Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S10 EP10: Gyles Brandreth

Episode Date: March 28, 2025

Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the broadcaster and writer and national treasure - Gyles Brandreth. You can listen to his brilliant podcast 'Rosebud' HERE Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] Follow us on instagram: @parentinghell  Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener,

with your tips, advice, and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing. ["The Star-Spangled Banner"] With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff.

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Rosie, can you say Rob Beckett? Beck-eck-ing. Try again? Beck-eck-ing. And Josh Whiddicombe? Beck-eck-ing-gum. That was cute. That was nice, wasn't it?

Was that Adrian at the door? No, I think it was another cleaner. Hello, Rob, Josh and Michael. This is my two and a half year old daughter, Rosie's best attempt at saying your names. I didn't know your podcast existed till I was a first parent, frantically trying to work out how to raise my newborn. So search for a parenting podcast on Spotify. Luckily yours came up, binged your book and been an avid listener every week ever since. I think you've misjudged it as something that will help you, Mike.

But there we go, Matt, sorry. Parenting is hard, but knowing it's not just us that struggles and rarely knows what they're doing is a great relief and love a good twice weekly laugh. Looking forward to seeing Rob in Portsmouth Guildhall. Respect. When is that, Rob? Am I doing the Guildhall? That is in this year.

June. June. There's a lovely theatre in Portsmouth isn't there? I've done that theatre before. Yeah Kings. The Kings Theatre yeah. It gets quite rowdy Portsmouth and Brighton. Seaside towns get quite rowdy on so. I don't think I'm doing Portsmouth. You don't think you're doing Portsmouth? I'm doing two. Yeah? I'm doing two gigs in Portsmouth. I didn't even realise I was doing Portsmouth. Guildhall or King's Theatre?

King's Theatre, October the 25th and 26th. I've never done Guildhall. No. I'll let you know. Yeah, let me know. I've got a backwards cap on. Yeah, I know. Very new kids on the block.

Look, mental. Yeah. I need a haircut and a shave. I'm all over the place here, Josh. Yeah, you're in a bad way. What have you been up to? Should I have a look at my diary? Tell me what you've been doing, Josh.

Someone came up to me the other day, and they were listening to Parenting Hell as they came up to me. They were listening to the Adobayo. Akin Fenway? Akin Fenway one. A lot of praise for Akin Fenway there. He's a good talker, isn't he? I think he'll be big on talk sport. Don't slag people off, Rob, but yeah.

No, I love talk sport. You know I love talk sport. I know you love talk sport. Not as good in the international break. Really good when Tottenham are losing. Yeah. When Tottenham are winning, not as good. I did the Frank Skinner podcast, Rob.

Yes, I love Frank Skinner. How was that? He loved his lunch with you. Oh, up in Manchester? Yeah, we discussed how he cannot fucking believe how you write your shows. Yeah, it's mad. I don't think it's correct,

but it's the only way I can do it. Yeah, exactly. I just go on and sort of just talk it out for the best. Yeah. Yeah, he's mad. I don't think it's correct. But it's the only way I can do it. Yeah, exactly. I just go on and sort of just talk it out for the best. Yeah, yeah, he's a bit more methodical. I'd say I'm more Frank Skinner than I am Rob Beckett. You're both more academic than me though, I think you're both in that he's got an English literature degree. I don't think anyone on earth writes in the way you do. Which yes, and I don't know what to do. Why? It's working.

Is it? I don't know if it is. Everything works differently for different people, Rob. Exactly, but yeah, I think I'm one of the only people that writes in the way I do. I don't know it until I'm on stage doing it. Exactly. And so when you're on tour now, so I've got, let me take you through what I've got Rob, right? I've got a notebook

Yeah, which has the different set list each night that I write in at this stage I won't that won't be happening once I'm on tour. You'll know it. I'll know it. I'll just yeah No, I've also got a word doc that has got all the routines in so how long is that doc? How many words is that that word doc? Should I find it? I can't believe you've got a word doc. No, this is a new thing for me because it means I have to write in the book less. I've got a bag, like a little Ziploc bag full of scraps of paper that I never look at that I take with me around the

country. Is that the show? Yeah. And then I sort of get the sum of the papers out that I wrote a setlist on about a year ago that's not even in the right order or got all the routines I do. It's 4,000 words, Rob, my show. And that is it in bullet points?

Yeah, yeah, it's not written as pros. It's written like as bullet points. As amateurs. Yeah, yeah. And yeah, so I look at that a bit and then I just think, fucking hell, Rob, I don't know what I'm gonna say. I'll go on, I'll tell them I'm busy and why I'm busy

and I've got a couple of jokes about that and then I'll talk about divorces. Yeah, hopefully I'll remember that bit about moving to the countryside and my dad. Yeah, and then I'll look at the clock and when it says 840 I go right, get yourself a drink. Oh, so you just you just do the first half not even got an obvious point of end. Not really.

got an obvious point of end? Not really. It changes. Meanwhile, I'm six months from the tour sweating over what's going in which part and what order they're going in. I feel like I should have that but I don't but I do seem to be ending on a laugh and then it's the interval and then I go in the interval and I go fucking hell this is horrible. I wish I could have carried on because now I've got to go back out again. Oh do you not like that? No. Does it not mean that you can just go all right so I've got them on side or not? Yeah a little bit but I'd rather just plow on but then I can't because... What do you do in the interval? Stare, TikTok, piss. Yeah. If it's been hot I want my bum because I've had a sweaty bum. Sorry what? Don't you ever get a sweaty bum? No. If it's really hot on stage want my bum. In case I've had a sweaty bum. Sorry, what? Don't you ever get a sweaty bum? No.

If it's really hot on stage, I get a bit of a sweaty bum, so I want my bum so it doesn't get wet. Do you? Yeah. Then I go back out and then I talk to the front row a bit about, have you spoke to the babysitter? Because I've got a bit about grandparents being babysitters. Then I just talk to them about my mum and dad.

It's quite basically the whole second half about my mom and dad and my relationship with them. And then I talked about dyslexia a bit, and I've been finishing on the dyslexia a bit, but now I'm feeling like, I don't know if that actually works as an ending, but I think it does, but I've become used to it. Right. But I like talking to the audience.

In an ideal world, I won't do most of my material and I'll create something out of what they say, but sometimes that doesn't happen, but I need to be loose to get that. In Kendall, I changed the complete ending of the show last night. Did you? Just to try it and see if that was a better ending

because I had a new bit that was good. I think it was solid, but I don't think it was any better than what I was been ending on it before. I find ending so difficult because it's- It's so nerdy, this chat, and I love it though. I can't help it. I'd say Rob, the description of the way you do your show isn't nerdy.

