Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - I like a thin cheese

Episode Date: July 7, 2026

More adventures in parenting and beyond with Rob and Josh... This ep it's a bit of inbox correspondence from the listeners and some of the best bits from our guests this series while we take a short break. Back very soon with series 13!!! 1. John Bishop 2. Kamille 3. Harry Hill 4. Emma Doran Listen and / or watch the full episodes on Spotify. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Parenting Hell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xxx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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episode is presented by Monzo. Josh, I love the summer holiday, aside from being asked for an ice cream every 32 seconds. Well, Rob, that is why it's an ideal time to get them a free Monzo kids account, help build confidence and independence with their money. You can instantly send money or set up regular pocket money and parents still have full visibility and control from their own Monzo app. Unlike the requests for ice creams from the kids. Monzo's award-winning kids account, Search Monzo. For children aged 6 to 15, parent or guardian account needed first, UK residents only, T's and C's apply. Hello, you're listening to Parent in Hell with. Sophie, can you see Rob Beckett?

Beckitt. Can you see Josh Weddickham? Yeah. Good job. Sounds like a drunk old man. Yeah. What, can you say Rob Beckett? Can you see Josh Whedickham?

Where do you go? There we go. It's my 23-month-year-old Sophie from Ayrshire, Scotland, having a couple of attempts to your names, with a cheese string in her mouth, my add. Long-time listeners since lockdown, where we had the stress of four different wedding dates originally meant to be getting married in March 2020, eventually December 2021. Call Me Mad going to enter the three kids under Four Club in November. With the oldest being additional needs to add to the crazy of our non-stop dairy farm with 300 cows.

Cheese strings. I think you're a fan. Was in the day. I can't see myself eating one now. No, I think eating a cheese string as an adult is, I'd say there's other more accessible. I think the problem with cheese for a child is cutting it with a knife. As an adult, you should be allowed to do a greater or a sharp knife. I think the cheese string would excels with children, like the baby bell.

They can peel, chomp. I'm not a baby bell fan. Too claggy for my tastes. Too thick. I like a thin cheese. Okay. Well, what if the baby bell was cut into thin slices? I could deal with that, but I've never seen someone cut up a baby bell.

There you go. I've said it. But you always have to be thin. I don't like it in a sandwich when you get a. like a big chunk of cheese in the sandwich. Do you know? Do you like mature? I like mature.

I like a strong cheese. I'm going to throw something out. Your pilgrim's choice. Well, she loves it. Of course you love it. Cut you and you bleed yellow and green and white and red, obviously. Should we do a quick bit of correspondence before we do the best of? Hit me with a quick bit of correspondence.

On the topic of snogging your partner, dear relatable Rob and Josh, recently on a podcast you asked if there was anyone who still snogging, their partners for no reason other than the kiss. Me and my hubby have been married for 10 years and have three young children. We are still very much in the trenches of an 8 year old or 4 year old and a 1 year old. We have basically had a baby for 8 years. This means our time alone is very rare and home life is chaotic. Sometimes me and the hub, how do you feel about being referred to as a hub?

Me and the hub. Didn't like it. I sort of forget I'm a husband. Not in a bad way. Well, I know. I've seen you all the night out, Rob. Put that wedding rig in your pocket. and before you know, this is a problem for me.

I reject anything, and I still don't know why, I reject anything that makes me labelled. I hate a label when someone says, you're a member of our club, or you're a husband. It's weird. I don't know what it is. You're from Kent. Cantonian.

This means our time alone is very rare. Sometimes me and the hub managed to get the same tube to work in the mornings. This is 30 minutes we get alone together with hundreds of other Londoners, but hey, ho, this is mental. No. So, we. We snog on any escalator we ride together on the tube network. Sometimes two to three snoggos before we reach the bottom top of the stairs.

Oh my God. The snogs don't lead anywhere. Well, they do. The end of the circle line. Yeah, I'm saying. I do. The circle line's the anus. The baker loo.

That's the anus. The circle line's vagina. The baker loon and the cock fosters is the fucking ramrodcock. The snogs don't lead anywhere for obvious reasons, but we feel like cheeky school children bring back. snogging. Hashtag bring back snogging. Hashtag bring back snogging.

I find it awkward, but I feel like I'm in the wrong. I don't want to snog in the morning. When you're up at 4.45 a.m. with Lou, did you go, shall we have a snog? I went, do you want, shall we have? Since we've got three hours, I went, we've got three hours. Should we snog?

No, let's just sit with our coffees, face away from each other, scroll till they wake up. Oh, by the way, as well, the solidarity or solid Karen, we should it be called parenting help or parenting hell from Laura. Oh, that's much nicer. Should we do the best off?

Yeah, there we go. We're having a little break for summer holidays because we're too busy with the kids. And Markles at the World Cup. We have a little couple of week break. Here are some of the best offs. John Bishop, hello. Hey, lads, how are you?

This is quite exciting for us because we've seen you in another world now. You're the John Bishop from comedy that we know and love, but now you've got your foot in the... the right-hand lane of Hollywood and you're doing press for like a big Hollywood movie when normally it would be your stand-up. Who have we got today? Have we got the Hollywood John Bishop

or have we got Comedy John Bishop? Comedy John Bishop wouldn't be here. Let's be honest. You were there you are. We've done 600 shows. I've never been on. Are we on? We've been on.

I've never asked me. Oh, I've got the text. Wait, why you send me a text? I bet you haven't. I bet you haven't. I bet we have, John. I haven't got a text asking me. Because we had a lot of requests as well.

