REWILD + FREE - 53. MUSINGS + MAGICK: The Marriage of ‘Being’ and ‘Doing’ in Modern Motherhood (JUNE NEW MOON INTENTIONS WITH LAUREN AND NICOLE)

Episode Date: June 10, 2024

We’re so often given the advice of “more being, less doing” yet what does this actually look like in modern motherhood as busy, potentially high achieving, and conscious mothers or women entrepreneurs? It can be easy to enter a shame spiral when we find ourselves betraying our own needs or not following through on things we intend to do. In this episode, we uncover the identity of efficiency and discuss how being efficient can be a strong motivator in our day to day actions. We reflect on how societal conditioning and external validation has led to a distortion around self worth and productivity. We explore how to show our nervous systems that it’s actually SAFE not to be efficient despite past and current programming, and we talk about different ways we are each personally infusing micro pauses of intention into our day without massive adjustments to our to-do lists.  This episode invites you to find ways to infuse more being into your doing. Some ideas we offer include practicing awareness and strengthening your muscle of discernment. Strengthening awareness and discernment can increase Self trust and Self worth in small, bite sized ways while allowing flexibility for the changing seasons of one’s capacity.  We set new moon intentions for ourselves and invite you to join us in asking yourself questions like: “What does my body need right now?”And “Have I felt my heartbeat today?” and invite you to either follow through on what comes up in response to those questions, or hold space for what is present without jumping to fix it or take it away. Resources mentioned: The Healing Power of Pleasure: Seven Medicines for Rediscovering the Innate Joy of Being by Juila Paulette Hollenbury (book)..Connect with Nicole on IG (@nicolepasveer) Connect with Lauren on IG (@nestandnourish) 

You are listening to Musings and Magic on the Rewild and Free podcast. Welcome to Musings and Magic. I'm Lauren Fortuna Flock. I'm a mother, doula, the host of the Well-Nourished Mother podcast, and a somatic matrescence guide. I support mothers through the waves of intensity motherhood brings so they can fall in love with the mother they are and the mother they're becoming. And I'm Nicole Pazbier, a mom, wife, and host of the Rewild and Free podcast. I help women awaken beyond the conditioning that's been keeping them pretty perfect and pleasing

so that they can live more consciously, mother intuitively, and grow their business holistically. We've never met in real life and we live 700 miles apart. But we've been holding space for each other virtually since 2022 when we found each other in super similar seasons of life. Yeah, we were both in our retiring from a super secure nursing job, in the thick of postpartum, and starting a heart-led business era. We found ourselves chatting for hours on Zoom almost weekly, having the deep, why isn't anyone talking about this conversations around all things motherhood and conscious entrepreneurship. So we started recording

these unfiltered and unscripted conversations to bring you this co-created series. We're inviting you in with deep trust that you'll receive whatever insight, wisdom, or solidarity you need in this season, because we all know motherhood and entrepreneurship are lonely as fuck. Yeah, we're blending our musings with a touch of magic, the kind of woo-woo, more spiritual, witchy stuff that we're both so curious about, but don't fully relate to. Yet. Our intention is to invite more ritual into our lives. So we're using this series to anchor into the cycle of the moon, meeting on the full and new moons of each month. We'll do an energy check-in and explore nuanced conversations

around big topics related to cyclical orientation, feminine embodiment in business and motherhood, and our own personal explorations related to reclaiming our inner witch. So if you're ready to come laugh, learn, and reflect with us, then keep listening. But first, we invite you to take the deepest breath you've given to yourself yet today. And when you're ready, let's go. We made it. What is this? This is our July, June, new moon episode. And we are finally joining together like four days late. We've literally tried to meet four days in a row and life has just been

lifing as always does. And like, we have both been very firm in like the boundary of not wanting to force this and not wanting to make this series feel like an obligation and so really kind of softened into okay like so we try again tomorrow or like we just let this be late or we potentially let us like skip this episode and so I mean here we are we're not skipping it. We're here, but it is four days late, five days late, four days late, I don't know.

And that's totally okay. We were just starting to talk off air, off air. I feel like we're like radio hosts. My inner child really liked that comment. I got like a burst of excitement when you said that. That's so fun. It actually does help to kind of like jump into that identity like it just allows to be so much lighter and playful and yeah um but yeah before hitting record I was just kind of reflecting on what my week has been like because we we had a chat together last Tuesday um and I feel like I feel like we're both kind

of experiencing some like buzzy energy and some momentum and like some some real change kind of happening in our lives in our business and for myself I'm now noticing that like all of that change and all of that decision making that needs to happen on my end is feeling really really big and yeah kind of just spiraling into anxiety because of it yeah yeah and for me I just feel like I've been so busy sometimes this last this whole last week like since we talked last I feel like I haven't had a moment to breathe really yeah um and I mean with with things of my own making you know and family stuff and fun things and all of that but yeah it just feels it feels

really full right now I was just about to use the word full too like I feel like I relate to that busyness but the busyness doesn't necessarily feel like chaos. It just feels full and not a lot of, I guess, like spaciousness to pause and breathe. I mean, kind of having that recognition right now, like that's not sustainable. Yeah. Yeah. Create those pauses. So maybe this is an invitation to even like use this time together, like a bit of pause, a bit of a reset and opportunity to breathe. Yeah. I was reading a little bit about what this new moon in June, Gemini new moon is all about. And one line stood out just kind of in relation to what you just shared.

