REWILD + FREE - MUSINGS + MAGICK: ADHD Diagnosis Dilemmas and New Seasons of Motherhood (SEPTEMBER FULL MOON WITH LAUREN AND NICOLE)

Episode Date: September 10, 2025

Under September’s full moon, we sit in the messy middle of it all—thresholds, tenderness, and the very human urge to know what’s on the other side. In this episode, Lauren shares the mixed cocktail of grief and excitement as her daughter starts preschool and a whole new chapter of life and motherhood (and schedule) opens up. Nicole reflects on the one-year mark of her child’s autism diagnosis and what softened in their family because of language, support, and self-compassion. We also name the messy, nuanced terrain of exploring neurodivergence in adulthood as Lauren moves toward a formal ADHD assessment—the freedom, the grief, and the relief of finally having words for what’s been true all along. This episode is a love letter to liminality and a reminder that rhythm beats routine, devotion beats perfection, and identity is allowed to be in flux. If you’re carrying a lot, if you’re crossing a portal you can’t yet see through, or if you just need permission to cry, rest, and still call it forward motion—this one’s for you.You’ll hear us talk about:Thresholds and rites of passage for mothers and familiesWhy language (matrescence, autism, ADHD) can create compassion, not boxesTime freedom, ambition, and not overloading a new seasonRhythm over routine, devotion over perfectionFriendship, grief, and letting the full spectrum be welcomeThanks so much for hanging out with us, if you enjoy these episodes please share them with a friend, leave a review wherever you’re listening from, and come on over to instagram to continue the conversation.Connect with Nicole on IG (@nicolepasveer) Connect with Lauren on IG (@nestandnourish) ..P.S. Are you a birthworker or mother care provider who wants to make a deeper impact with your clients? Join us inside our recent training Matrescence & the Nervous System to understand the maternal nervous system in a way most trainings don’t cover. You’ll learn how to actually meet a mother’s nervous system with compassion and depth in these times. Receive instant access for just $66 USD (value $125). No live call. No expiration. Just 12 micro lessons (5-20 min in length) you can take in at your own pace.Click here to learn more 

Welcome to musings and magic. I'm Lauren Fortuna flock. I'm a mother, doula, the host of the well-nourished mother podcast, and a somatic matressin's guide. I support mothers through the waves of intensity motherhood brings so they can fall in love with the mother they are and the mother they're becoming. And I'm Nicole Pazvir, a mom, wife, and host of the Rewild and Free Podcast. I help women awaken beyond the conditioning that's been keeping them pretty perfect and pleasing so that they can live more consciously, mother intuitively, and grow their business holistically. We've never met in real life, and we live 700 miles apart.

But we've been holding space for each other virtually since 2022 when we found each other in super similar seasons of life. Yeah, we were both in our retiring from a super secure nursing job in the thick of postpartum and starting a heart-led business era. We found ourselves chatting for hours on Zoom almost weekly, having the deep, why isn't anyone talking about this conversations around all things motherhood and conscious entrepreneurship. So we started recording these unfiltered and unscripted conversations

to bring you this co-created series. We're inviting you in with deep trust that you'll receive whatever insight, wisdom, or solidarity you need in this season. Because we all know motherhood and entrepreneurship are lonely as fuck. Yeah, we're blending our musings, with a touch of magic, the kind of woo-woo, more spiritual witchy stuff that we're both so curious about, but don't fully relate to. Yet.

Our intention is to invite more ritual into our lives, so we're using this series to anchor into the cycle of the moon, meeting on the full and new moons of each month. We'll do an energy check-in and explore nuanced conversations around big topics related to cyclical orientation, feminine embodiment in business and motherhood, and our own personal explorations related to reclaiming our inner witch. So if you're ready to come laugh, learn, and reflect with us, then keep listening. But first, we invite you to take the deepest breath you've given to yourself yet today. And when you're ready, let's go. Hello. Hi, friend. This is another musings and magic episode. So obviously our intention with these is to have a monthly rhythm.

