REWILD + FREE - 40. FROM SELF-DEVELOPMENT TO SELF-ACCEPTANCE AND A LITTLE BIZ UPDATE FROM ME

Episode Date: January 6, 2024

This episode is a bit of a year end review/ramble. I share some of my own reflections with offer creation and mourning the end of my first cohort of my mastermind, Recalibrate. Tons to celebrate and tons to let go of to create space for what's to come. I talk about the multi-dimensionality of life in regards to seasons and cycles: nature, menstrual, life, motherhood, and bizAnd I share how I've been in this beautiful season of softening and tending to what is, instead of constantly trying to fix. I'm calling this my self-acceptance era after being on a pretty intense self development journey to the point of perfection. I would love to hear from you if anything I shared in this episode stirs some musings and reflection, dm me on IG (@nicolepasveer)Resources mentioned in this episode: Hannah @theprimalpriestess Inner Mastery group starting Feb 4/24 >>> Affiliate link here for Inner Mastery Beta launch of my new membership community called HELD Twice monthly virtual gatherings (women's circle + group live/biz coaching mastermind) + A private community Pay-what-supports-you pricing model ($11, $44, $66/month)>>>Details + enrolment for HELD here

You're listening to Rewild and Free. This is the go-to podcast for conscious and holistic mother entrepreneurs who are ditching society's to-do list for intentional living, freedom, and abundance, while creating impact and legacy in their home and business. If we haven't met yet, I'm Nicole Pasvir, your like-hearted mom friend and biz bestie wrapped in one. I'm an ex-nurse turned matrescence guide and business coach, leading women just like you into the new paradigm, where thriving in motherhood is your birthright and so is a successful and sustainable online business keep listening if you're ready to unsubscribe from patriarchal motherhood bro marketing and boss babe culture because in this space we use nature as our framework as we move

towards feminine embodied business development cyclical orientation and slow living together let's rewild and remember as we break free from survival and reconnect to what truly matters. Okay friend, steep your tea and take the most loving breath you've given to yourself today and let's go. Hello, hello, hello. I think this is episode 40 of the Rewild and Free podcast. It's interesting because I'm recording this on January 6th and planning to release it today as well. So this is basically like as live as it gets. And I don't remember the last time I sat

down and recorded an episode it's been several weeks which I mean isn't that long but I feel like the weeks that have passed since my last recording there's been so much evolution and growth and expansion happening in my world that it feels like it's literally like years ago um and I've I've noticed myself putting a bit of pressure in what this episode might look like even to the point of telling myself no like don't go sit down to record until you actually have like an outline of the things you want to talk about because otherwise you're gonna forget things that you want to say or you're gonna be all over the place and um that's just funny in itself because I don't work that way I don't usually have outlines I usually just talk from the heart

so it's interesting that I was kind of shitting on myself and telling myself there should be some structure and organization there and the funnier thing about that is the the the duration in which I was holding on to that should was just keeping me from coming here and recording because I was telling myself I couldn't come here until I had that and so finally today I was like no fuck it I'm just showing myself I couldn't come here until I had that. And so finally today, I was like, no, fuck it. I'm just showing up. I don't have an outline. I don't want an outline. I have no idea what's going to come through today in this episode. But I know I have a lot on my heart and a lot that I do want to open up a conversation about. So yeah, here I am I'm sitting in my my cute little office Aubrey and my husband are watching Monsters Inc downstairs um yeah and hopefully I have some uninterrupted time and if I get

distracted and pulled away that's okay too but I'm here and we're just gonna get into it so I think the other thing that was putting some pressure on me is is kind of running into that trap and I've been in that trap before where I feel like I need to make sure I'm giving value value has almost become a yucky word in my vocabulary because it puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on me and it pulls me into the frequency of performance. And that's not the vibe. That's not my mission. That's not where I want to be.

If you've been in my space at all, you know, I always say connection over performance. And connection is definitely a big value of mine and probably a big word and intention going forward in this year is really prioritizing that connection and I know that I'm not able to connect in the way that I want to in like a way that is deep and genuine and soulful and authentic when I when I have when I have that pressure to try to give value I just need to come back to that place of trusting that you will find value in this if you're supposed to. And maybe it's not even like, I think that's the other thing too, is that value doesn't necessarily need to be like a lesson. It doesn't need to be in the form of like education and learning something. It can also just be solidarity or maybe it's laughing or maybe it's that feeling of being connected to someone and relating to someone. So yeah, I guess that's my hope for this episode is there is value in some way, but not necessarily

in the sense of me teaching you something. I don't think I have anything to teach here, but I do hope to either make you laugh, maybe make you cry, make you feel like you're not alone. So in order to kind of stay in that frequency and that energy, I'm basically going to pretend that I'm talking to a friend. And I mean, you are my friend. I don't know who you are. I don't know who's actually listening to this. But when I can kind of take the bigness away from what this podcast kind of is in the sense that literally anyone and their dog could be listening when I when I get that out of the front of my mind and really just center in on like one person and a friend it makes

