REWILD + FREE - HOW TO FLY WHEN IT FEELS LIKE YOU'RE FALLING (63)

Episode Date: December 16, 2024

This episode I'm sharing my own insights from some heavy in self doubt moments I've experienced lately since being sick and birthing a new offer I also offer my take on the collective wound around hyper independence and our nervous system's resistance to receiving support and how to move forward in time's of discomfort And of course a little riff on what hustle culture is doing to women entrepreneurs, enjoy! LINKS! 👇>>Click here to purchase the Radically Enough workshop for $45 Use coupon code REWILDANDFREE for $15 off 🎉>>Click here for all the details for my upcoming virtual retreat called UNDONE . .DM me on IG (@nicolepasveer) to let me know what stirs or lands from this episode or ask me any questions about UNDONE

You're listening to Rewild and Free. This is the go-to podcast for conscious and holistic entrepreneurs who are ditching society's to-do list for intentional living, freedom, and abundance. If we haven't met yet, I'm Nicole Pasvir. I'm an ex-nurse turned matrescence guide and business coach, leading women just like you into the new paradigm. Keep listening if you're ready to unsubscribe from patriarchal motherhood, bro-marketing, and boss-babe culture. Because in this space, we use nature as our framework as we move towards feminine embodied business development, cyclical orientation, and slow living. Together, let's rewild and remember as we break free from survival and reconnect to what truly matters. Okay friend, steep your tea and take the most

loving breath you've given to yourself today and let's go. Oh hello there. It's been a hot minute since I have recorded a podcast. I actually don't know how many weeks it's been. There's been a lot of contraction and expansion and I'm really excited to share some of that with you in this episode. And truthfully I've also been feeling a bit disconnected to the podcast I was just reflecting on this before I started hitting record and realized there's a part of me that has been I guess shaming or judging myself for wanting more engagement and wanting more visible metrics from the podcast, more people listening and conversions in the sense of listeners turning into clients and whatever that might look like. But what I'm recognizing is the desire for engagement and the desire for people that are listening to reach out and share

what landed for them from an episode they just listened to honestly is such an innate human need and I'm gonna stop shaming myself for wanting that because the truth is I'm a human and of course I want that engagement because when I'm just sitting here recording it's really really awkward and it I don't know I guess it takes a bit of the pleasure out of it for me because I really have no idea who's listening and I yeah just coming back to that word of disconnect like there's a disconnection because I have no idea who's listening and I also understand that's kind of the the magic of podcasting too right because these episodes it's long form content it literally lives forever and ever and I never know when someone's listening someone might be listening to an episode from a year ago right anyways that's a

bit of a tangent I just wanted to name that because there is that disconnect. And I also just want to name that if you are listening, I would love to know. I would love to know who is listening. I would love to know what you love about this show. I would love to know what you'd like me to talk more about or like what you enjoy hearing me talk about. Because yeah, sometimes it really does feel like I'm talking to no one, even though I know people are listening. But anyways, moving on. For this episode, I really wanted feel like I'm talking to no one even though I know people are listening but anyways moving on for this episode I really wanted to I guess just give language to my inner world I feel like I try to do that quite often but I I I owe the listeners to the rewild and free podcast an update because like I said it has been a couple weeks since I've been on here and there has been a lot that has happened since then I should actually remind myself what the last episode was

because that's how disconnected I felt let's see November 20th my goodness it's almost been a month oh yeah my last episode was the shadow side of time freedom that was a good one okay um anyways okay let's carry on so oh boy what have i been up to um a couple weeks ago aubrey and i went to visit lauren and if you've been a listener for a while of this show you know that i have a sub series withies with my friend Lauren called Musings and Magic. We unfortunately haven't been able to record for a couple months now, but we keep talking about it. It's coming back, I promise. We will be recording very, very soon. Her and I met through a doula training program over two years ago now, and we quickly became very,

very good online friends. And it literally took a whole two years before we got to meet each other in person and we met in the summer for a weekend camping trip with both of our families and so that was incredible it was incredible to just experience her energy and feel her in the flesh for the first time and then obviously that just deepened our friendship even more as we kind of expected it would. And so Aubrey and I went to go visit her and stay with her for a couple nights a couple weeks back. So that was great as well.

