Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - It started with a mix

Episode Date: July 10, 2026

More adventures in parenting and beyond with Rob and Josh... This ep it's a bit of inbox correspondence from the listeners and some of the best bits from our guests this series while we take a short break. Back very soon with series 13!!! 1. Harry Hill 2. Lauren Laverne 3. Tom Davis 4. Chantel Nash Listen and / or watch the full episodes on Spotify. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Parenting Hell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xxx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Yeah. Josh, I love the summer holiday, aside from being asked for an ice cream every 32 seconds. Well, Rob, that is why it's an ideal time to get them a free Monzo Kids account, help build confidence and independence with their money. You can instantly send money or set up regular pocket money, and parents still have full visibility and control from their own Monzo app. Unlike the requests for ice creams from the kids. Monzo's award-winning kids account, search Monzo.

For children aged 6 to 15, parent or guardian account. account needed first UK residents only, T's and C's apply. Hello, you're listening to Parents in Hell with... Ralph, can you say Rod Beckett? Rob Beckett. Teddy, can you say Josh Whittaker? Josh Whittaker. Good job. Give you sound clap.

There we go, a little bit of extra in the end. Bit weird. Weird. Ted and Ralph. It's just people having fun, mate. Ted and Ralph Rob. Why don't you try and have a laugh now and again? This is, um...

Do you imagine the track to the podcast where you actually don't like each other? Because I know it's happened in the past with people. Oh, it's happening in the present. No, how dare you? Not us. No, not us like there's other podcasts at the moment. Do I know? It's bound to be, isn't that?

No, but not only for a fact. Well, I've heard about one, but I don't think it's true. Can you tell me we believe it? Really. That's what I've heard. I can see that. Anyway, carry on. Yeah, I'll put Dom's or bread.

Mike, could you cover our mouths? No, and I'll leave the subtitles on as well. Of course. Could you cover our mouths now? Yes, I cut away to the other person. Right. Okay, so what I'm going to do to mess you up, Michael, is start saying it back again immediately.

So this is this constant cutting. I'm going to do that thing that footballers do now. Oh, yeah, do the big footballers, yeah. Yeah, we can't believe something. Who can't do? Anyway, sorry, who was that on that? Ted and Ralph, which is the name of Rob, the characters from the far show, of course. Yes, absolutely.

Fear, my son's Teddy, four and a half, Ralph, two and a half, both proud members of the December birthday club, because we clearly ignored the warning after the first one, truly dead for planning. We thought we'd make Rob's life easy with the accent this week, although knowing parenting how that it was somehow still end up in a debate. Oh, it's too long ago. I've stopped guessing where they're from, aren't I? Okay, Essex. There we go.

Thanks for the podcast. It's made many a Celtic bath time and double nap time tidy, more bearable and of course for staying sexy and relatable. Keep on snogging. She hasn't said that. No, but that's what we're trying to get snogging back on the agenda. Do you want a quick, before we are bringing the best of? Yeah.

Do you want a quick game of imagine this? Yeah. What people enjoy to imagine this. Someone, Andy Patterson's got a situation. and they want us to imagine. Okay. I'll read it out. Do you want to go first?

Yeah. Imagine a retired police dog looking for part-time vacancies to keep him busy. Great. Brilliant. Okay, he's sat in an armchair. I could like a coffee.

And he's, but he's sat like a human. And he's got a pair of glasses on the end of his nose and he's reading the paper. Looking for vacancies. Okay. Looking for vacancies.

It's a great, Imagine this. Mine is so close to Josh's. So mine was a Basset hound sat in a lazy boy arm. Yeah, nice. He's reading a big newspaper like an old watch vacancy section. And he's got a pair of glasses perched on the end of his nose.

Yeah, perfect. Well, what did you have, Josh? What did you have? I don't think it was a Basset hound. It was just a generic dog. I don't know enough about dogs. That it was just a generic kind of medium to large size dog. Right.

Okay. Yeah. because of, well, mine actually, very differently. Mine's like a German shepherd. Yeah, mine's a German shepherd, but he's sort of got what is like a Chief Wiggum police shirt on with his badge that sort of a bit faded. And he's sort of like, not running, but sort of jogging.

What's a, when a dog's jog? But around the perimeter of a fence, and he can sort of see the proper younger dogs in their working. He sort of like, oh, yeah, yeah. So I'm here if you need a hand. And he's just around the edge of a, yeah, That's what I had anyway. Mine's a bit more of an active looking for vacancies.

But anyway, that's imagine this. Lovely game. A lovely game. I've imagined this. Do you know what we need? We need to be sponsored by an AI company so they can draw that for us, as we say, live. In the meantime, though, here is the best off.

Enjoy. When we got our cat cremated, our cat died, and they gave us the form. The food was costing us too much. And there was two levels of fee. One was ashes, and the other was the ashes of your specific cat. So some people who can't afford it

are just paying all the cats are going in, and then you just get a bit of that. Just get some generic cat ashes. Welcome to the show. We had a dog. It's a very sweet dog. It was my wife's dog originally. And she had diabetes.

And so you had to get a dog. give these, you know, insulin, it was quite a responsibility. Yeah. And we went on holiday, and we were nervous about going holiday, so we left it with the breeder,

this lady that knew the dog really well. And we went away, we came back, we went to go and pick the dog up, and she said, I'm afraid the dog died. I didn't want to phone you because they didn't want to support your holiday,

but your dog died, and she handed us a receipt to go and pick up the ashes from the wets. Oh. And charges for the kennel. Not the whole duration. No. Up to death.

Up to death. No. Yeah. And was it a diabetes death? Was it helpful for not being on top of the... We haven't had the results of the inquest yet. I don't even think is the vet equivalent of Quincy. Turning out right there.

Or, you know, CSI, whatever it is. So, Harry, how many kids do you got? And have you got a dog? Well, one at a time, guys. Sorry. What have you learned over the last four years? Nothing. Last time I was here.

Well, it's the first time I've done it in person. We did it on Zoom before you was in your office. Yeah. I was listening to it on the way in because I was trying to remember what I talked about. Oh, yeah. So you've got three children. There's something you said that always sticks with me. Before you say anything, I've got a message for you from my wife.

