REWILD + FREE - Our Planet is Burning and My Heart is Heavy

Episode Date: August 21, 2023

Go ahead and call me a conspiracy theorist if you must..These are my honest thoughts around the current fires happening on Maui and In BC. Some things simply are not sitting right with meBUT I think the WHY behind all these fires actually doesn’t even matter while they are STILL burning. My heart goes out to those impacted.  And our energy is best served holding space and compassion and not trying point fingers at this timeThis episode feels a bit edgy for me because I’m not even clear on my own beliefs.   What I say/feel/think today might be completely different than what I think tomorrow and that’s ok!  In this episode, I attempt to process some of what I've been feeling in response to the massive fires happening on Maui and across British Columbia and the NWT I also share a bit of my own uncertainty within my business, which listening back feels like peanuts compared to the rest of the weight I'm feeling. At the end of the episode, I share some tangible strategies I'm trying to implement to help ground and nourish me in these confusing times. I’ve carefully chosen certain organizations to donate to that disperse funds/resources DIRECTLY to families in need, I'll share them below if you feel called to donate with me! Click here for Maui Click here for Kelowna As always...  You can connect with me on IG (@nicolepasveer)If you'd like to be a guest on the podcast...   Fill out this formIf this show has inspired, transformed or made your life a tinyyy bit better in anyway and you’ve been searching for a way to say thank you, and support me in producing more episodes, you can now buy me a donut 🍩 (see link below)Support the showConnect with Nicole on IG (@nicolepasveer) Want to be a guest on the podcast? Fill out this form

Welcome to the Not Just a Mom Show, where we have open and honest conversations about the vulnerabilities and the victories within entrepreneurship and new motherhood. If we haven't met yet, I'm Nicole Pazvir and I'm going to be your host. Here on the show, we don't subscribe to perfection. In fact, being present is the new perfect and showing up messy is the new norm. We are worthy, just as we we are as all that we are not just the label we put on ourselves we are more than just a mom and I'm so glad you're here so I'm literally recording this in the car and I have no idea how the sound quality is going to be.

But basically, I have a lot on my mind and a lot on my heart and I just want to use this space to unload some of it. I've kind of been reflecting the past couple weeks on this podcast and weirdly enough I can see the analytics and I can see how many people are listening

to each episode and those numbers have gone way down and I've And I can see how many people are listening to each episode. And those numbers have gone way down. And I've really tried to detach from any meaning that that might mean about me. But it also does kind of give me feedback. And I don't know it doesn't really give me feedback because it doesn't actually help me know what episodes people like and don't like um but it gives me feedback in the sense of there were more people listening to the beginning episodes when I first started this and there's less people listening now and I've kind of reflected a bit on my own feelings towards that,

and I've kind of noticed that I've lost some excitement towards the podcast. The podcast kind of has started to become this to-do on my list, this, okay, every Tuesday is a new episode, and kind of just, like like going down the list of episodes that I've recorded with a special guest. And in no way am I saying that I haven't absolutely enjoyed my time and those conversations with those special guests. But if I'm being honest it has kind of yeah just become this checklist and this thing that I'm like checking the boxes on um and then same goes for like the editing process and then like the Instagram post and the show notes it's all starting to feel just very to-do listy. That's the best word I have for it. And I don't really want to produce

a podcast from that mindset and that perspective and that energy. So yeah, the past couple of days, I've just really been reflecting on what this show is about, why I created it, what I want it to look like moving forward. And I absolutely want it to be coming from a place of genuine integrity and authenticity and just me and my guests not feeling like we need to dilute ourselves in any way or come across a certain way or meet anyone's expectations and I think I started off the show really in like attunement with those values and I think I've lost some of that the past couple weeks I'm really proud of myself I guess that I'm noticing it now and not later and of course I am the podcast producer so I get to make a change when I see fit and so um yeah this episode is probably going to feel different than the others because I'm

literally just going to unload and word vomit it's going to be very much unedited um and like very much not with an agenda and that's kind of how I started the show is using this as a safe space for me to process some of my thoughts, knowing that processing out loud does in turn help other people do the same. It helps other people maybe put words to their own stories. So, yeah, I guess I'm just going back to the roots of the show and like I started off saying like I feel like I have a lot to say um there's a lot on my heart there's a lot on my mind and um maybe I'll preface this by saying that whatever I'm about to spit out is my thoughts and my opinions today and I very much and very likely can change my mind tomorrow or the next year the next day um these are these are thoughts and feelings that are

