Review Revue - Yankee Candles

Episode Date: August 24, 2021

This week Geoff and Reilly read reviews about YANKEE SCENTED CANDLES and attempt to make amends with an old and potentially dangerous roommate, follow a beguiled apothecary owner on an fragrant date, and take a trip down a musky memory lane.IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjamesTwitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardeeAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Hey, it's your favorite rapper, Tupac. And you're about to listen to Review River with my homie,ery James and my main chick, Raya, in spot now. Here comes the introduction song, I Just Wanted to Know How You Feel. Want to love this, I'm real, you make me want to go out and steal. I just want it funny, I just want it funny. This show's better than a middle- blown with fear of the hope he dies. Don't do it. So that was an AI Tupac um rapping for you the only thing that I could make out was what was it shout out to my

my main man Jeffrey James and Riley Ann and then he kind of choked and then said spa yeah and then he said it's better than a mere Blumenfeld I hope he dies should we listen to it one more time that was horrible hey it's your favorite rapper Tupac

and you're about to listen to review river with my homie jiffy james and my main chick ryan and spot now comes an introduction it sounds like they bought a cameo and he barely skim read it you make me want to go to steam i just want to find you i just want to find you the show's better than a middle-blown with the overhaul. He dies. Don't do it, could you? That's horrible. We could kill you. Could you, please? And we broke him. And we broke him.

He died for sure. That came in from Abstract Shine. Shout out, Abstract Shine. They wanted to plug their Instagram and TikTok page, which is at Abstract Shine. He says, and I don't know what happened

to the robot for the last 10 seconds he just glitched I guess so I thought that that was a cameo of someone pretending to be Tupac oh no no no AI no that makes a lot more sense because when it started glitching at the end I'm like this is not a human speaking in real time

or it's a human whose spirit has just absolutely been dampened yes they are or the spirit is currently leaving the body yeah and they're kind of yeah they're going through it um that was really not how i thought we'd start the show i was sitting back in my chair i was like getting ready for some music to come on i'm like oh is it maybe gonna be like a grateful dead cover which jeff's been wanting or is it gonna be another like like Broadway cover or, you know, some more lo-fi stuff? And no, it was what it was. So I guess we're here.

We're in the show. Hi, Jeff. I mean, like, I don't even like, no, go on. It's like it's AI. And like, that's where we're trending towards in a way. I don't I don't think so. No, I know about AI. You know, I know about AI.

Yeah. How do you know AI? Me? How do you know about AI? Trust me, I know about AI. How do you know AI? Me? How do you know about AI? You're saying it as if you've had a lot of experience and you're in the field and you're like, here's what it's trending towards. Here's what we're working towards. So can you give me a little bit of insight? I'd love to hear that.

You're studying, yeah. You're studying lots of studies. You're studying. Do you have the time to do that? Oh, it's crazy because you know that I don't sleep very well. Is that why? It's because I'm reading about, for lack of a better term ai really yeah so i'll like basically read up on like okay google you know the technology behind it's okay google so that's actually where things

are trending towards is basically like hey siri like oh like alexa okay google guess what the next one is what hey fandango and then you can just see what any movie time is gonna be like ask Jeeves hey Jeeves excuse me but you have to phrase it like a question is that the weird one about that one yeah and it's you on the other end oh I did some voiceover work for for Jeeves when I was in New York. I'm so sorry. I didn't tell you. But it's only going, yeah? And then they're like, what's the weather like in Alberta? And you're like.

And then it's an automated voice. Jeffrey, what's new? I feel like I haven't seen you in like 10 years. It's probably closer to 10 days, right? Not even two weeks. Feels like years feels like premium cbd you're back from new york from where new york sorry i just wanted to hear you say it again my god what a town what a town it's a hamlet it's a hamlet well mean, it's a little bigger than a hamlet. I guess I was just like trying to have fun.

And then I realized the terrors of my ways. I was wrong. I was incorrect. It wasn't a hamlet. It's a city. It's a metropolitan area. I love it. Wait, what's a hamlet?

A hamlet's like a village, like a really small town. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. They're pretty prevalent in Ohio. I didn't know. I thought you were saying it's a play, like it's Hamlet. Well, you want to talk about plays, you got to talk about Broadway. I mean, New York is the epicenter, man.

