REWILD + FREE - 49. DISSOLVING SHAME AROUND TECHNOLOGY USE AS MOTHER ENTREPRENEURS (IG Live April 3/24)

Episode Date: April 3, 2024

This might be a bit of an unpopular opinion but like everything, I think more nuance needs to be part of the conversation around technology/social media use as moms. As always, I'd love to hear what lands for you or what this conversation stirs up Connect with me on IG (@nicolepasveer) ..CURRENT WAYS TO WORK WITH ME:Join HELD - my monthly membership community (only $44/month) for conscious + curious women entrepreneurs desiring a landing place for integration, self exploration, and regenerative biz strategy Join the waitlist for Recalibrate - my annual 6 month long mothermind (aka mastermind) for mother entrepreneurs ditching boss babe bull sh*t for a biz that breathes with every season She Thrives Private Mentorship - very limited spots available >>CLICK HERE TO APPLY TO BE A GUEST ON THE SHOW

You're listening to Rewild and Free. This is the go-to podcast for conscious and holistic mother entrepreneurs who are ditching society's to-do list for intentional living, freedom, and abundance, while creating impact and legacy in their home and business. If we haven't met yet, I'm Nicole Pasvir, your like-hearted mom friend and biz bestie wrapped in one. I'm an ex-nurse turned matrescence guide and business coach, leading women just like you into the new paradigm, where thriving in motherhood is your birthright and so is a successful and sustainable online business keep listening if you're ready to unsubscribe from patriarchal motherhood bro marketing and boss babe culture because in this space we use nature as our framework as we move

towards feminine embodied business development cyclical orientation and slow living together let's rewild and remember as we break free from survival and reconnect to what truly matters. Okay friend, steep your tea and take the most loving breath you've given to yourself today and let's go. Hello, I'm gonna do another quick podcast episode because there's something alive on my heart right now and I have a couple minutes and these IG live slash podcast recordings are kind of working for me because it forces me to just speak and it takes away my ability to edit and re-record so whatever comes through is exactly what's supposed to come through and what's what's feeling really juicy right now

is a conversation around dissolving shame around technology use as mothers I just had a very beautiful conversation with my dear friend Kat and we were talking about this she was asking me what my use around technology and social media is like and how I'm kind of navigating that as a mom and with a toddler right now who wants to be very involved and is also very observant when I'm on my phone and so this is actually something that I have spent a lot of time thinking about and a lot of time just sitting with in my own experience and how this shows up for me as someone that's building a business basically on my phone and so I think what I hear a lot from other women and mothers is that there is a lot of shame they feel a lot of guilt and they feel like

they are quote-unquote bad mom if they're spending too much time on their phone and obviously there's a lot of noise out there about screen time and I mean it's not all noise there's a lot of truth out there but there's also a lot of like fear and I think there's a lot of just like not enough nuance being brought to the conversation as usual and I think in a perfect world obviously there would be more people in our household and more support in the sense of what our parenting and our mothering experience looks like. And so this isn't so much a conversation around screen time, because I think there's too much nuance for that. And I think that's very personal for each family. And really, this whole conversation deserves a lot of nuance. And again, it is very personal for each individual. But

what I want to share is just about yeah the shame that comes from technology use and one of the first thoughts I have around that is like why is that there like why why do we feel any type of way for being on our phone but like that same feeling doesn't happen if we were to get lost in a book or if we're like busy in the kitchen cooking or if we're really focused vacuuming like nobody feels guilty for that shit nobody feels guilty like sorry I was too busy vacuuming like no it's normalized that vacuuming needs to get done it's normalized that doing things in the kitchen need to get done. It's praised to go sit down and get lost in a book but as soon as we are quote-unquote like lost in our phone that wave of guilt comes and so I've

gotten curious about that with myself because I've felt all that too and for me it's all about the intention behind technology use and so if I'm lacking that conscious awareness and I'm lacking that intention when I show up and use whatever device it is um then that guilt maybe is warranted and maybe that's an invitation of like hmm maybe more more intention can be put here and maybe there could be more purpose with why I'm showing up to use that piece of technology. And then another thing that came up in our conversation this morning was I'm a firm believer and this is from my own experience that like restriction doesn't work. It's kind of like diets like a restricted diet would never work for me like if you tell me I can't eat cookies then I

just want cookies more so the times that I've experimented with like an app blocker or paying attention to the amount of time I've spent on say Instagram for example that actually just kind of makes me want to go on it more and it doesn't work well for me it just it doesn't feel very good it feels restrictive for obvious reasons and so I like to take more of an intuitive approach and that that involves bringing intention into it and again like just really getting curious about why am I coming to use this app why am I picking up this device what is my intention here what's the purpose and really kind of holding the line there and obviously there's times where there's distraction and I get pulled in different directions but again bringing that conscious