Oh, it's fuck, even I know it's mental, but it's what I've, the only way I've ever done it. But this is the thing that keeps me going, Josh. Do you know anyone that works like you? No, this is what keeps me going. Competence is the enemy of brilliance. Okay, you're going to need to explain that to me. If I'm too strict and too tight and too on it, it

will be a solid show. But if I have that and I rely too heavily on that, there will be no moments of brilliance because I'll be too stuck to the script. Yeah, you're like a football team that I'm new one. Express themselves. I'm Kano. Yeah, weird observation. Yeah. Yeah. Asian. Yeah, weird observation. Yeah. Come in. Yeah, Adrian, I like... You all right? Yeah. How long until I can make a noise?

Er, to an hour and a half. How long is it until I can make a noise? See ya. Little wave! Little walk of life. See ya! See ya! Is that Adrian? Yeah.

He stopped working on your ass, only so why does he need to make noise if he's just picking up his bag and leaving? We've had this discussion during Gemma Atkinson, Rob. I'm just saying! Yeah. He stopped working on your ass. So at least he wants to need to make noise if he's just picking up his bag and leaving. We've had this discussion during Gemma Atkinson role. I'm just saying. Which we've just recorded. Another week goes by, Adrian's still there. No, he's only here for one day.

Have you tracked him? I wish. See ya. Little finger wave. Yeah. I do know all the jokes and the show's really funny and really solid, but it is like float. It's like, I'm like, what all bits stuff in the satellite? I'm the planet, right?

And I'm existing and all my jokes and routines are all but in me like satellites. Yeah. And I grab them when I need them. Or if I'm talking to someone in the front row that mentions kitchens and I've got routine about kitchen, then I'll bring that bit in. And then I try and change it all the time. So what am I?

You're the International Space Station. Oh yeah, okay, good. And that's a compliment. Yeah, thanks. It's solid, it's reliable, and everyone respects it. Yeah. But you're very good at crowd work when you MC, so you can do that.

I do lots of crowd work on tour, because people- They love it. They love it, I'm good at it, I enjoy it, it keeps it fresh, but then when I go into the material, I do it. I'm good at it. I enjoy it. It keeps it fresh. But then when I go into the material, I do know what I'm saying. This is what I'm very jealous of.

You'll start a bit and it'll be fairly gentle and then it builds. And if you're just doing a routine and not doing the crowd work, it'll build and build and build until little laugh, little laugh, until the whole, it's like waves building and building. And it goes to a crescendo of this big massive punchline,

and it's all wrapped up neatly. All I heard there was a little laugh. All I heard there was a little laugh. Yeah, but that's your anxiety. That's what I'm saying though. You'll get people in like that, and it'll build and build, and then before you know it,

they're all big laughs the whole way through, but it builds to a bit, and it builds to, it's like waves crashing onto the- Not at the moment, but yeah, that's where we're gonna get. That's where you will get. Whereas I'm like, it's fucking, it could be-

You're a shoppy C. Sometimes I go out and do a bit that's worked every night for a week. And I say it again, it don't work. And I think- Oh yeah, I had that the other night. I don't know what the fuck's going on here. I had that the other night.

You know, I do love doing it, but it is chaotic the way I sort of put together a show, but I don't really know any other way. No. And people seem to laugh, so- Exactly, it's working, keep doing it. Can. And people seem to laugh, so. Exactly. It's working. Keep doing it. Can I say thank you to everyone that's been coming?

So it's such an honor to go to these beautiful venues and people turn up. So thank you very much. I do appreciate it. And also it's an honor to go to leisure centers in Kendall and people turn up as well as the beautiful theaters. I mean, don't get me wrong, I loved Kendall. But as you walk into the theater and it says,

no shoes that mark on the basketball court, please. I had a good joke though for Kendall. I went out and how's the interval good interval long queue at the vendor machine was it? Oh, that's good. Yeah. Thank you to everyone that's coming. Yeah. How was Frank Skinner though apart from very fun, very fun. Lovely. Great guy. Great fun. I can't remember why I brought it up, but we probably should get Giles Branglethorn. About the way I put a show together, he's, and it's really upsetting that one of the greatest comedians of all time doesn't do it like me. Do you know what I liked? He almost had an all-like respect that you could do it.

The way I go out and do it? Yeah, he was like, fuck it now, fair play. I think it comes from my dyslexia where I've never been able to rely on a script or written word. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's always had to be made up on the spot and dealt with in the moment because I couldn't prepare for things

or have any work in memory. So I think that's given me, I don't like to call it a superpower. I know some people like that phrase, but I'm not sure if I feel comfortable with that. It's a survival tactic. To survival tactic superpower flies, I'm gracefully flying through the sky, but I very much feel like you're one of the

least wonderful men I've ever met to rapids desperately trying to get a breath of air in between laughs. A man who gets a lot of laughs. Charles Brandreth. He knows what he's a. A legend. Here he is. Giles Brandreth, hello. Hello. Giles, we are very excited to have you here.

I'd say I'm excited, but Josh is like 11 out of 10 excited. You were the best guest on Smart TV by such a distance. Oh. No, that's unfair on the other guests. I would say you were pound for pound, like an AK 47 of banter content stories and quips that never relented. Some people on a panel show would get a couple of big laughs in and think, that's enough for the edit. You were, it was like nonstop.

It was like an avalanche and we loved it. Well, I've seen people doing these shows who are on them regularly and what they seem to do, they know there's going to be two and a half hours of recording for a 30 minute program, is they just sit around not doing very much and then when they think they've got something to say, they bang their chest to indicate, ah, camera comes to me. They then deliver their one line and then sort of doze for another half hour, then bang their chest again. Give another line. I'm naming no names, but it's pretty frustrating if you are the guest because you're scrambling away desperately for two hours, hoping that some of your little gems will end up being

used. And I'm the same as you, Giles. I don't shut up. I get, sometimes I get told by producers when I'm on things, Rob, we've got enough of you. So if you want to calm it down a bit, I'm like, okay, fair enough. Let other people speak, Rob. That's what I get told off for. You know, this has been a problem for me, I realised, since I was a little boy.

I wrote during lockdown, I wrote a childhood memoir, sort of autobiography of my early years. And I found a box of old bits and pieces here at my home that belonged to my parents, old school reports, letters, that sort of stuff. And in this was a letter written by my three sisters. I have three older sisters all born at the beginning of the Second World War. I was born a few years after. They were about ten years older than me. And this letter was written in the 1950s, addressed to my parents and it read as follows, Dear mother and father, if we,

your daughters, agree to pool our pocket money and return it to you, would you then be able to afford to send Giles to boarding school? He won't stop talking and we can't stand it. Oh no, Giles! And at the bottom of the letter in my father's very clear handwriting, I see the word agreed with a tick. No! Giles!

At least that explains it all, doesn't it? And I was then sent away to school and I had no idea. That's why I was sent away to school. Oh my word. Wow. I wasn't very long at the school, to be honest. I was just there until it was shut down and the staff were all arrested. But it was still quite an unknown experience.

