REWILD + FREE - 46. UNSCRIPTED TRUTH BOMBS ON CONSCIOUS MOTHERHOOD, ENTREPRENEURSHIP AND SELF-COMPASSION

Episode Date: March 21, 2024

Welcome to this impromptu recording answering the big question you might share with me.... "What's standing in my way of wild success?"Spoiler!! It's our own head getting in the wayThe fears we hold, the projections we make, the stories we attach to... We don't have to wait for xyz before we can embody the version of ourselves we want to be This episode is both invitation and solidarity, it's a taste of the medicine I'm scooping up right now What's actually getting in your way of wild success? What gaps can you close between the version of you right now and the version of you that you desire to be? What supports does your nervous system need right now? Can you meet those needs, or voice them to others, or set boundaries to protect your current capacity? What would NOT playing small actually look like in your life right now? (In your mothering, in your marriage, in your business? ..Wanna go deeper with me? Current offerings 💃 HELD (monthly membership $44/month) Private Mentorship (3/6/9 month options) Recalibrate (waitlist) 'Connect with me on IG (@nicolepasveer)

You're listening to Rewild and Free. This is the go-to podcast for conscious and holistic mother entrepreneurs who are ditching society's to-do list for intentional living, freedom, and abundance, while creating impact and legacy in their home and business. If we haven't met yet, I'm Nicole Pasvir, your like-hearted mom friend and biz bestie wrapped in one. I'm an ex-nurse turned matrescence guide and business coach, leading women just like you into the new paradigm, where thriving in motherhood is your birthright and so is a successful and sustainable online business keep listening if you're ready to unsubscribe from patriarchal motherhood bro marketing and boss babe culture because in this space we use nature as our framework as we move

towards feminine embodied business development cyclical orientation and slow living together let's rewild and remember as we break free from survival and reconnect to what truly matters. Okay friend, steep your tea and take the most loving breath you've given to yourself today and let's go. Okay, so welcome to another episode of Rewild and Free. I have no idea what number this is, but I'm really excited to spontaneously record this little truth bomb that the wise owl in my head just kind of landed and dropped on me. I'm literally on day 10 of fighting some really intense sinus virus, I guess. I don't even know what it is. So my throat probably or my voice probably still sounds a little, I don't even know. I don't know

what I sound like because this is just my new normal. 10 days in, this is my new normal. But I imagine I sound still a little bit congested because I am. But I really want to share what some of the big reasons that might be standing in your way right now of you reaching wild success. And this isn't something that's scripted. I don't even have like bullet points in front of me. This is literally something that I was channeling like 10 minutes ago that I want to try to spit out before I lose it and let me preface this by saying that the last couple weeks maybe even the last couple months I have not been doing amazing I have been feeling very spread thin, feeling a little bit resentful of many different things in my life and kind of numbing out and dissociating because of the intensity of just all the big feelings that are happening right now. Aubrey is also literally about to

turn two and a half. And for those of you that have mothered a two and a half year old before, you probably, excuse me, know exactly what I'm talking about. It's intense. Like I don't really subscribe to the terrible twos because it's not all terrible, but I understand why they kind of call the terrible twos terrible because the big feelings are really, really big. And the emotional pendulation, the swings from like high to low are so intense. And being her sole care provider, my husband works out of the house and I'm a stay-at-home mom so being her sole caregiver means that I am having to tend to those big feelings for literally upwards of like 12 hours a day on my own and I'm noticing that that is taking a huge toll on myself in terms of just the energy that it takes to constantly try to regulate

my own emotions but also the wounds that it's pressing on in terms of my own self-expression and wanting so so consciously to not squash her like her sparkle and also trying to create peace in our household. It is a lot. And yeah, it's pressing on these wounds of me not being able to express myself in a way that I want to out of fear that it is wrong or bad, or I'm going to disappoint someone, or I'm going to get in trouble, or whatever it is. And I I mean a ton of like inner child healing could go into that and we're not going to talk about that right now I'm just kind of giving context to how my life has been the past couple weeks and months and so that's kind of been

