REWILD + FREE - 31. TIME FREEDOM AND FEELING CONTENT AS A MOTHER ENTREPRENEUR: IS IT INTENTION OR PRIVILEGE?

Episode Date: October 23, 2023

How often do we make things harder than they need to be due to our own agendas and attachments??  Once you become aware of this, it becomes apparent in both motherhood and entrepreneurship.  In this episode,  I discuss how so often we as mother entrepreneurs can be our own worst enemy,  getting in our own way due to attachments to time and success. We can easily miss out on experiencing joy in the journey if we are always focussed on the future and thinking "if I could just have x, then I'll feel y". I share my own musings around privilege versus taking intentional action and getting out of victimhood in our own lives. I delve into the idea of time flexibility, gratitude, and the belief that creating a life of abundance and freedom is possible for everyone. I invite you to consider your own journey as a mother entrepreneur and encourage you to celebrate the life you have built while taking intentional action towards the life you desire. I also share several things I've done internally to help me get closer to creating a life of time freedom including: - nervous system regulation- openness to receive - money mindset- healing my wounded maiden archetype (victimhood)- and finding joy and pleasure in the mundane moments so I'm not constantly seeking something outside of my current life I would love to hear what lands for you! I hope this episode is both inspiring and thought provoking.  Connect with me on IG and let me know! If you are curious about working 1-1 with me, find more details about my private coaching packages here  Support the showConnect with Nicole on IG (@nicolepasveer) Want to be a guest on the podcast? Fill out this form

You're listening to Rewild and Free. This is the go-to podcast for conscious and holistic mother entrepreneurs who are ditching society's to-do list for intentional living, freedom, and abundance, while creating impact and legacy in their home and business. If we haven't met yet, I'm Nicole Pasvir, your like-hearted mom friend and biz bestie wrapped in one. I'm an ex-nurse turned matrescence guide and business coach, leading women just like you into the new paradigm, where thriving in motherhood is your birthright and so is a successful and sustainable online business keep listening if you're ready to unsubscribe from patriarchal motherhood bro marketing and boss babe culture because in this space we use nature as our framework as we move

towards feminine embodied business development cyclical orientation and slow living together let's rewild and remember as we break free from survival and reconnect to what truly matters. Okay friend, steep your tea and take the most loving breath you've given to yourself today and let's go. Okay, I'm recording in my car. I have no idea how the audio is going to be. We're just going to roll with it. Maybe this ends up being produced into a podcast. Maybe it doesn't. But I'm currently driving home. We were just at an appointment and Aubrey was protesting getting in her car seat. And that is not uncommon. That is a pretty common thing, especially when it's a shorter appointment and she probably feels like, but wait, I was

just in the car. And there was two separate attempts. I kind of did the usual things to try to bribe her and I tried to give her options. I allowed her to buckle her piggy into her car seat and then said, okay, now it's Aubrey's turn. Like all of my usual tricks weren't working. So we went for a walk and then we came back and tried again. And that time was even worse because she probably wanted to keep walking. And the protest turned into a very loud screaming fest. She was visibly getting agitated, and of course that was pressing buttons on my own nervous system.

And I kind of realized that the only way to actually make this work would be for me to use force. And I kind of stopped that the only way to actually make this work would be for me to use force. And I kind of stopped for a second. I'm like, why am I doing this? Like, we literally have nowhere to be right now. The only reason I am making this hard is because I'm trying to follow my own agenda. And it was kind of this humbling reminder, I guess, of in what other instances in life are we doing that? How are we making things harder than they need to be just because of our own agenda or our attachment to outcomes or our subconscious grip we have to something and our need to micromanage and have

a sense of control over things? This really was so different. So I stopped, I pulled her out, we kind of reset, we took a couple deep breaths, and I said to her, well I actually didn't say anything, I just allowed her to continue doing what she wanted to do. And we proceeded to sit in the car for literally an hour. She nursed on the breast on several occasions, I thought she was going to fall asleep. She didn't fall asleep. she continued to just fart around she explored all the nooks and crannies in the car she played in the driver's seat she did all the things that she likes to do and it really became something that wasn't a big deal

like I said I didn't have anywhere to be all the things that I ended up doing on my phone were things that I ended up doing on my phone were things that I would have been doing at home. So I ended up being totally fine. And then I ended up sharing in my stories on Instagram around how this time flexibility that I was experiencing, this ability to literally sit in my car for an hour and not adhere to any agenda or the clock. I just stopped for a second and realized how grateful I guess I was for it. And at first I honored the privilege that I had to even be able to have that experience. But then I caught myself and I guess kind of posed the question and opened up the can of worms of, is it really privilege or is this something that I worked for?