around the full moon. I think we skipped August. We were busy. Enjoying summer, traveling, those kind of things. But here we are, September full moon. So I don't know, I'm feeling pretty disconnected from the sky right now. I think it's like also maybe the beginning or the middle of like eclipse season, which maybe explains why I feel so, um, overwhelmed by just the weight of everything I feel like I'm holding. And I don't know, I keep describing the beginning of September as feeling like some sort of threshold. I just feel like, I don't know, I feel like there's like some, like I'm walking through a threshold. I'm walking through this like portal for lack of a better word. But I don't necessarily know what's on the other side. And obviously that's annoying.

overwhelmingly uncomfortable. Yeah. I have a similar feeling like that. Like I'm I'm I'm literally walking through a threshold too like my daughter starting preschool and it's just been yeah. I've been feeling all the feelings. But for me it feels like more exciting I think than kind of like overwhelming. It's more like I'm excited to see what's on the other side. I think I have more of an idea of what's on the other side for me, then it sounds like you do. Yeah, like I think, because I know I've been describing to you that I feel like I'm lacking that excitement in my life and like lacking something to look forward to versus you are very much in this space of really looking forward to some things that you have going on in the next couple months. Yeah. Yeah. And at the

same time, it's just like the paradox of motherhood, right? It's just all the emotions. contradicting each other all at once all the time oh i feel it all i just started a new classroom this month too and i mean she's not been at this daycare for just over a year um but it's still transition and i noticed myself bracing for those transitions and almost trying to protect her from the discomfort of them even though i know that like it's her transition to have and I mean this one so far knock on what has been so smooth she was really excited for this new classroom um I don't think she really connected to her most recent teachers so that made it easier too to like leave and try something new um we're also well I think we just

would have passed the year anniversary of finding out that she's autistic um not really feeling as much as I thought I'd feel it's funny how like I would almost like I've actually seen other families like create kind of a holiday or like an anniversary around that because it is a pivotal moment right and helping to understand them and I mean the dynamics of the family and yeah I think it would have been September 3rd that we had the evaluation so that would have just passed and I really didn't hold any space for it so as I'm speaking this out loud maybe that's a little invitation to honor it in some way in the next couple days yeah what do you like What do you think has, like, changed in the last year, if anything?

Or like, what's changed in you in terms of her diagnosis? I hate what I'm about to say. And I also want to say I have compassion for what I'm about to say. But the biggest thing is the increased compassion that both me and Dylan just have, right? I noticed that we were just softer. And I hate that we needed a diagnosis and a piece of paper to teeter us into that softness. But it's true. And I can feel that with myself too, right?

This whole journey has been a mirror for me and my own understanding of self and my own neurodivergence. And so again, there's been an increased self-compassion too of recognizing just how, I am and like what makes me tick and my own limitations not even in a negative way but just being able to like honor my needs and honor myself in a more true way um and we're able to do that for her too and so there's obviously this celebration that I'm glad we've gotten there but there's also this like grief of like why did we need a stupid piece of paper to be able to get us there. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't know if I've probably shared a little bit about my own experience with neurodivergence. And I finally got a referral for an ADHD assessment. After much of my own, like I didn't think I wanted to. I didn't think I needed to. Up until maybe what, like a year ago, I probably would. have said like no way is that possible even though my husband has been saying it since he met me 10 years ago um my naturopath has also suggested it recently um and has kind of like urged me to get a diagnosis

and i was very much in a place of like well why do i need one now like what what does that matter do i even care about a diagnosis what is that yeah like i do i even want to go on medication so then really why do I need a diagnosis? But in the way I got the referral, in my head, I was like, no, I'm going to wait until like November. And then maybe I'll look at this again. But right now, I just don't even want to think about it. And then I was randomly on a phone call with my nurse practitioner talking about my daughter. And somehow the topic came up. And I was like, oh, by the way, I think I might have ADHD. And then she just so easily like gave me a referral after doing some screening and it's just been so funny like the switch in my brain since she gave me that

referral like is this a sign of ADHD like I've just been hyper fixated on this and like deep diving into my entire life through this new lens and like making new connections and like oh just like things make so much more sense and I'm not even diagnosed yet but I think I'm at a point now where I am like fully fully convinced and and sure that this is my brain. And it's both very freeing and also there's lots of grief. And then there's the whole question of like, okay, but what if I'm, what if I'm not diagnosed? What if I don't have ADHD?