evolving in real time and I'm just kind of simmering and percolating and and yeah anyway so I guess the biggest thing that's heart-centered right now is the fact that the world is literally on fire at the time of recording this I have just returned from a family trip to British Columbia we were out at the lake in Salmon Arm at our friend's cabin. And I guess for context, especially for any listeners that aren't familiar with Canada or aren't familiar with BC, British Columbia, BC is the province next to us. And like the Shuswap and Okanagan area is kind of considered canada's california it's kind of aside from i think like lake country and ontario this part of bc is kind of summer vacation central um so i grew up going to this area of the world almost every

summer and i guess we're doing the same with aubrey now so that's cool um I've also grown up just knowing that that part of the world has forest fires and wildfires especially this time of year as the summer months get hot and dry um of course it's natural for forested areas to burn. That's part of nature's cycle. And I've kind of grown up just knowing that summer vacations smell like campfire. With that said, this year has been very different. This year, forest fire season started much earlier, both in Alberta and British Columbia. And that's been scary and heavy in itself. But with all that aside, before we left on our trip to the cabin, there was a massive and very destructive fire on Maui and it completely burnt down I think most of the town of Lahaina

and for me I've I've been feeling a lot of things around that I've been feeling heavy I've been feeling suspicious I've been feeling just a lot of mixed emotions and a lot of like sensations in my body that I haven't been able to make sense of. Logically, I've been kind of questioning why I've even been having these feelings because I've never been to Hawaii. I literally have no attachment to Hawaii. I know a lot of people who travel there often will say, oh, I left a piece of my heart in Hawaii. I don't have that story. I've literally never been to Hawaii I know a lot of people who travel there often will say oh I left a piece of my heart in Hawaii I don't have that story I've literally never been to Hawaii but this entire year basically since I'd say like February or March of this year I've been having this this internal like call to

travel to Hawaii um we usually our winter vacations are usually just in Mexico it's easy it's what we know um we've also traveled to like Italy and Greece um and other parts of Europe but we've never been to Hawaii and it's never been high on our list either except for this year it's been something that keeps coming up and has been very top of mind for me I'd say probably a dozen times I've priced out flights and um airbnbs and stuff so it's yeah it's been very top of mind and just one of those things that has kept coming up with little little just nudges of like going to Hawaii and I haven't really been able to make sense of that either. So anyways, having heard the news of this very destructive fire happening there, I think it's been, I guess, like me processing and grieving the fact that that's a place I will never be able to visit. Or I if I do it won't be what it once was and I

think I'm also grieving just the collective tragedy and since processing some of this with a couple friends I'm also understanding the heaviness might also be related to the fact that Hawaii itself is just very sacred lands and some people even call it like the heart center of the planet and I Almost feel like shaky speaking about this. I literally feel like I'm on the verge of tears This is how heavy it feels for me. And like I said logically, I can't really pinpoint why that's why I'm processing some of this up But yeah, just all of it has hit me a lot harder than I thought it would. And I compare it to the fires happening here in Canada and BC and Alberta, and it just,

it feels very different. None of it really makes sense for me. It also feels very deja vu with the feelings that I was feeling during COVID and back in the days of especially the early days of the pandemic I had a really hard time knowing what side to be on and um really didn't feel confident standing in my truth whatever that was I really didn't even know what my truth was and I'm kind of learning now that some of that discomfort is I think in my intuition like nudging me a certain way but my logic trying to talk me out of it and so um I guess I'll just go out and say it and um I don't think that the fires happening on Maui are just due to climate change and global warming. This is not me saying that I think they are necessarily not made,

but I will tell you that I spent a good three hours yesterday going down various rabbit holes and various conspiracy theories and I can confidently say that a lot of those make more sense to me than the simple answer of global warming um and that in itself is something hard for me to swallow because I'd like to think better of humanity. I'd like to think that those things aren't true. And then my thought process moves into just the heaviness around future generations and what that looks like for Aubrey and Aubrey's children. And it can be really, really easy to spiral into that really negative mind frame and again processing some of this with a friend she kind of helped reframe and remind me that we aren't the first generation to be living through chaos and like corrupt government systems um obviously like our ancestors have lived through wars and

plagues and whatever else and so like we are capable of making it through whatever is happening right now um i also do firmly believe that we are waking up we are becoming more conscious to the goings-on of the world and I think the more we as mothers as parents are becoming more aware it means that our children are also going to be aware and conscious and awake whatever you want to call it. And so that gives me hope. Anyways, I almost feel speechless in trying to describe what I'm feeling and what I'm experiencing right now. I think what I just described is kind of the gist of it. How this relates to the stuff that's happening in my own country is something that I don't have clarity on. I think the fact that there's smoke in my air, in the air that I'm currently breathing right now,

