Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - Dr. Martha Deiros Collado - Online Safety Expert

Episode Date: August 26, 2026

In the first of a series of special interviews with leading experts (and lets face it, people far more qualified than us!) to discuss important and relevant topics that impact and inform modern parenting - we had the pleasure to sit down with the brillaint Dr. Martha Deiros Collado to discuss online safety, device and screen usage amongst pre-teens, and much much more. We loved speaking with Dr Martha in collaboration with @Tescomobile. If you’re looking for advice on how to have that chat or tools to help keep your family safer online, visit the Tesco Mobile Online Safety Hub. https://www.tescomobile.com/online-safety @Tescomobile - Keeping up keeps them safe. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Parenting Hell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xxx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is brought you entirely by Tesco Mobile. Today, Josh, we're going to be talking a lot about kids' online lives. Important topic. Very important topic. And nobody knows more about it and how confusing it can be than Tesco Mobile do. Too right, Rob. So this episode is for you. If you don't know what LARPING is.

If you don't know what chopped is. If you don't know what other examples that I can't come up with because I don't have those in my head because I don't know what they are. Because this is the start of the episodes. We need the. expert to help us. Rob, if any of that applies to you, visit the Tesco Mobile Online Safety Hub for tips on how you can have a chat about their online lives. And in the meantime, stay tuned to find out more about what you can do today. So today, Josh, we are speaking to an expert about online safety for kids. Still going to be a fun, funny parent in hell episode. However,

we're going to get some actual facts, science and details and advice on how to guide kids through the online world because look we love messing about but it is actually something that I want more info on. This is the most worthwhile episode we've ever done and this is the start of we're going to do more expert episodes because we want to look at these topics but in a funny way

so you can... What we're going to do we're going to provide take home and we can provide chuckles something for the brain something for the old ribs. Perfect I think we need to get the expert on quite soon. Okay Welcome

to the show Dr. Marta. Hi, thanks for having me. Actual doctor as well. Yes, clinical psychology doctor. Not like Dr. Fox, official. With, like, you've sort of slid into a bit more of the sort of technological stuff. Because with babies, it is a little bit primal, really, crying, tantrums, food. Yes, yes.

But then they get to an age, even from like four or five. And if they're on, everything's connected to the internet now. And like, if you give a kid an iPad, when I was a kid, you got a Game Boy. And maybe you're on a screen, but you are just playing Tetris. I love a game boy. And it's contained. You know, we all loved it. But now these, like, I don't really understand how my iPad works for me as an adult.

But my kids have got them. And so they're just like access to the world. I think for most parents, it feels like an absolute wild west. It's almost too big to even get their heads round. Plus, it's an easy out as well. Everyone else has got them, you know. So there's this kind of momentum you get caught up in from peers. I'd say it is the one biggest concern of our generation of parents is online safety through to social media, but tablets, phones, computers, all those kind of things.

I think it's the biggest challenge of our parenting generation 100%. Totally. Because when we were kids, it was just don't watch enough, too much TV. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Have you discovered stuff through being a parent yourself or have you kind of come to it from a research perspective? I mean, I think both and. I think before I became a mum, I had some views about it,

about screens about the online world more than just screens. I think, you know, not all screens are created equal. Like you just mentioned Game Boys. You know, you can do good gaming without it being online and without the risks associated with the online world. You know, the switch exists and it's a great game. You know, and my daughter plays it. But also I think I like games.

Like I like videos. I like films. I'm a big film person. You've got things like, correct me from wrong, but like games are really good for problem solving, for, you know,

hand-eye coordination, for, you know, puzzling. I'm working in a team because my daughter plays on iPad with on certain games, sometimes Roblox, sometimes Minecraft, but they are actually playing

in a way that they would have with like a monopoly or, you know, so they sit around playing the games or dolls or, you know, little figures and stuff like that. It's sociality. Rather than being locked away just on a game on their own,

it's a very different vibe. And also, believe on that, when you were saying like films and, you know, great story. Yeah, great storytelling. People learn through stories. Absolutely. That's what, you know, humans tell stories to explain everything.

And so, you know, those things aren't bad vis-a-vis because they're on a screen. No, exactly. And I think we need to be a bit more discerning when we're talking about screens and not kind of bundle everything in one box. There are meaningful stories that are really helpful. I watch, like my little one is starting preschool. And we've been watching certain shows that talk about school, you know, with cartoons. To help her because she's been saying I'm a little bit scared.

Like she will say that. I'm a little bit scared of my teacher. And so we watch it. Don't let me watch Matilda. But I think it's about being really discerning that it's not like all screens are bad and we need to like, you know. There's all these stories about let's just go back to zero screens. and I'm like, oh, you know, it's an extreme, right? I don't believe in extremes.

I believe that we need to learn how to live more healthfully with tech. And I think nobody taught us, for the reason that you were saying, it's our biggest challenge as parents. Our parents didn't have to navigate this. I didn't get a phone until I was out of my house. So nobody taught me how to use my phone or had to use the online digital world. I think as adults, we're not dealing with it very well. No.

