Right About Now with Ryan Alford - Strength In Fatherhood: Leading Boys To Men With Larry Hagner

Episode Date: August 20, 2024

In this episode of "Right About Now," host Ryan Alford and guest Larry Hagner, CEO of Dads Edge, discuss the critical role of fatherhood and the societal challenges men face. They emphasize the importance of men taking responsibility for their families and personal growth. The conversation critiques societal norms that promote emotional detachment and complacency, advocating for strong relationships and community support. Larry shares insights on setting high standards for children and the value of supportive male relationships. The episode underscores the impact of active fatherhood on family dynamics and society, urging men to embrace their roles with intention.TAKEAWAYSImportance of fatherhood and its impact on family dynamicsChallenges faced by men in their roles as fathers and husbandsSocietal pressures leading to emotional detachment and isolation among menThe need for personal responsibility and accountability in fatherhoodSetting high standards for children and the role of parents in guiding behaviorThe significance of personal growth and self-care for fathersCritique of societal norms that promote comfort and complacencyThe value of strong relationships and community support for menThe dangers of isolation and the "lone wolf" mentalityEncouragement for men to actively engage in their families and seek supportive networksTIMESTAMPSIntroduction to the Episode (00:00:00)Larry discusses men's care for themselves versus their families and the importance of living for their families.Podcast Introduction (00:00:23)Ryan introduces the podcast and sets the tone for the episode.Revisiting Larry Hagner (00:00:45)Ryan welcomes Larry back, highlighting his impactful work with fathers.Setting Standards in Parenting (00:01:16)Larry shares insights on parenting standards and public behavior of children.Personal Parenting Challenges (00:02:12)Larry reflects on parenting challenges with his four boys and setting standards.Life Update from Larry (00:02:51)Larry shares his current positive life changes and recent achievements.75 Hard Program Discussion (00:04:38)Ryan praises Larry for completing the 75 Hard program and its benefits.Impact of Personal Growth (00:05:31)Larry discusses how personal growth affects his family dynamics and relationships.Physical Fitness and Fatherhood (00:06:25)Larry shares how being fit positively influences his children's perception of him.Marketing and Family Dynamics (00:07:12)Ryan humorously recounts the story of receiving a marketing belt and its impact on his kids.Conversations on Fatherhood (00:08:03)Ryan and Larry discuss the importance of fatherhood and societal conditioning.Awakening to Responsibility (00:10:04)Larry reflects on his past mindset and the awakening of personal responsibility.Men's Comfort vs. Growth (00:11:42)Larry critiques the comfort-seeking behavior in men that hinders growth.Isolation and Community (00:12:33)Larry emphasizes the importance of community and relationships for men's mental health.Three Essential Male Relationships (00:18:05)Larry outlines three crucial relationships every man needs for support and growth.Societal Expectations of Men (00:19:52)Larry discusses societal pressures that promote weakness in men and the need for strength.Balancing Strength and Support (00:20:55)Ryan and Larry explore the dual need for strong men and supportive relationships.Fueling Personal Growth (00:21:49)Larry uses a car analogy to illustrate the need for supportive relationships to thrive.Here are the extracted timestamps and their respective titles in chronological order:The Erosion of Family Dynamics (00:21:53)Discussion on how societal norms are eroding the concept of family and creating weak family dynamics.The Impact of Fatherlessness (00:23:22)Larry shares statistics on fatherless homes and their correlation with societal issues like crime and teenage pregnancies.The Unique Role of Fathers (00:24:17)Exploration of how fathers contribute strength to families and the irreplaceable roles they play.Setting Standards for Relationships (00:27:46)Larry emphasizes the importance of raising children with high standards in relationships and self-worth.Guardrails of Parenting (00:30:51)Discussion on the need for parental guidance and setting standards amidst societal changes and distractions.Awareness of Family Dynamics (00:32:11)Ryan reflects on how screens and external influences affect family conversations and relationships.Balancing Responsibilities and Downtime (00:39:48)Larry talks about teaching children the importance of balancing responsibilities with leisure during summer break.Raising High-Functioning Adults (00:41:22)Emphasis on the importance of instilling responsibility and work ethic in children for their future roles as adults.Community Support and Resources (00:43:11)Larry discusses resources available for fathers through Dads Edge, emphasizing the importance of community support.Closing Remarks (44:06)Discussion on the importance of genuine connections and the invitation for future collaborations.Community Engagement (44:10)Ryan expresses gratitude to Larry and emphasizes the need for community support among fathers.Call to Action (44:15)Encouragement for dads to engage with Larry's community for support and growth.Show Information (44:17)Ryan shares where to find the podcast and resources related to the episode.Production Credits (44:35)Acknowledgment of the podcast production and invitation to explore more content.Thank You Message (44:40)Ryan thanks listeners for tuning in and highlights sponsorship opportunities. If you enjoyed this episode and want to learn more, join Ryan’s newsletter https://ryanalford.com/newsletter/ to get Ferrari level advice daily for FREE.  Learn how to build a 7 figure business from your personal brand by signing up for a FREE introduction to personal branding https://ryanalford.com/personalbranding.  Learn more by visiting our website at www.ryanisright.comSubscribe to our YouTube channel  www.youtube.com/@RightAboutNowwithRyanAlford. 