After your documentary, someone out, a lot of requests we were asked before then and after, but let's face it, you don't need any health selling tickets. Oh, you wouldn't believe this. You wouldn't believe this. Have you been lying? No, look, this isn't even a lie. This is mad. Look at the bottom thing. I've sent it.

When? Hey, mate. I hope you're well. Would you fancy coming on the podcast I do with Beckett about parenting? It's an easy 45 minute chat, complain about being a parent, and of course, you'd be a perfect guest you've had to Michael Sheen, Robbie Williams,

Jennifer Ross, etc. So it isn't shit and you can promote or anything you want or... It hasn't sent. No. They haven't sent, oh gosh.

You see it? I had never got delivered. Oh, I'm so fucking happy. From the 2nd of June, 2023. And you never tried twice. I thought it was that 21? 21?

21 or 21? 23? 21, 21. So, was only a year in? Yeah, only a year in. Only a year in. And now you're graced us with your, I imagine, contractual obligations.

I went, listen, them swat have never asked me. They don't want me on. They don't want me on. Bishop's ghosted me. Bishop's absolutely go. Yeah, we've got it. That is so funny, isn't you?

Oh, that's really pursed on the back foot now. You know what? Because it is funny because obviously we might stand up, I've spoke as you have about having kids and all that stuff. And I've listened to this a few times and I've thought,

they've obviously just not bothered. At least we could put that to the middle. That's the best thing that could have happened. We don't look bad. You don't look bad. I don't look bad. I feel great now. The thing is me and him bumped into each other

at Glastonbury. I was going, all right, Josh, that's you's what from here. I was going, twat. So we thought you'd go, did us, but we'd actually not go, well, not ghosted. Yeah, yeah.

We do just not invaded. Yeah, sorry. But it never got there. We wanted you. We thought we've had a five-year-a-beef, but now, let's be... This feels... Yeah, this feels like a mesette or something,

don't it? Yeah. How many kids you got, John? Let's get that out of the way first. Three, ages. Joel's 31. 31? Luke's 29.

And Daniel's 28. I don't have that. I don't have that. That's not. That's not. You're asking you're ass. That we know that. who hate each other, but you look good.

What's your skincare regime, John? My skincare regime? I got asked that on another podcast what my skincare regime was. One that actually invited you. Joe, they're all over it. This is true of this. I haven't washed my face for years.

I don't use soap. And I found I was allergic to soap when I was younger. Most days, if I wash my face at all, it's just with water. and then, but I've always moisturised. Right, okay. Always moisturised, bro, don't you? All of these scrubs and all that,

I don't really get into all of that. What moisturise are you using? What am I using at the moment? Whatever's there? Like a keels thing. But I did that. Hang on, let me think of a brand who might send some shit. Kills is a fuck of brand.

I use some of my wife's moisturiser, but you've got to be careful because some of it has like the tanning in. Yeah, the chin. The tin tin and you are started going, I look well, and then it escalates into your foot and palumpa. Yeah, so water and moisturiser. Yeah, yeah, that's it, to be honest.

So your kids. But also, the other thing is, I've never smoked. Yeah. And I don't eat meat. I haven't eaten meat for 40 years. Does meat, make your face go? I don't know, but some people who've said that eating meat can atrophy your skin. I don't know why.

Do you drink? Yeah. We actually I'm not going on everything We had an interview Ray Bradshaw I'm not sure It's gone out yet

Who did your tour support Yeah yeah And he said he supported Frankie Boll For weeks And he sort of just Took him to the gig Brought him back And then went

Bye Frankie And then the first gig You went Do you go pub Anyway And he said How generous you are And you look after him

And all his mates And took him out Till 5 in the morning Oh yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah No

Ray's a great lad And his mum And his mum Dad is so full He raised dad is so funny because I went to his deaf club

so for people who don't know Ray's mum and dad a deaf and so Ray's first language is sign language and he took me to his dad's death club in Glasgow thinking I'd know enough sign

language to be able to get by Jesus Christ because their generation raised dad's generation they don't sign they spell they spell really fast and the problem is I can't spell in my head

because that's my form of dyslexion I can't spell so when I do sign language any time someone's I'm going I can't spell it you'll have to write that bit down I can't fucking I can't spell in my head but he took me to his deaf club his dad and it's so funny being in a room full of older deaf people

do you know what I mean? Like being in a room with your granddad's, but the sign and no one's waiting. And then they go, ooh. I'm going to go, I don't want to know. He's so funny,

but his dad's got a really dry sense of human. Amazing. You did this incredible documentary, which I did text you about. Yeah. Did that go through? Yeah, they did go through. About your son,

which was just one of the best documentaries I've seen in years. Oh, thank you. I loved it. So your son is going deaf or he's losing... My son Joe lost his hearing when he was about 15, 16, and it fluctuated, so he didn't go deaf. It fluctuated over a period of time,

which was difficult because he was a teenager. And so, you know, you think your teenagers aren't listening to you yet anyway. And he wasn't because he couldn't hear me. But also when he was speaking, he'd speak loud because he couldn't hear his own voice so it sounded like he was showing that was all the time and we went through this awful, awful period and it was an awful period of

as a parent, I did what men do, I thought, we'll fix this. Yeah. And really, if I look back on it, if I could have any period with my life again, it would be that period where I think I was, be a better dad because I didn't just put my arms around him.

I didn't really, I thought I did, but I don't think I always asked him how he was. I just thought, all right, well, that's not working. Let's fix that. So we went through the process of trying to find the reason for it, etc. And he ended up being diagnosed with the rare autoimmune condition. and whether that diagnosis was completely right or what, you'd never know. But in the end, his hearing is stabilised to about 75% loss.

