Right About Now with Ryan Alford - Make Millions with the Art of Charisma with Brett McDermott

Starting point is 00:00:00 Charisma is a learnable skill. I think we all have a baseline level that we're born with, we've been conditioned with, but it doesn't mean you can't get to where you want to go. Because the truth is, charisma is not just one skill. It's like 20 different skills. This is Right About Now with Ryan Alford, a Radcast Network production. We are the number one business show on the planet with over 1 million downloads a month. Taking the BS out of business for over six years and over 400 episodes. You ready to start snapping next and cashing checks? Well, it starts right about now. What's up guys? Welcome to Right About Now. I'm Ryan Offord,

Starting point is 00:00:39 your host. Hey, it's all about being right sometimes, but it's definitely about being now. And in today's world, we've got a lot of disconnect sometimes between personality, effectiveness, and just really knowing how to communicate. And that's why we got the charisma hacker, Brett McDermott. What's up, Brett? Hey, Ryan. Happy to be here. Happy to connect with your audience.

Starting point is 00:01:05 Been excited about this for a while. And I got to say, man, you got a great podcast, like radio voice, man. I'm pumped up after that intro. You know, some of us have a few blessings in life. That's the only thing I was, I guess, God given. I had to work for everything else. It's great, great stuff. Yeah, that I'll either make it in this or um i always have a second career opportunity at the strip club oh true dude you'd be you'd be a great to the main

Starting point is 00:01:35 it's brett mcdermott oh man you would you would be the most sought-after strip club DJ in the nation. Yeah, I'm going to, you know, while I'm happily married with four kids and generally an upstanding dude, I'm going to hopefully not have to go down that route. But, you know, you have to make a dollar somehow, right? Man, we just took a sharp, sharp left turn right at the beginning. You know, I've been on a lot of podcasts.

Starting point is 00:02:04 I don't think I've ever quite gone there yet, so I'm excited for the rest of it. Look, we used to be called the Radcast, you know, so we still have points of that. Still gets rad. Still gets rad up in here once in a while. Of course. So, Brett, I mean, anybody's got to get called the charisma hacker. I mean, I got to start right there. You know, like, how do we to get called the charisma hacker. I mean, I got to start right there. You know, like how do we get known as the charisma hacker?

Starting point is 00:02:28 Well, I think you probably get known as the charisma hacker when you come up with the name and you start calling yourself the charisma hacker, right? So, but, you know, I've honestly, you know, I've always just been, you know, completely obsessed with communication fundamentals and just the ability to present yourself to the world in a powerful way. But I think charisma, you know, not only encompasses power, I think that's just kind of part of the equation, right? I think when we look at someone that's charismatic, sure, they're absolutely someone that can display power. And when you look at them, you're like, okay, like this person could move mountains for me if they wanted to, but it's not only power, it's warmth, right? You've got to feel a bit of warmth from them. You've got to feel like they want to help you in some sort of way if they can. And then I think the third pillar is presence. I think you've got to be able to be present in

Starting point is 00:03:13 that moment with someone as your toe-to-toe face-to-face with them in an interaction. So I just think those three pillars, the power, the warmth, the presence, I think they're so pivotal in our abilities to start a business, to start a movement, whatever you are trying to do. I think that the ability to develop and project charisma to the world around you is going to be pivotal in your journey, whatever it is. Yeah. I like that. And I think there's always this fine line with me. I'm going to give you a couple of thoughts and love to hear your perspective, you know, with charisma and there's a confidence, right?

Starting point is 00:03:49 It comes with that. It's like, that's the first, when someone says charisma, I think confidence on some level, but then you do kind of go deeper. And then there's the confidence and then there's the arrogance. And it's like, how, you know, when I first was thinking about this episode with you, I wanted to get on this path because like even myself in my younger career and I probably had a touch of it, you know, not intentionally. I'm a big guy. I am confident, but like I sort of know my own faults too.