Either. Like, I've got a problem with how much I'm on my phone. Me too. All the apps are designed to sort of, you know, get me on it all day. And I have sort of convinced myself, oh, I need it for work, which is half true. You have to have a profile. I need to make sure stuff's going up for my selling tickets for the tour. You don't need to be checking it all the time.

No, not the way I am checking it. So if the person that's trying to solve the problem has the problem, it's incredibly difficult. So is it almost worth you have to sort of solve it yourself before you can help the kids? What's the best process? I think you can do, how do I, the way I think about it as a mum is how do I set good, healthy habits in my house around screens. Like my two are too small to go online. So neither of them are online. Yeah.

They do anything online. Seven and two. So they're nothing. So no Roblox. No. No. Nothing. They play Mario.

They play on the switch between. On the switch with us and with their friends. Sometimes there's four of them. We've got extra, whatever they're called. Controlers. Controlers. Thank you for the word. And they all kind of hang out together with snacks and they all play.

And it's great. And we let them do that. That's not a problem to me. They're socialising. Just like you're saying. So they're out screen time. Yes. And they watch films.

Is there a limit or when they have it or not have it? I mean, I call them limits. But to me it's a routine. Like predictable routines really help kids. So my daughters know when they get screen time and when they don't. And so my kids genuinely don't ask for it very much. And I think it's because it's always been like it's there. like one form of entertainment.

Yes. But there's other stuff that they get access to as well that they play with, that they engage in. So they're not constantly saying, can we do this, can we do this? It's just there like an extra kit. Can I ask their routine? When do they get it?

Yeah. So they get it on the weekend in the morning. Yeah. Like, you know, breakfast, lazy mornings. Yeah. And then we sometimes watch a family film on a Sunday. Oh, nice. Yeah.

And then again, not during the school week. They don't really get screens during the school week. Can I say that's what I do too? just see you on. No screens during school week. No. But by the way...

Well, I will tell you, they're not allowed TV in the week. They don't watch TV in the week. Well, yeah, mine definitely watch TV in their own iPad. Different routines work for different people. No, I'm joking. And even though I'm saying, no, not really, there's a caveat.

If I'm running late in the evening, whatever's happened, you know, pick up, whatever. I'm making dinner. I want some time off, you know, which is fine. I will put the TV on for them. And they can do that while I cook dinner in peace. And then we can all sit together and actually enjoy our time together. And your decision on that for you, obviously, this is not really about like what you do as such,

but it's more as in your position as an expert on this. Is that based on research or information that you found when you're writing your books and studying? Or is it a bit more what you've sort of judged is good for your kids? How, you know, would you advise someone on it? I think for me personally, if you're asking me a personal question, it's both and. So we've got some guidance about little ones. So below the age of two, they really shouldn't be on screens. Mainly because in terms of their brain development, social development, emotional development,

they learn that through interaction with the world, not through a screen. And it's also not great for their eyes. It's just very passive. Again, for me, there's always nuance and a caveat. Yeah, of course. You're cooking, you're doing something. You just need like a 10 minute break. Put something meaningful for your kid.

You know, for me, it's always something on CBBs because I can trust it. a little kiddie show. We used to put on the Queen's Speech. From Christmas, we just had it as a backup. Why not? Grandma's talking. Yeah. Yeah, so I think we know that from under teens.

And then for me, there's the guidance in the UK at the moment. It's something like an hour maximum up to the age of around seven, I think it is. Right. A day. And you know the thing to be... Oh, does that include TVs? Yes. I don't agree with that, but you're an expert and maybe I should.

But there's nuance here. No, no, no, but I don't write it. It's just so big and far away. But it's also not. I think the way to think about it as a parent is, you know, guidance is never, it fits all. And also when your kid goes to school, which I actually struggle with this myself,

my daughter has a lot of screen time at school. Her last week of school was her telling me, I've watched three films today, and I was like, why are you at school? But I think that's part of why the guidance is so tight and restrictive on parents that they're aware, then in schools they are doing. But I'm aware that there is new guidance

coming in the autumn. I do not know what it will look like, but that guidance will be for slightly older kids. With screens, you say kind of, you know, not all screens are equal kind of thing. Is there a difference between a screen where they sit and watch and they absorb the show

or whatever? Or is there something inherently bad for their development or different about, and you know, maybe concentration or whatever, about a kind of iPadty, touchy screen where you can move around, all that kind of stuff. So, okay, this is my take on it, but it's obviously based on science. I don't like the word harm.

Yeah. Unless we're talking about real harm like, you know, open online sites where there's strangers that can contact your child. To me, that's a risky, harmful, potential harmful thing. Passive screen time gets really bad rep. Like if you're just watching a film and that's like awful, it's not. There's a reason why we all enjoy films. And like you were saying meaningful stories,

you can open up conversation. With children, we know that co-viewing, so sitting with your child and watching something, can be really helpful, it can develop their language, it can help them problem solve, it can open up conversations. If you're watching something meaningful together, and then you talk about it,

it might actually build your bond with your kid and build skills, which is great. But also a good story that your kid is watching might still be good for them. Also, I think, which is we have science on, watching something passive can be really relaxing. There's no harm in watching good TV. It's not like, I'm a child, I need to be, I need to be doing, doing, doing.