So with hearing aids, he can hear conversations. And he's brilliant at lip reading. And if an alarm went off, he wouldn't hear it. So he's within the band of conversation how he's got. But it meant for a period of time, as a family, it was difficult because you know, you don't know anyone of that world.

You don't know. And because if he was deaf, you'd say, okay, well, he was a deaf person, but he wasn't deaf. Yeah, he could hear, but he couldn't go to Glasgow. He wouldn't go to Glasgow. He wouldn't go to a nightclub.

So you're in this thing that took us a long time, I think, to resolve. But one of the things that, I thought might be a way of, I don't know, communicating better would be. And also because of his healing loss may become complete because we don't really know why it started. And that's, again, that's an anxiety that I've perhaps not always understood

that he's lived thinking that one day he might wake up and be completely deaf. Yeah, yeah. That's tough. for anyone to take. And that's at times, like he's, he's a brilliant mimic and he'd be a brilliant actor,

but he's always held off because he's thought, whatever can't hear, what's being said, and thankfully he's now embracing that, he's going to start going forward and doing stuff like that.

He's just sort of gained his confidence over time, but it's took time, and, but we did this documentary, and the documentary, the premise of the documentary, would be that I would learn enough sign language to do a gig to a deaf audience.

Yeah. And when we were making it, he said, well, you need to explain why you've got this interest because I was trying to do it to, I suppose, learn about that community and maybe show him that there was a community out there. So we got involved in it, and it became a thing where we both were learning

sign language at the same time. It was tough. It was an hard documentary because, you know, as a father and son, we've not always been able to talk and then doing it via the documentary. That's why it was such a good documentary as well. It felt real, you know.

It felt so. Like, I was really impressed by how much you exposed of your relationship and yourself. And, like, you know, I thought you both came across so brilliantly in it, because you're showing that kind of regret or fallibility or dealing with that situation. It's tough. Being a parent is so hard

because you want to be so good at something you don't know how to do. You know what I mean? It's 10 us five years to get that. That's exactly. If only that text had got through five years ago. Exactly. Just think of the lessons you could be.

You could have had you older of parenting gone five years. No, you are. And also, we're old parenting in a world we didn't live in. Yeah. You know what I mean? Social media and algorithms. Social media algorithms, noise, expectation, body image, all of these things. And, you know, I'm thinking, you know, I'm going to leukemia.

You've got away there than age. And for him, like, as a teenage boy, all of a sudden, he fucking stands out and he's massively different. And I just, I just, and I'm also older. You know what I mean? Like, how old are you? I'm 40 now. And how old are your kids? 8 and 10

42 and 8 and 4 Yeah Yeah So I was 27 When you were born You know what I mean I was 31 by the time we had three God

Yeah I'm 59 now And so And when you're 59 You'll be a better version of yourself Because that's the You just know more And you're soft there And I think

It's not that you love more You can't love more, but you understand a little bit what the language of it is. Let's talk about your kids. Okay, yes. Two kids. I have two. The Wikipedia wasn't updated. Yeah.

I don't know what. Wikipedia's weird. Like, some of the things that are on there. I'm getting a bit aggy because of AI now. You've got a strong Wikipedia. I don't know who's updating that. Who updates it? Well, at points.

The people. Fans. Fans. It was so. It was so good for Wikipedia at points that I thought, my gosh, she's written her own Wikipedia. I swear to God I have not touched it. No, well obviously, you write the right amount of kids.

Exactly true. True. That's true. There you go. It's hard to remember two kids when you've got 32 songs. You've got so really extreme fans. I do. I'm on a telegram with them, actually.

We're a telegram account. You want a telegram? Do you know what telegram? Do you know what telegram is? It's a social media. So, Josh, it's a group where you can connect with fans on a deeper level. Like a WhatsApp group? Very much so but with not so personal. But not so personal.

Yeah, because you can't see numbers. So what kind of, can they reply? They can yeah, yeah. It's like a proper like chat group. And do they know it's you? Oh yeah, they know it's me. And what can see who each person is? We just chat rubbish to be honest We should get a telegraph. You should. Parenting Hill Telegram. Yeah. I do feel like your followers might be quite unhinged though.

I think I'd be a bit worried. Anything's due parenting. There's a ways to five percent are quite intense either way. That's the thing with parenting is right. I feel like when it's in a public forum, someone's always got something to say. That really does annoy me. Like, if you're on TikTok and it's like a parenting video or something.

Oh my God. They just, they're awful. I'm like, they're the worst trolls of all, I think. A lot of the like, you know, know all parents. But you'll get grief for like, say for example, if I went on TikTok said, oh, I took my daughter to the park, went on the side. She only slipped off and like hit her head and someone would go, terrible parenting. It's ridiculous.

Or they all go, oh, pandering. Oh my God. You cuddle her when she cried. Do not really, yeah. Do you know what? We're not getting a telegram. No, don't get a telegram. I think the only trigger people the most is seeing

mum's do the cry out method. Like if you're letting your child cry, that is a big... That is triggering. So how old do you? You've got eight months old. Sorry, yeah, back to my children. I have an eight months old. Yeah. And her, three-year-old?

Sid, three-year-old. And a two-year-old. Two-year-old. So where are they at this moment? Right now, TJ's at nursery. And Tari's at home with her dad. Oh, wow. Yeah. So how you're splitting the work?

