REWILD + FREE - 34. FEMININE EMBODIED MARKETING: 5 WAYS TO STOP SELLING LIKE YOU HAVE A DICK

Episode Date: November 17, 2023

This episode is inspired by the flood of Black Friday emails beginning to fill my inbox as we approach American Thanksgiving. It had me reflecting on how it feels to be sold to by mother entrepreneurs using some common mainstream marketing tactics, you know, the ones created by men.... So I'm calling out some mainstream "bro marketing" strategies and inspiring you to quit marketing like you have a dick.Jokes aside, I offer some alternative ways to sell and create content authentically, and some behind the scenes actions you need to be taking to show up to your business from a place of overflow, not depletion. Feminine embodied business creation involves you claiming your desires, following joy and pleasure, and prioritizing rest. I hope this episode inspires you to speak from your heart, share your stories, and connect on a deeper level with your audience because the world needs you to stop dulling your light and stop selling/marketing like you have a dick 😛>>> Click here to join the waitlist for The Embodied Reset, my upcoming group program for mother entrepreneurs ready for major integration and to get their head out of the way of their heart-led biz. This is a portal to reframe your mind, reconnect to your body, and rebirth the soul of your business (the feminine embodied way, of course!) A few spots remain if you desire 1-1 support before the end of the year, details about my private coaching offerings can be found here Connect with me on IG (@nicolepasveer)Want to be a guest on the podcast?  Fill out this form

You're listening to Rewild and Free. This is the go-to podcast for conscious and holistic mother entrepreneurs who are ditching society's to-do list for intentional living, freedom, and abundance, while creating impact and legacy in their home and business. If we haven't met yet, I'm Nicole Pasvir, your like-hearted mom friend and biz bestie wrapped in one. I'm an ex-nurse turned matrescence guide and business coach, leading women just like you into the new paradigm, where thriving in motherhood is your birthright and so is a successful and sustainable online business keep listening if you're ready to unsubscribe from patriarchal motherhood bro marketing and boss babe culture because in this space we use nature as our framework as we move

towards feminine embodied business development cyclical orientation and slow living together let's rewild and remember as we break free from survival and reconnect to what truly matters. Okay friend, steep your tea and take the most loving breath you've given to yourself today and let's go. Hello, hello, welcome back to another episode. This one is kind of impromptu. I mean I'm being honest most of my episodes are impromptu unless they're with a guest but this one is inspired I guess you can say by the flood of emails I'm seeing in my inbox lately just around like Black Friday sales and um also inspired by some of the conversations I'm having with women online and in my mastermind just around launching and selling and gearing up for Black Friday and the things that I'm about to

share with you really have nothing to do with Black Friday but I do think that they are applicable because a lot of people are running sales whether it's a new launch of something or a flash sale on an existing product either way people are selling things so this episode is five ways to stop marketing like you have a dick and as I said it's inspired by the overwhelming amount of things I'm pops into my inbox that I haven't heard from in weeks or months and all of a sudden they are kind of spamming me with a sale and it's like well wait a minute I don't even know who you are like obviously I must have signed up to be on your email list at some point I must have seen value in whatever you were offering I must have at one point had a connection to you because I invited you into my inbox but you've ghosted me and now I have no idea who you are and now you're wanting me to buy from you and that just doesn't sit right with me and I'm seeing

a lot of pressure and urgency from some other entrepreneurs in my community who are so excited about taking advantage of offering like a Black Friday sale or like I said launching something new or doing a flash sale on an existing offer but the thing is is if you aren't doing some of the back-end foundational work to build the trust and nurture your audience, those sales aren't going to be successful. I really, I mean, and if they are, I would argue that that's kind of just luck and likely a numbers game. But I think in order to really be selling to our soulmate clients and to create that really intimate connection that we want, there needs to be more to it than just some spammy emails just because it's Black Friday and we're told that now is a good time to sell things and we're told that