Starting point is 00:04:16 Like once you get to know me, I think you know I know I'm pretty self-aware and like self-degrading about some of those things. At the same time, it is a fine line, right? With that confidence, charisma, arrogance, like how do you find the balance? Yeah. So I think that's kind of why I like to talk about that warmth pillar, right? Because I think confidence is a huge part of the equation. You do need to project power. People do need to see you as a person that could move things in the direction that they want to move. But if you're powerful, but you're arrogant or you're cold, then you're not necessarily going to be charismatic and people are not necessarily going to want to be led by you. So I think that the balance there is, you know, not only to focus on the power, not

Starting point is 00:05:02 only to focus on, you know, the downward inflection with your voice and the good posture and the things that we do from a nonverbal sense to project power, but also to make sure that you are projecting that warmth. And that warmth can be projected with a genuine smile. It can be projected with good listening skills. But for the most part, warmth is kind of an internal feature, I think, of charisma. And if you're going at a situation, if you're going into a meeting, if you're going into a podcast, whatever it is, and you're coming at it from the right place and you really want the people in that room to improve and you really want to serve others and you just want the best for other people in your life, then that's warmth. And it's an internal quality that is just going to kind of innately get projected through your pores in your conversation. So I do think that there are confident people out

Starting point is 00:05:50 there that are a little bit cold or maybe a little bit arrogant, but I wouldn't necessarily call them charismatic because I think you've got to have that warmth quality as well. You know, think about the rock, you know, think about Barack Obama or Jimmy Fallon or Oprah or any of these people that we would definitely think of as charismatic. And yes, they're confident. Yes, they're powerful, but they've also got a warmth to them. Like you feel like if you met them, they'd be a nice person and they would want to help you in any way they could. So I think that it's important to really hit on all three layers of the charisma trifecta, power, warmth, and presence, and not just get too obsessed with the, with the power portion of it, which is the portion that most guys are more obsessed with, right? Like we want to be powerful. Like that is just innately

Starting point is 00:06:37 what we want to do. Important though, to also show warmth and also show presence. If we really want to bring our innate charisma to the surface it's interesting uh i got a lot of impact there that was really insightful brett um but because you you brought it up it made me think of something you know like your politics is all the rage you know unfortunately and we're gonna we're gonna stay out of like one side of the other but but using it within this context, I think it's really interesting. Sure. Because you bring up Barack Obama and keeping any of the policies.

Starting point is 00:07:10 We're talking about charisma and presence right now. That's it. Very charismatic. Unbelievable charismatic. A good speaker. I've started to sense a little bit, I don't know, after his presidency, a little bit of arrogance, more than charismatic. But that's just something I've picked up on. But with that said, without a doubt, one of the more charismatic leaders ever.

Starting point is 00:07:32 And what's interesting is like Donald Trump, I think he's softened a bit. But I think part of Trump's problem is that he overplays the power side. Trump's problem is that he overplays the power side. And if he and I do think he actually has some of the warmth in him, but he doesn't display it enough. So using those counterbalances, I think, you know, not that we're going to help anyone get elected or not elected, but I do think it's an interesting interplay of what you're describing. Right. It's a good point. Yeah, I would totally agree with that. And I think that, you know, part of the reason that, you know, Obama did so well in his elections was because, yeah, he projected that power, but he also projected a lot of warmth. I mean, he had a very genuine, he had a great smile that would kind of

Starting point is 00:08:17 slowly cascade across his face. I agree. Trump, I think, excellent at the power portion of the equation. I mean, debatably, there's no one out there that sounds more sure of what they're saying than Donald Trump. I mean, you know, like no question. No, he's never said something that he wasn't 100 percent behind and believed in his own heart. downward inflection that goes into that, right? The downward inflection at the end of the statement that really shows that you're sure about what you're saying. Donald Trump is the master of that. I mean, he is the master of downward inflection, the master of displaying power, but on the warm side of charisma, he could certainly work on that a little bit. I mean, there's very few cases where you can really even think of Donald Trump giving you a full smile. He doesn't smile a ton and he doesn't display a lot of warmth. And I think if he would kind of put a little bit more effort into displaying warmth, then I really think he'd be overall more popular candidate. And we might even not be talking about much of a 50-50 battle. I think we might be

