REWILD + FREE - An African Safari, Toddler Interruption, and a Beach Ball

Episode Date: May 9, 2023

Riding solo for this episode, take a listen to find out what African Safaris, Toddler Interruptions, and Beach Balls have in common As usual, connect with me on IG (@nicolepasveer)Want to be guest on the show, apply hereSupport the showConnect with Nicole on IG (@nicolepasveer) Want to be a guest on the podcast? Fill out this form

Welcome to the Not Just a Mom Show, where we have open and honest conversations about the vulnerabilities and the victories within entrepreneurship and new motherhood. If we haven't met yet, I'm Nicole Pazier and I'm going to be your host. Here on the show, we don't subscribe to perfection. In fact, being present is the new perfect and showing up messy is the new norm. My hope is that this podcast serves as a safe space for me and inspiration for you to stop living life watered down. Together, we will uncover versions of our most potent selves where we show up unapologetically, intentionally, and without filter. We are worthy, just as we are,

as all that we are, not just the label we put on ourselves. We are more than just a mom, and I'm so glad you're here. Hey friend, welcome to another week of the Not Just a Mom podcast with me, Nicole Pasvir. I'm so glad you're here. This episode is, well, you'll just have to listen. Basically, it starts off with me not sure where it's going to go, and then it ends with a couple of helpful messages. I'm hoping they're helpful at least. They were for me. They were nice little aha moments that I'm happy to share with you. So listen to the end because yeah hopefully they are things that you can implement in your life and reflect on deeper and yeah just all the things. I did record this on my deck so you'll have to excuse the noises of the great outdoors including the birds in my backyard and the dogs

and all the things. Anyways here you go I hope you enjoy. So for several days now, I've had record a podcast on my to-do list. And it's actually kind of funny because when I first launched the podcast and set up a link for people to apply to be on the show, I was actually overwhelmed with the number of you who wanted to come have a conversation with me um it was really cool and I had I think I had something like nine interviews scheduled in like a four-week period and so I thought okay cool like I am gonna be set for a long time I'm gonna have all these episodes batched. I'm not going to have to think about recording my own episodes for a while.

Unless, of course, something comes alive in my heart and I'm just dying to talk about it. Obviously, I'm happy to show up and record for those spontaneous and impromptu episodes. But in my head, I thought things were planned out, and I thought I was in a good space. And then I don't even know what happened. I did have a couple batched, and then those got released. And then I think I had to reschedule one of my interviews, and then two other people had to postpone their interview and so it's been like almost three weeks I think since I've actually recorded with someone and that means I don't have anything else batched and in my head I've told myself that I'm releasing a new episode every Tuesday so record podcast has been on my to-do list basically all

week because I don't have anything ready to publish on Tuesday. And it's now Sunday and I've been battling with this internal debate of practicing what I preach which is actually like recognize become aware of and dissect the shoulds as they're popping up and this is a big should that I should record a podcast because I've said I'm going to release episodes every Tuesday versus actually just showing up to record when I want to record and when I have something to talk about. And it's really hard to navigate the two because as much as I'd like to just blow off the should and say that that's stemming from the people pleaser in me or the perfectionist and not wanting to let people down it's also like not wanting to let myself down and because I've told myself that's what I want to do and I want to hold myself accountable it's just this really like fine line and I don't actually know what the correct answer is I think for me in this

instance the correct answer is releasing the expectation of having to do something and instead standing in my truth that I only want to show up when I'm in the right energy and there's a topic alive on my heart. But I also recognize that like life can get in the way. And I've definitely been feeling a lot of imposter syndrome and just feeling like, who the hell am I to be saying what I'm saying? Or are people even listening? Or is this message landing or am I just rambling I've been really crapping on myself a lot lately for rambling and feeling like I

am over explaining everything and that's also something that is like an internal debate in my head where part of me is like oh well that's just who I am and it's safe to be me it's safe to be heard it's safe for me to say whatever I want to say and while that is true on the flip side I also recognize that my tendency to over explain and to ramble is often coming up when I'm not feeling safe. And it's my way of making sure that I'm not misunderstood because ultimately I'm still not feeling safe to be heard. And so, yeah, I'm not even sure what my point is here. I don't know that I have a point.

