Review Revue - Waterparks

Episode Date: July 7, 2020

Reilly and Geoff discuss bodily fluids, cheesy waterpark dogs, and hobbies you should be ashamed of! Be sure to follow the show's subreddit at r/ReviewRevue, and see the below link to donate to help support Freedom for Immigrants!Freedom for ImmigrantsFollow Reilly and Geoff:IG: @reillyanspaugh & @iamgeoffreyjamesTwitter: @reilecoyote & @dontplaynojamesAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Get that Angel Reef special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? At participating restaurants for a limited time. I just wanna know how you feel I wanna love that's so proud and real

You make me wanna go out and steal I just wanna breathe We've both grown to love this song so much. I remember when this album came out, and it was when Daniel Rashid and I had only been dating for maybe a month or two, because the Beatles are everything to me, and Simon & Garfunkel, and especially Paul Simon,

is everything to Daniel. And so Paul Simon had a new album come out, I think maybe the same day or like the same around the same time as Egypt Station came out and um I was listening to Paul Simon's album and I'm like oh my god it's so beautiful it's so amazing like well now I gotta listen to my Paul's album and then I listen to fucking Egypt Station and you know it is what what it is so it's not bad it's not good I think it's good i think it's shocking but when you actually like are like okay it's not his old stuff and that's fine and if you take it for what

it is like if a new artist came up with that album we would be like lauding and applauding them i feel like i disagree i think if any new artist came out with, if you come on to me, will I come on to you? I think because it's Paul and we're all just like, yeah, man. No, but the lyrics are horrible. But the melodies are our part. Oh, the melodies are great. Yeah, the melodies are great. The lyrics are bad.

And we're just like giving him the benefit of the doubt because we're like, oh man, we love you, dude. It's okay. I don't know. I like how kitschy it is. I also read an interview with him, though, that was like he wanted to make pop music again. And so he paired up with the producer of Coldplay or maybe it was Chris Martin, actually. And they did it.

And it might be a different band. I might be fucking that up. But it was like, let's just make pop songs. And so with that in mind, i think it's pretty good and especially if it's like if you're trying to get on the charts and you're saying shit like for you you gotta respect that you gotta no you do gotta you gotta respect for you um and we have probably more than anyone has but it's also like not i mean i don't listen to the radio i guess but i think it's not on the radio which is like pisses me off it's definitely not on the the you're not gonna catch this like amir famously listens to like top 40 on the radio um i would

be hard-pressed to believe that he has stumbled across paul mccarty's for you in between like a grande and a gaga you know even in like the thousands like panic at the disco was being played on the radio you know what i mean and i hate to bring you back to panic at the Disco was being played on the radio. You know what I mean? And I hate to bring you back to Panic at the Disco. You don't. He did the face I love. I found the other day a photo of this possum. We'll put it on the Instagram. It's from, oh God, hold on.

What is her? It's this woman who like shelters all these animals specifically like oh it's juniper fox she has like millions of followers and she started out sheltering these couple foxes and she has a couple dogs but now she like takes in all these different animals um that need care and then she re-releases them but right now she has a possum and it makes the same face that i was talking about that jeff makes here take a screenshot and we'll put them next uh side by side on the instagram hold on do close mouth perfect uh yesterday someone reached out to me on instagram with a non-profit uh recommendation which was really really cool you just say their personal venmo yeah um freedom for immigrants they do a lot of great work part of what i donated to today and the link is already in my bio if you can believe it

um is donating to the bond fund um and post-release services for detained immigrants including people arrested in ice raids mothers separated from children at the border um because they have to be released on a cash bond and a lot of the bonds are set way too high um and so this organization does a lot but a lot of what their donations go to are um for bond bails um for these families that link is in my bio give what you can and thank you so much to gabriel for for sending that through that's really really awesome and a place that i didn't know about and i'm really glad i do now so jeff what are we like yeah you don't have to like make a meal out of it no No, but it's like we're recording ourselves.

You didn't listen. You said no. What did I just say? Just say the sentence that I just said because you don't listen. No, but what are we talking about today? We're talking about the classiest of joints of haunts, somewhere that I already frequent, especially during COVID. What?

Water parks. You go to water parks during- There's no crowds. Is it open um because this is gonna be live and there's sponsors i just don't want to you sneak into water parks i sneak into water parks i turn on the water supply lines for the slides and rides that i want to be on and uh i have a little grand ball um and uh rand paul actually joins me often. That is Rand Paul's drag race. I remember before I met you,

that was the video that I showed to everyone. Like that video fucking kills me every single time. One of the things I'm most proud of, of pre-you era videos, but the issue is Amir and I couldn't get through it so it's like it could have been a much better video if we could have like done at least a couple more takes it it really gives me i want to take a rand paul to the grand ball it is it really it gets me every single time and i remember like showing people i'm like listen jake and amir are back with this fucking

kid whatever and um and so you really hated me before this this has been a revelation no i didn't hate you i it wasn't that i hate you i was just so deeply jealous of you and yeah i remember that was a video i showed to everyone i'm like this is the funniest thing i have ever seen um yeah that one gets me so we're here we're talking about water parks. Jeff, what like draws you to a water park? What are like the highs, the lows, the peaks, the valleys, the sallies, if you ever met a couple ladies there? Definitely not. I love the feeling of flowing water on the back of my little body, sliding.

