REWILD + FREE - Bamboozled by My Own Anxiety: The Tenderness of Stepping into a New Identity

Episode Date: October 23, 2025

In this little riff, I attempt to unpack what it really means to “step into a new identity”... beyond the pinterest quotes and pop spiritual manifestation fluff.From the bamboozlement of realizing how much mental energy goes into trying to get it right or plan for the future, to the tenderness of trusting yourself when the path is unknown — we’re pulling on threads of self-trust, perfectionism, and the nervous system’s craving for safety.Expect reflections on:Why “I’m working on it” keeps you STUCK in limboThe MYTH of needing clarity before taking actionWhat straddling two identities actually feels likeThe quiet courage of trusting your breadcrumbsIf you’re navigating your own identity shift (in motherhood, business, or life - hello late identified neurodivergence LOL) , let's connect!! As always, I'd love to hear what stirs or lands for you in this conversation. Send me an unscripted voice note on IG (@nicolepasveer) and let me know! 

You're listening to ReWild and Free. This is the go-to podcast for conscious and holistic entrepreneurs who are ditching society's to-do list for intentional living, freedom, and abundance. If we haven't met yet, I'm Nicole Pasvier. I'm an ex-nurice, turn matressence guide, and coach, leading women just like you into the new paradigm. Keep listening if you're ready to unsubscribe from patriarchal motherhood, bro-marketing, and boss babe culture.

Because in this space, we use nature as our framework as we move towards feminine embodied business development, cyclical orientation, and slowly. living. Together, let's rewild and remember as we break free from survival and reconnect to what truly matters. Okay, friend, steep your tea and take the most loving breath you've given to yourself today and let's go. Oh my gosh, this is episode 93 of the rewild and free podcast. And that is just bananas to me because it's there's still a part of me that doesn't even it doesn't feel real that I have a podcast like it doesn't feel real that I'm podcaster and also it feels like the most natural and fun thing that I do like in my business right now so it's just kind of funny to

feel into the duality of both sides and just all of that and also recognizing how how big starting creating having a podcast felt before I was actually doing it and kind of looking at that in terms of what other aspects of my life am I kind of making this assumption that it's going to be really big and it's going to take a lot of time and it's going to be quote unquote hard when really like if you just start doing it you know the action in itself brings the clarity the action brings the momentum. And I wrote this in an email a couple weeks ago, breaking up with the language of I'm working on. Because when we speak in that language of like I'm working on starting a podcast as an example, it's this energy leak because there's no actual task to cross off and complete. And it's

almost like you are just moving the goalpost as you go and there's never this sense of completion. and I think especially if you have a neurodivergent brain like you need that sense of completion you need that little dopamine hit to fuel progress and obviously like this this could spiral into a conversation around consistency and inconsistency and routines and devotion and commitment and stuff but like I'm not going there the point is is like this language of I'm working on just creates so much space for things to be in this. land of in-between and it makes it really hard to step fully into the identity that maybe you need to be in to go do the thing. An example of this is happening in my real life right now. There's a

couple of things that I'm kind of considering and on the fence about, some things that would require me to step into a bit of a different identity, one of which is I've always wanted to write a book, right? It's one of those things that is constantly swirling in my brain, up mental energy and heart energy too um and also it's one of those things that feels so far away but that in itself that giant gap that and that space that I'm allowing to be created between right now and potentially the the reality of writing a book and being an author that in itself is like an energy leak and um I was actually just on I just signed up for a workshop that kind of fell into my lap with a writing coach. And I'm like,

okay, maybe this is, maybe this is time, right? Maybe this is when I'm actually going to step into that identity. And it just has me reflecting on the bigness of what podcasting first felt like and how it really doesn't feel that big anymore. And I imagine writing would be similar, right? There's clarity that instantly comes as soon as we can make a commitment to something. And in this workshop, that was one thing that really stayed with me. And I've spoken about this in other spaces. I've felt this in other spaces too where this, this identity that's required to go do something like newer to you. It's like there's two horses, right? And the one horse is your old identity and the other horse is the new identity. And often where they're straddling both.

And obviously straddling both is probably not safe. You're probably going to fall. You're also not going to go very far or very fast. And so it really is an invitation to do kind of the inside outwork to make those identity shifts. And of course, thinking about all this has me thinking about like birth and motherhood and my own experiences of life thus far. And I was actually, while I was driving home this morning from dropping Aubrey off at daycare,

I was, I was laughing at myself because I just had this moment of almost feeling so bamboozled, so bamboozled with my own anxiety and witnessing where, a lot of my mental thoughts go, the mental chatter. And my mental chatter really likes to think about the future and think about what's the next right step or what's the thing that I'm going to need to do or, you know, like just imagining what things are going to look like.

