Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S10 EP1: Injured by my children

Episode Date: February 25, 2025

More misadventures in parenting, life, and beyond with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe... In this episode Rob still has a leak in his house, has been injured playing a game with his children, and Josh has re-lapsed to park based entertainment during half term. Please follow and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available free everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener,

with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. TD Direct Investing offers live support. So whether you're a newbie or a seasoned pro, you can make your investing steps count. And if you're like me and think a TFSA

stands for Total Fund Savings Adventure, maybe reach out to TD Direct Investing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Oscar, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett! Rob Beckett. Rob Beckett. Rob Beckett. Rob Beckett. No. Can you say

Josh Widicombe? Josh Widicombe. That's rubbish. Yes. I'll be honest with you, he's quite cute but after the end of half term I'm sort of over kids. Just other children, not minor all right, but just other children.

I don't even know. I don't even know. I don't know if my son's all right this morning. He's got angsty. He's got angsty. Why? Because you know what, Rob? I'll just read this out. I thought it was very good. I well did. She's put Rob, very poor attempt. Thank you. Jessica Layton. It's good for parents to have a little bit of perspective because sometimes parents are like football managers in a crisis that just go, oh, the players are so great. Oh yeah, they don't, you know, no, don't point the point of blame.

This is an audio of my two year old boy giving your names ago. I think I can speak for everyone. Very poor attempt. Love the show, Jessica. For two, I think that's all right for two. Yeah. He was scatting, wasn't he? He was just free from jazzing it up. Yeah. He's a lord to himself.

Right, disclaimer, I'm struggling. Yeah, I'm fine. I thought we were interviewing Stacey Dooley and Danny Jones this morning. Separately. Not that new power couple. How are you, Josh? What's going on? Your son's angst. I'm so tired because I did last like last night. It's 9am, well 9.07 by now on a Saturday morning.

And I'm quite tired. I came from Norwich. I did a gig in Norwich last night. Theatre Royal. Theatre Royal Norwich. Lovely that one, isn't it? Yeah, you know, I've run this past. You know, when you get to venue, sometimes there's autograph hunters in different towns and cities. And then only they're about six issued as you park up and walk in, you say hello, have a photo and sign the thing. That's one guy that say that, well, I went Thursday, he was there Thursday when I went there. And he took a photo of me and I signed a photo of the last time I met him. Okay, fair enough, mate. And then on Friday,

when I got at the venue, he was back at the venue with the photograph printed off from the Thursday night of us together, which I signed. Then he took another photo. Then I came off stage at 10 o'clock. It was there again. From earlier that day. Working fucking dress ups. I mean, one like s commitment to the call. Sure enough, a second, how's he getting photos developed that quick?

Is there a late boots I suppose you must have his own machine you must have his own I suppose that's your passion if that's your passion So what was the difference between a Thursday and the Friday photo? I look more tired same clothes were there My head was dark. Have you seen this cut? I've got cut lip and a cut cut head. Yeah, I did see that on Instagram. Talk to me about your cut head. People thought that was fake makeup. I properly bled like Terry Butcher. Why would you fake makeups that? Cause it was so red and I don't think anyone would think playing with a

seven year old and nine year old would lead to a cut in your head. It would force you off the pitch for stitches. Did you go up for a corner, clash heads? No, basically, it's on my Instagram, but I was playing with the kids and they, we play a game called trap, which involves me laying on my front. And back in the day,

they used to just walk across my back and jump off me onto the bed when they were like two, but now they're way too big for that. So sorry, where are you on the floor? Just laying on the floor face down on the just like the bedroom floor. How high is the bed? Normal bed size, but this is when they were little, they used to do this. Like when they were like 18 months or two, they'd jump.

Cause there's a lot of push off. It's actually quite nice because it was like a massage, cause I had the little feet on my back. Yeah. And then they'd push off and cause they were so light, it sort of helped. Anyway, but now they're too big. We just do trap, which involves me just pinning them down and holding them down, but they're all getting quite big and quite strong. Anyway, they do a thing.

They're all right. I'm stopping playing trap. They just run at me and hold me down. So it's like reverse trap. Oh my word. So they turn the tables. So as we was doing this, as I got up, he ran at me and I felt like a jar on my forehead and it felt like a thumb or a finger or a toe. and I thought they were gonna go and cry. I was like, yeah fine like that and then as we're carrying on like that I'm doing it like that and we're rolling around and messing about for another like 30 seconds a minute and

because like the blood's pumping and we're messing about I didn't realize and I look at my hand and my whole hand's covered in blood. And I look up and Lou goes get up get up and I'm like oh god. And where are you at this point? Are you on a carpet? Are you on a cream carpet? Yeah, I am. And Lou went, get up, get up. Oh my God, it must be really bad. Is it all right? She went, the cream carpet. Get up. I'm like, me and... Pour it out. And it was only a little base. I think her thumbnail, they ran at me and sort of like dug in my head. Do you know which one it was?

Yeah, the oldest one. And it's like a little, it's more like a gouge than it is a split. And was she upset? No, no, I absolutely loved it. I think I reacted to it, I was laughing because it didn't hurt. And it was just funny, there was so much blood.

There was a lot of blood. And they were like, they just laughed. Really? I think there'd be a bit of concern, but there was actually zero, I thought, you don't'd be a bit of concern, but there was actually zero. I thought, you don't want your kids scared of you, but you'd quite like empathy. Yeah, you'd quite like them to care if you're covered in blood.