I need to be, you know, it's okay. I need to be improving my brain 24-7 because I'm six. Exactly. I'm so anti that. Let your kid rest. They're fine. Of course there's nuance. If you let your kid rest for five hours in front of a TV, I would say that's not great, is it?

Yeah. Because it's a distraction from what else they could be doing. But sometimes it's really good. Like they've gone out, done lots of things outdoors, been really physical. Maybe they just need a slump for half an hour. Like give the kids a break. On the iPad what you're saying. Like when my kids get back from school, they are effed.

Yes. The last thing they need is me to go. Right guys, let's do some art. Do you know what I mean? Or something that they need to sit down. They're knackered. Them at 4pm is like me at 9.30 p.m. Yes, yes, you're right.

So I call that decompression. Yeah. And some kids decompress really well with a good show, something on a screen, like you're doing. Some kids do not. So I think, I mean, I talk about this in my book, but you need to be aware, and you will be as a parent, but you need to be aware of what helps with your kid. My daughter does not decompress like that at all. So some kids need movement, you know, like a kick around or a bit. Do you know what I mean?

Like a cycle. My daughters, there's certain TV shows or YouTube shows. There's a couple that, what's weird now is YouTube shows that are sort of. built on all algorithms and analytics, which I find a bit scary, and about, because you don't even know why you like it, but there's some sort of equation. That's sort of moved over to Netflix a bit now, because there's a show called, like, Salish or something, and it's all like, I'm mad. Oh, my God. My daughters can sort of watch. It's too similar to their dad. It's too much. If they watch that in the morning, that's sort of okay, but if they watch it

in the afternoon before bed, it sends them mad because it's bad timing. So it's like certain, so we just say, you can't, you know, that's not. Not the show for after school. Not the way you behave when you did. And the same line, it's like that with everything, not just screens. Yeah. So certain kids can respond. My other daughter, you could put it on, she'd just go to sleep easy.

Yeah. Yeah. So you need to be mindful about who your kid is and the content. Like, think about content more than time. But also like decompression, I know you said, oh, if you go, do you want to do, I can't remember what you said, but, you know, you want to do stickers or whatever. They might not do it. But I actually set up little play that has no rules.

Yeah. No rules. So there's no win or lose, no pressure. because that's what they get at school. A lot of pressure. You know, their brain is like, I call it fizzy because their brain is like so tight from the focus and all the listening

and all the doing. And so they just need a moment where their brain just goes, you know, like literally a lot big side. And if it works for you with TV, keep going. My son kind of just plays, just does Lego. Yeah. To be honest, it's a day on a fidget.

It's a day on day thing. My daughter loves coloring and drawing. So I'll put out some really pretty things. but I lay it out. I say nothing. I don't even go, do some colouring, I say nothing. I leave it out and a bit like you, but I usually give my kids like fruit, crisp, I'm a Chris girl. We just haven't tidied up the Lego. So that's my equivalent of you putting it out. Yeah, exactly. Our lack of tidiness is actually. Little fidgett. She loves little squidgey things. I mean, they all love squidgey things. Oh my God, need those. But I will leave them out and like I sometimes serve it like on a platter. Put Lego on a platter like a snack. Yeah. And they can't help themselves.

And so they go there and they do that. And often I'm then like starting dinner. And as long as they're quiet and calm, that's their decompression moment. And we for a brief period had YouTube for my daughter. And it wasn't for us the content. It was, you know that phrase like the medium is the message. Like it felt like the way it was structured, which I suppose for an adult is like TikTok. You know, the way you can move from one thing.

YouTube shorts where she just talking about the endless videos thing yeah YouTube and then you've got the options on the side and she can just click and suddenly it's I found that really sent her crazy I think it does that to lots of kids

it's never ending yeah that's the problem you can switch it's really tricky but you can switch that off on YouTube with the parenting controls with the children's YouTube there are ways around it and I think all parents need to know about this.

You can also do it on Netflix or Disney or whatever you watch. You know when it comes up with the next video and it gives you that countdown. You can switch that off in your settings so it doesn't. It says there's another one but you have to actively go to it to click it on. It's a little bit of a challenge because a lot of these things are decided because they want you to watch it. Yeah, of course. Because if all you watch it is better for them. Absolutely.

But it's not good for your kids necessarily. They don't have YouTube buckets. They have iPad, 8 and 10 and they can go. on Roblox with the they can't talk to anyone at all those sort of print controls and Minecraft and no YouTube and then they've got there the apps of like you know Netflix Disney whatever and um we said no to YouTube just because I this at the algorithm of just that the Lender Shorts is all the same as like on Instagram and you TikTok yeah where it's just I think so what what's your view on

that and and your daughter's seven when will you look at allowing her to have access to these apps. Great question. My daughter knows that she's not allowed on YouTube. She actually goes to other friends' houses who do watch it and she will say I'm not allowed. And like we might, we will tell the parents if I'm aware of it. She has watched one of her friends' older sisters play Roblox

and I'm okay with that. Why specifically have you got that role? Because YouTube to me, exactly for all the reasons you've both been talking about, there's a risk that she will watch something that she's not prepared to be watching. So it's more that than the... Because what we found was not so much...