Starting point is 00:09:15 talking more about Trump really being in control here, but I think you're totally right. Great at displaying power. Almost no one's been better at it in the past 10 years, but the warmth side of the equation, he can work on that a little bit for sure. And it's a good interplay for like our audience listening, you know, like again, cue the politics and look, if you watch enough of my show, you probably know where I stand, but it doesn't really matter in this context. It's more about, you know, helping you, the listener, try to understand how to use these principles in business and entrepreneurism and elsewhere to sort of, you know, I want to say achieve your goals, but really more, I don't know. I think there's, it's more to that too. I think, I think having charisma and doing

Starting point is 00:09:59 these things and having that warmth isn't just about achieving your goals. It's also having some empathy and like, like, like recognition of, of, and I love, and this is back to sort of unpacking what you said, like the listening part, you know, we, we do a lot of talking and we always want to make our own points, but listening is a, is a big part of charisma, I think. For sure. I mean, it really, to me, I think it's kind of the bedrock of what the entire charisma mansion is built on. You've got to be a great listener if people are really going to feel that warmth coming off of you. And I think there's some things within the listening realm that people can kind of tweak

Starting point is 00:10:42 within their arsenal there. And I'd say it's funny, right? Because if you put on a seminar about speaking with power, you'll have people lined up at the door. But if you put on a seminar about actively listening and becoming a great listener, good luck selling tickets to that, you know, but the truth, but the truth is really becoming a great listener should be step one for everybody. And I think, you know, there's a few things that we can all do to work on our listening skills.

Starting point is 00:11:07 You know, I'd say number one, and this is the simplest communication hack that I think any of us can put into play. We can put it into play today and it can completely transform the way that we present ourselves to society. And it's just three simple words. Let people finish. When you're in a conversation with someone and they're expressing their message to you

Starting point is 00:11:28 and they're talking at you, or maybe they're talking to you and a few other people, let them finish their entire statement. Let them land the plane. Let them get their entire message out. Pause for just a millisecond. Let your face kind of absorb the message. If it's something that makes you happy, smile.

Starting point is 00:11:44 If it's something that makes you inquisitive, kind of furrow your brow, let your face react for a millisecond and then respond. And I think just that little millisecond, letting people land the plane, get their message completely out, and they know that you're not going to step on them midway through the sentence right there is going to completely transform the way that people interact with you. And I think that little tweak right there could make everyone out there a much better listener and ultimately much more charismatic. See how I gave a little pause there, Brett? I appreciate that. You're listening.

Starting point is 00:12:19 I'm listening, dude. You're listening, dude. And I will say it's a little tougher in Zoom meetings and in podcast situations that are virtual. It can be a little bit tougher to do this because it's tougher to pick on people's social cues. You don't know exactly when they're going to stop speaking. It's certainly something that's a little easier to put into play in a face-to-face scenario. You know, Brett, like I'm sitting here listening to you talk and like something just like dawned on me. You know, Brett, like I'm sitting here listening to you talk and like something just like dawned on me.

Starting point is 00:12:54 There's certain things in life that we instinctively know, like some people know more than others. Like there's just behaviors, attitudes, social norms, things. And, you know, when I was first thinking about some of this topic, I'm like, Brett, doesn't like people know this instinctively. And then as you were just talking, it dawned on me that people don't. And they need training and and structure and things just some things, you know, like, I don't know, have some people have skills that I go, wow, how do you do that? And then it's just innate. And even these types of human interactions that have such great impact on our success and opportunities, take really listening and understanding what it means to converse and communicate the right way.