Don't say epicenter right now. Guess what New York has that LA doesn't? The Great White Way. Me in two years. I don't me in two years i don't think so i also don't think so i'm probably not moving to new york but how cool would it be we'd be like jake and amir yeah you don't give a shit i mean the shitty part of it well we'll see if we even ever get into the studio because i texted mart on the 13th. Oh, my God. The Hegum Studio doesn't exist. And I said, any ETA on the studio is going to be set up.

And he just didn't respond. So at this point, we're going to be remote no matter where we're living. So nothing's going to change. I can't wait to find out. I remember when Into the Mist was not postponed. And it was like, oh, man, the studio will be done just before I leave. Or in this case, it wouldn't have even been done. You would never have gotten to.

Well, that's what I'm saying. I'm not even going and it's still not done. So I'm not missing much. Yeah. I guess that's it. Should we thank some sponsors? Oh, no. We didn't even do the episode yet. Really? We did nothing, yeah. We talked about AI for like seven minutes.

That was today? That's now. Really? What happened? I'm today? That's now. Really? What happened? I'm AI. What's new with you? What's new with me is, I literally just told you this a minute or two before recording. I've been accepted to be a foster with Wags and Walks, which is a wonderful dog rescue in los angeles because what's so upsetting and very sad is like a lot of shelters right now are overflowing with dogs all the people really oh my god yes oh my god what yeah it's horrible like all the people who bought puppies but puppies who adopted puppies

during the pandemic i'm sure bought from breeders too are the shelters are just like overflowing with them because it's like we're not post-pandemic but like people are going into work people are like going back into kind of what realizing it's not feasible yeah and so literally like i posted on my story like a week or so ago that wags and walk it's like they're incredible but they're just like we are overflowing we have dogs we're keeping dogs in offices in the bathrooms like we literally cannot take in one more dog. Um, so we need fosters. So I applied and what's, what's really great is like they work with your schedule. And so fostering is like two to three week thing and it's free. They give you all the

supplies. Um, and so we're going to be a foster. We're going to have little scamps running around. Multiple? No, one be a foster. We're going to have little scamps running around. No, one at a time. Okay. But I'm really excited because it gives me my dog fix. Yeah, yeah. Without any of the long-term tricks. That's how they get you.

So I'm not going to teach it to roll over in a span of two weeks. They're going to be kind of getting used to the house, you know, like all that stuff. And then as soon as they got it, bam, back to the shelter. Back to the shelter with you. Get out of here. But we're not here to talk about shelters. We're not. We're not here to talk about dogs or New York or AI. We're not here to talk about any of that.

Like we have been, but we're not. That's not why we're here. But I will say. It is kind of related to New York. say it is kind of related to new york and it's kind of related to dogs because those damn yankees and you know sometimes dogs can be a little smelly mine connected yours didn't at all we're talking yankee Candles. Riley, what's your experience with Yankee Candles? My experience with Yankee Candles is overpowering, nauseating, gives me a headache within a minute of being in the room. The throw is strong.

The throw is strong with this one. It is really intense. I feel like a lot of moms love a Yankee candle. It's chewy. They're chewy. They're chewy. They're chewy. And also like teachers.

I feel like love a Yankee candle. Yeah. I mean, listen, like I think I could do with a Yankee candle. That's not even lit. Like, all right. It's like just opening the cap. That's enough of the scent. That's a wash.

That's already overpowering. And so it's like, you don't even need to light it. You just open it and it's there. But I find that what's amazing, as we were looking up reviews, there are people who- They like collect it. They collect it.

There are people who are experts and there are people who are like, over time they've like lost their scent. People about the history of like when yuki candles was owned by this person like but what was wild is like i was looking through reviews in like early 2020 like and late 2019 early 2020 i have a lot of people being like i can't smell anything like this is crazy i can't smell it smell a thing and then apparently they were like there was like a whole news thing about like candle about people not realizing that they had covid yeah and just the sense of smell was gone and they were like i bought

like 20 of these candles and none of them smelled like anything and i'm like that's wild they had the alpha variant no it was really as it's come to be known. As it's come to be known. So that was really... That just felt like a weird time jump thing. Yeah. Well, there was one that caught my eye that was like that, and I was going to do it, but I'm like, it's not funny to do improv scenes

about somebody that's coming with it. No, it's not funny. I was just like... No, I'm not saying you were saying that. I just like... It was... Yeah. What an interesting way to find out you have COVID.

