Review Revue - Vitamin C Gummies

Episode Date: September 5, 2023

Alf and Reilly are back and experiencing life... death... existence... A humble guise, an alluring smile, and a siren call whispering the tales of exhilaration and eternal torment. With trembling hands and quivering lips, they make contact with what can only be described as infernal acid within the sun, within an active volcano. Time ceases to exist, and their eyes water as their tears cascade onto the table before them. In that moment, they lived for the first time in their lives. They experienced... chili lime. >>>>><<<<< Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh @alfredinnit Twitter: @reilecoyote  Join the discord here! Produced by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. And participating restaurants for a limited time. This is a HeadGum Original. So no one told you this product would be this way

It arrives late, it's great, or maybe it's just okay You just wish maybe you had read some more Before you added it to your cart, it shipped and arrived at your door. This is Review Review with Riley and Paul. This is Review Review. It'll make you good ball. This is Review Review. And Alfred's here too.

Yeah! I loved that one! And Alfred's here too kept forgetting to send it in. What? Your plea on the last episode really motivated me. Finally motivated me. Hope you enjoy. Also, don't have any online projects to shout out, but my improv team, Stage Against the Machine, at Stage Against the Machine on Instagram,

does regular shows in Cleveland. So, giving them a shout out. And then he says, and also, if Alfred mentions it, yes, we know there's another improv group in Chicago called Stage Against the Machine. I literally was going to say.

He had the name first. Thanks for the great podcast. I was literally going to say, I know some group in Chicago called Stage Against the Machine. I literally was gonna say He had the name first. Thanks for the great podcast. I was literally gonna say I know some people who are in Stage Against the Machine but I know the Chicago one so. Yes you sure do. I got COVID. Don't patronize me. You have COVID. You're not allowed to patronize me. I have COVID. Remember how last

week I was like ooh am I gonna get it? I got it. It got me. I got got for a second time. And uh. What's it like round two it. It got me. I got got for a second time. And... What's it like round two? Do you feel like... Round two, much easier. Right. Knock on wood. I'm just congested now.

I've just been congested for the past couple days. The first day took me out. I was down for the count. Couldn't do anything. I took a test. Immediate bright red line. I'm like, got it, got back into bed That's the best feeling And

Sorry? That's the best feeling What's the best feeling? When it's a bright red line No, I actually Don't think so Cause it's like the waiting is finally over The waiting is finally over You know what I mean you know what I mean like

when you feel like you know you have it oh 100% and you're like taking the test and it's negative and you're like at this point

I just wish it would be positive you know what I mean in a way yes and then you finally it's a weird limbo there is a weird relief to seeing the red line

because you're like I already knew this now I can just take care of myself yep yep yep and it's like now we can start moving forward but we couldn't start moving forward until we saw the red line because you're like i already knew this i already knew this yep yep and it's like now we can start moving forward but we couldn't start moving forward until we saw the red line exactly um so i'm on day five um i'm just congested but other than that totally fine which i'm very grateful for so yeah so if uh you hear if you're like, oh, why does Riley's voice sound like not any less beautiful, but like a little augmented.

Augmented? Yeah. If I sound a little augmented, like a robot would sound. If I sound a little augmented. Alf, what's new with you? So obviously I jumped in. I have COVID right now currently. And what's new with you?

Do you have COVID or no? No, I don't have COVID because I'm careful. Because you've already had it twice. Yes, too bad. I'm also very careful. No, you're not. You go and lick the...

I literally am. You lick the sidewalk every day like a snail. But like carefully. Like a snail. Remember how Jeff has had it like eight times?

So at least there's that. Yeah. You'll, you have so many more before you catch up with them. Um, but we're tied now. That's kind of cute, right? What's new with you? Not much is new with me, man. It's fucking hot as hell again here.

Even though it's September, it's 92 degrees in Chicago in September. Uh, check please. Um, I'm going to take that to go go i'll be needing a box thank you very much i had a panic attack about climate crisis last week oh you shouldn't do that that's not good for you um you wouldn't be doing that if you were taking care of yourself you wouldn't be doing that if you didn't have covid actually that night that i had a panic attack about that was the night i was exposed wow well makes you think maybe if you didn't have COVID. Actually, that night that I had a panic attack about that was the night I was exposed. Wow. Well, it makes you think maybe if you hadn't had the panic attack, your immune system would

have been stronger and you wouldn't have contracted it at all. So just don't have anxiety. So just go ahead and drop that anxiety disorder right in the bin. Yeah. But I'm good. You know, it's a long weekend. Labor Day weekend. You know what I mean?

And how are you celebrating? I'm going into labor. Day weekend, you know what I mean? And how are you celebrating? I'm going into labor. Day weekend. Congratulations. Thank you. I have a baby. I know. If I had a baby, what do you think I would name it?

Knowing me as well as you do, what do you think I would name a baby? You would name the baby, like, Wimbledon. Wimbledon. You're Wimbledon. Yeah, and you'd call, like, a horse. I'd call it a horse. Whole apple for you, Wimbledon?

Here you go. Wimbledon. Wimbledon. Here you go. Wimbledon. Wimbledon. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You ever play tennis? I did. Yeah, doesn't surprise me. What is that supposed to mean?

You just have tennis, you know, kind of written all over you. I don't like a team sport. I don't like- Fucking hell, yeah. I never liked a team sport growing up. I liked only to rely on myself because it's like if I lost, then it was like, that's just me. But if I lost on a team, then it was like, would you believe that in fourth grade I was on a basketball team?

Would you believe that? No, I would not. You're lying. Well, I was. No, I was. Wait, you say you were on the team. You were like sitting in the stands. You were like, can I play, guys?

Guys, can I play? No, I very much played games against other fourth graders. You got play time? No, I've heard everything. Because, again, my fourth grade was only like 20 people total. Uh-huh. And so anyone could join the team. I'm sorry.

I have to open the spin drift quickly. There we go. That's nice. ASMR. And so I'm sorry again for the congestion. So I did get play time because everyone got playtime. And I didn't like a team sport because if I did poorly, then it brought the team down. And I didn't like that kind of responsibility. That makes a lot of sense.

But speaking of playtime, playtime is over. Do you like team sports? I like team sports when I win the big game for everybody. Yeah, exactly. I get put on the big shoulders of the big jock and he runs me around and I go, I did it, I did it, I'm the champion. And then everybody in town gives me money and flowers. That's when I like a team sport. You want a ticker tape parade.

Yes, I would like to be given the keys to the city. Well, speaking of key to the city. More like a key to your immune system getting back on track. Not your best, not your worst.

Okay, fine. Give me a different jumping off point. Okay. But yeah. have a suggestion get a suggestion from the audience can we get a suggestion what's something you're really hoping you get to say my boss's dick and balls okay i heard this this guy's boss's dick and balls. Speaking of boss's dick and balls, speaking of no, I don't like that one.

