REWILD + FREE - 47. MUSINGS + MAGICK: RITUALS, REFLECTION, AND INTENTIONAL LIVING (March Full Moon Illuminations with Nicole and Lauren)

Episode Date: March 25, 2024

Buckle up friend! This is a true glimpse into how our behind the scenes conversations usually flow… a little all over the map, but with so much depth, curiosity, and reflection along the way. Join us as we begin this FULL MOON episode by each candidly sharing updates around what’s currently alive in our respective seasons of business and motherhood. We then begin to untangle the harsh extremes in the online motherhood, entrepreneurship and healing space and why more nuance is desperately needed. Together we rewrite our stories about business “fails” and get real about our own experiences as mother entrepreneurs. We tap into the significance of intention setting, the importance and POWER of ritual and ceremony, and how we’re carving our own paths to step away from some of the belief systems and religious traditions anchored from childhood. You’ll hear us express our utter (and hilarious) lack of knowledge of astrology and the full moon energetics, but we bring much needed humor and FUN to the conversation as we attempt to learn in real time and illuminate that which we’re letting go of with the full moon. Plus, we touch on:The effect of social media consumption on our creation cycles, and the delicate balance between inspiration and comparisonWhat having a holistic view of nervous system dysregulation really meansOur personal experiences of disentangling from Christian and Catholic upbringing, and creating our own traditions, rituals and ceremonies around seasons and holidays Together we weave in so much and pull the threads of so many thoughts and interesting topics. Come laugh, learn and reflect with us. Connect with me on IG (@nicolepasveer) Connect with Lauren on IG (@nestandnourish) Resources mentioned: The Art of Ritual By Renee Beck & Sydney Barbara MetrickWheel of the Year: An Illustrated Guide to Nature’s Rhythms By Fiona Cook Recalibrate: the mothermind.  An intimate virtual mastermind for mother entrepreneurs hosted by Nicole (Join the waitlist)

You're listening to Rewild and Free. This is the go-to podcast for conscious and holistic mother entrepreneurs who are ditching society's to-do list for intentional living, freedom, and abundance, while creating impact and legacy in their home and business. If we haven't met yet, I'm Nicole Pasvir, your like-hearted mom friend and biz bestie wrapped in one. I'm an ex-nurse turned matrescence guide and business coach, leading women just like you into the new paradigm, where thriving in motherhood is your birthright and so is a successful and sustainable online business keep listening if you're ready to unsubscribe from patriarchal motherhood bro marketing and boss babe culture because in this space we use nature as our framework as we move

towards feminine embodied business development cyclical orientation and slow living together let's rewild and remember as we break free from survival and reconnect to what truly matters. Okay friend, steep your tea and take the most loving breath you've given to yourself today and let's go. Good morning. Hi. Hi, good morning. Nice to see you. Yeah yeah how has your weekend been it's the weekend yeah I know you don't really have your weekends or yeah my uh I have no sense of weekday weekend because my husband works on the weekends so our weekend feels like midweek Tuesday Wednesday kind of thing so yeah but yeah it's it's been good what did I do we went swimming yesterday or the day before um yeah we haven't we haven't done a whole lot just kind of staying home

and hanging out with family and you took um Zoe to gymnastics the first time earlier this week right yeah yeah that was so fun yeah she loved it she loved it it was was it just like a drop-in thing or are you starting an actual like program with her yeah it was like you can trial a class as a drop-in the first time and then you have to decide if you continue on so yeah we're gonna continue on um but yeah she loved it we went on the they had a big trampoline a big foam pit so she was just like jumping into this giant foam pit doing somersaults and yeah all kinds of stuff she loved it so that'll be a fun weekly outing for us yeah no that's awesome I've been like so resistant towards putting Aubrey in anything because I feel like up until kind of this age like I'd say two

and a half and three is kind of when it starts making sense but prior to that it all just felt like a money grab to me I'm like if I were to put her in like gymnastics or even like swimming lessons or like some little kids soccer sport thing like it's all parent involved so it's like I can do all that at home we have like all the things at home to do things like she has um foamy thingies and a climbing triangle and like I don't know so only now am I kind of like hmm I wonder if I should start looking into stuff she loves like dance and music so I would like to maybe look at something like that but again it's all parent parent like um what's the word not

parent-led but participation yeah and I'm like that's not actually helpful for me right now maybe I can send her with a grandparent yeah yeah I agree like I we had so in a like a soccer thing probably like six months ago and it was too early like it was yeah there was a lot of like she would have been like just two-ish like just oh yeah a little bit older than two yeah a lot of just like clinging to my leg and not wanting to participate and it's like well why are we here but it was so funny paid for like it made me wonder if it is just a drop-in and like it's yeah but I was looking at some of them and some of them are like several hundred dollars I'm like I don't think I'm prepared to pay that when exactly like she's just going to cling to my leg. We go to our local library quite a bit.

They have like a. I guess it's a play area. It's not like an indoor playground, but it's like they have like tables set up with like different puzzles and Lego and like different age range stuff. So we go there a bit and Aubrey likes to kind of follow big kids around. So that works. But yeah, other than that, I haven't really put her in anything structured yet. What else is going on with you?

What else is going on with me? I feel like, yeah, today is definitely the weekend because Dylan is home on Saturday and Sunday so it feels different we went on a little brunch date yesterday which was nice we don't like go out very often um just the two of us um and like the times that we have gone out since Aubrey's been born it's been like a quick dinner or something so brunch felt a little bit different because it wasn't like a cozy like dinner spot with like a glass of wine it was like this is still like middle of the day I'm thinking about my to-do list we're like kind of running errands like we went and returned some stuff after

but like that was also still really fun and um enjoyable to obviously spend time with him but not have to be momming because like this age is just like uh like I love it's honestly my favorite season of motherhood so far but it is also like the hardest season of motherhood and I feel like we kind of isolate ourselves because I just get so much anxiety going out with her like transitions are super hard so getting her back in the car taking her anywhere she does not cling to my leg when we're out in public she wants to just like run she's totally one of those kids that like if I was one of those parents she'd be on a leash but I'm not one of those parents so instead she's just a mile ahead of me um and yeah when Dylan and I

