Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - Now That's What I Call Parenting Hell... Volume 12

Episode Date: August 20, 2024

As we take a very short break during the summer holidays - here’s a selection of some of our favourite chats about (mostly) parenting misadventures with previous guests…  We’ll see you in a week or so for the start of Series 9!!  Episode Playlist: S6 EP11 - Lou Beckett  S6 EP22 - Rose Hanson S6 EP40 - Peter Andre S6 EP20 - Alex Jones  If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday.  Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Exec Producer: Michael Marden Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Whiticum. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping.

And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. ["The Star-Spangled Banner"] This episode is brought to you by Dyson On Track. Dyson On Track headphones offer best-in-class noise

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That's BetterH-E-L-P.com. Bumble knows it's hard to start conversations. Hey. No, too basic. Hi there. Still no. What about,, handsome? Ugh, who knew you could give yourself the ick?

That's why Bumble is changing how you start conversations. You can now make the first move or not. With opening moves, you simply choose a question to be automatically sent to your matches. Then sit back and let your matches start the chat. Download Bumble and try it for yourself. Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Whitacombe.

And you're listening to Now That's What I Call Parenting Hell. Welcome to the show. For the first time, in a way, but in a way you've always been here, Louise Beckett. How are you? I'm good, thank you. Good. So the reason we brought you here.

I'm so stressed. That's not really the question we're asking. How are you Rob? You've got a colour I've not seen in a while. I'm going bright red. What's quite weird is we're in the same house but in different rooms doing this on Zoom because it's the easiest way to do it. So it feels a bit odd.

Not just because the spark's gone. No, no. We sleep in separate beds as well, don't we? That's something we do. Do you want to explain what's going on, Josh? Yeah, so Rob's rubbing his body, all different parts of his body and moving his child. I rub my nipples when I get stressed. That little chest scratch is a stress.

Is that a stress site? He does that like... Oh! Like you when you clap your hands and... Like a little otter. Yeah, like an otter. Okay. We felt it'd be right to give Lou a write of reply after the New York episode. And then we thought it would certainly be popular with our listeners because,

as we know, Lou and Rose are more popular than us. So we've got Lou on to bring you up on a few things that maybe she disagrees with because there was, in ways this is a one-sided podcast isn't it? So yes it's very much our version of events but obviously in any any life there's one person's version events another person's version events and then the truth is somewhere in the middle so I feel be good to get both sides and I'm sure we'll get Rosen at some point as well. Yes so Louise welcome. Welcome to the so Louise, welcome. Welcome to the show Louise. Hello.

How are you? Have you got a few things that you'd like to correct Rob on? There was a few things that as I was listening to the New York episode, I just, I started to little notes on my phone. Oh, well that's good to know. Just- That's good to know. Nerd. That's good. Nerd!

Not necessarily. Not necessarily massive issues, but just a couple of little. Okay, good. Couple of little clarifications I'd like to make. Yeah, no, I'll be a bit worried if it was massive issues. We should say, if you wanna go back and listen to the New York episode,

that might be worth doing as preparation for this. Let's see if you can spot the lies before Lou flags them up. Okay. Okay, so what cropped up on the episodes that you sort of had issues with, Lou? So, when you said that you struggled in the mornings... Yes, I struggled to get up in the mornings, yeah. I just, I want to say, like, sometimes you tell me off, rightly so sometimes, for shouting. That, that like I shout, the girls shout,

I shout oi a lot in the mornings because they're not listening and sometimes you need to cut through. So give me a context when you shout oi. So I've gone like, girls, can you go upstairs and brush your teeth? Girls, can you go upstairs and brush your teeth? And it gets louder each time

and it gets more into that like annoying meh teacher voice. That it starts off in my normal voice and it gets more like cut through. Girls, sorry that's quite loud. We are agreeing on something, we are agreeing, yep. Correct, this is all correct. And then at the end of it, if they're still not listening, I just do a massive oy because it cuts through

and they look at me. Yeah like oy! And then they look at me and I say, go upstairs and brush your teeth. And Rob's always like, yeah, like you're shouting, don't shout at them. You don't need to shout. It just adds to the chaos or the stress.

And I'm like, you need to cut through. And then listening to it, I just can't cope in the mornings. I just, they're asking me questions. It's kind of a bagel because of my shoes. I'm like, yeah, sometimes you need an oi, don't you? Oh. Little dickhead. It's not something, it's not like a bagel because of my shoes. I'm like, yeah, sometimes you need an oi, don't you? Oh. Little dickhead.

It's not something, it's not like I've got... Do you know what would really help everyone have a nice end start to a morning? If I shout, stand at the bottom of the stairs and screech oi at the top of my voice, and I got full bromeli as well for the oi. There's a reason, there's a theory. It's a process. It's taken a while to get there that he doesn't see because he gets up so much later. Yeah, but you are better than me in the morning.

I am. No, I'm... So much later. I'm cautious in the morning. 7.30. 7.30 I get up. And sometimes I've got in at midnight 1am. Oh, poor Robert. This is one of the things I kind of identify with you, Lou. You're like me, you're one of those people that is told, because they're good in the

mornings, their punishment is they're the one that has to get up. It feels unfair to me. Well, Lou is more than welcome to stay up as late as she wants, hosting an awards ceremony for car dealers if she wants. Yes, but no one would pay me to do that, Rob. It's like, you know, you're particularly lame. an award ceremony for car dealers if she wants. Yes, but no one would pay me to do that Rob. No, I don't mind getting up in the morning because I am generally up and I get up earlier than Rob and I am just more conscious. It was the being told off for shouting.

When I say that that is, I think now maybe having done it for like a full week, you understand Rob that there needs to be some shouting sometimes because otherwise it is a constant barrage of questions, requests. They're running around on their jigglybugs. They're trying to run over the dog. Like, sometimes you just need an oi. I would argue though, the point of this episode was pulling me up on things that I said on the show,

not using it as a jumping off point to air grievances over an eight year period. I think that it's a very dangerous route for us to take. I've got specific points as well. She's gonna bring up an ex-girlfriend in a minute. Well Rob's got everything specific. Rob wants a specific, okay. Do you want a specific?

You want a specific. 12 minutes and 8 seconds. Fucking hell. Who are you? Spooks. What's this? You said that you were reactive rather than proactive, which I'd say is your entire ethos to your entire life as opposed to just specifically school.

Again, it was a bit like a character assassination. Yeah. What about the black eye thing when you said I should email them to tell her she's got a black eye, rather than just let it happen? I think with the black eye, if you're sending a kid into a school with a full on Shiner and it was awful, it looked awful, especially because the teacher doesn't know what a jigglybug is because that's not the name of it. And if she says, oh, I hit myself in the face with a jigglybug, they don't know what that is. Yeah. Because that's definitely been written down at school. Well, let them write it down.

