REWILD + FREE - 50. MUSINGS + MAGICK: EXPLORING FEAR, GROWTH, AND COURAGE IN MOTHERHOOD AND CONSCIOUS ENTREPRENEURSHIP (April New Moon Intentions with Nicole and Lauren)

Episode Date: April 8, 2024

Join us for another all-over-the-place episode in true Lauren and Nicole style, where we continue to share insights about introspection, practicing self-compassion, and embracing uncertainty from our experience as mother entrepreneurs. Lauren and I pull on some pretty thick threads anchored around fear, perfectionism, performance, and productivity, all while orienting back to our values of connection and embodiment. One of the key themes that emerged from this discussion is the importance of embracing the messy middle. We share our personal experiences and reflections, emphasizing the value of permission to show up imperfectly and the significance of being comfortable with being a beginner or messy.We also explore the concept of taking small steps to expand comfort zones, highlighting the idea of titration as a gentle approach to facing fears and embracing new challenges. The conversation is rich with insights on the interconnectedness of different aspects of life, and the recognition of the need to tap into slowness and radical responsibility for our own responses to external pressures including the intensity of the current eclipse season.As we navigate our own journeys, it's essential to recognize the power of noticing and responding to our inner conflicts and fears, without allowing them to dictate our actions. Invitation to allow this episode to serve as a gentle reminder to grant yourself permission to be vulnerable, to slow down, and to be present in the messy, beautiful middle of your own growth.In the midst of uncertainty and the ebb and flow of life, we hope this episode offers you moments of reflection, inspiration, and the courage to take small steps towards expanding your own comfort zones...Connect with me on IG (@nicolepasveer) Connect with Lauren on IG (@nestandnourish) ..CURRENT WAYS TO WORK WITH ME:Join HELD - my monthly membership community (only $44/month) for conscious + curious women entrepreneurs desiring a landing place for integration, self exploration, and regenerative biz strategy Join the waitlist for Recalibrate - my annual 6 month long mothermind (aka mastermind) for mother entrepreneurs ditching boss babe bull sh*t for a biz that breathes with every season She Thrives Private Mentorship - very limited spots available  

You're listening to Rewild and Free. This is the go-to podcast for conscious and holistic mother entrepreneurs who are ditching society's to-do list for intentional living, freedom, and abundance, while creating impact and legacy in their home and business. If we haven't met yet, I'm Nicole Pasvir, your like-hearted mom friend and biz bestie wrapped in one. I'm an ex-nurse turned matrescence guide and business coach, leading women just like you into the new paradigm, where thriving in motherhood is your birthright and so is a successful and sustainable online business keep listening if you're ready to unsubscribe from patriarchal motherhood bro marketing and boss babe culture because in this space we use nature as our framework as we move

towards feminine embodied business development cyclical orientation and slow living together let's rewild and remember as we break free from survival and reconnect to what truly matters. Okay friend, steep your tea and take the most loving breath you've given to yourself today and let's go. Hi friend. Hi. It's so funny to start these things because we're like slightly talking before we start recording and they're like, oh wait, we should hit record. And then it's like we were mid conversation. So yeah. Hello again. We were just saying how there's some pretty intense planetary things happening in the cosmos right now. And we don't really know what's going on so this is definitely not an

episode where we are going to educate you because we don't know we just know that there's some crazy stuff happening I know there's like a solar eclipse happening tomorrow and then um on the last full moon that was like a lunar eclipse so we're literally we've been in between two eclipses which I guess isn't normal I don't know I don't know how frequently eclipses happen and then I'm pretty sure we're like in the middle of a mercury mercury retrograde and I don't know what else is happening yeah every season you know I think maybe that is like a thing on its own. Yeah. And just another new moon. So here we are on another new moon episode. And even though I still feel really dumb and anyone who's listening who like actually knows anything about these things are probably just rolling their eyes, but that's okay. What I'm loving the most about this is that it's creating ritual for us and that's kind of like

our biggest goal really right is to to have some kind of ritual yeah to just start like anchoring anchoring around yeah the new and the full moon so we are beginning to do that and um I know for me like my menstrual cycle I thought was was sort of anchored around the lunar cycle. I thought I was ovulating around the full moon and menstruating on the new moon. And I guess I still technically am, but I got my bleed two days earlier this time. So I was expecting it to start Saturday and I got it on Thursday, which is a weird thing because I've been pretty regular. Well, whatever that means. I mean, I shouldn't even say that.

I feel like my cycles were like 29 days and then maybe 28. So maybe this time it was 27. So I guess it's not that weird. It just felt weird. That's so interesting that you say that, though, because I noticed that with mine as well. And like I mentioned last time that, you know, I'm on thyroid medication now. So I've been paying more attention because it is going to start to shift my extra long cycles. And I noticed that I'm still on maybe this month which was cool because I usually don't ovulate until like day 20 but it was much more around like day 14 15 which was a brand new thing

for me so that was neat and then now I'm probably on day like 26 and I've already started my like five days prior spotting which which is okay. So yeah, things are definitely earlier this time. Way earlier. And it feels so, or like so short, the cycle feels so short to me. It's very weird, but it's neat to see that there are things shifting. And I'm hoping that soon this like week long spotting thing will get sorted out too. As I continue to support myself because that's a kind of a pain in the butt and kind of sucks but because I just feel like I'm bleeding for weeks at a time but anyways you literally are yeah because I literally am