go out with her like it it's there's no present time together so it was nice to be able to enjoy a meal together without having to parent um so that was yesterday we're getting like dump dumps of snow um and I I sound surprised but like this happens every year here in Calgary like we always get a March spring snow and it's like a different kind of snow it's really um light I guess I don't even know I don't even know what makes snow light versus heavy maybe the temperature and the moisture content I don't know yeah um but like literally like a foot of snow and it just keeps falling um while two weeks ago all of our snow finally melted from winter so it's a little bit disheartening because it's like ah spring was here and now it's gone but at the same time the moisture is so so good for um the earth so I'm really kind of sinking into the gratitude

around that um instead of the frustration of ah the nice warm weather is gone and I can't go for like a nice leisurely walk because I don't go outside when it's snowy I am not a winter person you need to move to Vancouver Island no I live I very much live in the wrong part of the world um I know that I've known that basically since the day I was born I do not like any winter activities um what else is going on for me I feel like I'm finally, finally feeling ready to start talking about Recalibrate again. And that's really exciting. Those that don't know, Lauren was in the first iteration of Recalibrate last year. It was absolutely beautiful. It is my mastermind, my mothermind, which is a mastermind for mother entrepreneurs. from other entrepreneurs and I've been meeting some resistance with relaunching it and like the timeline of it and my own um I think just like shit that I have to work through before I can do it again and at first I was attached to kind of having it be back to back and running it twice a year so the the next round would have started back in December. That was like very clear in my

body that that was a no. So I released all of my attachment to that. And then I kind of moved the date till to March. It was going to be like the spring equinox. So just last week. And again, same kind of resistance. It just was not time. I would have been forcing it. I would have been putting just too much. Yeah, like force into something that wasn't ready. And finally, again, releasing that date, it's now feeling like a big exhale for my body. And I think it's supposed to start again in June, just like it did last year. There's a reason, like, it's funny how as soon as you kind of get your mind into things, and you you start trying to micromanage it and try to um logic your way

through it and I think for me there was a bit of a well I want this to be kind of my my I don't know like signature offer for lack of a better word and so I'm going to run it twice a year and like the attachment of it being like my one main thing was so constricting and like suffocating so just releasing all of that and allowing it to flow through me and um just leaning into recalibrate as its own like separate entity which is how I saw it from the very beginning and allowing it to kind of just help guide me with how it wants to be created and how it wants to be birthed this year so that's feeling really good because I've yeah just kind of like raised my hands and like Kate like whenever it's time because again the other thing is you know this like Dylan just transition jobs he left his

very stable and secure nine to five and has joined the dark side of entrepreneurship and so there's a lot of financial insecurity for us and that is like it's not us getting stuck in a scarcity mindset it is the reality that we don't know what kind of money is coming in in the next couple of months so I think again I was putting so much pressure on myself to oh well then I need to like force this and get it out there sooner and all the things and so, just full body exhale to release some of that and just kind of like trust that like, it's all going to unfold exactly as it's supposed to, just like it did the first time and the right people that are supposed to

be in it are going to come into my world. Like it's all just going to align just as it's supposed to. I keep showing up and putting myself out there and talking about it so yeah so yeah that's feeling good because I feel like even like two weeks ago there was still a lot of friction around oh my god like I need to start talking about this thing if I really want to be launching it soon and so yeah just moving it back even farther feels really good and I think that's actually a really important conversation to maybe normalize because I think it can be really easy to be like, oh, well, you're just like self-sabotaging or giving up or I don't even know what other language might be used around it. And I had shared earlier on my Instagram stories this week that you and I experienced a bit of a flop with our women's

circle that we wanted to host for the spring equinox and again I really felt pulled to share some of that online and kind of normalize that this happens and it's not actually a flop it's not actually a fail no it has nothing to do with our worthiness and who we are as awesome human beings and has nothing to do with how epic that circle would have been had people have signed up and um for me like just really leaning into the universal universal protection that I see in all of it and I had still been sick I'm honestly still kind of sick this is like two it'll be two weeks tomorrow I can't believe it um but like it just was not the right time we I think we both would have been

I don't know I don't I can't speak for you I know for me, I would have been overriding my body to show up for that call. And I feel like I've done so much work to kind of undo some of that, that I'm glad that, I don't know, I don't even know. It's just really interesting because again, it can be so, so quick to allow our minds to go like, oh, well, that was a fail. Something was wrong with with you something was wrong with the messaging so like whatever the story is and the thing is those are just stories yeah yeah and I'm actually so surprised that like I'm surprised at my own um lack of an internal dialogue about it all this time yeah like you kind of had this like really strong inner peace throughout the whole process you're like well if it if people sign up cool if people don't cool like you yeah it was like this beautiful um yeah there was never

any strong attachment to an outcome like you were literally just along for the ride well and and it just felt like play to me and I feel like yeah what it should all feel like right when you're trying to create something and birth something into the world yeah if it's coming from this playful energy and you're not attached to the outcome then it's allowed to grow and morph and change and flop or whatever word you want to put on it right well and I think that playful energy also makes it that much easier to get back up and do it again yeah because there was no um yeah like it you you didn't make it mean anything about you so it's just like okay let's try it again like there's that playful innocent curiosity and I love that I think I don't even remember if I verbalized that I think that was

kind of one of my intentions um I don't know if I verbalized it in our last call but I know kind of just for this year one of my big intentions is really leaning into that like playful and like not playful in the sense of like everything has to be fun, but playful in the sense that like there's this flow and there's this just like less tension that I am self-inflicting I feel like my whole life I've made things harder than they need to be so yeah there's like an ease to it and I don't know how I got here because that is certainly not how I've been I've had a lot of my own like self-sabotage and like worry about launching things and releasing things and actually like putting myself out there so I don't know what's changed and I'm not going to overanalyze it but I'm just going to know that something has changed and yeah it feels good so I'm just going to roll with it

and see what happens and maybe it's just like a cyclical thing as well um and maybe I'll I'm sure I'll be back to you know having those other stories pop up in the future and that's fine but I feel like right now I have like a little bit more capacity to kind of tolerate it all um I shouldn't even say to tolerate like just more capacity to to be with it all um yeah it's interesting how the word tolerate comes into that because we I think for both of us as like nervous system nerds we see it as this window of tolerance. So it's like, I have more tolerance, but like that, you're right. That isn't really the right word for it.