So it's just like a shitstorm of things happening in my brain right now. Yeah. I know this all too well because this is exactly what the entire like three, four months of being on the wait list. Yeah. to get the psych eval for Aubrey was like a constant back and forth of like do we even want this evaluation what if you know like what is this going just all all the what ifs right constantly spiraling and then of course the biggest one and I really was able to identify that my biggest fear at a certain point was that they would tell me she wasn't autistic and then it's like then what and

you've been reflecting to me in this season of your life too where now you've kind of swung the pendulum And it's like, well, shit, what if they say I don't have ADHD? Then what? I'm just crazy. And it's interesting how I think, I mean, I think it's super normal that our brains are obviously like meaning makers. And there's this sense of perceived safety and validation and freedom and liberation and being able to understand and make meaning out of something.

So it makes sense that there would be validation and empowerment in a potential diagnosis. right and also like there's the questions of but like right it's just there there's so much and there's no right or wrong answer it's very very very very very nuanced very yes very so that's where i'm at yeah and i think i mean we've talked about this too like autism ADHD um just there's so much talk at least in the echo chambers i've put myself in of like trying to figure out well, like, what's the cause of it? And, like, is it curable? Is it fixable? And of course, I kind of come back to, like, well, similar to you, right? Asking yourself, like, if you want to be medicated and if, like, medications would even be necessary. And, like, I don't know where I'm going

with this. Anyways, I see you, friend, because this is an uncomfortable back and forth to be sitting in. Yeah. And it's so funny because, like, even a few months ago when my, my naturopath first suggested I was very much like, no way, like, why would I do that? And now I'm like waiting for the phone call so that I can do this assessment. It's just such a, yeah, kind of like a 180 from a little while ago. But it's all good. It's all fascinating to me. Like even just the whole process of being assessed, like I'm very interested to just see what that's like and what are they going to ask me and what are they going to investigate and how is it all done? and I'm sure that's a little bit of like my nurse hat wanting to know and yeah so I think just going through the whole process will be enlightening too yeah I think there's also something to be

said about you know like part of why that diagnosis and even pursuing the evaluation can be so empowering is because it's giving language to an experience that really up to this point you we whoever hasn't had language for right it's it's similar to how we've talked about metressants right It's giving language to something that is so intense and full body that, yeah, like, without something to kind of anchor it, it's really hard for our brains, our meaning makers to make sense of. I really love that connection there of like, yeah, it's like that that's exactly what the word metressants and the concept of metrescent. and the concept of metrescence does. It gives language to an experience that most of us are having but don't know how to name.

And I just can't stop thinking about like the people that are like, oh, ADHD doesn't exist. And, you know, yeah, I just, I don't know if I, I don't agree with the overmedication of ADHD. I don't agree with medicating children to an extent. But again, I'm not in their shoes. Like there's so much nuance here, like you've said. so to have these like sweeping generalizations I'll never get on board with but yeah it's just really interesting I don't know yeah I think too much like metresence right once we have the language it's like a identifier so now when you are you know connecting with other people or looking things up

or I don't know right it just it's language to something and so without it like I don't know yeah it does it's giving language it's it's creating connection um and will i be the type of person that like makes it my whole identity i don't know but at the same time it kind of is my whole identity because it's how my brain works well and that's the tricky thing right is again kind of similar to metressants like it's not just this thing to get over or get through or um you know like name it and then forget about it it's this whole body holistic experience so it then opens up kind of this can of worms of, okay, well, now I actually get to see myself through a new lens.

Every single part of me, every single aspect of my life, I get to now look through a new lens. And that lens, I think often for people that might relate to what we're talking about, like, is really liberating and empowering and, right, that extra dose of self-trust and compassion that I'm kind of speaking about, right? So yeah, there's the grief of like, well, why couldn't I, why couldn't I access this compassion before? And also, this does help.

