Review Revue - Wall Street Tailors

Episode Date: January 28, 2020

Reilly and Geoff discuss alteration shops near the New York Stock Exchange, Headgum's 4-year anniversary party, and getting scarves out of coats. Plus, Geoff eats during the podcast!Be sure to check out this week’s Headgum video, and give the show a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts for a chance to win a personalized gift basket from Reilly & Geoff, or get a personalized poem read aloud on the next podcast!Follow Reilly and Geoff:IG: @reillyanspaugh & @iamgeoffreyjamesTwitter: @reilecoyote & @dontplaynojamesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Get that Angel Reef special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? At participating restaurants for a limited time. You know what's crazy? Is that we wrote that song and performed it ourselves

That's not true It's like amazing how we did that And it sounds exactly like the Grateful Dead It's Franklin's Tower It's the studio recording Yeah, but it's like it's crazy how we did it, right? We didn't That's what I've been saying

That sucks Anyway, welcome to the review review. What a weird way to start this. With a lie? We don't have a theme song yet. So for now. I'm still convinced we're never gonna have a theme song. Why? Or we're gonna get one later before this whole thing is released and we're gonna put it at the beginning of all these episodes and it'll be us talking about songs that didn't play. And that's good podcasting. It's 10 a.m. on a Tuesday. It's 10 a.m. on a Tuesday. I'm Riley Anspaugh and I'm eating on a podcast, which famously is the best thing to do for an audio medium. I'm Jeffrey James and I didn't get any sleep last night.

Why? I was up all night. Don't say it like that. Thinking of one-liners to say on this show. That's so sad. So what do you think about this? Oh my God. Yeah. I'm going to pull up the list right now. I hate that you did this to yourself. What do you call a zookeeper who got a divorce?

Sorry, this is a one-liner for our show about reviews. Yeah, what do you call a zookeeper that got a divorce? I don't know, what? Sad as shit. Doesn't matter what your profession is, if you get a divorce, you're going to be upset about it. Unless you're the one who filed and you were stoked. There's still a sadness in that.

Have you been divorced? Thrice over. I forgot about that. That is canon. There were three green card marriages for other people. Got it. Yeah. So no real love was exchanged. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. They were three green card marriages for other people. Got it. Yeah. So no real love was exchanged.

Mm-mm. Mm-mm. But a lot of love was lost. Right. On your end. On my end. Yeah. Yeah.

How was your week been? How was your weekend, rather? It's a Tuesday. The weekend was fine. The family was in town. Mm-hmm. My sister and her brother. Who she's married to, which is sick.

Yeah, it's illegal, but it's fine. My sister and her husband. Brother. No. No. Are moving here, so I've been helping them with all that shite. I'm going to call him her husband, brother. No. After

HeadGum Live, which we had this past weekend, we all went out to get drinks and some noshes. A little restaurant nearby. What did you think about the show? About the HeadGum Live show? Yeah. I thought it was, you know, Woodstock. There's nothing like Woodstock. It was like Woodstock.

No. That was an iconic moment in music history. And so was this. This was a black box theater. People were sliding down mud hills in the rain. It was an indoor venue. People were dropping acid. They were hot. People were bartering clothes and food.

What do you think happened at Woodstock? Bartering? There were hundreds of thousands of people there. There was 45 people there. We headlined, which was crazy. And there was a big storm, but it's like we just wrote it out, all of us together. It was a clear day. History will remember it.

It only happened once. Very few people were there, and they probably will forget about it in two years. So, yeah, it's like the same as Woodstock. I shouldn't have asked. Oh, HeadGum Anniversary Party is next week, and I'm very excited for that. Wait, it is? Yep. Did the email go out?

Yep. Oh. I'm sure I got it, right? No, totally. It might have gone to spam or something, or like junk or something. Okay. Let me check, right? Yeah.