Where is it? that during this season feeling a bit buzzy and scattered is normal and that many tend to think of new ways to understand the world socialize with others and learn about new topics and that this influx of information can be overwhelming if you're used to sticking to what you know and um and not pushing against the status quo I feel like we're both used to pushing against the status quo but I can definitely like resonate with like the buzzy and scattered feelings I feel like I have kind of like so many I don't't know, it's like there's just so many threads right now that are being pulled on. And it's, it's almost like overwhelming to decide like which one needs to be priority and which one needs to be to. So they're all kind of just like,

they're in the back of my head at like all times. Like even here's a silly example. I've, I have this like 30 before 30 bucket list that I created last year because I'm turning 30 this month. And so there's a bit of disappointment because I, I haven't crossed many of the things off the list. There's also just like peace and trust that like it wasn't the right time and that like I can still do it anytime there's no urgency there it's just this made-up list but one of the things was to finally like learn how to bake sourdough and so I told one of my friends this and she she doesn't make sourdough herself but she's like well I think I know a bunch of people that can like at least get you a starter so she she arranged with one of her friends so a person I don't know to get me a starter and I picked it up from her this week

so I now have this like sourdough starter that I've put in the fridge because from my understanding I can kind of like let it hibernate there but like every time I open my fridge I now see this cute little mason jar with this like fully alive sourdough starter. And it's just like staring at me to like, use me like let's work together. And it's like, I don't have the capacity for you right now. So it's that duality of like excitement and desire to want to try that new thing. And also the lack of the capacity to actually do it. So the frustration that comes with that.

And then also the anxiety of trying a new thing. Because I actually have no idea what I'm doing. And every time I look into, okay, how do I actually make fucking sourdough loaf? The recipe, the instructions look so overwhelming. I think it's one of those things that it either takes someone to do it with me the first time. Or I need to watch like buttloads of videos. And like, again, I just don't have of those things that either someone to do it with me the first time or I need to watch videos. And like, again, I just don't have the capacity for that. So I'm laughing over here because I did like a very similar thing.

And this was very early in postpartum. I think I was it was it was summer. So it must have been the summer I had Zoe or maybe a couple months old. Yeah, like a couple months old and I was like I want to pop on this sourdough but I think I think now when I look back it's like did I really want to make sourdough or was I falling into this trap of like this is the good crunchy scrunchy whatever label mom thing to do and look at me I'm a homemaker who can slap some flour together and make a make a bread I mean I'm not saying that that's what's happening for you at all I'm just

saying that for me I realized that I don't actually enjoy making sourdough like I did it a couple of times and I was like this is a lot of work for a little bit of output like a little like a beautiful result yeah but yeah yeah and is this like in this season of life what I actually want to be doing with my time and when I feel like that's exactly it is it's it's meeting and holding space for that frustration of I actually do have the desire like I really want to find things that can kind of slow me down and like have me like working with my hands and like being in the kitchen more like I have that desire and then I also have the reality of like this doesn't fit into this season of life like and just yeah like the the kind of like paradox of that and I feel like that is a reflection of

many things in my life right now I also appreciate that you shared like wait a minute is this me just trying to kind of fit into that like identity of being like a crunchy mom and like a wannabe homesteader and I've asked myself those questions because we also got chickens um I feel like I didn't share that on the last episode so for those that don't know and I haven't been on social media yet. So unless you're on my email list, you don't know. We got chickens. And I feel like that's like another one of those things of like, okay, wait, why am I actually doing this?

Like, what's the true like rationale behind this? And am I at any times almost teetering into this like performance of like, look at me me we got chickens look at me I'm sourdough now look at me I'm whatever it's next on the list and it's interesting to kind of witness myself and the thought process around that because I think there's moments of that but then when I actually kind of like sink into, okay, wait, what is like the deeper intention? And like, what's the bigger why behind it? And like I said, the sourdough, like an example is

the desire to want to kind of force myself to slow down and almost like have more ritual in the kitchen and like make things with my hands. Like I already really enjoy baking and I don't bake as much as I want to. We bread all the time we eat sourdough all the time like I would love to be able to make that like of all the things to make that's one thing that we are eating all the time much like eggs we eat eggs all the time so the chicken did make logical sense but it is a slippery slope when you start kind of reflecting on wait like is this just almost like me trying to like grip on to this like sense of identity that I so badly want to belong to I don't know if we've talked about that before where like that sense of identity and that like sense of belonging

