to yourself in third person. Well, I just, I figured that the organizers kind of, you know, knew me or something. I've never seen you before. You need to, if you're going to. No, stop.

Guy in the blue now. Did you not hear me talking to green? Back up, back up. Listen, Adam, I really appreciate how invested you are in this race, but you're being incredibly disruptive. Oh, there's more? And if you are going to run, great, go get ready.

But this is not your job. Sorry, I can say that all again. You didn't hear anything I was saying. I was active listening. You know, you were performatively listening. You were just saying, mm-hmm, to make it seem like you were taking it. I pull out a gun. Oh, my God.

They all start running. No. We're not. God damn it. It was a blank. It was a BB. Don't worry. You need to leave.

You need to leave right now. Are you kidding me? No. For starting the race on time? It's 10.01. The race doesn't start until 10.30. Really? Yes. Everyone's still setting up at the end right now i did well how are we supposed to get them to stop i don't it's like

a stampede out of the lion king you try going in there i'm not a racer i'm i'm in charge well no you're you feel yeah have you always felt like you're in charge of situations look i uh i don't want to get ahead of myself here because I know the race just started and people aren't going to get to the end for a couple, you know, 30, 40 minutes. I think everybody, I think we can all agree everybody's tired of Gatorade. I thought I brought some quench powder.

So if we could kind of dump. I know, I am. Cut to the finish line of the race. People are still trying to set up when they start. It's like Lion King. They see them coming over the hill. No. No, we don't even have the water station set up yet oh my god no uh trevor trevor trevor we need to set this up right now trevor in slow motion adam grunk just like pulls up in a pickup truck gets out really fast but it's all in slow motion shoves the people who are trying to set

up the water to the side brings brings his own Gatorade thing, puts it in, already has water, a bunch of quench powder, a stick, stirs it in, it's fucking perfect, lids it. Somebody crosses the finish line. Ooh, first place. All right, you want some quench?

Come on, get over here. Oh, actually, I would love some water. All right, we have quench. You want orange or yellow? Sorry, are there any water stations set up? I would just love- Poor Quench kind of feeds it to him. All right.

God, that's actually not bad. What flavor was that? What did you just give me? Sorry, one second. Do we have a photographer here? Where's the photographer? How do we know photo finish? We got to make sure everybody actually, you know-

The two people setting up originally who were strewn to the side of the road are like the photographer is not gonna get you for another 10 minutes because you shot the gun early this is unbelievably unprofessional what if there's a photo finish and we won't know who came in front of the other person i would not have done it this way i don't think it needs to be a photo finish because i just won. I just got first place and we all were here to see it. So if you want to take-

I'm not worried about you. I'm worried about like these other people that are filing in. There's going to be like- Five people have already come in. People want to know their times. I want to know people's times. We were all,

we were all working it on our own watches. This is something we do all the time. And so- You know what? I can handle it. It goes to the sideline, has a fucking stopwatch. The iPhone stopwatch, you know, just doing lap, lap the sideline has a fucking stopwatch the iphone

stopwatch you're just doing lap lap lap lap lap yeah lap lap lap lap so what do you guys lap what are you guys gonna do later today lap lap lap sorry do you work here what's that the woman from the front is running up no no you need to leave he doesn't work here. I'm a volunteer. I would never accept payment for this. The guys who are strewn, we're getting paid? No. No. No one's getting paid.

You're a menace. You need to leave right now. I get it. Good. I'm not sad for you. Don't do like a whole monologue. You need to go. You guys are jealous that I'm handling almost everything single handedly, putting the team on my back and you guys couldn't even set up water.

We were setting up water. You're fired actually. We're volunteers. You can't fire us. Well then go home. And you aren't even, we're trying. You go home. I don't have a family to go back home to after this so i try to make friends at the

trot all right excuse me for trying to make it go smoothly trying to get people home faster yeah i shot it off three 30 minutes early that's just because if i was doing this it would have started at 10 why would you try and get everyone to go home faster if you come here to make friends. So they could change and come over to my place. You're a weird guy. No. You're a weird guy. I like organization. I'm a Capricorn.

If I can make sure things go off without a hitch, then honestly, maybe I can be a part of something bigger than myself. People will respect me and want me to be around their dinner table. Sorry. If you can make things go off without a hitch then you'll be able to be part of something i'll take it again if i can make the race go off without a hitch then someone will invite me and i'll bring a thanksgiving dish all of this is happening while we're performing a citizen's arrest i did nothing you're so calm but like people are are tying your hands together and your feet and carrying you on a human wave.

And so I'm wondering if any of you guys want to, like he's just being on the wave, I'm wondering if I could score that invite is all for Turkey Day. All right, let's keep going. Let's keep going. Let's bring them down to the station, all of us together. They're still running. He's so oblivious.