it really really easy to speak so yeah I'm going to pretend that I'm just talking to a friend and I'm catching them up on what the last couple weeks of my life have looked like and okay here we go so um I should have looked to see what my last I mean I know my last episode was just a snippet of a meditation that I facilitated in my winter solstice women's circle. But prior to that, I'm actually just going to pull it up. Prior to that, okay, it was an Instagram live I did about conscious marketing and intentional living from other entrepreneurs. And then before that was, I think that was my bathtub episode where I was just speaking about some of the incongruence that I feel like I've been noticing in the heart-led coaching space and so if you haven't listened to those episodes that's totally okay I don't think you necessarily need the context and like I said my world has really changed since

then so I don't even know if that content that context really matters but if we kind of backtrack to a month ago a month ago early December I was gearing up to complete my first cohort of my six month six month long mastermind called Recalibrate. And I was having a really hard time holding the closure of that. And that was interesting in itself because I was noticing some old tendencies and some old patterns popping up where I almost start mourning the loss of something before it's gone. And when I get into that state of mourning and grieving and being really sad about something, it can sometimes be really hard to still be aware and witnessing the good and be present to the reality of what's actually happening.

And so I was noticing that. I spoke very freely about that with the women inside Recalibrate that those final weeks, I almost felt like I was protective, protecting myself by disconnecting so that the end and the loss of the group being complete wouldn't hurt so bad and that's really interesting um really interesting because that was my longest container that I've ever ran that was the longest I've held space for the same women for that much time that was also the most intimate of a paid container that I've ever created and facilitated and the relationships that were built in that container are now like lifelong friends like a sisterhood was built and yeah to even think that just because the the doors of recalibrate were ending that that could sever the relationship was that was built is really silly like obviously that isn't happening the like I said it the relationships that we built

between it was there's four women inside so five of us including myself and um I don't think anybody can can take away what we created there so it's funny that I was putting so much weight into I guess just the like the calendar dates really the calendar dates of okay this container is ending this means we're not going to have weekly calls anymore this means I'm taking off my hat so to speak as and role of like being a coach and a facilitator and I don't even know if I'm making sense here but yeah it's just kind of silly looking back that it was such a big deal for me but it also makes a lot of sense and I can I can hold myself through that and really validate why I was having such big feelings around that and I'm actually quite proud of myself that I was able to

name them and kind of detach from them in a way and just kind of witness them move through me and even when I did notice that I was kind of teetering into that disconnected state I was able to bring myself back like I said it was mostly just an old pattern that I was noticing and I did have the opportunity and the choice point to change and so I think I did like looking back I'm really pleased with how I handled the fall the the final weeks of recalibrate um but some more context to what was going on for me then is it had been on my heart basically the entire time that I was running recalibrate to create something that would almost be a I guess like

follow-up community like I've been in I've been in really life-changing containers and then when that calendar date comes to um basically when the end of the container happens and we reach the final day it's just over and I don't love it I wish some of I wish I wish there was more containers that almost had like a a slow integration period after and I don't know what that would look like obviously every container every facilitator it would look different for them but the point is is during the length of time that I was facilitating Recalibrate it was important to me that I created something after and I didn't know if that was going to turn into a membership or if it was going to be almost just like an alumni group that was kind of peer-led

I didn't know if it was going to be a monthly gathering or like a seasonal gathering I didn't know if it could just maybe be like our voxer group that we already had from recalibrate but with stricter boundaries on my end in the sense of me showing up as a friend not just a coach I didn't know and I again in those beginning weeks of December the pressure was was really building in the sense of I wanted to have something by the end date of Recalibrate. And I didn't. I didn't necessarily have all the clarity that I was hoping I would have. to really lean into trust trust in myself and trust in I guess the universe and just like my own creative flow that the answers and the clarity I was looking for would reveal themselves in the right timing and that I didn't need to I guess I didn't need to be so stuck and attached to the timing and um so I guess like I did exactly that in the process of

all of that I was also gearing up and launching or pre-launching um the embodied reset and that was something I was really excited for um again if you've been in my space you've heard me talk about it in previous episodes and it was something that I was originally going to run in November and that felt really forced I also noticed that I was putting pressure again this word pressure keeps coming up was putting pressure on myself to kind of have the embodied reset turn into a funnel that would funnel women into my corner of the internet but eventually lead them into joining the next iteration of Recalibrate and back in November I was really wanting to run it right after the first one so I was hoping to run that basically starting end of December and so back in

November I had made the decision that no this isn't the right time this doesn't need to be forced we're not doing this this isn't happening recalibrate 2.0 can start whenever it's going to start it doesn't need to start basically on December 21st like I had originally been planning and by kind of making that declaration and accepting that as kind of my new plan, it gave so much freedom and flexibility with what the embodied reset was going to turn into. And what it turned into was this beautiful four-week offering group coaching program that was going to run in January in January. And, um, initially I was so, so excited for it. It felt like so awesome. And as I was creating it, it kept getting bigger

and bigger and bigger. And I think this probably happens for a lot of creators and it can be sometimes really hard to then pick and choose what actually needs to stay and what doesn't need to be in the in the program and um what I noticed was happening is I still kind of had in the back of my mind how this could lead people the women that would go through the embodied reset how it would how it would lead them to wanting to work more with me whether that was in a one-on-one capacity or joining Recalibrate 2.0. And again, when I noticed that there was kind of that underlying pressure of having this be a funnel, that felt just really gross to me and really forced. And that I just didn't want to be continuing to create something from that