Take a shower. take a shower take a shower a river of sorts that kind of twists and turns down don't talk like a pilot don't talk like a pilot don't talk like a pilot don't talk like a pilot don't talk like a pilot don't talk like a pilot don't talk like a pilot i wanted to see if we could go for a full fucking minute for that. But no, it's truly freedom is what it is. Riley just looked at me like I was the dumbest fucking person in the world. It's just fun, dude. Obviously, it's disgusting and not sanitary. And we were texting about water because we were coming up with the idea yesterday.

And Riley was like, I just don't like thinking about how much pee is around. And of course there's bodily fluids. Probably more than just that. Tears, obviously. Definitely tears. Yeah, last night I was texting. We came up with the water parks idea. And before Jeff had said anything, I'm just like, yeah, I've never been to one.

And I have no intention of ever going and jeff just responds in three texts being like i um yeah um i loved going when i was little and probably still do that's the issue was when you're young you don't think about germs because like that's kind of your parents job in a way and you just want to have fun but now like i'm obviously especially with covid like hyper aware of germs and like it's not a sanitary thing no matter how good it is but it would be fun like like if a friend had like you know there's always like people who have crazy pools like drake has a fucking water slide it is hidden hills a water slide is pretty fun um i did i overheard um elizabeth valente talking to daniel this morning because because i i went to and they were like what you have to tell her you have to it's like

she'll be heartbroken i can't tell her no that wasn't well no that wasn't the conversation actually um no no daniel cucked you no no um because i i told them this morning they're like you're recording today what are you recording i said water parks and and elizabeth was talking about um this water park that she frequented growing up in new jersey and um and that like she went with this i i overheard part of the story because i came in here to like look up reviews and do a little work before we started um and by do a little work i mean eat a bagel um and so not work at all pleasure obviously it was work for me because i froze a bag of bagels and forgot to cut it beforehand so i had to wait for it to thaw yeah you are missing four front teeth and and so i had to wait for it to thaw before I cut it in half.

Because I only wanted half a bagel, didn't want the whole thing. Anyway. All right. So I overheard her telling the story about how her friend, like, got stuck in a water slide. How? It's so free-flowing. Well, I have now, like, overhearing that, my body went into insane anxiety. Because I realized, like, ooh, that's a fear I didn't know I had until right now.

I mean, was her friend like really big? Like, I don't understand how you'd get stuck in a. All I know is that like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. I feel my chest tightening thinking about this. Imagine being like. Do you have claustrophobia? Yes.

Yeah. Being like in the slide, like in this tunnel it's not gonna happen i know well i know because i'm never gonna go but like also because it's on a downward slope and there's water making you travel there's no but imagine no but imagine you're blocking the water the water is building up behind you no but imagine explain what happened because there's no way because jeff i wasn't involved i wasn't in five foot no i i'm five, because Jeff, I wasn't involved. You're a twig and you're like five foot two. No, I'm five foot four and a half. I wasn't in the conversation. I was eating a bagel.

People only say halves if they're lying, by the way. You're five foot four. I'm like nearing, I'm closer to five foot five than I am five foot four. I was not in the conversation, so I don't know how it happened. I was eating a bagel with salmon on it. No, you weren't. It was salmon infused cheese. It was salmon infused cream cheese when I got the postman's order no it's this whole conversation has been a tiny it's fib after fib

right no when i no no when i made the postman's order i ordered a bag of seven egg bagels and my favorite kind of bagels i'm like oh i'll get one plain cream cheese and then it said you don't have to gesticulate so much riley's like moving her she's had seven different hand motions in the last 20 seconds and then on it it's a like lox was an option so i'm like oh hell yeah give me i love smoked salmon on a bagel give me some of those those lox it came and it's cream cheese infused with lox and which i didn't expect what and i thought it was gonna be gross and it looks like a gross 50s food but then i actually tried it and it's delicious because it's the same thing as if i just had put like it's not infused it's truly just like bits of lox in the cream cheese and it's really good because fish and cheese don't normally go together and so that's why

i've always wondered why why lox and cream cheese taste so good together sure can i just say one thing about my qualm with lox yes i love lox but i would rather have a lox bagel with no cream cheese than a lox bagel with too much cream no like i i truly want the thinnest possible layer of lot of cream cheese because cream cheese is gross no it's gross. No, it's not. Yes, it is. It's just soggy. It just makes everything soggy. I'm not saying I want too much.

Well, you love milk, so obviously you love cream cheese. No, but I don't. Because it tastes like thick milk. It's gone bad. No, because I don't want a thick amount. Sometimes when you get a bagel sandwich, it's overflowing. I don't want that. That's what I'm saying.

