Review Revue - Watertoys (w/ Daniel Rashid!)

Episode Date: August 2, 2022

This week on Review Revue; Geoff and Reilly are joined by third-timer Daniel Rashid as they read reviews on WATERTOYS and misunderstand the assignment, acquaint themselves with their neighbors, and reconsider their marriage.  Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjames Twitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardee <><> Produced by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get that Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. And participating restaurants for a limited time.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. It's smoking time. Oh. Oh, it's smoking time. Oh, it's smoking time. We got the pork on the bun. Why don't you come on down? Come on down to smoking time. Oh, my. And, okay, an ad for a barbecue truck in Canada as a theme song for an improv show.

No. An ad for Smokin' Time on Main Island as our theme song. A pork on a bun. What? You know what's wild? Is I got a box from Smoke and Time on Main Island. They sent me merch for free. No, but I got a spice rub that he said is like really good on sliced apples or to make like a watermelon kimchi salad.

And I got everything like bagel seasoning. I got an awesome t-shirt with their logo and a sweatshirt with their logo for free. That's cool. I know. I'm so excited. Who made that abomination? That was Jamie Ponce.

Just kidding. It was dope. Of course it was. Incredible. That was incredible. It was weirdly horny. So horny. It was so sexual.

Yeah. It was. Pull pork on a horny. It was so sexual. It was. Pull pork on a bun. But you know what? I couldn't think of a better guest to have a sexual intro song for. Please welcome back to the show. I think for the first time. You're the first in the three-timers club.

I'm a three-timers club. Daddy Rashid. Three-timers club. Jeff's boyfriend, Daniel Rashid. Pork on a bun. Daddy Rashid. Rattin. Oh my god, Daniel. How the hell are you? You guys just saw each other.

You just had lunch. Daniel, my god, brother. It's been forever. It's been so long. Oh gosh, you look the same. You live together. You woke up together, I assume. Unless Daniel's in the old dog house. No, but we didn't go to sleep together because I watched the first episode of The Bear while Daniel was in bed.

And I was asleep. And I woke up and I said, are you mad at me? And he said, why? And I said, because I watched TV and you were asleep. And he's like, I literally don't care. I was asleep. So that's just a little inside look. Four years into a relationship.

Daniel, I don't know how you do it. One time I told Jeff about how I do all these different voices. Jeff goes, like, dating you would be exhaust. That I said. That you said. So, Daniel, thoughts? Review me. Review four years.

Yeah, is it exhausting? What's the show? What are we doing? What are we doing on this show? This is improv. Oh. Long form improv. Long form show? This is improv. Oh. Long form improv. Long form improv.

This is long. We're going to do this for a long time. Jeff, it has been a while since we have done the show. Yeah, it's been two weeks. It's been two weeks. Less than a month, which was wild to come back after a month. But what have you been up to, boo? I've been moving or in the process of moving. you find a place yeah i found a place that's

so exciting congratulations thanks yeah yeah it's awesome it has everything we need um we we might be moving soon and by might be i mean probably are like sooner than the spring because you told me that you might be early as soon. Did you find a place? Have you started looking? No, it's a long story. We don't need to get into now. But Daniel, Rasheed, and I were just in Wisconsin, not to brag. Yeah. The land of cows, of milk, of dairy, of cheese. Land of cheese.

Land of oinkers. Should we get into some reviews? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Today, we're talking about something near and dear to my heart how so um we're talking about something a little vulnerable a little out of the box we're talking about water toys floaties baby. Noodles. I guess that's it. No, no, no. This morning we asked Elizabeth, like what, Daniel was like, what are some of your favorite

water toys? And hers were like, like a game. Elizabeth is one of the most competitive people I know. So of course her favorite toy is a game that you compete. And it's like the little torpedoes or sharks or rings that you throw to the bottom of the pool. I do love those. 10 points, 50 points, 100 points, whatever. And so I'm like, so it's just not a toy.

Someone needs to win. And she's like, yes. Well, here's the thing, though, about water toys is that you need water toys. What's that? Sorry? You need them. You need them if you're going to be in a pool and you're not doing laps. When was the last time? What are you going to do? When was the last time that you you gonna do when was the last time that you have used a water toy like just in a pool but you're like oh i need it i well every time i'm in a pool i'm like you know i know i need right now it's a toy a game because otherwise you're just in water and then what's the right swimming relax i was gonna say so you said if

you're not gonna do laps so you do relax in it're going to relax in a hot tub. You're not going to relax in a pool. You're going to play a game in a pool. I love a pool game, but at the same time, it's like just to cool off. I'm worried that Daniel doesn't know how to relax. He doesn't. His shoulders are up near his ears. I'm fiddling with both hands. What are your guys' favorite pool toys?

Water toys. I like a thing that I can lounge on, float around, and there's a drink holder. So I have a Miller High Life living the high life. No game. No game involved in that. I also like a game, but I think I'm in a place now where if I'm in a pool, I just want to lay there. Uh-huh. Yeah.

Jesus. Because I haven't been on a vacation in years. Like, I've done trips, but not things where you're, like, going to relax. And that's what I'm craving, I think. Just a little bit of R&R. Yeah. And I have, like, the easiest job in the world. But, like, I still feel. I sit and joke around on a microphone. But but my God, do I need to just...

Sometimes syncing things makes my laptop crash. I really need a margarita. I need a nap. No, but I think that's like a... I would like to go on a vacation and not a trip at some point, which I'm basically doing for my mom's birthday next year. Week. Daniel, what's your favorite water toy?