Why? Because it was blue? Yeah. Okay, fine. New choice, new choice. Can we get a suggestion from the audience of something you always wished you had for your birthday but no one ever gave you? Pizza party. wished you had for your birthday but no one ever gave you a pizza party this guy's pizza party i heard this guy's pizza party speaking of this guy's pizza party i know a couple toppings that

you would not want to see on a pizza pie we're talking vitamin c gummies um We did not do, shocker, shocker, we did not harvest ideas. Ew, don't say harvest. Topics for this week. Solicit. Because Alf did insist that we do a COVID-themed episode. Because you have COVID, it's the most interesting thing that's happened to either of us in

months. Every week you go, what was your week like? And I go, it was hot. I had a Dunkin'. Or I go, it was cold. I like when it is cold, but not too cold or hot, but not too hot. And I go, what's up with you? And you talk about some panic attack you had. And then we do that every single week.

And now finally, you have COVID. Finally, we have something to talk about finally something interesting is happening um so we're talking vitamin c gummies uh because i have been taking two vitamin c gummies a day and the brand that i got just got from cvs delicious what was the brand what was the brand you what? It's not in the room with me right now and I forget the name. It's like a green bottle. That's not the COVID. The memory loss is the COVID.

Whenever I have like a bad moment in this improv we're about to do, I'm just going to blame it on COVID brain fog. Absolutely. And whenever I have a bad moment in this improv, know that it's because I'm distracted because I'm so worried about my friend Riley. I'm good. I'm on the about my friend. I'm good. I'm on the up and up. Brain. Oh, it's so sweet. She's doing better.

It's tragic. So this vitamin C gummy that I have, I love a gummy vitamin. Love a gummy vitamin. Absolutely. This one has like a little bit of a sugar coating on the outside, which is great. Which also helps it not stick together. I think it's probably like a cornstarch and sugar coating to it. Yeah, that makes sense.

Because a lot of the reviews that I've seen have been talking about how the gummies all form one clump. Love a vitamin C gummy. Love any kind of vitamin that's fun and easy to eat. And listen, I know some people can't swallow pills. I can swallow pills. I can swallow pills pills the weirdest brag you've ever done and you've done a lot of so that's not it's not the issue it's just like when you have a fun gummy or like a melatonin gummy vitamin c gummy it's more fun me um i am very i don't know i want to hear about your relationship to vitamin c gummies but. I want to hear about your relationship to vitamin C gummies,

but I also want to hear about your relationship to doses or dosages of vitamins because I'm such a little, I love a rule. I love the rules. I'm a stickler for the rules. And so if my doctor says, don't take more than, you know, blank milligrams of this, I'm like, okay, you're right. You're right. And I don't do that.

And so I get scared. You're right. And I don't do that. So I get scared if I take a little bit more than normal. You're the least cool person I know. Well, no, actually, the doctor said 15 milligrams of zinc is a hard limit. Well, because my anxiety, I have health anxiety. No, really? And so it's like anything that, shut the fuck up. Now I've heard everything. Now I've heard everything.

Talk to me about vitamin C gummies, Alfred. I'm dying to know. I'm literally dying to literally dying at least i know the answer to the question what would it be like to do the show if riley was drunk and now i know the answer because i think it would be a lot like this um my relationship to vitamin rain fog it's just the brain and mine's the concern and mine is we haven't set an intention we know but i want to hear about this before we go into the improv okay okay a few i was scared that we forgot i was really scared no well of course it's like i'm scared about you and your health no you're not you literally texted me the first day i got covered you said speed it on up and i said what is that supposed to mean

yeah what was that supposed to be hospitalizations are on the rise Get in there girly And I said no I'm feeling okay And you're like not for long Fingers crossed emoji And then I did do an occult Magic Ritual to try and get you In hospital Anyway I love vitamin C gummies

I was a big gummy vitamin kid I would chew them up Spit them out just so I could get to eat them again You're lying No that would be disgusting gummies. I used to, I was a big gummy vitamin kid. I would chew them up, spit them out, just so I could get to eat them again. You're lying. No, that would be disgusting. But not entirely off-brand. Yeah, I would not.

With your little fucking red Gatorade statement. Fuck off! I love these ones. I'm gonna spit them out just so I can eat them again. No, I like them a lot. I don't take them out. I'm going to eat them again. No, I like them a lot. I don't take them anymore. I graduated. You get scurvy.

Graduated to swallowables. You know, because I'm a big grown up now. I'm a grown up guy, much less kind of joy. You have expired Flintstone gummies lining the walls mine that i crunch them sometimes you do get a chewable multivitamin or something and that's fucking gross to me i don't like that i've been taking zycam uh yeah oh i hate that and the chewable zycam is oh it leaves a code you know i mean your mouth is kind of like buzzing maybe i'm allergic that yeah you know it's like this kind of like it gives you this like weird like itching and

your throat it's like the hives that come from it's tight you don't feel like your throat gets so tight um your lungs are tight um but yeah i love them i would eat them every day favorite vitamin to take my favorite vitamin to take yeah not the vitamin to take? Yeah. Not the B12. Not the B12. I have a B12 that it tastes bad. It's like cherry flavored. But I bought it once and I keep buying it. It's not like I have a huge bottle.

I like keep- You have a different B12? No, but this is the one I take. You're so sad. This is my lot in life This is my sentence This is Alfred's B12 I don't deserve

I go into the store And if I try to check out with a different B12 They go no no Not for you They punch me in the throat They make me take it Um Should we set an intention yeah

oh uh my favorite vitamin to take is vitamin d because i am vitamin d deficient yeah vitamin d's nuts no vitamin d deficient because i'm pale as shit do you think you have the ligma variant uh is that the new covid variant yeah ligma balls you suck my ah holy shit i got you is that the new oh is that the new variant so concerned so genuinely worried wait is that is that the new variant yeah yeah it is like my balls my intention for this is if I feel drunk. You literally are acting drunk. My intention for this episode. My intention for this episode.

No, you go first. You go first because you've been mean to me, so I'm making you go first. Okay, this is going to be the cruelest. Intention, intention. I don't know. What's something like... I think we should make you have an idea this is going to be the most forgiving episode

oh wait that's powerful yeah let's do that this is the most forgiving this is the most forgiving and you can interpret that however you like forgiveness and compassion and open warm warm hearts. For those who may have hurt us in the past or will hurt us in the next 45 minutes to an hour, I forgive you already.

I forgive those who do unto us and as also unto them. I forgive. I forgive the COVID cells. Raging against my immune system. I more than forgive them. I lift them up. I lift up those COVID cells. I praise those COVID cells for doing the work. That we all wish we could do. Of destroying you.

And I forgive you for saying that. And I forgive you. And I forgive you for feeling that way. And I forgive you for saying that. And I forgive you. And I forgive you for feeling that way. And I forgive you for being five minutes late to this recording. You were literally late. You were literally late. You sound like such a fucking... No, this is forgiveness.

This is forgiveness episode. Let's take a quick break and then we'll come back and do some reviews. We'll be right back with more apologies. And we're back. Andfred i forgive you i forgive you for what you said to me during that break i forgive you no riley said no riley said some really disgusting things to me during the break and i just want to say i forgive you for that i forgive you for all those horrid horrid things you said alf I forgive you so much that I'll let you go first. No, I forgive you even more.

You want me to go first? I go first. You can go first because I forgive you. Yeah, and I forgive you for letting me go first. I forgive you so much. This comes from Stinkum. No. The kind of reviews I find. Okay.