people are ready to buy and I do think that people are ready to buy I think there's a lot of people that wait for Black Friday sales they know that some of their favorite creators are likely going to be selling something at Black Friday so people are ready to buy but I really really do think it's important that that relationship is tended to and nurtured beforehand so let's get to it this is like I said a list of five ways to stop marketing like you have a dick. And the number one thing on my list is connection over performance. And I say this a lot. If you've shared space with me at all, you know this is one of my main mantras. Connection over performance. Stop trying to perform. Stop trying to convince your clients that you know what you're talking about you don't need

to lecture them you don't need to perform and try to convince them and prove your worth to them this often looks like like how-to posts and trying to just kind of prove that you are an authority in in your industry that you are a leader in your industry and all of that is really cool we do want to kind of have that social proof and that credibility but i think there's one of the main ways is to uh less how-to and more um what am I trying to say less telling and more showing and I relate this closely to my interactions with my daughter right now she is just over two and if you have ever experienced life with a toddler they don't like being told what to do anytime I ask her tell her it's almost like I'm talking to a brick wall and really the secret to getting into her mind so that she is actually listening to what I'm trying to say

is to show her as soon as I get down to her level and start showing her what I was asking her to do then it's like instantly monkey see monkey do and she wants to engage she wants to pay attention and honestly our clients are no different I think especially as women assuming that your client is a woman and a mother likely a previous version of yourself. So it's really important to kind of tap into what we would have wanted to hear. And quite often, it's not about being lectured to, it's about feeling connected and feeling like we are seen and recognized and related to and that doesn't come from posts that are are coming from a place of performance and if you're listening to this and thinking oh well I think I do this I think my posts are giving off like connection vibes I would love for you to kind of reflect on who you are hoping to get

engagement from on your posts. Like when you make a post that you're really, really excited about, if someone in your industry shares it, does that make you light up like a Christmas tree because you feel like you've been recognized by a peer in your industry or maybe even someone that you see as superior to yourself in your industry and if the answer is yes I've been guilty of this I I totally am so flattered when someone else in in my industry shares my stuff but if that is kind of the goal and the bar we're setting for

ourselves that can really be an alarm for trying to perform because we are seeking the approval of someone else from our content as opposed to having the intention of connection. And I think connection can, okay, let me rephrase this. I think some examples to validate that your posts are connecting with your clients is having comments like oh I I feel so seen or I never thought of it this way or

this is exactly what I'm experiencing oh my goodness you must have been in my head stuff like that really validates that you are making your clients feel connected to um and my my kind of secret sauce to this is through storytelling I think storytelling is a beautiful way to build that connection and also being like vulnerable in your storytelling so kind of being really specific and allowing your your clients to see you show up messy and to see you in a vulnerable state because again nobody wants to be lectured to but nobody wants to be lectured to by someone that supposedly seemingly has it all together right we we feel related to when we see someone else showing up in their messy, imperfect, chaotic self. So that actually leads to number two, I guess. We're still on number one. So yeah,

number two is to be yourself. Being yourself is a way to stop marketing like you have a dick because the bro marketers out there um are really just like carbon copies of one another almost like robots they're following templates they're following um proven strategies it's a lot of like rinse and repeat type of stuff and I just don't think that that is where we're going in feminine embodied business creation I think that's kind of like a one-way road to being inauthentic in our content creation and I mean this shows up in whatever things you're creating whether it's social media content whether it's emails blogs podcast episodes whatever it is, like if it is always just a carbon copy of something you've already done, that's already taking away the

authenticity of potentially like whatever season of your life you're in. And so by being yourself and really being present with whatever's going on in your world right now and not trying to cover it up I think that's a beautiful way to again offer that connection and stay away from being overly performing I feel like I have like burps or hiccups and I feel like I don't know if I'm talking too fast I'm gonna have a sip of water don't mind me and I probably can't be bothered to edit that out um so yeah number two on the list is being yourself and obviously like I could expand on this but I think just allowing yourself to show up a little bit more messy online allowing your audience to see not just the imperfect parts of you, but like the weird parts