Yeah, and they've cut my head open. I don't want them to be panicking upset. But you don't want it to be like a core memory of when they bloodied their dad's face. Do you know what I mean? Because ultimately, it doesn't matter. I just, hopefully it'll clear up before I go and Graham Norton I'm doing that on Wednesday and I've got a cut forehead and cut lip

What are you promoting? Smart TV, Rebecca Smart TV with Joshua Whitcombe and Alison Hammond Oh are you? Oh that's good Yeah Who are you on with? Chris Pratt, Toby Jones that's that there'll probably be more added but yeah Claudia's doing it instead of Graham which should be different Oh

Quite excited about Claudia, like, but never done it before. Good save. Good save. I love his efficiency. That man spent 80 minutes there, bish bash bosh, back in the car by our fate. He's home. Yeah, absolutely. We spent it. Yeah.

Don't let your passion get in the way of an early finish. That's what I always say. Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah. Anyway, yeah. So I'm quite tired because I've got back. Sorry, we'll get back to your kids. I feel like I've railroaded this. It's all right. We've only done eight minutes, Rob. Don't worry. To be honest,

Rob, at this stage in the game, we're just clocking up time. If you want to do a bit more, I'm fine with it. Right, well I'll do a bit more because basically when I got off stage in Norwich and we had to drive back, the loom message, you know that roof tile that went missing during storm Owen? Yeah, we found the leak. So you know, we had the little leak a couple of weeks ago, little leak. Yeah, we thought that cleared up, we'd stop using the bath and the shower. It just stopped raining.

It just stopped raining. Yeah. And then it started raining loads and then it's like dripping on the cream sofa. Not the sofa. God, do you know what the problem is Rob. There's too many cream items in your house. Absolutely. It's like a fucking dairy in your house. It's unbelievable. It's quite militant with it. My daughter fell over. Um, so my daughter when she's cold likes to walk around with a blanket wrap around her rather than just put a jumper on.

Always say be careful because you'll slip on that. Ignores me. Yeah, and it's cream anyway. So she was cold. She dressed for spring when we went to pizza express the other night. She's freezing cold. We won't take a blanket and put it in mom's bag. You put it on your legs when you're in the restaurant just easier than forcing a cone. Yeah, come out the restaurant. And she's got the blanket wrap rounder walking along the street. She trips over the blanket obviously

absolutely stacks it doesn't knee. It is quite funny because it's the sole reason coats are invented. Yeah, of course. Because you can't walk around with a blanket of attribute. It's just not anyway. So she cut her knee and then we were gonna go back and have a movie night. We can have a movie night in the front room and Lou was like, No, not your bloody knee. Well, can we not put plaster on it and let us sit on the cringe sofa? That is a thing with sofas. Because we've got, Rose got a new sofa.

Lou wants to get a new sofa in another room and there's nothing wrong with the one that we've got. And our daughter did say to me she preferred it before we had the new sofa, because I think there's a lot of tension around the sofa. And there's rules that like, we can't, like, it's a creamed sofa, with this creamed sofa, yeah, we can't have like food or drink in that room, like on the sofa, which is fair enough, right? There's plenty of other places to eat and then eat and then sit

at the sofa. So on the, but then it's like, no, like drinks in case they spill like, like red wine or coffee. But now what Lou does is she sort of sits on the edge of the sofa with a little table next to the sofa with a little table next to the edge with a red wine, but sort of like leans over to drink it. And it's like, well, you're sort of on that sofa, Lou. But I don't want to say, and then I know she's done it when I come home late from gigs, there's a little empty wine glass next to the side and she's had a sneaky red wine on that sofa that I'm not allowed to have Ferrero Rocher

on. How could you not eat a Ferrero? There's no allowed to have Ferrero Rocher on. How could you not eat a Ferrero? There's no dirt from a Ferrero Rocher. There is dirt. There's a lot of shrapnel from a Ferrero Rocher, especially the way I eat it. Does it not go in on, do you eat it in more than one go? I've got a full technique on the Rocher. Here we go. Looks like we've got another Instagram poll on our hands. How many bites to eat a Ferrero Rocher?

I nibble off like a hamster, the chocolate coating around the edge. What the fuck are you doing? I mean, I'm delaying the end of the Ferrero essentially, because if you just pop it in. So you do it section by section. They never, the twain shall meet. So you nibble off the chocolatey nutty bit, and then you come to the wafer.

The wafer ball. And then sometimes I'd like eat that off. So I've just then just got the. What just a ball. So your hand is full of the nutty goo. Yeah. And then I'll pop that in and just suck that until the nuts left and then eat the nut. The nut's such a disappointing end, isn't it? It's so shit. So I've actually, I've actually always think that I'm not, I'm just sucking a nut now. This is not a chocolatey tree. I'm not,

I'm not sucking. Um, and then, so how many Ferraros would you have in one go? I reckon I could eat a hundred. No, no, no, no, no. There's no one on earth that couldn't eat a hundred. Where does your one on earth that couldn't eat 100. Where does your guilt stop you? What number is your guilt stopping you? Four, I'm like, that's a little chocolatey treat. Any more than that, I've had a bad day. Could you stop saying a little chocolatey treat because it's making my balls disappear inside my body.

But what I do now with these little chocolatey treats is... Oh God, oh God. I now nibble the chocolate off the edge and then pop the wafer in and then suck that till... I think it's because I know like, and now I'm just sucking all my chocolate. I'm a chocolate sucker. To get as much out of it as possible.