the the experience in the realm of mothering and with that I haven't necessarily been showing up as the mother I want to because I am losing my I'm just like losing it at times and just not being as patient as I'd like to be and not really enjoying my time with her I'm getting really frustrated with her really easily I'm noticing myself like reaching for my phone to literally distract myself by listening to like a podcast or scrolling on Instagram just so that I can kind of like tune her out and I literally hate that that is my experience right now because that's not the mom I want to be and so yeah I want to preface this by sharing that. And then also in my marriage, similar things are happening where I'm not being the wife that I want to be. And I don't even know

if I have a specific example. I guess one thing is like when my husband comes home from work, like I am often just sitting on the couch, absolutely exhausted, counting down the minutes for him to get home. And basically as soon as he walks in the door I am zoned out I am checked out it's almost this unspoken just shift of okay you are parenting now I am off the clock um there's very little communication we like it I mean the dogs are happy to see him and Aubrey is happy to see him so they kind of take over and in those like couple minutes like I'm not even really welcoming him into the house. And again, that is not the wife I want to be.

So there's just little things like that where I'm noticing that I'm not showing up as the version of myself that I want to be. And then I'm also resenting other people in my life and almost falling into this like victim triangle loop cycle thing. And self-awareness is a bitch. I hate that I have the awareness that I'm there. Also trying to just tend to it and not fix it,

holding space and grace and compassion for where I'm at in my life right now and just the busyness and the chaos and the different places that my energy is being pulled from. My husband also started a new job at the beginning of the month and there's been a lot of uncertainty and stress and fears coming up around our finances and just like the newness of all of that. So that's kind of another energy sucker that's been happening over the past couple months leading up to that. And it's funny, even sharing some of this, it feels like I'm listing excuses and like, I'm not like, these aren't excuses. I'm just kind of

painting the picture because even painting the picture for me helps me hold more compassion for myself. So it's like, oh yeah, Nicole, no wonder like life is kind of feeling hard right now. There's a lot going on. Plus me being sick right now there's a lot going on plus me being sick right now like I said day 10 of being sick prior to that Aubrey was literally sick like I think three colds in a row in February so it's literally been like six weeks of someone being sick in this house um and anyways coming back to today and this evening and why I'm dropping in right now I was just kind of reflecting on holy shit like I am not I am not showing up as the version of myself that I want to be and I keep kind of holding on to this oh well it's because of this

it's because of that it's because of xyz I just have to wait until I have xyz I just have to wait until I have more clients and there's more money coming in I just have to wait until I have XYZ. I just have to wait until I have more clients and there's more money coming in. I just have to wait until I'm more clear on what my offer suite is going to look like. I just have to wait until I'm more clear on my messaging and can confidently show up on Instagram and share my brand message and articulate it really well. like that's not me right now um and I keep kind of holding out for these things and yesterday I'm in uh I'm in Hannah Tovar the primal priestess I'm in her second cohort of inner mastery I'm doing it for the second time and every Tuesday she runs a voxer a voxer day where we can kind of come in and just allow ourselves to be witnessed by the other

women in the group and I had shared that I feel like I've been playing small in my business and Hannah reflected back to me like okay what would what would playing small or sorry what would not playing small actually look like not what would it feel like not like what things do you need to think about to get there but like what tangibly what kind of like actual tangible things can you do right now to not be playing small and I've kind of been sitting with that since yesterday and just thinking like okay this isn't a mindset thing this isn't even like a soothing my nervous system thing because I've been doing all that I do it like I've been doing that this is about just go do the things that you keep thinking about doing it's about less thinking and more doing and even that

sounds so elementary like I think we all know that but I think very few of us are actually doing it because fear creeps in and self-doubt creeps in and lack of self-trust all of these things start to weigh on us and make us feel like we can't show up until we have it all figured out we can't show up until we have our messaging perfected we can't show up until we have our podcast episodes scripted it's all these little things and actually earlier this week I um I recorded a podcast episode in the car and I don't know for sure if I'm ever going to actually publish it it was a big ramble I think it was kind of what I needed to do to show my nervous system that it's safe to be speaking again because I've been having a really hard time finding my voice and just showing up in this space on my podcast on Instagram wherever it is and I think doing that little

ramble in the car was just kind of that that piece of safety for my nervous system be like oh yeah okay it's safe to do this like we like you can show up and you can ramble and people are still gonna love you. And I didn't even obviously get that validation because I never published the episode. But the act of doing it is enough to kind of build that momentum back up. And so I feel like I'm all over the place. Thank you for sticking around if this is making sense.