Again, I can relate this to like being able to understand and reconnect to my menstrual cycle in a way too, like without having that language of what that naturally, cyclically looks like without systemic hormones running through my body from birth control, like, it would have just felt crazy. Like I didn't understand what my body was experiencing. And, of course, like, many of us go through adolescence and, like, decades of our life, trying to rush through menstruation and, you know, trying to push past and ignore PMS. And there's communication there. And so, again, just the language.

The language piece is so huge. Mm-hmm. I had something really good I was going to say, and then I forgot. should just have whoever assesses you for ADHD listen to a podcast episode of ours oh it was good too it'll come back

something about just like my the connection to menstrual cycle yeah something at the beginning there I don't know oh well yeah okay anyways next what else what else

next we should talk about our trip we both traveled um last month and got to spend 24 hours together oh i remember see just that yeah like so having language and being able to connect and have an understanding that okay my brain works in this you know different way that is very similar to other people but still unique like i'm still going to have my i have my own flavor of my brain you know um but it's going to open up so many like tools and new ways of doing things it's going to give me it's not like this thing that I'm like oh gosh it's awful it's just like oh I have to think about these things in a new way and I get to access tools this box anymore instead you like

smash the box and like you're creating defining art protecting your own box and like how liberating is that yeah and exhausting and exhausting and scary right because yeah every one's body brain whatever it is we're talking about metrescence all of it is so unique right so you can't just follow and copy someone else's blueprint and strategy it's like actually really meeting yourself meeting the moment meeting the context of life and just yeah the full spectrum of it all Mm-hmm. Motherfucker, it sucks to be a human sometimes. Yeah.

Okay, our trip. Yes. We both did some traveling this summer and we got to actually see each other. Yeah. Like a full 24 hours, which is beautiful. It was lovely to, you know, have our families be together too, like Dylan and Cohen, casually having some small talk, which was great. I don't like to hate each other, so that's a win.

they're both very quiet human beings so it's very funny to watch them coexist and then obviously like our daughters it's it's wonderful because they're so close in age and now this would have been the third time i think of them meeting and so i think we were both kind of just open to what it was going to look like because obviously developmentally maturity wise they've grown and they they know each other so like they miss each other and i think they're both excited to get to see each other but they're also like what for so like what does that actually look like and it took them what a good 20 30 minutes to kind of warm up and then i think things are pretty good i was pleasantly surprised it went way better than the last time yeah way better they yeah it was very

cute there's some really cute videos of them dancing together i need to send you those i don't think i've done that yet yeah yeah what else we went boating and so you and cohen tried surfing off of our boat and that loki inspired me to finally try it myself after basically like 10 years of identifying as someone that refuses to buy any water sport so that was a huge moment for me yeah so proud yeah so much is in that story I don't know if we want to go there right now, but yeah, it was, again, just a mere to bigger, wider things happening in my life and being able to, again, have compassion for the experience and like the things that I have maybe in the past let fear kind of be the driver to my bus and even recognizing like where I'm needing support from other people in my life and like what kind of words of affirmation I need from them. and maybe I'm not being clear about what I need. So how can I expect those words to come through and stuff like that?

Yeah, it's a good story for another time. You should somewhere. Yeah, let it live. I think I need to keep sitting with it too. I think there's more that can happen. And yeah, I'm sure we can save it for something else. And it can be kind of a part of weaving. some other threads in it. So yeah, let's put a plug in that story. What else?