Oh. She said to me, what are you doing? I said, oh, I'm, she said, why are you in the outfit? Oh, no. And she said, I thought that was over. I said, no, there's still some. Are you tempted to drop the outfit, though? Or is it, well, forever be the outfit?

It's just easier, isn't it? It's easier to put it on. Is it? Anyway, I said, I'm doing that parenting hell thing. She said, yeah, I got a message for those two. Oh. She said, parenting hell. She said, any wife of a comedian will know who does the parenting.

It's not the comedians. Oh, my word. Well, I tell you what she... That comes from grim first-hand experience, isn't it? I tell what she'd like to buy, Lou Beckett's book called The Lessons from Default Parity. for parent and she's written a book very much about that. Oh, really? About being the one that does all the parents. And do you feel that's fair on you, Harry?

A comedy widow. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. But do you feel like you've done more parenting now that you're older and the kids are older, or I've stopped parenting now? Oh, have you? Yeah.

How old are your kids? I had a cutoff. I said, you know, we stopped parenting at 20. I think it's 21, isn't it? You're on your own? I'm kidding. I'm kidding, but you know, you're not like. I don't think you are, really.

You know, I think you are. You've drawn an imaginary line and if they come home and go, Dad, this is going on. Yeah, well, good for you. Yeah, my wife, because our kids live near us. Yeah. We see a lot of them. Yeah. And she said, oh, it's coming around again tonight.

So how old are, though? 28, 27 and 21. This is what I remember vividly of the first one. I don't know why it stuck with me. was you saying that you weren't sure about having a third child. That's right, yeah. But then it was the best decision you ever made. Oh, why are you thinking about...

No, but there's something that stuck with me about that. I tell you what it was. It's very rare that you see into the soul of Harry Hill, the person. Do you know what I mean? It felt like a genuine moment of deep emotion from you. Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, it was a blur that. Because we had two, you know, we had the Irish twins thing, the year between them.

And it was just like absolute, you know, you had that double pram. Yeah, we had the double pram. Trying to get that into, you know, an automatic door. Watching your wife trying to move that into a doorway. You approach the door, you know, with the double pram, you've got to sort of maneuver it in, the door shuts. Or you've got to get it airports. So was it, sorry, driver and passenger or front and back? What?

The double pram. Is it front and back? Side by side. Side by side. Yeah, side by side. Yeah, the double decker came in, I think, after we... Yeah, but also it's unfair for the undercarriage child.

Yeah. Just looking at the ass, like, the back... It's not very nice. Can't see anything. No. The back of a pantomime board. Then there was briefly, there's the buggy board. Remember the buggy board?

We had a buggy board. That was fun. Oh, that's rubbish. But they don't really want to go on that off for a couple of runs. They want to go in the pram. Yeah. Yeah, because it stops picking a laugh very quickly. Yeah, and it's obviously it's much easier if they're in a pram.

Yeah. But you do see, I think it's always funny, you see those kids, sort of wandering around blue water or something, and there's like a great big kid in a friend. Like a seven-year-old or something. A dummy. Did you ever go Disney? You see there's so much walking.

You do get 11-year-olds in the pram still because they're so tired. So I went to your show at Shepherd's Bush. Oh, yeah. I briefly dropped into the after drinks, but you didn't show. I was there? I know. But I... You ran off, you mean.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because I remember coming around. You do wait long enough for him. I gave it 20 minutes. I was like, he's obviously giving some kind of producer

a roasting backstage from Miss Q. Yeah. You get this thing where, you know, people come, friends come to see the show. And then the speed with which they find their way backstage is a bit of a wind up to me.

You come off, you're drenched in sweat. You just want to breathe a, knock, knock on the door. Yeah. Oh, hello. Yeah. The reason I bring this up is your daughter was there.

Yeah. and I thought, what's it like? They were all there, all three of them. All three of them. One was dressed as stufer, one was dressed as Gary, and one was dressed as the ice cream. Oh, wow, so they all took part in the show. Yeah, at the end, they come on as the...

Oh, so, and what's that like? Is that a very... It's been brilliant. Yeah, so they've done the whole tour? No, they... No, not at such a loose end as that. Because the wife could have gone on stage as well. My wife wouldn't know.

She doesn't like come and see the show, let them... they'll have been in it she goes where are you going so I've got She was Bush tonight Why aren't you in the alpha

I changed into it when I get there No because you know Like I said before I always sort of discouraged them Coming along the kids

Yeah And this time Because they're older They came along And it was just great Because Because you can't see Their face

So there's You know Winnie's in the in the, she's 27, she's in the stufer costume. Yeah. She can see me, but I can't see her face. But somehow, just by the way she's dancing, I know it's her. And I, and I would always kind of forget, because they would come, maybe, you know, maybe

the youngest did more, maybe did about two weeks of it, on and off. And I paid? I think I did say I was going to pay them. But I didn't. And then Freddie would come on as Gary. So she's got the thing, and then Gary's head sticking out of the top. She can't see it. And she would come and she said to me,

I'll come on and I'll maybe do a little dance with you. And I thought, yeah, okay. She comes on. And of course, they're her hands. Yeah. But they look like Gary's hands. And she just takes my hand. And you just, I just know, oh, it's Friggins hand.

It's like a real, actually really affecting and sweet. Yeah. And it's the first time I thought, well, maybe, you know, be great if one of them did go into it. But none of them gone into performing. No. They're all funny. But I mean, I think everyone's kids are funny, aren't they?

Yeah. I don't think we talked about this last time, because I don't think I realised it, but you've got hell of a kind of kid following through Junior Bakeoff. Yes, yeah. Well, I had kids following me from you've been framed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And TV Burb, you know, so it's funny on this last tour,

because I didn't tour regularly for a while. Yeah. And I get these guys coming on the 25-year-olds, and they're going, Harry, you were my childhood. Can I hug you? Oh, really? Yeah.