If you ask most men, do you care about yourself? Some will say yes, and some will be like, no, it's not about me, it's all about my kids. It's all about my family. And it's a very noble thing to say. Well, here's the second question. Would you die for your family? And every guy that I know has been asked that question,

like, I would take a bullet for them in a second. And then I ask them this, but will you live the life you're supposed to live for your family? This is Right About Now with Ryan Alford, a Radcast Network production. We are the number one business show on the planet with over 1 million downloads a month.

Taking the BS out of business for over six years and over 400 episodes. You ready to start snapping necks and cashing checks? Well, it starts right about now. What's up, guys? Welcome to Right About Now. Hey, we're always getting right, and it's always about now. You know, we did an interview with my friend Larry Hagner a few months back.

We got a little rushed, and, you know, I think he's going to be a regular anyway. Number one, I like and respect the hell out of him. He's doing things that matter in the world and with dads specifically. He is the CEO of Dad's Edge and just a hell of a good guy. What's up, Larry? What's up, Ryan? I got to tell you, I'd love to have you back on the Dad Edge. So one of the reels that we put on Instagram has been one of the most viewed reels we had. And it was about you talking about how your kids act in public and how you set the standard.

And there were a lot of people that commented on that. And then there was also a lot of people that threw hate on it as well. I am here to be the lightning rod for you, Larry, whatever it takes. Yeah. I'm telling you, man, like I had one lady in particular commented. She was like, yeah, you know, the standard was set with my first two. But, you know, the third came along and he's just a different kid and disrupted everything. So it's not always the parents' fault.

And I never really engaged in that kind of stuff. I commented back. I was like, no, it always is the parents' fault, we said, we are the ones that set the standard. We are the leaders. So if we have a kid not following along, yep. The problem is not the kid. We'll have to talk more about that on your show, but let me just say this. I have four boys and let's just say there's one of the three for sure. I could have like created that excuse for, of the three for sure I could have like created that excuse for, but, uh, we didn't do that. So, uh, the standard was set and is it, it doesn't mean that we don't have to work harder sometimes for a certain one, you know, in certain ways, but the standard was set and, uh, let's just

say he's thriving, he's doing great. And, you know, but you know, he might need more reminding than the others. Right. How's life, brother? You're looking good. Yeah, man. Life is going really, really good. You know, and I've got four boys as well. And we are a rare breed, man.

I don't know many of us out there raising four boys or what I call the drunk fraternity party. But, you know, I mean, honestly, man, things could not be going better. You know, I, I long, and I couldn't say that about six to nine months ago, I was in a really, really bad headspace and season and, and, um, but I'm, I'm, I'm better now. A lot of things have really, really overhauled. I launched my fourth book at the end of May called Spirit of Fatherhood. I'm in day 30 right now of 75 hard. Probably been in the best shape that I've been in since I got injured about a year ago. You know, the book's doing great. Our community is doing great. Podcasts is doing awesome. And, but a lot of it, you know, like I said, coming out of a season that was, that was very, very challenging, but I would say, man, we're doing, we're doing very good now.

And I've spoken on more stages in 2024 than I think, uh, probably three years combined, um, before then. So it's been, it's been a busy year. It's been a good year. That's good, man. Isn't it amazing? I mean, and let me just say this, let me do this for Larry. I will, I have not done this. man isn't it isn't it amazing i mean and let me just say this let me do this for larry i have a

lot i have not done this super mad respect for for doing 75 hard but my my friend andy forsella developed this program it's also called hell and um it's uh so uh the fact that so let me just tell you where larry's at and that's because i've watched my friends go through it. I haven't even, like, I don't want to say never, never, but I haven't even, you know, taken this under myself. But I've watched enough people go through it. It will change you, but it's funny how, you know, going through that,

like I said, if you get yourself in the right place, it seems like everything else comes along with it. But Larry's getting to a better place, but that's a tough program, man. Really tough. You know, it is, but I'm one of those sick, twisted individuals that I actually really love it. Like I do this my fifth time doing it. It's my fifth go around doing it. And I do, I just, I like it. Like I like, um, I like living within structure and boundaries and rules. I, I, I thrive there. And the thing is too, is every time I check off one of those six, you know, promises that I make to myself on a daily basis, I feel like that level of confidence just, just fractionally goes up and

up and up and up and up. And because of that, man, financially, like things have gotten better health wise, obviously as a by-product has gotten better. My marriage has gotten better. The relationship with my kids have gotten better. Like, um, dude, I, like I had one of my kids friends over last, one of my, one of my kids had his friend over last night and, and, um, we all like me, all the boys and friends, we all jumped in the hot tub. And, and one of my kids friends was like, dude, like your dad is freaking shredded. I cannot believe he's 49 years old. You see all those dudes, you see all of his abs. And so he told me that after his friend left, I was like, ah, that's nice. And he's like, he, my son even said, he goes, that actually meant a lot to me. I was like, well, why? And I was just kind of like, why would you say that? And he goes, I'm proud of the fact that I have a dad in shape. Like that makes me feel good. Like the fact that I have a dad that spends time with me, that hangs out with me, but is also in shape. Like that's, I'm not embarrassed by my dad. Like I know some of my friends are, I was like, holy crap. I can never, I kind of never