And then you get as more flavor out of it as it just sort of goes like a bit of galaxy, a little bueno, a little section. So you've basically got like eight sucks from a bueno bar. Middle ages fucking shit isn't it? I know but it's so hard to burn calories now. I can't be just throwing it back and getting on with me life. You're sucking a fucking flake. Oh, and suck a flake.

That's too bad, especially on the cream sofa. Um, anyway, so yeah, Lou wants to get another, cause we've got another sofa. So instead of the cream, we in a, in the front room, like the liver, like we've got a cozy living room. And then we've got like the kitchen open plan room that sort of like would be called the front room, the kitchen, open plan, whatever. There's a brown sofa in there. There is a leather sofa that we've had a few years. Absolutely. It is the James Milner of sofas. It will survive any it will survive.

Well, we got it because it was in the kitchen to kids when they were young, we're like, and now that they're older. It's the opposite of the cream. Yeah, exactly, but we don't like the leather sofa. We just got it at that time because the kids were ruining sofas. Oh, I hate it.

You fall asleep on a leather sofa and your fucking cheek is stuck to the arm. I hate it, but it was expensive. And there's dribble everywhere. And you sit down in shorts, your legs are stuck. I'm on board, but we're in a situation now where it's expensive. Do we want to get rid of it? Do we want to keep it?

And we're looking down the barrel here. This sofa could do, you know, it could do 30 years. Treat yourself Rob. Rob, you've done two nights in Norwich. Yeah. Buy yourself a new sofa. Well, exactly. But it seems wasteful because it is a good, literally,

it's a Garif Barry. You can't fault it, but it's not exciting. No, Rob, Rob, you are minutes away from sucking on the leather sofa to give yourself some kind of, just enjoy something. You're not enjoying your chocolate. You're not enjoying your sofa, Rob. I can't believe I'm saying it to you.

You need to enjoy your life more. Well, because then I was saying to Lou, Lou was like, why didn't the league come through on the old sofa? Because then we could guilt free change. So me and Lou did discuss late last night, moving the sofas, moving it, rather than moving the good one out the way of the league,

move the old one into the leak. Just get a fucking bucket. We have, we just, we've chuffed on it and got a bucket, so. Can I make a suggestion on the sofa? There's a roofer coming on route, there's a roofer on route. Can I make a suggestion on a sofa?

Yes, yeah, yeah, of course. You guys have got great style, always take your hints and sits. No, no, no, no, it's not about style, it's about guilt, which as you know, I'm an expert in. If you were to put your sofa onto free cycle or sell it on Facebook marketplace for like 50 quid or a hundred quid, someone will take that sofa and be so pleased to hear that you have no guilt. It's like giving clothes to a charity shop and then you can

guilt free buying yourself. I'm not saying take it. I don't think you should take it to the dump. Don't do that. No, I'm not saying to dump. No, that's the thing. I can't take it to the dump. It's a perfectly good soap. You know, you're not going to release James Bielder on a free. Oh, Rob, can I tell you about giving stuff away? This fucking blew my mind. Go on. We had a clear out day. Okay. Yeah. Stuff on the street day. Okay. Yeah. Books, a poor patrol tower. Gabby's Doll's house. I love those days, but we let in the countryside, there's not enough foot traffic Josh. No, there's not enough. No,

that's not enough foot traffic. Well, get ready to take the piss out of a life in Hackney. More stuff got put there? Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha picture frame with like a black and white photo like a kind of artsy black and white photo with smashed glass on the front that's mental and then yeah I'm like what the fuck are we gonna do this and then I come out half an hour later yeah and someone has removed the picture and left the frame with the smashed glass all over the street. So I have to go to shop, buy a Sunday paper to wrap up the glass because I

thought, you know, you can't have it looks like we've just smashed glass all over the street. Yeah, yeah. So I'm clearing up this fucking smashed glass in over the street. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm clearing up this fucking smashed glass in the Sunday Times, which I don't want. Yeah. You know, like, one of those big papers that you need to wrap it in. You're like, what the fuck is going on?

It's happening, mate. I know. But did you get rid of all the other stuff? Some Lego's still there. It's just sat there in the rain. So I suppose it's waterproof. Talking about that, I know what you mean, no, we would never just dump the sofa,

it's a really good sofa, that's why. No, I know, but what I mean is, if you give it away, you haven't got, there's no guilt. We tried, we've run the British Heart Foundation, and they take sofas and stuff, but they don't. They said, is it awful leather? And you said, yes.

Is it disgusting and leather, and they had your sweaty ass on it in the summer? Yes, it has actually, but I've wiped it clean. No, basically they will not take sofas. They will not take sofas unless they've got that weird triangle plastic thing on it says it's flame and fire resistant. Like an EU law thing. You can't accept it unless it's got those tags, but no one leaves those tags on because then not only have you got a massive leather sofa, disgusting leather

sofa, there's a massive tag on it, but everyone cuts those tags off straight away because they go, I don't want a tag hanging off the part. So now I've got this sofa that would make, would be a perfect family sofa for people with young kids or people with dogs or whatever that don't want a stained sofa because you can wipe it clean, or any sex perverts out there. They can have it and have a while of a time with it and they can enjoy that dirty sofa with knowing it won't catch fire because it's fame resistant, but I haven't got the little tags.

Oh, God. So that's the problem with trying to win. It's a shame because you can't donate it. You're gonna need to sell it on a Facebook marketplace. I don't want weird, no offence, weird strangers coming to my house to pick up a sofa and be bartering over about 25 quid or whatever it is. I mean, I'd rather give it away, but I can't. Can't you put it on free cycle?