Stay out. No one is so pleased to be here. I'm so happy to be here. I got the call was out here. Yeah. See you later, guys. I'm off to work. So who would be the default parent? Are you splitting it 50-50? To be fair, we split everything. Because we both kind of work from home.

My husband is like a car content creator. He's incredible. He's a really famous TikTok. Like when we're in the street, people push me out of the way. Oh, really? What's his name? Tommy. Tommy also. So you mix, you combine your parenting because you're both working from home. Yeah.

With your job then, if you're writing songs and stuff or producing, is that not? one of those things where you need to like disappear into it. Oh my god 100% it's really hard. There's different elements to what I do. If I'm finishing a song, tweaking it, then my kids can be in the room. Like my daughter Tari is so growly though.

Like she's, ha, ha, she growls all the time. You're sampling her? I actually have. I really, really have. I don't get why she's so growly. What do you mean? She's a cute.

She's just been growling since birth. That's just her vibe. So my brother Joe was always like, that's what growling me? She growls. She growls. But he was like always like miserable, like, quite a miserable child.

Really? Like my mum would say, like, he was always, like, oh. Yeah, like quite chill. Some kids are just

on their own energy. She's really happy, though, but she just growls. In happiness, she growls. She'd just be like, eh,

eh, have you seen, that's really weird. Get Back, the Beatles film where they're making, Let it be, and there's a bit

where they're listening back and Linda McCartney's son or daughter, I think it is daughter. I think it's daughter. I think Linda McCartney's sausage. The Lorde can't hear anything,

Linda. Shut the door. We'll never take off. Linda's daughter's in the mixing room just playing around them. And I just thought, that must be so... Do you know what? It's not one of those jobs where I think you can bring kids to work very easily. Like, it's just not that kind of vibe.

You do need to kind of be in the zone and focus and be able to like have wonderful melodies coming to your head without your child screaming at you. Yes. Yeah, that's quite hard. But I tend to work out of the house if I'm going to a session. If I'm with an artist in the room, I'll go to like where I'm now, like a studio. Yes.

But if I'm at home, it's because I'm in my own zone And I'm busy. This is a bit like laying down a track. It is. Can you lay something down for me now? But the beats love. Are you going to sing something for us? No, no, I can only talk.

But it's difficult, though, if you are a comedian. Yeah. Because if you introduce to the world as a comedian, you can't do anything that's serious. The greatest album of all time, right? Yeah. I still don't think if I released it now. We wouldn't take you seriously.

No, even if it was pound for pound the best. We wouldn't. Yeah. That's actually really sad, isn't it? I know. It's my absolute trauma, because you should see the songs I'm sitting on. I thought it's kind of like Harry Potter. I thought that Daniel Radcliffe could never be anything else.

And he didn't really shoot up enough to be Harry Potter, did he? That's the elephant in the room in it. He's too little. I thought he meant that as well. I mean, I missed. He didn't do enough heroin. This has gone so dark. I thought it was like a child star thing.

In the books, Harry Potter turns into his six foot three. He does a mysterious junk fire. And he's not. He's a lovely little fellow. Yeah. I know. So talk to me about having an eight month old. Yes.

What's your day like at the moment? You know what? I think because this is our second child, it's chill. Like, because I know who I am now. You're experienced or you care less. I really, I care less. I really just have stopped care. Not in a bad way though, but you're not overly worried.

That's what we were like. No. And the key for me was with her I sleep trained her Oh, really? My gosh Right, before we get into this Can you tell me what you did with the first one

And then we did with the second one? Poor T.J. He was just kind of, we were so You know, cautious about everything. Everything was life and day. Oh my gosh, he's got a rash. Oh my God, it's a and E. Like, we were ridiculous.

Oh, yeah, we were that. You can't touch him. You can't touch the baby like that. I was literally like upset. Oh, really? Yeah, it was so, so stupid. And when I look back, I'm like, oh my gosh. What was I did?

It was my first time you don't know any different. If my parents came to the house and I washed their hands, I would breathe fire on them. Like, how dare you touch this child? What were your parents' reaction to that? Were they like... Just rolling their eyes at me constantly. Because their generation would be like...

And Tommy's even worse than me. My husband is even worse than me. He is like a hypochondriac, literally like... So, yeah. How clean is your car? They're supremely clean. He gets them clean like once every four days, three, four days. Wow.

Yeah. Josh's is an absolute shit. Yeah, it's okay. When we got our cat cremated, our cat died and they gave us the form. The food was costing us too much. And there was two levels of fee. One was ashes, and the other was the ashes of your specific cat. So some people who can't afford it are just paying all the cats are going in,

and then you just get a bit of that. Just get some generic cash. Well, welcome to the show. about our dog. We had a dog, it's a very sweet dog. It was my wife's dog originally. And she had diabetes. And so you had to give these, you know, insulin.

It was quite a responsibility. Yeah. And we went on holiday and we were nervous by going holiday. So we left it with the breeder, this lady that knew the dog really well. And we went away. We came back. We went to go and pick the dog up. And she said, I'm afraid the dog died.

I didn't want to phone you because they didn't want to spoil you. holiday but your dog died and she handed us a receipt to go and pick up the ashes from the from the wets. Oh. And charges for the kenneling. Not the whole duration.

Up to death. Up to death. No. Yeah. And was it a diabetes death? Was it helpful for not being on top of the? We haven't had the results of the inquest yet. I don't even make it.

