REWILD + FREE - BONUS: SWAPPING HUSTLE FOR HEART: INCONGRUENCE IN THE HEART LED COACHING SPACE

Episode Date: December 8, 2023

Tune in to this unfiltered, unedited, very raw reflection coming to you from my bathtub... I'm sharing the possible incongruence I've been witnessing in the heart led biz/coaching spaceIf you're feeling the call to swap hustle for heart and finally get your head out of the way of your heart led business then I invite you to join me inside The Embodied Reset Presale pricing on now until Dec 12/23 >> The Embodied Reset ..Connect with me on IG (@nicolepasveer)Want to be a guest on the podcast?  Fill out this form

You're listening to Rewild and Free. This is the go-to podcast for conscious and holistic mother entrepreneurs who are ditching society's to-do list for intentional living, freedom, and abundance, while creating impact and legacy in their home and business. If we haven't met yet, I'm Nicole Pasvir, your like-hearted mom friend and biz bestie wrapped in one. I'm an ex-nurse turned matrescence guide and business coach, leading women just like you into the new paradigm, where thriving in motherhood is your birthright and so is a successful and sustainable online business keep listening if you're ready to unsubscribe from patriarchal motherhood bro marketing and boss babe culture because in this space we use nature as our framework as we move

towards feminine embodied business development cyclical orientation and slow living together let's rewild and remember as we break free from survival and reconnect to what truly matters. Okay friend, steep your tea and take the most loving breath you've given to yourself today and let's go. Hello, hello. I'm actually coming to you from the bathtub. I haven't done an episode from the tub in a while. It's funny because last time I did I got so many messages about how freaked out you guys would be just with like having my laptop near the water and it's funny because like I didn't even I don't know if I didn't even cross my mind like I feel like my laptop just in the living room near Aubrey my two-year-old

is way more dangerous than being near the bathtub which is hilarious um anyways I feel like I have been withdraw, withdrawing, withdrawing? Is there an L at the end of that word? Withdraw, withdraw? Anyways, I feel like I've just kind of been closing up and guarding myself a little bit. If you follow me on social media or if you're on my email list, you would have seen that I have launched a new group program for January. It's called the Embodied Reset. And the messaging and the tagline around it is swapping hustle for heart and getting your head out of the way of your heart-led business and that language really resonates for me because I have been on this beautiful journey of

unlearning and unsubscribing from hustle culture and just really tuning into my body and my intuition and my heart's desire and my heart's purpose and allowing kind of my internal world to help guide me as opposed to being so attached to outer expectations. And I feel like most of my life, I've spent most of my life just following society's to-do list and being very aware, even to the point of being hypervigilant about what people were thinking of me and how I was being perceived and really just getting caught up in my head. I was often praised for being logical and just being praised for making smart decisions

and being wise beyond my years, stuff like that. And I realize now that really that is kind of a symptom of the patriarchy. And a lot of the conditioning that came from that has led me to not feel safe in my body and to not feel safe following my heart and so yeah language like swapping hustle for heart and getting my head out of the way of my heart-led business really really resonates for me and that's why I've created this this program the embodied reset really is as much for me as it is for the women that are joining me and I wanted to come record this episode and open up this conversation around what a heart-led business actually means what hustle actually means um maybe even exploring when hustle might be a good thing um and then also just me sharing some of my own observations

excuse me and what I've witnessed in like the coaching industry and the online space and how some of these words, heart-led, hustle culture, specifically like breaking free from hustle culture, running a heart-led business, identifying as a heart-led entrepreneur. All these things have become kind of trendy and kind of like buzzwords and I mean I don't I don't love that because I think what's been happening is they are becoming overused and almost generalized and the true meaning of those words is getting just diluted and deconstructed and it's lost some of its depth and potency so yeah that's kind of the summary of where I want to go um and I think as I was starting to share that I've been noticing myself withdraw and just put up put my guards up um a lot of that came from some conversations I had earlier this week I had opened up the conversation in my Instagram stories just around hustle and being heart-led and and I was, I guess discouraged is probably the best word to use.