No, that's not what I like. But I also don't want the thinn's not what i like i don't but i also don't want like the thinnest spread i want like a nice happy medium with law there should it should be a three to one locks to cream cheese ratio and i'm not saying it needs to be piled on with locks i'm saying normal amount of locks and then like a half of the amount that normal places do like every time i get a locks bagel i take the locks off and i scrape probably over two-thirds of the cream cheese off because they always put i do the same love cream cheese for some reason i don't understand it i do the same thing i'm not saying that i need fucking piled on but yes i see what you mean and i agree okay so so we agree then we agree i'm gonna get

stuck in a water slide and i'm scared you're not gonna get stuck in a water you're never gonna go to a water park um so what are you what are you you've get stuck in a water park. You're never gonna go to a water park. So what are your, you've never been to a water park. I've never been. I just, I can't get past the pee of it all. I can't get past the, the like knowing,

I don't know. It just seems gross to me. It just seems like I really like, it's just. But you've been on water slides. Not like at a park. See, but that's the thing. There's like a public, you know, at like a pool, like a big public pool. If there's a slide, I'll be like, pool at like a big public pool if there's a slide i'll

be like fuck yeah i'm also scared of heights so it's i'm scared of a lot of things you're also scared in the heights it's just it's like it's too fun and i can't handle that right it's like you do look like a librarian right now with your blue light glasses and your beige cardigan. Stop it. Hamilton is out today on Disney+. Are we going to watch tonight? Yes, we're going to watch tonight. I'm very excited. We might. Oh, so this is something I really want.

I'm going to follow up with Marty and Micah to see if they can reach out to this company. I'm not going to say the name because I don't want to give them free advertising. Well, just say it and bleep it. Okay. Well, okay. It's called **** and it's this blue light. Basically, it's a blue light blocking screen protector. So I have it on my

laptop right now and it does the job of your blue light glasses are doing right now. And I have chronic dry eye, so I need to block out all blue light. They don't know. But it's amazing because you can be in bed and you don't have to have these chonky glasses on. Oh, that's good. I'm looking that up right now. And then they have

it for your phone too. I need to get the phone one. We should take a break before we get into our glasses on. Oh, that's good. I'm looking that up right now. And then they have it for your phone, too. I need to get the phone one. We should take a break before we get into our first review. So, huge thanks to the whole HeadGum ad team because we are

packed this week. We are packed this week. Yeah. We're getting rich. We're getting, like, you know what I mean? Well, we actually haven't been paid yet.

No, and I agree. And I don't think we will because, like, a lot of the ads, I think, are just going to Marty's pocketbook because, like, he wants to buy a house.

Yeah. So we probably won't get paid. There's a wealth of knowledge of the— And of experience. And of experience of— Because we've been doing this for almost half a year. For half a year. And there's a wealth of knowledge of these companies that I didn't know as much about compared to how much I know now, so that's kind of all I need.

I don't need the free stuff. Well, we did get the free stuff. I don't need it. I like it. I like it to have, and it's nice to have. Of course. But it's not like I would die without it. Right. Yeah, you don't need paella to survive, I guess. That's the bare minimum that we

can all agree on. So thanks to our, our word from our sponsors. Thanks to Marty, Michael, Marty, Trichel, Marty, Ginger,

Vitus, uh, Riley, I know this is going to be, I know this is going to be difficult for you, but can you just say one nice thing about Marty? Oh my God. Well,

how much time do you have? This is my take a bit in it. No, come on. Just, just something quick. Just some, it's one thing to make him smile.

God. Um, can you just like, okay. Uh, can you just cut out a lot of this dead air that's gonna be in between for the time i have to think about it i'll cut from here to when you finally come up with one okay great uh his this took 20 minutes by the way shit oh my god and i still can't think of one we're still in the process cut a gun cut cut more dead air Arrow. All right, fuck. Cut more Dead Arrow. 45. Marty. Shit.

This is like, I hate that it's this hard. I hate that it's this hard. You love it. You're smiling. No. Marty. Marty and I both love the show You on Netflix starring Penn Bagley. That's not a compliment. That's just a fact. No, no it's compliment because he's got good taste and he recommended it's a roundabout compliment of you

no no because he i'm saying he recommended it to me and i love it and he's got really good taste and we would text about the episodes and um which is very fun and in season two the main kind of restaurant bookshop that's featured in season two is um urban radish in downtown la which was blocks away from our downtown office that's so funny so only after it premiered where we like the show that marty and i love we're like fuck we could have been extras dude um that's yeah all right it was the old office RIP to the old office but but LIP

live in peace Marty for the great wreck and ads and ads and we're back!

This review, Riley, is four stars from nine months ago from Yunny H. Yunny Honey. Yunny Honey. Is it Laurel or Yunny? Yunny or Yunny Honey. That's the name. Oh, Yunny Honey is the name. Yeah. Yunny Honey, four stars, of Disney's Blizzard Beach Water Park in Orlando, Florida.

Four stars. Yunny Honey. For the food in Blizzard Beach, my friend and I tried out Avalunch's Hot Dog, which was a quick-service food to grab on the go. They have many flavors of hot dog toppings, my favorite being the bacon macaroni and cheese beef hot dog. The cheese mac and cheese sauce soaks up the bread and hot dog, making them extra cheesy. They also have nachos and chili cheese flavors, too.