I'm sure when we do do an episode, we can reflect on what that visit was like because it also wasn't like lollipops and rainbows. There was actually a lot of, I don't know, edges that we both met and kind of got to integrate in real time. So maybe I'll put a plug on that and we can talk about it next time Lauren and I are recording together. So yeah, that was a couple weeks ago and that kind of, I don't know, there's a lot of anxiety for me leading up to that trip because I've never traveled alone. And I know I wasn wasn't alone I was with my daughter who's three but that really just perpetuated the anxiety or heightened it I should say because I yeah it's

not I'm I'm not I don't get anxious about flying or traveling or anything like that but I do get anxious solo parenting and so just kind of bracing myself and preparing myself for any of the challenges that might come while solo parenting in an airport and on an airplane. And thankfully, things actually worked out really well. It was actually really good. Aubrey did amazing. She's traveled before. We've gone on plane rides before. So that wasn't new. That was very exciting for her. But why I'm sharing that is because the anxiety leading up to that was energetically consuming to say the least and then when we came back Aubrey was sick and then I got sick and I'm

gonna get into that more but yeah actually maybe I'll just go there so yeah the past week or so I have been really really sick I ended up getting a really intense sinus infection it started out as just like a head cold and I thought okay like I'll just do all the usual natural kind of things I do to support myself when I have a head cold and when I have intense sinus congestion and this all started on I think a Wednesday yeah it was the Wednesday after we got back from our trip to Seabourn. And like I said, I thought it was just a head cold, did all the usual things. It felt like it was improving on the weekend. So three, four days had passed.

It felt like it was improving. And then the day after that, Sunday evening, it started to feel intense again. And I was starting to experience pain in my teeth and my jaw. And I have experienced that before with sinus pain and pressure and congestion so I wasn't overly concerned at that moment but it just kept intensifying it just kept getting worse and the fact that it felt like it was getting better and then it got worse again was kind of a alarm signal for me that maybe it wasn't just a viral infection and it was actually

bacterial. So long story short, on the Tuesday, so a couple days as the intensity continued to progress, I, oh my god, this was literally just last week. So last Tuesday, I was crippled with self-doubt and indecision. It was such a hard decision for me to go to the doctor and potentially get antibiotics. And I want to talk a little bit about that because that entire experience ended up being such a beautiful initiation and opportunity to just glean some wisdom and kind of, yeah, learn something about myself from that. So what I recognized is since I've kind of been on this more naturally minded health conscious journey which has been I don't know maybe five or six years now and obviously since I've left the mainstream health western medicine industry

in the sense of quitting my nursing job I've really kind of swung on this pendulum swing of resisting and almost fearing more mainstream medicine to the point where I wasn't even allowing myself to take any pain relievers like Advil or Tylenol. I wasn't taking any decongestants very intentionally because I'm still breastfeeding. So there was that, but there was also this layer of, I don't actually want to take any pills. I just want it to be very natural. And so on the Tuesday when I knew that it was likely bacterial and there was like this inner knowing that my body needed extra supports, there was still a part of that my body needed extra supports there was still

a part of me that was met with so much friction and resistance and yeah I recognize now that there was a lot of fear in potentially taking medications but there was also this identity crisis I guess I was clinging on to this identity of being natural and being naturally minded and being holistic and whatever other label you want to throw on on there and so for me it was actually an invitation for this ego death to happen to kind of remind myself that wait that doesn't actually make or shape or define my identity going to get a prescription for antibiotics and also just this this invitation to lean into this inner knowing that I was experiencing then I needed extra support and that extra support in that

instance looked like getting a prescription and going to see a doctor and allowing myself to receive that support that was really like the the mountain I was climbing was being so resistant to receiving support and wanting to handle it on my own and it was teetering into this hyper independence and I'm going to get into this because it's a beautiful metaphor for what we do in business but it was like this this hyper independence of I don't want any help I don't want anything in my system I want my body to handle this naturally and on its own and yeah just wanting really to promote kind of that that internal healing system that we all have within us and that's beautiful to a certain degree but on Tuesday what was happening is I was suffering. I literally