You've still got randoms coming up your house. They're always a bit fucking loosey goosey, and they it's like, you know, I'm just stood there going, right, who's this serial killer coming to my house? You know what I mean? Yeah, but I think something's too good to be true sometimes. For free. I think that not get involved in that. I'm not going to the countryside to pick that you should be selling that. But then I don't want to be stood there bartering with some strange off the internet over 200 quid.

This is the way you do it, right? It's up for 200. I'll give you I'll give you 104. Oh, fuck that. Well, I'll take 100 actually. Put it on for 100 and then when they turn up go, do you know what? The 100 was just to check that you weren't loosey goosey. You can have it for free. Yeah, he's loosey goosey guys. Do I remember I told you when we thought we were getting burgled? Oh, yeah. Once on holiday when like, basically, all our cameras going off,

because he's just random guys drove up our own looking over the fence. when we thought we were getting burgled. Oh yeah, yeah. Once on holiday when like, basically all our cameras going off because these just random guys drove up our own looking over this fence, knocking on the door, all scoping out, all looking panicky, getting in the car, shooting off, coming back again, looking round and then I was like, it's all on the cameras, I text all the neighbours, they went out, they were trying to pick up a sofa

from three doors down. Ha! These guys all panicking because it was getting... Well if she's got their number. I'm sure they'll have yours. They wouldn't fit in the boot of their car. No way. Then they turn up a little car. And I'm like, I've given you a dimensions mate. And then I'm lifting a sofa on me day off into some geezers car don't fit

then they're asking me about you. One's shouting gobble gobble. Oh, I was like, it's not worth the hassle. I was on storage yesterday morning, Rob. But haven't you got all your storage now? I was asking what Ramesh is like. It's not worth the hassle. I was on storage yesterday morning, Rob. Getting rid of a chair. Haven't you got all your storage now? Yeah, we've got to get rid of our storage. Oh, no, but I thought it was in there while you're building cupboards at your house. We've got like stuff that we don't want anymore, so we're selling it. I don't think you'll ever get rid of storage.

I'll tell you why we fucking won't, Rob. I tell you why we fucking will rub a little email that says it's gone up I think we're paying like 50 quid a week right yeah but it's a big room it's part also you know Rose buys and sells furniture it's like yeah it's a big room but it's not because you got a massive table in there. Yeah, yeah. What's happening with that? I remember you turned the phone. It's like a really depressing dining room. Oh my God, Rob, I ended up in an argument with them. Oh, let me tell you about the storage. Yeah. What's it gonna they fucking pumped the price up by a hundred quid a week.

What? So it's gone from 50 to 150. Something like that. I can't remember the exact figures because it was rice. Do you know what they do? Those storage places are just profiting off people's mental health where they panic and go, oh, just stick it in there. It's not fair. I don't understand why they're what we're good tenants Rob. Are you aware of the Estonian Eurovision entry? This year Rob. No, let me have a look.

It's got in trouble with Italy because it's about being Italian and it's considered a bit... What's the Estonian doing about being Italian? Some people are saying it's a bit racist. It can't be more racist than the Damio advert. Is it the man in front of the mic with the long tie? Do you want me to give you the lyrics? Do you want me to give you the lyrics? Go on.

Ciao Bella, I'm Tommaso, addicted to tobacco. Me like me coffee, very importante. Me money numeroso, I work around the clocko. That's why I'm sweating like a mafioso. I mean, you can't do that unless you're Italian. Can you life is like spaghetti. It's hard until you make it It's quite deep. That's that's I like that's great. I yeah, it's good that but the rest I'm not gonna tell me in Estonia Life my that actually Little challenge for each other. Yeah before next week's episode We've both got to get that into conversation and pass it off as a bit of wisdom and see if people...

No, but that doesn't actually work though if you break it down. So life is hard like spaghetti until you make it. Well, you've just got to confidently say it and the person's got to not challenge you. No, no, no, because it should be life is hard like spaghetti until you cook it. And also spaghetti is not hard, it's brittle. Well life's like spaghetti, it's brittle until you... He's thinking make it means cook it, but you can't cook life. Yeah, but that's not, making it isn't cook it.

Because when you cook spaghetti it gets soft, when you make spaghetti it gets... Well, the problem with the whole thing, Rob, is that if you're Italian, I imagine dried spaghetti is absolutely sacrilege. So life is like spaghetti, it's hard until you make it. But I'd argue spaghetti is always soft until it dries and you buy it in the supermarket and then you cook it, it gets soft. So when you're making spaghetti, actually, it's all because you have to churn it through that little... Rob, can I let you in on a secret? I'm basing all this on Play-Doh, by the way.

Yeah, but I don't know how they dry spaghetti. I think you just leave it in a cupboard. It can't be that. It's just air dried. They must do something to it. Please Google how do you dry spaghetti. Air dry? Well, how else are you gonna dry anything?

We can't stick it in a tumble dryer, are you? I think they must make it in a certain way to be dry spaghetti. It's not just spaghetti that's gone off. No, it's just spaghetti that's gone off. To dry spaghetti, this is AI. To dry spaghetti... When's AI replaced Google? What's the difference? I put it into Google and then it comes up with AI overview. AI overview? You know what AI is? It's just that fucking old swat that's near you in a coffee shop listening to your conversations.