um what am I trying to say here? Like, just kind of like the, the context of that from a nervous system perspective and how it really is this survival response to fitting in. Because like, if we, let me backtrack, what am I trying to say? I feel like this sourdough example is now a little bit fluffy for what I'm trying to share. But I think for a lot of people, we kind of try to cling on to these certain labels, say like crunchy mom. Let's just play with that one as an example. And I feel like you see this a lot in like the Facebook mom groups and stuff so like you're trying to fit into this like crunchy mom Facebook group and so now there's this like unwritten list of things that you kind of have to be doing or engaging in in order to fit in and as soon as you aren't doing those things now you're an outlier

and you don't fit in and to our nervous systems that's like a huge red flag like that that's a huge threat like it doesn't feel safe if we are no longer fitting in and we've lost our sense of belonging so yeah I don't know it's interesting because I don't think the sourdough or the chickens are necessarily that and at the same time yeah like maybe there's moments where I'm teetering into that and so just again holding both the duality the paradox it's constantly there yeah and I think there's a big difference and I I've probably said this before like the difference between sitting in and belonging like yeah the actual difference yeah right like fitting in is one thing and belonging is where you can like totally be yourself yeah and you're not trying to fit into some mold some label some

you know but in the world we live in where our communities kind of feel like for me my my my literal community feels small and then you hop on social media and you're like okay where do I belong here in this giant like online world online space and yeah it's easy to get sucked into like wanting to fit in or belong to you know those labels the scrunchie mom club the the the homemakers the backyard chicken crew you know um but yeah I think that discernment is so important. And that's exactly what you're doing is taking note of, you know, what is it that I truly desire here? And it's also like, where can I prune my life? Like, what can I, how can I make room for this? If it is something like

with your sourdough example, you know know the deeper desire there sounds like you want more presence and time in the kitchen to work with your hands and maybe like sourdough isn't the place to start like maybe it's been too big of a job yeah yeah yeah and I think it's all about like what's the feeling that you get when you're doing it? Like when you're out tending to your chickens, like, is it enjoyable? When I'm out in my garden playing in the dirt, like, am I loving it? Yes. I don't care if all my plants die and the slugs eat them all, which is currently happening. But it's because I love it so much and it feels so good.

Yeah. So like, how can we, yeah. Well, and I think, yeah, that bringing that intention back to more, more, more so like the feeling of when you like the feeling that you get when a little bit from whatever that like action was I feel like that also just softens the entire body and system to like simplifying things so yeah like if my desire is like hands in the kitchen kind of slowing down I can do that just by like making like a box cake right like it doesn't have to be that's a super like drastic example but like it doesn't have to be like zero to 60 and um yeah and like even like it doesn't need to be this giant like billion square foot garden plot that is going to replace your entire like grocery list

it can literally just be like a hanging flower basket to start and then or even or even just shifting like watering it every morning or even just shifting like when you're already in the kitchen you're already making breakfast for your toddler like how can you bring more presence and awareness into those moments you don't have to change anything it's more about changing the internal experience of that yeah to start rather than focusing on what is it what is the thing that I need to make I mean you mean like when I'm putting like a frozen eggo in the toaster and like but that's a perfect example like you don't have to change anything maybe it's about like the the frequency behind the actions you're already doing and like yeah toaster frozen waffle

toaster example is a perfect one because that action can very quickly like throw me into the shame spiral of like oh we should be eating better I should have like right like whatever the shoulds that come with that and that's pulling me out of the frequency that we're talking about right now so yeah and it's funny like this um the last few days I've been really focusing on the little like habits I want to change in the morning because mornings for me I get really stuck in a loop and I I'm not not great at routine to begin with, unless it's like a bad routine. I'm really good at sticking with those. Um, so I've, I've, I've been wanting to either shift my coffee, my morning coffee thing for a while. I've wanted to cut back on dairy just to try because of my

Hashimoto's gluten-free dairy-free, you know, has really good results for a lot of people. So that's, I'm on day two of kind of cutting back dairy a lot and then going totally gluten-free. Um, and yeah, I've wanted to like either get rid of my morning coffee entirely or just shift it. So I started small, I shifted it. So I've switched to like a really good almond milk for now. And then I also bought this, like, it's a delicious, like coffee. It's got coffee in it. So it's not totally a coffee alternative, but it also has like adaptogens, lion's mane, MCT. So it's a nourishing drink. It's not just coffee. And that's, I think really what I wanted was just something more nourishing. That's going to give me something. Um, So just that tiny act now.