intention and that desire that's not really how I've built my business um I also noticed that there was um again more context is my husband is uh changing careers let's say, in March. He's not, but he is. Maybe more on that in another episode. Not my story to tell. But with that is going to be a huge transition for our family and a huge shift in just our financial stability. And again the word pressure I've been feeling the pressure of okay I need to be making or bringing in more stable income I need to be doing things that are just generating more income and yeah that whole story can really snowball if I let it but again with the embodied reset once I realized that there was that like underlying intention I kind of had that ick feeling and then what was the other thing that

happened I think the other thing that happened was I had all these notes I literally have notes and notes and notes I have post-it notes I have google docs I have so much content ready to be produced that I was going to be using for the embodied reset but I could never bring myself to go record any of it I had given myself so much time it wasn't a matter of oh life just got busy I didn't have time I literally had like set a couple hours aside on like several weekends in December my husband had some vacation days so there was like a good like four day chunk where I could have got a lot done and I just couldn't do it there was something that was holding me back um I even had women signed up into the program and I and you'd think that with that

accountability that I'd be able to do it but I just could not bring myself to it it just did not feel right it never felt like the right time and not from the place of me like lacking clarity or not knowing where to start it just it just never felt right and I don't really know how to explain it I don't even know if I can explain it um because I think I think a previous version of myself, even like six months ago, I would have very easily just followed the accountability of having women signed up and wanting to serve them, wanting to show up for them, not wanting to give them what I promised and I'm trying to think I mean the timeline here doesn't really matter but there was one day and I remember it was in like the the end of my luteal phase and I kind of woke up with this inner knowing that I wasn't supposed to be doing the embodied

reset. Like this wasn't a thing that was supposed to actually come to life. I will say like all the content that I have ready for it, I still want to use for something else. But the program, the four week offer, everything about it was just not supposed to happen and because I was in my luteal phase I kept wondering like is just this is this just my inner critic like am I slightly disappointed that I didn't have as many women signed up during the pre-sale that I wanted because while I did have well I did have people interested um I I didn't meet my goal so there was some disappointment

there and so I was kind of battling with my just the mind chatter and noticing the mind chatter and wondering okay is it is it the disappointment that's speaking and is it me not wanting to um proceed because yeah just all of that or, I mean, there was other things going on too that the point of my story here is that I was really, really, really aware of my mind chatter and just kind of witnessing it and allowing it to run through my mind. and not necessarily making any decisions from that moment and so I sat with it for several days um the pre-launch was over I intentionally wasn't planning to like officially launch the embodied reset until after um my bleed had started like I intentionally kind of picked the dates so that I wasn't launching in my luteal phase or like the first couple days of my bleed so I was giving myself

like a good week in between and so in that week like I said like I was just kind of noticing this mind chatter and trying to discern between like is this an inner knowing thing or is this just my inner critic kind of feeling let down and disappointed um or is this also just like fear of whatever I mean there's so much fear that always comes up with launching something new and then also the the money stuff and um just yeah not not feeling like I made as much as I wanted and wanting to make more because of some of the real financial pressure pressures happening in our family right now so that's all the stuff that was kind of running through my mind my bleed started and I this was probably like the most

peaceful and um I don't even have the right words to describe it I have been being really really intentional with setting at least a day um usually on like day one or day two of my cycle to do nothing and I don't mean I'm literally like laying in bed doing nothing sometimes I am but I basically like clear my schedule the best that I can so that I am really just able to follow my internal desires and like those little nudges that happen throughout the day and so um this this beautifully fell on like a Saturday and a Sunday so um I think my husband was home um and that actually gave me the space to tend to myself. And I definitely did have a lot of time spent in bed under the covers.

I spent a lot of time reading. I was also listening to, oh, what's her name? Manny, Manny Crystal. um manny manny crystal um she runs the summit of or the institute of somatic something something i oh i should i don't know um but anyway she was running a free summit called the summit of sensuality and so i was binging some of those videos some of those recordings and it was beautiful i think like the day one and day two of my bleed were the most, like I said, I don't have words. I literally don't even have the vocabulary to explain what those days had felt like.

And if you are kind of in tune with your menstrual cycle, you likely will kind of know what I'm talking about so when we are menstruating um the the layer between like our subconscious and conscious mind is super super thin and so like our subconscious is kind of unveiled to us and I just felt almost I don't know what the word is like euphoric isn't the right word it wasn't necessarily like this happiness but just this like deep connection to myself and there weren't doubts there weren't insecurities there was just like a lot of inner peace that's probably the best way to describe it is this inner peace and so it became very clear that yeah the embodied reset wasn't happening I feel like I'm drawing this story out but that was part of the rationale behind that is just everything I just shared and so basically a week went by between when the pre-sale ended and when I finally made the decision to not do it

and I had messaged the women saying that I wasn't going to do it and I mean I offered them different things that's it doesn't matter that's not a part of the story that needs to be talked about. Basically, it all went good. Nobody seemed to be super disappointed. In fact, one of them was almost pleased and it worked out and it was just, yeah, it was a good thing. So, I just want to like center myself here because I don't know where I want to go from here the timeline like really doesn't matter but at the same time it does because things were happening so quickly and I think this kind of leads to I think at this point this is literally the the final week of recalibrate I think it's the week of like December 18th or something. And so kind of went on with the week, had the final call for Recalibrate and it was perfect in

