Review Revue - Zucchini Noodles

Episode Date: April 9, 2024

Alf and Reilly remind you not to try the lobster rolls on this episode of Review Revue! >>>>><<<<<Follow at:IG: @reillyanspaugh @alfredinnitTwitter: @reilecoyote Join the discord here!Produced by Daniel Ramos @SchubirdsAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? At participating restaurants for a limited time. Wine? Wait, Google reviews your sim trip Advisor, they gon' make you wiser If not, go find her and buy some wipers Don't mind the hyper, caffeine for ciphers

Go clean your diapers, cause shit is still They gon' set intentions, go check your mentions Better be no questions, gonna cost you ten cents Eat money for they rent, I'm feeling the tension Lally got an impression, Barbell is testing her patience Microwave, banana abomination Max throwing and catching lacerations Thirteen college degrees, no convocation

Marlin, spaghetti, provocations I'm ready to go on vacation Take a seat, it's time for innovation Why did that go so hard? Yeah, now Riley's verse. Why did that go so hard? And also, why does the Bardwell- bardwell and spa combination sound like a diagnosis i'm so sorry um he has bardwell and spa um um we've never seen a case like this before it's um he has making your plans uh calling family it's not looking good he walks out yeah i guess they said i have bardwell and spa did you know that did you know that did you know that was from that also i really

okay so sorry that was from zeeshan let's give a moment says upon request cooked up a beat and rhymed some words on it vocals were recorded on my phone so apologies for the harsh audio quality hope y'all enjoy if not no worries just send it back you have my email have a good one you beautiful bitches Zeeshan Zeeshan that was awesome it was so

good and also it did not sound like you just recorded on your phone it was great especially one of the main things I loved about it is we haven't we haven't given enough air time to talking about you putting bananas uh what the fuck in the microwave how do you how do you eat it he does say a banana we can talk about that but first i want to roast tyler just by proxy i just want to say um because we were talking about the vocals like sounding good i was gonna say um tyler would kill for those vocals while he records his songs on a xbox 360 fuck 360 nothing sicker than that bird 360 headset like a turtle beach headset maybe from 2005 you lost it you're already gone

hey daniel cut that out make me look no leave it in you have to leave it in daniel do what you normally do and cut all my flubs out. That was awesome. That was awesome. And I don't know what to say other than thank you so much to everybody who's been sending in those original theme songs. Keep them coming. Keep them coming. These are so much fun. And we also need them.

Yeah, not that I don't want to come across as desperate because desperation does not beget success. It doesn't look good on you, darling. Oh. It's not becoming. Darling. I am. How are you doing? I have not had any coffee today.

Okay. It's 5.45 p.m. How does that make you feel? Bad. Bad. Caffeine is a drug and I'm going through withdrawal. Is that related? As we all know from last week I have had some tummy issues

as of late. And so I'm on a very bland diet right now. We're talking plain chicken. We're talking soup. We're talking bone broth. We're talking water. It doesn't seem to be working though, does it? It just started today. So ease up on that shit, right? Well, no, but I'm just saying

you know, it's night time. It's the evening. You'd think it would have worked by now. Not how it works. I told Daniel last night, I'm like, I'm going to give up coffee for a little bit because I want to help my tummy. And he said, thanks for the warning. And he's right. I'm going through caffeine withdrawals. And it doesn't feel good

I'll tell you that I have felt sleepy all day long all day long all so sleepy you're supposed to be the energetic one the caffeinated one the reliant on caffeine one

you're the Rue and I'm the Eeyore you know what I mean um you're the rue and i'm the michelle visage you've always said that um i will say i feel like such a idiot idiot ugly idiot i will say took the words right out of your mouth. Ugly idiot. We're all thinking it. I'm cleaning myself out. We're cleaning house, mama.

I did just house like fistfuls of Lay's chips. You mean like internally you're cleaning yourself out? That's revolting. They don't want to hear about that. They don't want to hear about that. Stop it. I just had Lay's laser gluten-free. He's going to diarrhea himself. He's going lays laser gluten free he's going to diarrhea himself he's gonna he's gonna shit himself how how are you bitch i'm really quick

and daniel you can bleep the word that i will say you'll know which one right before we started she goes again call call me it again. Alf goes, do you think Timothee Chalamet would still be famous if his name was cunt? I stand by it. It's a valid hypothetical.

If that was his name, if he was, you know, eponymous, is that the right word? Like, mononymous? Monogamous.

If he had one name. If he was monogamous. Monogamous. Like Beyonce or Cher. Monogamous. Boo boo. Monogamous. Monogamous if he had one name if he was monogamous like beyonce or share monogamous monogamous telling someone that you don't open the relationship i'm monogamous um anyway sorry what's new with you i interrupted by talking about how you uh said cunt uh i stand by that i think if if that was his name, he wouldn't be as famous

or he'd have changed his name. I think it'd be really hard to have a career with a name like that. Hot take. But I'm good. I shit so regular you can fucking set your watch to it.

I mean. You said that same joke last week. Did I really? Yes. I'm passing. Away. I'm passing. That's from the beowulf musical beowulf a thousand years of baggage come on my real my real heads no anyway uh i'm doing okay my real heads no i don't know darling i'm so tired my real head oh my real heads Come on. I don't make fun of every little thing you say. Oh, wait.

I am. No, I feel good. I think. What if this episode was different? Like starting now. That's the intention. What if starting now it's different? This is the most different episode yet.

This one's going to be different. Oh, you thought you were listening to Review Review? Oh. Oh, I'm sorry to report.'re not this is different this is different review review from like a different dimension even yeah okay i love that speaking of something a little different okay i'm sitting in a different chair than normal that i had to get that out of this fucking and i might stand up halfway through please don't bad for audio no but i'm at my standing desk i can do it we are talking about something different we're talking about something off the beaten path we're talking about something that's so off the path more like that why even have them we're talking about zucchini noodles, a.k.a. zoodles. Zoodles. Zoodles.

Zoodles. Zoodles. Zoodles. Zoodles. Zoodles. Zoodles. You like them? You love them? No.