No better time than on air. It probably went to your work email, not your personal email. Okay. Yeah. Let me switch accounts real quick. Okay. I'm there. Yeah. It's HeadGum turns four. Do you know what day it came in? went to your work email not your personal email okay yeah let me switch accounts real quick okay i'm there yeah it's head gum turns do you know what day it came it's next uh like september 4th or something yeah it came in september 4th yeah i'll talk to marty about i'm sure it was an

oversight i did not get the invite you didn't get the invite i was spam nothing it's fine i mean i can put you on as like a plus one for me hey No, hey. I don't need the pity invite, right? Daniel got an invite. Daniel Rashid got an invite. Daniel Rashid got his own invite. Okay. I can't help but feel like that stings a little. He doesn't even work here.

You know what? I'm going to throw my own Hedga Maniversary Party, and it'll be ten times better than Marty's shindig. It'll be Woodstock. What are we reviewing this week? What reviews? Wall Street Tailors. Wall Street tailors. Wall Street tailors.

Dry cleaners and alterations near the New York Stock Exchange. Exactly. I want people who care so deeply about their appearance that they will spend hundreds of thousands of dollars a year to make their waist look good in a shirt. Yeah. We're talking pinstripe double-breasted power suits on a ninth floor suite alterations sewing machine room.

On a room. Do you have any past tailoring experiences? I mean, neither of us are Wall Street brokers. Yeah, I thought you were going to ask me specifically. Do you have any Wall Street experience? Obviously not. Okay. Do you have any tailoring experience?

Not you as a tailor, but you getting anything tailored. I had a Hugo Boss suit. Brag. Brought in at the waist. Okay. And I also get my jeans hemmed because I like to wear them above the ankle. Yep. And rolling them too many times makes it look dumb as shit.

Yeah. So for any of you guys out there who roll your ankles, who roll your jeans above the ankle more than three or four times, Jeff's coming for you. Four times? This is three and it looks like idiotic right now. You kind of look like a boy on like an island. Like you've been shipwrecked and you're in Lord of the Flies. What about you? Tailoring experience?

Yes. I will buy clothes. I'm like, oh, this is great. I can just get it taken in. shipwrecked yeah and you're in lord of the flies what about you tailoring experience yes um i'll i will buy clothes i'm like oh this is great i can just get it taken in like if i go thrift shopping i'll be like this is fine i just need to get it taken in here and here and pulled up and all that stuff which is fine when i buy it because then in my head i'm imagining myself with this perfectly fitted outfit and then and like they as had pinned it, I'm like, oh my God, this looks amazing. Like there's this. You're crying.

Oh, like there was this dress, I'm like, or it was like a pants, it doesn't matter. I'm like, oh my God, this is what it could be.

And it's incredible. And they're like, this will cost you $200 for this. I'm like, so I'm not getting it done. Is it because it's a dress? It's because they would have to do a lot of things. Like they'd have to rebuild it, which I do understand.

I should have just not bought it. But if you get a dress at a thrift store, and then you get it tailored for $200, you might as well just buy a new dress that fits you perfect. Do you want to start? I'll start. So this is a review on Exchange Cleaners. I don't have the address. It's somewhere in the financial district of New York City.

One star from Alice P. Mm-hmm. Warning. Hole burned through custom wedding dress. Oh, no. Avoid at all costs. If it was possible to give zero stars, I would. That's a very common thing.

Yeah, if it was possible. I took my custom wedding dress to be dry cleaned and preserved. Before they dry cleaned it, they burned a hole right in through the front of the knee. Intentionally. Notified me via text message with a photo. There was absolutely no hole

when I dropped it off. In fact, when we laid out the dress completely face side up, they expected it and found nothing. When I looked at the picture they sent me, it was clearly a burn. They had burned my custom wedding dress. Oh my God. When I told them the dress was in perfect condition,

when I dropped it off, the clerk started laughing at me over the phone. What? He said, that's what they all say. Then I asked him not to laugh because I was very upset. She's sobbing. And he said he couldn't help it because it was all too funny.

