REWILD + FREE - Finding fulfillment even when money isn't flowing in your business (82)

Episode Date: May 27, 2025

A little riff in the car sharing what’s been alive in my world lately and extending a gentle invitation to soften the grip, sprinkle in some silliness, and take a deep exhale.Your business doesn't need to feel like a never ending and rigid self-improvement project to be successful If you’ve been feeling the tension between wanting to build a sustainable business and secretly fantasizing about deleting Instagram… you’re not alone LOL. But I firmly believe that the pace we grow our business at IS the pace we maintain it at, so it's crucial we stop treating rest, play, and joy as something to earn In this episode, I speak to:Why fulfillment, satisfaction, and even joy don’t have to wait until your next big income month (yep, it’s safe to feel good now)The real talk on craving external validation, and why it doesn’t make you needy or unevolvedHow I’m unlearning the myth of “toxic consistency” while still showing up in a way that feels honest and groundedThe magic that unfolds when we let business be a little more playful, a little less seriousAs always, I'd love to hear what stirs or lands for you in this conversation. Send me an unscripted voice note on IG (@nicolepasveer) and let me know! LINKS: All current offerings can be found here:  https://www.nicolepasveer.com/servicesLet's be Pen Pals! Join my email list: https://nicolepasveer.kit.com/penpals 

You're listening to Rewild and Free. This is the go-to podcast for conscious and holistic entrepreneurs who are ditching society's to-do list for intentional living, freedom, and abundance. If we haven't met yet, I'm Nicole Pazvir. I'm an ex-nurse, turn-matrescence guide, and business coach, leading women just like you into the new paradigm. Keep listening if you're ready to unsubscribe from patriarchal motherhood, pro-marketing, and boss babe culture. Because in this space, we use nature as our framework as we move towards feminine embodied business

development, cyclical orientation, and slow living. Together, let's rewild and remember as we break free from survival and reconnect to what truly matters. Okay friend, steep your tea and take the most loving breath you've given to yourself today and let's go. I just dropped my dog off at the groomers. He's an eight-year-old border collie. We've never actually had him professionally groomed. I mean he doesn't need like a full on care haircut but he does deserve a little spa day so he's getting a bath and then they'll tidy up some of his like feathery hairs like he has elf toes going on and bushy elbows and stuff like that and

maybe he'll let them do his nails, although I doubt it. So I'm just driving back home now and I realize that I used to record little podcast episodes in my car all the time. And it's fun, it's easy, and I want to do more of that again. I want to actually just kind of set the intention to do more, I guess, personal updates and just like random riffs on my podcast. I feel like actually if you look back, I don't think there's been one of these kind of episodes in a very long time. I have to admit, I have been in a season of taking my business really seriously? And I don't like it. I don't want to do that.

I want my business to be fun. I want it to feel playful and spacious and yeah I just don't I don't want to feel I don't want to feel like this is a job because it really isn't right especially this Especially this podcast. This podcast has always been a safe space and like a playground for me to honestly just hear myself think sometimes. And instead of just recording a voice note to my phone that nobody listens to, I have deep trust that my random musings might actually be meaningful and helpful for someone else too. So even if just one person listens to this and gets something from it, it was worth it. I don't know, where should we start? I feel like, so we snuck off to Mexico last week, me, Dylan

and Aubrey, just for five days. I mean, just, five days is better than no days right? It was amazing. We are a family, or Dylan and I have always been that couple that likes to do kind of a beach trip once a year if we can, if we can make it happen, if we can afford it. But the funny thing is, is like on paper we can't afford it, it's just such a high value for us that I've kind of treated it as a non-negotiable travel and vacation like that. It's yeah, I'm treating it as a non-negotiable. So we were able to make it work this year and it was incredible. Aubrey did amazing. I was totally bracing for, you know, just the dysregulation and the meltdowns that comes

with traveling with a toddler, and she did amazing. I think since we got the autism diagnosis last fall and since I've been kind of uncovering and embracing my own neurodivergence, there's just a whole lot more acceptance and compassion for the intensity of emotions that come up. I don't know, we are just able to handle it differently and I think we probably have different like tools and strategies now that just help us to not manage it, but like, I guess like prevent it and like slow it down right

