Review Revue - Weighted Blankets

Episode Date: October 5, 2021

This week on Review Revue Reilly and Geoff read reviews on WEIGHTED BLANKETS and fumble the post-game interview, break into song, and have a horrible time getting to their speed dating appointment.    IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjames Twitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardee   Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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This is a HeadGum Original. You're turning into Fats Waller. No one to talk with, all by myself. I'm on the open road, headed from Cornwall to Guelph. Ain't miss my driving, saving all my cash for a used Camry. A used Camry. 18-inch wheels. High tensile metal.

My six-inch heels are pressed up on the pedal. Ain't miss but driving, listening to Review Review. Like Matt Bonner, in a corner, this Camry handles like Julius Randall. Gentle ride,

sharp steering, and a potent engine option That boasts a generous list of standard safety tech He's just reading Yeah, obviously he's just reading the Camry specs That was, that was like That was my favorite one we've ever gotten That just put me in a, like, I'm cozy.

It's fall. I've been saying this for months, but now it's true. Right, dude, that's the issue. Exactly. I was the first person to say it was fall. And I've always said it, but now it's, bitch, it's October. I couldn't be more thrilled. Hi, Jeffy.

I feel like we haven't done this show in 10 years. I think it's only been two weeks, but it's felt very long. I was thinking that. Yeah, I was thinking that on the walk downstairs. Holy shit. What a trek for you. Bitch, it is Oct. Bitch, it is Oct.

How do we feel about oct, Jeffrey? No, I'm saying it's like the, bitch, I'm a ghost. Actually, that would also work. Yeah. Damn it. It's Halloween season, and I'm not, I ain't misbedriving. Yeah. That came in from James, by the way.

We should plug his Instagram. At James Geisbrecht. J-A-M-E-S underscore G-I-E-S-B-R-E-C-H-T. And he said big flan. Big flan. Big flan. Um, Jeffrey,

what have you been up to? I feel like I haven't talked to you in a year. Again. Again. We've talked and also only two weeks since the last time we recorded, but it has felt like a long time. It feels like a lot. You shot Chauncey i daniel and i wrote a short film and we had a

two-day shoot should have done three but that's okay um but you know what we did it you can hear the pain in that no no no we got i i mean listen listen, we wrapped last. Last night. Not even last night. Not even 12 hours ago. No, not even 12 hours ago we wrapped. And I'm so thrilled. I'm just like, yeah, this was going to be my watch for me. I guess I have a different watch. I do have a different watch for me, but like I am, I am so over the moon.

I'm so excited about it. We had an incredible, fucking incredible crew. Elizabeth was like producer over the moon. I'm so excited. We had a fucking incredible crew. Elizabeth was like producer of the year. It was just, it was so much fun. And I'm really, really, really excited to put it together and like get it out there. It's one of like my favorite things I've ever made. I'm so, so proud of it and so excited. That's awesome.

Yeah. It was really fun we had um uh for two 12 hours days we we set up to do 51 shots in a day and on day one too many we got 48 that's insane and day two we we cut some stuff we like trimmed a couple things we're doing one pickup today and none of this matters literally to anyone, but, um, but we got like 50 shots yesterday. Um, that's crazy. That's unbelievable.

That's like, I mean, a lot of people, I think I listened to this, make their own content. Like you guys know that it's, uh, that's insane.

It was insane, but I am, it was just also just like very Elizabeth and I, we were talking like we both had moments of just like, cause at least for me, this is the first thing I've shot since the pandemic. And so that was surreal. And we shot it in our house.

And so there was a moment last night where it's just like, first of all, I'm like, wow, to have eight people in our bedroom. It's most people. That's the most amount of people that's ever been in Daniel in my bedroom.

But yeah, forget COVID but we're like wow I was thinking like man there was a time not too long ago that I really didn't think we could do this again and so I was just I'm so I'm just like so grateful and

so excited to share it with everybody that's fun it looked awesome the still that you I think you only sent me one, but it looked great. It's very silly, and it's, yeah, it's, I'm just, I can't fucking wait to put it together. What about you? What have you been doing? Oh, you're a Celsius man now.

Everyone's getting on the Celsius train. What's new with me? A Celsius to have and drink. Drink? Okay. Drink. Got it. You didn't react like I thought you would.

I thought that you would kind of celebrate. No, listen. I feel like a lot of people I know are going on the Celsius train, like leaving cold brew in the dust. Yeah. It's more than that. It's both for me to have. It's both what?

It's both. What's both? Cold brew and Celsius is what I've been doing. Okay, so that's why you're shaking. The CDC recommends for me no more than 500 Gs of caffeine. Not everything needs to rhyme. Not everything needs to rhyme!

No, you're not supposed to have more than 400 grams of caffeine in a day. This has 200 and a cold brew has 100. Jesus Christ. Basically, I can have two Celsiuses. No, I don't think so. Or I can have two cold brews or a cent of Celsius. I don't think so. Seven essential vitamins.