couldn't eat. Oh, I forgot to mention that on top of the jaw and teeth pain, the left side of my face was also starting to feel tingly and numb. So there was a whole whack of discomfort going on. But there was also this very real and raw moment of feeling like I was suffering. I couldn't actually handle this anymore. And it was interrupting my ability to eat. It was interrupting my ability to sleep and to rest. And under all of that, there was also this inner knowing that I think this is bacterial and I need extra support. So Tuesday was really, really challenging. It literally took me, I think, four or five hours to leave my house and get myself to go drive to the doctor's office. And then funny enough, once I got to the doctor's office, the parking lot was full. So I told myself this story. I was going to a walk-in clinic, so I

didn't have an appointment. So I told myself this story that if the parking lot's so full, it must be really, really busy and I don't want to wait. so this is a sign. I should just go home. I shouldn't be here. And I circled the parking lot a couple times and talked myself back into it. No, Nicole, you're going, you're going, you're going. Underlying all of this, I also could recognize that there was a part of me that really just wanted to be saved. I wanted someone to tell me what to do. And I remember I was messaging my current mentors that I have right now because they know I'm in the middle of a launch. And I was just sharing with them that like, I feel like I'm not able to pour into my business right now. Like I'm so sick. I

just need to tend to my body and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, which is all very, very true. But I don't exactly remember what I said, but there was a part of me showing up in those conversations wanting them to validate and tell me yeah Nicole you need to go to the doctor and get antibiotics I desperately just wanted someone to tell me to go do that and nobody was nobody was everything throughout being thrown back to me and reflected back to me was like you know your body best you'll you'll know what to do you can't make the wrong decision blah blah blah blah blah and in that moment it was really really annoying to hear and also exactly what I needed to hear so when I got to the parking lot it felt like a sign that I I shouldn't be there and I thankfully saw past that and and parked anyways and walked in and sure enough as soon as I walked

in the waiting room was completely empty I was literally the only one there. So this was just a reminder and evidence that we attach to these stories in our head that may or may not be true, right? If I would have listened to that story that said that, oh, the parking lot's full, that must mean that it's really busy and there's going to be a long wait and I don't want to wait. If I would have listened to that, I wouldn't have actually gone in. And so, yeah, go in, check in, see a doctor. I was literally in and out under 45 minutes. And the doctor agreed that it might be bacterial and that I might need antibiotics. And she offered me many options.

She offered me a prescription. But even the doctor wouldn't tell me exactly what to do. She really maintained my own autonomy and sovereignty, which was a beautiful experience that I didn't realize I needed because I've lost so much trust in our healthcare system. And so that was just a beautiful, beautiful again piece of evidence to remind me that no there actually are like good doctors and they're not just there to push pills and yeah this one truly gave me options and literally said I'm going to give you this prescription but you can wait a couple days to see how your body's feeling you don't need this right now again you

know yourself best you get to decide And I'm sharing all of this because obviously, long story short, I did go get the antibiotics and I've finished my course and I'm feeling way better now. But the metaphor here is this desire to want to be saved and this desire to want to have all the answers and this desire to have someone literally just reach out and give us the next step right in those moments of desperation in those moments of feeling like things aren't working and you're just in so much discomfort to the point where it almost feels like you're suffering and obviously suffering is relative and suffering there's nuance there but metaphorically in business we have probably all experienced this like I know I have where it's

oh my god like I just need somebody to tell me what to do I just need one more course that's going to change everything for me like I just need to sign up for that one last workshop and that's going to give me the secret code that I've been missing and we also know that's not true right we know that we know that's not true, right? We know that. We know that's not true. But we continuously keep falling into these cycles. of self and our own self-trust and our own autonomy in those moments it's really really uncomfortable to to trust ourselves when we don't have anything to promise what the outcome is going to be right and this is really teetering into a desire for a sense of control but it's also teetering into like lack of self-trust and also through the lens of the nervous system it's showing us that there's this perceived sense of unsafety it's like a perceived threat if we stand out or do something that hasn't been done before. Because not that long ago, if we did stand out,

and if we did kind of be an outlier to our tribe, that literally was life or death. That literally meant that we might not survive. So there's this very visceral, somatic body experience where the nervous system wants to feel safe by being in, I mean, it's about being in community, but what this looks like is like not feeling safe to stand out. And standing out can look like not following proven frameworks and strategies. Standing out can look like trusting your own intuition to go do something that you haven't seen being done before, right? And we're talking about business and marketing here. So this showed up for me in such divine timing, as these things always do, because I'm also in the middle of launching a virtual retreat that I'm hosting in January and so I've been kind of teasing this out on my email list which has been

