REWILD + FREE - BONUS IG Live (July 27/23) - Stepping Into Your Mature Feminine with Rachel Vangstad

Episode Date: July 28, 2023

Wanted to share this IG live with my friend Rachel (@theintuitiveco_) After catching up, we discuss our musings from the book Maiden to Mother by Sarah Durham Wilson and I invite you to join my newest offering Reclaim Reclaim is an 8 week virtual container to explore the maiden to mother journey and reclaim your innate feminine power. Includes: - Women's circles over zoom -Guided study of the novel, Maiden to Mother -Group voxer chat and private fb community >>Click here for all the details and sign up Connect with Nicole on IG (@nicolepasveer)Want to be a guest on the podcast?  Fill out this formIf this show has inspired, transformed or made your life a tinyyy bit better in anyway and you’ve been searching for a way to say thank you, and support me in producing more episodes, you can now buy me a donut 🍩 (see link below)Support the showConnect with Nicole on IG (@nicolepasveer) Want to be a guest on the podcast? Fill out this form

Welcome to the Not Just a Mom Show, where we have open and honest conversations about the vulnerabilities and the victories within entrepreneurship and new motherhood. If we haven't met yet, I'm Nicole Pazvir and I'm going to be your host. Here on the show, we don't subscribe to perfection. In fact, being present is the new perfect and showing up messy is the new norm. We are worthy, just as we we are as all that we are, not just the label we put on ourselves. We are more than just a mom and I'm so glad you're here. Okay, hopefully that's working. Yeah, it's been like such a weird cycle. I like all of last week

and like the beginning of this week when I technically would have been in my luteal phase usually I'm crippled by my inner critic and like just so mean to myself I'm not necessarily like PMSing in the sense of being overly irritable outwards but I'm just so mean to myself and if you would have asked me any day like in the past like week I would have guessed I was ovulating like my energy was great my mood was good my self-talk was really nice it was super weird and then now that I have my period again like I'm feeling nothing which is cool like that's probably the point that's probably like the goal um but I'm just like so thrown off by it and so I've had such a busy day today and I've just been go go go and it's like hey Nicole like you need to honor

your body you know what to do during this phase of your cycle so I'm like I need to do this live laying in bed so here I am trying to be as horizontal as possible giving my body rest even though it's not actually asking for it but I feel like like it's going to serve me in the next month if I do this. Okay. I just wanted to share that. How are you? Well, I'm good. Can I play devil's advocate?

Yeah, I want to hear it. Okay, two things came to mind. Expectations. Like, oh, here comes Luteal. Oh, I'm about to be mean to myself. Oh, I'm not. What's happening you know so like maybe just expecting whatever yeah just being open and then if you don't want to rest don't rest yeah like you don't have to do anything that they say they you do. I actually have a post that I'm going to post tomorrow. I think it says, stop shitting on yourself.

And so. Yeah, I say that all the time. And I think we've talked about this before, where like, it can be so easy to start thinking, oh, well, this is the phase of my cycle. So I should be doing this, or I should be feeling that. And yeah, thank you for that reflection back to me because I'm doing that um it's just bizarre to me because I feel like I finally got in like a

bit of a rhythm of like I don't know just like having some predictability and it's like haha just kidding like there's no predictability here um and so it's just like an invitation to now just like be with what's coming up and I I guess, yeah, I will take it. But I do. I need to rest right now. So I'm happy to be laying horizontally. Okay, let's get into why we want to talk on tonight. Yeah.

I think I tried to title this live. I never know if it actually shows up for people. But I think I called it steppingpping Into Your Mature Feminine. You did. Because we're going to talk about the book Made Into Mother. We both read it previously, not together. I don't even know if we knew each other at the time. And we both have experienced a transformation of sort from it. so let's just like dive into what that's

looked like I feel like you probably have more to say than I do I think you've spent more time today being able to reflect on it I have not um yeah so yeah how about you start talking and I will just like mirror or reflect back my own ponderings as they come yeah so I actually reflected about 15 minutes ago and while I was like getting dinner ready um I wrote like just a few notes because I honestly so I read the book I think it was January of last year or of this year that I read the book um and I read it really fast because I was just like oh my god yes yes yes yes yes yes like everything I read it was either like a permission slip or it was like just a new understanding but also something that I already felt so deeply. Yeah. And that happened a lot in the book. Yeah.

Just being like, oh, my God, this makes so much sense. And like feeling like you're remembering it rather than learning it. And so that was definitely a theme and something that I've like been able to just tap into now. Every time I, you know, learn something or I'm like an aha moment or a recognition of like, just more awareness and more like expanding my consciousness, basically, it's like, oh yeah, I'm just remembering. And it's this like, just this deep feeling that um you cut out for me just like so easy to just like need to read the whole thing in like two days um but yeah some things that I remember. Do you want to... You keep cutting out for me.

