REWILD + FREE - A solo rant on navigating limitless opportunities

Episode Date: April 21, 2023

Spontaneous solo episode where I go on a little rant about human design and shedding layers of societal conditioning. I reflect on my journey so far, feeling naked and afraid as I approach this limitless path in front of me. I'm feeling it ALLThe fear, the excitement, and the biggness I know I'm on the right right path if I can continue to follow my heart and get out of my head This impromptu rant was inspired by @catie.lynch on IG who is a fellow projector and mentor for visionary entrepreneurs and thought leaders Wanna connect? Say hi in my dms @nicolepasveerClick here to apply to be a guest on the show Donuts are my love language:If this show has inspired, transformed or made your life a tinyyy bit better in anyway and you’ve been searching for a way to say thank you, and support me in producing MORE episodes just like this one, I've set up a link so you can buy me a donut >>Click here to buy Nicole a donut Support the showConnect with Nicole on IG (@nicolepasveer) Want to be a guest on the podcast? Fill out this form

Welcome to the Not Just a Mom Show, where we have open and honest conversations about the vulnerabilities and the victories within entrepreneurship and new motherhood. If we haven't met yet, I'm Nicole Pazier and I'm going to be your host. Here on the show, we don't subscribe to perfection. In fact, being present is the new perfect and showing up messy is the new norm. My hope is that this podcast serves as a safe space for me and inspiration for you to stop living life watered down. Together, we will uncover versions of our most potent selves where we show up unapologetically, intentionally, and without filter. We are worthy, just as we are,

as all that we are, not just the label we put on ourselves. We are more than just a mom, and I'm so glad you're here. I was literally in the middle of watching an Instagram live from Katie Lynch. And if you don't know who Katie Lynch is, she is a therapist turned, I think she calls herself a visionary leader or something like that. that she basically helps other business owners just start doing business in alignment and walking their truest path and self-expression and all that stuff and anyway so I followed her for a while I love everything she says I connect to her on a lot of things we have a lot of things in common specifically human design she is also a projector and I don't know much about human design yet so I literally soak up everything um that is put in front of me about human design

and so her Instagram live today was about business and human design so of course I was listening and I literally had to stop because she said something that literally just like I wouldn't say it like rocked me almost like the opposite of rock it just like was like oh my god that makes so much sense and I was just filled instantly with so much peace and light and expansiveness. So like the opposite of being rocked. Anyways, I stopped the live and I came to open a voice memo because I'm like, I need to talk about this. I want this on my podcast. I want to process this out loud. And then Aubrey started waking up and I lost some of my train of thought. And so here I am a couple minutes later trying to regroup and trying to get back into what I wanted to say and I think what it was was something about being a rebel and being kind of squished into this box and a lot of that is from good girl

conditioning and I want to just before I on, so the way she described human design was that your human design is basically who you are supposed to be before the world gets to you, before you are conditioned. And a big part of my journey since becoming a mother and since becoming an entrepreneur and quitting my career as a nurse and starting my own business has been about unlearning a lot of the conditions that have been placed from society and from my family and culture, Hollywood, all of the things. And this journey for me has been about shedding those parts of me that aren't actually me. Those parts of me that I've put on to try to fit in and try to be loved and try to be accepted

and try to be respected, I've realized that for me, a lot of it isn't about, a lot of it, a lot of it is about being respected and being able to feel accepted and be seen. And coming into motherhood, which rocked my world um has allowed me to really step into this new identity and it's allowed me to start actually exploring who I am below all those layers and anyway so Katie Lynch's live this morning was talking about how human design is basically who you are supposed to be without those layers that come from society's conditioning. And she talked about how projectors and I think her and I have a lot of similarities because I have talked to her briefly. Anyways, also want to say this I want to like manifest this right now I want Katie Lynch on my podcast Katie Lynch if you're listening to this

please come on my podcast also I'm going to stop calling you Katie Lynch you can just be Katie I think that would be really weird if someone constantly called me Nicole Pazzer all day although I was just listening to another podcast earlier and they gave me a little shout out but they couldn't remember my last name so I was just Nicole from Canada so I'm totally okay if you want to call me Nicole from Canada because I have a lot of American friends and a lot of connections with people in other parts of the world so if I am Nicole in Canada and that's how you can remember me. That works. Anyways. Anyway, so like Katie's live was talking about how she is a rebel, but didn't know she was a rebel because she always did things the way it was expected of her and good girl conditioning and people pleasing and all of those things.

And I've talked about those things before and can completely relate because that has been my life's journey so far. Although I know now that that is not the path I'm headed and I'm on this awakening of sorts where I'm realizing that the box I've been putting myself in is way too damn small. And I have a lot of fear of what's outside the box because my whole life I've never allowed myself to have limitless dreams. Like when I went to nursing school and got a nursing job and married my husband, I kind of told myself, okay, like these are the careers we've chosen. This is the life that we can married my husband I kind of told myself okay like these are the careers we've chosen this is the life that we can have and I kind of put myself in the box of okay this is what like a nurse and a mechanic living in Canada can have and I've never allowed myself to go past that

and anyways this whole entrepreneur entrepreneur I cannot say that word. This journey as an entrepreneur has really allowed me to look at some of the shadow side of myself and some of the trauma that is coming up for healing. of healing work. I've done a lot of inner work, inner child healing, reparenting, nervous system stuff to really bring myself to this place where I feel like I'm starting from scratch. And that's a weird mix of being scared, but also being super excited and just not sure what's to come and I see old tendencies of myself where I'd want to take control because taking control brought me a sense of safety although like I realize now that that was just a perception. It wasn't a real sense of safety. I obviously can't control a lot of things. Actually in life there's very little that path in front of me and I'm mixed with tons of emotions about that and I'm actually in a place where I can hold space for all of it whereas in the past I really didn't have the threshold or the capacity to feel more than one thing really I didn't have the capacity to feel I was so stuck in my head. I ignored feelings.