I'd like to reflect something back to you just as like your friend and witnessing creation move through you. I don't remember when you were in Mexico, was it middle of February? Yeah. remember when you were in Mexico was it middle of February uh yeah yeah I feel like when you came back from Mexico you I mean very clearly had said oh my god I needed that so much and that rest and that kind of like deep unplug from social media and consuming and all of it like when you came back from that you came back so refreshed and it was almost like the the really beautiful tender flame in your belly was reignited and um like the passion was there again and I think when the passion's there that brings in

more fun and play and joy and I feel like ever since then you have kind of moved through life with a little bit less tension and friction and And like, I see that in just the way you've been showing up online in your stories. And then of course, like the women's circle in person that you held with Judith and like leading up to that. And even you and I in the creation of finally doing this podcast series, like very easily could have attached to some stories and kind of like slowed us down and I know we both commended ourselves last episode for how how effortlessly we pulled this together because it was kind of um not like us um but so yeah I'm just kind of like reflecting and witnessing that that's kind of been your new story for like the past almost like what is that six weeks yeah so I wonder if like the secret is

that deep rest that you finally allowed yourself to have because I don't think you've experienced that since being a mom yeah it's true yeah and I just, I was, I developed a really bad relationship with scrolling Instagram and just comparing myself to other people. And I'm following too many people that are doing things similar to me, which we talk about this all the time too. Like there's a level of inspiration, but when does that kind of turn into these, like the sister wound, this like feelings of inadequacy.acy and and then you start you know see seeing people doing things that you want to do and you're like oh well what's the point I don't need to even try um because someone's doing it and they're probably doing it better than

me but so I was really kind of stuck in this like this over consumption mode and it was just completely blocking me from my own creativity and my own ability to put anything out into the world and to show up. So yeah, I think that's what, you know, going on vacation really did for me. I seriously unplugged from my phone. I didn't even look at it almost the entire time we were there. And then when we got back, I was so committed to, you know, not letting myself get back into that kind of spiral. And I think I've done okay. I'm certainly kind of edging back towards, you know, the endless scroll once in a while, but I'm much more conscious of it and mindful of it. And yeah, I'll probably even use this little check in and your beautiful recognition of this. Thank you for that um I'll use this as another little kind of little nice little love

love tap to the face to to like yeah just be a little more conscious about it again because you're right there has been you know really good outcomes from that so why would I why would I let myself kind of fall back into that pattern so yeah I love you. Yeah, it is nice to be able to bring your awareness to the evidence of like, yeah, there have actually been some positive outcomes. And it is what's the word I'm looking for? Like you're able to almost like see the fruits of your harvest, right? Like the discomfort potentially of being on your phone less. And I don't even know if that is, like, I don't know what the process has been since you've been back. I know I can speak for myself. Like I have been untangling my relationship with social media quite heavily for, I'd say like the

past six or seven months. And it goes in seasons um I see improvement and then I kind of get dip right back into old tendencies and I can recognize that when I have those dips and I fall back to old tendencies it's often because like other needs aren't being met and so again I'm I'm using social media as that I don't even know what it is. If it's like this gap filler of like, this is what I'm kind of trying to explore is like when I noticed myself kind of doing the autopilot scroll and I don't like doom scroll. Like when I'm scrolling, it is positive and like it, it doesn't necessarily make me feel bad, but it pulls me out of my own inner world. And that spirals this, what we kind of call inspiration, but really it's not inspiration because it's pulling us out of

our own inner world. So instead of hearing my own magic inside of me, I'm now just seeing everyone else's and eventually that turns into oh I'm not good enough or like she's doing it better or oh I wish I could articulate myself that way it's not even so much like I'm not good enough it's just like oh my god everyone around me is just so amazing yes yes like and so that's where we kind of um hi Aubrey that's where it gets really confusing because we could we tell ourselves oh I'm just so inspired like that person is so inspiring I look up to her like and so that must be a good person to follow but this is where it gets I think I don't know where Zoe is um this is where it gets

a little bit slippery because that that quickly can teeter into all the things we've just kind of talked about in those stories that we can talk like, yeah, I got distracted now that Aubrey's on my lap. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And it's, it's funny. I'm trying to think of like, what else has changed for me? And I guess the biggest thing is that, yeah, like I started thyroid medication and I keep forgetting that that's like a major thing that has changed in my life. And don't worry for all the crunchy people out there who are like, you know, like doing a big like, oh, gross, like, oh, medication, big pharma. Oh, my God. It's OK. I'm OK, guys. I'm I'm okay don't worry I'm well informed it's all good um but yeah it has honestly been I haven't really shared much about this but I have Hashimoto's um which is like an autoimmune version of hypothyroidism uh my mom has it my grandmother

has it there's very much a strong genetic link here, but yeah, it's been interesting to notice the difference in myself since starting the medication. I'm on very low doses. It's so crazy because it's not like I have all of a sudden some like artificial energy. It's like all of a sudden, I tried to explain this to my husband last night. And I said something like, it's not like energy has been added. It's like the heaviness of my fatigue has gone away. So it's like not just like caffeinated, weird, buzzy energy. It's just like an exhale. Like I feel like I can relax.

I'm much more calm. I'm much more happy. I'm much more motivated. I don't feel like I have ADD anymore. So it's so interesting to see how all of this kind of ties together. And if we're talking about like, holistic beings, right? I think we all so easily get so stuck in our little silos, right? And think that, you know, if I'm having trouble launching something, it's because I'm, you know, my nervous system is dysregulated.

Well, sure. Yeah. But there's lots of other things that also contribute to that, right? Like, what are you eating? What's your thyroid doing? You know, are you, there's, there's just so much, and we all get so kind of sucked into this idea that it's like, there's one perfect kind of medicine for you, you know, whatever that medicine is, when it really is a, a holistic kind of thing. So yeah, so that's been another just big change in my life. And I can't be like, oh, no, that's not playing a part when it is most definitely playing a part. And I'm so Yeah, it's a layer. It's like, it's like a thread to like your own tapestry of self. I just kind of had like this like garden visual as you were

sharing all that and you and I like use garden metaphors all the time but um like much like a garden when you're planting whatever you're planting you it's not just about like oh how much water is it getting or how much sun is it getting it's all the other things around it too it's how fertile is the soil before you've been planted it's um how's like the drainage system for the water you are giving it how what is the relationship with the plants around it like what are you yeah what's the soil health yeah yeah um yeah and then of course like what's happening around it in like the the actual like context of nature and sun and rain and wind and hail and um like it's all of it right and it's like the humidity and like it's obviously I'm here in Calgary I

can't plant palm trees um that's a bad example because I don't think you can either but yeah we can yeah there's palm trees that's cool I can't I can't plant palm trees here. Oh, okay, that's cool. I can't plant palm trees here. I don't even think I could grow like watermelon if I tried. So like stuff like that, just recognizing that like there's more to it than just perfect water and perfect soil and perfect sun exposure. Like it's all of it.