I think I'm just practicing my ability to speak and kind of flexing that muscle of allowing myself to be heard and flexing the muscle of I can still show up even if I don't feel like I have a potent message or something super valuable to share. Because the truth is, is my words still matter. And really, I have no idea what's going to land for someone. I have no idea what you're going through right now. And if my experience is a parallel in some way to your current story or the story you're writing and the path that

you're on. I have no idea how this is going to land. And I'm constantly reminding myself that I don't have to have the answers and I don't have to be an expert here and have a solution to give you or advice to offer or here's five tips on how to do xyz or how to overcome xyz I don't I don't have those five tips if I did I'd maybe be like rich by now but I'm not um the other thing that's been getting in my way and that I've been meeting a lot of resistance is feeling like I need these like perfect environments and like an opportune time to record like there's been several moments where I've had the space like the time space like space in my calendar to go sit down and record something but I'm I'm noticing myself let excuses get in the way the excuse of oh Aubrey's asleep on me

and she's snoring or Aubrey's asleep on me and the fans going on in the background so the audio is not going to be good or the excuse of um I'm outside oh perfect example I'm outside right now and the dog's barking or there's cars going by or the other day it sounded like street cleaners on the road behind my house and it's just like these constant excuses and I think I'm doing it to again back to my old tendency of playing small and trying to fit inside this box. And for me, that box was being a perfectionist, being an overachiever, making sure whatever I deliver not only over delivers and exceeds someone's expectations but also I don't know it was almost like this underlying competitiveness for me where I've wanted to and I've only realized this recently um but almost like this underlying want to compete and do better than my peers because that's how I've valued myself or measured my

self-worth and so again I'm just recognizing that I'm being a witness to it and instead of actually like attaching myself to it and identifying to it and let it be me, I'm detaching from it and just noticing and kind of watching it. Like when you're on an African safari, I say that as if like we all just go on African safaris. I've never actually been on an African safari, but I imagine if you're on an African safari and you're sitting in like the truck or Jeep thing that drives you through the safari, you don't just like stare at these animals as they're in their wild habitat. You just kind of like casually watch them. You don't really want them to notice you. You're kind of pretending like you don't notice them but at the same time you're super curious and you want to know exactly what they're

doing that's kind of what I'm doing to myself when I notice these tendencies of mine continue to pop up and I think that is part of how we can work through them because if we continue to identify with them or if we continue to just say oh well that's how I am or that's just my personality or whatever it is then you're basically like removing any space to move through it or past it and expand from it and you're almost like stalling any growth um and I don't know about you but I'm not I'm not in the business of doing that to myself I I know that there's a lot out there for me and I know that I am worthy of it all and I just have to keep moving forward and allowing myself to expand and grow and I think I have a little visitor coming to visit me on the deck. Hi Aubrey. Okay Aubrey has now joined me on the deck um her grandma my mother-in-law

is an avid thrift shopper and garage sailor and facebook marketplace deal finder and um she's always asking me what we need or want and so I told her that we're on the lookout for a water table that's in decent shape and not super filthy because I just don't want to have to clean it and so she found us one she found us this really cool double decker water table that has a little umbrella so when it's when summer decides to come Aubrey can be in the shade and so anyways she brought it over this morning and I haven't put water in it and I'm probably not going to for a while because Aubrey has decided that it's a perfect container to sit in so she climbs up and sits in the bottom portion of this water table.

And it's cute. And I don't want to ruin her fun. So, yeah, we'll put water in it when she actually starts using it as a water table. Oh, dear. And now she's going to try to climb the umbrella pole. Okay, I might need to pause this recording and parent for a second. Okay, Aubrey's back in the house now. And something really cool happened.

There was a big shift within me. Before I started recording this, like I mentioned, I've been just kind of having the internal debate of listening to the shoulds or not listening to the shoulds and just kind of contemplating how I want to show up and yeah just how I want to show up on this podcast and how I want to record and when I decided to hit record 10 minutes ago I told myself like this doesn't actually have to be anything just like start talking and we'll see

where it goes and so sure enough like now that I've been talking I just feel this huge like pressure lift where I don't have to have this like super organized and thought out episode for you um I can just talk and um yeah I almost feel like there's wisdom coming through that I now want to share and that's super super cool because I think this is exactly how it's supposed to be and it's happening in real time and I'm so glad you're listening so the thing that just popped up for me as Aubrey was coming out is I easily could have been frustrated and said Aubrey no no I'm recording an episode right now please go in the house and I could have shut the door and I could have basically like dismissed her and completely suppressed her need and desire for a moment of connection and obviously I didn't um because