Very like 25, late 20s maybe. Yeah. And then you get these, you know, little and sort of 10-year-olds. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah. Because you did a podcast sort of aimed at younger kids. Now you've got a new podcast coming out. There's still family-friendly.

I love the way he's good, isn't it? He's very good. He did a great one the other day. What was that one? That was really good. Oh, Prince Nazim Hamid. It's so easy for me. I don't like doing it all the time.

That's him? Well, let me jump on that. Yeah, I've got a new podcast. Are you going to go down the barrel for this? Yeah, straight down the baza. Is that my barrel? I've got a new podcast out. It's called the Harry Hill Show, and we're video, you know, like everyone's videoing.

Yeah, yeah. And I basically... It's a TV show now, but you've got your all control over. It's basically cheap TV. But it's sort of repeating history. So, you know, once upon it was radio. Yeah. And then someone said, oh, we could film it, and then that was TV.

And now it was podcast. I said, hey, we could film it. Come on, guys, wake up. We're already doing this. I mean, we'll just fall in. We all just fall in and do it. Oh, you got a video? Yeah, all right, we video it.

And, because you were doing it from home before. This is a real drag for you, right? I live in Devon now as well. But actually, the interviews are a lot more fun. We're loving the face-to-face interviews. Well, you say that. And now you've got teenagers? Yes, so they're 15 and 18 now.

And does that feel like you're kind of almost, is it quite chilled? For me, yes. I mean, everyone has different experiences. I am a big fan of the teenage years. Are you? Because I hear a lot of people complaining about it and sometimes I'm sure with really good reason.

But I feel like people are quite negative about the teen years. And I sort of think as a parent, I'd quite like to be a champion of them. Like there were definitely, you know, big, difficult things about being a parent of teenagers. You get, like, adult-sized problems that your children are dealing with for the first time, and that's quite hard. You know, when your kids are sort of muddy puddles ages, like, something goes wrong. You can kind of manage it for them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

At these ages, that starts to change. I'm still at the age where I think I can fix everything, but you just can't do that. You can't. You know, and your role becomes, you become more of, like, a supporting actor than, like, a main protagonist. Do you know what you mean? So that's definitely like a tricky transition, but I'm such a big fan of the teenagers. I love it. It's, I mean, apart from the fact that like it's just so exciting, you know, seeing all of these firsts, like, you know, who your kids are going to be.

You get a real sense of them as grown-ups, the way you hang out together, you know, the things that they love. You can kind of share the stuff that they're into with you. Like my eldest came up to me last night and he was like, mum, if you have heard goldfraps, felt mountain. And I was like, yeah, yeah, I have music. Good album, good album. Because they've got all music at their fingertips because of. Yeah, they know, that's the weird thing. It's like kids know all music.

So the other week I was playing, we had a playlist of my husband's on. And my god, my goddaughter, who's around our house a lot, my best friend's daughter, she was like, is this to Pesh mode? And my 15-year-old one, yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's enjoy the silence or whatever it was. You know, like, they know... It's great for... The algorithm for music's great,

because if you go out quite like this song, it will literally bring you up 10 other songs like that from the last 60 years. And they just know everything. So my 18-year-old, he's really into, like, everything from hip-hop to, you know, alternative indie. But he's got, like, a three-hour, like, Stan Getz, Bossanova playlist. Do you know what I mean? It's three-hour boss-and-over playlist.

Yeah. He's from Boston-over to do you know what? drum and bass, they know all of it. Because back in the day, if you like music, say you're into like heavy metal, you'd have to go, it'll be like your older brother might have a mate at school who was into heavy metal. The gatekeeper. Yeah, and you've gone and speak to them and have like five songs or an album.

But now you can just, the whole internet is there to access it. It's incredible. Yeah. He's going to make some like incredible artists in the next 20 years. Well, I mean, I think it is, you know, on a serious point, I do think that's why, you know, we look at like the breakdown of genres. Sort of starting, I think, in the mid-noughties, you can see an artist. like Amy Winehouse.

To me she represents like the beginning of that sort of digital culture where all the reference points exist in perpetuity on the internet. So she's got this kind of Shangri-Lars sound, but she's got a very kind of colloquial modern way of writing her lyrics. And then this kind of soulful voice. So all these different kind of non-contemporary influences coming together. And that's sort of what modern music is. You know, modern pop music is very literate in all those things.

You know what? that's the best point we've ever had made on it. I'm going to pass that off as my own. Please do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wasn't it my, my, I sort of, my perception of it, though, wasn't it? Rob set it up, yeah. You two have come up with it and I'm going to use it.

Swooping. Yeah, swoop in. The humble jog. If you could just chip that bit out, Michael. My wife said, when I said that you were on this, she said, oh, she said something I loved, Lauren LeVern. She said that when she had kids, it was great. because she stopped trying to be cool. Oh, yeah, very much so.

I mean, it's humbling, isn't it? Obviously, every parent knows this. It's just a massive kind of exercising, ego death, basically. Yeah, I think for me it was good. I was relatively young when I had kids, so I had my first son at, I guess, 28, 29, and then my second one, I was 30, 31. We're of that generation where that's considered, like, young.

Yeah, well, the funny thing was, I remember after I had my first son, There was only me and my best friend had kids at the same time. Nobody else that I knew had kids. Nobody else had sort of got to that point yet, really. And I went out with my auntie. And she came down to London to see the baby. My auntie Jean and my mom was already there.

And we all went out to a cafe and I remember my auntie Jean going, the good thing is, pet, you're an older mother. And I promise you, I felt like I was about like 15 with this baby. I'm going to do with this baby. you know, just felt so out of my depth. But she was like, oh, 29, you know, practically a grandma kind of thing. So it's funny that. How was it being like down south, though, in a sort of industry where being a mum at that age

and taking time off and, you know, people, and women's bodies were so under the microscope that whole time and being away for your family. How was it stressful? Was it worrying? Well, also this is 20 years ago nearly, right? So it was a very different time. So, I mean, I got, I think, four weeks maternity leave with my first son. Oh my God. What were you doing?