And as far as he's concerned, he doesn't need me to ever come back as a customer. Oh. Oh, my God. This is bullying. A childhood bully grew up and opened an alterations place that's what they

all say so the amount of times that this place is fucked up yeah how many times do you burn holes wait this was perfect we're like oh yeah of course it was it's like yeah that's why I brought it here it looked fine enough and I want you to make it better.

But, oh, my God, how do you burn a hole when you're, like, taking it in? Oh, my God. I love that she's just reiterating. She's like, sorry, they burned a hole in my wedding dress. The guy's laughing at her over the phone. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but it's just we burned a hole in your custom wedding dress. The guy's laughing at her over the phone. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but it's just we burned a hole in your custom wedding dress. Yes, you burned a hole in my

No, please stop laughing. My wedding is tomorrow. No, I'm sorry. It's just, it's funny to me because we don't need you. Like, I know you need the dress, but to us, that's nothing. We're going to get new dresses later today. I'm going to tell everyone to not come here. This is insane. You can't treat your customers or the clothes this way. We're going to call new dresses later today. I'm going to tell everyone to not come here. This is insane. You can't treat your customers

or the clothes this way. We're going to call you a liar on Yelp. I'm going to call you an asshole on Yelp. They responded to her. No. Alice, this is absurd. She's like, I know. We discovered the photo of the hole was another wedding dress that my

manager sent me. If you had actually let us confirm and let us resolve the issue, which it happens, didn't even happen in the first place, then we wouldn't have hard feelings. But sorry your experience wasn't pleasant. If there's anything we can do to bury the hatchet, I'm open to suggestions.

Open to suggestions. We don't need you and we're gonna make you crazy look crazy online. So, okay. The dress wasn't hers. But it was someone else's. And they're like, sorry, that was someone else's hole in a wedding dress. Still, you burned a hole at the knee.

All right? And you've led me to believe it was mine. They care so much about... Actually, no, they don't even really care about building back that relationship. It's not even like, let me know. We'll do anything. It's like, yeah, I'm open to suggestions. Look, Alice, we're gonna get customers no matter what. This is Wall Street. Yeah, I

don't know. I mean, like, with customer service like this, I hope you don't get any more customers. I'm gonna tell everyone to go somewhere else. Yeah, well, it'd be a shame if we burned a hole in your dress. You did burn a hole in my dress. Another hole. Fuck.

Maybe you don't write the review. Maybe we don't burn another hole. You're blackmailing me with my wedding dress? Alice, this is absurd. Yeah, this is absurd. You're like, we're bargaining over my wedding dress, and you're a tailoring company. You know what? I'm open to suggestions if you're ready to calmly resolve this. It doesn't

seem like you are. It seems like your suggestion is that you're going to burn my whole dress if I choose to write this Yelp review. We can do whatever we want with the dress. What? We can tie-dye the dress. I'll pick it up today. You're picking it up today?

Yeah. What time? I'll probably be there after work. I'll come at like 5.30. All right. Well, it's during work. So we have hours to do whatever we want with the custom wedding dress. And we'll still get customers. What? What?

If I post a photo of my tie-dyed, burnt, too small, put it in the wash wedding dress. We wet cleaned it. We really did. A wet clean and a dry cleaner. I will make this go viral. You will never see anyone come into your store again. We'll always have customers. How?

Because we're really nicely positioned by the stock exchange. Yeah, I guess you're the most convenient. Have you seen Succession? Of course. So? Have you seen Succession? Of course. So? Have you seen Succession? We haven't seen it, but there's a show about it, so people are interested in Wall Street and New York finance. So they're going to bring their wedding dress, customer otherwise, to exchange cleaners, no matter what we do to yours.

Make me look like Succession. This is a Vera Wang gown. I know. You guys are the best in the business. Make me look like Succession. Do you trust us? No. Sorry.