Proven in six published university studies. No high fructose corn syrup. And did I mention it has B vitamins? Did I corn syrup. And did I mention it has B vitamins? Did I mention Jetty? Did I mention it had B vitamins? I'm thrilled for you. Cecily got me on it. And I got it as a joke.

But it is... Unbelievable. Do you need to talk? I mean, it's unbelievable. Do we need to like... 100%. I just like need to cry for mean it's unbelievable do we need to like 100 i just like gonna cry for help yeah no we we can do it off off of this podcast uh no i am enjoying an ice cold yes an ice cold celsius sparkling wild berries it's an ice cold celsius and uh sparkling wild berry today is the choice uh of celsius but uh i i figure i figure But I figure it's gonna be right.

Okay. I don't really know how to segue off of that. So today we're talking about weighted blankets. Weighted blankets, yeah. It's fall. And so nothing screams fall like being cozy. It's almost been a year since that Gaber episode. Oh my God.

That's crazy. That's true. Jeffrey. We should ask him if he wants to do cozy part two. I would love that. Jeff, have you ever been embraced by a weighted blanket? Have you ever used one in your life? Have you ever felt the warm embrace of a gravity blanket in between your legs?

In between your legs. Yeah. Okay. I've used them. I don't own one. I love them. I honestly should get one because I loved it so much to have it that way. To have it to hold.

Yeah. Literally and physically to have and to hold. I love. it does have an anti-anxiety effect but i think that i and it's a lot of the reviews even say this my fear has always been that it'd be too hot because you know how hot i run like literally my resting temperature is 99 and that's not a fever christ um but i do have this wool blanket i haven't been using it because post lasik you don't want wool near your eyes, but as the old saying goes,

but this is like, I never, when I was the same, the old saying post LASIK, you don't want to have a lot of wool near your eyes. Yeah. I, it wasn't pull,

pull the wool over my eyes. I'm not talking about that. I'm saying that entire sentence is the saying that everyone says. Um, very not as not 30 pounds, but you know, it has a weight to it and i like tucking my feet into the the um the wool see i i too have read that it's like it's good for you know helping with anxiety but for me okay and there's the celsius got it um i get pretty claustrophobic

so it's like for me it's like to be smothered. Like, I don't know. I've never tried it, but I have the fear that it would have the opposite effect on me and I would feel very suffocated. I also run hot when I sleep. So often what I'll do

when I'm falling asleep is I'll get myself all cozy. But without a doubt, literally every morning I wake up, I have kicked all of the covers off of me, except I like keeping my feet in so literally nothing up until the ankle no that's like that's how I used to have that blanket and then I ended up pulling the whole thing but uh that's a that's a whole vibe yeah but weighted

on the feet I do have friends who have weighted blankets and they I've asked them about them and they're like you know what it's great you fall asleep in a minute the downside is you will not get out of bed it is impossible to really get up because it's like well now i'm here like you have to pee in the morning no just like it's like to have that weight on you they're just like you will stay in bed the entire day like it is you it's impossible to just be like okay well have time to take it off now i want one you should get one to try i've never tried it i don't think i would use it to sleep i think i would use it to uh like just watch tv or something you know no i mean listen i'm not gonna buy one but okay then i won't no you can for you we We don't know. What do you mean mm-mm? Mm-mm.

What are you talking about? If you don't get the blanket, then I can't. Why? What do you mean? We have the same shit. No, I don't drink Celsius. You bought one. That's a bad example, but you drink stuff.

I drink stuff. You have a house. I have a house that we live in. We don't live together i know i'm that's not what i'm saying i'm saying that you live in a house and i live in a house okay you have jeans i have oh my god let's get to there we don't have to have all the same shit have you bought anything new recently i'm just i'm this is a completely i'm just like kind of maybe like i should get something um i actually i i just got some new lotion because i was out and me too i'll get that did you you don't have

to get it if you don't use it you ask me what i bought and i'm like oh i was out of lotion and i bought new body lotion and you're like oh i'll get some no you don't have to do that i'd actually really rather you didn't do it because i don't want us to have the same things i'm not going to tell you what even kind i got because you're going to be like nice microphone nice headphones well that we did pair up to have the same kind of like quality for audio that's different that's for work no i think that's awesome when it's the exact same i am going to read my review first because i want to get out of this carousel of hell. This is for the Zonli, Z-O-N-L-I, Zonli?

Cooling weighted blanket. Okay. Oh, that would be nice. Sorry, adult's weighted blanket, 20 pounds. It's gray, queen size okay this is this is okay this is two stars from lyle c it's s e e but starts with a c it It's like sometimes Lyle, what he'll do is like, it is Lyle C, S-E-E,

but like he'll just abbreviate it. Okay. To C, the letter C. Yes. Okay, it's two stars. And listen, I just want to go into this by saying, for me, this is, it's just, okay, I'm just going to read it.

It's just the way this review was written is probably one of my favorite like formatting, just the language itself okay two stars from lyle c a bit of a disappointment ah what a shame i was hoping for better so here's the problem i had this blanket for only five days before the beads at the top of the blanket closest to your head all fell down into the center of the blanket. What I mean to say is that over the course of a few nights, there were none in the first sections at all. I expect this would not only lead to the beads defeating their purpose, but to an uneven distribution of weight.