of you. All the things that you're like, oh, I could never, I could never share that online. Like if you, if you swear a lot at home, like let your audience see that. Don't try to be this like prim and perfect person online if that's not actually who you are. If you love to watch like Gilmore Girls at night like let your audience know that is just a connection point and even if someone doesn't like Gilmore Girls they're still gonna appreciate that you like Gilmore Girls one of my previous mentors is like a huge Beyonce fan I could care less about Beyonce, but I can connect to her in having like a favorite musician, favorite artist, and I can connect to her passion for something like that.

So I want to be clear that it doesn't have to be something you share in common with your audience. It just needs to be something that allows them to see more of you and allowing people to see, like I said, not just the messy sides of yourself, but the parts that like you think you need to hide in order to fit yourself in this box that society has told you you need to be in. Your quirks, your passions, things that get you really frustrated, your biggest pet peeves, things that get you really turned on and excited, like all those things.

We're talking second, third, fourth date kind of vibes not just first date vibes your clients have already been on a first date with you so now it's time to really start getting more intimate and showing them all sides of you and not because of them needing to like decide if they want to accept you or reject you but more so so that it builds trust and it builds that connection so this really circles builds that connection. So this really circles back to connection over performance because if we stick to those first date vibes, we're constantly stuck in performance. Moving on to number three. Number three is to serve from a place of overflow. And again, I talk a lot about this in my work and with my clients because I think so many of us, even before becoming mothers, before starting our own businesses, were kind of stuck in survival mode, living on autopilot, likely very disconnected from our bodies and kind of just like floating heads and when we're living in that place we are very much just pouring out whatever

we have left from a place of depletion we don't really have a lot of steam to move forward or a lot of like we're just not serving from a place of overflow and I think as mothers specifically we know that we need to be pouring into our own cup but what we don't necessarily realize is that also ripples out to the entrepreneurship side of things and how we are showing up in our business and so if you are constantly writing your emails and creating your social media content and recording your videos for your upcoming course like at the end of the night because that's the only time you have left but you're super super tired and you are literally

surviving just off of coffee like that is not the way to show up to your community and I think if we continue to normalize that and if we continue to just accept that as, oh, well, that's the only way for me to build this business, that's exactly how you burn yourself out. And that's exactly how you start forming resentment towards your business and your offers. And that's not the kind of business we're trying to build here. If you have been listening to this show, if you've been in my world I'm gonna guess that you resonate with all of that and that you also want to be serving from a place of overflow and I feel like this could be a whole episode on its on its own because I think being able to serve from overflow

isn't a one-size-fits-all it it starts with taking inventory of where your energy is being drained versus where your energy is being energized. And that's going to be unique for each person. It also starts, it also involves just becoming aware of how you actually fill your own cup. Because again, that's not just going for massages and pedicures and um reading a book by the beach like those things are awesome and if those fill your cup that's that's really cool that's great to have on your list but those aren't really everyday sustainable things so it it's really important to be getting creative with how you're filling your cup up even on your busiest and most chaotic days and often for me I'll just share some examples that looks like moments of breath work

like literally it might just be three deep breaths and not not even like oh I'm gonna take three deep breaths and cross that off my to-do list but deeply and intentionally connecting with my body and my breath and almost doing like a mini mini body scan just to see what my body is needing something I've been doing after I put Aubrey down for a nap instead of thinking oh what's on my to-do list I ask myself like what would be most nourishing right now and very often it comes down to some pretty basic needs very Very often it's, oh, I actually need to go to the bathroom, and I didn't even notice I had a full bladder, or oh, I haven't had like much water today, I should go drink some water, or oh, I'm actually hungry, this would be a good time to have lunch uninterrupted and be able to eat my food while it's hot. It's like the super simple things,