Let me rephrase. Do you think we'll do right by you and by the dress? I mean, I saw some reviews on Yelp. Oh, Alice was absurd. That was a different photo. Different dress that we burned. So you did burn a dress. Look,

we don't need you to be a customer. And no matter how bad you make us look, we'll make you look tenfold worse on Yelp. This is a crazy way to do business. But I'm interested because I love Succession. And this is as cutthroat as Logan Roy on the day. Yeah.

Holy shit. I truly don't know what to say other than all that. That was one of my favorite reviews. Okay. Okay. Okay. For this review, I i'm not gonna say too much about it this is for custom men nyc i think it's closer to midtown but here we are huh this is from tyler r he wrote this on june 20th 2015 this is four stars. Not the full five. Okay? You're chewing. Four is the weirdest one.

Right, but then, okay, here we go. I've purchased a lot of shirts for work from plenty of different stores at wildly different price points over the past few years. And no shirt I've owned fits as well as this one. I've never really thought a lot about bespoke clothing.

I figured the more time and effort putting into creating something out of nothing, the higher the price would be. My girlfriend got me a Groupon for a custom Italian dress shirt, so there I went. It was super gross hot out, and I walked the 30 minutes there from my office. So my first impression was, thank you for having decent air conditioning. They took all my measurements, asked me how I like my shirts to fit, sit, lay, fall, etc. They also told me the shirt I was wearing was too big. I already knew that. And pointed out small things that could be fixed to make it look better.

I was impressed. A few pinches here and there and the shirt looked way better. The guys there have obviously been doing this for a while. They knew what they were talking about and were really helpful. I looked through what must have been about a thousand fabric choices and made a decision on something that would pretty much match all of my business clothes. And done. A month later, my shirt came in. I walked there from work, another super hot, gross day. Thanks again for the AC. And after I cooled down, I tried it on. Wow. It took trying on a shirt made for me in every way possible to show me that no shirt I own 100%

fits me the right way. Damn it. Total cost for the Groupon and shipping, just over $50. I asked about getting more. Now that my measurements are all on file, all I need to do is make an appointment to come in and look at fabrics, and I'll be in and out in five minutes. I believe the normal price runs around $70 plus, but I asked about other offers, and they had a few going on, so you should be able to save a little. In a city where your appearance is everything, having a few of these in my repository of shirts will go a long way.

Why wasn't it five stars? I don't get where the one Dockage was from. They had AC. They had AC. They fixed his old bad shirt. They showed him a thousand fabrics. They also kind of like, he liked being told he looked bad. Yeah.

I looked fat as shit, sweating through my J crew. Already knew that. I already knew that I looked bad. And guess what? In this town, you got to wear good things to look good in this town. So I walked in, baggy shirt, a few pinches here and there, and it fell. It just sat. It better. Slim fit, trim fit.

You have options with these guys. He's in love yeah he's also like going into a restaurant like waiting you'll never have to wait for a table i walked in put my name in for table four four years later i'm dining like a king that's not fast like not all of it was impressive most buildings have ac They insulted your fit. But they made it look amazing. Now he's also like, shit. Nothing I have has ever fit me right.

I've tasted nirvana, and now normal life is not enough. And now I need more Groupons for this place. Also, his girlfriend's kind of like Passive aggressive a little bit She's like happy birthday babe Here's a Groupon for a bespoke Tailoring company Wow that's amazing bespoke You don't have enough cash to buy good clothes

That fit you and the things you have You look bad in Let's have some cake Not too much though right Oh my god Yeah I don't know I'm feeling really self conscious now let's have some cake. Not too much though, right? Oh my God. Yeah, I don't know. I'm feeling really self-conscious now.