we know kind of what her triggers are and oops I kind of just drove through a red light sorry people anyways yeah what was I saying? Traveling with a toddler. Traveling with an autistic toddler. Traveling as a self-diagnosed, highly masked autistic mother and autistic toddler is really interesting because our sensory needs clash. She needs a lot of sensory stimulation and I don't do well with a lot of sensory stimulation so I think what I've recognized from this trip is that travel for me is dysregulated. It is a lot to just be in a new environment and I mean we're at an all-inclusive resort so there's tons of people, there's a lot of music, we're outside in the pool and so there's the the cold water of the pool and the hot sun in the sky and like the all of it right and Aubrey thrives in

that kind of environment. I think at home when we clash, when we butt heads, when she is not having a great day it's because she is needing more stimulation and so, all in short, she did really, really well and I recognized that the entire time my body was bracing for just this feeling of dysregulation and I actually didn't experience it. I walked away from that trip just feeling really proud of how present and grounded I was and I think it's a testament of, I mean, a lot of the quote-unquote inner work I've been doing the past couple years, the relationships that I've built with my own nervous system, the tools that I almost intuitively just lean into now.

They don't even feel like a tool that I'm reaching for. It's just kind of on autopilot. And yeah, anyways, it was a really good trip. That's the point of that story. I also wanted to talk about just my business. I mean I need that I've been in a season of taking things really seriously and kind of recognizing right now that like that's not actually how I want my business to look and feel. There's also been a lot of disappointment, for lack of a better word. I am not as far along, whatever that means, as I would like to be. I was actually, I just got off a session with one of my teachers and mentors, Julia Albain,

this morning. We talked about the energetics of my business and she reminded me, and I know this, I really leaned into this belief for a long time that the way you build your business, the pace, the amount of hours, all of that, is how your business grows. So often we think that we can't have that 10-hour work week until we have reached six figures or whatever the story is. But it's actually the opposite.

Like you need to build your business at the pace that you want to maintain it at. And so I've known that I've always really leaned into that. And actually recently Aubrey started going to daycare five days a week instead of four. So I ended up getting a whole extra day to myself. And right from the start, I said, I'm not allowing myself to, quote unquote, work on that day. Like I'm not adding more space for work because I know that that's not what's needed. What's actually needed is me almost working less

because I was just finding myself filling that time up with busy work and teetering into my old ways of measuring self-worth with productivity. And so feeling more satisfied and like content at the end of the day, if I had things that I could, you know, say that I did like, Oh, I tinkered on my website and I like edited this podcast and I created this piece of content. and I edited this podcast and I created this piece of content. And what I can see now is like, obviously, sometimes that isn't busy work, right? Sometimes that is the aligned action and it's potent and it's important and it's valuable.

And sometimes I'm creating that work for myself just so I can give myself a gold star at the end of the day. I'm creating more work for myself just so I can feel productive because I'm still measuring self-worth based on my productivity. And what's really complicated in that is I feel like for basically the past three years I've really been intentional and devoted to discerning between desire and obligation. So I've really created this life, especially in my business, of not having a lot of things that feel like obligation. My business very much is driven by desire, and that's very important to me. My life is driven by desire, and that's very important to me. My life is driven by desire and that's very important to me. But yeah, I recognized that I was kind of creating tasks that felt like desire just so that I could still, you know, scratch something off my list.

And as I'm saying this out loud, understanding the neurodivergent piece and all this, like, maybe that was actually my way of giving myself like that dopamine hit. And so maybe there's nothing wrong with that. Maybe it's actually a hack to get things done and I'm okay with that. But I think the point of what I'm trying to share out loud is just subtleness of productivity still being a source of like our self-concept and how it can be filled with like you can be productive with things that truly do light you up and that still might be tangling with your self-worth. And yeah, that was kind of the slippery slope that I was finding myself on. And so I'm being really intentional about boundaries, I guess, around my working hours and even like the time that I'm spending in my office and at my computer because I just

don't actually want to fill my time with busy work. I want to feel fulfilled and satisfied and content by other things in my life too. I mean, I don't really feel like I have a lot of hobbies, but there's things that I find myself saying, oh, I don't have time for that. And it's just like so funny because I do. I'm just not prioritizing those things because there's a part of me that is believing that those busy work like tasks in my business are what's going to move the needle forward. And I know that that's not true. Like logically, I know that that's not true. So yeah, going forward, I'm just bringing more attention to that. I was saying that like there's been

some disappointment with where I'm at in my business. And I think that's been the source of maybe teetering into that slippery slope and doing more busy work because there's that old, old, very deeply programmed belief that I have to work hard for success and that like I have to show up online to make money in my business. And again, I know that's not true, but that programming, that belief is so ingrained that that kind of becomes my autopilot. That becomes like the energetic blueprint running behind the scenes. So another thing I've recognized is like in times of boredom, like boredom kind of spirals me into anxiety because of all those energetic blueprints still kind of running the show.