Okay. No. I tried them when I was in the throes of my eating disorder. Nice. Nice. I was on that zoodle game. Nice. Nice.

I've only had it like three or four times. It's just zucchini. It's just. It's not. There's no part of it that's like, oh, what a great substitute. It's just you're having zucchini and sauce. Right. And that's fine. It doesn't taste good. I have never had a preparation of zucchini noodles where I thought this was good.

I would want this again. So watery. So watery. This is the wettest meal I've ever had. Yes. God, I wish I had pasta right now. It's a soup I didn't ask for. I just don't think they're good.

I think they're sad. I think it falls squarely into the category of like, you know, when you probably don't because you've never been a vegan. OK, where are my vegan girlies at? Where are my real heads? Where are my real vegan heads at? Where are my heads at? They're all here and they're listening very, very patiently to what I'm about to say. I when you're a vegan, when you're a vegan when you're a vegan i feel like the jets i was gonna i was just if i

wasn't drinking water at that moment beat you to it but no when you're a vegan occasionally not so much a thing anymore because the meats have come so far but there was a time when if you were at a barbecue have come when you were at a barbecue when you were to cook out and they were like really just look back on it. You think I'm fucking joking? The meats have- They really have. No, they have.

Ten years ago, you're at a barbecue, you're like, yeah, I'm vegan. They say, okay, here's what we're going to give you. I shit you not, I was served on multiple occasions a hot dog bun with a roasted carrot in it. That's disgusting. I mean, and the more common version of that is hamburger bun with a massive fucking mushroom in it. And it's like, this isn't. I love that. Just because it's the right shape doesn't mean that it counts as a substitute.

Here's the thing. I think I swallowed my own tongue. That was really weird. I love a mushroom burger because you can marinate that shit in tamari and rosemary and olive oil, and it's all yummy, yummy, yummy. I will say, it's like, I understand you want a healthy alternative to pasta. But at a certain point, you got your chickpea pasta. Right. You got your gluten-free pasta.

You got all these different other variations that give you a base for something. The cauliflower pasta. There's endless. But at the very least, they're actually starches. Yes. And that's the thing with like starch is good starch is good you need to have something that at that base i'm not a diet no but pasta is not unhealthy i mean that's the the fundamental sin of the zoodle is that it's replacing something which is just fine it's pasta and it's because

i remember having like a thick ass bowl of zoodles and sauce and thinking my god i'm fucking starving right i remember having just having water i'm so hungry exactly you're basically having you know not the not boba but you know those like bursting bubbles yes like plain those like just water because you have the skin around it that makes you think i'm eating something of substance it's just water um yeah i haven't had zoodles in a while. Listen, I love zucchini. I'm going to make zucchini for dinner. I'm going to have some squash for dinner. Zucchini bread?

Zucchini in a little ratatouille? Zucchini bread is fucking delicious. There was a restaurant that has since closed, but it was a restaurant that I would go to as a kid all the time. And they had homemade zucchini bread every day.

Oh! Oh, a little pat of butter on there. Oh! Oh, that shit's delicious. I haven't had zucchini bread in years. It's fire. When I lived in a different apartment. Why is it so good?

I think it's the wet. I think it goes back to what makes zucchini noodles so bad. It's like it gives it such a moist. But no, it is. Yeah, I know. It gives it such a wet flavor. No, the bread is so moist and it's such a kind of deep richness and earthiness. I mean, zucchini bread, banana bread banana bread pumpkin bread all of these

breads are wet as hell and they're fucking good as hell sorry you were saying you when i live in a different no not in college oh different apartment in chicago i had this wonderful did you know that i lived in chicago did you know that i had this wonderful couple that lived next to me in the building next to me single family home was the building next to my apartment building they'd lived there for 50 years he'd grown up in the building in that house and he still lived there it was really beautiful and he had this most gorgeous garden in the back and he would grow his own zucchini oh and he would give me the zucchini because he had such a surplus i mean it was just him and his wife they couldn't possibly eat all that zucchini no so he would't possibly. So he would give me zucchini, tomatoes, all this stuff.

And I would make zucchini bread. Greens, beans, tomatoes, potatoes. It's like robbing me. And then, you know, he would give me so many delicious, yummy, yummy, fresh vegetables. And it's one of the things I missed the very most about that apartment. That's very, very nice. Yeah. That's very nice. Thank you. This has been really earnest. This is different. I told you it was going to be different. There is a difference. There is a difference.

I'm standing up. I did it, by the way. This is a review for Whole Foods brand, everyday value, zucchini, spy rolls, one star from Mariana. And you get to make the last name. Okay. Mariana's Trench. Mariana's Trench. Mariana's Trench.

One star. The title is bad. Okay. To the point. Soggy and stringy. I don't know what possessed me to try though.

Oh God, darling. I couldn't tell you what possessed me to try the zucchini noodles from Whole Foods. It's like, it, darling, I couldn't tell you it possessed me to try the zucchini noodles from Whole Foods. It's like, it's so... It's giving, like, mom who's like, no, don't even try it. It's shit. I know I messed it up.

Don't, no, no, no. You don't even know. No, stop it. You're not even going to want to try it. You don't even want to try the lobster bake. I don't even know what possessed me to make this recipe. I don't know what possessed me to fucking try it. You don't even want to try the lobster bake. I don't even know what possessed me to make this recipe. I don't know what possessed me to fucking try it. Oh, Christine, don't even bother trying the lobster rolls.

I don't even know what possessed me to make them. I didn't even marinate them in the butter correctly. It's just, this Fourth of July party's a mess. Oh, but they look delicious. They look absolutely delectable. Please let me have a go. Oh, Christine, stop it. I know you're just trying to butter me up, no pun intended,

and try to make me feel better, but with Richard gone on his work trip again, I just, I don't know. I don't know what moved me to host all these people in the home when it's just two hands doing everything. I don't know what's going on. Well, let's be honest. Would Richard be all that much help if he was here?