Weird phenomenon of like a lot of people being like, I can't smell this. And then being like, that's not us. That's the last review they ever posted. What about you? Yankee Candle came to town riding on a wick. I used to love the tropical one. Riding on John Wick.

It's just him like hunched over with a bunch of Yankee candles on his back. He has a saddle. The tropical one. So what smells? What notes? Anything that smelled like a beach. What does that even mean? I guess salt.

Loved that because I wanted my room to be a beach on the day. On the day. You, okay. Yeah, so candles. What are your favorite scents? Like you like kind of tropical beachy. You like. No, not now.

That was when I was like nine. Okay. Now I have two candles that I have subscriptions to. Sorry, say it clearly into the mic. You just kind of. I have a subscription to two candles. And those are the only ones I use. Don't yell at me.

I'm not. I'm disappointed of me. I have the blind barber candle, which is, I have one, I'm looking at it as we speak, which is smoke, lavender, and leather, which it doesn't really, it does, I guess, smell like a combination of those three things, but it sounds more intense than it is. It just smells clean. And then I have a sandalwood one that I get. You love a sandalwood smell.

That's like my signature smell. I do know that about you. You love sandalwood. But the time that I kind of will venture into more of a Yankee candle is the holidays. I love the Christmas scented ones, like the Douglas fir one, the Christmas Eve one. Those are great.

Yeah, now I think my candle preferences are a little bit like lighter and more floral. I could really fuck with like a vanilla candle, but not like sickly sweet vanilla, like just really light, um, which is pretty basic,

but it's nice. Um, but light floral with like a touch of musk. I don't know. I mean, it's like, there's one candle I have that smells really musky. And when,

when I, when my mom gave it to me, she didn't want it. And I took it. And I remember smelling and being like, this is incredible. But then it was too much of a good thing because I lit it all the time. And now I'm like, I don't want it anywhere near me. But I do. That's why I alternate the two.

Because if I get sick of one, I just go to the next one. But I do love. Oh, there's one candle that I have that elizabeth got me for my birthday um that smells like this one perfume that elizabeth and i both have and so that scent i could never get enough of but i do love a fall candle and a christmas candle as well like holiday candles oh yankee candle i mean here's the thing what i love like kind of like a spiced pumpkin candle sure would the yankee they're so intense. Like immediately, I feel like I have a headache and stomach ache.

I feel like I ate just pumpkin syrup. Smelling it. Yeah. We're opinionated enough. Shall we read other people's reviews of this shit? Absolutely.

Would you like to kick us off? corroborate what we think. Yes. Okay. This is Mountain Lodge. Three stars. Okay. Does it give you a description of what it's supposed to smell like or no?

A luxurious retreat in front of a cozy hearth, warm with the aroma of cedarwood and sage. Okay. That actually sounds like something I would get. That sounds nice. Three stars from Amos G. Do you want to give him a G? Amos. Amos G. Do you want to give him a G? Amos.

Amos. Gunf. Amos Gunf. No, G-U-N-F. Gunf. I was worried you were going to say that. Amos Gunf. Gunf. Gunf. Gunf. Gunf.

At the DMV. Just write it down for me. Gunf. Gunf? No, Gunf. What are you saying? Is it an M or an N? No, you can't come over the desk.

All right. Three stars. Not as fragrant and strong as it used to be. Used to be one of my favorite ones, but I can't say that anymore, and I'm frankly disappointed in yankee can i just say this is not the first review that i've seen of people like personifying yankee yeah that's what got me i'm like honestly i'm disappointed in yankee

no like honestly i've like chris i felt the same way and like this is not to gossip like i love yankee like you know i love yankee and i've always said that I love Yankee, but it's just like, I mean, they're already late for dinner. Like, you know, it's like, we're here and they they're 30 minutes late. And so it's just like, you just see these things pile up and it's like, and it's, it's, it's my promotion party. It's like, I got promoted at work and just because it's not about Yankee, they can't even be here. And so it's just like, they're just being different. Like, does that make sense? I'm just saying that as a friend. No,

I can't, I can't agree more. Like they just always want to be quirky and it's like, it's not quirky to be this late. You know what I mean? Like, and like, this is a big day for you and Yankee.