And so I just want to bring more consciousness and intention to all of that and maybe embrace boredom and, you know, like choose, choose different ways to fill my time up, choose, I suppose, nonproductive ways to fill my time up unapologetically. Anyways, so yeah, the disappointment in my business is very much related to money, and this was something that we talked about in session with Julia today. She actually brought up this beautiful energetic blueprint for me to lean into for my business, and that's seeing my business as this giant stone that is being chiseled out to become the statue, the masterpiece that it's becoming.

And the medicine from that, that I received in that is that I already have everything that I need. I don't need to create new things. I don't need to learn more modalities and I don't need more. What I actually need is less. I am in a season now of chiseling things out and looking at things, witnessing things from all angles, looking all around and trial and error and just kind of like, hmm, how does this look? How does this feel? And this is

a very clunky, vulnerable place to be in because it's not finished, right? It's a liminal space. It's not finished. The masterpiece isn't complete. And I also recognize that this part of the process can't be skipped. You know, like a sculptor doesn't just have a statue done overnight. He has to, he, she, they have to work and play and have patience with the masterpiece that's being created. And so I'm really leaning into that energy, really leaning into this idea that I have everything I need. And it's just about chiseling things away,

trying different things on for size. And so I feel like going forward, my plan is to simplify my offers in particular. I have definitely been in multiple seasons of being in launch mode. I can also see that launching kind of scratches this itch for me of, again, feeling productive. I feel like when I'm in launch mode,

I feel really clear about what I need to do next, and I like that feeling. There's also this like subtle energy of, I don't know, I guess like urgency and momentum that is also a turn-on and I can also see that that's not actually the energy that I want to build and like live my business in because it's not sustainable. It's exhausting actually. And so simplifying things in the sense of having more, what would it be called? Having offers that I'm just like having available

all the time. So like my live sessions or my one-on-one power hour calls to cover the wisdom, the courage, the strategy that's already living within you. And so I'm going to focus more attention on that instead of just kind of bringing those out when I'm feeling bored, I'm going to actually let be my anchor because it's always there and it can just always be something that's there. I know that sounds so almost elementary saying it out loud. And then the other thing too is like I've been experimenting with different one-off monthly group sessions. So I've been

doing some breathwork sessions, I've been doing happy hour group calls and obviously I've done workshops in the past and what I'm really craving in my business is an anchor point of something that I'm doing monthly likely around the full moon but I don't want to be I don't want to be glued to the specific thing that's happening in session. So what actually feels more true and desirable and juicy for me in this season is the consistency being that monthly thing, that monthly session and it can always be a group thing that's open to everyone, it will always be the same price, it will have the same sales page, right? It's not that I'm recreating something each time, but what

happens in that session gets to be really fluid and spacious and, you know, led by my own creative nudges that month. And so maybe sometimes it will be breath work. Maybe sometimes it will be more of a happy hour soundboard and community type call. Maybe sometimes it will be like a fucking like dance party and like pleasure mapping, desire mapping kind of workshop style. Maybe sometimes I'll actually be teaching something, right? It gets to be super fluid, but the consistency and the security for me gets to come from the containment of that offer, right? The frequency of it, the price of it, the sales page for it. And that's how I see my live sessions too, right?

My one-on-one sessions, the containment of it is the same. But what happens inside those sessions is so unique for each person, so unique for each person each time they come in session with me. And so I'm really recognizing that that is what I love in my business. I love having a kind of taste of rigidity in the sense of that structure and that consistency, but I don't want the obligation or the rigidity of what happens in session. So yeah, that's feeling really, really good.