Oh, stop it. You're so... You quick wit. Of course he wouldn't. I know that I'm not wrong. A bull in a china shop. He is absolutely a beast in the kitchen. One time I told him to make the jello salad for Halloween. Porcelain in it. But at its heart, my darling dear,

I think you just wanted to show that you could do it, you know, without a man here. When were you? Sorry, I, gosh, and you're right, but I couldn't tell you the last time that I saw you and Richard in the kitchen together, Christine. No, no, I just, I was asking him to make it for the Halloween party for the kids at the school. It was a PTA thing. It was a, you must have been, it must have been when you were having one of your, you know... Episodes.

Episodes, yes. So you were out of the picture for a little while, and I, you know, asked him to pitch in, because normally, I mean, you're so wonderful with the children's events. Oh, stop it. You're always making delicious... Oh, now you're just blowing smoke up my rear. Stop that.

No, I'll blow away. I really do think you're fantastic in the kitchen, darling. Well, I do think that people are fond of my creamy, delicious pies. Oh, absolutely. I know I am. But so you, sorry, just to circle back again. Hi. Hi, Catherine.

You could just go around the back. Oh, so good to see you. Just to circle back again. Oh, my. She looks. When I was having. She does not look well. She looks horrid. Horrid. Is she even trying? the back oh so good to see you just to circle back again oh my she looks when i was she does not look well she looks horrid horrid is she even trying it's like a rat is she even trying out of

the disposal i don't think so one time i was in a hotel and a rat crawled out of the toilet luckily i mean i wasn't sitting on it or anything i was standing at the sink but i was gonna ask crawled right out. That's what Catherine looks like. Oh, now that's just cruel. I mean, I haven't seen the rat. I haven't seen the rat. I've only seen Catherine. We do have fun, don't we, Christine? You and I.

You and me. Have the best of time. We were girls together. Now look at us. We're women. Well, don't say that. You make me feel ancient. Oh, stop it. No, but to circle back around again, I can't help but just get out of my head. Oh, these rolls look delicious.

I might have to try one. They look so scrumptious. Oh, don't, don't, don't. They are homemade. They are homemade. I don't know what possessed me to think I could make my own bread today of all days. What are you talking about? Bread's the simplest, and you always make the deliciousest, moistest, buttery.

Can I tell you something? Can I tell you something? I tried to make a sourdough starter. Okay. I tried to feed it. That thing scared the daylights out of me. What's that? That thing scared the shit out of me, Christine.

And I hate to curse. Pardon my French. But my God, that thing has a soul. It has a life of its own and i put a little bit of flour and water into it and it screamed at me well it screamed at me i i wouldn't know i don't like it i wouldn't know a thing about that you know me i i get into the kitchen i got two left hands i you know closest thing to sourdough starter i've ever made was when i made that when i made that dough that turned everyone's stomach sour.

Oh, stop it. It was just a little food poisoning. Never killed anybody. Well, we didn't... But again, just really quick before you head back into the party, just to circle back really quickly. Oh, these rolls are delicious.

Oh. Oh, you and your catchphrase. Boo-ba Baba Booey. Oh. Christine. Oh, you and your catchphrase. Boo. Baba. Christine. Booey. Oh, Christine.

Oh, ever since we were girls, it's Baba Booey this, you know, after you got your first kiss. Baba Booey. After you, you know, felt the pleasure of a man in you for the first time. You don't need to tell anybody about that. Ah, listen. Come on. If you and I can't talk about it, who else can? Baba Booey.

And, gosh, may rest her soul, when your mother died. Baba Booey. Baba Booey. But how are you? And when John was born? Oh, that, let me tell you, when John was born, that was a bibi booba. That was different.

Oh, stop it. No, it was not. Well, anyway, I just want to cut right to the chase. I know that you did help out a lot with the kids when I... What is that smell? I swear there's a smell in here. Christine. Is anyone smelling that?

Christine. Yeah? Are you hiding something from me? You keep changing the subject. It's very erratic. It's unlike you, I must say. Oh, my darling friend. How long have we known each other?

Gosh, I don't want to age ourselves in front of all these dear friends of ours. Right, but let's just say it's a number of years that rhymes with menti. Menti years we've known each other. Menti years. And if there's one thing I've been keeping from you, it's my deep love for you and nothing else. Why would you go and keep that from me? I know you love me.

Well, I don't know. Sometimes I feel when you have your episodes that it's better to keep my distance. I don't know. But I want you to know I truly love you more than anything. Well, when I have my episodes... Best friend a girl could have. Well, thank you, and you to me.

But when I have my episodes, you know, you see the thrashing. You see the... That doesn't bother me one bit. It's not the thrashing I mind. Is it the fur? The fur's fine. Then what could it possibly be? It's the words, my dear.

It's the words you say. The things you say. It hurts my feelings when you say them. Oh, but I don't mean it. You know, every couple weeks, it just something comes upon me. I know, but... The moon changes, as do I. Yes, but the things you say, they hurt my feelings.

They hurt dear Richard's feelings. They hurt your children's feelings. Gosh, but you can't believe a word that comes out of my mouth during that time. but the things you say, they hurt my feelings. They hurt dear Richard's feelings. They hurt your children's feelings. Oh, gosh. But you can't believe a word that comes out of my mouth during that time. I mean, I hardly remember a thing. I black out. Look, darling, trust me.

We all know a thing or two about that time of the month, but it's different for you. You can't say, oh, just excuse it, wave the hand away. It's different when you do it, darling. Oh, but the thing is, when I have my monthlies, it's just... No, but... I really do feel like I become a werewolf of a woman. I do. I know, I know, and so do I in many ways.

But when I get my, you know, when Aunt Floridia comes to visit, things go a little different for me, and I get a little cranky, and I may or may not spit at the children a little more than usual. So you get it. But there's something you do that's altogether different. You get that look in your eye and you can just identify the very deepest insecurity in a man or woman and you

tear them apart. Well, if I've ever said anything that has cut you to the quick I do apologize. Many things. Well, Christine, you know, I'm not the only one to blame. I do apologize. Many things. Well, Christine, you know, I'm not the only one to blame. I beg you?