I don't do that and that's not really how I parent but it's also not how I treat my podcast and because we're not going for perfect here and we're going for present obviously I'm going to attend to the needs of my child even if that means I'm mid-recording but my point is and the message I want to share from that is toddlers babies kids who at whatever age there's a lot of wisdom coming from them if we choose to listen and I think of it similar to our emotions much like a toddler who potentially just wants like a single moment of connection all she wanted was for me to say hi Aubrey and notice her and um just actually there's a really weird sounding bird above me um that's not distracting at all anyways all Aubrey wanted from me was to acknowledge her existence and connect with her and say hello and I think

our emotions are the same so instead of consistently or constantly trying to suppress our emotions and not deal with them and pretend they don't exist and not have space for them our emotions that's something I've been working on um especially like sensations in the body like I really don't feel like I'm fluent in my vocabulary to name the sensations I'm feeling and that's in large part to just how the world is right now but my point is is I think it's really important that we acknowledge and hold space for these emotions, these feelings, these sensations, these cyclical beliefs and patterns, all of the things. Like we need to actually notice them in order to work through them. We have to feel them in order to work through them. We have to feel them in order to work through them. We can't just keep resisting them. And it kind of creates that beach ball effect if we're constantly resisting it or ignoring it, right? It's like when you're in a pool and if you have a beach ball and

you try to push the beach ball underwater, it's obviously just going to keep popping up. It's going to keep popping up. And the more you try to press it down the more pressure it has to just pop up even bigger and I think toddlers are the same and emotions are the same so um so the message I'm sharing is basically to feel your shit in the same way that you're not going to ignore your toddler or maybe you do but I'm guessing you don't if you're kind of in the same space as me. I'm guessing you don't. I'm guessing you're very intentional and compassionate and conscious about how you show up as a parent with your children and even if you're not I bet it's something that you're working towards and so I want you to treat your emotions like you treat your children. And even if you're not, I bet it's something that you're working towards. And so I want you to treat your emotions like you treat your toddler.

And then the next layer to add on to that, which is maybe even harder, is instead of having any judgment towards that emotion or that sensation or that belief that keeps popping up, I need you to start looking at it with this deep, tender, non-judgmental curiosity and compassion. Again, just like you do with your toddler, right? When Aubrey steps out onto the deck to quote-unquote interrupt me I'm not barking at her to get out of my space I'm curious and compassionate and attentive and I want to know what she needs or what she wants to show me or what she has to say and so we need to be doing that to ourselves we need to be doing that to our own inner dialogue and our own bodily sensations and the communication that our body is trying to send us because that's the thing is our body is constantly sending us messages and I think culturally we've been taught how not to listen right we've been

taught how to kind of bypass and just kind of like move past that because that stuff can sometimes feel like it gets in the way. And the thing is, is that's not working for us. It really isn't. Look at how the world is right now, right? We are all feeling massive disconnect. We collectively are burnt out. We're seeing tons of chronic diseases and other things that are not great for our health that we know are in large part due to our lifestyle. And part of that lifestyle is is how we treat our like psyche um and how we how we treat ourselves and so yeah um I could go on

and ramble because that's what I do best but I would love for this episode to stay short and sweet and um thank you for listening I hope you enjoyed it Another thing that I've been working through since the launch of this podcast is just this very weird, almost like mysterious feeling of never knowing who's actually listening, right? In contrast to being on Instagram and like talking on my Instagram stories if I want to I can scroll up and see who's seen it or obviously I know who's following me on Instagram I know who's liking my content but there's a lot of mystery to this whole podcast thing I have no idea who's listening for all I know it's my mom listening 30 times in a row that would be very weird I actually don't think my mom listens at all. She's not a podcast listener. And I don't think that's the case. But anyways,

I have been genuinely curious about who's listening and I guess who my audience is, because I think if I knew, maybe I'd have more direction on what I want to talk about or what kind of guests I want to bring on so if you have become an avid listener if you have been listening since the beginning or even if you're just tuning in now but you plan to keep listening I would really really really love if you say hi on Instagram. I would love to know that you are a loyal supporter of this podcast because that helps me to want to keep going. Not that I need any external validation. Again, something I'm working on and I don't. I'm going to continue this podcast even if nobody was listening, but it does just kind of give me, I don't know, a bit of a guide

and a GPS of where I want to take it. Anyways, okay, thank you for listening. Have a lovely day. I love you guys. Okay, before you go, I just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to listen to this episode. If you were thinking of anyone while listening, please send it their way. And if anything resonated with you or you love these conversations, please subscribe and leave a review. This really helps the podcast algorithms put my show in front of more people just like you. And the last thing, I would love nothing more than hearing from you. So say hi, DM me on Instagram and give me a follow at Nicole Pazier. Until next time.