And then in terms of bigger offerings, bigger group programs, I'm not necessarily feeling anything right now, right? I've been in launch mode, I've done a couple things, and I think in the past I've kind of felt like that's what I needed to do. I needed a sold out program to feel successful. I needed a sold out program and like a massive spike to my bank account. It's almost like because we've been programmed to believe in the online coaching space that like to have a six figure business, the strategy, the advice out there is you know have a one-to-many program have a group program

Sell it out. Let that be your signature program So you have this wait list that fills up run it over and over and over again and you basically Create like this feast and famine cycle in your business Financially and it's funny because I feel like everyone's talking about all I need to get out of that feast and famine cycle in your business financially. And it's funny because I feel like everyone's talking about, oh, you need to get out of that feast and famine, create systems and blah, blah, blah, and automation, blah, blah, blah, so you have reoccurring payments, and all of that's fine and dandy.

But you're still kind of creating that huge adrenaline spike, and each time you're launching, you get this huge influx of money and I'm kind of recognizing. I don't think my nervous system wants that right now. I Yeah, I don't know I mean, you know, I as I'm saying this out loud like it's not even about the money I think it's just also each time you go to launch something like that and you have these goals and subtle expectations of what a successful launch would look like. Here's an example.

Last month I was launching Unruly, which was going to be an eight-week roundtable for neurodivergent weirdos exploring neurodivergence in their business, like I am right now. And I had zero signups and that obviously was disappointing because it was a mismatch to my expectations. My expectations weren't rigid, but I had a goal and I had kind of a number in mind of what would feel successful, what would feel like a good energetic exchange and I had kind of a number in mind of what would feel successful, what would feel like a good energetic exchange, and I didn't meet that. And when that happens, and when you put something out there and you don't get basically the validation back

from it that you were hoping for, that feels like rejection to our nervous system. And so I can see so clearly that for basically the past, oh gosh, seven months, I keep launching these things that don't meet my expectations and that are hitting this really big wound of rejection and ultimately abandonment for my nervous system and my energetic body. And I will say, I'm consciously building my capacity to handle more rejection and I'm consciously doing things to, I guess, heal abandonment wounds, although that sounds really like mealy-jee. But the point of this is that each time you're putting something out there and you don't get the feedback or the sign-ups or any kind of validation that that was a good idea, our

nervous systems take that as rejection. And unless you're a human that doesn't tie your business to your self-worth, that is sometimes really really hard because it's as much as you don't want to, you know that it doesn't mean anything about you, but when you are your business and when like the offers that you're putting out there feel so personal sometimes and you know like a Piece of your heart is something that you've put your heart into It it can be really hard and I just want to say that like that's okay. Like I Don't think I Don't I don't know what I'm trying to say

And I think this is why it's important to have other Aspects of your business and your life where you are feeling fulfilled and satisfied and where you are still getting that validation. Because I want to say, I feel like I've gone through a season where I thought anytime I was craving validation, it meant that I wasn't loving myself enough and I was shaming myself for wanting that external validation and shaming and judging myself for feeling like I needed it to move forward. But I want to invite you to soften into that and recognize that we are pack animals, we

thrive in community, we aren't supposed to be doing things alone. A big part of our self-concept and our identity is attributed to how people see us. And so it's important to feel seen, right? It's literally our birthright to feel seen and heard. And feeling seen and heard often, sometimes, comes through validation. And so I don't want you to think that craving external validation is bad. I think it's just a very human need that a lot of us might be shaming ourselves for. I don't even know. It's just a really interesting thing.

I've basically been home for a while. I just did like circles around my block like a crazy lady. I think the point of this here is just inviting more spaciousness and play into my business. So even doing things like this, right? Like this podcast episode really didn't have an agenda. I wasn't actively trying to sell something or coming in with this is what I want to teach or preach or offer value around This really is fulfilling for me just coming to talk and Trusting that someone might need to hear it. I think the conversation around like fulfillment and contentment and You know feeling successful having pride

around your business and your life is often tied to those outward metrics right? It's tied to potentially like follower counts or how many people join your thing or how much money you're making. And again I don't necessarily want to shame us for that because that makes sense. That's what's visible. It's really hard to measure fulfillment and contentment and success based on internal things. But I think my invitation

here is to get really, really clear on what those outward metrics, say dollar amount or number of people joining, what's that feeling that it creates for you? And can that feeling be created in other ways? And can that feeling now be your new metric for contentment, fulfillment, success? And so my example, and this was what we kind of worked through in session today, Julia and I, talking less about my goals around money and number of signups and more about the feelings that come up when I get there. And so one of the things that felt really, really charged as in like, charged in a good way was this feeling of pride in my business.