Again, from a neurodivergent perspective, I have a lot of compassion for myself in this because I see this in my daughter too. There's a lot of safety for her in knowing what to expect. And as parents, like, we accommodate her in a way by prepping her and talking a lot about something new. Actually, a perfect example of this is a couple weeks ago, she broke her elbow. And so after she fell and we kind of had the suspicion that, ooh, this might be broken, we should probably go get it checked out. She was very hesitant to actually go to the hospital. And it actually took about five hours of us, you know, kind of matching her pace and really helping to, uh,

soften that hesitancy and we showed her YouTube video of another four-year-old kid who hurt his elbow and so the video was showing him walking into the hospital and going to get an x-ray and then getting a cast and as soon as she could see all of that that brought her a sense of you know safety and softness in her nervous system and she was willing to go and i see that in myself too like i really really really want to know what to expect it feels very unsafe and very uncomfortable to live in the land of uncertainty. And I don't think this is just like a neurodivergent or autistic trade at all, but I do think fellow neurodivergent people,

specifically autistic people, probably know exactly what I mean by this. There's that like flavor of hypervigilance that comes in new surroundings because there's the subconscious masking that happens to try to fit in. And so if we already kind of know what to expect, part of that work is already done for us. we know how we need to present ourselves. And it's so sad that that's the reality. That's why I said I have a lot of compassion for myself.

I have a lot of compassion for my daughter too in witnessing what her nervous system need. Anyways, I digressed. The point is, is I, yeah, was driving home this morning and just felt completely bamboozled because it occurred to me that, holy shit, I spend so much time thinking about the future, thinking about what's next, thinking about, you know, what to expect and all the things that I

need to do. And I was almost just getting flashbacks of my life and all of the things that I never planned for, but it makes so much sense that I had to walk through them. It makes so much sense that I've had to navigate the paths that I've been on and even just like zooming into my business, looking at the different trainings and courses and coaches and groups that I've been a part of and how in the moment I might not necessarily know why I'm being so drawn to them. And I've just always trusted the breadcrumbs that energize and inspire me. That's been a mantra of mine for several years now to just follow the breadcrumbs that energize and inspire. And yeah, I think that bamboozled feeling was coming from like, holy shit.

those breadcrums, those breadcrumbs have literally never failed me. Never ever have those breadcrums failed me. And there was a huge wave of gratitude for previous versions of myself for trusting all of those breadcrumbs and also this bamboozled feeling of like, wow, what a waste of time it is to spend kind of being so future-centered all the time and like coming out of the present and you know stressing about like is this the right choice or the wrong choice or like just sitting on the fence of things and again I see how this kind of comes back to you know starting a podcast or like saying like I'm working on a podcast or I'm working on a book and how when you when you're using that language of working on you're you're sitting on the

fence still you're not like fully committed like there's still so much flexibility in wiggle room and also right we need the flexibility in wiggle room to be able to match the pace of our life and the natural cycles of our life and all of the things but yeah it's isn't it just interesting like imagine if we really could just surrender a bit more to to the way like life is moving through us and with us and for us and you know this kind of sounds cliche because I feel like a lot of people do speak about this and you know we could say enjoy the journey not just a destination or whatever that saying is and that's an aspect of this but tangibly what does that actually look like day to day right what does that look like when you're writing your to do list what does that look like when

you're deciding you know what what course or training to sign up for what does it look like when you're oh gosh like even planning for something six months from now right like i know for me there's so much uncertainty and almost like just major discomfort in committing to things that far out because I just have no idea what life is going to look like. And I think right now, excuse me, in this season of my life, like, I can't help but relate all of this to the seasons of metrescence. And I feel like I don't talk about metrescence as much as I want to because it is such a big anchor and compass of my life. I am a certified Seasons of Metrescent's facilitator. And I barely ever put on that hat, which is hilarious, because I think I've just been in the thick of my own of motherhood and matressants that, like, I forget that there's so much medicine in the framework of looking at motherhood, looking at metrescence through seasons that we can translate to other aspects of our life, right?