She'd just end up on hamster videos or something, but it was the way... But you don't know where she's going to go, do you? That's the problem. It was also the way she was watching was different that we didn't like. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it's like an intensity, right?

Yeah. Like they kind of get glazed on it. Well, like my kids watch Simpsons are just a little bit too old for them really in sort of... Sort of the comedy of it and a little bit... But in a way, I'd really... Rather than being exposed to certain swear words and a bit of that kind of crassness as opposed to this sort of like mystery magical toy that YouTube and those other algorithm type.

I agree. And I say this all the time. You know, things that you watch on TV, like obviously I mentioned CBBs, but it could be like a film, a cartoon. You have producers, directors, artists, like storytellers thinking about the story that they're going to create. That's not necessarily true. And the morality of it where for me, my experience of some of the stuff in YouTube is people are chasing views. And what they'll look at is when the analytics. But there's a lot on YouTube.

It's all about the clicks, right? And it's all about how do I keep you on for long? And I'm like, that's not looking after my kid or thinking about telling them a nice story. That's about you. That's just keeping it for as long as possible. Exactly. So when will you? When will I?

I think if I can push it as far as I can, I will, for sure. Like it's something I talk about in my book. But I think when she's more into like secondary school and then I will support. her. I think she's, you know, I try and teach my kids about digital skills from now. And the way I do it is through me. So she doesn't watch it. It doesn't mean we don't talk about it.

So tell me what skills you would want to impart. So things like digital consent is something that I've been teaching. What do you mean by that? Things like where have photos of her go who has copies of her photos what they are. She's got the right to say, I don't want to send that to Nanny.

She can say that and I won't send the photo. Just the process of you Asking your children, is it okay to send this photo? teaches them, oh, there is a process of asking if it's okay. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah. And I work with teenagers. So I see so many teenagers who are like,

somebody took my photo and put it online. I mean, we can talk about that another time. I think that's a separate episode of the teenager. Let's try to focus on pretees because I can't access that yet. But I think it's really hard to teach kids a skill unless you give them a little bit of practice. and so I use myself as their practice. And I will say things like, oh, look, so-and-so sent me this photo.

Like in the family WhatsApp, for example, I'll show photos and go, do you think they ask for permission? Like I would ask her that. Do you think they asked to group? And she's like, oh, my God, they didn't. And I'm like, no, but do you think the photo's okay? Can you see why maybe they sent it? And it's not like the end of the world.

But because I've started to ask her those questions, she started to be really mindful of it, including I use photos of my, daughters but they're from behind the head there are social media there are my sub stack and I took a photo of her piggy bank because I talked about pocket money recently and she saw her piggy bank and I said to I'm gonna use this for an article is that and I did ask her because it's her yeah it's her bookcase and she said does that mean that somebody can change my piggy bank though like will they put a mustache on him or will they change what he looks like she I mean the fact she even

thought of that I was like okay you got it like you understand all these little conversations, all these little like drip feeding of information. And I said to her, yeah, they could change your piggy bank, but do you think we'll hear his feelings or is he okay? I need to earn money. So if you want any more money in that piggy bank, you'll let me put it on there. Can I ask a question about, so obviously what you're doing, I think is fairly in the, not strict's the wrong word, but you're quite a, it's a bit later for the kids.

There's certainly kids around seven or eight that will have access to online. Yes. Children I know that are 10 that are on TikTok already, which is crazy. Yes, me too, me too, me too. So obviously, that's all personal opinion. Everyone's got their own idea of that. But do you worry about navigating? If you hold it back and deprive them of it,

I still deprive might be too strong words, but hold it back from them for too long, but then when they get it and the floodgates are open, they go mad for it. Because Lou, for example, was not allowed any fizzy drinks growing up at all. She's on five cans of Diet Coke a day. Completely obsessed. She loves it.

Loves it. And just still, so it's actually. sort of a like that is that a fallacy that doesn't really happen? I think it's about how you introduce it, right? So I think it's a great question. The way I think about it is there's a there's like a concept called slow. Right, that's the what's it called acronym for it. And that's my view on how I introduce the online world to my daughters.

Okay, so S is like supervision, like supervise them when they're online. So parenting controls are really high because they're little. My two year old's not really on. on anything yet but you know I keep that quite high then L is for life skills so the thing that supports kids online is having the skills offline so I'm really trying to support her with friendships and you know she's seven so the friendships kind of it's exploding there's fights about everything competition she doesn't love me you know yeah there's a lot of that reject like strong feelings of rejection even though like potentially being out the loop because if they start messaging on email addresses

and stuff a hundred percent and I I'm like, I need to build all these life skills, like social, emotional. So one of the things that happens online, obviously, is we feel a lot. Like, you know, images make us feel more intensely than just words, like if you read a book. So obviously, little ones are more vulnerable to that. So if they watch something, they get a big feeling. How are they going to cope with that big feeling when they switch off the screen? Yeah.