really thought of that. Like, yeah. So it was really is cool yeah for sure i i get the damn your dad's big i i don't i don't know i mean you know 270 you know maybe 280 some days 260 others uh so always but always big so you know i'd take the cut. You know, I need to get, I think I have two showing occasionally. I need like, you know, I need some 75 real hard to get there. But that's awesome. You got the size though, man. It's almost like your boy's friends are probably saying,

don't mess around in Mr. Alford's house. He'll screw us up. Like he's a big guy. Elbow drop coming off the top rope. Right on top of him. don't mess around in Mr. Alfred's house. He'll, he'll screw us up. Like he's a big guy. Right on top of them. That's you got the dude. Hey, you got the belt. You got the belt right there. I walked home with it. When we hit number one on Apple, I was like, we, uh, we had this made as the, the, the most marketing thing. I joked that, that I told my boys at Apple sent it to me um I've since corrected that I was obviously kidding and um but you know it's a marketing thing and uh the first day I got it I walked in the house with it and you know didn't say anything like I was just and

that you know they're halfway paying attention to me anyway I'm getting a drink and I'm not saying anything until like I walk in the den and they're like doing homework or something. Finally, they're like, whoa, what is that? It's like, you know, being wrestling fans, they thought that like I had actually like maybe won a belt for something. I'm like, oh, you know, it's marketing, son. So it's fun. I'm surprised. I'm surprised you didn't do the Rex Lair and just do the woo as you walked in.

Yes, yes, yes. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, guys. Ryan Alford here, host of Right About Now. You know, it's back-to-school season for all Alfords. Got four kids. They're back to school, learning, coming home, telling me things that I've already forgotten, reminding me that there's always a time to learn.

And as adults, there's always time for us to learn, learn more about ourselves, learn how to deal with others better. And that's really why I love BetterHelp. There's never been a better time to learn more about yourself. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online. They're not designed to be convenient, flexible, and it's suited to your schedule. The best thing, if you don't like your therapist or want to try someone new or just feel like there could be a better fit for you, you can change at any time. No additional charges. You just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and you go from there.

Rediscover your curiosity with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash rightaboutnow today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash rightaboutnow. Larry, you know, we talked pre-episode. Larry, you know, we talked pre-episode. I figured, you know, knowing, you know, what you do every day, working with dads, improving dads, helping dads sort of be their best self in a lot of ways as fathers. I thought it'd be interesting, you know, to just talk about some of the work, again, that you're doing, some of the latest things that you're seeing. You know, from my perspective, as I was open with you, you know, I've gotten more open in my talk, you know, just at least with my beliefs from a policy perspective, the impact

that some of the things that are happening, you know, that are sort of being normalized in the U.S., especially as it relates to families and fathers and the conditioning that I feel like that is happening. And I stop short of the conspiracy theory stuff. I really do. But it's more whether it's conspiracy or not. I just think it's unhealthy in a lot of ways for where, whether you call it business, call it the moral fiber of America, you know, all these things. And I think it's really sort of degrading the family dynamic within the U.S. So I really just first wanted to kind of key it up a little bit from that perspective. While, you know, I think some of the things and

the principles that you're working on with fathers could really have an impact on you know creating the family the dynamic and making dads as best they can be which then translates to business the bottom line the morality of the u.s things going on. So I'd love for you just to talk a little bit about some of the things you're up to, you know? Um, so you're going to open me up here on, and I'll, I'll, I'll, this, this topic really triggers me and it's, it's not a topic that, you know, I do like shotgun blast to the face on social media. I know we've got a lot of guys who do that, but you know, I'm, I'm definitely open to talking about this topic because it definitely fires me up and maybe it fires me up

because I was one of those guys who was asleep, you know, and, and I was a victim and, you know, my jobs got me overwhelmed. You know, I'm stressed out about that. That's why I'm not patient with my kids. You know, I'm, I'm not at home because I'm working so hard to provide for my family, you know, and I just don't have the time, you know, to, to do date nights with my wife and stuff like that. And, you know, all the decisions around, you know, the management of the home is going to fall on my wife. I'm not going to lead in that way. I'm just going to be the nice guy. And, you know, she's going to do all that. And, you know, and, you know, after a hard day's work, I'm going to come home and crack open a beer and watch Netflix. You know, I've done my job.