So instead of like using my little Nespresso machine where I pop a pot in and hit a button, now it's like I have to warm up the water in the kettle. I have to sit. I like purposely stand there and wait for it to boil. And then I, you know, take my scoop and scoop my coffee mix in my cup. It's just such a different experience than the quick instant gratification of like popping that pot in and hitting the button um so I've I'm kind of trying to turn this into more of a ritual and yeah just taking those few moments literally few minutes

at max to just kind of savor that time I love that so much like I think there's medicine in all of these examples for like potentially anyone listening of like what in your life are you already doing that you can either just kind of like soften into and bring more intention to and really um just kind of like soften like the mind chatter that might be coming with it or like what can you just shift so like ever so slightly right like so instead of the the coffee pod now you're actually like forcing that slow down even further because the kettle needs to boil and like all the other steps involved. Yeah. Yeah. And even like when I'm drinking the coffee now, it's like, okay, I'm not going to just like warm this up,

put it on the counter, forget about it. Cause I'm doing 10 other things. It's like, I've, I've taken the time to make this beautiful drink. Like I'm going to sit here and savor it as best I can with the toddler. Um, but I think I'm not just running on autopilot anymore yes yes that's it right there and like what this really is it's like shifting into that feminine feminine energy right it's being versus doing it's being in the moment not just moving through the motions and doing 10 000 things at once that's perfectly said and like something that I've played around with quite often. I don't actually remember where I heard this. I think it was in a book, but I can't tell you what book it is. So can't reference that.

Sorry. But it was all about, I think, just like kind of bringing more intention into your life. And one of the things that really stood out to me was like, speaking of morning routine, like when you're getting ready in the morning and like for me that's like contacts in face wash teeth brushed how often are you like brushing your teeth and like cleaning your counter or like trying to do something else or like for me it's often like I'm getting dressed at the. I like stab myself with a toothbrush because I'm trying to put a shirt over my head. Like just that, like, can you just like pause enough to just brush your teeth and be present?

You taking care of your body and your teeth. And that has been huge. Like just that pause, that slow down. It's a micro pause, right? We're not talking about adding this ginormous thing to your to-do list. It's already something you're doing, but now you're just like using it as a space to, to, to like reconnect with yourself. Yeah. And like, it's funny, like to me, my brain goes, Oh, how can I be the most efficient in this moment? Like, how can I be efficient? I

can brush my teeth. I can put my, my face cream on and I can like put a shoe on at the same time. Look at me go. I am so efficient. And I remember, I remember like this memory just came into my mind as you were speaking. I remember on one of my elementary school or probably all of them, all of my elementary school report cards. I think they like in the beginning, they didn't give numbers or letters they gave. I don't know. I can't remember what it was. Anyways, it said that I was very efficient and I got like the highest, you know, whatever. Yeah. Under efficiency. And I like took that to heart. Yeah. And to me, it was like, I am valuable if I am efficient. And now like when I look around my life and see all the ways where I'm just constantly

like, even when I'm at the gas station, when I'm at the gas pump, I hit the button while it's waiting. I'm undoing the thing because that's efficient. I'm saving time. It's like, well, why can't I just wait for three seconds for the screen to show up so much? Because like talk about identity and trying to like fit in and to show. That's bringing up so much because like talk about identity and trying to like fit in and to belong. So if you've now been praised for this, this level of efficiency,

like you said, like you're going to continue to try to like maintain that. That's now this like this recognition you've received is like a reputation you want to maintain. And I just wanted to pipe in that like we're both projectors in human design and as projectors like being efficient is one of our like super skills that's one of those things that like just comes naturally to us so I'm not surprised that we're having this conversation and almost able to laugh about it because being efficient and just kind of seeing like a bird's eye view of something and like just knowing exactly like how to get it all done like that just happens to us naturally and so like part of me is like I don't want to squish that out of us right because it's a beautiful gift and it's

obviously like it's it's it's brought us to where we are today I think about like how that skill was so useful in nursing and like what that looked like even going through like university and like just the amount of things that I could hold at once and like get done at once that like other people really struggled with and it's kind of this fine line of like cool we're praised for that and it sort of comes easy to us but also like at what cost and what is it pulling us out of? So just loving this conversation of like, it's not even necessarily about changing the actions you're doing and like changing your to-do list. It's not even about like habit stacking or any

of those like productivity hacks. It's really just about like the micro pause and like coming back to self yeah and yeah and I think it's just all about like awareness like being aware of this and discernment again always awareness and discernment you know discerning when is this efficiency needed and when can I be like okay nervous system it's okay or it's it's 8 a.m we don't need to be efficient right now like you can stand here and wait for the kettle to boil like it's you we're it's it's 8 a.m we don't need to be efficient right now like you can stand here and wait for the kettle to boil like it's you know there's there's nothing unsafe in this moment it's all good you you you deserve the few minutes you know to do nothing and not be productive that's actually so like I've been bringing more more attention to when I'm feeling a sense of urgency and kind of allowing myself to

zoom in on just what's going on for me when I'm feeling that sense of urgency and of course using that as an invitation okay like let's slow down like almost forcing little speed bumps in those moments so that I have to slow down I love that speed bumps but it's it's just so interesting how this like it's almost like elevator music playing in the background like there's it's just been my default setting where there's this sense of urgency and I think part of it does come from yeah that praise growing up of like being efficient and like even in school being the first one to get like an assignment done or like again thinking about nursing like I was always kind of the first like one of the first nurses to be done giving like all my morning meds like I was just so efficient and then that craving to want to maintain