Anyways, this wise owl tonight was basically just dropping the truth bomb of like, stop thinking about doing the things and just go do the things. And I was just kind of asking myself that version of wild success that I've been dreaming about, that I've been manifesting, that I'm moving towards, what would that version of me actually show up and do? And she would be recording podcast episodes freely and confidently without fear of, oh my God, what are people going to think? Should be showing up on Instagram live and dropping truth bombs again without any fear or worry of

what are people going to think? What if people unfollow? And you know what? It's not even that I like consciously have those thoughts. I think it's more of I'm not good enough yet. And obviously this kind of teeters into comparison. And I think comparison teeters into sisterhood wounds. And that's something that has been feeling really alive in me lately is just noticing when I'm comparing myself to others or like this unspoken competition and always wanting to do better or perfect something when really there's medicine and just showing up the way I am and holding space and compassion for that version of myself as I am. I feel like that actually kind of contradicts what I was just saying where we need to show up as kind of that more embodied version of ourselves it's both it's like going to do the thing even though you don't necessarily feel ready

for it and it's also holding space for wherever you're at right now and not like shaming yourself for not being higher up or farther farther down the road than you thought you'd be um I feel like there's main thing that I wanted to try to articulate is really getting clear on like the version of yourself that you kind of visualize when you've already reached quote-unquote success whatever that definition looks like for you and so for me that that's being a present mom that's actually enjoying time with my daughter that's getting down on her level and like playing games with her not because she's yelling at me and screaming if I don't because that's kind of been the story lately is it literally feels like

I'm just doing it so they don't have to deal with the tantrum that comes if I don't it's actually sitting down with her playing with her um being playful with her out of desire and yeah like this very like innocent depth and connection and we're kind of lacking that right now and with my husband it would look like actually like greeting him at the door and sharing more of my appreciation for him out loud verbally. It would be communicating more about what's on my heart and like what my goals are and showing more of that side to him instead of kind of playing small in our marriage. And in my business, it's actually like showing up and allowing myself to be seen I don't constantly have to offer value and um um be like selling something I can just show up as me and allow that to be enough and I think that's something that has been getting in my way and all of those things are available to me right

now um it's not something that I have to wait for to be able to do hopefully that makes sense hello to those of you listening live um now I'm distracted I'm recording on GarageBand so this can be on the podcast and I think I hear Aubrey coming in. I didn't tell anyone I was coming up here to record. Hi Aubrey. Are we in the bath? I'm not in the bath. I'm working. Do you want to come say hi? Okay, come say hi. You want to say hi? Hi. Hi. I'm working. I'm recording a podcast. I was talking about you. Hi, Mommy. And how I want to play with you more. Have more fun with you. Play with you more?

Yeah, play with you more. Play with you more? Aubrey and I have been butting heads around breastfeeding lately. She still nurses, and I was actually thinking today that I should count how many times she nurses throughout the day because when we are home just the two of us all day like it is it's almost like if she sees me she's like oh cool let me take a sip and I feel like the antidote to that is setting boundaries and I mean I've watched different videos around how to nurse toddlers. I thought it sounds such like, we don't need lessons on that.

But I've obviously like looked into, okay, how do I set boundaries with my two-year-old? And the problem is, is when I do, she just screams at me. And then this whole nervous system thing comes into play of like oh I need to regulate myself I need to regulate her and what ends up happening on the days that I'm already feeling uh stretched thin and under resourced no but you can't you can't draw on my laptop

what ends up happening is I just give in I can't maintain the boundaries because my nervous system's capacity is already peaked. And I feel like what you were drawing on my computer, this turned into chaos. This is my life though. And I genuinely love it. No, please don't touch because we're recording right now. We're on live. Say hi. Hi. Hi. So, yeah, what ends up happening is I fail to maintain the boundaries