Starting point is 00:13:54 Yeah, 100%. 100%. I think that when people think of charisma, they either think they have it or they don't. And that's it. They're like, oh, I was born charismatic. I've got it. Oh, I'm not, you know, I am charismatic. Great. And it's just, it's not like that. I mean, you can look at people over the years that have transformed their charisma mean, you can look at people over the years that have transformed their charisma. If you look back at the early keynote speeches of Steve Jobs, he is awkward. I mean, you couldn't pick a less charismatic guy to go on stage and talk about your products and then fast forward, you know, towards the end of his life. And when he was really given some really powerful speeches, I mean, there was no one better at it and he really exuded charisma on stage. So to me, that's probably the

Starting point is 00:14:30 greatest transformation I can think of. And it just proves the point that charisma is a learnable skill. I think we all have a baseline level that we're born with. We've been conditioned with, but it doesn't mean you can't get to where you want to go because the truth is charisma is not just one skill. It's like 20 different skills. And you've just kind of got to learn these skills and layer them as time goes on and improve your eye contact, improve your tonality, your voice inflection,

Starting point is 00:14:55 your listening skills, adding some pauses to your speech. All these things are little skills that we've kind of got to add to our tool belt as far as charisma goes. And if you just add them one by one, a year from now, you can be a totally different person in the way that you present to the world. Talking with Brett McDermott, he is the charisma hacker. Brett, what's the biggest obstacle for people, you know, when you've given some really good tips already we've we've shared why it's

Starting point is 00:15:26 important some ways you can do it what are some obstacles that you've faced like when working with people or what are the biggest challenges that people have with sort of flipping this switch sure well i think the the first challenge that we always deal with is a mindset challenge, especially for someone who's not very naturally verbose and they're more of a wallflower and they certainly don't consider themselves to be charismatic. You've really just kind of got to break through that wall and express to them that, sure, maybe you'll never be the rock, but you can certainly bring your own natural and unique charisma to the surface. And we're not going to quite know what that even looks like until we work on these skills, skill by skill by skill. And I think once you just break it down for them and you're like, oh, you know, charisma is not just this, you know, all encompassing mystical thing that either you have or you don't.

Starting point is 00:16:21 But it's just 20 skills and we just got to learn them one by one. And once you're a good listener, we'll move on to tonality. And once you've got good tonality, we'll move on to adding pauses to your speech. Then we'll move on to becoming a better storyteller and we'll just go right on down the list. And it might take a month. It might take a year. It might take a few years, but I think just breaking it down skill by skill and just showing people the roadmap to their most charismatic self can usually help them kind of get over that hump and start taking the action that they need to. Brett, I know you're a podcast host yourself. Hell yeah. Persistence Playbook.

Starting point is 00:16:56 Talk to me about the show, how long you've been doing it, and what the episode's about. Yeah, I appreciate the question there. So Persistence Playbook, we're about to finish up our second year of the show. And so Persistence Playbook, we actually talked to us a lot about the art of perseverance, the art of persistence, and we have on high performers. And of course, you know, we talk about their specific tactics that help them to be successful within their niche, within their business. But we also talk a lot about their work ethic. Have they always been a hard worker? Did they develop that later in life? What habits, what mantras, what systems do they lean on to kind of keep taking action when that resistance pops

Starting point is 00:17:36 up? And as an entrepreneur, we've all felt it. We get up, we look at our calendar, it's full of stuff. And maybe that day we don't feel like doing any of it. We just want to go play golf or we want to go watch Netflix or we want to go to the movies. Like what do these super high performers, what do they say to themselves in that moment? What questions do they ask themselves? How do they fight and push through this resistance to keep taking daily action towards their goals? Because my belief is a lot of people know what they should be doing, right? There's never been more information out there on what you should be doing. Anything you want to do in this life, there's 10 books on how to get there. Like we all know how to get to the goal we want to get to. We don't know how to maintain the motivation necessary to get there.

Starting point is 00:18:18 So that's the focus of the show. How do we maintain that motivation to get to where we want to go? It's a really, I love that. So check that out. It's the persistence playbook. And I got to, I breezed through a couple before this, but I'm going to listen because I get asked this question a lot. And, you know, I go back and I look at my answer and it's back to sort of like, I try to be like self-aware on certain things. And it's like my answer is usually like, you know, you got to have the drive, man. Like you got to want it, you know, like and I'm like, that's the answer. But I don't know if that's the answer.