The vet equivalent of Quincy turning out right there. Or you know, CSI. whatever it is. So Harry, how many kids you got? And have you got a dog? Well, one at a time, guys. Sorry. What have you learned over the last four years? Last time I was

here. Well, it's the first time I've done it in person. We did it on Zoom before when you was in your office. I was listening to it on the way in because I was trying to remember what I talked about. Oh yeah? Oh, yeah. So you've got three children. There's something you said that always sticks with me. Before you say anything, I've got a message for you from my wife. Oh.

She said to me, what are you doing? I said, I said, oh, she said, why are you in the outfit? Oh no She said, I thought that was over I said no, there's still some Are you tempted to drop the outfit though Or is it will forever be the outfit? It's just easier, isn't it?

It's easier to put it on. Is it? Anyway, I said, I'm doing that parenting hell thing She said, yeah, I got a message for those two. She said, parenting hell, she said, any wife of a comedian will know who does the parenting.

It's not the comedians. Oh, my word. Well, I tell you what should. That comes from grim first-hand experience. I tell what she'd like to buy, Lou Beckett's book called Lessons from a Default Parent, and she's written a book very much about that, about being the one that does all the parenting. And do you feel that's fair on you, Harry? The comedy widow.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. But do you feel like you've done more parenting now that you're older and the kids are older? Well, I've stopped parenting now. Oh, have you? Yeah. How old are your kids? I had a cutoff.

I said, you know, we stopped parenting at 20. I think it's 21, isn't it? You come of age and you're on your own. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I don't think you are really. I think you have, you've drawn an imaginary line

and if they come home and go, Dad, this has gone and you're like, yeah, well, good for you. My wife, because our kids live near us. Yeah. We see a lot of them. Yeah. And she said,

oh, she's coming around again tonight. How old are, though? 28, 27 and 21. This is what I remember. vividly of the first one, I don't know why it stuck with me, was you saying that you weren't sure about having a third child. That's right, yeah. But then it was the best decision you ever made.

Oh, why are you thinking about... No, but there's something that stuck with me about that. I tell you what it was. It's very rare that you see into the soul of Harry Hill, the person. Do you know what I mean? It felt like a genuine moment of deep emotion from you. Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, it was a blur that because we had two, you know, we had the Irish twins thing, the year between them.

And it was just like absolute, you know, you had that double pram. Yeah, we had the double pram trying to get that into an automatic door. Watching your wife trying to move that into a door. You approach the door, you know, with the double pram, you've got to sort of maneuver it in, the door shut. You've got to get it airports. So was it, sorry, driver and passengers. or front and back? What?

The double pram, is it front and back? Side by side. Side by side. Yeah, side by side. Side by side. Yeah, the double decker came in, I think, after we... Yeah, but also it's unfair

for the undercarriage child. Yeah. Just looking at the ass, like, the back... It's not very nice. Can't see anything. No. The back of a pantomime horse situation.

Briefly, it was the buggy board. Remember the buggy board? We had a buggy board. We had a buggy board. That was fun. But they don't really want to go on that off for the first couple of runs. They want to go in the pram.

Yeah, because it stops being a laugh very quick. And it's obviously it's much easier if they're in a pram. Yeah. But you do see, I think it's always funny

you see those kids sort of wandering around blue water or something and there's like a great big kid in a frown. Yeah. Like a seven-year-old or something.

A dummy and Did you ever go to Disney? You see there's so much walking you do get like 11-year-olds in the pram still because they're so tired. So I went to your show at Shepherd's Bush.

Hell yeah. I briefly dropped into the after drinks but you didn't show. I was there? I know, but I... You ran off, you mean. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so I remember coming around.

You do wait long enough for him? I gave it 20 minutes and I was like. He's obviously giving some kind of producer a roasting backstage from Miss Q. Yeah, you get this thing where, you know, people come, friends come to see the show, and then the speed with which they find their way backstage is a bit of a wind up to me.

You come off, you're drenched in sweat, you just want to breathe a, knock, knock on the door. Yeah. Oh, hello, you know. The reason I bring this up is your daughter was there. Yeah. And I thought, what's it like? They were all there, all three of them.

All three of them. One was dressed as stufor, one was dressed as Gary, and one was dressed as the ice cream. Oh, wow, so they all took part in the show. Yeah, at the end, they come on as the... Oh, so, and what's that like? Is that a very... It's been brilliant.

Yeah, so they've done the whole tour? No, they... No, they're not at such a loose end as that. Because the wife could have gone on stage as well. My wife wouldn't know. She doesn't like come and see the show. They don't have been in it. She goes, where are you going?

So I've got Shabas Bush tonight. Why aren't you in the outfit? I changed into it when I get there. No, because, you know, like I said before, I always sort of discouraged them coming along with kids. Yeah. And this time, because they're older, they came along. And it was just great because you can't see their face.

So there's, you know, Winnie's in the, she's 27, she's in the stufer costume. Yeah. She can see me, but I can't see her ways. But somehow, just by the way she's dancing, I know it's her. And I would always kind of forget, because they would come maybe, you know, maybe the youngest did more, maybe did about two weeks of it on and off. And I paid? I think I did say I was going to pay them. But I didn't.

And then Freddie would come on as Gary. So she's got the thing and then Gary's head sticking out of the top So you can't see it And she would come and she said to me I'll come on and I'll maybe do a little dance with you And I thought yeah, okay She comes on

And of course they're her hands Yeah But they look like Gary's hands And she just takes my hand And you just, I just know Oh it's free his hand It's like a really Actually really affecting and sweet

And it's the first time I thought Well maybe it'd be great If one of them did go into it But none of them Gone into performing No They're all funny But I mean

I think everyone's kids are funny, aren't they? I don't think we talked about this last time because I don't think I realised it, but you've got hell of a kind of kid following through Junior Bakeoff. Yes, yeah. Well, I had kids following me from you've been framed and TV burp.