It doesn't, just because they've written it down doesn't mean that it's bad what happened. I just think contextualize it for the teachers. I think that's a waste of time. But then if they're bothered, they'll ask. Yeah, well, I'll ask at one point, won't they, when she's been written down a few times. No, but if the rule was, right, that you go in with a kid... I'm loving this, I'm loving this. I'm absolutely loving it. Right, OK, if the rule was you go into a school and you go, oh, yeah, both my children have got black eyes,

but don't worry, it was an accident. Oh, I won't bother asking the kid or looking into that then, because the parents said it, there's an email. No, they'll still do it. They still do their due diligence on a child of a black eye, and they know that I'm not that kind of guy. They've seen me.

They've seen me on the telly. Well, I mean, what I really want that email to say is, mommy's not here, so it wasn't her fault. But don't worry, we're across it. I just needed them to know that it wasn't me. I think you worry too much about what people think, but that's where we and you are different as people, aren't we? Yes, very different. When Blue was very jet-lagged in New York, Josh, about the mass result. Oh, I lost my head.

I read an email at five in the morning and I lost my head. Five in the morning, your New York time. New York time, yeah. Five in the morning, New York time, afternoon. All the teachers said was, oh, this is our eldest child. A little bit surprised by her mass result this week. I've had a word with her and we're going to sort of try and improve on it next week, right? this was our eldest child, a little bit surprised by her master's result this week.

I've had a word with her and we're gonna sort of try and improve on it next week, right? So very like, very like low level, whatever. And I was, we were both a bit like, oh, it's not very much detail. I don't really know what is not very like a different, I'm surprised, what does that mean? Surprised by the score, whatever.

And then like, so we replied to her, okay, no, it's what surprised you, what needs to be worked on kind of thing. And between us getting the email and sending that Lou was on the phone to be crying, saying that she was like a bad mum, should do more maths with my kid. I shouldn't be in New York. I'm a failure. This is, this is, I'm kind of like crying. I was a bit jet lagged. I was quite jet lagged. And I'd woken up really early and had done that thing for about two hours where I knew I needed to go back to sleep. But my body thought it was one in the

afternoon. But it wasn't. It was like half three in the morning and I needed to sleep and I couldn't sleep. So by the time I read the email and in my head when they said surprised, I was like, well, she's got two out of 40, hasn't she? She sat there for half an hour while everyone else scribbled on their bit of paper and she sat there crying in the corner of the classroom by herself because mommy didn't practice it with her and she's got two out of 40. And then when I spoke to the teacher she said oh no she's got 28 it's fine it's just that they can't progress till they get like 30 or something I said oh well that's fine. That was on the second email about half an hour later after Lou's had a bit of a cry on the phone. Oh god Lou. Poor Lou.

Oh god we're so similar. Well I think I, I think I'd argue I'm too reactive, where Lou may be too proactive and over-organised, might be under-organised, but we sort of meet in the middle, don't you think, Lou? Yeah, I mean, I would say I do accept that. Why do your ears always sound like nose? Because I'm thinking, as I say it, I think I'm very good at solving a problem, but I also think I'm quite good at identifying a problem that maybe isn't a problem yet. And then going full circle to, here's a problem that I've mostly created in my head. And then here's the solution. Here's the person I found.

Here's what we're going to do. And so I come to you with like a full blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah and you go I didn't even realise it was a problem. It's good to be prepared but I'd argue maybe over preparing for situations that aren't happening. Yeah it's good to be prepared. Can I ask a New York question because one complaint that stuck with me from Rob

was that he texted you and you replied saying you didn't have time to whatsapp because you're walking up the street. No, he hadn't. I've written this one down as well. Yes Josh, yes Josh. It wasn't a whatsapp conversation, he phoned me. So he's on the phone to me. What was it about? I can't remember what it was about. It was about getting the baby stuff back off our friends to give to his brother Joe. And like all of us are friends so so we've got one group WhatsApp. I'm not in the country at this point. I'm in a different country on a different time zone. Oh fuck off, it's not 1973.

You've got to go to a payphone. You've got WhatsApp and data. So have you, mate. You're on the phone with me. What's the country got to do with it? By the time he's phoned me. I was being the class rep in Sydney, Australia. Were you being the class rep in Sydney, Australia?

No, you had to do that bit for me. Or were you asking me whether Christmas presents for the teacher were an actual thing? And then I did them. So I've written that down as well. Let's get back to New York. Get back to New York. What?

Have you got someone else class repping for you, Rob? Someone doing your homework? Yeah, well, I've got a lot on the class rep. I've got a lot on the class rep thing, because I said, hmm. Meanwhile, you're getting pissed with Alan Carr? Yeah. So the New York, when he said it was on like, it was on WhatsApp and it's like, well, if she's already WhatsApping me, she could WhatsApp our friends. It was a phone conversation and I was walking in it like, I mean, it's a very first world problem I'm aware, but I

was walking on the highline. It was very windy. I was walking with my friends. So like, I was just saying, I was like, well, could you text them now? Because we were on the phone. I was like, well, could you text them now? Because we're adding layers into an admin thing here that doesn't, so if I text and then they reply to me, then I have to tell Rob, because I don't know when he's in, but wouldn't it be easier for Rob to just-

That's a good point. Why am I being a kind of transatlantic middleman? Yes, I would argue though, Luca just popped it in the group. Hey guys, when can you a transatlantic middleman? Why can't you pop it in the group? Because I, why? Because I was trying to sort the kids out. Joe had come to babysat, there was already on three nights of Pizza Express, I was looking down the barrel of a fourth,

and I had to get up to Westminster to give out some awards to new build homes. I had to give out some awards to new build homes. So someone else is doing your childcare and you haven't done any cooking, is what I heard there. Just a quick question about those awards. They bring you in quite early, don't they? And then you have quite a lot of downtime before the awards. Oh, you prick.

You fucking prick. Mom, Dad, you should shop Amazon for back to school and save some money. See, I'm currently obsessed with superheroes and need all the superhero stuff. Superhero launch box, superhero backpack. But next year, it'll be something else. Maybe dinosaurs. I don't know. I'm not a fortune teller, but I can tell you not to spend a fortune and shop low prices for school on Amazon. K, good chat. Amazon, spend less, smile more. I've just got to text the cab to say that the car, the car, cause we've mistimed it.