$10.99. $10.99. Imagine being at a water park in the humid Florida heat and getting a chili cheese macaroni and cheese bacon beef frankfurter. See, this is what I mean. It's like, it's all gross. It's like you're dripping wet with other people's fluids. And then you go and get a soggy cheese bun dog.

Like, none of that. The best part is that the mac and cheese sauce soaks up the bread. Like, what are you talking about? The bread soaks up the sauce. Yeah and cheese sauce soaks up the bread. Like, what are you talking about? The bread soaks up the sauce. Yeah. The bread soaks up the sauce. The cheese is so dense, but also so wet that it soaks up the bread. Oh, my Christ.

Sorry, I'm looking up Blizzard Beach right now, and there's a photo of a man. Okay, so I've been to Blizzard Beach. It's actually really cool and fun. Ah, there's a ride called the slush gusher oh no i hardly know her there's a ride that you like that you you ride a ski lift up to it and then you go down straight for like 10 stories it's really fun no but i go there no no but i go I go there for the mac and cheese bacon hog dog. I just imagine you're at the airport on your way back, and the United clerk asks very innocuously and not actually interested. So how was your trip?

Oh, my God. How was my trip? How was my trip? Okay, so I went to Disney's Blizzard Beach. Oh, that's great. So your check-in, what? Yeah, so sorry. No, my check-in should be, so I went to Disney's Blizzard Beach. Oh, that's great. So you're checking, what? Yeah, so sorry. No, like my check-in should be,

I think I'm about like, I'm like an hour early. I was just gonna say you're already checked in. Okay, well, so I went to Disney's Blizzard. Have you ever been to the Blizzard Beach water park? I haven't. You have to go. You live in Florida and you haven't gone? That's crazy.

You have to go. I mean, like the rides, well, yeah, sure. But the rides are really fun. Like the slides are really fun but oh my god go just for the food what like oh my god no no you're crazy if you haven't gone for the food has no one recommended it to you you live in florida and no one's recommended this food to you no no usually people you know recommend like restaurants in downtown orlando there's like a big uh burgeon food scene there. Usually people don't say a water park. Yeah. Okay.

Well, no. Well, it's in Disney. So it's probably like. No, I know. Think down. Okay. Well, so you know. So you know.

So I can't believe you don't. Okay. Well, there is this. It's for kids. It's for kids. Well, it's for adults of all ages and family of all ages. Anyway, that's not the point. The point is you have to go try this.

Oh my God. Are you a foodie? Would you consider yourself a foodie? I am. And that's sort of why I don't want to go. Yeah. Well, you said you haven't gone, so you actually don't know what it is. What are your favorite kinds of foods?

Like what's like your kind of ideal palette? African cuisine, French cuisine, Japanese, kind of anything. Okay. You know, classic hot dog is great too. Okay, exactly. So here's what's going to blow your mind. What I'm going to recommend to you is not any of that. It's no, it's no cuisine.

It's his own. It's its own cuisine. What do you mean? Imagine a hot dog that's so cheesy the cheese soaks up the rest of the dog what imagine you mean like the bun gets a little soggy because that actually is a bad thing no the bun doesn't get soggy the bun is enveloped by the cheese so you eat you eat the cheese dog, and then you go on the slush gusher. What? And then you dry yourself off and go on it again. Draw?

Dry. What I'm saying is you can have. I'm so happy. Because I had the best time. That's what I'm telling you. No, I'm happy for you. I'm happy for you. I just wish that you wouldn't kind of like campaign.

It's kind of like shoving. It's fine. I'll check it out. I'm happy for you. I just wish that you wouldn't kind of like campaign. It's kind of like shoving. It's fine. I'll check it out. Okay, well, here. I'll help you book your trip. When are you going to go? You have your calendar open right now. I'm not.

I kind of just said that to placate you. I'm not going to go. You're not going to go? You said that cheese envelops a hot dog. You're not even talking about the rides. Why would I go to? I could just make that. I could make a better version of that.

No. I actually. So it's just a chili cheese dog. No, it's not just a chili cheese dog. rides why would i go to i could just make that i could make a better version of that no i actually no it's not it's not just a chili cheese dog i mean it's like what's different about it that's dogginess what's the difference about it is that from the cheese or is that from the water in the park difference the tell me promise me you didn't take this hot dog on the slide just say yes or no and if you did lie to me because i just i need to know that you didn't bring a chili cheese dog on what did you call it the slush gusher you look so guilty they didn't say we couldn't and it was a long line i had to have a snack why didn't you finish it in line if

it was long you held it in your hand and waited until you got went down there's so much cheese i don't think you're fully getting how much cheese there is on this dog. I don't think I am either. How long was the dog? And how long was the cheese? Look, I'll hold up my arm right now. See my forearm? Sure. That's how big the dog

was. And the cheese? And the cheese. You spread out your entire arm span, wingspan. Oh! So how could I possibly have finished it in line? And the cheese. You spread out your entire arm span, wingspan. Oh. So how could I possibly have finished it in line? I had to have it while I was on the ride because I wasn't going to like leave it somewhere and I couldn't finish it.

