REWILD + FREE - Following your passion and overcoming imposter syndrome in motherhood with Olympian and Mom, Elisabeth Maier

Episode Date: April 18, 2023

This episode is super special to me as I'm joined by my friend of nearly 20 years and ex-podcast cohost, Elisabeth Maier! Elisabeth is a mom to 2 and a retired Olympic Skeleton athlete (to hear the whole scoop on how her career in sport got cut short, listen to episode 11 of our former podcast Brunch With Mamas here)In this episode we hear Elisabeth's honest experience entering motherhood, how she  navigated a massive career (and identity) shift, and the honest truths related to overcoming major feelings of inadequacy and imposter syndrome in motherhood Connect with Elisabeth on IG  @eh_maierConnect with Nicole on IG @nicolepasveerSupport the showConnect with Nicole on IG (@nicolepasveer) Want to be a guest on the podcast? Fill out this form

Welcome to the Not Just a Mom Show, where we have open and honest conversations about the vulnerabilities and the victories within entrepreneurship and new motherhood. If we haven't met yet, I'm Nicole Pazier and I'm going to be your host. Here on the show, we don't subscribe to perfection. In fact, being present is the new perfect and showing up messy is the new norm. My hope is that this podcast serves as a safe space for me and inspiration for you to stop living life watered down. Together, we will uncover versions of our most potent selves where we show up unapologetically, intentionally, and without filter. We are worthy, just as we are,

as all that we are, not just the label we put on ourselves. We are more than just a mom, and I'm so glad you're here. So I am joined today by Elizabeth Meyer, who is my ex-co-host on our old podcast, The Brunch with Mamas. It was really important to me that I had her on this show and sooner rather than later, just because she's really where it all started for me and my enjoyment in podcasting. And that's why I'm bringing it back. So here we are. Elizabeth is currently in Austria where she's living with her husband and two babies and I'm still in Canada so nothing's changed on my end. Thanks for having me and thanks for letting me be your first guest. I'm super honored to be. For those of you that don't know, Elizabeth and I have technically known each other since grade four.

We went to the same elementary, junior high and high school at the time she was living in Canada. And then she is crazy and got herself into the sport of skeleton. She is actually a former Olympian. And yeah, she ended up marrying an Austrian bobsledder. So that's why she lives in Austria now. And that's where she's growing her family and just kind of rocking mom life. So yeah, we've continued our friendship, even though it's long distance now. But yeah, I'm super excited to have you here a bit trickier to go for brunch or coffees or whatever but yeah we make distance

work as friends yeah we make distance work um I would love to hear I mean I sort of know the story but it's cool to listen in a more direct conversation as opposed to like text messages every couple days, which is how a lot of our conversations happen. I would love to hear just kind of your experience in your journey into motherhood and leaving sport and just all the things that come with that. Yeah, definitely. So I attended the Olympic Games in 2018 in Pyeongchang. And in 2019, I got pregnant. And now I had always seen like moms, there's a handful of moms before me that gave birth and then continued in their sporting career. And that was super inspiring and attractive for me. And I really thought, you know, like this is something that I really wanted to do.

My parents struggled with infertility. So Benny and I were just like, we'll get pregnant when we can get pregnant. And it happened way quicker than we expected. And ultimately gave birth in December 2019 to my son and started to come back to sport. And that was really important to me to be able to keep our family together because my husband was still competing. Although he did say if we decided then was the time to leave sport, he would also leave leave sport as well which is super admirable um but we just decided what was best for our family we're going to pause for a second because i have a little guest coming to join us oh luna is going to join us for a little while um yeah so i returned to sport less than 10 months after giving birth returned to international

competition um brought my son all over the world brought him to China brought him all over Europe and just competed for Canada but my ultimate goal was to compete in the 2022 Olympic Games with Hendrix around. Unfortunately, due to some unforeseen circumstances, my career got cut short. If you're really interested about that, you can go listen to the other podcast that Nicole and I did together, Brunch with Mamas podcast. We'll dive in super deep on that, but that's not really why we're here to talk about today but ultimately we decided we wanted to continue to grow our family and in April of last year found out that we are pregnant again um I do not suggest for people if you're going through a traumatic situation and you think you might be at a good point to immediately get pregnant like I did because hormones are really And just, yeah, it took me a long time