Yeah, and it's funny, earlier you said that like this phase of toddlerhood is kind of feels like the hardest phase for you and it's funny because best and the best for sure yeah yeah um but it's funny for me like I love this phase like this feels so much easier to me than I don't even remember the newborn phase and I keep trying to think of why and I just think it's like do you think you are ahead of me in the phase I oh for sure yeah I tell myself that yeah I think you are one phase ahead of me yeah because they're about six months apart right I think yeah just shy of that yeah yeah yeah oh yeah I also barely remember the newborn phase but yeah I feel like right now

we're like in the thick of toddler and I think we're on the cusp of, yeah, yeah. Probably when there's a little bit more like rational thought possible. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it's funny, like it's, it's also, it's me, right. It's my internal, it's my lack of severe dysregulation that I had, you know, throughout most of postpartum up until probably like 18 or more, even two years. So yeah, it's just, it's just interesting to pay attention to all of that. And a big part of me kind of wishes that I would have like had medication back then and got my thyroid all sorted out sooner and, you you know had all these like nervous system regulation tools you know even before pregnancy um but yeah I don't know what why I'm rambling on about this now I've lost my connection here I love the ramblin I think like this is just important

conversation that like needs to be had in the motherhood space yeah I mean we've talked we've talked about this in previous conversations where there's just such a harsh duality around things right it's like there's still a lot of binary black and white thinking and even in like I don't know a good example is like the crunchy mom groups right like you have to do all these things in order to be crunchy um and like some of those things are actually quite radical and like not supportive to I want to say kind of like modern day life if that's not your usual way of living so that in itself like trying to get yourself all the way over there can be dysregulating on its own and I I think there's, I'm going to ramble now. There's like, I don't know, so much talk about like the physical stuff, what you're eating and

what you're consuming in the context of like what skincare you're using or what kind of sunscreen you put on your kid or what candles you're burning in your house. And yeah, all of that stuff is really important. But again, if we're looking at it truly from a holistic lens and through a holistic perspective like we have to be looking at what's the mental chatter around that how much stress are you putting yourself into try to eat 100 organic or die free or whatever it is that you're going towards and how is your nervous system responding to those changes and I would argue that at a certain point like those radical changes aren't actually supportive if your nervous system can't hold it yeah and everybody wants to do all those changes so quickly and all at once and your nervous

system loves slowness right like little sips at a time of something new so that you can maintain that sense of safety as you go. And I just think, yeah, we're in a time of such extremes in general. It's like you're one or the other. And we've kind of talked about this too, like the extremes of like the free birthing movement, you know, where it's like, it's almost reactionary to how terrible, you know, our modern maternity care has been and all of the birth trauma and the way women are treated and maternal death rates and all of that. It's like this really intense reaction to that. And it's like swung the entire other way where it's like, well, then, you know, now I need to birth absolutely alone, all by myself without any help. And that puts me up on a pedestal somehow. So it's just so interesting to see how all these things play out, both like on a small level and on a macro level.

I feel like we can dedicate a whole episode to that conversation. Yeah. But just coming back to like that reactionary response. And I think once you can kind of like zoom out and see it, you can't unsee it in other realms. And I know like for me, like that's kind of become a big passion of mine in the business space is again, seeing that really reactionary, that harsh pendulum swing of, okay, on one side, there's kind of the traditional bro marketing boss babe culture that is quite frankly like there's a lot of toxic masculinity there's a lot of um just other systems of oppression kind of tangling its way into that side of things and I think for a lot of heart-led uh women entrepreneurs especially those kind of in more of like the service-based industry, yeah, space, right, so like doulas, like coaches, stuff like that, we're experiencing a lot of friction with that side, it's like, yeah, that's not working, so then that strong reaction is to move all the way to the other side,

the more like feminine-led, fluffy, woo-woo woo gonna like rub crystals together and just like look hard to like that's my strategy and basically like no strategy and it's all very like heavy with intuition and all of that and like energetics and like I love all that stuff don't get me wrong but this is a big reason why recalibrate was created is because I saw this harsh pendulum swing in the business space and it's like wait a minute we need to kind of find a center, we don't need to be on either radical side, either extreme. And then the other kicker is that that center point is going to be different for you, it's going to be different for me. And it's going to be different for like each season of our life. So as soon as we get attached to like one so-called strategy it's very likely not going

to work in like the next season of motherhood because like look at you the capacity and tolerance you have right now in terms of what you can kind of pour out of your business is very different than what you would have been able to do a year ago um and I mean yeah I mean I could go on and on and on but yeah well no it's interesting reality of like the polarizing sides is everywhere like seriously once you see it you can't unsee it it's everywhere yeah and I feel like we kind of together um experience that in business right we started in a program that was very like masculine strategy led and then we both kind of like no we're strategy lists we don't need any business strategy at all we're just going to follow our feminine and let it guide us and just float and

like yeah drift through life um yeah and now and did it work you have, do you have a six figure business, Lauren? Cause I don't work. Yeah. Um, and it's, it's been neat for us both to kind of like come to this realization that like, no, that's not it either. And then slowly kind of find our way back to center, uh, for each of us. And we do this with everything, right? Like you're talking about it from your perspective, which is business. And from my perspective in the, in, in a more like kind of nervous system regulation way, we do it with that too. It's like, Oh, I'm so disrespected. I'm an angry mom. Um, I'm raging all the time. So I need to learn these nervous system tools. I'm going to go cold plunge for five minutes every morning it's like whoa whoa that probably isn't gonna be supportive if you've never done any nervous

system yeah and just that's the last thing your body needs yeah yeah so stressful in a different way yeah and like and and it's just interesting I lost my train of thought where'd it go sorry I got really excited about that that's okay example because I see it everywhere it's like why I totally understand the benefits but again much like a totally organic diet free diet like if your nervous system is getting jacked up just to be able to get to that outcome then it's defeating the purpose yeah yeah yeah and like even we get mixed up with the idea of what regulation even is. It's like, oh, regulation means I'm just like a robot and calm at all times. And I don't get to experience any big emotions and that's not it either. So it's like, you're swinging

from I'm raging and angry and now I'm just going to be numb. And it's like, that's not it. It's, it's in the middle. It's you're able to tolerate it all a little bit more, a little bit easier. Yeah. So it's like being able to like learn how to ride a surfboard and actually like surf the waves. So it's not about getting rid of the waves. It's like, how can we actually like ride these things and not let them completely derail us.