This is from Nutricost Vitamin C with Rose Hips. 240 Vitamin C, 1000mg Rose Hips, 25mg Premium and non-GMO. Looks like a Rose Hip flavor.

I got that from you saying rose hip like 20 times. And this comes from... Amazon customer. So... This comes from... Anita COVID test. Anita COVID test. Five stars.

The best. I've been using this brand for years for our family and my large breed dogs. It's the perfect size and easy to swallow. I have been using this brand for years for our family and my large breed dogs. And my large breed dogs. It's the perfect size and easy to swallow that's it seems like

the kind of thing you'd advertise on like qvc of like how can i get the most amount of people to buy this product it's perfect for you know mom and dad and kids and grandma can even and and if you have a dog a large breed, large breed dogs can take this. Like they're just pitching the widest pitch. Welcome back loyal customers. Now on the QVC hour, we have the most incredible product, the most incredible guest. This is a get for the ages. We have Timothy Smimothy. Timothy Smimothy is here to promote his new waffle maker. Okay, I haven't seen a waffle

maker this beautiful, this intricate since, I don't know, 2008. Timothy Smimothy, tell our viewers about this waffle maker you brought for us today. Oh, darling, you are so correct. What we did with this waffle maker is that we reinvented the wheel. And a lot of people will tell you not to reinvent the wheel, but we did. We take a look at a waffle maker that we had had for decades, and we turned it on its head. This is a waffle maker that will make waffles. Okay. Not just for make waffles. Okay.

Not just for mom and dad. No. Not just for nieces, nephews, cousins, sister-in-laws, brother-in-laws. What about kids? What about... Oh, absolutely. Kids, you know, stepkids.

I just love the jump from, you know, not just your parents, but also nieces and nephews. Not just your parents, but also your nieces and nephews can use this, but that's not all. You can put a dog on this. Sorry? You can put a dog on this.

That's right, folks. Are you listening at home? Your dog can get in on this action. You can make a doggy waffle. You can put a dog on it? Yeah, like, you know. On the what? Like a design? Sure, if? Yeah, like, you know. On the, on the what, like a design?

Sure, if you wanted, we could do that. I mean, we don't really have the technology developed, but honey, I will try anything for you. I'm Timothy Smimothy. Oh, uh, this is a little unconventional, but we're actually getting some calls. Let's pipe them through. Timothy Smimothy's got nothing to hide. Timothy Smimothy, we're taking a call. This is...

Yeah, shoot. Hi, this is Samantha Babantha. Oh, howdy. I love you, man. I am... Thank you so much. I am from Houston. I'm from Houston, Texas.

Oh, I love Houston. Beautiful country. Sorry, I'm a little nervous. I'm just calling to ask, you know, I love the rules. I love following rules. And you're telling me, you know, it's for parents, it's for kids, it's for nieces, nephews, and maybe dogs. But I just want to double check.

Put your dog on it. Can my mother eat this? Can my 79-year-old mother make a waffle, have a waffle? Is it also for her? Because, you know, she's living with me now. And we did have her at the home, but there was some stuff going on. Well, again, we got her out of there. My husband wanted to put her there, and I did not want to put her in there.

Well, of course he did. But I forgave him. I forgave him for doing that. And I'm going to commend you for doing that forgiveness. Thank you, Mr. Smithy. So forgave him for doing that. And I'm going to commend you for doing that forgiveness. Thank you, Mr. Smoothie. So she's living with us now. And I just want to make sure that, you know, because I love your waffle makers. I have the one that you brought in that you put on the market in 2002.

I still have it. Oh, throw it out. Throw it out. Well, no, it's been working great. Trust me, Samantha. You want to throw that. That is garbage trash that you are owning. Oh, Mr. Spimothy, don't talk about your products like that.

There was a defect. There was a defect. That will burn your house down. You got to get a new one. And why not this one? This one is a brand new model. It has been double, triple, quadruple safety tested. There is no way in hell this is burning anybody's house down.

Now, let me go back a little bit to your question, your specific question from earlier about whether or not. I want my mother to be included. Your mother not only can eat this, I will go so far as to say she must eat this if you want to keep her alive. What? If you want to keep her alive and well and healthy and live at 70 years old, she needs to be eating a waffle a day. 79.

79. My God, she's getting older by the minute, huh, Samantha? No, but in all seriousness, a waffle a day keeps the doctor away. That's what I always learn going up. Oh, my God. Get your mom on this. Get your mom on this. Mr. Smithy, I will.

I will feed my mother nothing but Smithy waffles. Thank you. I can't thank you enough for saving my mama. Thank you so much. Oh, my God. God bless you. Oh, God bless you. Wow.

I love her. That was such a moving phone call. She had a powerful aura. She did. And we are getting, the numbers are going up. We are seeing a huge. Pipe them in. Let Timothy spread the word. Come on. Pipe them in. Okay. We in. Let Timothy spread the word.

Come on, pipe them in. Okay, we have another call. Are you ready? Oh, my God. Sorry, these are flying off the shelves. I was born ready. Pipe it in. Okay, here we go.

Hello, Mr. Spimothy. This is Alexa. I'm not going to give you my last name on national television. Housework at Amazon. I'm just messing with you, Alexa. What can we do for you? That's very funny. No, I'm a doctor. I'm a general practitioner. last name on national television housework at amazon i'm just messing with you alexa what can we do for you that's very funny no i am a doctor i'm a general practitioner um a lot of debt thank you so much um well actually i'm doing not to pry i'm doing quite well for myself uh the family and

i just got back from a trip everybody at home listen listen to this we got a rich we got a rich person on the phone let's just take a look at what she says and just take that with a grain of salt because maybe she has an agenda. Maybe she's been paid off by Big Pharma. No, I have no agenda, Mr. Smoothie. Who's gonna tell you Big Pharma wants you to think that actual pharmaceuticals are the solution to your problem, not a waffle maker made by a very, very suspicious

looking man. Okay, now finish your thought. I... No, you're a doctor. You're a doctor. Go ahead. Spread your word. It's not my word. It is just scientific fact. One You're a doctor Go ahead Spread your word It's not my word No your opinion It is just scientific fact One person's opinion Go ahead and tell us

The scientific fact is that You cannot possibly be making claims Like this On national Oh I can't Public television Oh honey I just did That

That People's Elderly parents Should be eating them And they will save their lives And have them live forever Get your mom on this Get your grandma on this Get your great grandma on this It's fine to say People's elderly parents should be eating them and they will save their lives and have them live forever. Get your mom on this.

Get your grandma on this. That is wildly irresponsible. Get your great grandma on this. It's fine to say, oh, have the whole family join in. But I'm just saying, as a doctor, I promise you that a waffle a day certainly will not keep the doctor away. A waffle a day will get you into my office sooner than you'd like to be. So I had to do my due diligence and pop on here to say that. Can I ask you a question?

Yes. You ever eat a waffle? Yes. Hypocrite, hypocrite, hang up on her, hang up on her. No, and she's gone, and she's gone. Wow, I have not felt a rush like this in years, Mr. Timothy. Leaning off camera, can we vet these calls a little bit better?