to kind of feel myself again. And I went from a situation where I've been an athlete my entire life, basically. And I was watching my body change. And I didn't like the way it was changing. I didn't like seeing stretch marks. I didn't have them with Hendrix. I didn't like the cellulite that I had all over my body, which I never had before. And there was a lot of, I don't want to say hatred or disgust, I guess is probably a better word, towards my body as it was changing, growing this beautiful little girl inside me. And just, I didn't like what I was seeing. So that was really, really difficult. But when you're so used to seeing your body in a certain way forever, it's really difficult. And it made pregnancy very, very hard as a whole did you experience similar feelings with your first pregnancy with Hendrix or was that a little bit different because you knew you were just gonna get back

into sport after it you saw it as a temporary change I saw it as a temporary change I didn't have any stretch marks on my belly I think I had like one little one on my side and um I didn't have any stretch marks on my belly I think I had like one little one on my side and um I didn't have cellulite I still very strong like I hadn't lost any of my muscle tone really throughout that pregnancy um but going into pregnancy with Luna I was a lot less fit and I wasn't at that highest level that I was going into Hendrix's um yeah and I wasn't at that highest level that I was going into Hendrix's. Yeah, and I wasn't, I guess in part, it kind of goes into that transformation of motherhood. And although I was already a mom of one, I still very much had that title of athlete still on my resume.

And I was returning to an athlete. Everyone knew I was returning to an athlete everyone knew I was returning to an athlete um funnily enough people ask me since giving birth to her are you making a comeback again like it's almost an expectation because you did it the first time not just an expectation but also a misunderstanding not realizing the amount of actual work that it went in to having a comeback and have a comeback without the support of a federation, without all of this. Now add a second child into it. I'm like, that's impossible. Benny would support me had I chosen to do that, but it's just not the right decision can we kind of

go back to um when you're freshly postpartum with Hendrix and you do have full intentions um of making a comeback in sport and you're jumping right back into your training and stuff what that was like for you especially being in Austria without your family without your Canadian village and just like speaking to what that was like sounds good so yeah so after I gave birth to Hendrix and it being a c-section everything like this my mom stayed with us until February I I think, end of February, beginning of March, and then COVID kicked off. So we were supposed to return to Calgary, I think, in April and be apart, like, have my community with me and just really kickstart that comeback. But because of COVID, everything got changed, everything stalled. I had this false

expectation that my son would sleep and he was a terrible sleeper. I mean, he had meningitis as well. All sorts of different things, which just made this comeback significantly harder than I could have ever imagined. Not just because there's a pandemic worldwide I also didn't have my parents so I'm extremely close with nearby um they were going to be instrumental in like helping with child care so that both Benny and I could train and it's like no we had to adjust and change to make it happen and just like I remember training till 10 p.m at night um just trying to fit in workouts like where I could because I literally like there wasn't enough time in a day plus Hendrix was sleeping like garbage um and this I was really not prepared for how hard it would have been

like I'd seen other parents do before I knew it was possible but sleep deprivation is no joke c-section is no joke um and trying to like get into best physical shape as I've ever been was also no joke and I think another aspect that really isn't talked a lot about is the fact you were also breastfeeding and just the mineral and nutrient depletion that our body goes through during pregnancy and then postpartum recovery and then to continue breastfeeding and basically feed and sustain your child all while trying to be this top athlete like I can't even imagine because I can barely keep up with like my baseline stuff let alone going to run a marathon yeah and that was I think like so I mean one of the most famous people to give birth and return to sport was Serena Williams.

And I really admire what she was able to do. But my good friend, Alana, who is also a mama, she's in bobsled, gave birth around the same time that I did. We did our comebacks kind of simultaneously. But she said one thing that Serena had that we didn't have was like a night nanny, a consistent person that was with their baby during the night and the finances to be able to do that. So I think I underestimated really how hard it was going to be for the comeback, but then also the tour life on top of that, because although we were together as a family, we weren't really together. Benny was still with Austria and I was in my own little island with my mom without any team support as well so the

transition that way was I brought my son on tour and I think I did the best I could do for being a mama and an athlete but I don't think I was the best mama I could be if I wasn't an athlete. I certainly was not the best athlete I could be if I wasn't a mama. Yeah. The two, um, collided. Yeah. However, as an athlete, my levels raised for other reasons because I was not going to waste two years of Hendrix's life. So my actual work ethic was at a level that I had never seen before. Right. And you achieved some personal bests and stuff in your career. Definitely.