You know, so it's funny on this last tour because I didn't tour regularly for a while. Yeah. And I get these guys coming on a 25-year-olds, and they're going, Harry, you are my childhood. Can I hug you?

Can I hug you? Oh really? Yeah. Very like 25, late 20s maybe. Yeah. And then you get these, you know, little and sort of 10 year olds. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah. Because you did a podcast sort of aimed at younger kids. Now you've got a new podcast coming out.

There's still family friendly. I love the way he's good, isn't he? He's very good. He did a great one the other day. What was that one? That was really good. Oh, Prince Nazim Hamid. It's so easy for me. I don't like doing it all the time.

Well, let me jump on that. Yeah, I've got a new podcast. Are you going to go down the barrel for this? Yeah, straight down the baza. Is that my barrel? I've got a new podcast out. It's called the Harry Hill Show. You know, like everyone's videoing.

Yeah, yeah. And I basically... I see a TV show now, baby. You've got your all control over. It's basically cheap TV. But it's sort of repeating history. So, you know, once upon a tone, there was radio. Yeah.

And then someone said, oh, we could film it. And that was TV. And now it's, then it was podcast. Oh, hey, we could film it. Come on, guys. Wake up. We're already doing this. I mean, we'll just fall in.

We all just fall in and do it. Oh, you got a video? Yeah, all right. We video it. And, because you were doing it from home before. This is a real drag for you, right? I live in Devon now as well. But actually, the interviews are a lot more fun.

We're loving the face-to-face interviews. Well, you say that. I was a teenager. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. So, I mean, come on. Is that how old we used?

I was 18. 18, yeah. Yeah. Still in school. Still in school. Wow. Fair play. Wow. Wow.

What, having the baby, you are getting pregnant. Both? Both. Both? I respect it. I definitely wasn't getting anyone pregnant. That's good. Well, I mean, I was shocked.

I was very shocked. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it wasn't as such sort of a planned family at that point? No, it was not. And I taught people, I actually had heard tell of a girl who was like 19, who had a baby, was with the boyfriend and she was planning another one. I was like, she needs to be committed. I was like, she's insane.

I was like, that's, you know, I was giving it all the big, and then sure it was me the following week. Oh, my word. Yeah, not on the cars at all. So what was your plan before the baby arrived? Was you going to study more? Or did you want to go into comedy? Or did you know what was going on?

My plan was I was going to live at large. I had things to do. You never lived at large. I had two months. I had two months there where I went hell for leather. I just lost my mind. Because my parents were quite strict. Yeah, yeah.

So I had a summer away. Yeah. And I went balubas. Do you think them being strict sort of was, counterproductive? Yes. It was. Although they were strict

to my brothers as well and it worked out with them but my mom said that I definitely was the hardest because when they say well obviously I got pregnant but before that

I was the hardest because they would say you know you can't you're not doing that or whatever I would then come down and present a case of why

I should be allowed why you know they said that I would never let it go and I just constantly used to lie to them they thought I was like professional bowling and Quater.

I mean, I was the amount of films I was supposedly seen. Like, I was drinking in fields the whole time. I just had all these made up friends, all these places I was going. And I was just drinking and fields having a great time. So the plan was just to have... Just drinking in field? Well, that's what happens when you're drinking in fields. But the plan was, there's no plan, but I definitely wasn't going to...

Like, yeah, probably go to cottage, but probably go to London. Yeah. Get the London look. The London look was big at the time. No one really knows what the London was. You know, like on the Rimmel ad with cake moss. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was quite aspirational to go London.

Let's go to London. And no, it didn't happen. So, like, into that, very early into that school term, say I got pregnant in the August, then in the September. So that's like your big final year, you're going to do a state exam. Everything rides on that state exam in terms of, like, what college university course you can get. It's, like, a big, huge thing.

And then I'm, pregnant that year. Oh my word. So I'm pregnant. All-Girl's school. Pregnant. So who could it have been? Yeah, I know. But that was the other thing. When I had to tell my mother I'm pregnant, I also had to say, like, I've had sex.

That was actually the bigger thing. Yeah, I don't think she was waiting for that part. No, but I was embarrassed about that. Because she's like, who? You know what I mean? Oh my word. Yeah. Wow. And was it like a boyfriend? It was like a summer. too evasive question.

No, no. It's like because you see this is what happens. If you have a child young, you have to be you have to learn to be quite open about it. Yeah. Because everyone wants to know. Yeah. Because everyone thinks that could have been me. Whether it was like in their 20s or whatever

or that happened, my friend, Sarah or my brother John had a kid when he, you know. Everyone knows that a girl at school that that sort of happened to or in the area. Yeah. So everyone always wants to know. So you kind of you get very comfortable with telling everyone your story.

So he was like a summer kind of dalliance. So like very into him, but like not... You're not pushing through that as a relationship, are you? Come on. There's only so much you can do. Was he what at school at the time? He was like, I think he had just finished and he was, yeah, he was going to go to college.

Right, yeah. So I met him, I was... I'm working in a chipper. What's a chipper? Chip shop, chip shop. chip shop, yeah. And it's the night he's getting his exam results. So that's the night I meet him.

So I'm saying salt and vinegar then. Yeah. But we were seeing each other for a while while I was there. Yeah, yeah. Hello, all that. So I seen him for a while. Living in, sorry, I just actually remembering the story. Living in a mobile home. He was living in a mobile home? No, I was. You was? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What, near your parents' house or your own place?