I was a bit discouraged at some of the responses, and even like some of the conversations I was having, and it's kind of just proven to me that these words are getting misconstructed and overused and people are almost like over identifying with them without actually embodying the true meaning um and so then my mind kind of started to panic especially because I was launching an offer on the end of this, right? I think this would have been totally different had this just been a super open conversation. But because I knew that these conversations and the things I was bringing up in my Instagram stories were leading up to the pre-sale of the embodied reset there was uh just this

layer of vulnerability for me because I was putting myself out there I was making myself visible I was putting something new out there that could be rejected and with that there's this probably unnecessary but it felt very real for me in the moment pressure to be understood and to make sure that my my messaging and my copy is being articulated correctly and I realized since that since that experience on Monday and into Tuesday that all of this is actually touching on an unhealed wound of being misunderstood, or at least like this fear of being misunderstood. And from a nervous system perspective, I can understand how that would feel very unsafe to my system and so I will just say that I am I'm tending to myself and I'm offering myself buttloads of grace and compassion as I wobble my way through this and I feel like my voice has been feeling shaky as I start to speak up on some of these things. And I realized some of it is because of that fear of being misunderstood.

But I think the other part of it is because I'm also in the process of figuring out what my truth is and figuring out where I actually stand on this topic. And I mean, I'm about to talk about this, but like, I think I know where I stand, but because these conversations can be, I don't know, there's just so much nuance that it makes it really hard to say something with absolute certainty. I guess I mean we could say that about basically anything and any kind of divisive comment or statement or observation of course has another side to it so yeah I guess I'm just naming some shakiness in my voice because I am in the process of still figuring this out and some of what I might share right now I might have a completely different understanding and response and um truth tomorrow and I think that's okay so I'm just going

to name that and um also offer that as an invitation for you to just be open to seeing things a different way potentially, and be open to allowing your beliefs and your perceptions and your truth to change. And I feel like that doesn't actually make sense because if it's truth, then it can't change. But I think the thing is that what we believe to be true is based off of the lens in which we're seeing something so if you put on a different pair of sunglasses for the sake of that metaphor um your truth can change like what might have looked orange might now look pink.

Yeah, so anyways, yeah, there's this shakiness in my voice, and I think the other part of that is also because some of my thoughts and my opinions and my truth on this hasn't really been talked about, at least not in the spaces I hang out with, so that shakiness makes a lot of sense because this isn't been talked about, at least not in the spaces I hang out with. So that shakiness makes a lot of sense because this isn't being talked about. And I'm, yeah, I'm just bringing up things that, yeah, anyways, I feel like I've made a big deal and I've put a bunch of suspense into what I'm going to talk about. And really it's not not it's not that intense um basically it is just coming back to this idea of like heart-led business and identifying as a heart-led entrepreneur

and detaching or unsubscribing from hustle culture and what I've been witnessing in the online space is this major incongruence especially I should say especially but just this incongruence with people that are identifying as a heart led entrepreneur and then not actually leading their business with heart. They are stuck in their head. They are leading their business with ego. And I feel like before I even go on, I should kind of give my own definition of what I think heart-led means because I think that's where some of the discrepancies might be coming.

And so for me, when I'm referring to heart-led and when I'm using that language, I am referring to just like this feminine embodied leadership where you are leading your business from like your soul's purpose and there's no attachment to timelines or even any specific outcome it's all purpose driven and um from this deep desire to serve and support and empower and create impact and maybe even like leave a legacy. It's also being in tune with your body, not just like the sensations it's feeling and the needs of your nervous system but also your body in a cyclical sense and so to me a heart-led entrepreneur feminine creative flow is cyclical and that is mirrored in her business and so that is a direct reflection in my opinion of unsubscribing from hustle culture I think someone that truly has unsubscribed from hustle culture is embodying this slow, cyclical lifestyle.

And to me, that means embodying it both in like their personal life and their family life and their mothering, but also in their business, specifically in like their business strategy and content creation and offer creation and so the incongruence that I've been witnessing seems to be that these people are identifying as heart-led and they are on the surface on the front end appearing to embody some of this like slower more holistic more feminine led lifestyles but then the back end of their business is still very very masculine and very very what's the word I'm looking for like results driven and I mean that doesn't even sound right because I think moving forward towards a goal and certain results that's not inherently bad but I think when it doesn't have meaningful intention behind it that's where I don't know I feel like integrity is lost. And so, I mean, I'll try to share some examples here

so that this starts to make sense. I think, like, what can end up happening and even in my own experience, because I have been stuck in my head in my business, I would say the first, like six months of my business development, and this would have been back when I was um in in the realms of like childbirth education I was very much stuck in my head I was very much letting my ego ride the ship or drive the ship um and I wasn't consciously attached to hustle culture, but I think my body was. My body didn't feel safe to not hustle. And that's interesting in itself. When you think of the nervous system, anything that is unfamiliar can be an alarm signal to the nervous system. And so it can be really easy to fall in the traps of just doing something because you've always done it,