Starting point is 00:18:56 I don't I don't know why I'm wired that way. And I don't know that everyone is like you said, people usually know what they should be doing. And I don't know that everyone is like you said, people usually know what they should be doing. But I always sort of have a hard time answering, you know, what makes me tick or what, you know, like I'm trying to be reflective about it. But then I'm just like, man, that's just how I am. Like, I'm just like, don't want average. Like, I just am not going to settle. And like, it's like you don't want to be cliche, but then I'm like, what exactly is it that makes some people more persistent than others? If we're sort of all like, we're all human and we're all, you know, no matter, not to get into beliefs or anything, but we're all sort of wired the same.

Starting point is 00:19:38 There's different chemicals and different attributes we acknowledge, but it's like, I don't know what makes one more persistent than the other. You know, and I think it is, it's a tough question to answer. And I don't think there is one absolute answer. And I think for a lot of people, and I do ask that question to every one of my guests and, and some of them react and respond the same way that you did. And they're just like, you know, since birth, I've just always been getting after it. This is just kind of who I am, you know, like I am wired to execute. And I, and I think, you know, that's an honest answer. And I always appreciate that answer. And I think that answer can sometimes be somewhat frustrating to a listener that maybe isn't wired that way, but I think it's the truth of the matter. I think some people are just wired to produce and they get up with that fire in their belly and they're

Starting point is 00:20:29 just going to get shit done all day long. And I think that is just the case with some people. And then I think there's others that maybe weren't necessarily born with that fire in their belly. They weren't born with that ironclad world-class work ethic and they had to work on it a little bit. And I think, you know, sometimes the answers that we get from those people, you know, are they're very in touch with their why. And if they look at their calendar and they've got a full day and they don't want to go film those modules for that course that they're going to launch next month, you know, they really lean into that. Why? What is that? Maybe it's your kids. Maybe it's your wife. Maybe it's your faith. Maybe it's your impact. Maybe it's the Bugatti that you want to buy next year.

Starting point is 00:21:10 And that's okay too. I think sometimes people really just get, they get too into these whimsical whys and it's got to be like faith in my family. Some people are driven by wealth and they're driven by the flashy cars. And if that's what gets you going, then hell yeah, lean into that. So I think you just got to find exactly what gets you going. And for everyone, it's a little bit different. And once you really have that why and you've got clarity on exactly where you want to go and why the hell you want to get there, that's going to help you push through that resistance that creeps up once in a while for some of us, not for you, but for some of us.

Starting point is 00:21:46 Yeah, but it's true. I wasn't always like, I don't know if I was born that way because like I wasn't like type A my whole life. It was just like at a certain point, you know, and it was probably 22, 23. I mean, I wasn't like, I mean, I was driven. I played team sports. I was athletic. So like some of that like, I mean, I was driven. I played team sports. I was athletic. So like some of that got, you know, drilled into me, but then at some point you just got to decide. And it's funny, you bring up that last point, you know, like money doesn't solve everything,

Starting point is 00:22:17 but it sure helps. And, you know, my friend Bradley talks about this a lot and I've been on his show. He's been on mine and like, like he's he does a podcast called dropping bombs and but he talks about this you know and he's he's done very well and he just he's just honest about it he's like no it doesn't solve everything i'm not happy every day just because i have money he's like but damn i'd rather have it than not and he's like he kind of used the same analogy he's using he's like sometimes i just want something nice you know i want to get my wife it's like for sure it of used the same analogy as you. And he's like, sometimes I just want something nice, you know, and I want to get my wife. It's like, for sure. It's sometimes it's really, you know, pretty simple.