that I try to set around nursing because I want to basically protect my own nervous system. And this is happening multiple times a day and multiple times a night and I think that in itself is also draining me and it's also again pressing on this wound of What would this be basically it's it's it's Tearing me into a fawn response because i'm not able to hold my own boundaries and instead i'm just appeasing the other person and so i'm constantly

i got my hands suppressing my own needs um to take care of hers which i mean as moms i think we do that all the time but I think when we bring conscious awareness to it and recognize like holy cow like I'm not resourced enough for this that's when it becomes um not great and um kind of like some martyry vibes and that's not again the the version of myself that i want to be is not playing that game so it's all these little moments of recognizing the gaps of who i am right now and who i want to be and just really feeling into the things that I can start embodying now, despite the discomfort and despite the fears, and also holding space and compassion for where I'm at right now

and what my nervous system can handle. I definitely did not articulate any of that as clearly as I wanted to, and there was likely something that I wanted to share, but now I'm incredibly distracted, and should probably go blow my nose. would confidently be marketing her offers unapologetically in her podcasts. And I don't do this very well. This is something that I am striving to get better at and constantly reminding myself that selling is just serving and I'm doing a huge disservice to all of you by not sharing what I have to offer. And so I'm just going to spend a couple minutes and share the offers I have available right now and of course all the

details will be in the show notes if you want to explore a little bit deeper and play in my world in a more formal capacity so I have my membership membership called held stands for her embodied leadership and devotion and that is really a playground and landing place for conscious and curious women entrepreneurs who are doing all of the holding right they are space holders in their work they are holding their clients they are also holding space in their families whether they are wives sisters aunties mothers they are holding space for just the craziness that's happening around the world right now. They're holding space for just everything else, right? Life is constantly lifing, and I feel like as women, we do a lot of holding. And there's not a lot of spaces where we can just unapologetically be held.

And so held is that landing place obviously it is geared towards entrepreneurs because inside of it I do some group coaching so it's a place to bring whatever it is that you're working on in your business your celebrations your wins and also kind of the sticky points and the the pieces of resistance that you're working through held is the space to um just be seen and witnessed and all of that at a lower engagement because it is two calls a month so one being the group coaching call and the other one being a woman's circle is really important to me to facilitate um a circle and a gathering where we are coming together as women reclaiming our voices and sharing and learning from each other's shared experiences and

holding space for all parts of ourselves not just the entrepreneurial entrepreneurial role that we play. So that's held. I also offer one-on-one mentorship and getting ready to launch my mastermind called Recalibrate. Recalibrate is specifically for mother entrepreneurs. It's, I mean, all of my offerings have the same vibe where it's about holding space for all parts of you it's not just about building your business it's also about like building you and getting to know yourself better and allowing business to be a catalyst and a stepping stone for massive massive personal

exploration and spiritual exploration if you want to go there um and I really really really pride myself in being not just a mirror and a sounding board but also like the flashlight holder because I see us all kind of walking this unpaved path and it is really really fucking lonely and so I'm that flashlight holder I shine the light so you can help see your way through the darkness I help also help shine light on your blind spots it's really really hard to go through all this this conscious conscious entrepreneurship conscious parenting conscious whatever else you're working on in your life right now, in your personal development journey,

it's really, really hard to do that alone. So I am that guide. I am that friend. I'm that coach to support you along the way. And yeah, obviously right now in this season of my life, business support is what's lighting me up, specifically around the unseen strategy. There's tons of phenomenal coaches out there that you can go hire if you're looking for more of that above ground kind of superficial strategy, like launch plans and email sequences and all of that stuff. It is really, really important, but that stuff is kind of just like throwing spaghetti at the wall if you haven't actually built up your foundation and that foundation happens below ground and that's the unseen strategy. So that's my jam right now, really building a solid foundation and tending to that unseen strategy is at the core of all of my offers. So whether that is hanging out with me and the other women inside Held, or if that's hiring me for private one-on-one mentorship, or if that's getting on the waitlist to join Recalibrate, which is likely going to start hopefully in May, but I'm not attached to any timelines yet. I'm really sitting with it and not forcing that birth.

So more on that later. All the details will be in the show notes. you you