So I went back and read the negative reviews more closely and realized that it was only going to get worse from there. As a result, I made the decision to return it before I ended up with the beads all over the bed or the floor like others have described. The other thing which I hadn't anticipated but is no fault of the product or the supplier is having all that additional weight on top of me while I slept led to my waking up with lower back pain that I could easily see leading to an ongoing issue. So not the best product for my purposes. I would suggest going by the negative views on this one as there is a reason why so many people have rated this product so low. Therefore, I would recommend taking heed of their warning.

So polite. So unnecessarily detailed and polite. It read to me like a high school essay of like, here's this format. Ending conclusion. Also trying to like pad the word count. Yes. Yes.

Also just started with, aw, what a shame. Aw, man. Also, through no fault of the product, I realized that it wasn't for me. And honestly, I just want them to know they were great like it was it was so about me and my preferences and i should have that honestly was at the end of the day it was all me i should have just listened shoot that's an nba uh post game press conference yeah um eliza r yeah espn yes um good as you guys just lost we did we did you guys just lost the Mm-hmm. Eliza R. Yeah. ESPN. Yes. Good to see you, Eliza. So you guys just lost.

We did. We did. It sucks. You guys just lost the end. You just lost the end. This was game seven. You could have gone to the NBA finals. You didn't.

Right. Sorry. Let me get the question out because we don't have that much time. Totally. You took the ball down the stretch, and you missed a couple open layups, which is surprising. Yeah. I know. Right.

That sucked. Like, I hated that I did that. And honestly, I just want the rest of my team of the Utah Jazz to know that like it was no one else's fault but mine. That was on me. I feel so bad because it's like at the end of the day, it's like, I should have just played better. And so, it just sucks. I mean, it's such a

bummer that we didn't make it. But listen, you know, the other team was just, they were on it tonight. So, what exactly was the question? I didn't even get to it, but I ran out of time. It's okay. Any other questions from the crowd yes Paul Q

New York Times I love your tie Paul thank you it's very plain as am I in two words can you sum up what losing this game might mean for your off season oh

oh my god this isn't part of my two words I'm just kind of like trying to think of it um it was supposed to be like sort of a rapid fire like totally totally and it is gonna be rapid fire um big bummer you want me to print in the new york times that you said losing was a big bummer yeah i mean I mean, like, guys, sorry. I know that a lot of other players who you interview, they try and keep a positive attitude. Like, yeah, we'll learn from our mistakes.

They were just really honest. But I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I feel like I just, can we all agree to just, like, let's all shake it out. Everyone stand up. Everyone stand up right now. Everyone reluctantly stands up looking around. There's no precedent for this.

Everyone just start, just like give it a shake out. Just shake out your, yeah, come on, Paul, loosen up that tie. Just say,

yes, Eliza, you too. Come on, just shake out our hands. Yes. And a big sigh. Yes.

Now let's all sit down. Let's just be human together. Losing, that sucked. That was a big, that really was such a shame. And I think I'm at fault for that. And so I can be human. I could admit it. Yeah, what's up?

Paul again. Hey, Paul. Just one last thing. Yeah, please, anything. Your coach, he didn't mince words about the loss. He said that your attitude was sort of flippant and like it is what it is, that you were go with the flow but to the point of fault in terms of team chemistry.

He went on, he said the open layups, you toss the ball up just in the general direction of the basket and then look towards the crowd and shrug like well listen i mean like of course of course of course what are you gonna do if it doesn't make it in the basket what are you gonna do it happened that's in the past yeah and now we can only move forward and like of course did it was it a big old bummer big old bum and bummer that i didn't make it in the basket as much as i would have liked of course it was and it's okay to be upset paul it's okay to be upset and so you know coach rob i like i so appreciate him i so appreciate that like he was

able to just like speak his mind and i just want to let him know like no hard feelings it was not his fault that i didn't make the swish right um and then this just did come in uh and a notification on my phone uh you've been traded and the you get traded to the the twin timberwolves and they actually released you so you don't actually work in the media anymore just so you know no oh for real that's what you want me to publish do you care to comment and that's your official comment this is my comment no way No way. That's such a shame. What? That's such a shame, Paul. It's one of those movie transitions of like the newspaper spinning and then hits it.

No way. No way, says fired NBA player. All right, should we take a quick break? Yes. They traded you and then they released you so you actually don't work for the nba anymore this this just happened and i'm telling you the news i'm so sorry that you're hearing about it from me right now but can you comment um all right we'll be right back to everything some sponsors or not no let's let's do that right that's how we get money we have to

for sure cash yeah yeah that was so silly but we're actually back i don't mean to take us ourselves too seriously but i think what this show has kind of become is a deep delve a sociological experiment yes yes of the highest caliber and on my favorite calendar because what i have to do sometimes we have to do work which is just planning when to record and so what is your favorite calendar because i know you have like you have the ones that are kind of various dogs and that's when you tack up on a wall but i also see that you have like the kind of giant one that you lay out on your desk that the days are like the size of my fist yeah yeah so it's like a twister board yeah and then at the top there's

like a hunk sized uh photo of a hunk who sort of volunteers as someone who, for lack of a better term, battles back against flame. And he is my new flame. For lack of a better term, there is a better term, and I guess it's just firefighter. But it is the job description. All right, all right. Very good. Very good.