Starting point is 00:22:51 But it's not just because he's trying to show off either. He's way past the, oh, I got to show my Rolex or something, you know, like it's not that. It's just, hey, he wants to take a nice trip and he doesn't have to think about it for, you know, 14 months and put it on layaway. For sure. A hundred percent. I think for anyone to say that, you know, wealth is not part of the equation, the motivation equation, I think you're kind of lying to yourself because of course it is because with wealth comes freedom. And that's what we're all after at the end of the day. So to say that money doesn't matter to you is probably just you lying to others and you lying to yourself. Cause at the end of the day, the finances equal the freedom and the freedom is really what's

Starting point is 00:23:29 most important. Bingo. There you have it right there. That's what I tell people. I mean, you know, if time were money and money were time, we'd all have the same amount. Hell yeah. I mean, but you know, and it's important to lean into those wise and, you know, but I think for, for the most part, you know, when it comes to, you know, success in any endeavor, you know, success kind of comes down to two things. It comes down to having a plan and it comes down to sticking to that plan. Right. And I'd say most people don't even make a plan. They just kind of let life push them around and then they die and that's it. So I think for, you know, most people never even make that plan that really inspires them.

Starting point is 00:24:04 But then for a lot of people that make that plan, they don't stick to it. So I think if you can do both of those things on a daily basis, put a calendar together that really inspires you, that's taken steps towards your goals, the goals that really mean something to you, and then doing your best to actually execute on everything in that calendar day by day, you can strengthen that muscle and become the type of person that makes a commitment and keeps it to themselves. But it's a day by day progress. You know, it's a day by day process for a lot of us. I know it is for myself. You know, I know sometimes I love making plans. I love getting at my little pencil, writing down all

Starting point is 00:24:38 the cool shit I'm going to do tomorrow. And then sometimes I struggle to execute, but I just remind myself it's a muscle, you know, it's almost like you're at the gym and you're going for some hypertrophy on your chest. You're just trying to bench a little bit more every week. And I just try and ask a little bit more for myself every week as far as work ethic goes. And if I don't have a great day, I have some grace with myself. But get out there tomorrow, make an ambitious plan, and then do your best to execute on that plan. Yeah. And I think sometimes it's like simplify the plan too, right? out there tomorrow, make an ambitious plan and then do your best to execute on that plan. Yeah. And I think sometimes it's like simplify the plan too, right? It's like, I think what happens is, and I think it's back to, I firmly believe we sort of, it's always us versus us,

Starting point is 00:25:18 you know, like it's, it's, we always think it's external. It's always internal. So we overcomplicate the plan so that it's, you know, I'm going to document the next 24 months of how I'm going to get to this place, to that place. Here's the four things I'm going to do on Saturdays. Here's the eight things I'm going to do on Monday. Here's three things. It's like you make it so complex you could never live up to it. And then you get frustrated and you throw it out.

Starting point is 00:25:44 Or you never get it written because you've got it in your notes app and it's never complete because the plan's too, you know. And it's like, no, just have like some micro and some macro goals. And at the end of any given day, ask yourself, okay, did I advance towards these things? What got in the way and what advanced it? And do more of what's advancing it. And like give yourself some sort of short-term achievements

Starting point is 00:26:16 and then long-term so that you're kind of getting at least some of that dopamine of like accomplishment. And I just think we tend to overcomplicate things. For sure. And I think that, like you said, that there's nothing more motivating than kind of reflecting on and keeping track of your small wins along the way. I'd say it's a process that I go through every night. You know, I call it gratitude, wins and plan. And I just kind of sit down for five minutes every night. What was I grateful for today? Just one thing. I don't go crazy with it. Just one thing I was grateful for that happened that day. And then what were two or

Starting point is 00:26:48 three wins that happened today and kind of sit there internally and celebrate the steps I took forward towards my important goals. And then we plan out the next day. And just that five minute process for me has been huge, sets up my entire day. And I agree, if you're making a super complicated plan, if you got 25 things on your to-do list, you're probably not going to get any of them done. If you can simplify that list to five to seven key objectives for the day, your brain is just much more likely to be able to handle that. You're not going to freak out and throw the entire list away. So I agree. If you can kind of simplify that to-do list, five to seven key items a day to me is all I can take on if I if that list