I literally can't hear anything. Uh-oh. I wonder if it's my service. Can you hear me now? Yeah, it's a little bit better. Okay. Nope, not good anymore. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Actually, let me see. Just a second. Okay. You're all, like, robotic, like, in your image, too. We'll see if this is better. This is better? Yeah better yeah so far okay our wi-fi has been really funky and it's like we upgraded it and then it decided to stop working oh cool technology yeah yeah okay this sounds better talking about how how easy it was to read the

whole book because her words are poetry and everything just landed and like I don't even think I integrated like it took me a whole year now to like integrate the book because I just like could keep coming back to um parts of the book that I was like oh yeah this reminded me of that and I would go reread it and then I'm like oh my gosh you just get so much more every time you read it too um yeah did you want to yeah I do I have things to say um yeah I loved all of that because very similar experience on my end I also read it quickly I had um loaned it from my library. So it wasn't even my book. And I probably had to read it in so much time. And so yeah, I read it really quickly. And I remember at the end of each chapter, she has like journal prompts and meditations and stuff. And like, I skimmed through those like I didn't have time for that. I was just trying to get through the book and

check it off my reading list because that's what I do um but I do remember the whole time reading it feeling what you just said where it didn't necessarily feel like I was learning something I was just it was putting language into something that I already knew I just didn't have the words for um and just yeah like it was putting language to things i had already been feeling and i just wasn't able to articulate and i mean i still feel like i'm not necessarily able to articulate but the book just felt so like like coming home like it's like okay like this just all makes sense now like it just like not even light bulb moments. It's just like light bulb turning on,

like, um, like the, the switch in me being turned on, like, okay. And, um,

like you said, like her words are poetic, which makes it really easy to read. But also like, I remember, I think she uses some humor, which really makes the, I mean it's such a deep topic that it could feel really heavy but it never never never felt heavy reading it um and I remember at the time I think I read it

I think I read it in like March or April of this year so like pretty recently and the whole time I was reading it I was thinking like this needs to be in conversation like this needs to be something that we're talking about this needs to be something that we are sharing our experiences from and to and about and not something to just be digesting in isolation and in that moment like I knew I wanted to do like a book club or book study on it and I remember I put out a poll in my Instagram stories and I had like an overwhelming amount of interest of people that wanted to be a part of it like I feel like my Instagram engagement is probably nothing special because I mean is any I don't know if anyone's is I feel like people like

throw out numbers and it's like, okay, who cares? Anyways, like I want to say I had like 20 something people say they wanted to be a part of this book club. And that is like a very high number for people to actually comment on my stuff. The only time people actually comment in my stories is when I'm talking about pink chairs in my dining room. Had overwhelmingly a lot of interest in that too but it's kind of been sitting with me since then and um I as you know I have started recalibrate and that's my like group mastermind and the intention was have was to have book club in there and um it just wasn't I almost want to say like it it wasn't, I almost want to say like it wasn't feeling,

big isn't the right word, but it, this book, I'm just feeling in my bones, like the conversation needs to become part of our collective and it needs to be big is the only thing well yeah like it yes it does and that's obviously what I came to is like this needs to be its own thing this needs to it deserves its own weight um and I I want more people a part of it because I think there's going to be so much value in the shared experience and the storytelling and the mirroring and as much as I absolutely love the group of Recalibrate I think to honor the women inside Recalibrate it also deserved its own space so all this to say I'm just super happy that this week I finally I finally put all of

my thoughts into action and let the creative juices flow and reclaim basically spewed out of me in a matter of hours and so yeah I'm super excited to be facilitating an eight-week container that's gonna obviously include studying this book, but it's also going to include some live women's circles, which I think, well, first of all, that's just like so needed in anyone's space. Like if you are not attending a women's circle of some sort, you probably should be um but I'm just really excited to have it all circle around this book and for each woman inside of this container to just experience the poetry in the book and like the feelings we just described of almost feeling understood and not learning but like digesting something that just feels so deep

within your bones um I don't know I feel like yeah it's just gonna be really cool um I feel I don't know I feel like it's really easy to get giddy about it because I'm excited and it feels like it's like been a long time coming like I feel like it's been in the making for a long time but it's been something that I've been like holding back and so it's just really cool that it's actually coming to the surface now um and yeah just like jumping back into the context of the book and like the transformation that I got from the book it was it was during a period of my life where for lack of a better word I was kind of pivoting within my business and really trying to step into my own truth and get comfortable with writing my own rules and not trying to fit myself into this box and yeah it's just going to be really cool to reread it from a bit of a different lens. Um, yeah.