its own way. And I think I announced to the women, oh no, see, I'm missing parts to the story. So I think by releasing, finally officially releasing the embodied reset, I was able to make space and actually pour my energy into the container that I wanted to be able to invite the women in Recalibrate into as it was ending. And I had already kind of been sharing my process with them I had already been sharing what I was thinking about and I even had a name picked out and it was that week that it just became so clear that that's not what it was supposed to be either so I really let go of a lot I let go of so much and it made so much space for truth to come in and that's where the creation of held um actually was born and um what's interesting is all the other iterations before held that didn't actually get birthed and that could be its own podcast in itself there was always this need for validation

and almost this desire to soundboard with someone and get their input and I was just never trusting myself in my decision making and that's actually evidence for me and something for me to to or to use as evidence in the future when I'm when I'm feeling that win and when I'm feeling like I need to talk it through with people. I mean, sometimes that's a good thing, but there's just kind of a different energy behind it. And it, and for me, it's, it's a lack of self-trust. So yeah, just noticing that in contrast to held and just this inner knowing of this is what it's supposed to be. This is what it's supposed to be this is what it's supposed to be called I don't even know kind of like the the ins and outs of it but I know its energy and I know its frequency and I know its intention and that was enough for me to move forward

um and so yeah anyways announced all of that kind of in the group and then um there was still a part of me that was having a really hard time committing to the start of that my intention withheld and it always was this um was to have a mix of women's circle gatherings and then also like group coaching mastermind type gatherings I wanted a mix that was really important to me I really wanted to blend both like the personal exploration the self-discovery the spiritual side of things with the more business strategy and again if you've been in my world you will hear me say so often that your business is a reflection of your inner world. And so a big part of my practice, a big part of my approach as a coach is to put a lot of attention and intention towards our inner

world. And often it is the inner work that is what's most important. The strategy is really cool, but it doesn't work if your inner world is unstable so anyways held held the intention behind held was really to blend the two and um there was a part of me that was having a really hard time committing to a start date and I realized part of that was because even though I had got so comfortable with the group coaching and the mastermind type style of call because that's what recalibrate was there was still a lot of insecurity around leading a women's circle and I've done them before I kind of led women's circle type calls in a previous program called reclaim and that went really good I felt really good it. I had a lot of good feedback

but there was also this disappointment in myself as we were approaching the end of the year because it was an intention of mine at the beginning of 2023 to lead almost monthly women's circles and that obviously did not happen I did not do that I allowed fear to get in my way it just did not happen um I allowed the story of who am I to be doing this to run the show and um so as the end of recalibrate came and as we approached the winter solstice I again just kind of had this inner knowing of okay it's time like we're doing this and I announced to my Instagram community I think I spit it out on stories first that hey what are you doing on Friday I'm gonna run a women's circle and so this was literally like just out of the blue completely

spontaneous but again one of those things that I didn't need to go talk to someone about I didn't need any validation to do I didn't need a go talk to someone about, I didn't need any validation to do, I didn't need a soundboard, I was just doing it. And literally in like a 24 hour span, the point of like announcing I was going to do it to creating a form to sign up and like the backend email automation, I had like over 30 women signed up which is so cool um it also brought in a lot of new people into my world um that's another part of the story and this could be a different podcast episode too is Instagram following and Instagram growth um I should make a note for myself because that's something that's very front of mind right now that I want to speak on but that's a different episode um anyways the announcement of doing a woman's circle brought in quite a few new followers and that was really cool because I hadn't had an influx of followers in a really long time um in fact I was having a lot of unfollowing and unsubscribing on my email list which is totally okay and it makes a lot of

sense because there's been so much evolution and pivot in my business that of course people are unfollowing and unsubscribing on my email list, which is totally okay. And it makes a lot of sense because there's been so much evolution and pivot in my business that of course people are going to feel like they don't need to be there anymore. And I also totally respect the unfollow and the unsubscribe because it just makes my audience and my community that much more potent. So there's that, but it was really cool to have that influx of following um oh the other point to the story don't let me forget to go there but let me finish this part is with the women's circle I did it and oh my god it was so so good if you were there thank you um you know how epic it was but the bigger part for me was the fact that I did it and I did it scared and I led

with courage and that ended up being I think the teeny bit of validation I needed to allow Held to actually come to fruition because I think that the part that was holding me back from Held was this commitment that I was making to myself to lead women's circles on a monthly basis. And so by leading that one circle for free and completely out of spontaneity and deep desire, it was, yeah, just this enormous wave of, yes, I want to do this and I want to do more of it and I can do it. So it really brought that confidence that I was lacking. Um, but the other thing that I wanted to share is again, in this, in this couple of week time period, I had also been invited to join the birth worker community. Um, and it's cool because I also have a podcast coming

out soon that I'm, I'm having a conversation with Kylie Banks, the autonomy mommy. She is the owner of the birth worker. I don't even know what she calls her business because there's so many aspects to it, but she's the host of the birth worker podcast. And she was who I did my doula training with a year and a half ago and yeah so now she has this incredible birth worker community and she asked me to be a coach inside of it um and oh my goodness that's a pinch me moment in itself because that's one of those things that I feel like I had been manifesting not like specifically oh I want to be a coach for Kylie but just like manifesting the the bigness of that type of community and showing up for a consistent call