Can we get some like a little bit extra vet Can we get some, like, a little bit extra vetting in here? There's a lot of haters out there, okay? There's a lot of haters. We pick up first call for cert. Well, maybe we should do some vetting. Maybe we should talk about doing some vetting. Anyway, let's pipe someone else in. Let's get another caller in here.

Okay, well, I just want to say, Mr. Timothy, already, your waffle makers are Flying off the shelves faster than I've ever seen How many we sold? Ten hundred thousand Ten hundred thousand? Not enough That's what I say let's make it twenty hundred thousand

Thirty hundred thousand come on let's get these Waffle makers flying off these Damn shelves come on now Okay we have our next caller here we go Pipe them in I was born ready for it Come on No. Come on now. Okay, we have our next caller. Here we go. You ready? Pipe him in. I was born ready for it. Come on. Uh, hey, hey. No, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on.

I'm literally, no, I'm on now. Uh, um, hello? Uh, is this, is this Mr. Smimothy? No, dude, I'm literally on right now. I swear to God. Is this Mr. Smimothy? Yeah, it is Mr. Smimothy. Mr. Smimothy pulls out a laptop, just sort of starts typing.

Yeah, you're speaking to Mr. Smimothy. Mr. Smimothy pulls out a laptop and starts typing. Yeah, you're speaking to Mr. Smimothy. What can I do for you, young man? Oh, what can he do for us? Oh my god. You can do some... What can you do? What can you do-do? Oh my god, are you talking about shit on television right now?

Oh my god, that's so embarrassing. Young man, young man. Can I ask you a question? Oh, shut up, shut up, shut up. Can I ask you a question? What do you want to do when you grow up? What do I want to do? Oh my god, he's obsessed with talking about shit, you guys. Oh my god.

What do you know? I'm serious, son. Tell me, what do you want to do? I want to... I want to be a sports lawyer. I want to be a sports lawyer. You want to be a sports lawyer? Yeah. You know how you do that. You got to go to school.

You got to take a lot of classes. Yeah, obviously. Obviously, I know. You do well in school right now? I do fine. Like, I play football. And so it's like, I want to represent people like me who are awesome and kick ass. He's still typing on the laptop.

That's interesting. You play football? Right, right, right. So you want to do better in school? Yeah. Well, I'm doing fine. What do you want to do better? Honestly, it's not an issue of me not doing better.

It's just like Mr. Brown could literally eat my nuts. He's just an unfair teacher teacher and he grades really hard. Can I give you a piece of advice? Yeah. Eat a waffle? What? If you eat a waffle, people will like you more. That's a guaranteed fact. That's from the words of Mr. Smimothy. Oh, I mean, I have

an Eggo, like, all the time. Like, if I'm hungry, I'll just grab an Eggo from the freezer. Charlie H. Wilson, just a quick little reverse'll just grab an Eggo from the freezer. Charlie H. Wilson, just a quick little reverse look up on your phone number here. Son. What the fuck? Yeah,

just a little trace on this call. Found your IP address. And there are some unsavory things. We cannot be doing that. No, hang on one second. There are some unsavory things in this boy's search history that I think his mother would like to see.

young man, if you want me to not select all control c control v into an email to your mother miss barbara wilson i have her phone number right here mr sympathy i have to interject you're gonna go ahead and buy 10 of my goddamn waffle makers and you're gonna start paying attention in school and you're never gonna do no more crank calls a day in your life. Okay. I'm sorry. Just don't tell my mom. Don't tell my mom. Please don't tell my mom. Well, buy enough waffle makers. I just might. Alright.

They're so expensive. I know that's because they work. Son, they work. Something you should learn about working. Do a little work. Mom! But hey, son. And I just want to say, if he's still listening out there, I just want to say if he's still listening out there, I just want to say

He's got me. Yeah, but he might still be listening and watching the show. I forgive you, son. A lot of people are wondering how could you be so cruel to a young boy like that? And the answer is

that I used to be him. I used to do crank calls too until I discovered waffle makers. Changed my life from the ground up that day when I first stumbled into that witch's hut anyway let's take another call I'm just getting a message I'm getting a message from our from our producers we actually have to wrap this up we actually have to wrap this up and I can't believe I'm saying this but the producers are telling me that we have to bring in our next entrepreneur.

So, Mr. Timothy, thank you. Whoa, excuse me. How many waffle makers have we sold? I mean, we have sold upwards of 50,000. 50,000. Honey, you give me 10 more minutes. We get that up to 100,000. 200,000.

You just give me some more time to preach the word. Mr. Timothy, listen, please don't shoot the messenger i am i'm just kidding i'm just kidding it's a fake gun it's a fake gun it's a fake gun everybody kills the hell out y'all are unserious you are not serious people. Let me sell my waffle maker. Corky St. Clair on QVC. Truly.

Oh my god. I forgive you. A dime for your thoughts. A dime for your dreams. Midnight at the Oasis. A little waiting for Guffin for you out there. How about we take a little tiny, teeny, itty bitty break? Little tiny guy.

I've got to go to the little take a shit room. What if that's how I went to the bathroom? I'll forgive you later for that. I don't know. Wait, everybody, I don't actually need to do that. That was just like a bit I was doing. And we're back. And Alf, I forgive you. Woo! Light a match in there.

They're disgusting. But I forgive you. Whoa! Somebody stop me. Smoke it. Oh, my God. I'm going to. but I forgive you. Whoa! Somebody stop me. Okay. Oh my god. I'm gonna Okay, a little mask.

Whatever, no, just so you know whatever scene that comes from this review I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the mask in it. Just so you know. So like prepare yourself for that mentally.

I will be the mask in this scene. Okay, hold on. I have to decide. Decisions, decisions. Decisions, decisions. Decisions, decisions. Okay. This is four. Vitamin C, 1,000 milligram gummies for adults and kids.

Multivitamin with zinc and herbal extracts for immune support and collagen support for skin. Orange flavor, gluten-free, non-GMO, vegetarian 45 gummies. Four stars. From who? From Heidi. No last name. Heidi, that COVID test from your friends and go to the party anyway. Which we do not advise you to ever do.

Heidi, that COVID test from your friends and go to the party anyway. Four stars. This is the title. W. Easy to chew. Good flavor. As long as you like creamsicles. Orange cream was never my favorite flavor in anything. But these are pretty good.

Orange cream. Orange cream was never my favorite flavor in anything. These are pretty good. How many different orange cream flavored things are there? And why do we need to know? I guess that's helpful. It's like, I don't like orange cream, but I like this. But I love that it's like of everything. It's like her whole childhood up until now. It's like, orange cream is never, in anything

I've never liked orange cream. It's a job interview. Come in. Come in. Thank you so much for seeing me. I know that your schedule is probably incredibly busy, so to pencil me in, it's just a dream. This company, we're dreamers. We believe in taking a chance on folks. So I really, you know, your resume came across my desk.

I thought there's something special about this one. Oh, my God. Well, I feel the special about this one. So, pleasure to meet you. Oh, my God, well, I feel the same about your company. Heidi, was it? Heidi, yes. Nice to meet you. Yes. You can just call me Eddie.

Oh, gosh, I think Mr. Thompson, Eddie. Eddie, please, please. Well, that's, you know, something that I really loved about coming into this company, and even just walking through the hallways, everyone's so just, like, friendly. Attractive, yes. And casual. Yes, yes through the hallways, everyone's so just like friendly. Attractive. Yes. Casual.