The job description is in the title of the job. Really? Yes. Firefighter. Like a cook. They cook. That's podcaster. it is the job description the job description is in the title of the job really yes firefighter like a cook they cook that's podcaster i guess almost every job uh is in the job description now that i think about it fuck me just read the fucking thing this is a one star review of the one the only gravity blanket from travis you want to give Travis a last name? We have no initial. Travis.

Then that's it? Yes. How do you spell that? It's spelled like it sounds. It's so confusing how it sounds. I remember knowing his passport. Travis. Yes.

There aren't letters to describe some sounds you just made all right one one star of uh the official gravity blanket the title is do not order unless you're absolutely certain that this is what you want even then reconsider that's the whole title that's the whole that's that whole thing's the title unless you are absolutely sure you want this blanket do not order online if you have to send it back it would cost over 70 to mail i do not recommend this for post-menopausal women with hot flashes it is too heavy and it is too hot i also i do not recommend this for older men with prostate cancer on hormone therapy having hot flashes if you're a young child i would worry about suffocation if you are in between young and old and have lots of money to spend on a blanket full of sand knock yourself out i feel

like they just could have said if you don't if you have hot flashes don't get this they got really specific to their situation but didn't explain it at all. I guess their kid suffocated. But the thing that got me was if you're in between young and old and have lots of money to spend on a blanket full of sand, knock yourself out. Also, be

absolutely certain and even then reconsider. And Justin, do you take Trish to be your lawfully wedded wife in sickness and in health for better for poor for for for better for worse for rich for poor till death do you part and you know what doc i i'm so certain of it i just have to uh-huh really make sure yeah because marriage means so much to me yes i need you to really because you've said like she's the one she is the one undoubtedly i need you to like take that yeah go think about it i know again i know do you guys mind turns to the congregation do you guys mind if i just go like take a walk just like 10 minutes 10 minutes what what are you

talking about no no no i like i want to marry i want to marry i just have to make sure no this is good for him this is really good for him this is good for what do you mean this is good for him where i just said i do what now you need to think about it one time i bought a car instead of leasing it and it didn't end up being the car for me did you just compare me to a car no i'm not comparing you i'm not comparing you to a car i'm just saying like i have to i have to make sure because this means so much to me and you mean so much to me the congregation's all like no he. Does that make sense? The congregation's all like, no, he makes it really good. Yeah, no.

Even her parents are like, no, like we get it. We get it. I would do the same thing. I'd do the same thing, brother. Okay, everyone. So let's just take 10. And Travis, why don't you, you know, if you want me to come with you, if you want to be alone, you let me know, but you just take the time you need to really, I want you to

really think about this because once you say I do, like sure you can get a divorce, but like you should really think about if that's even a process you want to go through, if that's even worth it, if she's even worth it. What are you, this is unbelievable.

Travis, are you seriously going to do this right now? I think I'm going to take a walk solo. Or Justin, sorry, I'm so confused. Justin, are you going to do this? I think we need, just let me take a walk solo. I need to be with my thoughts and work this out through song. Oh, okay.

Everyone's like, yes. Yeah, do it. Let him. Let him. This is good. Cut to him outside the church. It's kind of like a field. He's just kind of like walking very pensively.

She can spill with a smile She can wound with her eyes She can ruin my faith with her casual lies She only reveals what she wants me to see She hides like a child But she's always a woman to me He starts crying. She hides like a child, but she's always a woman to me. He starts crying.

One by one, everyone starts walking out of the congregation to listen. They're looking at each other. I love her so much. I just, there's nothing wrong. There's nothing wrong, but I have to be certain. Because of that one time I leased a car and didn't end up loving it. The minister's just like, keep going. Oh, I take care of myself. That I'm waiting right now.

To marry her ass. Everyone starts gathering like they have a circle around you holding hands. Swaying. And I might marry her. But I also might not. What? I'll know within seconds. What are you talking about?

You know what? I think I'm gonna do it. Everyone. I'm gonna marry her. You try to leave the circle. Everyone firms their grip. Are you sure you want to do this?

Yeah, I sang a little bit and I kind of figured it out. They start going in tighter. Are you sure you want to do this? Are you guys tired? The minister's

like, no. Justin, we would never do that. We just want to make sure that you know what you're getting into. I mean, I've been into it before, so I know that it's going to be good. Oh, you meant like the... Sorry.

I just am so nervous because you guys are like tightening in and like I don't even know where my fiancé went. Trish? Trish? Trish? Just silent. The wind is so noticeably loud. They keep circling in. I don't like this.