because that's what feels safer to your nervous system. It's really, really hard to create change. And so, yeah, in the context of building and creating a business things like attaching to some of the like unwritten rules of like business development like having a website and um just like what consistently showing up on social media looks like and just kind of the box that you are supposed to put yourself in as a fill in the blank whatever you are and then getting hung up on some of the metrics like just buying into that like more followers will mean more clients or um I don't even know my mind is totally blanking which sucks because I feel like I had a bunch

of examples to share with you um I guess I can just speak from my own experience and so yeah in in like I said I'd say the first six months of my business I was very much following other people's strategies and most of the strategies out there in like the online digital marketing space are bro marketing strategies because I mean it's it's traditionally been males that have been in the marketing industry it's only more recently that women are coming into this space and we are so so lucky that there is the online space and the digital realm to be creating and serving our communities and that's new in itself but we kind of only have these templates from from from men from from white men with dicks and we know that that strategy isn't going to fit in

with motherhood it's not going to fit in with womanhood um and then what ends up happening is we have this boss babe culture which in my opinion is a bunch of women basically trying to do what men do and being stuck potentially unconsciously subconsciously in a very masculine way of living and a very masculine way of creation and coming back to like my own definition of what heart-led means and that feminine embodied leadership those things just don't go together and you like can't in my opinion you can't really mix them it's kind of like one or the other they're opposite ends of a spectrum and like I was trying to say from my own experience I very much got caught into

what business creation and entrepreneurship looks like through the lens of like a bro marketer or boss babe um and very quickly learned that that doesn't fit in with motherhood it doesn't fit into womanhood it doesn't fit into that embodied feminine leadership and slow living and cyclical orientation um and just like all the things that I live and breathe. But yeah, in the early days of my business, like I very much just believed that if I could just do what they were saying and do it right, then I would get the result that they were promising and I think that's another really really big issue in the industry is there's all these empty promises I was actually just listening to a workshop the other day and I mean looking back I shouldn't have even watched the workshop because

I knew I didn't resonate with the people that were hosting it but really just out of sheer curiosity I started listening and it was all about creating a lead magnet and I mean I again I shouldn't have listened to this because I didn't need this but I started listening and literally one of the first things that was said in the workshop was if you create basically it was if you can create a lead magnet perfectly then you will get this or no it was if you create a lead magnet if you create a lead magnet right then yeah it was you get what I'm saying it was this empty promise as if you if you do this correctly then you will get this and so it was like a massive if then

statement um and what happens with stuff like that is if we fall short on the if then we start thinking something's wrong that we didn't do something well enough that we just needed to try harder or that we missed something or whatever it is it starts playing into our self-worth and it starts playing into um even just like how we view our business and our creation so in that example whatever the lead magnet is if we don't get those results from it then it must be that something's wrong with us it must be that something's wrong with the lead magnet. And I get that obviously there's a separation between the two, but there also isn't because you are the creator of that lead magnet. Anyways, it's the empty promise piece that I don't love. And I mean, you see that all the time. If you just follow this strategy, then you'll get a six-figure launch if you just send this many

emails then you'll get this if you just post consistently then you'll get this and it's like that's just not how it works and the longer we continue to fall for those traps the longer it's going to take to actually feel worthy of just being and the longer it's going to take to actually feel worthy of just being and the longer it's going to take to actually be embodied in our work and in everything we were just talking about around being heart-led um and so anyways yeah some of just the incongruence I've been noticing is that people who are identifying as heart-led or even I feel like it's in the spiritual community too and I kind of would argue that if you have like a spiritual led business or if you consider yourself spiritual but then again you get caught up into all of this

to me it's just inauthentic and incongruent and lacking integrity they don't they just don't match and so yeah I think some other examples that come to mind are just this really big obsession with like a follower count and um the monetary result from launching and what's interesting is I've been talking with a few women in my spaces and there seems to be this unanimous agreement that money for at least what I'm considering a heart-letter entrepreneur isn't actually the main motive like the main motive is to be able to serve and to be able to have the time freedom to continue cultivating a slow and intentional lifestyle and to be able to prioritize connection and presence in both our paid communities, but also like our personal communities. And I think even deeper than all of that, it's about creating impact

and generational change and legacy. It's really not about the paycheck although the paycheck the profit the launch earnings are obviously a really really positive side effect and I think what's really beautiful is when you are creating a business in alignment with your values and there is that monetary result from it just feels that much better. And it doesn't necessarily perpetuate this continuous cycle of not enoughness because the goal post was never about money. I hope that's making sense I um I'm kind of wishing I like had notes to try to make sure my thoughts made sense here like I said this is really really pressing on a wound of a fear of being misunderstood and a fear of my words not being articulated correctly but I feel like I'm I'd be doing a disservice by not speaking out on this and almost calling out