No, so my friend's parents had in Wexford, you know, like by the see have like a caravan or whatever. So me and my friend were living in that. Okay. Working. Look at you're trying to be judgment. No, I'm not. I'm just trying to.

It feels like a pitch for a sitcom idea. Yeah. So. It's your actual life and I need to remember to be respectful. Because I'm really trying my best not to say something bad. You are like, okay. I'm not very good poker face. So me and my friend are living in the mobile home, the caravan.

You're in a caravan in Wexford. You work in a chip shop. This child's walk. who's getting his grades results and you two are lovingly each other. Yeah. And so... And does he move into the mobile home? No, he doesn't move in, but we see each other.

No, no, it's not that ridiculous. Come on. I see... I'm kind of seeing him a bit while I'm down there. Yeah. But I have to go home because I'm not finished school yet. Yeah. It's at the end of summer I have to go home. And how fast home was it? Oh, like, it's like an hour and a half.

You know what I mean? Like, we're just down, like, you know, seaside town. I go back home and then very quickly. I'm back at school. And I find it very quickly. I'm pregnant. Oh, and so how do you tell him? I told him

because I think from watching like films or something I was like, okay, you have to tell the dad he's the next person that needs to kind of know. Before your mom? Before my mom. So my friend who I was with knew. Yeah. So this poor friend of mine.

You're only reading it in the newspaper of the chip show up here. Yeah, this poor friend of mine, I mean, I told her everything, you know what I mean? So she's my confidant. She was there. Like, I mean, she wasn't in the room, but she basically would have been like there's no soundproof. It's a caravan.

Yeah. And she knows. So she knows. right she was with his friend she was with his friend oh this actually what I tell you this bit this is funny bit

so we're in the mobile home the night I got pregnant right so I'd seen him before whatever and we are kind of like pair oh Jesus Christ we're pairing off right but it's only one condom right

so we do we kind of say he's going to get it so me and him get it she doesn't get it oh my God right we get it but it doesn't work oh my

What? Yeah. Oh, wow. Only one condom. And you got it and still got pregnant? Yeah. Jesus, what's this guy got to use and that? I know.

Powerful stuff. So she knew the whole story, right? And of course, she's like you. She's trying not to sit there and just go, oh, fucking escape that one. Sorry, I'm smiling too much, aren't that? It's a great story. The condom, the faulty condom,

is giving you an air of over security that she didn't have. Yeah. So she's got lucky by not having the faulty conduct. Yeah, yeah. What was it faulty? I think he put it, I think he made a faulty. He put it on wrong?

I think so. He put it on his head. He put it on his nose. Because in my room in the mobile home, the light didn't work. So it was pitch black. So he didn't know where his penis was. I've not been funny ever. In the dark, I know where my dick is.

I've never lost it once. All these years I've been sticking up from. That's how long I'm. In his defence, it was dark in. Oh wow So You're a kid as well You're not experienced in condoms

I don't know A clue You know the main TV Do you ever see that thing I'm still not 100% No You know In DeGrassey Junior High

They constantly putting condoms and bananas I mean When are we going to do that in school I think we should know that A condom on a banana in daylight It's a lot different To a dick in the dark in Westford In the school

And now we're going to turn the lights off For the next lesson Out in the field with the lights off. Try to do it with the lights off. So how did he take it? So I found him and very,

it's actually now, not funny at the time, but it's very funny now to look back at it, obviously. Chris Rock does a bit that I then later discovered years later,

when a woman brings a man to tell him that she's pregnant, if the guy's response is, what are you going to do? Yeah. You know, yeah,

and that's what he said to me. Right. He's like, what you're going to do. Yeah. I was like, well, I don't know what I'm going to do.

Like, I don't know. I was like, I'm going to have the baby or whatever. Yeah. And he was like, okay. And that was kind of it like. Because he was like, are you coming down? I think he was like, you know, because we were still in touch actually. Yeah.

We were still in touch and trying to think of ways to meet up. And I was like, oh, like I'm pregnant. And then just this big silence. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Yeah. So what are you going to do? Oh, God.

Oh, my. It's not the best. And I was trying to be very. grown up like things with him, oh, well, message him. I'll phone him. It doesn't help that he's the first person you've spoken to, so he haven't even kind of spoken to your parents at this point. No, no, no, and I don't have a plan.

Nobody knows. Nobody knows. My parents don't know. Nobody knows. Oh, my word. What I'm telling him was if he's, you know. Obviously, it's been a long time when you laugh about it now, but would you completely devastated and panicked?

Oh, big star, panicked. Yeah. Oh, like, panicked. Yeah. Panicked, like. I just was on autopilot for like all that time like when I was growing up

like all girls girl's girl you would chat about it as like oh my God what would you do if you got pregnant what would you do if you got pregnant I'm gonna kill myself it's so alive oh my god you know what I mean like that is the worst thing that this is like you know naughty there was no like abortion

wasn't available in Ireland which is close Ireland as well it's a level up island I think with that kind of thing You see, and as well, we would have had like laundries up until the 90s. So now I don't know anyone who went to a laundry, but you know what I mean? What's the laundry? Sorry for my ignorance.

Laundries are, do you ever hear of like the Magdalene laundries? It would have been a thing where back in the day in like Catholic Ireland, if a woman had gotten pregnant, she would go to a laundry to work, to be put to work. So it was run by nuns. She would go there to work in a laundry, you know, like doing. In the laundry, laundry. Bedsheets and all that. And then her baby would be adopted through the laundry.