You guys are like, I'm trying to stay calm, but like, it's like, because you don't want your closest friends, families, and relatives to like, be conspiring to like, close in on you. You guys are kind of up around me. Trish! It's happening! Trish! I fell for it! I should have

married you on the spot! I'm sorry, Trish! Trish! Oh! They're just crushing him. Trish! She's just watching, standing there. Cheers! Doc, I'd like to change my answer.

What? I know I said I do, but... Everyone turns to her. I don't. He's so bruised in the middle what? you think that you could just walk out in the middle of our wedding that's not the kind of man I want to marry

I want to marry someone who's excited to marry me I was I was I was saying why? I don't understand are you are they was that a test? it was a test Yes, I was. I sang. Why? I don't understand. Are you, are they, was that a test? It was a test.

Everyone releases it. She starts handing out envelopes with checks in them. That was a test. What? Thank you so much, everyone, for proving to me what I already knew in my heart. He was second guessing everything. The pastor goes over to her, like, giving her a hug. And we knew, and we knew he wasn't the right one for you. We love you

so much. Everyone just starts hugging. We were perfect. We love you so much. I'm like I'm so calm because again I'm trying to like not cry in front of everyone. Just go. Go sing in a field about someone else because obviously you don't really want me.

Fine. Cut to him in a different field. She'll carelessly cut you and laugh while you're bleeding. He's weeping. But she'll bring out the worst and the more worst you can't be. Blame it all on her friends because they tested me outside the pews. Another woman kind of appears in the field. Hey.

Your fiance kind of tests you. She just kind of tests you. She just kind of nods. You want to get pizza? Cut to a Hollywood film executive's office. So, it's sort of A24 tone, but it's also the classic rom-com. You get that. It's Midsommar meets When Harry Met Sally. Sally, yeah.

We love it. Right, so you guys clearly just came up with this on the spot. Because you contradicted yourself several times. We're not going to buy it. Let me ask you this. Depending on your answer, I'll buy this movie or not. Okay. Did you guys even know each other before 10 a.m. this morning?

Did they look at each other? No. No. No. No. Right. So you said no in an Australian accent. Get out of my office. Get out.

No. No. Should we do one more review? Let's do it. Oh, my God. This might be one of my favorite ones. This is for YNm weighted blanket cotton material four stars from the initials mmf oh my god um

male male fromson male male fromson four stars the subject line is 17 days in Male, male, Frommson. Male, male, Frommson. Four stars. The subject line is 17 days in. Oh my god, so specific. I've been considering the weighted blanket for some time. I'm middle-aged, I'm sore, I'm tired, and I just want to sleep through the night. I'm a side sleeper with shoulder issues and it's pissing me off. And finally,

I got tired of waking up and tossing and turning, so I decided to put the money down for better pillows and the weighted blanket. So let's talk about the weighted blanket. Is it warm? Yes. But not too warm. I'll still need a comforter of some sort and flannel sheets for winter.

Is it worth buying the duvet cover? No. I bought one and put it on and found it was too big for the actual blanket, didn't secure in well enough to hold the blanket in place, and was more than I wanted to deal with nightly. If I shared my bed with a dog or had young children or was able to sew and could fix it to work better for me, maybe I'd be willing to deal with the duvet.

I just want to sleep. Have I slept perfectly, though, every single one of those 17 nights? Nope. I had one bad night, which I attribute to the pillow I was using, which I've since returned, but the other 16 have been golden. Even the nights when I didn't get to bed until late

and had to get up early the next day have been great. Would I recommend it? All caps, yes! I like sleeping! And I think the rest of you do too. It's not too hot for summer, not too cold for winter. Literally, buying this was so much easier

than my pillow hunt has been. Is this going to be for everyone? Nope. And that's okay. But looking for products that will help you sleep is always money well spent, parentheses, so long as there's a return policy involved. Listen, Randy, you've been coming to these speed dating events for a couple months, and I just have noticed you haven't had a lot of success,

and I kind of wanted to just give you a note, because I really want you to find love, and that's why I started this whole thing, and that's why it's my speed dating. Well, thank you, Chris. I mean, listen, Chris's chemistry lab, and I love that play on words there, chemistry lab speed dating sessions has been,

I mean, I've had the time of my life and i can't i can't fucking understand why i haven't met my goddamn match yet it's pissing me off actually right so that's part of it uh you you kind of i don't even know if you know what speed dating is so basically you kind of just give people short answers see if there's a chemistry that's why we call it the chemistry lab and then you move on and um what you have been doing is you've been kind of latching on to the first date that you've been matched with and then telling everybody angrily hey go around we're kind of hitting it off and you never you never are uh the last time you kind of yelled about how you've been getting good sleep which i don't understand why you have to yell about that and then you were attributing it to a couple products they've been using.

Listen, I thought a couple... I've been getting feedback that people like how animated I am, and I can't help it. I've always been a guy who speaks my goddamn mind. Right. Well, we also have the rule that you have to give someone one positive note before you switch.

So, I guess it seems like that's a note that people gave you because they couldn't think of anything else positive to say. And even that's sort of a backhanded compliment. I don't know if you can see that. Well, I don't know what you want from me, Chris. I mean, you're- Let's just, let's do this.