In fairness, the school wasn't shut down and the staff weren't arrested. Only one of them should have been, but that's another matter. That's another story. Yeah, it's another story. We should pay heed to the topic of the podcast. How many children have you got, Giles, and what ages are they? I have, we have, my wife and I. I met my wife on the 6th of June, 1968, and we were married five years to the day later.

The height of the 60s? Were you a flower child, Giles? Were you a... No, no. I was the Where's Wally of the 1960s, with the round glasses, lost in the crowd. It was heartbreaking actually. I realize now, no, because what an opportunity to have missed. I remember the 60s vividly. Yeah. So it wasn't the swinging 60s that we're told about, that for some people it was very much a sort of one man street.

It was. It was a, I was quite a straightforward boy. I sat at the front of the class with my hand up permanently. I say my hand up, my hand raised to get the attention of the teacher. Please don't misunderstand me. So I was quite a conventional child. The 60s was going on all around me. And indeed, there was much talk of it at my school, because this was the age of not just flower power, but revolution. On my podcast recently, I interviewed a man called Tariq Ali, who was a sort of student

revolutionary in the 1960s. And there were lots of people in this country, in other European countries, France in particular, that thought revolution was coming, that the world was really going to change. And the sexual revolution was big, but not in my part of town. In my part of town, it was rather more sane and- Where were you at this point? Well, I was at another boarding school. My parents were London people.

My father was a lawyer, a solicitor. My mother was a teacher. We lived in blocks of flats in London, mansion flats with high ceilings, lovely Victorian mansion flats. And funny enough, I realized I only realized this recently, I really wasn't welcome at home because the moment I went to university, my parents rented out my room. Wow, I've heard of turning it into a gym, but renting it out is extreme.

So when I finished university, there wasn't a home to go back to. Surely as a solicitor, he had enough money floating around, he didn't need the room rent, did he? Well, as I later discovered, poor man, money worries really bedeviled him. And yes, he was comfortably off, absolutely straightforward, middle-class, comfortable London life. But he had my three older sisters and my younger brother and we were all sent to private schools. Can you imagine what the fees? I mean, now it would be impossible. But that's what they expected to do. So I emerged from university and I had no home

to go to because my parents, they changed the locks as well. That didn't matter because in those days, you find this hard to believe, there used to be, you know, letterbox, picture a letterbox in the front door. Hanging behind the letterbox was a string and on the end of the string was the front door key. So if you want to get into the house, all it did was push open the letterbox from the outside, pull up the key and out came the key and you could open the front door. Was every house doing that or was that just your luck security? I think a lot of houses did that. That's how you got home. Yeah. So I didn't have my own

key. The room wasn't available anymore. So I moved in with my then girlfriend, the girl I met on the 6th of June, 1968. We found a flat in Muswell Hill, London N10, 11th and the close Muswell Avenue N10. And we moved into this flat and you can tell it was the late 60s because we painted the walls purple. Wow. A little nod to the revolution. A little nod to the revolution. Not the full psychedelic, just one wall in purple. That'll do for us, one wall of purple.

We got a mattress. We couldn't afford a bed. We got a mattress. We put it on the floor. Our first night was terrifying because there was a mouse in the room. And that was when my wife-to-be realized she'd shacked up with the wrong man because the mouse appeared and I ran to the toilet, leaving her to catch the mouse in an upturned glass, rescue it and put it out of the house. Really? You bottled the mouse job?

Worse than that. In our next flat, which was a lower ground floor flat, in other words, a basement, except it wasn't totally a basement, it was half, you know, the front half you could see. A burglar actually was caught climbing into the window. What did you do? Get a massive glass. Put it under it. I hid behind the sofa and my wife literally went to the kitchen and found a rolling pin.

You know where a rolling pin is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They still make them. They still make them. Anyway, and she chased him away with the rolling pin. Oh, wow. Very carry on. I cowered, yes, and I cowered. Like in fact Charles Haltry, speaking of carry-ons. I was like Charles Haltry, the little wimp with little glasses behind the sofa. And so how quickly did you bring children into the world?

Yes, indeed. We must get back to the subject in hand. So we moved in together and then after five years, in 1973, we got married. In fact, on the 8th of June 1973, and then two years after that, we had our first child. Funnily enough, we didn't tell our parents that we were married. We had a secret wedding. Oh, oh. Bit unusual. Well, my parents, my parents had got married in the 1930s and they actually eloped. They ran away and didn't tell their... Gretna Green?

Not to Gretna Green, to Marylebone Register Office. They were over the age of 21, so they could do it. I think my mother was 21 and my dad was 23 and they turned up at the register office, not realizing they have to have witnesses and they didn't have any witnesses and they were told, you've got to have witnesses. So the register office provided one witness and then my father went down and bought a bunch of daffs from a man at the stall, who had a sort of flower stall outside and said, look, do you mind? I bought the daffs. Could you come and witness my wedding? So the man supplied the bouquet and indeed was the witness. Anyway, he had to close up his stall. I'd have been livid. All these things, you only realize these in retrospect. And their honeymoon wasn't great because they were quite naive. 1937. My father had rented a

caravan in the West Country somewhere. Berlin. Not in Berlin. Worse than that. Lost with you. And when they got down there in this caravan, they found there were bunk beds. Oh, no. Yes. Yeah, yeah, that was their honeymoon. Anyway. But they had five children. Yeah. It all worked out. And then eventually, when they discovered what caused it,

they put a stop to it. We had three children in quite quick succession. And I have to say, it's a different world now. People don't get married now until they're 30s, even sometimes they're 40s. Don't start having children until much later. We had all our children in our early to mid-twenties. And I don't regret it at all. We were young enough. We had energy. And later on, you know, it's meant that we have still have energy now that we have grandchildren. So we have

three children and seven grandchildren. And people sometimes say to me, Giles, why at your age are you still working? And I say to them, frankly, it's because I need the money. And with these three children, we have discovered over the years that money is the one thing keeping us in touch with them. And because they're a bit like us, you know,

we try to help with the school fees. So I have to keep working with the grandchildren. So I'm finding this year, I'm having to work 20% harder than I had to work last year. So it's a tough life. Oh, there we go. That is a lovely bit of business. I keep going.

I keep going. We had three children and we gave them all unusual names. Our first born is called Bennett, B-E-1-N-E-T. One did you say? B-E-1? B-E- sorry a single N. No you're right it's like giving a code. Yes or rather like a password getting you something yes B-E-N-1-E-T. No it it's one A. One, two, three exclamation mark. As opposed to two Ns and two Ts. Have you heard of a novelist called Arnold Bennett?

No, I haven't. I think there's a footballer called Bennett. There is a Bennett, and that's spelt the same way as our son. That's called Bennett. Bennett. There are a lot of surnames, people called Bennett, and there is a famous novelist who, 100 years ago, believe it or not, was the highest paid author in the world. And he wrote some amazing novels. The Richard Osman of his day.

