REWILD + FREE - Lazy Marketing + Dissolving Shame: Escaping the "If-Then" Trap (IG LIVE Sept 29/25)

Episode Date: October 1, 2025

I went live this week on Instagram planning to “market” my new group… and instead rambled about lazy launches, shame spirals, motherhood, if-then thinking, and why I’m DONE overcomplicating every f*ckin thinggggg! This episode is extra messy and unscripted, but maybe that’s the medicine? I touch on the following:Why the “if you just do this, then you’ll get that” narrative is so sneaky (and quite frankly, pure bullsh*t)How shame spirals keep us stuck in freeze (and what naming them does)My reframe on marketing and why I’m calling this launch “lazy”The truth about motherhood, identity, and seasons where everything feels heavyWhat I’m experimenting with instead of forcing strategyAt the end, I share about Exhale — my 6-week support group + practice lab for heavy-hearted humans, mothers, creatives + visionaries carrying a dream of a different world… while desiring space, nuance, and nervous system nourishment to keep holding it.Exhale is a space where we slow down, name our real desires, and anchor into rhythms that actually let you keep going.👉 We start Oct 9. Click here to learn more + join!

You're listening to ReWild and Free. This is the go-to podcast for conscious and holistic entrepreneurs who are ditching society's to-do list for intentional living, freedom, and abundance. If we haven't met yet, I'm Nicole Pasvier. I'm an ex-nurice, turn matressence guide, and business coach, leading women just like you into the new paradigm. Keep listening if you're ready to unsubscribe from patriarchal motherhood, bro-marketing, and boss babe culture.

Because in this space, we use nature as our framework as we move towards feminine embodied business development, cyclical orientation, and slow living. Together, let's rewild and remember as we break free from survival and reconnect to what truly matters. Okay, friend, steep your tea and take the most loving breath you've given to yourself today and let's go. Okay, I'm going live and I'm actually going to record this as a podcast. I have been sitting here in my office with a big fat to-do list item. It's literally been on my list since like the beginning of last week and I just look at it every single day and have watched myself. I don't know if they are loops of perfectionism or procrastination or if it's truly just data and information in terms of like

where my desire and my energy actually wants to go. I'm starting a new group that starts next week. So it feels kind of pressurie that I have to market and talk about it, right? Because it's not a group unless there's people in it. Huh. Also, my phone is charging, so I'm actually going to put you all sideways. And so if you're watching this, you can just turn your phone too. I have set up a new comfy corner for myself. I'm sitting on the floor and literally using the seat of my chair as my desk.

And I don't know why I've never done this before because it's so comfy. And I can rotate this swivel chair and stretch my hips of it. Anyways, there's two things that I want to just speak about. One, this idea of lazy marketing and two, just, you know, how juicy it can be when we speak things that we're feeling shame around out loud and how that, like, instantly, like, lessens it, right? we know that shame thrives and breathes in silence. So when we speak it out loud, it instantly can dissolve. So I want to use the space to speak a few things out loud. And then obviously, yeah, talk about my lazy marketing approach. So like I was saying, I've had this big to-do list item saying market my group exhale on my to-do list. And obviously when I write it out like that,

I'm kind of just asking for trouble for myself because it's not giving my brain. anything to actually cross off. It's just giving me this giant thing that continues to just feel incomplete, unfinished, and overwhelming. I reminded myself today that, like, marketing gets to be easy and that marketing is truly just, like, talking about the thing, inviting people into the thing. And it doesn't have to be necessarily, like, hyped up with value because I can't define and assign what might feel valuable to you. I don't know about you, but my Instagram feed is just full of like people getting shot, which is a whole different story, but also just like a bunch of how to, like, oh, well, just do this. Just do this. Just do that. And then you'll get your million dollars. That's another thing I want to talk about. And actually, my Instagram feed isn't actually filled with that. I've been very intentional about curating my algorithm. But I know a lot of people's feeds do look like that. And so yeah, I want to talk about this kind of narrative out there and this belief that a lot of us hold. maybe unconsciously where it's like if I just do this then I'll get this right if I host enough

then I'll get my sold out launch if I have this perfectly orchestrated funnel then I'll make sales in my sleep if I'm present with my kiddo 24 seven and you know make sure that I'm not feeding them dies and use cloth diapers whatever whatever the narrative is right whatever group that you're maybe subscribing to that has created these rules. If you just do those things, then you'll get to hold that identity or then you'll get to, right, insert the prize that you're trying to get. And I've recently been teaching in-person prenatal classes and it's becoming so, so evident to me. And I think I knew this, but it's just becoming a really, like, loud reminder for me that life and birth, I mean, it's all kind of the same. It's not about like