Okay. Send message. Are you aware that we're recording a podcast now? Yeah, but it's real, isn't it? This is real stuff. Oh, fuck it. I'll get Flo to do it. This is a little bit what it's like being married to Josh.

He's put the mic down and he's texting his agent to book him a cab. No, not to book it, to say that I'm going to be late to get there, so don't leave. Don't to leave? Oh, what? I'm panicking. He's panicking, he can't speak. I think he's a bit nervous about this chat, Rose. Yeah, I'm not looking forward to it.

He's not looking at me. I know, because I'm trying to make sure his car doesn't leave. Since we've been in this room, basically we've been at my house filming some content for the arena shows with Rose and Lou and now we're all sat together. We're not doing this on Zoom. We're all sat together in my front room and it is your Right to Apply episode, Rose, that Josh did with me and Lou. We did that recently, Lou's episode.

I was quite anxious about it. And I'd say since you've been in this room, Josh hasn't looked you directly in the eye once. No. He's also sat like he's a little mermaid. Like his little feet are tucked under him. It's a definite, look, take a photo of how he's sat. I like sitting like that on a sofa. It's quite defensive. He's getting quite fetal. I'm spread out like a fat walrus,

splayed across a scum thug dockyard. Right. Let's get on with it. Okay. So I've got a few questions for you, Rose, at the end about Josh. Where did that come from? Just some things I've picked up over the episodes.

Right. I didn't know that was an option. No, well it is, it's all an option and we're all sort of creating. Life's an option. Okay, that's bleak. Rob's got quibbles as well. Not quibbles, but concerns. If you were picking him up from school, I'd pull you to the side and go,

can I have a word about Josh? It's basically an intervention. No, no, it's not bad. Do you think you should be put up a year? No, not that. Not that. That's separate. But we can get to that later. This is Rose's opportunity.

I'm going to shut up now. It's your opportunity to basically anything that Josh has spoken about in the podcast that you slightly disagree with or the story got twisted in the telling or anything you want to get off your chest. This is your opportunity to sort of do that, Rose. Lou was mainly just stuff she wanted to get off her chest for the last decade. Yeah, pretty much. It's quite therapeutic. It's been great for our relationship. She's been all over me since.

First and foremost, you've got to stop calling my things knickknacks. Oh, it's about me. It's about you. Okay, okay. Sure. Let's work through this. I like that. Actually, there's been quite a removal of knickknacks actually since having a boy. I'd say actually your house-

It does make me sound like I live in a charity shop. No, okay, so maybe I've said that for comic effect. However, I'd say there's lots of antique, I don't know if you know if it is antique or looks antique, really beautiful. Oh shit. No, no, but like nice lamps, tables and stuff like that. However, there are also lots of little plates, cups and saucers, eggless cups dotted around.

Yeah, yeah, you are right. They're not anymore. They're not dotted. But I'd say if anyone walked into your house, you'd go, what a beautiful house, what amazing furniture. Yes, there are a few knickknacks knocking about, but I don't think the knickknacks are the headline, however, knickknacks are a fun word to say. I know. So I think one of my favourite episodes, well, favourites, an interesting word, but

is the day when I went to Cornwall and basically Josh... Paston. Seemed to have like just an absolute meltdown over Nakada order. What I would say is that whereas there's things that just happen in a day when you're looking after children, like getting their teeth cleaned or getting them dressed, that kind of thing. When you were doing it, it was very much like they were, oh my God, and then I had to get them dressed. Like, well, that's just a thing that happens. That's just a day. That's a day. Yeah, but I had to get them dressed with pest and in the evening. Yeah. Looming. Peston looming. Peston loomed over the day. I could

tell that he was fucked off with me. Peston. Peston. Yeah, Peston fucking hates me. No, Josh was. Because there was a real, you know, when you, you're texting and there's a real lack of response. I barely had time to reply. I was doing so much stuff. I'm sorry I wasn't responding to your text. You know, like you send a text or you send a picture and there's like absolutely tumbleweed and you think he's not happy with me. Always busy. Also I got accused of ordering a mirror to arrive on this day. That wasn't my... You get given a slot yeah the guy texted me was like this is when it's arriving and I was like this is when the

mirrors arriving yeah so that's a quibble are you saying that essentially what Josh was a moaning about and turning into the end of the world scenario of oh my god there's food arriving there's a mirror there's children was it was unfortunate yeah okay so I did the Ocado, it was an unfortunate day, that was bad. To be fair, I did, I fucked up on the Ocado. Did you overorder? I'd forgotten. But also you ordered it on a day when I was in the middle of my own work. But I checked that with you, I said to you...

Yeah, but I wasn't listening. Well that's the problem Josh. Can I interject? There is the problem. On my days, never been knocked off a kilter because food's been delivered to my house. Yeah, but there's a Ricardo. You didn't have to go to the shop. No, but I didn't need to. That was the key.

There was like some mental things that had been put in the freezer as well that just didn't need to go in the freezer. They were in the freezer bag. You put like smoked salmon in the freezer. I didn't put smoked salmon in the freezer. Why are you freezing smoked salmon? He doesn't, he won't understand fish. He won't get it. He doesn't understand fish. But there was like, I mean, to be fair, when I saw the picture, I was like, oh shit, we do have loads of cook meals in the freezer and I have ordered quite a few chicken pies because our daughter loves them. Yeah. And then you sent me the picture of the table and I thought, oh fuck, that's not going in.

But I just suggested, why don't you just throw some stuff away in the freezer? There's loads of old shit in there. Because that's such a big job. When you're already behind to go, okay, let's root through the freezer and see what's old. I do that with the fridge. Yeah, you love that. I don't, I hate it. I know, I'm joking. But I'm the one who does it. It's great to see people with such a good connection. We just finished each other's sentences. I hate the cleaning out of the fridge job. I don't mind if I've got

time. It's quite a saga with you and your cleaning out the fridge as well. There's quite a lot of... What about when you're cleaning out the fridge? How's that go down? There's a couple of things I get constantly ribbed for on the podcast. One is that I can't drive. Absolutely fair. It is really annoying. And the second is me like leaving things in the fridge and then... Stand by it. Saying, oh, that's gone off. God, you're doubling down.

But I also think there's so many, yes, all the pesto's, but Josh loves buying olives, picker lilies, those jalapeno things, eating about four of them and then leaving them, the whole top of the fridge is just half moldy. I know what you're gonna say, the artichoke hearts. I'm never eating them. I mean, I didn't even know they were in there, but I think now.