where we literally just talk about the stuff that's coming up and where I can really just blossom in my genius of like mindset and nervous system and just bringing people back to their own truth and holding the mirror for them all the things that I do with so much passion so to be recognized as the person that could do that felt so, so good. And my human design type is a projector. So that recognition is really, really big. And so is that invitation. And so, yeah, having that happen in the same time period as everything else that was happening was really this validation from the universe that I was on the right track and some of the decisions I was making about letting go some of the offers that I had my heart set into like the embodied reset it was safe to do it

because there was more things coming and those things weren't it wasn't my responsibility to figure out the how and so I think that's what I mean with like something I was manifesting, but it wasn't so specific in the sense that I didn't know what it would look like. Um, but I'm totally rambling. I hope this is making sense. Um, the difference between actually talking to a friend versus just talking to your microphone is that the friend can like nod their head or ask some questions back to me I'm just trusting that you you are nodding your head right now and you're you're picking up what I'm putting down um but yeah the the offer to become a coach in birth worker community not only was it a massive exhale for my body but it was almost like okay

this makes sense now it makes it makes everything else I want to do it it adds more potency to it in the sense that I get to now show up from a deeper place of overflow because being a coach in birth worker academy offers me a bit of security and that security is something that I haven't had in my business yet and I think a lot of you that are listening I am just going to assume you're at similar stages of your business as me where you have really been pouring a lot of time and TLC into the foundation of your business and so you don't necessarily you're not you're not really at the point of scaling yet you are still working on creating those systems and um things in place to grow some of that more consistent and stable revenue um so yeah I I

hadn't had that in my business yet and so to have this opportunity of literally weekly coaching um offered me a teeny tiny piece of that and that teeny tiny piece was enough to be like okay yeah this is what it feels like I can do this this actually feels really good and it helps me show up in like I, a more potent way in other areas of my life. And it almost created the safety to be a little bit more explorative in what my offers were going to look like. It removed some of the pressure that I think I was feeling around both timelines and finances not that um the birth worker coaching is like paying my mortgage but it was just kind of that little ounce of this is what it can look like so it's almost like yes universe more please um but yeah so all of that was happening at the end of december

and um i'm totally getting off track here because my mind is literally like spinning with the excitement and like the just yeah the waves of gratitude and abundance I think that was it too is that feeling of abundance and how huge that is when you can step into that energy of gratitude and abundance it completely shifts your outlook on everything else and I think that's what was happening for me is because I was in so I was so close to teetering into like scarcity and um also grieving the end of recalibrate and almost feeling like I would never be able to have that again. And obviously like that's not true. I get to create it if I want to, but just all of those kind of, I don't want to label it as bad, but more, I guess like lower frequency states of being. So yeah, I hope this is making sense. Basically all of it was really helping to shift

how things were feeling for me and um let's just like fast forward into Christmas and New Year's and because that was really interesting for me too and I feel like I learned a lot about myself and I learned a lot about where some of the some of the old stories that I thought I had detached from were creeping back in and so this was really evident in the whole like goal setting new year new me narrative and just like the hustle and bustle of Christmas and New Year's and just kind of being everything for everybody. Leading into Christmas, I had this intention of just being slow and really not putting too much on our plates as a family and kind of just following our own energetic desires and what we felt excited to do in the moment.

There was also some, I'll use the word dysfunction, dysfunction and disconnect within our extended family that comes for Christmas. So I was also kind of navigating that and really just noticing where my own boundaries were being pushed which was also an opportunity to kind of set those boundaries more tightly again that's a whole different story of whether I did or didn't but it was just shining light on the gaps that's the point of what I'm trying to make here is a shining light on some of the gaps and it was really showing me kind of where there was still room for me to step into the version of myself I wanted to be versus where I was still showing up as that old me and um yeah the whole like new year's thing and I know you are obviously on social media so you probably know what I'm talking about so many posts about um either setting new goals or like

um just reflecting on the year and I I kind of took a stance in that like I'm really tuning into the cycles of nature this year that was actually one of my intentions for 2023 and so um kind of remaining authentic and in integrity to that intention meant slowing down but I was also noticing almost like a wave of energy to show up and to do more and it was really confusing because it was almost like I was being there was like this push and pull this pull of like I do want to be turning inwards I do want to be in tune with like the rhythms of nature and the winter season. And geez, I just led a women's circle preaching about this. So like, who am I to go against what I just encouraged and invited everyone to step into? But what I, I'm sorry, guys, this totally isn't making sense.

And I shared, I think it's funny because if you've if you've been watching my stories you probably are equally confused because I feel like I kept going back and forth on where my stance was and the thing is is I don't think you have to have a stance that's the silly thing but I think what became so clear to me is how multi-dimensional life really is so especially in terms of like cycles and seasons we have our own inner cycle like our menstrual cycle so there's obviously the energy energetic shifts that happen from that and then obviously there's the seasons of nature so as much as as much as I can see with my eyes and by looking on the calendar that it is December or now it's January but it is winter and and it was almost like I was shooting on myself I was shooting on myself that I should be resting I should be I should be following what nature is reflecting to me right now um

but then yeah the multi-dimensional the multi-dimensionality of my own inner seasons. And then also like the seasons of life and motherhood and business. And I think this is where it got so complex is the season of motherhood, the season of life we're in as a family is really, really good. Like I think if you had to put it on the spectrum of like spring, summer, fall, winter, like we were definitely in like a summer season right now. And then in terms of my business, like my business is nuanced as well because I see kind of my business as a whole, but then each offer kind of has its own season.