And that's, that used to be my line of thinking over a decade ago. And I, and I think that the good news is this though, I'm seeing more men in this day and age, and maybe it's because of social media, right? Because we get to see it versus like, I wonder if it's out there, but we actually get to see it. But we would see more men now who are raising their hand and they're like, not on my watch. Nope. This is not happening. I didn't come from the best childhood. And I think a lot of guys could say that. And they're like, you know what? Not on my watch. This is not happening. I want more as a father. I want more as a husband and I'm going to learn. I'm going to be better and I'm going to do it. Right. Or it's the opposite. I had a great childhood and you know what? I want

to make my kid's childhood and my marriage even better than what I had. But I think society wants to, I think you said beta sizes or what'd you say? Beta is like make a bunch of beta males. Right. And, and I think that that is true. There's so much comfort out there, like just seeking comfort. And it just drives me absolutely insane. You are not going to move the needle in your life by being constantly comfortable. Right. It's part of the reason I'm doing 75 hard. Like I had a good friend of mine, actually a coach of mine. He's like, dude dude this is the fifth time you're doing this why are you doing this i was like because i want a battle right now i want something to go out and win i want a fight right now right to keep me sharp because i don't want to get comfortable and i don't want to fall back

asleep and i think um a lot there's a there's a lot of men out there that buy into like this lone wolf thing, right? That buy into this, I can take life on all by myself. And which, by the way, if you really get to the heart of those men, they, they crumble over time. They might come out, they might be able to take on the world all by themselves for a little bit of time, but over time it will get to you and it'll crumble. Look at the suicide rates. Second, suicide is the second leading cause of death for men between 25 and 50. Right. So, um, what I can tell you, let's look at the stats for marriage. Like these are brand new stats that I just, that I just read 3% of marriages, 3% can, can identify their relationship, their marriage as like, this is freaking awesome. Like, and I'm

talking like cloud nine, like when she walks in the room, like my heart still skips a beat. Like, man, same goes for her. 12% of marriages identify their relationship as, hey, we're happy. We're good. You know, it's not cloud nine, but we're good. We're not going to change a whole lot. It's not cloud nine, but we're good. We're not going to change a whole lot. 85% of marriages have some degree of absolute emotional separation or we're just settling or we're just friends or roommates or whatever and everything in between. And that is just too bad. But I think if more of us woke up, right, and more of us took action and didn't seek

comfort in those areas, the world, and I think the U.S. in particular would be a much better place. A hundred percent. It's so funny. The, when we were talking before the episode, the whole notion of being awake, I think, and I think comfort is the right word, but it's like, we've been lulled to sleep in a lot of ways. I think lulled to some about, you know, with what happened with COVID with free money being in the market, like some things that have sort of been made comfortable that weren't always comfortable. The, the notion of earning versus deserving. There's a lot of, I mean, that is a big one. It's like, and that is one that's been in my heartstrings a lot.

It's like, I was trying to like really crystallize it. And it's like, we've got this culture of deservedness. It's sort of, I think it started with the participation trophies. It started with that. And now it's sort of like manifesting itself at even a higher level, the deserved versus earned. And I think, again, like I told you, I still have the conspiracy theories, but if I didn't know better, I would think it was intentional

to break down not only the family, but sort of our own guiding principles of what true work and truly earning what we get is. And I think fathers in particular, you know, I think take the brunt of this on sort of like thinking their job starts and stops it like, you know, like one end of the spectrum or the other and sort of knowing and understanding and taking on their role in full and understanding like how much impact and how much influence they have on their children, their spouse, etc. So when you start to make fathers comfortable and accepting sort of this mass behavior, we get into a really bad place. And I think it's not doom and gloom.

I a hundred percent agree to that. And I think, you know, you, you mentioned a lot there, which, um, stereotypically, right. You know, if you, if you really look at what a man, like, I think it's really our perception, right. As men. And I think our society has really done a good job of leading us to a perception that is absolutely incorrect. And what I mean by that is if you can't shoulder everything all by yourself, well, then you're weak. You know, you're, you're not enough, right? And I'm not saying you need codependent relationships in

your life or I can't be successful without somebody that's not what I'm saying but what I am saying is there's a lot of men the most miserable men that I know are the ones that lone wolf it right it's really exciting in the beginning and then it gets gets you over time right so human beings by by default and nature, we are tribal human beings. We are community beings. We do not live in isolation. In fact, if you really want to drive someone to mental illness, put them in isolation. Ask any prisoner who has been in jail.

The worst thing you can do is put them in the hole, in isolation. It is hell on the mind, on the emotions, on the spirit. Even physically, it will make you ill, right? To not be around other human beings. But let's just talk about not just surrounding yourself with human beings, but the right ones, right? The ones who are going to call you forward. I read that a man needs three types of relationships in his life from other men, right? And if you really look at this, most of us do not have this, right? And society tells us we really shouldn't, right? So the first one is the one that you can

tell the truth to, right? We all harbor something that we're not proud of. We all harbor secrets. We all harbor things that we're ashamed of, right? And those things are like rucksacks to us. They actually hold us back. They hold us down, right? Shame and guilt will not get you anywhere. So you need a friend who's the vault, the one that you can say anything to, right? The one that you can trust more than anything. And after he, after you tell him these things, he's going to listen and he's going to help you, right? And that's, that's the second person actually. So you can actually have one in the same, but the trusted advisor, the one who's no bullshit, the one who's going to call you forward, the one who sees you and says, Hey man, I'm watching you. And I see these things