I love a floaty you can blow through. What's that? My God. What happened to you earlier? Earlier when? Like today. When I was in Wisconsin? Yeah, that's got to be the change.

I had a floaty renaissance no a floaty you know the noodle a noodle yeah you fill it with water and you could oh yes yes yes you can and that's fun that's a game and that's a good time i feel like that's the same energy as uh like sipping a soda through a twizzler it is that before what it is yeah you've never put like a twizzler into it or like a red vine bit oh my god you guys like don't even know each other at all oh my god like because when i date people i like know you're thrilled um i also love a noodle i love a noodle like a pool noodle you can ride it like a horse You can that was my thing It's like when I was a kid

My friends and I would like have pool noodles And like we would like they'd be our horses And we would like name them We'd name them and like Ride them around the pool and be like Time to Time to go to the stables I'm sorry

The fuck are you talking you were swimming on a farm time to go to the stable you're from santa monica no we would describe like we'd have our oh utah like from la but like we would have our pool noodles and be like this mine's a horse and it's and oh you're playing with white speckles and and its name is peanuts and you didn't think they were playing pretend i thought there was a bar i'm from ohio there were often pools next to stables from where because i really grew up in the middle of nowhere the first thing she was saying we love a pool noodle we would go to stables with it what's that we would literally pretend that the car was We would go to stables with it. What's that? We would literally pretend that the car was like... We had, like, stables, and we'd go... It doesn't matter.

We'd go, like, groom the horses on one end, and then be like, okay, time to ride into town. And then we would just kind of, like, scoot our way through the pool on the new... Should we get into it uh yeah uh daniel do you want to start us off with our first water toy review danny rash well speaking of speaking if we have the same review i swear to god because i only have one uh yeah i have one i have two i could use but here's one all right this is a review for oodles of noodles okay from who from nothing works

first and last name yeah and last name uh how many stars four stars these pool noodles will never be used in the water i have a gecko problem on my screened patio i cut one into strips and to put under the doors and used another to block off the hiding area by the sink so after three days i have not seen a gecko or its droppings other uses simple insulation i put my bike security chains through And then he included a photo of various items cushioned. Okay, parents, welcome to Claremont Middle School's 10th Annual Science Fair. So exciting. What an exciting day for our little ones. This year, the theme was to take an ordinary household object and put it to use on something that you wouldn't suspect. So, okay, let's walk around the auditorium, see what everybody's come up with.

First up, Andrew. Hello, Andrew. Andrew's from our seventh grade class. He's one of Claire Vaughn's brightest students. Andrew, what do you have for us today hi uh i took a an ordinary coffee maker and i turned it into you can brew tea in it so you you put water and you brew tea and into it wow andrew. That is something. Judges, what do we have to say about Andrew? And by the way, let me introduce our judges. Can we see it in action?

I'm sorry to be like the tough judge, but I don't know how that works. Sure. This is Mr. Beal, who's our English teacher. Hi, Mr. Beal. I wanted to be a professor. Okay. And I just, you just pour the water in like you would for a coffee, and then you put a teabag in there where you put the coffee in,

and then you press the start button, and then it's pretty much the same as like a coffee maker, but you brew tea. It's actually not bad. Eight out of ten wow yeah that's that's great um andrew hi sorry i'm mrs k i am the head of science department honey um you just kind of you just kind of put tea in a coffee maker, right? I mean, could you think of, I'm sorry to put you on the spot in front of all these parents, but what other uses do you have for that? Because I don't know if that was actually the assignment.

Hey, at least it works. Sorry to butt in again. At least it works. Yeah, it's a working coffee maker. Okay, I'm going to change my answer then. Seven out of 10. That's so close to eight. What have you done, Mrs. K?

What have you done with your stuff? I'm sorry? Eight out of 10. What have you done, Mrs. K? What have you done with your stuff? I'm sorry? 8 out of 10. This is interesting. What have I made? Yeah, what have you made? I made a home. I made a family.

I made a career out of teaching science. Sorry, this actually isn't about me, Andrew. And I know I'm the teacher no one likes. I'm the teacher no one likes. But do those things work? Because his works. How's your marriage? All the parents,

eyes back and forth, like, oh, no, this isn't, this isn't, it's a science fair for the kids. We're not getting into my,

my, my domesticity. All right. Two out of 10. You know, we're not getting, come on, stop it.

Two out of 10. Today's not about, Andrew, fine. I give you a, I give you a passing grade. I give you six out of ten. Today's not about... Andrew, fine. I give you a passing grade. I give you six out of ten. As long as we can move on from my life, because it's not about me. All right, let's just go.

Okay, parents, let's go this way. Let's go to Andrew. Wonderful job, honey. Make sure to brew me a cup of that tea later, okay? Susie, hello, sweetheart. job honey make sure to brew me a cup of that tea later okay um oh suzy hello sweetheart what do you have for us today i took my braces my old braces because i had to get new ones and i made them into your orthodontist let you keep your old set of braces yes she's a family friend oh okay got it writes a note hey how you doing orthodontist over here jerry oh hello yeah she told me about he told me all about the chairman i had to show up you know that's amazing okay so suzy what did you make i turned them into a fork you want to try it

that is disgusting um okay it's not dishwasher safe so i haven't been able to clean it but here give a shot yeah try it try it oh we've all tried it right try it so again you know what's so interesting is that this is not a household item so in the same way that andrew just kind of took a working thing and made it into something that it basically already does uh again no one is no everybody if you haven't done the assignment correctly, I don't know. How many, how many of you here have just kind of taken something around your house and made it do the same thing? Pretty much everyone. Well, it doesn't do the same thing.