Starting point is 00:27:26 gets too long I usually just wind up checking out and then I'm at the driving range getting nothing done yeah banging balls I used to hit balls for like 30 minutes and I'd be like into a trance or something I'd be like I don't know if I learned anything or anything, you know, I just hit a bunch of ball, you know, like swing it away. That's golf. Golf's like the one that you can do and do and do. And seemingly you're just hitting your head against the wall with no progress at all. Sometimes I get off the course and I'm like, God, was that like, was that the best use of my time? I think God created golf to, uh, you know, teach us, us uh like humbleness and failure like it's like for sure uh you could go hit 100 balls and hit them all perfect straight and you go out in the middle of the golf course you got that exact same shot and you will top it or hard left hook hard right slice like it's like

Starting point is 00:28:20 wait i couldn't even duplicate that on the range. For sure. It is a humbling game. I got to say, though, golf has some addictive qualities to it, too. You know, I had a good shot in golf. Very few things. I was down to a five handicap, probably. Oh, so you were good. You were a good player.

Starting point is 00:28:39 Oh, yeah, probably eight years, ten years ago. You were a good player. And it's addictive. Like, there's very few, few i mean thinking like the dopamine like what feels as good is like a you know a good shot or two to three good holes in a very few things i've done in my life feel quite as good as that i don't know why very few uh you know a drive 270 right down the fairway is a hell of a drug it is bottle. Bottle it. Bottle it up. I agree. But, you know, I got a lot of buddies though that get so obsessed with the game and they're playing two,

Starting point is 00:29:10 three times a week. And when they're not playing, they're practicing. When they're not practicing, they're watching YouTube videos. And I kind of think to myself, like, you could probably be having a much bigger impact on this world if you weren't playing so much golf. So I do think golf can add to our lives, but if we're not careful, golf can take away a little bit too. If we get a little too into it. I haven't played in two years. I haven't picked up a club for kids. We've got a boat houseboat. Like we're, I turned in the clubs for a boating with the kids and the family. It feels more, you know, there'll be another day in time for the golf. And I can go still pick them up if I needed to on a business trip or something, but it's been almost two years.

Starting point is 00:29:48 Because I kind of had that epiphany of, yeah, it's fun, it's good, but six hours on a Saturday or Sunday or occasional weekday just didn't feel like the best use of time. Sure, that's a couple hours you could be working on your business. That's a few hours you could be working on your business. That's a few hours you could be spending with your family. So I agree. I try and limit myself to nine holes every other week is my cadence right now. That's what I allow myself.

Starting point is 00:30:13 I like this quote that I saw from you. Minimize restlessness. Confidence is conveyed through stillness. So I wanted, as we sort of get to the end here, Brett, like that was interesting to me when you like explain a little bit of what you mean, like the restlessness behavior. Sure. Sure. So I think when you're talking about nonverbal confidence,

Starting point is 00:30:39 when you're talking about displaying poise and, you know, I always think of, you know, Sean Connery, James Bond, right? The ultimate display of just poise and confidence and cool and charisma. And when you think of Connery, you don't think of him like touching his face or fidgeting and grabbing at his clothes or kind of moving his head back and forth. Like he's mostly still sure he'll use his hands for nonverbal communication and he'll move his face as well while he speaks. But most of it is pretty contained. Most of it is pretty still. If he does move, it's more in a slower type fashion. And I think that is just one little hack

Starting point is 00:31:18 that we can apply to our communication. If we're trying to show more confidence, more poise, avoid the fidgety behavior. Stop touching your face. If you find yourself moving your arms a lot and fidgeting, kind of just keep your hands at your side. Remove them from your pockets because that's not a very powerful thing to do. Just let your hands hang. And sure, bring them up in front of your chest for some nonverbal communication if you're expecting a point. But avoid the fidgeting. Avoid the touching of the face in an excessive manner. One other thing, when we're listening, a lot of people tend to overdo the nodding. And then you just look like a bobblehead doll. And then it looks like you're seeking approval.