really fun but now it's time to officially birth this thing into the world and I needed to have that really intense sinus infection to do this final purge and release of all the things that aren't for me as I come into this launch and that piece around reclaiming not even reclaiming because I feel like I've done the reclamation part but now it's that self-trust piece around my own autonomy and sovereignty and like doing things for me not because it's expected of me from someone else and really releasing those shoulds and those those expectations I needed that experience to move into this launch the other thing that really came through from that experience is what happens when we're taking that leap of trusting ourselves and doing something that feels unfamiliar or threatening to

our nervous system or feels uncertain, really that's what it is, is this uncertainty, right? And there's so much discomfort in uncertainty. But it's like when we're taking a big leap, we're taking a big jump. And obviously there's risk involved with that because we don't know if we're going to land. And what ends up happening is we have to take that leap and we have to have those micro moments that feel like an eternity of falling to improve to ourselves that we can fly right that's where the flying happens and that's when we actually start making the moves that we want to see in our business and in our life. But I really just keep landing in that visual, right, of taking this big leap and having

this really scary moment that feels like you're falling and you desperately want to be saved. You desperately want someone to catch you. But it's in that micro moment that you get to pull yourself back up and you get to hold yourself. And that's where this beautiful opportunity to build self-trust and build that evidence of, whoa, I actually do have myself. I got my back. I can trust myself.

I can trust my intuition. I can trust blah, blah, blah, whatever it is, right? Another visual that keeps becoming really loud in my conscious is this I'm going to try to describe it and it's funny because I've tried to draw it and it didn't work at all but I keep having this visual of this person standing on like the edge of a cliff and on the other side of the cliff is like another mountain top that this person wants to take a leap to. And it's a little bit higher. It feels out of reach. They are, again, crippled with self-doubt. They feel like they can't do it. There's a lot of fear. They're playing small at this point. Like, oh, I don't think I'm going to do it. There's so much

self-doubt that they're basically paralyzed.'s what it is is they're they're paralyzed with fear and indecision um my dogs are playing in the background i don't know if you can hear that but in this visual what what organically happens is this person is actually trapped and like suffocating in this skin, in this layer that metaphorically is like the societal conditioning and constructs and expectations that so many of us have kind of layered onto us. It's these masks that we've put on to try to fit in and to be pretty perfect and pleasing and to maintain approval and reputation and whatever that is and it's literally suffocating us and when this person removes that skin removes these masks they're literally like double or triple in size that's how suffocated they were that's how how

small these these layers these societal imprints were making them. So small that they felt like they couldn't take that leap. And so when they removed that skin, like I said, they're now like two or three times the size. And taking that leap isn't even a leap anymore. It's literally just a natural step. And it's so easy. And that is what the retreat in January is all about it's literally coming undone from that skin so we can become our most true and potent self and really start going

after the things we want the things that used to feel impossible the things that used to feel just a little out of reach the things that we used feel impossible, the things that used to feel just a little out of reach, the things that we used to think we needed something else to get there, we can do it on our own. Ew, I have full body chills. I keep coming back to that visual and I'm going to try harder to try to make a visual of it. But yeah, this retreat, it's called Undone and I'm inviting you to it if you're listening to this. It is going to be three months long. It's called Undone and I'm inviting you to it if you're listening to this. It is going to be three months long. It's all virtual, completely unconventional, right? It's not a retreat where you just fuck off for the weekend and are completely disassociated from real life and you have to come back and integrate. It's intentionally three months long so that

integration is built in. I'm really excited to guide the women inside to just finding a deeper sense of themselves. We talk about trying to become something, right? We're trying to become the next version of ourselves or whatever that is. We're trying to become our higher self. And the thing is, it's not actually about becoming it's about unbecoming or at least the unbecoming has to happen first right so we need to come undone and begin liberating ourselves from like all of those societal shoulds all the things that we've been holding on to like the self-censorship that creeps in when you're about to create content or write an email or like all of the masks that you've put on that you have now outgrown and no longer fit and they just don't feel like you

anymore but you're still wearing them because it's all you ever know and you're scared of what people are going to think if you remove that mask right it's time to remove the mask. It's time. It's time. Because we can't actually be seen as thought leaders and visionaries and culture disruptors if you are just blending in with everyone, right? So you have to remove that mask. You have to stop censoring yourself so that you're actually seen for your weirdness and your magical wisdom and all the things that make you you and like that uniqueness. And like I said before, like our nervous systems kind of flag that as unsafe because for a long, long time, it wasn't safe to be unique. It wasn't safe to stand out, but we're not being chased by bears anymore, right?