um but yeah it's just been neat to see that there are shifts happening uh yeah something I've really been kind of playing with in my mind untang, exploring is obviously like you and I are both really kind of sitting with these things, right? We're really sitting with like, hey, how is our energy shifting during the different phases of our cycle? How is our energy shifting during the different phases of like the lunar cycle? How is our energy shifting with whatever it is that we're kind of in the middle of going down a rabbit hole of and I know for me this kind of comes in waves and seasons like I'll have I'll have just like this hit or this urge to go down a deep dive of like human design and like explore the layers of that at a deeper level and like that comes in waves and then same with like astrology, like that will just come in waves where I have this urge to kind of uncover more and understand it at a deeper level. And then it's almost like I plateau in the sense of

educating myself. And I feel like that is this beautiful, just natural rhythm for integration. And then like that new wave of, okay okay let's go a little bit deeper so anyways with all that to say I feel like I've kind of been in this um not a plateau because obviously we are kind of deep diving into astrology lately but I've been in this plateau of just like noticing and kind of pulling in all the things I've been learning and and seeing okay wait where does this actually like fit in for me? And it can be so, so easy to start almost outsourcing our power really to these things if we aren't careful. So I kind of teetered into that a little bit earlier this week. I'm like, oh, okay, like I'm feeling the intensity. And so I totally just said, yeah, of course I am because

of all the astrology shit that's happening. And of course I am because it's like cycle day one cycle day two whatever day it was and then I realized wait a minute those are just like bits and bobs those are just like sure they might be like extra weights and extra like external pressures that are impacting my energy but there's still like me at the core of it and I still have autonomy and like radical responsibility and sovereignty to like make my own decisions and potentially pull myself out of it if I want to I don't need to like be a victim to these things and that was a really big empowering moment for me where it was like okay cool like yeah this is happening this is the context of my situation right now um and now I have this beautiful opportunity to decide how I want to support myself through it not necessarily fix it not necessarily like make the pressures go away because that's the thing we

don't have control over like what's happening in the sky we don't have control over um some of the like oppressive systems happening outside of us right like all we have control over is how we're responding to things and I feel like another really really loud realization that I've had over the past couple days is just this invitation at an even deeper level to really tap into slowness and really deciding to like unsubscribe from urgency. And so when I'm noticing urgency creep in, really noticing that it's not mine, it's coming from something outside of me and digging deep into the inner knowing that like it's safe to go slow and recognizing that I feel like I'm kind of going all over the place here but there's been some really big aha moments for me where I feel like I've been in seasons of my life where

I've been on these pendulum swings of okay like I don't want to be a part of this anymore I'm going over here or like once you see stuff you can't unsee it so then you kind of like swing to the radical side of the other thing and that in itself is like turning on a fight or flight response for our nervous system because now we're like fighting or or fleeing from the thing that we are wanting to be against and again it's just this really really loud invitation to slow down and like slow down that pendulum swing. And if we're, if we're constantly doing that harsh, I'm using my hands, but if we're constantly literally like doing that harsh swing, like Miley Cyrus on a wrecking ball, like that is not supportive to our nervous systems at all. And I, again, if I kind of zoom out and just look

back on like the past two, three years of my life, there's been a lot of harsh, harsh swinging. So yeah, just kind of seeing that as like, oh, holy cow, like this makes perfect sense for some of the burnout I think I'm starting to feel. And also this massive permission slip of like, this burnout isn't something that I need to shame myself for. It's not because like, I didn't take care of myself. It's not because I did too much. It's because there's been all these other external factors. And like, I mean, that's just a teeny tiny piece of the pie, of course, but there's been all these tiny factors that are impacting and like leading to that. And again, now it's this beautiful invitation of how do I want to actually respond instead of react? And how do I want to support myself and my body

instead of just being so quick to like fix it or suppress it or make it all go away? So all this to say, like I feel like I'm just really, really finally, and I feel like I've been verbalizing this and intellectualizing it, but now I'm finally somatically experiencing what it actually feels like to slow down and what

it actually feels like to um yeah just kind of like be with instead of constantly trying to fix things self-acceptance I guess yeah celebrating that because it's so easy to just like say it say it over and over again and and think that you believe it and intellectualize it um and yeah that having that aha moment where you literally feel it in your body and it just it's so powerful like it's such a different experience yeah and it's like that's when you can finally be like okay deep exhale yeah it is that deep full body exhale almost like literally all of my insides feel like they can kind of just like land and settle and like melt melt melt soften soften soften and it's interesting because again I can so quickly go back into my mind and kind of like play back

the tape and like okay well what are all the things I was doing or like why didn't that work or like I thought I was doing the thing and And then like, again, going down that shame spiral, like why didn't it work or judging myself and thinking I need to do something better. And I realized like for most of winter, I kind of thought I was slowing down. I thought I was saying no to things. I thought I was like being very mindful of my energy.

I thought I was being very mindful of like some of the transitions in our like family's life and just trying to give space to all of that. But again, I realized this week is like, okay, cool. I said I was doing all these things, but my mind never turned off. Like I thought I was slowing down. I thought I was quote unquote like resting, but my mind never got a break. So trying to figure out how to actually, like actually soften into that and give my mind a break. Yeah. Yeah. And it just like this past week, I've been really sick. So it was like a forced rest. And I did, I rested. That's all I

could do. I was so exhausted. Zoe and I had some really big TV days. There was just no energy for anything else. I just kind of plopped us both down in front of a movie all day. And yeah, that was it. So it was like a really beautiful rest for body, mind, all of it. But it's funny, like even these last couple of days where I've started to feel a little bit better, there was already this like, okay, like, am I, where's my motivation now? Like I've, I've dropped the ball. I've let everything go. I'm behind, I'm behind. Yeah. Got to catch up. That urgency sneaks right back in. Yeah. But I was able to kind of like, you know, reel it in a little bit and,

and my cat is trying to attack me. I know I was able to kind of like, you know, reel it in a little bit. And, and my cat is trying to attack. I know I was watching. She's feeling the spring energy too. She's just wild. She like knocked over my laptop yesterday. She knocked over a plant. Yeah. Anyways. I'm talking to Nicole, bubba. Zoe's asking who I'm talking to. Hi, Zoe. day, it's just, it's back. And my creativity is back in my like desire to kind of pick up the projects I just dropped, you know, a couple of weeks ago and, and it's fine. It's all okay.