That's it right there. That's like the best description of what like somatic coaching, nervous system regulation, nervous system, riding the waves. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. Where are you in your cycle? I mean, I think I know. Oh, yeah, we totally like went off track there. But I love that. Like, I'm really excited to see where these episodes take us when we don't have a really tight structure I think yeah on day 15 um and I've totally been leaning into the ovulatory energy I haven't necessarily noticed my creativity increase and actually it's funny that I just said that because I don't usually my creativity usually peaks more in my luteal phase um and in my ovulatory phase I definitely just have that like

fuzzy energy I'm definitely more motivated I'm having I have like this internal drive of like okay I actually want to like be seen I want people to like hear what I have to say. I want to start talking about things that I've kind of been keeping quiet. And even this morning I was laying in bed and I had like my train of thought was just on fire with like spicy comment after spicy comment. And of course, I've lost most of them. But it's like, man, I wish like that train of thought could like come up to play in the middle of the day when I can do an IG live or something not when I'm supposed to be sleeping but yeah so day 15 but then also like I said I think tomorrow's like two weeks since

I started getting sick and I'm definitely like getting better but I still have so much sinus congestion um and I'm probably not sleeping amazing. So I'm sure all of that is also impacting my energy. Um, and, uh, there's something else I was going to say, and I forget, I think just the overarching stress of finances in our household right now. Also, again, it's, it's it's so layered right like it's not just about like where are you at in your menstrual cycle and like how's that impacting your energy it's like okay what are all the other things that are also um having an impact um so yeah like it's just all of it and then in toddlerhood right now like it's it's just a lot you're in it yeah yeah and you're a couple days

yeah I think I'm on day 13 which is actually interesting we're getting closer and closer because my cycles are getting shorter and shorter I tend to go into like 34, 35 days long. And I think that's a thyroid medication. Your hormones are just leveling out. Yes. And I actually had, I don't know how much information, how deep we're going here, but my last period, like my last menstruation phase was amazing. It was like the lightest one I've had in years. And I usually have very heavy bleeding, which is all, it's all a cycle. That's amazing. It was like the lightest one I've had in years. Um, and I usually have very heavy bleeding,

which is all, it's all a cycle. That's amazing. Yeah. But it's all related, right? Like the thyroid, the testosterone, it's like this cycle of low iron and heavy bleeding. It's all connected. So it's been really neat to see that. Yeah. I've finally like found a kink in the chain that I can like fix and improve. Um, yeah, so it's been neat. So yeah, anyway, so my cycle is getting shorter and shorter, more, you know, air quotes, normal ish, whatever that means. Um, and yeah, so I'm on day 13. Um, I don't feel like I usually ovulate much later to like into day 20. Um, so I don't feel like I usually ovulate much later too like into day 20 um so I don't feel like I'm there yet I'm not feeling that shift I'm very much still feeling the early um follicular phase

kind of energy uh yeah so I don't know I yeah I'm I don't have much to say in that realm. I feel kind of just kind of stable, kind of, yeah, no big shifts right now. No big, yeah, just stable and generally quite happy, which is really nice. Stable is a beautiful word. And I think kind of like that neutrality of stability is boring and I think we again kind of that surfing analogy like we want the big waves because they're fun of course if you can actually ride them then they're fun but there is also something really beautiful about just like calmness stability boring like we need more of that because I think that's when we can actually rest and that's when we can actually like wait a minute what's going on in my inner world like

what's actually moving through me right now um yeah it's really hard to pay attention to all of that when we are riding a big wave yeah it's like riding the big waves is fun but so is floating on your surfboard looking at the sunset yeah yeah there we go I love it yeah there we go um okay let's let's kind of tie all this into the lunar cycle so uh basically we're we're leaning into the full moon energy right now um and I was actually this morning again while I was laying in bed having some spicy thoughts, I was also like, oh, Lauren and I are recording today. I guess we're going to be talking about the full moon. I don't know shit fuck about the full moon.

Like, I literally don't know. Like, I feel like, okay, new moon, we understand. That's for, like, intention setting. It's the beginning. It's kind of planting seeds. That makes sense. Full moon, like, my mind kind of understands it as obviously it's the brightest and it's kind of shining light on things and I the words of like potency and depth and power kind of come to mind

um and then kind of tying it into the other seasons so like I think full moon energy would mirror like summer so again just like full days um lots of energy um in menstrual cycle would go with ovulation so again just more of that energy more of that like potency and that drive to be seen um but that's kind of all I know. Like I, I don't know much more about it. Like, I don't know if, is it, is it, it's not really about reflection because reflection would come at the end of the cycle. Yeah. I mean, every, I don't know if, but yeah, what I understand is that yeah it's like peak energy like you said the brightest time it's shining a light full bloom but then after full bloom comes letting go and completion so it is like the completion of the cycle um so it's more of this like letting go energy like what do I want to release what's holding me back um that's my my very minimal

understanding and actually when you just said all that I can kind of feel into that I feel like yeah there's been this I can I can tap into the full bloom aspect of like light being like light is shining down on things and it's actually making things more clear for me so that I know what I want to let go of. It's like, okay, that's working, that's not. That's working, that's not. I feel like I'm experiencing that right now where there's just a lot of clarity in the sense of I don't want to do this anymore. Or I really like this. I want more of this.