Well, you should be begging me for forgiveness with what you've done, with the stunts you've pulled around this house. What stunts are you on about, huh? You drunk old bat. Oh, excuse me, I have had nary a lick of gin today. Oh, today? What about this morning? Well, this hour. Right, thank

you. I, thank you. I know that you spend a long time with Richard when I'm in my episodes. And? And? Somebody's gotta look after him. He can barely cook himself. He's a grown man. He's a grown man. He can look

after himself. It's the children who need looking after, not him. Well, and who's to say that the children I'm not looking after them as well every time I come round. Have you slept with him, Christine? And who's to say we're not looking out for each other? I mean, when you fire at us with your venom, you know, who's to say we don't take comfort in each other? Christine, so it's true.

It's true, Christine. I never admitted to nothing. I thought we were friends. Of course we're friends, darling. Oh, God. I love you so deeply. Oh, stop it. Shut up. That's why I do the things I do. Shut up. If I didn't love you, would I fuck your husband? Shut the fuck up.

Shut the fuck up. I didn't love you. Shut the fuck up. Would I not? Oh, no. But it's not that time of the month. Shut the fuck up. You wouldn't do it for another week and a half. What is this?

Sometimes stress induces it a couple days early. Richard. Richard, darling, come in here. She's having it. She's having it. I'm so fucking sick of buttered rolls and creamy pies. Now, what's the matter in here? Oh, my.

Enough, you bastard. You philandering fuck. Richard, she knows. She knows everything. It's too late for us. I know everything, you piece of shit. Oh, why'd you go and tell her that for? Big claws. I just scratch them across the face.

Oh, my face. Christine, you're gonna get out of here right now and never come back. Oh, right. I suppose every good thing's bound to come to an end.

We had a good run, though, didn't we? You and I. Until you fucked my husband. I really don't see myself as the villain here. You know? She starts getting her I'm just saying. If anyone's the villain here,

it's probably you Christine if anyone's husband deserved fucking it was probably you Christine I don't like that tone of voice I'm just saying after all these years of putting up

with your shit always playing second fiddle is it any wonder I'll fucking kill you Christine I'll fucking kill you, Christine. You'll go into the one of your episodes and suddenly- I'll fucking kill you. There's a man who wants me more than he wants you for the first time in our lives. Cut to the other end of the garden. These rolls are so salty.

Who knew that lobster could be sour? We passed the butter? Oh. We're gonna need more butter, I think, if we're gonna make it through this dinner. Two werewolves on their periods fighting in the back. Um, yeah. I think we're gonna need a waiter. More butter, please. I tell you one thing.

This minted julep is a little heavy on the mint, a little light on the julep. I love, I think what's different about this episode is that we started with a scene of werewolf periods. Yes, that's right. And we don't normally do that. We don't normally do that, do we? It's a scene that's, well, it's a scene that's not that normally. It's normally a scene that's not about.

It's a scene that's different than that for most of them. Werewolf periods. Let's, do you want to read a review? I would say like 80, 90% of them haven't had that. I would want to read a review i would say like 80 90 percent of them haven't had that i would say 80 i would say 80 definitely 80 i would feel comfortable 85 percent yeah that works do you want to read a review yeah if you want me to i really do are you Okay. Okay. This is from User... No last name. User I Hardly Know It.

User I Hardly Know It. Very, very, very oddly rubbery. Wait, wait, wait. What's the brand? Oh, I'm sorry. This is for the organic zucchini spirals from Whole Foods Market. One star.

How many stars is it even? One star. Jesus, you really jumped the gun. I was just so excited to share. Very, very, very oddly rubbery. Weirdly, weirdly, weirdly rubbery. I'm not sure how you make zucchini spirals so... indestructible? They were both rubbery and oddly not super easy to fall apart.

Made me wonder if they were treated with something. Odd. Also, not sure how such a low rating didn't see when I purchased totals to such a high overall rating. Influenced me in buying this. The beginning? So there's kind of a couple things, yeah.

Yeah, the beginning is really giving kid trying to hit a word count on a paper. Hamlet is really, really sad he gets so so so so sad that he thinks about maybe having to maybe his dad is very very very very dead the ghost is super super

super see through barely can see through it at all it's so see through it's the writer's room for sorry if we want to go i have an idea okay it's the writer's room of like a a spark notes like shakespeare accompanying thing it's like spark notes uh romeo and juliet writer's. Okay, so where were we at? Sorry. That break for lunch sometimes, it hits me.

And I just... Do you guys ever feel that slump after we come back from lunch? Oh, yeah. All the time. I mean, my God, sorry. I just fell asleep for a little bit. I know.

Hey, who said Chipotle? Who said Chipotle? Oh, come on. That was Ethan down in King Lear. I swear to God, that guy always... Every single day, he suggests Chipotle? Who said Chipotle? Oh, come on. That was Ethan down in King Lear. I swear to God. That guy always, every single day he suggests Chipotle. And it's like, come on, man. You can't eat Chipotle.

Anyway, it's heavy. You think it's going to be light, but it's heavy. It's heavy, but it's never light. It's never light. Because then you also, you have to get the chips with it because you dip the chips in the bowl. And you don't think of guac as being heavy, but it really is. But their guac is so good. Their guac hits every single time.

You know what's funny? I go to the grocery store. I try and pick an avocado out rock hard like a bowling ball. Yes, yes. I think I know why. It's because they're sending all the good ones over to Chipotle. All of them to Chipotle. I swear because I've never had guacamole there that felt chunky or lumpy or hard or anything like that.

I think you're onto something, Neil. It was really weird. Yeah. Okay. Well, should we do a little work? Have you tried the new Al Pastor chicken? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They have a new Al Pastor chicken.

It's like sweet. They have Al Pastor chicken? Yeah. It's like a sweeter kind of like sauce marinated on it or something. See, that's where I think you and I are different. It's like I don't really like sweet savory foods. Right, right. Well, I didn't think I was going to – I didn't think I was going to like, see, that's where I think you and I are different. It's like, I don't really like sweet, savory foods. Right, right. Well, I didn't think I was going to, I didn't think I was going to like it, but it almost

was like a barbecue. I, you know. Oh, that's kind of nice. Yeah, I didn't dislike it, but I'll probably go back. Do you get that as like burrito or tacos? Bowl. Or bowl. Yeah, bowl, bowl, bowl, bowl.