But it's interesting now to see, you know, now that I'm nearing my menstrual phase and there's this part of me that's like, oh, I should be slowing down again though, because I'm going into this menstrual phase, but I'm not, I'm doing the opposite. And it's like, kind of like what you said, you can start to cling to these external systems because they, they give meaning. Um, but if you're latching onto them and not actually paying attention to what's going on in your, in your actual body, then you're, you're missing the point entirely. So what I'm doing is just tuning into my body. I I've been resting for the last two weeks. I have the energy. I have the motivation and the creativity. So I'm going to follow my body's lead. And if that means I have a very creative menstrual phase where I'm doing more than I usually would, then that's okay. Right? latch onto these things, but remembering that the real point is to know yourself better and

sure these external things kind of help you create meaning and help make meaning. But yeah, it's always going back to what's actually happening in your own system, in your own body, with your own energy and not letting these things kind of pave the way entirely for you. Yeah. And I think it's also like giving space for the multi-dimensionality of it all, right? Like our menstrual cycle is just one teeny tiny piece of the puzzle, right? And it's, yeah, it's just really, really fascinating when you're at a place when you can kind of zoom out and start to see the whole context from like a a wider angle and just kind of become like that radical witness to what's going on in your own inner world as opposed to really attaching to the stories that are happening

um you kind of reminded me of something just around like cycle syncing. I feel like when I, when I got my, my period back postpartum, I was like determined to cycle sync. I'm like, I'm going to do this. Like I've never had this opportunity. I've always been on hormonal birth control or I had an IED. So I was really excited to just kind of, again, it was another deep dive, right? And I just kind of explained that this is my pattern as I do these deep dives. And then I kind of plateau in the sense, but really that plateau is this beautiful time for integration. And anyways, in my deep dive of cycle syncing, I totally went down several cycles of constantly shitting on myself. And

like you just said, like, oh oh I'm about to start bleeding so I should be resting I should be doing less I should be um I shouldn't be recording a podcast I shouldn't be doing an Instagram live and then like in contrast like during ovulation I should be um showing my face more I should be blah blah blah, blah, blah, blah. And I caught myself doing it. I'm like, wait a minute. This is like the complete opposite of why I wanted to like cycle sync in the first place. So it was this very loud, loud, loud, loud example of like not attaching to some of these like outside systems, outside frameworks that really are beautiful tools to help us explore our own inner world. But there's, yeah, just that very fine line of not completely outsourcing and not completely giving our power away to those things and instead really coming back to self and tuning into what's actually

going on inside of me and trusting that. Yeah. And I think the key here is that we're learning to notice, like you're learning to take notice of what's happening in your body, what's happening with your energy, and then learning to respond to that, to whatever comes up. So even if it's, you know, I'm in my ovulation phase and I don't feel extra creative, you're noticing that and then you're responding appropriately. So what can I do to support myself in this phase you know yeah and I think the language of responding is really I mean we're both using it but I I just want to really point out that that's very intentional like a response versus like a reaction is very different like when you are responding you're actually like slowing down enough to um yeah just really give yourself

the space and like the time and i mean not even we're not talking like days or hours sometimes it's just like a moment a microsecond of like whoa okay what's going on here and it gives that that space that pause to like i said be that radical witness and the key there is like being that radical witness without judgment because I think that's what so often happens in like the healing spiritual personal development spaces we're constantly striving to be better we're striving for growth we're striving for this really false like destination of being like healed and whole and we know that that's not actually the goal. It's not actually possible. But in the midst of all that, it's really, really easy to go

down these like shame spirals of like, oh, I did something wrong. I'm not doing something good enough. I should have done this better. I should do this. And so taking out that judgment piece, taking out that self-critic that is very real and very loud and coming in as kind of this just neutral, curious witness. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm celebrating both of us because I think we've both been modeling that for quite a bit of time now. A long way with that. Yeah. I feel like if we were having this conversation even a year ago, it would have been a lot different. Um, and it's, yeah, it's exciting because it means that I feel like the things we are noticing, we are, we are seeing ourselves at like a deeper level than we could have when we weren't taking that radical witness

without judgment, only curiosity. Like when we weren't actually stepping into that place, we are basically limiting ourselves and like putting up so many almost guards to like create our own blind spots, right right we're almost putting our own blinders on so yeah i'm trying to think where does this all tie into the new moon um i'm just gonna pull up something that i don't remember if I actually sent it to you on Instagram. I shared it to my stories.

We're recording this on a Sunday, by the way, for anyone that is listening. And I think we'll release it first thing Monday. So, yeah, we're recording this technically the day before the new moon, the day before the solar eclipse, but something I was reading was, oh yeah, I did send it to you. i think i'll just read this whole thing so due to the chaotic wild and volatile energy of the eclipse it is not a it is not a time to manifest or perform rituals it is a time for deep introspection observation forgiveness healing and rest do not force or try to harness this wild energy allow it to flow and guide you into a state of surrender do whatever feels right for you or hold yourself sorry do whatever feels right for you to hold yourself through this intense energetic shift and cosmic reset. Embrace whatever change comes your way.