It goes, actually the best way to deal with people is to get... Shut up, mate, just because you're a divorcee and you're on your own. Don't get in my life. I think a lot of things have been credited to AI. That aren't AI. Like Google search. Like Google search or like sometimes you'll see like... What's clearly a Photoshop and they'll say it's AI and you're

like it's just that used to be called like a Photoshopped image or something. Yeah it's just a better computer system because if you search for a like when you went to Argos you used to type the number in that little machine. Yeah. Is that AI because it finds it? Well exactly. Is this a computer system? Exactly. Anyway so what's the AI dry spaghetti right to dry spaghetti we'll put a pin in this you need to lay the freshly cut pasta strands out in a single layer on a clean surface fucking hell this is a lot of effort like a baking sheet or a pasta drying rack ensuring they don't touch let them air dry completely for several hours or overnight you're right until they're firm and snap when bent.

How else you gonna do it? You can also hang them from a drying rack or even a clothes hanger to allow for good air for, no one's fucking putting a clothes hanger with spaghetti on it. Busy afternoon. That's definitely kids are left home job. Yeah. Yeah. You're 52 empty nest. I'm going to air dry my spaghetti on the clothes also. You're 52. Empty nest. I'm gonna air dry my spaghetti on the clothes also. You're not sure you love your wife still. Anyway, um, yeah, so that lyric don't make sense. Yeah. Oh, try to talk to you about getting in last night. Right. So I'm getting one a.m. last night. Oh, God. Legend. All right. One second. Quickly ring

him. Yeah, of course. Oh God. Please remain on the line as we value your call. Sorry. Sorry. He's coming at 11. But the builder, I didn't want to like the builder. I didn't want to cut him short because then he'd be rude. But I'm like, yeah, just tell me when he's coming at 11. I didn't want to cut him short because then he'd be rude. But I'm like, yeah, just tell me when he's coming.

Because he went out there to look at it before, but he's not a roofer. Is this the hole in the roof? Yeah. Is he not a roofer? The guy, so the people that built a house used a roof. They came around to look at it. We originally thought the leak was coming

from the bathroom. We stopped using the bathroom. So we just assumed it was that. They were due to come back to drill a hole in the roof or the ceiling to find the leak was coming from the bathroom. We stopped using the bathroom. So we just assumed it was that they were due to come back to drill a hole in the roof or the ceiling to find the leak. However, it started pissing through and it rained last night. So they're like, Oh, it must be a roof. So the roof is coming around because he installed the roof. So he'll know like, and also the, when the builders come around, we weren't here cause we were with

the kids and we forgot to tell them that a roof tile had come off. Oh God. So he's coming at 11, fingers crossed. I've got people coming around to watch the boxing later. Currently- What time's the boxing? 4.45 PM, it starts. That's a weird time for boxing.

Saudi Arabia, and it's a great card, starts early. So yeah, sorry about that. Sorry about that. Sorry. Yeah, so, because I messaged him when I got home. Oh, he's ringing me back up once. Yeah, he's ringing me. Could you take a screen grab of the toad looking over Rob's shoulder at some point?

Sorry. So I was like messaging him late last night because it was pissing through. And then he came back to me this morning. I was like, Lou's talking to me now. But yeah, so I got in at one and then I was looking at him. Can I just say Rob, for people to go on our Instagram, it really looks like there's a... Because you've got a picture of a toad peeking out over your shoulder.

Lou's bought this picture of a big toad. I like the picture. I really like the picture of the toad. It's got to go up, but we've got to get someone to come and put something. Where you've put it is amazing because it just looks like there's a toad just looking just slightly over your shoulder. So carry on. So got back at 1am. I'm messaging the guy. I'm in the car back from Norwich messaging the builder anyway. So they're coming around today, get in and then after help Lou move the sofa,

the cream sofa is too big to move on our own. One AM. Yep. So moving sofas at one AM. She stayed up or did you have to wake her up? She stayed up just stressing looking quite itchy watching below deck half a bottle of wine down. Couldn't see because she thought the roof was going to fall in. Fair enough, it weren't going to but fine. Anyway, she had to stay awake so I could move

the sofa with her because it was going to rain all night. So we didn't want to just leave it there. Yeah. Which is a good decision because the buckets quite full. Um, God, this is so boring and stressful. So anyway, got over at 1am, quite wide, couldn't sleep. Um, stayed up to about two and then at two, laid down, head hit the pillow, right? Clockwork. My daughter come in, can't sleep. The dogs are waking me up. Dogs have done nothing.

They're just asleep. So then I go in with her and then I lay next to her and then I sleep next to her. This is what annoys me a little bit though. They're coming to go, Dad, can you sleep with me? I'm like, all right, okay. And I thought, right, I'm just gonna get in her bed and go to sleep. So get into a bed at two o'clock in the morning, lie there, fall asleep, right? And then she wakes up at seven. I don't have to get up to about eight, half eight, because we're doing this at nine. She's like, Dad, dad, like

wakes me up. She goes, you can go now. What? Because basically she wants to turn the light on and play, because it's 7am. I'm like, oh, I'm like, oh, I'm like, where's your energy gone? I can't do that. I'm like, yeah, bye, get out. I'm actually annoyed that I'm there. Like, Dad, come on, out. You weirdo.

Like I've come in drunk and got in the wrong bed or something. You wanted me here. And my whoop is well angry with me. I've had four hours, five hours, four hours sleep. But I think she's probably, yeah, she's a bit like, Oh God, why do I have to have him in a bit? Like I've got a big smelly dad in the bed. And she's probably embarrassed going off, for God's sake, I've got to get him in the bed again. I imagine there's people, there's people who've listened to this, who've woken up with Rob Beckett in their bed in the past. It's like when you go downstairs and you see four Ferrero Rocher packets on the sofa.