that you're doing. And it's not operating at the level that I know you could be operating at or the, or the level you want to operate at. Right. So it's the, it's the guy who's going to tell you the truth back and call you forward. And then the third one is the 3am friend. 62% of human beings do not have someone that they can call in the middle of the night in an emergency. So if you have a heart attack or a stroke or somebody gets hurt, 62% of men do not have someone that could pick up the phone. and the other guy on the other end says, I'll be right there. But those are the three relationships you need. And if you don't have those, guess what? You're not ever actually going to feel a hundred percent safe. All of your relationships are going to be shallow. All your relationships are going to be surface. And to be

quite honest, if you really want to weaken a man over time, give him those relationships. You want to make a strong man over time. It's the ones, it's the guys that can look you in the face and say, brother, I love you. And I want better for you because I know you want better for you. And this is what I see. And this is what I think you could be doing. Right? So I think society wants, they want a society of weak men, right? They don't want a society that will stand up for things that they know is evil and wrong. And the way to do that is to constantly steer the perception of men is like, well, this is strength and it's not. It is the biggest lie that we've been told. Yeah. And it's sort of, there's like two ends of that spectrum.

Like, it's like, okay, men need assistance. And we've, but we've also never needed stronger men than we need now. You know, like, so there are two ends of the spectrum. So it's recognizing that, you know, men need a support system. while also recognizing that we need strong men and they need both support and recognition of these things. Because I think it's so funny to me on some levels, again, they're like polarized, they fight one another. It's like, okay, we need strong men, but we've also been conditioned that men don't need sort of that support. I feel like those are almost at odds with one another, right?

But one doesn't happen without the other, right? Think of it this way, right? What kind of car do you drive? I have a couple. An Audi and a Range Rover. Okay, so those are nice cars. They're dependable cars. They're strong cars.

They're not weak cars. What happens if you don't put gas in it for three weeks? It suddenly is not a great car, right? It's a car that needs fuel, right? Think about it like this. Solid relationships, iron sharpens iron relationships, right? You know, in our lives, it's the fuel source, right? Otherwise it's just four wheels in your garage, right? You need to, you need to put high octane fuel. You need, you actually need premium unleaded in that car, right? In order for it to run at the highest level possible, in order for it to serve its purpose, it needs fuel, right? It needs oil changes. It needs preventative care. Without that, it's going to break down, period.

And anything in life is like that, and including the men in our society, right? Yeah, 100%. Yeah, for sure. But here's the problem, like to even use a better analogy as well. We're getting real low-grade gas right now, baby. We're getting fed, I don't know, know 83 octane instead of 93 maybe at best i i uh i just can't help but be sort of you know told you this at the beginning like i see the idea of family being eroded a bit the sort of normalization of non-family dynamics.

And I don't know if either I'm not smart enough or just don't, I can't think twisted enough, you know, for why we want this other than people want, you know, good soldiers in line that are asleep, that are salute and execute or doing nothing. It's sort of these moral fabrics of business and society sort of get eroded by weak family dynamics. But why do we think this is? dynamics. But why do we think this is? What do we think? Is it just they want the zombie nation sort of saluting and executing? I mean, like, enlighten me. You're one of the smartest guys I know, Larry. So tell me why they want to do this. Well, I have a theory around this. And I don't necessarily have like hardcore data to like

share with you. I've seen statistics and percentages and all that, but I have a theory and this is my theory. If you really, and actually, if you look at all you have to do is look at fatherless home statistics. Like I've, I've, I did this when I first started data edge, you know, 10, 12 years ago. And I think it was something crazy. I know it was in the eighties or nineties, but the percentile of, you know, teenage pregnancies, right. Take a father out of the equation. That's about 83%. 92% of incarcerated individuals come from some sort of fatherless home or absent father or abusive father. Um, if you look at crime, right, or unemployment, there's a fatherless thing in there, right?

If you look at people who have been married several times and divorced, well, where did they come from? They probably came from a broken home as well. You take the father and even Meg Meeker, who's a female, right? She wrote Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, Hero. She's written seven books on fatherhood. She's been a pediatrician. She's like, I don't necessarily know fathers, but I know kids and their view of their fathers. And that my friend is beautiful data and it's honest data. Right. And she's been in practice for 35 years. So she is a firm believer in if two different things, you want to break a nation, get to the father, right? Break the father and you break that nation period. Because

what you're doing is you're taking the strength out of the household that you're taking the strength out of the family away. I'm not saying that women don't provide strength. That's not what I'm saying. Don't confuse that. But what I am saying is the father brings that element of strength and a foundation that quite frankly, a mom just can't, can't do. And quite frankly, there are things that a mom does that a dad can't, right? My wife's away for a week. My eight-year-old was crying. I miss mom. When's mom coming home? I'm like, wow, that's really hurtful. But you know what? I also know like, like, dude, like, like from an eight year old, like my role with him is is like I'm a little tough on him.