I was doing a TV show and while I was off, I was getting texts from people on the TV show going, oh, such and such is after your job. Oh my God. Yeah, to scare you into coming back. Oh my God. So, you know, it was a different industry back then. Yeah, yeah. I mean, luckily I was always able to work part-time, which really helped.

But, you know, when I had my kids, I really had no expectation that I would be able to continue to have a career. I was doing more. I was doing radio on TV at that. point and I just sort of thought oh well this probably I'm going to have to go to university when they're old enough I thought my husband would keep working and then and because we were both working in telly he was working in production and and then weirdly it just over the next couple of years we had another baby and then actually I was about to have that second baby just all went and things in my

career started to take off and the maths just changed you know suddenly it was one of those things where actually if If I go out to work for the afternoon, hard time, it's more sensible if I do that. And you are here with the kids, so then we're sort of switched. Because was TV, because I, obviously, I'm originally aware of you as a pop star long.

Wow, that's a stretch. Yeah, in a band. And so then I knew you're in a band. And then was TV a decision, or did you kind of drift into it from that? Just fell into it from being on Buzzcocks and things like that. You know, I was on those sorts of shows. And then in those days,

there was so much telly right so this is like pre-internet there was like hours and hours of cable telly to fill up so you got put on cable so there was people just going like oh do you want to do a bit of present because if you're funny or you know you look the part or whatever they would say oh do you want to do you want to do you know what I did it was great shoe money do you know what I mean I just thought fun why not and then I did some radio cover what's that phrase shoe money shoe money you know so it's just like yeah just like make but a little bit of money here and they spend it on shoes fine but no so I'd sort of fell into doing the telly and then actually got the chance to do a bit of radio and I really loved that

yeah there was something about that that I thought oh this is good because it's I always say it's showing off in private you know you're yeah yeah you're hidden away but you get to do because I'm not really a kind of being out the front type person I'm actually a little bit more of an introvert really all kind of a kind of stumble and find of her? Yeah, really it was. I mean, I was supposed to go to university and you know, I imagined having

it, like my dad was an academic and I thought I would, I wanted to be a historian, you know, and work at a university like he did and I wanted to have an office that was like full of books and have music on really loud like he used to. He was a sociologist and actually I

kind of have got that life but like in a very roundabout way and via via a different sort of means. I've now got my room that's full of books and records, but I just weren't about it. But the records is the thing that's paying the money, rather than the books. This episode

is brought to you by Tesco Club Card. Big news for thrill seekers, and I consider you one of them, Rob. Thank you. Yes, you can get a two-person day ticket to a Merlin theme park for £56 when you book using Clubcard vouchers. So, Josh, what we're saying? What's your favourite type of ride?

You've heard a lot from me and Lou and my kids about ride. I don't get it from you. I feel like you're a ride curious. Do you know what I like, Rob? I like a big drop. I like a big drop. I hate the drop. I hate it and I love it.

Do you know what I mean? It makes my stomach go. That's the fun of it, Rob. That's the fun. No, go. No, I can't do the drop. And I sit down and I clasped myself in and I'm scared and I hate it and I don't want to go on it. And as soon as I've gone on it, I never want to go on it again.

But for that moment when I'm falling. I think this is the best thing that's ever happened. Either that, Rob, or a pirate ship. I do love a pirate ship. What, the swinging one? Yeah. No. You love drops.

You love that little feeling in your belly, don't you? Oh, I love the little tickle in my belly. Little drop, dude. Rob, if that's got you in the mood, right, you can get two tickets to a Merlin theme park from 56 pounds when you book using club card vouchers. You can book at Alton Towers, Thought Park, Chessington and Legoland Windsor resort. You need to exchange it with reward partners, but you can exchange as little as 50p to one pound and then pay the difference and still be eligible.

Book between the 30th of June and the 20th of July for any bookable date until the 1st of September 2026. Teas and Cesar Apply. Book now so you don't miss out. Visit tesco.com slash latest from Clubcard. This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales.

using automation, analytics and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. Tom, welcome back to the podcast. We've had you on before, but it was on Zoom. And it was a little bit more of a heavier one. We spoke a lot about your soul.

Let's see how heavy it gets. We don't have to go heavy again. We may go heavy again. I apologize to Rommish publicly. Yeah, I did feel bad because I sort of announced the surrogacy story here. Yeah. And to be fair, that's how I chose to announce it to the world. Obviously, at the time I was on a tour as well, I needed to sell some tickets.

Yeah, of course. But yeah, they're back on tour. Yeah, and I'm back here again. But, you know, it was a heavy one. It was actually an incredible thing. I've got to say doing this. And the amount of people still now who reach out about that journey, which is, you know, kind of, I guess, why you do these and you talk about it.

And I've got to give you both your flowers, because you're so beautiful. And the tour. The tour's the other reason you do it, isn't it? Yeah, I mean, yeah, the tour is. Your new tour, Spudgan, which is the reason you're here. Yeah, especially you love us and, you know, beautiful. And my daughter.

Do you know what, Tom, we'll give you the options. You can discuss the importance of surrogacy or your tour today. No, I'm not definitely talking about the tour. I'll chat about the sorrogacy. Or just your daughter in general or the tour. Weirdly, my daughter now basically is the tour. How old is she? Four.

Why is it called Spug Gun? That was a nickname given to me on building sites. Oh, you're called After Bottom? I think it was, yeah, after bottom. Because there was a character in a Spuggan. Yeah, who was a bit of a, you know, I suppose he was the idiot of the group in a sense, right? Spuggan from... Big sort of lumbering loser.

Oh, yeah. It goes one potato or two. Remember that? No. I love how you sort of said it in such a sort of big lumbering loser. And I know you, Rob. You're joining the dots. I know you well enough, Rob, to know that you've described me that way at some point.

Well, no, never. You're not. A very funny man, good friend, good guy. No, but I thought it was that. And then someone told me it was actually because they thought it's what you called a younger man who didn't feel like he had, like, he wouldn't shoot sperm, he'd shoot, like, watery. Oh, right? Yeah. And they were right?