Exactly. Yeah. That was four hours of sucking that I'll never get back. Sucking away on a Ferrero. That's what I've been doing. Kinder Bueno's is a good one to suck as well. Do you put the whole, I don't want to go back to it, but I am going to. Yeah.

Do you put the whole Rocher in to suck the chocolate off? In a bowl? No, no, nibble off, bite it off in sections with a front little, like a hamster. Yeah, like a squirrel, yeah. And then a galaxy bar, I'll break it, I'll just break it off into the little things, lay that on the tongue and let it sit.

Do you know, I took my daughter's, I can't remember why I was buying her a chocolate bar, but I was, because it's half-term and I'm desperate, right? Oh, how's your half term bit by the way? Yeah, up and down. But I took her to the chocolate bar place. Sweet shop. Sweet. Yeah, like it was London. You don't really get a sweet shop in 2025.

The chocolate bar place. Corner shop. And she was trying to like decide. And there's so many chocolate bars. So obviously... I'm sorry. I've tried all of them. Yeah, I don't think so. Not all the new ones. No, there's not as many new ones as you'd think.

All the classics are still holding firm. I bet, I'll tell you what you haven't had. Reese's Pieces. I have had a Reese's Pieces. Have you had the Reese's bar? The Reese's Cupcake. It's just the pieces just melded together. Are you saying that once you've had a Cadbury's dairy milk, you've done all the Cadbury's fruit and nuts?

No, I'm not saying that at all. I'm saying I've done Cadbury's dairy milk. I'm gonna write top 10 chocolate bars in the UK. I've done them all Rob. Dairy milk done. Galaxy done. Twix done. Kit Kat done. Kinder done. Maltesers done. Dairy milk done. Galaxy done. Twix done. Kit Kat done. Kinder done. Maltesers done. Toblerone done. I don't know what a butter finger is. They're American. That must be American. But what I'm saying is- Crunch? I haven't done a crunch. Never done a crunch. I love the crunch. Caramac?

I've done a fucking caramel mate. Galaxy? Yeah, of course. Okay, Aero? Snickers, yeah. Tony's? Mars, too much. Anyway. Yeah, you've got a real issue in Mars. I loved a Mars ice cream back in the day. Love a Crunchy, I loved a Mars ice cream. I liked a Mars milk back in the day.

Mars milk, or like the milkshake? It was just chocolate milk. Yeah, they used to have a bit of a thing where they were trying to jump on that sort of like energy. It was like refuel. You know, yeah, she's not what my body needs after the gym. Like just a Mars bar.

Good effort. Good effort. Mars HQ. But I'm not refueling it. I'm just adding to the problem. I tried to get rid of an hour ago. But you know what I was thinking? I was what I was thinking.

It's sad that my daughter has barely. Have your daughter's done the done the chocolate bars, all of them? When did I do them? When have I experienced this? Well, you just live longer. I think going to the shop to buy a chocolate bar was much more of a thing to do, but now with iPads, you just don't...

I remember going for a walk to the shop was a... That was a thing that you did on an afternoon. Now you go like, I'll just stick a film. We've got Disney Plus. I mean, like we could, you normally go like walk to the video shop to hire out a video to walk back with and you'd go past the shop. You know what I mean?

Loved it. Oh God. And I don't think you're in shops enough to pick where now mums and dads just order on, we do all our ordering online. So it's like, oh, they like that one. Just get some of them. Oh, I loved the video shop. I loved the video shop. Oh, time

is better wasn't it? Is there anything you want to talk about the half time? I've railroaded this a little bit. I went to the science museum. Oh, yeah. I'd say the shop in the science museum is the eye of hell. Yeah, what just over price or busy? Just busy, just busy, just so fucking busy.

Lou took a lot of bullets this half term to be honest cause I was filming and working a lot of it. She's done quite laser quest. She did gravity at Blue Wall where she had to queue for a table to watch her children go on trampolines. Oh my gosh. She went to the circus. She's, she's hit it hard.

I did Science Museum. Yeah. I did the fucking back from the dead, the fucking park. I couldn't believe it. The park again? I thought I was over it. And then my daughter had a friend on Monday, my daughter had a friend round. Yeah.

They played with a hamster in the morning. I was like, if we get a friend round, I can basically get on with this work I need to do. Yeah, and then I can just chill in the house. And they did most of it. And then because we had the cleaner here, the kind of house wasn't as easy for them to use. Yeah. And then my daughter said, can we go to the park? And I was like, this is I haven't been to the park in six months a year when I had to go to the fucking park again.

That was one of the reasons I had to go to the fucking park again Rob. That was one of the reasons I wanted to move. I was so bored of my local park. We had got to walk near our old house. I was so bored of that park from lockdown and walking around it. I just like, I can't, I hate this. It actually brought back depressing memories of wandering around during lockdown. I used to walk past it.

I sat on that bench once with a mate and a bottle of wine in the dark for three hours because there was any way we could meet. Just with our iPhone torches on chatting. Tell you what though Rob, part with two seven year olds is a different game because I didn't have to do anything. No, you just sat on a bench. I just sat on a bench. That's how I'd always imagined the park.