Yeah. Well, don't, no need to be like, what the hell? You know. No, I'm just like uh i don't know i'm just sorry do you get tacos you can get tacos there but do you like i feel like they probably i don't but you can five percent of what they get is taught like i i normally get a bowl yeah same so why did you say do you get burrito or tacos when you normally because a lot a lot of the time people eat like do i like al pastor tacos do i like give guy who gets tacos from chipotle i was just neil i was just asking do you think this is why though like well i mean it's not that you

you don't not give that seriously you give you know what you give like and and tell me if this is not true then i'll eat i'll eat my hat but no you give like you know when you're asking for guac and they say you know guac's extra you give someone who's like and i know guac is extra like you give that kind of guy who's like kind of does that little like and i don't tell me guac is extra, you know, that kind of thing. Oh, yeah. Do you do that or no? Not every time. But you do do it. I have done it, but I'm sure as heck not going to do it anymore. God.

You shouldn't. It's just kind of played out. Okay. Thanks for the tip, I guess. Listen, I'm. No, no, I'm glad you... Hey, it's a writer's room, right? No bad ideas in a brainstorm, you know?

So I'm sure if you ever told a joke I didn't like, I'd let you know. Yeah, well, good thing this is just us kind of simplifying Shakespeare for kids. You know, we're not... Did you get a chance, by the way, to look at it? The script I sent over to you?

Oh, you know what? No pressure. I know, like, it's like. No, no, no, no. It's on my to-do list. I just would really value, like, I would just really value, like, a female perspective on it. A hundred percent. It's been on my to-do list.

I've been really busy with Act 4, Scene 3. It's a doozy, for sure. And I appreciate you taking it on. no no no i mean no i don't mean act four scene three of your script i mean act four scene three of romeo and juliet okay sorry act four scene three i mean act sorry act two scene three god no these numbers are just i'm just oh my god it's yeah two and four pretty similar knock knock chipotle what who's there sorry no who's there no i wasn't that was just me being like knock knock to the brain like hello wake up no one's ever said knock knock to the brain to mean that i'm confused or something you don't need to be confused it's just dumb passing comment okay so uh where did you want to pick up um

did you want to take a look at two three or was there somewhere else you wanted to go no i think we can go to um i think we can actually go to them asking the friar for uh the poison okay yeah right okay um so what i see so i actually saw your first pass of it yeah what did you and i know that i work under you but i already had a couple notes oh i don't i don't want you to ever feel like you're you're under me i think oh i am your title is better and you're you're pay it you've you're paid more than i am right well i have been doing it longer but i i i don't want you to feel like just because of any of that you know money bullshit or whatever that you're paid more than I am. Right. Well, I have been doing it longer, but I don't want you to feel like just because of any of that, you know, money bullshit or whatever that you're like, you and I are different because everyone's equal. I don't feel that. I never said that

we were different. I just meant really really really really want to get married and that feels true right oh yeah no i mean they do really want to get married i think we could lose a couple reallys okay sure i'm open to that um yeah they really just keep one oh um sorry you said i'd lose a couple i thought you meant maybe um just because i feel like the one really really shows you know yeah i just worry that carries all that in one word i just worry that carries all that in one word i just worry that if we take you know we kind of lose kind of the kind of the heart of what i was going for there if we take out how about two let's do two for can we compromise

meet in the middle two because i really do value your input you're the boss no wait now we've been over this i'm not your boss i'm just you know you are my boss right but really i like to i'm just an older man you know that is in the same room um and you are my boss right right but i don't like those labels right there's like a power thing there that's not you do have more power yeah but i don't really like to be reminded of it. Okay. Do you have any other notes or was it just the really thing? I have a lot of notes that are similar to the really thing. True. But with how you responded to this, I feel like it's better.

I'm sorry. Did I give you the impression that I like – because I wasn't upset with your feedback. I really wasn't. No, I'm not saying – that's not what I was saying oh what I'm saying is that I feel like you have I don't know if this was like a creative choice um but I feel like through not even just this scene but throughout actually a lot of what you have written here it's a lot of you know it's like um Tybalt is so so so so dead he is he's not coming back no Tybalt is dead right uh so Tybalt yeah he yeah he kills him hard you actually wrote he calls him hard he kills him so hard yeah and I know you're trying we're this is for kids right

I mean that's the whole thing right just we We're trying to write it in the vernacular, the way kids talk. You know what I mean? I think we need to give them more credit. If you just say Romeo kills Tybalt. You're closer to being that age than I am. There's no secret there. That's okay. You're quite a bit younger than me.

That's okay. So you're telling me the kids aren't saying he killed him hard like that's not i don't think and even if they were i i feel like it's we don't have to write it in their voice i think we just need to write it in a way that is not as poetic and as flowery so maybe they can just understand the story yeah yeah i hear that i hear that for sure for for sure um um so i think we could lose okay there was just an errant skibbity toilet here right that was which i think we can get rid of i know it was and i think we can get rid of that um because i don't i don't know what it means but i know that it's not in any sort of context here.

Okay. And is it just that skibbity toilet? I think all of the skibbity. I think if you do Command F, skibbity toilet, and then just delete all of the skibbity toilets. Okay. Can I ask when the nurse in Juliet scene, when the nurse comes comes in and then i have in the stage directions um she hits the gritty yeah and then juliet says oh my god she's witty witty doing it is that did you feel that was like i felt that you know i i went back well it's not necessarily

that i didn't read i i went back to the text i went the source text i went back to the source and i couldn't i don't know what moment that you were cross-referencing i don't know well it's like she comes in and she's sort of she comes in and she's sort of like you know she's like doing this whole like act you know where she's like i'm so tired my muscles are hurting and like oh if only someone would like you know kind of pay attention to me and like you know she's kind of egging julietta and i guess i just felt like you know from watching my nephews the equivalent to that to today was like be hitting the be hitting the gritty yeah um but if you if you don't think it's right we'll take it out no i 100 no no it's not it's not about

what i think is right. You are my boss. No, keep it. Keep it. Keep the gritting. Fuck the gritty. Keep the nurse hitting the gritty. No, you didn't like the nurse hitting the gritty.