Braces aren't for eating food. They're actually bad to eat food with, even like after. You, but you took something that wasn't a household item. Okay, no, it's a, hey took something that wasn't a household item. Okay, no, it's okay. Hey, she turned it into a household item. It doesn't matter. You're making us cry.

Nine out of ten. How's that compare to your parenting, by the way, Mrs. K? Well, my kids are acting out. Is that what you want me to say? Yeah, 100%. My kids are acting out.

Right, and you wonder why? And I would give them one out of ten, two out of ten, three on a good day no i'm you wonder why they would give you that i'm a woman of science okay i'm a woman of science and if things aren't showing up in the exact way it's like chemistry if i tell them to go to their room they should go to their room but no they say no no, no, Lisa. I'm going to eat cornflakes on the patio. They call you by your first name?

That's not even my first name. I know. Listen, I know I'm a humanities guy, but if I'm not mistaken, science is about trying to basically rule out every wrong answer until you get a hypothesis. What's your point? There is no right answer in science. I don't think that's true.

Really? Well, there are some things that are right. And other times you're doing a test to find your hypothesis, to prove your hypothesis. I'm giving the fork a 9 out of 10. I'm giving the fork a nine out of 10. I'm giving your parenting a one out of 10. I'm giving the braces of four out of 10 because you did make a fork. I'm not going to try it because that's disgusting and feels like a health code violation in the school.

All right. Do we have time to see one more? Yeah, I got it. I got it. Okay. Okay. Jonathan, who is been held back got it. Okay. Okay. Jonathan, who has been held back in the eighth grade five times.

Jonathan, how old are you now, sweetheart? I'm turning 17, I think. Or 18, I think. I could be. You could be 17? I could be a graduate if I pass this test. Okay, what did you make? Please, for the love of God, just have turned a household item into something different.

We all love pool floaties. Look at this one. I chopped it in half. I turned it into a slide. You can put your little Legos and slide them on down. Look at this one. You carve it out. You got a spoon.

Look at this one. It's a telescope. And inside you look and you see things far away and they look bigger. And over here, you can wrap your bed around with it. So if you fall out of bed in the middle of the night, like some of us are want to do often and hit your head, protects you okay and over here this is the this is the number one if you're if you commonly trip sorry you can wear knee pads wrap them around your knees you got knee pads bingo bango here we go baby mrs k what do you I love you. I don't know how to respond to that. But you know what?

You completed this assignment perfectly. One out of ten. This is... What are you talking about? This is a ten out of ten. Look at all the ways. He used a pool floaty in the house. No one's want to fall out of bed.

Nobody chronically falls down when they're 17. Well, clearly he does. Everyone who falls out of bed chronically, raise your hand. Nobody. So it doesn't solve an issue. This is supposed to be something that solves an issue. Alright, braces. Sometimes you're out of forks, they're on the dishwasher.

There you go. Right? The first one. I don't want to have to steep a bag. I want to press a button and get tea. One out of ten. What's your name again, sir? My name is Mr. Mr.

To you. To you. Mr. To you. Will you walk over here? Come here. I don't know if I want to do that. Just take a step. Takes one step.

Falls flat on his ass. See? You couldn't use knee pads see you could have used knee pads you could have used knee pads i didn't even follow my knees yeah you could have used my i will look at this one's butt pad i'm giving you a 10 out of 10 i think this is gonna be okay you know what parents i think let's head outside for some refreshments um while all the kiddos get cleaned up in here i'm giving you out of 10 out of 10. I'm going to give you first place. Because as a science teacher, I can do that.

And I think this was great. Does that mean I get to go to ninth grade? What was your English grade again? It was a C minus. I can speak for it. It was a C minus. That's not passing at this school. You have to get a C or better.

No, it's not. All right. Well, you might have to do, you will have to do A3. I feel like I need to go home to my family. They don't want you. I know. And that's why I feel like I need to go and repair some things because I'm giving myself a one out of 10 because I've learned a lot today and I've been given this house

and I have not made it a home. Cut to her at home. Sorry, at house. At house. Knock, knock. Mommy's home. Come on. Hey, I know we all got off on the wrong foot.

For eight years. For eight years. But I went to the science fair today and i learned a couple things about the world and also myself i'm wondering if you could give me another chance and vice versa wait sorry vice versa what why do you have to give us another chance we're eight and six you know we can all agree that we've all done things we've all said things we've all made mistakes yeah but kids make mistakes adults are supposed to have learned everyone everyone makes mistakes tyler everyone makes mistakes okay okay so with that being said

just extends my hand to shake it how about we start off on a new foot foot okay shakes your hand why are you wearing knee pads oh you will not believe the most incredible student at our school i mean man this kid is gifted i've never seen a child so smart i mean yes he is 17 and he's in the eighth grade but my god he is he has an amazing mind and just a great spirit i would love to be his mom typical um he's like the kind of kid who i would want yeah anyway he ruined it within 30 seconds i'm just being honest i feel like we're not valuing honesty in this house um anyway it's pool photos that have been turned into knee pads if that's what you're asking dad's not cheating on you but we've been encouraging him to i've heard that through the walls and that's what you're asking. Dad's not cheating on you, but we've been encouraging him to.

I've heard that through the walls. And that's part of why I have been giving you one out of ten each week. And honestly, him a one out of ten too. Because if he's going to do it, then he should just do it. I don't know if he is or not. It's crazy that you can turn him wanting to cheat on you and not into him being a coward. This isn't working. This family? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I guess failed experiment. You know, I'm a woman of science. I'm not afraid to admit when this was, if I had a hypothesis that it's like I could be, yes, hello?