Because I've got a couple of mates who've got two year olds. It is just hunchback hell. They are crouched over, shuffling around like little fucking peasant servants. Oh, it's just tiny master. Just fucking freezing other kids and there's bigger kids running on and you're just like, Oh, I did. It's so, I should write a list of the 10 things that I don't miss that I can look at when I feel sad about, you know, time moving on. Oh, that's a great one. One of them would be the park. One of them would be,

I had this last Saturday because I did last leg and then I did Romas's show on Radio 2. Yeah. And I was tired. And I was like, fucking hell, I'd forgotten what life is like when you're basically jet lagged the whole fucking time. Maybe that's a good thing. People should email in the one thing that they hated most about being a parent that has gone now and they're happy about it. And you know, judgment. No, no, because we're here to say it's brilliant, but difficult. Of course it'd be mental.

It'd be everything. Nothing is perfect. Do you know? You know, you can't have the light without the shade. You can't forget about the Estonian shade. You can't have spaghetti without the Estonian rapper thinking up quotes. Exactly Rob. Yeah, that don't actually work and they are racist. You can't have the cream sofa without the leather sofa.

You can't have the cream sofa without rain dripping through the roof, but I'm still not convinced it's from the roof, but it can't be from anywhere else because we haven't used the bath. Why aren't you convinced it's from the roof? Because it's coming through the ceiling of the ground floor, Josh. But everything's dry on the first floor. Is it coming down through the middle of the wall? I don't know, Josh, and it's stressing me.

Is it a pipe? That would be my first thought, yeah, but I don't know. But then why would the pipe be overflowing in the rain? I don't know, Josh. I want to know. It's certainly a puzzler. hype be overflowing in the rain? It's certainly a puzzler. Once you've got that video done for his niece, I reckon he's gonna have a full old day. He's smashing a hole in your ceiling. There's no doubt about that. Just so you know. Well, I want that done as well, just to double check. Because it needs to be read, it's so wet, it needs to be redone anyway. It has to be redecorated. So might as well cut a hole

in another pipe. Well, I tell you now, Rob, because we we had a leak and it takes fucking forever for a wall to dry before you can paint it. What I would say is guys, do not be afraid of cutting a hole in your ceiling. It feels more invasive surgery than it actually is. It can be fixed so easily. I can never believe it when you get a builder or decorator and they'll do something like smash a hole to put a, you know, a, a plug there or something. You know, move the light switch and you think this is fucked. We are totally fucked. Yeah. Yeah.

And then they managed to plaster the wall so that it's exactly flat. And the same color and the same color. Yeah, it's exactly flat. And the same color. And the same color. Yeah, it's fucking... And it's a different bit of plaster. And now I say to Lou, I can't even tell where it was. No, it's mad. We had a door, right?

We had a door... Bill does listen into this guy and he's too fucking simple. Yeah, but like, so... We had a door that went into the bathroom that we got rid of on the on the bathroom side. And when we moved in, we just left the door there shut as a false door because yes, and then Adrian got rid of it in two days. Yeah. And it might as well have never existed. It was fucking. Adrian, by the way? He's... we're coming to the end of our time with Adrian. Because I need Adrian.

Well, he's desperate for me to help for his work, but I'm not going to do it. Until he's finished. Until he's finished. Good decision. He's still got to paint my son's bedroom and do some tiling and some fireplaces and then he's done. Yeah, well I suppose if that's a couple of weeks away, it might be quite nice for him to, at least I could book him. I'm not saying you have to give him a full shout out on the pod.

He's become a character. He has come a character. He'll be able to advertise Adrian from Baron in Hell. I've learned so much about Romania. Yeah. Do you ever ask him about them dying all their hair yellow? No, but I had a long chat. I've talked to him about... Dan Petrescu? I've talked to him about... Dan Patrescu? I've talked to him about Dan Patrescu.

He showed me a photo of himself with Georgie Hadji. Oh wow, he was a legend, Georgie Hadji. Yeah, well his son's trained with Georgie Hadji. His son's been to Georgie Hadji's football school. Right, back in Romania is this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was just Googling Hadji, I loved him. I've missed those players.

You know those players that were just like, slightly unreliable, would do something absolutely magic, play number 10, and they weren't athletes as such, but they could just get it, ping it through, do something magical rather than just high press tracking back. Bullshit. Rob, this isn't podcast chat. This is lads around for the boxing in a leaky room chat. Oh, I can't wait to unleash one of yous on Georgie Hargie on my two mates. Are you going to have a proper laddy night? What's Lou doing for your boxing night? Well actually, Lou's, the wives are coming round as well.

And probably, like in 1972, I'm going to tell you this Josh, can I tell you what's going to happen? They're going to sit in a different room to us I imagine. And you know what? I'm not mad about it. Don't mind. I'm a modern man, but don't really in the throws of a good fight

go, which one do we like? Pfft. Shut up. Call me old school. And it works both ways. When I walk into the front room and lose watching below deck and I go, who's that one? She pauses it and explains it in a huff.

Do you know what? When Rose is watching the Housewives of Beverly Hills, wherever the Housewives are this week, she'll pause it when I come in as if to say, I can't even watch this with you in the room. And they pause it and look at you, don't they they and then you just stand there and it's like oh Yeah, do you want to watch something? She's up. Well, I'm watching my program. Oh, I thought we could just watch something together Okay, then well, what is it you want to watch and it's all the pressures on me And then I sort of suggest a few things. I've said the boys own documentary. I'd say for two months now Do you know what is great? I had to watch it in Norwich Did you?

I watched it in Norwich. What did you think of it? I, um, nothing surprised me about it. Um, they're obviously very angry. We walked away manipulate the press, but then one would argue that without that press manipulation, they wouldn't be as big as they were. Yeah. I'd say that Ronan got excited by a few, you know, going solo and things like

that, which anyone would and I like looking, isn't he? Ronan. excited by going solo and things like that, which anyone would. He's good looking, isn't he, Ronan? Very good looking. Fucking hell. He really blossomed. When I was looking at them younger, I was thinking, I wouldn't have picked Ronan as such a good looking 50 year old. No, he's unbelievable.