And remember, life in all its mess and redirection is beautiful, inspired, and magical. You hold the power to your destiny, but for one door to open another must close trust the path that is being cleared and illuminated for you um in that it's creating space to allow you to reinvent yourself and step into this new era of independence individuality leadership confidence courage liberation self-expression and self-empowerment i love that and i feel like that's kind of like what we've been talking about when i was gonna say like i feel like that's like exactly what i'm feeling like i'm not feeling any urges to necessarily make big decisions or make big changes or even set

intentions I'm feeling this very loud urge to just like be in it like to just feel it and to support my body to rest and like actually land and settle and melt and soften. And I mean, again, I was kind of feeling into that as like, okay, well, it's cycle day three of my period. So that makes sense. But then also, yeah, just reading into this, that extra extra makes sense. It's so funny that- There's some journal prompts on this post too

that I'll share in a second because they might be good little conversation starters for us right now. Yeah. And share what you're reading. I will. Yeah. I was just going to say, it's funny that we always want to make sense, right? Even no matter what. We're meaning makers, right? Yeah. We're always trying to make sense of things. Like I'm feeling this way, why? And can we just be okay with feeling that way instead of trying to always make sense but knowing that that's like maybe a pattern that you that you automatically go to like that's an important kind of realization as well that yes I am always trying to make sense so what is so scary

about not knowing or not making sense yeah when I think a lot of us, I know I can speak to my own experience, like trying to make sense of things gives me that sense of control. So when I say, okay, well, I'm just gonna like, let this like not make sense and kind of lean into the uncertainty and like the unfamiliarity that comes with not knowing something,

that feels unsafe to my nervous system. So it's a protective mechanism to have that like felt sense of safety, but really it's almost like an illusion of safety. Yeah. And that lack of control and the sensation in your body that comes up when you don't have that control, you know, how can we kind of play with that and learn to let it kind of feel slowly, start to feel a little bit safer and okay. And that is totally something that, you know, I'm the same, I'm the same way. I like to have that perceived sense of control in all, you know, in any way that I can. But I've started noticing that and and and noticing how it feels somatically when I'm experiencing that and can I play with those sensations can I learn to be a little bit more

comfortable in that space like tiny little sips at a time yeah yeah I was gonna say we talk about titration a lot and that's exactly like the tiny little sips like not making this giant change because that's excuse me that's unfamiliar to our nervous systems too. And so our nervous system is going to have like red flag. This is dangerous. This is dangerous. This is a threat. And so, yeah, it's a little, little baby steps, little sips, little titrations of just playing in different directions. And that's how we begin to expand like that window of tolerance for whatever discomfort we're playing around in. Anyway, so this post I've been referring to is from an Instagram account called Saucy Moo. I recently started following her. She seems to do kind of these summaries at each new moon and

full moon so obviously that is fitting well with what you and i are doing and anyway so she uh gave these journal prompts with the new moon for this month and so the first one is do you have the courage to take a leap of faith to move into a new cycle or will you choose to stay in your comfort zone in the illusion of safety hilarious that we literally just talked about that and I think like that totally gives language to what we're just saying right is like that that's our comfort zone so if if you aren't stepping into that like radical witness seat and you're just kind of moving through life on autopilot that's when you do get stuck in your comfort zone because you don't even realize that you're in it it's just like you're just going through the motions um and that's a very

usually a very comfortable place to be in um and it's uncomfortable to really break through those edges and again this is kind of something that I've been sitting with is okay cool I can kind of see where my edges are in like certain aspects of my life but life is so what's what I'm looking for like there's just so many parts to our life that like just because I'm kind of ready to like expand an edge in in one realm it doesn't mean I actually have the capacity to support myself to do that if I'm almost like undernourished in other spots of my life does that make sense yeah I'm trying to think of an example like okay here's an example like if I want to actually like kind of make a biggish scary move in my business and kind of take a leap and like meet and expand that edge and I kind of feel like

I'm ready to do it in terms of like my mindset and I think this is part of it, is like our mind often wants to lead, and sometimes like our bodies, our bodies for sure crave that slowness. So our minds are trying to move faster than our body, and if our body isn't ready yet, there's going to be that resistance, but I'm almost hesitant to use that word, because I often see resistance as this beautiful invitation that you've met an edge. So I don't even want to use that word in this context. I feel like when you're meeting kind of like just like stickiness and maybe some of the... Friction. Yeah, friction's a good word of like, okay, wait, maybe it's not actually time yet. Maybe like other parts of me need more support. Maybe I need to resource myself in other areas. So yeah, coming back to like the example

of if I wanna actually do something a little bit scarier in my business, if I'm not feeling supported in like my mothering or in my marriage or even in like my finances and in my health, like if I'm not sleeping well, if I'm not eating well, then that's very likely going to cause what I feel like the coaching space would deem as like self-sabotage. Like if I actually went for that

leap, I would potentially quote unquote fail because the other aspects of my life weren't able to hold it. I don't even know if that makes sense. I'm reading a book right now called The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks. I feel like it's one of those books that like I wish I read like years ago and I'll probably like read it again because it talks about this. It talks about how we all have like these upper limits and how I think he breaks it down to uh what is it love creativity and well-being or something those are like the three kind of big pillars of life and so if we're kind of meeting an edge in one area we're very likely if we're not supporting ourselves in the way we need to going to basically sabotage it and something in the other areas are going to quote unquote like break or fall apart to bring us back down to equilibrium yeah so yeah it just

gets I think what I'm trying to say here is how interconnected all bits of our life are and so like it's just really important to be tending to our own health and our own well-being and our sleep and our nutrition and our relationships and our relationship to creation and our relationship to finances and like all of the things that are impacting our like thought spirals and our nervous systems, which is literally everything. Yeah, so much interwoven together yeah so that was the first journal prompt is do you have the courage to take that leap of faith or are you going to choose to stay in your comfort zone in the illusion of safety do you have any reflections to make on that that's a very big question yeah yeah um yeah it's interesting like I'm I'm currently kind of birthing and like an offer um a community and I think that kind of is where I'm at right now. I'm like mentally, I'm ready. I want to do it, but my body hasn't really kind of caught up yet. I've also had, you know, I've been sick, so it's kind of been on pause for a little bit. And there's of course, lots of other like pieces

that all have to kind of align. And, but yeah, that's kind of what I'm feeling into right now. It's like, it is a big step for me. It is a big leap for me. And how can I kind of resource myself so that when it does, when I do launch it, I have that courage to even do it, to put myself out there, to create this thing and let it kind of be co-created with whoever wants to join in with me. So yeah, I'm feeling into that a lot right now and fully aware that there's no real like wrong answer either. Like if I want to stay in my comfort zone right now, that is okay. Like there's no shame here. There's no like, I'm not on anybody else's timeline. This is my timeline.