Starting point is 00:31:55 And if you're over nodding to someone while they're speaking to you, you're going to come off as that approval seeker. Just throw in the occasional nod, you know, show the person you're with that you have a pulse and that you're listening, but don't just sit there nodding the entire time. Be still. Absorb their message. There's more confidence and poise in that strategy. Yeah. I can probably learn from that. I think I'm kind of a slight ADD. I tend to, I've been been here thinking while you're talking, not just in this moment, but like in general,

Starting point is 00:32:27 I'm like, I learned from that and I find myself doing it. I tend to like stop myself, but I think there's a lot to learn from that. And the hands in the pocket thing. Oh my God. My, my four boys in that,

Starting point is 00:32:40 that was like the first, no, no, we don't do that. Like get your hands out of your pockets like that's just yeah there's no I don't know and I don't know that I was ever taught that like that conveyed weakness or whatever you want to call it but I just the first time I saw him like no no no no like it just looks you know it's it's it's interesting it's sort of like you have to like

Starting point is 00:33:02 go back and watch yourself so if you do videos, go back and watch yourself so you can learn. But that's a definite no-no. And still to this day, I'm a nodder. It's almost less about wanting their affirmation, but more for me, I don't know, it's almost like a listening technique back to the ADD thing. I know I'm tuned in because I'm hearing every word, especially when I'm agreeing with something. I need Sartre to make me a amen button.

Starting point is 00:33:28 That way I don't have to nod. Believe me, Ryan, I've seen way worse bobbleheads. To me, you're nodding. It's right on point. It's just enough that I know you're actually listening to me. But the amen button, actually, I think that's got some wheels. Hallelujah. I tell people that a lot. So here's this for me i'm uh whenever someone's like really say it's like i jive with like i give them

Starting point is 00:33:52 the southern baptist amen hallelujah praise the lord you know like what they the deacons in the church used to always say when the pastor would say something really motivational i love it brother i love it, brother. I love it, man. But yeah, I think get your hands out of your pockets, everyone. If there's one thing you learned from this episode, get those hands out of the pockets. Let them hang, brother. Brett, where can everybody keep up with what you're doing?

Starting point is 00:34:26 If you're offering courses, techniques, whatever that might be, where can they learn and get more from Brett McDermott? Hell yeah. Persistence Playbook podcast, definitely the first place to go. If you want more Brett McDermott, we've got weekly episodes coming out right now. So definitely check out the Persistence Playbook podcast. Besides that, my Instagram at the Brett McDermott, we're posting social media hacks every day, and that is where you can find me. Sweet. Appreciate you coming on, brother. Appreciate all the day. And that is where you can find me. Sweet. Appreciate you coming on, brother. Appreciate all the insights. And again, some things that seem innate

Starting point is 00:34:50 aren't always that way. You need guides, you need coaches, and Brett's out there giving away a lot of great advice. Thanks, brother. Hey, great conversation. We talked a little strip club DJ. We talked a little golf. We talked some communication skills.

Starting point is 00:35:02 I think we covered it all, man. We covered it all. That's what it is here. All right, about now. Hey, guys, you're going to find us RyanIsRight.com. You'll find all the highlight clips, the full episode of audio and video. Go check out the YouTube video. We're blowing up over there. Got a lot of growth happening. Go see the full video. And we've always got behind the scenes shorts going on. We appreciate you. See you next time on Right About Now. This has been Right About Now with Ryan Alford, a Radcast Network production. Visit RyanIsRight.com for full audio and video versions of the show or to inquire about sponsorship opportunities. Thanks for listening. you you you we got the charisma hacker brett mcdermott

Starting point is 00:37:12 you do need to project power people do need to see you as a person that could move things in the direction that they want to move. But if you're powerful, but you're arrogant or you're cold, then you're not necessarily going to be charismatic. And people are not necessarily going to want to be led by you. I think just that little millisecond, letting people land the plane, get their message completely out, and they know that you're not going to step on them midway through the sentence, right there is going to completely transform the way that people interact with you. And I think that little tweak right there could make everyone out there a much better listener and ultimately much more charismatic.

Right About Now with Ryan Alford - Make Millions with the Art of Charisma with Brett McDermott

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.