It's not like this is threatening Yankee's career. Like you guys aren't vying for the same slots. You're in creative Yankees on the business side. Yeah. I know Yankees on the business side and it's so crazy. And so it's like whenever Yankee has like a new flavor out or something like that I'm just like oh my god I'm so thrilled for you I'm so thrilled for you and it's not about me I never make it about me but Yankee it's always about Yankee can I just say it's literally always about

Yankee it's about the brand it's just like it they're so worried about their own personal brand and it being being tarnished. Oh, my God. And the thing is, if Yankee knew that we were talking about them, like, it would be the end for us. They'd be so upset. But they talk about us all the time. I know that. People come up to me and they're like, oh, like, they talked about Trevor. Yes, Yankee gossip. They're gossip.

Are you serious? Yeah. Remember when I went to Arrowhead? Oh, my God. Yeah. With Linda? Of course I do. While I was there, guess when I went to Arrowhead? Oh my God. Yeah. With Linda? Of course I do. While I was there, guess what, guess what sent Yankee released?

What? Mountain Lodge. No way! Which is like throwing such shade at me. That was just like literally like that was your trip. Like that is so. That was, I was looking forward to it all year. It was my one time to get away.

I'm so sorry. I get an ad, I get an Instagram ad for Mountain Lodge candle by Yankee candle. And I'm like, is this some way? This is just bullying. This is weird bullying to me. Here, knock on the door. Okay, stop. Okay.

It's probably them. It's probably them. Just stop. Just stop. Hello? Yeah? They're probably here okay

um yeah I'll get the door just like just like start talking about like the drink or something like make a drink yeah no I had a

I got a I got a hibiscus margarita it's pretty good um I thought it was gonna be frozen but it's not and um it's just a candle

that kind of like it's one of like the big jar ones. It kind of rolls. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yankee! Yankee! Yankee, you made it! Thank you for coming.

Oh my God, you're speechless. You're speechless. Holds up like a wick, like one minute, like it's on the phone. Oh. Oh! Oh, yeah. Late and on the phone. so much chris shush no i'm just this is crazy i know i agree but it's like they're here now so it's just like what are we gonna do um yankee we haven't even said anything yet we ordered someone else's talk they hold up the wick again oh my god oh my god like are you fucking kidding they haven't even said anything. It's like, is someone else consistently talking on the other line?

I guess. It makes no sense. I bring the drink to them. Hey, Yankee. Here's your Paloma. I know you love those. Well, we'll be over here. We'll be over here.

We've waited to order because we said we'd meet at say it doesn't matter oh my god they're still on the phone they're still on the fucking phone this is insane there's like another table there's like a group of girls for a night out the yankee like rolls up to the table and just kind of like leans in oh Oh my god. Are you kidding me? On the phone, but they have time to fucking hit on these women? They have time to hit on these women? This is unbelievable. Yankee passes out three business cards

with his cell phone number on it. Are you kidding me? This is absolutely, but they're eating it up. They're eating it up because they're starstruck. This is like grotesque. They grew up having Yankee candles. Cut to the table. Oh my god. Oh my god god i can't believe this my mom's not gonna fucking believe this i'm so i'm so sorry to do this can we take a picture the candle just kind of like knots okay i'll take my ninth grade english teacher is going to freak

out everybody say douglas cut back my god, Yankee's loving this. Yankee's absolutely loving this. He's yucking it up. I mean, this is so stupid to us. He's yanking it up. Nice, yeah. Yeah, okay. Yankee turns very, like, abruptly.

I think you're... Do you think he's yanking it up? Are you kidding me? No, we were just... He said yank it up. You know what, Yankee? I slugged my drink back. Yeah, we did say yanking it up.

Because I was promoted to a partner at the firm. And this night was supposed to be about me. And it's always about you. And for once, I thought you'd show up as a supportive friend. Like we do for you every time you release anything. Whether, even if it's good or not. Remember when you released Jack-O-Lantern Pit and we, and we knew it was horrible,

but you were so excited about it and we were there for you. Cut to that. Well, what do you guys think? I smell it. It smells like, yeah, it smells like.