Actually, do you know, he really was because he was a big figure in popular culture as well. He was a columnist. He wrote books of advice. He wrote a brilliant book called, I think, How to Survive on 24 Hours a Day. He was a radio personality and he was extremely, extremely wealthy and also quite tall. Not quite as tall as Rich Osmond, but he wrote a book called The Old Wives Tale in about 1904 that I think is probably the best book novel written by an English man as opposed to woman

in the 20th century. It was fantastic. Have you heard of Omelette Arnold Bennett? That rings a bell. Yeah, it does. That's a way of having your omelette, is it? It's a way of cooking omelettes. Have you had Nigella Lawson on this?

We haven't, no. Get her on, not to talk about our kids, doesn't want to talk about those. Get her on to talk about Omelette Arnold Bennett. Okay. Or Delia, have you had Delia on? No, we haven't. No, we haven't. Bennett, spelt B with a one, was that named after Arnold Bennett?

Not really, but I mention that because Arnold Bennett was very much in my head. And Arnold Bennett, this famous writer you never heard of, also lived in the same block of flats as my parents lived in. Oh, and he's different to Omelette Man? No, Arnold Bennett is Omelette Man. In fact, if you go to a block of flats... Right, okay, same man. If ever you're in Baker Street, Baker Street Tube Station, it's the block of flats above

Baker Street Tube Station. Also another novelist called H.G. Wells, have you heard of him? Yes, of course, yes. He lived in this block of flats as well. And actually... Is there blue plaques? There are blue plaques to both of those. But not you?

Not yet. He was only there for about 10 minutes before they shipped into Bouldenskull. But I tell you who lived in the flat next door to us when I was a boy. This is unbelievable. See if you've heard of him. Hughie Green. Hughie Green was the presenter of Opportunity Knobs. That's right.

Wow. And he was later found to be the father of Paula Yates. At Paula Yates' funeral, he was outed, I think. Or was it at her funeral or was it at the funeral? It was around the time of her death. It was the funeral of Jess Yeats, who she always thought was her father. And indeed, everyone thought was her father.

Huey Green was outed as being her father by a journalist who was a friend, so-called friend of both of them. Anyway. Honestly, I don't think I've learned so much about so many people I never knew about in such a short amount of time. But so little about the guest's children. But the reason, can I tell you?

Yeah, Charles is great. He's got a kid called Hughie Green, his daughter was Polly Yates, he called one kid Omelette with a one. But the truth is, boys, the reason I agreed to do this podcast is you're the only two living people that I know. So I thought I ought to try and keep in touch with you. It must be rare for us Southern to speak back to you Charles rather than you just... Can I ask a question about something I know about your daughter? She is the conservative MP for your old, a part of your old constituency. Yes, that is actually our second daughter.

After Bennett, we had our first daughter who is called Scythrid. Scythrid? Scythrid. With a six? No, with a lisp, which is a bit unfortunate if you're called Scythrid. Oh no. Oh no. In truth, it doesn't have a lisp, but it is quite a challenging name. Bennett is named

after a monk who found in a monastery up in Cumbria, in fact near Durham, where the venerable bead, you won't have heard of him, wrote the first history of the church in England. I have heard of the venerable bead because I remember him from my GCSE English, but I don't remember anything other than thinking it was a funny name. I'm getting flashbacks of school when I got put in a set that was a little bit too high for me. And I'm looking around going, everyone else is nodding here, what's going on? So I thought Bennett was named after the writer guy that had the omelette.

There are a number of reasons why he's called Bennett. But the same spelling of Bennett, B-E-1-N-E-T, it's like a contraction of the name Benedict. Bennett is named after, actually named after this monk up in the North of England. But also there was the echo of the great novelist who gave us the omelet. Now his younger sister is called Scythrid, S-A-E-T-H-R-Y-D. Sorry, spell that again.

S for sugar, A-E-T-H-R-Y-D. And it's because she has had people saying that to her every day of her entire life, since she could speak and say her name, that she now calls herself Charity. That is her middle name. And she usually works under the name Charity, but also she answers to Scythrid, abbreviated to Scythes, S-A-E-T-H-S, and she was an Anglo-Saxon princess and saint. The person you named her after, not your own daughter. Not my potential. She has the potential to be a saint.

Yeah, of course. But at the moment, that's not been part of her. It's in the post. Well, so she's called Scythrid and then the girl you're referring to, Afra, APHRA, is our youngest daughter and you are right, Josh, she is the Member of Parliament for Chester South and Eddesbury. And I was the Member of Parliament for the City of Chester in the 1990s. I was a Member of Parliament, of course, until the people spoke. The bastards. LAUGHS Have you ever had a gig that didn't go very well? Oh, yes, Charles. Together, Barnard Castle was a terrible one for us.

Died in a hole, doing the first podcast live episode there. That was tough. Is it called The Witham in Barnard Castle? I think it might be. It's like a church hall. Yes. And you're on a stage at one end of the church hall that's really high and they're right really high and then they're all sitting below you looking up at you yeah rather angrily confused I'd say mainly and they've had enough of the Dominic Cummings jokes and they call it

Barney don't they they didn't call it Barnard Castle they call it Barney yeah wasn't they? They don't call it Barnard Castle, they call it Barney. Yeah. And wasn't someone there because their heating wasn't on or something they told us? Oh, yeah. We said, who listens to the podcast? And someone said, what is a podcast? Which is Worryin'. And then one came because the heating was broken in their house. In the hope of helping you in your next going up there, I love Barnard Castle. It's a beautiful part of the world. And I go regularly. Do you? And there's a marvelous guy, I think, who runs a comedy circuit up there called A Funny Way to Be.

Oh yeah. I think that's who booked us for it. Look, I can be the Keir Starmer between your Zelensky and Trump. I can be the bridge between you and me. Have you got a letter from the King for us? I'm going to tell you now Giles, we need a bit more respect from Barnard Castle and they haven't said thank you once for us going up there. We're not giving them any more comedy minerals.

They have not got the cards. They have not got the cards. Your children have got children, you're as a granddad. Did they follow the traditions of the, what let's call unique names or did they go more mainstream? No, I think the reason that we gave them special names is we felt they were special children. And also Michelle, my wife at the time was compiling a book called the New Book of First Names.

So she was doing a lot of research and came up with these interesting names. I think to be honest that Bennett and Afra are brilliant names because they're short, they're easy to remember, and they are a bit unusual. Also, in the case of Aphra, she is actually named after a woman called Aphra Benn, B-H-N. Have you heard of her? No, I know of the name. I don't know why. Oh yeah, absolutely. Now you should. Naval commander.