what I've been witnessing um and yeah I guess I'll just repeat that like what I'm witnessing is just this massive incongruence. People are identifying as heart-led entrepreneurs. They say that they're running and building and leading a heart-led business, but truly what's happening is they're leading their business from ego. And yeah, I guess what I'm just trying to say is like it's it's lacking intention and authenticity and it's yeah it's just not embracing what I think being heart-led means and I wanted to speak a bit

on this idea of hustle and I had a conversation with someone around can hustle and heart coincide and I initially said yeah absolutely because my my initial answer was going to be that yeah I think there's a time and place for hustle and when we look at the cycle of creation and allow it to mirror the cycle of creation that we see out in nature. So following the four seasons would would be like launching and being in this full bloom energy where you are highly visible and you are showing up and really doing the thing that you have just sold um and like it's that point in business where like you feel like you've made it for a second because your launch has been potentially successful um and you're just doing the thing and then fall being

this time where you start to move inwards you start to take inventory of what worked well and what didn't you start to let go of and compost or recycle the things that no longer serve and so that's being really reflective about that launch or being really reflective about the offers you currently have in your business and it's fine-tuning your offer suite it's fine-tuning your messaging it's all of that and it's this period of being a little bit less visible because you're moving inwards and then heading into the season of winter is when you are in this rest period and I'd say this is the most uncomfortable for most people because hustle culture has led us to believe that we should always be in this perpetual summer

and so my immediate answer to can hustle and heart coincide was yes because we would hustle in the summer in my mind I was thinking as long as you were kind of following this cyclical the cyclical nature of creation and making sure to prioritize and make space for rest, then yes, there would be a time and a place for hustle, especially when that hustle has meaningful and intentional action. And then I thought about it some more, and I actually looked up what hustle meant in the dictionary. And I mean, not in an actual dictionary because I don't even know if those exist. I certainly don't have one, but I googled.

I googled what hustle meant. And there is a mix of definitions, but basically the common theme had tones of aggression and force. And so then I started to think okay no like if we are truly following nature's blueprint we are truly following our heart and our desire and our purpose creation should never have force um and I think there's a big difference between being in flow and kind of that energetic life force energy like that is using force that's a different that's a different word I'm not meaning like forceful in the sense of pushing and pressure and um yeah like forcing something to happen that's very different than life force energy where it's like this forward moving

propelling motion that can't be stopped um very different things and so i think if we are in this motion of flow of that really strong life force energy, it can feel like hustle. But again, I think it's a different frequency. And so I guess all of this to say that no, I don't think hustle and heart can coincide. I think if you truly are leading by heart, there isn't hustle. There is just flow. And having that feeling of forward motion is so so so cyclical um and when we can see it that way it really removes the pressure or the fear of crashing and burning and like burning out because if we are truly following the flow in like that creation cycle there's going to be kind of this like

downward and inward motion that just happens naturally as long as we don't resist it and so I think that's part of the problem is in the online business coaching space even people that feel like they aren't following or subscribing to boss babe bro marketing culture even the people that think they have unattached themselves from hustle culture are still feeling this massive discomfort of that inward and downward trajectory into basically a season of fall and winter. And so there's almost still these underlying attachments to being in a perpetual spring and summer. And I think this also is true outside of business

just looking at like womanhood and even people that feel like they are more holistically and naturally minded and more in tune with their body I would argue that there's still a lot of people that have a lot of discomfort when they are in like their luteal and menstrual phase because society just doesn't give us space to actually embody those phases. And so anyways, basically, it's the same thing that is happening in the online coaching space um and really I think the whole reason I brought all of this up is because not only am I seeing it in some of like the bigger accounts and some of the um like influential coaches for lack of a better word it's it's kind of just perpetuating the same narrative for anyone that is learning under them and again it's it's kind of normalizing this idea of needing to have these strategies and these frameworks and these templates and needing to have a coach and needing to always be creating needing to

always be on needing to always be visible needing to always be uh converting and growing and all these things and that's just not supposed to be happening we're supposed to have a season of fall and a season of winter and the other thing I want to add to all this is in no way am I like poo-pooing on strategy I think for a long time I was really averse to this idea of strategy I was on this very harsh pendulum swing moving away from the strong masculine just structure to this more like feminine flow and I've definitely found myself more in the center and I think that's that's where we need to be right we do need masculine and feminine we are both masculine and feminine and our businesses need both masculine and feminine but the thing is is allowing kind of that masculine structure to consume us and dictate us is actually squashing