Yeah. Um, I wanted to second and say that I'm so glad you're doing this too, because literally when I finished it, um, well, first of all, I was introduced to it in the women's circle that I go to. Um, and then like two weeks later was my women's circle that I go to. And then like two weeks later was my women's circle that I host. And I basically like copied her and I had already bought the book and I was like overnight in Amazon. And, um, I had read half of it, I think by then, but I like took one of the meditations cause that's what, um, the woman did in the, uh, women's circle that I i was attending and she like read the meditation and we went through it and i was just like floored i was like this is so simple but so needed and so it was just perfect so um that's how i was introduced to it and then after i was done

reading it i was like all right i don't even think i can have a women's circle anymore it's gonna be a book club like everyone has to read this and we're going to talk about it. And so I didn't really have like the tools on the business side to think to like make it something or like even put it online. Maybe I was thinking of putting it online, but I was I was definitely not even like thinking business about it. I was just like, how do I share this more? And how do I talk about it more? How do I hear other people's perspectives? Because I knew that it would land just a little differently for everyone. And that would be so important to hear too. Because it just like, you just relate, you can relate to everything and you have a story behind everything that

like you're going through and when things start to make sense and land and you're just like oh my gosh I get it yeah I get it and I'm not alone yeah yeah yeah no all of that at the time of you reading it were you did you have any online offers then or were you just doing in-person birth support and CrossFit and your women's circles, which are in person in San Diego, right? Yeah. Yeah. So everything I was doing was in person. I wasn't even thinking of doing anything online except for like a childbirth education course, basically, because I started with just uh the doula training program which

was last year and um yeah I I wasn't even thinking like online stuff I was like yeah that'd be cool but my main focus was all in person so um the fact that this is like happening now is so exciting yeah I'm so happy because you're signed up I'm so happy to have you a part of it I'm like literally like I said I feel giddy like I feel giddy to get to be the person to facilitate this but I'm also extremely nervous because this is definitely outside my comfort zone um I think I shared with shared this with you in our in our voxer chat that um I feel like I've finally found my voice in the sense of like coaching um but hosting a women's circle is very different than coaching and being able to just like hold space and facilitate and shut your mouth um is I mean I I feel like I

know when to do it I just need to prove to myself that I can do it um so I'm looking forward to being able to expand my skill set in a sense because like I know I have the capability I know I have other skills that like I can transfer to this so like it's not that I don't think I can do it but I'm definitely also recognizing that this is new for me and um yeah it's just really cool to have you and other familiar facers inside of it and I'm just super excited to see how big it gets. Because like I said, like I just, I really do visualize this like, not big, big is not the right word, but I don't have any other words right now. Like, it's just like such a deep collective wound that this book helps us work through and it's not something that we can

do in isolation so i don't know with that said the more the merrier um i think it's also gonna be really cool to hear others experiences and even cooler to hear like people's cultural backgrounds because i think the initiation from maiden to mother i think there's well at least i like to think that there's more reverence for it in other cultures compared to like north america's which there's none like if anything like north america basically praises the maiden archetype. Ooh, we should get into that. Because I feel like people might not even be familiar with, like, that language. Yeah.

Of, like, maiden and mother. And not, like, mother in the literal sense of having a child. But, like, mother being the mature feminine. And maiden being more of, like being the mature feminine and maiden being more of like the immature feminine and um maiden being i think something that we all have within us um and it's not something that's bad like at all but it it our society really doesn't hold space for us to mature into the mother archetype and we kind of get stuck in this maiden essence and then I don't know help me out here I feel like yeah I mean so what the maiden is I mean she's like

soft beautiful she has all the time in the world playful can she's playful she can get away with anything because of their beauty yeah innocence yeah and then yeah but then I I definitely got to know the wounded maiden because that was how I was living for so long and it it's like pointing blame, never your fault, just maybe deceptive a little bit. does to keep the uh wounded maiden or any maiden from you know transforming into mother archetype is just making sure that you know that if you're not beautiful you're not gonna be happy you know it's basically that it's like if you don't please people and if you're not the martyr and you're not here for everyone and you're not saying yes and you're not beautiful and you're not fat i mean yeah skinny whatever like all of every single