I was just about to say, yeah, the timeline aspect, like that comfort zone and like that expanding our edge doesn't always have to be this overnight leap. No. Like coming back to the idea of the titration, like it can be this slow titration. And like in the sense of birthing out a new offer, there's so many different ways to like begin titrating that for your nervous system, right? Like you can start talking about it without actually like completely selling it. You can start, like there's so many different bits that can begin to expand that edge.

So I almost don't even love the language of like taking a leap because that in itself feels very fast. And like you just said, like there's no timelines that we are attached to. So it doesn't have to be a leap. It can be like a baby step. I don't know. It can be a baby step and it can also be like this two step forward, one step back approach, which really makes me feel that titration, right? Like waves coming in, they come in and then they go out. And each time they come back in, they come a little bit farther down the shore. Next journal prompt question was, do you control your fears or do your fears control you again such a big question I feel like I actually made this like declaration during COVID and while I was pregnant too and so there

were a lot of big decisions being thrown at me and I remember saying I refuse to make any decisions out of fear and I've kind of like continued to hold that declaration through other aspects of my life moving forward is like I do not want to act out of fear it doesn't mean that I'm not though because I think you know in a lot of of times fear is what slows me down yeah so fear is what almost triggers inaction so even though I'm not allowing fear to propel me forward it's impacting me in a different way by slowing me down and fear is such an interesting topic, too, because it's like, you know, is the point to control our fear or is the point to befriend our fear? Is it to just let it have a seat at the table? Yeah.

Okay, you say hi. Hi, Zoe. Yeah, fear is really interesting. And yeah, I can kind of relate to like fear helps me slow down. Yeah, fear is really interesting. And yeah, I can kind of relate to like fear helps me slow down. Fear helps me take a pause, take a breath. It helps me realize like is this something that I actually want to do when I feel into the fear of whatever it is I'm trying to put out into the world or whatever it is, you know? Yeah, I think another thing fear illuminates too is like this opportunity to start discerning,

like, are these thoughts that are coming in, are they even my own? Are these other people's projections that I've started holding onto? So is this fear even my own? And very often I find myself answering no, which then gives me the opportunity to kind of release it. I loved what you said about like, where does fear get a seat at the table? And I think a beautiful example is like, we need to let fear kind of be in the car with us. We need to see it. We do need to kind of befriend it. We need to allow it to be a communication tool for us, but we don't need to allow it to have the driver's seat, right? It can just have the passenger seat. Yeah. Yeah. It gets to be there. It gets to be there and you can kind of like detach and be that witness again, right? We're not letting it, we're not letting it control us because we're not kind of collapsing into it. You know, that's my goal at least is to be able to

detach a little bit, be that, that conscious observer and witness to it and be like, Hey, hello fear. I see you. What message do you have for me today? Yeah, exactly. Gleaning the wisdom from it. Yeah. Yeah. And whatever it is, okay okay can we dig a little bit deeper what's behind that fear what's what's the need underneath that we're really kind of playing with and maybe it's not even something that is from this current state of our life you know it might be something that was learned a really long time ago and something that's still begging for some attention so this is where I think like working with a coach is so important around these things, especially if it's a pattern that comes up consistently and it's the same

kind of like fear messaging that's, that's coming up over and over again. I think it can be really helpful to work with someone that can help you kind of get to the, the deeper layers of it. Yeah, I agree. the deeper layers of it yeah i agree um i also think that like this is also a beautiful integrate invitation to integrate like body and mind like i think you can intellectualize your fear all day long but like you can't logic your way out of it so again it's this this invitation of like dropping into the body and like resourcing finding safety what does my body actually need right now what is my body trying to tell me um and i mean you we both know that almost always that's where the answers are so yeah always

yeah if you're listening to this and you're like yeah I want to dive into this Lauren and I can help you with that let us know the other prompt that she had listed here is where in your life are you at war with yourself yeah yeah I love that question even that makes me think of like the friction like when I think of war it's yeah this like friction and I think um for me what kind of comes up is noticing when that I wouldn't even call it my inner critic I was I would more call it like uh almost like the perfectionist part of me and like the good girl so like when is that part of me that is so deeply conditioned with like this good versus bad binary when is she kind of being loud

and and really trying to get me to make actions from a place of like what's right versus what's wrong what's good versus bad and I think like that's at war with the inner knowing that I hold that that binary thinking doesn't actually exist and that like these things aren't good or bad right or wrong there's room for and and both and more ands and more boths and just so much more nuance and yeah just kind of that first reflection that's what comes up is like this war of um those parts of myself yeah and for me I think it's like at war with myself it's this constant like feeling like I should be doing more, feeling like my business should be further along, kind of getting in the phase of life that I'm in and learning to be okay with that. Learning to be okay with like, this is what my life looks like now. And how do I create a life that I love in this season?