Wait till you go to the tailor. We'll point out everything that's wrong with how your dockers are fitting. Don't worry about me. You think I'm the least of your worries. I'm just giving you the Groupon, bud. I do think it's like, what it sounds like is like when he went in and they did like a few pinches here and there and like the shirt

looked amazing they didn't fix that shirt like he was gonna go get a new shirt it's like they probably just put some pins in it and like this is how it could look if you would bring it in but it's like when I go if I'm in the mall and I'm feeling cheeky

and I go to a makeup counter that I really like they're like oh my god like if I'm in the mall and I'm feeling cheeky and I go to a makeup counter that I really like, they're like, oh, my God. Like if I'm going to get like a brow thing and they're like, well, do you want to try a couple other things on? I'm like, sure. And then they do my makeup for me with all the products that I like. Like, what do you use at home? And I'll be like this, this and this. Like, great. Like, I'll do your makeup.

Like, I'll do a little testing thing and it's like, like, just to try it out. And it's free. I'm like, okay. And they make me look amazing. And I don't know how to do that with the stuff that I have. And then they're trying to sell me, like, hundreds of dollars worth of other shit. But now I'm torn because I'm like, you've made me look like a princess. This is the second time you've mentioned shopping alone. How often do you go?

I like shopping alone. Really? Yeah. I need somebody to be like, that looks great on you. Or, no, man, that's not you at all. I prefer shopping with other people, but also sometimes it's like, if I'm on a mission, then I need to do my own thing. But you're talking about sitting at a makeup counter and letting someone do it for you. That's like an hour, right?

Oh, well, I've never done that alone. I've been with pals, and they're like, you look so good. You should get it. Is that Poppy? Maybe. But yeah, no, shopping alone's good. We have to have Poppy on this show. We have to have Poppy on the pod.

Pod P? Pod P. Ugh. I know that a Groupon just means, like, I know that we don't. It's just a Groupon with a, yeah. No, I know. But I'd like to imagine that, like, him and this random group all met up at this place. And they're all dudes who, like, who like their clothes, they're really nice

but their clothes don't fit super well and people call them betas in the office. All these Wall Street guys with their super sharp, nice suits are like, oh, Taylor isn't looking so hot today. Fucking beta.

And then he's like, no man, I got a Groupon. And he just meets his kindred brothers in this store. That's really sad. And they're all complimenting you. They're like, no, your shirt looks great. I can't wait to see yours in the mail, dude. You picked the best fabric.

They get pink berry tart flavor after that. Yeah, that's sweet. I love it. Thank you, Tyler. Thank you, Tyler. Thank you, Tyler. Tyler R. Tyler R. For writing in specifically to this podcast.

This is coming from Taylor S., pun intended. It's really just the first line of this one. Five stars. Perry, this is for Perry Taylor. One guy named Perry, apparently. People like him.

Perry came to the rescue when my scarf got caught in my coat. That's the review? That's all I'm gonna read from it because the rest is just saying how good it is. Okay.

What are you talking about? Your scarf got caught in your coat? That's how you'm going to read from it because the rest is just saying how good it is. Okay. What are you talking about? Your scarf got caught in your coat? That's how you wear a scarf. You wear a peacoat. You put the scarf around your neck. You tuck it into your coat. Perry, Perry, you got to help me, man. What's wrong?

What's wrong? I don't know what happened. I put my scarf on and I put the jacket on. Yeah, you look amazing. Oh, my God. I can't get the fucking, I don't know. It's in there, man. The scarf. Yeah, you look amazing. Oh my god. I know, but I can't get the fucking, I don't know, it's in there, man. The scarf, it's help me. Sorry.

Yeah, the scarf is in the coat. Yeah, how do I get it out? You get it out, you just pull it out, but I don't think you should. It's cold outside and you look really, really nice. No, no, no, help me, help me. Help me take it off. Help you? Yes, yes. Help you take it off. Get it off, get it off, get it off. Okay. You are the best tailor in the city, man.

I just pulled a scarf out of a crevice. How much you want? 50 bucks? No, you seriously don't have to pay me for that. Too nice, Barry, but I got to pay you for this. No, that wasn't even tailoring. That was just me helping you adjust your outfit. No.