Similar to cyclical work and connecting to your menstrual cycle and, you know, beginning to see aspects of life. and for me aspects of creation, aspects of business building, aspects of almost literally everything is cyclical. Once you see it, you can't unsee it. And so I've just, yeah, been reflecting a lot about like the seasons and this like back to the idea of identity and, you know, potentially straddling two horses and really needing to step into a new identity. Thinking about what that looks like tangibly because again, it's it's uncomfortable and it's kind of this like airy, fairy idea, right? People will be like, yeah you just need to step into your next identity or you need to like become the best version of yourself or whatever it is right or like yeah in order to run a marathon you have to identify as like

a marathon runner in order to write a book you have to identify as an author right there's there's so much kind of obsession and and uh focus on like oh just step into that identity and like i want to i guess like zoom in on like what the fuck does that actually look like what the fuck does that even mean because i don't think it's as simple as like oh just like meditated and manifest every morning and like you know do the things act as if it was already real and like actually remember i was in i was in a training and it was related to healing your money trauma and stuff like that and talked about you know like embodying kind of like the rich bitch energy like how would you spend your day if you were already in that timeline of a reality and the money thing

is a really kind of tangible example to look at because like obviously you can't just go start spending money as if you have money right like it he he can't quite do that you can't just like embody that lifestyle but what i kind of took from that is it's not so much about the the literal act of like what does that version of you do but it's like that that felt sense of you know i'm feeling confident to um gosh i don't like slow down and like sit my tea in the morning and not have to like rush to my computer or um yeah i don't know even just like the i don't know i don't know i don't know where i'm going with that i don't know if i even have the answers of like tangibly what does this look like day by day because i think it it gets to be so unique for each person it's not

like this one size fits all strategy that maybe some of the like spiritual gurus are trying to pass down to us it needs to be you know respectful and uh compassionate towards what your current nervous system state needs and you know what your current access to resources are what kind of support you have what kind of you know layers of even like self-awareness you have or don't have. And I think really the antidote in all of this is like being in community, that relational aspect of things. I think one of the most, dare I say, like harmful things we can do when we're trying to step into a new identity is to like isolate ourselves and to continue perpetuating cycles of silence and cycles of silence kind of keep us in the territory of shame. And shame literally

is like inflammation in our bodies right they sometimes call shame inflammation because it it manifests as the same way that like inflammation does in our bodies so we know you know kind of the harm of shame and I think a lot of people might not even identify with like oh yeah I feel shame about this but I think when you're straddling those two identities and you're you're stuck in that like oh I'm working on blah blah blah when you're in that like land of in between not having that sense of completion, not really feel like you're making progress. Sometimes you feel like you're spinning your tires and like almost you're frustrated with your own pace, especially when you start looking outside of yourself and you see, oh man, it's just working so easy for her. Like, oh man, she like wanted

to start a podcast and then she did and now her podcast is taking off, right? It's so easy to start comparing ourselves to others. And then like shame starts trickling in, right? You start beating yourself down. You start feeling like, oh, I'm not enough. I must be doing something wrong or, you know, just comparison, right? Comparison. is a thief of joy. How many cliches do I need to pull into this episode? My point is, is that when we're in that land of shame and not feeling enough in some way or maybe feeling like, oh, this is another one that shows up. Like, I just don't have the clarity, right? I just don't know what the next step is. And I think that's almost like a self-fulfilling purpose.

prophecy in a way, we say like we don't have clarity. And really what we mean by that is like we don't trust ourselves to make a decision. We're not trusting ourselves to commit to a choice because we're so fearful of making the wrong choice. And, you know, we get stuck on those two identities. We get stuck in, oh, I'm just working on this and never actually kind of seeing it to fruition because we're so fucking scared of making the wrong choice. And right, then we can kind of, now this is teetering us into the land of perfectionism. And when I think of perfectionism, I immediately translate that to like, what is my nervous system doing? What is the protective mechanism, the adaptive response that my nervous system is doing to keep me safe here? And it begins to make so much sense. So what I'm trying

to say here is like we think we're looking for clarity, but what we're actually looking for is self-trust and self-compassion and grace for the moment. More grace, more space for whatever kind of situation you're in and the tenderness of of making that decision but really it's it's it's self-trust it's not clarity that you're looking for it's self-trust self-trust to make a decision do we follow it I'm like all over the map as always also I uh in case you're watching this on youtube um obviously if you're listening to the podcast you're not going to know this but I'm wearing blue light blocking glasses and here's a story for you so earlier this week I was on a coaching call And someone else was talking about, you know, their kind of perpetual fear of being seen.

And I think a lot of us can relate to that, right? We sometimes think, oh, I'm not seeing the level of success that I want because I have some visibility block or something, right? And I don't exactly remember what she said. But the reflection that was brought back to her was something like, are you scared of being seen? or are you just uncomfortable with that new version of yourself? And holy shit, that landed so deeply for me because, again, looking at this identity shift visual, right? These two horses and you need to go on a different horse

or maybe when you're stuck in the middle of it all, you're straddling two horses. It's uncomfortable. It is so fucking uncomfortable to be on a new horse. There's the unfamiliar. there's the grief and the loss of everything that you have to leave behind by going on that new horse and not being on that old horse there's the land of unknown that you're walking into right the familiarity of that old horse is now gone and that in itself is a huge perceived threat to