Fall. It smells like fall. Fall. Fall is a good way to say it. Thank you guys so much. I was so worried about this one. Cut back. You guys didn't like Jack O'Lantern bit? Why is this the first time

I'm hearing about it? Yankee, it doesn't matter. That's not the point, okay? The point is that I wanted you to be a supportive friend and it looks like you just aren't up to the task. Supportive friend? What about when the three of us all live together after college and then you guys live together i had to get a studio i could barely afford it because i was before the candle company i'm sorry yankee but you're really hard to live with man you are so hard to live with. Name two things that I'm hard to live with

about. Well, for one, every door jam that we lived in lost a lot of money on the security deposit, Yankee. And I'm not trying to body shame. I'm just trying to say that you did break the house. You did break the house. And the showers would run for four hours because you don't have the hands to turn it off. So our water bill

was through the roof, Yankee. It was insane. Actually, that one was me.. Yankee was insane. Actually, that one, that one was me. I took really long showers. Chris, are you kidding me? I just like, I always wanted to like make sure I got every spot, right? Cause what if regardless Yankee, clearly we've reached a breaking point. And so if you want to still be our friend, if you think you could show up and, and you know, emotional labor, we're not going to do a 100% of it. You need to meet us halfway. You need to meet us halfway. So if you think you can do that, please pull up a chair.

We'd be happy to have you. But if you can't- My dad was in the hospital. Yeah. That's why I was on the phone. I was hearing from the doctor. Tell me about his new test. He did a CAT scan and an MRI.

Oh my God, is he okay? I'm so sorry, Yankee. He'll be okay. Congratulations on the promotion. Really. But I can see that I'm just making things harder. Waddles out. No, come on, Yankee.

Yankee, don't. This is crazy. Yankee. Yankee, don't. This is crazy. Yankee. Yankee, please. Stay. You guys really want me here? Yeah, we really do. No, it'll be great.

It'll be just like old times. All right. All right, hey. Hey, drinks on me. It's the least you could do. What'd you say to me? He rolls over, kills her. He got her.

He broke, I knew it. So heavy. And I don't mean to body shame. It's just you are a jar. And you left all the doors a jar. Sorry to bring it back. The restaurant just did like Kool-Aid man sized hole in the front.

Alright, should we take a break? Absolue ma. And we're back. And we're Yankee. Holy shit. That wasn't anything. Yankee Doodle Candle. Um, okay.

This is five stars for the scent Home Sweet Home from Renee. So last name for Renee. Renee Barn. Renee Barn. The title is Home Sweet Home, a fantastic scent used all year. I've been a Yankee Candle addict for well

over 15 years. And this scent, Home Sweet Home, is the only one I use year round. This purchase was delivered a day early and is a real Yankee Candle, not fake. Believe me, I would know immediately if they were. People have asked me why I always buy the Yankee Candle brand. Because they're more expensive than others, I explain to them they have bought the other knockoffs to save money before, only to end up getting exactly what I paid for.

Wasted wax without any scent that lasts a third to a fourth of the jar, so they didn't save me anything. I don't work for the company, but I am a stickler for being well-informed, so I know why the Yankee candles cost more than their competitors. See, other companies only use their scented wax at the top three quarters or half of their candle products, so the bottom is just colored wax with a hint of scent this way they're able to trick the average customer into buying them don't get me wrong at first they all have a great throw however as they burn down their scent

becomes much weaker some brands don't even use wicks long enough for their candles causing to figgle out so it's causing them to fizzle out long before they should yankee candle company uses fully scented wax throughout the entire candle they also have high concentration of scented oils to ensure a throw a strong throw of scent from the first time you light it till all the way it burns down. See, what is this? You asked me out on a first date and I sit down, I say, do you have any siblings? You say, yeah, I have one brother. And then you go straight into that. Do you work for Yankee? Because I don't know if you know, I mean, you have to know this about me at this point that I own an apothecary.'s one of the most famous in town and now you've clearly

found out that i don't stock yankee candles i am here for a date with destiny and whatever happens with that i'm rodney that's right and whatever happens with destiny and rodney i am happy to move forward with but again i just want to say say, think of me as just a normal gal. Just think of me as Kathy. All right? Don't think of me as anything else. All right. I'm sorry.

I did not mean to accuse you. I just – some crazy stuff has happened because my apothecary is franchised now and it's getting bigger and people just – they cannot wait to get their products in my store. I get it now that you just love Yankee Candle which is awesome. Um, what do you do for a living? What, what, what do I do for a living? Yeah. You know, I mean, it's, it's, it's really a lot of this and that it's really a lot of this and that. Um, but it doesn't honestly, it really doesn't matter. You know, it's so funny that you brought up Yankee candles. Um, I think, I mean, it's like when I'm home home when i'm not working have you ever smelled home sweet home the scent of home sweet home of yankee candle oh my