We'll cut it. It's not my call. Stupid. I don't know. You are my boss. You have more power over me. You have more money than I do. I wish you wouldn't say that.

I wish you wouldn't say that. You have more authority. I wish you would not say that. I wish you would not say that. It wish you wouldn't say that. I wish you would not say that. I wish you would not say that. It's true. But it makes me uncomfortable when you do that. Well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but it's just true.

I know, but you don't need to. You know it. I know it. You know. I don't walk around all the time going, gravity, pull stuff downward. You know what I mean? Like, just because something's true doesn't mean it needs like constant repeating can i say something you saying you saying that and you being like no it's up to you it's that that makes me uncomfortable why does that make me you

uncomfortable because it makes me feel like like i'm being overbearing or i'm pulling rank or not even pulling right well exactly exactly and so it you saying that makes me feel like i'm overstepping that was the word i was i've heard that can i speak freely like just person to person uncomfortable because okay then i won't speak i won't speak it oh come on neil don't i'm just saying like talk look i've been at this game a long time. You're not the first bright young woman to come through this office. And I have noticed, and I'm not saying this is what this is, but I have noticed in the past, sometimes, you guys, you young women, you struggle to kind of take up your space and really command the authority i am gonna stop you right there really smart i'm gonna really good at this and when i'm telling you i know no i'm i am gonna cut you off i know i'm smart i went to brown. I have a master's in English.

I know that I'm qualified. I don't need you to be telling me what women do. I wasn't trying to tell you what women do. You weren't trying because you were doing it. No, that's not what I was doing. That's exactly what you were doing. You were saying you guys, you people take, not out of context. That's what you just said. So I'm sorry.

You disagree that oftentimes young women have trouble asserting their authority in the workplace in a male dominated workspace. You think I messed up for saying that? No. No. I don't think you're messed up for saying that. Okay. I'm saying you were mansplaining that to me.

No, you were mansplaining that to me. I was not. Okay. Yes, you were. You were trying to tell me, did you know that? I'm sorry that I was mansplaining. That is my you know that i'm sorry that i was mansplaining that is my lived experience i'm sorry that i was mansplaining my intention agree that you were if you say that i was you're the one who gets to decide that i was don't do that don't do that you were yes i was i'm sorry i was mansplaining my intention was to

give you the space to talk about your experience it was not to tell you your experience i was just opening the door i disagree and that's your because and you're totally in the power position to do that stop it stop it what was you weren't trying to give me the space you weren't saying that was my intention but if that's not how you were telling me you weren't telling me what happened no i i was trying to asking me to share my experience that was well because i wasn't getting very far with that to be perfectly honest with you i was sort of trying to get you to share your experience before that and you were just not really giving me

anything so i was i was trying to set the stage in a way that i thought was going to make you more comfortable and i can tell that i've absolutely done the opposite and i'm sorry that i feel like i've sort of burned the goodwill that I feel like we've been, we've been working with here for the last couple of days. So I just want to say, sorry about that. Thank you.

I don't think that Juliet should tell the nurse that Romeo has W Riz. Okay. Note taken. I also don't think that she should say that she's feeling eepy when she takes the potion. That's totally cool. That is cool.

I'm assuming this means that when Friar Lawrence gives his final speech and he says killing yourself is not goaded with the sauce. Gotta go.

Gotta go. What would you put there? Killing yourself is bad. Okay. I mean that was honestly that was pretty bad but i think it's better and more apt than it's not goaded with the sauce okay and in the character description you can just you can take out that juliet is coquette you can take that out i wish that one i might not what i might need to fight you on uh that's okay no no you're right you're right no you know you're right you're right

um what about when the scene where romeo is fighting with his dad and he yells, OK, boomer. I think kids are definitely still saying that. Right. So let's for sure keep that. OK. And then when Tybalt goes. That one you've got a pulse on for sure. When the stage direction says that Tybalt goes beast mode. Yeah.

Yeah. They're still saying that. They're still saying that. And then also. Because I wasn't sure that felt dated maybe. But if you're saying it's good. No. No, no, no. They're for sure still saying that and then also i wasn't sure that felt dated maybe but if you're saying it's good no no no no they're for sure still saying that and then in the party scene i think you have one of the guests going i'm feeling so hyper right now let's for sure i really like that that yeah yeah that i felt good about and then also definitely keeping uh you know the queen You know, the Queen Mab speech? Yeah. Keeping slay Queen Mab. Okay.

Cool. I mean, I think that's pretty much everything. Oh, Juliet's shook when he dies? Yes. She's shooketh? Should I say shooketh? Yes, she's shooketh. Yeah.

Deceased, maybe. Well, no, because she died. That might confuse them. No, you could say she's shooketh. deceased maybe well no because she died that might confuse them no you could say she's shooketh okay cool um um oh i will also say that uh you can throw in a little like um when when juliet has romeo come up to her room and they have sex for the first time you can have you can have it doesn't matter who you could either one of them could say awesome sauce about the sex yeah kids really say that that was awesome sauce yeah like about wow things have changed a lot since I was a young man I'll tell you that much um I think we're ending in a good place today.

Yeah, I think this thing, what we've put together here is it's really woke. It's shaping up to be pretty woke. And if you get a chance to look at my script i sent you that's fine but

i'll do it no no no i was actually gonna say i would feel more comfortable if you deleted it you've been asking me for weeks to take a look i know but you have made me realize some stuff today that maybe i need to listen more and talk less so i think i'm gonna just say request for feedback you can still write you can still write a script off the table no one's asking you to not i don't think anyone that story i don't think anybody's asking for so what's it about oh it's you wouldn't it's like a don't tell me it's like a coming of age story from the point of view of a young woman in a man's world. Written by an older man.