Like we can stand out and that's actually where the collective healing happens, right? Yeah. Another thing I keep thinking about is I know myself and other people in my community, we have this deep, deep desire to change the world. And it can kind of roll off the tip of your tongue so easily. But when you sit with it, it's, oh shit, that's actually, there's a lot of pressure there. There's a lot of weight. I don't actually think I can change the world. And it's true. There is a lot of weight to that.

But it gets to be so simple and so easy when all we have to do is change ourselves, right? In order to lead a revolution, the revolution has to start from within. So that's where we're going in the retreat. I'm obviously going to leave links in the show notes for more details, but I wanted to start talking about it here. Another piece of this is I've been noticing my own shadows coming up as I've been gestating and getting ready to birth and launch this retreat. And of course, that always happens every time I am creating a new offer. It really initiates me into a new level. And I'm actually really, really grateful for that. And I see it as it's just something that I really welcome and lean into now. But the shadow that's been involved has really been loud in the way I show up online.

There's been a lot of inner mind chatter and sneaky perfectionism coming in where it's literally like blocking me I shouldn't say block clog clog is a better word it's clogging me it's clogging my channel in how I show up online to the point where I just don't and I've really had to remind myself that it gets to be easy and that I get to do this my way. That has really been like my medicine and my mantra moving forward with this is like, it gets to be easy, literally so easy that it feels like I'm cheating. And that cheating piece has been really, really profound for me because it's something that I realize I've been, oh, I need to backtrack here. So for me, there's been this through line in my life where I believe that I'm only worthy of success if I

work hard for it. And I'm sure you can probably relate to that in some degree, right? Because many of us have been conditioned to think that, that we are only worthy of success if we work hard, that success must come with sacrifice. And so for me, when things are easy, there's a part of me that starts to think, oh, I'm not worthy of success in this. Like I didn't work hard enough for this. And it feels like I'm cheating. And so I've really had to lean into that deeper and again, kind of like titrate and expand my nervous system to build the evidence and safety around like it gets to be easy and allow success to come to me when I'm not sacrificing and extracting from myself and so I think that was another lesson from this last bout of sickness and you go on antibiotics because again I think there was a part of me that felt like leaning on medicine was cheating my body couldn't do it on its own so it needed to lean on something else and I I rationalize that as cheating and I know it's obviously not that black and white and you might be listening to this thinking like Nicole

that's not cheating at all but there's a part of me that feels that way and that shows up in my business too right like not not allowing things to be easy because there's this deep part of me that thinks things have to be hard and so the way I've been kind of moving through that in integrating and healing that part of me is obviously like that mantra and really reminding myself to let things be easy and move at my own pace but also allowing like external supports to come in so I have really beefed up my my external support system I'm working with two different mentors one-on-one right now that have been so, so pivotal in my own inner healing in the last like month or so. And that's obviously been huge in this catalyst of birthing this retreat. But also as I'm now launching, again, leaning

into their supports and allowing them to actually be there to hold me. Because I think, like, for so many of us, there's this collective wound of hyper-individualism. And we've literally been stuck in survival by being super self-sufficient. And this starts at such a young age, right? And I don't need to go into this because we could get really nerdy about the nervous system here, but I'm not going to. The point of it is, is we are so worthy of receiving support in all aspects of life, but like our businesses especially. Because again, I think for many of us that have

left the corporate world, or like in my case like my nursing career moving away from being an employee to now being an entrepreneur and like essentially your own boss and getting to to just make your own rules there's so much discomfort in that even if we're not conscious of that discomfort it's this there's there's discomfort because it's new and it's unfamiliar and it's it's a new growth edge that we have to meet and I've shared this online on social media but like I see so many times where entrepreneurs are like oh well I can't actually slow down in my business or I can't like move to just like x amount of clients per month or I like can't charge more or whatever it is that like I can't story is then followed by the condition of