god you could use it year round oh my god you could use it year round i see what's happening what you're in between jobs let's put it that way it's okay to be unemployed i was unemployed for almost eight months before this last gig yes and uh that's totally fine just but but just be honest so you don't have to pivot because i because i am curious about what you do like what are you passionate about what am i passionate about oh man i mean where do i even start well i mean a guy like yourself you know home goods is your passion i would imagine in a way in a way and when you're at home sorry speaking of home because you brought up passion and think about home good so actually in a way you brought this up when you're at home wouldn't you love to just like surround yourself with yankee oh wow i wasn't expecting this on the first date but yeah i mean if you want to come

over after this i can light a bunch of candles around and we can see where the night takes us. Okay, that sounds... I actually really appreciate the offer. Let's do it. Cut to that. Okay, and so now, if you see, we have the midnight magic,

and I'm going to put that right next to the cookie cutter, Santa, and then right next to that, we're actually going to have the tea tree dream. And those three, you'd think they wouldn't go together, but they actually would. Are you okay? What's wrong? I just haven't been in a scenario like this since my fiance left me. So I'm just a little nervous.

Everything you just said went over my head. I just like, I'm nervous and I just want to make sure that I can, that you have a good time. I want to be able to perform I guess. We don't have to. We can just talk. I'm vulnerable right now.

While you're not looking I take one of those mini Yankee candles out and it's titled it's titled Cotton Pillow and I just gently put it under your nose it's actually pretty good let your tears fall on this cotton pillow

with Yankee Candle you'll never have to cry alone Pretty good. Let your tears fall on this cotton pillow. With Yankee Candle, you'll never have to cry alone. I work for Yankee Candle. I know. This whole time? I just was enjoying the company. You still can, doll. Alright, you can stay really

uh all right do you have time for one more review um yeah i have time for one more review yeah you could say i have time you could say i have time so do you or can i just say no i do say I have time. You could say I have time. So do you or can I just say? No, I do. I do have time. This is a five-star review for Midsummer Night Jar Candle. All right. From Molly.

Molly Jar. No, let's go Molly. Let's go Molly Dimber. Molly Dimber. Okay, this is for M midsummer's night. Five stars. Classic, masculine, and haunting. This is my all time favorite Yankee candle scent.

Tip, if you keep the wick trimmed, burn it for about three hours at a time. Snuff it with the lid. Instead of blowing it out, you'll find that it burns more evenly. One more time? Classic, masculine, and haunting. What do you mean? That's the only part of the review. I saw that and I'm like, done.

That's absolutely it. Classic, masculine, and haunting. Hey, thanks so much for coming into Aesop. You said that, my colleague said that you were interested in some fragrances. I am, yes. I'm just, you know, I like things a little bit off the beaten path.

I'm not really interested in any of the floral scents. I do love your guys, you know, the citrus and bergamot, all that stuff is beautiful. I know you guys have some wonderful rose products but I'm just looking for something a little different. So you think you can help me out with that?

Do you want me to, let me, we have a couple new fragrances in. Let me just give you some, you know, scent notes here and then you can try it on your wrist or whatever you want. Let me describe them first because if you use all four it's all gonna smell like a mess you know yeah so this one is um uh frontier okay and this one's gonna smell like uh let's go sweaty leather uh argumentative

seasons and i mean honestly for lack of a better term hat hair okay okay wow um what do you think i feel like i'm on a horse i really do um i did not expect to feel that way but you know what I don't know if this is for me right now and I do think you got it wrong by saying you were on a horse because it's like I got it wrong these are some of our top of the line

fragrances I got the feeling of how I feel in the scent wrong sweaty leather yes argumentative seasons and hot hair yes and it's called frontier and I all those smells make me feel like I'm on a horse. Let's just do the next one. This one is called Spa Day.

Ooh, that sounds promising. So imagine maybe some cucumber, maybe some light mist. Almost, almost. Yeah. This smells like towels that have been out all day. It smells like dry shampoo. And it smells like the cash at the front desk of a spa. Specifically at a spa?

The cash at the front desk of a spa smells different from cash anywhere else? I don't make the sense. I just kind of sell them. And they don't make sense. What was that? Well, come on because they don't make sense we can we can joke you think the cash at the front desk of a spa makes sense as a scent do you want to smell it i yeah sure wow sprays it on a little piece of cardboard gives it to you that really smells like pennies that's crazy um oh yes yes i don't like that i don't like that that's totally fine that's totally fine people say oh i

smell like money but that's that smells like rust i don't enjoy that okay that's totally fine not they're not for everybody but you did say you like things off the beaten path so i guess yes like i'm doing a good job so far as a salesman you is that fair to say um i'm not i think i'll be the judge of that, not necessarily you. But okay, you said you had two more cents for me? Yeah, do you want to hear the third one, what it's called? Yes, that's why I asked. It's called Uncle's House.