Hey, Mr. T. I just. Hey, Mr. T. I just. Hey, Mr. T. What? I'm in the middle of something with my family. No, I know. I just wanted to sort of check in on how that was going. And also specifically the marriage, because I went home after the science fair and I just couldn't not self-complete thinking about you.

And I thought. Not in front of my kids, please. No, they know that looks back to them do you know yeah no what okay nothing the six-year-old got it would you like to i don't know eat dinner with me uh yes i would like to do that cut to dinner he's setting the table braces silverware oh that is actually gonna be a two out of ten for me i was willing to blow up my family in my life to explore something outside of myself outside of what i know by the looks of your pool floaty knee pads i think you're still maybe down. Fuck it. Steps the braces fork in my mouth. All right, let's take a quick break and come back with some more water toy reviews. and we're back riley do you want to do another review yes it's also for pool noodles

if you can believe it this is for pool noodle fine fix find five pack of 52 inch hollow foam pool swim noodle bright foam noodles for swimming floating and craft projects it's five stars um this is from first initial n last name smith jeff n smith engage engage engage. Five stars. The title is amazingly easy to use pool noodles. At first I thought, who would review pool noodles? Then I realized because no one does, you don't realize how magnificent these pool noodles are. Over the past few weeks, I've really put these to the test. they float like nobody's business you can't ask for better floating foam noodles even when you try to sink them they float right back up they

never give up but then the real test mock sword battles i was the terror of the household i could not be defeated it was like i was the immortal there can only be one. And it is me. Cue Queen music now. But the most amazing thing after all that, all caps, they still float. They just bob along the top of the water waiting for their next assignment. I've used them to lay on, sit on, you name it. They just float and don't give up. So if you really want pool noodles that float, get these. You will not regret it. And your neighbors will want to be you. i don't know my god your neighbors after all that your neighbors will

want to be you i realize the reason why nobody does this one thing is because well it's awesome no need to write a review when it's awesome. No need to write a review when it's all perfect. Men want to be with her. Women want to be her. And the neighbors want to turn into them. What? That's right.

It's just kind of something I'm trying out. Listen, Reed, you're our best trailer editor, but your voiceovers have been crazy recently. They seem to have almost nothing to do with movies, but just how neighbors will feel about the movie. Yeah, I guess the movie, but still about the characters. What do you mean neighbors? Listen, I'm just trying with this because it's like, you know, since we've been in a pandemic, we've all been a little isolated. So getting to re-antiquate yourself. Is that the word? Not re-antiquate.

To reacquaint yourself with your neighbors, I think, is important to find a sense of community. And so it's like, oh, what will my neighbors think of Florence Pugh in the new Harry Styles movie? What will my next door neighbor, will he want to fuck Harry Styles? Come find out. You can't put that in the trailer. Will your neighbor want to fuck Harry Styles? And don't worry, darling. Yeah.

That's fine. Listen, I can give it a different spin. Knock, knock. Hey, got a new batch of trailers here. Awesome. I'm just just gonna rip through them one at one at a time yes so first one we've got the new spider-man oh spider-man i'm so excited to see this one there's got to be a way it looks good i can't wait to see spider-man there's got to be a way home yeah all right and andrea let me know when you're ready and i i'm ready we're rolling i'm ready to go yeah we can edit them spider-man there's gotta be a way home tom holland zendaya

are they gonna get married your neighbor ships them as a couple cut that's that's not about the movie that's about their real life relationship let's just try not you told me to stay away from the neighbor thing yeah don't say the neighbor thing also talk about the movie. That's about their real life relationship. Let's just try not to. You told me to stay away from the neighbor thing. Yeah, don't say the neighbor thing. Also talk about the movie. You did also say the neighbor thing. Yeah, that's mostly actually. Totally. Absolutely.

I understand what you mean. I understand what you mean. All right. Here we go. Action. Whenever you're ready. Your mailman's spidey senses are tingling, and that's because he's going to go see Spider-Man.

There's no, there's got to be a way home. Your mailman delivers your packages every day, but do you know which Spider-Man movie is his favorite? It might be this upcoming one where Tom Holland saves Zendaya again. And do you think they're going to move in together in England or somewhere in Los Angeles? Because my neighbor thinks that they're probably going to get a house together in London.

Yeah, cool, cool, cool. Yeah, let me just change gears because I think we have, we might be able to edit around some of that stuff. Yeah, I'm totally fine if you just like Frankenstein it. Just go for it. Great, great. All right, we have Fast and Furious 11 coming in here. Oh my God, so fun.

11 Fast ones and 11 Furious ones 11 fast ones 11 furious ones got it got it got it say no more say no more yeah ready yeah my neighbor got a dodge f-150 and that's not a car it's ford f-150 or dodge ram whatever i'm not a car person. You could have nailed the car. That's not the issue. Why bring it up? Obviously. It's a car movie. Fine.

Let's just see. It's a movie about family. Okay. Yeah. The cars are the background. So can we take it again with a focus on family? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Absolutely.

Absolutely. Because people know, they know the car is going into it. We don't need to advertise that. Totally. Okay. So no cars. We don't need to talk about the cars. Yeah.