and in my backyard, even though I'm thousands of miles or kilometers, I don't know, kilometers for sure. I can't speak in miles. Just kind of humbles me and like almost grounds me in the sense of knowing that this is all one world. This isn't something that's just happening to people like far, far away that I can kind of detach from. This is literally happening to like my neighbors. Yeah. Like there's people on Instagram that I know that are literally having to pack up their homes and pick and choose the items that they don't want to leave behind.

And they're basically waiting to be kicked out of their homes. And then, of course, there's all the families that have already had to leave their homes and they don't know if they can return. And then there's also the families that have lost their homes. And then when we look at what's happening in Hawaii and all the bodies that are already gone and the lack of warning that there was to evacuate and to seek help. And I don't know, just all of it is very, very uncomfortable, very, very uncomfortable for me to try to process. And yeah, I think I'm going to leave it at that because I don't have answers it's definitely too early I think for anyone to really have answers I definitely feel like my spidey senses are going off and I'm sniffing a lot of suspicion

and like I said that in itself is uncomfortable I'd rather be wrong. But yeah, that's my truth for today. The other thing that's going on for me is just this like very long, long, ongoing evolution in my own business and trying to figure out who I am to the world and what my purpose is and what that looks like in terms of my own coaching and mentorship um role um I keep kind of flip-flopping between like birth motherhood and business and it can be really really really easy to get sucked into the belief in the business world that you have to have a niche and I don't know I it's I'm just noticing myself almost on autopilot sometimes falling into that that belief even though I know that's not the truth. So yeah, that's something else I've been navigating. And that's almost been making me have

or experience some difficulty in the way I show up online. I don't even know what my current offers are. Obviously, I have my group mastermind Recalibrate and then my most recent eight-week made-in-from- other exploration called Reclaim. So those things are currently going on, but I don't know what's in my future after those things. And that in itself is uncomfortable. Yeah, with that, I also have a ton of compassion for the creation process, knowing that the creation process is cyclical and I'm not supposed

to be creating all the time I'm not supposed to be on all the time in terms of content production um and that it's totally okay to just be and to just digest and to just even consume if that's what's feeling more comfortable for me right now. So there's that. And again, how this all kind of comes back to the podcast. I love that the podcast can kind of serve as my anchor point. The podcast is really a blank slate for me to show up just like this, literally in my car on the verge of tears, thinking about the fact that the world is burning. Yeah.

It's crazy. What else is going on for me? Man, my kid turns two in six weeks. That is really, really hard to believe. It's crazy to believe that I am also coming up to two years postpartum. And again, just kind of reflecting on the journey that's been and the seasons and evolutions I've had in this two-year time frame physically emotionally spiritually um I truly don't recognize myself from two years ago and that's both cool and scary um Um, I think I'm going to leave it at that.

I, yeah, I think I've said the things that are alive for me right now. I don't want to just speak for the sake of taking up space. I'm feeling complete, so I'm going to end it at that. I appreciate all of you who have been listening to this podcast since the beginning. I also appreciate those of you who are newer to the show. I'm really excited to see where this show ends up, even in, like, a couple months' time. I feel like this is just, like, the beginning.

And I feel like it's almost been, like, these past 20 or so episodes have almost been, like, a practice for me and, like, a playground to play around with what I like and, like, what feels good. And not just in the sense of like solo episodes versus guest episodes, but even like length of episodes and titles and just like the editing process. So yeah, I feel like I have some clarity around that and that makes it exciting moving forward. I am always looking for super cool guests to come on the show with me. So if that is you, and I'm sure it is because everyone has a super cool story, I would love to hang out with you on Zoom and we can record our conversation. Or if you have some ideas of someone you would love to hear on my show, please send their name my way so I can reach out to them.