Yeah, it was just so nice to be together. And I think I'm going to come to see you in October, which is very exciting. I'm going to look at some flights tonight. See what's available. Come for a quick because I can do that now because I, my kids in preschool and my husband's off on the weekends now like a normal person. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. a whole new world. We could record a podcast together. We could. Like, how do you even? I feel like we would, I feel like we still have to have two computers so we can see each other through the screen. Because it is, even still, like now that we've, like we met a few times in person now, but there is, it's a little bit different. It's a little bit weird because we're so used to. We go

so deep with each other through a screen. And then when we're right in front of each other, it's like, oh. Hi. Small talk. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny. I'm glad you've named that because it is so true. And like I think it's almost like there's pressure. Yeah. Well, yeah, I think there's pressure to have those interactions feel like these interactions do. But I think we owe ourselves some grace. Right. Like in all of those interactions, we're also basically still in full on mom mode. You know, all of those interactions we've been in. like a new environment or like in something that is kind of disregulating at baseline versus in this kind of moment in this kind of situation like we're both in our safe space like I'm in my office with my door closed yeah for sure layer of familiarity and obviously our nervous systems love that so it creates that the the accessibility to I think connection and vulnerability and being in relation, that pathway is already existing for us. Yeah. And I'm just so excited that I get to visit you without my daughter. And like even

saying that, of course, there's that like, oh, shame. I shouldn't say that. And oh, what kind of mother are you? But no, I'm excited. It has been four years. We should be excited. Yeah. I'm, even I had another friend reach out and be like, hey, do you want to get together for a coffee next week? And I was like, Yes, I can do that during the week in the middle of the day and actually sit and be fully present and talk to this person and, you know, gain something from it as well. Like be nourished by it. And oh, I've just been longing that so much. So yeah. Well, just to kind of like reflect all of that back to you because I know you are sitting with a lot of like grief and guilt of like, oh my God, am I a monster mom for even like feeling those things? And, like, zoom out a little and really give yourself credit. It's been four fucking years.

You guys don't have, like, people to just, like, pass your kid off to you. You literally are fully on all of the time. And when you're not, you're now being a spaceholder in the capacity of, like, doula or birth worker or nurse or, right? Like, yeah. Yeah. And then, like, you and, like, your schedule. like Poin, you already mentioned that, like, for the first time ever, he's going to be off on weekends. And, yeah, up to this point, you guys haven't really even had, like, family time together.

Yeah. So that's going to be huge in itself and, like, dinners together. Yeah. It's a whole new world. Like, it is really a new chapter for us. It's wild. And it's, yeah, it's, like, buzzy and exciting. And I think I felt more of the grief, like, leading up to it. And now that it's here, especially because she's loving it. And, like, she's loving it. And, like she's she is so ready for this and like loves it like she's like can I go to school tomorrow I'm like tomorrow's Saturday like there's no school on the weekend she's like why can't I go every day so that really helps like that yeah that really helps yeah I feel like a whole new person in a lot of ways too like just this next level of identity passage yeah yeah for you and her and Cohen like it's a family too yeah yeah that's wild Again, this could probably be its own episode, too, just talking about, you know, the rite of passage of those different milestones as a family. Yeah.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. Okay. Do you want to leave this one? Nice and short and light and... Yeah. I mean, what else? What else is there?

I don't know. I don't know. I mean, I feel like there's, like, so much and also, like... Yeah. ...it all? Um... Yeah, I mean, yeah, there's buttloads of stuff below the surface for me, but now is not the time to chisel away at that stuff. Let it simmer some more.

Oh, blown, like, identity crisis number like 79, constantly swirling in the, I don't know what I want to be when I grow up energy. And at the same time, kind of softening to like, that's the whole fucking point. I think I don't think I'm ever supposed to know. I think a part of my purpose and the reason I'm here and like my superpower even is helping other people to soften in their own transitions and their own liminality and their own multidimensionality. I don't think we're supposed to just be this like one thing. And I don't think we're supposed to be on this super linear. path obviously I talk about that all the time but I keep I keep reflecting to you that like I'm really really softening into this belief that I'm building a web right and I can see the different

pathways it's not just one and I feel like for many of us like we've really internalized this belief from societal conditioning that there is supposed to just be like one pathway one linear track that you're moving on and yeah and you're consistent for 30 years and then you retire and then you and then your life starts yeah yeah yeah what a way to live right um yeah and also I can say all that and it's one thing to say it and you know keep telling myself the the truth of it and it's another thing to be living in it right and the internalized knots of productivity and self-worth and, you know, like all of that, right? Especially when there's also financial pressure and it gets really complex.