No, you should have heard of her. Just guessed. You should. Naval commander. No, you should have heard about her. Disgusting. I'll tell you why. She is the first woman to earn her living as a writer in this country. She was a 17th century figure, 1640 to 1689. She wrote plays, she wrote poems, she wrote novels. She was a spy for the English court, the court of King Charles II in Holland. A really interesting person. And in fact, last week or the other day, the present Queen, Queen Camilla, went

to Canterbury where Afraben was born, brought up, and unveiled a statue of her in the street. It's a brilliant statue in the middle of Canterbury High Street. So my wife introduced me to this author saying, this is an important person in our history. Why haven't more people heard of her? And she really is a fabulous, I mean, her poetry is very accessible. If you like poetry, look at Afra Ben. I mean, I know it was 400 years ago, but it still works. And her plays stand up. She's a fantastic person. So that's who Afra was named after. Indeed, when Afra, my daughter, made her maiden speech in the House of Commons, she referenced Aphra Benn, and it did a lovely quotation by Virginia Woolf, who you will have heard of, who said,

all women everywhere should lay flowers on the tomb of Aphra Benn because it is to her that we owe our right to speak freely. Oh, that's nice. She's an important figure. Did she reference you previously? I'm afraid she did. Who? Virginia Woolf?

Well, she did, but in a sort of glancing way and not quite as affectionately and respectfully as you might hope. Yeah, yeah, she did. And what were you like as a dad when your children were growing up, because you're incredibly kind of fun figure, you know, and I can't imagine you being a stern kind of Victorian father. I wasn't. I hope I've been a supportive father all along. I will answer that question in full

when I've told you this true story from the last election when I was out. No, that's relevant. Do you know know what being a politician never leaves you does it even if the people do speak relevant is relevant to your question. Absolutely. I was out campaigning for my daughter Afro taking her leaflets around and it's a pretty thankless task you knock on doors people are either hiding behind the sofa they don't want to speak to you you know they're drawing the curtains. It was a Saturday afternoon, a guy opened the door, he looked pretty aggressive. Saturday afternoon, he was still wearing his pajamas

and they weren't properly adjusted. Anyway, that's by the by. He was not an attractive sight. Anyway, I thrust one of my daughter's leaflets towards him and I said, oh, good afternoon, sir, I'm hoping you'll vote for my daughter. He took the leaflet and looked at it grudgingly and said, well, what's she got to offer then? And I answered, I thought quite cleverly and quite quickly. I said, what has she got to offer, sir? She has to offer integrity and intelligence. And he looked at me with a BDI and he said, are you sure she's your daughter?

Anyway, to answer your question, I think I have been a very benevolent father. I hope I have. I was very happy with our children and I hope they were happy with us. I learned something. My wife, to be honest, all the quality parenting has been done by my wife. If the children have turned out well and they have turned out well, it's because of her. I was just there being jolly all the time. Much like on a panel show, Giles, it's a difficult job.

Funnily enough, it is a difficult and it's quite a tiring job. It's an exhausting job. Hour after hour. And you know, most of it will be forgotten and the rest of it will be cut. But there was something that you guys won't know about parenting that I knew and maybe I'm the first person you've ever had on your podcast who's done this. I looked after the nappies when the children were small and in our day we still had linen nappies not disposable nappies.

Oh here we go. Not a diss before Jaws. This is before the era of the disposable nappy. So what's this, the 70s? This is the 70s, yeah, this is the 70s. Disposable nappies were coming in, but they were expensive. And so we did what our parents had done, and that is you had linen nappies.

They were made of towelling material. And you disposed of them, first of all, you dipped them into, as you had a bucket full of something called a nappy sand. Sand? Nappy sand, S-A-N, N-A-P-I-S-A-N. I think it means nappy sanitizer. That's in the running for one of your children's names, isn't it? Sorry. That's very good. The point of this nappy sand is I have still, if you, when you next see my hands, you'll see they're quite rough hands.

I blame this on the nappy sand because it was quite sort of harsh because of course you'd have to clean the nappies. So basically you dunked the nappies in the nappy sand and you left them there overnight. Then you had to squeeze them out. And I think at first I had to take them down to the laundrette. Would you have to scrape off presumably? Yes. The poo.

It's a bit like putting a plate in a dishwasher presumably. You need to get most of the stuff off first. So you flick that in just the bin bag. You flick the solids and then you dunk the rest in this, what is a bucket of bleach essentially. And when I tried to take a photograph of myself doing this for posterity, my wife said, what are you doing? And we didn't have phones, then you couldn't take a photograph on the phone, you had a proper film to be developed.

And she removed the film from the camera and destroyed it. She said, how disgusting, aren't you ridiculous? I would have loved to see that. I wanted to show my children how I slaved for them when they were small. So it was a fraught business changing nappies because not only was there the cleaning of the nappies and the laundering them and you had to make them soft. You couldn't just sort of dry them any old how because then they'd be rough and harsh and then they develop nappy rash. But also you had to pin them into position. Yeah, like that the pig, the piggy bank, the pig in the nappy.

Oh, that's right. We've got three full sets of those. Oh, there we go. There we go. There you go. They're worth quite a lot now. We decided to go into that instead of Bitcoin. Bitcoin. The point is I've got rash. My hands are still rough because of the nappy sand and my fingers were all pricked because of the pins because I wasn't very good at closing the pins. And so in those days would they try and potty train kids would be much more of a sense of urgency, I suppose, because it's actually was much tougher thing to have nappies.

Yes, to be serious, we were helped by a book that no longer exists by a man called Dr Spock. This is not the same as Mr Spock, the guy with the pointy ears from Star Trek. This is Dr Spock, who I think began writing these books in the 1930s. And my mother, I think, I assume my mother, gave us a copy of this book by Dr. Spock. And it was a book about childcare. And essentially, we followed it like you would follow a Jamie Oliver cookbook. Yeah, we've not had him on.

Have you had him on? No, we've not had him on, but he's on the list. But you know what I mean. Yes. We just did what the book said. So when it told you at X months, you begin potty training, we did it. One of the greatest things this book told you

is if you put your child in the cot, it will cry for a few minutes, then it'll go quiet, then it will cry again, but it won't cry for more than 29 minutes. Sit on the stairs outside for 30 minutes and all will be well. And it's true. I have to tell you, so many parents go back into the room where their child is bawling in the cot too soon. I should say, when you put them down, I don't mean put them down as you might put down an elderly pet. When you lay them down in the cot and it's bedtime and you've done the story and it is bedtime and they've had the bottle and what have you and they've got the clean nappy and you know it's bedtime, leave the room.

You can hover outside if you must, but basically leave the room. Do not go back and after 30 minutes, they will be asleep. So anyway. We found that our youngest, sorry, our eldest, we could not get to settle at night. In the end, we had to do that and left her and now she sleeps so well all through the night. It's totally chilled.

Actually, the youngest we didn't do it with is still a bit of a trickier sleeper. And like I say, it's really hard to do, but we run out of options. Nothing worked. And we ended up doing that as the last option, but it worked. And it can work for some kids. I think it can work probably for all kids or for most kids anyway, in my experience. Three for three. It's quite a good tip to go back to do things the way they were done. This is why we got you on. That's the kind of attitude we're looking for. Dr Spock book.