I was in a bind. You were there. I was there. You ran into my store. My scarf got caught in my coat. I saw. It wasn't caught in it. It was just sitting in it, which is how you're supposed to wear it. Any number. I have my checkbook right here.'re supposed to wear it. Any number.

I have my checkbook right here. You tell me any number. Any number. Five stars on Yelp. Any much of cash you want. Any amount. Any much of cash. Any amount.

I'm flustered because of how good of you are for the tailoring. How good of I am you will give me any much of cash? Yeah. No, I feel dirty. I can't take your money for work. I mean, like, if you send me... Your son just got into Fordham, right? Yeah, he did. He's really excited.

How much is a year? Oh, my... You're not going to pay for a year of my son's college. Just tell me the number. If you send me a bunch of clothes, I will tailor them, and then you can pay me that much money. I can't take this for pulling a scarf out of a jacket. Perry, don't be proud. Don't be humble.

Opposites. How much per year at Fordham? Um, $30,000. I'm writing you a check for $120,000. No, you can't pay for my son's whole college experience.

You took an infinity scarf out of a pea coat. Yeah. So I'm putting Tristan through design school. This is insane. Perry. Oh my God. Take the check. I cannot do that.

Don't be full of yourself. Don't be modest. I don't know which I am anymore. You're very confusing and that's so much money. This would really help the wife and I out. It's just such a short review. But I

just thought that was really funny. What do you mean you got a scarf caught in the coat? Or like I like to imagine like this woman is coming in with like an Hermes silk scarf, but she's like, I can't find it. What do you mean you can't find it? It's in the coat somewhere. It's caught.

What? I don't know where. I'm really scared. One minute it was around my neck and now it's somewhere in here. Did you check the pockets? I should check the pockets. Just check it. Oh, my God.

Perry, how much money? No, why does this keep happening? People keep giving me too much cash. Your son's going to grad school? Yes, he's going to grad school. He's really well in design school. It's on me. No, you can't pay for that.

Send me the bill. It's like $50,000 for two years. Exactly. What do you mean exactly? Exactly. I got it. Why do people around the New York Stock Exchange keep getting their scarves cotton coats? I love it. Oh, Perry. What if Perry's an asshole? He's like not that good of a tailor. He just keeps helping people take scarves out of jackets. Okay. Let me see. Okay. I have another short one too.

Why? Never mind. Come on now. No, I'll do it. This one's from Booka Taylor. Charlie C. November 19th. Say it with me now.

I don't know the year. How would I know that? Exactly right. Three stars. I wanted to believe in these guys because I love the entrepreneurial hustle, but I've given them three strikes and they're out. That's it? Yep.

So they ruined three of his garments? I don't know. And he just, how many stars was it? Three? Three stars. Three stars, three strikes. Yep, they're out. He wants to reward a tailor's entrepreneurial experience. Oh, because it's Book a Tailor, so it's probably like a startup. So I looked, like as I was looking

it up, I think they were on Shark Tank. Oh. And so I like to imagine that this guy was like, oh, these people must be baller. Like, they are on morning news shows. They are on Shark Tank. I will support their business. I want to hear more about the three garments, but I also, I'm really happy to just know that he came in three times.

Bad each time. To keep ruining his shirts. And he's like, I'll give you one more try, Booker Taylor. You shouldn't. We literally ruined your chinos. No, I know, but I'm a three strike man. I will give you one more chance. I'm telling you, we can't do this to you. I won't let myself do this to you. No, no I'm a three-strike man. I will give you one more chance. I'm telling you, we can't do this to you.

I won't let myself do this to you. No, no, no. You gave us pants, and I don't know why we did this, but I just unsewed it all and gave you swatches back. And now you want to trust me with your wedding tuxedo. I love your guys' entrepreneurial hustle, right? That's why we all come to Booker Taylor. Look, Charlie, between you and me why we all come to Book of Taylor.