but if we don't create the space to do those things, we just keep going on with our day and then bam, all of a sudden the day's over and we're like, oh shit, we kind of missed the mark on taking care of ourselves today. We how we are taking care of other people in like a physical sense like especially if you offer in-person support let's say you're like a birth doula and you are supporting birth in person like it's really easy to quantify and tangibly see that okay yeah I just spent all my energy with us with this other person it's also really easy to say okay I've just spent all day momming I've been with little people all day no wonder I'm tired but what we forget is like all the time spent online and on Instagram and potentially like writing emails or recording content like that is all a form of energy consumption as well or I should say a form of energy exchange it could be

draining but it also could be energizing and again this is why it's important to start taking inventory of what that looks like for you the other piece around serving from overflow is around like physical health and what you are physically consuming to to literally fill up like your body's energy stores and like your minerals and nutrients and caloric intake like all of that stuff all of that really matters and collectively we are undernourished and living from a place of i I want to say the word chronic, I don't know if that fits in here, but having like mineral and nutrient depletion and going through a pregnancy and a birth and then breastfeeding and potentially another pregnancy and another birth and more breastfeeding, whatever your story is, like that is all very physically demanding on your body and collectively we aren't doing

an awesome job at filling back our mineral and energy and nutrient reserves and we are we are starting from a place of um i'm losing my words um from a place of like underflow. And so physically, we are already living in survival, our body is literally like screaming for more. And I mean, this gets even more complex, because we could also start looking at things like exercise and sleep. And I mean, it all starts connecting together. and it's all important. I'm not going to speak too much on all of this. I am excited because next week I actually have a podcast for you guys with my friend Katie, who shares all about kind of reclaiming our physical health in motherhood and speaks a lot about this like hormonal and nutrient depletion that so many of us are experiencing so check out that episode it

will drop next week to have more information around like the physical side of things moving on to number four number four is to lead from desire not obligation and again if you've been in my space for any length of time you know that I preach this all of the time. The episode just before this was actually around this topic. So if you want more information, go check that out. But basically, this involves like not shitting on yourself. So not taking action based on all the shoulds that you think you should be doing and often those shoulds are coming from external pressures and someone else's rules someone else's version of success and again in the context of like bro marketing and marketing as if you have a dick um this is this is someone else's version of success these are someone else's templates and strategies and they quite frankly don't fit in with motherhood so again this involves learning and taking inventory of what actually feels good what actually brings you joy what actually is your desire desire and pleasure obviously comes in many forms but in the context

of this conversation I'm referring to what brings you joy in your business. What parts of your business do you actually enjoy doing? Do you like writing emails? Okay, cool. Keep writing emails. Do you like showing up live on Instagram or in your stories? Cool. Keep doing that. If you don't like those things, why are you doing them? If you're constantly feeling like you are obligated to show up online at a certain frequency, again, why are you doing that? This is where it's really important to start noticing when you're shitting on yourself. So as your to-do list builds up for the day, what things are you saying, oh I should do that, and is that should coming from a place of desire or a place of obligation because someone something has led

you to believe that that's what you have to be doing this goes without saying but obviously the message here is to do more of what feels good do more of what you actually desire and less of what you think you should be doing let's move on number five kind of goes along with this sort of in a way. Number five is to prioritize rest. And I think our society has a really fucked up definition of what rest looks like. We've kind of been taught that rest is a reward and that we have to earn our rest. And I think as mothers, we've kind of passively accepted that like there just isn't space for rest like we we are moms so we are on all the time we are doing all the things we carry many hats so like rest just isn't a thing that we get in this season of our life and that's just something that I don't subscribe to I have