Just eat your lunch, take a 30 minute break and then get in line. I was having too much fun. I couldn't wait. Were you? Yes. Also, you were at Disney World.

Did you go to any of the parks? No, I came for Blizzard Beach. For the slides. I came for the slush gusher. I came for the dog. Those two things. Lower your voice. All right, there's children around.

Don't say slush gusher. It's a ride. Hey, everyone. I love the slush gusher. I love slushing and gushing with my cheesy buns. Shh, you can't say that, dude. Even if it's not what you mean, it obviously is inherently sexual. What? Oh, what?

You think people aren't going to understand that I just love going down a water slide with a cheesy hot dog? Yes, that's insane. Obviously, that's insane. Did anyone else do this? What were other people doing? Was the vast majority of them carrying beef? Well, they should have been. A lot of people were just kind of like,

they would have a couple bites of their Dippin' Dots, but then leave it by their towel and bag and stuff like that. Yeah, that's like a very refreshing summertime snack. It's the middle of July, by the way. It is the middle of July. It's almost 98 degrees outside. Well, so when you're sweating buckets, you need to like replenish. Well, I am now when you're when you're sweating buckets you need to like

replant well i am now because you're making me nervous and i was then because it was hot right what you're gonna need to sorry what's your name again my name is like davis but it doesn't matter you just made that up your name isn't davis i don't want you to have my name because i don't want you to find my info i'm on linkedin if you find me you're gonna text me about chili cheese dogs and water parks my name is charlie is it it is now so imagine what is this your flight is in like four hours you're obviously here early to talk my ear off i went alone to the park i went alone on this trip behind you are in line behind you? That's not your family?

I wish they were my family. They seem really nice. Nice. My flight is refundable. And I want to be able to share this experience with someone. And I don't know, Davis, but you seem like you're the kind of guy who needs another brother in his life. I don't think so. And that could be me, Charlie Day.

In saying that you have his name. You're not him. I know. I'm not him. I know. People get confused a lot. Do they? Well, I mean, not when they see me, but they'll see my name.

If I go to a hotel or something, I'll get really nice treatment because they think I'm Charlie Day. But I'm not actually Charlie Day. So anyway. You'll get really nice treatment? What did you say the name of this restaurant was? Avalunch? Avalunch. Exactly right. It goes with the whole blizzard beach thing. Sure. lunch exactly right it goes with the whole blizzard beach thing um which is kind of an oxymoron in itself because obviously there's not gonna be any blizzards on any beach any time soon turn and

ham it up to the family behind you they crack up right they get it it's not that funny davis just quit work right now quit for the day call out sick and come with me to blizzard beach to have a lunch we'll get some i'll tell you what i'll do i'm not gonna go to a water park with Now quit for the day. Call out sick and come with me. To Blizzard Beach. To Avalanche. We'll get some more dogs. I'll tell you what I'll do. I'm not going to go to a water park with you, but I'm going to cut $75 off of your next. I'm going to give you a travel voucher, but only if you go through the terminal right now and leave me alone.

I will come back. I will use that $75 to come back and I'll get you next time, Davis. And you know what? I brought you a gift. I know you're saying it all cheerfully and i know you are talking about like kid stuff like hot dogs and like water parks but like it's very threatening and intimidating when you say i'll get you next time davis i'll get you next time i'll get you next time i don't know what that means like that's really scary but

until then i'll leave you a little something to remember me by, okay? I pull out a giant sopping cheese dog from my carry-on. How long have you had that? For eight hours. You palmed that. It's like fucking six feet long, cheese included, and you did it with one hand. I'll see you next time in an Orlando, Davis. This smells like cat food. Until then, I'm Charlie Day.

Do not. Have a nice day. You walk away in sopping flip-flops and they make the... The next family steps up. Can I help you? That guy was awesome. No, he wasn't. No, he wasn't.

You know what? I do quit. So, uh... Mr. Burnt Rice, please tell me why you have to burn rice for so long riley just took a a little a little bathroom break so i was like coming up with like yellow like parodies basically burnt on rice or based on rice burnt rice rather and so um so jeff and i have had this bit of um earnestly poorly singing um try a little tenderness by otis redding and uh the other day jeff sent me a video by uh one miss britney spears um of her dancing to otis Redding's Try a Little Tenderness. And so I just have a dream that maybe we could,

if someone could take that video with us, so we'll sing right now, we'll do our version. If someone could put that over her dancing, that would be everything to me. Ready? Oh, she may be weary young

girls they do get weary wearing that same old saggy dress oh but when she's weary saggy dress.