And of course, now that can of worms is open. And as I'm driving home, I'm just kind of exploring that further. And it's a lot and there's a lot of nuance to it and it's definitely not something that I I want to feel triggering for someone listening if they don't have this life right now um I guess what I want to speak on specifically is just around the truths in the situation. We all have the same amount of hours in a day. That's truth, right? That's something that can't be argued. And the nuance in this particular situation is the fact that all the moving pieces that going back into the workforce and the opportunity to

start my own business and to be very intentional with how I'm using my time and I feel like it could be really easy for someone listening to kind of spin out into victimhood and just kind of come up with all the excuses why that's not possible for them. And I guess I want to work space for that because a lot of those reasons likely are valid. A lot of those reasons likely are truly limiting. Obviously, there's some financial privilege, the fact that my husband has a safe and secure job, and that we've put ourselves in a financial situation that we can make this possible. There's also the physical support I have from family and friends to help support me in this journey. I realize not everybody has that. And I mean, the list goes on, but there's also a whole lot of things that I

don't have that you might have. And if we continue living in this state of lack, of always feeling like we don't have the next thing, that we don't have what we want, and that we just need that thing to be able to get to that next destination, right? If we could just have enough money to quit our 9-to-5, if we could just have our partner's support and willingness to pick up slack where slack might arise from whatever, like that's your story to write. I guess what I'm trying to explain here is that if you aren't able to be content and feel gratitude and celebration for where you're currently at in life, there's no amount of anything,

more time, more money, more support that is going to fulfill that for you. That might be something that you wanna disagree with me on, and that is absolutely okay. But it's something that I have met a lot of resistance to, and I spent my entire life thinking that I need that next thing. I don't even want to call it shiny object syndrome because I don't think it's, like for me, it hasn't necessarily been objects. It hasn't necessarily been related to money. Even in my current business creation and development, I'm not really motivated by the money.

I'm not motivated by the flashy six-figure, seven-figure income or whatever is promoted to me as this is quote-unquote what success is. I'm not motivated by that anymore. Maybe I was at a time, but I'm not. It's about the lifestyle. It's about the time flexibility and time freedom. It's about being able to be present with my daughter when I want to. It's about being able to lose track of time several times a day. That's the goal here.

And I really do believe that that's possible for everyone. I think, I guess maybe to clarify and give context to what I believe really helped me get to this point. And I should also clarify that like, as much as I want to declare and say I've made it because I do I do want to declare that and I I want you to declare it too I want you to declare and own the life that you have built the life that you have created because you have done that um and if you're not proud of it then that just shows you where you maybe want to take intentional action and make some changes. If you are proud of it, then damn girl, celebrate. I think very few people really are proud of the life they've built and actually experience content and bliss and peace and joy and gratitude for the current moment.

But specifically in my story, well, first of all, like I said, there obviously are still things that I want. There are still desires that I don't have. There are things on the wish list. There are things that I'm moving towards and I think without those things it can be so easy to get stuck on autopilot once again and and stop growing it's almost it's almost keeping you small in a I don't know just in a different way than when you're truly stuck on autopilot and limiting yourself. But like if you stop having goals and if you stop allowing your heart to deeply desire things

that are currently out of your reach, then there's nothing that you're ever growing to. There's nothing that you're ever becoming. So I think it's important to continue to have desires, but I think it's even more important to find content and to soften into the current life you're living. And this, I mean, it's cliche, but like you have to enjoy the journey, right? You have to enjoy the journey, not just the destination. Anyways, some things that I, looking back, that I feel like I was very intentional about that got me to this place are, I mean, obviously quitting my job. And that was a very big decision. That was a very scary decision that held a lot of risk and it still does. But I guess my desire and my motivation around that is far bigger than the fears around it.

And I think that's a big part of my story is really allowing those desires to get that big and allowing my intuition to speak and to lead me and to not take action by fear. And to especially not take action by other people's fears and to not get the two confused. I think that's a really big thing is to be able to discern where your fears are coming from and very likely they aren't even yours, they are just projections from people around you and from society and all of that. So yeah, obviously like leaving my job was the catalyst but the entire identity shift that it took to be able to do that and the conversations with my husband and the inner work that I needed to do to even feel worthy to stay home and be financially dependent to someone else. Those things, they happen below the surface,

and those things aren't really talked about. And then in the more tangible aspects of building a business, I've had to be very, very careful with whose business I'm creating and whose life I'm creating it for. It could have been really, really easy to follow other people's strategy and to really continue following society's to-do list, but in the lens of an entrepreneur. And with that comes potentially attaching to someone else's definition of success.