Okay, I have no idea what this could possibly smell like. It smells like rotten soil. Okay. It smells like the emptiness of your aunt. And it smells like, or we should say absence but again i don't make the sense uh and it smells sorry so it says emptiness but you think it should say absence i wish that it said absence of your aunt emptiness means like is she there is she not like that's what i'm thinking this sense this one's not my favorite i'll be honest okay and then it smells like you know when you make a grilled cheese and the pan has that burnt cheese left over because it spilled out as you were making it?

Does this smell like that? Yes. Yeah, I'll try it. Hands it. Oh my god. I'm so sorry to get, um, you know how certain smells just like activate memories.

Wow. That's crazy. I am. What did this activate? I, oh my God. I'm in my uncle Larry's house. I am in his house.

No one's that close to their uncle. That you'd cry. Stop telling me that I'm wrong about what I'm experiencing. I told you I felt like I was on a horse. I felt like I was on a horse. That one actually does make sense in retrospect. Just give me the fourth scent.

Okay, this one's really... The fourth one is my favorite one. Great. I need something to get Uncle Larry off of because he passed recently and this is very emotional. I'm sorry to hear that, but you just shouldn't like your uncle that much. Like it's just not

a relationship. I'm sorry that you aren't close with your family. Give me the fourth sense. No it's like nobody is close to their uncle really. Don't say nobody we just mean you. Just give me the, I don't mean to be yelling at you but this is just give me the fourth sense please. This one's called dry rub. Okay. It's not like

steak. Just let me list it out before you guess because you're never right when you guess unless you are sometimes you covered all your bases just list it it smells like have you ever gotten a massage yes imagine if they didn't use oil they're like dry flakiness yes the dry flakiness that would come off of your skin as someone kind of gets in there with medium to light pressure

that's it that's the only note that you get no there's two other notes oh my god okay Cajun dry rub for like a steak

so it's all kinds of dry rub but you haven't heard the third one yet I didn't know there was a third one tell it to me then Christ

the third one is it's yeah it's another kind of spice rub for like a tell it to me then the third one is it's yeah it's another kind of spice rub but that one's for like veal so it's kind of smoky it's kind of there's a little bit of something else

with that dry skin up top but at the end of the day that's my favorite as i said like because so you can smell my neck and kind of smell no you smell like skin and meat i um you know what i feel bad taking up so much of your time that i feel like i have to buy something something oh I don't work off commission oh great then you know what I'll take frontier really the one that smelled like a horse I'm leaving I'm not taking anything I was trying to be nice thank

you good day I don't care I'm don't work off commission leaves gets on a horse oh all right should we do our last segment yes we should riley what's been shaking you all week long? Wine. What's that? Wine. Yeah, wine. Wine. Wine. Wine.

Wine. Don't you tell them a little bit about wine. I was busy thinking about wine. Ding, ding. Wine. Ding, ding. Wine. Ding, ding.

I have basically, in a way way on the day, um, Chardonnay. No, I haven't. I have essentially signed up for the equivalent of online grad school for wine. Um,

so I, I, I really love wine. I really, I, I just like, I've caught myself over the years saying, you know,

I, I just, I love food and wine. I love just like, I've caught myself over the years saying, you know, I just, I love food and wine. I love just like crafting experiences. I just love the history and the intricacies behind all of it. And, um, I've always said that it's like, oh, if I weren't in, you know, like what I do, like storytelling, entertainment, whatever, I would be in like the food and wine industry

business. Yeah. And cause I just, i just love it and um and then i just thought i'm like oh man i can do that it doesn't have to be separate like you know i i it doesn't have to be either or and so um yeah it doesn't have to be richard roar i guess and so i'm starting um it's like basically level one of a four level course to get like, uh, WSET certified wine and spirit education trust. And so, um, I'm starting level one on September 6th and I'm very excited. And it's like a four week course. There's like a full, like an intense test

at the end. Um, essentially I'm just, I'm getting into wine. And so, you know, whatever that turns into, it's, it's more of just like, I'm excited to, to finally do what I said I would do for years. Like for years I've been like, Oh, I'm going to take some classes. I want to take some like wine tasting classes and you know, how to like how it's made different regions, how to taste wine, uh, you know, like pairing wine and food together. So I'm excited to do that. And like, it's going to be a lot of work, but I'm, I'm, I'm excited because I I've just going to sound like the nerdiest thing I've ever said, but it's like, I really love school. Like I love learning. And I, um, so I'm excited to be like a beginner at something.