Oh, but when she's weary, try a little tenderness. It's so hard to sing at the same time because there is like i know two second delay and i'm definitely flat or sharp just not on cue so it's gonna be two slightly off timing and yeah and then britney dancing so in a sports bra yeah imagine it um

your review this isn't like my review that i'm gonna do but i just want to share this one this is shout out elizabeth valenti this is from the water park that she went to she just passed along this review that's also very funny um it's from thundering surf water park um five stars park was a ton of fun slides are fast but are stable even when you're banking a wall at 20 miles per hour and sideways there were no lines whatsoever but the park was completely full the lazy river seems like a saltwater paradise when i asked the employee about the saltwater river he replied that it wasn't hmm so paradise or saltwater was it i don't know oh. Banking a wall at 20 miles an hour and sideways.

That's your icebreaker freshman year of college. So yeah, I spent most of my summer banking walls at Thunder and Surf. Are you guys familiar? Yeah, the water park? Yeah. There's actually a saltwater lazy river. I don't know. I'm going to go to the dining hall.

Okay, cool. We're going to go to the dining hall. Okay, cool. We're going to go to the dining hall. You don't have to come. You don't have to come. I'm a little, I mean, I'm kind of full, but I could eat. Okay, here we go. This is a review for Adventure Cove Water Park, which is in Singapore. Wow.

It's a four stars. I think it's our first international. because we did we did uh british pubs in france right this is this is from an account called ally and charlie what do you think their last name or last names are ally uh fucking ally don't and then Charlie Farted. Ali Doughton and Charlie Farted? Yeah. Okay. All right.

This is from March 2020. Four stars. The title is A Great Way to Spend Half a Day. For adults, it is well worth half a day. The rides are not extreme enough. Neither are there many rides to go on, but it was enough for the morning. You're at a dinner party? So what have you guys been up to?

Like, COVID's over. Like, what did you guys do today? Today, I mean, a lot of the day I was just been doing um a lot of proofreading right for my job you know my editing job so i was kind of like all afternoon i was doing that but this this morning i kind of gave myself some uh some leisure time so went to the breakfast and i like slept in um well we we got coffee and breakfast um at the park so we we couldn't sleep in because we got up huh no um at a at adventure cove water park sorry i think the wine's starting to get to me did you say water park yeah um charlie and i actually we were like you know what let's just like let's just take an easy morning

let's just like take it nice and easy before we jump into our full day of work um and so we spent we spent kind of like better part of better part of half a day at a at adventure cove um and then we then we came out on home we made it home about like one or two uh and then we worked the rest of the day and we were so excited to come here um after that so that was kind of yeah that was really fun what about what did you do today putting their forks down wait what's wrong no i mean nothing really it's just like yikes the whole table laughs wait vince what is what do you mean yikes no just like how old are we you know like i'm 34 everybody else is pretty much like between 28 and 35 like said you wanted to have an easy morning and then you go to a water park i just i don't i thought

we were classier well it was a pretty classy joint and it's like the nicest no but no you were so funny this was a joke oh it's a joke okay it was a joke no clearly it wasn't class so the fact that i know that you're kidding now okay should we have more no it's not a joke. Okay, it was a joke. Clearly it wasn't classic. So the fact that I know that you're kidding now. Okay. Should we have more wine? No, it's not a joke. No, it's not. I'd love some more wine, thank you. But it's not a joke.

Charlie and I, like, we were seasoned pass holders to Adventure Cove. And we thought it'd be a nice morning. I mean, like, you know, the rides aren't extreme. And there aren't too many rides. So we got to hit up like five or six slides. And it's a great way to kind of start the day. I don't think that's too crazy. Glances over at somebody else.

They leave the room. What's happening? They're just getting, just re-upping our drinks. So when was the last time you pissed yourself? What? What kind of question is that? I mean, you guys are obviously little toddlers, right? Oh my God, Vince, stop.

The guy comes back with like a carafe with like what seems to be red wine, pours it, you take a sip, it's grape juice. Oh, come on, man. I'm not a baby. You're a little baby. No more wine for little baby. Vince, you've always been the bully of this friend group, all right?

Yeah, yeah. And all of you guys are looking at me like, oh, Ali's really on one tonight. But no. We do these Friday dinners because they're supposed to be fun and you know i know you have your weird hobbies too no i know you have your yes you do you told me you promised me you'd never bring it up again you promised me well i promised i'd never bring it up i promised you i'd never bring it up until you did this until you give me baby juice for

going to a water slide at 10 in the morning the The guy comes back with a bottle of Gerber. No, stop. Stop. God damn it. Vince loves going to carnivals and riding the little ponies. He loves doing it. And he doesn't care that those ponies are treated really poorly.

It makes him feel like a big cowboy to be on a tiny pony riding round and round and round. We go where it stops. Nobody knows. Except Vince knows. Vince knows it'll never stop because he paid them and they'll, pony riding round and round and round we go where it stops nobody knows except vince knows vince knows it'll never stop because he paid them and they'll they'll make it keep going as long as he wants enough you've made your point and you sufficiently embarrassed me i'm the only single one in the friend group and you've made that quite clear It's because you like your little pony rides, huh, Vince?