They all look great, in a way. They all look... I'd say what I got from it is I think Mikey Graham would benefit from meeting up with the boys and this is a bit of a spoiler, they have a little meetup at the end and Mikey Graham doesn't go, I think he's still holding on to some resentment which I don't think is healthy for him. I don't know the full story, I've only seen the documentary but I think life's short. But it did feel like if I was making that documentary and Mikey says I'm not going to meet up with them you actually go actually it's more dramatic and

better. Yeah. So I'm not going to encourage him to meet up and he did get asked at the end whether they'd reform and I thought oh that was a yes. That was a yes. Oh that was a yes and they are going to reform within a year. Yeah they're definitely going to reform. I think though, he, um, I totally get why he's angry and frustrated, but I do think Ronan was very magnanimous with his apology and he accepted that he got a bit selfish and a bit one track mind and he apologized for it. And then I'll met up at a Guinness. Like that was a bit on the nose, wasn't it?

Yeah, I know. But just cause they're, but yeah, but cause they are Irish and they, but you you can't just not like Guinness, you look like a stereotype. No, I know, I know. It's like you don't wear pajamas. I don't wear pajamas. You should do. I don't.

Slippers? I occasionally wear slippers. Right, well, we've really gone off track. And Rob, I think we've covered everything and nothing. Right, small business shout out, Josh. Small business, small business shout out Josh. Small business shout out. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. It's actually quite Andy for me. Hi, Josh and Rob. I love your podcast.

I listen while cleaning people's carpets and sofas for them. Fuck off. Often looking like some kind of weirdo laughing to myself. Could you please do a shout out for my business? I run a carpet and upholstery cleaning business called Heartwell Carpet and Upholstery Cleaning. That is amazing. I've been operational for just over a year

and love being my own boss and getting people's carpets and soaps looking great again. I'm based in Chandler's Ford in Hampshire. I would really love some more followers to my Facebook page, Heartwell Clean. It's great that you do this for small businesses. I can imagine it really helps them out. Thanks to you very much, Heartwell Clean. It's great that you do this for small businesses. I can imagine it really helps them out. Thanks to you very much, Debbie Heartwell.

Heartwell, get on TikTok and Instagram. Heart, Debbie, get on TikTok, because if you can show a dirty sofa, then a clean sofa with a transition. People go mad for that shit. You've got to get some of these. Oh, yeah, yeah, people are like that. Also, let's, tell us where you,

if you think you listen to this in quite a weird place, doing a weird thing, let us know, because Debbie's cleaning sofas since this. We want to know the weirdest thing you're doing or the weirdest place you're listening to this in. I find cleaning sofa, have you ever watched a man clean a woman? It just happens that our sofa person... I actually feel like you're watching men clean. Yeah, exactly.

Carpets, with a jet-wattant person that we've had. Yeah, it's so satisfying seeing all that dirt come off the sofa from the curtains. Oh, it's great. I'd love that job. I love a bit of jet washing. Oh, when I worked in I'm sure I've said this, but one of the best jobs I ever had, Rob, was when I worked in the petrol station at Safeway. Yeah. And they give me a token for the jet wash to go and clean the jet wash. the jet wash to go and clean the jet wash.

Fuckin hell, I love that. What a day. Standing in the sun spraying the mud off the jet wash. Oh, loved it. But it's muddy down there as well. Those country cars coming through. Oh, yeah, too bloody right. Say stop. Stop. Stop. Right. Stick a pin in it. Oh, that's too long. That one's too long. We'll have to say something about summer long. Summer long. You get more chance if you just keep it tight. Yeah. It's a small business out by the way.

Small for a company and length of. Yes. Oh, fuck. Do you know what? Fucking hell. I said I almost started then I saw the word Bromley. Go fuck yourselves. Do the one at the bottom.

It's made stone, which is close to Bromley. I was going to do this one because it's useful for you when the when the leak spreads spreads don't yeah just listening to series 9 episode 16 Daisy Mae Cooper and hearing Josh's dismay with the building work mess and having sought out how he's going to make his porridge uh gobble also having to purchase a fridge and an air fryer can I introduce you to temporary kitchens and bathrooms temporary kitchen and bathrooms we're a family-run business in droit twitch which hires out kitchen trailers and bathroom trailers throughout. Do you know where Droitwich is, Rob? Droitwich? No, I've heard of it. I don't know where it is.

Worcestershire, the West Midlands and beyond. When you're having your kitchen and bathroom renovated, you need those facilities. We have a trailer with either a fully functioning kitchen or a fully functioning... That's clever. It is clever, isn't it? What a good idea, fully functioning bathroom inside. This not only helps the customer with their day-to-day tasks from breakfast, dinner and tea, they also have an eating area in them

with a dining table and four chairs or breakfast bar and stools which allows you to eat your dinner in a safe, clean environment. But this also helps the builder as the builder can complete his tasks without having to completely tidy up at the end of the day. All you need is a driveway space. I'm out. Permit. And two plug sockets. You can find all the details at www.tempereekitchenandbathrooms.co.uk. Also on Instagram and Facebook too. Cheers from Nathan. Lovely. That's's good shout out.

Yeah. Love it. Right, Josh, I'll see you next time. I can't wait, Rob. Hopefully my roof's fixed. Bye.