I'm also his big play toy. I wrestle with him. I tickle him. I mess around with him. Am I loving to him? Yes, I am. But like does he get that motherly love that's different than mine? Of course.

I can't replicate that. But he gets it from her. And when she's not here, man, he feels it. Right. And I understand that. Like, I mean, like I was, I was kidding. I wasn't butthurt. I expect it. You know, I'm like, I, yeah, I don't, I can't provide that. I would have been, I get a little bit, my eight year old did the same thing. He's like, he's like, when's mommy coming home? He's like, I just wondering why the 17th time that day. I'm like, do this when I'm not around. No.

Right, right. It's like, yeah, you don't cry for me. But I honestly think that if you want to break a nation, break a man, break a father, break a husband, right? Weaken that link in the chain, and then you'll see some ripple effects. Now, at the same time, when a man stands up and he wakes up, right? And he is fully committed to being a husband, a leader, a provider, someone who protects the family, right? Someone who leads other good young men that he's raising to be good men

and operate with character and integrity. He doesn't settle for anything less. And by the way, he also does the same thing with his daughters, right? He raises strong, confident young daughters. A man who embraces the fact that like, if I have a daughter, well, guess what? I'm gonna show this daughter of mine

what a good man is all about. A strong, faithful, good hearted leading man who loves her mom more than anything. Watch this. And then you get to see that girl set the bar so freaking high for these jokers, these other weak beta males that come into her life. And she's like, yeah, not on my watch. Even my boys. This is just a humble brag. But like my 16 year old and 18 year old, you know, they go to, they go to a big high school with a lot of students. And like, I've had conversations, especially my 18 year old, cause he was single for a while.

My 16 year old had a girlfriend for a while. I'm like, dude, I was like, what's up with the girls at school, man? Like, aren't you interested in anybody? And like, this is his response. He's like, and this comes from an 18 year old with raging hormones. He's like, there's a lot of them that are hot, but I have no interest. And I'm like, why? He's like, cause they're all just goofballs. They're all dumb asses. Like, he's like, I don't want to say all of them, but like, they're not my standard. And I know that's one of your favorite things, right? They're not my

standard. I was like, well, what's your standard? He's like, well, if you're going to be beautiful, that's great, but you've got to have a personality too. You have to have a kind heart. You have to be generous. You have to be able to hold a conversation. You have to have your nose out of your phone. Like that's the standard I have for a woman I want to date. And I'm like, hell yeah, man, don't settle for anything less than that. Right. But I think that all comes from what type of home and standard are you setting in your house? And if, if you've been weakened by society, you've allowed that, that to creep in. Here's what, here's the biggest message I will tell guys. If you ask most men, do you care about yourself? Some will say yes. And someone be like, no,

it's not about me. It's all about my kids. It's all about my family. I am not important. Right. And it's a very noble thing to say. Well, here's the second question. Would you die for your family? And every guy that I know has been asked that question, like I would take a bullet for them in a second. And then I asked them this, but will you live the life you're supposed to live for your family? And that one's like, what do you mean? I'm like, are you willing to live in your full integrity, a strong, good hearted man, right? Who leads well, who's confident, who does hard things, who isn't always comfortable.

Are you willing to be that guy to show them what it looks like? And the response you should get is I haven't thought of it that way. And I think we need to start thinking about it that way. And I think, you know, that plays right into sort of this. There's so many things around us. You educations education and air quotes or you know youtube like we're sort of letting our kids be indoctrinated and taught by the surroundings instead of in in our in our nucleus of our home we're laying standards. So if you've got a road, I think of roads as like guardrails, right? We're on the road and those rails are there for a reason because you don't

want to go too far one direction. You end up in the woods or in the ocean or wherever it might be. You've got the road. And I think we have all of these inputs now coming from the world because you have information at a snap of a fingers. YouTube, videos, influence, all those things. And we're sort of letting those guardrails of both normalcy, expectation, and accountability widen. The acceptability of what we accept, what the standard is, is being widened every day. Well, this is okay. Or you just show up, you just participate, you get a trophy. You get, you know, like we're sort of conditioning and accepting things that are not at a standard of excellence, at a standard of higher levels that we used to sort of account ourselves to. Because those guardrails and the roads are widening. And they don't widen.

They widen just slow enough that it puts people to sleep. That we start to sort of, we're nodding off, nodding off. You know, this isn't ambient. This is like something much more sinister and slow because those roads are just widening and widening and widening for what we accept, what we think to count, what's okay, what's not okay, what defines normalcy in behavior of a

man and a woman. And it's just gradual, gradual, gradual, gradual. And if you aren't doing within your own home, setting those standards, setting that accountable level, getting that road back, at least here. You run into some major problems. And it was so funny listening, not funny, but ironic listening to you. I have a 15-year-old son who's my oldest. And he's, you know, starting, he's older for his age, but he starts high school this year.

And he's not, I mean, he's, you know, that same thing. He's not really interested in girls because he thinks they're silly. And I don't know if, like, if he, if it's just his personality and, like, that will all change in a year. But then I don't know if it are the girls. And I only have four boys. So I sort of sit in a little bit of ignorance of going, are the girls being raised differently? Like not because my boys are perfect, but is there like why are these levels so off?