our nervous system so it's no wonder that it's a very tender place to be in when you're stepping into a new identity um but yeah really really leaning into okay well maybe it's not actually this fear of being seen in that new identity. It's my own discomfort in seeing myself in that new identity. And where this ties into the blue light glasses is I have a lot of insecurity about glasses in general. I've always had poor vision. I actually have like a vision disability. So like my my vision, the way my eyes work is very tender for me. It brings up a lot. And I remember growing up, I don't actually remember being bullied for wearing glasses, but I think just the programming of, you know, hearing other kids and even seeing it on like TV shows where other kids were being bullied for glasses. I took that on. I took that on as like, I must not be cool. I'm wearing glasses. Glasses were never cool to me. So I've always hated my glasses. I've always been very insecure about my vision, about my eyesight. And. I'm obviously realizing now that like I do need to accommodate myself and take care of myself and

there is a very real sensitivity to light that my eyes experience and so blue light glasses specifically with a tint on them so far has been feeling very supportive. I'm also going back to nursing very very casually and so I know when I'm on the unit there's going to be the bright fluorescent lights there's going to be the bright computer screens and so I'm just trying to find ways to accommodate myself in this new season of life that I'm about to begin. And anyways, I have these glasses and this is now day three or four of wearing them and I'm wildly uncomfortable. Like physically they feel fine. They're quite comfortable. But I am just wildly uncomfortable in the version of me that is wearing glasses. It really is telling of like, am I actually

scared to be seen in wearing these glasses? Not so much. because I know that people don't even care. People from there aren't even, like, they're just going to be like, oh, yeah, she's wearing blue light glasses. Cool. Like, she cares about not getting too much blue light in her eyes, I guess. And so really, what's more true is that it's my own discomfort. So anyways, take that for what you will all over the map today.

I think, yeah, just really wanted to name the visual of, you know, straddling to identities and the discomfort of that and the bamboo. bamboozlement, is that a word? We're going to make it a word, the bamboozlement of recognizing how much energy, mental draining we do to ourselves in trying to get things right, trying to, you know, predict the future when even though we know we can't predict the future, right? Like if you're kind of sitting here and nodding your head and agreeing with some of these things, I encourage you to do kind of a deep reflection of like looking at, you know, a resume of your life. and looking at all the things that you didn't plan for, but, like, receiving the medicine in them.

And I know, like, as I've kind of been doing that, I am just flooded with gratitude and compassion. And it's, you know, helping to build up that resume of self-trust of, oh, yeah, like, I can trust the, like, unplanned things. I can actually be open to them. I can be excited about them. And if I'm being really honest, like, realizing how fucking boring life would be if everything just, happened exactly the way I wanted it to like it that in itself would like close me up to so many things that I didn't even know were possible another piece of this and I think this is where my seasons of metrescent facilitator lens comes in because it's a big part of what we talk about

in the metrescent space in the motherhood identity shift um you know that that that that luminal space of becoming a new version of yourself speaking about like the idealologies that the ideal parenting camps that we kind of want to put ourselves so those identifiers those labels in a way that we cling to it's so important to understand again the tenderness of our nervous system why it clings to those identities because there's a sense a perceived sense of safety in being able to kind of follow So the rules, the unspoken rules, right? So an example is, you know, if I identify as like a crunchy, natural holistic mom, I know what it looks like to be a crunchy and holistic mom, right?

They, you know, feed their kid healthy, like, die-free foods. They limit screen time. They lean into like supplements and like homeopathics and whatever, right? The list goes on. And then what happened is if you don't follow one of those rules, you start to feel like, oh, shit, something's wrong with me. I'm a failure. I'm not doing this wrong. I can't, I don't fit in here. And that in itself is really uncomfortable for our nervous systems. So, you know, what I'm saying here is to just give yourself grace in the clunkiness of a new identity and, you know, give yourself grace in being able to unapologetically, authentically have your own identity, right? That's what like authenticity is.

Like we're not glued and gripped on to one kind of label. And I think, again, this two horse analogy, it gets to be really tricky because the familiarity of like what this one horse kind of meant about our self-worth has to crumble. There's this ego death that has to happen in order to step into that new identity. So again, this is kind of just a cold notes version of what I could speak about on this. But the summary is that, you know, our nervous systems are brave and wise and always trying to keep us safe. They are not inherently wrong or bad. for like the feelings of perfectionism and like this appeal to fit in and this resistance to

potentially stand out from the tribe like just makes so much sense because really not that long ago standing out from the tribe could have meant death so tenderness grace compassion trust pending it your way thanks for listening to this little i don't know multifaceted wrist Hey, come back for episode 94 and we'll probably do it again. Okay, bye, I love you.