And I kind of already touched on that in terms of the financial metrics and money being a motivator. And I mean, obviously money, money is a motivator because money is what our, our form of currency in this life. That's how we buy things. That's how we pay for the support that we might need to hire out. That's how we literally can afford our basic needs of survival, our shelter, our heat, our water, our food. We need money. So I guess that kind of leads me to another thing around shifting my not just my mindset but my energetic frequency around how I view and understand money basically basically putting a giant magnifying glass

on my relationship to money and shifting shifting it so that there's more neutrality and less charge and dependence and scarcity and urgency around money. Really seeing money as this beautiful infinity sign, this flow this this this currency exchange this energetic exchange it's not just physical dollar bills it's an energetic exchange and beginning to actually embody that in my life has really changed a lot of things it's changed how I show up when I'm paying for bills it's changed how I show up when I'm looking at our bank account it's changed how I show up when I'm paying for bills. It's changed how I show up when I'm looking at our bank account. It's changed how I show up when I am deciding to invest in myself, in my business, in my family. It's changed how I show up in my offer creation and deciding how much I want to charge and be

compensated for things. It has literally changed everything else, or it has changed everything, so many things. And another thing is around the nervous system's capacity or the nervous system threshold, I should say, to one, handle discomfort, and two, be open to receive. I feel like those are, they're similar, but they're different. And they're both things that need to be worked on. And I feel like both could turn into their own podcast episode in themselves. But I feel like I've just listed, I don't even know how many things I've listed, because I'm literally processing some of this stuff out loud. But I've just listed several things that are happening internally, but below soil that you don't necessarily see when you're seeing someone like if you're watching my stories, and you're seeing Oh,

look at Nicole, like she, she was able to just quit her nursing job and stay at home as a mom and now she doesn't have to force her kid into a car seat because she has the luxury of not having to have a fully scheduled calendar um yeah all those things are true but there was a lot of intentional action and a lot of inside out work that happened to be able to grant me that luxury. So much so that it doesn't even actually feel like a luxury. It feels like my birthright. It feels like this is how things are supposed to be. And I want every single mother entrepreneur to be able to experience that. I want every single mother entrepreneur to be able to not have to live life on autopilot and be stuck in survival mode and be, oh, I mean, the list is endless, but to be stuck in this

wounded maiden victimhood lifestyle where life is happening to her um and where you feel like you just can never catch a break like that is not that is not an optimal life that is not that is not a life that i am subscribing to um this conversation could honestly spiral into so many different things. It could go so much deeper than this. But the point of it is really just around this idea of privilege versus hard work. And hard work in the context of some of the inside-out work and that intentional action, not in the context of hustle and grind.

That is absolutely not what I'm talking about. Yeah, I think I'm going to leave it at that. I honor anyone that's listening that is feeling confronted or triggered by this, or maybe simply feeling stuck. And I want you to know that I see you. I honestly was you not that long ago. And I also want to just offer the invitation to allow yourself to soften and detach from outcomes and timelines. It's very similar to birth and when you're nearing the end of your pregnancy

and you so desperately want this baby to come earthside. But as you know, if you've kind of been in this space for a while and you are a fellow birth nerd or you understand and appreciate physiologic and natural birth, you know that forcing that baby to come out, putting that baby on a stopwatch and a timeline, putting your labor on a stopwatch and a timeline is not serving anyone. And I think the creation of our life, the creation of our business, the creation of our motherhood journey is all something that we can orient back to birth on when we are starting to feel uncomfortable by it and impatient and just all the things um anyways i'm gonna stop it at that i love you i see you i am always open for a conversation around this if you are like-hearted and seeking business support and matrescence coaching by me my calendars are open I would love to engage in that conversation with you and see how see how what I offer can actually fit in with

your current season of life so let me know how I can support you okay Okay, before you go, I just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to listen to this episode. If you were thinking of anyone while listening, please send it their way. And if anything resonated with you or you love these conversations, please subscribe and leave a review. This really helps the podcast algorithms put my show in front of more people just like you. And the last thing, I would love nothing more than hearing from you. So say hi, DM me on Instagram and give me a follow at NicolePasvir. Until next time.