I bet you'd have a vine leaf, didn't you? Do you know what? I think they're overrated, but they're exactly in my wheelhouse. Before we had kids, if ever we went on a mini break in the UK, if there was a shop that sold jams and piccolillies, he was there like a rat up a drainpipe. He loves homemade chutney. jams and pick-a-lillies. He was there like a rat up a drainpipe. He absolutely loves a pick-a-lilly. A chutney, yeah. So many of them. He likes it. That's fine. So yeah.

They're pickled. That's what I get slagged off for and it's... All right, yeah. I'll accept. I think the cardo is just unfortunate timing. Also, I would argue you are telling a story for comedic effect and you wasn't probably as strict. I don't know. I think you were. Sometimes you could accuse me of some anecdotes of juicing them up a bit.

But I would say that day. You spoke for an hour. It's such a common theme in these stories, isn't it? You've always got the shits. No, I wish. Oh, you've bunged up, are you? Well, let's not go into it. Well, why not? There are stomach issues though. Remember before the palladium? Yeah, but I had the neurovirus. Yeah, to be fair, you had the neurovirus and I actually had it as well.

And I think I'm pretty sure I gave it to you. I'm pretty sure that was my fault. You have got skin issues. It's called chicken pox. I've actually found something that when you admitted to how long that a cardo order had been on the floor, which has got underfloor heating, I was slightly concerned about some of the meat-ish things that had been left there.

Well I put the meat inside it in. And then I found those yogurt lollies and I opened one the other day and I was like, what the fuck has happened to this? And then I thought, oh, it was in that Ocado order that Josh left on the floor for eight hours. On the heating. On the heating. Yeah.

There was nothing I could do. I literally was going from one thing to the other all day. Oh and the Rice Krispies. So you know there was that massive huge box of Rice Krispies. Yeah, 1kg. We were making Rice Krispie cakes and I often look at what the weight is for things for like the best cost and the 1kg was the same price as 500g so I thought, why not? Let's go with the 1kg. so I thought why not I genuinely hadn't really thought about in your defense on that also I don't think you should

probably see the biggest and you think well that's the biggest rice Krispy's box I've ever seen like that'll be the size of what I consider a big rice yeah that 1 kg was bigger than I'd ever seen before. I've never seen them get that big. So you wouldn't presume that that was an option. I don't think, if I was in a shop, I would never have bought that. I don't think it's available. When you're online, you're like, well it's the same size.

I've never seen it in a shop. They wouldn't have it. I would never have thought we would have made that many Rice Krispies cakes. Like a pair of Travis Scott trainers. Is there anything else, Rose, that's cropped up that you would like to bring up? Because he's looking a bit too relaxed for my liking. I was really trying to like be organized about it and get time codes, but I'm a bit more of the Rob Beckett I think in our relationship. Shoot from the hip, order a mirror on a whim, let it arrive, whatever.

Order too many things in the Icardo order. Well, there was something about wanting to talk to me about my coffee routine. Oh, you didn't get fucked off with me about the journey into school. And you decided to go my way basically just to teach me a lesson. No, that's, that's absolutely, you've absolutely. Show you who's boss. Yeah. No, it was when we, you overruled Waze. I didn't overrule it. I just said that my problem with Waze is that it gives you,

it's a computer and it will say, oh, it's three minutes quicker. And it just goes up as well. Yeah. I think I don't like sitting in traffic and Waze will send us the sitting in traffic way for some reason. Well, what Josh said was he knew that way was going to be longer and he was getting a sick kick out of you choosing it. I didn't say that at all. That's where he gets his kicks. He was gleeful about the thought that we would go the way that I wanted to go and that we

would get stuck for like hours. That's incorrect. What I meant was actually it's wrong. I think we all do this in situations. I think it's much easier to be the person whose way is not chosen. So it wasn't that I wanted it to go wrong. It's that I didn't want to choose my way and then that go wrong because then you're in the wrong room.

But you enjoyed it going wrong. No, I didn't say that choose my way and then that go wrong. Cause then you're in the wrong room. But you enjoyed it going wrong. No, I didn't say that. I said a lot about our relationship. No, but I do that. It's for instance in another situation. One nil widower you said under your breath. You went one nil widers. Let's put you in a situation.

Yeah. You and Lou can't decide over which restaurant to go to. They could both be shit. Or you'd prefer to go to Lou's option because then you're in a win-win because either it's a good restaurant or if it's bad. Lou has never chosen a restaurant in her life. She's refused to choose because she can't handle the pressure. Exactly. Doesn't want the ball in the center of the pitch. Yeah I don't want the pressure of choosing the route to be on my shoulders. Yeah. When Rose has already decided it's the wrong route. Yeah. Because I'm in a no win there. Yeah. I don't think I decided that it was the wrong

route. I just thought, Oh, we're going to sit in that traffic again. And I hate, I just hate it. It is based on the one time you got caught in traffic in one spot, which means you now avoid that spot. Forever. Well, no, I mean that one time was like a bit of a weird fluke situation. It is, I mean, I can't believe we're getting really really bogged down by the traffic issues on the Hackney Road personally I'm loving it The more Detail the better for me. It's that bit at the end of Victoria Park Road where it joins Cambridge Heath Road If you want detail, I'll fold it does okay

Cambridge Heath Road if you want detail. Full details, okay. What's your problem with the way Rose drinks coffee? I haven't got a problem with the way Rose drinks coffee, have I? Yeah, you said that she sort of just indulges in it and just sort of sits there drinking rather than just getting it down her neck and cracking on, you said. That is absolutely fair. That is fair. I have one coffee a day and I want to sit and enjoy it.

Yeah. And Josh gets to go upstairs and get changed for the second time in the day. I'll go to the toilet for about 20 minutes. I put on shorts and a t-shirt to go down and make you a cup of tea in the morning. Am I not allowed to then get changed into my normal clothes? So what's your issue with the clothes, Rosie? Josh will often just get up and put on shorts. And I've got to go make the tea. Rosie. Josh will often just get up and put on shorts and...

Because I've got to go make the tea. You make that sound like I'm like, get up, make me tea. What's the reason that you stay in bed? You're not making the tea. What's the reason you stay in bed? Tell Rob. What's the reason? Because the cat is asleep on my back.