until like I've scaled or until I make this much money or until I have this many followers or whatever it is or until I have this certification. Like there's this condition that we keep putting on ourselves before we can have the thing we want and I just want to stop that right now because that is such a disservice to us and the collective and the community we serve. Like we are so worthy and equipped right now to go do the thing that we want to do. There are no conditions. Those conditions are made up. You've created those conditions for yourself. They're not real. They're literally just excuses. Again, this is often subconscious. You're not even aware that these are excuses, but these are excuses to keep you small and in your comfort zone. So coming back

to that visual of this person on the edge of a cliff ready to take this jump or this leap, and it feels so big, it feels like there's a lot of risk involved, it's because they're keeping themselves small. And so when we remove those learnt limitations, those masks, those layers that we've outgrown, or maybe that we never even consented to having, all of a sudden our desires and the thing we're going after next don't seem so impossible anymore. And we can then remove the conditions we've been putting on ourselves to go after them. And so yeah, what I was about to say is so many entrepreneurs have this condition around, well, I can't actually slow down or I

can't experience or prioritize rest and pleasure in my business until I've scaled, until I have this much money, until I have a team and a VA and a copywriter, whatever it is for you, right? And it's just so, so untrue. You need to start and build your business the way you want to see it scaled. I don't want to say that again. You need to start or build your business the way you want to see it scaled. I don't want to say that again. You need to start or build your business the way you want to see it scaled. This is a big part of what I want to get into inside Undone is breaking free from those learned limitations, breaking free from those self-created conditions that we're putting on ourselves. Another big one is I can't do whatever it is

until my kids are grown up. No, you can. You can do it right now. Like that seed has been planted on your heart because it's time for you now, right? And that little whisper in your heart isn't going to shut up. It's just going to get louder and louder and louder. So start working with it. Start watering that seed. Start nourishing that seed.

And that doesn't necessarily mean going quote unquote like all in I know I've had conversations with past clients turned friends where they're like oh like I can't go on in my business because it would be financially irresponsible to quit my my day job and I just want to offer a reframe on that too where your definition of all in gets to be defined by you, right? That is so unique and there's so much nuance there that your definition of going all in simply just is like your devotion and commitment to your goal. That doesn't necessarily mean quitting the job. Yeah. Okay. I feel like I got a little like fiery there and then forgot what else I wanted to say. Let's go back to what my life has been like. So yeah, I shared I've been sick. I also hosted a workshop this past week called Radically Enough. I will

leave links for that in the show notes if you want to purchase access to the replay. It was incredible. Ended up being two hours long. My intention with that workshop was really to begin pulling on the threads of not enoughness in the context of the way we show up to our business and our life and like the pace in which we move in the world. I think not enoughness often shows up in like productivity and performance and measuring our sense of self-worth based off of how much we get done and like what we've achieved and so that workshop we get into what that actually looks like in our life and like what what's what's actually beneath all that

and I mean obviously I don't want to give it all away because it's in the workshop but beneath all that really is this theme and this through line of self-betrayal and self-abandonment and I know those words kind of feel really harsh and heavy but but truly like if it's if if you're not loving and accepting and showing yourself compassion for all that you are now and you're limiting yourself and measuring yourself based off these external things that aren't even real that is a form of self-abandonment and self-betrayal we really went into this theme of productivity and like how that shows up as in business like needing to create more content or measuring your your success or I shouldn't even say measuring your success but like when something when a launch doesn't go great for example or it's not it's not going as well as you thought I feel like for a lot of women that the

inclination is to just do more the inclination is oh well I needed I didn't send enough emails or like I need to create more content or I need another coach or whatever it is right it's again this like external need for something outside of yourself or this internal false sense of motivation to do more and that's actually like a fight response from our nervous system we pulled on that thread a little bit deeper and looked at where this theme of like hustle culture is showing up and how the antidote to hustle culture is actually rest and I don't necessarily mean rest in the literal sense although obviously that that is it but I don't need to tell you what that looks like but in the non-literal sense of like where can we actually create these sacred micro pauses in our life where can we have these like micro micro micro rest for macro change is what i called