Yeah. No. It is. The second date is always at a carny, and I try to take her on the little pony rides. And usually, yeah, it is about the inhumane treatment that they're like, are you sure that you should be doing this? I'm like, are you sure that you should be dating me? Fuck you guys, all right? I host these things because I have the nicest house because I'm insecure,

so I make a salary at a job I don't like, right? That explains the pony rides. Excuse me if I want to be at a petting zoo or have a little elephant ear. I wear pull-ups to bed. So you're the baby. Of course. That's why it's the pot caught in calling the kettle black,

all right? Cat's out of the bag, and I'm sorry, but I'm not going to stand for this treatment at my own house. I didn't mean to embarrass you, Vince. I'm just saying the point is that everyone has their quirks. I love a morning water slide. You love inhumane animals that you can ride on. Fuck, I bet, you know, Tim.

Tim, what do you like? Sometimes I use, like, paint to, like, make it look like my joints are wood. So I'll be, like, a little toy of myself. And then I'll make these like screeching sounds like as i'm like fucking self-completing in a way so tim is so tim is a finocchio boy barbara barbara what do you like oh well i i um i kind of have the trolls movie going um on tv at all hours of the day in the house um i just like having it on um do you watch it i'll put on well sometimes i'll walk in and out of the room just to kind of make sure that

it's still going so you're like watching scenes from the movie trolls out of context it's a kind of a comfort to me it's kind of a comfort listen listen vince don't start on that we all have our own shit right that one's probably the weirdest one, though. No, I would say that Tim painting his limbs to look like wood. That's pretty up there. I'm not ashamed of it, guys. No, you're not. And that's somehow even worse.

Listen, the point is, we're all friends for a reason. And I know sometimes Vince can be a bit of a dick. But we've all been friends since childhood, and it's okay that we all have our quirks. That's all I'm saying. Does anyone want to come to Adventure Cove

with me in the morning? Pours you real wine? Just a knowing look. It cuts to the exterior. The shot zooms out. We're from the island of Misfits. I don't think that's the melody, but still. No response.

Just pour his wine. Also, who are you fucking nodding to? Is it like one of our friends who's just like, you're lackey? Yeah, that's exactly right. Jim with his wooden joints. Ben's to my beck and will and call. That's nice of him. This shook me a week long.

My jump shot is damp. It's probably not wet yet. Sorry, what did you say? My jump shot and spa. Oh, you're from basketball, yeah. Yeah, I've been playing like two hours a day, just kind of getting my steps in. It's kind of been my workout

because I got really sick of like lifting weights so um and i'm getting a lot better so i'm like really proud of myself like this quarantine since quarantine started i've gotten like pretty good at guitar soloing and pretty good at basketball and those were two things growing up that were like prohibitive to me like i could not do them well um even though i loved both of those things so i'm proud of myself and so that's so cool those are great skills to have no i know that's really nice so i'm hoping marty and amir invite me to their their league when this next in 2022 what if you have to try out for it what if they suddenly are like you know we only want the best of the best i think amir is bad he's admitted that he's not very good.

What I'm saying is, what if I get really good? And what if they're like, okay, we only have one spot left. And I get on the lead and you don't. How are you going to get good? You don't have a basketball hoop at your house or your family's house. I could make one. Out of? Sticks.

You're not going to make the tee. I don't think you know what basketball is. Sticks and twine, baby. What's been shaking you? This is also a very earnest one. It's that time of year when SNL material is due wishing you and yours good luck with your characters and impression tapes 2020 bad um so yeah it's that time of year snl submissions are due um and last year i only submitted a writing packet still waiting to hear back which is crazy

well it's like the season already happened it's over yeah well it's like i haven't heard back either way so i figured if it was a no they would like no they don't reach out that's any audition oh i know normally no i know like normally you're running for like 80 parts i'm still waiting to hear back about denton's death date denton's death date i still haven't heard back somebody um i i don't know if you said it or somebody tweeted it or my friend somebody texted me or something and it was like denton's long long lost cousin bent oh i sent you that because i was it's it's a picture of benton way which is a street in la um so snl stuff is is due and last year i only sent in the packet um and instead of doing a pack like writing packet and a tape um because i was like not at all confident like i

hadn't done any work on any characters and impressions so i'm like okay like and i don't want to send in something i didn't feel good about and so um i and it's's also to get a little earnest is also a thing called it's oh shit. What's the name? It's like you're paralyzed by perfectionism. One of those little thing of like, oh, if it's not going to be good, why do it at all? Which I'm working through. And so I remember last year I was like, you know what? I'm not going to send it this year.

But next like this throughout this whole year, I'm really going to work on my character's impressions, get them top fucking notch. and so i'm ready to go um i hope you post some of them because she's been sending them and they're i'm like laughing out loud so thanks but i remember then like a week ago i'm like i look i'm like oh i haven't done anything and it's due on what the 11th it's it's due it's due today's the third it's due monday um so i'm gonna be spending the day editing that um and then the packet is due on the 11th and i'm like halfway done with that but um i just like i felt very proud of myself because that's something like characters and impressions is something that like i had never felt really confident in and like i

was kind of scared to do and so you know like it's my first time making one of those tapes, first time sending in something for us now like that. And, you know, God knows, you know, what will happen. But I'm, and I'm thinking of it as like a great, just practice thing to one that like to show myself that like I can do it. And so that was like a big kind of like fear and insecurity of it, like of me not knowing how to do it.