Like what is why does he find them silly and sort of uninteresting versus where he's at? And I don't know what that is and I don't pretend to know. I just know that it's an interesting just parallel hearing you say that. But again, within your own home, we got to keep some roads and some guardrails. Yeah. So I think a lot of it has to do with, you know, parents are asleep and screens are raising our kids. Right. I mean, I had a conversation with my two oldest, you know, as, as, um, we were sitting in a restaurant and I said, guys, take a look around. And I think that every single family that was there minus one,

they were all on their phones or, or the kids were just in an iPad. And I'm like, whatever, what the hell ever happened to conversation? Like, you know what I mean? Like whatever happened to that. And don't, don't get me wrong. I mean, we're not saints with this, right? I mean, we, we put our kids, like if my wife and I haven't had a lot of time to catch up and we're going out to dinner, we did this the other night, my wife and I hadn't seen each other for a week. Cause I had been gone traveling for events. And, uh, we had one night together because she just left for a week. So like when my wife gets home, I will have seen her one day in 12 days. So we went out to dinner and that night I was like, I'm going to be with the littles, you know,

the little ones, you know, for the, for the next week. And I'm not going to see you. And we made a decision. I was like, can we give the kids their, can we give the kids their tablets while we have dinner? Because I really want to talk to you. And we did. Normally we don't do that. But what I'll tell you is that I think a lot of people are asleep. Like, oh, it just, you know, we come home, we decompress, we check out. I will tell you, man, that is one of the hardest transitions to go from work mode into family mode, but is the most important. Your job actually doesn't start with your job. Your job starts when you get home, right? And that's when you clock in for the second time of the day and you better show up and you better be awake, right? Most of us will bring our best energy and behaviors to our work

day. And we, but yet we don't bring that intensity, that tenacity to our home life. And that's where that home life really needs to be. But I, you know, I'll tell you, I mean, you know, I constantly challenge my kids. Like I, I constantly keep that, that sword sharp with even them. So I'll give you an example. And my wife, even who, who doesn't ever call me out, cause we have an agreement. Like we don't call each other out in front of the kids. If the other person made a decision. So my eight-year-old, he, uh, he looked at my wife. This was right before she left a couple of days ago. And he said, Hey, um, get me a few more chicken nuggets. And my wife like got up and I, and I looked at him. I was like, excuse me. I go, what did you just say? And he goes, get me some chicken nuggets.

I was like, do you talk to your mother like that? You do not talk to your mother like that. He's like, I used a nice voice. I was like, no, no, no. What do you say when you ask of all people, your mom to do something for you? And his eyes just welled up with tears. And he goes,

mom, may I, may I please have some more chicken nuggets? Would you mind getting them? And he just like lost it. And my wife looked at me, she's like, God bless Larry. She's like, that was a little harsh. I was like, no, it wasn't. No, it wasn't. I was like, we did no different than with the other three boys that are his older brothers. And I was like, and they turned out pretty damn good. They have manners. They're respectful. And I was like, and he needs the same. Like, trust me when I say the next time he asked for something, he's going to remember this and he will use nice words, respectful words to his mother. I don't want to see him cry either, but I'm not going to have a son who looks at his mom and says, get me some more chicken nuggets. That's not happening because we're not going to raise a man who's going to go into his family as a husband and be like, go get me some more food wife.

Right. Or look at his kids and be like, go get me a beer. No, no, no. That's not the way we speak. Right. That standard needs to be high. And I understand that people will listen to that and be like, man, that is pretty harsh. Well, you know what? He's not your kid. He's my kid. And I look at this as the marathon, not the sprint. Yes, I upset him in the sprint, but the marathon is how is he going to operate with character, integrity, manners, and being selfless later on in life, instead of being selfish and asking for something, demanding something in a way that is really off-putting to a lot of people. It's not going to happen.

Nope. And you know what you just described? It's easy to ignore that. I had, it's so funny, you and I, we have four kids. We have the same thing. Like I literally, it almost verbatim six months ago with my eight-year-old, like it was a similar thing where I was like, I literally pulled him up by the sleeve over something similar.

But it's hard to do that. That's not easy. It's not. Watching your eight-year-old get upset, like that's hard. Like it's not easy. But that's why people don't do it. And so we're, again, you start where we, you know, in where we start, it's like comfortable condition to comfort.

And it's real easy to be a comfortable dad that doesn't call out that sort of thing because, Hey, just let it go. Not, not guardrails opening what's acceptable, you know, what the standard is. Oh, we just let it. No. It wasn't hard. You didn't want to see your son cry. But how is he going to learn and understand the respect that he needs to have to lead the life that you want him to live?