Yes. Sorry. No, yes. They're very friendly. It's a very friendly, casual environment. We try and foster that here. You know, I mean, it's, there's a lot of toxic stuff out there about families, you know, and about.

Well, that's about family. Well, and about like, this is all, we're a family here at this workplace. Oh, exactly. Yes. And I don't want to say that because this is all, we're a family here at this workplace. Oh, exactly, yes. And I don't want to say that because that's bad. But in a way, we take care of each other here. We care about each other here. We hang on to each other for dear life. So I just want to say that, you know, if you ended up here someday, now or later, you would be taken care of.

So just to get that out of the way can i ask what made you uh you know i said what i what you know my eye was drawn to your resume but what what were uh what made you so interested in applying well i will like i was saying before um what drew me to your company is the kindness and the casualness. Almost said casualty. Hope no one's died here. Hmm? Yes.

Yeah, the casualness. You were drawn to the casualness. Yes, yes. My old company I was at. Which was? When I was at Staplesples i worked at the corporate staples and it just um i don't know it it just it was so formal yes you'd think for it for a company that has like back to school let's get it going let's let's let's reuse these markers yes the markers beautiful you uh yeah yeah you ever come across

tom oh oh sorry it's just that you asked me what why i was sorry yeah you were gonna let me talk no well we just kind of have a casual flow of conversation something's very important to us here so it's sort of like not not kind of such an explicit like you take a turn i take a turn well that's that's so funny. That's actually exactly what they said at Safe Place. The meetings would be like, my turn to talk. And then no one would be allowed to utter a word until the other person said, my turn. And so it would go back and forth.

And I bet that was not easy. No, it really wasn't because it made you feel That wasn't easy Shut down Oh, yeah You didn't get it the first time, did you? Are you always this slow? No, I thought really I really thought that your empathy was coming through

Like, oh, that must have been really hard for you Well, it was, but it was doing it in a choking way So Yeah, but it wasn't easy Tell me Yes, tell me What about your experience at Staples Corporate? It makes you feel that you're qualified to be a taste tester. You know, I mean, you know, we always say in the business, you know, skills are transferable or not, you know, who gives a hoot.

But I want to know, what makes you think you're qualified? Because a lot of people, you're coming in here with no taste testing experience, kind of explicitly, people are going to look down on that. People are going to give you a hard time. So I want to know that you can, you know, back against the wall, you can fight

back. You know? Well, Mr. Thompson Eddie call me Ed Ed Ed or Eddie which one's okay

how about this Ed Ed and Eddie I like the show my kids love that my kids are a little scared they're a little frightened that's healthy they think it's a little intense

that's healthy my kids are very very frightening they don't they're not afraid of anything and I mean. My kids are very, very frightening. They don't, they're not afraid of anything. And I mean that. Your kids are frightening? Yes. Yes.

I have never seen my children scared. Which to me is terrifying. But you were saying, you think you're qualified to be a taste tester. Yes. While I don't have any, like you said, you know, tangible on the resume experience, I am but a human being. I do taste a lot of food. And I would say that I actually I really wanted to go to culinary school before I entered corporate America. You know, I really wanted to go to culinary school. And Mr. Thompson, Ed, Eddie, Ed, Ed, you know. I really wanted to go to culinary school, and...

Mr. Thompson? Ed? Eddie? Ed, Edd, and Eddie? Sir? Oh, sorry, I fell asleep. That was quite a boring story. That's very offensive.

You asked me why I feel like I'm qualified to work here at Tasty as a Tasty test, taste tester. Tasty test, taste tester. Well, that was a test and you passed. I was not sleeping for real. But the next test, let's just cut the BS out of it. I want to bring you down. This is not my department. I'm just Ed at the head.

That's what they call me. But I want to introduce you to somebody who's going to take you through what this really is about you know see your palate analyze your palate this really is about what the job or the right no the job well both really this was just kind of a culture fit interview and let me just say you passed oh i really did not think i did because you seemed incredibly bored well no i have i. Well, no, I have a horrible personality that people don't like. And it's really about if you have the patience to deal with me, the CEO, then you probably are going to be fine. So let me introduce you.

To be fair, I am also terrified of you because I'm in a position right now. There's a hierarchical thing happening where, you know, I am beneath you in a way right now. And so, of course, I'm going to be very polite and very understanding and very yes yes so you okay but not everyone is some folks some folks come in here and they fight me really fight me with their fists and everything physically yes i'm going to introduce you to somebody now? Yep. I'm going to go ahead and introduce you. This is Dr. Margaret Fitz. Margaret Fitz. She is the head of tasteology here at the company. She knows all the ins and outs.

And I think you're really going to get along. And I'll let her take you down to the lab. Hi. Pleasure to meet you. Margaret. Oh, my God. You seem so refreshingly normal. Yes. Hi, Margaret. And just so you know. Dr. Margaret. I'm Heidi. meet you. Margaret. Oh, my God. You seem so refreshingly normal. Yes.

Hi, Margaret. And just so you know, I... Dr. Margaret, I'm Heidi. Thank you, Eddie. We'll see you later. Thank you, Eddie. All right. Just so you know, tasteology is not a real word.

Yes, no, it's very much not. Yes, so... God, thank you. You seem like the first normal person I've met since I walked into this building. Oh, well. There's more than meets the eye. How do you survive here? I think we all just have our unique coping mechanisms and getting by, but I think really we're all able to put aside our individual quirks for the work.

The work is what's important here, and we're doing real work and important work that matters. You know what? I thought that. You know, when I watched your guys' latest video. I'm sorry. I'm such a fan. Oh, you like our videos. I love watching.

Yes. You let your children watch. Well, of course. We know that the most recent one that you guys put out, the how to stuff a turkey with 10 kinds of M&Ms, put it in an air fryer, mix it with a little bit of miso, and then put it on a stick of marshmallows, which I don't know how you got the marshmallows to be in a stick.

The umami was incredible. I believe it. And it was so ingenious. And then when you just put it under a car and you ran the car over it. You ran the car over it, yes. I thought that was unexpected. And so the work you're doing is incredibly important. And so I think that's absolutely right that you guys are putting your differences aside.

Thank you so much. Would you like to just get started here? What? Well, on the test. Or do you feel like you want to, do you need some time to clear your palate, refresh your notes? Or are you ready to get going? No. I wasn't aware i mean certainly

i can't tell you there was a test eddie told me that his kids have never been scared of anything and that he physically fights people in the office those are both true those are both true facts anything about any kind of test but i obviously i should have been prepared god heidi i am more than ready to start the test you know sometimes people come down from his office to take the test and I give them the food and they I say what are you tasting and they just keep going blood blood blood because he's knocked some of their teeth out right he well you don't have to worry about that with me my palate is clean as well and to be clear I just want to make sure that we don't get our wires crossed they always start it Eddie never starts it Eddie's a good guy really

deep down he's never started at one those fights, but he'll end them. Okay. Would you... Okay, so what we have here is four samples. Okay. Oh, beautiful. What we've done is we have a rice cracker. It's a very neutral base.