And I don't necessarily, I didn't experience that say two weeks ago so maybe that's full moon full moon energy am I embodying it yeah I love that we get to just play with this like again we're not this this isn't our route like yeah it's no it's not fun it's yeah it's just and to make it more confusing like okay the full moon is in I don't even know because I didn't look it up before the call I know but we just entered Aries season so what the heck does that mean yeah I don't know I don't know how it actually actually works we need to get like an actual astrologist on here to give us a quick rundown. Maybe. Seriously, because yeah, how does that work? Like we just entered Aries season and there's a whole bunch of like stuff. I think we might even be in some like Mercury microwave situation.

And so that's impacting things. And then I think there's also a lunar eclipse right now yeah can you only have an eclipse with a full moon yeah and what does that mean we should we should google something right now let's actually like be smart for two seconds um March full moon because I think like I think this full moon's a big deal but i could not tell you why well okay so what i have is that it's a lunar eclipse in libra and it's about the scales of justice coming into balance and through facing our shadows and healing of past karma around relationship people pleasing and playing small This is coming from someone on Instagram. Story of my life.

Yeah, yeah. This is from someone called Oath Oracle on Instagram. And it just says, like, this clearing is not easy. Relational wounds are the core of almost all traumas and unhealthy patterning. The patterns run deep, and this eclipse will be pushing and triggering us to face the darkness so yeah her her question is like what are you letting go of at this full moon that feels

like such a big question I feel like for me I've just been noticing a lot of people pleasing tendencies and like a fond response in my nervous system come up when I feel like I had quote unquote healed parts of that. And so there's a teeny tiny bit of frustration that it's coming up again, but I can also hold space and recognize that it's coming up again because I'm kind of at this like new level and it's it's just illuminating opportunities and invitations for me to lean more into myself so I guess I would like to let go of that that very distorted need to appease other people and make other people happy and I mean I've been experiencing that even in my business quite loudly the past couple months of just wanting to make sure everyone is happy and wanting to almost like borderline like codependency. And again, now that that we should clarify, that healing something doesn't mean that it's gone forever. Healing something means that the next time it comes up and it will come up, you have a greater capacity to manage it.

So I think releasing that idea that, oh, I've healed this, I should never do it again. It should never happen again. I should always be able to not be the people pleaser. And that's just not, that's just not it. That's not how it works. And so much compassion for that. But really what it is showing you is that you are aware of it and that you have the tools and the means and the, the reflective capacity to, to get through it a lot easier now and a lot quicker now and make sense of it and and and move forward so yeah I just want to feeling does not mean that it's never gonna happen again you know yeah and it's funny because like you and I know that right like that's stuff that we like teach and coach it's

literally like the air that we breathe but it's often easier to see that and like coach that to someone else like obviously we are the hardest we're always like our toughest critic right so um yeah it kind of can sometimes feel like oh I must be doing something wrong then because it's I don't like I don't know it sounds so silly when I'm like speaking it out loud but I'm trying to like feel how internally like it does come back up and then there's almost a teeny tiny um like punch of shame of like oh you didn't do it good enough shame you. Shame on you for letting this back in. And it's like, no, no, no, no, no. Like, this is actually good. Like, it's almost like, can we celebrate when it comes back? Because it's, it's proof and it's validation and it's evidence that we are at a new level.

Right. That we're. Did you ever name your inner critic? Were we talking about that? No. Yeah. No, I, I, well, I think we've talked about about it and then I did like a whole story poll question box of like what other people have named theirs every because every luteal phase when she comes out and she's loud I do want to name her but I actually this is so funny and maybe other people can relate to this I don't think she's a she I think she is more of a I don't know like I guess a male um kind of living in that like bro marketing hustle patriarchal world um that's juicy which is really interesting too yeah I don't know that kind of got weird I don't know we should explore that in a session Nicole I have a hard time um naming her like anytime I think of a name I'm like oh no because what if like I come across someone that's named that or like what if

I do actually bring about someone that I know that's named like I and then I have this weird like well now I can't detach from that person it's just weird I need to name it like something that doesn't even correspond to like an English name yeah and I mean there's lots of different thoughts about this like naming it really like others it when in reality that your critic is you and and we're trying to reintegrate that into the whole right so naming it something else can sometimes feel a little like opposite to what you're trying to do yeah that's true yeah but trusting whatever feels right and feels right for for your little critic I think the the thought process around maybe it shouldn't even have like a female

name is just because I see when my inner critic is really loud it is holding on to a lot of stories that are deep in toxic masculinity so um yeah it's just more that like masculine essence and so then my mind kind of goes like masculine more male and that even in itself is way too black and white I don't want to go there yeah yeah um but it's interesting because a lot of time we think that these these parts of us are so like internally driven but they can be from external sources like it can be actually a male figure in your life that you know was always saying certain things to you it can be from the culture that you live in it can be from well I would argue that that internal part of us that internal I think you said like the internal driven part is created from external imprints and conditioning right like through the first seven-ish years of our life um and I think my logical mind kind of sees past that and then sees it as like a systemic conditioning and what systems

were at play to create that inner voice and so again that's where like the toxic masculinity comes in for me anyways that was another yeah how did we get here coming back to that question of like what are you wanting to let oh yeah did anything come up for you um I think first I need to reflect on how impactful coming together on that new moon and just setting those few intentions like I don't even remember what I said but I know that it was all around like um what's the word I'm looking for um community not community collaboration collaboration thank you that's the one um yeah it was around like collaboration and connecting with other people and I'm just amazed at just by putting my attention on that, you know, a few weeks ago, how, how many things have happened? Like I've, so I ran that mother's circle. I don't know if that was before

or after, but I made new connections. Yeah. Yeah. So made new, beautiful connections through that. Um, and then I've, I've made some random new connections in the city that I live in, which I haven't really been able to do. I've been very kind of isolated, but self inflicted since we moved here like five, six years ago. So I finally feel like I'm finding a little bit of community here, which has been so nice. I'm putting myself out there. I'm attending, I'm attending somebody else's women's circle next week in my little town. So I'm so excited about there. I'm attending somebody else's women's circle next week in my little town. So I'm so excited about that.