Let's go through a speed dating round, you and me right now. We'll just kind of role play for a second. I don't, Chris, I don't want to date you. I know. No offense. I'm just saying, Chris, I don't want to date you. I, I know. No offense. No, I, let's just do this and I'll give you notes as we go. You know, that way that it doesn't feel as intense and, you know, you can just be low stakes. Have you done this with any other people in the chemistry lab or is it just me?

I don't think that's relevant. It's just, let's try this out and see how it goes all right so you sit down i'm a woman that you seem to be at least kind of interested in uh what's the first thing you say i say this chair could be more even it's like only three of the legs are touching the ground and the other one is just kind of wobbling how are they going to expect me to get to know you if i'm just like me or me? Is that you want me to feel your chair? Is your chair like that or is it just mine? I'm going to stop you right there.

Don't yell at someone about their chair. Don't go. I want it to be comfortable for both of us. How am I going to focus on getting to know this lovely woman if I'm just like wanting to. Where's like a Splenda packet or something? Damn. God, that's not a good solve for that. Listen, let's try again.

This time, don't mention the chair, all right? You sit down. I'm a gorgeous woman. First thing that comes to your mind, go. Just relax. Oh, hello. Nice to meet you. I'm Chris.

Hi, Chris. Good, you're doing good. And what's your name? How are you going to expect me? Sorry, it's just I feel like people don't introduce themselves anymore They always do You didn't even give me a second to get a word in edgewise

Okay, fine Now you go You on a railroad, then you go on a railroad Speaking of railroads The train here today Did you take the train or do you drive? Are you speaking of railroads the train here today where did you take the train or do you drive are you one of those people who waste gas there's no trains near here well that's what i'm saying that's what that's what took me so long is that there needs

to be more stations don't tell me you're one of those gas guzzlers who's like public transportation in this city isn't as good as new york Because obviously it's not as good. You just need to know how to use it right. Right. So what's your name? My name is Beck. Beck? In my day, women weren't named Beck. You're not that old.

You're like 39. Beck. The Beck that I know that i'm naming this after is 34 well okay yeah okay again stop i'm gonna stop here don't mock people don't mock people back to them you mocked me that's because i had to stop i had to stop you be curious you know ask people questions out of curiosity not out of curiosity you asked it out of judgment because you didn't say it fast enough yeah no you didn't even ask you said oh you don't tell me you're one of those gas guzzlers that's what you

said okay let's go back in i'm ready let's go back in all right do you drive a car back i'm ending this one let's just start over because at this point the speed dating would move on you sit down with a new woman clean slate all right you're not talking about cars. You're not talking about gas guzzling. You sit down, beautiful woman. What do you say? Tell me about you. Okay, well, now I guess I have to fill the silence. No, you yelled at her to tell her about it. Like, you didn't yell, but you said it so tersely.

No one's going to want to answer that. Okay, okay. I think I get what you're saying. You only get two minutes with these people. Yeah. Hey, nice to meet you. You said it so tersely. No one's going to want to answer that. Okay. I think I get what you're saying. You only get two minutes with these people. I'll try. Yeah. Hey, nice to meet you. How's your day been so far? What do you think about this place? Oh, it's been great.

You know, I came here from work, and it's a little weird. It's a little awkward, but it's nice to get to know people. Yeah, totally. What do you do for work? I work at AutoZone. are you lying to me it took you a while to think of where you worked are you covering up are you doing some illegal shit what the hell do you do for work chris what this i it was a hypothetical i couldn't think of something that's me that they're they're gonna know what they do and they're gonna say it like that and even if they

don't don't yell at them that they're some kind of part of some covert operation that's trying to scam you well i was being curious about what they did i wanted to know if they really worked for autozone or if that was a cover-up for something else. That was me being genuinely curious. All right. Well, you know what? The lab's about to start. I know I asked you to come here like 15 minutes early, so let's just see how today goes.

All right. Cut to the thing. The first couple haven't gone super well. Yeah, I think I'm going to move on to the next seat. Yeah, that checks out. Yeah. Then another woman comes to her. Oh, no.

This chair is all fucking wonky. So irritating. So stupid. It's so, I'm so glad you agree. It's like you can't even, I can't even focus on you because I'm just wobbling around. Yeah, every three of these

have had to put a Splenda packet underneath it. I take it out. My chair moves. I've had to do the same. You can't do it with Sweet and Low. It's gotta be Splenda. Hey, what do you do for work? I work at AutoZone.

It took you a while to say that. Where do you really work? Oh, I money launder for white-collar criminals in New York. I knew it! What do you do for work? I work at a rainforest cafe. Well, it took you a long time to answer that one. What do you really do?

I give people tattoos that actually fade away, but I charge them full price. Do you want to get out of here? Yeah. Yeah. Cut to them at one of their places. They take their pants off. Took you a while to get your pants off. Now take your real pants off.