that that reputation because of the praise and the external validation that comes with it and then of course that spirals into our sense of like self-worth and how, oh shit, if we don't maintain that, that reputation of being efficient, then what does that mean about us? And like, will that ultimately lead to rejection and like people not loving us? And obviously that sounds really catastrophic in the context of these examples but nervous system wise like that's exactly what's going on when we talk about like that lack of safety and like the threat of slowing down yeah so anyways I've been constantly this kind of like mantra to um to offset that buzzing elevator music is like there's no urgency here there's no urgency here yeah

yeah something else that's been coming up for me and it kind of like plays into all of this is just noticing how I am really really struggling to um I guess ultimately it's like self-accountability which is playing into like my sense of self-trust and again kind of using using these moments when it kind of drops into my awareness as this this speed bump of okay like here let me slow down this is a choice point where I can make a different decision here but ultimately what's keep coming what keeps coming up is how I can be so accountable to other people like as an example like if I have okay here's a perfect example I can show up to these calls these recordings to create our co-created musings and magic series but I can't for the life of me go on my laptop and record an episode on my own for my podcast right now

like there is this ginormous block and obviously there's more to it than that but just recognizing that huh how interesting that I can do it when I'm accountable to Lauren but I can't do it just for myself and that's showing up in like so many other areas where like there's things that like I kind of have this thought of I want to do this and then I don't do it. And then it's like, oh, there I let myself down again because I wasn't actually I wasn't accountable to myself. And so I'm almost beginning to identify as this person that like doesn't do what she says she's going to do. And that's not who I want to be. So, again, just kind of bringing in more speed bumps so that I can really notice when this is happening and and and use that discernment like by being aware using that discernment to make a different choice yeah and I think you know as always it always comes back to the nervous system and like

why is that because it is kind of like it's self-sabotage, right? Like you've got this plan and then you don't do it. And it's usually because the not doing it feels safe and comfortable and it's what you're used to. And the actual doing it is what feels so new and unsafe for lack of a better word. And it's interesting you're talking about this because I I had this thought just yesterday because I mentioned I'm like trying to go gluten-free so which is a weird example because I I don't want to like promote being restrictive and like there's

many reasons that I want to do this blah blah blah um but I I remember having a moment where I was making Zoe something I think it was like little mini pizzas with these this like pita bread with cheese and sauce and like throwing them in the air fryer they looked so good they smelled so good and I was like yo you know what I I don't want to eat this right now usually I would like eat four while I'm making them for her um and I had this moment of being like oh damn like this is for my future self. And I can't even explain it properly because it was such like an embodied feeling and experience of being like, okay, like this is what it feels like to trust yourself and to do something for your future self.

And again, like the words aren't doing it justice because it was such a, like an inner felt experience of like, okay, it was kind of like a muscle that you have to kind of build and, and work out. And now it like feels really easy. It's like, Oh no, I really want this. So the desire is there. Now I, and now I can like say to myself, no, I trust myself. I know I'm gonna. I love the choices. We're able to connect that no, I trust myself. I know I'm going to make the choices. We're able to connect that to self-trust. Yeah.

That's what I'm trying to kind of explain here is how all these things that come up and like when I don't follow through or even my inability to make decisions, that's been coming up for me a lot too. And so like when that's happening, it's almost just more evidence piling on to oh I don't trust myself so instead what are some things I can do to start flexing that muscle again and build that trust back up really simple really simple ways yeah I also love like with that example of making Zoe pizzas. When we're talking about efficiency, how inefficient that is. And so I bet there's a part of you that is like almost cringing at the fact that you are now making this separate meal for your daughter and you're going to have to make a separate meal for yourself and how on paper inefficient that is but like you're overriding that default need

to be efficient which is really beautiful celebrating yeah thanks I feel like we just like listed off like a billion different examples which I love and it's like wait a a minute, are we like, is it making sense? Like, are people going to understand like how this truly does kind of reflect that sense of belonging and that self-worth and that self-trust and these really, really big things that are like deep and internal? I hope our examples are just kind of like bringing to light, like how simple these things show up and like how simple it can be to begin to like flex that muscle and build those things back up, right? Self-trust, the self-worth, the sense of belonging, all of it.

Yeah. Yeah. And like, yeah, for sure. And I think last time we were both sharing how we were having these struggles with body image. And for me in these last couple of weeks, I've taken action on that. I've taken better care of myself. I've put myself first I've you know used family money to go and get my hair highlighted because I wanted to and and you know and it made me feel good yeah celebrating you because like you went and like made the hair appointment to go get like highlights that you've kind of been resisting for a little while and you you took yourself out shopping on your quote-unquote like work day to go find like a bra that actually fits and like a new pair of jeans and I know we were texting I think one of those days just around like how hard it can be not only to like spend money on those things but also to take time out of your day to go do those things and now it's kind of making me just reflect on well yeah because it's not efficient so if our like default drive and desire and

motivation is efficiency those things aren't efficient when bra shopping that's not efficient oh that sounds like hell and yeah like I don't I don't want it to sound like when you're spending money on that kind of thing like I know for me I often kind of like weigh out oh well like what else could I spend this money on and like trying to justify what the best use of that money is and often like for me it might not be hair it might be like okay if I'm actually going to indulge then maybe it'll be like a massage or maybe it is like getting new clothes or whatever it is it's just so interesting because I think this is a very common mom thing to experience that yeah um it teeters back into always pouring into others before we pour into ourselves. And what is that doing to our self-worth and our self-trust? Yeah. And that's the thing right there. Like,