It's uncomfy. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. Well, full moon, full moon energy. Maybe we should leave it at like a. Yeah, I mean, full moon energy. I honestly have no idea what this full moon is about.

I don't even know like what yeah I know nothing all I know is that I feel like every full moon is kind of the same in the sense that it's illuminating something that is bringing you closer to alignment of who you're supposed to be so I mean that illumination energy feels true I feel like things are feeling loud and intense for me right now I feel like I'm being invited to a lot of discernment yeah and with that like that that's pressure in itself, right? Because again, that internalized perfectionism sneaks back in and I don't want to make the wrong choice. Yeah. Yeah. And for me, I think it's just, yeah, I've already really talked about all of it, but just this new chapter, this new phase, this new time that I have to actually finally be working on the things that I'm so excited to be working on my business, my coaching, my, you know, all the million ideas and projects that I have, like, you should see my desk right now. There's like 20 sticky notes on my desk. But it's like this whole time, they've all been like half-baked ideas because I didn't have stretches of time to

actually sit down and like see things to fruition. So it's, it's exciting to, like, the possibilities are kind of endless right now. And also, like, I don't want to put too much pressure on this time of my life. Like, I also can't wait next week to spend some time doing absolutely nothing. Like, I want to come home and be a sloth on the couch and, like, no one speaks to me because no one will be home. And, like, to be alone for the first time in, like, four years, other than a few drives to a grocery store. Yeah, literally not exaggerating. So just to marinate in that. And, yeah it's just a really exciting time for me personally right now yeah yeah and tender like and tender very oh gosh

i cried so much earlier today yeah like and you're probably going to continue to right you continue to come up and yeah there's also probably going to be a moment where it's like oh shit like i thought i had all this time freedom and it still doesn't feel like enough yeah i'm sure that's bloody annoying too because it's it then kind of perpetuates this, well, am I not doing something right? Am I not consistent enough or do I not have enough structure or systems in place? And no, I mean, the problem is we're both probably just too ambitious for our own good. We'll go with that. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, this was nice. We haven't done this in a while to actually sit down and record something. Yeah. so I think this will kind of get us back into our routine and our rhythm our rhythm yes thank you routine I'm very averse to routine so yeah well and again it's just right an embodiment of what we're devoted to and like it's a sloppy embodiment because I feel like we're we're devoted to you know reconnecting to our cycles and reconnecting to even the more why can I think of the word like the cosmic energy side of things right we both kind of teeter in and out of that but obviously things in magic itself was birthed out of a desire to lean into that

a little bit more and yeah I think staying devoted to these episodes staying devoted to this idea of having a monthly reflection and I mean sometimes the intention is by week Bye, by, by, bi-monthly, by, new and full moon. But either way, full moon. Twice a month. Twice a month. Um, you get what I'm trying to say. Yeah.

Okay, can we stop recording before this gets any more weird? Yes, we can, we can, we can. Okay. Um, my friends, we love you if you listen. And I mean, we love you if you don't, but you're not hearing that. so hi mom is your mom hi Nicole's mom my mom doesn't listen to the podcast oh isn't that funny she is like such a how should I describe it she's your cheerleader she's my number one fan yeah she is like without a shadow of a doubt like not even

low key like she is my number one fan she is always commenting on my stuff she replies to my emails when I give the little prompt to like reply back she's the first one to reply she's the first one to answer a question box in my stories but the one thing she doesn't do she doesn't listen to my podcast so I don't actually know anyone that like for sure 100% likely consistently does I don't even know if there's a shout out we can do. I know, I know. Let us know if you do. If you're like a we want to know. It's such like the weird part about having a podcast. You're just speaking into the ether. Yeah, because like on Instagram, you can see who's liking. You can see who's seeing your stories. You can see who's opening your emails. But yeah, podcast land is the legend of mystery.

Okay. Until next time. Okay. Tudaloo.