They take what seems to be their skin off, but it's really just leggings that were printed towards their lower body, and then it's their real body. Yeah. Yeah. Now take your real pants off What? Who are these people? They're small time crooks

They come back to chemistry lab like a couple years later You guys know you don't have to keep coming to this to go on dates, right? No, we just wanted to thank you for introducing us to the love of my goddamn life. Why are you speaking in unison? Because we're soulmates. Get out! soulmates. Get out! Alright, should we do our last segment?

Yes! This took me a whole week long! It really does feel like we haven't done this in a while. I know! That was fun. I think it would have been. Come on.

Yeah, it's been over two weeks. Come on. We're having fun. Yeah, we are sure. You're saying it like, come on. I'm like a wallflower at a party. Come on. We're having fun.

I am having fun. It's okay. Yes, correct. It's okay to smile. I was. I know. I'm saying that's good okay what's shaking you okay what's shaking me what's shaking me i for the first time and i can't believe it took me this long finish i watched all the way through over the garden wall yeah and it is a masterpiece again this is another one of those what shook me segments where riley is fucking late to the party um no but that's like yeah

it's fantastic it's really fantastic i love it it makes me feel all warm and cozy for fall um it's a two-part which took me also elizabeth and i so daniel's going out of town for like 20 days um to shoot a film which is very exciting and during that time elizabeth and i are going to start fostering dogs yes and we are so excited we are so excited you're doing multiple at once or is it one per week it's it's i think it's like minimum requirement well they said like it depends on your schedule but usually it's like a two-week requirement and so uh we're probably gonna still keep doing it once daniel comes back um but because trancy's done into the mist is done um we kind of have a lot of those big projects out of the way yeah um i do have my wine level one exam this coming weekend on the ninth oh my god

um but other than that it's like we are, we're so, we're so excited. What if you get paired with like one that you just want to adopt? I've thought about that, but then also I'm just like, I brought that up to Daniel. He's like,

I don't think so. But also because it wouldn't be fair, especially it's like with Daniel not here, to then be like, we're going to keep it and have yeah that would not be nice um yeah that makes sense but i also think it'll be nice uh going in like knowing that it's like okay this is not our dog we're gonna take care of this dog and like give it love

and like get it ready for its permanent home um well you know, be, I mean, it's still going to be sad, but like, but it will, I think, be more helpful to just go in and be like, it's like imagining we're dog sitting for two weeks. Yeah. So, yeah. What's taking you? I mean, I wanted to, like going into this, I wanted it to be Celsius, but I like had to, I didn't want it to go cold and I wanted to crack it on air.

So I guess it's Celsius. Yeah. You're, um, um, um, HeadGum Live. HeadGum Podcast Live. Oh yeah, yeah. And HeadGum Podcast Live, October 22nd, 7pm. Tickets are almost gone. Oh my God.

Which is crazy. That's so exciting. There's only 90 left. And it's three weeks from yesterday. Are you so excited? So when this comes out, it'll be less than two weeks. I don't know if it's going to sell out or not. Anyway, it doesn't matter.

I'm so excited. It's going to be a lot of fun. I'm excited to go. I'm going to New York for another two weeks, which I'm really excited about. I guess that's what's shaking me. No, you know what's shaking me? Is that it's finally fall. It's not Riley fall, which is just half the year.

But no, because you know what it was? No, this is what shocked me. Last week, it was kind of cold. Oh, it was amazing. There were like a couple days it was cold. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's hot as fuck today.

It's so hot. Today and yesterday has been unbelievably hot, which I just hate. But I mean, and I think you might be similar to this, of like we thrive in like colder weather in terms of fashion yes we do we love a sweater we love a chunky sweater oh that's my shit and so starting i think tuesday it's gonna be like 70s beautiful so god that's gonna be

awesome it's gonna be fantastic to wear a jacket to be able to wear a jacket? Justifiably. Well, for you, justifiably. For me, I can't do it until now. You're a furnace man. I am a furnace man. So I'm really excited for the colder weather. Yeah, and fall in New York is going to be amazing. It's autumn in New York.

Come on. Should we thank... Oh, well, actually, sorry, before we do that, you can actually find Jeff on Instagram, at Jeffrey James, and on Twitter, you changed your name, I think. What is it now? Jeff Boyardee. It's still Jeff Boyardee? Yeah, I didn't... Oh, Elizabeth said that you changed your name I think what is it now Jeff Boyardee

it's still Jeff Boyardee yeah I didn't oh I changed my name to Jeffrey San Diego that's right but I didn't change my handle got it

okay you can find Jeff on Instagram at Jeffrey James on Twitter at Jeff Boyardee you can follow us on Instagram at Review Review

on Twitter at Review Review Show and Reddit at R slash Review Review and you can follow Riley on Instagram at Riley Anspa and on Twitter

at Riley Coyote let's thank some vi podcasts um i guess oh come on no i mean it's like we do this every time oh um hallie messaged the discord yesterday and it's been a year of zardes yesterday was like the anniversary oh shit really i thought we thought we started it in mid-October. So I thought it was coming up, but we should do... I guess that should be the Zardes theme this month. Our anniversary. Happy anniversary everybody. Happy birthday Patreon. Happy birthday Patreon. Happy anniversary

Patreon. And you guys can subscribe at patreon.com forward slash Riley and Jeff if you want to be a part of that Zardes. A Zard of that Zardes. A Zard of that... Zard of that world. Okay. A zard of that zardy. A zard of that. I want a zard of that world. Okay. That's really good. Big thank you to, you know what?