You know, instead of trying to like strive for what I want it to look like maybe in five years when my child is in school like I'm focusing on right now like I want to I'm I'm so grateful that I could take a week and be sick and just allow myself to really feel into it and and rest and and know that there's nothing kind of depending on me right now to to hurry through it you you know? Yeah, it can actually really resonate with that. But I think looking at it a little bit deeper, it's like two parts to that. One being that that's still kind of the good girl in me hanging on to someone else's timeline,

thinking that that's good or right, or that's what's going to get me quote-unquote success and then the other part of it this friction between like my desire versus my capacity and when I when that's kind of what you were speaking into and when I kind of sit in that space I need to be really really careful not to um not to kind of go down spiral of resentment and resenting current things in my life out of this longing and desire to almost be somewhere else and so again it's an invitation of like coming back to present and also like landing in gratitude and like resourcing with where abundance is already showing up for me because

I feel like that spiral illuminates a lot of lack and it illuminates like a lot of gaps so it's yeah just this invitation to really land with what's here, what's now, and finding contentment in just right now. Right now. Yeah. And it's all about like redefining what success even means, right? I think we talk about this all the time, but yeah, like redefining what does that even mean? Is success, you know, making 10K a month in your business and then never seeing your child or your family? Or is it, you know, making 10 K a month in your business and then never seeing your child or your family, or is it, you know, not that those things have to go together, but you know, but yeah. Yeah. So it's like redefining what success is. And for me right now, I have success. I'm present with my

child. Most of the time she's pulling me away right now. Cause she has to pee. So we're going to have to pause in a second here, but you know, being as present as I can, I get to be home. I get to provide for my home. I get to, you know, make meals for my family. So it's like tapping into the abundance of like, I have it all already. Like I'm here, I've arrived. Yeah. This is the life that, you know, I used to dream of.

Yeah. Yeah. That just gave me chills. Okay. P-break. Okay. P-break. Thanks.

Okay. There's one more journal prompt are you ready to liberate yourself from the past and boldly declare your intentions and desires and i feel like it's confusing because this post was just saying that this isn't necessarily a time to manifest or perform rituals it's not a time for or sorry it is a time for deep introspection observation forgiveness healing and rest do not force do not try to harness this wild energy and kind of just like be in it so it almost feels contradictive to make any declarations or set intentions but I guess I don't know what is to like tap in and tune into yourself and we don't we don't need to follow somebody else's rules right so you know you kind of mentioned earlier that you weren't really feeling like you wanted to set intentions so yeah let's just check in here and see like what's what's going on for us like

do I want to tap into any intentions? I, you know, it's been so powerful for me in the past, like the last new moon that we did. Yeah, the last cycle, yeah. Yeah, and I almost want to kind of like tap into that same almost intention because it's been so powerful of like, just continuing to make new connections. Collaboration is something that is really on my heart right now. I think it's almost what's maybe missing from this offer that I'm trying to create.

I'm really longing for collaboration. And I think because it's going to give me more freedom as a mother, you know, for my own capacity right now. And I think that's one of the fears that's kind of holding me back is like my ability to be consistent with this. So that's kind of what I'm putting out into the universe. I'm seeking a collaborator or two for this project that I'm birthing right now. And so, yeah, collaboration, new connections. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's the big one for me. Yeah, and I would almost feel like I'm not feeling into setting intentions in terms of like a future tense.

But what I could kind of be on board with is like this intention of letting go and like almost like okay officially like breaking up with this pattern or this tendency of mine and so um and I think I actually might have brought this into our last call on the new moon too of just really beginning to take notice and make different choices around when I see kind of like the people pleaser in me showing up in my business and my offer creation or when I see myself teetering into like some codependency traits. So again, just continuing to notice and take different action. And again, it's kind of like that titration, like these things don't just like blink and like, boom,

it all happened in one cycle. It's little baby steps. And of course, each new kind of like action or step forward that you take brings up this new invitation to, I don't even know what I'm trying to say. Respond. Yeah. Like I'm just, I'm envisioning t-shirts that say notice and respond because that's really like what it's all about right is taking notice and then responding in a and there is never like a final destination like you don't just wake up one morning and like yes these things aren't things anymore and I think that's what I'm I'm I guess leaning into is like yeah it doesn't just go away in one cycle you don't just like all of a sudden like

heal that part of yourself like that part of you is part of you so it's it's just yeah that noticing and responding befriending um it's like a spiral right it's not like a straight line with a destination yeah it's an like continuously everlasting spiral yeah yeah but i love your intention around collaboration because what i was seeing in that is okay cool you are wanting to take this leap in your business you're wanting to birth this new offer, but you are recognizing, wait a minute, this might not completely be matching my capacity. And so it's, how can I resource myself to birth this thing? And so that's your response is, wait, maybe collaboration is the answer. And I think that's just a perfect example for what I was trying to share earlier about

just like the multi-dimensionality of trying to take these leaps as well wait we can only actually take that leap if we're resourcing ourselves in other ways so I see you doing that and that's beautiful thank you what else yeah what else I think something else that's been kind of alive for me and like getting loud is just this this inner knowing I guess this reminder this coming home of like I don't need to know it all I keep finding myself holding myself back because I feel like I'm not quite the expert in something or I know that like other people have more experience in that thing than me and I mean you could call this imposter syndrome if you want but for me it's also just this this reminder that like there's there's value in me showing up

as I'm in the messy middle there's value in me showing up as I'm in the messy middle. There's value in me showing up as I'm taking these like perfectly imperfect wobbly baby steps because I think that's one of the missing pieces in like the online coaching space right now is we just get to see everyone's like before and after. We're not seeing like the middle transfer mate like we're not we're not seeing how things are actually happening and so yeah I guess there's this urge inside of me to kind of step back I feel like I was doing this for a long time and then something kind of pulled me out of it and so I'm feeling that urge to like I can be that person again like I can be that vulnerable authentic messy version of me it's safe to show up in that way and again just this this loud knowing that like we need more of that in the world because it gives