And why is it out of print now? Well, because it's been superseded by other books and, you know, there are new ideas, more modern ideas, and there are certain things I think that maybe, I don't know if Dr. Spock was in this, whether you should have your baby sleeping on its back or its tummy. I can't remember which is which, but there are serious issues. Yeah, I think you're meant to have it on the back, the baby. So there may be modern stuff. So I can't unreservedly say this, but I know that if you go to a library and look up Dr. Spock, you'll find lots of reassuring stuff in it.

And we found it invaluable. And also with the food, the potty training, all our children were potty trained to the minute by Dr. Spock. Making the food was brilliant. We had this Moulinex. What's that? A Moulinex is a blender.

And I think we were given a Moulinex. It was a sophisticated French blender, came in very handy, I have to tell you this, this is partly a joke, but it's also the truth. There's a joke as the payoff, but the first part of this story is true, the joke is the payoff I invented a few years later. The story is this, we had a blender

to make the baby's food in, we'll come back to that. But also, when the children were quite small, we began getting pets for them. Did you ever have hamsters or gerbils? We've got one now. Oh, a hamster or a gerbil? A hamster. Good.

They're a little bit bigger, but they do still die. The gerbils die more regularly. It's actually in its own way, it's quite useful. As Dr. Spock says, when the gerbil dies, you can introduce them to the concept of grandma dying because that may happen soon too. I don't think he does say that but it's an amusing idea. You break them into death early because their pets do die. Have you had any of your gerbils die yet? No, but our cat died and my son was talking about it this morning. He said I miss Eddie,

but she's dead. I did think he has got the concept of dead. He gets it that she's gone. It's difficult, isn't it? And it does break them into it. It is sad. When the hamster died, we put it into the moolinex because we blended the hamster. We blended because we were then able to put the residue onto the flower beds. No, this isn't true. Yes, marvelous fertilizer. No, Giles, come on. Because surely gentlemen, you've heard you get tulips from hamster jam.

Oh, yes. That's the joke I was working up to. But then I suddenly realized that probably nowadays you haven't even heard of the song Tulips from Hamster Jam. Yeah, I understand. I understand the joke, Giles. Then I suddenly realized that probably nowadays you haven't even heard of the song Tulips from Hamsterland. Yeah, I understand. I just understand the joke, Charles. I just genuinely wondered if you had for a minute blended your hamster.

Yeah, it really felt like you had. The sound was too believable. What is true, though? This is true. It was a gerbil. There were children's books we loved, and it's a different generation of children's books. I do recommend the books called Anton B. I think they were generation of children's books. I do recommend the books called Anton B.

I think they were our favorite children's books. They were written, I don't know when they were written, probably before the Second World War. They were little square books. Oh yeah, I've never seen these before. Well, I think your fine libraries still have them, but they have been reassured over the years. They're like Beatrix Potter, but zanier.

They were written in the 50s and 60s, Charles. Were they? Is that what it says? You've looked them up, haven't you? Yes, yeah. Can you see the amusing illustrations? They're about an Ant and a Bee. They look lovely, though. They're quite kind of Dr. Zussi in color. They're almost quite modern now.

That's the kind of stuff that has come back again. Yeah, they were fantastic. And the good thing about Beatrix Potter, who does still stand the test of time, which is all the Beatrix Potters, is that they're reasonably short. You can read a Beatrix Potter, who does still stand the test of time, which is all the Beatrix Potters, is that they're reasonably short. You can read a Beatrix Potter book and it's just a bit too long. And the children quickly saw when I was turning two pages at once. Yeah, that is hard work when they're a long one.

Or the other thing, oh, I do remember so vividly, so exhausted were we, lying on the bed to read the story and you fell asleep before the children did. Yes. Do you feel like you perform for them a little bit? Because I feel like sometimes, because I get a laugh out of them, I make up silly songs in the car or do a silly dance in front of the TV. Is there an age where they're loving that, Giles, and then you feel like you're slowly losing them to teenage years? I think it's the great sadness of life when you lose that. I was conscious of that when our son Bennett was at Cambridge and we went to see him in a play. He was the vice president

of Footlights when David Mitchell was the president of Footlights, their contemporaries. And I remember we'd just been to see them doing something and my wife and I were walking back to the hotel where we were staying. Came around the corner, we saw teenagers, same sort of age as our children, 1920, and they were skipping along the road. And we thought, how wonderful, people skipping. And it made me think, oh, when did I last skip? And I thought, yes, we used to skip.

We lived in London. Eventually moved down from Muswell to live near Baker Street. And we would skip in Regent's Park. And I thought, yes, to skip is a fantastic thing. And I think in life, the great thing that children give you is a chance to skip, to skip happily, to play games. And growing up, being a grownup, you don't skip anymore. And that is a great pity.

You've got that about you. You're in the sense of, and I don't want to distill you to an object, but if someone was to say, what do you associate with Giles Brandreth? The jumper would be certainly the fun knitted jumper. And so there's an element of you that's got that childishness.

Like I'm looking at your podcast page now and you've got in various pictures, you've got, you're interviewing Hugh Bonneville while you've got a jumper that's got a picture of a piano on, you're interviewing Paul McKenna with a Mickey Mouse jumper on, and you're interviewing Sigourney Weaver with a cat jumper on. Was there an element of you that, you know, is always childish? And is there a point at which your children became a bit embarrassed by you? Yes, I think that has never stopped. I think that began quite early and goes on to this day. But the jumpers, interestingly, predated my children. I began wearing the jumpers in 1970 or 71.

I founded the National Scrabble Championships. I've always loved games, I've loved words, loved Scrabble. And I founded the Scrabble Championships, which still go on more than 50 years later. It's still, I'm the president of the Association of British Scrabble Players. Anyway, to the finals, a lady, a Scrabble player, brought me a bright yellow jumper

with a Scrabble board on the front of it, on which were written in tiles, Giles Brown was a Scrabble. I wore that on a TV show. I began doing TV in the 1960s and people noticed it. A friend of mine who is an advertising agent, a famous one, Maurice Sarchie, said to me, Giles, all the research shows what people see on television, 83% of what they recall is what they've seen, only 17% what they've heard. So your look is more important than your content. So the appearance is what people will bring away.

And he said to me, frankly Giles, they're not going to, you're no great beauty, they're not gonna remember your face. But this jumper, these jumpers you're wearing, they will remember those to remember your face but this jumper these jumpers you're wearing they will remember those so i've stuck with the jumpers and when the children were small they all had little jumpers from the start and indeed when i started doing knitting books in fact when this podcast goes out remind me i've got some amusing pictures of all three of them modeling jumpers when they were sort of five, six, seven, eight years old.

Modeling your designed jumpers. You're the original parent influencer. Yeah. You're the Kim Kardashian of your day. Yeah. They would now say, yes, thanks dad for exploiting us. Were we paid? Yeah. I noticed that none of them were jumpers. No.