it in the workshop where where can we have these moments for pause and spaciousness so that we can have a clear channel and we can really really like land in a sense of safety and belonging and connection and presence for our nervous systems because that frequency is felt. So not only does it make our marketing more magnetic when we show up online to create content or sell something, but it's also making us a more patient and receptive mother. It's making us a quote-unquote better wife, right? We're probably less demanding and annoyed with our spouse. We're better communicators. We just have a widened capacity for more nuance, right? Things aren't as like black and white anymore. And as soon as we move back into that like hustle state, that frequency of over committing and over performing and over whatever it is that's like

a hyper arousal state for our nervous system it can also be a hypo arousal it can be the opposite side where we're procrastinating or dissociating but often it shows up as this like over over over analyzing over performing over committing and when we're in that state, our nervous systems, again, there's that felt frequency. And so we are more irritable. We are less patient. We are snappy with our kids. We're in a fight response when we're showing up online, trying to essentially, again, subconsciously convince and manipulate our community to buy from us and there's this like sense of desperation that again it's often subconscious it's subconscious for the person receiving your your marketing as well but there's something there's this there's this dissonance

right there's the the resonance isn't there again this is what the workshop's about so if you're interested in all that, I'm going to link that in the show notes. And then this workshop truly is a sample of the kind of conversations, the kind of workshops I'm going to be hosting inside Undone the Retreat. So yeah, you know what? I'm going to leave it at that because Aubrey and Dylan went swimming this afternoon and they're going to be home any minute and oh the other thing I wanted to share and I started talking about this where there's been lots of shadow coming up and how I'm showing up online and some resistance or clogs in my channel where I I have this clarity and this brief moment of confidence of yeah okay that's what I want to

go share right now and then it's literally as soon as I open my eyes, I'm like flooded by all of the, I don't even know what it is. I don't even know if I have the language for it yet, but I'm catching it and I'm getting to rewire and rework my nervous system to really, again, meet and expand that growth edge to go show up anyways and remind myself that I get to do it my way. And so where this has been showing up is I've had a lot of resistance to creating a sales page for this. I think part of it was wanting to embody what being undone and coming undone in your business can look like, right? But that in itself was almost coming from this need to prove. I want to prove to you that you can sell something and make thousands of dollars from not having a formal sales page. Thing is, I already know that's true

because I've done it before. I sold my mastermind last year all from the Google Doc and my stories. So I know that's true. I don't need to prove that to myself or to anyone else. What was actually coming up is this sneaky flavor of perfectionism, I think, of not wanting to, I don't even know, it's not really about saying the wrong thing or being misunderstood, but just like this, I don't know, I think, oh, you know what? There was a level of like feeling like a sales page felt more permanent. But what was actually behind that is I use Squarespace for my website and I don't love it. I don't love doing that kind of stuff in my business. I don't love creating pages on my website. I don't like editing my website. I don't like playing around on Canva.

I don't like doing things with graphics and colors and fonts and all of that. So I was attaching to this story that creating a sales page was going to be really, really hard. And because I've really been anchored and rooted into let this be easy, it gets to feel like I'm cheating. I've told myself, okay, well then no sales page because that's not easy. And what I ended up doing was I created a short video again all of these links will be there so you'll get to see it I created a video and within that video or underneath that video I have a bit of copy and then a link to a google doc and so all of the copy that would potentially be on the sales page was living there and it was almost like it had to sit there and simmer and land for a couple weeks before I was

ready to formalize it and this afternoon all of a sudden it just felt so easy to go put it in a sales page literally I just I just did it I had the copy already and I have other pages on Squarespace so I just got to clone those pages and plop plop the copy in it wasn't hard at all and it's just again this reminder and this piece of evidence that we can be quick to attach these stories and those stories end up being these limitations that we create for ourself these conditions these wedges that we put between ourselves and the thing we're going after or again this visual of being confined and squashed and smothered into this skin that doesn't actually fit you anymore

and when you remove that skin all of a sudden you're way bigger and you take up more space and you're fully expressed and the things that you want to do don't feel impossible anymore okay Aubrey and Dylan are home I'm gonna leave it at that links are in the show notes I have more podcast episodes planned in the coming weeks so stay tuned