doing the things to get the thing, right? You can't just control birth in the sense of, well, if I just make sure that I don't choose this intervention and make sure I do these hip squeezes and drink this tea and prioritize my environment to support oxytocin and blah, blah, blah, blah, then I'll get fill in the blank the kind of birth I want, or then I'll get fill in the blank the kind of like breastfeeding and postpartum experience I want, right? We know it doesn't work that way. we know birth doesn't work that way, we know there's more nuance. And I'm just being, you know, really struck by how true that lands in so many other facets of life. And I'm kind of challenging myself to just be more open to catching when I pulled that if then idea from myself. And instead

almost swapping it with like, well, what if I'm prioritized something that feels completely separate from that thing. For example, this is the thing that's coming to mind. Really good sex. What if we prioritized really good sex or like a really delicious indulgent breakfast like bacon, French toast, whipped cream, mimosas, like whatever your ideal brunches or like a picture perfect walk in the forest when all the leaves are changing color and falling, right? Just picture kind of something that feels really, I don't know, just like a full body delicious experience. What if we prioritize those things? And what if we became so delusional to believe that if I just do those things, then I'm going to get insert prize. Right? If I just prioritize sex and good breakfast and walks

out in the forest, then I'll get my sold out launch. Then I'll get my positive birth experience. then I'll get, right, whatever it is. And obviously that sounds delusional, right? Like their causation correlation, right? It like doesn't make sense. But I just want to challenge our beliefs in the other things because they are also delusional. Like we have been, we have been fed this lie, especially kind of in the online coaching business, wellness space. Like if you just do these things, then you'll get this. If you just do cold plunges, then you'll get a regulated nervous system, right? We know those things aren't like inherently true. So anyways, I'm just posing that there as a thing to chew on for yourself. Um, and anyways, for me,

that's really helped me to, I suppose, just begin reimagining what launching a new offer can look like. And so this one, this group program that's coming up next week, like, I'm noticing some pressure. It's like, oh, shit. Like, this is literally less than 11 days away. I obviously need to talk about the thing. But I get to choose what that looks like, right? It doesn't have to be three posts a day and like a webinar funnel that leads to an upsell and blah, blah, blah, and it's like perfectly orchestrated email sequence, right? It doesn't have to look that way. And it can, it can actually be something like this, where I am literally showing up on live, rambling, talking about maybe nothing that actually feels related to that group, potentially

pulling pieces of this, if it feels right into smaller bits of content, although probably not for this exact live, but just as an idea. And then also using this as a recording on my podcast, right? I'm literally doing like three things at once, which is wild. Oh my God, how efficient is that? Imagine if we all did that. I also like re-shared in my stories, just an honest reflection slash testimonial from someone that I've worked with in the past. And like, imagine if that's all we had to do to fill spots in our offers. Like, just imagine. Like, I know it doesn't feel that simple because we aren't necessarily getting the immediate evidence that it works.

And also, like, I don't know about you, but I don't have immediate evidence that three posts a day and this perfectly orchestrated funnel works either. So I'm just suggesting that we try other things on for size, because what's the definition of insanity? It's like doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Yeah, I've been feeling a little insane when it comes to my relationship to social media and my relationship to, I suppose, how I'm using social media as a marketing tool. And so I'm ready to just do things a little bit differently. the other thing that is feeling really loud and true for me lately is just catching the little shame spirals that I find myself in and recognizing that shame ultimately for me at least

keeps my nervous system kind of in a freeze response and I kind of then start spiraling down this like just not enough energy and when I'm stuck in that not enough energy it makes it hard to really do anything. It makes it hard to want to create. It makes it hard to post. It makes it hard to even do a fucking load of laundry and like shower myself. And so I'm realizing that for me, currently in my life, shame might be kind of the root of a lot of things. And so I'm starting to dissect and untangle some of the threads around that shame and recognizing that like it's, it's kind of all over the map, right? It doesn't necessarily feel completely related to say online marketing and my identity as like a coach and spaceholder and teacher. It's also like

how I relate to myself and see myself as a mother and how I relate and see myself as a wife and a friend and my relationship to my own like self-care. Like it's all of it and that at times can feel really intense and heavy. And I feel like I could go on and on on a tangent about especially in the like more like healing wellness spiritual spaces the obsession with like personal responsibility like I get it we do need personal responsibility and holy fuck is it ever heavy when you feel like well I'm just not doing it enough right I'm just not present enough I'm not embodied enough I'm not regulated enough I'm not eating the right foods I'm not remembering to take my liver supplement I'm not remembering to put my mineral drops in my

water right do you see how ridiculous all of that sounds And yeah, it's just kind of funny to start to speak it all out loud. I think speaking it at loud, looking at it helps to neutralize it. And yeah, coming back to this idea around shame. Like, of course, now that I'm talking, nothing is feeling super. Oh, hi, Crosby. Hello. Hello, you like it when I'm on the floor, don't you?