And like moving hundreds of kilos of weight in some very technical lifts, like things that I would struggle with prior to Hendrix, I was able to do afterwards. So the body is incredible. It is amazing. But if I look back and I see, was I the best mom I could be? And was I the best athlete I could be? I would say probably if I'm looking at it, honestly, no. So to do that with two kids would be, I know it's not, it's not for me. Right. You didn't want to compromise your mothering abilities.

And you also didn't want to show up as a half-ass athlete. Like you wanted to give it your all in whatever realm you were going to put your energy in. Which I mean, you've known me, you've known me nearly 20 years coming up in September. Holy crap. I've never done anything half-assed. Oh gosh, no.

No. You also like, don't waste your time. You are very considerate about the energy that you're putting into something. And yeah, just doing it with full intention and full presence. And that's super honorable to my own demise in some situations, especially when we were younger. But I, I did not want to waste.

Yeah. So anyways, that's kind of what happened after Hendrix I'm I'm super thankful that I was able to do it and I learned a lot and I have a lot of admiration for the mamas that continue to do it um but I also think it's important for mamas to speak about the reality of it and that it was a lot harder than I ever could have imagined um and that doesn't really get spoken about because you really only see like the women finishing the marathons or you just see the outcome yeah and you're not seeing the sleep deprived I'm walking upstairs for hours on end till 10 p.m at night because the only time I can

train and uh yeah that being said if you have a passion don't let motherhood prevent it nor stop it try it you'll learn a butt load and then you'll be like I don't know if that was the best idea wasn't the worst uh maybe let's pivot into that now about passions and about just how to follow your passions while also obviously honoring motherhood and the responsibilities that come with that and just what that's looked like for you um you can talk about while being in sport but also since being out of sport and kind of how things have transformed for you? Yeah, so when my career ended, there was always an open end. If I wanted to go back to sport, I could do as an athlete, potentially in a different sport, potentially,

for sure, for a different nation, and what that would all look like. Right. You had options. I had options. Yeah. It wasn't like you had like a physical injury that like was totally closing the door. It was just, yeah. Okay. So that's kind of an interesting place to start because here you are in a position where something has been stripped beneath your feet, but the door isn't completely closed. And you still have some sense of power in the sense that you have choices and decisions to make, while also trying to determine if you want to continue to grow your family or just like what's next. Yeah. And that was, I mean, Benny. So then also makes him a husband that's still very active in the sport.

Because I retired in October of 2021. He didn't retire until March of 2022 and still was fighting for an Olympic medal, which was my dream. And stop it all off. He was the opening ceremony flag's flag bearer uh for the 2012 olympics she didn't really care that he was picked and this was a dream of mine that was always like if i go to the olympics i would be so honored to one day carry the flag and this really taught me a lot about having two feelings at once where it's like i, I am so, so, so proud of you, my husband, who I love and have chosen for the rest of my life. And I'm really jealous and really sad about me.

And thankfully, my husband is super understanding. And he's like, I know you're happy for me. And I know you're sad. And that's okay. You had space to feel both. Yeah. And he allowed me to feel both. And my parents allowed me to feel both because I ended up living with them during um since October basically until February and I had the support that way that was an interesting learning curve for me because

like I'd heard about feeling two emotions at once but then actually living it I'm sure I lived it prior but I didn't have that space to really acknowledge those two feelings I think it also takes a level of self-compassion too and not having judgment on yourself for feeling one thing or the other and I think that's a really important skill to have in motherhood because um the juxtaposition and the duality of mixed emotions and mixed feelings is huge in motherhood definitely and that followed me into my second pregnancy with luna because i was like i'm super thankful that i'm pregnant but i also hate this right now and i don't like the feeling of being pregnant i didn't like watching my body change but i'm

so thankful for this human that's growing inside of me and the gift that she is. But I was miserable at the same time. So thankfully, I kind of had practice with these duality of feelings in the year prior, the few months prior, to continue feeling these things. Also, in this time, my husband got accepted to med school. So we also settled in Austria. Right. So another big transition and another instance of almost feeling like you don't have options yet at the same time being in complete control and like you guys did have the power to make these decisions and decide where you're going to live and where Benny was going to go to school but again I can just imagine some mixed emotions of like obviously Austria is what made sense so the weight of choosing that um probably took over and but it didn't like