But I would say we did play a lot of games. I hope we had fun when we were children. I think you've still got that energy, that skipping. I feel like you look for that in the world. It's a shame we don't skip it. I feel like you're constantly on the lookout for that to join in with it. Yes. To be honest, I think we want more playfulness in life.

You don't need to be childish to be playful. You can celebrate childhood as you grow older. It is challenging. I've been writing a book about A. A. Milne, the man who created Winnie the Pooh recently. And there's a wonderful account in his autobiography of him at the age of 12, realizing that he was saying goodbye to his father, simply because he was 12. And he remembered his father throwing him up into the air and catching him. And he thought, this is the last time this will happen. I'm now too big for my dad to do this. And he said, this was the beginning of the long goodbye. And in the case of A. A. Milne, this was quite heartbreaking.

And I'm conscious that that can happen, that you can actually lose your children as they become adolescent, and then never regroup with them. Now, what's interesting with me is we now live in this hug-all world. I don't think I ever hugged my father. I would shake hands with my father.

I would kiss my father maybe on the cheek occasionally. But I was quite formal with my father. I'm certainly, he never said, I love you to me, and I never said I love you to him. But there was never any doubt in our minds. We knew we loved one another. We now live in a much more touchy feely world, which is lovely.

What I've been very happy about with our children, I think, and I give my wife full credit for this, is that we have managed to keep in touch with them even through those teenage years when I'm afraid daughters, I won't speak of my daughters, but I've only got experience of my daughters, can occasionally slam doors in their mother's face, which is not a good thing to do, but it does happen. We've had a couple of them already. Yeah, it's not just the teenage years, Giles. You too got to the teenage years? No, I've got a seven-year-old. She slammed a couple of doors. Really? Yeah, seven and nine of mine. So Giles, when you didn't have that

relationship with your dad, the sort of huggy sort of modern relationship, did you find it, did you want to go against that when you had your son and like be very huggy or? No, not particularly. Unsure how to do it or? The great thing I did have with my dad who was a marvelous person and indeed my book, Odd Boy Out, this childhood memoir is really a book

in a sense about my, I realized by the time we got to the end of it, is about my relationship with my parents, but especially my father. And also feeling bad because I didn't realize how much my father had sacrificed, how much worry he'd had, particularly money worries over the years. I didn't realize all that until much later on. But we were close because he was a very amusing person and he was fun to be with and he was very good when I was a child. He knew

that I loved dressing up. And there's a marvelous picture on the back of the book. I'll put that up when this podcast goes out. I also used to have fancy dress parties and at the Peter Pan party we had when I was about six years old, there I am as Peter Pan, but there he is the most frightening looking Captain Hook you can imagine. And he'd obviously gone out and rented a really classy, expensive costume. He looks like the full deal Captain Hook. Quite fantastic. So, my parents were very good at playing with us. And because I went to boarding school, you know, they sent me away from quite a young age,

he wrote letters and he wrote at least a letter a week. And they were long newsie letters My mother also wrote me letters at school not as many as him So he was good like that and when I had my appendix out when I was about 11 to get out of playing football I pretended to have a stomach ache and I rather over too much histrionics I ended up in Canterbury Hospital having my appendix removed The nurse brought it round the next day the senior system in a little bottle and said this is your appendix removed. Wow. No, the nurse brought it round the next day, the senior sister in a little bottle and said, this is your appendix young man. It's not inflamed at all. It's

a totally healthy appendix. Did you keep the lie up in that situation once she showed it to you? Then I didn't. Then I burst into tears and confessed all. Oh God. I'm a sucker for a woman in uniform. I'm a sucker for a woman in uniform. Giles, can I ask you about your podcast, Rosebud, because it is one of the kind of hits of the last few years. If you give us like a brief of kind of the description of the concept of it, and then the guests is the most incredible cross-section of people of any podcast guests ever. Take me through the concept of the podcast. The concept is very simple. When I was an MP, I was endlessly being interviewed

for a few minutes. And when I joined a program like this morning, it was very much like TV AM, which I'd done in the 1980s. And we had fabulous guests on, but we haven't talked to them for a few minutes. And I thought, this is amazing. I've met these, I've sat on a sofa. I remember once sitting on a sofa with,

on one side of me, the Chancellor of West Germany. on the other side of me, Peter Ustinov, and behind my shoulder was Roland Ratt. They've got these fabulous people, they were all on talking for about six, seven minutes. And I thought, I meet, I've met so many remarkable people, I want to find out more about them. And I did a biography of the late Duke of Edinburgh, late Queen's husband. And he didn't want to do it. He didn't want to do a biography, he didn't really want to do a biography of the late Duke of Edinburgh, the late Queen's husband, and he didn't want to do it. He didn't want to do a biography. He didn't really want to do a biography. And he said, I don't want to talk about myself. He said, don't talk about it.

And in fact, I know he told all his children, Prince Charles and all the others, don't talk about yourself. People aren't interested. Ask other people about themselves. And I thought, why don't I have a podcast where I have an hour with people and I can ask them about themselves.

I'll start right at the beginning by saying to them, what is your very first memory? And I've done some work about memory, so I already knew that people's first memories are likely to be when they're about three, two, three or four years of age. It's likely to be a vivid moment in their lives, often a moment of trauma where they're about three, two, three or four years of age, it's likely to be a vivid moment in their lives, often a moment of trauma where they're losing somebody or fearing they'll lose somebody or where something physical happens to them, they fall downstairs, they break a limb,

something dramatic is going on and then unpack it from there. And you're right, we've been very lucky from Dame Judi Dench to Sakir Starmer. Sigourney Weaver. I know. Vanessa Felt, Viv Richards, the cricketer, Hugh Bonneville. Viv Richards was extraordinary.

He was like being with Nelson Mandela. He's a great cricketer. I knew his name. I was brought up on his name. Yeah. But his presence. And what thrills me about the podcast, and it's very good of people to give a time,

because, you know, like yours, you can chat at leisure so you can begin to explore things. Alan Titch, I knew Viv Richards was an interesting person but if you just interview him about cricketing you'll just discover that he people reckon he was maybe one of the three greatest cricketers of all time and his marvelous moments but actually what made him that I mean I was with James Dyson the other week you know who I mean by James Dyson yeah The fifth richest man in the country. He's not in the country anymore, is he? He is. He's back. He's back. He's back. He's back. But he's not yet lending money to me.

I thought softly, softly. First encounter, just warm him up a bit. But what was interesting, you know, he was Dyson hand dryers, etc., etc. He's this billionaire. What made him tick? How did it begin? And then when I discovered that he'd lost his father when he was very young, and then he told me that he knew that every British prime minister had lost one of their parents before they left school, including

John Major. He said, you know, maybe there's something when you lose somebody, you have to make up for it and you try to overachieve. You begin to explore things about people that you didn't think about. So that's amazing. And then I've been very lucky in that amazing people. I mean, we've got some one that we just did last week. I interviewed Christine Scott Thomas, Dame Christine Scott Thomas. I thought you were gonna say me, but there we go. And Josh Widdicombe, Rob. I can give you my first memory now, if you want,

as sort of a precursor to what I come on. As a teaser, please, give me just a teaser. This isn't me saying this for effect as a comedian, this is actually the truth, but it probably explains why I do what I do. I remember, I think I may have been four I was at a, my first year of primary school and I went to someone's birthday party at their house and I really needed a poo, but I was too scared to ask to go to the toilet.