No, no, it's really not. Basically, so the main character, Jessica, she's 17 when the story begins. You know, it follows her till she's about 25. Okay, all right she uh well it's it's very much a male dominated space that she finds herself in her family i'm going home okay hopefully we get um sweet green for lunch tomorrow right yeah i'll see you tomorrow. Yeah, maybe. Don't forget to hit the gritty on the way out.

Ah. Sheesh. Damn, time for one more. Yeah, I think so. This is also for Whole Foods Everyday Value Zucchini Spirals. We're really repping the Vuvuzela. This is two stars from Cat E. Catty.

Catty girl. Two stars from Catty girl. Catty girl. The title is Yuck, Yuck Chuck. Also, I kind of feel like I need to take a bath after the last scene. I loved that. I loved you in it. The title is Yuck, Yuck Chuck. Sounds like a kids book character.

Two stars from Catty Girl. Guests after microwaving must pan fry, as someone said. Tried to make a quick dinner with my vegan bolognese and asked... Bolognese. Tried to make a quick dinner with my vegan bolognese as pressed for sleep and busy schedule upon opening bag after microwaving seven minutes smelt like a bag of seaweed just picked out of all caps pond we'll see if yard possum will finish it off instead of their favorite banana watermelon no time to cook up replacement veggie noodles. Ruined my Subway Express dinner.

Too many questions. First one, Subway Express. What is that? I don't know in the context of her making a homemade dinner. Right, because it sounds like that's a restaurant. Yeah. Okay, cool. I'll drop that one uh yard possum that she feeds on a regular basis nightly basis see if yard possum will finish it off i'll fucking favorite banana and watermelon

i will bet you he will no doubt in my mind he's gonna to finish that off quite happily. That yard possum might finish it off. Well, instead of his favorite banana and watermelon. Jeez, Cousin Lenny. Thanks for letting a yard possum come visit the big city. I'm not really used to this. A lot of cars, a lot of noise, but I appreciate it. I've always wanted to this. A lot of cars, a lot of noise, but I appreciate it. I've always wanted to visit. Oh yeah, don't sweat it

Buster. I'm so happy you're here. What do we want to do first? We could go eat scraps out of the trash can outside of the Yankee Stadium or we could eat scraps out of the trash outside of, or we could eat scraps out of the trash

outside of the Broadway theaters. New York. Yeah, you can... You know what, man? If you want people to think you're a local, you gotta stop saying New York. What does a local sound like? They say,

I'll fucking kill you. Don't look at me. I'll fucking kill you. Don't look at me I'll fucking kill you Don't look at me You're getting close I want to do whatever you do On a daily basis Whatever's like your routine

I want to do that Oh no you don't want to do what I do I want to be like a real city rat Well city possum More like come on don't get ahead of yourself do you like do you like mess around with them with the rats like do you guys cut up with them or no well i mess around with a couple rats but i don't i don't like cut up with them nice because we don't get rats where i'm from. No, the rats here, you should see the cabooses on some of those babies. I've heard stories, Len, but I've never seen it.

Why don't I take you down to the subway? We can check out some rats, see if we can set you up with a nice lady down there. Oh, heck. Hey, before we go, can I ask, what brought you all the way out here? You never want to come visit your cousin Lenny. You know,

I'm getting to a certain age where I, you know, was hanging out in the yard one day and I was having my watermelon and banana for the third time this week. And I was thinking, is this really all there is? Maybe I want to meet a possum girl and settle down one day. But that's not the stage I'm at right now. I just want to sow my wild oats and see the sights.

Well, you couldn't have picked a better place to do it. New York City is the biggest city in the world. Oh, that's not true. Let's head down to the subway. I'll introduce you to some ladies I know. Awesome sauce. Cut to the subway.

Squeak, squeak, squeak. Holy heck, Cousin Lenny. Check out the freaking boost on that one. Yeah, buddy. Check out the freaking. Hey, you know what? I know her. That's Glinda.

You know her? You crazy ass. Get over here. Oh, squeak, squeak. What brings you down to the subway, Lenny? Who is your friend? Oh, this here is my cousin, Buster. Say hi, Buster.

Hi, Buster. No. Oh, you're sweet. Well, I'll just be hanging around trying to eat this Dunkin' Donuts used napkin. Maybe I'll catch you boys around later. Pretty girl, you shouldn't be eating a napkin. What's that supposed to mean? Napkins with the French vanilla swirl are my favorite food. I'll buy you a whole stack of them. I'll buy you dinner from the finest-

Buster, you gotta play it cool. I'll buy you the world. I'll make you my queen. Oh, we don't get many guys like you down in the subway. I'm a respectable type. Just looking to meet some cool rat. Why don't you and I go

on a walk? Okay, Lenny. I'm gonna go on a walk. Yeah, you do it, but don't touch the third rail, okay, buddy? The third rail? Don't worry about it. It's just a walk. Yeah, you do it, Betta. Don't touch the third rail, okay, buddy? The third rail? Don't worry about it. It's just a myth. Okay. I've only been to first

and second rail. I don't know about third rail. Jeez, we only just met. Oh, no, sweetie. I don't do that on the first date. Good, me either. Listen, you seem like such a sweet possum. Thanks.

You seem like such a sweet possum. You know, a lot of the... We don't get rats where I'm from, but a lot of the girl animals out there, they don't really like me. What are you talking about? What's not to like? Squeak, squeak. Well, they're built different out there. They don't really like me. What are you talking about? What's not to like? Squeak, squeak.

Well, they're built different out there. They don't have the same kind of appreciation for the finer stuff like you have. It's a whole lot of, oh, I wish I was, I just want to be in the pond. I'm going to go to the pond later. Oh, oh,

did you see the pond earlier? You know, it's like that stuff. I wish I could go to a pond. I could take you. I've never seen one before. Oh, they're so beautiful. But if you don't like the pond, then maybe I can just ask Lenny to take me. He doesn't know where it is. Just me.

Okay, well, would it be crazy if we went right now? Well, it's pretty far out there. Maybe you should just hop on that subway that's approaching. You just need to go down into the tracks and wait to grab on. Is that how you do it? Yeah, it's how everybody does it down here. Squeak, squeak. You're gonna come with

me though, right? Yeah, I'll be right behind you. I'll be right behind you. Okay, cool. But we're gonna get on at the same time, right? Yeah, of course we are. Why would you say that?