I'm excited to like learn about something that I don't really know. So that's what's shaking me. Very earnest. That's awesome. I love wine. Um, that's, that'll be cool. Uh, so do you want to get certified or are you going to see what the first level is like and see if you want to continue?

I mean, we'll see level. I mean like level three, I think it's like level to pass level one and to pass level two are two separate, like multiple choice tests. And the second level is just like, you know, 20 questions longer than the first test is. Level three is like multiple blind taste tests and an essay. And level four takes like a year and a half to complete. And it's like even more blind taste tests and like a full research project. So that's a lot,

but so I don't know if like, you know, if I wanted to work like as a Psalm in some places, like, or what that would mean, like what kind of certification I would need right now. I'm like, I'm just taking it one step at a time.

Yeah. And just like be interesting to learn about this. And then like down the road, if it turns into like a job, that'd be really cool. Yeah. That'd be cool. um my what shook me is similar it's something i've always told myself i wanted to do i've taught myself rudimentary piano really yeah that's awesome uh i'm not great at it and it's kind of a little bit frustrating to go from guitar which i've

gotten pretty good at to piano piano, where I'm like, I want to like, I can't do anything cool or fun. I can just play chords and sing over them. But that's like a, you know, it's like a fun new pursuit. I love that. And it's the same thing behind it of like, I've wanted to do this for so long, why not now? Yeah.

And I've learned like two of my favorite songs, so it's fun. That's exciting. I'm staring at it as we speak I'm jonesing for a key Skeleton or otherwise I want to get into every room But that'll be fun Maybe I'll write a theme song On the piano at a certain point

That'd be really fun You write a theme song and then I'll be an asshole and order wine for the table how's that being an asshole that sounds pretty nice no i mean like be an asshole in terms of just like flexing my knowledge or like oh i'm like so you got me a drink and i'm you're not gonna want that that's those tannins aren't gonna bring out the chicken in the way your palate's unrefined if you like buttery shards. Like, I'm sorry, but that's not going to be as complex. I actually really dislike buttery shards. Really?

Yeah, they're too thick. I feel like I'm just having a whole butter ball in my mouth. I really don't like it. I love it. Really? I love drinking butter. Sorry, so you mean like buttery chardonnay or like butter? Got it.

It's butter. It's what I feared. All right, should we, well you can follow riley on instagram at riley and spa on twitter at riley coyote and you can follow the show on instagram at review review and on reddit r slash review review you can follow mefree on instagram at jeffrey james and on twitter at jeff boyard uh and should we thank some vi podcasts uh they don't deserve it this week no i mean like i feel like they don't deserve it this week. No, I mean like, I feel like they don't deserve it this week. They don't,

but we're going to be benevolent. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And they're going to be like, Whoa, what did we do? What did we do to not deserve it?

If you have to ask, then you're the problem. Like, I'm so sorry to say, but like, if you have to ask, that's crazy. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's insane. Um, so thank you to, ah, I just want to be first. Aaron. Aaron.

Aaron Old Dobbin made sense to me. Kuga, that's a little Hegem Pod reference. Adam Shea. Agent Michael Skarn. Aggie. Ako in the key of Shea. Oh, that's good. Alan known as the superhero Dildo Shaggins.

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JP again Now that that's settled What's up with you guys? What's your story? That's a really good one Way too long of a question To ask in the middle of this That's so fucking funny

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I don't know what that is. Xander Madsen. Yara Well-Bouchard. And Yasmin David. Shout out to all you guys for subscribing at the highest tier. If you guys also want access to bonus content and VIP Zoom parties, Q&A live streams, you can subscribe at patreon.com forward slash Riley and Jeff. We had a good amount of new patrons.

Yeah. It was super fun. So keep hanging out with us. And we'll see you guys again next Tuesday. Thanks so much for listening to this episode of Review Review. Arrivederci. Chee! That was a Hidgum Original.