So I was playing with this toy that made a noise, like a roar sound that you pressed a button. So I'd sit there pressing that roar. And every time it did the roar, I sort of did a bit more of a poo, but I pressed the roar to cover up the noise of the poo so I pooed myself at my first birthday party. Oh my word there's a lot to dig into there, shame. Getting a nappy sun out. Yeah there is, I wouldn't have used the word dig in that context but I know what you mean. What? There's a lot to unpick and unpack. Rob you should get together with Miriam Margulies

because she had rather a similar first regulation. Oh, wow. I mean, the ghost of future. She then took the poo and I think gave it to her auntie as a kind of present. Oh, wow. Wow. To be fair, I think if when I get to her age, I'll probably be on last let's call everyone a **** as well. It pays the bills. It pays the bills. And Jaws, who is your dream guest on it? Who you haven't had. You're obviously big friends with the Royals.

Have you tapped them up? Well, I did do a podcast, a different podcast. I've been doing a podcast about the Commonwealth and about perjuring the Commonwealth with my daughter Afra. And we did the first one with Queen Camilla. Oh, wow. We've done her son, Tom Parker Bowles. And who knows who we may have on it. But the way you answered that, Giles, was like, oh, if you delivered that, like, yeah, not really, but you've literally had the Queen on. That's a really mad, I was like, hang on, he's saying that, like, he hasn't.

Rob, I would love to have you on for a variety of reasons. One, take it you're not related, but you might be, to Samuel Beckett, the playwright? No, I don't know if we're related. I don't think so. Nothing I've heard. But my dad didn't even know his granddad's name. But you know who I mean, the man who wrote Waiting for Godot? Yes, and I don't know if we're related.

Or for Thomas Beckett in Canterbury, I'm not sure. Yes, you could well be related to Thomas of Beckett in Canterbury, though he died, I think, in 1170. But you could, descended. I wrote to Samuel Beckett once, asking if I could do a musical version of Waiting for Godot. Didn't he reply?

He did. He sent me a postcard saying, no, you can't. His handwriting is quite difficult to decipher, but I think that's what... of waiting for Godot. Didn't he reply? He did, he sent me a postcard saying, no, you can't. His handwriting's quite difficult to decipher, but I think that's what. Ah can always come back on Giles. Yeah, you're always welcome. The final question though, Giles, is about your wife Michelle. What is it she does parenting-wise that you're in awe of and think, oh my God, she's amazing, I couldn't do that.

And what does she do? You might have told her by now, obviously, you've been together a long time, but will say one thing she did parenting back in the day, even now, as a parent to fully grown adults, that she does wind you up a little bit, that if she listened, she'd go, he's got a fair point there? Well, I've discovered that she doesn't listen. I discovered this on our 50th wedding anniversary when I gave her quite a nice present, I thought, and said to her, I love you. And she said, sorry?

I said, I love you. She said, sorry. And then she took out rather heavy earplugs that she was wearing and revealed to me that she's been wearing earplugs in my presence for 17 years. So I think she's missed most of what I've said for the last 17 years. Genuinely for our 50th wedding anniversary. And that's true story as well. We gave each other his and hers hot water bottles. We were in Bridlington and we found a shop in Bridlington that sold hot water bottles.

And we thought, this is lovely. This is what we actually need, hot water bottles. So we gave ourselves his and hers hot water bottles. But to be serious, I tell you what she gave me, which was brilliant advice about our children. And she said, whatever you do with each of our children, you will do exactly the same with each of them. You will treat each of them as the same, as equal.

You will never have a favorite. If you say one thing to one of them, you've got to say exactly the same thing to the other of them. You must never talk about one of them behind the other's back. You must never talk about me of them behind the other's back. You must never talk about me to them behind my back. You must treat each of them absolutely, equally, and fairly, and as the same." And she was so emphatic about that, that that has been the rule throughout. So I hope they feel that've been treated fairly because they have. Oh, that's lovely. That's very nice. And you've never talked

about your wife behind her back to your children? No. Well, you can do it in front of her. She's got earplugs in. I'm wanting to swap her earplugs for pods because she has never listened to any of my podcasts. Oh. And she hasn't listened to yours. She's never listened to a podcast. And I mean, she has occasionally watched me on television, but always from behind the sofa with the sound turned down. I mean, she's not.

She doesn't butter me up. And do you have one and one negative about the parenting, Giles, or? No, I'll tell you the negative about the parenting. It's exhausting. If you're listening to this because you are about to have a baby, well, you've tell you the negative about the parenting. It's exhausting. If you're listening to this because you are about to have a baby, well, you've got to go through with it now, you've started, so you'll finish.

But the truth is, you will never not be tired again. It doesn't get better. It gets worse. And the other thing that happens when you have children is, and this happens to the men as well as the women, you begin to need to go to the toilet in the middle of the night. You think you're going to stop doing that when the middle of the night feeds stop. No, they don't. You still need to go to the toilet in the middle of the night.

The exhaustion never goes away and then going to the loo in the middle of the night never goes away. And I've discovered it's bad enough when the children have children. When you have grandchildren, it gets even worse. More trips to the loo and more exhaustion. So exhaustion and incontinence, this is all that you have to look forward to. So enjoy the moment. Was there a gap in the middle between kids and grandkids? No, there's never been a gap. Just a general increasing in exhaustion and needing to go to the loo. But what does it matter? Doesn't bother me because I know how

not just to fold a nappy, but to pin it in. And when I'm done with it, I've still got the nappy sand. Thanks so much, Charles. Thank you, Charles. Good luck with the podcast and everything. Lovely being with you. Many thanks. Super. Bye. Charles Brandreth.

That was great, Josh. He's a national treasure, Rob. It's so interesting to chat to, and he's, what a talker. Yeah. What a talker. You can just relax. You can just relax and enjoy.

Just let him go. Listen to Rosebud, where he listens to other people like we've listened to him. That's great, I felt like a day off. Yeah, it was great, what a joy. Oh, God. But then sometimes we earn our money with other ones. Yeah. Oh, man. Let's maybe go into that. Yeah, we'll see you on Tuesday, Rob.

Bye. This is Giles Brandworth. And if you've just enjoyed this episode of Parenting Hell, you might also enjoy my podcast. It's called Rosebud, and in Rosebud I talk to guests about their first memories. Recently Sigourney Weaver, David Mitchell, Dame Judi Dench, and of course our mutual hero Josh Whitacombe. That's Rosebud, out every Tuesday and every Friday, wherever you get your podcasts.