I really want to, you know, when someone asks me, oh, how's your business going? Or my husband plays slow pitch every weekend, so Aubrey and I usually go watch on Wednesday nights. And so, you know, it's his group of friends, but they know me, they know I didn't go back to nursing, they know I'm farting around, they have no idea what I'm doing, but they also know like Aubrey's in daycare now and I mean the question gets asked Nicole what did you do today and I've noticed that my whole body collapses and wants to shrink and I just feel like I want to be a turtle hiding in its shell because I don't want to talk about it because I'm not feeling pride in my business right now I'm not feeling I haven't been feeling pride in my day to day there hasn't been that

feeling of contentment and fulfillment and success. And so I haven't wanted to talk about it. And so a metric for me to watch for and strive for is this feeling of pride. So when somebody asks me, I'm excited and I'm confident to tell them about what my day, right? And it doesn't actually matter about those visible metrics. It's about my own perceptions and feelings around the day, or even like when my husband comes home and asks me, how was my day?

Like I want to feel confident and a sense of pride around how I spent my time. And I think I was shaming and kind of gaslighting myself for this craving because I thought that this sense of pride was still coming from productivity and a source of achievement. But it's not about that. It's not actually about what I got off my to-do list because that's what I've noticed is I can have a really busy day in the sense of getting a lot done and a lot done might be busy work like we already talked about, but I'm still not feeling proud or fulfilled right that that that pride and fulfillment comes through different things so that's what

I'm gonna work towards I yeah I don't know if that made sense now that I just said it out loud I'm trying to think of another example. Not feeling like I need to overthink decision-making around spending money. And this comes in like the funniest examples for me. One thing that often comes up is if we go out for dinner, I want yam fries instead of fries. And that always costs like three or $4 more. I want a glass of wine with my dinner.

I want dessert. And I usually tell myself I have to pick one because we can't afford it. And obviously there might be some reality to that, right? Like depending on what our budget is and depending what we as a family have, you know, deemed feels right to spend on that month. But one thing that would feel really, really good and be a measurement for me around success and fulfillment and contentment is not having to overthink that decision, right? Just having trust and peace and clarity either around just picking one or maybe trust and

peace around picking all three unapologetically or whatever that looks like. It's such a funny example, but I think leaning into those moments, understanding like that feeling in your body is far more powerful than holding on to the big goal of selling out your launch and making X amount each month. So getting the point here is just getting really really clear on what those things actually feel like in your body. Like what does that actually mean for you in your day-to-day life? Okay I hope that was kind of helpful. I'd love to hear what lands and serves for you in this episode. Going forward I will be offering a live session on an ongoing basis.

Lauren and I are also moving forward with Held. That is our community program for mother-serving visionaries. So obviously links will be in the show notes for that. And then I plan to continue to host kind of these monthly group sessions. And I don't know what they're going to be called yet because I'd like to come up with a name that encompasses just the variety of things that those sessions might include like maybe breathwork, maybe workshopping, maybe something else like group coaching. But yeah, I'm excited for that.

I'm excited to just kind of create my own flavor, my own definition of consistency in my business, because that was another thing that I've recognized, is I've kind of been on this pendulum of, you know, really breaking free from the patriarchal, colonial, capitalist definition of consistency. I've done a lot of work to, you kind of like break free from that to the point where I've almost been afraid to Be committed to something. It sounds so silly to say out loud like I've almost been I've almost been resistant to To having consistency in my business because all I've ever known it to be is toxic

and so again, I'm just bringing some consciousness and intention to that and instead creating my own definitions around consistency and yeah just inviting that back into my life and my business in ways that actually feel really juicy and spacious. For me I'm likely going to anchor things around my own cycle so potentially a certain phase in my menstrual cycle and or the full and new moon. So inviting you to do the same in whatever that looks like for you. I would love to hear from you. Okay, I love you. Whoever is listening, I love you even if we've never met. I love you and I hope you have a beautiful day.