And on each of those, we have placed certain aromatics and flavor compounds. And all you need to do, four crackers, identify prevailing. What's amazing is that you can't actually see. It just looks like four crackers. It just looks like four crackers. But what's on there is a microscopic aromatic compound that will give you a flavor. Okay, well I will start with the plain, what I can imagine is a plain, they all look the same. I'm going to start with the first one. Okay. Yep, that is a plain cracker. Okay. You passed the test. The next three have aromatic compounds at a molecular level.

Okay, uh, can I just pop the whole thing in? Whatever your method is, is your method. We're going to go for the whole thing. Why not? Just to get the full burst of flavor in there. Okay. Write something down. Pops it in.

What did you write down? I wrote down that you put the whole thing in your mouth. Okay. Pops it in. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Holy Jesus Christ. whole thing in your mouth okay positive oh my god oh my god oh my god holy jesus christ jesus h christ that is so hot this is the hottest thing i've ever experienced in my entire oh my god devil's ass in my face i want to kill my family. What did you do? What did you put on this? Yes, very good.

I want to end everything around me, including myself. Uh-huh. This is so hot. Right, right, right. I can see God. I can see Satan. I can see the core of the universe. I can see the heavens and hell.

I can see everything I've ever done. Everything I will ever do. This is spicy, is what it is. Okay, correct. That one was the spicy chip. I was scared for a minute you weren't going to get it.

We went a lot of places. What is that? Cayenne? Yes, correct. Cay correct cayenne okay bonus point correctly identified we went a lot of places that was a sarcutous route um chip number three if you will wow oh my god that's so sweet right oh my god stop it this is i'm at my prom i'm homecoming queen i'm prom queen i'm all the queens i'm winter formal queen i'm spring flame queen. I'm getting kissed by so many men. Oh my god, they all want me to marry them? But I can't. I can only take one husband unless... No, that'd be crazy. But oh my god, maybe I could run away with you. You want to run away to Arizona? Because it's hot, but we can do that

because we're together. This is really sweet. What is that? Is that like, kind of like artificial cherry? Oh, so close. Peach. Peach! No, but it was a stone

fruit. It's a stone fruit. It's a stone fruit. It is a stone fruit, so you get half a point, but you're really going to need to crush this third one if you want to pass, because you have the bonus point from the first one and a half point. God, that was so sweet. Yes, it was peach, though.

You really weren't getting peach? You know what? Now that you mention it, I think the wires get crossed now. I do taste peach. I do taste peach now. That's unfortunate, though, that you didn't get it. Well, I did get stone fruit. Can I ask, was this a memory or was this made up?

What you were experiencing, was that a sense memory? At this point, can I be honest with you? At this point, I can't tell the difference. With what I'm tasting, I really can't tell if any of these happen to me or if I'm making it up complete disconnect from reality at second chip alright third chip

or fourth chip sorry it's confusing because the first one's the play it's okay I forgive you fourth chip again we're just going to pop the whole thing in. Thank you. Pops it in.

You bitch. You absolute crazy bitch. Who the hell do you think you are? Getting that promotion over me.

Getting, getting, oh, getting the ski house. Oh, you think you're so fucking fancy? You think you're so better than everyone? Oh, you're better than everyone, Becky, getting the ski house. Oh, you think you're so fucking fancy? You think you're so better than everyone? Oh, you're better than everyone, Becky, aren't you?

Aren't you? Well, I'll tell you what. You got your hair dyed last week and I think it looks brassy now. Yeah, they didn't do too good of a job. They didn't put enough toner in there to make sure it looked good. Oh, you think your kids are getting to the best schools? Uh-uh-uh, they're not smart enough. I've seen them. I've seen them. Even just like the way they are, you think your kids are getting to the best schools? Uh-uh-uh, they're not smart enough. I've seen them.

I've seen them. Even just like the way they are, you can tell. And don't get it twisted, girlfriend. You're not skinnier than I am. We're the same size. Yeah, so don't be walking around here being like, oh, I'm so tiny. We're the same.

And also, even if you were skinnier than me it wouldn't matter you're so obsessed with your body but you're just a bitch this is very sour i'm kind of getting like a little lemon lime well that's two flavors i'm gonna need you to be specific it's not like a sprite like lemon lime kindlime kind of thing. I'm going to go with... It's going to be controversial. I'm going with lime. It's a lime chip. I mean lemon. It's lemon.

Oh, you poor thing. That was a fake code. It was Sierra Mist. We dipped that one in Sierra Mist. Oh, please. Give me another chip. Give me another chance. You don't get the job.

You have to go home. I'm sorry. Yes, you do not. But I feel like I'm a different person. How could I go home now? Hey, before you go, here's your consolation prize. We're going to give you a bag of the peach chips, the ones that I think nearly brought you to climax here in my laboratory. So here are a bag of these. Hopefully these cheer you up.

Don't eat more than one at once. Really bad can happen. Will these be put on the market? Absolutely not. They are psychoactive. Could I come back and get another stash? If you're good.

I will be. I'll be so good. I stash? If you're good. I will be. I'll be so good. I'm sorry for calling you a bitch. I don't know what's happening to me. Most people do. Most people do when they eat the third, the fourth, the chip. The sour chip. Most people do.

The chip. Okay. Okay. Thank you for your time. You're welcome. I take another one of the peach chips on the way out. I forgive you for the bitch thing. I forgive you. I take a peach chip.

Everyone needs to leave the room. No, you're leaving the room. We are not. I forgive you. I forgive you. That was Cher. Cher sang that one. I forgive you. That was Cher. Cher sang that one. I forgive you. That was nothing.

Do you want to go next? That was actually nothing. That was actually nobody. That was nobody. That was nothing. I forgive you. Do an impression of no one you've ever met or seen. Okay, ready?

Yeah. I don't think I really need this. That was a guy I don't know. No, you do one. Okay. Okay. Okay, here we go. When the window washers come I'm gonna have to put

the game on hold that was somebody I've never met oh wow now I'm gonna do a different one this one's gonna be someone famous that I don't know okay remember me from the 90s

the 90s that was someone famous from the 90s that we've never heard of. Okay. I'm going to do kind of an oldie but a goodie. This is someone who was really big in the 60s, 70s. Some real love. Ready?

Whoa. The chicken tenders that aren't organic cost less than? That was... And that was someone who... We've never heard of them. Played at Woodstock, maybe.

This is... Okay, this is... We don't know. Okay, this one is going to be... This is a guy who landed on the moon, but it wasn't Neil Armstrong, so nobody remembers his name. Okay. This is one small step for doug oh his name's doug that's about it

okay this is a this is a professor who like believes that they have the cure for cancer but no one knows who they are because they just kind of did it out of like a home lab kind of situation this could change everything okay this is a guy this is a guy who uh paid on forrest gump yeah he was a really nice guy but kind of aloof we need to take a break. We're back. Oh my god.

Do you want to do one more review? Yeah, I guess I can do this. It's for the same one as before. You're so sad. I forgive you. This one's from Wanda Y. Wanda Y? Yes. one i forgive you this one's from wanda why wanda why yes fuck one hold on oh i'm holding wanda wanda why my covid test has two lines on it? It's because it's positive.