been very very intentional about prioritizing my rest and really reframing and redefining what rest looks like and allowing myself to engage and indulge in non-productive rest so again this kind of takes some trying things on for size this isn't a one size fits all this isn't something that I can just prescribe and say okay here's all the things you can do to prioritize rest because rest is going to look different to you just like your desires and just the things that bring you joy and pleasure are all going to look different for you so um i think the main message here is to just be really like protective of your energy and grounding yourself potentially like multiple times a day not just waiting until shit hits the fan to

reconnect with yourself and ground back to the present but doing that more as a preventative thing I guess like like maintenance um I also think that rest is something that we often we often might kind of label ourselves as lazy when we're resting especially like non-productive rest like if we are just laying on the couch and doing quote-unquote nothing it's really easy to label that as lazy and I think part of that redefining and that reframing around the word rest is recognizing that rest is actually productive in the sense of it recharging and refueling ourselves so coming back to um the point around serving from a place of overflow it's really important that we are recharging ourselves in some way i have a feeling you probably just heard my dog piper howling in

the background definitely not gonna edit that out um it's hilarious she howls all the time that's like her happy bark so that's how we know that she's happy and she's excited um totally lost train of thought there but let's keep going there's so many analogies I could give right now to really help this land for you um two of the big ones that I love and I often reorient to when I'm having a hard time allowing myself to rest is this idea of a car and obviously nobody bats an eyelash when you have to go get your car gas nobody is like oh you have to go fill your car up with gas what's wrong with your car like that is just so normal of course you need to give your car gas so of course you need to give yourself gas and that

gas often is from resting um so I like that analogy and then the other one is just really looking to nature as our template and our blueprint and we know the seasons we know there's spring summer winter and fall. Not in that order, but you know what I mean. And obviously, like, fall and winter are a time for things to die and let go and hibernate. And it's really this season of rest. And I've seen some reels going around on Instagram, some trending audio sharing about how there was a study done on some fancy trees and the fancy trees that were given, I think like a steroid or some sort of hormone to basically make them produce like tree leaves all year long, ended up dying really,

really early. And they were basically in chronic stress they were in survival mode they were they were serving from a place of underflow and depletion they were not thriving versus the trees that weren't injected whatever thing was injected into the trees to make them go go go the trees that actually got to rest and have a proper fall and winter where their leaves die off and they are in hibernation and dormant and whatever words you want to throw in here to explain what nature does the trees that got that lived for like many many years like a normal tree shed so it just really shows the importance of taking the time to rest taking the time to recharge taking the time to refuel whatever word resonates with you let it

land let it permeate permeate your bones the other thing too is I really I really do believe that culturally socially we have obviously we've been kind of conditioned to believe that that rest like I said rest needs to be earned and that we need to be productive at all times and we've been praised for being go go go and so again I really orient to the fact of like how cool is it that I get to model rest for my daughter and that she gets to see me quote-unquote being lazy but that lazy isn't a bad thing that we should all be lazy that's our list of five things so those are obviously I mean the list could probably be expanded the list could be huge I could obviously go into more detail for all of those things but

it was my intention to keep this episode short and sweet, and somehow it's still like half an hour long. Sorry about that. But I do think these are some of the big things that are missing in the marketing world, and these are things that are really important in the new paradigm of marketing, the feminine embodied way. So I hope this was helpful. As always, I love to hear from you guys. So if you're listening and things land, please let me know. My DMs are always open.

I am honestly spending way too much time on Instagram lately, but I would love, love, love to hear from you also if some of this stuff sounds really interesting and you kind of want to dive into it further and really start exploring how it looks in your life and how it looks in your business you really need to get on my wait list for my upcoming group program in the new year the embodied reset it is really all about rebirthing the soul of your business and beginning to show up and serve your people from a place of overflow because I really think that that is just so important and I'm not just meaning your clients I'm also meaning your family your kids your partner yourself it's time to stop living in survival and of course there's always the option to work one-on-one together I still have a couple

spots remaining for the rest of the year so don't hesitate to reach out if you are wanting some private support.