If you guys are taking me to one of your guys' months, I'd love to come. Thank you, by the way. We get out to the police station. Drop them off. All right, guys. Let's all go home. Thanksgiving dinner at my place. They start running.

Oh, I'm in the can. All right, here we go. Excuse me, officer. Yes, hello? Is everybody in the holding tank? I want to know how we're kind of doing things logistically. How can I be of service? Oh, no. Not you again. No. You know want to know how we're kind of doing things logistically. How can I be of service?

Oh, no, not you again. No. You know what? Absolutely not. We need a sign-in sheet. We need to know who's coming in and out of here, because what if they were a perp? What if they were a suspect? I drop you off in front of the fire station like a baby.

You open the door. Oh, no. Not you. Here we go. So what we're going to want to do is make sure that all of our hoses are reinforced, and then maybe I could spend Turkey Day with you guys. Are you guys on call today? Slams the door.

The dump truck comes by. Oh, here we go. All right, guys. We've got to make sure that the recycling is actually recycling. We don't want anybody kind of getting some cans in the trash here and vice versa. Dump them in a landfill. Of course. Talk to some seagulls.

All right. So I want to make sure you guys are maximizing Your time in the Ocean here You got to make sure That you're getting The fish that you need To you know Sustain life Seagulls look at each other

They both take an end Of him One by the hair One by the feet Drop him into the ocean The deepest sea regions ever It's like the Bioluminescence layer

I just want to make sure That you guys are like Being as bright as you can Like as a way To conserve energy And then like use The bioluminescence In a certain type of way?

Great white shark kills him. Come on. Inside the great white shark's belly. I just want to make sure their digestion is going well. You know, like maybe... Oh, stomach acid. Nope, that's killing me. Oh, here we go.

Ah, of course. His essence floating through the ocean. Into kelp. Okay, here we go. So what I want to make sure we do is we have a full kelp forest going on right here. So we're going to be going up and out, right? We're not just going to be going side to side. We want to make sure we have the tallest kelp we can have.

A surfer picks him up, dries him out, eats him as a snack. Digested again. Turns into shit. It's his destiny fulfilled. The world stops on its axis. COVID just ends. Stimulation's complete. Should we go to our last segment?

Yeah. This should be all week long. Those were the two of the most unhinged shrieking scenes we've ever done. Jeffrey, okay, what shook you? Go. All right, here's what shook me. Oh, man, God, I had it. Do it now.

You go first. No, no, no. What shook me? What shook me? Yes, do it right now. Stop stalling. What shook me? Stop stalling.

What shook me? You failed the challenge. What shook me? Do it now. No. What shook me? Go. Now? Now? You failed the challenge. We'll do it next time. Just fucking go. No, I have it. what chick me what chick me what chick me what chick me what chick me go now now you failed the challenge we'll do it next time just no i have it i have it i have it i have it i have it this is the opposite of what we said you're gonna do

your face is so red go right now jeff just start talking i literally can't even fucking think right now man that's the point i said okay one two three go i've had a year of personal growth and spa my birthday's on saturday and it's been a it's been a it's been a good year tires and i'm tired because it's a lot of like changes personal career family all of it covet of course i'm proud of myself that's really nice i'm a different guy all right not so nice yeah for the words i'm a different friend guy guy that's not even how it goes in the song and it's bad guy duh i'm a different guy. What shook you?

We're just regressing all the time. Regressing, regressing, regressing. I, okay. When I was a tween into a teen. When I was a young tween, the Beatles made Riley Marie Jude and Spa a tween into a teen when i was a young tween the beatles made riley marie jude and spa smile ear to ear that's absolutely right um i know too much about the beatles i like the beatles to me are like you with the grateful dead and um panic at the disco. I've seen every interview. I've seen every piece of media.

Like everything that I could consume that was Beatles, I have done it. And my first main crush, like obsessive crush, was Ringo Starr. For reasons we don't have to get into right now. Your taste in people is unbelievably confusing. Like I show you women I'm into who are like, you know, I'm like matching with or talking to and you're like, oh, yeah, of course. Yeah.

And then you say that you're into, what is it, Dari Harrison? Danny Harrison. Danny Harrison. I guess he's attractive. He looks exactly like George. He's not as hot as George. I gotta be honest.

He's a little bit slimier, like Adrian Brody type. He's not slimier. That's just a photo of his hair sweaty no he's a city slicker no um anyway what really shook me ringo is 80 now bless him like he is an 80 year old man i was curious because like i'm like what's what's 80 year old ringingo up to now? Like, what is he doing? And does he have a Twitter? Does he use it? Is he on it?