I don't want it to sound like, oh, you know, I'm having a really bad body image week. I need to go get my hair highlighted and buy new clothes. Like that's not that at all. Yeah. No, it's not that at all. And explain more to that. Although I don't think you need to I think no but listen wouldn't interpret it as that yeah but it yeah like it's deeper than that it was an indication that I really hadn't like taken the time to do the things that I enjoy that I wanted to do too it was also like a sizing issue like my body is bigger and that's okay it's time to buy pants that actually fit and not look at the little number on the tag and care about what it is it's you know finding a bra that fits do I wear a bra most of the time no I'm usually braless but when

I want to look a certain way and go to a certain you know out to a certain place I want to wear a nice bra that fits and like gets my boobs out of my pant waistband and back up onto my chest but like I think what it is is like we we can hold on to this story and I think you were noticing yourself going in that direction of attaching this story of like oh I don't love my body right now like nothing feels good nothing fits yada yada yada and like allowing that to spiral even deeper yeah you recognized it you're like no I'm gonna stop this like I actually have responsibility here to make a choice and this is what I'm talking about with that speed bump of like hey let's slow down let's pause let's actually reflect on like what the options are here and

obviously your options were just to continue following that story and like identifying with that story you were writing for yourself or you got to like take the pen back and start rewriting script and you did that so you went out and like did the things that would actually feel good and like bought clothes for yourself that actually feel good on your body and fit you just like you would obviously do for your child right like we don't we don't make our children wear things that are too small or too big or we like brush our children's hair like we prioritize all that stuff for them so yeah it's not about this like outwards identity it's about like how do we actually show ourselves love and like give ourselves like the same TLC and like how those teeny tiny

micro actions all add up and build up to a sense of like higher self-worth and a sense of higher self-trust yeah self-tan eating and yeah and like like brushing your teeth and just brushing teeth, not doing a million things as you're brushing your teeth. Like it's all the little things. Yeah. And it's all of those little things that so easily get dropped off the list when you're feeling at capacity, stressed out. And then it's just it's snowball, snowball. It's like a negative feedback loop at that point. Right. Like you start feeling worse and worse because you're not doing all these things to take care of yourself. And then it just snowballs into this feeling of blah.

I think it's maybe important to name too, that like when you are in a season of like survival mode and when it is just like bare minimum, there's also opportunities there to still engage in these like micro moments of pausing and self-love and maybe even like indulgence and that's gonna look different like you're maybe not actually getting yourself out of the house to go get your hair done when you haven't gotten your hair done in a couple years but maybe you're actually like spending more time alone in the shower like putting a boundary down of like I actually put a shower alone like no toddler

allowed this time something like that right there's little things you can do to I don't know just honor yourself and and essentially like put yourself first just for a moment yeah and like not be so focused on efficiency and like getting through that to-do list or um proving something like outside of you right like that's where it gets really interesting and that's where like the awareness is so potent because you can start really beginning to witness like what's the what's the actual like core desire and motivation behind the things I'm doing? Who am I doing this for? Why am I doing this? Why am I doing this? What's stopping me from doing this?

Like what are the stories coming up? What's that story serving? Like what's what's that emotion or story that I'm witnessing in myself what purpose does it have I know that's a question that we reflect back to each other a lot of like okay like cool you've just become aware of something that's happening for you what's the purpose and often when you can kind of name that purpose it offers you this like massive dose of self compassion for yourself so you don't spiral into that like shame cycle and like start gaslighting yourself yeah yeah totally yeah and there's just like so many ways to feel nourished right

and at changes in the season you're in sometimes going to get your hair done feels nourishing and sometimes just like sitting down and taking some deep breaths so you don't lose it on your kid feels nourishing yeah yeah um i'm trying to think how this all ties into the new moon energy. I mean, because I started off kind of just referencing that like part of this new moon is that like buzzy and scattered feeling and like, like I had reflected that I'm feeling like I have all these like loose threads and just almost feeling overwhelmed with like deciding what to pull on first, what to tend to. I think like the medicine here is coming back to like that awareness and discernment and creating spaces for speed bumps and the pruning and the nurturing and like the discernment that comes with deciding, hey, what needs to be pruned here? Where can I like level up my nurturing in this season? I was so distracted during that.