awareness back of like oh what am I doing and like creating space to make a choice point in those moments like when I noticed that I've started scrolling and my intention was actually to go message someone or to create my own contact content, then having that space, like almost slowing myself down, having that space, that pause gives me the opportunity to make a different decision so um yeah I'm curious if that is landing for anyone that's on this live um I think the other thing too is like questioning where the idea and the judgments of technology use being quote-unquote like bad are coming from again I sat with this and I realized they're not even mine like I realized that I'm getting a little bit anxious about how much time I'm spending online or how much time I'm spending

using technology because there's so many different projections around me telling me that that's bad and telling me that like that means I'm not a present mom and so I've kind of again sat with that and recognized that wait those aren't even my own thoughts and so it gives me the opportunity to kind of make a sovereign choice around that and for me and my truth and my current experience and season of life and motherhood and business um the use of technology and the use of social media is actually like a really big part of my life and so I've not just accepted that but um like just don't I don't see it as a negative anymore like it's something that I have chosen

to embrace. And like I said, just bring intention into it, much like, like vacuuming, like it has to happen. So like, there's no shame in that. And the other thing is also like including my daughter Aubrey in things when I can. So again, it's not that restriction of like, this is so bad that like, you're not even allowed to be involved. It's like actually like bringing her into it. So like, I love creating reels with her. I love like when we're watching other people's stories, like sometimes she sits with me and she watches too. She starts to like recognize some people's voices, like, because we see them every day. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that I actually like really enjoy our time together um and it's fucking 2024 technology isn't going anywhere if we continue to try to restrict it or um demonize it I just don't know that that's actually supporting us in the future and then especially as entrepreneurs who are likely using our phones and technology and social media as a support to our business

demonizing it and showing up with that like negative energy of like you are bad is again just not supportive so yeah this was a little bit of a ramble I didn't want it to be too long but just kind of some food for thought on technology use and maybe just kind of getting a little bit more clear on what your actual thoughts are on it and if some of the stories that you're holding and the beliefs that you have kind of been acting from are they actually yours and um yeah just dissolving some of that shame and maybe even dissolving some of that fear I think for a lot of for a lot of people there might be some fear coming up and we don't necessarily know like the long-term negative side effects of all of this technology use and like some of that is real but there's a lot of things that you can do to limit it like I have my phone on airplane mode at night and like I try not to wear my phone

on my body I try to like keep it on like a surface beside me um and I use like night mode at bedtime or like I mean you can get like those funky glasses or like just like set boundaries for when you're using it. Like, I think that's different too. Like boundaries is different than a full on restriction. So I do have kind of my own personal boundary of like no phones past like eight or nine o'clock ish PM. And I am very intentional about using that time to read and kind of wind down for the

night. And then that's the time that I have like with my husband. So just again, it's all about intentionality it's not about restriction it's not about like hard and fast rules I don't think that works anywhere um and then the other boundary I have is like not going on social media first thing in the morning I do usually like reach for my phone first thing in the morning but that's I don't know that's different and and being mindful of like what am I seeking when I go to use it like am I using it as a resource to say like check the weather or in my case I want to know what time it is because I don't have an alarm clock that's very different

than like instantly needing to go check like if you're real yesterday went viral like I'm not showing up with that energy so yeah basically I don't know if I can say this enough but it's all about the intentionality behind the energy in which you are approaching the device and the piece of technology or the app on social media and um yeah just like giving yourself grace and space and compassion for the season of motherhood you might be in too like I think there's not enough talk about that and I kind of referenced this in the beginning of the conversation about like how much support you have I know for me like I am solo parenting for many many hours during the day and so yeah if I'm using screens as a crutch either for myself to like save my own sanity or for my

daughter to kind of just have a break and hear someone else's voice like I think that's okay I also this was something that Kat and I talked about how like our phones are now for a lot of us the source of connection we have with our community and I know that's my story like a lot of us, the source of connection we have with our community. And I know that's my story. A lot of my community is online. And so being able to connect with people online, whether it's in Voxer or connecting with people on social media or a family text thread, it's 2024. So that's not going away. And can we just embrace it and again bring intentionality to it and then like I said I've also been including my daughter so not only like potentially having her see what I'm doing on Instagram and and verbalizing like what I'm doing it's not something that I need to keep a secret but also like we we FaceTime dad every morning so like it's stuff like

that like this isn't something that needs to be demonized I'm gonna leave it at that because I'm kind of just repeating myself at this point um I will say though like there's a difference between restriction and boundaries so getting really clear on what the boundaries are for you with the permission slip that those boundaries might change depending on what season of business and motherhood you're in because that's the other thing too is like there's different seasons of business that require more of my energy using technology I can go days without reaching for my laptop and then there's weeks in my business where obviously like there's stuff that can only be done on a laptop so yeah just just some examples

I hope this is maybe helpful or gives you something to think about as always I'd love to hear what lands or what some of this conversation stirs up for you um so let me know okay before you go I just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to listen to this episode if you were thinking of anyone while listening, please send it their way. And if anything resonated with you or you love these conversations, please subscribe and leave a review. This really helps the podcast algorithms put my show in front of more people just like

you. And the last thing, I would love nothing more than hearing from you so say hi dm me on instagram and give me a follow at nicolepasvir until next time