thing that you can think of that's like a pressure for a woman in modern day society is like trying to keep her conformed to that maiden yeah um yeah and so that's what we do i mean think about like the beauty industry think about all these women who are getting like lip implants like butt implants like doing all this stuff to like for why yeah yeah so um yeah that was definitely one thing that i took away from it what is the quote, um, she says the gift of the maiden is she thinks she has all the time in the world. And the gift of the mother, um, is that she knows she does not. So it's like, you see that there is an end and you're like, well, fuck this. I'm going to like be who I truly am. I don't care about any of the other stuff that doesn't matter you know um does that make

sense no it absolutely does it brought me back to um just some of the reflections I had while reading the book also I'm like sort of distracted because I know there's this like llama sitting over top of me and I keep seeing bits of it I've got my weird faces behind me I love it um I was just thinking about how yeah like in the wounded meat in the wood in let me try that again in the wounded maiden um you're really stuck in like your people-pleasing tendencies and I mean that has been such a big part of my life. And only recently have I actually been able to uncover and unravel some of that. And I know in the book she discusses, I think she uses the term princessization, where like from young girls, we're literally told to be pretty perfect and pleasing. And that stems from like. The old classic Disney movies. Where we watch these princesses. Just kind of like all innocently.

Being like the victim. Mindset. And just waiting for Prince Charming. To come save them. And I think she also makes reference. To the Disney characters now. And like think of like Moana. And like Elsa. and whoever else like

there's definitely more we're seeing more of that mature feminine we're seeing the the characters actually well they're they're the queen they're not just the princess anymore and there are they're ruling the world and it is kind of cool because it's starting to shift like where the power is and it's also starting to shift the the narrative a teeny tiny bit in the sense that a woman's power isn't something that needs to be feared and that's something that i think that was another big takeaway i had from the book is really just stepping into that power and stepping into the strength, the creativity, the leadership, the responsibility, like you said, like just even acknowledging that there isn't everlasting time, like there is a timeline on things and that

automatically puts you in this state of having to take responsibility and owning that and being able to speak your truth and set boundaries and it's it just the book came to me in such a perfect time of my life because that was what I was trying to integrate and so I think that's part of why it just felt so so so nourishing to read yeah yeah I um you said something you said um being the mother type or stepping into what did you say something didn't have to be feared I said a lot of things didn't have to be feared uh power doesn't need to be feared maybe yeah like oh power a powerful It doesn't have to be feared. Power doesn't need to be feared, maybe. Yeah, like, oh, a powerful woman doesn't need to be feared. But, like, in a patriarchal society, it 100% is feared because it's known, like, when we do step into that power, it's, like, game over.

Yeah. So that was the part that I was like, oh, yeah, I'm going there. Let's go. Yeah. And then the term, like, no fucks given is, like, taking, I'm going there. Let's go. Yeah. And then the term like no fucks given is like taking a whole new. I love it. Yeah. It's not like a lazy thing.

It's not like a rude thing. Yeah. It's just like a I love myself thing. Yeah. No, exactly. So good. I'm really, really, really looking forward to reading it again at a slower, more intentional pace. to reading it again at a slower more intentional pace and I'm excited to just reflect on what comes

up this time versus what came up the last time. It's going to be amazing yeah yeah awesome yeah I'm so excited yeah did you want to invite anyone else here i know we had a joiner who um oh i haven't even i haven't even been looking some other by um we didn't even we didn't even introduce the book oh my goodness no i think you did we did in the very beginning but that's okay we're doing it now that's what happens when we just wing it remember yeah I know we're really good at winging it um I don't see any other comments other than what book it is yeah um I'm trying to think I feel like I don't know I feel like it's my bedtime. Yeah. It's my dinner time. So let's say goodbye. Okay. But I can't wait to start. When does it start? Oh, that's a good question. It starts

next Friday. So and, and basically, my intention with that is next Friday is just going to be like a welcome call. Zero expectation to have any part of the book read. Don't even have to have the book in your hands yet or opened. Going to be like a slow ease into it. And then the following week. So I think the week of August 4th is when we'll actually start getting into the pages. Sweet. Yeah. Yeah. I'm so excited no thank you rachel thank you for letting me use

this space to talk a bit about reclaim and thank you for trusting me and joining reclaim um yeah invite your people we'll get weird soon yes in our next call yeah yeah exactly we're easing into like the cringiness of it starting with this llama yeah okay i'm gonna let you go go enjoy your supper have a good night bye everyone that's been listening okay before you go i just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to listen to this episode if you were thinking of anyone while listening please send it their way and if anything resonated with you or you love these conversations please subscribe and leave a review this really helps the podcast algorithms put my show in front of more people just like you and the last thing I would love nothing more

than hearing from you so say hi dm me Instagram, and give me a follow at NicolePasvir. Until next time.