You just said, I'm sorry. My cat is like scratching at the door. Zoe's sitting here watching a show really loudly. My brain is currently about to explode together yes that's what I need yep yeah isn't it so funny how good that always feels and how that's the first thing to go right that is always the first thing to go is like have you even breathed today yeah right have you one of my favorite questions is like have you felt your heartbeat today yeah I like that because that takes a lot of oh shit no and so again that's kind of become part of my teeth brushing practice is like, can I

just like sit with myself for these like micro moments of things that I'm already doing? Like we said, it's not about adding to your to-do list. It's not about even changing your to-do list, but just incorporating more being into your doing. Yeah, yeah. I love that, yeah. I actually, I love that too, because I think we can get kind of wrapped into this,

oh, more being and less doing. And I feel like even that idea is hard and daunting because it almost suggests that you're taking things off your to-do list when really, can you just infuse more being into your doing? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And that's going to look different for everyone too, right? This isn't like a one-size-fits-all and it's going to look different in each season too. What worked yesterday might not work tomorrow.

And there's buttloads of frustration with that. But there's also like an opportunity for buttloads of self-compassion and self-trust to, yeah, just kind of prioritize that anything else coming up for you any intentions you want to declare and kind of set out loud for this season cycle whatever you want to call it um I feel like it's always the same well that's fine like continue to just like anchor into that and right like I think I actually love that you just named that because I feel like for a lot of people that in itself can kind of like trigger that shame spiral like oh well I just haven't accomplished the thing I set up to do well no like it's not an overnight change it's not like it's not necessarily going to happen in the timeline that we think it's going to so of course you're allowed to just like

anchor into it again and again and again yeah yeah and then I think like my intention is to continue to like have harder boundaries around the days and times where I am mom and the days and times where I'm doing work or more like creative projects, which as I'm saying that I'm like, well, I'm always doing all of them all at the same time, but then both kind of lose out. Right. Then I'm not as present with Zoe and then I'm, you know, I'm not as creative because I'm, I'm, my focus is elsewhere.

Like right now, which is okay. But I think overall, like I want to focus more of my work on, you know, the few days where I actually can leave her with someone and be fully present with my work and projects. And then when I'm with her, can be fully present and playing with her. We just got a giant trampoline and stuck it in the middle of our forest. I love that. And it has been so much fun for both of us. Like she's obsessed with it. And I'm talking about like being present with her. And right now she's like whining behind me,

wanting my attention. Oh, the hypocrisy and duality. And I need to like applies to this too, right? Not just food. But yeah, I think what happens when I feel my energy in two places is that then everything becomes frustrated. Like even right now I'm like, oh, feeling resentment, resentment. Like why can't I just have this hour to do this one thing? And that's not how I want to go through my day. That's not the energy I want to bring to this. And it's not the energy I want

to bring towards my family either. So for me, that's the intention I want to go through my day. That's not the energy I want to bring to this. And it's not the energy I want to bring towards my family either. So for me, that's the intention is like how to have some harder boundaries around, you know, this is work time. This is being a mom time. But of course, letting it flow and,

and groove and, you know, be molded by what's happening and what's needed. So more presence in whatever it is I'm doing and I actually love that you're kind of like renaming this intention after we've just kind of gone in so many directions around this theme of efficiency because I think yeah Like this idea of like multitasking, which we have been praised for and ultimately is coming out of this like desire and motivation to be efficient isn't actually efficient, right? Like it's like you just named, like it's actually meaning you're less present in both and that's not supportive to anyone right and I think that's

exactly what we're kind of trying to allude to in like the example of just being more present when you're brushing your teeth or taking like the extra 30 seconds to stand with your kettle as it's boiling it's just these opportunities to fully be present in that experience and really almost allowing yourself to like romanticize them. I feel like there's a lot of, one of my favorite books is The Healing Power of Pleasure. And I love it because it, it really just kind of opens the narrative about where we can experience pleasure in our lives not just like in a sexuality context but like in literally every moment of your life and a big part of it is taking those those pauses and um really opening up your senses allowing your senses to heighten and like take

everything in and we can't do that if you have a million tabs open all the time and you're you're trying to do everything at once so anyways that was just a little way to say I love that intention and I'm I'm holding that with you I think what I want to bring forward is just my intention to just really flex that like self-trust muscle a little bit more and begin to follow through on the things I say I'm going to follow through on without shaming myself or gaslighting the experience when like it doesn't happen. And I think that's the hard part is like holding space for it all. But yeah, I think the fact that my awareness to it has expanded and like I'm just seeing it more clearly, it already makes it a little bit easier to now actually make a different

choice around it. And like you said, like it's awareness and discernment, awareness and discernment. It starts with, hey, are you aware? And can you kind of like zoom out enough to see it happening can you be this radical witness to the experience that you're having to the emotions you're feeling and to the stories that you're you're telling yourself and kind of begin to dissect and unravel and yeah back together again in the way that you want it. Right. So yeah, I think that's, that's the biggest thing for me. And yeah, obviously, that can show up in really teeny tiny ways. And that's probably the way to start, right? Like when we talk about titrating our

nervous system, taking that big leap often is a little bit too much so taking teeny tiny leaps and um yeah um oh I wanted to comment on the the piece around presence and how like even you today feeling like you're pulled into places because you're also watching Zoe and that means you're not fully present here and you're not fully present with Zoe I know you and I were starting to have a conversation just around the hiccups of even trying to record this episode and how we've maybe been putting too much pressure on ourselves to um be recording like right on the actual date of the new and full moon so I think this is a beautiful invitation for both of us to um write our own rules here and like decide what this can look like going forward um yeah right so

maybe that looks like knowing when we both have some child free time and scheduling these calls then but continuing to anchor them around yeah whatever was closer right the new moon of the full moon so still entering into those energies but releasing that pressure of a date on the calendar yeah yeah and I think that's it right there we get to make our own rules and allow it to match the capacity and the season that we're currently in. And I'm sure it'll shift again in a few weeks, months. Yeah, in a month. Yeah.