I mean, that cat would be picked up, thrown out the front door. I go, all right then, I'll get rid of the cat. It's genuinely my favourite part of the day. Well, the cat's sleeping on your back. The cat comes in and sits on my back and it's really relaxing. Oh, I'd hate that. It's so nice. You said he goes down in a shorts and t-shirt, he's downstairs, you go downstairs and then

when you're getting the kids ready, he has to go back up to get dressed. Yeah, when I get up, I get dressed. I need to, when we're going down to make the tea, dress for my one outfit of the day that they're not allowed to change. You're on QI later, you're getting your QI outfit. I need to get a steamer out, do my shirt. I think just something that you could, like trousers maybe, that you could leave the house in rather than like, oh, I've just got to go upstairs and get changed. And you're like trousers maybe that you could leave the house in rather than like,

oh, I just got to go upstairs and get changed. And you're like, right. Okay. Does it take long to get changed when he goes up? Is he a slow dresser? I have to brush my teeth and stuff because I'm not doing any of that. Can I just say that is a classic there, isn't it? It's like, I have to brush my teeth. That's just a thing that happens. That's not a thing to mention. I've got to brush my teeth. I've got to wipe my arse now. I know, but when am I meant to do it? So busy. When am I meant to do it? Straight after you have a shit.

No, but I mean, I can't do all of this before going downstairs for the first time. I get up and I go into the bathroom and I brush my teeth and I put on all of my clothes. Like, I don't go, oh my God, I've got to brush my teeth. I've got to get up and... Maybe you haven't got someone with a cat on their back working for a cup of tea. You're just jealous because she won't sit on your back. That's not the reason. Oh dear. I'm enjoying this. Yeah. Also, great back catalogue of mega hits.

Mysterious Girl will be a mega hit forever. I apologize about that. Yeah, it's funny because sometimes when we go places overseas and you walk into a nightclub, I don't really go to clubs anymore, but when you walk into somewhere, a bar or whatever, and they play the song and people in other countries, they have no idea who sung it.

They just know the song. And I'll be sitting there moving along with it, dying inside. They sit next to me and they have no idea and it's quite funny. We will get onto the parenting. That video for mysterious girl, when did you get that ripped? How did that work? This is true story, right? I was picked on a lot as a kid because where I moved to in Australia, it wasn't very multicultural. So we moved to this little place

called the Gold Coast near Brisbane. And at the time it was all beautiful blonde-haired blue-eyed Aussies and here we were this Greek family with curly hair and big noses and English accents and they weren't too keen on us. And so we got picked on a lot. And so what I used to do was these kids at school asked me what sport I liked and I said football because I'd just come from England. So I was born in England, moved there when I was six. And I said I support football and they went, what, American football? And I said, no, football, you know. So I was born in England, moved there when I was six. And I said, I support football. And they went, what American football? And I said, no, football, you know, and I was doing this and they went, what soccer.

And I went near and they started laughing in this key just cracked me wanting to place. Oh no. What? Listen here, we don't do girls sports here. And that's a girl's sport. And I thought that's a really odd thing. Incidentally, soccer back then was huge with the soccer

rules, which were the girl teams. Yeah, yeah. Now, soccer's massive in Australia. But it's funny because then when the Lionesses were smashing it here, I was like, yeah, we remember the Socceroos from back in the day who were heroes. But anyway, because I couldn't belong to their sports because they were all playing cricket and rugby. They're all massive, especially Gold Coast is quite out of the mouth.

I know. You're fucking soft cock. They call you. I know. You're fucking soft cock. They call you soft cock so fucking soft cock. Yeah absolutely. When I did I'm a celebrity, all the camera guys are from, and they were like, right mate I've got an idea I'm gonna fucking kidnap Joe Swash, take him out into the fucking bush and fucking tape him up. And I went, mate he's the presenter on the show, you're the cameraman, you can't nick

the presenter. I went, oh fuck off you're soft cock, he's just having a fucking laugh. Sometimes they can't be bothered to say the whole thing, so they'll just call you a cock. Yeah, and they've got massive hands. All Australian blokes got massive strong hands because all their sports are hands. So they were being a bit mean to you and then you got in shape, did you?

Yeah, so I thought, well, I can't really hang out with them because the ones that don't like me are playing all the sports that I can't be part of. So I used to go to the gym and sit there. My brother wouldn't let me lift any weights because I was too skinny and too young. So I just sit there and I do abs for an hour and a half. Way them lots of finish. And I would just sit, literally do sit ups, push ups, sit ups, push ups. Well, by the time I was 16, I'm like,

geez, this is all right. That's how it happened. Really? Because it was also it was in a time before abs, do you know what I mean? It was like, what was it, 93 or whatever year it would have been. In Love Island now, lots of people look like that. No one had those abs in those days. You invented the ab. My dad thought it was plastic surgery.

Did he? He thought that's not real. I've been asked to this day by a chest implant and I thought, you know what? I wish they existed man, because I worked so hard for that I'd have loved to just go and did easy jobs the problem is you build a rod for your own back tell me about it because then years later everyone else is looking ripped on these shutters and I'm like yeah yeah I just yeah no we have to do with that with Joel Domit he's still ripped yeah he is ripped but one day he won't be

let's talk about your kids Peter for people that don't know what kids have you got we are a bit like cockroaches there's loads of us it all started from my dad who was his mum and dad well his mum obviously same dad was pregnant 17 times 17 times and I think only 13 survived at the end. Oh my gosh! 12 ended up surviving. Yeah. So, dad's one of 12 eventually.

Blimey. And I'm one of six. So, now anything under double digits we're thinking of, we're not succeeding. How many kids you got and what are their ages? So we've got juniors, he'll be 18 in June, can you believe it? Princesses 15, July count, taking ages to figure it out because I forgot their ages. Yeah.

Amelia's nine and Theo's six. But obviously I've changed five sets of nappies in the last 20 years. So I'm a dad pad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and obviously in previous relationships there's been stepchildren and stuff like that.

So for the last 20 years, kids have been ruling your life. I just want Theo to get to the point where he could just wipe his own bum. Then it's out, you're done. I'm like, come on, please. That's 20 years of ass wiping you've done nearly. I've been called an ass wipe, but to be doing it constantly, I understand why now. Must be difficult.

I mean, the 18 and 15 year old and a boy and a girl are presenting way more different problems than a kid. You know, obviously sometimes imagine having a teenage daughter, you'd much rather her still be four and you have to wipe her bum and put her to bed at six rather than her going out doing what she's doing. So how are you managing that? Having the little kids and then teenage problems. No, I'm going to be honest with you. I'd rather be a teenager than me having to do all that again. Yeah, fair enough. It's the boyfriend thing and the girlfriend thing. So, when Junior was 15 and he started

going out with a girl and he was asking, can I go see her? I was a bit like, I don't know. And all I remember Emily saying to me was, whatever rules you have for Junior, you're gonna have to have the same rules for Princess. Yeah. You can't do the old school mentality because I was old school. I grew up in a generation where our parents, they let the boys do everything but you know, the girls and I feel bad because my sister, she went through so many years where she wasn't allowed to do things that us boys were allowed. And it took me to have kids and for them to start growing up for me to go, yeah, I don't agree with that.