And so obviously the season of Recalibrate was coming to an end. So that was definitely like a fall winter season for Recalibrate. But I was definitely in this like spring season for recalibrate but I was definitely in this like spring energy of some of my new offers and so I was feeling the push and pull of okay wait it's winter outside and I just told myself that I'm gonna be still and and and find peace in this season of like darkness and stillness yet I was feeling so excited and energized for the newness that was coming with some of my offers and of course like the birth worker community coaching and um yeah I it was the push and pull the multi-dimensionality of the push and pull so really what I ended up

needing to do what like the the solution to this problem if it was even a problem I mean it wasn't but the solution was really just like self-acceptance and finding peace in the the multi-dimensionality and that like there doesn't have to just be one season that you're attuned to and if anything like could you imagine if you were almost in winter for all of those seasons like that would be almost depressive and then on the in contrast like if it was like a summer season and all of those things like summer in your business summer in motherhood summer in life ovulating and like real-time summer like like you would, that's burnout, like I don't think I actually want that, I want that like internal pull to come inwards, and like I want, yeah, I just, I don't even know

what I'm trying to say, I am hoping you get what I'm trying to say, I also am noticing that this is like nearly 45 minutes long, and I didn't intend to talk for this long again if we were actually talking in person you would be able to shut me up right now and reflect something back to me and probably share some of your own experience so podcasting is weird solo podcasting is weird, I should say. Yeah. Anyways, that's kind of, in a nutshell, 45 minutes later, what life has looked like for me the past couple weeks. my takeaways are just like trusting that inner knowing when it comes up again because I think I kind of shared multiple times where it came up but I was almost doubting it I was like in my luteal phase I was like oh well maybe this is just my inner critic um stuff like that so I now have the evidence of of knowing that I can trust myself when stuff like that happens and also just more evidence of what creation looks like as it's moving through me and like I shared the difference

between having that that feeling of needing to like immediately get validation from someone and like talk things through to get their validation versus being so confident, I guess, with the direction I want to go that like I don't need to talk to anybody about it. Again, there's even nuance to that because I'm a self-projected projector. So I actually gain wisdom and clarity by speaking out loud so that's another thing is the energy in which I'm approaching someone to talk about something this is evidence for myself and just noticing what that energy looks like when I'm going to them because I almost want to outsource my decisions to them that's a red flag for me that's okay Nicole like you are this likely isn't actually in alignment for you this isn't what feels good this offer this idea this probably isn't yours

versus approaching someone because I just like want to share with them like this is what I'm doing and I'm so excited about it obviously I'd love to hear your feedback if you see any blind spots but I'm not coming to you to give me answers um yeah that was very evident for me and so now I kind of have that evidence or more evidence I should say that I can trust that um and also just like trusting the energetic shifts within my own like inner cycle my menstrual cycle because that's another thing is I've noticed I should on myself so much like during menstruation I'll say well I should be resting I should be laying in bed I should be doing nothing or um during when I have when I'm ovulating it's like well I should be online more I should be making myself visible I should want to be on stories or like doing an IG live right now and then I almost um judge myself when I don't want to do those things and so the biggest

takeaway here I think is also this this piece around self-acceptance and I again I shared a reel on Instagram and this felt really really potent as kind of my last reel of 2023 and it was all around I don't remember the exact audio I wasn't going to post anything and then this audio came up I'm like oh that's it that's exactly what I'm feeling right now and it was talking about how we almost I almost want to pull it up but it was basically around trying to perfect our own like self-development our own self-improvement and almost becoming addicted to it and that couldn't be more true for me I have definitely been experiencing that and so the antidote to all of that is coming back to self-acceptance and since I've kind of made that declaration and I think I've

honestly been in this era of moving into self-acceptance and like softening into just what is and tending to what is instead of fixing it I've been I've been coming into that since I worked with Hannah Tobar, the primal priestess. And this is a whole other story. We're going here. I hope you're sitting down because this is going to be a longer episode than I thought. Feel free to pause and come back because I try not to make these solo episodes this long. But back in, I think it was June, I registered for her Inner Mastery program and that was life-changing.