I'll take that. I'll tell you. I have literally, I talk so much about this very subject in the new tour. Thank you for the segue in. So is that what the tour's about then, that linked between that or not? No, no, it's more about it's about the tour's about the

link between that. I'm just trying to get it back on track though. Yeah, but it's about the tour's about perception. But a lot of the tour, you know, you've both got kids. I think it's almost, you can't help but a lot of the material linking back to having children. They just, they're all, every day, there's something that you get with them that becomes your material.

and they do funnier stuff than and she's a quite, I mean How old is she now? Four. Four. So is she the year before school? Yeah, she's just, yeah, yeah. Yeah, she's in a little nursery.

How are you feeling about school? I mean, she's very much like I was in a lot of ways. Seven foot? Yeah, she's, no, she's six foot three at the moment. But, you know, when did you get to 18, we'll see. She's, um, no, she's, she's, she's, her attentions, but I mean, she's four, but there's an element of like, yeah, she's a little, comedian, she's very funny. She takes

a piss and she has a joke. She's just learnt the word fanny. American or British? I mean, she watches a lot of Kardashians. We've got a... All right. I'm like, you know, football dads. I'm looking at the Kardashians, like, sort of... Project Kim. Project Kim and get her right, doing

makeup tutorials. That's a future, right? Influenced. She's got a phone now. The thing is, everyone's an influencer now. So are we influencing each, the other influence? Yeah, but the thing is we all influence each other, so she's in such small ways. Are we stoned? God, that was, that was really fucking deep. You influenced me someday.

I'd get influenced. What's your goal? You're now in the golf. I'm a golf influencer now. I've done two videos. That's the thing I find about being a dad now. It's the very idea of going out for four hours. Yeah, but yeah, but you're...

I couldn't... I wanted to do it when my kids were your age. But now that 8 and 10 and the tours coming down, I've got time because they're both in school. So you're going to do it weekdays when your kids are school. My plan is to be able to go, like, drop the kids at school on a Monday and then go to the golf course. right after the school drop

and then pick them up and that'll be my day off because you're basically retired footballer now yeah that's been that when you want to be in your older

not even a football I'm not even a footballer yeah yeah that's the best job yeah yeah so that's what I'm trying to do how many days a week you're gonna do

because didn't you know Jamie Redden that well he does loads to say yeah I don't think as much since he's done his knees but what I love about you as well

because you could be like retired football but it's not like like Stuart Ripley like he won the Premier League but people were sort of like do I mean you're not yeah yeah

I wouldn't be to go down as a sort of Wayne Rooney type. I've got time now, they're both in school, but when yours goes to school full time, you'll have so much time back. So you'll be pulling up at the school, golf bag in the back of your car? Yeah, chuck them out, straight to the calls.

High five a few of the guys. Probably receive some quite questionable, political and racial views. Try and block that out and just head down the fair way. No, no, honestly, I'm not filming for Sky. I won't be bringing him down, so you say. Yeah, it's okay, it's just me. It is bizarre when you go into those places.

Yeah, there is an old time, a weird world of golf. Like, old types of men. Do you go to the 19th and have a beer at the 19th? Do they call that? Yeah, they're struggling with the golf banter. Yeah, it's, the banter's not great. On paper, I'd say, if you ask me to describe the people that would most annoy you, it would be rich men on a golf course.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I found that. Which, you know, I am now. Do you know the word, do you know? Let's not, let's be honest about this. Yeah, yeah. I fall in that category.

Do you know what's bizarre that is when they start having banter about, like, because we all have this thing where, you know, the very nature of what we do for a living. Yeah. People jump through, like, the process of what they think they know you. So if you met just any other guy down there, you'd slowly get to know him. You start having banter.

Well, I notice with playing golf is that people have banter straight away. Yeah. So as soon as you hit a ball, badly. There's no like, you know, oh yeah, I'll wait for him to. They're literally fire into you. Straight in. And they walk up and watch your puck. Yeah. Oh, well. Can I tell you? So I had the two interactions I had, right? So there's guys on another hole. Okay. So Tom, what's it like being a dad? What I love is I listen to this podcast and it's so thinly veiled.

It's like Neshire. You can see through. to it as a place to get advice. And I've actually text, both of you, I think, I've certainly text Beckett for advice as being a father. But when I listen to...

Interesting you've listened to me and never thought... Normally, they ask me about holidays. I'm not asking about holidays, yeah. But now it was like, but it was very like,

oh, these two are in, I think like a similar situation that I'm in now. Yeah. So I probably should go back and listen to it. But I listen to the more regular ones. I'm like,

okay, yeah, this is the bit I'm looking forward. I could skip through the first two, Lord of the Ring movies and just get to the end where they'll sell away on the boat. Well, tell us you two golfing. Well, one, I was putting and the guy literally

walked away from his hole to come to my hole to watch me part. And is that without saying like a wanker, because you're Rob Beckett? Yeah, that's more, that's not a golfing that's actually really frowned upon. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You should just let people get on with it. It's like standing in someone's view and they're potting

in Snooker. Yeah. Yeah, he's exactly that. So anyway, he's quite nice guy. And come up to me and he's like, hey, get in on, no, three under. I was on a hole two. And he was like, oh, you're doing well in winter.

I was like, no, I'm joking. And I went, not doing well, actually. I was like, five,

seven, six, nine, ten. And it's, oh, sounds like a phone number. And I went, well,

it doesn't, because they start with zeros. Yeah, yeah. And then we wouldn't say 10. You wouldn't say 10. You'd say one zero.

And then this is quite, I've never had this before. This guy come up to me, I'd hit a ball so off the hole, like onto the other hole. And so I'm able to go onto their fair way and I'm like oh sorry and he's like no worries he comes over to me he says

hello he's like oh hi loo rob i'm at and so i's introducing me that you should just let someone have someone have been quiet this band comes up to me i've already got a man behind me waiting to tea off i'm with someone so i'm not and i'm i've hit it about three times shittily off the tea so it's gone right over this i'm trying to do it's like oh hello nice to meet you i'm so and so and i was all right he went i'm fascinated by my work i do oh well well good for you he's best by his work what his work what's the weirdest thing anyone's there's Then he goes, I specialize in high performance in sport and life. Oh, fuck off.