So I'm trying to teach her all of that by supporting her, developing emotional skills, emotional literacy, being able to say I'm scared, I'm distressed, I watch something, I don't know how I feel about it, you know, all those things. I'm practicing that now. Always about open dialogue. And we have a, like I'm talking about, I use myself, and my husband uses himself as well.

We talk a lot about online. I mean, I work online. So I have a million examples. And I try and frame them in ways that she will understand. I might show her videos on Instagram sometimes. Nothing scary. Things that I think are appropriate. but I'll show her why, like a filter.

Yeah. So I might show her a filter. So we talk about that and like, look, people's image change. She's a girl. So I'm very aware that, you know, her identity formation, I need her to have her identity before she goes online and sees all this stuff. And then that shapes her. And then W is about watching it together.

So again, it's kind of what I've started to do. Watch Instagram together. Watch YouTube together. Before I introduce YouTube, I'll probably watch it with her. And I'll teach her, you don't go over here, and this is why you don't click. We already do that. If we do a search, so we do things like Search for Holidays together. Yeah, on YouTube.

So if we search and there's a pop-up, you know, on all the... I say to her, look, can you see these little boxes? Do you know why we don't click on them? And we'll talk about it. Yeah. So it feels like it's not like a sit-down, let's open a computer. It just happens moment to moment, like as naturally as I can make it. But that's what I focus on with that acronym, like S-L-L.

It's not just open the floodgates. Yes. So we're, because my eldest really wanted YouTube and all the friends are on YouTube to watch YouTube. And they message with, they're like on messaging on like their email. But their friends are sending on YouTube videos anyway on the message. So it's a bit like, you know, it's hard to be across it fully. But then I was like, look, you can watch YouTube.

But we're not just going to let you go through the whole of YouTube. No. If there's a YouTuber that your friends are chatting about or you think you might like. You've got a golf channel. I've got a golf channel. Sit down and watch Daddy Swink. Yeah, why not? So a friend loves Moira Elizabeth, who's really good at she.

She's a very pure, crass squishies that she repairs. That's funny. It's really creative, funny editing. It's quite a funny show. And we said, like, we'll watch that. So we sat there and watched it with them. Yeah, perfect. And then when they go on YouTube now, we go, we'll do and watch a Maya Elizabeth.

But then these other ones are sort of sneaking in now. So what I would say is the kind of open dialogue, one of the ways that's really lovely for someone like you. And lots of kids at my daughter's age have it. We're quite screen light. That's just who we are. I think that's a personality thing. I would say to your child, I always say, think about the questions you'd ask if they went on a play date or if they go like to a club, you know, after school club. What would you ask your child about their time there?

Because the way I think about it is when your kid opens a screen, YouTube, whatever, it is like opening a door into a different world, a digital world. But you need to think about it like it's a door. It's not just a screen and they're on a sofa. Their brain and their body has gone somewhere else. You need to really, that my way of visualising it is like it's a door. Yeah. Right. I've just stepped into a different world.

I'm now talking to different people, having different experiences, feeling different things. And I would want to know what they've had seen, felt while they were watching Moira or while they were watching some other video. So Open Dialogue is also about thinking, if you went on a play date, what would I want to know? And now you've gone online on your iPad. What do I need to know? Yeah, that's interesting. Because it is treated as like, you wouldn't ask those questions that you do when you pick them up from school. Yeah.

Because it is another reality. A hundred percent. On Minecraft, they can't talk to anyone and they can talk to them on what they're on. That's the settings we've got on. On Minecraft, other people would come in and look at their world they're created. Yes. But we didn't have the right setting so that they can view, not edit. So they could come in, someone come in and set fire to a village.

Oh, no. Now, obviously, well, it's quite, it is funny. But it's not to her. No, it's not funny. whole world. If someone come over and kicked over

a sandcastle or like, yeah, you'd be, what's that could do? Devastated. So there's two things.

One, as a comedian and due to my upbringing and I use comedy as a flexion from feelings. Yes. So partly I would still want to be

myself and be fun but no, actually let her be upset. Absolutely. That is horrible and really actually connect with that feeling she's having

rather than trying to make a joke of it or make a bit because you've got to sort of process that. You waited for the podcast. This is an episode of the podcast to make it.

Yeah, back of my mind, are still content, this is great. But I think sometimes, and I'm really guilty of this, and it's only in more recent years that I've slowed down my thinking and engaged of emotions personally as well as as a parent is like... This is him slowed down. Yeah, this is me calm.

But in the past, I would have gone, either make light of it or go, it doesn't really matter, or I think my dad's generation would have gone, what are you crying for? And then I would try and simplify us but try and be funny. I think actually if you talked to them about it like it was a real thing that happened, even though it's online, it is a reality that they're immersed in. A hundred percent.

And like we can't, we need to take, we need to support ourselves and our kids to know that the stuff that happens online is real. Because it has a real emotional impact. And in some cases for some kids, it has a real life impact, right? Of course. So yeah, absolutely, your poor girl. But you've touched on something really important, which is that as parents, we don't know these platforms. Yeah. Like there's so much we have to learn.