And I remember like, maybe like 10 years ago, I do remember he posted a YouTube video being like, stop sending me fan mail. Like, he literally asked people to stop sending him things because he didn't have the time to look at all of it. It's also just very wasteful. It is, but it was like, for him to just just be like staring at the camera through his tinted shades being like stop you gotta put an end to the fan mail and everyone the cons being like what fuck you and um so anyway went to

his twitter because i'm like is he on it and ringo famously like everything he does he just every every every photo every interview every like video he posts always a peace and love peace and love and like it's just kind of wrote at this point where it's like had an egg sandwich peace and love like whatever and it writes itself it writes it really does it's a bit and yeah so his twitter is just all these photos of like him on a hike with his wife or like him in a recording session or whatever. And some of them are screenshots of photos in the album on his phone. I'm like, oh, you're 80 and you're using the internet.

And all of them are exactly those kind of captions of like, on a hike with Bob, reprise and love. And then like 20 emojis and it's every different color of heart and then like yin yangs and pea sides everything but what really gets me is i saw that he posted a photo of john lennon and it was so grainy it looked like he typed in john lennon on google and went to like page 12 and grabbed a picture and it was like a birthday post it was like john, John would have been 80 today. Miss him so much. Was a lovely man.

You know, sending love to Yoko and Sean. Couple things wrong with that. John Lennon has another son, Julian. Julian. He's like sending love to Yoko and Sean. Everyone in the comments is like, what about Julian? And Julian was famously abandoned by John lennon anyway and everyone else in the comments being like who's gonna tell him and someone finally commented like ringo we love

you and you're a legend but like john doesn't turn 80 for another month oh my god and it made me so sad like i did everything wrong and then unfollowed him because I'm like, I need to hold 1964 Ringo in my heart forever. Yeah, it sours it for you. I also want to shout out some people. I posted on my Instagram story, Riley and I are trying to generate some press for the show, getting the word out in a different way

that we haven't tried yet. We've been trying to grow the show all year. It's been going well, but we're kind of in a plateau. So we're trying to continue to introduce the show to more people. So A hey, just, you know, if you have time or, you know, the urge to tell your friends, rate the show five stars on iTunes, it really helps us out on the charts. But specifically, I'd like to shout out some people who reached out to me about trying to help us generate some press. So thank you to Jared Deloso, Rory Hinton, Moses from the Discord,

Joe Mitchell, Jack Hembowser, Yusef Syed, and Charlie Ashby. So thank you to you guys for helping us out. Whether it happens or not, you know, we really appreciate it. Also, Jack specifically wanted me to shout out

his comedy sketch channel with his friend called Double John Comedy. So go check that out if you're want for some content. Special thank you to our VI podcats. Aaron Carrico. Adam Shea. Agent Michael Skarn. Alex McCullough.

Alex Watts. Alex Witt. Alton Burkholder. Alvar Wallstrom Lindell. Anthony Amadeo. Austin Boston Charleston Chuston. Bagadoo. Bob Buell.

Brad Hild. Brendan Metz. Brian Dodd. Cameron Bradley.. Bob Buell. Brad Hild. Brendan Metz. Brian Dodd. Cameron Bradley. Chaston Bales. Chris Forgash. Christian Basketball. Insane.

Connor Finnegan. Daniel Bonney. Daniel L. Hodson. Dr. Eags. Elliot Sloma. Eric Crust. Fancy Octopus. Garrett Glasbergen.

Jeff's Wagon. Hallie. Holly. Isaac Banda. Isaac Fletcher. Jackson Hansel. Jackson Martin. Jacob Kachuk. glass bergen jeff's wagon holly holly isaac banda isaac fletcher jackson hansel jackson martin jacob kachuk jake radiff jake olman jamie poncia jared jason ariah jesse tipton jonah sanchez josh tishler caleb luster katie ross kevin sunt kerwin kobe holis cokehead.co Christian Barron Lauren Malang Logan Leon New guy

Malik Mark Priest Mark Spalding Matt Box Matthew Lizama Melissa McKellen Michael Eapock Michael Field

Michael Rowland Nate Porteus Nicolaj Biergaard Noel Samuto Nolan Murphy P Phoenix McBurnin Robert Fridge

Ross McAdam New guy Sabrina Sam Adams Sam Lorente phoenix mcburnin robert fridge ross mcadam new guy sabrina sam adams sam laurente sarah kilduff space ants spencer steve farrah stefan stephanie cass tr ghoul in the city the goose theodore geeson will bussy will phillips xander madsen yarrow edie So thank you guys so much for supporting us at the highest tier And this will have passed But we're excited to see you guys tonight on the Zoom party If you also would like to be shouted out in every episode of Review Review And join the Zoom parties Feel free to sign up at patreon.com forward slash Riley and Jeff

So thank you guys so much for listening to this week's episode of our show I hope everybody has a great, safe, grateful Thanksgiving. Stay safe. Yubbish. We'll see you next time. Or not. Arrivederci. That was a Hiddem Original.