And it's very hard to say you don't need that when you're already on someone else's hull. Yeah, yeah. I'm looking for mid-level performance, actually. Also, he's not hoovering up, shit golf. He's got to be looking at top-top people. He's not going there. Well, I don't know, but like, anyway, so he was like, I specialize in helping people achieve high performance in this and all that. And then he said, would you be interested in that?

And by this point, it's raining, I'm stressing. I went, no. It is, I can't tell you now, there's a lot of that. And I would say that people, the thing about it is... But it's good that you're getting to relax in your working day, Rob. Here he goes. Here he goes. A businessman.

He's a fucking turning on me because he's tired. I think there's a sort of... Can I tell Tom about you last week? You're going to love this. Go on. I saw Ramesh on Saturday. When you was doing Radio 2. When we were both working, yeah.

And we were like, the subject of you came up. Yeah. Oh, God, he's doing a golf thing now. just keeps going, doesn't he does so much? These two said at Radio too. Sucking from the corporate tea. I'm a little influencer, a little creator out there that's fucking earning his shift. So,

you're parenting? I am, I'm actually parenting now. Since I last came on it, yeah. He's like, oh, would you have a little baby, wasn't you? Really young. Yeah, really young. And I remember at the end of it, sort of saying, I'll never be a situation where I sort of look at her

and sort of push laughs or sort of curse her not sleeping. And yeah, that lasted all of, like, about six months. Yeah. Because it's crazy, that. Like, we've, we've had in and out of bed. We've been, like, I mean, in our bed. We're all, we, oh, me and Josh both have some slight sleeping issues with the kids at points. It's hard.

Are you all in the same bed at the moment, then? No, no, no. She's back in her room now. All night? Yeah, well, yeah. Like, we had a thing where, I was filming at the end of the last year. I'm still nicking a bit of work where I can. Yeah.

I'm not in your league now, boys, but I'm not. So, what's, she's in her own room? So she's in her own room. But yeah, the end of last year, I was away working, and she sort of crept back in. Yeah. I think that's the problem for comedians is if there's a gap in the bed, how can you say no to your kid that comes in a night?

And then all of a sudden you're back off tour and there's three of you in there. So then she spent quite a lot of time. Then over Christmas we were sort of like, she was on a mattress on the floor. Because you're big as well. Like, so what size bed have you got? You can't say it like that. He's called Big Tom!

Yeah, I know he's, well, yeah, true. You don't help yourself. He said it in such a lot. Because you're big, as well. You're bigger. Because you're like, what's going on there? Like, bleh. And you know, you must need a special bed.

Oh, man, I went for medical recently. And the guy analysed me like I was a freak. It was so awkward. Literally going, and you haven't had any problems with your heart? And I went, no, no of, really. And he went, okay. And then he gets out, like, the dick to phone to leave sort of like. Get out of the dick.

To find. Yeah, he went, well, this is out of the dick. He goes, this isn't in keeping me the rest of your snatch up. That's odd, isn't it? That's off. This is a penis of a five for two, man. So it's like Josh Winniquins' penis. He was in last week.

Hello, little fella. What a nice surprise. But he goes, he starts doing a thing where he goes, worth having some heart checks due to the fact he has abnormal hands. Abnormal hands? His head maybe is slight on abnormalities with his forehead. and he starts, and you know, you're looking,

and I'm thinking, if I had small hands, I'd look fucking ridiculous. Yeah, but. But you, I didn't say you're out of proportion. No, the way he made me feel in this situation. You've got quite a narrow little waist, a little sexy little samba waist, didn't you? It was got narrow and it was.

How much have you lost? So, going into COVID, I was about, I think, about $4,600, 248 kilograms, and I'm down about $122 now. Wow. You've lost 26 kilos. 26 kilos? What's that in stone? Four, five stone?

So, yeah, about four, five stone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So how did you, have you managed to do that with, like, a baby, having a baby. What should be? I stopped drinking was a big thing, eating well. And also, there's a big part of me, which was having a little baby at the night, you know, sort of what was she, so I was 42. And I wanted to be as sort of like, around as like a... So you was 42 when she was born?

Yeah. So, but I also wanted to be out of do, you know, run about. And so, and I was in a position where I just thought I'm not able to do that. So, yeah. And so I prioritised just, even now, I sort of like getting as many steps as you can. I know that you have a bug bearer. You get an over the steps thing. Do I know?

No, no, I thought you did. It's made up, though. Here he goes. Don't get him on his eye off by steps. If he has, if he's not fucking badgered my ears about steps over the years. I'm actually in favour of steps. I think it's a good thing. Yeah, yeah.

So I always, yeah, I think. I love that cover of a tragedy. Oh, there we go. That you didn't believe that, did you? No. Your heart went in that. You tried to wiggar your glasses to give it more. Did you know what it was?

Everything's an audition for Strictly with this guy. Anyway. It's, uh, it's move. It's move he's week, so let's get on with it, Tom. And here he is, it's Frankenstein. Again. You can't do this. It's the only competition.

It's the only outfit we've got for him. Here we go. Someone's already claiming this is our year. Someone else said that last year too. A round of Jameson, Ginger, and Lime arrives at a table. Smooth enough for kickoff, smooth enough for extra time. New friends pulling up a stool. Debates about whether that was a handball.

Cheers rising like a roar around the room. Because match days are about the shared moments. How did Jameson to your match day lineup? Jameson, it's what you bring. Please enjoy our products responsibly. Hello. How old are your kids? They are seven and four. Well, first of all, Shantel Nash, welcome to the podcast.

We should do it proper. Yeah. It's because you know each other so well. Well, not so well. It's our first time. It's your first time. Yes. Hello.

Thank you very much. I'm Shantel Nash. Hello. And you know Josh from doing his tour support. I do know Josh from doing tour support a couple dates in the home counties region. We've done quite a few. I reckon. Is it that many?