This is from wonder why my COVID test has two lines on it? It's because it's positive. Five stars. Can't get the lid off. Had to open with a hammer. And then it's a picture of someone smashed a bottle with a hammer and then the text of the review is

couldn't get the lid off. Couldn't get the lid off. Had to smash it with a hammer. Couldn't get the lid off. Police station interrogation room. All right. Miss Townes, you obviously know why you're here. You drove into the nail salon.

Thank God no one was hurt. But obviously we do have to bring you in here for questioning because we did not find any toxins, any alcohol, any drugs in your system. And you're only 32 years old. Your eyesight is very good. And you don't have anything else on your record to indicate that anything would be an issue. I'm sorry. I didn't hear a question in there. I guess the question is, why did you drive into the nail salon yesterday at 4.15 p.m.?

Why did I drive into the nail salon yesterday at 4.15 p. Why did I drive into the nail salon yesterday at 4pm? And you didn't even reverse. You were going 38 miles per hour into this nail salon. I mean... I should probably wait for a lawyer.

Uh, probably, but we'd really it would be a lot faster if you just answered it now. I feel like you're drinking me, but I will do it. It's not a trick. Okay, I'll tell you why. Great. Have you ever been somewhere?

You're not going to tell me. No, I might. Have you ever been somewhere? You might or you will. You've ever been somewhere? Yep. And the door says push. Have you ever been somewhere? You might or you will. You've ever been somewhere? Yep. And the door. I have. No. Says push.

But it's actually a pole. And so you. Human error. Stand there. For 10 seconds pushing a pole door. And then. You feel kind of silly. And then you finally remember. Oh. I'm supposed to pull it

yes I have been in that position even though it says push it's actually a pull and you're just supposed to know that well sometimes I think it's just a human error they put the wrong sticker on the door if you're

pushing on the door. Yeah. And instead of realizing that it's actually pull, you get in your car and you drive through the door to get in to your appointment. I don't have to imagine that because that's what you did. Right. And you agree. Again, can you see... I don't agree, no.

I was gonna... Can you see... No. The unbelievable jump from maybe trying to push... Yes. Or trying to pull or even knocking on the window because there are people in there. You could have knocked and been like,

Hey! And you kind of made the sign with your hands. I couldn't open the door, and I had to get in there for a nail appointment. You could have called them. You could have knocked on the window. Well, if- You didn't- If coulds were apples, I'd be in the Garden of Eden. But I didn't, did I?

I did drive through the door, and I think the question is now, what are we going to do about it? We're going to arrest you. Oh. You have been about it we're going to arrest you you have been arrested we're going to book you probably sure you will no idea who my father is I have no idea who your father is who is your father you don't know who my father is

no I could not I don't know who you are look at the top of your sheet. My name that you said when I first walked in here. Katie Towns. Katie Towns. My father, Mr. Towns of the titular town.

No way. Yes. Your father is. Is Mr. I'm so sorry. I didn't put it. Mr. Town.

Yeah, he is. Town. Can I ask why the plural on your last name? Because there's two now. He was the only one. And now there's two towns. Sorry. He was the only town. And he was the only one And now there's two towns Sorry? He was the only town He was the only one?

Yes What do you mean he was the only one? He was the only person with the last name town And then he had me, his daughter And so he changed it to towns Because now there's two of us Okay So I think I'll be you can leave the Bentley out

back for me it's fully busted where's my good Bentley you drove what I imagine is your good Bentley into the nail salon well then I'll have to take the bad Bentley you will not be taking

anything anywhere. The most we can do, I'm so sorry to do this, Miss Towns. Bark for me. You can make a call. Like a little dog. What I can suggest,

Miss Towns, is that you make a call to your father and he can maybe try and rustle things up. But right now, I can't do- The last thing you want, young man, and you are rather young...

I believe we're the same age. And you are rather young... We're both, I'd probably say, around early 30s. ...to call my father. But I will if you require. If that's what it will take for you to get my bad Bentley and bark like a bitch.

You definitely will not be leaving here anytime soon. I do not want to get on your father's bad side, but I feel like from what you've done and the things you're saying, the way you're acting, that is the path that you're going to need to take. Okay. Ring, ring, daddy. Hello?

Daddy, there's some very awful things happening to me down at the police station. Baby girl, what's some very awful things happening to me down at the police station. Baby girl, what's happening? Why are you down there in the clink with a bunch of pigs? They arrested me. What? You're my little darling girl. I tried to tell them that, but they won't listen. Would you like to speak to the sergeant yourself?

I would love nothing more than to speak to this sergeant myself. Well, give me a moment and I'll thrust the phone at him. Oh my god, he wants to talk to me. Oh my god. Hello? Hello? So, you know what? Actually, put me on speaker.

Let's make this a group conversation. Tear him a new one, dad. He wants me put on speaker. Okay. Rip his ass out. Hello, Mr. Town. Towns I changed my name Because I had a child

There's two of us now And the missus She didn't get that same perk So even when I got married And she took my last name We were still town Because Because we went out on the town. And the

Sanctuary of Marriage made you all a union of two into one. Yes. Okay, that's beautiful and strange. Uh, Mr. Towns. Thank you. Towns. Um, your

daughter. I don't need to know what she did. I don't need to know what she did. I don't need to know. I hit a store with a Bentley. That's all I did. Well, it's less that she hit a store. She kind of penetrated a store. Semantics, semantics, Watson.

Listen to Papa. Yeah, that's my girl. She, my girl breaks glass ceilings and she also breaks glass walls. I'm going to be the first person ever to get away with it. Yes, you are, baby. I'll make sure of it. So you're saying my daughter allegedly, allegedly. Oh, it's not alleged, Papa.

I did the damn thing. Okay, my sweet baby girl. pup. I did the damn thing. Okay, my sweet baby girl. She went and did the damn thing. She drove through a nail salon. So what? So what? It's destruction of private property. Potential manslaughter.

Was anybody hurt? Well, uh, potential manslaughter. She, she, well, was anybody hurt? Well, no, but, okay. No, but,

no, but, no, no, but there, there is going to cost countless. I mean, I don't know how the,

the, the place can pay for the repairs. Dr. Watson, here's the deal. Either you let me go, or Papa is going to destroy your private property. You heard that right, Sergeant. If you don't let my little innocent girl go,

I'm going to destroy your private property. So get out of my way. This is before. The thing is, I could get in trouble. I could get in huge trouble. I could get fired. Three

seconds till I shoot you in the balls. You have a gun? I thought we took that away when we brought you in. I'm gonna in the balls. You have a gun? I thought we took that away when we brought you in. I'm going to use your gun. No, there's no way you're going to use my gun. You think you can stop me?

No one can stop her. She drove through us a lot. I grab his gun. What now, officer? Oh my god, oh my god. Did you get it? Okay, okay, okay. You're free to go, you're free to go, you're free to go, you're it okay okay okay you're free to go you're free to go you're free to go you're free to go you're free to go wait you still didn't bark oh honey he's

he's got a bark he's yes sir you gotta bark for my girl for me i i'm letting you go you have my gun please just get out of here So I can get on with my Bark bark bark Dogs don't say bark in a human voice They go Have you ever heard a dog say bark You've never heard that have you Bark for me Dr. Watts

Arf arf arf They don't say arf either They don't say woof Before we get there Just make a bark for listen man it's not that hard if you just go like that's all she wants good one daddy that was a good part she's always wanted a dog but she's never been responsible i would hurt it she would it's not only that she wouldn't

feed it, but she would actively hurt the thing. And we'd all wonder whether it was on purpose. And we'd never know. We would know. Good boy! Please go! Please go! Here's your gun back.