Got it. Action. My Postmates delivery man said that his niece was having her fifth birthday party at his house. He said that he has a pretty large family and that family is the most important thing in his life. I asked if there was going to be entertainment at the party. And he said maybe a bounce house, maybe a clown. We haven't decided yet. Although she wants one of those knockoff density princesses who's just one of the local high schoolers dressed up as Tiana coming over to like hug them or take a photo with them.

This summer. Can we pause for a second? Oh, sorry. Yeah. Can I just sidebar with you real quick, man? Yes, absolutely. Not with you. Not with me.

Not with you. No. Okay. Can you mute us for a second? Yeah. She's just reading from her diary right now. Can you mute us for a second? She's just reading from her diary right now. Yeah, that was basically a short story. But here's the thing. I think we got enough there to get a little bit

at least enough vowels and consonants that we can create like a keyboard. Like an AI for you? Yeah. And so we'll just pay her out and then we can just be done with this. Should we just have her do one more just because that way we get more vowels and consonants? I think that's our best way out at this point because we have a deadline. All right.

Here we go. Hey, that was great. Are we happy with that? That was perfect. That was so great. Oh, my God. We're going to do one more for a different movie. You got it.

My schedule is created for the rest of the day, so I'm happy to knock as many out and stay as long as you guys want. Just this next one would be good. But this is going to be one of those extended trailers. So just go for a while. Great. What's this one for? This one's for Mission Impossible 7.

Ooh, action. Time to fly. Time to fly. Time to fly. Okay. So whenever you're ready. Remember, this one it's Tom Cruise. You remember, we definitely want to include him somewhere in the trailer.

We need that name recorded. Oh, easy. Of course. We at least need that name and then anything else, just do your thing. Absolutely. Got it, got it, got it. Ready, set, go. When I take my nighttime walks around the neighborhood, I like to look in the windows

and see what people are watching on TV at night. It's easier for me to see the screens through the windows when it's dark outside. My next door neighbor was watching Top Gun Maverick and I thought to myself, how is that already streaming on demand? Maybe they have a screener. Maybe they're part of the industry. I couldn't help but notice Tom Cruise looks like the hot, the older he gets, the hotter he becomes. No time, time to fly sounds like No Time to Die, but don't worry, this is not a James Bond movie, although I bet Daniel Craig would make a wonderful appearance in this next Tom Cruise feature.

Someone else down the street was watching Peppa Pig at nighttime, and I thought, if that's not for their kids, that's interesting because kids usually would be going to bed around the time I was walking, and I like to do little night time strolls around 10, 11pm. I'll have a late dinner. That's great. That's great. Hey, is there any way

we can get Daniel Craig in that movie? Because we got it in the trailer. If we get Daniel Craig, that would be amazeballs. Are you asking me if, because the movie's done, you're asking me if they can put Daniel Craig in the movie because she just said the name Daniel Craig in the VO? Exactly. Perfect.

Thank you so much. No, I didn't say yes. All right. This is a five-star review of Float-A Beaver Pool Float for Adults. I'm sorry? This brand is Float-A, which is Lake Float. How do you spell that? F-L-O-A-T-E-H.

So it is exactly how it sounds. It's Lake Float is inspired by the North. It's a Canadian company. Oh, A. Float A. Float A. Float A. This is from Johnny M. Yeah, it's a beaver.

Oh, Johnny. Okay. Johnny Mantis. Flo-day. This is from Johnny M. Yeah, it's a beaver. Oh, Johnny. Okay. Johnny Mantis. Johnny Mantis. Johnny Mantis. Five stars. Fast shipping, undamaged item. Thank you very much.

Low bar, Johnny, for five stars. Fast shipping. Eliza, from the moment i met you i just knew that you were for me oh stop i'm gonna cry i'm gonna cry you were the yang to my yin you have always been there for me when i've needed you and i've been happy to return the favor when our relationship has ebbed or flowed you are so talented as a loomster looking out at the guests he means it no i know i know and i just when i think about the future i can't picture my life without you oh my god oh taylor you're gonna make me cry i have all this beautiful makeup on and i can't picture my life without you oh my god oh taylor you're gonna make me cry i have all this beautiful makeup on and i don't want to cry it off right guys i love you and i can't wait to

start this incredible journey with you the crowd class beautiful and your vows. Taylor, we have been together for eight years. And we didn't break up. And now time for the rings. Oh my god, I'm so excited to put this on. Are you serious? Yeah, I've been dreaming about this wedding ring for so long. I mean, it's like when we went shopping together, it looks gorgeous. Kyle.

Kyle. Sorry, everyone. This is my nephew, Kyle. He's the ring bearer. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi.

I got the rings. Yes, and it's time for that. Honey, are you ready? I loved your speech, mister. Oh. Two sentences. Mine or his? Oh, I loved his.

Okay. Me too. It was gorgeous. It was gorgeous. Really, really heartfelt and beautiful. Oh, the crowd is like, aw. And yours was the most beautiful. Oh, child.

It was more beautiful than anything I could ever imagine anyone saying. I don't think so at all. Am I the only one who thinks that that was crazy? That was too short. That was nothing. That could have been anybody. We dated for dated for eight years no i'm not even like getting ahead of myself like this is this is fucked up taylor what oh my god taylor stop that bothers you guys he's kidding he's i'm not at all i'm actually really hurt kidding i'm really hurt hurt by what i spent six fucking months on my vows. Don't stop swearing.

That's what you're bothered by? You said that we didn't break up and that's why we're getting married. And then you were really excited to get the ring. Which this isn't even the expensive one. I don't know why you're so excited about the ring if you're not even that excited about our- Because I love you. And the symbol of the ring is that it's never ending. And that's what this is going to be.