I'm trying to think what else I think that's it I truly truly appreciate you all and I love you all and I hope you are well I just listened back to that recording I made in the car and this is the following day so I feel like I'm I don't know I'm still feeling heavy but maybe a little bit less heavy and I feel like um I was gonna say I feel like my thoughts are a bit more clear but they really aren't I just have realized I have a bit more to say um the first thing that I want to add is just recognition for the fires happening in the northwest territories specifically Yellowknife and all of the evacuations that are having to take place there i was just reading that um people weren't able to leave by highway um it wasn't safe to do

so and the only way out was by plane and that in itself is really scary like i can't imagine having to pack up everything you want to keep and put it in like a travel-on suitcase with your kids. And I don't even want to think about pets. And my heart just breaks. The other thing that I wanted to share was just we went out for supper last night. And as I was sitting there, there I mean I was trying to enjoy our dinner it was really good food if you live in Calgary be sure to check out Native Tongues if you haven't already their tacos are amazing um but as I was sitting there I was just thinking

like almost how dare I how dare I sit here and enjoy this nice meal while there's people around the world not able to do this? And it's kind of a silly thought because no matter what tragedy is happening, no matter it being natural or man-made, whatever, there's obviously always poverty around us there's always just varying levels of privilege and that in itself is kind of a hard thing to grasp and it's a hard thing to kind of understand how to be in the world um i feel like my heart really goes out to the people in need right now and it can be really easy to start playing small and to start thinking well I don't deserve this because there's other people in the world that can't do this right now but also noticing that that's not my reality right now and instead really leaning into the appreciation and gratitude for what I have and that's a home to live in that is not burning beneath my feet and that's a family that I get to live with and not be separated from that's a car I get to drive That's cleanish air I get to breathe. I can see across the street.

I'm not losing sleep at night worried about an evacuation order or worried if my loved one is going to be found dead or alive in the streets. I'm not worried about where my next meal is going to be. I mean mean the list goes on and it's just a really funky place to be in when you can feel both sides so there's that I think the other thing I just wanted to comment on was just acknowledging also like the magnitude of the I guess the fires that have been occurring this year in general, not just specific to the ones I'm referencing this week. I was just reading, and I don't know if this is a reputable source, but it was basically saying that in Canada specifically, the amount of forest fires this year has already or is already five times the amount

that's like normal and we've already surpassed several different like records um and like this isn't really a surprise because obviously I've been seeing it unfold all summer long but again it just it just has my thinker thinking and while I do acknowledge that there's climate change happening our summers are definitely feeling warmer and we're getting less rain um it just isn't a good enough answer for me so yeah again just sitting with that and sitting with the idea that I wish I was wrong I wish I wish I could be content with that answer but I'm not and trying to find confidence in that being my truth right now and even feeling some insecurity and maybe even some shame for saying that out loud and certainly a bunch of worry or anxiety about how this is going to be perceived especially from like close friends or

family if they're listening and just like well what are they going to think of me if they know I think this and so with that I would actually really really appreciate if you're listening to this and if you have thoughts or comments whether we agree or disagree I would love to hear from you I would love to actually make this a conversation instead of just me blabbering out loud I want to hear how all of this is impacting you I want to hear your take on it and I want to process this together so my dms are open um I really do mean that I would love to have conversations around this I also just want to extend some of the more tangible strategies that I'm doing to kind of nourish myself right now and and manage the heaviness that I've been feeling um I think one of the ways is definitely leaning into the things I appreciate and the things I'm

grateful for so really expanding my gratitude list and feeling into it and feeling worthy of those things but also grounding with the earth so whether that's just intentional time outside with my feet on the earth or being near water for some people you might find even like a bath or a shower really cleansing right now especially with the intention of it being as a cleanse um the other thing is processing out loud so this is my version of it maybe for you that looks like journaling maybe that looks like just talking privately with a friend um but not not really allowing yourself to just simmer in these thoughts alone because this is heavy and there's collective sadness grief and anger around and it deserves to be felt and then the other thing is of course just showing extra love to friends and family and just remembering that not everybody gets to like say goodnight to their kids and not everybody gets to wake up the next morning next to their husband and dogs and again

this kind of goes with the appreciation and the gratitude thing but I guess holding space for the privilege and being okay with having that privilege right now. Like I said, for me, that feels really mucky, but I think it's important to do that. Otherwise, it would just be way too heavy right now. And it could very easily spiral into a deep depression or major anxiety that's almost paralyzing. So yeah, those are some of the things I'm doing. I'd love to hear what you are doing to manage some of this collective heaviness. And like I said, I'd love to hear just your hot take on all of this. Okay, before you go, I just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to listen to this episode if you were thinking of anyone while listening please send it their way and if anything resonated with you or you love

these conversations please subscribe and leave a review this really helps the podcast algorithms put my show in front of more people just like you and the last thing I would love nothing more than hearing from you so say hi dm me on instagram and give me a follow at NicolePasvir. Until next time.