Feels like it. Okay, thanks, thanks Josh He's really good at making our guest Philities, so comfortable, so welcome But no, we have, that's where... We did that really hot one in Bedford Yeah, there was that hot one in Bedford It was boiling

It was absolutely boiling Yeah, they were hot, if I'm honest And they put Karen from Strickley in the front row Oh, yeah, that was a good one Yeah, that was a good one Because I met Karen from Strickley So thank you very much for being my gateway, My Gateway drug to Karen

which was very nice. The gateway drug to Karen is gin and six years of age. But yes, I'm Shantau. I've got two kids. They're six, no, seven, seven and four. So my daughter called Etta is seven, and my son Otis is four. And Etta turned seven in January. So fresh seven.

Oh, wow. Yeah, and my son's birthday is in October. And he's starting school in September? Starting school in September. Desperate to get to school already. He's been at nursery for like two years because it's like a school nursery. And there are days where he, He will like, to get to the school, you kind of turn right for nursery, turn left for reception.

And there are days where he will like break free from my grip and run to the reception door. Just try to break into the classroom. It's like, because all of his friends from the year before I've already got up to receptions. So he's like, try screaming his friend's name. Like, let me in. I just want to see. So this is going to be the least stressful first out of school through? The least stressful transition.

The most stressful thing will be if he doesn't get into the school. Oh, God. Oh, no. Oh, my. You said something beforehand, which we've never covered before, which is your children do child modelling. Yes, they do. So how did that happen?

So that happened with my daughter. Is it like, because Kate Moss was like walking on the tube, wasn't she? And someone said, you've got to become a model. Yeah. It's hard to be a talent spot for children models, is it? Creepy. Very creepy. Just trying to get that body odour, the long hair, the look.

Somebody once actually at a train station, I was on my phone. And they came over and I was like, oh, excuse me, do you, know anyone who would do modelling? Would you do modelling? And I looked up and it was like, or if you've got any friends who would like to? Like, took one look at me. It was like, no, actually.

If you've got mates. I was like, okay, thanks. So yes, my kids do child modelling. So basically, my daughter was born. And obviously, like anyone else, you think your child is the most beautiful thing in the world. Because you're, as a woman, particularly, you're genetically, hormonally hardwired to think that.

Because really, if there's anything else in the world that caused you the amount of pain that a child has, You'd kill it on site. Yeah, exactly. You would. But no, it's like, oh, it's so beautiful. So basically my partner, Richie was like, she's a really cute. She's a really cute baby.

She was a really cute baby. He's like, yeah, of course she's cute. And he did kid modelling when he was little. I've not seen Richard. Is he fit? Is it a dynasty? Oh, I think he's lovely, but you know. I have a type.

But he was basically, when he was a kid, he was the face of the, I don't know, I don't say this actually. The Cream Egg McFlurry when it launched. You can say that. Yeah, I don't know. You might have to pay McDonald's $10 million. No, no. I'm going to Google the Cream Egg MacFloery launch.

Yeah, you might go to find it. So I've got like a four-foot bus poster of him age 13 in our house. Oh, wow. And it's going to be, it'll be going up. So he was like, you know, I did modelling. They could do modelling. And so we reached out to the child model agent that he was with. And they were still in business at the time.

And they were like, sent over a picture, a number of her. And they're like, yeah, we'll take her on. You know, it's, you know. No, just going off their nose. No, it's like, yeah, we'll have another one to add to the cattle. Yeah, yeah. Because the main criteria for being a baby model is just being a baby. That's it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was a baby model? She was three months. She was three months. Three months, yeah. She did loads of stuff. She did stuff for boots. She was in a centre park's advert.

She's got a TV credit before me. That is the truth. Is she still do it or is it just as a baby? So she does it. Her model agency, they decide to retire. So we need to find her a new wage. If anyone would like to do my job, what's it like?

What's it like when your child's... What's the day like? The day, like when you've got to... You know, self-tapes come in. And the weird thing is... Self-tape? Yeah, for kids. The weird thing is...

For babies? Yeah, so you have to like... You've got to rename that, mum tape or bad tape. You can't call self-tape. Yeah, it's self-tape, but you don't remember yourself. But you've got the baby on your lap and you've got to say this is, you know, so-and-so there. And actually, in baby modelling, it's not obviously about your measurements and your size. It's length.

We're looking for babies that are between 50. 55 and 106 centimetres long. No, not that bigger distance. Sorry. That's too big a gap. That's me. It's me and my. 55 to 106.

Enormous children. Honey, I shrunk the baby. You probably had to get one. Yeah, exactly. Sorry, that's not right at all. But yeah, so baby's that big as what we're looking for. And so you'd self-tape them. Yeah, so you'd have them on your lap and you'd say, this is Etta.

She's X age. She's this length. And then a close to the face, all it one of the hands, whatever they want. And then sometimes it would be like, a picture or a video of them doing something. So there was ones where it was like for a food advert. So you've got to show videos of your kids eat in ice cream messily or something like that.

And then there are other ridiculous ones that were like, if your child can say X thing at six months, you're like, no, most kids can't do that. But the thing with Richie was he was like, he's always had enormous faith in our kids. And so he's a mumager. He's the Christianer. People think it's me.

It's not me. Oh, he's the push. What does he do? He's an electrician. living vicariously through the kids did you want a caro modelling no he didn't he chose a girl with football he wasn't that sore about it but he

he just has immense faith in them and so not in a pushy like insane way that is it you know three months in get behind the camera come on get her on it get self-tapped come on off get working get grafted get those hands out get the tape measure out

and it was you have the tape measure and she did a self-tape for this series for Sky and they were looking for kids who could age I think three and up but could look two. And she wasn't even two at the time. And they had, like, lines that she had to do, this character. And I've got the self-top of her doing these lines at, like, under two.

And, like, Richie's feeding other lines, like, doing the bits back. And she's like, okay, at this time, if we could try it a little bit more, like, really going into it. Ultimately, she got the job. No. Yeah. And she was happy to do it because she's like, she's very girly. She's very confident and outgoing. There was no point where she was, like, upset.