Yeah. They have to be equal. So, I used to joke that my daughter's going to be a nun, even though I secretly wanted that to happen, but it never was. I realized that actually, whatever rules I set for Junior at 15, I had to set for her at 15 and now she's 15 and I'm going, oh my gosh, and I'm starting to get scared. But I think we're handling it okay. You never know if you're doing the right thing, you just hope for the best.

You just hope for the best. And with the younger ones, sorry, what, they're six and nine Okay, you never know if you're doing the right thing You just hope for the best you just hope for the best and with the younger one So what they'd six and nine did you say? Yeah, I've heard that six is that's a nice age, right? The best so you're still bum-wiping at six because my young's is five and she still makes me wipe a bum on the toilet And I'm like, this has got to stop. Yeah. Yeah, I think five sixes I stuff in the till old for that and I'm doing it as well. I'm not criticizing Peter I'm wiping asses as well an age where you shouldn't exactly what I've said And I'm like, come on mate. Just at least do the first three wipes Meet me halfway

Yeah coming as a foreman of the building site where I could just do the final check over to go. Yeah, you're fine Yeah, and that might include me not having to do anything because yep,'re good. Yes, exactly. Show me the last piece. Yeah, we're good. Maybe that's the process. Maybe I suggest that. Yeah, yeah. But they won't meet me halfway and it's like, they know all I hear is this. If mom's home, it's mom, I'm done. If dad's home, dad, I'm done. I know exactly what's happening. Right in the middle of my sandwich. Yeah. On the middle of a coffee. Yeah. And then I come back and I'm like, I don't want to eat it anymore Are you good at the nappies? I was very handsome because again Thinking back to my parents generation. My mom did all of that. Yeah, really?

Yes, it was very much like I love you my son, but you keep your ass wiping to yourself. I thought, nah, I think time's changed. Yeah, of course. I like being a hands-on dad. I just didn't think it was gonna be that hands-on. I can't imagine you as a disciplinarian, because you're such a nice bloke. I wouldn't say soft, that's the wrong word, but you're not like an alpha male despite the abs. You know, so I can't imagine you being too disciplinarian. It's really weird because again, going back generations, you know, where we used to get good walloping at school from the headmasters, you know, with canes and all that. Really? Oh, yeah.

How old are you? Are you like 93 but look unbelievable? I'll never forget this. I got the cane at six years old at school. It was the stick and it was right across there. It was the worst pain. I got it at high school in Australia and also in England when I was six, I got, they called it the Plimsoll pudding. You remember Plimsolls, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you almost went down. No, no, but just not for dessert. Normally for PE.

Not the headmaster, the vice head vice headmaster whatever the one underneath it he used to get the plimsoll and He's just back in where we used to get a plimsoll pudding if we were misbehaving And that was one under the cane. So where would he hit you with the flip so? Oh You get it cracked on the head the bum wherever yeah, you would get a plimsoll club Yeah, and so we called it the plimsoll pudding and when I had kids, I thought should would get a plimsoll. A clump. And so we called it the plimsoll pudding. And when I had kids, I thought... Should I get some plimsolls?

I thought, should I buy some plimsolls? No. I thought, if I give them look that my dad used to give me, because dad used to give me a look, right? Yeah. And I thought, if I give them that look, is that going to stop them doing it? Or was it the smack that used to stop me doing it?

Yeah. And I realized, in my case, because I've never raised my hands to them ever, I realized that that look and them feeling like they disappoint you sometimes is a worse feeling. Yeah. Because I remember if I disappointed dad, the feeling I would have of disappointing him even now and I'm 50 and I still feel like I don't want to disappoint him. So I found a way to navigate around it.

So I disciplined them without ever having to raise my hand to them. Can we see the look? The look? Oh, do you know what it is? It's because you're so smiley and likeable at night, as soon as you stop smiling, it does get quite stressful. It's got to be a bit of a de Niro, like. Yeah, I started panicking. I instantly felt like the interview was

going badly Rob smiled again and I thought so relieved thank God for that thank God for that it was like yeah all right we'll mention the book Peter we'll mention the book okay yeah I'll do anything but I'm not wiping your ass so with the little kids they're obviously like get into school and stuff like that so is it a hard to do activities with the older ones because an 18 and a 15 year old don't want to be a soft play. Do you try and do separate stuff with them? Because it's hard to keep them all happy at those ages. Mate, that is such a good point because you always see it around the 15 age where they

start to not want to come to everything. So Junior at 15, he started being like, oh dad, do you mind if I go see my friend or do you mind if I, see my friend or do you mind if I, and I'm thinking, I knew it was coming to that stage. And now Princess is 15 and just the very first time in the last few months, there's a couple of family things we've done and she said, is it okay if I don't go? So I get it, I get it. Because I was the same around that time. So that's tricky. But if we all go for dinners, or we do stuff like that, we always go together. Oh, that's nice. How big is Christmas then? If you've got

all the kids at yours for Christmas, is that all brothers and cousins and because you're from a massive family? Are they all in the UK? Are they still Australia, Greece all spread around? Yes, and mum and dad are in Oz, but you want to hear the weirdest story. My mum and dad, we grew up as Jehovah's Witnesses. So even though I'm not a witness, Did you? Yeah. I didn't know that. Mum and dad have devout Witnesses so they don't celebrate Christmas. Oh wow. We never celebrated Christmas until

I had kids. No way. I never celebrated it. Wow. 18, 19 years ago was the first time I ever celebrated Christmas. And what was that like, that first time you celebrated Christmas? Ah, after how much I spend every Christmas, I'm like, my dad was right. Hahahaha! Were they a little bit put out that you didn't carry on being a witness? Yeah, of course, of course. And you know what, it's a really tough thing because I love what I learnt and I respect everything I learn. And I'm not one of these people that leaves a faith and then talks against it.

Because to be honest, when I was bullied as a kid the witnesses they took us in they were loving they didn't care What nationality you were it was just the same faith? I guess many faiths are similar in that way So I've got nothing but love for it But you know you get to 16 and there's things you're not allowed to do before you married and when you got abs like that You're fighting them off. You can't have abs like that. It's easy to be Jehovah's Witness if you're fat and ugly, if you're ripped like you. It's impossible.