logically it all makes sense but Canada Canada was is still my home yeah but finally choosing it like I mean I've been back and forth for seven years between is over I've selected a new nation to live in so that was hard because athletes when they retire or a lot of athletes just never retire right like they just either keep going and going and going and going because that fear of the unknown is really difficult but now since giving birth and seeing this beautiful girl on earth side and my hormones like leveling out a lot is that I haven't been nearly as happy as I am now as I've been in many many years and content and not searching for other things not saying that I don't slip back into those I mean last week was very hard and had similar feelings of like inadequacy which was my sport life for a long time and never feeling good enough and all of this seep into motherhood

where then I feel like I'm not a good enough mama because for years I was told I was not a good enough athlete. But the years that I endured as an athlete where it was horrendous and terrible and all of this, I was still afraid to leave the sport because there was a consistency. There was an easiness to it. I knew exactly what I was doing Monday to Friday or Monday to Saturday. There was no questions until the competitions. Then you compete and you cards land where they may. But then when you step away from something that's so consistent, I mean, you've experienced this too. You stepped away from a nursing job, which is consistent.

You knew what you were doing. I was just going to say that for people that don't have the sporting career that you had, people can still kind of relate this into their own life and this into whatever career path they have chosen. Like it's not uncommon for people to kind of have a classic relationship with their work and yet want to continue in that place of work or that career path because it's comfortable and it's familiar and it feels like the lesser of two evils. And I experienced that.

Like it felt easier just to stay in nursing than to leave. And I mean, thankfully birth and motherhood kind of gave me the, the opportunity to exit, but without that, like it would have been incredibly hard. I knew it was scary because the consistency, it is that comfort zone for a long time. And so when I finally like, yeah, decided, okay, I'm done sport. It took nearly a year or more than. I took a year about until I felt okay again and excited about other opportunities and

the opportunities I have now I'm significantly more excited for than I was even through my comeback which I was super passionate and excited about but it it was almost out of like a desire to prove people wrong, which is a great motivator, but it's also very unhealthy motivator. Whereas you and I off air, we were talking about, well, what kind of what looks next for me. And I've since been voted in for the executive committee. So the International Bob's Foot Skeleton Federation Board. So I'm now an athlete representative.

I've got voting rights. I'm still involved in the sport of skeleton. And for a while, I wasn't sure if I was going to continue in sport. And do I really want to work in sport? What are my other options? Okay, there's architecture that I was interested in in there was even nursing that I was interested in um but when I looked at architecture as a great example um if I look at a building if I design a building and I look at it there's not going to be that gratification that I would have if you actually impact a person's life

like you could be like oh that's a cool building. Yeah, I made that or designed that. But like, it's not, it doesn't have the same impact if you're actually able to impact someone's life. So that's where the nursing thought came in because I had an incredible nurse when I was in the hospital with Luna and how she affected me.

I was like, oh my gosh, like I could be that for someone's another mom as well. But then ultimately it brought me back to sport. And I said to you off air and I said, I, when I started skeleton, I always wanted to leave the sport like a better place than I found it. And through my athletic career it wasn't possible but now I have incredible opportunities to still be a part of the sport and change it for good is my goal and leave it a better place than I found it but that wouldn't have been possible without all the other hard, hard stuff as well. And those transitions and,

and stepping into scary. I mean, I've talked to lots of athletes like who are, do I retire? Do I continue? Do I retire? I'm like, it's going to be hard for a year,

maybe a little bit longer, maybe a little bit shorter. It's going to be hard but then you're going to get excited and passionate about other things which you didn't have before and I think it's really cool like to think about how okay let's say let's say this opportunity was given to you several years ago before you had the experiences you did as an athlete the perspective and the biases and just like the experience under your belt wouldn't have shaped you into the person you are now and you wouldn't be able to have the same kind of influence that you could now so you almost needed you needed your experience

you needed all those years you needed um the perspective of being an athlete in um the corrupt situation that you were in in order to I think have some of the passions that you have now like I think that's kind of what shaped what what shaped you into where you are now, which is so cool. And the athlete advocacy as well. And like the motherhood advocacy too, because I think should any female athlete decide they wish to have a baby and come back to sport, there needs to be the supports in place to make that happen. And now I have lived experience. I've seen what the the absolute I think one of the most absolute worst situations of having a child and having no support so learning from that how can I help future mothers as well yeah I mean I could go on and on about the lack of village