A hundred percent. to lead the life that you want him to live? A hundred percent. It would have been, there was a part of me in do I even fight this battle before I said something, right? So you're right. The easy thing would have been like, I don't want an argument

and I don't want to see him upset. You know, another really just quick example on this is I had a conversation around how this is hard with my older kids. So it's summer break. My kids are going back to school here in just a few weeks, but you know, they work really, really hard. So my oldest is the drum major for his high school marching band. So he's no jokes, but he's in band camp, but he's leading, you know, 130 kids in the high school marching band. He's the leader of that. My son, my 16 year old is the center on the offensive line for varsity football. And he

never misses, they never miss anything. We schedule our vacations around their practices and stuff like that. Like he is one of the, they're both the most consistent. And what I'll tell you is this is like, they're really worn out. Cause like they, they go to camps all day. They, they still go to the gym, they train. And then when they come home, I give them chores. And my wife is always like, Larry, it's summer break. Like, and I give them like one to three chores a day and they're easily doable. And she's like, Larry, like they're tired. They want to have downtime, you know, like they've been working and I'm like, I get it. And you know what? It's also life. Like they need to pull their weight around here. They're not going to like go in their room and

zone out on TikTok because they're tired. Like they can do that after their responsibilities are done. And when I, when I tell my kids like, Hey, here are your three things you have to do today. And they'll complain about it at first. And I'll look at them and be like, you know what? I bet you probably think that me giving you these things and doing these things, I feel really good about it. And it's actually easy. And maybe I even somewhat enjoy watching you go through a little bit of pain and discomfort. And I will tell you, that's actually the opposite. It sucks. It actually sucks because like, there's a part of me as a dad that I just want you to be happy and just comfortable.

And, you know, everything's just done for you, right? Because I want you to have a better childhood than I do. But you know what? I want you to be a better adult than I am, which means that you need to balance your responsibility and the things that you are committed to with your downtime. And you're a part of this team too, right? You're a part of our family team, which means you pull weight, you do dishes, you empty the dishwasher, you know, you vacuum the downstairs, you clean a bathroom. Like those are the things you do because you live here, period,

right? It's actually easy for me to just let you go veg out in your room. I don't even have to have this conversation. I don't have to deal with you. It's actually easier for me to just go do it myself, but that's not what I'm interested in. What I'm interested in is making you a high functioning, high achieving, successful adult that knows time management, that knows I can have enjoyment, but not at the expense of getting things done that I'm responsible for. And I told my wife this too. I was like, listen, I was like, we, we set the standard low now when these kids are husbands, right. And they have their feet propped up on, on, on the couch, because that's what they've been accustomed to. And their wife is doing everything else. Do you think we did their family any justice? Do you think we did them any good? She's like,

no, that's a really good point. So, you know, it's, it's just because, you know, like I'm the dad edge and I'm a very empathetic, compassionate, loving, affectionate dad. But I'll also hold you to the fire to live in your best, in your best constantly. And I will constantly help you challenge the status quo of what your best is. Yeah. And that's why we're going to keep having you on the show, Larry, because I think spreading this word, whether you're out there, this is what this nation needs. And this is what will help us keep what we consider to be a great country. Great. And because it starts with men that know how to lead, that know how to treat women the right way, that know how to really raise a family in the right way. And it doesn't mean we have it all figured out. I don't. I know I don't. It's but it takes a village, like Larry said, and support around you.

And Larry, I do want to let you plug that and what everything you're doing with Dad's Edge to that end for how people or any of the dads listening could get involved with you. Yeah, for sure. So we, I mean, the podcast, we've got 10 years of content, 1207 episodes, I think to date. So that'll keep you busy for a while. Everything you can, resources, we have a bunch of free resources on marriage and parenting at thedadedge.com. If you're interested in our mastermind programs, we've got two of them, one for business owners, one for non-business owners. You can find all the information there at thedadedge.com forward slash mastermind.

But that is, and the best way to connect with me too is just on social media. I answer all my own DMs. I don't have any, I never thought I'd actually say that. It's actually me that answers those. Like, it's just funny. I had a podcast guest say that yesterday. It'd be like, if you DM me on Instagram, it's actually me.

I'm like, did you ever think we'd be saying that about anything? And so, yeah. It's actually me that responds to stuff. Well, if you get enough volume of them, I'm sure you do some weeks. Like, you know, like I do, you know, it's like, but hey, you know, you're still doing your own, your own legwork. That's right. That's right. Got to do it. Keep it genuine. So yeah, that's the best way to connect. Larry, really appreciate you, brother. I got work. That's right. That's right. Got to do it. Keep it genuine. So yeah, that's the best way to connect.

Larry, really appreciate you, brother. I got you. The second of many to come. Hope you'll come back again. I'll be back. I would love to have you back on mine. Hey guys, you know where to find us. Ryanisright.com.

We'll have the links to all of Larry's stuff. And look, if you're a dad out there, you need to get in touch with Larry. Get in the community. Go to the Bastion Mine. Stronger dads make a stronger country. That's what we're here for. We're taking the BS out of business, baby. We'll see you next time on Right About Now.

This has been Right About Now with Ryan Alford, a Radcast Network production. Visit RyanIsRight.com for full audio and video versions of the show or to inquire about sponsorship opportunities. Thanks for listening.