I'm done reading these. Fuck these patrons. What? Riley. I didn't. Out of line. No, I didn't read. I didn't write that.

That was the name. They get to underscore Christian side hugs for chastity. Aaron. Aaron Coogan forgot his passwords in the old job and was for a calendar one. Avi is a little rat boy. New patron. Agent Michael Scott. Aggie.

Ako and the key of God damn it, I thought I changed my name a week ago, and now I have to wait like two weeks just to hear this one. Alex Witt. And now a patron who needs no introduction. So moving on. Anthony Amadeo. Bob Buell is going to the HeadGum show live, and I'm going to heckle Jeff's dusty wagon live and in Technicolor,

and I deserve this. Rod Hild is applying for Survivor and needs that good word with probes to be. Oh, my God. That's so exciting. Brian Dodd. Brungus Mink is dead. Ghoulia Bowie Dyfus is back. Burlington Oat Factory.

Jean Jacket Maple Walnut Flavor Style. Chuck. Caroline the Bread Winner and Kinsey the Bread Sinner. Chastin Bales. Cluff. Consider this an open invitation to Daddy Tuesday Night's Baby Shower. And honestly, a gift or two wouldn't hurt to bring, Bob. Corned beef.

New patron. New patron. Cullen, new patron. New patron. Damien Kirk, mid-tenure patron. So, who would give a shit? Devin Clark Memler is a real piece of work. Just the worst.

Don't for- Don't forget to like and she scribe every night I shiver praying for a piece of clothing to warm me like a review review hoodie fancy octopus Frito-Lay Gabriel Castaneda Jeffrey you just

got a guest on nad pod not for my sake but for yours I really do think you would enjoy that well I I I would never be invited on that pod i've also never played dnd you've played dnd so you should go on that i don't think i'd be invited on that either well murph really has it out for you i know dude i've never seen someone hate someone so i've for no reason for literally for literally no reason have you even talked to him ever? No! It's crazy how it is this way. I know, it's unbelievable.

Gray and his mom were stepped out by Jeff, and he has to pay child support. Jeff stepped out on by Jeff. Jeff, that's crazy. I'm sorry. Like, I'm not even sorry. It's like, so why should I pay the alimony? Greg Berg.

Graham stopped GME new patron. Hey, Jeff, could you please have anyone from Hey Riddle Riddle on the HeadGum Podcast, please? Sure. Aaron Keefe moved to LA. Nice. I think. We should have them on again. Yes.

Holly. I literally only subscribe to force Jeffrey and Riley to say trans rights, XOXO. I wanted to just do freaky condiment names, but I can only think of Celine Freaky Dijon So I give up Is my favorite patron Anyway, another thing I hate about Isaac Puff, new patron Jack Kwan

Jake the Snake Raddiff Jake Ullman Jameson Poncia feels a sense of nostalgia For the time that Riley was a lemon on Jeff's Live Jesse Tipton Jive Gosley JP again. And fun fact number two, when I get into Ubers, I pretend to be British.

Caleb Luster. Oh, Keelan Shelton. New patron. As of literally today. Oh my God, good timing. Welcome. Lauren Malay. Lauren Hunter the Gray.

Maggie Anderson. Malik. What the hell was that? No, I just can't quite believe it. Mark Preece. Michael Bagel. Moe Pete and the Philosopher's Stone. Mushu Lasagna.

Nate Porteous ate a Cornish game Ken and is just as confused as you are. No, it's Rory and Davey or Zooey Landall. You can't be mad that people didn't get that on the first time you told them. Orange, you're glad it isn't Howie. Beep-beep. Quack. Rooster Williams.

Rumor has it the HeadGum podcast caused Jeff's parents to get divorced. That's true. No, that was just their numerous arguments when I was growing up. Oh, got it. Same Armstrong. Scalby lawsuits Ramona was high on the Zardian was, well,

anxious. Sean Siguenza. New Patriot? No. No. No. Shan to the bone has, what's that? A boner. So. Holy shit. Oh, Space Ant. Sorry.

He's forgettable. This is a message for Jasper. DM at TyroSambro on Twitter and he'll pay for your subscription for six months. I got it wrong before. Well, this was the... This was the first time we didn't say Jasper's name. And he's sort of... If he's not on here, he's not alive to me.

That's not true. No, I mean like... I lied to you. Okay, got it. Yeah. TJ Michael tyler's favorite couple and yarrow bouchard so thank you guys so much for subscribing at the highest tier if you guys also want access to a ton of bonus content you can subscribe at patreon.com forward slash riley and jeff and until next week uh we'll see you guys thenvederci.

That was a Hiddem original.