I joined that because, I don't even know if I can say this with absolute truth, but if I kind of drop back into just where I was in my life then, was about to I was literally starting recalibrate I knew I wanted to kind of pivot into business coaching and mentorship um and I also knew I wanted to be leading more like um I guess like meditation and um for lack of a better word like doing energy work, even though I still don't necessarily feel comfortable calling it that. But I did want to be helping people to navigate their own energy. And so Hannah's program, Inner Mastery,

is all about the methodless method to energy work. I'm like, perfect, that's what I need. This is what I need right now. And I mean, the intention was twofold part of it was obviously to just start understanding my own energetic blueprint a little bit more but it was also with this underlying desire to be able to bring it into my work and so fast forward inner mastery was I think a 12-week program it was absolutely incredible she's leading a second cohort coming up in February and I think a 12 week program it was absolutely incredible she's

leading a second cohort coming up in February and I'm a proud affiliate so if you're interested in that I will leave my link in the show notes for this episode honestly Hannah is incredible I absolutely recommend just being in her space in some way if you aren't already inner mastery was so good that I ended up hiring Hannah for one-on-one mentorship after Intermastery and this was during the fall so we really tuned into the season of fall and the energy of composting and letting go and fine-tuning and it became this really really beautiful container and experience for me to get clarity on what was working and what wasn't working not just in my business but really my whole life and I

think that really set me up for the the season to follow and the season that I'm in right now it really helped kind of clean slate I guess you could say and it was my invitation to start leaning into this era of self-acceptance and softening it was actually Hannah that introduced me to what I now understand softening to look like and softening not in the sense of being like passive or submissive but softening in the sense of just allowing what is and not not pointing fingers and not trying to fix like I already said it's tending to what's alive and not trying to fix it and not looking for things to fix either not trauma excavating as Hannah would say and so yeah this was like September and October

for me and um also beautifully timed because that was also right around Aubrey's birthday which I feel like was kind of a rite of passage in itself in my own motherhood of like stepping into my third year of motherhood and um because she was turning two so yeah there was just like a lot of change happening and this is I want to come back to this like word of multi-dimensionality again because this is where it's so complex where even though might be in a certain season outside your own inner world your menstrual phase your um the aspects of your business and your mothering experience and your relationship with your spouse like those all have their own seasons as well your finances um your sex life like all of it there's there's ebbs and flows and they're

supposed to be and no season is permanent and that in itself is a blessing and a curse because we've been led to believe that we should be able to live in this perpetual summer all the time but let me tell you and if I didn't make myself clear before if we were in perpetual summer and all aspects of our life that is like where burnout happens like that's where you can't catch a break that's where there's no space for recharging and refueling and regenerating um and there's no space to like pause and actually reflect back and decide okay i actually don't want to do this anymore i actually want to make a change here um i'm totally repeating myself at this point but i just i guess want to explain how transformative my time with Hannah was because she really was that really started my season of self-acceptance and so coming back to the reel

that I posted I think on New Year's Eve I've really finally like it's like the light bulb clicked in I'm like oh yeah I've been trying to perfect my own personal development and that's not that that's really just me shooting on myself almost on the other side of the pendulum and so it it was really just like this um the cherry on top I guess to like what I already knew but it was like I needed to hear it one more time um to actually drop into full radical self-acceptance and so here I am fully and wholly like in love with myself and like yeah just able to obviously like the the feelings of like shame or judgment still pop up but I'm at this place now where I can just be a radical witness to it I can see it and I can choose not to have it be part of my story um I am the narrator of my own life and so are you um yeah that was a lot thanks for being

here for all of that I probably missed parts that I wanted to talk about but I think I'm feeling complete I'm feeling really energized from this um maybe I'll just finish by speaking a little bit more about held because that's basically what's the most alive in my world and in my heart right now um this week I even geez it was on it was on Thursday and I mean I knew I knew this is where I was going and like I had shared earlier I just wasn't sure on the timing of things and I I realized that I I was allowing myself to not take action because I was believing that I needed the clarity on some of the decisions I needed to make. And so basically it was the indecision that was keeping me stuck. I probably didn't look stuck, but like really I was stuck.

I wasn't taking action. I was just allowing myself to keep thinking about things and thinking about things doesn't actually get this, get anything done. You've probably heard me say this bike analogy. I'm going to share it again because it is so, so powerful. You can't learn to ride a bike by reading about riding a bike. You can't learn to ride a bike by reading about riding a bike. You can't learn to ride a bike by listening to other people share their stories of riding a bike. You can't learn to ride a bike by thinking about riding a bike. Do you know how you learn how to ride a bike? You have to get on the bike. So I mean, I know this and I practice this in everything I do like it action brings clarity but it can be so hard to take action if we are allowing fear to dictate our action and if we're

allowing like fear and uncertainty to keep us small and to keep us unsure and doubtful and all those things. And so like really the, the antidote to all of that is courage and leading with courage and taking that one baby step, even though it's messy, even though it's scary, but doing it anyways. And, um, I think I've made that clear in what I've just shared. Like, I mean, I did that with the women's circle and I'm doing that withheld, basically taking action, even though you don't know the final result you don't have that certainty you don't have all the answers so yeah it was Thursday that I had this realization of like okay I'm not taking action because of all the things that I coach other women not to do I need to take a spoonful of my own medicine and we are doing this thing

we're doing it scared we're doing it without all the answers we're doing it messy and I had so much peace with the realization of hey I don't have to perfect this the first time why don't I just let this be a beta group this can be kind of trial and lesson for me it's also the opportunity for the women inside this beta group to co-create it with me I can really lean on their feedback to see what's working and what's not and oh that just brought so much more excitement and so I made the post I'm like here it is I'm not keeping this a secret anymore this also was never just supposed to be for the women inside recalibrate obviously it is an opportunity for them to still get my support but it's also an