Pete Rondra at 17, not allowed to kiss a girl. Leave it out. Look at him. Oh, mate. And then you just sort of rebel because you're just kind of doing, you know, you're not allowed to do anything. And funny enough, even then, when all that started happening and I left, I still never celebrated Christmas because I didn't really know how to. Yeah, of course. I used to get on a plane when I was coming to England. I used to get

on a plane on Christmas day to fly back to Oz because it was the quietest flight. Yeah, of course. And so I used to always fly on Christmas day so I never celebrated it and then had kids and I was like, but here's the thing, right? Yeah. When Junior wants a pair of trainers that are more than what you would buy. Yeah. 500 presents for Millie and Theo. Yeah. The traders are the same price. It's like you end up buying your older kids one main present.

Yeah. And your younger kids like 30 or 40. So I say to them, look guys, wouldn't you rather have 10 or 15 small presents or one big one? What do you think they go for? One big one. Cash. Yeah, cash. Yeah, exactly. Have you ever tried to sneak your parents over for Christmas without telling them by going, hey, what are you doing on the fourth Saturday in December? Might have a bit of

dinner. You don't mind turkey? I say that to mum and she says, well on this day when Jesus Christ was... I said alright mum, okay I get it. She knows her days mate. Don't mess with mum. So did you have to go door to door when you were a kid? Yeah, I sure did. And actually when I about 15, there was a girl I really liked and I was like, we were seeing each other and I was thinking, I can't, you're not allowed to sit on the fence. I remember I was getting to a point of thinking, maybe I need to go my own way. And then someone said, yeah, but you're a Michael Jackson fan. I'm like, yeah,

of course. He was my idol back in those days. And they said, well, he's a witness because apparently all his family were witnesses and they were like Prince. You know, Prince, I don't know if you know this, but Prince was a witness to it. And so you would think, well, if they're doing it, I'll do it. Yeah. But then a year or so later, it just, yeah. Right. I'm sweating. I've just literally done a marathon back from Sainsbury's.

This is the start we want. Let's just start like that. What are you buying? Oh, just shit that the kids need yogurts. It's always fucking yogurts, isn't it? Yes. I've got a very bad sense of time when it comes to trying to pack kids' activities in the morning. I was like, yeah, we can go to a soft play Sainsbury's

and make it back in 45 minutes. But that's the one show mentality. But you can pack anything into half an hour on the one show. Well, exactly. And it spills over into my other life because now I've got this and then I've got an hour of skateboarding with my three year old because that was the only way I could get him into nursery this morning was by saying, right, if you go in, I will take you skateboarding at 1.30.

And he was like, okay, mama. And now see, I'm locked into that. I don't wanna go. And then you've got to go and take the youngest to a badger coal and then the eldest is going to a protest about the expansion of a dump. It's nonstop. Honestly.

So I'm really like now, this is like relaxing time. We should probably do the interaction, Alex Jones from The One Show, not Alex Jones from the internet, the bad man from America who shares your name. Was that problematic when he became famous? Oh, I can't even tell you, Josh. I mean, the amount of messages I've got,

suddenly I'm banned from Twitter. Um, and I feel that I can do anything. But I was just like responding to messages that were meant for him going, guys, I'm like the nicest one off the one show, leave me alone. And then they banned me as well. Nice.

They banned all Alex Joneses basically. Yeah, so now just to cover all bases, me and my namesake banned, but I mean I get why he is, but you know, I'm quite nice and normal. Yes, yeah. Well, we've got the better Alex Jones, so we're very happy about that. I think you're on probably the most popular show on TV,

but I also think along with that, you are the most underrated TV presenter we've got because the one show is so smooth and just flies through. When I did Saturday Kitchen with you the other day, I was like, you are hilarious. I don't think people give you enough credit for being really, really funny. Do you think that's fair? That's really kind. Yeah. When you slammed me for being a vegetarian, I thought, do you know what? You wouldn't have got that with Tim Lovejoy.

He'd have been thinking it, but he wouldn't have said it. The thing is, I think there's not much room for personality to creep out of The One Show sometimes. It's so packed in that if you have got a funny thing to say on it, the next thing's coming so quick, you haven't got the time for the full Alex Jones to be unleashed. That's probably a good thing, to be honest. LAUGHTER You know, we're working within

a tight rigid kind of time frame and I think probably is for the best in some regards. But like I feel sorry for when comedians come on because it's quite a hard show to because you feel under pressure I guess to be amusing. I love the show but I find it so hilarious because you do the jumps between the things so seamlessly like it's normal and for a comic you just want to go, what's happening? But you can't you don't know and really addresses what's going on. It just sort of happened and I find it quite fun. So how many kids have you got Alex? I have got, I've got to think then I've got three. How many part time presenters have you got?

Also, I think three, to be honest, like presenting the one show at one point during the pandemic was a bit like being on Tinder. So I would not know really who was going to be there the next day. And it was a bit of a swipe right, swipe left. Were they good? Were they not? And now we've narrowed our choices down and committed long-term relationship to Ronan and JJ, Jermaine Genis and Roman Kemp.

Kempie. Roman Kempie. Yeah. Who I love, but I'm going to have to have a stern word after the vest of the Brits, I feel. Yes, you wore a vest at the Brit. Like what are you doing? Are you young, corny, edgy, or are you now on The One Show?

No offence, Alex, but there's a bit of a gap, is it there? You can't wear a vest at the Brits and then sit there and keep a straight face when someone's doing a walk for charity. No, you can't have a knitted vest on. No one will take you seriously for sad VTs if your nipples have been on ITV the night before. But he's brilliant.

The thing with Roman is like, he's kind of like an old man disguised as kind of a trendy 30 something. Yeah. Like he loves us all the stuff. He like loves space and he loves like history and stuff. And yeah, he's disguised it quite well. But now the one show can be like a care home also sometimes.

He also blends well in that environment. Well I did present it with you a couple of times Why struggle with is you know exactly what you're thinking when you look at my face? Yeah, so if we're coming off the back of something that's quite heartfelt you haven't got that in your locker I ain't got that in my life. I just my eyes tell a different story to the words That's the problem. I find sometimes so I live and die by what's on the show that week I think you're really good on it. And actually our viewers are such lovely, lovely people and loyal.

Then I think they quite like having a bit of a change as long as it's a nice atmosphere. Yeah. It's fine. Do you think we're ever gonna get to the kids bit? No, come on. It turns out that me and Rob are so interested in the one show.

Well, it's a phenomenon, isn't it? I mean, I can't believe it. I love how interested you are and I love your passion. I've got one more thing I do want to say in the one show. I think it's a phenomenon, isn't it? I mean, I can't believe it. I love how interested you are and I love your passion. I've got one more thing I do want to say about the one show. Which is what people don't know is in the auto queue, when you've got a big change in brackets, it will say tone change. Yes.