And like, I remember Daniel and I were on a walk afterwards and we were saying like, that was a lot more fun than i was expecting it to be like i was expecting it to be a lot more like stressful and be like i have to be funny and um it was just it was really it was really fun so i'm very proud of myself for doing it and now i just have to edit the bitch like the same thing of like oh like i just never did it yeah exactly yeah it had always been like a like oh my god being on SNL is like my dream and it's always like that it's like oh well I'll never be good enough so it's like I shouldn't I just shouldn't try um and so I'm sure next year I'll make a better tape and

like just keep getting better at it just with practice and time like even I was looking at my my writing packet from last year and I'm like oh i've grown so much as a writer since then um like my sketches this year are a lot tighter and i think funnier yeah um so which is it's just uh growth feels nice and good to have it's yeah especially like during quarantine i'm trying like i've said this on a few episodes but like it's not it doesn't have to be a lost year unless you let it be so like doing uh stuff like that and picking up new skills or getting better at something you wanted to or reading more like you know just doing something where you look back and you're like fuck like i did that like i feel yes quarantine it doesn't have to be a lost year california's numbers are spiking like crazy and it's terrifying to me. Yeah.

Really. Public service announcement. Just wear a mask. It really doesn't suck. Just literally wear a mask. And if you're on a walk, you can like pull it down below your nose if no one's around and then put it back up if someone's around. Or just if you really hate it that much, like just bring it everywhere. And then if you see people put it on and if you're not near anyone, don't wear wear it like there's ways of doing it where you can be considerate and like not be a

fucking asshole or an idiot i literally like just just do it it's not a political statement it is it's so fucking frustrating that it's become partisan somehow it's like let's say for the sake of argument and this isn't true because it does help it does help not spread it let's just say that we find out that the masks didn't help which they do but let's say that they don't i would rather i would yeah exactly i would rather just in case do it then not it doesn't affect you at all and i also read this tweet that was like my dad is a doctor and he's like yeah if everybody if ever if there was an everybody stayed home and everybody wore masks for essential stuff it could be over in america in like six weeks like not over over but you know what i mean but

like in a place where we could do shit and my brother-in-law's in australia right now and like there it's there but he can like he doesn't have to worry going to the grocery store right or new zealand it's like gone iceland yeah, like, he doesn't have to worry going to the grocery store. Right. New Zealand, it's, like, gone. Iceland, it's, like, gone. Yeah, my friend Kelsey is in New Zealand right now. And they were going out to bars because there's no cases. Wear a mask. And do something nice for yourself.

Cook a nice meal. Make a dessert. Take a nice walk. Fucking watch a movie. You know what I mean? Just, like, watch Hamilton on Disney+. Why don't you? Watch, like... fucking watch a watch a movie you know what i mean just like watch a watch hamilton on disney plus why don't you watch like oh and like fuck treat yourself to the headgum podcast like it's it's more content from all your favorite faces and even some new faces or should i say voices

voices because it's an audio medium it is very very good. The numbers are growing too. We're getting about 10,000 listeners. And we started very slow for some reason. I don't know why, but it's great. Jake and Amira are in almost every episode and then it's a rotating cast of HeadGum staff otherwise. Follow us on Review Review Instagram, Review Review subreddit, where we have surpassed 10,000 followers.

1,000. Where we have surpassed 1,000 followers. So much000. Where we have surpassed 1,000 followers. So much smaller. When you misspeak and say 10,000, it makes the real numbers seem insignificant. We have 1.1 thousand, which is very exciting. It's a lot of great content on there. On Instagram, I am at Riley Ansbaugh.

On Twitter, Riley Coyote. I am Jeffrey James on Instagram, at Don't Pl no james on twitter and that's all folks i think anything else that's all folks um jeff do you have any parting wisdom teeth everything in moderation just in general food women men friends family family and no i think it's more of like yeah don't make that face although moving is good move as soon as much as possible that's very specific to you george and i found a place and my it's great it's amazing my room has a little soundproof nook so that's gonna be my new podcast there's

carpet on the walls so that's why it's like i think a musician used to live there if you're gonna uh hydrate and soak your own chickpeas make sure to like really follow the instructions on how long they should be soaking for because then you you don't want to have like if you're like if you want to have kind of like a softer chickpea you don't want it to be hard accidentally. And are you happy? What? And are you happy? Depends on the day. It's okay. Daniel just came in. Daniel, do you want to say hi?

Hi. Huge voice crack from the corner. Hi. Our bedroom door is very squeaky, and Daniel just came in, and he looked at me, and it was silently mouthed, but I'll say it now. He's like, are you still recording?

Yeah, we've been going for like almost two hours, dude. This is crazy. It's okay, we've been going for a long time. This is also like the end of the episode for sure. Anyway, thank you guys for listening. We'll see, we'll have you hear us next week. That's really good. We'll see you again'll have you hear us next week. That's really good. We'll see you again.

Bye. That was a HeadGum Podcast.