The truth is that as a parent, you need to understand what the platform is. This is something I say to most people. For you, this might not be an issue, but some people are like what? But I might play it. Actually get the thing your kid is going to go on and play it, visit it, do it together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why for me, that acronym really works beautifully because if she wants to go to Minecraft one day, we'll get it and we'll do it together.

Now, Rob, as a parent, every now and again you realise that there's a conversation you should probably have with your kids. So what do you do, Rob? You put it off obviously, not because you don't care. It's just tricky sometimes, which we'll get into in this special segment brought to you by Tesco Mobile. It's difficult with awkward conversations with the kids, isn't it, Rob? Yeah, we're in a big two-fairy Easter bunny, Father Christmas hole at the moment, and I don't know what to do. Well, they all exist, so I just keep... Case close.

...talking about that. Yeah. Well, it's like, I don't want to be the person. that sort of breaks the news. Yeah. But then they know, but then they want us to confirm it, but do you ever confirm it?

Oh, Rob. Oh, Robby, Robby, Rob. And they know that we know, but no one's saying it, but I don't want to be the person that shouts across the table. Well, do you know what? It could be worse,

because the birds and the bees chat. That's next. How are you feeling about that one? Are you going to do it? It was Lou couldn't do it? I'm going to do it through a voice note. online. And do you know how I'm going to make sure that voice note is okay?

Yeah. Tesco mobile online safety hub. What other difficult conversations have I had? Do you know, pet death? What did you have to say about the pet death? Luckily they didn't. Beryl's passing, as it's also known. Yeah, Beryl's passing.

RIP Beryl. The problem is there are these things which you feel like they're grown-up topics so you shouldn't address them. Yeah, but the most important ones. Exactly. They're the biggest topics. And you feel like, oh, I can't talk to children. about that. It's like online stuff. You're like, well, I should say to them, but then I'm

talking to them about the thing I don't want them to see. Yeah. So maybe I shouldn't bring it up at all because they haven't seen it yet. So am I bringing it up? Is that bad enough that I'm saying this thing exists? Do you know what I mean? Sometimes my daughter's chatting to like random school friends online. Yeah. So like I've had to have a conversation about like if you are chatting to someone on like a video call, you can't just like wander around filming yourself. I don't want to tell them off either, but you can't just wander around. You can't just wander around like because you're randomly filming behind you so you've got to be aware

of if you are filming people and things you've got to get consent for other people to be in them and then try and sit and explain and go like because people need to be made aware that they're being filmed and consent online and I think if we have that conversation at home it's better for them when they get a bit older. Totally and the way

to have these conversations isn't to go let's sit down this is a big deal this is important it is just to have a conversation like a human being like you or I would I think the thing is not to be afraid of these conversations being embarrassing. Whatever you do, your kids are going to think you're embarrassing and cringe. That's such a good point.

Just have the chat. It's not embarrassing and cringe. It's just a way to be open and communicate and hopefully help them. These small conversations can build the trust that leads to bigger ones, like asking about their online lives because keeping up keeps them safe. If you're looking for advice on how to have that chat or tools to help keep your family safe online, visit the Tesco Mobile Online Safety Hub. on that right

could I can I give you a sideways question about well there's two questions actually the first one which is I think important is that we're talking about you know you can do this you know go slow but what if someone feels they've gone

too far and they want to backtrack okay I understand you've given your chance a lot of freedom online it's much easier to set good standards early on but there'll be people listening to this that go, I wish I'd done that.

Yes. But I haven't done that. I feel probably guilty. I feel bad about it. How do I put the genie back in the bottle, so to speak? So one, my thoughts on it are, which are science-based, it's never, ever too late. If you think you've given your child too much freedom, again, I don't know why we think about the digital world so differently as to like the real world.

Yeah. You know, let's say you let your child out really late, and then you're like, oh, I don't like it. I actually feel concerned. I don't think the nine o'clock curfew is okay for you. You need to be home by seven. I thought I was going to be a lot later, though. I now feel really bad.

The little ones, little ones. Oh, right. Okay. I would say, you know, think about, you as a parent, have the authority to say, I don't feel comfortable. But the way I would always do it is own it, like I'm actually saying here. Say, look, I let you play on X, Y, Z. And I wasn't sure, even if you're just worried and you don't know anything about it,

let's say Roblox. You've just talked about it. I've actually got a real-life example. of the Sims. Should I say what happened? So I said to them, my thoughts, love playing these games online like Roblox, where you create a little character in the world.

So I thought, oh, let's bring it back into a closed world of the Sims. So I thought, oh, that'd be quite a good one because then, like I say, you're closing the door on everyone and everything in the world. And actually, it's a really good game. However, we started playing it

and then I was like, hang on, I don't know if this might be a little bit too grown up. But I set it all up. They'd create their character and then they had in the house. They bought a cooker and a bed and a thingy and did some garden in and they went, oh, can play it tomorrow.

I went, yeah, you can play it tomorrow. So I went to bed and I was like, you know, you didn't feel comfortable. I looked at it. He said, age, right. And so I double check the age rate. It's for 12. So definitely too old. Eight and ten.

It's not on. And I was like, okay, well, what is it? And it said like, oh, sometimes they argue a little bit, blah, blah, blah. Then I remember there's a bit where, obviously, the way Sims work. They're not up to it, are they? They're up to it. So basically, you create a person like an adult. Yeah.