our feminine essence it's not even like it's it's almost like containing it so tightly that it can't flow and so we don't want that we want a balance we want the masculine containment to just very safely and securely hold our feminine essence so that it has space to flow and to create and to cycle. systems in place like specifically like in the back end having systems in place for your offers and just like automations and stuff so that you don't have to worry about those things it's not about doing everything yourself but the strategy needs to be from your heart it needs to be from your heart. It needs to be because you want to do it and because of everything else we've just talked about, not because this is the way it's always been done. And I think, I feel like I've started almost every sentence with, and I think, and this just shows how shaky I am in speaking on this

because it is just, I think, statements. And this just shows how shaky I am in speaking on this. Because it is just, I think, statements. I don't know anything. I really don't know anything. I think I'm about to be interrupted. Well, maybe not. I just come back to this word of incongruence. And for me, I've been noticing where incongruence is showing up in my own life

and in my own business. And it's often in places that I'm not actually showing up as my authentic self. I am still trying to be someone that I'm not actually showing up as my authentic self. I am still trying to be someone that I'm not out of fear of not fitting in or not being understood or being rejected or whatever it is. And so I'm putting myself in this box. And it's kind of like what I just shared about masculine containment being so tight that it's almost suffocating. I feel like that's kind of what is happening in the coaching industry is the bro marketing, the boss babe, whatever you want to call it.

The hustle, the proven strategies, the empty promises of if you do this then you'll get this it's all just squashing you into a box and it's not allowing you to actually shine your light and and step into your fullest potential it's also stripping you from joy and that was I think another thing I wanted to touch on is, again, being very like results driven and goal oriented and kind of attaching to certain outcomes like metrics and analytics and dollar signs really, really strips away the opportunity to enjoy the journey because when you are constantly creating in that kind of mindset you you never feel fulfillment like the goal post just keeps moving um yeah I've totally kind of lost my train of thought. Aubrey just tried to sneak in the bathroom. So I should probably go mom now. Dylan was hanging out with her. But it's like quarter after seven here.

So, I mean, God knows she's not going to go to bed till like 11 o'clock tonight. So it's not even close to bedtime. But yeah, somehow I just talked for like 40 minutes I really do hope that some of this was thought-provoking for you I'm not even going to say that I hope it lands because it's okay if it doesn't land it's okay if this stuff doesn't feel resonant to you um I'm just proud of myself for actually voicing it and allowing myself to verbalize what's been on my heart um and if it does land for you then I would really love to see you inside the embodied reset I've created it for me and for you it's really this beautiful

opportunity to actually integrate and embody all the things that we've been working towards and really make sure that we are showing up in integrity and in congruence with our values and it's an opportunity to just embody who we say we are and who we are becoming and um yeah it's also a really cool opportunity to start just witnessing how the cycle of creation moves through you I've created a workbook journal whatever you want to call it to start kind of noticing some of those patterns and to start just opening your eyes to the flow instead of, instead of shaming yourself for the hustle. Cause I think that's another thing is I, I hear from people like, oh, I, I was really grinding and now like I'm experiencing this like crash and burn,

or even like earlier this week, like had a friend ask me if I was experiencing this like crash and burn or even like earlier this week like had a friend ask me if I was experiencing a launch hangover and like if if those things become normalized and we just expect them to happen I think that that's actually a really good invitation to change the pattern um because yeah launch hangovers are not the goal and um yeah the hustle and grind the crash and burn those cycles don't have to be your story um and constantly moving the goalpost to a new a new um like goal is I've totally lost it my brain is like fried now it is time to not podcast anymore um but what I was trying to say is um oh man um that moving the goalposts constantly it just perpetuates that feeling of not enoughness and never actually reaching the goal because the goal keeps changing and um strips you away from being able to enjoy the journey

anyways thank you for listening this far if you have tuned into this episode um I'm really hopeful that as I continue to talk about this I myself will have more clarity and courage to continue standing up for this it almost feels like a heart-led revolution. So yeah, if you want to join me on this heart-led revolution, please message me. I would love to have a conversation with you. And if you're feeling called, please join me in the Embodied Reset. I will, of course, leave all of the links that you need in the show notes. And I will see you either on Instagram or in the next episode. Okay before you go I just wanted to say thank you for taking the

time to listen to this episode if you were thinking of anyone while listening please send it their way and if anything resonated with you or you love these conversations please subscribe and leave a review this really helps the podcast algorithms put my show in front of more people just like you and the last thing I would love nothing more than hearing from you so say hi dm me on instagram and give me a follow at nicolepasvir until next time