And she did it. So when Otis was born, to her. Two weeks after he was born, she had to film this Sky TV show. So Richie went off with her for two weeks to be on set. What was the show? It was Midwitch cuckoos. Oh yeah, we advertised that on this. Yeah.

Did you? Yeah. Oh, no, yeah, I think you get. Full circle, the old midwitch cuckus. Yeah, yeah. So she was, she was in that too. And so is there loads of rules when you're on set? Yeah, they can only work for a certain amount of time.

So it's like an hour or 45 minutes and then the baby needs a break. So they have to be really quick. That's in my contrast. as well. So yeah, that's the real thing. What's the rules of that? Because, like,

they have to have a separate bank account and does the money go into their, so the parents, so what other rules are they like than tax? You're never earning that much money in a year, average of child modelling. You're not making big bucks. The first thing that her age at the time said

is like, she's not going to get cast in these tenders. You can't quit your job. I was like, okay. I wasn't thinking about that, Sally, but cool. So, yeah, you have to have a bank account registered in their name and any payments have to be made out to them direct. So either by check or direct debit to their own bank account. So you can't have access to it.

So, yeah, they've had, my kids have both have bank accounts since they were tiny. With Otis, I remember. Did he do modeling as well? Yeah, he was on the books. Richie loves it, do they? Yeah, I remember being, giving birth and... Richie had the tape measure out. The agent messaged and was like, congratulations, like I've heard the baby's born.

We have just had a request for a Saudi bank, and they're looking for a range of babies. They haven't cast the dad yet. Could you send a pick? Oh, wow. So literally in the hospital, I was like, there's a baby, like minutes old already on the job. He didn't get the job. I think they cast a different, a different colour dad. So how, because I'm fascinated by this because I had friends who I did acting when they were like,

there's always a kid at school that does like child modelling or acting or whatever. But the weird thing in that, the way it's all changed now is where, like, people's kids are on Instagram or TikTok all the time. And it's, you know, fair enough, they're just film and do something funny. And it's put up just, and that's it. But some are like, you know, you see these, like, reality stars. You don't have your kids on Instagram, do you? No, sometimes they'll pop up on, like, a carousel of pictures. But, yeah, literally, on a carousel of things.

But I'm never putting them up intentionally, like, oh, this is a. Yeah, well, some of the reality styles put up, like, oh, thanks. And it'll say, oh, for example, like, Johnson's bubble bath or something. And it'll be an ad and it'll be hashtag ad. Oh, thanks. Brilliant. The kids love it. And the kids are just like in the bath in the photo.

And like that child's doing an advert for a bubble bath. Like, and you can see them in a bath. Yeah. So where does that? And the mum's getting, or the dad's getting paid for that. Yeah. Say, you know, say they're getting five grand for that. Yeah.

And it's going straight to them. But they're not even in the, they're not even in it. Yeah. It's, it's with, I don't, I don't know where the middle of grand. Because I always think that like, surely there are rules to this. Like, how do you break that down? We've, because when we were with the agency, we got stuff for family work so it would have to self-tape as a whole family yeah and we did

a advert for which for like he's a rich was in one bit I did I had to run into the sea it was mental um anyway and the kids is that a video it's not it's not a video actually no it's not a video you can find that which the whole fan which which me in a blue we'll drop it and it'll be on our Instagram um which me is that so it's called like which the company yeah um it was like a summer campaign they did it's a still I was on the side of buses like yeah yeah It was mad. My friends were like, what is this? I was like, it was for the kids.

So I had to pay to go to uni, that was why. But basically... So is it all going in like a uni fund, basically? Yeah, basically, yeah. She's paid a couple years off already. Oh, wow. Yeah, but she did a wet wipe thing that became good. And because of the buyout for like print stuff,

if it gets used again... You get a bonus? Yeah, so every now and then we just get a little thing through from the wet wipe thing that's kind of... And it all just goes into her account. It's amazing. account, yeah. Yeah, so they're just gobbling it up

these people on social media. I don't know what's happening there. I don't feel right about it personally, but only legitimate channels. Absolutely. Only legitimate channels. No, not questioning you're not. Just saying though as an expert in the field,

you may, because I always look at them atverts and go, who's getting the money here? Yeah. No, but you have to, and for that, so for that which one, we got paid a kind of an overall fee. Yeah. And then we just put it in the kids accounts. Oh, right.

I'm sorry. Respect. Yeah. Me, mom running into. the sea. Yeah, you were the one taking the bullet there. You were in a swimsuit running into the sea. Were you were you swims suited up?

Oh, swimsuited up. On the side of a bus? And I didn't know. It was like, oh. And the kids are getting paid. It's a beach family day out was the shoot. And then the day before they're like, how are you in open water? I can't swim. You can't swim. The purpose of people listening to this audibly, I'm black.

I don't swim. All right? So I can't. And they're like, oh, would you feel okay? Go in there's like, not really. And then on the day they're like so the shoe is you're all a bunch of mum friends you've taken to open water swimming you're going to run into the

seat and then we're going to run out again you're not going to go in just going up to you know chin height oh my god you're going to run in and we were in this did you tell them you couldn't swim yeah and they're like you don't have to you're just going in you was wading in and it was like in it was obviously to look like summer but filmed in like March yeah yeah in wherever

it was somewhere and your kids are there with you kids there with us they're there there They're in the kind of a catering tent with a chaperone, me and Richard tag teaming in, because the chaperones are everything as well. You've got to leave your kid with somebody who's like legally qualified to watch them. And then we're in this fan and we're all like talking with other women. And we were actually talking about quite like emotional things about like anxieties

and kind of female bodies and changes in menopause and all this stuff. And it was really like heartfelt conversation. It was like, oh, you know, thanks for sharing that about, you know, your life and your struggles. There was a lady who was deaf and she had a, it was a really lovely moment. And then the door flies open. It's like, hello ladies, my name's Brian. I'm from the R&LI. I'm going to talk to you about riptides.

What? Riptides? I didn't think I was going to get sucked into the, you know, North Sea or wherever it was. But anyway, Google it. You'll find me on the internet. Oh, wow. That's it for this episode of Parenting Hell.