And then basically, they'll go, like, meet in neighbors. And if they're like something, they can go on a date. and then there's a scene where you click on the bed and you can say, I don't know what you click, but you get, and they get under the covers and they start hump it.

Oh yeah. And all you see is like fireworks. And like the bed moves in and hard. High expectations. Obviously they hadn't seen any of this. No. So I was like, oh look, and I said, Lou and you can't let them play that.

No. And I was like, I know. Have they got to that? No. So all I've done is made them really excited and let them play a game. Yeah. And then you pulled it out.

in the morning i was really because i felt really guilty i'd set them up to be all excited that's cancer and then in the morning i said like look at it it's not okay really it's way too old for you you shouldn't be playing it didn't you yeah i went into it now and then to be fair my daughter went okay all right yeah that's what we had with youtube yeah i mean it's funny right parents get so worried about it and often kids just go all right that was a long story an interrupts you know it's a great story but um but is that how you would do it or is that so one i would say if you're not sure sure you're listening to this you had you know you had the Roblox chat or

tictock or what and you're like I'm not sure one I would say try watching it together yeah two there's a really good website called Common Sense Media that I use all the time with my girl when it's around films and games and things like that yeah common sense media you can find anything online offline you know videos series video games all that kind of stuff and it tells you the age rating so you would have seen that and gone up yeah right and then And then it gives you like why, why's got the age rating, but the really lovely thing that I like is it's got reviews from parents and sometimes children. So one, go and check it as a parent, read it, and then I like to read it with my daughter.

She can read. So we sit together. She wanted to watch something that was actually rated 12, similar to you. And I was like, you're seven. I'm not okay with it. But rather than being like, I make the rule that it's not okay. If you open it, read it, talk about it. It really helps kids understand, oh, that's why it's not appropriate for me.

And they're allowed to get upset. Right? That's a really important bit, I think, for parents. Because you're setting the boundaries and guidance, not their best might. You're horrible. You're so mean. They're allowed to feel that way. And you're allowed to say as a parent,

I let you do something that now I realize is not that great for you. And you're not ready yet. You know, it's the yet bit. It doesn't mean you'll never get it. It means we just need to wait a little bit longer. And then I'll let you watch it. or do it or play with it. Because they just want to feel older a lot of the time.

They do, but you don't have to. Like, you can slow it down. And of course, I would always say check, watch it, check those age ratings. My daughters watch films that are like, I don't know, PG. And some of them, she's scared of, for example, wicked. We tried to watch Wicked together. And she found it really scary. You know, some kids love it of her age.

And I was like, we can listen to the music without you watching the film. Yes. She really freaked her out. I was like, well, we'll try again next year. We had that with, um, what's the pop. K-pop demon. Things like Home Alone. Yeah, scary.

Burglars. She was like, but they're hitting people. And you know, we think it's hilarious. Yeah, of course. But she's little and because of how her brain is, to her, it's so concrete. She's like, but you said hitting people is bad. And you know, she can't, and the burglars.

I mean, she's like, so does that mean that people can break into our house? You know, like, oh my God, what are we doing? She wasn't ready. And again, some kids find it hilarious. Yeah. So know your kids. But also make sure. She finds it earlier, I said probably a bit not right.

Book them in with Dr. Marta. No, they're fine. Marta, I've got one who's actually loving the pain count on the head. But I think talk about it. Yeah. And then use what's available to you. Honestly, it's a really good website. Use stuff like that to kind of, and remember you're allowed to set a strong boundary with your kids.

You're the parent. Like, that's really important. But I think a lot of that is explaining the boundary. I think a lot of problems come. if you go, these are the rules. Why? Because I make the rules. That's just...

And that's quite handy with the government... Can we do another episode about teenagers? Because they're running out of time because we've just done the younger kids. But I think that teenager ban on social media hopefully is coming in gives a lot of parents a bit of, you know, look,

it's not just me to sign. Don't give us your views. There's a cliffhanger there. Oh! This has been amazing. Thank you so much. Can I just... up that I think a lot of your stuff is like slow is a really good thing to think about. Yes. What was the name?

Common sense media. Common sense media. And just spending, you know, making a dialogue, doing these things together, exploring them together. And it feels like you're saying, you know, it's not these hard and fast rules, it's not at six this happens, at seven, this happens, at eight this happens. It's just kind of exploring that journey with your kids. And I think being knowledgeable, but...

exploring it yourself. Yes, 100%. Explore it first or with your child. Learn about it together. We didn't have any of these platforms growing up. So, you know, don't assume that you know what's out there if you haven't experienced it. And I think communication and building that relationship

of trust with your child is the key. Because as soon as you start having these conversations about what's on the online world, you give them permission for it. They're more likely to come to you when they see something that distresses them or upsets them, even if it's somebody else's house, because they know, oh, these conversations are allowed

because my mum or dad have started it. I think that's the key for me. I want my daughters to know I'm a safe space. You can talk to me about anything. And I can still make rules because I'm the mum. Like, that's my job. You don't have to love me about the, you don't have to love the rules. But I will explain them to you.