Look, Charlie, between you and me, we're like on the verge of declaring chapter 11. Sure, but you guys are- You're not hearing me. But you guys are hustling to get out of that hole. We're so lazy. We're not doing anything. We don't know what to do. I know.

I saw you guys on the Today Show. You guys are ready to fight. We embarrassed ourselves in front of Cassie Lee. You guys can. to fight We embarrassed ourselves in front of Kathy Lee The best you guys can You I trust you I will bring my wedding tux in No I won't touch it

You will fit it to perfection And I will tell everyone to come to I will tell everyone to book a tailor You know what I'm saying We'll try Cut to the wedding day It's like assless chaps Out of the pans

I don't Instead of I do I need to call my tailor Ring ring Cut to the wedding day. It's like assless chaps out of their pants. I don't. Instead of I do. I need to call my tailor. Ring ring. Hello. What the fuck? We told you this would happen.

We told you not to trust us. Again, I don't know what we were thinking. There was this like thing, maybe he wants to be bold. I don't know what I was thinking. And I cut a hole in the crotch and ass of your wedding tuxedo pants. I didn't even touch the coat. The coat still fits you poorly. I'm swimming in it.

Yeah. It's honestly a diver's pool. My dick? Mm-hmm. Out. Right. Your fault for not wearing underwear. Because the hole in my foot for not wearing the underwear. But your fault for cutting a hole in the crotch and the ass.

Again, we tried to temper your expectations. We told you that this was not the tailor shop for you, especially to trust that garment with. I wanted to book a tailor for my wedding day. You've been lured in by as seen on TV gimmicks. We're not even trained tailors. We bought a domain and then you gave us your wedding tuxedo.

I trusted you guys with my life, with my wife. What do you do for a living? I'm a children's author. I work from home and the days are slow. I wrote a story about a whale who placed his trust in a friend. Yeah. I wrote Moby Dick as a children's story based on my experience with Booka Taylor. You speared me.

You're blaming a lot of your life's mishaps on us. You harpooned me. You are the source of your own demise all the time. Do you have any more reviews? That one makes me sad. Yeah, I have one more short review. Also for Perry Taylor. This is from Elizabeth I. Okay.

Fixed an evening gown for my son's girlfriend and was quick and unbelievable. Mom, stop making flowy gowns for Trish. She doesn't want to wear them. We don't have occasions to wear these gowns for. Sorry, you don't understand. Perry is the best in the business. I couldn't not take it to him. I don't know Perry, but you have to stop. These are expensive. I can only imagine. I got it. Don't worry about it.

I know that you can't keep affording $10,000 gowns. I can't see Trish. Sorry, sidebar. I can no longer stand the sight of Trish coming into this house in the dresses that she has. They don't look good. There's normal sundresses. A lot of them are from anthropology. They are too cash. In the city where appearances are everything. You're wearing a robe and you're spread eagle.

Don't talk about her being too cash. I'm having to avert my eyes. This is my house. I know. Perry helped me get eyes. This is my house. I know. Perry helped me get a scarf out of my coat. It's always with the scarf and the coat. We're in the hole because I paid for his son's grad school. You keep giving him so much cash and spending so much.

I owe Perry my life. You don't. You owed him maybe $10. And you've spent half a million on him and gowns. And in college funds. Look, Mom, I'm going to be honest. I don't even think I'm going to marry Trish. Oh, thank God. What do you mean, thank God? You're spending so much money on her.

Well, you know, her personality is bad. Her clothes are fine. That's why I don't want to marry her. No, that's great. So now she can go attract some other big, big, I almost just said big hakuna. Big hakuna matata. Nice. I am going insane. I know Trish is bleak, but she doesn't even look good in the gowns. Trish was right there behind me.

She's right behind me, isn't she? Yeah. Trish, did you get that from Perry? Did Perry do that up for you? Does she look sad? She's crying a little. Definitely. I can hear it.