So it was really neat to just notice myself taking action and trying to create connection because of that intention that I set. And I think it just shows the power of these little rituals. And ritual really is just like adding intention to anything that you're doing so I love that we're doing this and I can already see the power of it so all of that to say

I'm loving all the community that I'm building it's I've been having amazing conversations in my dms with people like connecting with with with people and um it's really sparked a lot of creativity around something that I want to create so I've been really diving into that and it's all around this idea of community and connection so yeah I I've just loved what has come from setting those intentions a few weeks ago so what am I letting go of hmm yeah I guess just oh it's so interesting like nothing there's nothing like bubbling at the surface you know it's not like I feel like I'm gonna have to dig for something I also wonder again because this is so like multi-layered right you you identified that you're still kind of in that follicular energy so internally you're not even in

the obvious ovulatory full bloom yeah shining yeah full moon energy so maybe it hasn't been revealed to you yet yeah um it's so interesting when you kind of just start dissecting it all I love that because because because again we start to get so caught up in like oh I'm gonna follow the rhythm of the moon or I'm gonna follow the rhythm of my cycle and then it's like wait but all these things are happening at the same time and they're in different phases and how do we blend it all together and I think it's just a beautiful reminder that you can't get stuck in someone else's or something else's timeline or strategy or, you know what I mean? And it all has to come back to, well, what's happening inside for you? Is that

different? It's not wrong. It's just what's happening for you and just becoming so attuned to yourself and to what is happening. So I think that's a beautiful reminder, really. And you're right. Yeah. Why do I need to come up with something if it's not ready yet? It's not. You don't. But I would be curious if in a couple of days, if something does kind of reveal itself to you, you'll have to intention setting and setting ritual. I know like for us, creating this podcast series, having these semi-consistent check-ins was about creating a bit of ritual for us. put language I guess to the fact that like ritual I mean for me I've never necessarily resonated with that word it's felt a little bit woo it's felt a little bit witchy it's felt a little bit if I'm setting a ritual if I'm going to like start taking part in rituals then that might mean that I need this like perfectly curated altar and um the right deck of like I don't know it just starts getting a little bit complex because I think sometimes again we um just kind of look at

the extremes of things right yeah and for me just bring it back to well no truly ritualizing something is about bringing intention and kind of creating space for that moment in time, you could say. Bringing attention and awareness to what's going on in like your inner world and your external world. really magnifying how potent the fact that like where we put our attention like where our attention go where our attention goes grows right so the the impact of ritualizing things bringing attention to things is really about fine-tuning and attuning where our attention is and that's where the manifestations kind of come is because of that energetic universal um just like the energetics of like where your attention is grows I keep repeating the same thing but yeah yeah yeah and I've been um I just started reading that declaration it's also like the

declaration to the universe like this is what I want this is what I'm available for and so that's opening you up to receive it yeah yeah and I think um and I think like you mentioned that even the word ritual kind of brings up some interesting feelings. And I think a lot of that is related to the fact that like, you know, that witch wound that, you know, our foremothers were probably severely punished, um, for, for doing ritual in whatever way. Yeah. Yeah.

So then bad I know for me um coming from a Christian um I wouldn't even say household because I don't necessarily consider the household I grew up in to be super Christian but definitely like a Christian community um going to a private Christian school a lot lot of my friends having very religious families, all of that has put great imprints and conditioning into my system to kind of hold on to these stories that, ooh, maybe this isn't allowed. Maybe this is bad. Maybe this, because in the past, like in religion, in christianity um some of that stuff has been demonized before but it's so funny because it is so funny it's so like i mean we

again a whole episode could be done on this about like the history and like how so much nuance is lacking and how history has really distorted the true meaning of a lot of these things that we're kind of unraveling right now but it's funny because religion is so full of ritual like I come from a catholic household we drank the body of Christ because someone said it was the body of Christ like and we ate little pieces of they tasted like cardboard because it was bread yeah the bread yeah so it's just so funny that it's like ritual has become this like witchy condemn. And then like you pray, what is it, the rosary, the beads? Yeah, yeah.

You're basically rubbing beads together, but it's demonized to like play with crystals. Exactly, exactly. It's just like oppressor and oppressed. It's who's got the louder voice here and so that kind's okay and this kind's not but it's all about um kind of like you said we're we're adding intention to what we're doing we're adding intention and giving meaning we're making meaning yeah we're meaning i love that yeah when I think part of that intention and meaning making also coincides with dot connecting and the dot connecting comes from the questioning and like non-judgmental curiosity really beginning to ask like why are we doing things this way and beginning

to challenge the way it's always been done. I know that's been a really big part of my journey. Like that's really how it all started is with that curiosity. Yeah. There's a good quote in this book I'm reading. It says, ritual is a tool to focus our attention on meaning. This is a skill we can develop to enhance each moment of our lives. To be truly present in our own lives is an ability we must develop if we are to continue building a foundation of relatedness and beauty in a world that can seem so divided and in pain. And that's from a book called The Art of Ritual. That sounds like a good book. I'm reading it now. I also really appreciated that they're calling it a skill that needs to be kind of built and practiced, which I think takes, at least for me, it kind of gives that full body exhale.

Like, okay, this isn't something that is potentially supposed to be innate and feel supernatural. I think for some people it does if like your ancestral lineage has set you up for that. But if it hasn't, it's okay that this is a skill that needs to be learned. And it might take some unlearning and untangling to be able to get there. And yeah, letting go of this idea that it has to look like something. Like I think when you think of ritual, it's like, oh, well, I I have to have an altar and I have to put random feathers on my altar it's like no ritual can mean that every time we sit down to do this we each light a candle first yeah like that is ritual it's something that we're doing together with intention and a purpose um yeah so ritual gets to be whatever you want it to be and And it doesn't have to look like, you know, some witchy thing or some religious thing or, yeah, yeah.