It just- I mean, I want our relationship to's never ending and that's what this is going to be. It just, I mean, I want our relationship to be never ending, but your speech I also kind of wish was a little bit more never ending, like it was a little too short. If I may say something, someone once said brevity is

beauty. I don't think anyone ever said that. Taylor, stop it. Also, her speech wasn't brev- or, it had no brevity to it. I don't know what the- Brevity is short. Brevity means short. Oh, I was thinking bravado.

This guy doesn't even know words! Fuck! Hey! No! Everybody cracks up. No, no, no, guys, come on! Come on! That's not what today's about. Today is about our love. It is about the joining of this union and celebrating with this community. No, I couldn't agree more.

I just feel like it hasn't been that. I'm sorry. Like, I feel like I'm looking bad because everybody else seems to be on the same page. Fine. You know what? Let's just do the rings. This is crazy. No, no.

I object. What? I object. Who the fuck is this? This is my chance, baby. You and I, high school. I'm so, Taylor, I'm so sorry. No, I'm not threatened by him at all.

He doesn't look that great. Listen, listen, baby. Also, he doesn't know how to, like, smooth talk. We dated. We dated for four weeks in high school. I'll keep it to you, real simple. We dated for four weeks, and now we should be together for life. Everybody's hearts are melting.

Oh, my God. Now that's brevity right there. Yeah, it's not really supposed to. John, that was. It's kind of your one chance to be. Wait, it's not really supposed to... John, that was... It's kind of your one chance to be... Wait, this is resonating with you? You're making this really, really difficult. Are you fucking kidding me? That was one of the most

beautiful things anyone has ever said to me. You said it all in those two sentences. That's the Johnny Mantis way, baby. Everyone, I'm so sorry. I need a minute.

I need a minute. Runs out. Yeah. How is this fair? This is crazy. The one thing she said in her vows was that we were dating for eight years. That's the only plus.

You guys dated for four weeks and it seems like she took it with the exact same amount of... She said you never broke up. Right. She said eight years and we never broke up. That's not also... That's also not romantic. You can't even remember...

You can't even remember what she said. You don't even remember the whole thing. It was so short, and you can't even recall it reciting. Maybe he doesn't even love her. It sounds like her high school boyfriend is the love of her life. Yeah, I'm a man. He's a man. He's a man. He's

a man. He's a man. Cut to just like a room nearby. I don't know what to do. This is crazy. My life has turned upside down. Sweetheart, as your grandmother, who has had quite a few fiery,

flamey romances in her life, I think you should go with the high school guy. It's as simple as that, really. You know what, Grandma? I think you may be right. And even though Taylor and I dated for eight years and didn't break up. Oh, I don't even need to hear all this.

The high school guy put it succinctly. Save your breath. Save your breath. Save your breath. And his. You don't think I need to explain it to anybody? You've already made the decision. Where are you from again, Grandma? I'm from Scotland, but I've lived in the States since 1969.

That's right. That's right. Sorry, I just love hearing about your life. It's fine. It's fine. You don't need to hear it. I'll keep it brief. I was Scottish and now I'm not.

That's pretty much my life. And I so appreciate your brevity. And I yours. That's enough. I need to go find the high school guy and tell him that it's him. Cut to her walking down back towards the chapel. As she's walking by, she passes somebody in catering. Hey, you're pretty hot.

Drops the bouquet. Drops my dress. Take me. Now. Nods. Doesn't even say anything. Everyone at the wedding just hears them having like carnal sex. But really short.

Like. Woo! like her six-year-old nephew nods not really this is crazy even my family's on her side which is fucked everyone's applauding the high school guy even gets it yeah that's my baby no way uh all right do you guys have any more or should we do our last segment i think let's do our last segment. This should be our week one. Offer Up. Coming in hot. Yeah, it's only because I have something

this week. The past couple weeks I've had nothing. Offer Up is Craigslist but better and the inventory is better. You can lowball people easily. Some people even deliver to your ass. If you're moving or if you're redo-ving. Sorry?

If you're moving or what? Redo-ving. Redo-ving? Yeah. I think you said redo-thing. You said it was an F. Redo-thing? Redoofing? Yeah. I think you said redoofing. You said it was an F. Redoofing? Redoofing?

Yeah. Redoof, reuse, recycle. That's where you goof and reuse. Yeah. OfferUp, baby. It's Craigslist Senior, and I highly recommend it. You guys are maybe about to move. Yes.

I put a tower fan on offer up and I didn't think twice about it and then a month and a half later someone was like, I'll pay you 40 bucks for that fan. 100%. Done. I forgot it was even on there. No, 100%. Done. What's been shaking you guys

all week long? What's been shaking me is a fish boil. What's been shaking me is a fish boil. What's that? Yes. A fish boil. Like crab or? White fish.

I don't think so. Riley and I, if you listened to the beginning of this episode, you learned that we were in Wisconsin, the land of cream, the land of cheese, the land of white fish. If you're at this part of the episode

and haven't listened to the beginning, that's incredible. Good job. We were in Door County with my family. My dad grew up in Wisconsin, and so I have a bunch of family there. And every summer they go up to Door County, and so we joined them. And there's a tradition in Door County. It's probably other places in the summer. Friday night is fish boil night.

And it's a crazy process. If you've never seen it you should look it up Look up a fish boil They had this big old pot, industrial pot And they put, what did they put in there Tomatoes, I'm sorry, no Not tomatoes They put cake

Potatoes Sorry He's never liked this Potatoes, corn, onions, and fish. Corn and fish in this pot. And they put a bunch of salt in there when the fish goes in. So the oils of the salt boil up and over. So it's a really pure fish.