I just was hoping she wasn't. Trish, you're funny. Trish, your personality. You work at a... Is. At a... There. Startup?

Startup? Or is it kind of Starbucks Starbucks She works at a Starbucks I don't remember details about her Because the way she speaks It's so bland That I just tune her out

We've been together five years I know It's been a waste of time I Have to break up with her She's listening I know She's right there

I know but like I'll have the conversation later It's just like It's gonna be harder to do it Cause Seeing a woman cry in a gown is like the saddest thing ever. It reminds me of like Cinderella. It's like the cover of a supermarket novel.

Yeah. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, the ones by the register. The ones by the register. Who are the people in those things? I saw one the other day. I was at a Gelson's on Santa Monica Boulevard. Easy.

And I saw, oh, oh no it was perfect and it kind of reminded me of 30 rock the title was juror number three and it was a photo of like this like a gray scale like staircase like a big staircase and a woman in like a bright red trench coat in heels and blonde hair running up and it's like the actions like her face was kind of turning behind her to look back um and of course i didn't buy it but it can't help but wonder so what do you do for a living i'm a juror okay so a judge or well like a you do jury duty i do jury I do jury duty professionally. You can't. It's a volunteer thing that you have to do legally. I volunteer professionally.

This is the editor reading the pages. So we don't get the story at all. It's someone who thinks that she can get paid for jury duty if she does it all the time? It is a woman, Felicia, who loves the law. How does she make so much money to live in a place with a staircase like this oh no sorry the staircase was outside what you can tell that it's like it kind of looked like coming up from the subway or something or like a big law building i was imagining like gloria swanson like oh no no no sunset boulevard i think it looked like someone either going to or leaving a courthouse. So weird.

Jeff, really quick, last question. What's your favorite item you've ever gotten tailored, and how did it make you feel? And what would your review be for the item that you got tailored? I don't know. I guess I had a suit that I got in high school, and then last spring I had it tailored to me now, and I wore it to a wedding, and I just felt really confident.

And it was like the perfect shade of navy with a nice crisp white shirt, no tie. It was awesome to have. That's great. For me. That's nice.'s great for me that's nice at the wedding that's nice yeah that sounds very classic very nice whatever okay what about you um and be fast okay answer other than the corduroy pants which i love but i've already talked about that right on the pod um i have this dress that i got my mom gave it to me and it is a silk red dress

like day dress with white stars on it it has a collar and it's kind of like you've probably seen it in a photo or something I think so it makes me feel

and I got it taken in at the waist and it makes me feel like I'm in the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. Yeah, I've seen you wear that. And I love it. I feel old timey and I feel hot.

Yeah. So it's good for me to be hot in a dress. Yeah. Not temperature. Like not body heat. I think we got that. But like a fox.

In sheep's clothing. I'm a fox in sheep's wool. I'm a hot fox. Good ep. Good ep. Really good ep. Maybe this will be the first one. Maybe this will be the first one.

I'd feel better about this being the first one. Me too. So keep listening week to week to review, review if this is the first one. I'd feel better about this being the first one. Me too. So keep listening week to week to review, review if this is the first one or not. It'll be more bullshit like this with some of your favorite and least favorite guests. Yeah. Tweet

at us to send us ideas of what we should review next. That's a good idea. What's your Twitter? Riley Coyote. R-E-I-L-E Coyote. And if you don't know how to spell coyote, I don't know how to help you. It's C-O-Y-I-L-E Coyote and if you don't know how to spell Coyote I don't know how to help you it's C-O-Y-O-T-E what's yours?

Don't Play No James Don't Play No Games, No To Play No James my last name so tweet at us hashtag review review with either links to reviews or topics and specific places to review next time. I need to go talk to Perry about a scarf.

Right. Yeah, I saw you got a huge scarf caught in a jacket. I'm very scared. Bye. Bye. That was a HateGum Podcast.