Yeah. Or sometimes in big letters, sad. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha We'll be jolly, me and whoever, and we'll be going, oh, you know, and wasn't it funny with him? And then you have to rearrange your face so quickly. Yes, but that's why you're an absolute pro, Alex. Have you heard that clip of the Irish show? This I'd say is the absolute king of how not to do it on the one show. Yes, this is exactly what you're talking about, Alex.

Listen to this. I don't know if you've seen this. And you're very welcome back. Now, Arthur Seamus O'Reilly was just five years old when he and his ten siblings... Ten siblings? Sadly lost their mom. Oof. Look at the feeling he got.

Oh my goodness. But he can see the auto queue. He's the other presenter. Yeah, but it's a classic case of he didn't see it coming, did he? No. He was up to your enjoy and he couldn it's a classic case of you didn't see it coming, did he? No. He was up to your enjoy and he couldn't pull it back. There you go.

He needed sadding caps. That's what he needed. Now, how many kids have we got, Alex? We've got there. It's ten minutes in. We've got three. They are six, three and one. Oh, that is a tough one. Rob, it's fully wind tunnel. Fully wind tunnel. Fully wind tunnel. I've not heard that phrase before, wind tunnel.

We're in the wind tunnel, or it feels like on a treadmill, there's a speed that's not manageable and I can't get off. Oh, three is, it scares me. You work like early evening afternoon. What time do you have to leave to get to work? So I go at about 2.30.

So what's your schedule looking like before you leave the house? Well, so this morning we've already got one to school, one to nursery, didn't want to go. Pushed me over into the coats. I had Oscar's hook wedged into my cheek. He was holding on so tight that I couldn't get him off me. It took two people, poor kid. I mean, he's up and down little kids, middle child. I'm still got back from there. Then got Annie, the little one into a buggy, ran, got to a soft play where I was meeting two friends, sweating, had a quick coffee, knocked it back, played with her

for a little bit to feel like I'd done something, put her back in the buggy, went to Sainsbury's, shoved loads of things under the buggy, paid for them very quickly, ran back, I'm here. Right, okay, we'll be done here about one o'clock and then you've got an hour and a half before you go to the one show. No, so what happens then? Three-year-old would only go into nursery if I would take him skateboarding, so we've got skateboarding between 1.30 and 2.30, at which point I have to get in the car to leave. It's all very tight.

Yeah. And then you leave and you go to the One Show. Now let's talk to you about the One Show. Because we've got a few questions. So is that a typical day before the One Show? Yeah, that's a typical day. So Kit is our middle child and he's relentless. Relentless.

He is like having four children. I think I told you a story on Saturday kitchen. A few weeks ago, we picked him up from nursery and I needed some bits from Ikea and I made the mistake, huge mistake of taking him with me. Yeah. And he threw a walk down the escalator. Honestly, I can't even tell you the noise that much. And my husband was with me and he walked away.

I'm the one on the telly, you stay. I'm the one on the telly. You stay. I walk away. Turns out we both walked away, left into it. This is very typical behavior for him. He is another level. If you like Josh Whitty-Coombe, you're in luck. That's because the co-host of Parents in Hell and The Last Leg Maestro is the guest on the first episode of the Always Be Comedy podcast. Out now and with me, your host and MC at Always Be Comedy, James Gill. Each week, the cream of comedy curates their fantasy comedy gig. Who'd open? Who'd close? What gig nightmare do they never want to relive?

All this and much, much more. It's essentially comedy, gossip and chatting. You know I remembered this the other day, my first ever gig. It was like a Friday night open mic night and they said we'll just announce you on when you're on, we haven't got a running order it's a bit free form. I got to the end of the night and then they wrapped it up and they'd forgotten to put me on and I'd sat there the whole night. We've also got Stuart Lee, Harry Hill, Jen Brister, Ben Bailey-Smith, Maisie Adam, Al Murray, Rachel Paris, and many, many more coming up.

That's the Always Be Comedy podcast, out now with new episodes every Tuesday. Has it gone up since you've had the third, like classic middle child syndrome, or has you always been like this as an individual? He's always been a handful. And now you're giving him less attention. Yeah, it's cranked up.

So he is a kid who, despite me dipping it in sugar, would never have a dummy. Didn't want it, didn't want to comfort her, nothing, nothing doing. And so this sounds awful, and I'm not even sure how to explain this in an audio situation, but he will put his little hand around my bra strap and pull it like hell. Which comforts him. So all night, this goes on.

Wow. All day. Yeah. Really? And so is he sleeping in with you? I don't, Josh. Okay, so what's the sleeping situation, Alex? Talk us through from six to one. I don't think I've slept in six years. Not a full night.

Definitely not. So they've all been pretty bad sleepers. Touchwood, apart from Annie. And what are you touching with, Tor? They've all been pretty bad sleepers. Touchwood. That's if, like, oh, no, I wouldn't want that to change. I'm that tired, I'm not even making sense. Annie is okay, she's pretty good.

Is she in her own bed? Yeah, she's in a cot, so she's in a baby jail, she can't get out yet. In a different room? In a different room. Yep. When we had our first child, we were like, are we not those parents that they're gonna sleep in our bed?

By now, I don't care. Whatever. I will do anything to have some sort of semblance of a few hours here and there. Yeah. I don't care. And if we have no relationship left, that's fine. Something's gotta to give.

Exactly. Because if you're not sleeping, you'll do anything. I mean, last night I slept in four different beds. That's it for this special Best Of episode. That's it for this special Best Of episode. I'm Natalie Cassidy and I've been wanting to do a podcast of my own for a very long time and here it is. I'm going to be talking each week to family, friends, most importantly, you. I want to talk about the issues that are bothering me, things that make me smile and how we

get through that washing basket without having a nervous breakdown. This is a podcast for the general public, for the normal people. So get on board, become part of my community and let's have a laugh. Hello, it's me Jessica Knappett and here, here, here, here, brand new podcast alert. I've got a new show for you. It's called Perfect Day and yeah, you've figured out the premise already haven't you? Because you're so smart and because it's obvious. Every Thursday I interview a guest about what constitutes their perfect day. So if you like hopes and dreams, fantasies and sweet memories.

You're gonna love this stuff. Ah, we have got so many lovely, funny, nice people on. You're Ramesh Ranganathan's, you're Dolly Alderton's, you're Jemali Maddox's, Arabella Weir, she's doing it. Don't worry about the quality of the guest. Just worry about when you're gonna listen to it. Or don't worry about when you're gonna listen to it, just actually listen to it.

See you soon. Jess Knapp here signing off wishing you a perfect day. Perfect day on all your favourite podcast platforms.