that culturally um we provide to mothers. And it was just like completely exaggerated in sport. And it was awful to hear the experiences that you had and the way you were treated and just like the politics around it. It is so messed up. Like we are in 2023 things should be better by now. And they're not, we have a a far a long ways to go that being said um although the politics are horrendous especially around having become a mother the athletes themselves were all extra aunts and uncles to Hendrix and like nearly every single one of them

we spent three weeks in China and the Olympic champion double Olympic champion one of the most decorated bobsled pilots in the world is Jason Hendricks and playing with him in in the dining hall and it's like I was doing but still you had to create that village yeah I did like a systemic level and culturally in society like we aren't set up for that and you have to kind of go outside to build that for yourself yep and um I would say sport is still very much like an old boys club even in the female side of it um so there are those supports in place to like we talked about where I said I wasn't the best mom I could be and I wasn't the best athlete I could be. That's not saying that it would be forever. That's just under the current regime.

That's how it is or under the current circumstances. But I would say with adequate support. That could be a different question. I mean, like I said, Serena Williams was able to do that. Right. With huge amount of support. And I mean, the financial budget I could only dream of. Yeah. But that's not my story and that's okay. But like you said, if I didn't have these experiences, I wouldn't be able to advocate for female athletes like I did. I wouldn't be able to advocate for skeleton athletes the way I am and look for opportunities to grow the sport that I do genuinely love it gets me

excited it gets me passionate all of this it's a lot like it's a lot to I mean I've always just kind of looked at your life with my jaw to the ground because like we've always said it your life is bananas you you have always done like the crazy and the unthinkable at least like what I consider crazy and what I consider unthinkable because I live let's just say like I live a very um I don't vanilla lifestyle is almost the word that's coming to mind right I've always kind of just done what's expected of me I've always um just tried to fit in and kind of the status quo and I went and got um the job that I thought was going to be well respected and secure and then married house dogs family like all in the order that I think society respects

and not to say that you haven't done any of those things but like you have truly always just marched to the beat because like everything like when we were younger I was sixth grade when I shaved my head like for cancer for no for a fundraiser for cancer research or whatever yeah but I never I mean it's interesting because I've mentioned this to another friend recently is that I I like I never felt I was ever in a situation in school in junior high high school elementary where I was ever bullied I would do what I would do sure people would make fun of me but it's never it was never really bullying or affected me like this right you didn't internalize it yeah and and I actually don't think I ever was bullied but as an adult I have been bullied a lot and those lessons I've had to learn

from this also have helped me I think become to the place where I am now where I can accurately advocate for athletes and the rights of athletes and protections and all of this and make skeleton better. I love that. It's always been sarcasm um but like truly though like while maybe it doesn't look graceful to other people like I do see it as graceful because it's always been you following your own inner compass and just really like aligning with your center and yeah like the authenticity that you have embodied has been a constant in your life and there's not a lot of people that I could say that about well thank you first and foremost you're welcome I won't get any more

mushy than that that's about as mushy as I'm gonna get I would like to quickly talk about you've mentioned some themes of like feeling inadequate and just not feeling good enough whether in sport and in motherhood and I think those are feelings that a lot of mothers can relate with so I'd like to just quickly touch on some of that before we wrap up and I guess like more so like how you've actually navigated those feelings and worked through them because now you're now you're at a place where you can say that you're the happiest you've ever been and the most content you've ever been and so just how did you work through those feelings how did I work through those feelings uh therapy no I'm just kidding uh no um well no therapy's great everyone should do

it uh whether you feel good or not I mean um that's a good one I think one of the biggest things is like bad parents are not concerned if they're being good or bad parents um and I I'm not in a comparison game or something like this because um there's always that fear of your of inadequacy especially if you are raising humans because you don't want them to be poops you want them to be well adjusted loved and excited about the world but I think like there's a combination between inadequacy and imposter syndrome as well because if you've ever been told you're not enough in your life um and i i was told that a lot in my sporting career

that seeps into motherhood not having a crying baby on my hands luna said goodbye she's got a night night for the night everybody she's good she's covered anyways um whenever in your life you're told you're not good enough for whatever reason and this was told to me lots directly and indirectly within my sporting career it's easy that that slips into other aspects of your life which then leads to imposter syndrome as well so I've had that feeling where if I wasn't good enough in sport how would I be ever good enough to be a mom a good mom I mean I am a mom that's not going away um but the quality