And we'll work together. You know, if she was really pushing for YouTube, I'd probably think of, okay, we'll watch some of it together. Or pick a certain. creator. Because that's the thing, there's some brilliant people on it. There are. You know, golf influencers, stuff like that. But also there's some not great stuff. But I think if you find the right bit. Can I ask one more thing on that? Because I think...

I think you summed up. I know, but I had one more question. You can't ask this question after the summer. Well, we'll edit it earlier. Because I think what's interesting there is, all these things are really good. But a lot of the problem comes when it collides with other parents. Yes. And do you know what I mean? and other parents' rules and kids that come around to your house and they go, can we do this?

And then you've got to apply your rules to them or your child goes around. How do you deal with stuff like that? It's a great question. Because it's embarrassing with another, whatever way it is, it's an embarrassing conversation with another parent. It's an awkward conversation.

Because you're basically either going, I'm slightly better than you because I don't do this with my kid. Or you're going. Your scum, what are you doing? You're corrupt in that young mind. Do you know what I mean? It doesn't have to be that. No, I'm not starting that.

But that's what's, that's the alarm that's going off in your head if these conversations are hurt. And I think this is one of the trickiest bit, actually. That kind of social. It's good that I dropped it in. Yeah, we'll do the sum up again in a minute. That social bit with the parents is, I think, the trickiest bit. Because you either feel exactly what you're saying, like, I'm better than thou. Yeah.

Or must be doubly bad for you. It's awful for me. Absolutely awful. But you know what? When people come and, like, they're like, oh, yeah, did watch that film they go oh so they watch TV I'm like of course they watch TV yeah but they don't watch YouTube but it's easy for you though is it because they go what does she know well she's a clinical psychologist oh she does know I think it's hard

don't go to her house it's boring make friends with another kid don't say that they eat vegetables and do jigsaws all the time when you go around them with you we do we do that how do you do do do with it then I do I mean the way I think about it is when people come to your house are you always used this example because it's an easy one but you're either a shoes off or a shoes on household and when people come they just have to you're in their

house right yeah so you know I'm a shoes off I don't know where you are but lots of people are no no keep your shoes on I don't take my shoes off if like that's the thing they want me to do I think it's weird when they say keep your shoes on because I feel I want to take my shoes off but now I can't yeah well I feel the same this is a different debate but this is a different

debate but it's just an example right that's a whole episode you go into somebody's house and they have certain rules and you kind of follow them. You know, it's like etiquette. Yeah. Some of it is etiquette, right? So you go in, so in my house, I figure, can we watch YouTube? I'll say no, but you can watch something or you can play the switch.

So I offer them alternatives. We're not that boring. But I will say no YouTube. And if my daughter goes somewhere else, one, she will often say I'm not allowed. Yeah. And let's be honest, as parents, we're all doing our best. Yeah. We're all making different decisions for our kids, but we're doing what we feel is best for them.

Yeah. And I think rather than being really judgey or being like, I'm better than you, it's about saying, sorry, my kid's a bit different. And that's okay. So all the parents, and I don't think it's because it's me, maybe it is, but I don't think it is. All the parents whose homes we've been to and I've said, my daughter doesn't watch YouTube, their kid, their kid has instantly said, if she can't watch it, I don't want to watch it. Yeah. Like that has happened. That's what good friends do, right?

Yeah. They protect each other. And they're like, well, if she can't do it, I won't do it. let's do something else. Easy. Also, loads of parents have said, that's absolutely fine. You know, my daughter not being able to watch

certain films, I said about Wicked. There was a party, there was a film. I was like, she can't watch it. Like, she's just going to freak out. And the mum said, thank you so much for telling me. I'll just find something else. It's not a big deal. So, you know.

You've got not basketballs down to adults caring what other adults think again. Yeah. It doesn't matter. Most parents who love your kid too, your friends, will want to do what's right for them. Even if when your kid goes out the house, they're like off you go you can go on YouTube

that's up to them right but like so think about it as I always think we see other parents as I don't know in a competitive negative way but actually most of the time other parents are like compassionate and kind and loving especially if they're in your circle well when we talk about teenagers

I think it's a big thing which we'll come to which is you know a lot of that is affected by I think it's almost more pronounced that parents thing and we will find out I would say something different about teenagers and what a good friend of your teen is

that you might not like but... Do you know what I always say is a saying for like worrying about people think don't worry about what people think about you just know you better and is that a narcissistic trait? A little bit.

Thank you. See you next week. That's it for this week's special episode brought you entirely by Tesco Mobile. Rob. Yeah. I left that feeling really positive

because it's not like this is right, this is wrong, you have to do this by this age, a lot of it is just about having a great relationship with your kid and chatting and being open. I think as well, I think sometimes you're a bit awkward as a parent going, I don't want to, you know,

I don't want to say the wrong thing or upset my kid or be embarrassing and stuff. But the main thing she said was chat to your kids about what's going on. So you're not out of the loop. Keeping up, keeps them safe. Visit the Tesco Mobile Online Safety Hub where Tesco Mobile have got loads of tips

for keeping you and your family safe online.