I don't want it. It's not even a good one. I'll have a better gun in the bent. You get out of there. You come home. I'm going to make you the most delicious waffle you've ever had in your life. Oh, waffles? Yeah.

I got the latest Timothy Smimothy model Waffle maker Oh I've heard excellent things about that one Get out of the station My god You are such a wet blanket Would you like a waffle? Would you like to come? I feel like if I say no

I'm gonna get shot You might I'll come Not invited, bitch. Speeds away. Drives into the station and out. Should we do our last segment? Yeah, you know what?

I forgive her. I forgive her. She's just a girl. You know? She's but a kid. She's but a 32-year-old child. Let's do our last segment. This should be all we've got.

What's been shaking your ass? I know you're going first. Okay. Since I have had COVID, I wanted to start watching just like mindless reality TV. Awesome. And so a show that I started, I'm not doing Real Housewives, this go around with COVID.

What I am doing, I'm getting into Vanderpump Rules. I'm getting into, I'd never seen that show before and now I'm a season in oh wow and it's also amazing to start a reality TV show that began in the year 2011 because it makes 2011 feel like 1999

my god have we changed I tried to rewatch like the first season of Real Housewives of New York even and it's a different time it's like not I don't want to say unwatchable

but it is genuinely disquieting like it is so the things they say and do are so uncomfortable the things they consider like fashionable like the clothes they wear and they're like wait this is kind of serving and it's like yeah eight fucking tank tops on top of each other like and the makeup like the heavy heavy-handed and but especially just like the

language just like i've never it's it's just the way that everybody. I don't know, just like two women hanging out at the back of the restaurant, and then they hug each other because they're crying, and then they go, oh, if someone sees us, they're going to think we're a couple of lesbos. I'm like, Jesus Christ. That's like how you talk to me normally, so I'm kind of. No, it's not. It's weird that you're suddenly having an issue with that kind of language.

Anyway, Vanderpool's is fantastic. I, it's not! It's weird that you're suddenly having an issue with that kind of language. I cannot stop watching it. It's amazing. It's amazing. Alf, what's new with you? It's amazing, balls. What is new with me?

What is new with me? Oh, is it hot there? It's hot here. I've been watching an Apple TV nature show from a couple years ago, Earth at Night, and they have these special cameras that make it so that they can see in color even at night, and it's really cool. Such a loser.

No, it's really cool because you get to see cool because no that's the kind of shit i would watch that sounds awesome like a bear like a bug you can see a little bug get eaten you get too much a little bug and it's like and i my favorite part of it is at the end they do these little like behind the scenes the making of this episode and you get to see like some australian dude like lugging a 8 000 pound camera that's like the biggest lens you've ever seen because it's wow he's incredibly expensive like special cameras for like seeing color at night and uh that's crazy he's like yeah we just go to get it up in the tree and he's like climbing a tree with this thing like strapped to him it's really cool and i'm like they must and you're just watching them you're like you must be being eaten alive

by mosquitoes right now oh my god yeah um but it's super cool and i recommend it if you're like kind of into the planet earth it's narrated by tom hiddleston as well which is like that's kind of hot there was one I was gonna watch and then I saw that it was narrated by Paul Rudd and I was like I don't have an issue

with Paul Rudd but like oh it's tiny like tiny planet yeah yeah yeah I like that it's good I just don't know

if I can handle the Paul Rudd it's like I kind of need it to be a British person is that fucked up and I no I get that

I get that they know more look at these little guys going at it i'm like you don't know what you're talking about but if you look at these little guys going at it it's like oh well you're well versed on it forbidden planet um really quick i want to say just you doing a little list of like behind the scenes that reminded me last night um i watched for the first time in a long time who framed roger rabbit and my god what a film it is so good i killed him right it's so good and just like it was made in 1988 and like i can't i still can't figure out how they fucking did that it It's incredible. If y'all have not seen Who Framed Roger Rabbit,

go watch it. It's on Disney+. It's a live action mixed with animation. It's just, it's so good. And no one will be shocked to know that when I saw it for the first time, of course I had a crush on Roger Rabbit. Of course I did.

That's so funny. You have such funny taste. Because remember, it's like, in the movie, the movie everyone's like so shocked that like jessica genuinely loves roger jessica rabbit i kind of jessica rabbit type at six you were like wait no finally i see myself represented on screen i'm not bad i'm just drawn that way um no i just like in the movie, everyone's like, what? How could she be with him? And I'm like, I get it. Roger can get it.

He makes me laugh. And I'm like, he makes me laugh too, mama. I get it. That's fucking bizarre. I haven't watched it in a long time. I should rewatch. It's so good. It's so good. And it's also just like, it's my first time, I think, watching it in a long time. I should rewatch. It's so good. It's so good.

And it's also just like, it's my first time, I think, watching it as an adult. Like my, my frontal cortex fully formed. Right, right.

Well, I wouldn't. And, sorry? As formed as it's gonna be, yeah. Anyway, it's like,

there's just little moments that like I didn't get as a kid that I'm getting now. It's very funny. Even just little throwaway things where it's like, basically, if you haven'm getting now, it's very funny, even just little throwaway things where it's like, basically if you haven't seen it it's a murder mystery, it's a whodunit kind of like noir

you know what I mean, like New York and someone's asking the detective hey Eddie you know anything about show business and then Eddie goes well I know that there's no business like it no business I know and No business, I know. And it just not really got me.

It's such a stupid. That's great. No, it's great. It's really good. Oh, my God. It's just, it's really good. You gotta watch it. Anyway.

You can find Alf. Sorry for that weird little pause. You can find Alf. What the fuck was that? I thought you were going to go right in. You weren't saying anything. I thought you were going to. You can find Alf. Sorry for that weird little pause. Yeah, what the fuck was that? I thought you were going to go right in. You weren't saying anything. I thought you were going to. You can find Alf on Instagram at alfredinit. You can find the show on Instagram at reviewreview, Reddit r slash reviewreview,

and Discord on HeadGum at reviewreview. Hey! Dubstab. dubstep you can find riley on twitter.com now known as xxx.com and on instagram.com just the web browser not the phone app at riley oh wait i did it backwards fuck me you can find riley on twitter.com for as long as it lasts at riley anspaugh and no fuck me oh my god i got the dubstep distracted let's do it one more time you can find riley on instagram.com just on my browser not the phone app at riley anspaugh and on twitter.com for as long as it lasts at riley coyote and as we say every single week on the

show we are always saying this we've never stopped this. We've been saying it since day one and we'll be saying it to the day we fucking die. I... I... forgive you I forgive you I forgive you I'm from all of us here at Review Review in a HeadGum Studios in sunny Los Angeles

California I forgive you I forgive you. Bye. That was a Hiddem Original.