aspect to it and that's really tricky to be able to separate the feelings I had um from sport and to actually look at the truth of it like people say you remember one negative thing to every hundred positive things people have said to you or whatever it may be. And Benny has a good point. He's like the people that told you you were garbage in sport knew nothing about the sport as well. And they knew nothing about my actual value and worth within the sport. Much like the people that are questioning and challenging your parenting abilities are often not mothers right yeah and not involved or don't know the context yeah and or don't have the lived experience as well I'm gonna I'm gonna throw you under

the bus right here I know I was about to bring it up myself. Go for it. So I gave birth before Nicole gave birth. And my son slept like poop. And Nicole's daughter sleeps like poop. And in Austria, it's very common to co-sleep. So he co-slept with us. He slept like garbage. He was up tons.

Blah, blah, blah. It's from you. You're like, you need to sleep train. You've got to sleep train. Time to sleep train. Blah tons blah blah blah it's from you where you're like you need to sleep train you gotta sleep train time to sleep train blah blah blah and I was like okay whatever funnily enough and unfortunately little Aubrey also doesn't like to sleep hey Nicole oh little Aubrey does not like to sleep and And it is, this is such a perfect example, because prior to becoming a mom, and prior to doing any sort of education, I was completely wrapped up into society's narrative that you have to train your kids to sleep and that kids are supposed to sleep in their bed and not your bed. And I mean, at this point, I probably also believe that babies should be born in hospital and thankfully um when I was pregnant and um preparing for birth and motherhood and postpartum and all the things

I was very open and I did a lot of unlearning and I did a lot of um challenging of the social constructs and norms. And I have since shed that belief. I think sleep training is a load of baloney. If you follow me on Instagram, you will know that I am a fierce co-sleeping and breastfeeding advocate. And I since now know and believe from my own experience that babies don't need to be born in hospital. First time moms can have home births um so yeah a lot has changed but it is just a perfect example of people can be so quick to judge and make comments or statements or think they know better than you when they don't have any experience to back it up and I think it's a good reminder for all of us to kind of check our biases and check our perspectives and like where are those beliefs truly coming from are they our own or are they fed to us from um our family upbringing from Hollywood society

wherever it is and just like the opportunity to question things like does it make sense and so for me I thought it was completely bananas to have your baby sleeping in bed with you and now I couldn't imagine life any different here we are over 18 months of still co-sleeping Aubrey has never slept in her own bed um it's just funny how things completely change so thanks completely and then well I'm also gonna throw in there like um acknowledging your triggers as well because for example I had a sport related trigger last week even and it was again a feeling of inadequacy that I inadequacy that I had and I let that seep into my motherhood as well where it's like then I must then I'm I'm just so overwhelmed with this and blah blah blah and it kind of intertwined itself and made itself really ugly and difficult to separate the two.

So then by the end of the day, I'm just completely like feeling like garbage and I'm a terrible mom and, and, and, and. Whereas the trigger wasn't even related to motherhood. It was related to stuff in my past and related to sport. So it's just also interesting to be able to acknowledge, understand that and see how your triggers can kind of sneak into a different area completely of your life as well. Yeah. There's two things I'm pulling from that, from what you were saying. One is it's important to kind of bring awareness to those triggers so that you can detach from them and not let them encompass all

the other aspects of your life. Because like you just pointed out, it's so easy for them to seep through and that feeling of inadequacy while it was just over one thing is now over everything um and then the second part and you didn't necessarily touch on this but it was just something that I was reflecting on as I was listening was um how inadequacy and imposter syndrome and whatever else you want to call it I think the root of it all often comes from comparison. We're comparing ourselves to others. And also just our own self worth. Like I think really, that is the deepest root of it all is how just be the best that we can be. And if that self-worth piece isn't there,

then it's just really hard to overcome all the other challenges that pop up. And I think it's more than just the mindset shift. I think it's more than just talking yourself out of it and positive self-talk. I think it's something that needs to become a way of life and something that you truly embody and that confidence comes from like a deep self-love and unfortunately that hasn't really been modeled to us it hasn't been modeled to us and another tricky thing is I mean you're now a stay-at-home mama, officially also entrepreneur or whichever route you want to say first.