I suppressed feelings. I ignored symptoms in my body. I tried to get rid of them with Tylenol for a headache, for example. Things have changed now. I am totally rambling here. The other thing I wanted to talk about was just realizing that the inner rebel in myself that has always been there despite me trying to fit into this box like looking back as a child like I remember my mom would tell me that I would always ask a ton of questions and I

remember like in high school and nursing school I would have tons of questions in my head. I just didn't have the balls to actually ask them. I was scared of being disrespected or unaccepted if I asked the wrong thing. And I remember COVID. COVID obviously was a lot for a lot of people. And there's a lot of negatives that came with COVID, but I think there's also a lot of positives. And obviously that's easier to say now that we are coming out of it. But I remember in COVID thinking so many things that were in contrast to what other people around me were thinking. And I remember just challenging the status quo, but not feeling like I could actually voice my opinions or my,

I didn't even have opinions. I couldn't, I felt like I didn't feel safe to ask questions because I could see that the people that were asking questions were being ostracized and being called conspiracy theorists and they weren't fitting in. And I was so fearful of not fitting in that I just silenced my own thinking. I didn't even let myself think another way. And then this showed up in pregnancy too. I remember thinking like, why is this policy or why is this what people do when they're 20 weeks pregnant? Or why is this the next test at 30 weeks? Like, why am I going for this ultrasound? Or why do I have to get this gestational diabetes test when I have blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, I don't need to explain all that. The point is, is in my head, I would be wondering these things and I'd be challenging these things, but I didn't feel safe enough to ask. I didn't feel safe enough to speak my truth. I didn't feel safe enough to use my voice. And I am proud to say that I've come a long ways.

And really that was only, that was like two years ago. I've come a long ways from the two year ago me. And I'm very proud of myself. I'm proud of myself for even letting myself get here because it's been extremely uncomfortable like I said I've done a lot of healing and inner work and that hasn't been easy and there's been a lot of fear because nothing feels familiar nothing feels comfortable uncomfortable and I've lost um oh what's the word like so many things around me and this is my own doing so many things around me are now unfamiliar and new and exciting but unfamiliar and new and our nervous systems don't like unfamiliar our nervous systems don't like

um unknown that's like what makes us feel unsafe and thankfully I have the tools and the coping strategies to be able to create safety even in this uncharted territory that I'm walking down. I feel like I'm on this path that no one's traveled. And as cliche as that sounds like, it's true because obviously no one is living my life and nobody has the past experiences that I have and nobody has the same ideas and thoughts going on in their head that I do at the exact same moment that they're experiencing something in their environment or in their reality. So obviously this path has never been walked on. Obviously I'm the only one here. And I think for the first time I'm actually like realizing the bigness of that and oh I don't know I don't even

know what the point of recording all of this was I think it was just that Katie's live really got me thinking and reflecting on where I'm at in my life right now and the bigness and the limitlessness of my future. And I really do believe that I'm here to lead and to show people that there's another way. And in this season of my life, I'm being called to help people rewrite the story of birth and motherhood, but I'm also accepting that that doesn't have to be permanent, and as I change seasons in my life, that there's room to expand and pivot, and that's another thing. I've really had a hard time letting go of this idea of like permanency I feel like

for a long time any kind of decision I'd make I would hold on to it as being permanent I remember even thinking like when we bought our first house of course when we bought our first house we never thought we'd be moving like a year and a half later we thought we'd be there for five or so years and I know five isn't permanent but it felt like a really long time and we never would have predicted that we'd only be there for one and a half years when I started my nursing job I again didn't think it was permanent. I knew that there might be changes down the road, but in the moment, I really couldn't see anywhere else because the fear of change was so huge.

I was so stuck in wanting to be safe and familiar that changing directions wasn't even an option to me. So again, that decision felt permanent in the sense that that's where I was going to be for a long time. I never would have predicted that I would only be a nurse for five years. Yeah, I don't know. So it's just like this humbling reminder to me that when I'm feeling really heavy in trying to make decisions, that's like a good sign to me that I'm getting stuck in my head again and I'm trying to take control by making these decisions feel permanent. And that's where the weight comes in. And when I can remove all that and when I can just kind of let go and let the universe take over and let um yeah who like whoever whatever it is

that is bigger than me god universe spirit whatever it is um when I can let go and let that guide me and actually like make decisions from my heart and my spirit, things don't feel so heavy anymore. Things don't feel so permanent. Feel everything just feels lighter and more expansive. And yeah, anyways, thank you for listening to this round okay before you go I just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to listen to this episode if you were thinking of anyone while listening please send it their way and if anything resonated with you or you love these conversations, please subscribe and leave a review.

This really helps the podcast algorithms put my show in front of more people just like you. And the last thing, I would love nothing more than hearing from you. So say hi, DM me on Instagram and give me a follow at Nicole Pazier. Until next time.