Oh. So that would happen, women who say were from, like, very poor backgrounds, or if they had been abandoned. So their family was like, is the only place they could go. And they'd have no choice they'd have to give up the baby. They'd have to give up the baby. Oh, God.

Or, like, so say, and this would be, like, you know, all sorts of women would say, if it happened a young girl. Yeah. And if the family didn't have the money, to maybe send her off somewhere, you know, like say maybe to an aunt, somewhere else that you could hide away of for a while. Was that to stop sort of family shame as... Family shame to do something with the baby.

So now there was only, I think, like it had all been winding, winding down. But you know, like that building was, there was still one in Dublin. Yeah, and you would still know people that that was their life experience. And you would hear stories from your own mom of, you know, friends that had gone away. No, there'd be lots of adoption stories that women had gone away, you know, may not have been in a laundry, but would have gone away to, like, say, I think it would have been quite common to go to like a kind of a nursing home. Yeah.

Stay there, have the baby come back. Blimey. I was away. Work, yeah. You know? God. So I'm not saying that was happening when I was growing up. You're going to tell your mom and dad about it.

Yes. This was a thing that happened. And you're an 18-year-old kid. Yes. So how did they take it? They were actually great. Yeah. They were great.

So like, now I knew it wasn't going to be because they were going to kick me out or they were going to feel shame. I just, I knew that they would feel like, oh, like everything's going to be so much harder for her now. Yeah. You know, it's going to really, it's going to really change everything. My mom took it really well. I wrote her a letter and I like left the letter and ran out the door. And then she came and found me. I just had gone to my friend's house across.

the road like and she just came over you know what I mean like a child I ran away I ran away to the end of the road like kind of thing and she came and found me and she just said she gave me a big hug and she was like come home and you're ready and my friend was like what's going on here and then my dad she rang my dad and I'm like oh god he's gonna flip you know and he'd been on like would have been like one of those dads like close the door man you know those dad's dad's dad's gonna know but he's like oh I quite like the idea have been a grander. So they were really nice about it, but then

once I tell them, they went into like action mode, right? What do we have to do? We have to tell the school, we've to go to the doctor, we've to, you know, and I'm just worried about my final exam in school because I want to get that done. So it's like my... Because if you get that done, it does give you options in a couple of years

time, doesn't it, to defer studying when the baby's older? Yeah, you can do all that then. Like, you need to have that to move on to third level education. So I want to get that done but the dates are very tight so

the exact I think in the end I was basically I had my daughter and then 13 days later I start the exams but you have to do those exams

like English paper one happens on the Monday morning at 9 o'clock you have to sit that exam then right yeah there's I don't know I still don't think there is

because it's the same exam so obviously it's the same exam and it's locked in a case and you know all that kind of stuff there's not just been to for someone that just had a baby. No, and actually when I went to the maternity hospital, like when I was doing my checkups,

and it was getting really close. Yeah. And I was worried about... So you were going to do the exam? Oh yeah, doing the exam. So say originally with her due dates, I would have had four extra dates. Yeah.

So say she was due on the 18th, but she ended up being born on the 22nd. So I'm going in for appointment on the 18th, I think. And it's my due date. So I'm like, okay, well, they're going to tell me to stay. because she's due today and I have an exam to do and I was like

they just did the exam yeah everything great, fantastic I said sorry it's my due day today what's going on and she's like no it's fine like this is totally normal and I was like yeah no

boy I have to do my leaving cert and she was like don't worry she's like plenty of girls that have done their leaving cert in here and I was like I'm not doing my leaving start in the maternity on the maternity ward

I was like no so I started I was like freaking out at them. Not freaking out. It was like, ah. But then, so four days later, I had her. So, I had her in enough time to get back in and do the exam. Where was the baby when you

were doing the exam? Yes. The baby, my little baby. I have, I have my baby. Also, most people are juggling, I might miss that head and do if I'm pregnant then. You're trying to get an exam in. I want to get that exam in. Because I want to move on up with you life.

Is it one exam? No. I want to move on with me like. I don't want to be a grown up there and still in school. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? I was just like, oh no, this is too much. No, it's a load of exams.

So you've two exams in English. You've like your Irish. Basically everyone does. Is this the equivalent of A levels? Yes. So you do six, seven subjects. Everyone does six. You take the marks from,

but most people do seven. So you have like your language. You might have like a science subject. you know, loads. And you're 18? You're 18. Yeah, you're like 17, 18. I'm 18.

So this is so much you to sort of like deal with. Do you think when your daughter, you know, who's older than that age now, she's 22, when you saw her 18, did it sort of give you these mad flashbacks of like, oh my God, because when you're 18, you feel like the old, because you are the oldest you've ever been. Yeah, you know. You're old. You want to go back and do uni gigs and I see 18-year-olds. Oh, they're old.

They're all be rowdy. They're not. They're scared little boys and girls. babies. Yeah. Oh, no, well, I'll tell you this. Not only when she's 18, yeah, she's in my

old school. So she's in my old school in the exact same uniform. She's got red hair as well. Loads of my teachers that I had, then had her. I go back for a parent-teacher meeting for the big year,

you know, the exam year. And one of my old teachers says to me, they all know me, like they all know me. Do you know what I mean? And they were all the people that saw the bump and then their cheat to this bump. And one of the teachers said to me, he's like, he's like, be honest with me now, did you cheat in that history test that time?

I was like, I am I getting slack for stuff that, for homework I didn't hand in 22 years ago? I was like, are you for real? That's it for this episode of Parenting Hell.