But for lots of years, stay-at-home moms were really looked down upon and that you're taking a step back in your career or whatever it may be. Or because I'm also a stay at home mom, or it's a feeling, this is actually a really big one for me. It's a feeling of not contributing to the family. Yeah. And we've talked about this off air too, where, yeah, like this feeling of, I mean, it's not even necessarily about money, although I think that's a big part of it, right? If we're not bringing in money, we're not sharing. Because we've kind of grown up in a world where a lot of people we're close with are dual income families. And I know myself and Dylan, like we created a lifestyle where we were a dual income family and so for me to step away from that and um

basically choose not to pull my weight because that's ultimately what it felt like right it was almost like we had this unspoken agreement that we're both going to work we're both going to um bring in income and contribute and all these things and so by me making the choice which was supported by my husband I will say that but but still by making that choice a part of me felt like I wasn't carrying my weight of that unspoken act we made and I think we can both agree that both of our husbands have never intentionally or would make us feel this way this is definitely both of us and internal I know at least in my situation it was never um a feeling nor and Benny quite says the exact opposite he knows that so does Dylan but it doesn't matter how many times

it's said to me and this is why I was saying like it goes past positive self-talk and thinking your way out of it because it doesn't matter how many times we're told or how many times we um tell ourselves differently if we're not truly feeling it from our core it's really hard to move past it definitely and like Benny said for me is that like he's becoming a doctor as well he's in med school right now so it's tricky right now ish financially, but he's like, you know, he's saying to me, I never have to work again once he's out of med school, but I don't want that. Um, because I've got other passions and things that excite me,

but I don't want to feel like I have to do something just simply to fill and check that box as well. Um, but yeah, it's interesting because childminding, keeping the house blank, doing the stay-at-home mom gig is really hugely contributing to the family. And it's so important and it's so undervalued. I'm very blessed to live in a very social nation where it's encouraged for the mom to stay home at least two years if not longer and um it's it's cheap to get child care here if they're under uh if they're 18

months or older but it's uh you got to be working or whatever but there's support for you as a mom to take two and a half three years off so that you can really bond with your child and that's that's not a North American norm and it's weird for me to see but um one really cool thing is that my mother-in-law she had four children and got her master's degree up 50. So there's really no timeline on when you need to get education or start working or anything like this. So that's also cool. I love that reminder because I think for a lot of us a sense of urgency and getting stuck in this the pressure of the timeline and all of that can feel really heavy so yeah just this reminder that it's never too late to go back to school it's never too late to do a career shift it's never

too late for anything and also as we've kind of already talked about sometimes you need certain experiences in your life to reignite a passion or to even fuel the passion or to give you the experience to be influential with that passion or to even create create a passion because I've said this to you before because prior to, you didn't have this passion for birth work. You didn't have this fire before. So you need those experiences. And I'll say this again to you is I'm super excited and I'm super happy for you to see you chasing your passion because it's the first time I've ever seen, we've known each other for 20 years. And for me, that's exciting because I chased my passion. I still am to an extent for that amount of time, nearly as well. So I'm excited you joined the passion train.

I'm excited that you found it. Thank you, friend. That's definitely enough mushiness from the two of us for like a year. We are not usually this mushy um but no you're right like I think you like um hit the nail on the head there like I really haven't had a true passion that I've been excited to follow before except for my love for eating donuts and again this was kind of brought up off air just before we started hitting record about just my ability and my desire to speak my truth even if it might make someone else uncomfortable

I've never done that before but I've never actually had that desire because I've never had something I'm so passionate about that I feel the need to speak up to it so that's really cool because I don't even remember I think we were talking about sleep training and I definitely thing I'm so passionate about that I feel the need to speak up to it so that's really cool because I don't even remember I think we were talking about sleep training and I definitely had no intentions of bringing sleep training into this conversation but I had brought up something you're like oh I'm not in I'm not in the in the um I don't want to ruffle feathers like you do and it's just so different because it's so much easier to ruffle feathers if it's something you're passionate about because sport all day I'll ruffle all them feathers I will advocate for athletes so I'm blue in the face I think this is a good place to wrap it up so I think uh if you take anything

away from this episode it's go follow your passions and find what lights your soul on fire and new is scary but it's a good scary. All of the above. Anyways, it was lovely to catch up with you, friend. I love you. I miss you. We will, I'll have you back on the show sometime soon. Okay, before you go, I just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to listen to this episode.

If you were thinking of anyone while listening please send it their way and if anything resonated with you or you love these conversations please subscribe and leave a review this really helps the podcast algorithms put my show in front of more people just like you and the last thing I would love nothing more than hearing from you so say hi dm me on instagram and give me a follow at nicolepasvir until next time