opportunity for people that are new to my world to get my support without being in higher level programs like recalibrate or my one-on-one mentorship I almost see it as like both an appetizer and a dessert so I mean it's up to you if you want to have dessert first, come join Held. But yeah, like I had already shared snippets, like Held is a beautiful blend of personal discovery, spiritual exploration, and regenerative business strategy. I plan to share more on what regenerative business strategy actually is but it it's it's it's like sustainability but on steroids it's it's having like that generational change and impact at like the front of mind and it's creating that legacy and it's it's leaving the world a better place than we found it through our businesses um and I don't think any of that is possible if you aren't tending to your own inner world so it's it's yeah marriage of all of

that and it's also a space for integration it's a space for play and fun and rest and slowness if that's what you're looking for um it's a landing place for just kind of exploring your own self whether that's using your voice more or just sharing more of yourself that you aren't used to like allowing others to see um it's a space to unravel and kind of just kind of work through the things that you no longer want to be holding on to and then coming back to what your own truth is and then from there really integrating it into your life on a personal and professional um basis and then it's also a space for community it's a space to gather alongside other women just as crazy as you and me who have this fiery passion to change the world and um tend to themselves but also like i said leave the world

a better place and create that impact and legacy and also be making like the income that they know they're worthy of because i think that's another thing is there's so many business containers out there where I think like the intention and the goal behind them is okay let's just like get you to six figure months or let's scale your business or let's like sell out this launch or whatever it is and like the goal is always around money and the like metric of success is always around money and in held and actually really in any of my containers that is not that is not the goal that is a byproduct of you showing up and doing your work giving your medicine in like alignment and and being in community with your people the money and the income is a byproduct of that success isn't I mean money we need money we need money so I'm not saying that

like money isn't the goal but I am saying that like money isn't necessarily the biggest motive. It's very, very hard to thrive in scarcity. So we do need money, especially in this day and age where we can't just like trade beads and call it a day. We need money to literally survive. So I'm not shaming anyone if like you do feel like money is your main motive, but I guess I encourage you and invite you to explore that a little bit deeper and is it really about the money or is it what money gets you the motive is actually tending to oneself and filling your own cup up not with the narrative that I have to fill my cup up in order to support my family and tend to my kids and lead my clients but it's actually to support myself and hold myself and tend to myself then the kids the family the clients that's from a place of overflow and when we can create a life like that, where we are serving from a place of overflow, that's how we avoid burnout. That's how we are able to regulate our nervous systems. That's when we're thriving. And that's when we're actually feeling both like contentment and fulfillment. That's success. In my books, at least. And I know everyone's going to have their own nuanced definition of success, but that really is kind of like the why, I guess, behind Held is creating

space to move towards all of that, and so with that, like I said, part of it is kind of the inner work, and then part of it is also the business strategy but how do we do that business strategy while still putting ourselves first so I'm so excited because it's literally like everything I love about my work and everything I believe in kind of one container and it's also a container that doesn't have an end date and as I learned from recalibrate I don't do well with end dates so yeah come join held it's so far the the beta the beta group is is going to be a monthly subscription I'm already kind of feeling the urge to make it a seasonal commitment and you know what as I just shared that a lot I think I will it can it will still be like a monthly payment plan but the intention and like the unspoken agreement is if you're joining like you are willing to give it a try give it a chance for a season so a three-month

commitment um and I think the other part of that that is really um valuable I guess is that makes the space a little bit more intimate it's not so much of people coming in and coming out we can actually create that connection and create that sisterhood that I know is possible but I think yeah a bit of a bit of commitment in terms of timing is important so I don't really want you there if you're only going to come in for a month I want you there if you are willing to be present and give us your whole self not just your perfect self but like your silly self your nerdy self your stinky self I want your whole self your whole butt I want it all in there for a minimum of three months and then I mean really I'd love you in there for a minimum of three months. And then, I mean, really, I'd love you in there forever

if it's feeling supportive to you. But I also trust that like different seasons of your life are going to require both different support for you and also change the level of capacity you have to engage and support others. So I respect that. And with that, with that like seasonal cyclical approach in mind um I know that our finances are also cyclical and depending on the season of life

and business we're in what we're able to afford also changes and I don't want any financial limitations to be the reason you aren't joining held because your worthiness of being held is unwavering so with that I've created a tiered pricing model I'm calling it a pay what supports you and so the monthly financial commitment is either $11 $44 $66, depending on what feels right to you. And so, yeah, I think I'll leave it at that. I'm going to leave the information for held in the show notes as well. So if you're feeling a call to join us, get your butt inside, get your whole butt inside. Like I said, I want to see all of you, even the messy parts, the parts that you don't let people see we got you um and yeah I think I'm going to change I'm going to change this checkout page right after this to kind of indicate that

the intention is a three-month commitment um that feels really good so yeah thank you for sticking around this long I hear Aubrey crying so I'm gonna go tend to her and I will get this episode up by the end of the day I love you all thank you for being here okay before you go I just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to listen to this episode if you were thinking of anyone while listening please send it their way and if anything resonated with you or you love these conversations please subscribe and leave a review this really helps the podcast algorithms put my show in front of more people just like you and the last thing I would love nothing more than hearing from you so say hi dm me on instagram and give me a follow

at nicole pasvir until next time