And then on the fire underneath, when it's boil over time, they- They shout, boil over. They shout, boil over. And they dump fuel oil onto the fire. And it like explodes, basically. And then it boils over, so all the impurities boil over the pot, and you're left with a really pure fish. And it sounds like you're going to get gasoline in your fish, but you don't. Yeah.

It does sound like that. It is incredible. It's poured on the flame, not on the pot. On the flame, yeah. Yeah. That sounds like my nightmare. Was it good? It was so fun. The fish was good? It was incredible. On the flame. Yeah. Yeah. That sounds like my nightmare. Was it good? It was so fun.

The fish was good? It was incredible. It was delicious. So delicious and really fun. It was like a Friday night. Caught that day. Total like Friday night activity. You get like a ticket

and so it's like with that ticket you get like that, all of that. Yeah. Like a plate of all that plus a piece of cherry pie which was incredible. I do love cherry pie.

Like some of the best cherry pie I've ever had i wouldn't mind a slice well we're not there anymore um my what shook me is we saved a duckling we saved a duckling in wisconsin we were on the lake we're on kangaroo lake and we were swimming with all like daniel's young cousins and then we hear like it was devastating there was a tiny little duckling who is swimming as hard as he could against the waves trying to catch up with mom and siblings who were way far out into the lake mom didn't give a fuck mom didn't give a fuck mom and babies were just going and so i'm i'm trying

i'm swimming trying to catch up with the duckling to like corral it daniel starts swimming to try and like turn the mom and babies around they're so far out that daniel's brother had to get in a kayak and go ahead but then he's like he comes back he's like they're too fast they're gone and he's like i also saw a hawk circling overhead so that's probably why mom was just like i'm just gonna say the ones i can and get out and so then this poor baby was still like, and then it just kept being knocked back to shore. It was so tired. And it was like walking around in the grass looking, oh, so sad.

It was so sad. And so then it runs off into the woods. And so we're like, oh, maybe there's a nest there. It looked like it was beelining somewhere. Meanwhile, I'm Googling what to do with abandoned duckling question mark. And then it was like, okay, if mom doesn't come back for a couple hours, it's like, you can actually pick it up. And it's like, the first thing it would die of is hypothermia. So put it in somewhere. So anyway. So you learned a lot about ducks in a really short amount of time.

In a short amount of time. And so then hours later, like it's it's sunset. We hear the cheep cheep cheep. Duck is back on the beach again, trying again to swim out. But it's like so tired and so cold. And so and then like Daniel's little cousins were like, we're like, we can't let it die. We have to save him. And so one of Daniel's cousins, like older cousins, grabbed it from the water. We put it in a box with like paper towel, which is what it said to do like for traction. Yeah.

And it was like, give it little bits of bread or cooked egg. Wasn't eating that. So it was like, give it sugar water. And I put a little quarter teaspoon of sugar water in there and its head like it wouldn't. So I had like lift up its little beak, put it in the thing. We thought it wasn't so i had like lift up its little beak put it in the thing we thought it wasn't gonna make it our plan was in the morning to then call like a wildlife you know service or rescue service or whatever i did i did get to hold the little little baby in my hands while we like well he changed the paper towel and it was just like shaking it was terrified but the next morning i thought it was

gonna die in the night yeah it was not looking good the next morning it had it had escaped the box and was waiting by the front door to be let out and so it like a dog like a dog but it had like gained strength and so then they just released it back into the water um so who knows where it is now but i guess i'm a hero right you can follow Riley on Instagram at Riley and my mic might have cut out I said I guess I'm a hero oh Daniel what's been shaking you sorry we already did Daniel's is my can you hear me oh I have to plug something I totally forgot I should have said the beginning of the episode I need to fix my audio oh it's not your audio uh oh you can't hear me Daniel what's up what's up?

Creatively, let's talk about it. That sounds awesome. I'm in this new show called Paper Girls on Amazon. Yeah! That's awesome. It's based on a comic series by Brian K. Vaughn, who, if you don't know his work, he's an incredible, incredible comic book author. Who made Saga, everybody. Who made Saga. And I discovered him because I got cast in the show and I wanted to read the comic Paper Girls and I I binged it I was I I read it from front to back all the all the issues like

in a day because I was because I was just like so hooked on it and then I discovered that he also wrote Saga which now Riley and I are both hooked on um and the show is super fun uh it's coming out on July 29th I believe on Amazon 10 days from Ten days from today. Ten days from when we're recording on the 19th. It's probably out now if you're listening to this. Oh, my God. Everyone go watch. It's about 14 girls who get wrapped up. Four teen girls.

Four teen girls who get wrapped up in a time-traveling adventure. It's really fun. So watch it. Yay. That's awesome. Congratulations. Thank you. Jeff, anything going on with you nothing awesome awesome uh and you can follow riley on wow anything to plug um head gum sketches are back if y'all haven't been keeping up with

those um we are releasing one every two weeks, every Tuesday. So go check it out, HeadGum YouTube. We also post them on our Instagram, HeadGum Instagram and HeadGum TikTok. Someone commented on the TikTok saying peak millennial humor, and I don't know how to feel about that. Yeah. And you can follow Riley on Instagram, at RileyAnspa. On Twitter, at Riley Coyote,

and the show on Instagram at ReviewReview, and on Reddit r slash ReviewReview. You can follow Jeffrey James on Instagram at Jeffrey James and on Twitter at Jeff Boyardee. And Daniel, want to plug those socials? I'm on Instagram at Daniel Rashid and on Twitter, though I never use it, at Daniel S Rashid. Um, Daniel, thank you so much for coming on. Thanks for having me. You are the first member inaugural is not the right word. You are the first member of the Three Timers Club for Review Review.