permission for others to do the same yeah and it helps kind of I don't want to use the word heal or break free, but like to work through this perfectionism and this almost like hamster wheel of success. And yeah, just like that, that roadmap that we kind of only see of like this is is, it's just this go, go, go very linear way of growth. And I'm definitely on a mission to kind of dismantle some of that in a gentle way. And it just like the waves are just the perfect metaphor for everything. But, you know, it's like, it's not climbing a mountain. It's, it's riding the waves up and down. Right. And nobody shows that part. It's all like how to make a hundred thousand million dollars a month doing nothing. Like there's no, yeah. And it's, it's all about learning that it's safe to be a beginner. It's safe to be at the beginning. It's safe to be messy, to be in the middle, the thick of it, to be riding those waves. Yeah. Yeah. I can. Yeah. So I guess maybe that can be an intention is like giving myself that permission slip of stepping more into that direction wholeheartedly. Because again, I think it's fear that's been slowing me down.'s fear of oh my goodness what are people going to think what are people going

to think if I charge for that what if I actually charge for something I'm doing that I haven't completely become an expert in like that feels so taboo in kind of mainstream culture. And again, this is also like this inner war in myself where like inside I know that that is just this like garbage narrative that people have held on to. But then the other part of me is like there's fear of like, am I going to be misunderstood be misunderstood am I gonna be rejected am I gonna be projected on am I gonna be whatever else it is and it's yeah do I have value do I have

worth all of that yeah is what I have to say important yeah yeah it's tender stuff again it is but again like I think the solution the antidote is like titration like it's not about just one morning waking up and completely like i don't even know what an example of this would be but like i feel like my solution is okay this just means that like i can do an impromptu Instagram live and like ramble away and show up in perfectly and maybe say something that like I meant to say differently and like find safety and all of that um and maybe it's also like okay it's I I can share little bits of my life that I'm feeling called to share without allowing the fear of oh

my gosh what are people going to think to like hold me back yeah or I can continue to like talk about an offer talk about my mentorship packages and still kind of show the messiness of my own like untangling of marketing and launch strategy like I don't need to be an expert at all of it and I think this also kind of shines light on this like upward spiral that we keep talking about because I think it shows up in like business creation too. Like I don't know that we're ever an expert. Like I don't think you'll ever completely nail down your marketing strategy or your launch strategy

because each time you're birthing something new, there's like a new level to it. And so you're a beginner all over again, but it's like higher up in the spiral. I love that. And I feel like I spiral I love that and I feel like I'm experiencing that like I feel like I keep and actually I'm actually like just healing hearing so much truth in my own voice right now so I'm gonna keep going um when I look back at like last year when I launched recalibrate and feeling like such a beginner in that and actually having so much

kind of innocent energy behind it of like I totally don't know what I'm doing and that's okay like it felt so safe to do that because nobody was expecting me to know what I was doing yeah but now because I've done it before and now because I have the evidence that one I can do it and two it was quote-un unquote successful there's like that pressure of like needing to either do it again or do it better um and so yeah this is just that permission slip of no this is like a new level and yes it's like a year ago so I'm a different person I have more wisdom to share so like yeah it's all going to be different but it doesn't need to be this very linear upwards trajectory. Like I get to be a beginner and a novice and go through the messy middle all over again because this is like a whole new arena.

Yeah, you get to play. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Yeah. yeah I'm distracted now because Zoe is like she's had enough yeah I'm kind of just softening into that word play because I feel like that's been a theme for me of like almost almost this compass of like where can I incorporate more playfulness into this where can I ease up a little bit and like let it be easier knowing that my pattern is to make things harder than they need to be my pattern is to like overthink and like yeah just over complicate so yeah really tapping into that like playful innocent energy is my medicine and um yeah just like this compass of when I'm feeling the friction

like okay cool can we just like tap into that playfulness again yeah and like you mentioned like these expectations of like you know now people are going to expect more from me, but it's like, whose expectations are they really? Yeah. Who's they? Like, yeah. And like, do I even care? Probably not. Like when I actually dig into that, no. But I think that speaks to, again, kind of that, the language of like the inner war within ourselves and how, at least for me, that's what I'm kind of experiencing is like that that war that happens within me one side of it is is from like other people's projections and like the conditioning that I've experienced the programming so it's not actually mine um which really just circles back to noticing and being that radical witness and creating that space to respond instead of react notice and respond

that's our new motto t-shirts t-shirts coming soon i literally have a note section in my phone of like a list of phrases or quotes to put on t-shirts. So I should really get on it. Yeah, let's do it. I'll design, you give me the quotes, we're good. Perfect. Yeah, that's perfect. Coming soon. Yeah. Play. I'm going to really sink into that too. And like we've you know we've we've come to this realization many times in the past but it's so easy to let it kind of teeter back into force and friction and expectation and and striving and perfectionism so yeah play is the antidote play there's another one for the t-shirt plays the antidote yeah I think too just kind of coming

back to your intention around like community and collaboration and you've heard me say this a billion times like connection over performance and I think that really hones in on some of what we're trying to say here is like beginning to notice when you're teetering into kind of that more performative wanting to prove wanting to meet other people's expectations versus actually just wanting to be a human engaging with other humans and like how much more fun does that sound like when we allow connection to be the goal and when we allow like I just want to be a human not a robot like that just gives so much softness and space for exhale in my body yeah when it's relationship when we're focused on creating relationships yeah and this could go and then kind of intertwine that with play so like there's actually safety to play when your intention is connection not performance about like, I know growing up, like I did piano and I did

ballet and I did horseback riding, all of those things. I had so much fun until there was a competition and then I didn't want to do it anymore. And it wasn't because I wasn't good or bad. It was that it took the fun out of it because then all of a sudden it was performative. That's so fascinating. And for me, like I was a competitive dancer, I was a competitive soccer player. And for me, it's interesting to see how, like where my perfectionism stems from. It's that, it's performing, it's being graded on my performance, especially, you know, in a dance competition. Like, what's my score? Did I do well enough to move to the next phase?