I don't know, because it's just the way you're talking, it's making me a little nervous. But no, I'll jump on. You don't need to be nervous. Just go stand on that rail right there. One, two,

three. Okay, now what what now just wait a couple seconds for the train to get on the track electrocute it's like the cartoon image of like you see inside the body Bye. Toasted. Absolutely smoked. Fucking killed that guy. And why'd she do it? We'll never know. We got food for ten weeks, everybody.

Let's get on out here. Scree, scree, scree, scree, scree, scree. It's a ghost. I'm wearing a bow. Yeah, kids, remember. Big city's not all it I'm wearing a bow. Yeah, kids, remember, big city's not all it's cracked up to be. Don't end up like me. Never touch the third rail.

That scene, I had a feeling that scene was just going to be the fucking, remember when we were beetle, you know, what were we? We were ants? Yeah. Yeah, we were ants. It we were ants yeah no this one was so different man because that was like a rat and a possum versus ant beetle like they were a whole different stuff and and my voices were definitely not the same at all my voices were different and i didn't mine were not should we do our last segment yeah i really wish we would this is a different hey this was a different episode except for the same voice that i did for that same kind of character except it was a possum instead of a ant you're you never had like a horny ant no the lenny the possum was

the same as the ant oh that might be true but the horn rat was the horny rat was different that was a whole different voice. Different. Different. Like this episode. Right. Let's do our last segment. Most episodes don't have a 15 minute uncomfortable scene about gender in the workplace.

This shook me all week long. It kept shaking me. It was the end of the week. It was shaking me the whole time. Why don't you go first this time, eh? Eh? I'm Canadian for this episode. What has been shaking me? What has been shaking me?

Oh my God. Okay. So the other day I was in Trader Joe's and I went and I was just needing to take a little snack, a little lunch. And I got a little salad, which is like my salad I have almost every fucking day, which is the slaw salad with the peanut dressing and some chicken. That's a good one. It's very good. It's a good one. And in the back, and here's the thing.

I haven't seen these in a Trader Joe's in years. I remember from my childhood having these but i could never find them in the store and it was tucked away in the back of the store the thin savory crackers the little tiny crackers i don't know and i could eat them by the fucking fistful and i'm seeing the savory crackers they're just called thin savory crackers they are so good i have been housing them like crazy. And what I love about them, and I remember them from childhood, is one of my friends of mine, she and I would eat them.

Oh, I know these little freaks. They're delicious. Yes. They're so fucking good. Go pick you up a bag of thin savory crackers. And we would pretend like they were the Eucharist. Of course, the body of Christ. So we would often the body of Christ.

Amen. And then we would just keep doing that to each other. And we thought it was the funniest thing in the world. So it's bringing me back down memory lane. It's so delicious. And I was wondering, I'm like, what makes them savory? What makes them so delicious? Check the ingredients.

It's salt obviously but it's like um a powdered tamari kind of thing soy sauce and it's so fucking good it's that umami it's that umami umami is my favorite flavor profile it's the best thing ever what time that's what's been shaking when i was a um when i was when i was still drinking and i was also working as a barkeep um i tried some umami bitters it was like bitters but it was like pure distillated umami flavor in it and it was it was one of the strangest things i've ever tasted that's bizarre because it was just like what the hell hell? But it was like, now it's like, it does help because like now I can like, I feel like I can identify umami easier because I have that.

Right. That distinct memory. I bought a mat that has spikes all over it. What? I bought a mat that has spikes all over it. What the fuck are you talking about? Yes. I bought a mat with spikes on it.

Did you know that? These are super sharp plastic spikes and I lie down on it and it makes me better. Is it like acupuncture? Supposedly. So I bought this mat because I got an ad for it on Instagram and it was $70 and I said, fuck that. And I bought a knockoff version for like 10 on the internet and I lay down on it and it is absolute agony it feels like a thousand

tiny knives being stabbed into my back it does not feel like any acupuncture i've ever heard of um but it's super it's like such intense agony for like two minutes and then it kind of fades into a dull throb and then you get off the mat and then you get off on it no then you get off the mat and your whole my whole back is like super relaxed and now i'm not a doctor i'm not even somebody who could have been a PhD candidate there I genuinely I think I you there are a lot of people who could have been a doctor I could not have been a doctor I could not have been a doctor but I do enjoy the bliss of the real life like I've never had a crack back so good sound as when I've just done the mat. Does it crack your back? It doesn't, but afterwards my muscles are so relaxed.

Oh, that it just kind of like goes into place. It's just like, That's nice. It's a really good feeling. And I don't know, like it's made me really want to like get proper acupuncture. Acupuncture is great.

You know, but it's like expensive and this was only $10 on fucking. Yeah, I you go you know the internet um this was different it was i'm not talk about something that was from 2016 and you didn't talk about the weather no i talked about a scary thing so this is like this is a really different episode i I don't want it to be over. It's amazing what happens when we set intention. Oh, okay. But I guess it is, right? Well, if you want to keep the party going, you can find Alfred on Instagram at AlfredInIt and the show on Instagram at ReviewReview,

Reddit at r slash ReviewReview, and HeadGum Discord, ReviewReview. And you can also find me and Jeffrey James on our Patreon at patreon.com slash RileyAndJeff. Well, if you're not quite ready to go to bed you can stay up a little bit later you can find riley on instagram.com just the web browser not the phone app at riley and spa and on twitter.com now known as xxxxxxx.com for as long as it lasts. Riley Coyote. And as we say every single week on the show, we're always saying it or never not saying it.

Never not saying it. You know the one. You know the saying. Oh my god, we all know the one. Skibbity Toilet. Hit the gritty. Skibbity Toilet. Hit the gritty. Skibbity Toilet. Hate the gritty. Skibbity Toilet. Hate the gritty.

Skibbity Toilet. We'll see you next time. Beast mode. Bye. Beast mode. That was a Hiddem Original.