Yeah. So, congratulations. I'm awaiting my gift basket. I'm awaiting my gift basket from the other room. Oh, we don't have that. We don't do that. We don't have the money to do that. It ends right here. Let's thank some VI podcasts.

Daniel, you're welcome to stick around for this if you want, but you don't have to. Oh my god, no, I re-eviderci. That was bold. Thank you to Two Weeks is a Little Ridiculous. This dude needs his dick revoked. That's right. I, Jeffrey Aronofsky Jamethin, revoke Austin's penis. Underscored Christian side hugs Kwok when he asks.

Agent Michael Skarn. Ako has been taken over. Sorry. Ako has been dot, dot, dot taken over by an unyielding ennui. It's a new era. You really, really shouldn't text or do. It's never a new era with her. She's always in one era, then it's not good.

Bob Buell is actually three badgers in a doctor's coat. Cam is being audited, and that's not even a joke. The IRS is going to flock on my cock, man. Chuck. Connor Finnegan didn't bother with the name this week. Just read Damien Kirk's and say I came up with it. Crosby, Stills, and Gash. That's really good.

Dakota just got suspended without pay, pending investigation, so let's see how long we write out this Patreon subscription, buddy. What is befalling everybody? What the fuck? Damien Kirk has memorized the first 192 digits of Pi, but he still needs to go on a pilgrimage to learn what it is to come. Can't see octopus.

Freya. Jeff Puff. Jeffrey Sames. So it's Jeffrey James, but he just kind of agrees with everyone without having his own opinion. Natalie, G-N. Natalie, Port Manchester,

United, Less Southern, Comfort Whiskey, La Coral Mountain, Rangerman Shepherd. Nice. Gray the Honeydew Honey Pie has never been so hot nor sweet. Hallie the Horribly Awesome is Gray's twin. Happy birthday, Jeff. Use code JEFF for 20% off your first

ball dough purchase. Hey, Jeff, could you please have anyone from Hey Riddle Riddle on the Head of the Podcast, please? I eat spaghetti and meatballs. It's like spaghetti and meatballs, but instead of noodles, I eat the sun. New patron. New patron. I just want to say, apropos of nothing,

that I spend all my earnings from this Patreon on donations to the Mike Pence 2024 campaign. Don't you think Mike Pence should be... I feel like he has to be. I haven't kept up with him, but there's no way he's like Trying to run or be in politics at all That's so fucking funny The past couple weeks have just been like

Hearings that confirm that Trump Wanted him hung That's so sad Like I hate him so much But that would make me sad if I was him Awful I sincerely would like to apologize for the wolf. The epic wolf.

I Venmo Jeff my rent money to pay for this subscription and would really appreciate it if he could send it back. Thanks! Irish wrist washes. Keep them clean, y'all! Also, sorry, the one before, uh, new patron. Um, Jay Goldman. Jay is actually in the US

for a bit now, and this whole time zone thing might work out this week that's from jesse tipton joe and for lack of better term well malazov jordan fields jp again should i try these celebrity joke names for the rest of the brilliant sheet caleb is too busy to come to the phone right now please leave a message after please leave a message after the beep casper bop Casper Bopasper. Lord Hunter the Ordained. Lucas Heinzel, new patron. Michael Beggle. Nate Porteus has a birthday soon and can cry if he wants to.

Happy birthday, Nate. New patron. You can't say that. Nolan Murphy can't shake his lingering sadness. He'll reach out, but no one offers respite from his loneliness. Sorry, but no one offers respite from his loneliness Oh sorry but no one offers respite from his loneliness Get fucked nerd Oh hi Mark well priest

Oh so it's lame to advertise your business through your Patreon name Come say that to my face at smoking time on main island I lost it where did it go here it is Pete Skeetskeet Bradford Oh so it sucks to advertise your business through your Patreon name Come say that to my ass at Gale's Oils Pete Skeet Skeet Bradford. Oh, so it sucks to advertise your business through your Patreon name? Come say that to... Come say that to my ass at Gale's Oils in the Vatican. Oh, so it's lame to initiate someone's Patreon name on Patreon now.

Come say that to my face at Gilkjonic. Phoebe. Pride month is over and so is James. Hashtag James Wagner is over party. Kwok. Raven Schmaven Wagner is over party. Quack. Raven Schmaven. Reese Little Caesar's Eater Bergman. Smooth Pete and the Slammed Gashes.

Awful. So what, is this like a job now? You're telling me I have to update my name more than once a year? Thanks for not shouting out Daddy's birthday. April 1st came and went and y'all did nothing. The dulcet tones of Jeffrey's sleep moan. Let's just make sure. Hang on, let's birthday. April 1st came and went and y'all did nothing. The dulcet tones of Jeffrey's sleep moan. Let's just make sure.

Hang on. Let's see. And we're going to wrap it up with TJ Michael. And we're going to wrap it up by Jeff. Oh, I slept talk. Let's see what this is. Try. Did it play?

Just me saying mm-mm-mm-mm. We'll see you guys again next week. Daniel, thanks so much for being on the show. Hope to have you on for the four-timers. What needs to happen is we need to have someone else on three times so that you have a reason to come back on and defend your title. And until next week, arrivederci. That was a Hiddem Original.