That leads me to ask, what are you, we're heading into Easter, what are your Easter rituals? Yeah, I've been thinking about this a lot. Me too, because we, again, coming from a Christian background, honestly, I don't actually, I couldn't even tell you what like traditions or rituals around Easter we had because the things we did were just very mainstream. This is what you do on Easter. So I got a chocolate bunny and maybe there was an Easter egg hunt and there was probably a family dinner, but there was no intention behind it. It's like, we're just doing this because society tells you that's what you should do on Easter. Yeah. Yeah. Similar to me as well. And I grew up Catholic. So there was a lot of like going to church on Easter and eating big meals as a big family so that was yeah a nice piece of it like the connection the community um and honestly I think I've been like untangling Easter with Catholicism

so these last number of years before Zoe was born we didn't even like both Cohen and I we didn't even acknowledge Easter we're like oh that's not something we celebrate. It's not our thing. I have no connection to it. But now, you know, last year I think we did like an Easter egg hunt with Zoe, but I'm still lacking the language to, to describe it in like a secular way. Like, I don't want to talk about Jesus. I don don't there's nobody is dying and resurrecting in our home like no that's just not the story for us and that's great that it's for other people of course but that's just not not for us but I just bought a book called the wheel of the year um okay cool yeah it's a really where is it it's a really beautiful book I don't know why well and so the wheel of the year in terms of like Easter and spring

equinox like all of that is around fertility and that's where the tradition of like eggs comes in yeah the the symbolism that's another word we haven't really untangled the symbolism that comes in ritual and ceremony and so eggs being a symbol for fertility and like newness um and that's I think where the easter egg hunt would have come from yeah and there was something by these I assume to also have that symbolic meaning of fertilities right you uh yeah I don't need to make a sex joke there. Someone else can just finish the thought. Oh, and in this book, it talks about, yeah, so hares, sometimes, yes, but different. Hares build nests like homes by flattening tall grass, and sometimes a ground nesting bird will take over a hare's nest and lay its eggs in there which may explain the legend of the easter bunny

a bunny who carries a basket of colorful eggs so the easter bunny is laying the nest for the eggs oh my goodness it's like full body tingles yeah yeah so cool and the collaboration yeah and i mean for a lot of people you know all of this is related to like pagan, you know, kind of understanding of the world. And the reason I like it is because it's like it says an illustrated guide to nature's rhythm. Like it's just so connected to nature. And that's what I can connect with. Yeah. Nature is God to me me like that's my understanding um and really what's this is called the wheel of the year it's called the wheel of the year an illustrated guide to nature's rhythms it's like a kid it's meant for like older kids I think and there's like

activities in it and yeah I am just an older kid I was telling my husband yesterday on our brunch date because we're both turning 30 this year and so many people are surprised to hear that I'm only turning 30 because I'm basically like a little granny. But I was saying to him, like, hey, do you feel like 30? Like, what age do you feel like? And he is like, I don't know, I don't't think about that stuff because he truly doesn't think about that stuff and I'm like oh okay well I either feel like I'm like 36 or 12 like there's no in between I either feel like I'm still just kind of this like not little girl but like yeah kind of like early adolescent pre-adolescent still kind of looking up at everyone and thinking oh my god like there's so much potential and beauty in this world I can't wait to become them which kind of mimics what I was saying about the internal um stories I kind of hold around inspiration and scrolling online it's not so much about me not being enough it's about seeing everyone else is

so much bigger than me which is so so interesting, because that really kind of, yeah, explains the 12 year old that I still kind of feel like I am. And then or kind of like 36 to 40, like late 30s, where it's just so interesting. I don't feel my age. Yeah, it's so funny to think about like I'm I'm gonna be 35 this year which like none of my birthdays it's not like oh turning 30 was a big deal turning 25 was a big deal like none of it felt like a big deal but for some reason 35 feels like a big deal to me it feels like I'm crossing over into a different phase of life and yeah yeah, and when I think about it, it's like, I think I just feel, I feel 30. I think 30 is the age that I feel

kind of a maturity of 30, life experience. And it just kind of stopped there. I've stopped counting at 30. So if anyone asks, I'm 30. Okay. Yeah, again, it's just so interesting to think about how kind of society defines these certain age milestones right and I think 30 potentially would be one of them 35 would not be right 35 is one that people would just um blink twice and it's over or even like intentionally

try to skip um but this again just kind of shows how how beautiful it is to bring intention and to make meaning and add ritual and ceremony and just really feel into okay I'm actually feeling um a pull to allow this this this milestone to have importance to me yeah and you get to define that yeah yeah yeah and I mean that's what like ceremony and ritual is it's defining like beginnings endings transitions yeah that makes me think of kind of like oh we could talk forever more because now my mind is like well now we just talk about like rites of passage and how that really marks like the beginning and the end of something and like the start of something new and for so many women like we are kind of in this incompleted

rite of passage especially around motherhood oh i keep going on yes all the more reason we need ritual in our life because it really does help to complete some of those incompleted rites of passages in our life I don't even know how long we've been talking we've gone in every direction I know I'm thinking about like writing the description for this episode it's it's gonna be hard yeah yeah this is exactly what I was kind of envisioning for these conversations though right like sometimes it's going to be a little bit scattered like this sometimes maybe we will have an intention and go deep into one of these tangents that we've kind of scratched the surface

on but this is the kind of stuff that you and I literally talk for hours about yeah yeah this is how we roll this is how it goes yeah I love it is there anything else that's coming up for you or are you feeling complete for this episode um yeah we didn't really finish the chat around Easter it sounds like neither of us have answers to what we would like Easter to look like in our household. And I think that that in itself is allowed, right? It can take potentially several years, several Easters to create the tradition. I think if we just continue to go at each milestone, Easter, holiday holiday whatever you want to call it if we approach it with that intention of i am open to kind of setting new uh traditions and just kind of um yeah pulling in

different sources sources of inspiration and and learning more about like you just read about the hair uh flattening the grass for the birds to lay a nest and that's where the eggs come like when we can start to learn those things that can open up our hearts and our minds to new ideas of what we want it to look like yeah yeah yeah I think it's feeling feeling I mean somewhat complete we like pulled the thread of so many different things but um yeah so maybe that's it for today yeah I think that's perfect and I like the the mystery that has now sprouted because some of those threads have been pulled just a little bit loose I love that yeah yeah lots of interesting things to think about yeah all righty thanks Lauren as usual

I would love to hear for those that are listening if any of these threads we've just pulled on um it guides anything and if so like message us we would love to include you in the conversation we'd love to hear what what is unraveling for you and maybe what is landing or not landing what yeah just anything yeah yeah come come chat with us I love nothing more than to have real conversation connection around this stuff all right well we'll see you hear you whatever see you hear you next time on the new moon yes exactly okay bye Lauren bye okay before you go I just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to listen to this episode if you were thinking of anyone while listening please send it their way and if anything resonated with you or you love these conversations

please subscribe and leave a review this really helps the podcast algorithms put my show in front of more people just like you and the last thing I would love nothing more than hearing from you so say hi dm me on instagram and give me a follow at Nicole Pazvera. Until next time.