Yeah, yeah. It's really interesting to look back on those things and how they've shaped how I show up in the world now. Yeah. That has me just thinking about, again, kind of like in the business space, how we're showing up and how we are grading ourselves and how kind of like the the mainstream coaching space is potentially grading you on things like metrics and like conversion rates and revenue and profit and Instagram growth. And again, it's all just like this very linear, very quantitative view on everything.

And it's so performative when again, what if the grading is on connection? What if it's on like how you make people feel and how you feel after you show up to- How you feel, yeah. Your like active service, like whatever it is you are putting out in the world, how does it make you feel?

Do you feel energized? Or do you feel completely like depleted and you need to go like whatever it is? What if those were actually um are are measures to success and it's embodiment right path yeah embodiment over performance and like I even think about how like as a teen as a a young adult, I didn't know how to dance like out at a show. Like I didn't know how to dance freely and be in my body because it was all so performative and choreographed my whole life, right? So even just learning how to be in my body, how to, yeah. And that kind of

ties into what you said, like, how do you feel after it? Are you performing or are you enjoying what you're doing? Are you in the moment? Are you in your body? Are you, yeah, I think that's a big, a really big shift and such a, like that example is so perfect for me because it was such a struggle. Like I couldn't get out of my head and be like, well, what's the next move I should do? Instead of being able to just be present and listen to the music and feel the beat and move my body to respond to that notice and respond well and just to kind of over explain this noticing and how like you can kind of bring that piece of your history into light right now but you're not coming at it from a place of judgment or shame you're not coming at it of like i can't believe my parents made me did competitive

dance like look what it made me do or it's like i should never have like treated my body that way or like it's none of that it's just this noticing which gives you space for like compassion and that's that that pause for like hey how am I actually going to respond now that I kind of have this piece of evidence it gives you that that meaning I guess behind like why you are showing up the way you show up now so it's okay cool this is like a really valuable piece of evidence and it's not something that we need to change or suppress or ignore. It's like valuable information and like a worthy part of the puzzle in how you want to put forward. It's like, it's curiosity, right? It's looking at things with curiosity. It's curious noticing and then noticing patterns. And it's not even that you have to change

those patterns, but it's like, oh, there's a pattern. Cool. And then how do I want to respond to that pattern? Do I want to stay the same? Do I want to try to play with it and switch things up a bit? Do I want to find something that works a little better for me now where I'm at right now? Maybe. Yeah. Curiosity. I just love that word so much because it does take out like the shame and guilt and judgment, criticism. Yeah. can pull you out of taking a big leap that would kind of like sabotage that leap. And so one of those things is criticism. So I mean, that could be towards others or towards yourself. One of the other things is worry. So I mean, I'm totally notorious for this of being a worrier and really just this, again, invitation of like, there's no need to worry over things that aren't near

control like it's literally a waste of energy it's an energy depleter and it's also an opportunity to kind of illuminate where those fears are because worry is kind of the symptom of fear in a way. Um, and then what are some of the things on the list? Yeah. Criticism, worry. Um, those were the two ones that seemed resonant for me that I'm kind of becoming more aware on. Um, yeah. Anyways, I'm only like kind of halfway into the book but it's a good book yeah it sounds really interesting there's something else I was gonna say I lost it though that's fine we went in a lot of places as always I love it I love our ability to do that pull threads and see where it takes us and I love that we can keep up with each other. That's probably my... Things and magic.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of my favorite things about chatting with you is I can just, whatever direction you go, I can follow. You're there with me. Yeah, I go, you can follow. We just kind of go with the flow. I love it so much. Oh, I feel bad for our listeners I'm so sorry if you are not able to follow us I feel like it's like this really beautiful zigzag but I swear at the end it probably paints this really beautiful picture I think so oh too funny okay are you feeling complete or is there anything else yeah I'm feeling pretty good with that. Yeah. Yeah. Hi, Aubrey.

Well, we're not going to have milkies right now. Do you want to say hi to Lauren? Okay. Zoe, do you want to say hi to Aubrey? In a couple years, Aubrey and Zoe are going to need their own podcast. Hi, Zoe. Hi, Zoe. Hi. gonna need their own podcast can you hear it oh I think we both have headphones we can't hear each other I'm totally not editing this out

I'm sorry I'm sorry I don't know if you listened but I did an impromptu Instagram live that I turned into a podcast recording last week social media use I don't know if you listened, but I did an impromptu Instagram live that I turned into a podcast recording. I like it. Social media use as mother entrepreneurs.

And like one of the things I was speaking on is like instead of again, instead of just shaming yourself for using a screen, being on your phone, whatever it is like. I'm sorry. This is an invitation to your kids. And I feel like we're kind of doing it. We're not pushing them away right now. We're not saying sorry, Mama. Which will just make us feel guilty about it. It's like you guys can say hi to each other.

We're mothers first. It's okay. We're mothers and. Yeah, the both and. Hi, Mommy. But I also think it's like for me just recognizing that like it's 2024 and like technology isn't going away so like this restrictive approach and like trying to shelter my child from it doesn't feel supportive to me or her, I'd rather kind of model to her how to use screens, technology, social media, whatever it is, with intention.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's the key, with intention. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Goodbye. Goodbye.

All right, thanks, friends. See you guys later. Bye. Bye, Zoe. Bye.