Yeah. Love that we can rewrite the rules together, my friend. Yeah. well I'm I I'm still just loving that question of have you felt your heartbeat today I'm just gonna like bring that into my day today yeah yeah and the other question that I really love um in those moments of like when you are aware of those moments of kind of self-sabotage or like, you know, I said I was going to do this thing and I'm right now in this moment, I want to do something different. It's like, can you pause in that moment? And can you ask yourself, like, what do I actually need right now? Like what, what is feeling so uncomfortable about

doing this thing? What do I need right now? Yeah yeah um and and just taking a moment to kind of feel into that not from the mind not from the mind because it's so easy to overanalyze every single thought feeling motion um but in my body what do I need right now do I need to rub my chest and show my my body that okay this anxiety that's here it this anxiety that's here, it's okay. You can be here. It's okay. Like, just let it be here. It's so, we're so quick to like, think our way out of it before actually feeling through it. Yeah. Even like with, you know, we were talking about, oh, it feels so good to take a deep breath. And I think sometimes we use that as a way to distract from feeling the actual feeling of anger, frustration, whatever it is. It's like,

oh, you need to regulate yourself. You need to breathe through it. Really what we're doing is we're breathing and stopping the feeling. I love that you just brought that up because I think, I mean, this has definitely been something that I've been working on. And I think it's really common as we totally pathologize, not just our nervous system response, but just like so many of our emotions and we kind of label them as good or bad, right? And so all those bad emotions, we can be so quick to try to fix them and get rid of them. you're right like sometimes that deep breath is our like default this is kind of like it's almost like slapping a band-aid on it in a realistic way of course slap a band-aid on this emotion because I don't want to feel it right now so I'm going to breathe my way through it so it goes away faster that's not actually doing and being with and holding space for that emotion and like sometimes that's needed for sure like

sometimes you need to do that yeah so you don't lose it on your kids so you don't like whatever it is but if you're not that that emotion is still there it's still trapped it's still that fight response whatever it is it's still in there and it needs to move it needs to come through so if you can you know put a slap a a bandaid on it for the moment, knowing that you're going to have, give yourself some space in a few minutes to lock yourself in the bathroom and actually sit with it and cry and clench your fist and push on the wall, whatever it is to allow that energy to move. Yeah. That still needs to be part of it. Yeah. Yeah. So good. I think just like, I know I've really anchored into that practice when especially during like nap time. So on the days when Aubrey's still napping, that moment of like, I have like a moment of free time. What do I want to do? It can obviously be so quick. It can be easy to like just quickly move through my to do list and want to get as much done as possible and instead I ask myself like what would be most nourishing right now but I love that you are just giving

that reminder of like asking your body that not your mind yeah there's a big difference there and I want to just give even a better example for those that have a hard time connecting to their body. And that's something that you do in your somatic sessions, at least the ones I've had with you, is like asking, like, what feels lit up in your body right now? I think that's the word. And I know when I use that language, and I ask myself that, that it kind of forces me to actually do like this mini body scan of like oh yeah like where in my body is is calling for my attention and can I give it that attention and of course yeah like have I heard my heartbeat today like that's beautiful too because it again just like in order to feel your heartbeat, you really need to

calm the mind down and become fully present with yourself. So, I mean, there's so many different strategies, right? It's not a one size fits all. Yeah. It's all a practice too. Like for some, the thought of listening to their body is just like completely foreign and unattainable right now and that's okay um it's a practice it's yeah yeah I think like another simple one is kind of like the what is it like the five four three two one like five things you can five things you can hear four things you can see three things you can feel like that kind of practice like the traditionally like a mindfulness practice but that's essentially what we're talking about is like how can yeah again just like height it's it's I don't know it's it's heightening your senses and it's also like

turning the volume down on the mind so in whatever way you need to do that that's our our medicine for you today incorporate that a couple more times in your day and yeah like it could sometimes be as simple as just like feet on the earth like literally like two seconds like can you just like be outside and like actually like feel the sun on your body and like the cold grass on your feet or whatever sensations are happening in in that day but yeah yeah yeah I think that's a great those are two great questions to kind of leave you with yeah what what does my body need right now and have you felt your heartbeat today shall we leave it at that i think we should

zoe thinks we should too all righty bye lauren and bye friends talk to you guys sometime near the full moon yeah and yeah if anything resonates as always send us a message we love to hear from you Thank you. you