Lost my train of thought. I love it. I love this for me. Crosby, I think people are. watching us live. Hello. Um, yes, all of this. Yeah, I don't remember what I said when you said that, but yeah, thank you. Um, okay, what were we talking about? Shame, shame, shame, shame. So for me, in particular, something that I keep noticing is so much shame around my identity as a mom, feeling like I don't want to gaslight my experience.

right so I want to be really honest with like how I'm feeling about it and when I'm honest I hate being a mom in this season of motherhood I hate it I do not love the relationship I have with my daughter I do not love the way I react and respond and just the way I am with her and that makes me feel like a monster of a mom in some way and I can also see how that now also impacts the relationship I have with my husband and even the relationship that I have with, you know, other people in our village and it can teeter me into martyrdom at times and I see resentment sometimes trickling in. And, you know, like I can see all this. Like I feel like the self-awareness is both a blessing and a curse because I can see it all. And also that just like feels even more heavy and pressury in the self-responsibility side of things. And also like, I want to choose self-compassion and acceptance and, like, really see and honor myself in this season. And so I'm watching myself not gaslight those things and really just being in it.

And I don't know what I'm going with this. I think just naming that there's like this heavy, confusing swirl and spiral kind of happening in my body and my mind. And that is beginning to feel like my, like, baseline frequency, and I know that this isn't forever. I know that this might just be, likely is just a season. And I can also see how it impacts all of the other things. And so, yeah, there's also been a lot of shame in my, I suppose, evolution in the sense of the different hats that I've worn and tried on and identified with over the.

the past couple years, for those that don't know, really nobody knows. I am going back to nursing very, very casually. And that has been basically a five-month thing that was drawn out. And in those five months, it's just been such a potent period of self-reflection. And in seeing how four years ago, when I decided not to go back to nursing after having my daughter, I truly said, like, never. And I guess never say never, right? But there's a lot of ego stuff coming up and recognizing that there's almost like this ego death that has to happen. And obviously just the reality that I'm in, this is now needing to be something that I consider. And there's a whole swarm spiral swirl of feelings that come with that too. And again, it's that balance of like, how do I meet this moment while also not gaslighting my own experience, while also feeling it all, while also meeting myself with compassion. while also holding all of the other things, being a mom, being a wife, being a coach, marketing, showing up on social media, recording podcasts, right? Like washing my hair, all of it. And it just feels like a lot all of the time.

I also think that we, I don't know if this is just like a thing that I do. I mean, I know it's not. I think a lot of people do this, right? part of this like shame spiral is we think we're the only ones going through it and that again just feeds the shame it's like this cycle of silence that we put ourselves in where oh I'm the only one I'm the only one going through this there must be something wrong with me I'm crazy again that puts the weight on this like personal responsibility piece I have to fix myself I have to heal I have to do better I'm not enough um and like the crazy thing is is I bet there's I know for a fact that

there's like other people feeling and going through similar things. And as soon as we can share and connect on that same thing and like break the silence, again, that helps to dissolve the shame. So yeah, I promised myself I wouldn't talk for long because I have to pee and I have to go pick up Aubrey. She has her first dance class tonight and she's super excited. We'll see how it goes because technically parents aren't allowed and I don't know if she's going to like that part. It will really just depend on what energy her teacher brings. And yeah, we'll see. So anyways, this is a beautiful ramble. I am proud of myself for letting myself go here and come on unscripted because I haven't done this in a long time. It feels good. And also new group starting next week. It's called

Exhale. And the name for that really came in my own connection to fall if you're in the northern hemisphere like me we're shifting into the season of fall and i'm so boldly reminded that fall is like nature's exhale and beginning to find ways to soften and simplify and you know also take inventory of like what already exists what we already have and yeah this word simplify just keeps coming up too right we are overcomplicating we are over-efforting in so many ways, specifically in the healing, wellness, nervous system regulation arena of life. And I got to believe there's a different way. I also got to believe that when we can reconnect and be more clear on our vision, not so

much like the outcome. Again, coming back to birth as an example, right? We know that doing all the right things doesn't automatically mean you're going to have the birth you want and so I'm kind of using that as a template for us and like how do we still hold a vision and have clarity around that vision while also releasing the attachment outcome around it and also like holding ourselves in the process so the idea is exhale as a six week support group and practice lab to essentially hold yourself while holding your vision and so it's kind of twofold in the self in the sense of that nervous system nourishment hygiene self-care

piece, also, you know, talking about things like shame and where you might be gaslighting yourself, where you might not be accommodating yourself in ways that might actually be really simple, maybe where boundaries need to be tightened or clarified, also discerning once we have clarity around that vision, discerning, taking inventory on what things are being an anchor versus being a weight to that vision. And then, of course, doing this as a group, right? Doing this in community. This isn't just me one-on-one with someone. This is a group because there's so much magic and potency when we come together and it's almost like scaffolding in the sense that we get to feed off of each other and we get to expand each other's permission field but also break

those cycles of silence. So yeah, that's exhale. We start next week. I'd love to have you if any of this resonates with you. If you have questions about it, obviously ask me. Again, part of my Lazy launch part of my lazy marketing is I'm not going to be posting three times a day about this. And the sales page is just living on a Google Doc. So there you go. Okay, friends, I love you all. Thank you for listening if you made it this far.